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Sorryimjustsaying Archive

View 2 posts and 317 comments by Sorryimjustsaying on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Umm i personally will disagree with you especially after marriage So, in disagreeing, you feel that after your marriage fun, spontaneity, and mutual beneficence are ENTIRELY gone from your relationship? That seems unfortunate. Because THAT’s what I said above. But, at least for me, if those aspects are gone from the relationship entirely, we’re both wasting our time.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 02:33 AM
5

I think you’re taking one possible social dynamic around sex and treating it as the essence of sex itself… Yes, people can treat sex transactionally or use it as leverage. I mean look at the OP. But that doesn’t mean sex is FUNDAMENTALLY a reward system any more than friendship is fundamentally networking. I see sex as a mutually shared human experience, not a currency people exchange for behavior. And I have sex with people who align with THAT social dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 08:15 PM
11

I’d go even further and say RELATIONSHIPS are supposed to be fun, spontaneous and mutually beneficial. They won’t always be that way, that’s just life. But, at least for me, if those aspects are gone from the relationship entirely, we’re both wasting our time.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 03:27 PM
9

I almost envy that level of self centeredness. The self centeredness of…using the first person perspective to describe my relationship with sex (a highly personal act IMO) and why I don’t like transactional framing? It doesn’t really work as well in the third person reflexive but I guess I can give it a try next time? 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 03:22 PM
16

I also hate how it makes sex this serious, transactional thing. When your husband displays behavior that you want to encourage, have the best sex of your life with him. I try to have the best sex of my life FOR ME. Because it’s an enjoyable activity, an enjoyable activity I share with partners who also seem to enjoy having sex with me. I really couldn’t date someone where I felt like I needed to be this manipulative to get romance (or anything, really). My limited time on this planet and I’ve go…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 01:45 PM
3

I think everyone has a general lack of trust for men who are strangers Yeah “women being wonderful” is a story stemming from the real fact that everyone is aware, regardless of their personal gender, that men are more likely to physically harm people in public. Lots of societal stories surrounding that, but it’s been a fact for basically all of human history. It’s embedded like a human concerned form of arachnophobia 😂 Doesn’t make the stories logical, just makes the feeling very basic to humani…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 07:57 PM
3

This is pretty much me, wonder if it’s a bi thing 💁🏻‍♀️ My physical tastes also expanded as I traveled/lived different places and met different people. But at the same time personality wise it feels I’ve dated/been fwbs with VERY similar people. You just wouldn’t know it to look at them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:53 PM
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It appears pretty low on the Maslow's pyramid, so it's something that humans NEED. I’ll bite. So if you actually read about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs it falls under a physiological need as a SPECIES (someone has to reproduce in order for humans to continue as a species). At the INDIVIDUAL level it falls as a PART of love and belonging. But so does family connection, community connection, friends, etc. So how important is sex at a species level? Vital, babies are how the species continue. How i…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:03 AM
1

At base, I think of emotional vulnerability as being an open book emotionally. I can see that but I think what matters more to me is WHY you’re being open. That’s why I mentioned regulation and control. I think the difference between something like emotional vulnerability and something like having poor emotional boundaries or neuroticism IS emotional control. The openness is there, but are you CHOOSING to be open (emotionally vulnerable) as a show of trust, affection, support or empathy? Are you…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 11:21 PM
1

Yeah but that’s not emotional vulnerability, that’s just a person with a poor sense of boundaries. Which is VERY indicative of more reactive, out of control emotions.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 10:41 PM
1

I’d say those people are just more emotional/neurotic? Being emotional vulnerable, at least to me, is a deliberate choice. Like a state you can inhabit. Less reactive. Being more sensitive/neurotic is something where there's less control/choice. I wouldn’t say someone with social anxiety is necessarily emotionally vulnerable. They might even be the opposite (thick walls around their emotions), due to the anxiety.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 10:35 PM
2

Genuine question; what is more attractive; emotional vulnerability, or emotional resilience? This is an interesting question because, in my experience, emotional vulnerability is a SIGN of emotional resilience. That’s what makes it attractive. Being vulnerable is something you can do well, when you know you’re going to be okay and that you know how to regulate yourself even when distressed.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 10:20 PM
3

I can appreciate he’s pretty but that’s it. Connection makes sex better. Yup. Even my fwbs were more long term things because of this. The connection wasn’t romantic but there needed to be trust and affection for the sex to be worth having.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 06:07 PM
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Happy to help! Most incompatibility problems really have just the one solution, really.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:55 AM
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See the dealbreaker for me is the guy trying to gauge my “enthusiasm” for an sex act I’m not into, and measuring it against another dude in some way (that’s likely happening in his imagination). Like if you want to be in my bed with another dude so badly we probably need to talk, because that’s not my personal kink 🤣 No shame though. I’m sure you can find someone who’s into it. I would agree the relationship needs to end, for sure!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 09:15 PM
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Okay so elaborate then, what are you talking about?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:33 PM
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The fact that she did those things before but not with you is an indication that she doesn't do them because she isn't as into you as the other dude, not simply that she isn't the kind of girl that would do these things. Or a dude suggested something new, that I hadn’t done before, and we tried it and it turns out I didn’t like it. Now when my new guy suggests it, I can say no I tried that before, it’s not really my thing. And if that’s a dealbreaker for him that’s good because we both know. Too…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:41 PM
7

Over here you'll see a wonderful example. Of why you shouldn’t seek empathy on a debate sub from strangers online? Yeah I’d agree 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 06:00 PM
19

I don’t understand why these men seek empathy from women specifically. I’d say I’m good source of support for the people I’m connected with offline, but this is an online DEBATE subreddit, right? If you’re coming here for empathy that seems like a personal mistake.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:26 PM
1

I mean if you look at the most predictive figure in the study it’s more like 40% of men to 80% of women, which is a pretty significant trend IMO. The 1:17 ratio is exaggerated, but the trend is pretty clear. Doesn’t necessarily mean mass harems. Could just mean a lot of men with no resources who couldn’t find a mate and women traveling further to find a mate WITH resources. Interesting read on the more “peaceful” explanations https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-024-47618-5
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 12:25 AM
1

Most modern genetic studies about this take into account simple inheritance factors and still find that Y-chromosome diversity is too low to be explained by them. It’s the extent of compression in diversity that shows Y-lineages were being reduced at a much higher rate than “men having daughters”. Theres still plenty of arguing as to why though. Material conditions? Violence? Edited to add a study explanation: The severity of the Y-chromosome bottleneck (mapped mathematically) points away from o…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 11:56 PM
1

Most people are still reproducing though. If a true population bottle neck (think 50 million people) happened you might be able to make an argument about runaway sexual selection. But for humans we’ve still got more genetic diversity within population groups than between. Sexual selection is a pretty weak force in populations like that. Mutation and genetic drift would be much larger factors. I’d say human success in a evolutionary scale hinges a lot more on environmental factors we’re contribut…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:27 PM
1

I'm surprised the person I'm replying to called it a "certainly a choice" as if it's something unlikely Not unlikely. A choice. Not to be callous but society has been insulting women, minorities, people of lower economic status, and other “undesirables” , since the beginning of time. This isn’t some new crisis. What I find sad is people who can’t separate that out from their own self concept enough that they start dehumanizing themselves as well. I know it happens. I just wish people would do be…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 03:50 AM
1

No human behavior exists in a vacuum? Dehumanization as a reaction is certainly a choice though.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 12:42 AM
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Yeah the culture in the U.S often uses “getting a woman” as a checkpoint for value in men. Its a dark concept if you think about it. It reduces women to objects/symbols, and promotes men to be completely other centered to meet the definitions of success. No internal locus of control for either group. Grim stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 06:56 PM
1

Well I’m not sure the mechanism by which an immutable and stable identity is maintained that no one is aware of but sure, if that exists I guess it wouldn’t change? Still kind of irrelevant to my point though, from the perspective of others your identity is your actions and words.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:30 PM
1

The change does not erase the fact that I killed. Again, from your perspective. If someone didn’t know you killed and only saw you saving lives their perspective of your identity would be different. You’re talking about self concept/identity(internal, maybe more static). Other people don’t have access to that unless we’re in a comic book and they have the power to read your mind. Their perspective on your identity then, will be based on your actions, words, and those around you. Internal identit…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:06 PM
2

It doesn't address the fact that the identity of a human does not lie in it's actions because said identity remains no matter which actions are taken . Only from the perspective of the individual. The rest of the world has no access to your inner identity or thoughts so people can only rely on your words, your actions, and the words and actions of the company you keep to discern anything about your identity. Who you are internally might stay the same over time (though honestly that’s not even tr…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:28 PM
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There’s that, but also just the lack of depth that some extend to themselves. If the men I know IRL dehumanized themselves the way some men do here, I’d be worried about them. I choose to believe they’re doing it to be edgy online, because it keeps arguing here light and fun for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:19 PM
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The way some men in this sub are so reductive about both themselves and other men is honestly really sad. To hear some of you talk like men have no inner world outside of their biological drives makes me hope its just for the sake of arguing here, and not something you actually feel about yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:08 PM
0

All of which can be addressed by other forms of social connection. Hence my overarching point about being reductive. Also I’d argue the current understanding of depression places greater emphasis on genetics and neurobiology, but that’s probably outside the scope of our current discussion.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:56 PM
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You might want to include direct citation with the quote next time, textbooks aren’t as great as primary sources. Also nothing in even that quote to me highlights the argument you’re trying to make? I see the author specifically addressing other types of relationships that fulfill the requirements of love…and no mention of depression at all?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:49 PM
1

The first poster literally talked about people who have friends and a life and still miss love and romance. The first poster talked about somebody who had friends and a life and was still DEPRESSED by not having romance. The depression was the issue I was addressing. Missing it makes sense. I miss being partnered sometimes too. I was addressing that love and belonging is a need according to Maslow’s hierarchy, not purely romantic love or a romantic partner. That whole chunk you didn’t highlight …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:31 PM
1

This I agree with completely. People can somehow see that a lot of people are emotionally unstable (due to upbringing or whatever), including themselves. But somehow don’t realize that by looking for a relationship to fix their emotional instability they’re gambling on another person who might just be as emotionally unstable or even more so. An alternative path, and a safer bet, is to try your best to build stability FOR yourself. Edited for messy train grammar.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 12:47 PM
2

Love and belonging are a human need for sure. Reducing it to romance and intimacy (both types of love and belonging) just really means you haven’t actually read anything about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 12:13 PM
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If you want to discuss it fine. But don't expect to read some long winded essay. You can use one as a source to explain your own thoughts. Not an essay, a study. Explaining how the heritability and documented neurotransmitter activity involved in depression places much more emphasis on genetic and environmental (chemical & hormonal) factors…way before “not pair bonding” (psychosocial stress) even comes into play. All good if you don’t feel like reading though! Basically depression is often far o…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:45 AM
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I’m not going to get into the problems of generalizing a whole groups behavior by their gender, and the implications of what doing so would mean when one considered men’s “collateral damage” from that perspective. I don’t think this threads the place for it. But to address your first sentence Men grow up thinking women are angles because that's what our feminist mothers raise us to believe. If your mom taught you that women were angels, not people, she was a poor feminist and needed to do some r…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:35 AM
6

Well that’s another oversimplification, this time of depression and it’s causes. Don’t suppose you’d want a reading on that?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:27 AM
11

That’s an oversimplification. Humans are wired for social connection, definitely. But if you want to go the “wired” pair bonds route there are animals that actually do the “mate for life, form an everlasting bond” type of mating. That’s prairie vole pair bonding. For humans it’s more complicated. I put some reading below if you’re interested in the topic, comparing humans, those voles I mentioned, and their neurobiological processes. I actually think it’s really interesting! https://www.mdpi.com…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 01:19 AM
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Men with little romantic experience think a relationship will be the answer to all their problems when in reality there is no problem a guy can have that adding a hetero relationship won't make worse. I don’t agree with this either. The black and white thinking on this sub is kind of insane sometimes. Women aren’t some angelic force that will save you from all troubles and woes OR some evil force that will destroy you or make your life hell. We’re just people.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 12:50 AM
17

Do you think there aren’t men with friends and hobbies and a life all that who still feel depressed about not having a girlfriend? I personally think it’s normal to feel SAD about not having a partner sometimes, but if you’re DEPRESSED by it (as in not able to enjoy those friends, hobbies, and a life) then I think that might be a larger issue that a girlfriend won’t solve.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 12:33 AM
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That’s just how some people argue here, you get used to it after a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 11:07 PM
0

I think striving for a life you enjoy, partnered or not, is an important thing to do. Getting a relationship is a tenuous, very other focused thing to base your life’s satisfaction around. “Decentering” men (or any other gender) is just another way of saying getting into a relationship should not be your whole life & identity. It also makes dating a lot more low pressure and fun, because it’s something you’re not desperate to make work out. Edited to add: When some of the people here talk about …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:41 PM
3

And you don’t seem very well read, I guess we’ll both just have to live with our shortcomings 😉
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 03:57 AM
5

I mean it’s pretty ahistorical to suggest women did not help to build their societies and cultures. More importantly though, what’s your incorrect suggestion have to do with this particular conversation?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 03:32 AM
3

Of course this observation is probably confounded a bit by selection bias. From a cursory google search I’d say so yeah. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2014/02/07/parenthood-and-happiness-its-more-complicated-than-you-think/ Edited to add: It depends is usually the safest option when it comes to people Also dug a bit deeper, this is an interesting read: https://www.pnas.org/doi/pdf/10.1073/pnas.1311600111 Maybe find a partner, ditch having kids for optimal happiness?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:46 PM
8

At the same time, I think there's a very good chance that such a woman will (1) eventually come to regret her decision; (2) end up bitter and depressed So you’ve got your hypothetical regret, but if we look at the divorce rate amongst older age cohorts…(or just listen/read to what older women in the U.S have written) we’ve got real tangible dissatisfaction/regrets of women who DID marry and have children. Seems like the possibility for regret is all around so you might as well do what you’re mos…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:31 PM
3

or to cast him away forever with very little chance of redemption I think you might be catastrophizing a bit here. I think people get rejected for a lot of reasons that have little to do with them individually. You’re looking for specific thing defining the decision but you actually got it right here: “There are too many variables and random factors that affect the result” Like… What if I’m tired or hungry or in a bad mood? What if I don’t feel like entertaining someone with those intentions bec…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 05:22 PM
1

And yet there’s more than enough queen women for all the queer women to pair up People generally want to “pair up” with people they’re attracted to, no? Not just because someone’s available and of the right sexual orientation.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 08:34 PM
1

If attraction/desire were a pure numbers game, maybe? But I don’t like every woman interested in me that I meet any more than I like every man interested in dating me. And same goes for the reverse. I do alright with all genders, and don’t really have a “preference” outside of my own attraction. But there’s just more constraints and a smaller pool when it comes to queer women.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 08:20 PM
0

Good question! NYC has one of the largest LGBTQ communities in the U.S…and 12% of adult population age 25-34 identify that way (https://www.health.ny.gov/statistics/brfss/reports/docs/2022-16_brfss_sogi.pdf) My area reflects that there are more straight men (and therefore more single straight men) in my age group than queer women (and therefore single queer women) because REALITY reflects that. Almost like we’re a minority or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 08:05 PM
2

It’s easier but not for the reasons you think. It’s rarer for the women dating women in my area to be single, especially the ones I’m attracted to. Also it’s sometimes harder to find the line between friend and romantic interest with women, so things are slower. Men a lot of time ARE easy, there’s more of them than queer women so there’s more single ones by definition, they’re often blatant (sometimes to the point of obnoxiousness) with their interest. But honestly, I’ve only felt spoiled in the…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 12:28 PM
5

Well it depends on the women. Some want to be hardcore dominated and some would never. Everyone has their own preferences. Thats why you need to ask and communicate your wants ahead of time. This can also be the same woman with the same partner, at least in my personal experience. Just depends on both peoples mood and current desires (and energy level 😂) Just another reason communication is key.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 12:01 AM
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the "women are innocent angels men are evil oppressors" angle is very commonly pushed in feminist circles. In certain feminist circles. Intersectional feminism in a lot of ways focuses in on how groups of women enforce and maintain oppressive patriarchal hierarchies. It gets a lot of critique on that from certain feminist circles too, but I value the focus on autonomy. That means women’s rights and women’s wrongs.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 09:07 PM
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Yeah as someone who dates women too, the idea of women as angels is ridiculous to me. Women can be just as shitty as men, what they usually aren’t is as physically imposing. That’s literally it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:24 AM
4

I’ve literally had this happen mid dance with a guy, he turned me fast, caught me, and looked back with this grin and I was like “Damn.” He wasn’t ugly before that moment, but I wasn’t attracted to him either. I honestly think it was just one of those moments. Like he was feeling relaxed and having fun and the vibe of that came across as confident and fun to me. He went from not on my radar, just someone to dance with, to something else.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 01:22 AM
3

They do not draw my interest. Not drawing interest is a great way to put it! For me it’s always hard to explain that I can acknowledge/see someone as good-looking but at the same time they’re just…not attractive to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:21 PM
2

Did you read the study? Girl, you know they never read the studies 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 09:02 PM
6

Dating is not fair. Humans are irrational silly creatures! It kinda sucks for everyone and it all comes down to luck. Right, and by comparing it to movements where people are trying to get SYSTEMS to be fair or equitable, you’re kind of kneecapping yourself. For example, allowing gay people to get married was about the legal SYSTEM acknowledging the legitimacy of a marriage outside of a coupling between a man and a woman. Individuals are still very much allowed to be against it, or not want to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 07:27 PM
8

I think it's the concept of justice for them. A lot of men who struggle are autistic or very socially stunted. So the concept of looksmatch in their mind is fairness and just. This helped me solidify a thought I’d been having reading through some of these comments. A lot of men here complain about the Blue Pill having a “just world fallacy” but it seems to me a lot of the non Blue Pill people here actually have a mindset of a thwarted “just world”. Like “It was SUPPOSED to fair (meaning I was su…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 06:55 PM
1

Yes! Statistics and data are absolutely necessary for describing things in aggregate and mapping trends…but they get really messy when you try to apply it to individuals. It’s the reverse problem of anecdotes. I first started commenting here because I saw people making this mistake in their posts so much I thought they must not have known 😅 Now I realize people are really attached to the black and white here. The “unjust world” fallacy is just as off as a “just world” one, because they’re both r…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 12:08 PM
4

They don't desire women, they actually don't like women and spending time with them, and despise them. This is another reason I take my time getting to know men before sleeping with them. Honestly waiting longer than I have with women. It’s an easy way to filter men that are interested in me, from men that are just interested in SEX with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 11:20 PM
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I still think people will try and shame women who stay single, but you’re right it’s no where near as prevalent as it used to be (see my comment about my grandfather lol) I do think if you build a good enough life for yourself though, it shouldn’t matter that people less focused on their own happiness will try to shame you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 12:28 AM
10

I have older women in my family who may have dated when they were younger but not seriously. And they never married because to them, it wasn’t worth it. (My grandfather announces this loudly lol) They both made good money (nursing and real estate), spoil their nieces and nephews (including me!) have hobbies and travel. One has a newish boyfriend (despite being in her 60s) that she seems to like…but insists will not be living in her house. Like I’m not opposed dating now at all, but if that’s to …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 10:24 PM
1

I don’t blame you. Be as cynical as you like!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 03:47 PM
3

Yes I am fully of the belief that you would still use that as an example even if you didnt read it. Okay? That certainly says something about you, for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 03:43 PM
3

Yes? I wouldn’t use it as an example otherwise? Works from Adrianne Marie Brown too
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:11 PM
10

The truth is, a sizable swath of women. Yes, even the ostensibly "aware" ones, remain blissfully incapable of modeling the raw, spite fueled calculus at play here. Again dude read a book. Specifically, try Hood Feminism or Adrianne Marie Brown or really any feminist literature written by a non white women in the United States. The problem is the only awareness of “aware” politics you have is coming through clips of mainstream feminists shared online for “debating” politicians. Here’s a hint. Man…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 04:25 AM
22

You think feminists and other progressive movements don’t know that groups organize explicitly around making their lives worse, rather than putting any effort into improving anything at all? …I am becoming more and more convinced that some people on this subreddit have not read anything outside of posts on social media in their entire lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 12:19 AM
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Just their attitude. Like they get in and get out. Its like they did a lot to get you into bed then its done so quickly and with no real... like passion. Its just so mechanical and its to make themselves cum as quickly as possible. Understood, that sounds awful yes. I’m sorry that happened at all. Honestly not sure WHY somebody would get validation from that at all either. Like I can picture it from what you said, and from what people here say, but it’s just so far from something that makes sens…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:38 PM
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So, not only do they not care about me... they don't even care about the sex. Just the fact that I said yes and they can count it as one of their wins Can I ask, if you’re comfortable, what made this obvious to you? (I’m trying to figure out if someone was callous enough to say it out loud or if it came across a different way?)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:16 PM
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Idk, to me sex had in the past been meaningless and I hated it. Which is why I stopped having casual sex with people. And for some men, its all about the sexbeing a meaningful thing but not because its with someone specific they particularly care about... Imo, it is only meaningful between two people who care about each other. Maybe this might be the difference? I have never doubted that either of my FWBs care about me (even once the benefits stopped). I see what you’re saying better now though.…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:01 PM
1

That’s my understanding too!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 07:45 PM
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I don't fully agree with this. It depends on the person. Some people can feel nothing emotional during sex with strangers or in a casual relationship Or just feel different emotions? Sex always feels like a vulnerable thing to me, but there’s an emotional flavor difference between “someone I’m romantically into and picturing my future with” vs. “someone I’m close to but with limits” I’ve never had a ONS but I’ve had FWBs, and for me sex with them definitely had FEELINGS (connectedness, joy, fun)…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 07:40 PM
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Something being in a study doesn’t make accurate or valid. You have to read the study, evaluate the methodology, the population they used, their statistical analysis (if applicable), who’s funding it, who did it, was it reviewed, where it was reviewed and by who, whether other experts have valid critiques of the process. That’s research 101 offline. Literature review. And yes there are rage-bait studies. There are joke studies. There are scientists who notorious in their fields for hating each o…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 10:08 AM
3

Yeah, I’ve had at the very least one guy who tested, respected my no, we took a cool off friendly period where we got closer, he asked me out again and then got a yes. He was a good boyfriend, and is a good guy! We just weren’t compatible at first.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 08:51 PM
2

I wouldn’t necessarily say trash, depends on how much pressure we’re talking about. Just a sign that we won’t get along and I won’t enjoy sex with you!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 08:33 PM
4

I actually like it! It’s a quick reveal so I can get saying no out of the way and move on. Me feeling pressure/rushed surrounding sex with you is a sign we’re not compatible causally or seriously, no matter how attracted to you I started off 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 08:26 PM
2

You’re throwing pearls before swine, but you did make me laugh 🤭
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 11:59 PM
7

Oh great I thought it was me, either way time for bed smh
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 02:04 AM
1

If we’re having kids, then having kids because I’ve seen what a logistical nightmare that can be and I’m not built for it. If we’re not having kids…can’t really think of anything? I could name some stuff I hope I’m NOT the first/only with. For practical reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 02:15 AM
2

For men? Is attractive to me. My height or taller. Is an interesting person (has passion for something they do and hobbies they pursue out of desire, preferably something creative). Feels safe/comfortable to be around. Knows how to be goofy/silly. Morally/ethically aligned with me. Is looking for another full person to spend time with (I really don’t like the “missing piece” or “other half” attitude).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 02:08 AM
3

However, there is the positive example of working through difficulties, conflicts, disagreements in marriage and emerging stronger, loving each other more. I feel like this concept gets shat on now and lumped together with coercively forcing people to stay in a bad marriage which is not always the case. So I have two thoughts here: First - People do have that option now, to stick it out. More than people had the option to leave before. If it’s not an OPTION to stay, if it’s not a choice, then it…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:37 PM
2

People are just as compatible as they were before, just the ability of people to compensate for incompatibility became a vestigial organ. This is the part I disagree with. I think the thing that caused many people to “compensate” for incompatibility were external factors. A pregnancy, economic conditions, not wanting to be outside of societal norms at the time, familial cultural and religious pressures. Or even just limited choice (your tiny village example). And I think some people suffered for…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:11 PM
2

I wouldn’t agree with OP that it is the singular explicatory reason, as opposed to just another variable, if that’s what you’re saying. What I would say is compatibility matters more than it ever even COULD have before, because of changes in the human environment.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:56 PM
1

If the premise were correct then we would expect that the more potentially compatible options you're exposed to, the better your dating experience but that's measurably not the case. In fact, seems like the opposite is true. Not sure I would agree with this. If I was thinking of it more like statistics, the more “noise” surrounding the variable you’re looking for the harder it can be to find/distinguish. So adding in a lot of incompatible people could make it harder, even as your options increas…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:47 PM
4

It can't be the case that human beings are designed to seek a level of compatibility that was never physically/numerically achievable until, at the minimum, urbanization. Not designed to, reacting to. Humans are reacting to all sorts of changes, biologically, physiologically, psychologically. Technological and economic changes shape our bodies, our psychology, our culture. Why would mate selection not be affected? People have greater control over their bodies than we’ve ever had, we’re able to b…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:22 PM
8

Among adults who are “single and looking,” about 37 % of women reported using a dating site or app in the past year. Thats basically 4 of 10 So without going into what “use in the past year” looks like in frequency and time spent…according to YOUR stats that means 6 out of 10 adult women who are looking AREN’T using dating sites or apps…. So more than half doesnt count as many? Am I missing something?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 03:47 PM
6

I believe most pill people problems would be solved if they could understand that different women have different opinions and preferences Different people really. An interesting thing l’ve noted is some of the men here discounting other men’s experiences and calling into question the other guys masculinity for HAVING another experience. I’ve seen women post things here that don’t make slightest smidge of sense to me and my lived experience. Doesn’t mean they’re not WOMEN though. Just means there…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 08:27 PM
4

are said women who preaching one thing and then practicing something different the same persons? I feel like I’ve asked that question so many times on this subreddit. Is it possible that diametrically opposed positions could possibly coming from (gasp) different people?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 07:59 PM
–

Societal labels are the ones that sting. Think of how many insults are formerly used classifications of people who varied from what society labels normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 06:52 PM
3

So home purchases (becoming a home owner, getting the deed) and college degrees are systems that humans put in place to signal to another human externally that you have something or did something. Its basically record keeping. Who are you signaling to that you are a man here, yourself?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/26 04:55 AM
11

I have at least two straight (women) friends where the porn that they read is primarily gay porn (m/m). So like double the male form, what’s going on there??? 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 05:09 AM
13

Disclaimer: this is not something I find positive. This is not a gotcha. But I had this thought about gloating that people’s lives get harder as they age. I agree with you, it makes people here sound like edgy teenagers sometimes :/ When I was younger I volunteered at my local hospital in palliative care (which is similar to hospice care). There was a pretty similar split in gender of the people there, but what wasn’t split was the community people had. Almost all the women had people visiting t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 04:38 AM
3

I don’t know if I fully agree, but I do know that it took me way longer (like 5 additional years) to realize I was attracted to women. The norm is easier to picture than alternatives, in most situations!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 11:29 PM
–

So no I can’t relate to you liking men with a specific hair style or color whatever and that being your “type” I mean I couldn’t relate to that either, again, that’s not how type works for me. I’m saying I don’t have types. I just like attractive people. Same! Or at least, people who are attractive to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 04:02 AM
–

I mean if you don’t get it, then you don’t get it. To each their reach 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 03:52 AM
–

Okay…I’m confused are you saying you do get types being hard to describe or you don’t here?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 03:51 AM
–

The thing about language is it only really works well if words mean the same to everybody. You’re acting like language is a fixed concept and not something that changes by context, culture, speaker. It is notoriously subjective and fluid. Does sick mean awesome? Does it mean ill? Depends on who is speaking and the context right? Someone who is unattractive to me is neutral. Sounds like for you its different, and that’s cool (not temperature)!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 03:46 AM
–

Unattractive isn't neutral. Why are we attempting to redefine a word that already has a definition? Unattractive is much closer to "ugly" than it is to "neutral". I'd argue "ugly" is actually under the "unattractive" umbrella, just on the extreme end. I mean, you’d argue because language is subjective right? Interpretations, ambiguity? I’m not trying to redefine the word for you, I’m telling you what it means to me, and asking OP if they were conflating two things that I don’t find all that simi…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 03:33 AM
–

Because they don’t all look the same dude, they’re not even all the same gender. I’m not such a special snowflake to view potential partners like that Your partners don’t excite you like that? That makes me kind of sad :/
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 03:31 AM
–

*men and women I’m bisexual as are a few of my friends Very few people read as attractive to me. Even people I would consider beautiful otherwise. You ever listen to a song you can tell is super well made or the musician is talented but it doesn’t really stand out to you? Like maybe you’d clap but not listen to it again? Versus a song that might even be outside of your normal genres but it pinged something for you and you can’t get it out of your head. For me the first song is pretty or beautifu…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 03:20 AM
–

Could you be conflating unattractive and ugly here? I don’t know that they mean they same thing for everybody. I’m not attracted to any of my friends partners, but that doesn’t mean I think they’re ugly. They’re just not my type. Hell getting to know them from my friends perspectives has made them even more not my type. But it was true physically before that. Ugly for me is someone I find difficult to look at? Unattractive is just neutral. No push no pull.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 02:59 AM
–

Not to say that the men in your life are online bashing women but you don't know 100%. I mean the bashing women is really bad don’t get me wrong. But I find myself thinking…if the men in my life felt about THEMSELVES the way some men here describe thinking and feeling I’d feel more bad for THEM than anything else. Like yeah our relationship would be less positive too, but that’s just one part. It’s really easy to be hyperbolic and aggressive online with other people. Anonymity will do do on any …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 04:49 PM
18

I honestly appreciate it. It’s one those reminders that online forums aren’t great litmus tests for real life experiences and behaviors. The men I’ve dated, in my family, in my friend and hobby groups, hell in my workplace, sometimes sound like they live in a completely different world from how some men here describe themselves. There’s a disconnect somewhere, and honestly I’m glad for it! 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/26 05:19 PM
1

Yeah apparently I run in very different circles than the people in this thread?? The amount of you who've tried to say "ummmm you've never talked to a woman, have you??" as if I regularly talk about sex and blowjobs with my female friends is staggering I mean did you not have mixed groups of friends in highschool (or college if you went)? For me a lot of us were FIGURING OUT dating and sex, so we talked about it a lot, yeah? Not as much now, but that’s because we don’t need to. Tons of inside jo…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:27 PM
1

Any evidence I have for that is anecdotal but I can tell you that I know women (not necessarily straight but attracted to men) who like both giving and receiving head enthusiastically. I know even more who just really like getting their partners off, however they get there, because it’s a bit of a rush. I can’t speak to your dating pool though, it sounds like we run in different circles
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:10 PM
4

If women here are to be believed, it seems women never get insecure about anything or ever compare themselves to other women, or worry about how their boyfriend perceives them and stuff. I find it hard to believe For me it’s less this and more two things: If I’m in a relationship with someone that means they’re doing the things I find important in a relationship, or I wouldn’t be in the relationship. They may have done other things for other people but I don’t want or need everything they’ve eve…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 03:58 AM
10

And this is supported by the dual control model of sexual psychology, which basically argues that people have things that get their sexual motors going and brakes that need to be removed in order for them to be aroused. Red pill focuses on turn ons almost exclusively because red pill is oriented through a lens of male sexuality, which doesn’t bother with brakes as much. That was an interesting read. The idea of accelerators and brakes makes a lot of sense to me too. Literally talking to some of …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 09:25 PM
18

For example they think if attraction doesn’t develop instantly after meeting someone, it is less intense or not real. They also think if a woman doesn’t sleep with them instantly she is not attracted to them. I once told a guy friend of mine, that attraction without comfort or ease doesn’t really affect me physically. This came from a conversation about why I waited so long to get with a mutual friend of ours when I had said I was attracted to him the first day we met. Like I can admire a nice f…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 05:12 PM
10

“Thousands have lived without love, not one without water.”
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 04:53 PM
3

Your reputation, individually and collectively can either be a shield from harm or it can funnel it toward you. It's women's call. So act in a way that doesn’t hurt men’s feelings, hence your “The little insults to injury, avoiding those things are what I'm talking about” as a shield to the harm men might inflict? And you say you aren’t describing a hostage situation. I swear nobody thinks worse of men than some men 😂 Your argument is bad, but it’s also inaccurate, both historically and now. A g…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 04:38 PM
4

Question, does a relationship with an individual that’s compelled by fears of future discrimination and disenfranchisement sound good to you? That’s desirable? Sexy? Fulfilling? Because it sounds like a hostage situation to me. You want people to stay in relationships they find undesirable fucking people they don’t want to…in order to possibly preserve their political rights in the future? If that’s how you see it, that’s how you see it, but that’s gonna be a hard sell.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 07:27 PM
3

That’s when you establish a baseline, very important for any kind of continuing evaluation. First established data point means a threshold was passed. Next data point is good for comparison to the first.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 01:44 AM
2

Yeah reciprocity is important in any relationship IMO. You don’t have to love in the same way, but the level affection would ideally be equal!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 12:31 AM
2

I don’t know if “prince treatment” is what I call it, but she definitely takes care of him too. She likes to cook, so his favorite meals are always on rotation, and she’s done things like surprise him with World Series tickets (he loves baseball) or decorate his home office to look like his base from a game he loves. I think it’s just the way they love each other? Though admittedly she cooks and bakes for me too, and he’s been protective of me too (to some extent), so maybe those are just the wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 10:38 PM
8

I have a really good friend whose husband has treated her like this since they started dating. Won’t let her carry anything, opens all doors, orders for her in restaurants etc, gets her really nice gifts pretty often (though she gets him pretty nice gifts too). She definitely likes it, she says it makes her feel feminine in a way she enjoys. Her husband has also told me explicitly that it makes him feel like a protector/provider which HE really likes. It never made a ton of sense to me (I litera…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:53 PM
3

Now I definitely would, but four years ago I might not have (unless he was climbing the ladder and/or a grad student getting paid like shit also). More about the plan than the amount though!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 04:03 AM
2

I agree with this completely. I had my first real boyfriend in college at 19 and he was a creep. I didn’t really figure that out until I went home for the first summer and talked to my cousins and sisters about the situation. I really didn’t know how to date at that time, let alone what behaviors were problematic. If I had been allowed to date one of the boys who asked me out in highschool, I think I would have had some low stakes practice with guys my own age with my support system around me. B…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/26 06:16 PM
1

Well people that don’t have a lot can be targets aswell, since a lot of people that don’t have it look like they do. I mean yeah? People are seeking out people they think have money…because having money can make you a target? Also hard to get complacent, since it takes drive most of the time to obtain money and to keep doing so. For some people sure, but in the U.S you’re statistically more likely to follow the economic condition of your parents. https://www.russellsage.org/news/new-rsfpew-repor…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/26 10:53 PM
6

I’d say possible cons are it can make you a target or make you complacent? Those are what immediately come to mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/26 09:01 PM
4

People (regardless of gender) tend to date (and especially marry) inside their socioeconomic bracket. I don’t think anyone thinks money doesn’t matter. Also people in higher socioeconomic brackets tend to get married and STAY married (long source for that - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8179854/ if you feel like reading) compared to people in lower ones. Interesting quote from the above - “For example, analyses of data from the NSFG show that the 78% of marriages of women with a colle…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/26 07:51 PM
2

Exactly! There’s a kind of existence you can only have before a career/steady employment, or even a year long lease. It can really add color to your life, in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/26 02:21 PM
4

I did like how little thought I felt was needed to do something in my late teens/early 20’s. I’m more cautious now because I have a lot more to lose. I was a little reckless with my finances, studied abroad without much of a plan of where I was going to stay until I got there and made some really good friends along the way. Went on a lot of adventures, and got to see a bit of the world. Now that I’m 28 I don’t think I’d make the decisions I did then, but I’m really happy that I did? So I definit…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/26 01:20 AM
2

Yeah that makes sense to me. Thank you for sharing your perspective and answering my follow-ups!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 05:49 PM
2

Got it, have another question if you don’t mind. You mentioned seeing it as one of your biggest mistakes. Is that because of the feelings it brought up (maybe exacerbating the retroactive jealousy)?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 05:42 PM
4

Had you all been dating for a while? My curiosity is piqued because I think I would have found that hard to hear. I'm on the way to being diagnosed as autistic at the moment - both of our children are autistic, my half-sister is autistic, and my niece is too - and I believe these sorts of issues are more common for neurodivergent people. Can you say more on this?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 05:29 PM
7

Fair enough, I can see I didn’t really allow for nuance in my question and agree with you and some of the other commentators that “which reason” would definitely matter here.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 05:13 PM
2

Fair enough!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 04:48 PM
5

Can I ask, did she tell you or did you find out somehow?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 04:48 PM
12

Yeah if you left the person I’d say it fell under uncomfortable for sure!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 04:47 PM
3

So not an issue for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 04:46 PM
–

I mean yeah if she wants, I probably wouldn’t stop at one level of advice. But notably, her being a “lonely cat lady” would be better than her attached to someone she finds repulsive from my perspective. For both of the people potentially involved 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 01:08 AM
–

That or find a way to cultivate satisfaction otherwise!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 09:13 PM
–

Yeah you’ve got people here talking about introspection and all I can think is that maybe THEY need some self-respect?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 08:51 PM
–

Hell, I'd even advise men to start being pickier. I think we should all have standards for ourselves and our relationships! Yeah but to do this you have to see being by yourself as a viable option. Some people sound terrified of going without a romantic relationship, so much so that they’d get with ANYONE. I’m personally much more wary of the damage the wrong person could do to my life. But to each their own.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 07:56 PM
–

Right? If this hypothetical woman was my friend I’d probably tell her to stay picky. At best, she finds a dude who she’s attracted to and who is attracted to her. It might take some time, but stranger things have happened. At worst, she stays single and avoids being in a relationship with someone she’s not attracted to. I don’t know about others, but I don’t want to be someone’s “I’m desperate not to be alone!” pick. That also feels like a win for some of the worries I see some men post about he…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 07:39 PM
2

I disagree with the general tone and even some of the points made…but I’m a bisexual woman and I’ve dated a bisexual man and it was great 10/10. If life hadn’t gotten in the way I might’ve married him lol
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/26 10:16 PM
8

This is really true. All of the fwbs I’ve had have been in a time when I was a. stressed, horny, and looking for a safe physical outlet and b. Didn’t really have time to devote to a relationship or getting to know someone in a romantic way. It was MUCH less about the person and more about my context at the time. Edited for TMI 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 07:49 PM
6

Very succinctly put!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 07:23 PM
–

I have a friend whose fiancé collects super rare insects which would be a turn-off for me because you aren’t bringing those in my house 😂 But minus personal disgust I see hobbies in general as a good thing, especially if time management is a non issue. Edited to add: I didn’t even think of dog breeding and gun collecting like some of the other commentators. I guess I have more “not in my house” hobbies than I thought.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 12:43 AM
4

I definitely agree that people should pick their norms, and use their norms to help inform them of who their partners should be for sure. Why do I need to “step up” and change the dating landscape if there are aspects of traditionalism that are beneficial to me, just like there are aspects of traditionalism that are beneficial for men? An additional point, in my experience even if you do try to turn down the things that are beneficial to you, some men really insist on following their own gender …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 12:12 AM
-1

I think you’re confusing my stance. I think is a valid argument, it just loses a lot of the moral significance from the particular person making it If they’re engaging in a similar behavior. This still feels like conflating credibility with validity. Again, hypocrisy makes someone a bad messenger, it doesn’t make their message less morally significant. If we downgrade a well documented (sources outside of your “Diddy conversation”) claim based solely on who is saying it, that feels like you’re a…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 01:54 AM
-1

I think this is valid, but it loses most of its meaning because a lot of these same people also own iPhones, drink coffee from major coffee chains and buy clothes from places where impoverished children are being exploited in sweatshops and horrible living conditions. Just feels like selective virtue signaling to me. This feels like confusing the idea of inconsistency with the idea of invalidity. People can be imperfect (and entangled in exploitative systems) and still be right about exploitatio…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 01:28 AM
–

So even though our educational institutions exhibit these same exact problems, and are arguably more negligent than the Boy Scouts ever were, I wouldn't advocate for their destruction. You can't expect human organizations to be be fully rational and moral because humans aren't either of those things I’m still confused, who’s advocating for their destruction? I’m saying the reason the BSA started adding women was because it became financially necessary through their own actions. I didn’t bring up…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 12:08 AM
0

When guys bring how horrible and morally horrible the kind of smut women like to read is, they do so in response or to highlight that women constantly call "normal" porn unrealistic and completely horrible in terms of the way men behave inside those porn characters, women are not only consuming far worse porn, but are also READING about it and posting it online with pride. Most of the critiques I see levied against the porn industry is about the well documented exploitation pipeline, human traff…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 07:11 PM
5

Article stretches back to the 1970s. Lets dig up how many female teachers graping lil' boys since 1970. Wonder if the # is equally as high as BSA... I’m confused by your point here. Yes, it was one SPECIFIC organization (brought up by OP) with a documented history of allowing and abetting child abuse since before the 1970s (continuing to the early 2000s) that led to their bankruptcy and restructuring as courts required them to compensate victims. That’s the entire issue and point. Any adult able…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 06:38 PM
11

It's a reflection of the world we live in. There are a lot of sick, deranged people. I don't think it's possible to create a human organization without flaws, because people are flawed. I would agree with you if I hadn’t read more about the case. The BSA organization was involved in a Catholic Church style cover-up where they had tons of files on volunteers molesting boys and didn’t report any of it. For decades. Even leadership who reportedly weren’t child abusers were protecting them. That’s a…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 02:46 PM
45

Yeah then OP mentions the Boy Scouts as if it was women and not the 92,700 sexual abuse claims that bankrupted them and ruined their reputation. Not to mention traumatized members. https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/16/us/boy-scouts-sex-abuse-deadline-bankruptcy/index.html That one’s not exactly a shining example of good “boys only” spaces.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 02:50 AM
2

Was only in the south for two years but this was exactly why I cut my hair short while I was there. The kind of men I was attracting when it was long seemed to make all types of assumptions based on my “look”. They also seemed much more comfortable trying to approach me in public when my hair was long which is very much not to my taste.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 08:00 PM
2

I understand your point, but this gets used to just remove any responsibility. It's like with communism, I'm leftwing myself but this argument "well the sovjet union was not true communism" is annoying for the same reason. I don't like no true scotsman arguments It can be used that way, but I’m not trying to use it that way. I’m sure that you, if you’ve explored your leftwing position, have specific critiques levied against the Soviet Union for the actions they took that go against what you (or …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 06:52 PM
7

Yeah so this ends up being one of the difficulties of discussing larger philosophies/ideas on something like social media. Because feminism, like other schools of thoughts, has a lot of ideas underneath it. And a lot of people who claim to practice it (and do it poorly). However, to use an example, just because I believe the United States does representative democracy in a flawed manner, and has flawed beliefs surrounding representative democracies, doesn’t mean I disagree with the theory of rep…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 06:09 PM
2

I’m curious, what makes you feel that way?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 05:03 PM
11

It’s also people taking their positions based on things like a Reddit post or a short video, rather than actually taking the time to explore and form a coherent position. It comes off pretentious but I always think it’s good to review literature/predominant figures or ideas/research/theory before identifying too closely with a specific group. Social media is about being first or quick though, so it can be uniquely bad for slow exploration of ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 03:39 PM
13

I think people here are generally talking about their experiences with social media and “pop” feminism. It’s unfortunate but we are on social media I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 03:20 PM
6

I would say reduce factors for desperation/clinging because it enhances your ability to be discerning. There’s not one place to look or a type of man thats compatible for everyone, so focus on filtering out those who would tank your quality of life. So make enough money to be comfortable on your own if you’re able. Have a strong social support system if you can. Have a life you enjoy as much as possible. Have hobbies and goals that give you validation internally to avoid the trap of always seeki…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 12:36 AM
7

Great so we’re basically on the same page, therapy works for some people, other methods might work for others. And again, results are what matter! 😉
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 07:51 PM
13

The reason we hate, loathe, and absolutely fucking abhor "therapy" is because it's just more noise Some men in the comments below seem to think differently. But if you can do it for yourself great, congratulations! If you feel like you can’t maybe try therapy. The results are what matter, not the method 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 07:32 PM
47

It can help identify distorted beliefs or negative coping mechanisms that are having an impact on your life. Lots of traits aren’t all good or all bad, the same stubbornness that might help you stick to and solve complex problems at work might mean you stubbornly cling to relationships that aren’t good for you in your personal life. But things like that can be hard to see when you’re zoomed in or just trying to survive. A good therapist can help you identify where some cognitive processes you ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 03:51 AM
1

Honestly? Join a social group I’m in and wait a few months for us to have a few positive interactions. I’m not upset at strangers who “cold approach” me, but I AM just waiting for a polite way to end our conversation. I dislike it because it’s a waste of both of our time.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/25 11:16 PM
2

Simp is correct, 100%. There’s getting along with your boss and then there’s pure sycophantic ass kissing. Status and paper chasing knows no gender restrictions 😂 And it’s cringey no matter WHO is participating.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 10:32 PM
2

If someone creates an AI dishwasher or something that does the loading, washing, drying, and putting away (and won’t break the delicates) I feel like there might be a corresponding drop in the divorce rate 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 08:36 PM
2

One of the benefits of not being American is that I wasn't raised to expect or ever tolerate the kind of highly toxic work culture that Americans not only tolerate, but actively fight tooth and nail to insist it's good Won’t catch me insisting it’s good. Knowing how to navigate it is definitely not an endorsement of it. I’m similar though, in I generally divide out my “friend” groups by activity. To the point that my actual close friends call me a different name altogether 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 03:59 PM
3

Oof yeah, I think past a certain point that’s why people date/make close friends in their circles. Similar interests and values too of course, but I personally I want to know our connection isn’t happening because of finances/career opportunities (because we’re BOTH established). Those climbing type of relationships are what professional organizations and ERGs for. Then it’s UNDERSTOOD why we’re all here 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 03:30 PM
4

At my old job there was a situation that really illustrated how it’s some PEOPLE who are obsessed with money/status. There was this guy at my old job, very quiet, overweight, super nice, and importantly, brilliant. He did a lot of our higher level specimen processing and metabolomic analysis. The other guys in the office never talked to him much or invited him to their nights out and he’d been there 8 years, but we talked pretty often because we both were obsessed with some of the same shows. An…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 01:32 PM
3

Yeah people mention “who pays” more here than I’ve heard since like…college? Whether it’s a date or just hanging out with a friend or something, I normally move to split and if the other person absolutely insists this time I’ll get the next one (if we got along well enough for there to be a next one if it’s a date). At a certain point it just stopped mattering. Edited for sleepy spelling.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 02:40 AM
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It’s really individual, because people have varying interests. My last male partner brought a lot of value into my life because how he enjoyed spending his free time I also enjoyed, so we could do it together? Like we both liked and met salsa dancing, but we also really liked playing co-op games together, and watching horror movies. So by joining me, and being excited to do so, he brought more value to something I already liked doing!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 01:19 AM
1

They don’t need my defense. They write out their methodology and their results, you can disagree all you want (though I might take a look at HOW they did it first) but since I don’t have a methodology for your opinion I know which one counts for something to me, personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/25 12:53 PM
2

How can they even begin to compare "happiness levels" objectively? If only there where some sort of Methodology section in studies that explained how they defined and compared their variables. …oh well guess we’ll never know for sure 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 11:09 PM
1

I’m sorry you went through that, I can only imagine the impact of being separated like that, even if it was for safety reasons (idk that it was, you just mentioned foster care). I do think ignoring the negative if you’re actually feeling it isn’t always the best. I hope one day you have a space that feels safe to maybe explore some of that negativity in a way that feels helpful. Maybe even starting through fantasy, if that feels safest right now!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 10:43 PM
1

Eh women I know (including myself) are more likely to use Lelo (or an equivalent) than a fwb. Vibes are less maintenance!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 10:32 PM
4

It’s definitely not a mindset I can understand easily. Sometimes the posts here make me wonder if people here value their own lives or own happiness at all. I made a post about it actually, very eye opening replies in some cases 😮‍💨
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 01:59 AM
22

No people in GOOD relationships are happiest. People in bad ones are the LEAST happy. So a single person can definitely be happier than a person in a relationship. I think you’re assuming a relationship would be good. I’m saying that’s an assumption others might not be making.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/25 08:59 PM
20

I just posted this elsewhere but it’s very topical today! https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2024/10/Emotional-Wellbeing-and-Life-Satisfaction-of-Singles-and-Mated-People.pdf Might be worth a read given your perspective Basic findings from their data set seems to be something people talk about here a lot. Mainly that a good relationship is associated with the most increased emotional wellbeing and life satisfaction for people. And a bad relationship drops you below people who feel involuntari…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/25 08:53 PM
1

Yeah I imagine some of the more anger/frustration comes out of feeling “thwarted”, for lack of a better term. Since you don’t feel that way about it, you might be avoiding the negative feelings? The thing is I’ve met women who are frustrated/bitter like this too, despite the feelings of some in this sub of that being impossible. In my personal experience they might try to commiserate with me (since I’m also not dating). They ALSO have trouble imagining some people just find dating overwhelming a…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/25 08:21 PM
5

I read this study recently that was looking at relationships and happiness. And from their dataset there seems to be a real effect on singles and happiness on whether you feel like it’s a CHOICE you’re making or involuntary. https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2024/10/Emotional-Wellbeing-and-Life-Satisfaction-of-Singles-and-Mated-People.pdf Maybe that’s the difference between people who are fine and people who aren’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/25 04:55 PM
2

I read it more as, he’s been around men who he felt came off as possible threats to women so he knows the type of men that COULD be out there. Based off on how the conversation continued. But maybe it could be that too? I might ask him about it tbh…be interesting to get his perspective again. In my experience that’s an advantage of having mixed gender friend groups (where you all are ACTUALLY friends), there’s people vetting in ways you won’t have experience with! There’s other advantages too. T…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 11:12 PM
5

I asked a close guy friend of mine, who was always very protective towards any of the girls in our group when out, about this dichotomy once and he said “Because we all know that guy.” It made me think that men who are used to socializing with groups of other men might have a slightly different perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 10:31 PM
10

This is actually really true for me too, my grandma told me to have my own resources and to enjoy the freedom having my own income/making my own choices gives. Very gender neutral. My dad, brother, uncles, male cousins, etc. were all the ones who REALLY hammered it in to me and my sisters to be cautious of MEN. I’d say they were right about being aware, but maybe a little overzealous according to my own experiences. But I’m also cautious by nature (though I had my dumb moments in college) 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 09:52 PM
5

I’m not sure about the generalizations on what people want, but I do think we might be entering/in a time where less of human interpersonal relationships are stemming from obligation or from a singular desire (Ex. I want sex/status) that pulls the focus away from the individuals in the relationship. So maybe less people WILL be compatible? Maybe real compatibility means there has to be a choice with real options, not just avoiding discomfort? There’s some research about people who get married af…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 04:03 AM
2

This is a massive study with a number that's more than generalized to the public. Why do idiots seem to think that higher number studies An N of 3000 is definitely enough to make statements about significance, don’t get me wrong. But when larger meta-analyses find no difference between the genders, and there are questions about methodology from the jump…if I was writing a lit review I’d hesitate to include that study until I did further analysis. Especially since it’s not from the last 15 years.…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 05:24 PM
4

I didn’t say it was wrong I said there were critiques. Social science isn’t my area, but it seems like it proposed an idea people followed up on. Like one does in research? Simply put, if that study had found that women are happier now, neither you nor anyone else would’ve challenged it for being simple or relying on self-reporting. You just don’t like the results. Yes and therefore analysis on the limitations of self reporting and HOW it effects the research is therefore important, right? Might…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 02:53 AM
9

Oh boy, winning and losing is not how this works dude. I read through your study and since it’s from 2008 there’s been a lot of critiques levied against its measurements including: How it measures happiness in the first place - oversimplification but there are questions about differences considering education levels and self reporting: https://ideas.repec.org/a/eee/pubeco/v230y2024ics0047272723002347.html The size and reach of the study when larger N groups show no meaningful difference. What yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 02:34 AM
16

Going further a lot of studies find that the happiness of the couple either elevates them above happy singles or (if unhappy) puts them below unhappy singles. Also there seems to be weight to whether being single feels involuntary or not that affects things too! Source - https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2024/10/Emotional-Wellbeing-and-Life-Satisfaction-of-Singles-and-Mated-People.pdf TLDR: Relationships seem to be high risk high reward for life satisfaction. Edited to fix link and add TLDR.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/25 07:26 PM
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I’d say no to both being harmless. But also some of the commonly talked about risks are overblown and some of the actual common risks are understated. All birth control has risks. Hormonal in particular has real documented risks for mental and physical health that vary by the form and strength. If you want a (very long) comprehensive rundown I’d look here: https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/73/rr/pdfs/rr7304a1-H.pdf As a note: Pregnancy itself also has a ton of hormones and many of the same physic…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 07:07 PM
9

Look it’s me! Yeah it’s a really common vibe here, since I’ve had the words for it I’ve recognized it even more. I think some people struggle with the gaps between manners and culture and norms. But those gaps are where individuality lives, where the scripts end. People seem really similar from a surface level, it takes time and vulnerability to see the differences. To me, that’s what is most fun (and to be honest a little scary) about getting to know humans. But if you don’t see the joy in it I…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 05:08 PM
4

Some men do. Some men die. Also that supposes that society is built back in a way that the average man CAN prosper. We have examples where that wasn’t the case. Also direct violence tends to go to men first, especially young ones. Your fallacy is expecting what benefits a small group can collectively benefit all. It’s actually a very neoliberal mindset (which is why I’m not a liberal). So if you don’t die, and if it goes your way, and if you end up as one of those top men, and if that upheaval d…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/25 08:06 PM
6

The societal chaos you describe is a nightmare for everyone not just women. We’ve got tons of historical societal collapses…were men somehow unscathed? Some men (and some women) survive. A few groups (usually who already had amassed significant power/resources) might thrive. Many die. That’s the reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/25 07:26 PM
7

I wouldn’t say eagerly, I’d say desperately. Definitely how I want my relationships, someone whose desire for me is characterized by a desperation and fear of economic destitution 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/25 06:58 PM
1

My last male partner had both and had different sex toys he used WITH me lol My jokes about technological innovations applying everywhere directly came from him 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/25 05:25 PM
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It’s not depressing UNLESS you had a distorted/romanticized view of the past? People coupled up because it was practical AND for what it gave them access to. I talked about women but for many men it was access to her fertility, someone to do the domestic work around the house, and to be better looked upon in career and social aspects. In addition many people married for the heavy social and cultural pressures society levied against them. Love matches being presented as the norm is relatively new…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/25 05:12 PM
9

I’m not sure what automatic means here…I’ve only ever had sex/relationships with people I knew for a while beforehand so getting to know them never feels automatic? With men, once I’ve realized a. I’m attracted to them and b. I’m in a space where I want to do something about it, it has more looked like putting myself in their way more, and being pointedly flirtatious where I might’ve just been friendly before. Which, admittedly, is MORE passive than when I’ve asked women out directly, but still …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 03:50 AM
2

Yup that was my experience in Europe, minus like a coffee date.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 02:02 AM
1

I sincerely hope that stays the case.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 10:34 PM
1

Yes socializing has changed in that regard. The risks of being put on social media in an unflattering manner didn’t exist as much before. But that’s not just a men approaching women risk. That’s a socializing outside in the Instagram era thing. Try dancing in public, or just existing! And when people have house rules, they usually know it's a HOUSE RULE, and don't lose their fucking shit when you don't know it immediately Honest question, has this happened to you? Or are we talking about an anxi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 10:19 PM
6

I honestly think more people choosing to be single and pursuing happiness outside of romantic relationships will be for the best in the long term. There’s a lot of frustrations in a lot of these posts that stem from some people feeling they’re obligated to behave a certain way to get a partner, because they feel obligated/desperate to HAVE a partner. I think more people need to NOT unless they really want to. Less pressure will let them be more discerning, and you can stop being concerned about …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 10:01 PM
3

I think that’s a mischaracterization of how much implemented policy has come from academic advocacy and research, but, I do agree that there’s more work to be done in public spaces too.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 02:40 AM
4

See again this is a problem I’ve seen much more in online spaces, but to be fair I’ve dealt with feminism in mostly academic and healthcare policy focused spaces (where callouts are frequent and INTENSE). Even the phrasing you use, the “girl-power” “girl-boss” type feminism that gets centered in media. Those are VERY negative descriptors in the advocacy spaces I’ve been in, and are used in reference to the corporatized version of “feminism” used to sell products to women. I definitely see where …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 02:21 AM
8

So we aren’t going to agree here because we’re getting into: negative obligations (non-intrusive behaviors to respect another’s persons autonomy) vs positive obligations (requiring someone to actively do something). Those aren’t equivalent things. It’s the difference between expecting a stranger not to rifle through your bag at a coffee shop (negative obligations) and expecting a stranger to watch/hold your bag (positive obligation). I hear that you think you’re owed external reassurance. I disa…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 12:37 AM
6

That doesn’t sound like you want rules that sounds like you want reassurance? Which is fine but I do think that’s something you need to be able to give yourself. Like if you truly approached someone courteously and were treated discourteously, you need to be able to reassure yourself that you’re okay. That it was them not you, because you treated them like a human being and they didn’t extend the same to you. Trying to find that reassurance externally all the time is not setting yourself up for …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 11:57 PM
6

“But the tiktok feminists, the reddit feminists, the great mass of women who make up the bulk of feminism, are still very much of the mindset "girls rule, boys drool" Gonna pushback on this just a little, because I think you’re right about the social media “feminists”. Many don’t seem to recognize intersectionality at all. But I don’t know if I would say they’re the bulk of feminists even if they’re the LOUDEST. I do think a lot of feminist terminology and ideas get co-opted without any understa…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 11:44 PM
2

You can get ostracized for breaking any social rule, if the group you’re in decides to? As for jailed, I’m sure given the world we live in someone has been KILLED over a card game. But I’m guessing it’s pretty infrequent, as many extreme overreactions are.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 11:20 PM
1

The dates I’ve been on since then came from activity groups I’ve joined (salsa, TTRPG, volunteer work). But to be honest my focus shifted too. I wouldn’t say I’ve given up, just have other priorities.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 11:14 PM
9

I do agree with you that people often misattribute their personal preferences as universal rules. I personally don’t like to be approached by strangers for anything, but I recognize it’s a personal preference and have definitely met women who feel differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 10:30 PM
6

Gonna be honest, I see a lot of dating app discourse here and neither me nor my single friends have used them for years? I swapped my dating app challenges in 2022 (being overwhelmed) for no dating apps. I’m going to guess if I had a “man’s issue” I’d also swap for…no dating apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 09:42 PM
8

That could be true depending on where you are and who you’re with. Because socializing is highly personal and vibes based. Making it very difficult to have a consistent rulebook.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 09:22 PM
8

Even here I disagree. That’s more of a cultural thing again. When I did my foreign exchange in the Netherlands I went on dates where splitting the check was the norm, and I personally am inclined STILL to do that unless the other person absolutely insists. Bringing me back to the point that consistent rulebook for interacting with humans is really unrealistic. Especially when you’re looking for a personal connection with an individual.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 09:10 PM
21

Um, there are regional and familial differences to rules about playing card games and you want a consistent rulebook on romantically connecting with an individual human person? Do you hear the SAME women saying those same things or could you be struggling with the (very human by the way) realization that socializing by its very nature is personal, shifting, and highly vibes based?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 08:58 PM
10

I do feel, in the day to day, I get a lot more genuine support and positive affirmations from irl people (regardless of gender) than I do in any online interactions. Also I’ve had a lot more (in frequency) negative interactions with men online than I’ve ever had in person. It’s just in the worst of the worst situations online can be physically safer due to the inherent distance. All in all I partially agree, everyone needs to go outside more. It’s better than online makes it seem.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 03:02 AM
3

The only rigorous way to evaluate statistical data is to use anecdotes from anonymous users on Reddit. It is known 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 02:28 AM
1

I hear that you see an affinity to the extremes as consistency and it very well might be consistent, but I wonder if you’ve ever heard of something called “black and white thinking”? I think your affinity might be robbing you of the flexibility needed to live in a world of greys. IMO morality is a human concept, so being more moral than an animal is the same as saying I’m a better driver than an animal. But I don’t think those definitions are necessarily the issue here either.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/25 05:15 PM
1

Ah I think I see the misunderstanding. I’m not talking about solely evaluating things academically, like pure research. I’m talking about academic DEBATE the format for argumentation specifically. Have you ever heard of something like “debate team” or gone to an intercollegiate debate exhibition? While it does involve research argumentation and rhetoric is much more important, advocacy then is the name of the game. You actually have to pick a side first to begin. Being right (objectively) is les…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/25 03:46 PM
3

I mean this is a debate sub right? I could see favoring neutrality on an advice subreddit for sure, but at least in academic debate favoring neutrality would weaken your case? You’re supposed to take a strong stance and then come with evidence, references, and rhetoric to back it up. Using logical reasoning means your premises lead to your conclusion in a sound way. From my understanding you’re supposed to strongly favor a side while ALSO reasoning correctly in a debate. Polarization can definit…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/25 10:22 PM
3

Yeah I will give it to this subreddit, it’s interesting. And honestly the toxicity here sometimes adds to the interest? A post from here popped up while scrolling during some downtime at work and the comments were wild enough that I kept coming back. Bad timing all around 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/25 03:59 AM
1

I think your problem here specifically is trying to universalize your personal experience and feelings around sex and gender (and honestly, life in general). You say it yourself, you believe the world to be inherently evil. So of course you see evil everywhere you look. You say you feel out of control of your sexuality, so of course you want all sexuality and sex abolished/controlled. But it can’t be a you issue right, even if you acknowledge your own hypersensitivity? To keep this in the realm …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/25 03:46 AM
5

No, as I said unconditional love is for babies. Even as old as he is now (still very much not an adult) I would expect him to have more empathy than to intentionally hit someone who wasn’t hitting him first. If he did it now we’d at the very least have to talk (and I’d be talking to my sister about his behavior too). I don’t think he would though, he’s a pretty gentle kid. So yes I guess, to your question about my reaction? Insofar as him being small and cute meant he was a toddler, and therefor…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 07:01 PM
5

Some people on here really don’t value themselves at all, and I guess they see it as a virtue? I can’t explain to someone that they need to value themselves enough that intentional violence is a deal breaker. That’s something they have to find internally I guess 🤷‍♀️ Edited to be less snarky about something I find kind of sad.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 04:17 PM
5

No not confusing them. I wouldn’t love someone (an adult) who intentionally hurt me either. And honestly I hope you wouldn’t, for your own sake. For me, the relationship and my feelings would end. Because love and trust for me are intertwined, and conditional on behavior. Unless you’re a toddler lol. Because if someone can intentionally punch you in the face with no repercussions that’s no conditions right there.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 02:22 PM
20

I learned what unconditional love was when my two year old (at the time) nephew gave me a black eye. I was taking away a tool he managed to get a hold of and when he hit me it didn’t affect our relationship at all. I didn’t blame him in the slightest (I thought it was funny). Because he was a toddler. And he’s the sweetest boy now. Adults need to have conditional love for each other. If my partner (hell if my FRIEND) intentionally gives me a black eye it needs to be something that affects (read:…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 04:47 AM
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Not sure if that would help the OP though, he seems to think 36 years means something couldn’t have an effect on a generation now. Despite the fact that a generation is generally considered to be only 20-30 years in itself…😮‍💨
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 02:26 AM
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Remember when you’re talking about social movements and social reactions you’re talking about the scale of human lifetimes. So Equal Credit Act (1974) was 51 years ago for someone born the year it passed. If they had children at 25 (more people have children later than that nowadays) their children would have been born in 1999 and would just be having children (if they wanted to) ~ 26. We’re well within the timeframe where grandma (or mom!) can tell their girl grandchildren/children about why it…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 07:50 PM
44

Yup. This isn’t a video game where I need to get married in order to get a 100% achievement. It’s my life. I’ll follow my interests and meet my personal goals and if I meet someone to share that with romantically great! But my enjoyment of my life doesn’t revolve around that singular possibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 07:13 PM
9

Oh dude it's even scarier. We ALL are entreating a series of systems and institutions for our rights, step out of line if you're not at the top (right class, race, social position) and your gender doesn't mean shit. Or sometimes even just try to exercise your "rights" against a more powerful interest. In a power struggle (not a physical fight, a POWER struggle) between a poor man and a rich woman, guess who's probably going to jail even if it was defensive? If the cops don't end it before that. …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 02:47 AM
6

Hey so if you use garbage services or firemen, do you have an abstract husband too? Because it sounds like she pays taxes (I know I pay quite a bit) so I’m just trying to understand when the husband kicks in. Just trying to make sure I’m getting the logic here 😂 In all seriousness what you’re seeing is that for any PERSON in society, many services have been outsourced that were once done in house. You rely on tailors/clothing stores when once you would’ve sewed your own clothes. You rely on farm…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/25 04:51 AM
2

I know this isn't the exact framing of this post but I, an individual who does not like to be approached by strangers in public selling anything (themselves, their religion, or their products) also see this as a win.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/25 04:24 PM
1

Its the one thing I agree with some of the guys on here about (though admittedly from a different angle), finding a girl who likes you can be hard :/
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/25 09:55 PM
28

I honestly think the environment is different and we're all (regardless of gender) adjusting to the difference? Whether people like it or not, marrying, especially for women, used to be a road to greater financial stability. Not a family or a romance (though if you wanted and got those things, great!) Just having access to money. In the U.S the Equal Credit Opportunity Act passed in my parent's lifetime (1974). Before that it was legal for banks to require male cosigners when a woman went to ope…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/25 08:16 PM
14

I actually encountered that term on reddit. There is definitely talk in my work circles in healthcare about the suicide epidemic that has been happening since 2020, and acknowledgement that men die by suicide more often (CDC data). Truth is though, mental health seems to be on a negative trend since 2020 across many demographics. But the "male loneliness epidemic" seems to be one of those pop psychology terms that generates a lot of discourse on Twitter and other social media sites. Less a psyop…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/25 05:23 AM
2

Well then I would disagree with them, everyone involved in a relationship needs boundaries/standards or that's the grounds for a really shitty (or toxic) relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 09:48 PM
7

Its reasonable to have standards. But boundaries and standards don't mean you can force your partner to behave how you wish. If they don't meet your standards you should leave absolutely, but setting a boundary is saying what YOU can deal with not how THEY should behave. You can make "demands" but how do you act when they aren't met? That's where issues lie.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 09:38 PM
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The one time body count has come up for me post freshmen year of college, the guy got confused because I asked him "What counts as sex for you?" Cuz it turned out he was defining it as PIV which as a bisexual woman...I mean okay? But he could only see sex as something a man did to me. I definitely think there was some ego there!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/25 11:53 PM
1

Thanks for clarifying, one more question? I don’t see myself as a violence object but I do know that I have that inherent value in that regard as a young healthy 20’s something male. So personally or individually, outside of the inherent value of being a violence object, do you see your life as holding some value? I think I'm comprehending your perspective on the societal/social levels. Just wanted to clarify the personal.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:42 PM
1

Oh that's interesting, so personal value not in addition to the social/societal but more as coming directly from it? Thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:26 PM
1

For clarity, are you describing a worldview or your worldview? Do you see yourself as a violence object, as a subjective valuer, when looking at your own life?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:22 PM
1

Got it, thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:18 PM
2

I agree that value is subjective. I don't think I was clear enough that the subjective (an individuals opinion) is what I was curious about here, rather than an objective reality. But you post and learn! Thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:18 PM
1

Got it so no for personal value, value comes from others. Thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:12 PM
1

It really was just out of curiosity. I think some perspectives I read on here are really foreign to me and my lived experiences and I find asking (rather than debating) when it is something individual rather than something more evidence based is a good solution. I think something I read on here yesterday had me wondering if the OP felt men didn't value their own lives. I assumed most do, but realized I was making an assumption on how people here might feel.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:09 PM
1

Nope, just answers the question, thanks!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 07:04 PM
0

Right and you personally believe what you’ve been shown to be true? Or you don’t? Or am I missing something here?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:28 PM
1

Thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:15 PM
2

Oh definitely, that’s honestly why I’m asking, to see the different worldviews. Thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:15 PM
1

Understood, thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:12 PM
1

Got it so personally no, but feeling that value comes with positive contributions to other humans lives?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:12 PM
0

So personally no, but feeling that value comes from providing to others?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:11 PM
1

Understood, thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:10 PM
1

Got it so valuable personally in terms of ability? Thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:10 PM
1

Got it so I’m hearing both societally and spiritually, and maybe even in a scientific or cosmic scale? Thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:09 PM
1

Okay so how about subjectively, with you as the valuer?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:07 PM
1

Got it so I’m hearing not really from your personal viewpoint but finding value in the pursuit of something you find valuable?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:06 PM
1

Got it, thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:05 PM
1

So personally not really because of the perspectives of others?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:04 PM
1

Just for clarity, you’re saying YOU have intrinsic value here right? Just to get a clear answer the question.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:04 PM
2

Got it, thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:02 PM
1

So personally yes, but a societal no is what I’m hearing here? Thanks for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:01 PM
1

Right but your personal opinion can be unfalsifiable or intangible right? So if you were the valuer, does your life have value?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:00 PM
1

So not something can be gained personally I’m hearing? Always gained from externals?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:59 PM
1

I was asking for your perspective on it as an individual? So whichever felt stronger or had more meaning to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:57 PM
1

I hear your perspective for sure. I think the difference in our views is I (and probably some others) don’t find being around people to be very enjoyable unless there’s a task or activity involved. But I have siblings who are like you, and just enjoy being around people as an activity in itself. The world takes all types!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:52 PM
1

Fair enough, thanks for your reply!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:07 AM
-1

Let me rephrase. Do you feel that your life has any merit outside of what you do for others or how others may view you? From your perspective, is there merit to you just being alive?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:06 AM
2

Thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:02 AM
1

Understood, thank you for your reply!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 06:01 AM
1

Does socially not feel more intimate to you? I don't think I would call my family group "society" which is why when you mentioned yours I felt it might be good to add
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:58 AM
0

How about value personally? If you were the valuer?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:57 AM
1

Understood, thanks for the reply!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:54 AM
1

I honestly thought that most people at least held a version of this perspective if not layered in with other beliefs. But the way some people talk about life in this subreddit, I felt it might be worth exploring that there may be other views.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:50 AM
0

This is just a question because you feel how you feel. But is there anything to your life being the way YOU have to experience the world that would add some personal value or does that not really factor in?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:47 AM
2

If I am, this flu I have feels like a mean thing to program in :/
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:42 AM
1

Do you feel that personally then you might find your life valuable? If you, not others, were the valuer?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:40 AM
0

I'm not sure I'm understanding fully here. Is the wrong against humanity, like the taking of a life is an affront to life? Or against you personally?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:38 AM
1

I see you drawing a line between valuable and meaningful, are you willing to say anything more about that?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:35 AM
1

Thanks for the reply, you made me realize I should have added socially to my question in addition to societally!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:34 AM
1

So more foundational then?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:29 AM
1

So value here might have to do with the opinions of others then? In your opinion I mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:27 AM
0

So no value outside of others here? Thanks for your perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:25 AM
1

So your first statement I would put as my bare minimum of the value of a life as well. Can't experience the game without a player character, if a tabletop gaming analogy works for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:18 AM
3

I do too, but coming off some conversations (observed and otherwise) I realized I was assuming that to be the case, but needed more information.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:13 AM
3

Gotcha, thank you for your perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:11 AM
1

So personally yes, and also a pretty high value to autonomy here too is my takeaway? I agree with your take on bodily autonomy here actually, at least in theory. Edited to emphasize: in the assisted suicide being available way. Bloodline kind of took me out lol
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:10 AM
3

Gotcha, thanks for the perspective!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:05 AM
1

For clarity, not even personally here?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:04 AM
4

So with you as valuer, you see value? I'm taking that from - "What matters to me matters to me and my happiness and wellbeing matters to me" That is why I added personally in there. Doesn't have to be existential or cosmic.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 05:02 AM
3

Thanks for the reply! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm hearing you find your life personally valuable (because you're living it) and then any overall human or societal value as more of an agreement for individual autonomy? Trying to make sure I'm comprehending your statement.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 04:59 AM
0

So wait is this not about romantic relationships now? You know, the thing people enter into voluntarily? I think you're missing my point that what you're describing here is basically discernment or being discerning. Which again, applies to a lot of aspects of life. I honestly am not understanding how/why you're gendering this behavior at all, I would hope men also enter into relationships by considering the individual in front of them. But I also think we're talking past each other now, so I can…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 04:21 AM
1

Does it miss the point? Because it seems like you're trying to ascribe a behavior as gendered or something women do concerning men, and I see the behavior as something that people who feel they have something of value do to everyone? Again, regardless of gender. Let me try and clarify, to use your words why don't men choose women "individualistically"?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 11:11 PM
9

No I actually put my impression in the last sentence of my post. When I read your post I had the thought that "why does this sound like someone who isn't trying to protect their wellbeing"? And had the question do you not feel that "person" vs. "person you know" might occupy different spaces in your head too? Or is vetting a person because "people" have the potential to be threats not a thing that you feel the need to do? I assume any adult understands why women are cautious around men. Men are …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 09:37 PM
5

I guess the reason I asked my question more circled around the idea that in OPs tldr - Women choose a man far more individualistically than men choose women Because I see it more like "People who feel they have something valuable vet the people who will come in contact with that thing." I don't think men should be assumed to be evil, I think people should be assumed to have the potential to be threats. Or "all dogs CAN bite". That was why I had the thought of "why does this sound like someone wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 09:28 PM
13

I agree! I don't tell my nieces and nephews not to go with strangers because every individual is a proven threat. But to be a part of my life you don't just have to be not a threat. To be my business partner you don't just have to be not a swindler. There's gotta be more going on. They went from people to "Business Partner" or whatever and rather than the faceless "maybe threats" or "maybe not worth its" they now occupy a different space in your head? Edited to add: Maybe I should have used "pea…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 09:00 PM
12

I think I've picked up enough of the Red Pills "vibe" to get why YOU would have that take away but I'm not making moral distinctions here or talking about body counts. You could vet wrong on your first time and be in just as much danger. Vetting is a safety thing, and an every time thing. Also it doesn't just apply to sex (see above). Additionally: If people (regardless of gender) are saying casual sex has no risks they are lying to you. Life, limb, wallet, reputation, safety. Not saying its goo…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 08:42 PM
16

I have a question. Just going to take romantic relationships out of it for a moment and engage the "men" vs "a man" idea. Do you have anything of yours that you consider very valuable? I mean really valuable, like a business? Maybe a home? Something you want to keep and grow over your life? I'm asking for a specific scenario: So if you wanted or needed to bring in a business partner, or a long term roommate. Someone that was going to be a part of that super valuable thing you were going to keep …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 07:58 PM
1

Oh yes my perspective/community is a selection bias and you speak for all people, that does make perfect sense thanks for correcting me 😂 Your personal disgust is as individual as my personal nonchalance. But if you believe you speak for “all people” it’s not my job to correct you!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/25 01:51 AM
2

Now what's the "it" that's getting worse here if not a risk for STIs? Personal feelings of disgust? Cuz let me tell you from someone who works in microbial research for a living. That one dick your girlfriend sucked a few years ago should worry you less than the public doorknob she touched and then touched her face/lips without realizing. The experience I described blew my mind because it occurred in a space helping bi people meet other bi people, so announcing you don't like that bisexual men s…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/25 08:06 PM
3

Uh, I'm bisexual. I've dated women. Odds are some of them have given a dude head before. Idk your sexuality/dating experiences but odds are if you've dated a woman she could've given a dude head before. As long as its not while we're exclusive and the person is willing to share a recent STI test (goes for everyone and is reciprocated), sexual history is between an individual and their sheets unless they feel like sharing lol
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/25 12:47 AM
0

There's no credentialing in real life too I really hope you are being hyperbolic here, because otherwise education, licensing, and professional credentialling should not be new concepts. So what the check does it mean, then? Re: male privilege...what bell hooks texts did you read again? Regardless, privilege itself is a systemic critique/concept. Its about systems of power and how factors (gender, class, perceived ability) for those living inside them shape your social position and treatment. It…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 08:47 PM
–

Wow, you just elucidated a vibe I’ve been trying to understand in so many of the posts here.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 06:58 PM
10

In my experience even some bi women are openly against dating bi men which honestly blows my mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/25 03:17 AM
–

Self-love and life goals keep me satisfied whether I'm in a relationship or not. I have things I want to accomplish, being in another long term relationship would be a nice companion while I work towards my goals but it has never been THE goal. Romance/sex to me are side benefits that life can offer, but I'm here to explore/challenge my interests, abilities, and what the world offers. That's the "meaning" for lack of a better term. I've enjoyed when I have had someone to share all that with, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 10:08 PM
3

It’s because people cite the macro to deny the micro. The problem I've seen is even more basic than that. People here don't seem to realize the macro and micro can be RELATED conversations, but are not the same conversation. For example: Whether this system fails many people regardless of gender - one conversation Whether this system that fails many people regardless of gender was CREATED by men. Not the (presumably) man identifying individual Logos1789, but by MEN. Not solely upheld by men eith…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 06:41 PM
14

I realized after a week or two of observing that this subreddit doesn't do macro vs micro very well in pretty much any context...
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 05:09 PM
0

Trying to use population level statistics/averages to dictate or determine the behavior of a single individual is a bad time no matter what the data. So because I see dating/sex as something I, an individual, do with another individual, I can't say it features very prominently. I think people who do try to gamify/data focus their dating are doing it because of their perspective, and probably due to some anxiety (trying to exert control over something that's very subjective). And that is fine too…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 04:43 PM
3

Relevant xkcd: Selection Bias
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/25 07:11 PM
1

Not irrelevant, just one of a series of pressures and mechanisms that gets taken into consideration. Which goes back to my first point that the “lens being most often one of genetic fitness” is an outdated framework. That’s a good example because you have biologists taking a bunch of other pressures into consideration and theorizing because an organisms traits influence those so negatively it could be a strong candidate for sexual selection.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/25 05:57 PM
3

My point is now we know that even if we CAN narrow it down to "innate to our biology", that doesn't mean it was selected for by reproductive fitness. Also that ESPECIALLY doesn't mean we're interpretating it correctly. Neutral mutations, non-adaptive but highly heritable mutations, environmental constraints on expression. Those can all happen universally. Even more basically - this is just an example btw, skeletal genetics is not my area: Say a gene affects bone growth and its main adaptive effe…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/25 02:44 AM
5

You're actually pretty outdated in your framework here, adaptationism (traits are shaped by natural selection only because they increase reproductive success) has been moved away from since biology really started focusing in on quantitative and population genetics! Modern evolutionary biology focuses on genetic variance (how genetic differences interact with environmental factors which CAN produce certain phenotypes) and how selection MIGHT work on those differences. Because when you get down to…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 07:15 PM
1

I see two different things here: Body positivity has to do with the idea that people shouldn’t be viewed less AS PEOPLE rather than saying anything about their value as a potential partner. For example, doctors should run the same tests on an overweight person with chest pain that they would for anybody else rather than let their weight “inform” their decisions (putting the patient at risk). My thoughts on leagues is that many see them as something that is ascribed rather than observed, which is…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/25 05:37 PM
1

Funny, caring, curious about the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/25 02:39 AM
8

As a bi woman who has dated a few women, it’s because in my experience you have to be a lot more direct with women when you would like to move from friendly to flirting/sexual. Otherwise you end up in a very fulfilling but not exactly what you wanted friendship (but with baked goods so…win/win?) 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/25 01:54 AM
–

I do think people can miss out that way sometimes :/ But, to be fair, the situations I’m describing I got to know people as a part of an ongoing activity. So I guess the song gets more of a “chance” than it might in other circumstances (to keep the metaphor going)
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 11:05 PM
–

Dating involves a level of intentionality, at least in my experience. I don’t know what else I would call a non-dating relationship with someone where we are meeting frequently to do an activity (think rock-climbing, a TTRPG game, even a study group) and hang out after, other than a friend? The other people in those groups are also my friends. I didn’t (and I still don’t honestly) meet those guys with an initial romantic or sexual intent. They were part of my circle, we got to know each other, a…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 10:59 PM
37

Um, not sure if the "30 reasons men deserve less" channel might be the best for this information but from my understanding current data shows risks for advanced PARENTAL age. Significant risk increases: 40+ for women - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8020515/ & 45+ for men - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9957550/#B10-genes-14-00486 (if you feel like doing some reading) Edited to add: Not just risks to children either, risks to the person carrying as well!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 08:50 PM
–

I mean I personally have never dated or slept with a guy I wasn’t friends with first. Even my FWBs had to get past the “talk to me like a person” bar before anything happened. So it would have been good advice for me. Also getting to know someone can make them more attractive and turn an “idk maybe?” into a “hell yeah!”. You ever had a song/album you only liked after a couple listens vs. one you liked on the first listen? Either one can become your favorite song/album, one just takes more time.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 07:42 PM
1

You might be on to something here! I've never felt old before at 28, but maybe my age plus the life I've lived just makes me more likely to think "Yeah people have really diverse interests, that's what's neat about people!" I also socialize a lot by interests, and have friend groups that solely circle around a particular interest vs. my more general close friends, so that's probably why some of the perspectives here seem so alien to me. Your assessment about loneliness/social here is interesting…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 03:39 PM
1

I'm not saying people don't follow trends, for many reasons! Including one of the most obvious to me, which is you don't know you like (or dislike) something until you've been introduced to it. Being aware of trends just to buck them is just as loathsome to me, that kind of person is still defining their taste by everyone else, they just also need to feel "above it". Let me be a little more pointed with what I'm saying here. If you look at someone and can only think of "that person must be tryin…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 03:12 PM
2

Yes I’m sure the horde of people you have personal experience with simultaneously liking those (rather than some artificial internet video trend) are definitely numerous enough that all of them must be being disingenuous. I think if you feel this is true so strongly it may have to do with how YOU approach your interests more than anything anyone is doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 02:58 PM
5

Not really sure if I’m going to put this well but…why do some people on this subreddit seem so shocked that people like different things and then try to ascribe so much meaning to it? It’s like you have never just picked up a book and liked it, or tasted a drink and just been like “I like this” without needing to weigh it against current trends or define it as the general human experience? Or think of how it could get you laid or disadvantage you in getting laid? You do just enjoy stuff, without…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 03:11 AM
10

This put my feelings into words nicely. My head was spinning at the idea of me not liking someone meaning they aren't "worthy" of romantic relationships. It also made me think of something I learned on the job. I work with health data and one thing we always tell emergency departments who use our stuff is that trends and data are great to a point, but they won't help that much on the actions of an individual patient. You can't reliably use averages to predict the behavior of an individual, there…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 04:02 AM
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