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SparkedIntoLife Archive

View 8 posts and 74 comments by SparkedIntoLife on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

I think learning game is important, as is getting and staying in good shape, grooming, dressing well and developing overall. My only caveat is that ultimately you need to let some of it go. Find someone who adores you and you don’t need to be Superman with. The self is a fluid, nebulous concept and identity evolves. But it’s infinitely better when someone aligns with your core nature and is drawn to you beyond transactional value markers.
/r/seduction27/07/26 09:26 AM
1

I think height is a huge thing tbf but I got 60 dates last year from apps as a 5 foot 9 guy. Hot women too. Honest question - do you think the height thing has been amped up in recent years? Like it’s become so spoken about on social media that it’s kind of become a self fulfilling prophecy. If something is endlessly spoken about as being very attractive, it becomes even more attractive, right? As for game… it clearly can move the needle but there is something about coming off try hard or keen t…
/r/seduction22/06/26 09:59 PM
8

Whatever helps my dude. Just kind of comes across like the women that post shit like ‘I don’t need no man, men are trash’ on social media. It’s shame dressed as pride. It’s a hurt response. But it might be a better worldview for you currently than ‘I need someone to feel good about myself’. It won’t serve you much beyond that; seeing people as leftovers is not a great way to view the world. Wish you well though.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:44 PM
6

Sorry you feel that way and I totally understand the sentiment but that belief doesn’t serve you
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:39 PM
1

I I don’t think I have the PDF. like the structure and his emphasis on holistic self improvement. He is more natural game focused but gives some advice on technical aspects. There’s 12 pages within the vibe phase. The infield footage is extensive and shows a lot of what he talks about through the course. There’s so many great extra sections too such as interviews, health, resource recommendations and more. I think if you resonate with his style, do check it out. If not, maybe it wouldn’t appeal.…
/r/seduction30/05/26 08:00 PM
1

Austen Summers Game Transformation is well worth checking out
/r/seduction30/05/26 12:01 PM
2

First year, I lost weight and generally did well. Second year I went on 60 dates, mostly unsuccessful. This year, I’m really feeling the pain. Not of the divorce especially but that my life isn’t where I want it to be. I’m now finding it harder to keep the weight off, probably due to depression, lower metabolism with age and eating more crap to feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:00 PM
2

I feel similar to you. Marriage ended 2024. Started dating a year later and had about 60 dates last year. Lots of ‘didn’t feel the spark’ outcomes but got a bit more action when I was bolder and more sexual. Probably did around 30 cold approaches last year too but had to travel to a major city (like 3 hours away) and met friends to do so, so could not build up momentum. In December I just stopped. I felt that it was all too much hard work to convince women, most of whom had major baggage (yep, a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:12 AM
5

Last year I went on a dating rampage post divorce (60 dates in 10 months basically). I screened quite heavily for spiritual women. As a result, I met so many women who were into a lot of the modern relationship gurus. Honestly, these women were often the worst. If you teach someone with main character energy about attachment styles, love languages and so on, they filter everything through the lens that makes them the angel and the men as the devils. Real spiritual work is much more about looking…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 06:49 AM
1

I think it likely has a lower success rate than most other means of dating but a higher learning curve. Getting good at cold approach is very good for sharpening social skills, game in general, desensitising to risk and so on. So it’s absolutely worth doing. Tbh most people have enough excuses not to do it. I get that some pick up coaches are almost delusional in their espousal of cold approach but I dislike the opposite that basically says it’s pointless. Most men already have enough excuses no…
/r/seduction08/05/26 07:19 PM
1

P.S. Despite a lot of things feeling unsuccessful in my life, I'm incredibly proud of what great little boys my sons are turning into. They've been generally in a very good place since the divorce and seem happy. My ex and I are generally much more cooperative and pleasant now too, thank God. She started dating late last year, found a boyfriend for a few months, but ended it with him. I think her moving on helps her to be a little kinder and less emotionally volatile with me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 09:00 PM
4

? So these guys are wrong for cold approaching without signals? Yet you’re saying that women give signals all the time? So anyone getting a low ‘conversion’ percentage means they are simply picking the wrong women to approach? I feel you’re criticising others without really giving a clear alternative.
/r/seduction23/01/26 09:32 PM
1

So what does this mean practically? Only approach women who have shown you a clear sign? Honestly, the amount of women who consistently show definite signs to even fairly attractive guys is not that high. If you’re an attractive guy, most women are only a ‘maybe’ about you until they’ve seen some personality. Only approaching the obvious ‘fuck yeah’ girls is leaving a lot of pussy on the table. Unless you’re a 9+ or have big status (DJ, celebrity, club promoter etc) very few women will be openin…
/r/seduction23/01/26 09:22 PM
1

I don’t disagree with many of your points. I’m all for getting in good shape, dressing well, putting yourself in good environments to meet women and being the fun and social guy that people are drawn to. I also do believe it’s way easier to just go for the women who are showing signals (hard part is being aware of them). But a girl can give you the eyes all night long but you can’t just eye fuck each other. Someone has to approach and initiate. It doesn’t have to be ‘hey I saw you and thought yo…
/r/seduction23/01/26 07:16 PM
6

But this is a silly analogy because most houses don’t have an open door. You have to go knock or have the key first. Taking it back to women, what are you advocating for here? I think even the most ardent PUAs recommend levelling up and becoming the most attractive one can be. But unless you’re famous or a 10, you’re probably not gonna get the hottest women possible without initiating something. There’s very few ‘open doors’ out there and the ones that are open for most people aren’t worth enter…
/r/seduction23/01/26 06:38 PM
4

A lot of women will say this but, if the desire is there, they’ll do it anyway. Just be clear and honest your side. I very much doubt she’s trying to strong-arm you into a relationship. You’re her best option for sex right now and she knows where you’re at. It seems she wants you for a lay, despite what she said.
/r/seduction08/11/25 12:22 PM
3

Same boat. Looking forward to hearing your experiences. All the best man.
/r/seduction09/06/25 12:59 PM
2

I live in the Midlands but will be travelling to London a fair bit over the next few months on weekends to do day game. I’m a beginner but connected with a few more experienced guys. Planning to go next on Saturday.
/r/seduction23/04/25 12:18 PM
1

If you’re very attractive (we’re talking male model looks, great shape, over 6 foot tall), you can get away with this as you’re the abundant guy who can be picky. If you’re not, it makes you unappealing and comes off heavy. Your words on an app are a chance to spark attraction and intrigue. I’d recommend still adding preferences, especially character-based, but in a more positive way. Having standards and being honest about who you are is super important for an authentic relationship but you’re …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 08:58 PM
1

PMed you. Stratford-upon-Avon based.
/r/seduction18/11/24 08:03 PM
2

Think it’s not a big deal, unless it’s over 3 or 4 inches. The majority of women use makeup which can drastically alter their face. It doesn’t have to be a massively insecure action; it can give one a little shallow boost and doesn’t necessarily point to a deep self loathing or limiting belief.
/r/seduction21/10/24 06:36 PM
3

Hey man, exact same boat. I separated early February and turned 40 in July. I’ve dipped my toes in the water a bit, to surprisingly good signs, but haven’t quite been morally/emotionally ready to go all in. I’m preparing in various ways (making friends, working out, fashion etc.) but will actively start approaching, dating, online dating and so on in November/December when my divorce is finalised. All the very best to you. Let us know how you get on.
/r/seduction08/10/24 05:27 PM
1

When my divorce has finalised, I’m going to be working on night game despite really disliking clubs. But then again, I’m seeing it as part of a bigger journey to be better with women, not necessarily a place to meet my next girlfriend. Day game feels much better to me. But it also suits my strengths more - directness, emotional connection etc. Night game involves more indirect, fun not logical and testing social boundaries communication. I currently am not great at that so want to improve. Plus …
/r/seduction26/08/24 10:39 AM
3

I can’t really speak into your situation but my STBXW justifiably had lots of complaints about my lack of effort round the house. I turned it around and became very dutiful but it continued and she started tearing me apart about other things. She did around 15/20 hours of housework a week while I was doing around 8. I also took the kids often in the morning for her to lie in and occupied them a lot to free her up. Since breaking up, she’s admitted that a lot of her more recent complaints were ac…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:26 PM
2

I think it depends on the culture. Modern Western culture is very much based on perceived value. That is definitely more pronounced today than 20 years ago when the PU community became more mainstream. Eastern culture is often based on social hierarchies, family ties, religion etc. However, I definitely believe that seduction can be learnt and can help men cross SMV bridges. Sometimes huge ones (but that’s more rare). There’s definitely been a shift more to inner game, ‘levelling up’ etc over te…
/r/seduction31/07/24 03:47 PM
8

When my divorce goes through later this year, I’ll be diving into day game too. I just turned 40 on the 19th. I did a few approaches a couple of weeks ago while in London and they went fairly well in terms of reactions. The main bit of advice I picked up from my friends was basically Dominate then Calibrate/Empathise. A weak or timid approach makes one seem creepy but staying in that assertive place without giving the woman chance to relax into your presence is also creepy. Your age will be a tu…
/r/seduction31/07/24 02:55 PM
3

I’ve found the following pick up coaches useful in different ways - Honest Signalz (verbal game, humour), James Marshall (older, interesting communicator, physical escalation), Todd V (techniques), Austen Summers (self amusement and social freedom), Avery Hayden (encouragement), Tom Torero (RIP - London Daygame model is useful) and Playing With Fire (online dating). They can all be seen on YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:42 PM
2

You’re a bit ahead of me so I’m inspired by your posts. Separated in February and just did my first lot of cold approaches on Saturday just after my 40th birthday. Not yet gone on the apps. I came from a pretty terrible place in terms of pick up prior to my ex but I’m absorbing myself in the theory atm while losing weight, dressing better etc. I think this relationship disdain is quite normal and part of the healing journey. You won’t be like this forever. I think it’s actually quite healthy to …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:36 PM
0

Playing With Fire is excellent for this. I just bought the Online Dating Blueprint and it’s very good. Search them on YouTube to see their free stuff as there’s lots of gold there too. PM me if you’d like a discounted copy of the program (I’m an affiliate).
/r/seduction08/07/24 01:00 PM
10

As someone who has also come back after over 10 years away, I don’t share the sentiments mostly expressed in this thread. The ‘community’ is very weak. It’s harder than ever to find local wings. But I’d say that there are some excellent coaches out there - Honest Signalz, James Marshall, Todd V, Austen Summers, Avery Hayden, Jack Denmo etc. For me, most of the high profile old school stuff was manipulative, geeky and dark. The current crowd appear more direct, straight-forward and wholesome. But…
/r/seduction03/07/24 08:10 PM
7

Good stuff man. I can relate with lots of what you said (especially faith aspect and taking the proper ownership of your own ‘sins’ but learning not to take total responsibility when it isn’t warranted). Many blessings.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:54 PM
2

Where roughly are you based? I’m late 30s UK and based in West Midlands. I ask because the more famous UK game guys seem to be late bloomers. I wonder if there’s a wing or group you can find that might help you to maximise your age as an asset rather than a weakness.
/r/seduction07/06/24 11:19 AM
3

Great to read this man. I separated in February and will turn 40 next month. Not quite ready to get out there (although I’m going speed dating this weekend but just for fun really) and probably won’t til the divorce is final. I’m taking exactly the same steps as you re fashion, therapy and exercise. Good to hear it’s paying off for you. If I can ask, have you had many barriers regarding approach anxiety, limiting beliefs of resistance around age or any hang ups going from a marriage to a casual …
/r/seduction07/06/24 11:13 AM
4

Could well be!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:59 PM
1

Cool ok
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 07:13 PM
5

Is there a way I can cut some of this emotional manipulation off besides just keeping clearer boundaries with her, only engaging in talk about our kids and the practical stuff etc? Funnily enough, if I simped for her, that’d kill it dead faster than anything but as I’m flourishing and don’t need her, it’s elastic band effect in action! She wants to affect me. So frustrating.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 06:46 PM
3

No. Unfortunately it’s not as straight forward as that. She maintains that I was the one who first mentioned/threatened divorce so ‘opened the door’ to it. That is true… but it ignores her pushing me away, verbally abusing me, lying about an addiction etc for years before that. And I changed a shit ton to please her but could never do right by her ultimately. The feelings felt since the separation have shown me just how unhealthy the relationship was but I was always just praying and striving to…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 06:43 PM
3

I think you’re right. I took a lot (WAY too much) responsibility for her emotions during our marriage and I am still doing it. She’s been unloading lots about her work stresses to me for months. I think she wants to keep the emotional intimacy but can everything else. She can’t have her cake and eat it, right?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 06:38 PM
1

I get you but I’m not meaning a relationship. I’m meaning dating full stop.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:59 AM
1

Yes. We’re in the mandatory reflection period here in the UK. We’ve provisionally agreed everything - child support, asset division, childcare split. It’s working well so far. Yes I have time for a meaningful relationship but probably not quite when my social life develops further.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:58 AM
1

Love it!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:55 PM
2

Great answer, thanks
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:54 PM
1

Thanks but I can’t totally detach sex from emotions/intimacy etc. And I totally hear you on the sins of the church but it’s really about my own internal morality. While I’m not only separated and not yet divorced, fucking around could have very real legal effects. I also don’t want to engage in a sexual relationship where I’m just using the girl unless that’s a very clear expectation laid out honestly early on. I don’t want to see a hooker. Full stop. No knock on those who do; live and let live,…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 03:45 PM
1

Just to add, I’m not totally dismissing counselling. You can get the key parts for free from YouTube etc. Look up communication skills.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 06:27 AM
3

Very similar circumstances here, though my ex has significant mental health issues and we had a saga of alcoholism for a few years. Look at it honestly - are you doing enough? I know you are the provider but are you doing at your part around the house and with your kid? I wasn’t for many years but later got pretty good and my wife ultimately still wasn’t happy (and has subsequently admitted it was displaced anger). My advice to you would be to take a moral inventory and assess yourself in the re…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 06:26 AM
24

People are being rough on you here but well done! I admire your courage and persistence. You’ll have learnt so much through this and maybe your next 1000 approaches will yield a much better rate of success. Sounds like you’re also working on your look and mindset while doing this. It’s also very good that you’ve shared this. Obviously you aren’t a natural but sheer effort and tenacity will pay off. Progress and learning isn’t always linear. It’s very likely that you’ll have a Gestalt moment and …
/r/seduction22/05/24 07:37 AM
2

Uh oh 😂 Joking, I should be ok then
/r/seduction17/05/24 09:15 PM
1

Thanks, very good points!
/r/seduction17/05/24 07:02 PM
1

True, I’m getting ahead of myself. Thanks.
/r/seduction17/05/24 03:05 PM
1

But I would feel shitty approaching women and stuff if I’m dating this girl. Yes, I can delay being ‘exclusive’ but I kind of feel like this might be right girl, wrong timing as I feel I want to go through a rites of passage (and I don’t mean sleeping around but more so approaching hundreds of women, overcoming AA, learning how to attract constantly etc).
/r/seduction17/05/24 02:39 PM
1

But doesn’t that reach a ceiling without fast escalation and romantic intent?
/r/seduction17/05/24 01:14 PM
1

It's not just my divorce that's a factor. I'm personally committed to learning game before getting into a serious relationship. I did the cliched 'marry one of the first people who'd have me' thing in my late 20s. I'm 40 in July and should be divorced late 2023/early 2024. I want to develop my game over the next year or two, in order for me to have a sense of abundance as I get into a more serious relationship and be more equipped to maintain that relationship because I know women and I'm confid…
/r/seduction17/05/24 12:40 PM
1

That is understandable and this sort of cultural context is very helpful. I have a rule where I won’t specifically demean my ex or share any of her private history. Sorry to be vague. As far as I’m aware, she didn’t cheat. I didn’t, besides some porn use (which I know is bad on my part). Essentially we went through a lot of difficult stuff and I felt I was essentially being bullied for years. Our sex life ended a fair while before the divorce. There were serious issues and we became verbally abu…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 05:49 PM
2

I don’t think you get basic salvation theology. https://www.gotquestions.org/judgment.html You’re right that I will be judged but, through faith, there is no condemnation. HOWEVER, wilful sin raises the question as to whether I’ve put my faith in Jesus. There’s a hardening of heart that happens when one repeatedly violates their conscience. I understand that a lifestyle of casual sex could make me become very cold towards Christ. I agree with your point on the Christian woman I ultimately wish t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 10:49 AM
3

Haha if I need a lawyer, I’m instructing you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:59 AM
1

Thank you sir! 🙏 for you. We’ll get through this!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:19 AM
1

That’s really helpful. I may take you up on that. Thanks very much.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:17 AM
1

I hear you. Thanks for your thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:16 AM
1

This is massively helpful. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:37 AM
1

Thanks for this
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:31 AM
1

Thanks for your thoughts. The Apostle Paul says that everything is permissible but not everything is edifying. Me having sex outside of marriage won’t automatically cause me to go to Hell as what Jesus did on the cross covers our sins past and future but, as you say, there’s a strong cognitive dissonance there. Getting into a casual sex lifestyle could significantly cut me off from Jesus (not by him but by me) and therefore lead me to a dangerous place.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:31 AM
2

I get what you’re saying. I am working on myself and noticing fast results, more interest from women etc but I also know that sex is something that won’t just land in my lap. I want to work hard on getting better with women, however, and I have natural aspects already that will stand me in good stead. I think you’re right that some of this, in time, I just need to feel my way through. As you say, I may well struggle with it. But if my sexual guilt is misplaced, I’d rather work through it first. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:19 AM
1

Thanks for sharing. I hope you and I are both able to reconcile this issue and work out a way forward.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:14 AM
3

Maybe. Maybe not. As long as you’re considerate, abide by consent and can lead with class, it’s just better to assume attraction.
/r/seduction09/05/24 10:34 PM
2

Not meaning to be harsh at all but sometimes it’s tempting to get too wrapped up in women’s signals. Many women oscillate based on their emotional state at the time. She probably is attracted to you and is unsure about you (possibly due to the aforementioned colleague dilemma) in equal measure. She might be shit testing you. Sometimes you’ve got to just assume attraction and hold your frame rather than being reactive to whatever mood she might be in.
/r/seduction09/05/24 10:31 PM
0

I enjoy Avery Hayden, Todd V and The Natural Lifestyles (James Marshall). Jack Denmo is great for body language and confidence. Tbh I haven’t seen a whole lot but I’m finding that many offer value while also showing some things that seem unnecessary or forced.
/r/seduction09/05/24 10:29 PM
1

Depends on whether dating her could be worth you dating someone you work with? That’s something you’d have to decide. Many couples have met through work but also many people have damaged working environments through striking out with someone. If the job is dispensable and the girl is great, go for it. But maybe you self sabotaged because you’re subconsciously worried it’ll affect your standing at work.
/r/seduction09/05/24 10:25 PM
-1

That’s what I’m doing. Hence the question. Definitely not looking to date or have sex right now. Asking these questions to prepare for my future post divorce (probably this time next year when it all goes through). But I’m also turning 40 in July so doing a lot of reflecting on what dating paradigm I’ll adopt once I’m ready. I certainly don’t want to just go back into a serious Christian relationship, date with no physicality for two years and then marry again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 10:20 PM
2

100% spot on with all those points. Scarily accurate actually to things that my wife ultimately wasn’t right for me on. Another ‘qualifier’ - does she naturally enjoy sex and want to excite me sexually anywhere near the amount I want to please her?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 10:16 PM
1

Certainly won’t marry someone without really knowing that they are right for me, take emotional responsibility etc. But I’m fully expecting and hoping to remarry in time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 10:07 PM
0

I’m not seeking permission. I’m conflicted. Lots of Christians lie, watch porn, gamble etc. But extra-marital sex is elevated in society as a bigger sin, despite the better contraception we have today and the radically different role of women in Western society (I.e. not dependent on men for survival or social acceptance). My theological interpretation has been strict and fundamentalist. Had I stuck to it, I’d still be in a very verbally abusive marriage where I was fading away and my confidence…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 10:06 PM
1

I’ll likely check back in soon
/r/seduction29/04/24 10:04 PM
2

Thanks. I’m reevaluating several aspects of my faith. I’m not going to give it up but will be addressing how I approach it. I appreciate you sharing your experience.
/r/seduction29/04/24 05:38 PM
1

My view on the no sex before marriage thing is changing. I see it as more of an ideal that was very relevant in the context of that time (i.e. poor to no contraceptive measures, women extremely dependent on men to survive, people marrying very young, the prevailing ethos in ancient societies being that the alphas/leaders have all the women etc). So I feel it’s more of an ideal than a rule. Plus I’ve already had sex - the genie is out the bottle. If I wait til I marry, I’ll be celibate for years …
/r/seduction28/04/24 05:27 PM
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