~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 5 | What was your ex wife’s occupation?Nurse… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/26 03:49 PM |
| 4 | 4 Years UpdateThanks for this post. Similar story and not quite as far out as you and I still feel the ups and downs. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 01:25 AM |
| 5 | Telling the kidsI had a somewhat similar history leading to separation and similar time of year. We held off telling anyone until after Christmas and chose not to tell the kids until closer to when she moved out. Mine were younger at the time. Eldest was 9. I so badly wanted everyone to know about the cheating, and I’m still bitter years later. I’m not sure that’ll ever go away. But please for the love of God don’t use it to drive a wedge between her and the kids. They don’t deserve that. You’ll get momentary s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/25 09:23 PM |
| 2 | Am I lonely?Are you me? I’ve been separated for 3 years now and while I did recently date someone for 5 or 6 months, it felt like a chore. The physical connection was really nice though. I feel like something is wrong with me in a way. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it… Apathy? Anhedonia? Dispassion? Loneliness? I have very few friends partly due to the divorce. Generally that doesn’t matter to me though. I’d rather have 1 great friend than 15 “friends”. I like my alone time with the kids and without.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/25 02:07 AM |
| 3 | This still gets under my skin so much — Ex- outsources kids care to travelTough one. I think it depends how often. I have a weird parenting rotation that prevents me from doing a 7 day trip solo, which can be somewhat annoying especially since I work from home and a demanding job. Between the kids time and work, I don’t have a lot of time to socialize. I would love to have one week per year, which would mean at least a portion of my parenting time would need to be covered by her and more likely an alternate for a portion, to just do a simple trip to recharge my batter… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/25 10:37 PM |
| 3 | Is pension splitting, as part of a divorce settlement, considered normal, or 'below the belt'?Man, this is so true. I was married to someone in a medical field and there is zero accounting for the impacts to the spouse when someone works long shift work rotations. OP, you say "I have no savings". Is that "we" have no savings? Because regardless of how you managed your money, there is no "I" in splitting up assets in a divorce, unless you had a prenup or some great banking records from before you were married. As far as pension splitting - We didn't, but that's because we had almost ident… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/24 09:32 PM |
| 1 | Canada - Post secondary educationDo you have a separation/parenting agreement? Mine says 50/50 for those expenses. Standard is normally based on your income ratio, much like child support. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 04:15 AM |
| 6 | AMITA - she's setting traps for meSnooping in her phone is the least she should expect after you caught her cheating. I’ve been through this and let me tell you, it doesn’t end well. Separate and divorce now. Even if you’re religious, divorce is pretty much accepted if she cheated. Sorry man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/24 12:00 AM |
| 1 | How old were you when you get divorced?Separated at 34. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/24 03:57 PM |
| 2 | Emotionally StuckJust chiming in to say that I feel the same way. I could have written this, other than the desire to reconcile. I feel like I’m cursed by being a very logical thinker (most males likely). Trying to find reasons for our marital issues or somehow trying to convince myself it was down to a or b. It never works though, and I am left dissatisfied to not know. It consumes me sometimes and I just land on a default position of something to the effect of “I must be so broken, useless, worthless and such … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/24 01:11 AM |
| 3 | Took Her Less Than Two Months To Find Another ManYup common pattern it seems. They are ashamed of their behaviour and won’t come clean. Mine did the same thing. A month after we are separated still living together I find out she’s dating some guy. You’d think getting the news that she was cheating would provide an explanation of why she wanted a divorce, but that just brings up a whole new slew of insecurities like… what the fuck? Why this jobless kidless loser (in my case) over me? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 03:06 AM |
| 7 | Wife of 12 years cheatedJust here to say sorry this happened to you. It’s not a club I want to be a member of that’s for sure. Take care of yourself, stay calm. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/04/24 11:23 PM |
| 8 | Update: She's OUT!My most constant thought since my separation and impending divorce has been how much I regret not breaking things off immediately after I caught her cheating. It eats me up inside that I let that happen. Live and learn, but it feels like absolute hell knowing I let that happen only for it to happen again and HER get the satisfaction of ending our relationship. I have so much wisdom to share with others now haha. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/04/24 12:31 AM |
| 9 | Ex moving in with new boyfriendMan I know how you feel. My ex has been living with new guy for almost a year. Yep they met at work… I hate it but can’t do anything about it. I am conflicted. I am happy to be done with my cheating ex, but I’m also horrified that my kids are at least in part being raised by another guy. I try my best to instil my own set of values onto them. That’s all I can do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/24 09:55 PM |
| 7 | She moved on super quickSame thing happened to me. Shortly after I found out about the new guy, while she was still living in the house I eventually bought her out of, I started realizing things I had missed. She had been plotting and with him for months prior. She was a past cheater also, so no surprise in hindsight. They’re still together and I’m sure I’ll get the news that they’re going to tie the knot soon. He’s a loser regardless. No car, shit job if he even had one, no class, no kids of his own… I could go on. I’… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/24 07:20 PM |
| 3 | Found out Ex-wife sleeping with someone. We still live togetherWhere I am, infidelity can be grounds for an expedited divorce. So typically, 1 year waiting period, but if someone cheats, you can be granted the divorce much sooner. Is that possible where you are? If you’re at risk of being on the hook for another man’s child, this seems like a no brainer. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/24 03:24 PM |
| 1 | Wife wants to separateTotally agree. The end result is the same, as in… divorce… but you get the added PTSD and total evisceration of your self confidence. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/24 04:09 AM |
| 1 | Divorced and WFH?Same. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/23 03:55 AM |
| 4 | Question for dads out thereIt’s written into my separation agreement that no one can change the kids’ names unilaterally. That’s a big hell no from me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/23 07:19 PM |
| 11 | I found out on Christmas day that my wife slept with someone and never told me about it. The text message that he sent gave it all away.Holy shit. End it now. You guys are dysfunctional to put it lightly. This won’t end well for your son if you carry this on. I guess the sex while separated on both sides was ok with you, but she’s blaming some “fight” for actually cheating on you once you got back together. Get out my dude. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/23 02:14 PM |
| 5 | Why Women are Walking AwayNot the wrong person. They both deserve blame. In a lot of cases they cheat with people who know their situation and are taking advantage of it. If a guy fucks my wife and knows that she is married, sure she’s wrong to engage, but he is just as much of a piece of shit as her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/23 12:30 AM |
| 3 | Not What I Signed Up ForI hear you man. Same boat here. We have to make the best of a bad situation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/23 07:20 PM |
| 4 | Discovered she is cheating. Calming down, not reacting?I don’t have any advice on how to hide that you know. I know that I could never have hid it. I guess my caveman brain took over. I will say though, that there is a difference between hiding it and reacting unfavourably. I would say that I reacted poorly. My ex also handled the whole thing poorly. If I had to do it again, I would have confronted her immediately and told her to get the hell out. No second chances and no allowance for her to manipulate you (apparently gaslighting is overused these … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/23 12:39 PM |
| 6 | Divorce Realization: Housework is really not that much 'work'Agree that housework isn’t difficult. It’s a little bit time consuming, but nothing more than that. My ex was not a housewife - nurse who worked 48 hrs in 4 days and then had a long stretch off. During those long stretches off she would just sleep or phone scroll - kids at school a lot of that time. She mixed in the odd load of laundry. She rarely vacuumed or washed the floors, never deep cleaned anything. Almost never dusted. She did do groceries. I asked to help with those things and I’d be to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/23 08:54 PM |
| 2 | Why did you get married ? What’s the point?Yes, people change. But some people change and also don’t care what their marriage vows were. If my ex had talked to me about how she was changing, I feel like I could have adapted to her in some ways and she should have accepted me for the ways we didn’t change together. Thick and thin, better or worse, till death do us part right? She also didn’t care about the religious aspect of it despite her family being far more religious than mine. It seems that in the past people sacrificed their short … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/23 11:52 PM |
| 6 | Loss of Shared Investment in KidsAbsolutely agree with this. Companionship and the relationship with the ex was very important to me, but once someone tells you they don’t love you and don’t give a good reason, you kind of switch that part off relatively easily. The kids though? This part kills me. Not only losing the 50% of their life when they’re with mom, but it’s also really difficult when there’s already a new guy on the other side caring for my kids. It feels totally wrong. I don’t give a shit who my ex wants to hook up w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/23 12:10 PM |
| 1 | Did you meet with a financial professional/planner before filing?I used a service through my job’s Employee Assistance Program. It was super high level - just basically some guy telling you what you’ll need as income at the end of the day to be “ok” considering all expenses. Of course if you’re still not sure about what you’ll be paying in CS or alimony then it’s tough to plan definitively. I used it as more of a gut check than anything else since my state of mind was pretty messed up at the time. I’m pretty good with money otherwise. According my ex I’m TOO … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/10/23 12:37 PM |
| 3 | For those that have been betrayed and working on letting go.Thanks for writing this. I sometimes forget that I’m not the only guy who’s gone through this. Man, if I had a Time Machine… the things I’d change. I’m about 10 months out from the day she ended things (yes she, though she was the cheater. See Time Machine comment above). People have started asking me when I’m going to get back out there and all I can do is shake my head at this point. Stay strong guys! | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/23 11:43 PM |
| 19 | He lied to me about being singleWrong sub? Cheaters are trash, but make sure you’ve confirmed the truth before doing anything. Maybe he’s separated and social media hasn’t caught up? | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/23 12:18 PM |
| 1 | Telling the kidsMine appears to be happy as a clam in her new life with the new guy. He has no kids of his own, so I presume it’s easy for him to meet her needs attention-wise. It’s been over 6 months so perhaps she somehow landed on “the one” just like that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/23 11:55 PM |
| 8 | Telling the kidsMy take on it is… I was willing to stay in a marriage because I fundamentally believe that the family unit is a very positive thing, especially for kids. If the kids are that important, and their mother chose to unilaterally decide that we could no longer be the family we once were, then second best is having independent positive relationships with both parents. So, yes, my ex and I told the kids (both under 10) that we both chose this. We told the kids how it was going to be afterwards - 2 home… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/23 09:19 AM |
| 12 | Why won't married women have sex?I have to assume that this varies person to person but yeah in general women are insecure creatures that need external validation in order to get in the mood and not lose interest. My ex was way over the top though. She definitely had post partum depression and during young baby/toddler phase treated me like shit. I let it slide because I empathized with how difficult being a mom to a baby can be. However she was never treated for the PPD and let herself go big time. I used to encourage her to g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/09/23 11:41 AM |
| 3 | Anger and hatredCount yourself lucky. A lot of us have to see or hear from this person on a daily basis whether it be for coordinating activities for the children, pickup/drop off, or when the children video chat with her at bedtime. These moments always dredge up the past and reignite the flame of resentment. I am almost 10 months out from the day she dropped the bomb and I still have a lot of issues. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/23 11:27 AM |
| 5 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?I had a different experience. I called out her bad behavior and tried to open lines of communication. She acted like an adolescent and rebelled even harder. I found out later after lots of turmoil that she surrounded herself with mentally ill and damaged people who validated her juvenile ideas. I don’t think this is necessarily a one size fits all thing. “Midlife” (I.e., turning 30 lol) crisis and having kids seemed to be the triggers. Marriage vows… why the hell do they even exist. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 01:21 PM |
| 3 | “Super mom” after the divorce?I was JUST thinking this today about my ex. She never used to go to their sports and now she’s all over it. I’m happy for the kids that she’s finally taking an interest in their activities. It’s still annoying as hell how she’s changed now that she’s with another guy - motives unclear - but in the end if the kids are happy, that’s what matters. She also used to treat her body like shit and now she appears to be a gym rat lol. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/23 01:14 AM |
| 1 | How to have less divorcesFair enough. I agree that both sides can be selfish. I just think that as the majority consumers of social media, and social media’s ability to amplify less than mainstream points of view, means that women are being influenced by it more so than men. Or I’m totally wrong. Haha Just my perception after all. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/23 04:52 PM |
| 13 | How to have less divorcesI feel like this is a largely ignored factor. Maybe because social media is so ubiquitous now and there is no going back? Women’s empowerment I think sees it as a mechanism to “share their stories” and finally get the voices they never had, but I feel like that’s just the bullshit they tell themselves to mask their acquired selfishness and inflated self worth. Meanwhile religion is cast aside as an archaic, patriarchal abuser of women, and so too its values are not only forgotten, but actively c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/23 12:32 AM |
| 8 | They never loved usSame. We were together since high school. Basically the only real relationship I ever had. Women won’t normally leave until they have a backup plan, so they’ve been honing their game (or whatever “game” females even need to have other than tits and a vagina) for a while once they up and leave. Now I can’t even think about getting with someone else, meanwhile she’s introduced the new guy to all of OUR friends and the kids already. So yeah, basically feeling friendless and nowhere near ready to da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/23 12:34 PM |
| 6 | Moment of clarityI’ve thought about this as well but a bit backwards. What a shock that the guy with no kids can shower her with the insane amounts of attention that she needs, especially when she doesn’t have the kids half the time… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/23 02:49 AM |
| 3 | Two years final.......some hope to those in the suck right now.Thank you for the positive message. Nice to hear success stories. My story is similar to yours in a lot of ways. I hope to reach your level of enlightenment and peace one day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/23 04:52 AM |
| 13 | Q for divorced men who kept the house: can you get past sentimentality with time?I kept the house. I won’t lie and say the memories don’t surface every now and then, but over time I’ve been making changes and that helps. My view on it was that I did a lot of major work over the years. I painted, I built a deck, I put the crown moulding in, I oversaw the front landscaping and had the fights with the contractor so that he’d make it right… you know, man stuff. I feel like part of me is in this house. What did she add? Some accent walls and some random decorations? In my case, s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/23 03:32 AM |
| 1 | Need advice on potential divorceAgree with this. My ex just decided the spark was gone, cheated, no counselling because she knew better 😂. 2 young kids, but who the fuck cares, right? Since it doesn’t sound like there has been infidelity, your family deserves that you do everything possible before you take drastic action. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/23 09:49 PM |
| 1 | Feel betrayed by my familySo weirdly, I’m on the other side of this. My parents don’t have the time of day for my ex, but her folks want to maintain a relationship with me. She cheated at least once and initiated the divorce after years of lying to both me and her family, so maybe that’s why? I just go with the flow for the kids’ sakes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/23 06:40 PM |
| 1 | Is it a mistake not hiring a lawyer?Where I am, child support is based on a simple calculation of income. Both pay child support, and whoever pays more pays the other the difference between the two amounts. Having said that, get a lawyer. Piece of mind is worth a lot. Your wife changed her mind about you, who says she won’t change her mind about this agreement? | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/23 10:17 PM |
| 2 | Need some moral support and encouragement right nowHaving gone through this about 6 months ago, just know that you’ll have great days and then super shitty days. I felt like I was through the worst and then some more shit went down that dropped me back a few notches so am working my way back to stability. One day at a time. My ex is pretty vile, and over time she’s been exposing herself as a liar and burning all her bridges. No input from me required. Shitty people gonna be shitty. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/23 12:01 AM |
| 1 | Wife cheated on meMy friend… I went through this and learned some hard lessons. Do not be me. I beg you. My wife cheated 5 years ago. I, the quintessential nice guy, not only let her stay after giving her a choice, but I also told NO ONE. Mistake #1 - You MUST tell someone you trust that this happened. There is no shame for you in this. Cheaters are trash people. I worried that telling people would make them hate her and she wouldn’t be able to work on us with the public shame. My wife cheated with a coworker. I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/23 07:13 PM |
| 2 | Hello everyone, as a young man, I'm looking for advice on finding 'the one.' I'm in a relationship with an incredible girl, but I was hoping to gather insights from you all regarding potential red flags to watch out for or any proactive steps I can take to avoid the horrors many of you went through.One that jumps out at me thinking way back to when we were dating is how she deals with conflict. Mine would ignore logical arguments, and then proceed to just circularize the discussion so that we never made any progress. Very childish way to have a discussion. Also leads to gaslighting because she was able to convince me that I was crazy for completely rational thoughts. The other aspect to those arguments is complete inability to compromise. If I said I wanted 1 and she said she wanted 10, 5 … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/23 06:47 PM |
| 9 | Hello everyone, as a young man, I'm looking for advice on finding 'the one.' I'm in a relationship with an incredible girl, but I was hoping to gather insights from you all regarding potential red flags to watch out for or any proactive steps I can take to avoid the horrors many of you went through.Damn, the phone addiction and mother/daughter relationship ones are spot on for me. Definitely look at her mother though. I think there is a pretty good chance that the daughter grows to become very much like her, even if she says she dislikes her mom. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/23 10:38 AM |
| 10 | Stuck in the sadnessI just went through this. My wife cheated years ago, but I stupidly let her stick around hoping it would benefit the kids and we could fix it. Fast forward 5 years and she was “done”. “There is no one else”. Fed that same bullshit to her parents who bought it. “She says she just wants to be alone, to get back to her old self.” Well lo and behold, she’s been out of the house for 2 months after a 10 year marriage and 16 years together and she’s already let the kids meet and spend time with the new… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/06/23 11:19 AM |
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