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StandardButPoor500 Archive

View 0 posts and 111 comments by StandardButPoor500 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

You are financially screwed pretty badly: you'll lose half and probably have to pay some spousal support, depending on the local law. That said, if you divorce now, you only have to pay half of what you have now. And if you postpone it for another 10 years, you'll have to add the half of what you earn in the next ten years. Consider this: every dollar you earn, you immediately lose half of it, until you divorce. >Struggling to keep up with all the bills alone and her DoorDash habit ($1500/month …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:18 PM
1

>So I'm wondering if there is a way to have AI analyze her answers Just give it a link or download and copy-paste. Nowadays, the models have very large context window, unless there are videos it'll be able to "read" those easily. But don't expect magic. And remember that it hallucinates and lies good 25% of the time. I used AI to give me advice while bidding on houses, it was okay, but worse than I could do myself. Much faster though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 03:07 PM
1

I have a 6yo and we do 3.5 / 3.5 days per week. It allows to have some regularity in the schedule. As in, I can have language lessons on Thursday evening, because every week I'm free Thursday evening. But I think we'll move to 1 week / 1 week by the time our kid is the same age as your. Just because an older kid has more stuff so it's more annoying to move, and can tolerate the absense of one of the parents more easily.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:47 AM
3

>Am I being a pu**y, or should I listen to this and bow out? You should definitely discuss it with the friend of yours. While generally everyone should honor their commitments, people also have limits. If you have overestimated yourself (because the situation was different), it's better to let your friend know in advance and develop some solution than to suddenly break down. >I get anxious about letting go of this safe place ive built for myself Then don't. Find a person whom you'd feel even saf…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:18 AM
1

Early 20 is the optimum time biologically. There might be other considerations for us monkeys with an overdeveloped brain.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 10:43 AM
1

I had something of a similar issue after my first divorce, so I tried dating a lady 12 years younger, it didn't work and I ended up entering my second marriage with a lady 10 years younger. Whom I have now divorced. We had our kid when she was 29 and I was 39 - past the ideal age for both, but still within the reasonable boundaries. There is a risk. You worry is justified. No guaratees to anyone in this matter. But you have many years of biological fertility ahead of you. You are allowed to marr…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 10:42 AM
1

I don't think simps are particularly attractive to women. She might replace you with a stronger man. If she loves him, she'd be okay with him having some boundaries or convictions.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 10:22 AM
1

Oh, I've no idea. I only interact with some mothers of the kids the same age as mine, and I don't have any interest in moving these interactions any further. Both me and my ex are not originally from the Netherlands, we are naturalized immigrants from a Russian-speaking country. But I wouldn't claim I know dating scene there either, it's not the friendliest place to visit and I haven't been there for quite some time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 01:23 PM
3

Since I'm from a different culture, would it be possibe for you to please elaborate? I am curious. I think I kind of understand "if he wanted to he would". I assume it means that if a man really wanted to demonstrate his affection, he would (insert action that she'd like). What's "bare minimum" and "girl's girl"? Is the latter "a girl is a girl", same as "boys will be boys"? Some kind of justification for the behavior? To answer your question, I don't think specific words or memes matter. Ultima…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 11:25 AM
3

I am technically lonely, and I even have something of a "hard mode" as an immigrant - I'm foreign to most of the people where I live and my ability to speak the language leaves a lot to be desired. But I also like being left alone, so, you know. It's not that bad. I think I'll start seeking out some human contact at some point, but I'm not there yet. Also, uncertaintly is one of the 3 unavoidable aspects of any human's reality. However lucky you were at the start, regardless of how good you mana…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 11:51 AM
1

It really depends on your ability to reach an agreement with your STBX. If I understand correctly, the immediate resolution of your issue requires her cooperation. If she is reasonable, I don't see why she would object, such a separation of insurances definitely should happen as a part of divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 11:38 AM
1

We have a 50/50 custody, no child support, 50/50 expenses (actually, 46:54 with her paying more, based on our incomes at the time of divorce, but who cares). We have a common account to which we contribute EUR 3000 in turns, and we both have debit cards linked to this account. Daycare does a direct debit from this account, and we both use these cards when we buy clothes or, let's say, a bicycle. Food is at the expense of the parent who is a caretaker at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:36 PM
1

Assuming you visited because you are undergoing a divorce, you do not go home under your metaphor. You go to your own mental institution.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 08:29 AM
5

I don't find it toxic, but if it was, what's wrong with visiting a toxic hellscape now and again? As long as you know what to expect.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 09:31 AM
3

I am a different user, and I've lurked for more about 2 years, since the beginning of my divorce. Didn't find anything particularly toxic. Yeah, sometimes people would disagree with you, but that's fine by me. So no, just lurking long isn't enough for the same judgement as yours.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 09:29 AM
1

I don't regret getting my first divorce, it was really a smart move. I do regret my second. I'm not sure I've done everything in my power to prevent it from happening. I'm not sure I couldn't have made my marriage better, so that it would hold together.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 02:12 PM
1

Let's hope OP is not in France. France has this: DNA paternity testing is conducted only at the discretion of a judge during judicial proceedings aimed at either establishing or contesting paternity, or for the purposes of obtaining or denying child support. Non-consensual private DNA paternity testing is illegal, even if carried out through laboratories in other countries. Violation of this law is punishable by up to one year in prison and a fine of €15,000
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 02:11 PM
3

She is not wrong, maybe she talked to a therapist or just natually smart. Maybe there's some cruelty in her resolve of not living together. It's kind of hard to see how two people who planned to have a kid together just 4 years ago could arrive to a point where any reconciliation is out of the question. That said, what she proposes might be better for you than what you propose. I can't see how your proposal, if it was accepted, would be good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 09:24 AM
1

>It's hard to find where the balance in all this is between accepting my role and over >condemnation. You only violate her trust when you make a promise and don't keep it. If she is just unhappy with some behavior of yours, it's not a violation of her trust.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:25 PM
0

Yeah, that's the lie she is divorcing him for. Sure.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:20 PM
1

I am actually surprised by how few downvotes I got. Maybe you "nah that's fine" guys are not such a majority.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:18 PM
-2

Yeah, sure. His lies are caused by her behaviour. Classic. And I agree with you, those aren't divorceable offences. Lying is.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:32 PM
2

True, courts seem to go 50/50 by default, they need a good reason to deviate from that. In any case, answering your initial question, I don't think you owe her anything for the nanny. I'd use this logic: it was her choice to deprive you of parenting. Now it's her responsibility to bear the load created by that choice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 01:28 PM
1

That's harsh man. I think you are in the clear to refuse the request to pay for the nanny. Is there a reason she prefers nanny to just offloading the kid to you? Logical choice seems to be the kid's father rather than another person.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 01:23 PM
2

To be honest, your ability to pay only what you choose is not something that you would get where I live. Here, if you spend less time, you pay.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 01:14 PM
0

What was the logic behind it, if I may inquire? Personally, I have the following: both parents owe equal amounts of effort, time and resources to their children. If one parent contributes more of one of those, the other can compensate by contrtibuting more of another. Like, one parent allocates more time, the other can compensate by allocating more money. Such, I think, is the logic behind alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:06 PM
-2

And cheating is just some exercise, yet people do divorce over that. See, it's not the sum or the duration or the specific moveset. It's trust. You promise something, implicitly or explicitly, then you fail to deliver on your promise, how can a person believe your next promise?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:03 PM
2

Second marriage has a statistically higher chance of ending in divorce. So even if you deem it worth the risk, at least be better prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:01 PM
-2

There's way worse shit is a universal excuse for any bad behaviour whatsoever.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:57 AM
3

>I never should of assumed her commitment and capacity for love were the same. I disagree. There are certain cultural common assumptions about marriage - love, commitment, exclusivity, trust, being faithful. It's the responsibility of the person who introduces a customization to these assumption to communicate said customizations. So, assuming she loves you and she commits was correct. >I'm not sure I'll ever love again, I hope so, I'm in my 30s In all the likelihood, you will. Be aware that sec…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:17 AM
0

It only applies if you were a subordinate in your marriage. I don't think I asked for many permissions while being married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:06 AM
3

I would feel the same, it's very disrespectful of her not to provide a reason. It's her right, legally speaking, but anyone definitely owes an explaination to someone they spent 10 years with. I'd probably not play pretend "everything is normal" in this situation. She left you, trying to re-enact a family would not be good for you and would not be good for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:00 AM
-3

Dude, was he really a nice guy? Based on the story OP wrote, he violated her trust quite a bit. It's time to read how to be a nice, trustworthy guy. Maybe not for this woman, but for the next, if this one kicked him out for good.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:44 AM
0

Personally, my kid has a birthday tomorrow, and I plan to celebrate it together with him and my ex-wife. Why did you not have any communication as to why she left? It's always better to know than not to know; dealing with reality is easier than dealing with uncertainty. If you were actually humiliated, you probably should keep only the working contact for the kids, but not go beyond that. But - only if you were actually humiliated. Assessing that requires knowing her reason for leaving you. It's…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:41 AM
1

How did it happen that you have less time with the child, but don't have to pay up?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:04 AM
3

Regardless of whether it is fair, why would you do her a favor? If she asks for it and has no means to demand it, it is a favor. Propose a deal. "I can do that in exchange for (something you need from her)". More parenting time, more contribution to clothes and diapers from her, whatever. I also imagine that not having a 50/50 time, you pay some alimony, right? Whatever extra expenses your ex is carrying, that's the compensation for those.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 09:08 AM
1

It's still a catastrophically failed project, but I get your point. Could have been a lot worse.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 05:15 PM
1

No alimony, no child support, 50/50 custody. She bought me out of the apartment we lived in and I bought a new one nearby.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:46 PM
1

II wanted to have a kid, and had no kids in my first marriage. I did not get a prenup, but my second wife was almost at my level of income; higher than me in our last couple years.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 09:27 AM
3

Well, there was incentive for her too. They were both expats, on his work visa. As soon as they would divorce, she'd lose the right to stay in the country, so, you know, both parties were interested. Still, it was funny to hear my wife isn't dating actively enough". A phrase that can't come out too often.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 01:53 PM
18

A colleague of mine actually supported his ex through her dating, because offloading her to some other guy was much cheaper than paying alimony. Also, as someone who has gotten through a divorce twice, may I offer a piece of advice? Don't remarry. :)
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 12:44 PM
2

Congratulations! Also hi from a fellow expat divorced in the Netherlands. Did you already move out? Official registration is one milestone, starting to actually live apart is another. Don't force yourself to feel anything specific. The sadness will come :)
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:51 AM
1

As long as she remains civil, be polite. Not sweet, not subservient or pleading, but polite. And try not to engage in any blaming games. Also, discuss the plans. You having no intention of leaving the house is your side of it, what are her intentions? Divorce is the last family project. It's so much easier if you reach an agreement and work on it together.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:29 PM
5

>How should I still feel in this situation? Guilty? Protective? Supportive? Blunt? You should feel as a capable adult parting ways with another capable adult. She isn't sick or dying, is she? Her life is her responsibility, including the financial aspect of it. Always was.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 12:53 PM
1

>she doesn't want to get divorced Obviously. But it doesn't mean she loves you or wants to reconcile.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 08:18 AM
6

>dodged them for 6 months Whatever the reason, that seems to have been her goal. I think she tricked you into counseling to continue dodging.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:10 PM
7

It's amazing how much noise you had in your life if a period of silence frightens you. Moment of silence is a rare gift from the Gods when we can think, reflect, plan, process, relax and meditate, pray if we believe in any of them or just exist - instead of listening and speaking. Also, if you move to a new place, don't you have like 500 small things to take care of? Connect a dishwasher, buy some furniture, probably fix some things or at least decorate.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 10:59 AM
2

People call each other names and put all kinds of labels. We shouldn't worry to much if our enemies or competitors do that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:32 PM
3

If I understood it correctly, she loves you, you love her, but somehow you think that the best way to express it would be to divorce her. It's kind of hard for me to imagine a selfless divorce. I mean, if you want to make a sacrifice for another person, in most cases you can do it by staying around them, no? Most people are a net positive if they want to be. What is the reason you think she'd be better off without you?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 11:07 AM
1

That's just a bad definition. People are capable of asking questions, any questions. It's the answer that matters.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 09:19 AM
15

"Narcissist" seems to have two meaning in the modern culture. One is an actual disorder. Same as any disorder, it has detrimental effects on the one affected by it; the sickness makes life difficult for the sick (and people around him too). You probably don't have that. Another meaning is "a person who pursues his own interest without any regard for my interest". This is a mis-use of the term, as it's not a disorder at all. Everyone is capable of disregarding others. Also, why do you care about …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 09:17 AM
2

I am unfamiliar with the terminology, but doen't "presumptive parent" mean that the state will automatically consider you to be a father? And that entails all kinds of parental responsibilities, including child support. Potentialy, hundreds of thousand over the course of next 18 years. If that's the case, I'd reach out to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 08:32 AM
3

Interesting. I have a different projection after this answer. I kind of interpreted your first post as "I made a quick decision and I now regret it", which doesn't seem to be correct anymore. Now I'm in "I am a domestic abuse victim and I want to go back to my abuser". You are keeping your things at a safe distance from her. But you do not keep yourself away from her. Aren't you yourself the most precious, irreplaceable thing you own? (As I said, projections. I've no idea what the reality is)
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 02:41 PM
2

>I expect zero from her Your whole post is about what you expect from her and how she did not deliver on your expectation. It's a fair expectation, don't get me wrong. Hopefully when your kids get older, they'll be able to keep track of it themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 11:20 AM
1

The way not to get into second guessing is not to make rash decisions after a fight. Funny as it may sound, divorce is a huge commitment. Same as you shouldn't propose after one good night, you shouldn't move out over a weekend just because of a fight on Thursday. Calm down, talk to a lawyer, think it through.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 11:06 AM
2

Personally, I'd go and discuss with her how she sees it. It's her proposal, so it makes sense to ask what exactly she is proposing - who keeps what percentage of kids, who lives where, who owes whom one-time or regular money and so on. Also, assess whether divorcing sooner rather than later is in your benefit. If it is, file. If it is not, wait for her to file.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 11:03 AM
3

It all sounds like a bunch of petty moves, designed more to annoy and humiliate her than to protect you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 10:48 AM
2

I'd say the rule of thumb is qualitative rather than quantitative. Date whenever you feel ready to have a date in such a way that it is not a part of your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:15 PM
1

How do you imagine getting an adult who is already hostile towards you to a clinic?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:58 PM
5

>It pisses me off that people don’t warn you enough about the stupid changes that can occur. Technically, you had the warnings, you just didn't read. It was all there. Divorce statistics. Testimonies. Communities of men undergoing divorce. Unless you married more than 20 years ago, you had it. Don't get me wrong, I've committed the same sin of choosing optimism, twice. People change, their plans change, their interest in you can disappear, they easily turn to the dark side when they play a zero-…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:54 PM
1

>Start today. Yeah, totally, why waste time, second divorce will not file itself. Rush towards it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:11 PM
3

Oh yeah, I'm the same age as you, my son is 5. I don't think I've put him through something particularly terrible by divorcing, but this world is terrible enough divorce or not. Bringing someone into it is inherently selfish. Painting a creeper from Mincraft on the wall was nice though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:10 PM
1

>I’d like to keep my current interest rate if possible. That's a question to your bank and your agreement with them. Some mortgages are assumable and you can just transfer them from one person to another, keeping the same interest rate.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 08:38 AM
5

The dumbest thing I've done in my life was having a kid, plus all the anxiety I had that my life will be incomplete if I'm childless. I love him a lot now that he exists, but I should not have. I should have divorced instead.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 08:36 AM
2

Same here, although it's a lot easier with just 1 kid. Now and again I have to run an online meeting or three while he is asking my once every 5 minutes about whatever. I'd argue it's nowhere close to being a single parent. It's close to what I would have to do anyway if we were still a family. Or my ex-wife would have to do it. I agree with you that the flexibility is lost, that's of course not a small thing, especiall if one has erratic schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:34 PM
5

>and no partner to share the load How come? You have joint custody, no? As a divorced father who takes care of my 5yo 50% of the time (no relatives, no parents), I agree it's a bit of work. But it's just a 50%. An amount you would normally do anyway, family or not.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:00 PM
1

Isn't it a bit of a wishful thinking?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:32 PM
1

I had some flashback after my first divorce, but a few visits to therapist fixed them. Your situation sounds a lot worse though, so it might be not that easy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 02:37 PM
1

Why do you need to force it? If you have such a good relationship with your son, collaborate. Figure out together what's the best way to deal with it. I mean, he is 13, he can talk, he can explain.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:19 PM
1

It's unpleasant, but unambiguous. Both approaches have their merits.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 10:00 AM
3

I never heard this phrase once in my two divorces, but I think it means "I don't love you anymore", plus some sugarcoating. If you would treat it like that, it'll stop being confusing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:59 AM
4

I'm not sure I understand the dates, is it 3 years after the divorce? If so, why do you care all that much about her texts?
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:06 AM
3

>If women didnt cook or clean what would they do? My ex works as a senior DevOps engineer. They are as capable as we are in pretty much everything that doesn't require unloading a load of bricks by hand. >Oil changes on the car, fix the deck or finish with the chimney repair? …asking for a friend Why would you ask a friend instead of a paid professional?
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:48 AM
0

>shut the fuck up Dude, you really speak with the voices in your own head. Real people might be kinder than those you imagine. Also, everyone who gives you their opinion knows very little about you and mostly operates on the information you've shared in a few lines of Reddit post, plus a ton of projections. My wife did half of the cleaning and cooking and, importantly, earning; I still divorced her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:45 AM
2

It's not universal. Different books affect different people. I'd go with Dostoevsky, but I'm from that culture. His books for some reason have a huge soothing effect on me. Might not work for you at all.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 05:27 PM
1

Same here, yesterday was 1 month since I moved out. I count this as the day of my divorce, not the date on papers; it's actually being apart that changes life. Based on my first divorce dynamic, I expect that 2 months I'll be tired an recovering, 5-6 months euphoric about my freedom, and then anxious about my future. Which is my normal state.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 12:42 PM
1

Got it, familiarity over time, possibly some plans. Why did she decide to leave you?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 08:35 AM
1

What's the reason you are so upset?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 06:33 PM
1

Not eating for a day is fine, we are built to withstand it. But ultimately, it's a huge change, possibly a fight, so you will have to collect yourself back into your most rational self. Do you have kids, house, other assets? Do you expect to pay child support or spousal support? Or maybe you are the one entitled for those? What do you expect to be the main points of disagreement? Where are you going to live after it's all done? Where is she going to live? Where are your kids going to live?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:47 PM
1

As someone who's done 50% parenting both in marriage and now outside of it (my son is 5), I recommend not being too frightened. It's not a rocket science. There is nothing too complex, not at the age of 3. Children have the same basic needs (food, shelter, etc) as the rest of us. Figure out how to feed them, make sure you have a place they can sleep safely. Make sure you know how to take them to a doctor. That's pretty much it, in terms of immediate necessities. You don't want him to watch TV? D…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 01:21 PM
3

Also, I think your answer is valid for answering OPs question "how did you deal with missing sex and intimacy". You seem to deal with it by remembering very clearly all the other components that are included in this same package. It's impossible to get just intimacy. One gets a risk of divorce somewhere down the line as a mandatory addition.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:15 PM
3

We seem to be in agreement. Priorities are a choice. It's okay to choose kids, ourselves, women and sex. I can appreciate other people making different choices than I make. I think it's important to differentiate between priorities, however high those might be, and necessities. Priorities are a choice, necessities aren't. It's impossible to live without food or shelter, it's quite possible to live without a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:07 PM
1

Losing myself wasn't a fear of mine, ever. I am myself no matter what. First divorce, the main concern was the apartment. Its cost was huge, and I could lose a half of it. Recently finished second divorce, I'd say my main concern was and still is the kid. Second - finances of being alone. Third - what do I do now?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:01 PM
0

I agree it's normal to want sex and intimacy, but it's also common that people live without them. My point is, you don't have to burn yourself in any relationship you've been offered just because you need those things. You can afford to live without, and it gives you the freedom to choose. Which many "oh but I need sex" guys tend to forget.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:48 AM
-5

Your girlfriend sounds like some extra work you have to do, without being paid. And being already overloaded, you can't seem to manage. Yeah, you probably don't need that. At this stage of your life. Or at any other. Don't pick up dead weight. How did you deal with missing sex and intimacy if you chose to stay single for a while? Oh come on. Nobody has died from the absence of these things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:37 AM
3

>The wedding cost me close to $100K. It was only 18 months ago. It's painful to read. Unless you are very successful and 100k is your income for 1 month, that is.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:10 PM
1

I'd be really surprised if my ex came with such a request. I mean, you can get a small loan from the bank. Or sell some stocks. Or get a credit card. Why ask me? Also, my ex is a trustworthy person, if for some reason she needs 750, I'd give it to her and I'd be sure I'll get it back on time without having to ask. But it doesn't mean you should do the same with your ex. >If you would lend it, how much interest would you charge her? Same as the debt you would otherwise repay.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:14 PM
6

Congratulations. No children, right? Means you are finally free. Also, don't step into this trap again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:10 PM
0

Yeah, that's tough, sorry. I'd like to say "it gets better", but unfortunately it very well might not.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 12:50 PM
2

Depends on the country, of course, but since you don't mention it I assume the US. Wouldn't be as terrible where I live, whole Netherlands can be traversed in a few hours. How did it come to that? Living so far apart, I mean. Not seeing your kids must suck, sorry you have to deal with that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 10:59 AM
1

You don't ask for advice, but I'll give one anyway - feel free to ignore, of course (and it might not even be applicable if I misread the situation). You seem to be winning. You kicked her out, you made her arrested, you took the kids. Weak people who are scared fight desperately. Give her a little meaningless win or two, if the situation allows it. It's a deal making strategy, you know. You argue about a million and you argue about a thousand; let your opponent win a thousand so that he has his…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 08:43 AM
2

So, that depends on the local law, obviously, but both countries where I lived had it regardless of whose name it's on. If an asset or a debt was acquired during the marriage, it's split in half.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:15 AM
6

>But I'll probably just take all the debt Can you take mine, while you are at it? I mean, I am equally not in your future, same as the person you are divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:49 AM
5

Yes, that's normally the case. Both assets and debts are split in half.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:48 AM
6

You are comparing a realistic scenario (divorce) to an unrealistic one. There are no perfect wives. And divorce can be anything from a minor inconvenience to a once-in-a-lifetime catastrophy.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:45 AM
2

I think you are correct, she is trying to get something on you. Be careful. Also, consider what kind of benefit false accusations can give her. Because if she can't record anything of legal value, maybe she can invent something. All depends on the local law, of course, but some places, I've been told, are pretty stupid in their effort to "believe women". Maybe also record your interactions if it's legal, of course. It'll give you certain degree of protection when she starts telling other people …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 02:22 PM
2

Ooh, I think it's the first time I ever see "hopium". That's nice. I was missing that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 02:18 PM
3

A tip and a suggestion: make her divorce you. Be a disappointment. Not a tyrant, just a disappointment. I'm sure she complains enough about you being this and that and something else. Take her complaints as a guidance and actually be what she describes. If she complains you are lazy, stop fixing stuff. If she complains you are not earning enough, move from 40 hours week to 32 hours, say you need time to pursue this long overdue personal project of yours. You got the idea.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 02:17 PM
2

>I get that, but who's arguing? You and your wife. And then both you and your wife can choose to involve third parties to help you make your point (lawyer) or to resolve your argument (judge).
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 11:39 AM
1

That heavily depends on the situation. Technically, any argument or disagreement is a fight. Same as any fight, it can be resolved by one side winning, by a compromise or it can escalate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:44 AM
3

The ex from my first marriage and divorce, I don't even know if she's alive. Why should I care about her? It's some lady I loved for a while and that fought with for another while, but the idea was to get her out of my life. I've done that, not reason to look back. My current ex, from the second divorce, is the mother of my kid. I live nearby, I see her every week. Of course I care, it's the mother of my son. For example, she lost a job recently and I hope she finds one soon, otherwise she, I an…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 10:34 AM
1

I have to keep reminding myself that not every woman on the planet sucks, and that a lot of what's coming up is probably just due to insecurities from my last marriage. Nothing that she's done specifically. You seem to be actively working on restoring the illusion that has recently been shattered by the reality. And your mind resists. Don't dismiss it. Whatever alarms you, it's not necessarily "your insecurities". It may also be your experience, the intuition you acquired after one catastrophic …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 10:11 AM
-1

It's not your time with them, it's their time with you. Kids always have more rights to their parents' time than parents have to the kids' time. They have a say in how to spend their time with you. If they are annoyed by mother's calls, you are in the clear to help them avoid those. But only if they are annoyed, not if you are.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 08:24 AM
3

So, the first advice I have is this: don't. But you won't listen, so... But I married the second time when I was about your age, or at least I met the lady who later became my wife, and now is my ex-wife. She was 10 years younger. My advice is, don't use apps or anything online, it's all crap unless you are in top 10% of attractiveness. Meet people. Be where the ladies you are looking for are.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 08:22 AM
2

Legally, you can't do much. You can spend more than usual on something you can't later sell and split, like hobbies or lessons. You can hide some minor sums as cash or crypto, but if you try to do that with a larger sum, especially right before filing, the judge might have some questions. If you anticipate alimony or child support, might be worth it to reduce your income; but it's also not something you can do immediately before. Take it with a grain of salt, I know nothing about local law in Or…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 02:40 PM
1

What happened at the end. Did she leave? Sorry, forgot this key piece. Yes, she did. It was a much better deal for both of us than if she stayed. It's important that it wasn't just better for me. I'm debating with myself if I stay and try to make her life as miserable as possible. I'd say, give it a chance to convince her you are prepared to do that. Demostrate some spitefullness, some disregard to her comfort. Be unpleasant. But that wouldn't work if she knows your tolerance for misery is lower…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 12:30 PM
1

If she can screw you financially, she can do it while you are gone and she can do it while you are in the next room. It's all online now, isn't it. Or do you have some strongbox filled with diamonds in your basement?
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 09:02 AM
12

Maybe don't consider her words seriously. All she means by whatever she writes is "I want to hurt you". She can address you personal qualities, your choices, your looks and your sexual performance, none of it has any meaning beyond "I want to hurt you". She is not your therapist, right? She is your problem, and she is becoming your past problem. Any work you are planning to do on analysing your mistakes will have to wait, and it doesn't need her contribution.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 08:59 AM
1

I had a somewhat simpler version of your situation in my first divorce. The simplicity of it was due to us not having any kids. Other than that, the apartment we lived in was mine, but my ex had an unlimited right to live in it for however long she pleases (such was the stupidity of family law in our country). So, I ended up developing a carrot and a stick for her. The carrot was a hefty sum of money that I'd pay her should she decide to move out. The stick was how uncomfortable I can make her l…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 08:56 AM
1

I moved from a 130 square meters large relatively new apartment into a small 75 m^2 maisonette build almost a century ago. Does it count? I mean, that sucks of course, but there is also an upside - I don't have to consult with anyone anymore as to what to do with it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:26 AM
5

Personally, after my first divorce I decided that I want to have kids. For us, there is practically no way to have a kid without finding a woman who'd agree to build a family together. Plus I acquired some knowledge about women, had some good theories, so I believed I have a reasonably good chance to make it work better next time. And indeed my second marriage was better, but still not good enough, You know, if I had like 300 hundred years of being young, after 5-6 more marriages I'd master that…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:20 AM
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