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StandardIlluminant Archive

View 0 posts and 62 comments by StandardIlluminant on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

You're asking the question in the title because you want to base your actions on your wife's behaviour in order not to upset the apple cart. Hell, your wishy washy response to her question says exactly the same thing. Instead, what if you based your actions on what you want? Where do you think you'll wind up in life with the first approach versus the second?
/r/askMRP18/01/18 08:25 AM
1

Top marks for having an insight. Now STFU to your wife about it. It will take time for you to demonstrate that you're no longer a dick, and longer still for her to start to believe it. Therapy is good. For you. It's the couples therapy, which is generally a thinly veiled attempt to get a third party to reinforce the wife's agenda, which is counter to MRP (common sense in general, really).
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/18 03:03 AM
1

She said she still wants to connect with me but if I disconnect and leave, then it proves all I want is sex. [...] She said I only value her for sex. Do you literally see the verbal kung-fu she just kicked your ass with? This form of this accusation and counter-logic is as old as time. It's the modern form of "If she floats, she's a witch and we'll burn her. If she sinks and drowns, well, then she was innocent." No way to lose, right?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/18 02:54 PM
1

That anxiety is the voice of your subconscious experience saying "Don't do it - you know how it's gonna end." You're a fucking idiot if you think she'll keep her word on any of these bullet points you've discussed the moment they seem inconvenient for her. So how will you deal with that, other than deciding it's easier to go back to use the time you're not allowed to do sports, to masturbate into the empty money jar in a messy unkempt room? Let me guess, you'll have another "discussion". Sidebar…
/r/askMRP06/01/18 02:36 PM
1

https://www.amazon.ca/Chess-Tactics-Scratch-Understanding/dp/1907982027 is a terrific book too. Gained about 100 ELO on chess.com after I spent a month or so working through it. And yeah, the other books you mention are good. Have a soft spot for Alburt, first chess books I worked through were his IIRC.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/01/18 05:29 AM
1

I feel I'm owed. Entitled. In the manosphere, we talk often of the entitled state of women, expecting the world and throwing little self-righteous tantrums when their sense of entitlement comes into contact with the man who won't buy them a Louis Vuitton purse just because she's pretty and can bat her eyes in a suggestive manner. I think the TRP anger phase a lot of times stems from a male equivalent sense of entitlement. Taking the Red Pill, all of sudden you realize you should be the prize, yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/01/18 04:26 AM
1

anything resembling a woman’s putting out duty sex for her husband, even starfish lack luster obligatory sex is defined as rape. This brings up shades of /u/Archwinger in this classic post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/
/r/MarriedRedPill03/01/18 03:58 AM
1

So once you stopped being a complacent lazy fatso you saw some gains, which is terrific. But she still thinks that she has the high ground in the relationship, and that she can get hold onto her provider with duty sex and housework, just increasing the amounts a little bit. Your last statement about being disappointed, and your trilogy of expectations, is shaking that little worldview of hers. Hamster fuel, but in a deeper sense it also has aspects of was what meditators might call an Insight Ex…
/r/askMRP01/01/18 05:46 PM
1

OMFG. You quit a job over oneitis? Fucking retard. Believe me, if you were beside me you'd be getting that slap. Yeah, I've had oneitis before, and all I can say is that basically every single action I took back in the day based on that one-itis led me in exactly the wrong direction in my life. You want to be going Costanza opposite-George mode here. Any relationship that you enter into with the view that "I can't live without her" is doomed. DOOMED, I say. Firstly, because it reflects that suck…
/r/askMRP31/12/17 07:29 PM
1

Religion, like marriage, has the potential to improve social cohesion and stability and bring a little meaning or fulfillment or some shit like that into one's life. (And I admit as much while being a flaming atheist myself). Religion, much like marriage, also has the potential to turn into damaging fundamentalism, become a tool of social and individual control, and foster the growth of hatred towards certain groups. I see modern marriage in the West as being like an extremist religion in which …
/r/askMRP30/12/17 01:53 PM
5

It's because of all the leading spaces at the start of each paragraph. You don't need them and you don't want them on reddit, despite what your grammar school teacher may have drilled into you.
/r/askMRP27/12/17 06:26 PM
1

I was raised to be a nice guy. Beta. Raised by a step mom who was not only physically abusive but mentally and emotionally detrimental to my well-being. Yeah, well, we all have a backstory. Let your past be something you learn from, not something that defines you or explains why you're weak/flawed/helpless/constantly dreaming of autoerotic asphyxia/etc. The past is a lesson, but other than that, it's gone, vanished, pissed away into the wind. All you have is now, all you can do is deal with the …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/12/17 04:28 AM
1

"This ache" is you romanticizing how special you are, how unique and sophisticated your tastes are that nothing satisfies you. (Hint - I'm being sarcastic about your sophistication.) That's not a very useful or helpful thing, it's part of the ego story you tell yourself to keep up your facade. That same ego that people have been calling you out on. I used to tell myself pretty much the same story and I finally figured out it was bullshit. However, the good news is that you don't actually have to…
/r/askMRP27/12/17 03:30 AM
2

All I smell is ego in this guy, from his proudly declarative username right through the ego-protecting denials (which so far make up the bulk of the meagre amount of replies to the 50+ comments on this thread so far). No more time needs to be wasted trying to hammer anything through those defenses.
/r/askMRP27/12/17 03:18 AM
1

Your attitude was the root reason your marriage sucked for the last few decades. Fixing some aspects of it (stoicism) led to demonstrable improvements in your life. It's time to recognize that anger, pettiness, and passive aggressive reactions to your emotions are all part of the shitty attitude that brought you to where you were in the first place. You can let go of these shitty attributes anytime, if you choose to, in the same way as you decided to lose some of the anger and some of the extra …
/r/askMRP26/12/17 03:44 PM
2

Boundaries should also be important in some way, and ultimately defendable. Having a boundary of "don't post silly shit on facebook" is just pissing up a rope.
/r/askMRP24/12/17 04:52 AM
1

I'm just unsure of HOW to make that happen Well, reading and rereading is a good start. FWIW, for the longest time I felt a big disconnect between just knowing "hey, I should be doing X here" based on reading, and actually feeling comfortable doing X. I kept waiting for that one big thing that would crystallize everything internally as well as intellectually. Didn't happen. Instead, just do small things the "new way" even though it's a little uncomfortable, and make it a habit. Small successes r…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 08:17 PM
1

I sense a little bit of my old self in your post, and the thing that sets that sense a-tingling is that you're talking a good game but you don't actually seem committed to making the changes. I mean, good on you for getting improvement in your diet and workout, but I hear a lot of "yeah, but this was good enough", or "yeah, but I didn't want to upset the apple cart" in the way your thought process seems to go. Yeah, I know MRP suggests that couples counselling is a rigged game, but I'm gonna do …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 06:53 PM
1

Yeah, day 1,3,4 is my warmup. Day 2,5 looks more like my accessories after my main lifts are completed. You might want to do some squats and deads while you're in the gym once in a while. Your pictures looked like, well, like a guy who puts in some time but not much else.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/17 01:28 AM
1

If you're shaking and sweating, isn't that effort building muscle? Categorically, no. I trained in karate and jiu jitsu religiously in my 20's and 30's. Busted my ass, got faster, learned technical skills that were awesome. Looking pack on pictures I was skinny fat and weak. Now I can deadlift 455 at almost 50 years old, and my wife regularly closes her eyes and runs her hands over my muscles when we're fucking.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/17 01:08 AM
1

Second the recommendation to keep business and family separate.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/17 12:59 AM
1

Like stoney said, you need to adopt a new mental model. The chains that bind you today are all in your mind.
/r/askMRP15/12/17 03:59 PM
1

Note that your proposed solution to this dilemma is to talk, to justify, to explain. This means you're already framing the situation as you being on the defensive, reactive, rather than viewing the situation from your own perspective as an initiator of your own changes. It also never seems to cross your mind to just say "no" when confronted with the demand that you spend the weekend taking tare of the kids. So reiterating another comment, you need to read WISNIFG. How do I tell her in a good way…
/r/askMRP15/12/17 02:48 PM
3

You dodged a bullet there. Reboot your life.
/r/askMRP07/12/17 05:05 AM
1

Rennaisance Periodization has a lot of diet stuff for lifters, ranging from $40 basic templates to $1200 daily supervision by a PhD in nutrition. No personal experience but of the lead guys, Mike Israetel, has a lot of good stuff on youtube about training, hypertrophy and bulking/cutting.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/17 11:38 PM
1

You fix you first. Relationships whose time has come, may not survive.
/r/askMRP04/12/17 07:00 PM
2

You're going to get (rightly) shit on here. But for a little change of pace... Physical violence has been a component for years. My wife and I seem to have had a good sex life that I can remember. Association number one. Some time ago I was arrested for Family Violence she would let me stay the night and we would fuck like nobody business Association number two. I thought if I came back, stopped being abusive and gave it some time shit would get better the majority of the past 4 months have been…
/r/askMRP04/12/17 06:28 PM
1

The fact that she prefaced it with "you don't deserve this" tells you right there that she thinks she's the prize, that she's giving you something special, that she's not really in the mood but is doing it for some other reason. That reason being to keep you interested by trickling out the only commodity she has. Now maybe she was just playing pornstar, or maybe she allowed herself to really get into it once she decided to engage in grant you sex. There might have been some residual "hey that wa…
/r/askMRP04/12/17 05:35 PM
4

I think I understand where you're coming from, and agree that killing some of the BS around meditation is beneficial to allow the real fruits of practice to be understood. But on a technical note, I strongly disagree with your assertion that the end goal is to reduce thoughts. I also disagree with your assertion that if meditation makes you see or hear things you're doing something wrong. As far as reducing thoughts, well, that's what your mind is there to do. Think. What you want to reduce is g…
/r/TheRedPill02/12/17 11:05 PM
1

He reveals a lot of unvarnished truths in his writing. A lot of them are pretty RP, sure. But in many ways his own personal life seems to have been a wretched stream of alcohlism and one-itis. As much as I enjoyed some aspects of his novels when I started getting into them a few years back, I actually couldn't finish his semi-autobiographical "Women" a second time around because on a RP re-frame, it was all about the protagonist's pathetic one-itis for the leading lady, constantly breaking up an…
/r/TheRedPill02/12/17 10:48 PM
4

I frame it this way: replace the dynamite in Rollo's "Children with Dynamite" with a machine gun. Each bullet is a piece of out-of-context anger-phase-fuelled reaction read in TRP or various manosphere blogs. Now you have Rambo, firing a 300 round belt willy-nilly into his marriage and family life. https://youtu.be/6ulWGiJb1uI
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/17 08:24 PM
6

Keep in mind that co-operative parenting should always be done from your frame. When I went through this (as a BP mostly clueless nice guy), it turns out that I spent a lot more time doing stuff for her disguised as "it's for the kids", stuff like driving them around to activities, pickup up form school etc. Don't be her chauffeur/last minute babysitter. And also had way too much contact with her, to the point where I was still accepting long complaining phone calls about "oh how hard this is dr…
/r/askMRP27/11/17 01:57 PM
2

Congratulations. You just acquired some life experience from her. And hopefully got laid a little too along the way. Just some general old guy thoughts here: She is a complicated girl First thing to realize is that EVERYONE has something going on. Some a little more, some a little less, but always something. It may sound harsh, but if you're looking for an LTR, look at this stuff as it comes up next time, and ask yourself "is this really the kind of stuff I want to put up with for the next X yea…
/r/askMRP26/11/17 05:39 PM
32

"anxiety", "weak", "obsessed", "unhealthy"... Look at the words you use to describe yourself. So how do you think you come off to other people, to women in general? If you express even one tenth of that negativity, clinginess, neediness, and insecurity in your outward demeanor, there's you answer to why she denied you after a week. You describe her as a 7, and then say you fell in love with her even though you weren't in a relationship? First, obsessing about a 7 is under you, have some standard…
/r/TheRedPill25/11/17 06:42 PM
1

she is saying how if I want to get some action then we "need to discuss a few things." Oh boy. I can see the "I'd like to talk to the manager" haircut from here. I am tempted to give in and make the stupid apology so as not to miss the only action I have going at the moment. You don't get what you deserve in life. You get what you put up with. Written another way: patterns. This (weaponized transactional sex, and an attempt to emotionally manipulate you through silent treatment) is the pattern o…
/r/askMRP25/11/17 03:57 PM
1

My relationship with the GF is decent, but needs improvement. good start, better than a lot of guys here my main focus for the relationship is to not mess it up until I get further down the sidebar. Good. Yes, take it slow until you figure out a lot of things, both relationship stuff but more importantly your own goals and vision kind of stuff. She is thrilled by me trying to get better Don't talk about this to her, don't make it a big deal. Women typically don't want to see how the sausage is m…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/17 04:36 PM
2

Again, using a different account, also try the weightroom subreddit. There's a daily thread for general discussion, shitposting and form checks; post in the daily thread, you'll get the best traction if you post in that thread earlier in the day (measured by USA time) rather than later. Lot of experienced lifters, generally friendly, and not as many flaming morons as in the fitness sub. Side view videos are best to see angles of back/hips etc.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/17 05:43 AM
1

Seconded. This dude is taking all kinds of time to help OP while processing all kinds of mental weight IRL in the foreground. Respect and condolences, LV.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/17 02:47 AM
1

I’m hoping there are some men out there that are close to, or in midlife, Divorced at 40, wallowed in a confused bluepill desert for several years, found the manopshere a few years back. Gone is the constantly unhappy shrew, the depression, the threats, the fights, the resultant suicidal ideations. Now closing on 50 with real muscles, actual solid savings with no debt, time that's my own, and a new wife who wants to fuck daily if not more often. I know I’m going to read a lot of advice to move o…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/17 02:05 AM
1

Exactly. Woman exhibiting these traits: "Poor girl, her husband must be a controlling abusive asshole." Man exhibiting these traits : "What a loser." It's almost like the game is rigged against us...
/r/askMRP10/11/17 03:25 AM
3

A wise person once told me after I whined about a catastrophic fuckup and aftermath: "this is all your own fault". So stop being so butt-hurt about her and turn the lens inward. You let all this happen. Perhaps I can teach her how to be woman. Try leaning to become a man yourself first. And just to clarify, that doesn't mean a hate-fuellled vengeful controlling psychopath. That's more a woman thing.
/r/askMRP05/11/17 07:31 PM
1

I simply cannot believe how much more money I have at the end of the month now that I am divorced. I had exactly the same experience. First wife would parlay a $50 gift card to a clothing store into an $800 outfit spree. Maxed out around 80K of credit card debt before we split. It is sooooo fucking nice to have zero debt, and be putting away savings. Now that I’m divorced (it’s all my fault - my punishment for being a drunk-captain-beta-faggot for too long and finding MRP way too late) I’m not r…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/17 01:23 AM
1

Agreed with the job thing. The thing is, I'm not even sure what I'd want to do that I'd enjoy that much. Porn star probably out of the question.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/17 07:38 PM
1

Yeah, doc said it was normal but I don't have a hard number to put against that. I'll follow up next visit.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/17 07:36 PM
1

Sounds like you really need to learn a bit more of the language and meet some more people. Fasting is great stuff. Check out Jason Fung's "The Obesity Code" for a lot of other motivation and the science behind it. I did a 4 day and the biggest problem was the gym on the last couple days. My strength was still OK but my endurance was lower, could do fewer reps. But the mental clarity is great.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/17 12:52 AM
1

49 year old dude here. I've been MRPing a couple years now. Into a second marriage to a younger hotter one, things are pretty good now that I'm doing things the right way. Fucked up a lot along the way, went kinda Rambo in a couple of things but it's pretty good now. Would have blown my mind if I had been able to see into the future when I was ten or twenty years younger, never believed it could be like this. And just to get this out of the way, sidebarred multiple times. Lift roughly 4x/week. 4…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/17 11:20 PM
0

(Bouquet of daisies, steak dinner, walk on the beach, take her home, kino and kiss her ... damn, she rejected me ... next time I'll try roses, and kino her elbow instead of her shoulder ...) ... but, but, but, it worked for Bill Murray in Groundhog Day!
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/17 04:57 PM
1

There's no real magic in changing how you see yourself, it just becomes a habit once you start letting yourself think positive things about the new you. You spent years on the blue side of the river, now you're wading through the middle of it, but not 100% on the other side yet, so you're still feeling the turmoil and the churn of the water. Just keep thinking of yourself as he prize and you'll wind up on the other side of the river just through habit. I was surprised too once I started owning m…
/r/askMRP25/10/17 04:41 PM
3

she apologized for not being sexually available recently This is huge for a woman to admit IMHO. It's showing vulnerability in the mellow afterglow of sex. Your "Yeah you need to do better than that" would have just been jarring and punishing - doesn't fit the context here. I would have gone with a "Yeah, it's much better this way, isn't it?" and pulled her in for a deep kiss and some butt squeezing. Still reinforces your sexual nature, sets expectation, is positive.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/17 03:44 PM
3

Nail on the head right here. Look at how the important highlighted line in the post is actually about him being reactive to his wife's emotions aka without frame. My dilemma now: she's so tuned in to me that any disturbance in the force puts her in turmoil.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/17 03:35 PM
1

rejections and hard no's send me on an anger loop This is true of anger in general, not just this specific instance. You have actual stimulus (like hard no's, the thought of dissonant behaviour, etc), then you have the emotional state that develops from that. That emotional state reinforces further stimulus, making them seem worse, which reinforces the emotional state. When you get in that state even a neutral (no harm intended) stimulus feels like an attack. The trick is to either use the stimu…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/17 11:36 PM
1

Giving up the gym for sex can go one of two ways: she's so hot for you that she wants it right now, or she's playing you in a show of unconscious dominance and you giving in is a DLV. With her getting you to do some shopping, pick her up a bottle of wine, and then she gets to spend the evening in the tub watching netflix instead, who's the bitch getting fucked here? My read is that she owned you by dangling some sex in front of you in scenario 2 not scenario 1. Then she lost whatever sexy mood t…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/17 11:21 PM
2

NMMNG is a standout book for a lot of reasons. Firstly, the content echoes a lot of the psychology that's been developed through trial and error and observation by the TRP community. Secondly, it's presented in a straightforward and very readable way that includes the introduction of such memorable terms as "victim puke" and of course "nice guy". Thirdly, as the author is a legitimate mainstream psychologist, it serves for the newbie nice guy as a less intimidating and hence approachable introdu…
/r/TheRedPill23/10/17 07:19 PM
6

So that's why they make those clear plastic couch and chair covers...
/r/askMRP22/10/17 04:19 PM
1

Hey, he didn't like our behaviour so he's removing his time and attention and spending it over at the new sub. Only a little bit of the butthurt is leaking through.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/17 02:25 PM
1

Touchee
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/17 04:08 PM
2

this is so wife centric MRP/TRP is more of a "build it and they will come" approach to restructuring yourself. This is "build it, but only if it looks like people are still coming".
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/17 02:59 PM
1

as Stone said we're throwing up a lot of spaghetti up on the wall Nothing like a Jungian psychoanalytic internet foodfight to bring out all the armchair shrinks i had the following text conversation If I hadn't been through a lot of shit of my own, I'd find that conversation surrealistically hilarious i am defaulting to taking people's seriously as opposed to rhetorical. This is actually pretty solid. In one of my previous incarnations here I got a lot of outside-the-box advice and that gave me …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/17 01:27 PM
1

This is a hell of a thread. Lot of good insights. But when I stumbled across this particular comment, I was like "WTF"? For two reasons: one, that you missed the reason the question was asked at all (rhetorical: that it doesn't/shouldn't matter anymore), implying you possess that nice level of social autism which tends to be a prerequisite for blowing up your life and marriage and winding up on MRP), and second, that it points to you subscribing to the whole "past has a huge hold on me" theory t…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/17 06:56 PM
8

Despite NMMNG being one of the seminal MRP books, since you mentioned it hit you so hard I should point out that it contains two pieces of advice which are highly controversial here: sharing the book with your wife, and instituting a sexual moratorium. Sharing is pretty much just a "no" given the context that women wants a man who "just gets it" rather than a man who has to "learn fake manliness from a book". The moratorium thing can potentially be useful but only in very specific circumstances.…
/r/askMRP29/09/17 03:02 PM
1

This is one of those times where discussion and verbalizing your expectations is beneficial, instead of STFU leading to CC's, and assumptions. If there was no other unrevealed reason to think otherwise, I'd run with "let it go". I make sure my wife knows when I'm going to meditate, and she knows this is my time. If she wants to do something noisy, like laundry or vacuuming, she'll ask beforehand if it will bother me. It's fine unless it's loud TV; distractions can be useful to practice against, …
/r/askMRP26/09/17 03:13 AM
1

Some of this resonates with me. And it sucks that you're here now, trying to dig your way out of this hole you've dug. But that being said, enough sympathy, lets' dive in. I'm going to go against the grain and say that therapy, at least for you as a one-on-one, can be very useful. But I'll caveat that by saying that after you release the initial tension of whatever trauma bullshit you needed to work through (and we all have some of it), therapy can become all about analysis and navel gazing. Wha…
/r/askMRP12/09/17 03:40 AM
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