Stoic_Dad Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
6	The narcissist has brought me to the end of my life. Don’t implement a negative permanent solution for a temporary problem (even if it may not feel like it is temporary). I’ve faced similar issues too - from non-stop false accusations, to getting the police involved, to filing a restraining order (that was later dismissed), to getting CPS involved (again, false accusation that ended up with an unfounded finding), to very expensive multi year litigation, to her contacting my job (though my company realized what was going on), etc. Nothing ever stuc…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/05/24 10:27 AM
2	Is it worth it to have kids anymore? This will not be a popular opinion / view, but one does not need to be married to have kids. I love my child, but the amount of contentiousness and how the court seemingly just accepts whatever unsubstantiated lie my ex throws out such that I do not have 50/50 custody makes me question if it was worth it. Were I to do it over again, especially in todays age, I’d have kids via a surrogate and have sole custody. Of course surrogacy costs a ton, but frankly, the cost of the divorce and ongoing cont…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/06/23 03:50 PM
5	Do you have any advice for men that haven’t been married? I agree with a lot of the suggestions here (live with her beforehand, delay marriage, know yourself and have strong boundaries at the outset - and be willing to enforce them, etc.) One thing I would urge you to consider is why is marriage necessary for you? Recognize that you are entering into a legal binding contract that incentivizes the other party to later divorce you and take half your assets gained during the marriage (particularly if you make a lot more money than her), possibly saddle yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/02/22 06:33 PM
3	Anyone here want more kids but are afraid of the risks of what the mother might become afterwards? Yes, I think many of us have the same feelings and worries. For me, I am resolved to never get married again. I do however, love my child, and I would really love to have more children. My marriage failed, but I know that I cherish being a dad. So, I am considering surrogacy. It is an expensive route, but when you factor in the cost of the divorce (the assets split, the lawyer fees, combined probably cost me $250k+ for a marriage that lasted <3 years) and that in most situations at best you get …	/r/Divorce_Men	31/01/22 02:24 AM
1	New to Reddit. My ex is taking my kid to another state 12 hours away. There’s nothing I can do about it right now. I don’t want to hold her from moving back to her home state but I want to be in my sons life. Not just an every other weekend visit. Advice? As another response said - not much information. You need to say more for us to provide more helpful advice. Why is there nothing you can do about it now? Does she have physical / legal custody where she can make these unilateral decisions? If you have equal rights, she shouldn’t be able to up and move far away where it hinders your ability to see the child. Obviously talk to a lawyer. The longer you let this go and it becomes the status quo, then you’ve tacitly agreed to the arrangement and it …	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/21 01:14 AM
5	How does stock work in a divorce The first and most obvious response: talk to a lawyer. A lot of this will vary by state as well. As you will see below, it can be a complicated and nuanced topic. The general rule I have seen in other places is that what is earned during the marriage is considered marital. The question is how do you define “earned”. Usually, if it vests during the marriage, it is considered marital (there are edge cases where the marriage is short and the vesting period is long, so you could do a type of covertu…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/21 12:58 AM
10	My wife and I have talked several times about divorce, and I have a custody question for you gentlemen. Some may view this as alarmist, but I will point out that 1) for her to insist on 100% custody means she does not view you/your role as important or good for your children and 2) the moment she doesn’t get what she wants, the divorce will likely get contentious (after all, you said in the comments here that part of why you are in the situation is because of appeasement). As such, hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Others have said it, almost everything will hinge on the custody decision.…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/09/21 02:47 PM
2	Financial strategies or precautions for the unmarried men who browse here? I did not do this, but in looking back, my advice would be to talk to a lawyer to understand what options you have in your state, especially with a prenup (note: I am not a lawyer). Paying a few hundred bucks to get good counsel from a lawyer is very much worth it. Then, based on your understanding of the effectiveness of a prenup and your risk exposure, determine whether you are comfortable going forward with marriage. If you do a prenup, do it right - have her select independent counsel to rev…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/21 02:30 PM
4	Should I get the lawyers involved? Absolutely talk to a lawyer. Some will give free consultations, but I’ve found that you get what you pay for, so even a one hour consultation at a standard rate gets right to the point on your options and your risks. Others will post here about what to do personally to get into a better head space. I won’t steal their thunder, other than to say that it will be a marathon, it will be stressful, so think about your support network and who you can lean on (once things are underway - do not reveal y…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/21 05:35 PM
4	No more kids Has anyone considered surrogacy? I am curious of others’ thoughts on this. I have sworn off marriage again because now I know how the system works against us. Surrogacy is cost prohibitive - $100k or so in the US, but bad divorces can run that much in lawyer fees, not to mention splitting of assets. Plus with surrogacy you are not fighting for partial custody. This obviously doubles down on being a single parent, but if one has a family / broader support network, I sometimes wonder if it is work…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/21 11:41 PM