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Strange_Button_3330 Archive

View 3 posts and 59 comments by Strange_Button_3330 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I waited two weeks after 22 years. Glad I did because it helped me see there was a bright future ahead. And it’s pretty fun to have awesome sex. Now with that said I’m not making any big decisions for years and my kid didn’t meet her until 6 months of serious exclusivity. You still have to do the work: therapy, self reflection and be a stable parent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 12:38 AM
1

YES 100%. Act decisively now. Be fair, even generous, if it get's things done faster. I agreed to paying my ex a bit extra to get the mediation signed ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 08:21 PM
2

So relatable. Hang in there, the best part of your life is ahead of you :) It was a relief to no longer be on edge trying to figure out her moods. I wake up in the morning and drink my coffee in peace with the dog and kiddo. Or on alternate weeks I wake up next to my girlfriend and the first thing I see is a smile on her face. I encourage you to get space if you can, the sooner you two can live apart the faster you'll heal and move on to a better life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 08:13 PM
2

I think I'm a success story, in that I survived the divorce after 20+ years. I'm a 45 year old guy who got the typical story of "I love you but I'm not in love with you; and I know that because I'm in love with someone else." Absolutely gutted at the time. Turns out that I'm happy it happened now. Life is so much better not being married to a miserable person. Now, here I am more than 1 1/2 years out: - Kids: My relationship with my kid is much stronger than before. She witnessed me handle this …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:57 PM
5

Coming into this late - sorry dude. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. Once you get through the initial grief/anger/numbness you'll find yourself again. For me I channelled the anger into weight lifting and it worked to calm me down. One thing I found is that with distance and time from the 22 year marriage I look back with more clarity. For me, being married to someone who was unhappy was an impossible task. Being divorced and free from them is the silver lining. This will pass. You will…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 04:50 PM
2

The comment about growing up together : yes I feel you there 100%. I was 22 years with my wife, and it felt like a huge hole in my world at first. In my experience family is who you choose, and good friends become closer than family. I'm now a year and half out, and I have to say that my circle of friends has gotten smaller, but far stronger than when I was married. My friends are like family, and they've shown they're here for me. Give it time, find your people in the world and you'll look back…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 07:01 PM
2

I was given Zopiclone 7.5mg and it worked like a charm for me. One pill knocked me out for 6-8 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:54 PM
2

Your post brought up lots of memories for me. My mantra that got me through: "This too shall pass." For sleep, I got a prescription for a sleeping aid from the Dr. Once I had 4 good sleeps in a row I was able to function again. I'm a year and a half out: life is better than I expected. Sounds cliche: lean into this as a wake up call and examine who you are and what you want out of life. It's a magical opportunity fuelled by grief and pain :) The key for me was to let her go. You'll need space on…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 05:18 PM
2

+1 for divorced guy motorcycle cliche club. I got a dual sport after the separation, and it's been the best therapy. Riding into the mountains on logging roads, or into the city for work meetings: Best thing ever. My girlfriend rides as well. It's pretty fun to see some hot woman pull up in my driveway on her moto and then remember that she's here for me ;)
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:31 PM
2

Thanks. I agree 100%: that it's not a problem in a healthy relationship. In my case she didn't communicate how she really felt, built up resentments and ended up having an affair (which I didn't see coming). My "over compensating" was a way of making her love me, and something I needed to learn from. I should have ended the relationship in the first 6 months with her instead of bending over backwards for 20 years. My new relationship: I'm not afraid of speaking my mind, and she's able to speak h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:08 PM
9

Yeah, it came out in the end that everything I had done to help was a form of control. At the start anyways. From getting our finances sorted to car repairs to vacation planning. Everything was me taking away her sense of competence. I now see my actions differently, in that I had a high level of competence and didn’t allow her space to feel comfortable making mistakes along the way. So if I was to do something different it would be to learn to step back and let her fail on her own. Read no more…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 04:50 PM
6

I'm a year and half out: yes it get's better. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. I agree it can be a form of PTSD (which I am familiar with from work stuff). Go easy on yourself. When I read your post I see you taking on a lot of fault, but remember that she didn't bring these things up and you're not a mind reader. You did the best you could at the time. For me, getting the legal stuff sorted out quickly was important to healing. Do it now while she's still in the glow of her new relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:00 PM
1

There are two kinds of love: unconditional and conditional. The conditional love for her is now gone, but there will always be some unconditional love for her as the mother of my child and partner I spent 20+ years with. Letting her go with love in my heart, despite the pain and betrayal, was one of the best things I could do for my own well being. It's possible to still love someone, let them go, and develop love for someone new.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:11 PM
1

I feel your loss. Hang in there, and make sure you’re connecting with friends. You’re not abandoning them at all. Good work on handling this with grace. “This too shall pass”. was my mantra.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:41 AM
4

No regrets, not that I had a choice. To be honest it doesn’t matter if either person regrets their decision. The divorce happened and you can choose your path. Sure, life gets harder in some ways , but easier in others. And in my experience: Easier doesn’t mean better; it’s the challenges you face that lead to growth and a better life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:35 AM
2

It will get better with time. It's gradual, but it will happen. Please block her on social media ~ no good will come of that my friend. For me: min 6 months for those thoughts to move to the background. It's a year and half later, and the thoughts are short lived and along the same emotional level as thinking about if it's raining outside.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 05:27 PM
1

I guess the point is: if you’re close enough don’t try and “win” for emotional reasons. The only winners in this are the lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 07:52 PM
2

What I mean is: If her settlement offer is $30k away from what your settlement offer is, and there’s no reasoning with her , just make the deal and move on without going to court. People spend too much money on lawyers to argue over amounts or issues that are emotion based. Of course it depends on your financial situation. In my case I paid her more, but to get it done and avoid court it was worth it to me to settle in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 07:24 PM
8

Yes it get's better! I'm a mid 40's guy, 20+ years married, w kid and animals. I'm a year and half from the "talk" and separation/divorce has been the best experience of my life. It was the hardest and most painful things I've gone through, but I am proud at how I responded and how things have turned out. Thought my life was over at first ~ then I realized I had a future filled with choice. Yes: Financially, it hurt as I was retired before and had to go back to work. I get to travel on weeks wit…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 06:59 PM
12

I had 22 years. Lots of good advice here. My two cents: 1) you get to leave with the knowledge you tried your best. 2) she has now released you from your vows. You’re now a free range human again. This will pass, the pain and anger will eventually subside, and you’ll be free. I will be cheering for you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:31 PM
6

16 days for me. Honestly I was a mess at the time and I'm surprised it has worked out as well as it has ~ a year and a half later it's still a ton of fun. Even if it went sideways I wouldn't have regretted it. Con: With that said, my only "regret" is that the new relationship buzz was dampened by the grief of the divorce. It was exhausting for the first couple of months. Pro: It sped up the process of letting go of my ex-wife - I think it gave me a great perspective on what the alternatives are.…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 04:23 PM
1

47M here. Look at my post history if you want the background info. First off: HELL YES you have an opportunity for rebuilding a phenomenal life. A better life than you could imagine right now. Build the life you want, and the right person will follow. Sounds cliche and unhelpful, but it's true. Are you overweight? Fix that. Are you dressed well? Groomed? Work on yourself, be open to friendships and you will attract people to you. Single people are everywhere - they're just not tuned to the frequ…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 11:04 PM
2

What helped me was limited contact - but she had to move out for that to happen. There will always be contact due to kids but having space apart is key. It also helped to really lean into the pain - set a timer for 20 mins and let yourself cry. You’re getting better, it’s just so incremental you don’t notice it. You’re on the right path and with time you’ll wake up one day and realize you haven’t thought about her in a few days. This too shall pass.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 04:12 PM
7

I was married for 20+ years. 1 year out now. To those in pain: You'll get through this. This pain shall pass. For me: my life is better than I could have imagined on all fronts. My relationship with my kid is much tighter than before the divorce. Friendships are stronger. I'm healthier mentally and physically. I found love again with someone better suited for me. Yes, it was the worst pain of my life. BUT I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. It's by far the most intense, cathartic exper…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 06:15 AM
7

Yeah it's a real thing, not just in my experience, but with buddies as well. No one really talks about it. Emotions and connection play a huge role for me having sex. As I became more emotionally detached from my ex wife things got easier. I was 100% loyal for 20+ years. My brain was wired to have sex with her only, and it takes a while to get out of your own head that you're cheating on her. Cialis/Tadafadil helped me, but I went with 5mg every 3-4 days. Try a lower dose and see if that helps. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 05:05 PM
2

I wanted to say that you're doing the right things. Congrats on being sober for 2 years. That's a major accomplishment! I've been in a similar spot (due to first responder trauma over the decades) - in a dark hole and my passions lose their lustre. For me what worked to get out of the hole: I found purpose outside of work and family. I volunteer with a group of great people. Find your tribe. Food bank? Mt Bike trail building? Animal rescue? Mt Rescue? Surf instructing? My volunteer group feels l…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 04:55 PM
2

Thanks for the kind words. I’m certainly embracing this new chapter. there are plenty of moments where I have to pinch myself to make sure it’s not a dream. I know my story isn’t special. I’m just a normal middle aged dude. If I did this so can everyone here. Cheers.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:56 AM
8

I used iphone's facial ID feature in the photos app and had them excluded. Android probably has a similar function. Didn't delete the pics, but they won't show up in my photo gallery now unless I manually add them back in. Helped a bunch. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:20 PM
4

Two things: 1) Re: Waiting 2 more months to finalize. Act quickly while her new relationship is going well. This isn't manipulation ~ act quickly while she's motivated to move on. I was lucky to get it done before her new relationship ended. I guarantee you that her tone will change when the affair fog ends. Get the separation paperwork/finances sorted out ASAP. I don't know how it works in your area, but for me the separation agreement was drafted by a mediator/lawyer (in the 1st month). That w…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:59 PM
7

I think you just wrote THE best piece of advice I've ever read about divoce: don't get swallowed into the wallow and sadness that the sub can sometimes be and try to avoid the bitterness if you can, it's not easy but it won't move you forward. it's not villyging, it's not putting them on a pedesatal, it's not indifference.... It's just the slow acceptance that she's human and people make choices that are hard to understand and can be incredibly selfish and mean and it usually comes from a long h…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:29 AM
1

Happened to me as well. It's totally normal. You're not alone. It helped to see this as an opportunity to make better friends and reconnect with old friends. That's the silver lining in all of this: you get to build stronger friendships. It does take effort and time. I actually see this with all of my married friends, that the men have 95% "couple" friends. Then when the divorce happens, the men are isolated and alone. These old friends aren't doing it to be mean to you. They probably think you'…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:17 PM
16

Agree 100%. When it happened to me I asked her twice in the first week: are you sure? I didn’t beg. I didn’t plead. The second time she said no: was when I decided I’d move on. Then I moved on - life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Here I am 10 months later and I see that divorce has been a good thing. I’m happier, healthier and having way more fun. Financially it sucked but I can always make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 08:41 PM
2

Yup it speed up the healing process for me. I should mention that my girl is someone I’ve known for 20+ years as a friend. I already knew she was a stellar person with a solid character and good intentions. Didn’t need me for anything. You’re in a vulnerable state- ripe for being taken advantage of. take it slow (no living together , no financial obligations).
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 02:44 PM
9

I'll be the devils advocate here: go ahead and start dating if that's what you want to do. Many people on here have had bad experiences - and I agree with them generally to wait. However it's kind of an echo chamber here. You have a limited time to be on this earth, and you might as well live life to it's fullest. It may not work out, it may be fucked up, but that's kind of a given in life ~ no need to wallow in misery and grief for years. Dust yourself off, look up and see that there's a wonder…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 03:57 PM
1

Yes: this too shall pass. This too shall pass. You've got this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 10:07 PM
1

I feel you dude. The things that helped me: - talk to your Dr. if you need help sleeping for the first couple of weeks. Sleep is number 1. - Start a journal and dump your thoughts there. It helps clear the mind. - read up on Stoic philosophy. "This too shall pass." was my mantra when things felt unbearable. - exercise. get outside and move. Lift heavy things. - avoid all recreational drugs and alcohol. - lean into your friends. - This sounds silly: Make a list of all of the negative things about…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 05:38 PM
3

Grieve for the family. Yes: It hurts. It sucks. Cry. Lean into your friends. But remember that this grief and sadness will ease and pass with time. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. You will come out of this a stronger and better man. You've got this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 04:47 PM
13

Agree 100%. Life's too short. Now, I look on the divorce as my great opportunity to grow into a better person. It's been life changing like nothing else. And I'm thankful for that. If it hadn't happened, I'd have missed out on so much change ~ and I like the person I changed into.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 04:41 PM
5

I’ve been through this recently. My advice is to act quickly and decisively. Get legal advice and file while she’s motivated to leave. You can always make more money - if the difference is $50k or less just accept it and move on. Legal fees will eat that difference up quickly. Don’t let emotions get in the way of a settlement. Be a safe and stable parent for your kids. If you love her - let her go. Here’s a quote that helped me: Gratitude First off, you’re alive. That’s the silver lining of ever…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 05:44 PM
3

Too late! Just kidding. :)
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 03:25 PM
5

I didn’t advertise. But I do have friends and an active social life. I think for me the trick was getting out with friends and enjoying life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 03:25 PM
4

I'm stoked that it's helpful. When I was in my low spots I'd search for positive stories ~ craved them actually. I figured I'd give back with my own story.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:14 AM
2

Yes, I've thought about that. I am more confident, assertive, and calm with her now than I was before. I deferred too much to her as time went on and she got angrier ~ I was doing the "nice guy" shit. Now I don't give a fuck. Perhaps that's what she finds attractive... but it doesn't matter. I don't care why she's angry AND it's a great relief to not worry about it anymore HA!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:07 AM
12

To be blunt: I don’t care how she feels anymore. I know she’s angry that I’ve started dating. Said it herself. She’s angry or sad when I see her. There conflict when it comes to scheduling as she’s jealous if I’m doing something fun. It’s been 6 months and she’s still seething at times. I just tell her to text me the details and we’ll work it out. I just lead with kindness and stay neutral and calm. I still love her but as the mother of my kid. Nothing more.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 05:07 PM
7

I’ve been where you’re at. What helped me: - sleep aids from dr. To get back on track sleep wise. - journaling. By writing those thoughts down, it somehow released them and I could go back to sleep. - exercise. Lots of exercise: running, walking and lifting. - friends. Lean into friends for help. - dating. I got back into it pretty quickly (rightly or wrongly) and that helped me move on. When one door closes another opens. This too shall pass. You’ll come out of it as a better man. You’ve got th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 03:17 PM
2

One of the things I found useful was to really lean into those negative thoughts and feelings. For me the moment I leaned into them and let them run wild, they'd diminish within a few minutes. A good cry or anger session lifting weights and they'd run their course. When I kept them pinned down emotionally they'd never go away. You've got this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 04:20 PM
2

Agree 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 04:10 PM
2

You've got this. 1). Remember that "this too shall pass". The pain and sadness will pass. The grief feels like it will never end - trust me it does. 2). You are stronger than you think you are - you've got this. 3). Keep in mind that she isn't the person you married. She's not someone you'd want back. STOP talking to her about how you feel. I would strongly suggest NOT supporting her emotionally or look for support from her. Find OTHER people to get emotional support from. I leaned on my friends…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:10 PM
9

Yes I realized how good it was after a couple of months. My favourite part of the day is when I wake up and get to drink my coffee without the weight of her expectations on my day. No chore list of hers weighing me down, no resentment on my end for her shirking her responsibilities. It weighed on me heavily that she wasn't happy with her life. Now that weight is removed and I realize how lucky I am to be given this 2nd chapter to enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 05:27 PM
2

I too find the positive stories here helpful. I'm only 3 months in, but things are 99% better than those first couple of weeks. Lean on your friends. I want to read your update about how it was tough but how you've taken this as an opportunity to grow as a man and come out stronger on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 06:31 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. I’m also going through the process of feeling better , then sad, then better. Everyday gets better and I have to admit that life is better now in many ways. One thing that helps me is to remind myself that the woman I loved doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe she never existed as I thought she did. Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 10:35 PM
1

Have you seen a dr for help? One thing that helped me at the start was some sleeping aids. If your leg is broken you’ll get a cast to help it heal. It’s ok to get medical help for this to help you heal.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 10:36 PM
6

Yeah it may come up - I hope it doesn’t to be honest as it would just be a sad conversation. I’m not interested in reconciling - the trust is gone. Plus the freedom of not having to walk on eggshells around her = priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:28 AM
4

Yes I agree with getting on with life. People (her girl friends mostly) seem to think that pointless misery is necessary for me. Fuck that noise. My buddies who have been through this are all supportive of me dating - encouraging it actually. I had some very dark moments for sure through this divorce. Worst of my life to be honest - and for contrast: I’ve been a first responder for a couple of decades. I know I’m not through it, but I’m on my path.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:23 AM
2

Ha. Yes he’s a great motivator. Love his books and pod. I keep remembering his podcast about heartbreak: “forget her and move on. “.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 01:20 AM
15

Good question. I think I’m able to date again because the separation was so cut and dried - and done in a way that was brutal on her end. There’s no coming back or reconciliation on my end. I can either wallow in sadness and pity , or I can dust myself off, look up and see that there is a bright future. Once I did that and realized that none of it was in my control (staying married), then the next logical step was to move on. Life is short - I’m not going to waste it. Oh and it turns out that mi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 01:19 AM
4

Find your people. What do you like doing? Or what do you want to try doing? Trail Running group? Pottery? Do it because you like it or are interested in trying it. Personally I volunteer with a group that kicks ass and is full of like hearted people. They’re the people I do hard things with. Start small and just start. Don’t worry about fitting in or liking it. Just go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 06:23 PM
3

To be honest: I do feel empathy towards her, but not in a way that's approving of what she did. More of a must suck for you way. And for the other guy: he's just a guy, she looks hot on the outside, I don't blame him at all.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 06:01 PM
6

I was smiling and holding back when she was giving me the gears about moving on so quickly. She even made a comment about how I must have lied and told my new girl that the marriage was over long ago... I replied "no, I've been transparent and she thinks this is all crazy, but she's still interested."
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 05:56 PM
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