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Substantial_Try8417 Archive

View 3 posts and 27 comments by Substantial_Try8417 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Yup. They'll die down after a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:07 PM
8

For what its worth: Id adopt the mindset first not of "blowing it up" but instead "assessing your options". A lot of guys, myself included, think they're ready to blow it up but the decision to do so is just that, a decision. When they do it, the reality of what they need to do sets in and they find themselves stuck between playing catch-up, and navigating a potentially contentious situation. My advice is: Get financial documents in order. Go to a lawyer. Pay them to assess your situation and dr…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 03:54 PM
7

I actually enjoy the peace.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:53 PM
2

Its not gibberish its real visceral feelings. Some of the truest emotion in this world. Much more real than whatever it is she's feeling. Your emotions are going to go through the grinder the next few months. Try if you can to find and grab hold of some thought you can keep coming back to, outside of who she is and what she did. You're a strong soul, a deep well of potential and emotion. You have much to give. What she did was turn away from that. That doesnt mean what you gave isnt worth it. Or…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 09:28 AM
1

If you didn't think and debate yourself about it, what would you naturally do? If its drive her away more, you have your answer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:36 AM
2

5 is tough because she can't operate electronics. 14 is tough because he's becoming independent. But...my daughter is 11. And I've never felt closer. Make the time count...but dont make it feel like all the time is super special. If they feel smothered, they'll back off too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:34 AM
1

I mean even if she got a loan and now owes monthly...she now has that entire loan amount as an asset right? If she claims the loan payment she's gotta claim the loan cash. And if she spent it, she's gotta claim the asset she spent it on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:31 AM
2

Whenever things like this come up, try and remember every ex girlfriend you've ever had also likely found someone else, and had a kid. And you're not really trying to figure out how they affect you. Because they're out of your life. And they have their own. And now, same for your ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:29 AM
2

Great. The first three steps youve already done: 1) Admit there is a way to view this with compassion. 2) Admit you are capable in some future ideal form to take that viewpoint. 3) Actually want to get to that mindset. Now comes the exploration and growth to get you from here to there. Its not necessarily Stoicism, because Stoicism has more to do with the thought "I've properly defined the current situation according to objective fact" rather than what you need to explore. Relativism is a philos…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:17 PM
2

I understand but thats not what I'm asking. I'm asking IF you somehow were to be able to conceptualize that even though to you you hate her and she's evil, that to some magical being this whole thing could be viewed compassionately...how would that look? Right now. Not in the future. "I cannot fathom a situation where a magical being could view this situation compassionately." Is a valid answer. But in that case, I would offer that this view comes from an inability on your part rather than a fac…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:37 PM
3

If there was a bigger picture, where what happened made sense, where your anger is justified but on a larger scale, if you were able to conceptualize it, you could look on these events with compassion...what would that look like?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 12:04 PM
2

Honestly the few times I see her in person and the pictures I have on my phone, I think I had wife goggles on a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong she was able to doll herself up to a 7.5, and admittedly thats likely all I am in a dress shirt and tie too, but I lose the attraction real quick when I remind myself: You don't want a cheater, she declined all the fun things you do, she said she found the fact that I found peace in my life "unattractive". And thats all I need to clear those thoughts…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 09:48 AM
2

Fuck...36 here. Didn't know it was this common.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 03:35 PM
2

I've heard knowing someone >20 years often results in separation because lives diverge and animosity builds up. I think its even shorter now. BUT, knowledge also comes with experience. I knew my wife for 18 years. And so she was never able to go out in the world and learn these lessons (not that its guaranteed but...the more you get hurt, the more you learn, the more your expectations are tempered). Its as much a "this is the problem" problem as "the problem is the solution". IE, sometimes you o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 04:34 PM
1

Complacency kills lust. Marriage breeds complacency. But it doesn't have to. And love is an idea (a belief, not the feeling) in building something greater than this material works has to offer. And is way different than lust. I was married over a decade. The last 5 years have been the healthiest of my life. 5'11'', 190lbs, 7.5% BF. Over 1000lb club. I run almost daily. Buy fitted clothes. Style myself. I'm social. I get told I look hot often (often for men anyway). She still left. Because what I…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 10:03 AM
5

I met my stbx 18 years ago. She was the first woman I didn't care if it worked or not. And I still believe thats why it worked. Go work on yourself. That doesnt mean shoot down opportunity when it comes knocking. It doesn't mean close and lock the door. It does mean just leave the door open for someone who actually wants to come in.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:51 AM
2

Got a therapist lined up. Already in shape (1000+ club, 8% BF). Time is the one I can't control. But it seems to be the biggest healer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:43 AM
2

A lack of "cognitive empathy." I am highly empathic. Maybe that resonates. More than you know. We've had conversations that amounted to her saying (vastly summarized) "I'm not unhappy so I dont know why you're having issues." Only for me to point out that I'm unhappy, and her going "oh shit...I never thought about it like that."
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 09:02 PM
3

Are you angry at her yet? I know I should be. But honestly I'm sad for her. More sad for her than I am me. I feel like she's making a really bad decision. Shes giving up everything. House, beach house, a future farm, stability, 1/2 time with kids, she's not going to be making out any better financially (she moved into an appt with rent the same as our mortgage)...and she's already terrible with money. Giving up a dog she loves, the ability to foster dogs and pet sit dogs (which were her main hob…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:42 PM
1

I just read the sticky advising for 1 year of being single. After the divorce is finalized with the courts I planned to get back out there. But judging by how addicted I am, I probably really should sort that out first.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 04:25 PM
6

I'm not asking how to get her back. I'm asking how to deal with these emotions so I can go out and choose from billions of women.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 02:19 PM
4

Yeah I dont sense malice at all. We actually talked after I made this post about child schedules and the separation agreement I had written up and she's still on board. Even saying her friends are telling her to at least take half my retirement but she doesn't want to. I keep feeling really sad and I think its just ive made her growth a part of me. We were both incredibly antisocial when we met and id be lying if I didnt think "If I could fix her i could fix me". Well, I fixed me. I spent 18 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 06:41 PM
8

I am 100%. Because of her variable schedule in order for us to even have a stable life for the kids without throwing them in daycare on either side is if we cooperate. I can't imagine she'd burn that down.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 08:48 PM
1

stroke, dementia, head trauma It honestly feels like this. And I sometimes pretend its true to get through hard times.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 06:38 PM
4

Girls got jokes! You should be proud.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 04:45 PM
1

I understand that its from the perspective of me (and lawyer) writing to her...but why is the paragraph necessary at all? Why do I need to potentially scare her onto going to an attorney who'll likely say "uh no, we can take him for more" and start a fight where there is none?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 08:25 PM
18

It's much more satisfying to give someone $1,000 to enjoy in full, then to pay off $1,000 of someone's deep, never-ending credit card debt. Literally in my case here. Close to 15 years together. I paid off a lot of her debts until a work trip to somewhere tropical came along. She was $30k in debt and $7k came in the last few months. Everything but flights were paid for. I said "I want to say fuck it just come. But you dont have the $ and obviously you arent moving in a direction to get that $. I…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 01:45 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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