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SunRose42 Archive

View 3 posts and 246 comments by SunRose42 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

It would depend a lot on how well I knew the man, and the details of his situation. Why does he think his ex intentionally got pregnant? What’s his evidence for that? How trustworthy is this guy? Can you get anyone else to confirm some of the details of his story/ evidence? For me, if he doesn’t have *excellent* evidence that she tried to baby trap him or whatever, then that’s a huge red flag and would be enough for me to walk away. In general, he’d have to check a lot of boxes for me to stay wi…
/r/RedPillWomen11/07/26 10:05 PM
2

I get mouthy when I get impulsive, which happens when I’m heated. So I just take a break from the conversation when I start feeling too upset, or even when I start feeling the urge to cut my partner off mid-sentence. I always frame it in terms of my own needs: “I think I need a pause to calm down and regulate myself.” We’ve talked in calm moments about “pause” rules: the first time someone calls a pause, we take 30min apart to calm down. If we’re not calm after 30 min, we take another hour apart…
/r/RedPillWomen07/07/26 03:33 PM
6

Nah. I was poly many years ago and 10/10 do NOT recommend. Only very particular types of people can make it work, and even then, it’s a lot of work. Like, hard to have other friends or hobbies kind of work.
/r/RedPillWomen03/07/26 10:16 PM
6

Exactly lol. My boyfriend loves getting flowers as much or more than me
/r/RedPillWomen30/06/26 07:35 PM
1

I don’t have a ton of exes. The few I do have, we catch up maybe 1-2x a year, and they’ve given me a pretty good idea of how they see me and what they think went wrong in our relationship. They have complaints about me, but their complaints are very much grounded in reality. I’ve definitely had the experience of learning new things about myself and remembering things a bit differently than my partners, including my current boyfriend. But the differences in memory are usually not super dramatic, …
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/26 03:49 PM
3

I tend to be of the mind that body count matters, but mostly because of what it’s evidence of. Less experience means she’s more likely to still associate sex with love, it means she’s probably still forming her sexuality (what a wonderful thing to form that with the person you’ll be with forever), it means she’s less likely to be comparing you to other men she’s been with (a real love / relationship killer), it means she shares your values and has for a while, etc. With men, at least some experi…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/26 07:06 PM
1

I was talking about asking the hypothetical man who posted me on a “shitting on women” site, not OP. Look, I assume you know that women are a lot more likely both to die and to receive serious injuries in heterosexual relationships with DV. At the end of the day, kind of beside the point; I understand why people in general would want to gather information on the person they’re seeing, especially if they’ve experienced violence before. (And unlike murder statistics, DV statistics are…much higher.…
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/26 06:07 PM
0

> “You wouldn't know his history since you just met him and these forums are literally only designed to trash men. They don't exactly have reliability ratings.” Right, which is why I’d ask him. We also disagree that “trashing men” is the only reason these forums exist. > “You can falsely accuse him of things and ruin his life or even get him sent to prison. Women are plenty dangerous in their own right.” I agree that women can be dangerous, too. We can even be life threatening. That form of dang…
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/26 05:22 PM
1

It would depend a lot on his history and the reputation of the forum. He also doesn’t have as much to fear from me as I do him: I can’t murder him with a couple punches. The more apt comparison is if I imagine I went on an amazing date with another woman, and she did this on lesbian “are we dating the same chick.” I’d be a little put off, but I’d try to get a sense of her history and why she did that, and tbh I’d kind of understand if she’s doing it because her last girlfriend beat her, stalked …
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/26 01:57 PM
1

I probably wouldn’t post in a group like that myself, but I’ve had mostly good experiences with men. I think it’s hard to judge a woman who’s been really burned in the past by posting a guy and just asking for information on him. I don’t think people in those groups are judging the men in the “is this guy okay” posts, and the messaging presumably took place over PMs. I get having questions and not being thrilled as a man, but a man who just storms off and blocks is someone who does not give the …
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/26 09:08 PM
4

All of this is extra reason to take a step back from dating and focus on your (mental and physical) health for a while. I’m 29 now, and I really wish I had done this at 25. Quite possible I’ll have to do it this year, going into my thirties, because I didn’t do it when I was your age. This is the direction you’re heading right now, and I bet you’ll feel a lot worse about it at 29 than you do now.
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/26 07:24 PM
12

I’m reading your guardedness as a symptom of anxiety, and maybe, of not being ready for a real connection yet. I think you should take a while, maybe a year, just to work on yourself and your mental health. I promise, dating is so much easier when you’re happy and flourishing. At minimum, take a few months. Make sure you’re going out with friends regularly, getting regular exercise, eating healthy, and practicing good sleep hygiene. Focus on hobbies and things that make you feel good. Get yourse…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/26 06:00 PM
3

I think you need individual therapy, and maybe couple’s therapy, too. If you need a doctor to prescribe it to you, then go see the doctor and tell them you’re depressed and experiencing anger issues. Like seriously, I would prioritize this. Built up resentment is a real relationship killer. You have to deal with that, and if you can’t, the relationship has run its course. You can’t be losing it every time the guy watches a loud video. If you’re really averse to therapy, then maybe look into writ…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/26 05:48 PM
5

I hope we all agree that if any of those statements are true, you should stay far far away. And you should be MORE inclined to stay away as RP, because if you want to submit to your husband, his judgment and temperament REALLY matter, like even more than in other relationships. As to whether the ex is trustworthy? I’m politically *weird* and don’t fit neatly into any category. I have friends all across the political spectrum. My experience is that political affiliation doesn’t suddenly make some…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/26 05:39 PM
2

Thanks, all of this makes a lot of sense. Yeah I should definitely work on being less open to influence when I know he’s going through it and so is not reasoning well. As you mention, he is genuinely very good in most areas; even his friends often consult him before making major decisions. It’s just when he gets like this, and I think his intuitions kind of go haywire.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 06:53 PM
5

> “Do you believe a law code where men are required to financially provide and women are required to submit to their husband would be reasonable [this exists in some Arab countries]?” No. Many things should be socially normal but not legally enforced. For instance, cheating on your spouse is terrible, but I think most of us agree it should be legal. There are limits to how much the legal system should encroach on our private lives. > “Would you be willing to give up the right to vote in exchange…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 06:46 PM
1

I agree that there’s some truth to this; our therapist has suggested as much. In our most recent conflict though, he actually didn’t get angry (moreso just threatened it with his tone) until I got up to leave the room. I couldn’t handle the vague demands knowing that he would get angry with if I couldn’t “figure it out” and removed myself pre-emptively. So there is some complexity here, and I’m not handling either his anger or the anticipation of it very well—I either get dysregulated myself or …
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 04:07 PM
1

Yeah, I see your point. I’ll consider a 12 step group. It’s just hard, because I think that it’s normally good to be pretty open to influence from your partner. When he insists that it IS my job to do this, I find myself questioning my instincts and wondering if maybe I am being selfish (I really have been selfish in relationships before). That’s a big part of why I came here. I just really needed some outside perspective on this and it’s helping me to feel a lot more confident in my initial ins…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 04:01 PM
1

Yeah, maybe. Unfortunately, I’m not sure how to broach that subject in therapy without starting a fight or making it seem like I’m trying to make him look bad. I can probably bring it up if our therapist suggests this though
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 03:53 AM
–

No, it isn’t. I can think of a few places in that post which might’ve led you to think this, but the way you’re interpreting it is really lacking in nuance.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 12:30 AM
0

Yeah, you’ve probably read about what men who identify as “red pill” say about the red pill. Most of them are low value losers lol and what they have to say differs in some dramatic ways from what RP women have to say. Sorry to disappoint ✌️
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 11:39 PM
4

I’ll add one final note: my boyfriend is, for better or worse, a man who has a lot of options. Women don’t flock to him on first sight, but (and I have witnessed this many times) after talking to him, it is so so so common for women, ranging from women he just met to women he’s known for a while, to very obviously signal interest in him. Many of these women have admitted their crush to mutual friends, either not realizing that my bf is partnered, or not realizing that info would find its way bac…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 10:09 PM
8

Sounds like a pretty superficial view of men. If you’re thinking of empirical literature on this, all that shows is that men of all ages tend to be most attracted to women around the age of 22, if you ask them to evaluate how attractive people are to them based only on appearance. But there is no study out there suggesting that men lose all attraction to women their own age, or that there are NO other factors other than appearance that influence how attractive a woman is to them. Chemistry, for …
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 10:03 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 07:45 PM
1

Funny that you mention that. Years ago, I asked if we could record our arguments, thinking that if we could both hear how we sound when we’re upset, maybe we’d learn something. To my surprise, he agreed. We did that every time we had an argument for a while. He was a different person on recording. Really, it was like night and day. As a result, I was also much calmer. Neither of us learned anything. I could suggest it again, but I do worry it would just be another temporary fix.
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 06:06 PM
2

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you had to leave in the end but am glad that you don’t have to put up with that anymore. It is frustrating how it sticks with us longer than them. My bf can’t understand why I can’t essentially just erase the memory and move on when he tells me he didn’t mean it. I definitely…am an arguer. Yeah. I do think that has helped in the long term (I stick to my guns and insist on change or a breakup) because he has improved a lot since we first started se…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 04:19 PM
1

Uuugggh this is tough to hear but I think you’re right. A therapist years ago even suggested I go to codependents anonymous meetings 😅 I thought I had come so far since then, but yeah, I absolutely do feel like I’m responsible for managing his emotions. It’s hard, because I look up to him and learn from him so much. But when he gets like this, he really insists that I AM responsible for comforting him, which makes me feel guilty for assuming I’m not, and the relationship dynamic as a whole where…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 02:04 PM
2

Yeah, thanks for the reality check. Honestly, it hadn’t been as much on my mind, because I was so hurt by the things he said in comparison, and because my response to being confined was to get on my phone and do my best to tune him out. But you’re right, it does cross a major line.
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 01:57 PM
3

Thank you, this is so articulate. Yeah, expecting me to hunt for treasure without a map, compass, shovel, or any idea of what I’m looking for is exactly how it feels. I’m going to work on getting constructive suggestions from him in therapy, when he’s calm and we have a mediator. He is not a danger to himself or me in these moments. For all his mental health struggles, he’s resilient and I’ve never worried about suicide or self harm, and he’s never given me reason to fear for my physical safety.…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 02:14 AM
6

Thank you for your advice. These kinds of responses are why I love this community so much. I agree, he shouldn’t make me guess at his needs. I was feeling unsure about that but hearing other people here say it too is helping me feel a lot more certain that I’m doing the right thing by holding to this and bringing it to therapy. Your advice about how to respond is good, I’ll definitely try something like that if I’m in that situation again. My mistake in our most recent fight was getting dysregul…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 02:07 AM
2

Thanks so much for your advice, I really appreciate it! This does help me to feel less crazy and I think our therapist will help us figure something out. He wants to be good to me and is good at taking our therapist’s direction.
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 12:59 AM
5

So you don’t think it’s reasonable for him to insist that I “just figure it out?” I have held firm to that so far, but I’ve been questioning myself on it a lot.
/r/RedPillWomen21/06/26 10:41 PM
3

He is on an SSRI, which has helped immensely and has really reduced the frequency of these episodes. And he does see a therapist too. Part of the issue is that sometimes when I hold him or try to comfort him, he feels like I’m doing it wrong or I’m not doing enough, and that’s often when these kind of vague requests come in. I have tried talking about what he needs during calmer moments, and he has told me that what he wants from me is to take some “initiative and creativity” in figuring out wha…
/r/RedPillWomen21/06/26 10:07 PM
9

Eh, this is just how a married religious man who wants sexual variety justifies it, and he’s kidding himself if he thinks it’s a Christian perspective. The arrogance coupled with the lack of competence in textual interpretation would be a major turn off for me personally. He doesn’t sound HV. Notably, although plural marriage is in the Bible, all of the plural marriages in the Bible involve a ton of dysfunction. Consider Rachel and Leah. Major issues, the kind of issues one expects would be typi…
/r/RedPillWomen21/06/26 08:22 AM
1

Can you call them and assure them you’d like to take care of them?
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/26 03:00 PM
1

Sounds like you were working and making money before you stopped recently? Can you not get that job back?
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/26 01:41 AM
5

I’m not going to sugarcoat or reassure you about snapping at him so much while PMS-ing. That’s definitely not okay. But his behavior isn’t okay, either. Take stock: — He says his money is “our” money, but it’s his money whenever he’s upset with you. (Not at all alpha of him, btw, that kind of waffling is pathetic.) — He constantly dangles the financial help he gave you over your head. — Sounds like he’s pressured you into quitting your job? Pausing it? It’s fine not to work but it doesn’t sound …
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/26 10:42 PM
11

He sounds like a low value man. Like much worse than just “beta.” Sorry, but that’s normally the kind of man who consumes male RP content, and that’s the only kind of man who gets stuck in the anger phase this long. Even more cringe is that he has a loving gf and still seems to make RP his main interest and identity. Also, threatening to dump you over minor disagreements is really crappy. And the idea that he’s giving you a hard time about what sounds like a sexual assault and LTR is insane. I’d…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/26 12:10 AM
13

My bf is 7 years older than me, and I’ve always considered this a significant downside / disadvantage of our relationship. Partly because of the old age thing, but also because a large age gap can make it really difficult to evaluate your partner’s true value and maturity. To illustrate: when you were 12, it would be really easy for a 16 year old to impress you. Compared to you, they’d all seem super mature and like they have their shit together-/even the ones who are actually losers. Now the sa…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/26 02:14 PM
8

One last time….girl. Come on. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but that’s a terrible idea. The best thing right now is to hold fast to your boundaries and de escalate this. If you value not sleeping around outside of a relationship, I think you’ll regret not upholding that. This guy doesn’t want to commit to you. Sleeping with him, or other forms of intimacy, won’t change that and will just leave you feeling empty and like you betrayed yourself in the long term.
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/26 06:32 AM
12

As other commenters have mentioned, I think it’s very unlikely that you’ll be able to pull him out of it, because you’re a woman. He thinks women are unreliable. Probably, talking about it will just damage your relationship. If you’re in a place where you feel like it’s either break up or try to change his mind, there are a few things that have helped me in discussions with men like this. Usually, I try to start by validating what’s true in what they said. “Yeah, you know, there are a lot of wom…
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/26 05:49 PM
8

I mean I think this isn’t necessarily the space to be talking about feminism, because to a lot of people here it’s antithetical to RP. But yeah, I get that some people think feminism requires women to work and be financially independent. I just think that’s a dumb idea. Some will infer from that that feminism is dumb. My own take is that’s not true feminism, it’s just corporate anti-worker bs + devaluation of traditionally women’s labor disguised as feminism. I’ll add: it’s probably decent advic…
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/26 03:03 PM
2

I think it helps a lot to have conversations and disagreements when you’re not TOO emotionally activated. Like say there’s a scale of 1-10, where 1 is very mildly annoyed and 10 is the kind of rage where you’re screaming and throwing things. At a certain level of activation, I feel like we all kind of lose a bit of self awareness and self control. So I try never to have conversations where I’m at higher than like, a 7. The problem is that once I’m at a 7 or whatever, I’m not rational enough to t…
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/26 11:57 PM
21

Well, I love to hike and really want to stay active and healthy my whole life. So I want a partner who shares those values and even encourages me to keep up with them when I’m struggling, rather than someone who never wants to leave the house. That said: I know lots of gamers who like to leave the house, lol. My ex was into gaming, and we did lots of that together. But he was also handsome, took care of himself, and loved hiking and even running marathons. He actually got me into running for a w…
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/26 09:59 PM
6

Dang y’all, I’m shocked by how many people here are admitting to being liberal lol. I’m pretty leftwing myself but like everyone else just find this is one of the few women’s spaces on reddit where I’m consistently impressed by the quality of the advice and by everyone’s desire to improve themselves. I think what a lot of people, including this sub as a whole, considers “feminism” is not actually properly feminist. Encouraging women to have casual sex, careers at all costs, and to never improve …
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/26 08:07 PM
2

I take a deep breath and ask myself is this really important. How much would moving really stress me out? How would I feel after it’s over? How bad would it really be? Etc. If I just see no need to move (but it wouldn’t make me significantly worse off) or see it as less than ideal, then I just try to agree if moving is what he really wants. If it would legitimately make me miserable, then I’ll push against it more and advocate for myself. I think it’s just getting comfortable with doing things y…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/26 05:32 PM
1

For me, I do feel like the impact somewhat decreased over time—like I’m more depressed/anxious now than I was when I first stopped treatment—but it never completely went away. I’m still way less depressed than I was prior to treatment, and my suicidal thoughts (used to get them all the time) never came back. I’ve heard mixed results from other people, anywhere from complete remission of depression to “I’ll probably need a booster a couple times a year for most of my life but still worth it.” I t…
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/26 09:42 PM
1

College, if you’re going. But also: d&d meetups, board game groups or board game nights hosted at local stores, sci fi reading groups, fantasy reading groups, anime club, various video game groups, robotics club, astronomy club, STEM classes and clubs, etc. I could personally recommend way too many of these guys lol, depending on where you’re based. EDIT: Oh oh oh I should add, Orthodox churches (especially ones with a lot of converts, but that’s most in the U.S. right now) are absolutely chock …
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/26 07:39 PM
5

I think what actually helped me the most was ketamine therapy, weirdly. I’d spent every summer in grad school too depressed to do anything, especially work (as an academic, I could kind of get away with it, but definitely not ideal). But literally the day after my first ketamine session, I started working on my dissertation over summer for the first time ever. And kept up with it too. The person who recommended ketamine therapy to me, of all people, was actually my conservative priest! Apparentl…
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/26 06:07 PM
48

This reads to me like he was trying to get *you* to pick up the bill. He told you he didn’t want to split it, and ignored the bill until the waiters split it for you. He wanted you to get the tab for the expensive restaurant he chose. Gross. I generally don’t mind splitting the bill, especially on the first few dates, as long as we’re going somewhere cheap. But this is crazy. Also: my boyfriend is British, and he always insisted on paying (despite only making marginally more money than me) when …
/r/RedPillWomen10/05/26 05:45 PM
1

I totally get the relief of feeling like you’re finally with someone who loves you and treats you well. But having a plan for…how to make money…is non negotiable, especially if your career path isn’t very high earning, and especially if you’re planning to start a family. I’d sit down sometime and make it clear to him that you need to feel like he has a plan for his life/career (and is executing it) in order to feel comfortable staying with him long-term. Give him a little time to get something t…
/r/RedPillWomen10/05/26 05:39 PM
2

I think it’s got to be fine to express clothing preferences and opinions to your partner. It’s definitely possible to be too pushy about it, but nothing you’ve said here has made your bf sound pushy or controlling. I mean, you only know most of his preferences because you’ve asked him. The most “controlling” things he said were jokes in response to you teasing him.
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/26 05:50 PM
8

Idk, this kind of reads like you’re looking for conflict where there doesn’t need to be any? Of course your bf has a line. I’m sure you do too—would you want to date the kind of man who wears bootie shorts in public, or who wears skin tight crop tops exposing his midriff? (Or t shirts with offensive slurs, or a full body gorilla suit outside of Halloween, etc.) Some of those are a little dramatic, especially since they’d read not just as promiscuous but as feminine, but you get the point. We all…
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/26 01:33 PM
4

What do you see as “his” part here, honestly? You have listed a bunch of things most people would consider to be really unreasonable (to be upset about / expect to change). And either way, you’re still henpecking him.
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/26 04:43 PM
1

Oh tell me about it! I find sooo many in the dryer. I’m so glad our dog isn’t interested in them, because they end up all over the floor (and are really toxic to dogs!). Lol. I agree better than dipping though! I think sometimes, it’s easy to get into a dynamic with someone in times of stress that sort of…dampens desire. But once it sets in, that dynamic can be hard to climb out of with just the two of you. This is why I’m a big fan of couple’s counseling. A good couple’s counselor is really exp…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/26 03:45 PM
7

Your husband is leading a pretty normal schedule for an academic. That’s something a lot of people normally *like* about being with academics lol. We have more flexibility and more time for childcare. Some academics are definitely more structured, and would dedicate the time your husband gives to his family 100% to their work. But plenty are not—they have some bursts where they’re really busy and immersed at work (sometimes for years), and bursts where they’re less productive and more focused at…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/26 02:38 PM
6

Girl, are you married to my boyfriend? The Zyn pouch detail sent me, too real 😂 I don’t have solutions. But my boyfriend finally agreed to see a couple’s counselor. He didn’t agree until I made it clear we’d be breaking up in a few months if we didn’t. But so far it’s going well. We’re only a little more than a week in, but I think it’s given us both a lot of hope. And I think couple’s counseling can be especially helpful for those men who struggle to communicate about sex. No idea if The Empowe…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/26 02:28 PM
47

> I don’t know what it is about me but i’ve never been able to have a single female friendship, > All I found were influencer girls with incredibly shallow personalities and no depth.. > I don’t hate men as much as I hate women nowadays, because men don’t do these things to me. > I really want girlfriends but maybe because I have a lot of depth, interest and the average stuff doesn’t excite me I probably will never get that girl group I want. > My bf…just says most women have no depth to their c…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/26 02:14 PM
4

Girl, you’re at 6 months and he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive with him? (Am I missing something?) That’s seriously concerning. This happened to a few women I know, and the guy always turned out to be a POS. Don’t let him drag this out for another 6 months before you find out!
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/26 05:28 PM
6

When I was dating, my rule of thumb was that I’d date multiple guys until either (a) strong feelings were clearly present and mutual or (b) I’d gone on 3 dates with one guy. If either (a) or (b) occurred, I’d initiate the exclusivity conversation if he didn’t first. If he said no, then I’d keep seeing other people. If he said yes, then I’d say goodbye to anyone else I’d been seeing, and then would delete the apps. I also never slept with anyone I wasn’t exclusive/committed with. My feeling is th…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/26 05:17 PM
9

Your husband sounds like he has the reflective capacities and communication skills of a preteen girl. And I say that, because the charitable assumption here is that he actually doesn’t realize what he’s doing. He’s upset and doesn’t know why and takes it out on you. If he’s really doing this intentionally to punish you…that’s actually really dark. If I’m being funny I’d call it textbook Mean Girls, but in full honesty it sounds like emotional abuse. RP Women is about a lot of things, including w…
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/26 08:47 PM
1

Well there are two questions here: should he offer, should we offer to pay our own way, and what should we do if he does offer. For the latter two questions—I think it generally makes more sense to pay our own way on the first date. Lots of men expect things if they pay and get pissy if they don’t get what they want. I’d rather save myself the guilt and pressure to people please by just heading off any complaint they might have. Now, for the first question, whether I’d expect him to offer really…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/26 10:10 PM
1

Like most traits, I think it’s a bit of both, and how “natural” it is for each person varies person to person. Say that the “feminine” traits are care, nurture, softness, meekness, elegance, gentleness, grace, social prowess, emotional intelligence, etc. Some women lean this way naturally. And studies + personal experience suggests to me that most women probably score higher on these traits than men without consciously trying to (which itself is probably a combination of nature and subconscious …
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/26 01:52 PM
2

This is the thing about men asking women for feedback on this. I swear. Every time I see it happen, you all claim you just want women’s perspectives, only to argue with and refuse to accept our feedback. Why ask?
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/26 06:08 PM
8

Men care about this WAY more than women do. Unless we’re talking micro-small, this is a non-issue for most women. You asked on another comment if bigger feels better. Not necessarily. Position, motion, and technique are generally more important. You might get more engagement over on r/sex.
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/26 05:31 PM
2

Yeah no problem. SMV= “sexual market value.” Kind of a crude way to put it, but it’s basically how much men want to sleep with you. Largely a product of your appearance (including clothes, makeup, etc.) but can be influenced by behavior too. RMV= “relationship market value.” Again also a crude way to put it, but this is how much men in general, but especially high value men, want to be in a relationship with you. This is a lot broader and may vary somewhat depending on the sort of man you’re try…
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/26 01:56 AM
6

I mean it depends partly on where you are. But if you’re in an English speaking country, yeah, this would probably make it really hard to find a good match. Men who’ll wait for marriage are usually super religious. And if they’re religious enough for that, they’ll want a religious wife. For men who aren’t religious, this is usually going to be a massive dealbreaker. And it’s hard to fault them. Sexual compatibility is important. Without any sex there’ll be worries that you’re gay, asexual, low l…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/26 01:55 AM
2

Okay I know I’m coming to this late but I relate a lot to your post! Sounds like we’re similar in a lot of ways so I thought I’d comment. So first of all, a lot of the behavior you describe—yelling, screaming, lying, threats, intimidation—if that stuff is a pattern it’s emotional abuse. I don’t know if there’s a “right” way to respond to that other than breaking up with the person. You shouldn’t be with someone who mistreats you. Maybe you never feel like deescalating or forgiving or softening b…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/26 01:40 AM
7

Tbh if you have a history of anorexia, I’d recommend not focusing on weight loss for now. I know it sucks so much not liking your body, and you still want to be a healthy weight. But weight loss—especially intentional weight loss—can be super triggering for ED (trust me I’ve been there); it’s notorious for that. And anorexia is deadly. The last thing you need is to slip back into that. My recommendation would be to try focusing on your health. Eating lots of legumes and cutting back on sugar? Th…
/r/RedPillWomen04/01/26 03:59 AM
2

If you take care of yourself and keep up the same habits, you’ll look pretty much the same between 24–32. And the change from 21 to 24 isn’t becoming less beautiful but moreso less baby faced. Between 25-32 the main difference is more in how you hold yourself and in how people react to you knowing your age than in how you look. And even then like you’ll still get plenty of dates with decent men if you play it right into at least your early 30s. If you miss that window, you might have to wait unt…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/25 02:36 PM
1

I mean it kind of depends. Some of us love our jobs. If you love your job and it brings you more fulfillment than homemaking/ child rearing, then keep working and use the extra money for childcare. But for a lot of us, work isn’t a passion project; it’s to pay the bills. And if that’s you, then I’d say stay home. You’ll be comfortable and raising kids is one of the most meaningful things you can do with your time. Not to mention that it’s incredibly useful to have one partner in charge of keepin…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/25 05:41 AM
1

Yeah this is the problem with much of what gets called modern feminism. “Sexual liberation” just makes it easier for men to get laid. It doesn’t help women. I don’t know a single woman who sleeps around regularly who isn’t battling some sort of trauma (and more often than not, acquiring more of it in the process of sleeping around). It’s harmful and encourages us to dissociate sex from love. I’m an outlier here in that I do identify as a feminist (mods please don’t ban me, not trying to argue or…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/25 05:33 AM
5

There’s a lot I’m not understanding here. So you normally see a female ob/gyn but you’re seeing a man…just for surgery? Isn’t it more normal for your usual ob/gyn to do your surgery? Why are you seeing someone completely new just for this rather than your standard doctor? It depends where you live, but in most cities there will also be competent female ob/gyns who can operate on you, so again I’m just super confused about how this situation arose. But yeah, boyfriend sounds weird and controlling…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/25 05:13 AM
1

Hmm, I don’t regret it yet, but I might one day. I’m in academia and am still early career. Like you, I want to be a wife and mother one day. Unlike you, my career of choice, while very fulfilling and grad school’s intrinsically worthwhile etc. etc., stable jobs are incredibly difficult to get. Doesn’t help that my man is also an academic 😅 So I don’t know. If things go sour in this relationship, or neither of us is able to find a stable job, I might end up regretting it. But I also know I would…
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/25 03:20 PM
6

Girl. One month is too early. No you don’t know yet. I think this kind of knowledge is more conditional and retrospective. 2 years in, IF (and only if) things are going super well at that point you might look back to this time and be like, “I totally knew then!” The issue is that right now, from your perspective at this time, it can still go either way. Relationships that start out like this can do complete 180s later where you find out the guy’s a loser, or worse.
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/25 03:14 PM
4

Yeah I mean being a “feminist” and hating men is clearly something she prides herself on, which means if you challenge feminism she’ll just get an ego boost defending it/ thinking she’s above you. Presenting her instead with a feminist authority who says that her attitude isn’t feminist enough makes defending the misandry less of an ego boost and even a threat to her identity as a good feminist.
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/25 06:12 PM
4

Gift her bell hooks’ book, Feminism is for Everybody. Classic, accessible feminist text written for popular audiences that really makes you think that you’re not being a truly “revolutionary” feminist if you’re a misandrist. Or more generally, just imply she’s thinking “in the box” or not embracing feminism’s radical spirit by hating men. Make hating men seem like the boring, anti feminist white ho thing to do.
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/25 03:44 PM
4

As someone who actually used to have a lot of gender dysphoria (at one point in high school, I literally felt like I should’ve been a boy and wished I could chop off my boobs, lol), three things helped me a lot. This all took place starting the summer before my senior year in hs. First, it dawned on me that if I kept on being the person I was trying to be (stoic, masc/dominant presenting, leaning hard on masculine virtues like assertiveness, rationality, or bravery and away from feminine ones li…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/25 08:00 PM
2

Ghosting should absolutely be called out. It’s one thing if the guy gave her reason to be scared of him, or to think he’d mistreat her in some way. But outside of that, ghosting is cruel and unclassy.
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/25 06:29 PM
2

I was a huge mess at 21, too, and for similar reasons. In general, I’ve not met a single woman who sleeps around often who doesn’t have some sort of trauma she’s trying to cope with. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. It definitely gets better as you get older, as long as you’re working on yourself. You want to change, right? You’re most likely to be successful if you change at multiple levels. Intellectually, I think it helps to remember that men tend to respect us less when we have casua…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/25 06:14 PM
9

Could some of the issue be solved by combining finances? Then you’re not always paying for him; instead you’re watching him pay for you both using your shared resources. Couple the fact that he doesn’t get me gifts or flowers or food items etc. without me having to remind him to get them. It sounds like maybe this is part of the bigger issue? He’s not making you feel cherished in the relationship. The saying or whatever is that in relationships women need to feel cherished, and men need to feel …
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/25 05:54 PM
5

I think red pill/ blue pill is a spectrum rather than a binary. The men you want to date will recognize RP truths (women respond well to confidence and status, men and women are different in various important ways, men experience unique challenges in dating and relationships, etc.) as well as stereotypically blue pill truths (women are human beings, women respond to more than just status (love is more complicated than beauty / status alone), men and women are similar in important ways, women exp…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/25 05:45 PM
26

The consensus on here is typically that you want to avoid explicitly TRP men—they’re usually not looking for a serious relationship, are playing a different game than us (sleep with as many women as possible), and at least personally the ones I’ve known in real life went TRP in the first place because they were kinda sad and desperate (TRP may have helped them hide it at bars, but clearly didn’t fix the underlying issue). I think one easy filter is avoid men who tell you they identify as TRP (bc…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/25 02:01 PM
3

No, I wouldn’t necessarily say that. I think it’s telling that he chose to run before the wedding. (If he would’ve done it either way, being the pos he is, why not wait until after he’s found a replacement?) After, it’s a lot harder to leave after marriage even just legally.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/25 05:00 PM
1

She’s considering converting to Islam for this guy, not an interfaith marriage
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/25 01:14 AM
24

I feel you on some of these things. I’m 28f and definitely feel the pressure to marry. I don’t think marriage is a humiliation ritual for women unless you either pick badly or find the prospect of raising a family humiliating. If you’re convinced he’d be a great husband and that you want children, the main thing standing in the way is religion. And that’s a pretty big thing. Islam and Christianity have some things in common, but Islam denies that Jesus is God and doesn’t have the New Testament. …
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/25 08:46 PM
2

Okay to level: if you’re slim and don’t have a huge chest, and have a conventionally attractive face, you can pull off these looks while still getting enough male attention to find someone. Particularly if you’re proactive on dating apps (and emphasize your waist more for the first few dates, etc.). Some men like quirky style, not all are put off by it, etc. I think especially if you’re being mindful to wear more “normal” well fitting clothes sometimes (1-2 x a week) you’d be fine. If you’re lik…
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/25 09:24 AM
2

It’s not too late for those things! Throw yourself into dating, or consider fostering. People in good positions to provide care can really make a meaningful difference through that, as long as you know what you’re getting into
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/25 08:12 PM
1

There are many options here. — He can try to do residency in a lower COL area, and you can get a less stressful job that pays less. In a LCOL area or frankly even a medium one, you can easily—with budgeting—start a family on $70k total household income. — Get a job that pays less in your current city. Even in a HCOL area, $300k+ a year goes way above and beyond what you need to support a family. — Start living very frugally and setting aside 2/3 of your income (or less, but a sizable chunk) to s…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/25 01:03 PM
3

We aren’t supposed to submit to just anyone. It requires trust, and in particular trust that our partner has our best interests at heart (which comes apart from loving someone). It sounds like your bf never earned your trust.
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/25 05:00 PM
7

My great grandfather proposed to my great grandmother within three months of their first date. They were married until she died (in her nineties), and clearly loved each other very much. The last few years he took care of her while her dementia got worse and worse. When they got married, he was 19 and she was 26, though she didn’t know he was that much younger until he had to bring a permission slip to the courthouse. Apparently she freaked out when she saw but still married him anyway lol. In t…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/25 10:50 PM
5

That’s a really difficult situation and I have no idea what I’d do. I can see it going many ways. Maybe it would be helpful to write out each option carefully? — Option 1: You stay together, and assuming he doesn’t change, you just have to be the breadwinner. If you aren’t already working a high paying job, look into trade school (the trades will be making hella money soon, with how few people are going in- this is what I’d do if I wasn’t an academic), take classes in real estate to get a real e…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/25 03:55 PM
6

Block him and move on. Low effort men aren’t worth your effort. In the meantime, focus on building your SMV and RMV. Easy ways to build SMV quickly are doing your hair and makeup every day, making sure to wear clothes that fit well and look elegant, and exercising for 30 min a day (could be a walk, or lifting weights while watching tv!) if you aren’t already, or if you are, increasing it in some way (set a goal of making your run 1km longer, mastering a new kind of squat, etc.). For RMV you focu…
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/25 09:15 PM
6

More times than I can count, I’ve wished that my boobs were smaller, because in my mind smaller= more delicate and feminine, while large= dumpy. (And indeed, in many periods of history smaller boobs were viewed as more feminine!) All I can say is that the grass is always greener. There are many ways of being sexy and appealing, and small perky boobs is definitely one of them. Embrace your natural sexiness! Also: — No one is noticing how padded your bras are, that’s 100% your self consciousness —…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/25 05:58 PM
2

This might be about slowly trying to push him to replace junk food with healthier food, and to find exercise that he either genuinely enjoys or at least can feel motivated to do. Something that really helped me cut back on sweets and junk food was learning how to cook truly delicious meals that included loads of vegetables or fruit. I try to minimize the meat, and any grains I include are always whole grains (think brown rice, whole wheat toast, whole rolled oats, etc.). That stuff can help you …
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/25 05:42 PM
1

I think there are lots of ways a man can fill this role. An oversimplified way to tell is like, would he fight someone who’s trying to hurt you? My boyfriend would for me, but he’d be pretty angry if I tried to do the same for him in most circumstances (because then he’d have to protect himself and me, which would be more work for him). I think it’s about whether your man is willing to stand up and deal with dangers to you or your family when the time calls for it. And for smaller things, it’s a…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/25 04:46 PM
7

Well that makes it considerably less weird, doesn’t it? They’re doing advocacy work and right or wrong, it’s part of the job description to approach as many people as you can. I sympathize with not wanting to be approached and with being annoyed that you’re essentially held captive at a light, but it’s not weird that they approached you.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/25 10:56 AM
2

I think I would feel this way if I hadn’t fallen in love with a subject while in college, and the switching point probably would’ve been my mid twenties. But as it is, I’m currently finishing my PhD and would love a job in academia; it’s just so competitive that either my boyfriend or I will likely have to sacrifice our career to stay together 🫠
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/25 10:52 AM
9

Honestly men who buy into redpill as an ideology are typically just not that impressive. Men’s RP content offers a black and white, reductive view of women. This is a simplistic picture of the world which oversimplifies gender and gender relations. The men this appeals to are men who are frustrated with women in some way and can’t deal with their frustration with anything that looks like nuance.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/25 12:51 AM
3

I’m neurodivergent, and literally had to practice emoting in a mirror. Think of how people you know act when they’re emoting, and try to teach yourself to emulate it. In my case, I actually had to find people to copy. I’m not kidding. I’d be like, “today I’m channeling Isabella in all my interactions,” and I’d do it. I can’t deny that it’s weird, but as an exercise it was really helpful, and now I don’t have to copy people to emote normally.
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/25 10:00 PM
5

Idk, obviously some things will be different, especially those related to attraction. But he’s just being all around kinder to you? And a better dad? Like, I see why you’re upset. That would upset anyone and that should be validated. The most charitable explanation I can think of is that he was feeling a bit depressed because of your marriage (maybe because you were depressed too- that makes all of us harder to handle), and seeing you happier and feeling more connected to you through sex and may…
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/25 06:02 PM
3

Oh ick, nevermind. OP, don’t waste time on someone who plays games with you. I know that can mess with one’s head and make a guy seem more desirable in a way. But that’s an illusion; chasing it will only lead to a toxic relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/25 08:36 PM
8

I’d set yourself a time limit on how much time you’ll waste on him. If he’s not into committing after x months, you nope out. And stick with it. Don’t sleep with him unless he’s willing to commit. If he’s dating other people, you should be too. I’m not saying go on as many dates as he does — be more selective than him and show him that you’re selective — but do be going out on dates occasionally with men who seem high quality and willing to commit. He might just be a fuck boy, and if he is, ther…
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/25 08:33 PM
2

In the end what made it click for my ex was a combination of sex therapy (having the therapist explain to him that there are many different ways to be “dominant”) and - this part is embarrassing haha - showing him stuff on ddlg. To be clear, I’m not into ddlg, but it showed him the concept of loving dom stuff, and I was able to say, “this part I don’t like, but the vibe of this other thing could be sexy,” and so on. Do you ever read erotica or romance? Or search r/sex for tips on dominant dirty …
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/25 04:45 AM
1

This sounds really hopeful (sometimes you just meet during the wrong time in life), but there’s a lot we and maybe you too don’t know here. He broke up with you because you didn’t know what you were doing with your life. But after only two months, during an intentional gap year you presumably took for the purpose of figuring it out? Maybe he’s just a decisive guy who knows exactly what he wants and didn’t want to waste your time. But I think it’s worth being cautious here. If you’ve gone on date…
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/25 05:39 PM
2

I relate to this a lot (am also a parentified oldest child), and used to have a similar issue with an ex partner. These things helped me a lot: When I wanted my way on something, taking a step back and (a) trying to really see and feel his perspective, and (b) asking myself what’s the worst case scenario if he’s wrong. For instance, when he wanted to replace our plastics with glass and nonstick with stainless steel, I initially thought he was being a hypochondriac again. But then I realized that…
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/25 05:25 PM
0

Yeah, I don’t think I see how that’s shady? Lots of people follow others using Instagram accounts that aren’t associated with their real name, for all kinds of reasons (in this case, so that OP doesn’t have to go through the effort of making a proper account, given that she doesn’t seem to have or like social media). And this woman doesn’t have to allow it if she doesn’t want it, either. She can make her account private, or restrict access for followers she doesn’t know.
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/25 01:38 AM
3

Yeah OP, this guy isn’t your husband. You can still leave, and all of this sounds like the kind of stuff that only gets worse after marriage. You say yourself that he doesn’t trust you, and all of this behavior confirms that. It’s the behavior of someone who doesn’t trust your motives (even for getting your lashes done!), who doesn’t trust you to be basically decent, and who copes with this by imposing unreasonable restrictions that are inappropriate for the situation. Is this really the sort of…
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/25 04:46 PM
3

Yeah that’s pretty suspicious. To me the weirdest parts are how shady he is about not telling you when they’re hanging out, and the Instagram pictures of just them two (esp with the captions!). If you really want to make this work, I’d suggest letting your bf know that you can’t continue without more transparency around when she’s with him. I’d also make a fake social account to follow her, and make an effort to befriend her. Like ask to be invited out with him and his friends periodically since…
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/25 04:33 PM
1

Have you thought about sending the baby clothes to Threadup? Would be something in between donating and selling. Threadup doesn’t take men’s clothes, so just give those to charity. If you’re financially okay right now your time might be worth the $$ lost. Plus giving to charity is good!
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/24 08:57 PM
9

They’re part of your in-group. Members of the same in-group often share resources and even help each other’s children. This means if you die (or are injured, incapacitated, etc.) your close others have less resource security. And increased stress, too. Studies suggest that strong friendships (with both members alive!) are important for longevity. Makes sense, given that our ability to form social ties with both extended family and nonfamily are one of our greatest survival advantages as a specie…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/24 08:49 PM
1

By ghosting, I assume you mean you were texting him and he was ignoring you for a few days? Being sick isn’t really an excuse. You can always text someone, “hey I’m really sick and might not have the energy to text normally for a bit.” If you want to have a relationship, you need to have that conversation asap. As for broaching that conversation…just ask him. Like literally just ask. The “feminine” way to ask is to ask while knowing you look great and channeling your feminine energy. (There is n…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/24 07:29 PM
2

Well, the same mechanism (female friends expressing judgments about your relationship) also protects you from men who pose a danger to you or your children. From an evolutionary perspective, that’s clearly the more important function. Evolution doesn’t care that the same mechanism also causes conflict and breakups, as long you’ve still surviving and reproducing. From an ordinary psychology perspective…maybe some women do it at a subconscious level to sabotage or compete with you. That wouldn’t s…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/24 07:15 PM
7

You’ve posted about this before OP. Doesn’t sound like a good situation. He calls her “beautiful” and raves about what an amazing person she is. And now insinuating that she’s less comfortable with you around…none of this looks good. The woman might be innocent enough, but this doesn’t look good for your fiancé. I’d consider having a discussion about boundaries and being prepared to either enforce them by leaving or wait for him to try to cheat on you.
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/24 08:22 PM
6

Mmm, no. OP has posted about this before. This woman is bad news and OP, idk why you’re still with this guy. Last time everyone gave you good advice. What gives?
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/24 08:20 PM
3

I agree that she should change these things, but I doubt they’re what’s holding her back. If your friend is being safe, these men would have to go on MANY dates with her just to see her kitchen or even learn about her unhealthy lifestyle choices in the first place. Someone who makes it that far who’s within her age range - unless she’s in a very conservative area - just isn’t going to see that as a huge dealbreaker at that point in dating. This is not what’s holding her back. I think chances are…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/24 06:16 PM
3

Having been in a dead bedroom situation before in my early 20s, while actively maintaining my appearance and desperately wanting to want sex…this feels a bit simplistic and does not capture the whole story.
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/24 12:40 AM
–

I’d just let him know that you want to talk to him about something important to you. Ask him if now would be a good time or if he’d like to schedule it. When the conversation comes around, tell him you’ve thought long and hard about it. And that you love him so much, but you can’t wait three years for marriage. You’re in your late twenties and losing youth and good, non geriatric child-bearing years. You want to be married in a year ideally. Ring earlier. You’re willing to compromise, but three …
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/24 12:29 PM
20

Yeah, this smells off. He shouldn’t be commenting on any woman’s looks to you unless you basically drag it out of him. He’s also commented on her being a good person? To me, it sounds like he’s either completely oblivious, or he’s crushing on this woman hard (or both!). If you had been making unsolicited comments about how handsome, smart, and successful one of your male acquaintances is, would he want you spending time alone with him? Even to study? Presumably not. Anyway, I think it’s reasonab…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/24 07:51 PM
9

It definitely depends on the man! My previous boyfriends basically begged me to wear basic af tight trendy athleisure. Both would’ve loved for me to wear that stuff in public as well as private. Current guy finds that stuff attractive but doesn’t want me to wear it in public (in private he’s shown through his behavior that he enjoys it, but I think is not attracted to the idea of his partner dressing that way normally). Stuff he finds sexiest seems to be…classy business casual. Lol
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/24 05:03 PM
7

I also have mostly male friends, though for other reasons than you. I’ve been trying to find more female friends and it’s tough! Church has been really good for this. I haven’t tried this one yet bc I haven’t had the time, but I think trying to pick up some majority-women hobbies could be really helpful (and joining clubs or meet up groups for those hobbies). Think anything dance, yoga, theater, knitting, painting, choir, flower pressing or arranging, baking/ cooking groups, volunteering at anim…
/r/RedPillWives08/04/24 08:17 PM
10

According to TRULY traditional gender roles (the ones most humans have followed for all of time!), both partners work a lot. The idea that men work to provide and women stay home to tend to the house is pretty new, and arose out of how the upper class (a tiny percentage of the overall population) divided up labor and responsibilities. The core of masculinity isn’t being a provider. It has to do with having certain kinds of strength, being able/willing to play protective roles when necessary, bei…
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/24 04:50 PM
6

Yeah, I didn’t just talk about the agricultural revolution or industrialization, did I? Hunter gatherers did work much less than we do currently, but my understanding is men and women put in roughly equal hours. There was never a time when most men provided resources while women sat around the home contributing nothing of economic value. I agree that our current model (both parents working 8 hour days) isn’t ideal. But I think the ideal looks something like most people working 2-5 hours a day, a…
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/24 02:00 PM
11

They’re clearly biosocial. When agriculture started, men and women were both out working long days on the farm. When cities became more of a thing, women worked quite a lot there too, in many of the same trades as men. (The Bible literally recommends marrying a woman who’ll be good at business and be your partner in the shop!) In hunter gatherer societies, everyone spent a lot of time gathering. Women did more of the childcare, and men did more of the hunting. So there was some division of labor…
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/24 01:59 AM
2

“Thank you! I am enjoying life and am very happy with my boyfriend. I’m sorry to hear I’ve been on your mind so much. We dated during a very formative period, so it makes sense we had an impact on each other. I hope you’re able to work through it all and wish you and your wife the best.” Or just don’t respond
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/24 05:40 PM
2

Why is the quiet introvert at odds with the handsome Prince Charming who takes you on adventures? In all reality, I take it you’re saying something like “Don’t go for the 2% of men that get all the matches on dating apps, look like supermodels, and will pay to take you on trips around the world?” Nothing OP said indicated that her ex fell into this category, or that she’s narrowly focused on this tiny subset of men at the expense of other good matches. That’s a problem some women have, but I don…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/24 05:00 AM
1

OP, if cost of living is a concern I do NOT recommend the Austin area. That area has a very high cost of living which is still spiking upward at an alarming rate with no end in sight. Houston and Dallas are more affordable, but not by a ton. I would suggest San Antonio or San Marcos if OP is heading to TX. Cost of living is increasing in those areas, but the starting rate is super low. San Marcos in particular is a cute but affordable area with some trendy businesses and easy access to both Aust…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/24 04:41 AM
53

According to TRULY traditional gender roles (the ones most humans have followed for all of time!), both partners work a lot. The idea that men work to provide and women stay home to tend to the house is pretty new, and arose out of how the upper class (a tiny percentage of the overall population) divided up labor and responsibilities. A lot of people have become extremely attached to this notion of gender roles. But it isn’t really traditional at all. And it’s not at the core of gender roles eit…
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/24 09:29 PM
12

There are lots of different kinds of men. Some men prefer women like her and are bored by RP women. Other men only like RP women. But the vast majority of men like both and will happily date either. The reason to be RP isn’t really because more men will like you. It’s because it’s better for your mental health, it’s classy, and it prepares you for (and gives you tools to improve) an actually fulfilling relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/24 04:41 PM
28

I get thinking you’re into older men right now. But younger men turn into older men. It’s about whether you want to enjoy men who are established and mature now, or after you’ve helped them get there and you’ve grown together. Remember too that when you’re 35 and in your prime and wanting do fun activities with kids - these guys will be 50 and slowing down. When you’re 50 and kids are out of the house so you finally have time to travel, hike, explore the countryside in an RV (etc.), these men wi…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/24 04:37 PM
3

I mean, the pump and dump method is hurtful and demeaning, and so is pretty unethical. By analogy I’d say the “reverse” is also unethical. Idk why you’d want to be that sort of person?
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/24 05:59 PM
2

Well, I used to be an NLOG. I felt rejected by other women and didn’t understand why. In high school, I began the process of learning and realized that I wasn’t better than other women. In fact, I lacked various virtues they had and this made it difficult for me to keep up in majority-female social circles. I realized those virtues are actually deeply good and important for relationships and sexual attraction. So I started trying to develop them. Obviously this sub is very helpful for that. I do…
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/24 09:15 PM
4

I haven’t been married, but I’ve been overweight in relationships before. Never had an issue with the guy not liking it or desiring sex less. I’m currently about 20-30 lbs overweight. I’m seeing someone who likes my body. Guys interested in LTRs still ask for my number. My ex (who funnily enough was super into fitness) is still telling me he wants me back and doesn’t want to be with anyone else months later. I hope this (especially the bit about my ex, I feel awful about that situation) doesn’t …
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/24 02:23 PM
1

While dating, I (27f) set my standards like this: — Must have a job and be able to make ends meet — Career must either be very lucrative or very personally fulfilling to him — No more than 3 years younger, no more than 9 years older — Must be able to do basic outdoor activities with me, like hiking, biking, etc. — Must be able to have good conversations with me — Must treat me well With those requirements, I ended up dating a martial arts instructor for a while. He didn’t make a lot of money and…
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/24 05:12 PM
20

I mean, it is a little shallow. But it’s normal, because we’re all a little shallow 🤷‍♀️ Almost every woman I know would be uncomfortable with someone shorter than her. Personally, I’m 5’5” and want someone at least 5’6”. I guess I have a hard time believing anyone’s calling you out on this. Maybe it depends where you live
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/24 02:47 PM
2

It’s one among many factors that influences how these interactions go. Others include- how many other women you’re usually around (and what they’re like), your personality, your body language, how you dress, how much makeup you wear, how approachable you seem, your social skills, etc. I’ve been quite pretty before (never model-level, but good looking), and didn’t get approached by men very often then. And now, it sometimes happens that women who I know are less attractive than me get approached …
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/24 11:26 PM
7

The pencil test?! Maybe that works for A-B cups. 😂 In all reality, as someone who has experienced sagging: — Don’t lose a ton of weight, and try not to gain much either. Try to stay exactly where you’re at. (This is the #1 biggest thing, and it’s somewhat unavoidable with pregnancy.) — Stay plenty hydrated (this helps skin elasticity) — Consume plenty of collagen and biotin — I think if you are well-endowed, wearing bras actually helps because the skin stretches less. — I’ve found chest exercise…
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/24 09:01 PM
4

Idk, maybe someone who grew up Amish? He’d have a really hard time finding anyone who’d tolerate this. And for real? He isn’t taking care of you. You pay half the mortgage! But let’s pretend for a minute that he was “taking care” of you. He’s justified having a preference and expressing that to you. But refusing to touch you when you aren’t wearing a skirt? He sounds either neurotic or controlling, or both. This isn’t a HV man, OP. Put this one back in the sea, and find one that’s less mentally …
/r/RedPillWives13/02/24 11:35 PM
3

Yeah, that just sounds…incredibly weird and unhealthy. Do you really want to put up with that the rest of your life? You can still leave; he hasn’t locked you down yet…
/r/RedPillWives13/02/24 09:38 PM
3

I know he won’t feel like we are very intimate if we just have penetrative sex. You said it yourself- it’s about the intimacy of being brought to orgasm by your partner. That’s a super important part of relationships for a lot of people. I understand how it’s a difficult position for you to be in. But (a) not everyone would be as severely impacted as you, and (b) you’re probably more damned if you don’t here than if you do. If you avoid oral so he doesn’t come to hate you later, your already-fra…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/24 01:36 PM
7

Your husband is an adult with all the relevant medical information. You’re infantilizing him a bit. Let him make his own decision. Probably the reason he’s willing to take this risk is because it’s important to him to be intimate with you, and he doesn’t see contracting HSV-2 as a huge deal (or at least, not big enough to outweigh the damage that would occur to your relationship). I just would put it out of my mind between outbreaks. On a side note: if you have this much anxiety about transmitti…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/24 01:19 PM
3

If he’s acting like this around you, what do you think he’d teach a daughter? That men can’t control themselves and the responsibility is solely on women to ensure sex doesn’t happen? Just sounds like a recipe for yet another girl traumatized by purity culture
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/24 01:04 PM
9

he only lets me wear skirts and dresses of his choosing Does he choose everything you wear? Yikes… I think it’s fine for him to have a strong preference for dresses and skirts. But dressing you up like a doll? Not wanting to be around you if you sometimes, in the privacy of your own home and for your comfort, wear pants? This is really weird. And girl, he doesn’t “take care” of you. You’re paying half the mortgage! He hasn’t even proposed! Honestly, if he’s this unwilling to compromise with you,…
/r/RedPillWives12/02/24 06:36 PM
1

Speak to a sex therapist, this is beyond our pay grade. Lucky for y’all, 2x a week is NOT bad in most of their books. Hopefully a skilled sex therapist can both give y’all tips for improving frequency, while also walking his expectations down a little bit. Btw, your suggestion about scheduled sex is a good one. It’s a very common recommendation in sex therapy and he needs to get over it if he wants the frequency to increase.
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/24 05:56 AM
2

I wonder if you can work out a deal with him. I’d start by expressing your concerns (not enough family time, too much involvement with his family, culture difference making things tough, etc.). Then find things that would help soften the sacrifice one of you is having to make. If you move there, maybe… — he’s got to agree ahead of time to a certain amount of immediate-family time each week (Ex: one date night a week, one weekend day a week spent with just you and kiddos, etc.) — he’s got to agre…
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/24 05:53 AM
5

If it’s any help, I’ve found that being chronically, unabashedly nice is always a good social strategy. Be friendly to people. Ask them lots of questions about themselves. Offer to help them out whenever you can. Always have a smile for them. If they ask too many questions about your past, be vague. “Yeah, I’ve been there. The food is good.” Or, “I’m not sure.” “Funny, I can’t remember!” Then redirect with questions about them. In the rare event that anyone actually tries to probe about your pas…
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/24 02:26 AM
4

No one is telling her to lie. Not “admitting” your full history to someone isn’t lying. In a romantic context, OP would need to say something about her past eventually. But that’s…many, many years down the road. She is nowhere near ready for a relationship yet and first needs to pick up the pieces of her life. And for the record- moving somewhere far away IS a common strategy for drug addicts who actually want to get clean. I know people who have done that and wouldn’t be clean if they hadn’t.
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/24 02:15 AM
5

I’m 27f. I’m overweight and have far from perfect teeth. I’m not even very good at applying makeup. Plenty of men have been very interested in me for relationships. This is all to say: if you’re really a ‘7,’ there’s no way this is an appearance problem. It’s something to do with your personality, and perhaps with the spaces you’re frequenting. I would read the advice on here about how to cultivate more feminine energy. And I’d also start hanging out in more male-dominated spaces. You say you li…
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/24 07:54 PM
6

Step 1: Delete all social media. Don’t make new ones (clearly you can’t handle that kind of temptation/distraction). Step 2: Move. Ideally somewhere quite far away where no one knows you. This will require you to reduce your spending and save money for a while, while also applying for jobs in locations that appeal. I’d start with jobs like waitressing, and once you’ve stabilized, you can start thinking about school again. Step 3: Therapy. If there’s a type of therapy you’ve already tried, try so…
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/24 12:52 AM
–

I can see why you’re asking about whether he’s currently still violent. But the statistics on choking in relationships are very dark, and I think this makes sense when you think about the nature of choking and how deadly it is. That he choked her once means he’s come close to killing her. Unless he’s been through an abuser program and completely transformed his life, he’s looking like the kind of guy who holds a lot in until he snaps. And when he snaps, he flirts with lethal damage.
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/24 03:28 PM
–

I think some of these comments are perhaps ignorant of the statistics on choking, so let’s be clear: he’s 750% more likely to kill you. The odds that your spouse will murder you skyrocket once they choke you. That it only happened once - and he isn’t actively violent now - doesn’t give me a whole lot of hope. It sounds like you mostly try to go along to get along so as not to trigger him. Not to mention he just threatened you while pregnant? That he has little empathy for you might seem like a n…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/24 03:21 PM
4

Just seems like overkill to make a whole thing out of one outfit one time. If you do just try to keep it subtle, and let it go quickly.
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/24 01:35 PM
1

It might be a matter of needing to build up trust and good will. I do think in general, people are more likely to change when they see their partner putting in a similar level of effort. If you really want this marriage to work, you need to commit yourself to it fully. I feel that does mean believing in him, trying your best to see the best in him, and committing to doing everything in your power to improve the relationship. That’s as much a shift in your attitude and way of seeing him as it is …
/r/RedPillWives02/02/24 09:16 PM
1

I mean, it really sounds like you have two options. Stay with your husband and accept that he may never change. Make peace with the possibility that you will have a superficial relationship consisting of sex and no emotional intimacy, where the responsibility is all on you to initiate. Maybe taking an STFU approach and reading Laura Doyle will over time make him feel safe enough to approach you for more intimate conversations. And maybe it won’t. You’ve got to truly accept both possibilities if …
/r/RedPillWives02/02/24 08:46 PM
2

Yeah, I’ve dated guys with high body counts and drugs in their past. What concerns me is when it seems like they’re still living that lifestyle. But when they aren’t (even when I’m not in the picture), I feel it isn’t a huge deal and look at other things. Guy #1 sounds like a nice man, but the inability to save at his age is a HUGE red flag. Forget the drugs! If you really like him it’s maybe worth a shot, but he’d have to be on board with you being charge of finances after marriage. And a lot m…
/r/RedPillWomen02/02/24 03:47 PM
9

Honestly, feminism (mods plz don’t ban me!!!). I went looking for the men’s red pill subreddit to have a good laugh many years ago (I used to look at it for entertainment) and once it was banned found only this. So I scrolled through this sub looking for a laugh and couldn’t find anything. It’s just a good women’s advice sub. My feminism- my concern for women’s rights and welfare- is also what kept me coming back to this space. I don’t think the liberal-feminist perspective on sex (the activity)…
/r/RedPillWomen02/02/24 02:36 AM
1

Because meeting in or through the workplace (or through a friend group full of working people!) is the best way to meet someone and get to know them organically. It’s also less pressure in online dating when the woman you meet has a fulfilling career of her own. You don’t have to worry that she’s using you for your money, or that she’s lazy, or that she has no ambitions/passions in life apart from living off her husband’s income. I think what’s most attractive to traditional men these days is a …
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/24 02:12 PM
7

You’re not overreacting or being too “liberal.” For one thing, his views on whether you’re part of the group that “should” be abused could change depending on how angry and fed up he is. And second, I think you’re absolutely right that these are not good indicators of a good husband. Age differences can be ok, but they’re not an excuse to dismiss someone (rule of thumb: if you don’t respect someone enough to listen to them due to their age..then don’t date them!!!). He doesn’t sound like a high …
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/24 02:35 PM
32

Yeah OP, I wouldn’t stay with this guy. Something doesn’t smell right. And it sounds like he’s trickle-truthing you. “Well I’ve never hit a woman.” “I mean well okay, I have. But it was light and in self defense.” Next thing you’ll hear is that he’s done it a few times, or the one time actually left a bruise. Etc. And even if not for that, he’s telling you who he is. He thinks some women deserve domestic violence. Does that sound to you like someone who is safe, or who is a protector of women? I…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/24 02:21 PM
2

Yeah, definitely! What works for one guy doesn’t always work for others. But my ex was quiet, thoughtful, into self improvement, and so on. So it was definitely the right move for him, and may be for yours
/r/RedPillWomen21/01/24 07:54 PM
2

So, I had a similar issue with an ex and this is one we actually managed to fix (we broke up for other reasons, in the end). A huge part of it was just making him aware of what was happening, and pointing out kindly and non-judgmentally that he always just went along with what I said. At first he was a little confused, but after I went through a few examples he acknowledged the issue and it prompted a lot of discussion and self-reflection for us both. We realized that it was really two problems.…
/r/RedPillWomen21/01/24 07:04 PM
26

With men, there’s just so much variation in maturity. As a mid-late twenties gal, I’ve met ambitious 19 yr olds who seem totally mature and I’d have dated if I hadn’t heard their age, and middle aged men with no aim in life who act like babies. Personally, I wouldn’t date more than 5 years younger than me. (And any guy who’s more than 1-2 years younger would have to really blow me away.) And I wouldn’t date anyone more than 10 years older than me. Downsides of dating a younger guy would be they …
/r/RedPillWomen13/01/24 12:40 AM
3

I don’t have many answers, since I’m on the spectrum myself and struggle with a lot of the same things you do (like I have very few female friends, lol). Are you looking for like, social skills advice? Advice on avoiding common autistic pitfalls (I have a lot of thoughts on that!)? Having observed a lot of autistic friends…I think the main thing we have in common- when we’re not being accidentally rude or monologuing- is just being boring to interact with. A lot of us also talk way too much abou…
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/24 10:06 PM
2

Idk, did you feel like he leads you before this? Could be that on his own, he’s an underachiever. But he feels motivated to impress the woman in his life and provide for her. A lot of guys- probably most of them, tbh- take time to really grow into the “provider/leader” role. She’s not used to seeing him in it bc he’s her child. But perhaps you’re causing him to grow into it at an accelerated rate. She’s witnessing the effects but just doesn’t realize that’s what’s going on yet.
/r/RedPillWomen30/12/23 02:43 AM
1

I haven’t seen those statistics, but if they’re legit, I just wonder what the explanation is. It could be that promiscuity causes marital dissatisfaction later in life. Or it could be that promiscuity and later marital dissatisfaction tend to share a common cause (Ex: mental illness).
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:58 PM
1

Thanks bruh. Real words of wisdom here ❤️
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:44 AM
1

So far, not having trouble keeping them. I’m always the one who has to do the breaking up 🤷‍♀️
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:42 AM
1

I relate to your friend and share most of your views expressed here! Lol
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:40 AM
2

Love this lol ❤️
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:37 AM
5

Well, depends on what’s causing the mood swings. For some men, travel itself will do that. Not much you can do to help that! But for others, it’s the lack of routine, the stress of trip planning, the stress of not knowing your schedule on the trip, or the stress of not having enough down time. All of those can be solved through better trip planning. Source: my dad and my brother are the same way!
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:25 AM
9

Yeah, just sharing from my personal experience, I was sexually abused as a kid/teen. Between this and purity culture, I kind of dissociated sex from love. It made me feel a lot better (and less impure/tainted) to pretend that sex didn’t have to mean anything. So I’d just do it whenever I felt like it was expected of me, or would bring me closer to someone I liked. Somewhere in my early-mid twenties, I did some healing and realized that this wasn’t the way. At this point in my life I’ve managed t…
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 06:06 AM
13

Well, past history can come from a lot of things. It can come from a lack of self-discipline or need for lots of male attention. Those won’t go away upon entering a relationship. But it can also come from, for example, different values in the past that the person no longer holds, or past trauma that someone has long since worked through.
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 04:23 AM
5

I completely agree with the first part of what you said, but don’t think it’s a symptom of promiscuity. I think both this and promiscuity are symptoms of online dating, social media, and living in big cities. I think most of us get fed a narrative of what romantic relationships can be, and infer things from that about what they should be. And then we refuse to settle for less, even though statistically speaking it would make us much happier and the thing we’re striving for is actually very uncom…
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 04:21 AM
4

No, and I’m not defending a culture of promiscuity. Though I don’t think the promiscuity per se is responsible for low marriage/ high divorce rates. I think they’re separate issues
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 02:01 AM
1

Lol, I can definitely remember the number. Sharing the specific number (rather than giving a range) just doesn’t feel very classy. And for the record, I’ve had no trouble finding HV guys who are into me since I made this post. 🤷‍♀️
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 01:12 AM
0

It could be (especially to some people), but overall I think a higher body count in a promiscuous culture just doesn’t signal what it does in a less promiscuous culture. It’s not the body count that matters in itself, so much as the things it signals
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 01:10 AM
48

Just to add to this- of the men that care and are truly HV, most will not ask, and rather will make assumptions based on your behavior. Body count doesn’t really matter in and of itself. What matters is what it signals about you. In women, a high body count can signal things about your values, your lifestyle, your relationship to love and sex, your self-discipline, your ability to be satisfied with new partners, what you’re willing to do to get attention/validation, and your mental and sexual he…
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/23 01:08 AM
6

It sounds like he’s trying to get you to have a more basic look. Like he wants you to wear a bunch of tight leggings, crop tops, running shoes, and stuff like that? At some point he needs to accept that that’s not your style. But as a compromise, I wonder if you might indulge him by surprising him with more revealing clothing at home? Maybe every now and then, you wear some of the clothes he likes on a date? That way, he can see you making an effort for him, and you can still remain largely true…
/r/RedPillWomen20/11/23 04:41 AM
2

In what way is she being pushy?
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/23 02:10 PM
3

Whenever they give you advice you don’t really want, say, “Thank you! I appreciate the advice, I’ll definitely take that into consideration.” Said with the right tone, it acknowledges them and makes them feel valued without seriously committing to anything. I think the trick to remember with both in-laws and your own parents is that they’re humans with their own flaws- not our overlords. They can’t actually make you do anything. When they act like you’re a child, see it as an excuse to treat the…
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/23 02:08 PM
10

Looking classy- modest but stylish, classic clothing and a lack of excess in styling choices. So no excessive makeup, trashy tattoos, insanely long fake nails, obviously dyed hair, obvious lip fillers, fake boobs or other obvious plastic surgery, insane hairstyles, and so on. Acting classy- not falling into behavioral excess on anything. This involves even simple things, like not being too loud or too quiet. Has manners but isn’t manners-obsessed. Embodies the classic virtues (which are moderate…
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/23 09:14 PM
8

I think there’s two things to pull apart here: 1) Do men want to be seen as sexually attractive? / Do men want to be sexually desired? 2) Do men want to be seen as physically/ aesthetically attractive / sexually desired for just their physical appearance? These are important to separate. Men’s sexuality is much more visual than women’s, and discussions around sexual attraction tend to center a very visual, very male perspective. As far as (1) goes: men definitely want to be sexually desired and …
/r/RedPillWomen08/11/23 08:54 PM
2

Is it possible that your husband is having a difficult time with his mental health? It sounds like he’s disengaged from the relationship. But people disengage for all sorts of reasons, mental health being one of them. If he is going through a difficult period, he might just be burned out emotionally. It’s affecting his ability to hold space for you when you’re struggling, and his ability to be present in the relationship. If so, it might be on you to “carry” the relationship for a while. Relatio…
/r/RedPillWomen06/11/23 09:49 PM
1

I’m a PhD student, so the subject I’m studying. I’m also into theology, astronomy, hiking/ backpacking/ camping, survival skills, board games, sci-fi/fantasy stuff, and poetry.
/r/RedPillWomen06/11/23 09:34 PM
2

Omg thank you, this is awesome advice! I used to be really consistent about following #1 (bc of course I fall into monologuing!!), and this makes me realize I haven’t been very consistent about that lately. The others all sound very sensible too. I especially appreciate the one about what questions to ask. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this out!!! ❤️
/r/RedPillWomen06/11/23 08:08 PM
2

That sounds really smart. When ppl who haven’t been through the same hear about my trauma, I think they infer I’m doing a lot worse than I actually am. I tend to be an open book who blabs to anyone who asks lol. Will make a concerted effort to keep that stuff more private Thanks for the advice!
/r/RedPillWomen06/11/23 04:48 PM
1

It sounds like you’ve mostly identified the issue- masking is exhausting. It also makes it way more difficult to build emotionally close friendships. Bc people can tell when you’re masking. It feels different than fully genuine connection. I know it can be hard and anxiety-inducing to drop a mask entirely. But have you thought about trying to dial it back a little at a time? Or intentionally letting it down with someone you really like for short periods? Might help people feel closer to you, and…
/r/RedPillWomen05/11/23 10:44 PM
2

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it! I think you’re right that I need to be better about setting boundaries when people ask about my struggles. I think people get the impression that I’m wounded or weak or something, when really I’m managing and prefer not to talk about it too much if I can avoid it. I’m not very good at making jokes, but I’m sure I can find a way of brushing it off that’s more authentic to me. It’s just tough sometimes to strike the balance between open/honest and …
/r/RedPillWomen05/11/23 09:55 PM
3

Not married, and I do regret the way I lost my virginity. However, I’ve had a long term relationship that ended, and I think if I’d lost it with him I would not regret it at all. For me it’s mostly the difference between long term and serious versus short term or haven’t known each other very long. (I regret the latter but not the former.) All that said- despite having a fairly high “body count” for a woman, I don’t feel damaged by it and still bond strongly with people. So there’s that!
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/23 12:57 PM
1

It really depends on the frequency and severity of insults. A few not too severe insults here or there on a bad day or in an especially heated argument are normal in the sense of “common even in healthy relationships,” though not normal in the sense of “perfectly fine, no problem.” It’s something we should aspire not to do. But regular insults? Severe insults? Name calling, attacking your character every time there’s a fight and sometimes even when there isn’t? That isn’t normal at all, and shou…
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/23 05:14 PM
2

Just be careful OP. I was in a relationship where I constantly forced myself to have sex when I wasn’t in the mood. It really sucked and made me think of sex as a chore. Ultimately it was really bad for the relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/23 01:50 PM
3

Throwing things?
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/23 01:46 PM
1

I second another commenter’s suggestion about Hinge. I’ve been on that, Tinder, and Bumble. Hinge seems to attract more high quality, relationship-seeking men. I also like their algorithm much more than Bumble/Tinder. With Bumble/Tinder I felt like I was just being shown every man who gets a lot of likes. On Hinge, I felt like the algorithm learned my preferences and after a week or so was actually showing me men who were very much my type in terms of appearance, interests, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/23 01:44 PM
2

I am “feminist” in the sense that I believe women should have equal rights under the law (personally I believe this should be the definition of feminism, but I understand not everyone feels that way). Seems like a lot of women on here are of similar mind on this. But I don’t feel like that’s a super recent thing. One can believe this ^ while also believing that there is value in traditional gender roles, that women would generally be better off if we leaned into those roles rather than resisting…
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/23 02:54 AM
1

This is a constant struggle for me too, haha. I do find that being softer/more feminine is much easier around masculine guys, and men who I respect and make me feel safe. Channeling it is easier when I try to get into a feminine mindset. I try to focus on the good/ smart in what the guy says. When a topic he likes and has more expertise in than me comes up, I smile a lot and ask him questions. I don’t hesitate to compliment him or express a little awe if it’s fitting. When he tries to take charg…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/23 07:25 PM
2

No, but at the same time there’s gotta be more to being HV than just $$$. Would much rather end up with a classy lawyer who makes a middling income but doesn’t embarrass himself (and me by association!) on Twitter every other Tuesday 😬 EDIT: Fair enough though, he was just an example. The man just makes me cringe so hard I couldn’t let it go lol
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/23 04:57 AM
2

Heh idk if I’d describe Elon as “high value” in terms of anything but money
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/23 10:21 PM
9

Well, they often…do end up together. A High Value man is a lot of things. But among them- educated, has a good career, ideally makes enough money to comfortably support a family, is good looking, isn’t gross/ a liar/ a cheater, is kind, is generally desirable as a partner, and so on. Lots of guys like this do end up with women who stay at home and take care of the kiddos full or part time.
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/23 07:55 PM
17

I think you may be mixing some things up. First, like any social movement, the RP movement isn’t a monolith. It definitely has its toxicity, and it has its more moderate factions too. Second, the men’s RP movement tends to be way more negative about “modern women” than RP women spaces. Think shitty memes comparing “trad wife” to “the modern woman.” I’d say that’s a symptom of the men’s movement often being kinda toxic toward women in general- which is one of the reasons this sub doesn’t usually …
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/23 07:41 PM
3

Yeahh, but I don’t want to lie. And I also don’t want to say, “I’ve lost count” or “I’ve stopped counting” because I worry that makes my number look even higher than it actually is 😬
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/23 07:23 PM
3

An example of looking for points of similarity: Liberal family member makes some sweeping statement about abortion. I don’t agree with it, but I understand where she’s coming from. So I say something like, “Yeah, and these new regulations are so vague. They make it difficult for women who need life-saving care for things like ectopic pregnancies to receive treatment. It’s really scary.” “Yeah, it’s tough. At six weeks you often don’t even know you’re pregnant.” “You know, if conservatives want t…
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/23 07:21 PM
3

There’s a reason many families don’t discuss politics. Personally, I suggest just looking for points where you and your family do agree, and keeping it at that. Not worth starting conflict over. If your bf is pushing you to “tell them the truth” (the truth they’re probably never going to actually receive or believe anyway!) even if it means they’ll cut you out, that’s kind of a red flag. It sounds like either he wants to isolate you from your family, or like way too much of his own identity is t…
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/23 07:03 PM
2

Just a thought- for me, any type of unnatural bodily modification (hair dying, plastic surgery, tattoo, piercing apart from traditional ear piercing, etc.) outside of extreme circumstances (disfiguring car accident, mastectomy for cancer, etc.) is an instant NOPE. Also giving up something/someone I love, or radically changing my body or personality in ways that are either completely unattainable or really damaging.
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/23 04:37 PM
3

This is a good point, but doesn’t defeat OP’s point either. In particular, her examples of men pushing their partners to dye their hair blonde or attain a radically different body type are signs that he’s just not the one for you. I think the question of what kinds of things are reasonable for him to ask and want of you is interesting and important here. Because a good man will strike a balance of accepting you for who you are fundamentally while still asking for change where it’s merited. This …
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/23 04:23 PM
1

It may not be just physical appearance, either (I mean, it could be, but there are other things). I think everyone, including guys, want to feel like their partner has a full life outside of them. Hobbies, friends, a life direction. Both Nice Guys and women who have the time to give husband-treatment to bfs of only a few months often just…don’t have much going on. This could make it feel to your partners like you don’t have a separate identity outside of the relationship. And that’s not good for…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/23 09:19 PM
2

That wasn’t the point at all, did you even read the comment? I stated i am not racist in the comment, and if I’m posting here it goes without saying I am not a liberal, lmao
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/23 08:46 PM
1

Nah, I’ve met lots of guys who were very liberal/ leftwing but didn’t need to pretend at all to get laid. Think about racial stuff. A racist society would overall benefit white people. Yet a lot of white people are genuinely very against racism (I like to think myself included!), and really aren’t pretending at all. Of course, with both race and gender, you’ll get a lot of semi-pretenders. People who do actually believe it and aren’t consciously pretending, but who came to hold their belief for …
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/23 08:14 PM
2

I’ve met a lot of liberal and leftwing men who absolutely did not need to pretend to get laid. Many of them felt more strongly than me about social issues. I’m sure some guys pretend, but it’s definitely not all of them.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/23 08:07 PM
2

…if this were a woman concerned about her man’s number…We wouldn’t call her immature for being unable to come to terms with this. After 10 months, I absolutely would say a woman is immature for being unable to come to terms. It’s a different story if they’re a few weeks in, or heck, even a few months. But dating someone for almost a year and only then deciding this is a dealbreaker is extremely fishy. I’m not saying her bf is dishonest. I’m not necessarily saying he’s immature, either. I’m just …
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/23 11:30 PM
3

A truly high value man who wants a marriage-aiming relationship knows himself and isn’t going to waste his own time. He’s either (a) being dishonest about his intentions with you, or (b) is not really as HV as you think. Taking 10 months to figure this out is a sign of serious immaturity. On a side note- I tend to think that a genuinely confident man who is in love with you would be able to get over a high n-count. This whole situation reeks of dishonesty, insecurity, or immaturity on his end.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/23 07:24 PM
5

These are all very solid points! Will be taking this to heart in my own dating life.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/23 07:18 PM
8

He definitely shouldn’t have said it like this, but he might’ve been frustrated with you for not pulling your weight in collaborative environments. Work isn’t really the time or place for submission- it’s the place to strike a balance between listening and assertiveness.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/23 01:49 AM
5

If the point is something like, “Women need satisfying sex in relationships too,” then the point is old and not unique to RP. If instead the point is, “The best male partners for ‘us’ womenses are the ones who are rough and domineering in bed and start fights with other males,” then the point is laughably false. Good ‘ol JP says a lot of things. Some of which are absurd. And others of which true but so glaringly obvious to adults with eyes that they’re just cringe and ham-fisted. This post reads…
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/23 09:30 PM
1

Everyone wants to be heard and understood sometimes without having solutions foisted on them. I’d suggest having a conversation about this in a calm/ neutral moment. You might say something like, “Babe, you know I love you and admire your intelligence. Whenever I need advice you’re the first person I want to go to. But sometimes I just need to talk through a problem without discussing solutions- I need to feel listened to and understood and commiserated with. When I bring up a problem, can you t…
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/23 07:31 PM
2

This might be a little late, but pasta aglio a olio (spellcheck me?) with some grilled chicken and an easy store-bought salad is a killer meal and so easy. The pasta just has like 3 ingredients and the chicken you can just lightly season with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and (if feeling adventurous) lemon pepper.
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/23 04:15 AM
2

You’re right, commitment is definitely the most important thing here and doesn’t mean one won’t have mixed feelings (perhaps especially if you have commitment issues, in which case you’re kind of overriding some of your natural instincts). But I can still see why OP is hurt that her bf is experiencing it like this. I wouldn’t want my partner to experience marrying me as this massive sacrifice that he’s not always even fully confident is for the best. While you’re right that bf could be super com…
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/23 04:51 AM
3

I should cope, if I want to be in a relationship with a man, at all. Idk. Like this other commenter is saying, we should be able to cope with the occasional fleeting glances. If your bf is drinking in the view, defending, and leaning into these urges rather than resisting them (immediately redirecting his gaze or attention), then that’s not a good sign. Not all men are like that, and I don’t think it’s something you should just cope with.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/23 03:41 AM
5

I don’t know. A lot of people are acting like this is about how your bf will never have eyes just for you. And sure, that’s only human and needs to be accepted. But I don’t think that’s what’s really bothering you. It sounds like his whole attitude toward your marriage is…riddled with uncertainty? He’s experiencing it as a difficult sacrifice to make, still wonders about other options seriously enough to mention it to his friend. I’ve felt this way about marriage with previous partners before an…
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/23 03:38 AM
4

I feel like there are different attitudes to have about this though. Sure, you’re giving up other options. But you can want to do it. You can experience it as overwhelmingly the right thing to do in a way that makes you content / at peace with it. Instead, OP’s bf is experiencing it as a very difficult, very big sacrifice. He can’t help but think about how it could be better with others. I can see why OP is upset!!!
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/23 03:28 AM
7

Honestly, I wouldn’t be concerned. A lot of guys his age only leave their “hoe phase” because they meet the right girl. This sounds like exactly that kind of situation. In any case, if you were just a notch on his belt, he would either have pressured you for more sexually early on or given up and left within a week or two. For a guy who doesn’t have trouble getting hook ups, it just isn’t worth it to put that much effort into one girl for so long.
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/23 08:13 PM
2

No, you’re definitely not being picky. Everyone can hide undesirable traits in person for a while; what he’s revealed on social media is a lot more telling. And for the record, it doesn’t really matter why he said what he said: he felt it was ok to talk about women that way. In public. On social media. Where it will remain forever. Where everyone, including his employers can see it. That is wild! Especially for a man of 36. Just imagine how embarrassing it would be to the one woman in your socia…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/23 08:05 PM
2

You’re saying that a 36 year old man talked about trading a “plane Jane” for a “gorgeous 10?” That’s some horny teenage boy talk lmao. The kind of thing you expect to hear from horny children who haven’t matured into thinking about women as full human beings, and realizing how gross and cringe it is to say that sort of thing out loud. I live with a lot of housemates, many of whom are men between the ages of 19 and 22. The vast majority of them have matured out of talking about women that way. An…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/23 07:18 PM
3

In my experience, guys who have lots of female friends tend to be more emotionally intelligent than most men. So if he’s not gay or effeminate, then I’d normally consider this a green flag. But still regularly hooking up with a bunch of women? Advertising his hookups on social media? That makes it sound like he’s still very invested in sexual variety, is insecure enough to make sure everyone knows he’s getting it, and isn’t self-aware enough to realize how cringe that is. This just doesn’t sound…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/23 07:08 PM
15

You don’t look fat or even necessarily overweight, though I can tell you’re not going to the gym. (A point for improvement, but not a huge deal!!) Your shirt IS unflattering. And something about the way you’re carrying yourself is not very attractive. (It’s partly that you’re hunching, but not just that.) It screams lack of confidence and makes you look almost a little frumpy? Idk if that’s the right word. Good news is you can fix 90% of that by improving your posture and clothing choices. Strai…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/23 03:22 PM
2

I wouldn’t have seen through it at 21, and I’m not stupid. In fact, I’d say I was more socially/emotionally intelligent than most men my age, which honestly wasn’t a terribly high bar (social/emotional intelligence tends to be more women’s strength!). You might be an outlier. But who knows really, we can only speculate.
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/23 01:39 PM
2

As a self-identified older man, you have a wealth of experience that this 21 year old who (OP admits in other posts) has little to no prior relationship experience does not. And for the exact scarcity-of-sex related reasons you describe, it would be very easy for a young man in love to fool himself into believing OP’s very normal, innocent sounding explanation of the app and pictures. So no, I don’t think he’d have to be “galactically stupid” not to know. In fact, for a young, inexperienced man …
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/23 12:37 AM
4

You’re not disturbed by the fact that she got him to agree to the app under false pretenses? Or the fact that she’s still reluctant to tell him the real reason she wanted the app?
/r/RedPillWomen13/04/23 12:52 AM
8

You’re not taking advice and just keep defending yourself. Let’s be real: You manipulated your bf into agreeing to a tracking app on his phone. It was manipulation, because you got him to agree to it under false pretenses. You get notifications every time he leaves a location. You regularly ask him for pictures to show you what he’s up to. You’re acting like it’ll all be fine and good if you just ask him for pictures less often. What? What world are you living in? Girl, this is such an incredibl…
/r/RedPillWomen13/04/23 12:51 AM
3

You should tell him about the body count. If the lie is bothering you now, it’s only going to bother you more with time. Just be clear that you lied to him out of shame, but the guilt has been eating you away and you’ve realized your mistake and will never lie to him again. Coming clean about this is you being firm in your commitment never to lie again. Also, you don’t have to start by saying, “I told you that it was 2 but it’s actually 12.” You can just tell him you lied about your body count. …
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/23 10:55 PM
1

Thank you, I appreciate the tips!
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 06:16 PM
1

That sounds like a good point. My brain hadn’t yet connected sex and intimacy during my sleeping around days. So funnily enough when that’s present for me now it feels all the more special.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 06:08 PM
2

Because I am Christian and I like to share my faith with my partner…
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 05:58 PM
2

Yeah, I’ll have to disclose that up front. It’s a dealbreaker for me, too. Those guys have been there for me through thick and thin, it would be like cutting out my brother. I’d break up with someone before doing that. Now of course I just really regret that phase I went through where I slept with everyone who felt “safe.” Gotta love sexual trauma lol
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 09:05 AM
3

Well yeah, I’d never lie about it. But it seems like most people here are suggesting I just not mention it unless I’m asked point blank, and maybe then to be a bit evasive. Would you just be upset if your gf lied? Or would you also be upset if she never spoke up on her own before it was serious?
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 09:03 AM
3

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I think the religious perspective is definitely interesting, as I do see Christianity as simultaneously pretty gender egalitarian and about striving for non-judgment, while also warning us against sex outside of loving, committed relationships. I’m sorry to hear that your ex is your ex. It’s always tough with our first and when we’re very in love it’s easy to think it’ll lead to marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 09:01 AM
1

Yeah, maybe in this situation I’d say something like, “It’s a number between one and five hundred. If you’re not comfy with the high end knowing me as I am now, then we’re probably not a good match.” And I think something like that is true?
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 08:15 AM
1

Thank you, I appreciate your perspective. I actually hadn’t thought it was a huge deal until I started lurking on this sub maybe 6 months ago. Have been kind of angsting about it for a while now
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 08:11 AM
1

Haha, I like that line! Thank you
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 08:09 AM
2

Thanks for all the tips, I really appreciate it! Will definitely try to be aware of these behaviors if they manifest.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 08:08 AM
3

How would you feel if he was a “Recovering High N-count guy”? If he was very judgmental of me over it, the double standard would make me quickly lose interest in him. But if he wasn’t and I knew he’d really changed (and had never been like, a sex addict or anything), this would make me feel even better. No judgment between us. The past is rough. As far as being above suspicion goes, I’m definitely not a flirt. But I probably wouldn’t go to the extreme of ignoring someone. I also have a few close…
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 08:06 AM
4

This is an interesting perspective, thank you. I do wonder if that would be on the back of my mind all the time. A couple of the people I slept with back in the day are actually some of my closest/oldest friends (haven’t been remotely sexual in a very long time of course), so part of me does wonder if aspects of the conversation would have to come up eventually. I wouldn’t want to lie even by omission.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 07:43 AM
1

Thank you for the tips, I’ll bear this in mind going forward.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 03:45 AM
-1

That’s comforting to hear haha
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 03:44 AM
8

Thank you for your thoughtful reply- it’s both informative and comforting. If no one is going to ask I won’t worry too much about it, and will focus on being the kind of person I want to be now.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/23 03:15 AM
2

In my experience, the people who can’t handle friendships with those who don’t share all their values are deeply insecure about their own values and identity. That’s why it’s threatening to interact with people different from them. And like…there do need to be some values in common. I also understand not wanting to constantly fight about ideology. But I have many friends from across the political and religious spectrums. These friendships work because we focus on our similarities, don’t initiate…
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/23 06:27 PM
1

Our gut reactions can be there for a reason, but it’s important to understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes they come from our own insecurity, obsessions with purity, or fixation on details we don’t like at the expense of the whole. Is there any chance that some part of you feels inferior to these women? Or resentful that they’re accepted in ways that you feel you aren’t? Do you ever find yourself fixating on their differences from you (in values, in style, etc.) or on qualities you see a…
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/23 06:09 PM
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