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SwordfishVegetable38 Archive

View 2 posts and 31 comments by SwordfishVegetable38 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Not as important as teeth evidently
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:42 PM
2

8 years sober. Alcohol is not the answer. Find a recovery meeting. Alcoholics Anonymous has meetings running almost everywhere 24/7. Even if you're not an alcoholic but have a drinking problem, you are welcome. You can just sit and listen. People will greet you and welcome you. No judgment. At least you won't be alone, and you won't be drinking for an hour or two. And if you are not an alchy and you go to meetings and are not drinking for a couple of months, big deal. If you are an alchy and you…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 10:33 AM
1

What is happening with the comments on this post? In my humble opinion, your suffering is self-inflicted. You don't want to move on. You want your old life back with her. You're convinced that if everything lined up perfectly, you could have the fairy tale romance you've always imagined. The part of you that is clinging to these ideas has to die. Not a physical death, but a death of the self. This identity that you have with her, of who you think you are. In your EMDR work, haven't you found tha…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 10:25 AM
19

What is it like to date yourself? No, seriously. Imagine going to a nice dinner, dressed up, and you're focused on what it's like to be with you? A therapist I saw challenged me with this. I was traveling for work in Florida at a resort. I made dinner reservations for two (even though it was just me). Got myself ready like I was going to meet someone for a dinner date (which I had had one previously at that point in the divorce), showered, and looked my best. Went to the restaurant, sat on the b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 10:10 AM
4

Another thing women don't want to admit to and even find reason to take offense to. (At least my ex-wife was offended when I showed it to her). As one of the previous guys commented on, we're problem solvers. More often than not, in my experience, women are seeking validation before solving the problem. That exhausts us. It's Not About the Nail
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 11:42 AM
8

What part of this is a healing journey? It's riddled with unhealed trauma and distress.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 10:58 PM
9

I will say fault is a treacherous claim, and regardless of context, never one-sided. Infidelity, promiscuity, adultery, and whatever you want to call it has deeper underlying contributing factors. Poor financial decisions are often uninformed, and given the opportunity, one would not repeat the process. Substance abuse is often related to addiction, which is classified as a disease. Nobody is at fault for their biological or genetic predisposition. Now, it can be argued that if you have access t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 10:54 PM
8

The story of sex and committed modern couples often tells of a dwindling desire and includes a long list of sexual alibis, which claim to explain the inescapable death of Eros. Too many couples are having infrequent sex even when the partners profess to love each other. They are too busy, too stressed, too involved in child-rearing, and too tired for sex. And if all this isn't enough to dull their senses, then it's the antidepressants meant to alleviate the stress that set off the final unraveli…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:35 AM
7

There is a lot of material about this available in books or online. Personally, my entire understanding about sex in marriage changed when I read 'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel. It was too late to use in my marriage, but I look forward to using what I learned about myself in a future relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 10:38 AM
2

If I can help DM me
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:38 PM
6

Keep up the work. There is no magical timeliness on these things. As for the drinking and lack of support, have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous? It saved my life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 11:31 AM
3

You don't want things the way they were. You want things the way they could be. The way things were got you to the way things are. Good counseling will help you see how things could be, for you and the next healthy relationship you get into.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 11:04 AM
15

You need to immediately start making contact with people in your life. IMMEDIATELY. Your father, a brother, a friend (preferably a man), a buddy from work, he'll even an old school friend or childhood friend. Call all of them. Drop the ones who ask you to try harder or ask you to look at yourself. Don't call them anymore. Keep calling the ones who know how to listen, to ask questions, or who have been there. Then you're going to get a therapist. You're going to make weekly appointments and keep …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 11:11 PM
8

She just wanted to "have some fun". The answer is still no.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:54 PM
3

No
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:53 PM
3

If you're still doing the same stuff expecting different results it will suck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:06 PM
2

The way I have navigated this came to me from a question my therapist asked me: Was I still in love with her, or was I in love with the idea of her? I did some journaling on the question and realized I like who I was in those moments. I enjoyed who I got to be when I felt loved and known by another intimate relationship. But why did I need someone else to provide that for me? Why couldn't I feel that way without needing someone else? Try thinking about yourself. What and why it means something t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 08:38 PM
1

Sleep as much as you need. Grief is an amazing weight loss program. Don't fret. The appetite(s) will return. If you're not in therapy yet, get in it. ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 10:45 PM
6

You will never, ever, get back what you once had. Nor should you want to, because what you once had brought you to where you are. Divorced. You're not waiting for your ex. You're waiting for something that you've identified with safety, security, and familiarity. You're looking for an easier way to get a relationship where you can feel good about yourself. Without all the hard work, soul searching, necessary change. You're living with the ghost of an idea. I know because I have had to grapple wi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 07:34 PM
9

As a recovered alcoholic I will say that nothing came before the drink, regardless of how much I loved or needed it. Like the proverb that says: the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man. At times, I thought I was regaining control only for it to get worse. I wasn't drinking because I liked alcohol, I was drinking because I didn't like being sober. That's a hell of a place to live. As for anger, it has wisdom to it. It is trying to tell us something when i…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:18 AM
4

As my therapist said, it's good to evaluate. Just don't torture yourself dancing on the head of a pin trying to understand the things that can not be understood.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:21 PM
2

I don't think that applies here. She has acknowledged she's throwing something good away. She honestly believes she will be alone for the rest of her life (she has a major physical disability and chronic genetic disorder). I feel bad for her in that regard. There's an excellent chance that I will be able to find another relationship. If I want that. Because I am a damn good man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:20 PM
1

She was done with the marriage at least a year before. The troubling thing is I thought we were working on things, at least I was. Then, she got into a long-distance emotional affair with an ex-boyfriend from high school. That's still going on. It's none of my business what the two of them do. That speaks more to who she is and who he is than it says anything about me. But looking back at my journaling from the last five years, the writing has been on the wall. I was in the belief system that I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:15 PM
5

😄
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:05 PM
4

If you're not happy, get out. She's going to ruin your finances and tarnish any hope of a financial future. Keep records of everything, including dates and times. Bank statements, phone records etc. Everything. You're going to need it to get custody of your son.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:05 PM
2

Thanks for the recommendation, I will check those out
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:08 PM
4

Thank you for sharing. I am being transformed by the process. And I am finding that I like who I am becoming. Just not so much the process which requires pain.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:06 PM
3

Love the Dirk the Daring reference! My therapist suggested a few months back by taking the high road I was trying to show I could "win the divorce." Meaning, be the best version of myself. The problem she suggested was that I was possibly trying to sidestep my anger, resentment, and hurt. That those things needed attention and, if not acknowledged, would leak out elsewhere. Not the least of which could be health complications (heart attack, stroke, hypertension). Divorce is messy, and sometimes,…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:05 PM
4

I am still chewing on the question, but ultimately, at this space and time, I am leaning into the concept of loving who I am. The nuance is how to be that version of me without someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 02:56 PM
3

What would Jesus do? He would have stayed single (so no divorce), renounced worldly possessions (so no mortgage), and only been friends with the Thai prostitutes. He would have also been dead by this age. So maybe not a great reference to ask what you should do. Seriously though, a lot can change in a year. Keep your head where your feet are, and stay out of the business of predicting a future you can not see. Focus on what you can do today to make the changes you want in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 02:22 PM
3

I wanted to edit it but can't figure out how. Any pointers are welcome! As I mentioned, first time posting.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 01:54 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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