TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

TerribleAmbassador69 Archive

View 0 posts and 47 comments by TerribleAmbassador69 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

I hate that the life I wanted was destroyed. But honestly, I’m happier than I was when I was with her. Life is just…more difficult with twice as much to pay for. Despite the stressful financial obligations, I am much less stressed and lonely.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 01:53 AM
4

I hate the term “narcissist”. It’s an abused term. You mentioned the thing I mourn the most, the random kitchen conversations. I get the notion to remain close to your kids. I believed that was a major reason for me staying in the home during divorce. However, over time I found myself avoiding my ex so much that I was confining myself to the basement more and more. My kids weren’t coming down there as much. I couldn’t stand being in the same room as my ex, and bc she’s so social and loud, she wa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:05 PM
3

My GAL was “one of the best”. She sucked so bad. Didn’t do shit. I asked my attorney if we could dismiss her. Attorney said that wasn’t allowed and if it was it would look really bad on my part. Hiring the GAL is a top 5 worst decision I’ve ever made.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 08:18 PM
2

You’re in a very hard spot. Part of the pain is made worse by not allowing yourself to acknowledge the very difficult circumstances you’re in. Be kind to yourself. Sounds like you do a lot of amazing things and love your daughter well. It’s so great that you see her love of her mom and want to support that! And you’re the stable parent in her life. Single-parenting is very difficult. You should feel burnt out…bc you’re living a harder life than what would be “normal”.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:40 PM
5

It’s a fucked up system. It sucks. The sooner you give up hope that there is justice and just go about your day, the sooner you free up some mental space and emotional anguish from disappointment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:43 PM
5

It is supposed to be basically what you were already obligated to and paying naturally. What eats us alive is adding that to a second household budget. Under one roof, it’s not an issue. Having to pay that to support the other house in addition to paying your new rent/mortgage plus some of those same household expenses is very difficult. My old mortgage as a dual+ income family was $1200/month. My regular parenting expenses were totally fine. Didn’t even really calculate them. My current rent is…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 07:11 AM
3

I let women know where I was in the process pretty early in the chatting phase. Some had already lived through it and understood how the process works. Some wanted to wait until the divorce was finalized. Some wanted to call it off bc they didn’t want to be the rebound. It’s a case by case situation. I got a huge self-esteem boost seeing that I wasn’t the hot garbage my ex led me to believe. Don’t lie. Don’t feel bad for wanting to see what’s out there. Respect that each woman is different and c…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:08 PM
8

Heads up. The 11th hour of my divorce, my ex said her parents gifted us $50k for our marital that was not considered a gift for both of us. I told my attorney that was bullshit and any money they gave us was a marital gift—not a personal one. My attorney said it didn’t matter (in GA, if you’re curious). To say I was livid is a drastic understatement. You need to get your lawyer’s advice about marital property. I trusted Reddit and other sites and assumed marital gifts were 50/50. Not a fun time …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 06:22 PM
5

You can remain in the home during separation as divorce is in process. It sucks. I was in my home for over a year. I moved out after mediation and lived off credit cards for about 9 months. Once the divorce finalized, I used the settlement equity to pay down my debts and am siphoning off it to pay my high rent. It’s a struggle.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 01:41 PM
5

I mowed over her garden. The GAL said THAT was why I wouldn’t be granted 50/50. Not at all worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 12:53 PM
1

15yo can decide. The GAL will support their decision unless there is grotesque abuse going on. Even then they might not overrule the 15yo’s decision. Adding a GAL will cost thousands of dollars for their retainer plus thousands more in your own attorneys’ fees bc the case will be extended for an “investigation”. DO NOT HIRE A GAL FOR A 15yo.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 08:47 PM
6

I’m sad with you that you’re in the thick of it. It sucks really bad to lose your whole identity. As cliche as it sounds, it rings true (most of the time). It will get better. The only through the grief is to go through it. There are no shortcuts. You’ve got to accept this new reality. You can be angry that you are forced into this situation. You can be sad you’ve lost everything you knew and loved. You can feel all those things and more. They’re valid feelings bc it’s a kick in the nuts. But th…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 12:36 AM
3

I used to believe similarly to you. I can empathize with you. I think if you truly believe what you’ve said, then you would be best served delving into a monastic life with a monk mentor. You don’t necessarily need to become a monk, but that lifestyle and their influence is really going to be the community that will support you. If you’re in an evangelical community, you’re not gonna remain single. The odds are stacked against you. Your post demonstrates your own internal struggle with how you w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:13 PM
15

Mine finalized almost a month ago. It took almost 2 years, and over a year of that was me sleeping in the basement on a borrowed bed and curtain wall. Moving out helped tremendously. I did therapy for a little over a year. Read/listened to some books. Found solace in films, shows, books, music, where I could see other people living life through shit experiences and be okay. I lived in a toxic marriage where I allowed myself to be manipulated into believing I was a horrible monster. I lost my fai…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:14 PM
1

I was in the 800s. Living off credit cards and 0% apr (foolishly) believing she would cooperate and get things settled so I could use the equity to pay everything off. Now my credit is in the 600s and she has delayed everything. But after living in the basement with a curtain for a wall for over a year, I couldn’t take it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:36 AM
9

OP, I hear you. To me, you’re making sense. You’re thinking of right and wrong. I agree with you. Unfortunately, one of the biggest and hardest lessons I’ve learned in my situation is that believing there is justice in family law is foolish. She and her lawyer can snicker and be as unprofessional as they want. It does not make a difference. You and your lawyer can be as professional as possible. It does not matter. You MIGHT get lucky and have a compassionate judge in the right kind of mood to t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:25 PM
7

Though I echo and respect much of this advice, I’d like to offer a slightly different suggestion. Marriage takes both parties being committed to it. You’ve built a family together. It’s special and important. If there’s a chance it can be salvaged, try. But I think the only try left is to have a heart-to-heart ultimatum. Either we are both in this 100% or we are done. All in or all out. Both of us. If she can’t be all in with you, then follow all the other advice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:47 PM
10

Mines not diagnosed, but has many of the traits. When things got to a breaking point, I died inside. I apologized over and over to her that I was an abuser (I’m not). She even sat our kids down so I could apologize to our kids for what I’d done to their mother. I knew the only way forward was to accept guilt for anything she accused me of and apologize. Then hours later I was told to “repent” again and apologize again. I thought that was how I would live. But I only lasted one day. The next day …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 12:40 PM
1

Same. Anything you say or do or don’t say or don’t do can and will be used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:54 PM
2

I paid the GAL retainer. It didn’t help me. At all! (And that shouldn’t matter). But, I still got screwed by my GAL—one of the best, apparently.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:11 PM
2

I understand your fears. They’re valid bc she’s batshit crazy. Tbh, she sounds way worse than mine, but here’s something I learned through my enslavement to my abuser. You can never apologize enough or take the blame enough to satisfy her. You will only give more of yourself away. You will get to the point of fantasizing about your own disappearance. Your kid will grow up with the trauma of two miserable parents; so, you’re not really protecting him. It won’t get better. It will get worse. If yo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 02:24 PM
2

I have a lot of kids. So, by renting for the next several years, I will no longer require the same amount of space when I’m ready to buy, which will make finding a suitable home easier (I hope). Plus, who knows if I will meet someone between now and then. A lot easier to give up a lease than a mortgage. Or not. But this is what I’m doing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 05:20 PM
3

I’m far less amicable, and we decided to both remain in the kids’ school district. So I’m still in the burbs. My thought process was to rent for the foreseeable future. Interest rates are still insane. Housing prices are unobtainable for me right now. So, I’ve decided to rent for almost 2x what my mortgage was, knowing that it’s only temporary. I’m still waiting on the equity from the marital home, but even if I used a large chunk of that as a down payment, I would still be paying about 2x my ma…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:29 PM
6

For serious, OP, I am sad for you and your kids that she destroyed the family you thought you had. I’m sure that in hindsight, your family dynamic was toxic. The vision of family you lost probably did not reflect a healthy life for you or your kids. Your ew is awful for what she did. At the same time, it’s a crooked gift to you and your kids. You can become a healthy person and show your kids what a happy life looks like. It doesn’t sound like she’s remorseful of the damage she’s caused you all.…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 03:04 PM
4

That’s gAsLiGhTiNg!!! You can’t ask these questions bc she will find some way to manipulate the situation. She will twist it around so that you are the asshole for having the audacity to be reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:53 PM
4

That woman destroyed the life you had. Anger, deep anger is what you should feel. From this post, you’re proving how strong a person you are. You’ve got everything thrown at you all at once. It is legitimate trauma. I echo the advice to not have a gf rn. It won’t fix things and will be painful for everyone involved. Spend some intentional time today (and daily) to focus on one reason you’re angry. Our emotions are ways our bodies inform us that our needs are or are not being met. Clearly, your e…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 11:24 AM
4

Some things that have helped me. Maybe give them a try. They might or might not work for you. I read (listened to) Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. (It’s not about speaking with violent words; it’s about connecting your feelings/emotions with your met/unmet needs. Being able to focus on the needs behind my feelings was helpful in seeking strategies to meet unmet needs. There’s an app called Humanly that’s good for learning about this and trying to practice it. I learned how to me…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 08:48 PM
14

If she had said, “I was wrong. This narrative is not true. I’m sorry for what I’ve said and done. I will tell the truth to everyone I slandered you to. I will work on ways to change my patterns of behavior. I will pause these certain aspirations I’m obsessed with right now. I will choose to love and honor and respect you.” I would have cautiously but truly accepted it and worked my best to work it out. But let’s face it. That was/is never gonna happen.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 05:32 PM
6

OP, I hear you on this. My stbxw didn’t complete discovery. I thought it would be good for me. My first attorney sent a couple of good faith letters that did nothing. Then she fired her first attorney. Then my attorney quit. My new attorney sent another letter. Discovery was still incomplete. We sent another letter. Her attorney threatened harassment for me asking for the same damn answers she should have given the first time. Then my attorney said to just leave it alone. OP, my lesson in that e…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 09:20 PM
7

You’re still doing good.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:29 AM
3

My ew isn’t a narc, but has some similar traits. So while she doesn’t go off to the same extremes, she’s better able to fly under the radar. Anyway… The gym doesn’t really help me that much. But Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication was great for me. It helps me associated met and unmet needs with my feelings. It’s helpful to see why I feel angry or sad or frustrated or whatever negative emotions. I also sometimes try to think according to Internal Family Systems so as to acknowledg…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 09:56 PM
2

Also…only a very small percentage of cases make it to the judge. And of those that do, many of them have already settled custody in mediation—where the GAL does not need to provide any justification. If you want a full report, another exorbitant fee. At that point, what’s the point?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:04 PM
4

I had a very well respected GAL. I wanted greater than 50/50 bc my ew was telling my kids and others that I had abused her sexually. (I did not). I thought her psychological state was harmful to the kids. The GAL gave a recommendation that mom be primary parent. She said that if mom and I could agree to different terms from the specific recommendations she would sign off—except for 50/50. She (GAL) said she would not agree to 50/50. The “investigation” the GAL did for my case was to have a 1 hr …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 01:12 PM
10

From the few posts from women in here, I think bad form is usually spotted quickly and called out for what it is. I don’t know how you block all women from joining a subreddit. Are we going to request dick pics before people are allowed in? I’m also sensitive to the term gaslighting and think it’s too flippantly used to mean “you disagreed with me” or “your perspective lacks truth (or whatever)”. I think some women can add good perspective here. And some can learn here. I don’t see women gasligh…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:20 PM
2

Prove she’s had an affair and file based on that. Done sleep with her bc that will nullify that the affair is the cause. I’m not a lawyer. If adultery is the cause, usually alimony goes out the window. And possibly some other equal division of assets. But def talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 03:47 PM
2

I was pursuing ordination. It was my dream. Spent the last decade pursuing that career/vocation. My EW wants to do that as well. She’s a very talented musician and “worship leader”. She went crazy and made a bunch of false allegations. Her boss and our priest chose the easy “BeLiEvE aLl WoMeN” and the cowardice of keeping the ship running on Sundays. Stopped talking to me once divorce was filed. Gave her a raise. A lay priest who has been in family law for over 50 years and has seen all the bull…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:03 PM
1

Lots of depends. Your question about how much it will cost for you to pay your attorney also depends. But I’m above $20k on my side alone. And still not done. Tried to settle, but since ew filed, I can’t drive the process…if we end up in court, I’ll have another $10k for the bullshit. Ew is still asking that I pay her attorney fees. Not likely I’ll have to, but it’s still technically on the table. The whole process is a shit show where people are royally taken advantage of and screwed over.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:51 PM
5

Also…I’d stop trying to coparent. Focus on parallel parenting. Do as much as you can without having to involve her. Don’t shut her out, but don’t try to be a team. Healthy marriage partnerships are the best. Then healthy coparenting. But it sounds like those are out of the question. Next best thing (and what is statistically more common) is positive parallel parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:25 AM
2

This might be somewhat encouraging. To see that you’re really not alone in this: https://www.cpdilemmas.com/
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:22 AM
3

Normal bedroom discussions and negotiations about sex were retroactively determined to be badgering and not truly consensual. Ergo, I coerced sex from my wife, which she morphed into saying that coerced sex = rape. My first response was, “no. That’s not what I recall.” To, “well, I mean, if you feel so sincere about this, I am so so sorry. I will completely change the ways I ask for sex. I’ll completely stop.” Then when it wouldn’t happen and I would throw as many signals as possible that I need…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:43 PM
2

My stbxw is currently the worship director at a very prominent church in our denomination. She filed based on delusional claims. She got a raise shortly after filing and she is in seminary. Would have been nice if the priest/her boss had the balls to at least put her on suspension so she could figure things out. Nope. She’s too good at leading music and he was too afraid of scandal if she told people he ignored claims of sExUAl aBuSe. I was not abusive, but she got it in her head that I was.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:24 PM
1

How far along is she? My stbx had what I called “I hate everyone especially my husband” first trimesters. 2nd was her best self. 3rd was standard difficulty for a woman ready to drop a baby.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:14 PM
4

I’m just…so sorry this is happening to you. I don’t have any advice. But I am baffled with you at how unjust the justice system is. There is no fairness in family court.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 03:06 PM
17

I’m so sorry this has happened.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 11:32 PM
3

I’m in a similar situation. Filed in October 2022. I’m the only one with incentive to move it forward.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:00 PM
6

I’m on the tail end of my divorce. I’ve been forced to live in the basement on a borrowed bed and a curtain for a wall. We’ve been in this process for a year. My first attorney (who quit the day before I was supposed to meet with the GAL he recommended(!)) didn’t want me to leave the home bc I would lose any opportunity to return. And it would negatively impact my custody options. Wife was telling my kids and friends and family I had raped her. I had recordings of this. I had affidavits from her…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 06:48 PM
2

“Would you leave me if I had cancer?!” That’s a great line to pull on the old heart strings.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 03:59 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter