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ThatSeemsPlausible Archive

View 0 posts and 22 comments by ThatSeemsPlausible on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

“Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum is a straightforward read to help evaluate this kind of decision. It is a series of questions, with a discussion following each one around what decision you may want to make based on your answer. If nothing else, it can help pinpoint a specific issue to work on, or to decide that it is time to end things.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 09:56 PM
1

I’ve listened to his podcasts, and checked out one of his books. For what it is worth, his advice isn’t unique, and has similarities to the Divorce 180, or to the Married Red Pill subreddit, except packaged with a humanity and compassion that doesn’t exist in that subreddit. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive, etc. I think his stuff is a great resource to help men feel empowered about their lives through a difficult situation. I think the real value is in becoming the person you want to be, an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 01:00 AM
3

Are you joking? Many states still have laws criminalizing private sexual decisions between adults. Those have been found unconstitutional and so can’t currently be enforced, but that may change with this decision.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 05:54 PM
7

Seriously. States could make birth control illegal. Republican presidential candidates have proposed making oral sex illegal, and this case could allow that. There are a lot of basic personal privacy rights that could now be subject to state or local laws.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 02:55 PM
4

I stuck with it for a long time, even when it seemed like it wasn’t going to work, until just recently deciding I’m done. And during that time, I worked on myself and my own issues that contributed to our problems. Lots of people have criticized me for staying this long, but I don’t regret it. I can leave knowing that I’ve done all I could while being true to my own wants and needs. And having worked through my issues more, I’m less likely to carry that same baggage into another relationship. Wh…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 10:37 PM
1

Live and learn.
/r/seduction29/01/22 04:02 AM
5

He could have said “Hey, looks like you two are having a great time catching up. But I’m really just here to get to know [Date]. How about I leave you two to catch up, and I’ll text [Date] to meet up again.” That stands up for himself a little more than just heading out without explanation. It also creates an easier situation for [Date]. She may have felt trapped between her friend’s aggressive personality and OP, and not sure how to manage the situation. He could have pointed out the situation,…
/r/seduction28/01/22 09:11 PM
1

I also want to recommend the Mankind Project (I joined when it was looking like I was divorcing, although that is now less certain). A lot of men join during times of difficulty or crisis, but also stick around because it is a great way to meet other men and to get support when needed. OP, if you are interested and can’t find a group through the website linked above, feel free to message me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 10:48 PM
3

Men have been in this situation before. For some it has worked out in trying to keep trying (you can find stories in other subreddits, but probably not here, since this is more focused on men who are divorcing). For others it hasn’t. You have to make the decision for yourself whether to keep trying. You might want to check out Husband Help Haven. It has decent advice for this type of situation, aimed at figuring out how to get you to a better place whether or not the marriage recovers, including…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 05:49 AM
2

It sounds like this is something that could be worked through in couples therapy—working through your learned behavior in response to her anger, and potentially reconnecting. Is that something you want to do, or do you just want to end it and move on?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 06:21 PM
1

That sounds like a hard belief to have—feeling responsible for the emotional health of the relationship, especially when it ties into your profession. I could imagine that leads to feeling like you are at work all the time, or at least have to be “on” in that way. I’m a firm believer that one person changing themselves can change the relationship. Even better if they just do it, and don’t spend time talking about it. And some of those changes are ones that, as men, we’ve been told are selfish. T…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 04:04 PM
2

It is hard to draw boundaries when you haven’t in the past—my wife knew that I was working on that, and wanted me to draw more boundaries for myself, but still had a hard time when I did it around a few things. Another resource that can help is “When I Sat No I Feel Guilty” by Manuel Smith. Also available on audible. Yet another is Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. Although he doesn’t refer to them as boundaries, it is mainly about the process of growth that happens in a marriage (or LTR) w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 03:24 PM
3

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover? Given some of what you describe, I’d recommend it. It isn’t about being an ass, but about learning to develop your own boundaries and being assertive for your own needs. Which has the effect of (1) becoming responsible for your own happiness, and (2) becoming a more attractive partner that doesn’t look to their spouse for validation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 02:44 PM
3

Start now, focusing on yourself and how to get yourself better. All you can ever really do—whether married or single—is work on yourself, your feelings, and your behaviors. If you can make changes in yourself to get yourself healthier, chances are good there will be some changes in your relationship too. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/19 06:39 PM
3

I’m not yet divorced, but if you want to keep open the possibility of a relationship with them in the future, and you can afford to keep making these payments, why not keep making them? If five years from now your kids realize they’ve been wrong to cut you out, but you kept helping them out financially even when you didn’t have to, it may make it easier to reconcile. A way to show that you are a generous and caring parent, even if they’ve turned against you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/19 08:44 PM
1

Why not put in some effort to make something happen to make things better? Sure, that will be hard, but consider weighing the difficulties of that compared to the difficulties of going through a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 04:50 PM
1

I hear that you’ve set a timeline, and I know that gives a sense of control and autonomy over your life and the process. But I’d also encourage you to be flexible if things are improving. Recovering from abuse isn’t a quick process, and as long as she’s making an effort (through both individual work for her and couples work for you), it might be worth sticking with it and focusing on the positive improvements, even if they are small.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/19 11:58 PM
2

Focusing on the easiest item, why can't you cook for dinner what you want to cook? What is holding you back from that? If you wife and kids want to eat something different, why can't you cook your own dinner?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/19 02:01 AM
2

Try finding a better individual therapist that will focus on your issues. I had to try a couple, and I'm not sure that the one I have now is great, but I'm getting more out of it than prior ones. It is worthwhile to really take some time to figure out what you want and who you want to be outside of your role as a father and husband. Then decide on the marriage. If you divorced, what would you do differently with your life? How would you be different? Why can't you do those things or be that pers…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/19 01:19 AM
1

Eh, it may be too late, or it may not. If you are going to change, then change. Don’t tell her you are going to change (or at least don’t tell her more than one time), because then it starts to look like all talk and no action. For consideration: https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ Edit: I should caveat, that blog post is written around infidelity, but the same concepts can be applied when one partner wants to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 09:03 PM
6

Yeah. Take a good hard look at yourself and ask whether you would want to be in a relationship with yourself. Are you the man that you want to be? If not, you’ve got some work to do. Maybe doing that work will save your marriage, or maybe it won’t, but you should do it either way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 06:23 PM
2

I want to echo the second point. Relying on your kid to be your best friend and emotional support is not fair to him and is going to create issues for the kid in the future. Being a parent is incredibly rewarding, but you need to develop your own identity and friends outside of your role as a dad.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/19 04:28 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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