TheWormTurns22 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	Terminating child support payments		TheWormTurns22	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/24 02:04 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	How bad will it be financially for me? It can also depend on mediation. 94% of divorces settle in mediation, rather than go to court. This is where you both agree to the conditions, sign off and a judge usually approves. You make offers, she rejects, modifies or agrees to them. My lovely spouse earned about $106K in 5 years of income, but refused to show any paperwork for it, account for it, or anything. She also totally owns two lovely properties that are in another continent. Technically, I should get 50% of all but instead I got n…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/11/24 06:27 PM
3	Am I still grieving? knowing it's not YOUR fault, it's THEIRS, 100% theirs, that is some comfort. Your value remains intact. it was just wasted on the wrong target.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/11/24 01:52 PM
9	Am I still grieving? You are likely soon to get a lot of posts congradulating you on getting past this at a mere 31, and not in your 50s or 60s when all your best years are behind you. You have your best years ahead of you, that should count for something. You should also consider, since your marriage so brief, and since she left you for the opposite side, did she REALLY ever love you? are you able to look back and see all the hints and signs that no, she never cared about you at all. Not even know your story, and I…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/11/24 01:09 AM
1	I don't know to how navigate my divorce or do it. Not sure why you give such a long story, then say you can't prove it. Of course you can prove it, document everything you said with screenshots and receipts and so on. Collect everything you can, maybe even private investigation to take pictures and such. Absolutely YOU file for divorce and make sure lawyer has your proofs. Push for mediation, and inform her it'd be a shame if all this came out to friends and family and such her adultery, clearly spelled out here, so how about a break in the chi…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/10/24 02:13 PM
4	What to do with wife that has MNTLissues but is in denial I would look up Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder on youtube, educate yourself, is it REALLY aspergers or one of these? In any case, there's advice on how to survive someone like that, maybe its applicable to your situation. Like the "gray rock" method. "aspbergers" or "emotional IQ" may just be fun terms for completely lacking empathy or compassion, a classic Narc trait. Once you learn more about these, you can keep your sanity better. I had to divorce mine a…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/24 12:03 PM
2	Wife with Borderline Personality Disorder r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/24 11:37 AM
4	Wife with Borderline Personality Disorder I can absolutely relate, and I was in your situation. I stayed in the marriage, because if I am around, i'm at least a silent witness to counter her raging lies against me. Ultimately the kids will have to decide themselves who is lying and who is truthful. Please note you must NEVER badmouth mom to your kids, speak of her in neutral words, or best don't talk about her at all. You are in a bad place being gone so much, is it possible you can get a better job and be home more hours. If you are go…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/24 11:36 AM
2	Need to vent. well, you lucked out then, at least 4 of 6 are not exposed to her hideous life and values, you have a better chance of making a difference to them. good luck getting the remaining 2, and maybe kids can get jobs and help contribute to your situation when old enough.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/10/24 08:47 PM
2	Need to vent. your tale is a complex one, and i'm sorry you went through that. I AM curious, however, how is it you got 4 of them living with you full time? What's the story there?	/r/Divorce_Men	16/10/24 07:56 PM
5	Not divorced but seperated it means you got lucky and you don't have to deal with the unfair legal system and lose half to more of everything in addition to your other serious issues. You'll heal and recover a lot better without her criticisms and complete lack of support for your life.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/10/24 12:49 PM
1	Seek and destroy. Any contact with a narc, even beyond divorce, is just another opportunity to sip some supply from you, so not advised.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/24 10:56 AM
2	I’m not okay Eventually, you will be ok. One day at a time.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/09/24 06:27 PM
3	Wife and I Separating and Divorce well... i guess you can be pretty sure she's going to pull this "find myself" crap with the next guy and the next, and her end of life is not looking very rosy at all. She's going to suffer for this decision, maybe not today but soon enough. It's alot easier to go cat around than stick around and do your duty, and time is NOT on her side.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/09/24 05:12 PM
9	Seek and destroy. Narcs and borderlines manipulate people as easy as breathing, their goal is to drive you insane, that's what makes THEM stabilize. Once you do go insane, however, then they need to find a new supply of misery, since you aren't useful anymore. That's the "discard" phase.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/09/24 02:15 PM
13	Seek and destroy. You are describing a wife with borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. If so, she never loved you, for she is incapable of love. She just got tired of pretending or she left the love-bombing phase, and her true nature was exposed. Or, these energy vampires feed on either the positive or the negative, doesn't matter to them. That's why they are so black/white, jeckyl/hyde. Look up these borderline and narcissistic on youtube; educating yourself can bring you some sa…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/09/24 01:14 PM
4	Happy birthday? During my 20 years of marriage both my wife AND kids completely ignored my birthday most of those years. Um, are you supposed to teach kids to honor your birthday? We sure did HER birthday, it was always a big deal; mine, never. Spent many of them alone.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/24 02:16 PM
-2	ex-spouse Social Security Benefits ?? i thought social security is a flat amount according to your age when you start collecting it? Once you have reached 40 "credits" then you are fully eligbible, and most people have such if they've worked for years.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/24 01:02 PM
5	What's it going to take to fix things? ermm..... your job is to protect those childrens and raise them properly. Sounds like mom doesn't want to do it, she values drink over them. Your job now is to document everything, collect it all and make a diary of how you treat the kids, and any incidents, and you push for full physical custody. This is your life now, this is your JOB, you had these kids, now YOU need to do everything possible to keep them away from crazy mom and make sure they have a good shot at growing up normal. As much as…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/09/24 02:50 PM
9	Will women still like me By 2030, 45% of all women will be single and childless, so I would say your chances are pretty high. I would recommend you are tight-lipped about the divorce, and don't go into details about your rotten ex wife. But, I dunno, women universally like "bad boys" maybe you should mention the domestic abuse part. That may draw even more hot sexy womens. Maybe not the type who are keepers though.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/09/24 12:56 PM
3	Abusive ex again, you shouldn't hesitate to throw her under the bus, if it will help you get full custody. Hope your mediation goes OK, and you avoid court, but if you have to go to court, hit her with everything. Kids first. You can take the luxury of feeling sorry for her, once it's all done and kids secured and provided for. I wouldn't waste one tear on her while everything is in flux.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/09/24 03:29 PM
3	Abusive ex You had better start documenting this behavior yesterday! set up hidden cameras or get a audio recorder, or use your phone whatever you can do to make records of this, document everything, start a diary with dates and times. You had also better steel yourself and abandon this crazy person in your heart altogether. All that matters is your children, and you need to get full custody and arrange supervised visits with mom or something. The courts are very much against men with full custoy, but you …	/r/Divorce_Men	09/09/24 03:05 PM
4	Hope that is good news, except the financial ruination. Hopefully will improve soon, without those anchors you escaped.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/09/24 06:02 PM
7	It’s done um.... hate to be the contrarian here, but if she were so perfect, why did she divorce you? is it possible you were in love with an image of her, or some kind of dream woman you super-imposed over who she really is? Maybe it's worth it to make a list of her faults and issues you've been ignoring all this time. Not to blame yourself on, but to realize maybe you've been having a superficial relationship and she's not so terribly wonderful after all.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/09/24 06:01 PM
12	Why do you think (or from experience) that 2nd marriages have such a high divorce rate? It's most likely selfishness. Divorce maybe most often happens because the man or woman has expectations on how and when they will be served by their spouse, don't get it, divorce and find someone else who will satiate them. Then they find out the new person won't do it either. That's the only explanation for famous multi-marriagers like JLo, Zsa-Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor and so on. Very few figure out that a marriage works when you SERVE your spouse and put them first, and they do the same to…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/09/24 07:29 PM
1	% of usa divorces that go to trial That's awesome, but the question was how to avoid court. You got lucky maybe, but I avoided court as well, so I dunno.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/09/24 01:26 PM
7	% of usa divorces that go to trial I hate to say it, but giving her about everything she wants is one way to avoid trial. You might think it's awful, but it may just be better in the long run. One thing you can do is argue about something you don't really care about, then concede it. Like if you have a boat. Argue passionately you are keeping that dam boat!! Then give in, ok fine, bitch you can have the boat. (in mediation). You got off easy, don't have expensive boat you don't need, she thinks she won, and you were moving her mo…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/09/24 01:56 AM
8	I didn’t want the divorce even though she was abusive You have been married to a borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. These people are pure evil; i never imagined someone was so pure evil, until I married one. Very similar to yours. I stuck around only because if I left, she'd poison kids against me and if I was at least present, they could see for themselves that I'm not the monster she claims loudly that I am every day, all day. Then my kids started manifesting serious problems, so it was time to leave, and remov…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/08/24 03:09 PM
13	No more dates with girls that have no kids let us know when you form The Brady Bunch, make sure Alice is not good looking	/r/Divorce_Men	23/08/24 02:06 PM
3	Letting go It may be so hard because you were only in it 10 years. Double that figure, and then all you feel is sweet sweet release from the nightmare she caused, and grieving because she turned your kids against you when SHE was the abuser. Do all you can to get every last ounce of custody you can with your daughter, and make very sure you NEVER speak ill of her mother to her. Ever. You have all the anger and feels, but dotter will never understand and will only blame YOU for anything bad you ever let sli…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/08/24 01:22 PM
5	Today’s my bday. I feel you. I stayed as long as I could, reasoning that at least kids will see me and be able to make up their own minds who is abusing who, but when I was forced to leave (because of her destruction of household), they still take her side. The brainwashing was effective. I am hoping when their brainz turn into adult brainz they will finally figure things out and pay more attention to me. Plus without me to abuse, she has to turn on them sooner or later; cannot keep being nice.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/24 08:05 PM
2	What to do You stop letting that wretch make you twist in the wind, and YOU file NOW. Get the process started in the position that will advantage you, not her. There's at least SOME benefit to being the one who files.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/24 05:31 PM
1	I Understand why more men are homeless Yup. fortunately there are a number of Youtube channels on how to live in your car. EZRVLiving is a good one.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/24 07:07 PM
3	Child's passport does she have an actual 18 years old passport, or a 10 year 16 years old one? The fact she's legal is complicated. You should probably just hand over the passport to your dotter for her keeping and decision about where it rests. Your dotter is free to create an all-new passport herself now that she is of age. I guess technically there is no reason for you or ex to hold onto this passport. It's in the hands of your legal adult age dotter.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/24 02:42 PM
2	Child's passport Do not hand that passport to your ex. You are right in thinking it wont be returned. You go meet them at bank or whatever, and hand to the operative there, and get it back. Since your child is a minor you should also ask that your name be on the account as well. If she can't agree to this, no deal. It's just a child and a bank account, it's not required for anything.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/24 01:41 PM
3	When do I stop wearing my ring if you feel weird without a ring, just go get another one. MGTOW rings are good, but I had to custom make one via amazon.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/24 12:41 PM
11	Time to acknowledge who she really was another victim of borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder spouse. You may want to look up these terms on youtube; understanding this condition better can help you put her firmly in the past. But also be aware she's likely to try and poison kids against you when she has them. Be VERY careful never ever to badmouth your ex to your kids, just never bring her up or say only neutral things. These people manipulate as easy as breathing.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/24 12:40 PM
9	After 49 years. I think maybe I'd rather be alone. my ex never cared for me at all, she was just love bombing me or acting like it for the first few years, and I was so naive and romantic, i kept giving her a pass for her unlove. Until a friend finally pointed out what her problem was, and then i knew i wasn't going crazy. After that I stuck it out as long as i could, until i couldn't.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/24 07:14 PM
1	Question (Home Equity) she already took half the 401k, give her more??	/r/Divorce_Men	09/08/24 01:35 PM
1	Question (Home Equity) but... the refinance will also have to be at higher interest rate!	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/24 06:56 PM
1	Question (Home Equity) i would sell it, its just going to remind kids of what they once had, how they once lived. Rip off the bandaid and start over	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/24 03:47 PM
1	How do adults make friends? make a group about politics and religion discussion	/r/Divorce_Men	01/08/24 01:41 AM
22	Guys, the peace of mind and silence is truly worth it that's not the only thing she negs him about, for sure. tip of the iceberg. After decades of abuse, being able to do what you want, put things down where you want and find them again, and actually be able to do things like, i don't know, buy and hang up towels, not find your stuff thrown out into the back yard to rot, and for once not having to live with hoarding, these are all precious gems of solitude. yay.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/07/24 08:21 PM
6	First GF after divorce These are called "sh*t tests" and you are well rid of her. Women always always test their men by picking a fight or getting annoyed about nothing, to see how you'll react. To see what level of control they have over you. This is just how they are, you'll never escape these tests, they run from mild to severe. If you think back your other relationships you'll see the same thing. What's left is how much you will put up with these things. Sounds like you have low tolerance these days, and that's go…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/07/24 02:08 PM
2	Men retained house w/kids and wife moved out: How did your kids perceive their mom leaving the home? The most important thing to do from now on: never badmouth their mom. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. If you complain about mom, you are just going to drive them to favor her over you. You got a precious gift of free custody, you enjoy that. 90% of the time women get full custody. I got custody of my dotter by her choice, since she was being abused by wife. And she was almost 18 anyway. My older son chooses to live with mom and why not, she's never been bad to him. …	/r/Divorce_Men	23/07/24 04:42 PM
4	Red flags in possible future wives! If only we'd had the interwebs decades ago when seeking marriage. Just be aware there are far too many Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder womens out there, and you can learn more about it and watch for the signs. A big one is compassion. How does she treat you or others who are suffering. Don't marry these.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/24 03:29 PM
2	Has your and your Ex’s upbringing influenced your marriage and divorce? I was hoping to be the ONE person in my family to not divorce. 90% of the rest of family has divorced at least once. I was determined to stick it out. Ex her family never divorced, lot of widows made, no divorce. Oh but it turned out she was a mental patient energy vampire narcissist, so pretty easy for her to stay married when I fed her for decades. Then I stopped. Oh well.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/24 12:36 PM
5	What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men? "an interesting game... the only way to win, is not to play..." the WOPPER	/r/Divorce_Men	18/07/24 11:53 AM
1	How long till you took your wedding band off? Mine sold hers for $20 somewhere and didn't tell me. I told her dayum i woulda paid you more for it, it still meant something to ME, even though you dont want it. It was white gold too, $$$ This was years before i even filed for divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/24 09:22 PM
2	Narcissism seems to be the new buzzword today. Did or are you dealing with that in your present or past divorce? Heck yeah it's a problem, I'm not real social don't know a lot of people, but I'd say every divorce i know of is because wife is an evil narcissist. They are a vast army of evil robots; they all act alike. This is why on r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce everyone seems to be posting the same story! Weird!	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/24 05:18 PM
3	Relocating insanity Ignore her rants, and maintain calm, don't reply to her accusations, but firmly insist on your plan. There's nothing wrong at all renting a place to raise your child(ren) on your part. When they pass out of child support, then they can do what they like. And you'll either stay where you are or perhaps rent somewhere else.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/07/24 02:20 AM
3	Well, that’s it. Did you really want to face even more years and probably early grave with her draining your energy and willpower by at best ignoring you and at worst draining all your resources to her benefit? she has high motivation to end the marriage, and you are the lucky beneficiary of it, perhaps she didn't fight too hard to screw you over during the process. You didn't mention such, so lucky you!	/r/Divorce_Men	05/07/24 08:06 PM
3	Can I film my EX? dude, just get glasses with camera on them, relatively hidden or otherwise stealth record out of sight. just don't make it obvious and you can have the record without instigating something.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/07/24 07:47 PM
2	Gray divorce in NJ. I'm not an expert, but I have heard plenty of stories where "we want to keep this amicable" was an utter lie. It's important to get this divorce settled and established, otherwise she can change her mind at any time and ruin your life. Even AFTER divorce, women can still sue you again for what they think was unfair settlement. It's quite the nightmare. What happens to the home is according to your state laws, but you may be able to choose in the settlement. Problem is who owns the home? I'm not …	/r/Divorce_Men	05/07/24 02:52 PM
4	Gray divorce in NJ. If she hires a lawyer and you don't, you might as well start looking how to live in your car on youtube. If she files first, that's going to be a problem for you. Get a lawyer asap, and have him file for you, start making accounts in your name only, beware of transferring lots of money after filing that can give her advantage. Yes, hopefully you will settle all in mediation, but If you don't want her to take it all and leave you nothing, get a lawyer first. File first. THEN you are in a position…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/07/24 02:13 PM
4	Disdain. you need to keep careful record and diary of every violation in the orders, who knows you might get lucky and pry your son away from her later in contempt charges. You'll maintain your sanity because you are away from this evil woman and constant barrage, at least you can have some peaceful times and a place of rest to yourself.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/07/24 02:45 PM
0	Marriage is likely going to end soon. Need advice. Absolutely start your own accounts in your name only, transfer what you can, retain a lawyer and prepare to file first. What's left is you tell her before or after you file, i suggest file first, then tell her. Remember: if for some reason you repent of all this action, you can always just withdraw the filing and carry on with stinky marriage. It might be salvageable.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/07/24 12:25 PM
3	Where to go? Absolutely open up all your own accounts, get yourself your own PO box at the post office, it's cheap. Start distributing that PO address everywhere you can, all accounts. Collect all bank records you can, and start saving them from new accounts. Your lawyer is an idiot, if you leave the house, she has the advantage of the parent who stuck around to take care of the kids. Be careful about moving money around to your new accounts, that can count against you. Start spy video her or at least record…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/06/24 03:17 PM
3	My Ex just got her first child support payment and wants me to write her a check for more money. How can we say, calmly, peacefully, go screw yourself, that's not what the divorce agreement says, and you will get not one more penny, my lady. Be sure to not get mad or make a scene, just point out what the divorce was written as	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/24 05:57 PM
3	Need some perspective on my situation Hopefully she will be reasonable in mediation. But prepare for the worst. She's going to ask for the moon, the more you give up to her, the sooner it will be over. I'd look up Divorcing the Narcissist, there are several books about it. Rebecca Zung also has a youtube channel.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/24 05:55 PM
1	Need some perspective on my situation yes, and meanwhile collect whatever evidence you can, documents, audio recording, video if possible. Secretly. it may not be allowed as evidence, but it doesn't hurt to have it.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/24 05:38 PM
2	Need some perspective on my situation You definitely need to file first for any hope of keeping your sanity or post marriage life intact. I also tried staying for the kids, then they started eating disorder and acting out and other destructive behaviors. So I removed myself from the marriage now ex doesn't have a target to viciously attack and blame for everything, always in front of kids. I'd like to think that provides them much needed relief, but only long term time will tell.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/24 01:08 PM
8	How do you manage the anger of a 50/50 financial split? Be grateful if you emerge with ONLY a 50/50 split. Far too many stories out there of far worse. I have read an article from 1959 where the man had to split 50/50 OF ALL FUTURE EARNINGS FOR LIFE. Wow. No matter what he did or succeeded for the rest of his days, 50% of it had to go to the ex. Also, unforgiveness is a poison you prepare for your enemy, but drink it down yourself.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/24 01:02 PM
9	Should I get a divorce? do not fool yourself into thinking there's greener pastures out there. I don't even have to know your situation, statistics alone and the whining and crying of women on the ticky tocky and youtube and surveys tell the story. Hardly anyone is getting anything out of dating or marriage these days. If you don't have any real problems, stay together and raise your son. Also work on the relationship you have, if she is open to it. The five love languages book can assist you. I'd probably avoid making…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/06/24 03:42 PM
9	Love of my life Because she's likely Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder. Since you've elected to stay in the same house for sake of kids, look up both these on youtube, educate yourself on how to survive/live with these monsters. This throwaway statement on the card is just meant to sow chaos and very typical of these people. You need to learn to ignore EVERYTHING she may say, good or bad. For your sanity. I honestly can't tell you if sticking around will help the kids or not.…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/06/24 03:42 PM
3	Heard ex on phone trying to turn my daughter against me This is very sad, but unfortunately quite common. Your only hope is to keep your mouth firmly shut. Whenever you have the kids DO NOT speak of their mom at all, good or bad. You can't win if you do. You just have to be best dad and do all you can to love them kids and raise them with the time you have. Forget you ever had a wife. IF they ask, choose your words very careful, and never again complain or insult your ex to them. You will just drive them away. Play the long game; as they grow up and …	/r/Divorce_Men	12/06/24 03:42 PM
1	She ask for it Very similar happened to me.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/06/24 12:56 PM
2	BPD violent spouse and divorce supposedly "dielectic behavior therapy" can help. Whatever that is.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/06/24 02:41 PM
3	BPD violent spouse and divorce You can look up borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder on youtube, learn all about it. Sounds BPD to me, and you can find tricks and tips there to live with it, or survive it. There are several books on Divorcing the Narcissist or divorcing borderlines, these are your best hope to navigate this. Gathering evidence is crucial, keep doing that where possible. EVERY time she threatens YOU WITH A KNIFE, be sure to log and record that. I can tell you from long experienc…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/06/24 02:41 PM
2	I Can’t Stop Crying Today Perhaps crying is a good thing; it means there's still some of you left, that hasn't been burned away after YEARS or DECADES of abuse to where you feel nothing but sweet relief at getting away from that cold, unfeeling, vicious, rage-filled homonculus you thought was your wife.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/06/24 12:57 PM
1	Late 30s dating...oof Congrats, therefore, on being either lucky, or unusually perceptive to find such a women(s). The odds of anyone else sharing your skills or fortune are pretty small however.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/06/24 12:48 PM
17	Late 30s dating...oof Um... not to be unkind, but did you ever meet a woman in your life who helped you with anything, especially "emotional load of life"? I rather see them as taking from your, what can YOU do for THEM? I did have this one girlfriend she DID do things for me.... for a short time, but it was clear that IF we married, it's all about what I could do for HER. Women tend to get on the youtubes and ticky tocky and complain mightily they want a man to come to them and service them, make their lives easier.…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/06/24 06:54 PM
12	Late 30s dating...oof Thanks for the analysis, i was unaware it costs money to do anything on these apps like send a message. Man didn't you suffer enough the first time, what's with the desire to date anyone. If you insist, you could wait just a while longer, 45% of women are destined to be single and childless by 2030. So they say. I think some standards are coming down and settling will start happening by then.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/06/24 06:24 PM
8	Anyone experience this in custody battle You don't give more details, but I can already tell you are divorcing a cluster B hero, hooray! She's got narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. If you look these terms up on youtube, maybe she fits. I mention this because there's a specific book in divorcing a narcissist; actually there are several. I read through one but it was awhile ago, and i forgot exactly which one. She's trying to exert and keep control and that's ALL she cares about, not about the kids, bu…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/06/24 02:46 AM
1	Still Stuck in Limbo Ok, but maybe your sanity and ability to save money and rebuild might be worth it. Do what you have to do. I also worked my tail off for 20 years, I poured out my life for this wretch of a woman, and all she did was nearly bankrupt me, poison my kids against me, and finally it got so bad kids were self harming thats when I pulled the plug and moved OUT. I would have totally lived in a car if I didn't have other options. You said you didn't have any.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/05/24 07:10 PM
1	Still Stuck in Limbo There are quite a few youtube channels on living in your car, ezrvliving is one.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/05/24 05:33 PM
6	Do I need to vent before I f*** up or do I need the argument? If you are in process of divorce, be VERY careful what you say or do in front of them. I'd speak as little as possible and avoid her as much as possible. Like cops say, anything say or do CAN and WILL be held against you. Consider: she didn't change for you when married, what makes you think anything you say or offer her will encourage her to change now?	/r/Divorce_Men	24/05/24 03:30 PM
4	SOON to be ex wife? Even though actually divorced now, the house is still in play and thus i'm forced to communicate with her and she's STILL doing everything she can to control me. She just informed me kids are coming to my place, tonight. Like it's a big drama. Fine with me, I'll have em over any time and every time. They didn't come after all. Then she informs me she's blocked my email UNTIL weekend where she'll unblock so I can send her a document. Shrug, i don't intend to send her any document, she can come ge…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/05/24 02:54 PM
3	For men who filed, when did you know it was time? The final straw was my kids starting self-harming themselves. I stuck around because if I left, she'd just poison them against me, and I'd lose them. But then this happened, and that was the last straw. I've removed, hopefully, the biggest conflict that made them so very stressed.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/05/24 01:23 PM
10	Did you find a happy marriage? from your brief description, i hear "borderline personality disorder" or "narcissistic personality disorder". There seems to be an evil army of these master manipulators. I'd spend time on youtube looking these terms up. If she fits, then you are very vulnerable to finding another one of these monsters. Educate yourself so it doesn't happen again. Once was enough!	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/24 08:15 PM
5	Wife refusing paperwork you can go forward and conclude the divorce without her, ask your lawyer how to do that. set court date, she's informed of that date, she no show up, the divorce and terms are yours.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/24 05:25 PM
5	The Pain of Hearing Your Children It may be necessary. I also stayed hoping that just my presence in their live would help undo her poisoning them against me. Then they started self-harming themselves, so, time to leave when that happened. I can't stand by and let them destroy themselves over the conflict between parents.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/24 05:01 PM
3	Getting a vasectomy in your 40s, why it might not make sense i did get snippy snipped past age 40, not because I don't love children, but that it's clear I'm not going to live long enough to participate in raising any more kids, whether its new wife shudder or not. No problems at all, it took just over an hour, you have to be awake during it, but anesthesia is great. I vaguely wonder about long term side effects when you get really old, but I've never heard anything about it. It's all fine.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/24 06:34 PM
1	Getting mediation date but it's set after the court date Trust me you getting off EASY if all she wants is 1K and you are done. Women have the terrifying power of ruining mens lives in the divorce process. You had better ask lawyer for an extension, you aren't just wasting a day of work, there's going to be some expense appearing before a judge just for him to dismiss you because mediation wasn't done yet. Get the court date moved, the sooner the better.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/24 12:58 PM
3	This is my reality now Nothing unusual or wrong about your current lifestyle and feelings, as you said divorce isn't even final yet. You need that to be 100% over, and settled into new life for quite a while before you'll be able to recover anything. Good on you for not jumping right back into dating or any relationship, i think that's the right way to go. I'll never grasp why some men want to still date and even re-marry during and just after a divorce! Didn't you learn first time!? No wonder divorce rate for 2nd mar…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/05/24 02:40 PM
18	Why do they get so angry and destructive when most of the time they’re the ones leaving? When you leave, you remove their CONTROL OVER YOU, and that's what they wanted most of all. Negging you to divorce or threatening to, was just another tool of control in the ol toolbox. Now they have nothing, once you leave. Of course that infuriates them.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/24 05:29 PM
7	Ex trying to buy me out Money comes first. Do what you need to get debt paid off, and YOUR obligation to this house is settled. Remember it's still in YOUR name and she could do who knows what to it, and you'll be on the hook for it. I am very similar situation and I am sick about her taking the house from me that I poured my whole life into while she sat around and just damaged and destroyed the house. It's a big reason I divorced her. I'm STILL in horrendous debt, and only the sale of the house, either to her or some…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/24 04:28 PM
13	It’s go time Contact everyone you can and tell them she's on the rampage, especially HR at work. Be as neutral as possible about it, so you don't sound coo coo for cocoa puffs like she is	/r/Divorce_Men	01/05/24 06:04 PM
8	Children stopped talking to me Yes, going through similar right now. I know someone else who had similar to ME, and he said when the kids enter their 20s, they finally realize what was going on, that mom's a bitch, and then they come back. I'm hoping this is true. Remember, teens are in the middle of Pubertis, plus also having their brains erased (!!) so they don't make long term or good decisions all the time. One of my kids I pulled out made her live with me, because bitch was abusing HER night and day as well as me, so she…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/05/24 05:03 PM
1	Wake up call sounds like she's borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder, it's very well you are rid of her. If you want to learn how better to navigate the future with her, look up these terms on youtube. If she fits, then there's advices on how to deal with such evil people, and there's sooooooo many of them, quite the evil army. And i say army, because they all act the same, say the same things, mistreat everyone the same way. remarkable.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/05/24 01:09 PM
5	Just paid the retainer It's definitely to YOUR advantage to file FIRST and create any protection orders you can think of. Like she can't destroy the house, or abduct your children or whatever else you think she's capable of. For example, she can't leave the state with your kids, or leave town, etc. If SHE files first, then she can likely get whatever she wants, like evicting you from the home.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/05/24 01:02 PM
1	My 12 year old outbursts Then you have what is a "strong willed child", and they grow out of it. There are books on such not sure how helpful they are.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/24 03:15 PM
3	My 12 year old outbursts Its Pubertis, yo. The hormones hit VERY hard. You didn't mention if 15 year old was a boy or not, but he probably was, the girls get VERY moody and violent the first 2-3 years of this; very difficult time. I suppose in a NORMAL, loving household it doesn't get too bad? I don't know because like you had dysfunctional family right when it hit. Older dotter was like this, she grew out of it by age 15-16. Now the youngest hopefully is coming to the end of her madness years.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/24 02:11 PM
4	Fundamentals: Why You Are Here Alot of the celebrities you mention I thought the man initiated the divorce? I thought Liam and Chris Pratt and Ryan Reynolds at least filed first. The lesson here in your long story, is that more men need to step up and initiate the divorce, you MAY end up slightly better off if you file before she does. When you experience what's written here, just know it's not going to get any better, it's just going to get worse and worse until SHE files, then she has the advantage even more than normal adv…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/24 01:16 PM
5	Discussion Yes of course it is due to culture. The underpinnings of polite or decent society have been removed for a long time now, and everything is crashing down as a result. It's an open secret that powerful individuals are seeking to burn it all down in order to build new society that they think will be better for them, not us. They say as much at the World Economic Forum every year. Just look back 100 years at culture and society, and great evil arose in the world, and great power arose to defeat an…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/24 01:08 PM
6	“You were supposed to be there for me” I hope you are doing this sooner than I did, took decades for me to shed this toxic, awful woman. Absolute borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder behavior, you even used the keywords "walking in egg shells". Classic. May you swiftly be able to enjoy the peace to be yours, and never meet another one of these evil harridans again.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/04/24 07:17 PM
3	Another day closer to divorce I can tell you one thing: regardless of how you feel, work hard to never let your son see it. It will be hard, but any criticism or negative words about his mother from your mouth will just drive him away. You are the aggreived party here, she did the wrong, so be the better person, and make sure you are civil and polite whenever you are around her, and when you have your son, best not to bring up mom at all, or if son asks questions, be as neutral as possible. Now if SHE badmouths you to your s…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/04/24 03:24 PM
4	Over for a week "could have been worse" i think is every divorced man's mantra.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/24 06:31 PM
3	Should Mom stay in my girls life? Your wife is a crazy, unstable person, and you need to shield your kids from her madness. You also need to take steps before she tries kidnapping one or both of your children. I wonder if you should move back closer to family and leave DC. The liberal courts in DC are not going to be your friends while she's spinning out of control. I'm not sure michigan is much better. You tell your 5 yo, I know sweetie, but she's really busy these days (being a complete psycho, but don't say that), we'll see w…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/24 01:41 PM
1	Discovery As you said, your wife has all the money and can do whatever she wants; she's choosing to ignore the request, because she might have to reveal the deep pockets of her family, or her lawyer is nonresponsive because busy or doesn't care to. You are in a very bad position to get anything, just ask lawyer to get into mediation and see if you can get out of it not completely destroyed. My ex also refused to answer discovery, then she dismissed her lawyer, i still gave her all she wanted in mediation,…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/24 06:02 PM
6	Dealing with false perceptions and overreactions "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is on display all day, every day. There are endless stories of women being cruel, vindictive and savage during divorces, not many about "oh yeah, we split amicably and went our seperate ways. yay." Terrance Popp on youtube has a count of 537 men he saved from suicide over just this sort of thing. Ive been threatened by EX she'll contest the divorce agreement she signed and was finished.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/24 02:32 PM
1	Being alone sucks, still better than being ignored it's also better than being emotionally and verbally abused by her every time she sets eyes on you. It's better than being harrassed and harrangued just when you come out to eat, alone at the kitchen table. because you've been forbidden to eat with the family	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/24 05:00 PM
3	I just found out that I’m going to be forced to sell my house and pay around $1,500 monthly for alimony, child support, and health insurance. I only bring home $3,000 every month. How am I going to survive? Since you gave so much detail, how long will you have to do this, whats the cutoff date? I have this days calendar device i sit at my desk so I can watch how many days until my payments end. It's a tiny comfort? Or agonizing reminder. I guess just know you aren't the only one. So much for paying for any kids college when all my disposable income now goes to her so she can MAKE PAYMENTS ON MY HOUSE, without it she couldn't have. yay.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/24 04:58 PM
2	Why do we seem so rare? It's more like 54% on it's way to 60%. Also, note the percentages by demographics, more and more "gray divorces" are happening. Marriage, dating, pregnancy rates are all cratering, so much so even the squares are talking about it. 4.9 out of 1,000 men are marrying now! Lowest it's ever been since time began. All these happy married people you see will be joining your status soon enough; some may just be playing at it even now when you see them. No way to tell.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/24 03:29 PM
6	Terminating child support payments Thanks. I forgot I am really paying the State, and they have zero interest in what I want or how can I take care of my family funneling large amounts to selfish ex, who i guarantee will spend it all on herself and her hoarding, not one dime on the child. How do I know this? Her own parents give her money all the time "to give to the kids", they never see a penny of it. For all their lives. Sigh. The sooner they grow up and get away from her the better they will be.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/24 02:44 PM
8	Update: She's OUT! Ugh I hope that is all over now, she gonna play you like a fiddle if you stick around. I'd never go back in her presence if you can avoid it.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/04/24 07:44 PM
13	My ex wife has moved on with someone else The loser is that guy who will now soon suffer like you did if not more, good luck to him with that harridan.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/04/24 11:27 PM
6	He was emotionally abusive and narcissistic Maybe as a general rule, don't date women who initiated divorce, unless actual clear abuse was present. Now for women who their hoosbands divorced THEM, maybe there's some better pickings? I met several just lovely women who got dumped by their husbands and I liked them alot. I didn't date them, because ew, divorced women with kids!Yucky! (so i felt way back then)	/r/Divorce_Men	12/04/24 02:38 PM