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The_Oracle_of_Delphi Archive

View 7 posts and 314 comments by The_Oracle_of_Delphi on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

They have some thoughtful and strategic content - enjoy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/22 03:03 AM
19

Can people be paid to serve as mods for this sub? That way, the work won’t seem so thankless. And we can still enjoy this space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/22 12:17 AM
10

💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:14 PM
89

I completely agree with this! Would it bother you if he blabbed this to others (as many men do)? If so, don’t take the risk of telling him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:09 PM
25

Nice article - thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 09:52 PM
15

There are people in some countries that live with large families in extremely tight quarters. I cannot understand how these people can tolerate the utter lack of privacy and quiet time. I would lose my mind for sure….
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 08:59 PM
23

I had similar experiences with my college boyfriend - he always needed to be the star, and was jealous when I did well. I’ve experienced this a lot with men. They feel that they need to eclipse the woman they’re with. They’ll actively undermine you if they need to in order to feel that they have the edge over you. I don’t want to feel competitive with my partner. I want to feel that we can both support one another. I still haven’t found it, and I’m not even looking anymore. It feels like you hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 07:13 PM
38

Yes, most of the men I know are like this. I know a fair number of women who are like this, as well. I’ve become much more aware recently of who is constantly demanding my attention/trying to extract something from me, and I have been quietly distancing myself from them. Because these people rarely reciprocate. So I need to have time and energy to focus on myself and meeting my own needs (which I never prioritized before).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 12:45 PM
31

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that. And yes, it’s a relief to live without judgment, too, when you don’t have a partner. I felt like I was being constantly criticized. I won’t tolerate that from anyone ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 09:17 AM
166

Also, my ex required constant attention. If I tried to read a book, he would constantly interrupt me. It was like he felt excluded if my attention was anywhere but on him. I never had time for deep thinking when he was around. Now I do have time for deep thinking - and it’s allowed me to process a lot, and to learn and grow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 03:09 AM
124

Especially if you’re female - you’re expected to maintain a certain minimum level of appearance at all times. If I’m alone, I don’t care how my hair looks, I don’t put on makeup, and I wear my comfiest clothes (which are not sexxxy). It’s so much more relaxing this way….
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 03:03 AM
280

When you live with a partner, you are always “on” for them, so you can never fully relax and just be yourself. This is more draining than people realize. I see my future relationships as the living-apart-together variety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:55 AM
4

Unfortunately, I know women who behave this way, too: One of my female coworkers argues about EVERY request made of her. It’s her way of getting out of doing any work. We all get tired of arguing with her, and give up and go away. She literally has a smirk on her face when she does it, too. It’s a pure power play by her - she even admitted it one time, too. When she behaves like this, our female boss beams at her. Because our boss believes that aggressive behavior wins, too, and encourages it. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:43 AM
2

This sub is one of the few spaces that has had an intelligent and measured discussion of this incident. I think we should be schooling the wider world, which is a HOT MESS and needs our wisdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:44 AM
19

Wowwwww, what you described is quite a mindf*ck. I’m sorry you had to navigate that. If my father did that, I’d probably despise him and avoid him as much as possible. He’d know why, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 04:52 AM
4

The Kardashians have THE WORST taste in men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 03:31 AM
35

I tolerated things like this for years and years. And then I finally decided that I deserved better. Now I look back and wish I could recover all those lost years. Don’t be like me. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:23 AM
105

I still can’t fathom how she ended up with him in the first place…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:06 AM
5

Whenever I see women post “BoyMom” stuff on social media, I know who I should avoid
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 10:22 PM
1

My mind is BLOWN to hear that your mother actually apologized for her mistreatment of you during your early years. Mine would NEVER! Mine won’t even acknowledge her vicious misdeeds (although she does sometimes begin giggling if I name some of them…). What led to her “awakening”, where she actually apologized and then genuinely treated you better after that? I truly thought it was impossible for people who are so far gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 09:33 PM
46

Often, when meeting a man who seems interested in me, he will say “Oh, are you a teacher? Or maybe a nurse?” I’m not either of those. But men seem to specifically look for women in the “helping professions”. I think they think teachers/nurses will be most likely to help them through life, while tolerating their crap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:23 PM
1

Thanks for pointing this out. I also have pushed away some “nice guys” who gave me a controlling vibe. I am a very independent person, so maybe what some people view as “nice gestures” would strike me as “attempts to control”. When I shied away from their advances, they sometimes got nasty with me - so I think I was correct in perceiving them as “controlling” rather than genuinely nice after all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:45 PM
6

So many men have terrible friends. Even highly educated, intelligent guys will just be friends with WHOEVER is around. They seem to have no standards, and limited boundaries. It seems normal for a guy’s friends to behave badly, and normal for their whole friend group to simply tolerate bad behavior. If you can’t tolerate it, you’re just not “chill” enough. At this point, I prefer men who DON’T HAVE FRIENDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:25 PM
9

I think a lot of men are at their “progressive best” in college, where they are open to feminism, Black Lives Matter, etc. But once they get out into the working world, all of those principles are quickly forgotten if they are in a bro-y or patriarchal work environment. Then they just follow the path of least resistance, fall in line, and grab their rewards where they can get them. Most of the guys I knew in college seem to have forgotten all that high-minded stuff now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:15 PM
9

In my experience, a man who doesn’t have your back isn’t much of a partner. In fact, you can feel more alone with someone like that then when you are, literally, alone. My ex knew that his family treated me poorly, but he didn’t have the balls to acknowledge it or say anything to them. So I left. Then he wanted to reconcile, but still avoided facing the central problem in our relationship: his family. So I wasted another year with him before leaving again. Don’t be like me, wasting your time hop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:07 PM
3

Agreed. Also: the women who strain and sacrifice themselves to this extent for the boss’ approval are not really seeking ally-ship with others. They do this because they want to be seen as BETTER THAN, or MORE SPECIAL, than anyone else around. (PickMes to the core!) So … let’s not waste our precious energy on such self-serving people. Especially when their mental state is so clearly warped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 03:34 AM
30

I think the ridiculous celebrity worship we have in the US contributes to this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:32 AM
5

I actually work for a female boss, but many of my female colleagues still behave like PickMes around her. I was not expecting this! These colleagues are just DESPERATE for the boss’ approval. They work 90 hour work weeks, even though it’s not necessary. They are just constantly STRAINING themselves for our female boss’ approval. They complain about her constantly, and then they throw themselves down like a doormat in front of her, hoping they’ll receive some sort of special notice from her. Whic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 06:34 PM
5

Thank you for attempting to change women’s negative perceptions of other women, one woman at a time. I’ve gotten tired of trying, and receiving the backlash from it. At this point, I’ve become quite cynical about men and women both, so I try to minimize the energy I expend working to change other peoples’ minds on anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 06:22 PM
9

I don’t think pick-me-ism gets better with age - I just tend to avoid them as I age. It’s an ingrained way of thinking, and people don’t grow out of if without an awakening/lots of self-awareness. I see it in my job all the time - women who are very male-identified and who constantly favor the men in the office. And I see it even in older single women I know, who are desperate to find a man, and talk about nothing else. And my older female neighbors, who ask me for advice on things. I give them …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 12:14 PM
25

Honestly, I’m not even looking for a man right now, but I was taking part in occasional events designed to make female friends. These have been as useless in developing lasting female friendships as OLD has been in making lasting partnerships with a man. I think this kind of process of finding “matches” just puts everybody in “perpetual shopping mode”, holding out for something better around the corner. I’ve decided not to waste any more of my own time trying to meet men, or female friends, in t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:36 PM
1

That is an interesting path to finding one another. Usually I stay away from people connected to my exes. 🙂 I’m glad it worked out for you, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 11:23 PM
5

Honestly, I would find a new therapist. Your therapist can have a disproportionate, outsized influence on your life. You want someone who gives you the best possible advice in that role - not someone who might hold you back, or set you back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 12:05 PM
2

This is very encouraging! How old were you when you met this fabulous man? How did you end up meeting him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 10:45 AM
4

This is really insightful - thanks for sharing your perspective
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 10:12 AM
29

I think “Abuse Boner” is a more accurate term than “Empathy Boner”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:11 AM
2

Has there been a podcast devoted to the Manosphere - the problems it creates, and what can be done about it? I know it gets touched on here and there, but to me this an immense problem that we need to think about and to actively combat. I’d love to hear a full analysis of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:38 PM
8

Thanks for this post - vulnerability is something I’ve felt dubious about as well. This conversation has been eye-opening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:35 PM
13

Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a friend who is a therapist, and I started to disclose something I’ve been through to her. She became very judgmental towards me, and is now distancing herself from me. It was especially hurtful to me because she is supposed to be a trained professional, with years of experience listening to people in non-judgmental ways. I’ve been feeling rather badly about myself, and it strengthened my resolve to just keep everything bottled up, because even a “train…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:33 PM
5

I hope you can distance yourself from these toxic people in your life. I’m glad their words don’t hurt as much as they used to, but really - who needs it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:37 AM
9

“It's like they're mentally still living centuries ago when a daughter's main value was how many cows you could trade her for.” Thank you for the laugh! I’ll have to use this line… I’m glad you’re so well-grounded and have the right perspective, despite growing up with a lack of support. You raised yourself well. 👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:33 AM
45

I think our CULTURE teaches them to be entitled. Even if their parents tried to instill good values in them in their early years, this can be easily overridden later by our culture, a set of bro-y friends, a sexist work environment, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:54 AM
2

The pandemic has really shown me the absolute joy of having “alone time”, where I don’t have to listen to all the nonsense that so many people believe. It’s exhausting to have to listen to this kind of crap. Now, I read a book instead and enjoy myself much more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:59 AM
4

The concept of “readiness” is so important. Even if you give someone critical information, or a wonderful gift, they may not automatically appreciate it. They have to be in the “right place” to understand it and receive it. If not, they either won’t grasp its importance, or may become angry that you are sharing this with them. People don’t become transformed in an instant; they arrive there after a series of smaller steps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 01:11 PM
2

Yes, I think most of the women I’ve planted “seeds of doubt” with have shifted in their thinking, and become more aware over time. There’s just no denying the sad reality…. But it is important to tread lightly when introducing these ideas, because many people are inclined to shoot the messenger when confronted with unpleasant information. 🙂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 10:06 PM
3

I’ve been trying to build some new female friendships, and when we talk about dating I find that they appreciate some of my FDS-aligned perspective. However, I get MASSIVE pushback on the following: (1) The idea that a woman shouldn’t pursue a man. They are adamantly opposed to this, and claim that “men love to be chased”. (2) They actually like low-effort walking or coffee dates. (3) They think OLD is a worthwhile use of one’s time. These strategies are not working at all for them, but they are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 03:45 AM
6

I’ve been planting some seeds of doubt - and it just resulted in backlash against me. Because many women are too frightened by the truth, and don’t want to have to re-evaluate the lives they’ve built with mediocre men. I didn’t even say anything about THEIR men - I just said things about MY man/men in general. But it brought them to uncomfortable realizations nonetheless. And it seems no one wants to hear it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 03:35 AM
10

The one I know truly didn’t meet his new woman until after his wife died. There’s a number of these guys out there! And he is a devoted, faithful partner to whoever he is with. I was just shocked to see that a woman he was so devoted to for years could be so easily replaced. It’s like his feelings were sincere - but VERY SHALLOW. That was so unsettling for me. They just need SOMEONE there, but it could be ANYONE, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:13 PM
36

Ugh - similar. My friend’s husband was legitimately a devoted husband during her illness, but he also moved on immediately after she died. Which upset me. But I couldn’t even share that with our other friends, because they’ve all been APPLAUDING him non-stop for moving on, which “he deserved”. But - did he need to move on SO QUICKLY? And on the anniversary of her death, could he maybe ACKNOWLEDGE IT, instead of posting photos of his new woman on social media? Even my dead friend’s best friend is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:36 AM
5

I also have an ex who reached out to me during the holidays. I immediately responded that I wasn’t interested. But he continues to reach out to me (and I continue to ignore him). They really think they can bully their way back into our lives. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 09:07 PM
5

I was wondering this as well - your friend is young, and may not understand the dynamics that are in play with this man. If you think it might be possible, perhaps you can try ONCE to broach the subject with her. You can tell her that you see a lot of red flags in his behavior. And maybe you can bluntly ask her if she’s thinking about dating him, because in your opinion, that’s what he’s angling for. If the conversation is nonproductive, then you know your friendship has no future. But if she do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 08:49 PM
18

On that note, people should be taught that boundaries are healthy, and they should be encouraged to trust their intuition
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:20 AM
2

This sounds really interesting. Who is the host?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:52 PM
61

I think we need to start teaching “emotional well-being” classes in high school, to help people start looking at behavior in their own lives and realizing that some of it is not acceptable - and setting boundaries. So many people go through life just trying to fit in to whatever horrible things are going on around them. This would help them step back and realize that some of it is just unacceptable. And maybe we could begin to finally break the cycle of misery that so many people keep perpetuati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:40 PM
17

It’s so hard to find wholesome, decent people anywhere. It seems like a lot of people are miserable, and they relish others’ misery as well. The “crabs in a bucket” mentality is so prevalent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 07:11 PM
22

Ugh, I’ve also had jealous PickMes become obsessed with me, to the point of copying my style/jewelry/manner. It has happened in the workplace, and even the men noticed it. But instead of being supportive, they of course thought it was grotesquely hilarious and egged her on to new heights. It’s really a mental illness in some of these women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 05:12 PM
21

Same! I’m practically allergic to those friend circles and their drama.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 12:07 PM
4

I get PickMe vibes from the new woman. And I wonder if she might be jealous/controlling, and maybe that’s why he never (dares to) share any memories of his deceased wife - even on the anniversary of her death. This new woman seems to be very into RoMaNcE (in a fake way).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:50 AM
9

Yes, it’s a red flag when they don’t honor her memory! I have a friend who died. Her husband seemed to treat her very well while she was alive - but he moved on ALMOST IMMEDIATELY after her death. 3 months on and he was declaring his love for another woman. 6 months on, she moved in with him. On the 1 year anniversary of my friend’s death, I was hoping he’d post a tribute to her on social media. NOPE! He just had photos of himself with this new woman. It’s like they just need A WOMAN, ANY WOMAN …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:22 AM
13

I agree that you should not take your brothers’ opinions seriously after this. But I would also add to cut back on any emotional or other support that you give to them. Don’t let them take advantage of you - save your energy for people who appreciate it and will reciprocate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 12:06 AM
11

My family is similar, with my Dad being HV while my Mom was a jealous, petty PickMe. I would’ve preferred that my mother was the HV parent, because I think mothers have a disproportionate influence on their daughters’ lives. I think I would have better self-esteem, and would’ve felt more supported, with a HV mother than with a HV father (who wasn’t home much because he was busy with work).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 12:03 AM
34

Wow, this really confirms how they always stick together and cover for each other. It’s appalling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 11:59 PM
3

Good for you! Did your Dad improve at all after you told him off? Is your mother getting more “woke” after hearing your perspective? I hope your brave intervention brings some much needed change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:03 AM
6

Thank you for sharing your story and your perspective. There’s a good lesson in this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:36 AM
20

Thank you for pointing out the codependent nature of so many relationships
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:23 AM
17

PREACH!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:13 AM
12

Great list - ICK to all of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:03 AM
65

My PickMe mother also always favored my brother and treated me like the black sheep - even though I was a star student and the consummate Nice Girl™️. Here we are in adulthood, and I have taken her to the doctor when she needed it, while he has financially abused her (and she knows it). But she still values him waaaaay more me, and throws me under the bus to earn points with him. I think they’re both terrible people, and being around either of them is unsettling for me. At this point, those 2 sn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 07:16 PM
31

This is happening to me right now. Women move on, but men do not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 01:08 AM
7

This is very wise and thoughtful advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 04:52 PM
39

It’s so tempting to just butt into women’s conversations sometimes, even if you don’t know them… It would be awkward at first, but it could really help them turn their lives around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:45 PM
14

My ex used to show me porn clips that his friends would text to him. He seemed embarrassed by it, and wanted to clear his conscience by letting me at least know that this was happening. I asked him “why do they send this stuff to you? Tell them you don’t want it.” But he was always Mr. Agreeable, and would never dare to rock the boat with anyone, male or female. His poor boundaries let some shady people into our lives (including an extended houseguest who stole from us). The houseguest experienc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 09:02 PM
302

Situations like this are a genuine tragedy, and I do feel very sad for women who have never encountered the FDS way of thinking. I definitely view my own life in terms of “Pre-FDS” versus “Post-FDS”, as the FDS perspective has led to such a shift in thinking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:14 AM
8

Maybe if we all work together, we’ll be able to get more female politicians elected - from ALL parties. This will help to move female interests/needs onto the table for consideration and discussion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:44 AM
9

THIS is how we will finally effect meaningful change to benefit all women - by mobilizing together and pushing for better policies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:41 AM
22

When I was trying to post this, it kept giving the error message “Try again later”. I didn’t realize that all my attempts to post eventually came through. I’ve deleted the others now - sorry for the bother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:26 AM
66

The recent Gabby Petito case really highlighted this dynamic for all the world to see 🙁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:58 PM
10

Some of my divorced friends have been asking men out on dates. They claim that the men absolutely love being asked! I told them it’s better to let the men do the asking because you’re more likely to find someone who’s invested in you/will make an effort that way. But they think I’m just being old-fashioned and they have discovered a better approach to dating. However, none of their dates has turned into a relationship yet, so I think they should re-think this strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 10:58 PM
6

It’s so wonderful that you’ve improved yourself in so many ways. But yes, the world can be very lonely for those who are always striving to do better. It can be especially hard to find a man who matches your qualities. In the meantime, though, I hope you are able to find some new women to befriend who have good energy and are supportive. I wish FDS would schedule Meet & Greets in major cities. I would pay to attend those, with the hope of meeting some like-minded local women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:29 AM
2

Wow - that’s really impressive! It sounds like you did a 360 degree level up. How has your life changed as a result?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:05 AM
28

It would be great to have a podcast on this topic. Even better if there could be a National Conversation about this - maybe we could really effect change that way. When I say it, I just seem like a killjoy to the hopeless romantics…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 02:52 PM
232

Meredith Grey is the ultimate pick me. In fact, the term may have been invented because of her - she gave a speech to McDreamy that literally said: “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” I can no longer watch shows like this. Unfortunately, I’m probably still unlearning some unhealthy patterns I absorbed back when I did watch these shows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 01:38 PM
6

Relationships of all kinds are difficult. The problems that come up most in my relationships with men are: a lack of emotional bonding, power struggles, and their rather obvious sense of superiority to women. The problems that come up most in my relationships with women are: they don’t value time spent with women as much as they value time spent with a man, jealousy, and a need for control. Also, I notice that my female friends will do ANYTHING a man wants to do, because his company is the most …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 02:51 PM
8

I am single, and people frequently make nasty comments to me about my “aloneness”. For this Thanksgiving holiday, I was told things like “Are you going to be alone this Thanksgiving? It’s very sad to be alone for the holidays.” And people are forever nosing into WHY I’m “all alone”. They also make rude comments about other people I know who are single, talking about how sad their lifestyle is, etc. I think we need to normalize singledom, because I think it is actually becoming more and more comm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 02:37 PM
7

Perfectly stated
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 11:02 PM
51

Yes, my old boss fancied himself to be a liberal, and made sure to tell everyone that he took his daughters to Women’s Marches. But he was actually a raging misogynist, who closely controlled his daughter’s lives, and had zero respect for the women in our office. He wanted to appear friendly to women’s causes to impress other powerful men - not to help his daughters, or those of us who worked for him. Ignore men’s sweet words and focus instead on their actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:30 PM
3

How do you respond to people who patronize you about being alone for the holidays?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:27 PM
2

Haha! I loved having the pandemic as my excuse not to participate last year. Have you told your family what it is that makes you uncomfortable about going home for the holidays, and have they made any effort to change it/improve?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:24 PM
6

Good for you! I tried this technique in my old workplace, which was very male-dominated and misogynistic. It only made them hate me more. There, even the men were not allowed to disagree or offer up any ideas - they had to be “Yes men” at all times. Now I’ve moved on to a female-dominated workplace, and I like it so much better. The female boss can be domineering sometimes, but most of the others are a pleasure to work with and I don’t have to deploy “strategies” when dealing with them. It’s nic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:17 PM
11

I think this is why “Friendsgivings” have become a thing - so people can have an enjoyable meal with the people they ACTUALLY want to be with (in contrast to the enforced family gatherings).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 04:54 PM
13

Honestly, I’m jealous of people who get to spend their holidays alone, doing what they actually want to do, and not having to endure rude behavior and unhealthy dynamics from family members. I think most people don’t really enjoy these forced holiday gatherings (although it’s considered sacrilegious to actually admit that).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 04:45 PM
18

It does help. But it wears off over time, because his 80-year habit of misogyny is a lot to overcome. So then I have to put him in his place again… 🙂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 04:07 PM
34

And when you show that you are strong, secure, and steady - they actually admire you for it! They might even forget, for a bit, that you’re a woman. This particular man, who many women complain about, sometimes comes racing after me to ask my opinion about certain things. Normally he only treats men like their opinions are worth listening to. But because I’ve bested him, and put him in his place repeatedly, he actually holds me in high regard. The more of us that do this to these men, the more l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 04:05 PM
66

Yes, “matching energy” is key. For so many years, I thought it was my role to always provide a positive, emotionally uplifting experience for everyone. But that left me feeling depleted/disrespected more often than not. Now, I don’t give my best self to everybody - I only give it to those who deserve it. And for those that don’t deserve it: instead of actively avoiding them, because they make me feel bad, I do as I please. And if I have an unpleasant encounter with them, I make sure that I at le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 03:57 PM
8

I think this is not uncommon, if the mother lives nearby 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 10:23 PM
24

I dated a guy who’s apartment was very clean and I was impressed. I found out later that his mother came over once a week while he was at work to do his cleaning for him. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 12:57 PM
27

This sub opens my eyes more and more every day 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:51 AM
48

As an American woman, the posts on here about women in South Korea and China choosing to remain single are fascinating and inspiring. I would love to hear a whole podcast devoted to this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 02:22 AM
30

I’m also getting to the point where I don’t want to “let anyone in in that way” anymore. Most of my attempts at emotional disclosure - even with female friends - have left me feeling worse off. I think I’ll just hold my cards close to my chest, and content myself with pleasant, if superficial, interactions with others. It seems the best approach, given the world we live in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 01:07 AM
35

Ladies - please watch the video that’s embedded in this article! It’s a ray of hope RE female empowerment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 12:59 AM
45

Wow, that sounds horrific. I’m sorry you went through that nightmarish scenario.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 02:50 AM
74

Thanks for pointing out all the problems with this scenario
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 02:32 AM
44

You are so right that men are depreciating assets, which have less and less value with every passing year. Thank you for framing it so clearly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:12 AM
3

OK - thanks for the tip! I liked Adam Scott in Big Little Lies, so I’m curious to see him here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:44 PM
6

I watched a few early episodes of that show and found it a little slow. Maybe I’ll give it another try - thanks for the recommendation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:10 AM
8

She deserves a good partner after all she endured with Ike
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:06 AM
8

This is incredibly inspirational - thanks for sharing this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 04:33 AM
9

I’m not familiar with them. What is it about them that inspires you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 04:00 AM
9

They’re my inspiration, as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:24 AM
10

It IS freeing, although it is met with terrible judgment from most people, who would never dare
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 01:50 AM
40

I did everything right as a child and was still the black sheep of my family. They actually resented my success. Eventually, I just stopped caring what they thought and moved ahead on my own. If people leave you no other option, let go of needing their approval and do what’s best for you. No matter what, you’ll always have yourself - and that’s more powerful than I ever realized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 10:25 PM
37

I agree that men don’t make good quality friends. Older women have realized this. I think it’s mostly young (teenage, or early 20s) girls that are trying to have male BFFs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:50 AM
1

Her facial expressions remind me of Dan Levy (David Rose from Schitt’s Creek)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:44 AM
2

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:38 AM
1

Thanks so much for this recommendation! I just listened to an episode, and this will be one of my regular podcasts now. 👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:31 AM
29

I used to enjoy conversations with my ex. Even though I did most of the “heavy lifting”, he agreed with everything I said, so I felt validated. Eventually, though, he would come home from visits with his friend - whose worldview is the polar opposite of mine - and he would repeat everything that guy said, and be in agreement with him, too. That’s when I realized that my ex just adapts to whoever he is talking to, but has no internal beliefs/moral compass to guide him. He was a “yes man”, not a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 11:24 AM
26

This is a lesson I need to learn - thank you for this clear and thoughtful post
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:53 AM
106

We need to stop conditioning women to be so OBLIVIOUS to people’s true intentions. Because I’ve also had so much unlearning to do as an adult. I would be much further ahead in life if I hadn’t been held back by so many mistaken beliefs, and by giving the wrong people the benefit of the doubt over and over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 09:16 PM
32

Can we get her on a podcast? I’d love to hear her story directly from her. And she would get sooooo much support and empowerment from being part of this community. Not to mention the publicity it would bring to FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 06:18 PM
6

Do you have a reference for this NGO finding? That is very interesting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:27 AM
33

Thank you for sharing terrific advice from your Mom’s experience as a divorce attorney. It might make for an interesting podcast someday for FDS to interview a divorce attorney to provide critical tips and relationship advice based on what they’ve learned over the years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:19 AM
5

This is why I don’t expect much from people anymore. It’s hard to find anyone - male or female - capable of genuinely caring about another person. I keep my thoughts to myself for the most part now, and interact with others just to have a few laughs, or to share some news - just superficial stuff, because that’s all most people have to offer. People who give you bad advice show that they’re not actually invested in you, and your life. They’re just spectators in your life, and might even be enter…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 11:08 PM
7

This is the first in many years in which I won’t spend $1,000 of my own money on my ex’s family at Christmas. I was such a 🤡 for a long time, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 01:00 AM
3

I could have written this post - how sad for both of us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 12:55 AM
4

My mother is the same. So fake, so evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:52 AM
5

It’s also a very male behavior to torture insects/small animals. They take actual pleasure in ripping the legs/wings off of bugs. It all comes down to the same need to control/dominate/hurt other creatures to prove their own superiority. And even young boys exhibit this behavior. I think it’s just WIRED INTO THEM to behave in this cruel, domineering manner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 11:52 PM
30

GENIUS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 04:12 AM
27

This is it, in a nutshell
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 05:04 AM
12

Thank you for pointing this out! I’m definitely having this problem, too, with some very entitled female friends. The worst is an elderly Boomer neighbor who lost her life partner this year. She now imposes on all of us neighbors to fill the role of her missing partner. She expects us to drive her places, to take out her trash, go food shopping for her, etc. It would never ever occur to me to think that people with a mild, passing relationship with me should do these things for me! She often tri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:57 PM
57

Honestly, ALL relationships feel so transactional anymore, I wonder why I even bother. This includes women, too. I recently left a job and thought I would remain friends with a few of the women who I knew for many years. Well, it looks like I am no longer “useful” to them, so my texts are met with minimal responses now. It seems that they are redirecting their energy/attention to other places now, which are more immediately useful. I also tried befriending a new woman recently. She likes the act…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 01:30 AM
46

He had many little ways of bullying me. I think this was just another one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 12:40 AM
90

I had forgotten this, but my ex used to do this all the time, over my protests (the door didn’t lock). He would also try to look over my backside to see what was in the toilet. And he would sniff the air. He thought this was all very funny. ???? It got so I had to flush as soon as I heard him coming. Was he trying to embarrass me? Honestly, I thought he only embarrassed himself…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 11:49 PM
21

That’s true, of course. But it’s a small workplace, and the other women talk about their husbands and kids, because they are fond of them. Usually when it’s discovered that I don’t have either the reaction is “Ohhhhh”, followed by an awkward silence. I’m not looking forward to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 09:47 PM
44

I recently went to brunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. She asked about my long-time boyfriend and I told her we broke up. You could see her opinion of me completely changed in that instant. And I’ve barely heard from her since. Clearly, I lost much of my cachet in her eyes. Strangely, she’s a feminist - and a single mother. But even SHE thought I was worth more when I had a man by my side. I recently started a new job and, because we’re mostly remote, I haven’t had to answer many …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 07:01 PM
4

She is sooooooooo fake with those speeches about Leo! I can barely stomach it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:28 AM
11

Thanks for sharing your story, which gives me hope. How much younger than you is he? A younger man expressed interest in me recently. He was cute and seemed like a good man, but I was weirded out about him being 10 years younger than me. I’m afraid too much difference in life experience might put me in the role of being a “teacher” rather than a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 11:09 AM
28

Well said - because some will say that you are “controlling” if you have certain boundaries/limits
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 09:47 AM
35

Please be sure to say this to any man who does this to you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 07:12 PM
1

Has FDS ever considered setting up a sister site for a teenage audience? Some of what we discuss on FDS may not resonate with young teens, so it could be useful to create a separate site, with content aimed at a younger crowd. The site could have an appealing name, like “Teen Queens”, and it would need to be on the platforms that teen girls use (Instagram, etc). Since so many teens are on social media, an FDS-aligned site created for teens has the potential to be wide-reaching, and the advice an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 02:45 PM
12

I’m so sorry to hear that your husband has MS, and that this traps him in his job so he can keep his healthcare
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 12:34 AM
5

That’s so nice that you were able to let HER be the focus of attention for a change! Did you help your Littles with their scholastics, planning for the future, etc? Do you become friends with your Littles on social media, or does the program frown on that? Does the program provide some funding to help cover expenses, or did you pay for the activities yourself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:58 PM
13

Can you tell us a little more about your experiences as a Big Sister? How long do you remain with the same child? How did you feel you impacted their lives? Have you remained in contact with them as they entered adulthood?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:32 PM
5

I just want to say that you handled this terrible situation PERFECTLY! I don’t think I would’ve handled it quite so well. Thanks for sharing - it gave me some things to think about in my own life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:37 PM
12

You are so right that confronting shitty people is a complete waste of time. Thanks for putting my lingering doubts to rest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 06:03 PM
24

That woman also said bad things about me behind my back in our friend group. And she would criticize me in front of men that she liked (and the men were actually turned off by this and told me so!) And she tried to get others to shit on my dreams when I shared them. Her aggressiveness and jealousy were so transparent. I just distanced myself from her, and from the whole group. But now I wonder if it might have been better to take a more direct approach in naming her bad behavior, both to her fac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 05:06 PM
41

I had a “friend” who only ever dated men who were already married/taken. Sometimes they were her friends’ male partners! 🙄 Only 1 other woman in our friend group dared to say as much as “she’s crazy” about her trashy behavior. We were all expected to just look the other way, and to be a good friend to her regardless of her shittiness. When she started sleeping with her own friend’s long-time partner, I could no longer tolerate it and I distanced myself from that whole group of women. I think the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 03:54 PM
4

Do you know how you ended up with this flair? And how long have you had it for?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:58 PM
85

Truly! This is the kind of messaging that conditions women to accept abuse. Whoever designed this meme is an expert manipulator. It even made me second-guess myself for a moment….
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:54 PM
30

THIS is the truth right here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:38 PM
1

My ex’s mother was fine. But the rest of the family was clannish, and the women were very exclusionary to outsiders trying to date/marry the men in the family. When I first arrived, I witnessed their constant complaining and rudeness to a woman who had just married into the family. I kept my distance from them, fearing the same fate. A few years later, that woman divorced the LV man (and that LV family) and moved away with the 2 young kids. (Good for her!) Of course she was blamed for the divorc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:30 PM
92

THIS is the reason they’re mad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 06:54 PM
45

I was horrified till I read your comments. Now I’m laughing. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 04:17 AM
2

When I move on from people (bosses, romantic partners), I literally don’t ever think about them again. I’m just sooooo completely done with them that I don’t miss them or wonder if I should’ve done anything differently. Sometimes I’m surprised at how thoroughly I detach and wonder if I should be more sentimental. But on the whole, I think it’s been a good protective mechanism for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 03:36 AM
3

I’m glad that your boss offered some good along with the bad. I can’t say the same. I won’t be leaving with any nice memories whatsoever. But my next boss will be female, and people seem to like her. I’m really looking forward to having a nice boss, and a good female role model. And a whole different kind of energy in the office!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 03:09 AM
2

My boss has a slightly different style - he has no charisma or charm whatsoever. He’s an angry Southern Man who seems to think it’s his job to judge and punish people. At least I’ve never had any confusion about where I stood with him. But he definitely doesn’t have a fun side. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:53 AM
1

Same! But I was well liked and highly respected, so I’m pretty sure that the higher ups are going to wonder about him, at least in private, without me saying one word. I would love for this to come back and bite him in the ass, but the world rarely works that way… So I’m moving on even while I’m running out the clock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:49 AM
2

EXACTLY! And, in his case, the misunderstanding is DELIBERATE. In fact, deliberate misunderstanding is one of his favorite weapons of abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:39 AM
1

I handed in my 2 weeks notice a few days ago. He doesn’t seem to realize that the game is over, and he continues to send me highly controlling emails. I ignore them, and spend my energy envisioning my new and better life, which is coming into view. A few people know what he did to me, but I will otherwise keep my mouth shut about it. I want to “peacefully detach”, rather than blow the place up, so I can start fresh somewhere else without bringing any “bad energy” along. There are so many red fla…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:36 AM
3

I relate to this post so much. My advice, after being in similar situations, is to NOT SHARE if your boss seems like he won’t be supportive. I have always felt “unsafe” around my boss, and unable to trust him. He is the Machiavellian type who will use whatever you tell him against you. I was having a massive problem with an external colleague (who everyone knows is unhinged). I held off telling the boss about what she was doing to me because I had a sense he would turn it all around on me someho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:28 AM
2

Thank you for pointing this out. My toxic boss does this to me as well. Your insights help me to better understand the reason for his deeply hateful attacks on me. I got sick of the constantly escalating abuse and recently turned in my resignation. THANK GOD! Now I just need to heal from some of the damage that he did to me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:10 AM
18

The whole world is unfortunately patriarchal and sexist. But at least East Asia doesn’t seem to have as much of the VIOLENT MISOGYNY seen in Western countries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 12:33 PM
20

Even men who used to be chivalrous (open doors, hold elevators, etc) have stopped doing it. It’s like they all got a memo instructing them not to be “simps” or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 12:06 PM
29

I don’t usually hear about incel behavior being a problem in East Asian countries, and I usually feel much more comfortable around East Asian men as a result. I’m sorry to hear that this bad behavior may be spreading there as well…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:57 AM
1

It was very brave of you to tell your stepdad about this. It may have worked out better for you that he stayed with her anyway if it gave you/your siblings a “more stable” home base - do you think so? Why do you think your stepdad stayed with your mom, after you warned him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 10:30 AM
2

This doesn’t only happen in romantic relationships with men. My boss is a furious misogynist who employs the 4 Horsemen daily. He’s a fat, mediocre white man who failed WAAAAAAY UP and instead of being grateful for his luck, he turned contemptuous and abusive. I think of him as an incel, even though he’s married, because he and his wife openly hate each other and it’s well known that they have a dead bedroom. It’s terrible to end up with a boss like this - a man you didn’t choose, but who nevert…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 08:55 AM
17

You are right - they are lost in a fantasy world, which makes them impossible to relate to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 02:33 AM
7

Same 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 12:25 AM
8

Do you REALLY have to stay with them while recuperating from surgery? Aren’t there any other options, such as having a visiting nurse service check in on you? Or a friend? Think hard if you can find some other alternative…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:54 AM
14

Recognizing them early, and steering clear, has made a world of difference for me. For so much of my life, I VERY MISTAKENLY assumed most people thought like I did, and were conscientious and ethical. More recently I have come to realize that this is not at all the case, despite how people present themselves. So now I observe closely and invest effort only in the handful of people who deserve my time and attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 02:05 PM
36

I’ve been wondering this as well. Perhaps it’s because our society rewards this type of CREATURE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 02:58 AM
13

Here is a thoughtful article on this topic: “This isn’t cancel culture. This isn’t a moment. This is social evolution. We are facing a reckoning of power, and if we resist the implication of this moment, the consequences will continue to be painful and disruptive.” https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thecut.com/amp/2021/08/andrew-cuomo-has-got-to-go.html
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 02:23 AM
7

Thank you! I wish I’d done it sooner. His bad behavior only escalated with time, and became extremely stressful near the end. I have a habit of staying in relationships - romantic or otherwise - for too long. Hopefully being here will cure me of my misplaced loyalties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 01:15 AM
59

Please be aware of this type of abuse in your non-romantic relationships as well. My boss is an extremely withholding man. He never gave me any opportunities to grow my career (there were plenty of such opportunities, but he withheld them). And when I tried to make my own opportunities, he tried to undermine them. I’m moving on now. And I encourage anyone who has a withholding partner, parent, boss, or “friend” to move on as well - those people DO NOT have your best interests at heart. Trust you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 04:57 PM
14

You are right that female partners to these men cannot possibly fix their horrendous, lifelong bad attitudes. But perhaps other women could do something about it: specifically, these men’s mothers - who raised them in such a way that they became spoiled and entitled. Especially if those mothers are now burdened by having to support their unemployed, angry sons in their old age. Maybe they would finally have a frank discussion with their spoiled sons, if it became a “national movement” of some ki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 04:44 PM
103

This is a powerful, strategic approach to a problem that has been growing steadily worse. And the problem is international in scope, with women walking away from men not only in the U.S., but in Japan, South Korea, and more. However, it seems to me that the biggest contributing factor to this problem is the double standard in how we raise boys and girls. Growing up, I was expected to do many chores in the home, while my brother wasn’t. I was expected to pay for my own clothes and outings with fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 04:33 PM
14

My mother is similar. The decades have gone by, and she hasn’t changed at all, and still wants the worst for me. When I was younger I kept giving her more chances. She doesn’t want to change! Please learn from my example and protect yourself from your mother (and anyone else who doesn’t have your best interests at heart).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 02:21 AM
5

Thank you for sharing this information and analysis - which is very illuminating. Do you think any of the male-dominated subs on dating/relationships engage in this kind of thoughtful analysis? Naaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 02:05 AM
7

SOMEBODY has to “be the mule” at home, in the office, etc. As long as it’s not them, they’re perfectly happy with the status quo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 04:11 PM
4

I never realized this before finding FDS, but you are SO RIGHT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 04:09 PM
6

This all sounds sooo familiar - including the fact that the woman was a Boomer. In my case, that woman had been in the office for decades, and had been “den mother” to lots of girls fresh out of college. They would take part in her endless gossip, etc. She would “reward them” by treating them to drinks after work, and involving herself in their personal lives, so they thought she cared about them. They didn’t see what it cost them to be “friends” with her: to always have to agree with all of her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 04:37 PM
10

I have an older female coworker who was EXACTLY like this. And I responded in EXACTLY the same way! I don’t think anyone ever responded to her like that before. I think underneath it all she does want me to be her (completely submissive) friend. She doesn’t try as hard to bully me anymore since it’s a waste of energy. Instead, her new tactic is to pick fights with me. Which I also ignore. I think she, and a lot of other people, truly don’t know what healthy relationships look like. All they know…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:13 PM
13

When I was younger, I doubted myself, too. But after decades of this bullshit, I don’t doubt myself AT ALL when it happens now. But I still struggle with how to handle it effectively! If you try to be strong and enforce your boundaries, they actually become MORE HOSTILE because you don’t cave under their power and control. So unfortunately they step up their vicious games. I haven’t found a workable solution to this other than to leave - and to look for a place where I will have a (highly regard…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 02:04 PM
33

My family also subjected me to lots of emotional neglect and were unwilling to provide me with more than the bare minimum (2 pairs of jeans). Meanwhile, my brother was constantly indulged and given anything he ever asked for. I was a star student and took part in so many sports/activities, but I always thought something was wrong with me because my family seemed to not like me, whereas they adored my brother. It has slowly dawned on me in adulthood that my treatment was rooted in the misogynisti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 01:56 PM
13

Agreed - and it’s painful to see it now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 01:46 PM
23

This advice is GOLD! Once you start to ask yourself which of your coworkers is HV, with character and integrity, you might realize that the answer is NOBODY. Then you will be able to let go of your expectations for decency and just focus on your own goals. And then move on to a better environment…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 01:36 PM
18

Thanks so much for sharing your work experience here, which sounds very similar to my own. I don’t have problems like this in my personal relationships, because I won’t tolerate that there. However, I do feel pressured to put up with lots of abuse, gaslighting, and all around bullshit in the workplace because my livelihood depends on my paycheck. It’s been hard to find a place with leaders who aren’t corrupt jerks, and so abuse at work has become an unfortunate commonplace for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 01:24 PM
2

Thank you for your bluntness - which has been very helpful to me. Although I generally agree with FDS principles, the blunt advice given here has served as a “wake up call” to me in a few areas where I had blind spots. I wouldn’t have improved as quickly (or at all), without the information being delivered in a clear, blunt manner, suggesting that I could do better. Also, I think it’s pretty clear that the intention behind the advice given here is to help members grow (and not to embarrass us/on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 10:49 PM
2

I think he’s gotten the message - I haven’t heard from him lately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 10:29 AM
7

Lonely, indeed. I feel like I’m always building for the future, rather than enjoying the present moment. And I’m middle-aged now! I want to start enjoying my life IN REAL-TIME, but I’m still not there yet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 02:47 AM
27

This just happened to me. I said “thank you” and then didn’t respond to any additional texts or phone calls. They were all very pretty low effort attempts to reach out, which I wouldn’t have recognized prior to joining FDS. I think he just wanted to re-establish a connection and then leave the rest of the work to me, as usual. At which point he would’ve argued with/criticized everything I said. Then he sent a “I’ve sent you a number of messages and you haven’t responded” text in an attempt to gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 11:33 PM
5

💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:29 PM
2

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I guess I’m not quite sure what a strong feminine energy looks like. Can you give examples of some (famous) women who embody a strong feminine energy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 02:17 AM
2

Thank you so much for this response! There is some incredibly useful, thoughtful information here - and it’s just what I needed to hear. I also checked out your profile and joined your group, FeminineEnergyMethod. There is a lot for me to unpack there! Although I look very feminine, my energy is masculine and this invites a lot of confusion/negative reactions from others, both male and female. But when I have operated from my more receptive, feminine energy, I have felt “used” and that people to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 11:41 AM
3

I’m glad to hear that! Now you can enjoy the best that life has to offer with your HVM. Can you share a little more about how you were able to shift your mindset? I find myself becoming increasingly cynical in the wake of so many disappointments. If there is a way to release my frustrated, disappointed energy, I would love to hear more about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:09 AM
3

I hope you are cancer-free now! And I’m glad he came into your life right when he did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:34 AM
5

My long-term relationship ended over a year ago when I didn’t like how some of the women in my boyfriend’s family treated me, and he didn’t want to hear about it. There were other issues, too, like me doing 99% of the housework. We haven’t been in contact for a whole year. Surprisingly, I didn’t miss him at all! Recently, he has started texting and calling. Once he left a message saying “Hi sweetie”. After not being in contact FOR A YEAR! How does he know I don’t have a new boyfriend now? I’ve b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:26 AM
3

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:07 AM
3

This is sooooo typical. And yet, everybody thinks the woman is the problem for reacting to male provocation. I’m so done even trying to get people to understand right from wrong anymore. My only hope is to find those few people who “get it” (like here on FDS) and to share with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:02 AM
19

Yes, I really don’t enjoy the company of men anymore and I try to avoid them. I’m much happier in female-only spaces now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 11:25 PM
14

Yes, it’s pretty discouraging. That’s why I’m not even focused on it right now. Also, I want to upgrade my career and my friends circle first, before I even think about finding another partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:16 PM
31

I recently started attending some Meetup groups and can confirm that the men are generally oddballs, while the women are quite nice. A few of the women are also oddballs, or flakes, but there are enough normal women to keep the groups interesting. Quite a few of the men have revealed that they have social anxiety and their therapists suggested that they attend Meetup groups to work on their social skills. I have been looking for female-only Meetup groups because at this point I could just do wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 07:55 PM
65

I’m so glad my relationship with my college boyfriend - who was a genius, at our top university - didn’t work out. He was so self-centered and misogynistic (as were his friends). I was expected to cook and clean for us, and he always resented any of my successes while I always celebrated his. I tried to be friends with him on social media years later, but even there he had to keep overriding my opinions with his own, and mansplaining endlessly. I can’t even tolerate his insufferable male arrogan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 07:48 PM
4

This is an AWESOME way to handle this situation! I’m gonna have to use it… Also, I’m sure it added to the entertainment of those men nearby. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:24 AM
1

Where did you find a group of HVW? I’m still looking for my tribe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:07 PM
21

I think they feel like powerful masterminds, “outsmarting everyone” with their deceptions. It gives them a sense of power and control, which are THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS to many men. I’ve been realizing that my boss has told a number of large lies recently, and he’s been getting away with them so far. The more lies he tells, the more powerful he seems to consider himself. These people have nothing but contempt for their victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 06:30 PM
26

This is absolutely beautiful advice. I’ve come to these realizations in stages over the years, following breakups where I spent time alone. Each time, a shift took place and I leveled up. This happened to me again recently, and I am really enjoying my alone time. I’m actually using the time to treat myself well (which is a new thing for me), and to rethink my life direction. I’m never exhausted when I’m alone - I only feel exhausted by other people’s bullshit. Try to spend some time alone with y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 06:24 PM
27

This happened to me - he cheated with his side piece on his lunch hour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 06:02 PM
37

When anybody annoys me now, I just ask to speak to their manager. They usually fall in line after that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:32 PM
23

OP - you are wise beyond your years. I’m sorry for what happened to you, but you know what to look for/look out for now. I think you’re about to level up in a big way…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:08 AM
9

💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 11:46 PM
16

Yes - it forces you to serve as Project Manager of The Home, which is a lot of responsibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:54 PM
23

Another aspect of Britney’s story that’s worthy of mention is how - after being denied agency in her own life - she eventually lashed out and was called “crazy” for this. I think this happens a lot - people drive women to their breaking points by placing them in impossible situations. And then they point fingers and say “she’s crazy!” But really, who could tolerate these situations??? It would be nice to have a discussion of what to do when you are backed into a corner and isolated. What are you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:00 PM
3

Yes, this may come in handy for someone on here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 12:41 AM
3

Thanks so much for passing this along!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 12:37 AM
3

Which airline is this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:55 PM
56

I would love to hear the FDS perspective on what happened to Britney Spears. I think most of us have had the unpleasant experience of being controlled and gaslit and traumatized by the men in our lives. It would be great to hear an analysis of this, and what we can do to break free when they start to insert their hooks into us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:34 PM
16

Yes, there’s never any judgment on the men. But if the roles were reversed and A WOMAN moved on so quickly, there would be PLENTY of judgment about that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 04:14 AM
25

I think he’s very loyal and devoted to whatever is in front of him. But I think his love and values don’t have a lot of depth, and can be easily replaced. I’m confused and disappointed because I never expected this from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 03:33 AM
20

Yes! This has been bothering me a lot, and I was afraid I was being unfair. Everyone else is encouraging him, but it just doesn’t sit right with me. What happened to his years of marriage with my friend? He treated my friend very well when they were married, but this hasty moving on does a disservice to her, I think. I also find it annoying that he and this new woman are constantly declaring their (instant) love for each other on social media. Whose benefit is this for? And she seems to be stayi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 03:13 AM
36

I had a friend in her 40s who suffered a long illness and recently died. Her husband was totally devoted to her - they seemed like soulmates - which was very touching. Within 5 months of her death, though, he began dating someone new and is already telling this new woman he loves her. (I also don’t really like this new woman, who strikes me as fake, unlike my friend.) I was surprised because I didn’t expect him to move on so quickly. He is actually able to cook and take care of himself. I think …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 01:03 AM
19

“Friends”, LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 06:21 PM
110

I’ve stopped doing things for people - boyfriends, friends, family members - that are not reciprocated. My circle is extremely small now. But at least now I have time to focus on myself. I’m getting back in shape, upgrading my wardrobe, and doings things (for me) which used to be neglected because I was taking care of everyone else. It’s better this way, and I’m never going back to my old ways again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 05:07 PM
103

Dear Mods: Would you consider doing a podcast episode dedicated to Britney Spears’ situation? I think there are so many (harsh) lessons for women in this. It will be very consciousness-raising, I think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 12:30 PM
10

💯💯💯😂😎👏✊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 03:01 AM
47

THIS describes my workplace. I feel like I’m in a 1950s time warp.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:45 AM
7

I had several invalidating experiences with men today. In contrast, my experiences with women were all pleasant. I was thinking that one day I should tally up my positive, supportive exchanges versus my invalidating, infuriating ones. I already know that the pleasant experiences will largely be with women, and the unpleasant ones will largely be with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:16 AM
4

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:10 AM
2

NAILED IT! Yes, the Boomer generation is very problematic in this regard. But, as others said, it’s also found in the less educated/blue collar demographic, regardless of age. I think the only way to bring sufficient awareness to this - and to drive societal change - is through the media. Maybe a very popular TV show could be a vehicle to address these issues and change minds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 12:35 AM
3

He’s right - but why is he undressed here??? It feels unnecessarily seductive/manipulative. It feels like he’s doing everything he can to attract female followers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 12:16 AM
4

I wish the mods would do a podcast on Family Estrangement. It seems that many of us here have been impacted by this. Coming from a toxic family-of-origin is a tremendous setback in life. Finding the strength to set boundaries with the people who have impacted us the most in this world is difficult and shattering, but ultimately empowering. This topic isn’t discussed enough due to all the shame that surrounds it. I think it would do a world of good for those of us still suffering in silence from …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 12:17 AM
22

What is this series about? Is it available in the US?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 04:57 AM
50

Can you rally the women in your family to fight back against this crap?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 04:48 AM
3

Unfortunately, this blaming-the-victim logic is extremely common. When my ex cheated on me, a few men that we both knew made some comments to me about “but WHYYYY did he cheat?”, implying that I was lacking in some way, which drove him to do it. What an utterly obnoxious thing to say to an innocent victim! Clearly, they had heard his perspective and totally bought into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:15 PM
6

Same! I was also only allowed to express positive emotions. He couldn’t hear any “negative talk” because that would “drag him down”. But if his family members called to complain about each other, that was always OK... 🙄If I complained about how someone treated me I might be asked “whatever happened to my sweet girl?” 🤢as an attempt to shut me up. I didn’t realize how common this behavior is in men. I genuinely thought I was being a burden to him. Now I see that I was - but only because he had so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:59 PM
2

Yes, I guess not everyone with means is necessarily a HV person. HV people are rare finds...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 06:08 PM
21

My ex and I broke up because all the women in his family are pickmeishas and they treat any new women who try to enter the family through dating/marriage very badly. They actively DO NOT WANT new women in their family. They seem very comfortable with the lifelong (low-level) dynamics they’ve established with one another and anyone else is seen as a threat/disruption to the status quo. Also, all they ever talked about was hair, clothing, diet advice. I wish I hadn’t wasted so many years trying to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 10:51 AM
3

This is a sobering reminder that better housing doesn’t ALWAYS mean a better quality of life. I’m sorry that you have such nasty neighbors. I feel that you’re more likely to find that self-centered, entitled “F you, I got mine” attitude in the suburbs than in the city. That’s why I plan to remain in the city for the rest of my life - even though it means I’ll likely never own a house/yard but will live in apartments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 10:28 AM
4

Yes, you can! For me, it took a little while to rebuild my positive energy. But now that it has returned, I have been happily leveling up in smaller ways (upgrading wardrobe and home furnishings), and will hopefully level up in larger ways (new job, new home) in the near future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 10:17 AM
3

I completely agree that proximity to parks is a major factor in quality of life for us city dwellers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:21 AM
13

Haha! Yes, I was hoping that this might help to weed some people out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 12:34 AM
17

Thank you for laying out the pros and cons so carefully. This was very helpful! I hadn’t considered that newer buildings would have lower cost utilities. I’m really ready for modern amenities, and it would be great to serve as a hub for friends due to a central location. I think you’ve sold me on it! 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:59 PM
9

HV people are in the minority. It takes a lot of effort to become a HV person and to maintain it. Honestly, most people are too lazy to put in this level of effort. If you are truly committed to living a quality, purposeful life you will probably have to go it alone often to uphold your standards. I have a lot of acquaintances, but few friends/equals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 08:42 PM
55

Same! I was afraid to ask my ex for help because it would put him in a bad mood, and he would treat me with suspicion (like I was trying to take advantage of him or something). But if any member of his large family called to ask for help with the same things, he’d drop whatever he was doing and rush off to help them, staying there the whole entire day if need be. Just never for me.... I’m sorry I wasted so much time on my previous partners. But now, thanks to FDS, I know to expect better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 08:15 PM
15

You are sooooo right about this. Thank you for this post, which will serve as a wake-up call for many. I’d like to add that I experience this with my cold-blooded male boss as well. My boss doesn’t just WATCH me suffer, he finds passive-aggressive ways to bring suffering upon me, as well, because he enjoys seeing me suffer. In that respect, he’s even worse than my exes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 08:11 PM
26

Same! And, like you, I won’t ever waste my time with a “partner” like that again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 08:05 PM
2

Rob Lowe is also aging well and is still quite handsome. He got sober a long time ago and I never heard anything bad about him. I really liked him in The West Wing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 07:54 PM
9

Rob Lowe is also aging well and is still quite handsome. He got sober a long time ago and I never heard anything bad about him. I really liked him in The West Wing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 07:54 PM
3

I wish I could just be done with him, as he has caused me quite a lot of stress. But unfortunately I need to stay put until I find a new position. Hopefully as we come out of the pandemic, the economy will pick up quickly and the next chapter of my life can begin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 06:29 PM
5

Thanks so much for your reply. You are wise beyond your years - and he (and his “sister”) are lucky to have you. I’m tired of people not wanting to understand my situation, but you are right that those are people I don’t want in my life anyway. Seeing that others like you have been able to find a safe and supportive partner despite having to overcome adverse early experiences gives me hope that maybe I can, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 02:12 PM
17

I get this from my angry, cold, white Southern male boss who is mediocre and who does not deserve his leadership position. He is a very antisocial person in general, but he absolutely hates women. He and his wife have a hostile relationship, and he projects his bitter dynamic with her onto other women. However, he puts on enough of a front that others (his male higher ups) who don’t have to work with him every day don’t see it. I’ve even seen him speak over/talk condescendingly to women we work …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 09:55 AM
10

Thanks so much for the book recommendation - I will check it out. I loved Brittney Cooper’s “Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 09:42 AM
22

Wow - kudos to you for all that you’ve accomplished through your own initiative and hard work! It’s definitely impressive, and I’m glad he’s impressed with you as well. One question: how did you explain your family estrangement to him - especially since he seems to come from a secure, supportive family? How did he react? I also come from a difficult, unsupportive family that I’m low contact with. I sometimes feel that this will prevent me from finding a HVM as it will be viewed as a red flag. Cu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 02:41 AM
10

Wow - that’s horrible! I’m sorry, but I’m so glad you found this sub. Good on you to have made your exit strategy. I’m excited for your future without him as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:28 AM
420

Yesterday a traditional Indian woman in a sari introduced herself to me (in the US). She very quickly asked if I had children. When I said “no” she automatically said “Oh, I’m so sorry”. I said “no need to be sorry - I’m perfectly happy this way”. She seemed to understand and smiled. I think it’s slowly catching on, throughout the world, that a woman without a child is not a TRAGEDY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:22 AM
10

💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 11:12 AM
11

I experienced this non-stop with my high IQ, high achieving boyfriends. Then I dated a blue collar guy thinking maybe I’d finally be free of this constant, academic-type power struggle. Nope! It was the same power dynamics, even though I have an advanced degree and he barely made it out of high school. I really cannot tolerate any more of these power struggles - which means I’ll most likely spend the rest of my life alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 02:48 AM
58

I DO NOT hug men unless they are family/my significant other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 09:31 PM
8

Thank you so much for this post. You’ve really dug deep here - to the point of breaking new ground. I always just thought my boyfriends/bosses were denying my experiences because it inconvenienced them to face the truth. It hadn’t occurred to me that, on top of that, they don’t even see women as full human beings with rich inner lives. But now I see you are right about them viewing us as limited, lesser creatures. The pieces are beginning to fall into place for me ow, and I thank you for this in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 10:55 AM
5

I can barely breathe under all of that control (because I’m a more creative spirit). But some people love that regimented, tightly wound structure and their instinct is to lash out to anyone who doesn’t “obey”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 04:49 PM
15

Even if the advice is good, it still comes across (to me) as “mansplaining”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 11:36 AM
32

In my experience, these people are all about CONTROL. They want to control others (women/children), and in turn they are willing, loyal servants to the controlling views of their favorite right wing male media personalities. I can’t even be in the vicinity of these types of men because I can just feel the fascism radiating off of them and it repels me. I am very independent minded and so they will apply an extra dose of control to me to “bring me back in line” with their painfully traditional id…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 10:21 AM
33

I think objectification of people comes in a variety of forms: there is sexual objectification of women, but there is also a more general objectification of people who are seen as not having power by those who do hold power. In practice, these feel pretty much the same - and I bet it all comes down to a shutting down of that part of the brain that is supposed to recognize others as “people” rather than objects. If anyone knows of any studies which correlate power with shutting down the part of t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 11:54 AM
7

Thank you for this perspective. I agree that all healing is ultimately self-healing. And this sub has also helped my self-esteem to grow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 10:57 AM
51

My boss treats everyone like an object (that he has contempt for). I think it’s a power thing, and it has only been getting worse with time. I think maybe power also shuts down activation in that part of our brains that helps us to view others as “people” and to instead treat them like objects to control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 10:04 AM
4

Thank you for articulating this. I suffer from this too and your post just raised my awareness of this in myself. Hopefully we will all do better now that we know better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 12:01 AM
4

What you said is very true: “the average woman tends to grow, whereas the average man tends to stagnate, so eventually she will outgrow him”. Best to look for men who are still on an upward trajectory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 11:56 PM
6

I’m also coming to the conclusion that men add nothing of value to my world
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 11:25 PM
2

💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 03:53 AM
2

This is all very sensible and wise advice. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what being an adult means, and the need to “throw people back” if they aren’t done growing yet. 🙂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 09:53 PM
2

Sounds like a true HVM. How wonderful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:22 AM
2

That sounds awesome! I’m sorry that you’ve been injured, but thankfully you have a partner who looks out for you and will help you to get through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 01:36 AM
16

Thanks for the reminder!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:06 PM
10

This finally explains, for me, why 99% of women who are Trump supporters have bleach blond hair
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 04:10 AM
6

Ohhhhh ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 10:50 PM
13

Japan has a culture of respect. How wonderful it would be to live in a culture that is respectful, rather than one that celebrates aggression, power, and domination.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 10:05 PM
80

I’m sorry, but this is still going on today. In fact, it’s considered “acceptable” for anyone in a position of power over you in the workplace to take your ideas and present them as their own. This has been done to me over and over - by both male AND female bosses. Our culture absolutely favors those in power, and exploits those beneath them. There are a lot of toxic elements to our culture, which I think are driven by the “corporatization” of our society. Our society needs a total overhaul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:36 PM
35

Trevor Noah is THE BEST!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:59 PM
2

Me, either. Our culture is fundamentally demeaning...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 01:23 AM
1

I have definitely been finding ways to do that! 🙂But what I’d really like is to be part of a team where the employees are valued, rather than just used/abused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 01:15 AM
5

I have plenty of skills and I’m extremely productive. But my bosses have never cultivated me - they just extract all they can. I’ve been looking at the job boards, but there isn’t a lot available right now that appeals to me. Hopefully that will improve as the economy picks up steam.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 12:51 AM
6

Thank you for this insightful comment. I’ve been used over and over by my bosses. It’s harder to escape being used by a boss than by a boyfriend (I can live without a man but I do have to work...)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 12:43 AM
18

I have the opposite problem - I work in a female-dominated field. But guess who always ends up in the top, controlling positions - MEN! There are only a few of them around, but they are ALWAYS selected for the leadership positions, even when they are mediocre and there are fabulous women who could’ve been chosen instead. It just sickens me how men always think they deserve to dominate women, and the women seem to agree with that/take their place under these men. Even though this is the 21st cent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 12:31 PM
3

You’re not kidding! Their lives didn’t work out at all as “promised”. It’s a problem with our culture. I hope young boys are being raised differently now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 07:14 PM
3

Good to know - thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:45 AM
4

Can confirm - all of this happened to me...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:38 AM
6

Is therapy fully covered by health insurance? Would our employers find out that we are receiving this service? From what I understand, it’s very expensive if you have to pay for it yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:27 AM
5

Yes - she seems very happy to be “the helper”. It works for her, and I wouldn’t try to change it. I expect she will be married to him for life, and will always find fulfillment in that. Sometimes she asks me questions about how to voice her opinions with others whose political opinions differ from her own because it’s still important for her to always come across as “nice” even if she doesn’t agree with someone. I understand how she feels - I used to be that way, too. But I eventually found my v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:17 PM
8

This does happen to a lot of traditional women - including my own mother. But when I’ve tried to encourage traditional women to find their voices, it was a pretty tricky business! They didn’t really want autonomy. This is why I tread so lightly here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 06:26 PM
12

I don’t think she really wants that much to change, though - she is a deeply traditional person and I think she feels a lot of conflict about being assertive. I think she looks at women like me who engage in political give-and-take and she thinks “Yikes! No thanks.” It’s definitely not easy to “be your own person” in such a harsh world. That’s why I never push anyone to change. But if they ask me questions about this kind of thing, I wholeheartedly engage them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 04:33 PM
19

I notice that EVERYONE encourages this behavior, including women. They think it’s a riot when he makes comments like that. Also, he speaks on her behalf a lot during political discussions. Sadly, I think she likes it this way, too, with a man serving as her “voice” and “protecting her” from the nastiness associated with political conversations. I try to encourage her to speak up for herself, to find her own voice, but she “doesn’t like to rock the boat”. It seems to me that her dissatisfaction m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:44 PM
25

I wish that FDS hosted Zoom meetings, and Meetups in various cities, so that we had the opportunity to meet up with like-minded ladies and form real-life friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 01:48 PM
53

This is so true - that if you are extremely capable and attractive to boot - you will inspire jealousy from males AND females. This has been my life, too. It’s a jealous world and people ARE NOT rooting for you. I am just hoping to find one decent guy and one girlfriend who is an ally, and it’s been hard. Once I feel that an important person in my life has tried to “grind me down” in some way, I’m done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 01:40 PM
125

I have a friend who is a very traditional, stay-at-home housewife who adores her husband and who rarely dares to voice her own opinion. I thought her husband was a HVM and I was glad that she had found a “good guy” who didn’t take advantage of her tendency to put herself second-best. But now I’m starting to see that he does, in fact, make jokes at her expense which show him off as the wonderful husband that she is so lucky to have. It could be a lot worse, but it gives me a bad feeling and confi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 11:19 AM
43

I have felt this jealousy not only from my boyfriends, but also from my male bosses. Men are rarely supportive, and often UNDERMINING.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:53 AM
9

Thanks for the recommendation - I’ll definitely check out her writing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 02:18 AM
4

My last relationship ended because my boyfriend REFUSED to help with household chores. I asked him to do one thing only: to clean the dishes after dinner. I did literally everything else to run that household, including cooking all our meals. He was irate that I dared to ask him that, and wouldn’t do it. Meanwhile, if we went to visit his mother and she offered us dinner, he would jump up to do the dishes afterwards! That was how I realized that (a) he does actually know how to perform basic hou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 01:44 PM
458

So glad that they’re breaking this down and trying to educate the others...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 03:21 AM
45

Those are our choices!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:36 AM
26

But that doesn’t mean that the women who ended up marrying those guys are LUCKY. It might just mean that they have lower standards than you do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 10:10 PM
98

Does it seem like this is becoming MORE of a problem - not less - in recent years?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 10:42 PM
3

“Sofa Bro” - I’m gonna use that 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 12:00 PM
41

I tried Girlfriend Social, a similar site. I put my profile up and tried to be very specific about what I’m looking for. The responses I’ve gotten suggest the people didn’t read what I wrote AT ALL. Based on their profiles, I don’t see what we have in common. It’s been ... kind of a waste of time. But at least I tried. I hope to meet a nice friend through some of the volunteer groups that I’m part of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 02:53 AM
271

It’s not even necessary to have a baby together for this to happen...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 02:16 PM
27

Thank you to the mods! You have created a truly High Value Space (HVS) for us, something that many of us haven’t experienced before. The total absence of trolling here is blissful. I can’t imagine how much of your time and energy are consumed in offering this protected space to us - but I thank you for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:18 AM
7

Good for you for finally seeing through it all - without any support or encouragement from your family. It’s hard to think of what could’ve been, and it’s hard to be the “black sheep”, but your newfound knowledge will help to ensure a better future. The payoff is coming...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:10 AM
3

I’m so glad to hear that you got your degrees! We’ve all learned some very hard lessons. But at least we can move forward in a better way now because of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:57 AM
2

She was badass in The West Wing, too - my all-time favorite show
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 11:25 AM
12

You’ve come a long way in 1 year! Congratulations on recognizing that you deserved better, and then not settling for less. Imagine where you’ll be another year from now...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:39 AM
5

You are very eloquent and thoughtful in writing about sex work, and your story highlights the dark underside of the industry. You could have a career - starting now - working in an anti-sex work organization, where your testimony and lived experience would be very powerful. It’s up to you whether you would find that experience to be healing and if it might help you to work through your feelings, or if you would rather heal by distancing yourself from all that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:53 AM
3

Why do you think so many of your female peers left law firms to pursue alternate careers - was it due to excessively long work hours, or a glass ceiling that doesn’t allow women to advance to the highest levels, or something else?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:42 AM
12

I’ve had better luck with men who don’t have high-powered careers. They still don’t help with cooking or cleaning, but they are more “present” in the relationship. They are not focused, around-the-clock, on advancing themselves - so I feel less lonely than with relentlessly driven career climbers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 10:27 PM
2

💯💯💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 04:49 AM
12

Congratulations on finding such a wonderful partner! Do you have any specific advice on how to find a quality man like this? Do you have any advice with regard to online dating, in particular?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:24 AM
1

Perfect - thank you for the information!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:38 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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