~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| 1 | Looking for some perspectiveu/Far-Rock-8543 You are obsessed with her medical diagnosis and therapy sessions to explain why your life fell apart. You are wasting energy trying to solve a puzzle that has already been thrown out. Stop researching ADHD and psychiatrists right now. Put that energy into organizing your own space and figuring out your next move. What actually moved me forward was developing a plan and tracking what I did each week instead of how I felt about it, just like I do for businesses. Drift or build. Tha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 02:38 AM |
| 1 | Need help with closureu/P5YCH0D3 You are outsourcing your closure to the person who walked away. She is not going to give you the answer because she does not have it and you are burning daylight waiting by the door. Stop waiting. Pick one single task tomorrow morning and execute it before 8 AM. I tracked one number every week during my rebuild, just one, to force progress instead of rumination. She stops mattering when your life gets full enough that she is just a logistics contact. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 02:37 AM |
| 2 | Promotion feels bittersweet during divorceu/exhausted_husband25 Don't slow your career down for a negotiation that's still in progress. That's not how you win either fight. The recalculation fear is real but slowing down doesn't protect you from it, it just costs you momentum you'll want badly on the other side. I never sandbagged a career move because of a deal running parallel to it. Growth is growth. Take the promotion, keep building, let your attorney handle the rest. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 01:59 AM |
| 1 | Scared But HopefulYou stayed sober through years ... and that's not a small thing. Most guys don't make it through that stretch intact. The whiplash stops when you stop needing her to be consistent and start running your own operation instead. Same routines, same standards, same weekly check-in with yourself whether she's hot or cold that day. I run my personal life on the same cadence i run businesses. Once that's solid her chaos just stops having a landing spot. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 01:58 AM |
| 3 | Nobody told me that 'no closure' also applied to the rebuilding of a lifeu/LaCathedrale That "flicker" isn't failure. Sixteen years leaves a mark, that's just how memory works. Stop expecting it to hit zero. You're not rebuilding anymore, you're maintaining. Different job. I run weekly reviews on my own life now, same as I do my businesses, catch what's drifting before it turns into a real problem. Do the same. Check in with yourself on a schedule instead of waiting for the next "flicker" to catch you off guard. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 01:49 AM |
| 1 | Co-parenting with an ex who has moved on while I’m still grieving.u/Zealousideal-Cow7550 You're not grieving her, you're grieving the timeline. She got a head start because she'd already been checking out for a while before it became official. And women move on faster, it's just in their nature. I track my own progress weekly now, not against anyone else's, just against where I was last week. Focus on your own week, not her calendar. That's the only comparison that actually moves you forward. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 01:44 AM |
| 1 | Getting divorced. Could use success stories.u/Newman1994 The friend drought after a long relationship is real and it's not because something's wrong with you, it's because you spent your social energy on one person for a decade. Golfing and old cars are already good entry points, both have built in communities if you find the right league or club instead of doing them solo. I rebuilt my own circle a few years ago starting with exactly that (martial arts), showing up consistently and doing all the social stuff at the gym/academy. Pick some… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/26 01:40 AM |
| 2 | 27 yrsu/3404bbl Four weeks without booze and not even a fight to get there is awesome! On the therapist, take what's useful and leave the rest. I tried it and talking about the problem just made it worse. What actually moved me forward was developing a plan and tracking what I did each week instead of how I felt about it (just like I do for businesses). | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/26 06:24 PM |
| 2 | Welp after over a year, it’s official. I’m divorced.u/6StringFiend Manifesting works better when it's attached to something you can actually measure. Playing guitar again and getting out to a friend's place are real wins… that's the rebuild already starting whether you're calling it that or not. On the drinking, balance is a fine goal for the long-term but right now, fresh start, big transition, I'd pick a hard number for ~30 days and stick to it. Not forever, just long enough to prove to yourself you're driving this instead of coping through it.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/26 05:02 PM |
| 2 | Today was the day she officially moved outu/mason2393 An empty house feels odd because nothing in it is yours yet, it's just leftovers. Echoes of the old life. I kept the house too and it took a while. Don't try to fix the whole house at once. Pick one room this week and make it completely yours. I turned my garage into a home gym and built out an office that's all mine, no leftover decisions from anyone else. Best move I made. Every room in my house has a purpose now (I filled the “empty”). “Home” comes from building something new that… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/26 04:55 PM |
| 1 | Divorce at 35, moving back to India after losing everything — how did you heal and rebuild your life?u/Any_Evidence423 The guilt is doing more damage right now than the divorce itself. You can spend the next year replaying every mistake or you can spend it building the man who doesn't make them again. Starting over in India isn't a setback, it's a clean slate most guys on here never get. I tracked one number every week during my rebuild to force progress. Pick yours this week. Confidence comes back through doing, not through understanding what went wrong. You already understand it… now go build… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/26 04:50 PM |
| 4 | 27 yrsu/3404bbl You're not the evil bad guy in this story anymore, you're a man who saw it clearly and owned it. Most guys spend years finding excuses… you found the truth in two days. Stop trying to figure out how you'll survive the wedding seeing her with someone new. You can't control that but what you can control is showing up sober and proud of your daughter, then going home and starting the rebuild the next morning. I built a rebuild plan along with weekly reviews for myself two years ago specif… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/26 04:46 PM |
| 2 | Blocking my ex wife today was harder then me getting the divorce decree the other day.u/TheBritshViking Blocking is harder than the paperwork because the paperwork is just legal and blocking is “final”. You did the right thing… and the kids will figure out what happened when they're older. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/06/26 11:04 AM |
| 4 | Welp after over a year, it’s official. I’m divorced.You just survived a brutal year and you're still standing, well done! Now stop drinking to cope and start building instead. You've got a blank slate at 51 and more clarity than most guys half your age. Pick one thing this week you put on hold for years and go do it. That's where the new chapter actually starts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/26 12:06 PM |
| 6 | Going from having a wife and helping raise her kids to being 31 and single..........u/TheBritshViking Gonna be straight with you because the comments here are right. You have something most guys in this sub don't: a clean break. No biological kids tying you to her, no child support, no reason to stay connected. That's actually the best possible starting position for a rebuild. Seven years raising another man's kids while living with her and her mother was never your foundation to build on. That was her life, with you plugged into it. Now you get to build yours from scratch on y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/26 12:03 PM |
| 6 | Ex-wife's boyfriend causing problems.Do not touch him. I know it's tempting but he wins the second you do because court, custody, etc., flips against you. Move all dropoffs to a neutral public location starting now. Parking lot of a grocery store, movie theatre, whatever. Take the power back that way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/26 11:55 AM |
| 5 | Post-Divorce Aftermathu/jdeee1771 You can't make sense of her choices and trying to is what's keeping you sick. She's going to do what she's going to do… and that part is out of your hands. Your job now is building your side so solid nothing she does can touch it. Communication goes through a parenting app or documented diligently and is about logistics only. You start a private dated log of anything concerning with the kids. Your home becomes the stable anchor they always come back to. That structure protects them a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/26 10:48 AM |
| 8 | I supported her and sacrificed my own progress for 10 years for nothing.Totally get it… you built her launchpad and she used it to leave. That sucks and it deserves to be called what it is. But "too old to rebuild" is the exhaustion talking, not reality. You just spent a decade proving you can execute against a long term plan under pressure. You have the ability, it just needs a new target (spoiler alert - it’s you). Start with one question: what did you put on hold for her that you actually wanted for yourself? That's where you start. u/Baxter-Inc | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/26 10:44 AM |
| 6 | Why Re-marry after Divorce?u/ComplexCatastrophe The wall punch is your answer. Your system is telling you it's overloaded (that's important data). Stop trying to date your way through this. Close the apps, pick one physical target to chase for the next 90 days, and let that be enough for now. You already know you're not ready. The right relationship finds a man who's built something, not one who's still in the rubble. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/26 11:40 AM |
| 1 | Any words of wisdom?u/Abject_Translator_13 The house is the problem and you can’t rebuild your life inside the old one. Every morning you wake up there your brain resets to husband mode whether you want it to or not. I know the fear around your son is real, but here's what actually happens when you get your own place and build it right. A home that's yours, with his room set up, his stuff there, his routines anchored there. You stop being the visitor and start being the other home base. Kids need two stable homes, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/26 11:38 AM |
| 1 | Channeling Rage?u/ComplexCatastrophe BJJ is the right instinct. But honestly any combat sport gets you there. I train muay thai and BJJ and the reason it works isn't just the physical outlet. It's that you cannot be anywhere else mentally when you're on the mat. Your brain has no choice but to be present. The divorce, the anger, the people who let you down, none of it exists for that time. The other thing nobody tells you is what happens over time. You start doing something genuinely hard, consistently, and you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/26 11:36 AM |
| 2 | From Happily Married to Divorcedu/3cWizard The gym is right… but if your sobriety is actually at risk right now that is the only priority. Call your sponsor or get to a meeting tonight. Everything else gets solved by a version of you who is sober. One day at a time on that… everything else can wait. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/26 01:40 PM |
| 3 | I hate her, badlyu/LettuceOutrageous501 The hate means you're still hooked. Not to her, to the story and how it ended. It does get better… but not through forgiveness… through irrelevance. She stops mattering when your life gets full enough that she's just a logistics contact. Parenting app for all communication, handoffs from the car, no small talk, no updates about her life. Starve the connection and build your life. That's how the hate fades, not because you let go but because you stop feeding it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/26 01:38 PM |
| 3 | Update. Quickly learning how awful my family is.You went home for a support system and found out it was never there. That's rough…on top of everything else. But it also clarifies something important. You and your son... That's it. Until the 21st your only job is keeping him stable and keeping yourself out of that house as much as possible. Parks, diners, drives, anything. When the keys land, put those people on a strict information diet and don't look back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/26 01:35 PM |
| 3 | Need some motivationu/steak-raspberry You're not stuck… you're in the middle game where the old life is gone and the new one isn't built yet. Every guy rebuilding goes through it. Stop waiting on the house to start rebuilding. Hit the gym hard this week, protect your career momentum, keep moving on the home search. The guys who come out the other side strong are the ones who built the habits during the transition, not after. Your future self is watching what you do right now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/26 01:33 PM |
| 1 | Weird question, how do you guys find the motivation to care for yourselves?u/Bush_M_aster You need to flip the frame here. For the first time in fifteen years you don't have to optimize for anyone else and that’s a huge opportunity! Start with your body. Not for looks, for everything else. A strong body gives you more energy for your kids, sharper thinking at work, better sleep, more confidence in every room you walk into. It's the flywheel -> One thing that makes every other thing better. You don't need motivation to start it, you just need to show up tomorrow and do … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/26 12:25 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with the "Makeshift Prison" Created by My Exu/Final_Minimum1443 Stop thinking about her house… what she does over there is her problem as long as the kids are safe. Here's what actually happens when you make your place the one with energy. Hikes, parks, cooking, whatever gets them moving and laughing. You don't have to say a word about her house because they'll figure it out themselves. Give it six months and they'll be asking to spend more time with you… let the contrast do the work for you. Build it into the routine. Same activities, sa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/26 12:22 PM |
| 2 | Why is this so hard even though it's so obvious?u/Arsityr You're grieving someone who's still alive and a future that didn't work out. I know, it's rough… one of the hardest things there is. The doubt doesn't mean you're wrong, it means you actually loved her and FWIW, you're making the right call. The hard part is building the life on the other side of it. Start with your son and make that time non-negotiable. But you'll have a lot of free time now and that's where guys either drift or build. Don't rush toward the passion you're looking for.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/26 11:19 AM |
| 3 | Today Is The DayThirty years doesn't end quietly... you know that going in. Get through today. Keep your composure in that room, shake hands, and walk out with your head up. Tonight you don't have to have a plan, but tomorrow you do. Good luck in there! | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/26 12:00 PM |
| 7 | How do I deal with this rageThat rage is fuel... don't waste it on her. Do something physical... lift something heavy, run until your brain shuts up. You're doing the right thing keeping your mouth shut. She leaves in a week and then you start building. Head down until then | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/26 11:58 AM |
| 7 | Anybody else have trouble dating after divorce?Dating too soon is the most common mistake guys make coming out of a long marriage. You found out what most figure out eventually… you can't outsource the emptiness to another person. Stop dating for now and build the structure instead. Consistent morning routine. Gym or martial art with a real community around it. Something you're working toward in your career and finances. A weekly rhythm that runs whether you feel like it or not. When your life has discipline and direction underneath it the l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/06/26 01:27 PM |
| 2 | Need a boostAbout two years to fully detach. Not from the grief but from caring what she was doing, who she was with, how her life looked. That's the real detachment and it happened gradually, not all at once. Kids are closer than they ever were when we were all under one roof running on autopilot. Divorce forced me to be intentional about every moment with them instead of just being physically present and mentally elsewhere. That shift was actually a gift I didn't expect. Found someone genuinely good. Not … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/26 02:09 AM |
| 2 | The part of single fatherhood I didn’t see comingThe daily overhead is what gets guys. Everyone prepares for the big stuff, but nobody warns you about the daily load of running a household solo. The shift that changed everything for me was starting to treat my personal life with the same discipline I bring to running a business. Time is a resource and allocate it accordingly. If something costs less than 25% of your hourly rate to outsource, outsource it. Landscaper and housekeeper were the first two calls I made. Two of the biggest recurring … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/26 01:59 AM |
| 8 | Ex wife still makes me feel guilty - how to deal with itStop watching the dog! You're already paying $5k a month... that's more than enough contribution to her tennis trip. On the legal question, talk to your attorney not Reddit... But generally speaking final divorce decrees are hard to reopen and her threatening to come after you for more is almost certainly a pressure tactic not a legal reality. And don't call her back. Nothing good comes from that conversation and you already know it. The second you asked about the job you handed her the wheel. T… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/26 01:52 AM |
| 3 | Was there ever love?The anger and grief are legit, and so is the exhaustion of sacrifice for years on end. But the character that drove all of that (e.g., the showing up, the keeping your word, loving the kids), that’s the foundation to build on next…. just this time with better boundaries and for people who actually show up in return. You're 47. That's not the end of anything… it's just the first time you get to build something for yourself. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/26 01:10 AM |
| -1 | Wow, I really DID let myself go during my marriage...LOL sorry, got on my soapbox there. TLDR: The weight loss is legit and that line about negotiating free time hits... You figured out something most guys miss entirely. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 05:25 PM |
| 5 | Wow, I really DID let myself go during my marriage...The photo moment is more powerful than you're giving it credit for. You didn't just see how you looked… you saw the gap between the man you were running on autopilot and the man you're capable of being when you're actually in charge of your own life. The weight loss is real and congrats (!!)… but the more important number is what you said almost in passing… all of this is far easier as a divorced dad than it was inside a life where every free moment had to be negotiated. That's not a small thing… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 12:19 PM |
| 2 | What are we reading?Honest answer? Leave the books at home. You've got three kids under 12 on a beach for a week. Get in the water with them, build the sandcastles or play ball, and stay up too late watching movies. Let them order dessert. Be so present that they go home talking about the best beach trip they ever had. The reading can wait. You'll have plenty of quiet nights to process everything… but right now your kids need their dad to show up, not to be the guy sitting on a beach chair with a self-help book try… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 02:49 AM |
| 1 | What ways have you all found to deal with only seeing your kids part time?Every guy says that before it happens. And it is hard… genuinely one of the hardest parts. But here's what nobody tells you: the weeks without your kids become the weeks you build yourself. Not to fill time… to become a better version of the man who shows up when they're back. The dads who struggle most with part-time parenting are the ones whose entire identity is wrapped up in being “dad”. When the kids leave, they have nothing. The ones who come out stronger are the ones who use that time to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 02:44 AM |
| 3 | Next phase of my journey rebuildingThis is what the other side looks like. Nine months of doing the work and you're signing papers on your own house with your daughter's future school zone already locked in. The workshop garage detail tells me everything I need to know about your headspace. You're not just buying a house… you're designing a life on your own terms. Congrats man!! | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 02:40 AM |
| 3 | How can I let go?Holding the fort for someone who's already left is one of the loneliest places a man can be. You don't get a clean break… you get ambiguity on repeat at every kids' event and handoff. That's brutal and it's real. But here's what I'll say directly because I think you need to hear it: you can't think your way out of this and you can't feel your way out of it either. Sitting with the pain and analyzing it doesn't make it smaller. It feeds it. The only thing that actually works is motion. Not waitin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/26 02:04 PM |
| 1 | How do you rebuild your identity after divorce, especially if the role of "husband" was a big part of who you wereGlad it landed. :) Where are you in the process right now? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 02:29 PM |
| 1 | Dating in your 50’s kind of sucksExactly right… the business model is engagement, not matches. A guy who finds a great relationship deletes the app and that's bad for revenue. So the algorithm optimizes for just enough hope to keep you swiping. The guys who do best post-divorce aren't the ones who mastered the apps. They're the ones who built a life compelling enough that meeting someone became a natural byproduct rather than a campaign. How long have you been at it? | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 02:28 PM |
| 3 | Not sure what to doTwo months out, still in love, co-parenting a child with special needs, and she's kind one day and cold the next… that hot and cold cycle is the thing that's destroying you more than the divorce itself. It keeps the wound open. Every time she's kind your brain thinks 'maybe,' and every time she's cold it crashes again. That's not healing… that's a loop. The promise you made on your wedding day… I understand that. It says something good about who you are, but she ended the marriage. You keeping t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/26 10:43 PM |
| 1 | Tips for making it feel homie for 10 year old sonLet him pick his own bedding and a few things for the walls and maybe a gaming area. Kids care more about having their stuff feel like theirs than about how the room looks. But beyond the physical stuff… the routines are what make it home. Same breakfast on Saturday mornings, a show you watch together, or his favorite snacks always stocked… the small predictable things that say 'this place is ours' matter more than any furniture. Kids adapt faster than we think. The consistency of your presence … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/26 10:40 PM |
| 4 | Dating in your 50’s kind of sucksYou're doing a lot of things right: low pressure first meets, active listening, not chasing, good instincts on the red flags. Your read on the separated woman was spot on. That's not laziness, that's unfinished business. But here's what I'd offer from years further down the road: stop optimizing the dating process and optimize yourself instead. At 55 with two teenage kids, the women worth having aren't going to be found by refining your Bumble strategy. They're going to show up in your actual li… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/26 03:02 PM |
| 11 | How do you rebuild your identity after divorce, especially if the role of "husband" was a big part of who you wereThe identity question is the right one and most guys never get there… they stay in the grief or rush to the next relationship without ever sitting with it. The fact that you're asking it 10 months out means you're ahead of where most men are. Here's the reframe that changed things for me: you're not trying to replace the identity of 'husband.' You're trying to build something more durable… an identity that doesn't depend on a role someone else can take away. Being a husband gave you purpose beca… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/26 03:42 AM |
| 2 | Do men need to improve their education levels to remain competitive in the workforce with women and also in the dating world?College isn't the variable. Trajectory is. Women aren't attracted to degrees; they're attracted to men who are going somewhere. Purpose, drive, confidence, the sense that this man is building something and knows where he's headed. You can have an MBA and none of those things. You can have a trade license and all of them. The working-class man who's mastered his craft, runs his own operation, stays in shape, handles his business, and walks into a room like he belongs there will outperform the mid… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 12:47 PM |
| 1 | Feeling down 2 years after divorceTwo years out and ~$7K a month while she lives in an expensive house her parents bought and doesn't work… that's not just painful, that's genuinely unjust. You're allowed to be angry about that. Don't let anyone tell you the anger isn't legitimate! But here's the thing you already know on some level: the anger is keeping you tethered to her. Every call, every guilt trip, every comparison to her parents' money… it all works because you're still letting her define the scoreboard. She controls with… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 12:43 PM |
| 3 | Ive lost everythingThe identity rewrite is one of the hardest parts of a high-conflict divorce… especially when some of the criticism is fair. You can't fully defend yourself because you know there's truth in parts of it and you can't fully accept it because it's also been weaponized and exaggerated. That's a brutal place to stand. Does it calm down? Yes. But the path out isn't through the grief… it's through the build. Here's what I mean: right now your identity is still attached to the marriage, the family unit,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 12:37 PM |
| 3 | Who would read this?The reframe at the end is the real insight and most guys in divorce mode are asking tactical questions when the more powerful question is identity-based. 'Who do I need to become' is a fundamentally different starting point than 'how do I win.' What you're describing is the shift from reactive to architecture. Instead of responding to what's happening to you, you started designing who you're becoming. Everything else (the job offer, the custody outcome) aren't coincidences… they're what happens … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/26 12:34 PM |
| 2 | I need to know that I am not aloneYou are not alone. What you're carrying right now… single father, foreign country, no language, no support network, a manipulative ex… that's an extraordinary amount of weight for one person. You remembered to shower your son… that means you're still showing up even when you have nothing left. That matters and he needs you here. Please reach out to a crisis center if you are really having those thoughts… You don't have to keep carrying this alone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/26 02:09 AM |
| 1 | Haven’t been handling this well…36 with no kids and an amicable split is objectively an easier hand than most guys in here are dealt… and it can still completely hollow you out. Don't minimize what you're feeling because the circumstances look cleaner on paper. The isolation is the real enemy. When the marriage ends and the family thing lands at the same time, you realize the support structure you assumed was there... wasn't. That's a different kind of loss on top of the divorce. It forces a reckoning most guys avoid… who's ac… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/26 01:23 AM |
| 2 | When did you stop therapy?Sounds like therapy did exactly what it was supposed to do… and now you've hit calm waters and the sessions feel like hypothesizing about a future that hasn't happened yet. That's usually the signal that the diagnostic phase is done, which is great! I didn't lean heavily on therapy… it wasn't the thing that moved the needle for me. What I found was I didn’t need more conversation about the past, I needed a system for building the future. Therapy looks backward to understand how you got here… Inf… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/26 01:18 AM |
| 13 | 49M single dad of three rebuilding life—looking for advice from guys who’ve been hereLate 40s here, custody most of the time, launched a business as well in the middle of it. You're not looking for someone to tell you it gets easier (you already know it does)... you're asking what actually moves the needle. I'll tell you what moved it for me. The biggest shift was stopping the separation between "surviving the divorce" and "building my life." I was treating them as sequential… get through this, then rebuild. That's wrong... the rebuild has to run in parallel or you lose ~2 years… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/26 12:58 AM |
| 7 | How do you guys motivate yourselves?Four months out, gym started, new flat, therapy, divorce moving… you're ahead of where most guys are at this stage. The infrastructure is going in. The energy deficit is normal and it has a specific cause. Here's what nobody tells you: willpower is a depleting resource and right now yours is being consumed by the divorce process, the move, the gym, the therapy… all of it is good but all of it is drawing from the same account. There's nothing left for the project list. That's not a character flaw… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/04/26 04:22 PM |
| 1 | Any post divorce success stories?That feeling of reaching and still sinking is usually the moment right before something shifts… not because things get ‘easier’, but because you get tired of waiting for ‘easier’… and start building instead. The drowning feeling is almost always a structural problem... not a personal one. Too many things running manually… with nothing holding them together. If you ever want to talk through what that actually looks like in practice, feel free to DM me. No pitch… just a conversation from someone w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/26 07:17 PM |
| 9 | Any post divorce success stories?Been through it. Long marriage, kids, the full financial restructuring (lawyer fees, splitting everything, starting over in a smaller place). I know exactly what that spreadsheet looks like at 2am when you're trying to figure out how the math ever works again. Uggg. Here's what I can tell you from the other side: it works out. Not immediately, and not without building deliberately... but it works out. What changed everything for me wasn't time... it was deciding to treat my rebuild the way I'd t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/26 01:10 AM |
| 3 | Post Divorce and Sex?The isolation is the real issue underneath everything you're describing. When you don't have people, your nervous system is running in survival mode constantly… and that affects everything. Focus, confidence, performance, motivation. It's not a character flaw… it's what happens when a human being operates without a support architecture for too long. What helped me wasn't finding more people… it was being more intentional about the few I had. One or two guys you can call when it's bad is worth mo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 12:09 PM |
| 7 | D-DayTwenty months of trying, six months of voicing it, a year of letting go... you didn't blow this up impulsively. You did the work before you made the move. Today is hard. But you already know who you are on the other side of this because you've been building him for the last year. Most guys don't start that work until after the papers are signed. You're ready... time to execute. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 12:03 PM |
| 3 | I kept getting advice from people who loved me. It almost cost me my kids.Nine years in domestic court, won custody pro se… that's not luck, that's someone who figured out the difference between emotional support and operational guidance early enough to act on it. Well done man!!! The people who love you most are often the least useful in a crisis because their advice is filtered through their fear for you, not through relevant experience. They're optimizing for making you feel better, not for solving the actual problem.. What I found was that the most useful input du… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/26 01:46 AM |
| 5 | How to move forward?43 with 3 kids, panic attack over a Walmart order… I've been close to where you are. That's not about groceries, your brain is out of capacity. Every small decision feels massive because there's no bandwidth left. Two things: First, stop watching her! The Facebook photo, the new boyfriend, the tattoos, tetc. Every time you check, you're handing her your energy. Block or mute her on everything. Not out of anger… but out of strategy. You need every ounce of bandwidth pointed at your own rebuild ri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/26 02:11 PM |
| 6 | Please Share Your ThoughtsI'll be honest… I tried therapy and it didn't do much for me. Spent a lot of money to talk about how getting divorced sucked, which I already knew :). Some guys get a lot out of it and I'm not knocking it. It just wasn't the thing that moved the needle for me. What actually worked was building structure around the chaos and outsourcing mundane tasks. The anxiety I was feeling wasn't some deep psychological mystery… It was the result of running every part of my life solo and manually with no syst… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 08:54 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with the mental health side of divorceI was in the exact same spot lol… 4 bed, 2.5 bath, kids half the time, and the house felt like it was running me instead of the other way around. The constant mental checklist of repairs, yard, cleaning on top of everything else was eating bandwidth I didn't have. Two moves changed everything for me. I hired a cleaning service and a landscaper to come on the last day of the week I had my kids.. Not expensive ones — just consistent ones. I dropped the kids off to school and came home to a clean h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 08:15 PM |
| 1 | I just want to off myself. I can’t anymoreBrother, I hear you. What you're carrying right now is more than anyone should have to carry alone. Five years of this would break anyone... you're not weak for being at this point. You're human. Please call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Your daughters need their dad here. You're not a failure. You're a father who's been fighting for his kids for five years. That's not defeat... that's endurance. But you need support right now that's beyond what Reddit can give you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 11:32 AM |
| 2 | Dealing with the mental health side of divorceI could have written this post a few years ago. Almost identical timeline, similar dynamics — the walkaway, the recharacterization of the marriage, the community alienation, the brain fog that made me feel like I was losing my mind at work. So I'm not going to give you generic advice. I'm going to tell you what I've learned from the other side. The brain fog isn't going away because you're treating symptoms individually… therapy for the emotions, SSRI for the spiraling, exercise for the body, wi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 11:24 AM |
| 1 | Separated, i know it can/will get better, but still i feel stuck.The fact that you downloaded Hinge and couldn't fill out the profile? That's not a problem… that's your gut telling you something your brain hasn't caught up to yet. You're not ready, and that's fine. Six months out from a 10-year marriage with kids is still early. The missing physical touch and companionship… that's real and I'm not going to tell you to ignore it. But what I will tell you is that jumping on the apps right now is like going grocery shopping when you're starving. You grab everyth… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 01:09 AM |
| 1 | Separation Looming … Learning finances.You're already ahead of where most guys are at this stage. Opening the account, building the budget, getting the second job… that's not panic, that's operational. Give yourself credit for moving that fast. A few things that helped me when I was figuring out the financial side: First, don't try to replicate your old lifestyle on your income alone. That math will never work and chasing it will break you. Build a new baseline around what does a clean, simple life cost you? Rent, food, transportatio… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 01:01 AM |
| 1 | Will I get over this ? …46 when mine hit. The pain you're describing is real but it's not permanent. It lifts when you stop trying to feel your way out and start building your way out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/04/26 01:37 AM |
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