TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

ThrowRABigStoveTV Archive

View 0 posts and 117 comments by ThrowRABigStoveTV on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I couldn’t agree with you more about the premise here. The only thing is while “real” life is not quite like this it so extreme as what we see on TikTok or Reddit rabbit holes, I think a lot of pieces of it make its way to mainstream culture, and a lot of people can fall into them unknowingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/25 03:01 AM
2

It’s wild to me that people would even consider this. Today’s world of social media - everything is a sound bite, attention spans of goldfish, algorithm-built echo chambers - along with uncertainty around how to restructure societal constructs and gender roles in a quickly changing world has just led to extreme thinking. On both sides. I don’t think it’s more complicated, strategic, or intentional than that. Someone coming up with this theory is just as wild as the rhetoric itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 11:18 PM
2

Sure but I’d argue multiple ways to get there makes it somewhat more attainable. OP says in their comment that women have different types, but only after minimum attraction is met; but also lists multiple ways to get to that minimum attraction, of which I’m sure different women weigh some ways more than others. When talking about who women are attracted to, I don’t think multiple types = all types, which is where I guess I was questioning their comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 04:06 PM
1

That’s a really interesting take. Do you think that’s why it feels like a lot of women are itching to meet someone in real life vs. on OLD?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 05:00 AM
6

It does feel like there’re multiple ways to get there though from what you’re saying. Do you feel like it’s diff for women or you feeling like it’s the same for women and men, but society just doesn’t point it out for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 01:40 AM
11

I can understand how it feels that way but I think there are quite a few that are desired by a few or a good handful. The existence of people who are just found attractive by everyone doesn’t discount this.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 12:59 AM
1

I get that… but I guess I’m curious then why in the conversation of what’s the point of even being in a relationship in 2025, why doesn’t sex come up very much as a factor?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 05:21 PM
1

That’s fair. I think the thing is a lot of women don’t feel like they need a relationship to get sex (because they don’t) so I don’t feel like they view that as something they “get” in a relationship. But, I’d like to think relationship sex is something they care about more than just random one night stands and fwb because of, ya know, love and connection and all that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 05:01 PM
1

Yeah I see what you’re saying. One person just responded to my comment saying they are just as strong. I guess I feel like the majority of women don’t though, but maybe I’m wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 02:33 PM
1

Just because it exists doesn’t mean it’s used as much. Men look at porn far more. I don’t think anyone in the world can truly say whether the drives are truly higher for men, or women, or equal, but I think it’s indisputably clear that they are different. Also, I do agree with OP in the sense that if women, as an average, are claiming that both men and women want sex equally, it does feel like sex isn’t one of the pieces that women offer men in a relationship when people are talking about what e…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 02:32 PM
2

Yeah I agree it’s just a straw man
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 02:16 PM
1

Do women actually use this example as the bare minimum for sex? I hear it sometimes for dating/relationships, but even then this isn’t an example I hear that often. I mean, I’d consider a woman at least offering to split something - pretending to get their card out at least - the “bare minimum” during the first few dates. I might not want to date them, but if I was really attracted to them I wouldn’t not hook up with them. Feels similar.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 09:44 PM
1

Do they though? I feel like what I usually hear is that they have libidos too, enjoy good sex, care about orgasms etc. rather than that their drives are equivalent to that of men. I feel like things like the porn industry in general makes it clear to everyone where things stand.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 09:19 PM
7

Yeah I feel like a huge part of it is indeed what OP is saying. If women were in large being with men for provider-ship, resources, social status etc. rather than sex, it makes sense that we’d see fewer women want to settle down with someone. But, it feels like there’s some resentment/anger and reactive individuality & empowerment baked in there too that pushes the trend further. I do think companionship, dual incomes, some level of safe/consistent sex, and a partner with whom to start a family …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 08:20 PM
5

Yeah I think it’s more about homophobia than not being able to relate to drives.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 06:39 PM
3

Ah yeah, I feel you. That sucks, and I’m sure is more prominent in the Bible Belt south.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 05:53 PM
7

This is a thing? Can you point out any examples or just anecdotes? All the dudes I know are have a lot of understanding and relatability to the sex drives gay people have. Personally I’m kind of envious about the fact that people in same sex relationships don’t have to deal with as differing wants and values (on average).
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 05:46 PM
5

This is a thing? Can you point out any examples or just anecdotes? All the dudes I know are have a lot of understanding and relatability to the sex drives gay people have. Personally I’m kind of envious about the fact that people in same sex relationships don’t have to deal with as differing wants and values (on average).
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 05:45 PM
35

Not one bit. Difference is because women are attracted to status/power and men aren’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 01:46 PM
0

I think we guys just want sex a good bit more (on average of course) than women. This creates a certain economy for it and scarcity for it that leads to all sorts of differing down stream effects - like tendencies to value it, connection to self worth, and its meaning within a relationship. Your comment about finding a different guy based on what you are looking for (sexual gratification vs. a relationship) is EXACTLY what men are concerned about - I promise, even if they love you and want a rel…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 01:28 PM
17

I feel like this isn’t exactly news? I don’t think women use it only to get something though. Feels like you’re painting it in a certain negative light.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 04:03 AM
1

I feel like part of the problem is in today’s world, with social media and bite sized headlines to communicate anything, everything is framed into all or nothing thinking. I think it’s good to recognize some of these trends in behaviors that men/women display so you can catch them and make sense of them, but at an individual level, there’s quite a bit of grey area.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/25 11:07 PM
–

That’s so interesting. For you, where and when do looks start playing a role in attracting then?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/25 10:57 PM
14

Your post makes a lot of sense and directionally it is a fair step toward societal change; but for people who are trying to find a life partner - and there still are plenty of them - it’s a bit of counterproductive notion.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/25 09:04 PM
1

Yeah that pretty much tracks with what I’ve observed. Every individual is different, but in general, quite a few relationships have this kind of a dichotomy. I used to get a little annoyed that it always felt like the guy had to “take care” of the gal in certain ways more than vice versa — buying more gifts, flowers, planning dates and romance, paying more, being the one to give more massage type things (and getting her her water bottle all the time) - but if it makes her feel special, and she e…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 06:27 AM
–

I gotcha. Yeah that makes sense, thanks for the explanation. Just curious as someone who’s wondered about swinging. I worry though that one person would get jealous. From the outside it feels like you’d both have to deeply enjoy having sex with each other… more than the freedom to have it with others… so that if there were insecurities that came up, the other would be down to pause or stop without hesitation or second thoughts, to almost close that would of inadequacy. Any truth to that?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 05:00 AM
–

Do you feel like once you’ve opened it it’s kind of hard to go back to not in the future?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 04:10 AM
1

I’m curious about this one, though. In general men tend to be the one wanting more sex in a marriage no? Leads me to feel like most women view it or need it in a different way than most men.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 03:55 AM
5

I think man care quite a bit about if they can get their partner off no?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 03:51 AM
0

Different person but I think you two are misunderstanding one another. He’s thinking you’re saying attraction always dies after the honeymoon phase, and reacting to that, and you’re actually saying that it doesn’t die but once you enmesh your lives together it’s at risk of dying if you’re not compatible at living and working together - it’s more than just companionship.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 03:39 AM
1

I never said anything about 40+, and I never said anything about not having societal cache. I just implied society - both men and women - tends to reward each gender disproportionately for certain things. There are things I wish men were rewarded more by society (men and women) for doing as well - being good, loving, fathers and nurturers, for example. I’m older and also know many female doctors who are super happy and benefit from being doctors societally.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/25 04:08 AM
2

When did I say that they are miserable? Lol
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/25 10:40 PM
10

That’s my point. It stings more for women when they lose that.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/25 12:27 AM
8

I get what you’re saying man but the problem is society doesn’t value women for other things as much. A guy who is older and is a surgeon gets a certain societal cache… a gravitas that makes people see him differently and have a certain value. I’m not saying a gal who is a surgeon wouldn’t be respected at all, but the function for women generates a different output.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/25 10:40 PM
2

Thanks for typing this out. It’s helpful, and interesting to hear. That feeling that I (or other guys) could just flip a switch and be in that exciting sexual phase, whereas she may need more and feel it can’t come back, does suck and feel a bit bad. But at the same time, I’m projecting my (and guys) viewpoint of sex - what it means, the way we care about it, base wants/needs - onto her in thinking about how she must feel… and that’s not a fair assessment either.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 04:43 AM
5

Yeah this makes sense! It does suck and is unfair that aging is inevitable. I do feel like women care about appearances too for sexual attraction, maybe just not to the same extent as men. But yeah I’m curious… what do you think guys in relationships can do? I do get the dating, courting, doing exciting things together, and all that… but part of long term partnership inevitably kills some of that - raising kids, struggling through taking care of each other while sick… all that just requires stab…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/25 09:50 PM
12

I like your post, but imo you’re kind of saying the same thing, just that it’s not a bad thing. “Imo sexual tension is way more important for women to feel horny than it is for men, because men can get more spontaneously horny than women can.” I think the point is familiarity can tend to kill this.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/25 09:10 PM
3

I get you. But the point of my comment was to highlight differences in communication stylesthat lead to this phenomenon on average. There are always shitty communicators and people who don’t put in effort - both men and women. A guy like what you describe is absolutely dropping the ball. But, on the other hand, expressing emotions on its own doesn’t always equate to a higher level of communication and mental labor. Toddlers and babies do it all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/25 06:19 AM
47

I feel like women (in general) are pretty expressive about their emotions, and in that way, more direct and honest - emotions, after all, are the currency of a relationship. We guys tend to be more stoic with this. So for women, they’ll often express something is wrong, that they’re not happy, but not necessarily tell you how to fix it. For women it feels like they’ve been ringing the alarm forever; for men it feels like they never received their instructions.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/25 08:22 AM
2

I feel like you’re getting a lot of people disagreeing with you, but I get where you’re coming from man. I think asking if it is introversion, or social anxiety, or just being a happily boring person - asking which one is causing the lack of interest - is a bit of a straw man. I think what you’re referencing is just a general attraction expectation on men to behave in a way in which all three of the correlated traits above tend to inhibit. It sucks for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/25 11:43 PM
3

I’m curious, do you think they do this in a way that’s different than it is for men? I’m wondering if you feel it’s gendered or just what partners in a romantic relationship should do for each other. As a guy I hope I’d do all those things for my partner, but if I’m not able to do it in the same way for any reason, I’d want to appreciate what she does for me more.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 07:26 PM
1

Hmm, I don’t know about that. I think women have a tougher time knowing what they can “realistically get.” But imo most go for someone equal. It’s not like all women are dating app and all men are dating down.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/25 04:12 PM
1

You have a lot of good points and I appreciate the respectful discourse. The only thing is I’ve always felt like the Fairytale Cinderella relationship is something women tend to want with someone who they already value and are in a relationship with. I can see women dropping standards/boundaries like being ok with lying, selfishness, and other undesirable traits if the guy treated them like a princess; but I can’t see a guy who’s unemployed, not very attractive, and who comes across as shaky/unc…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/25 11:58 PM
8

I’m curious, do you think said person would be equally as happy if they got into a relationship with a woman equally as “undesirable”?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/25 11:46 PM
1

I agree with you that relationships are easier for men to attain than casual sex. But the data still points toward more men being single in age brackets up until late middle age. So despite anecdotes about seeing men jump from relationship to another, the data doesn’t necessarily say that. Curious what you think about that. I think in terms of it being “hard”, it’s tough to explain, but there’s almost an inherent learning/difficulty curve in the sense that as a guy you are expected to pursue ins…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/25 07:15 PM
1

Yeah I agree with this. It’s natural. I think the problem is for women there are mixed messages - a lot of guys go for women they wouldn’t want lifelong relationship with because they just want something physical or are in it for the conquest (even if we say or act otherwise). Especially with online dating, I think some women don’t get a great sense - and sometimes have an inflated sense - of what actually is the standard they can get.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 08:14 PM
–

Suppressing what someone truly believes to avoid some fear-based outcome usually doesn’t work well for anyone. My dad was physically abusive, he used to say the key was to learn how to avoid saying and doing the things that triggered him or made him react that way. Didn’t really lead to much that was great.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 01:22 AM
–

Honestly, I don’t really love the words misogyny and misandry to characterize a lot of gender-based biases. They are just catch all terms for a lot of unique and complex problems each gender faces. I know you’re saying two wrongs doesn’t make a right, which I get, but you lost me with the whole women shouldn’t support misandry just because it creates more misogynists.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 12:17 AM
4

I feel like your observations are astute but your takeaways are lopsided. You basically said the woman did something wrong, and observed that her female friends supported her blindly and with such force that they pulled their husbands into it. Shouldn’t your takeaway be that maybe blind support, without any accountability or reasoning, isn’t a good thing, and societal change might be good? I’m confused why your takeaway is men should also support one another blindly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 09:11 PM
2

Don’t you think it’s just like two different types of drugs?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 05:33 PM
4

Hmmm I used to think that when I was young, and I think you’re right in a lot of cases, but a lot of women are attracted enough to husband material guys to hook up with. Some of the things that make them good husband material - good stable job, intelligent etc. - are also points of raw attraction, not just a logical feeling. Point is, a lot of husband material guys can find hookups too.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 09:05 PM
0

Yeah this is it. I understand these are concerns. But life isn’t absolute, and there are pros and cons to each choice. Ask yourself which one you want more - dealing with these concerns, or dealing with other ones, like maybe not raising a kid with a partner, or lifelong companionship/friendship. Then, try to mitigate the bad, and capitalize the good of your choice. Find a partner you feel will carry his weight, prioritize your career; find someone who loves you rather than someone who is there …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 05:20 PM
1

Here’s the thing man… everyone wants to feel like there’s an absolute answer… some code that they can live life by that solves it all. In the age of social media, our brains are flooded by people offering advice like it’s one of the Ten Commandments. The truth is there isn’t an absolute answer or thing to do - it’s all relative and should be personalized, having to do with who you are and where your starting point is. Everything you wrote down is true and means the world… for somebody. My advice…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 05:13 PM
3

I gotcha. Answering directly, if it was a crush, I’d feel pretty bummed because clearly I care about her enough to want to be with her in a deeper way. I wouldn’t feel hurt, rejected, or used though, mainly bummed and quite depressed. If it was someone who wasn’t my crush who did the same things, I’d feel good and confident about it, but I’d also have to keep an eye on my emotions so I don’t want something deeper than she does.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 07:45 PM
10

Here’s the thing. Men and women are different, so the equivalent isn’t exactly the same thing for the opposite gender. Sex is easy to come by for women; it’s generally not for men - it’s a harder to get. A woman may feel used if someone was seeing and misleading her purely for sex. A guy is going to feel more accomplished (not always, but in general). The equivalent feeling you’re describing for a guy is probably feeling used for his resources/stability. For example, someone is interested in him…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:53 PM
3

Yeah that’s a really great point. Fear of abandonment and wanting a fairy tale romance are interconnected and linked. And wanting that fairy tale romance probably stems from the reassurance it gives women against abandonment. I do think there’s something, even if it’s completely societally pressured like you suggested, about some women wanting an idyllic marriage/relationship in a certain way that men don’t get the same sense of self worth/value from. Not saying that’s right or wrong - men have …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 04:55 PM
0

Yeah I think this is the underlying driver. I know plenty of guys who are with women they feel are more into them than vice versa because they don’t want to be hurt. I do think though that women can fall in love with love/romance itself a bit more than men. So the idea that someone loving you more may spend more effort in romance, going above and beyond, etc. feeds into this. Basically men want it because of fear of abandonment; women want it because of fear of abandonment (primarily) as well as…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:38 PM
–

People are more sympathetic to female babies crying because said baby will probably have to deal with pregnancy in the future?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 10:45 PM
–

I feel like it’s a similar viewpoint to men not prioritizing mental health. It’s certainly not all of them, or even most of them, but in both cases, it’s a recognizable pattern that feels societally impressed, and can be traced back in SOME men and women. I think there’s just a general coddling and infantilizing that happens to women more than men. Studies have shown that both men and women are more receptive and sympathetic to female babies crying than male babies. Women are more likely to want…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 07:43 PM
–

I mean, I think your assertion only carries weight in relation to this topic if it’s being compared to single-father households only, not “two-parent or single-father” households.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 07:23 PM
–

I do agree that there isn’t a spotlight on sexual shame/repression men experience. It’s different. We get shamed for not having been with people, being virgins etc. that society doesn’t tend to have much sympathy for. In today’s world, that needs to be seen more. But that just doesn’t align with the assertion in your title. Historically, women had far less power. It doesn’t take much research to realize that not too long ago, even in western societies, women were basically not too far away from …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:10 PM
3

Your post paints a picture of men and women in two contained and antagonistic groups, when in reality it’s so much more systemic and interconnected than that. At the root, the problem isn’t simply entirely created and perpetuated by men - women and the systems/expectations of life play a massive part as well in a complex pattern. I’m a mental health guy - I’ve been doing therapy for years, before it was the thing everyone was doing; I have lots of female friends with whom I talk to at length abo…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:33 PM
3

I think we care. Like when I’m thinking about starting a family with someone, our income is going to be both our income, and when someone’s values and wants align more with mine, I get excited about a compatible future with them, which increases the connection and all that. To that end I’m drawn to women who have good jobs/careers but also not ones which are so consuming that it’ll affect our life together (e.g someone who lives and breathes career). But I think it’s different than it is for wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:32 AM
3

Haha aw, that’s great too! No one likes someone bitter at the world - man or woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:08 PM
3

Yeahhhh as a slightly older dude this is bs. The most attractive thing is connection and relatability. It’s incredibly tough to find that with someone who awes at the first waterfall they see.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 02:46 PM
1

I feel like there’s a wide range here to how hard it can be? I.e 4 young kids, husband never around vs. one healthy kid in 5th grade. But I think something not very discussed in the equation is fulfillment. I’m sure kids can drive a person insane from time to time, but at the end of the day a SAHM gets to spend so much time with their kids during the formative, early years of their life. I’d imagine that being extremely fulfilling in the long run, and something most working parents wish they wer…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:51 AM
1

I’m curious, what do you think some good reasons to leave or end a relationship are? I agree with everything you wrote — I hate this idea that people just leave if it slips below this bar (lost the spark etc.). I left my relationship, and carry a lot of guilt because I do value commitment and sticking things out. Just curious on the thoughts of someone who seems to thinks like me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 02:37 AM
3

It’s more on the men than the women here imo, but both parties can be honest and self aware if they want to be kind and responsible toward their friend and themselves. I see instances where one party knows the other is into them, but continues to flirt and lead the other person on because of the validation. That’s a pinch selfish imo, but sometimes it’s not so obvious to them. For the record, I think it goes both ways. I know plenty of women who develop feelings after being friends or FWB with s…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 03:34 AM
1

Obsession doesn’t mean they love you more. More often than not it reflects something within them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 09:48 PM
8

That makes sense. Everyone has their attractions, whether biological or social, they are deep. My ex gf had exactly your preferences. I do think they make sense, are probably pretty fixed, and your guy is going to want to be attractive to you; but I have to say it can be tough for men to keep it up in the modern world, so I think some space has to be made for that dynamic to exist and be nurtured within relationships. For example, my ex gf was a doctor and made more than me, but she also found m…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 09:54 PM
10

Although the degree of it may vary, and everyone is different, I think you’re being honest about the peak of that distribution curve, and that’s appreciated.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 09:27 PM
2

The problem is people have trouble recognizing statistics vs. an individual. We’re really good at recognizing and seeing changes at an aggregate level - changes in certain gender behaviors across a society in the last 5 years for example - and then our ape brains can’t help but paint them directly and entirely onto individuals. People have hundreds of traits which might make us like them… the ones talked about on this forum usually encompass just a few of those traits. If you really feel that me…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 06:42 PM
1

lol... wow
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 09:02 PM
2

I don’t know man… telling your partner what they can and can’t wear is definitely on the controlling side. It’s played out plenty in other cultures/countries and time periods. I also feel like a lot of the responses about compatibility, preferences, and just not dating people who go to clubs is a little misguided too. It’s not so binary. Everything these days is distilled down to strong boundaries and the quest to find the perfect matching puzzle piece. With dating tension and a bit of a war of …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 09:09 AM
6

I don’t know dude… I think in the past when men had way more of the power and control there was almost a consolation-like treatment men were expected to have - “women and children first,” “the fairer sex,” “my better half.” And I think there are still vestiges of that dynamic that have continued. That may be what you are referencing. I don’t think the problem is women aren’t taught how to be “nice” to men. The problem is that there are a few that have been told that men are shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/25 03:27 AM
1

Ah I see what you mean. Yeah, makes sense… there’re many ways to be giving and generous in a relationship. As long as it’s equally balanced.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/25 10:55 PM
-1

Interesting. What do you mean by grand sweeping marriage-related gestures?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/25 08:39 AM
1

I feel like every woman has at least pinch of an attraction toward status in a way that men simply don’t have. The variance is huge though - I feel like many don’t place a heavy weight on it compared to other components of the person or chemistry/compatibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 08:10 AM
1

You really think so?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 08:05 AM
1

Not judging but curious about your experience, can I ask what tended to be their fault (like in terms of patterns with these women) and how it ties to the society wide crisis?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 08:05 AM
1

Yeah for sure... like... if I knew that I was going to have a sexually satisfying relationship with one woman I loved for the rest of my life - fairly regular sex, both of us trying to keep up appearances (we all age and bodies change of course) - variety wouldn't really matter as much. But the way modern society sells sex is like it is something women just don't want to have (at least as much) and has, all this time, been a component of a transactional relationship - working sucks for guys, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/25 11:31 PM
5

I think this is the thing man... you're viewing the whole situation as a package deal. There's a hidden condition here. You're saying you believe everything in your original post IF what you wrote in the comment above is also true. In doing that you're still abiding by traditional values that may still feed your biological imperatives - being the leader, calling the shots, and probably having certain expectations around sex/keeping up appearances in a marriage (I might be wrong about the last on…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/25 10:04 PM
2

I think you’re right we have a biological push for variety, but if you read about it, men have a biological desire to pair bond as well. Humans have flexible mating preferences evolutionarily speaking.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/25 09:19 PM
1

OP, I’m curious… where is this coming from exactly? Are you religious? Trying to convince yourself to ignore distractions? Honestly feel content with one person and is wondering why society sells these fantasies? Not a gotcha question — I’m just curious what made you feel like you need to tell everyone this. That’ll help me respond/debate better.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/25 09:06 PM
–

Yeah, you’re not wrong. Do you think the data reflects men vs. women and their propensity to cheat or does it reflect a different time period and age group? To pose the question another way, among young people cheating is pretty similar between men and women - in 30 years do you think we’ll see that balance continue within those same people, or will men start to cheat more than women the older people get?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 09:05 PM
2

I always heard women are the gatekeepers of dates/sex and men are the gatekeepers of relationships. That might be changing now a bit, but I think the general mechanics still hold. If you are young (early/mid 20s) and looking for dates/fun and things like a free meal, yeah, men are totally replaceable. That tends to change a little bit when people get a little older and want different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/25 10:57 PM
3

I agree with what you're saying. I remember reading about the biology a while back - I wanted to know if people (and males in particular) were just biologically prone to be non-monogamous and we were all just fighting our biology in order to find a way to be happy in the society that we live in. What I found was that humans - even males - have biologically evolved to have flexibility. It's as much of an instinctual biological trait to want to be in a long term loving partnership, have an intimat…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 10:24 PM
–

Yeah there are so many different routes to happiness. You can be single and extremely happy for the rest of your life; or married and miserable. Or vice versa. Only thing I’d say is don’t think about what you want right now but think about what future you might want.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 07:58 PM
–

I get your sentiment, but I feel like there might be an underlying fear of change, complacency, or fear of rejection at play here. For example, yeah, having someone judge, be upset with you, or not communicate during sex would suck - but what if you found someone who doesn’t do any of those things? It would be fantastic. What if you found someone who is willing to get into your hobbies and you theirs? Having someone to share them with is a lot more fun and meaningful than doing them alone. Also,…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 07:32 PM
2

Yeah, that’s true and it’s a strong point. I think society does reward men for hooking up with women though (especially attractive ones) even if it’s not directly encouraged; I don’t agree with OPs point that men are shamed for short term relations in general. I do think explicit gold diggers do get a fair share of shame, but it feels like it’s quite acceptable (and sometimes encouraged) for women to want a hard working and financially well-off man, in a way that would’ve made sense in the past …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 02:52 AM
0

I mean… I don’t know if larger society would disagree with you, which you seem to be insinuating. I feel like it’s a fairly common feeling that some men objectify women for their bodies and some women objectify men as success objects. I’m not sure one is more shamed than the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 02:27 AM
2

I think this is a massive part that no one talks about. If my partner works a job and provides for themselves, I’m not going to pressure them to be more career oriented or make more money and rise up the ranks. I assume they are working their job based on the lifestyle they wanted to lead when I met them. I get that if I want to live a better lifestyle, that might be on me to make more money, and they would also benefit from me working harder, even if they didn’t have to. But, I’d kind of know t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 11:55 PM
3

I agree with you that paid work can be a bit of a black box, but that’s also a double edged sword. I’ve worked tech jobs at healthy companies in which there was a “live in the office” culture and 6 hours of being there = 4 hours of work (culture was usually more geared toward younger, childless people though…family oriented folks tended to work in a style like you mention); but I’ve also worked client service roles where the pressure of hitting billable hours was always on, and I’ve worked const…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 11:32 PM
2

That’s great that you say that and I think is so important. I think we’re just so focused on productivity and how much people work that it has become kind of like wearing a badge. Isn’t the goal to try to not do work and enjoy life if it’s possible?!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 11:12 PM
3

I’m sorry but it feels pretty biased to say men living shorter lives is purely due to avoidable, individual stupidity rather than something systemic or biological. A little research online suggests that risk taking and medical behaviors may account for a couple determinants, but there are many other biological and societal determinants that are far more engrained and very difficult to break away from. If hypothetically men and women did the same amount of work (domestic and external), OP is sayi…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 11:04 PM
1

Be enough for what?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/25 10:13 AM
13

No one can read minds. How many men talk about us being completely oblivious to when women show us attention? A lot of people - women and men - are insecure too. They just assume others must not be into them by default, and it would require something explicit to prove otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/25 09:44 AM
1

I mean, I think you're right on the cognitive dissonance between attraction and what a lot of women logically want. That wasn't your exact phrasing but, yeah, it's a tough one. I think change is generational. The women who fought for it aren't necessarily attracted to it. Can't fault them. But yeah, also frustrating for dudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 09:19 AM
2

I mean... is that what you want? Do you like it? If you could press a switch and go back to the other way of doing things, and your husband was happy, would you do it? It's funny - this is the inverse situation of my gf and me. We're both career oriented, but she wants me to have more of a provider mentality/role and "lead," which I find would be draining because I also do most of the cooking, emotional support, cleaning, and tasks she considers "feminine." Truth, though, is if I actually took t…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 08:59 AM
2

Is it that simple though man? What happened to don’t hate the player hate the game? I think at a statistical level I completely agree, but at the individual level, when you’re empathizing with another human being, the mechanics look different.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 08:22 AM
1

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. I get the emotions behind what you’re stating, but damn. IMO the best thing men can do is to be less individualistic and more support/communal. It’s hard, it’s so societally (and maybe biologically) ingrained in us. We need to get the spotlight on certain issues in the right way and build/support instead of telling individuals how to be strong and deal with their own problems. Women have terms like mental load and invisible labor, where are our term…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 02:07 AM
7

Makes sense. But isn't it also: "Man can have sex with lots of women if he wanted to (and picks you) = attractive" ? My point being that the physical act of someone bumping uglies with a lot of other people is gross to think about in general; but it might be easier to hook up with men (whether you are a woman or bi/gay) than have casual sex with a woman, so being with many women is maybe a bit more social proof that you're highly valued.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 08:43 AM
5

Yeah I agree… usually this dynamic is true. TBH, I don’t understand the Reddit lack of understanding as to why women just don’t approach or ask someone out if they’re interested. I think in general women who are wondering don’t want to perceived as desperate enough to approach in a societal dynamic where the man normally approaches. I wish it was normalized, but in a world where it’s not, It’s understandable imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 05:00 AM
–

Respectfully, I think your second point - while not inherently wrong - is part of the problem. I think modern women face a balancing problem due to the internal conflict between 1) wanting to feel equally empowered in the world (financial/earning power, for example) and 2) feeling attraction (being taken care of, provided for) and doing what they want to do (for most people - men and women - raising your kids is more meaningful work than sitting in a cube for 10 hours a day). I see "accountabili…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/25 08:33 PM
1

I'm curious too but I think they're referencing things like women going for guys with a lot of money and suggesting it's fair because of wage gap, women having to be child bearers, saying they're going to have to do more of the chores/housework anyway etc. I think men tend to be equally dishonest with themselves and those around them too in their own ways -- for example, lying to others and themselves about seeking a long term relationship but really wanting sex. I think maybe the female equival…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:02 PM
9

I mean… I hear you saying a lot of them are assholes, which is probably true, but I’m not sure I see the hypocrisy. My sense is it’s more about viewing dynamics in a more transactional, utilitarian, almost real-politic way because they feel like that’s how the world works deep down, beyond motivations people claim to have. They see it as a marketplace. Not agreeing with the mentality, but my understanding is they aren’t saying they’re morally superior as much as playing what they see as a fair g…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 03:35 AM
0

I’m not sure I agree with this. I do think there’s unconditional love in relationships, and it does grow over time; but the difference is a relationship is a lifelong merger and a partnership as well. I think the one way relationship between a parent and their kid is just something exceptional and extraordinary. But what about siblings? Or child to parent, or an uncle? I would say there can be unconditional love there as well, but, maybe less of a tolerance to their actions making one feel diffe…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/25 12:01 AM
9

It’s ridiculous to think women hit a wall in terms of sexual attractiveness at 25 or 30. Most people, I feel, can stay attractive well after that if they want to prioritize taking care of themselves. It gets harder the older you get - responsibilities, kids, some people get comfortable and complacent once they have someone. I do think that part is a problem. Attraction is also about connection, and the older I get the more I can connect with people who are a bit older.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 12:16 AM
–

I mean, I don't think you're wrong. I think it's more complex though - what you're describing is a component of it. I think it is the same reason some women feel insecure or need to be reassured if they are with someone who does very well with the ladies. It's insecurity. Guys aren't really allowed to be too insecure in relationships - it hurts the attraction their partner has toward them - so it comes out in different ways and in our choices.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 01:23 AM
5

I get what you're saying. It does feel like there's a double standard there. I don't know if it has to do with centering female pain though. I think there's just been a spotlight on female pain, and that's great, but there's gotta be a bit more light on this issue as well. Women harming men in the way you describe was happening 30 years ago too - I don't think it's changed with a societal focus on female pain.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/25 07:49 PM
2

Yeah, I think that's fair. It's also changing in in this age of online dating. I'm old enough to remember when online dating, or even smartphones, weren't a thing. I used to know guys who would get girls just by being tall and/or having a great face. I also used to know guys who would get girls just by being the funniest or most confident and exciting in a crowd. With online dating a lot of that has just changed - you can't get that from a photo.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/25 03:10 AM
1

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're saying each gender sees what's most valuable based on what is scarce for them to find/possess. So women feel personality is valuable to look for in a man, while men might say he's more valued for his looks - both appropriate given their respective experiences. That makes sense, but I feel like as far as long term relationships go, both genders value personality - they may just look for it at different stages in the process. I feel like the bigger debate I see …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/25 02:15 AM
1

I can speak to this, as I'm a late bloomer and this was me. I didn't know my values and what I wanted, and thus what red flags to recognize. She wanted me to pay for more than I was comfortable doing. It bothered me, and I did push back, but I thought that was enough - I didn't recognize it as a core difference in values between us that would evolve into different problems. For her, she had to spend a lot of time dealing with someone who was figuring out what they wanted out of a longer term par…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:14 PM
1

What do you mean by widening disparity when first entering the world of dating? I do think EI is a term that is an oversimplification and doesn't really capture nuance. Like you suggested in your post, it's subjective and not easily definable. It can easily be a catch-all term that encompasses a range of different traits. Income, or job, however, is not. I feel like there are probably an equal amount of batshit crazy women and men. They just tend to look different. Does that feel right?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 10:51 PM
3

I think you have to be realistic. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. But beyond that, I think there is a natural understanding that some of those gestures and expressions in the early stages of dating aren’t sustainable in the long run. I think the problem is that some people don’t understand this concept, and interpret it as something fading in the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 08:36 PM
4

It's interesting to read your take. I do get what you're saying - one of the primary characteristics that is valuable to men (physical attractiveness) naturally goes down with age and that...sucks. I feel that. But your view feels myopic and like you're catastrophizing a bit. I think you're hyper focusing on this concept, making assumptions, and using data to back up your instincts and biases. I read the study you linked from the U.K about men caring about looks four times more than women. I don…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 11:18 PM
1

I half agree with you. I do agree there is hypocrisy in modern dating, and a lot of people wanting to cherry pick the best of traditional values and modern values. I don't know if it's more prevalent in men or women, but I do feel like in recent years I see more women who want true equality, but don't want to let go of the benefits of how things had been in the past. This trend makes sense because that's the playing field in which change is currently happening. I feel like we're in a post girl-b…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 09:45 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter