TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Throwaway4120213 Archive

View 0 posts and 304 comments by Throwaway4120213 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

If you stay - use the 3yrs wisely. Make sure she doesn’t quit and if you can - try to scale back your pay over the next three years. Whatever you earn now until then is half hers so there’s zero point earning more. You want to reduce your pay as much as possible so your alimony is lowered. Ageism is real and I would be protecting myself from a scenario where I get fired after divorce with a huge lifetime alimony amount and need to raid my retirement accounts to pay her alimony. Personally - I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:27 AM
1

Stop putting her on anything because once you do - the starting point is it’s half hers. The house - consider it half hers. I’m not sure where you are getting legal advice from but in the US - once a name is put on the deed - it’s half hers - that’s the prevailing law of the land. There is no he said she said about cheating or wills or whatever. Maybe you can argue for fraud. Maybe you are in a rare State where at fault divorces impacts the financial split but it’s an uphill battle getting a fam…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:38 AM
8

Nope and never heard anyone needing to pay for the other’s health insurance after divorce so don’t get run over. Here’s what happens. After divorce - you both are responsible for your own expenses meaning she’s responsible for her healthcare now. What she is entitled to is to put down healthcare costs as part of her ‘cost of living’ in arguing for a certain amount of alimony. Since you are retired - she’s out of luck since you can’t squeeze blood from a stone which is why she wants you to pay he…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:27 AM
1

Can’t give you advice on the process but your attorney is right. NJ is a 50/50 default State unless one parent is a danger to the kids. My ex tried to use the fact that I work full time but the State does not care - that’s not a reason to deny 50-50 as I’m allowed to use babysitters. Listen to your lawyer. Your ex and her lawyer’s 1st goal is to make you cave voluntarily. They don’t want to go to trial on this either. Just hold firm and see it through.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 12:21 AM
2

4yrs marriage - get out now. NJ has some of the worst alimony laws for a long term marriage. NJ will impute her a full time income. The house is hers but go for 1/2 the appreciated value in the last 4yrs as a negotiating tactic. You need to ask for it as your opening position and put it in your back pocket as something you might be willing to give up in exchange for something else. At this point - you are missing the forest from the trees. The most important thing is to file for divorce now to l…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 12:14 AM
8

Nope - I would not agree to this. She is giving you her half of the house equity for $125k. The SUV isn’t worth anything if there is a full loan against it She’s keeping the $100k in the 401k that is owed to you-> let’s say this is $75k in after tax money. So now you’re ’up $50k.’ But if you think her pension is worth at least $200k then she owes you another $100k. Not sure how long you’ve been married but let’s say alimony is just for 5yrs at 25% of the salary difference. Now she owes you $62k …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 01:03 AM
5

Status quo until the divorce refers to finances and living arrangements with kids. It doesn’t mean status quo to continue being the b**ch your wife gets to boss around. It doesn’t mean status quo on all your husband duties - is your ex still giving you sex? A Judge isn’t going to stay status quo - and order you to mow the lawn, fix the roof and take the garbage out. Stop doing the lawn work! Stop doing anything you don’t want to and only doing for your ex. Stop playing maid, gardener, landscaper…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 09:01 PM
1

Good luck. I’m being tough but look I get it - I was in your shoes at one point. Just wish I could go back 15yrs knowing what I know how. My ex was similarly attached to her mom. Her mom is a piece of work. When we were dating - she said ‘I’m different than my mom.’ But turns out - she ended up having all the same traits because generational learned values is tough to break for a reason. Her mom (and sister) was a SAH who believed her only job is to raise kids and by ‘raise’ meaning keep them al…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:11 PM
6

First - sounds like you never learned to stand up for yourself. If you didn’t want to live with her parents - you needed to speak up the first time around. You always have a choice so first get out of ‘I have no other choice’ mindset. Learn to make active decisions about important things in your life. Second - get out. You cannot fix a co-dependent child/parent relationship with your wife/in-laws. If she still prioritizes them after marriage and kids - if you stay - recognize that your wishes wi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 08:34 PM
1

Do you have a lawyer? Cashing stock out doesn’t count for income. Normally they average W2s but given your age and her making $105k on just 20hrs/week - I think you have a good argument that there shouldn’t be any alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 08:20 PM
1

Have you guys filed for divorce to at least establish a separation date? Without a separation date - everything is still considered joint. Quite frankly - I doubt you will get credited for your extra payments. A judge is likely to just do 50-50. How much of your payments are actually going to principal pay down vs interest?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 12:25 AM
1

NJ or really any State doesn’t care about ‘involvement.’ Child support is a formula that plugs in % of overnights. If father has 0% overnights - he will pay child support. I’m assuming dad has 0% custody? I’m not sure what dad was expecting to be honest - 0% custody will naturally result in no to little involvement over time. Which is why I advise everyone here to fight for 50-50. What you think a Judge can do is very different than what they actually legally can do. They determine parenting tim…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:20 AM
1

No loophole. It’s State law in NJ Father required to pay child support if the child is attending college. The mother will need to file a continuation request with proof of college enrollment. As long as she does it - child support continues during the summer prior to full time start. If mom is making more than father - it will depend on what % custody each has. At 50/50 - yes, she would owe him. If she has 100% custody - then he would owe her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 01:56 AM
4

Check your State laws. In my State - alimony modification can be requested if she cohabitates. Didn’t need to explicitly put it in the agreement because State family law gives me the right to request on for cohabitation. My State gives like 5-10 examples of what constitutes cohabitation and what are sufficient evidence (ie joint utility bills, joint rental, witnesses, etc). But never requested it - have no idea what the success rate is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 02:03 AM
1

The best way is to divorce ASAP and get it over with. For a 6yr marriage - you are only splitting marital assets earned over 6yrs and will owe alimony for no more than 3yrs. Then everything you earn is yours. Better than most people on this sub who divide everything after 20yrs, alimony for next 20yrs and will be 60 before they can accumulate for themselves. You will pay child support but realistically is that any different than now? You’re probably already paying for most of your child’s needs.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 11:34 PM
6

Inheritance is not marital property as long as you don’t commingle. Since you are only receiving after separation and you never saw passive income from this inheritance that could have aided the marital lifestyle - it shouldn’t be a factor in alimony either. Now - they will try to go after it by requesting half. Or they will indirectly go after it by saying you can afford more alimony because of your inheritance. They are banking on you either not knowing your rights and handing over half or you…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 09:12 PM
4

Yeah - I mean there is a balance between compromise and just getting plain run over. 30month alimony on 5yr marriage when she is working and young. Alimony set at your inflated wages. Her getting 55% custody. Her getting 75% of the house + 2yr live in period + no refinancing you off the mortgage. You are being more than generous on your end and they won’t give you one concession on reducing alimony if your pay goes down? What exactly did you get? And for such a short marriage - it really shouldn…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:16 PM
6

Her student loans are her separate loans. Do not trust your lawyer until they prove they are trustworthy!! The reality is most lawyers are trying to get to a deal while billing you hours in. Contrary to popular opinion - lawyers don’t want to go to Court - it’s a very hard way to get billable hours because they have to prepare and know the law - much easier to bill you an hour for an email and call. Lawyers often know each other or of the firms. They talk behind the scenes all the time about whi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:34 PM
1

She’s going to keep you as a backup option, string you along with the promise of getting back together for as long as possible, sabotage any healthy relationship you have, and then when your old and your dating pool is nuked - spit you out. There was a post on this sub about someone who continued to act the part of husband after the divorce for like 15yrs until the kids were grown because the wife wanted them to and surprise surprise - ex got a new bf and dropped him once the kids were grown and…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:13 PM
8

Time to play hardball. You are getting screwed every each way and your lawyer sucks. 30 months of alimony for a 5yr marriage when she is young and already working plus a 2yr live in period on the home?? 50% of the marriage for such a short marriage? I am paying for 50% on a 15yr+ marriage and my ex didn’t work for 10yrs… not 5. You gave her 75% of the home? Alimony based on inflated earnings? Go back to your lawyer. Say if they want that alimony amount - lower the alimony duration to 20months al…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:58 PM
2

How long have you been married? Every year you stay in this marriage - is another year you are on the hook for marriage, another year you split your savings, another year she gets older and out of the workforce giving her leverage to Courts to say “I’m too old and have no skills for a job so he should support me forever.” Guess what - what will 100% happen anyways is once she milks you for another 10-15yrs and now you’re on the hook for lifetime alimony - she will be the one that initiates divor…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:59 AM
5

If you have no history of violence or child endangerment - highly unlikely she can do that. It’s only possible if you let her and you give up fighting for 50/50. Most of the time - it’s because men are either pushovers or too emotionally stressed that they roll over in the divorce process to get it done quickly. What you need to say to her and your lawyer once you pull the trigger is 50/50 custody is the hill you would die on full stop. You will go to court and bankrupted the both of you for 50:…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:47 AM
10

Lucky he got out young without any kids, likely limited alimony, and entire professional career ahead of him. Needs to learn from his mistake… Much better than divorcing in your 30s/40s, giving 50% of your savings away, paying alimony at peak earnings for the next decade and having to co-parent with someone unstable. Also if you want to date again - dating pool is vastly inferior when you have kids as you’ll likely end up dating other single moms.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 12:40 AM
1

It’s possible you end up paying alimony given the vast income differences. But normally alimony is commensurate with the length of marriage so it shouldn’t be for a long time. The most important thing is you actually file and stop the clock on your marriage to limit the duration of alimony. Worrying about whether you will pay zero or 1 or 2 years is missing the trees from the forest. The worst thing is to drag the marriage out because you are scared of paying some alimony, divorce 4yrs later and…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 03:41 PM
1

My guess is you need to talk to a property lawyer not a divorce lawyer if she is on the deed. The law follows the deed right until it’s proven otherwise. If she is on the deed - she owns half. This thing about her not paying so she shouldn’t get half only exists according to you right now - what is ‘fair’ is different than legal reality.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:54 PM
1

Here is what likely happens. In discovery - they will ask for 3-5 years of W2s and your current paystub. In my State - while soft rule of thumb is average of last 3yrs - there’s no set rule. So it becomes a negotiation. They will try to get it based on your paystub if it’s higher. You will argue it’s elevated due to a temporary reason. If your lawyer is good - you will settle on something in between. If not - then the higher number likely wins or a Judge decides. I would think twice about disclo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 02:58 AM
1

Pay what the Court ordered and that’s it. The State hired a ton of people to figure out the hypothetical costs of raising a child and in consideration of what is fair for both parents given their income levels and custody %. That number is what is deemed “fair” in the eyes of a Court for your KIDS. It’s not about her and whatever problems she’s having is for her to figure out. So pay your Court order amount and don’t overthink it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 01:21 AM
1

Time is your enemy and you need to file ASAP. For a 2.5yr marriage - whatever you are on the hook for isn’t going to be a lot. You only split half the marital assets accumulated during that time. I would skip mediation and just get a lawyer and get the ball rolling. This should be a simple case for a lawyer to sort out. There’s no guarantee mediation will work and it only adds another 6 months to your marriage and you still have to hire a lawyer on top of the mediation fees you pay. Rule of thum…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 08:13 PM
2

You need a lawyer ASAP. Tell your lawyer and her 50:50 is the hill you are dying on. How roles are split during a marriage to maximize utilize for the joint household is NOT how roles are split post divorce. What may have worked as a married couple with you being the primary breadwinner and her the primary caretaker doesn’t mean that’s what works as a divorce couple. In fact - 50/50 custody is becoming the presumed default best interest for kids. But this assumes you don’t roll over and cave so …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 10:04 PM
1

Consult a lawyer. Pre-marital assets are generally yours in a divorce. But the problem is people do all types of things that can transmute the asset into a commingled asset - simple things like using pre-marital funds for marital expenses can transmute the property. Retirement funds become hard to trace back, especially the passive increases which in 10-15yrs can be substantial. Also without a prenup definitively outlining what is yours - she and her lawyer will go after half of your pre-marital…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 01:31 AM
3

Sole provider - all marital assets halved. Separate property include inheritance which I kept separate and some pre-marital retirement contributions were mine alone. Arguing you were the sole provider is in most cases NOT going to get you more than half of the marital assets and more likely to get you less than half. “Equitable” gives Judges latitude in some cases to allocate marital assets differently if wealth was attributed to someone’s outsized talent like Bezos or egregious marital waste. F…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 01:17 AM
2

Gifts intended for the couple are marital regardless of whose family gave it and if it was commingled 20-30yrs ago - don’t see how she could argue that they are hers. If she wants that then you need to get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 03:10 AM
2

Was in the same spot - had to turn down a job that was offering 30% more during my divorce. My rationale here was just the government will take 40% in taxes. Ex could have potentially taken 25% of the increase - not a certainty but high likelihood. Child support including now a higher % of the extracurriculars could have been another 8%. So ultimately - my 30% increase could have been more like an 8% increase. Combined with the fact that my alimony length is long and the downside of losing that …
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 03:26 AM
3

Nope - she doesn’t get to decide if your apartment is acceptable. You get to decide or if she insists, a Judge gets to decide. Don’t defer to her and establish her having the ultimate say on whether something you do is acceptable for the kids. It sets a bad precedent for the rest of your relationship. Set your boundaries. Other than what is spelled out ultimately in your divorce decree as it pertains to your kids - establish yourself as having full agency in what you do as a parent without needi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 03:15 AM
8

So the reality is women vet their dating partners extensively - especially if their partner is going through a divorce and has kids. They want to know a divorce is moving along, terms of the divorce and whether he is financially stable. Can’t say I blame them for that. That’s why women are so far ahead of men on this whole marriage/divorce song and dance. They vet, double vet and then vet again to make sure any relationship they enter financially benefits them and they get rid of all the partner…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:54 AM
1

Dude - you need to file ASAP like yesterday not after she has moved out of the home with your son unless you want to be starting the custody and financial battle at a huge disadvantage. At the very least - she will make a normally simple decision on where your son should stay a very complicated issue once she leaves with him - costing you $$$$ in legal fees to fight the issue and potentially more $$$$ in child support and alimony if you lose. Lawyer ASAP. File ASAP. Stop talking about the specif…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 11:39 PM
2

The mathematically correct way to value a lump sum today vs. a stream of payments over x years is to use present value calculations. A straight 20 or 25% discount doesn’t account for various factors like the duration of the payments or discount rate. 8% seems high but it’s ultimately what she will accept. Think about it this way - the starting point for discount rate should be where someone would be agnostic to receiving the money today or in the future - if risk free government bonds yield 4% -…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 11:26 PM
9

The problem with a teacher is they have a very low income/earnings ceiling. If you are a high earner she will inevitably say “what’s the point of me working for this little pay when it all just goes to childcare and you make more than enough to cover all the bills” so they quit and become a SAHM…and never go back to work when the kids are in school because they never really had the drive to work in the first place. I know from experience and it’s the same with many of the people I know that got …
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 02:50 PM
1

Not necessarily. Depends on State. In some States - (believe Texas for one) commingled assets just means it’s assumed to be marital and subject to equitable division at onset unless proven otherwise. However - if one party can trace the commingled asset back to a separate property - that portion can be re-established as separate property. Easier done with real estate than say a savings account where money went in and out over 20 years. To OP’s question - a fair buyout would be your original purc…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 02:13 AM
3

You would be entitled to half BUT you are giving her a lot of time and flexibility to play games. She can start “giving” money away to family and skimming from the account $50 everyday - she can skim $20k over the course of a year easily with low amounts. Then in two years - you or her ask for a divorce. She will say well - “this wasn’t fraud - how could I know he would ask for a divorce 2 years later? I just spent a little here and there in the normal course of my life - no big transfers to def…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 02:17 PM
11

Agree. Women therapists actually have better insight as to why your ex is behaving a certain way and why the marriage failed. In my experience, they generally recognize emotional manipulation and are willing to get tough on you/give you a kick in the ass more than male therapists.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 07:35 PM
1

I find that even more offensive - she’s effectively forcing your mom to become the defacto bagholder in this situation who now has to support her grown child because your wife left him impoverished. It’s one thing to leech off me but if someone wants to leech of my elderly parents - that’s a different story. This attitude shows she’s a leech and entitled - instead of getting her ass to work to support HER kids like everyone else - she rather take everything from you and then effectively take fro…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:23 PM
1

Your wife sees you as an ATM. Screw what she wants because she sure as hell doesn’t give two shits about you having to live in poverty. Talk to a lawyer and file ASAP. If she has only stopped working in the past 3-4 yrs - your best bet is to file ASAP and get income imputation. Don’t mess around and delay filing because the longer she is out of a job the better chance she can argue she’s too old to get back to work.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 12:42 PM
1

Stop listening to your ex. It sounds like you know your kids do not need 24/7 supervision and she is weaponizing their autism to guilt you into supporting her, infantile your kids and use it as an excuse never to work again. Can your daughter take taxis and Uber? If your daughter takes it 3x to and from school/work - assuming that’s $60 - that will be cheaper than having a mom holding higher education decrees do nothing all day to make that drive 3x/day. Financial responsibility for the kids is …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:03 AM
2

To be fair - I think passive interest on a pre-marital asset should legitimately also be separate property and in my State it is. The thought behind that is unlike a pre-marital home where you are paying mortgage/upgrades and actively appreciating the asset with post marital time and effort so you split the equity gain - that’s not what happens with pre marital retirement funds. In a retirement fund - the pre-marital amount sits in the market passively and grows - neither party contributes marit…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 12:36 AM
1

Modifying child custody to get 50:50 is going to be near impossible. Asking for increased maintenance is going to be very difficult. Asking for more child support is doable if you aren’t getting the calculated amount under the existing custody plan. But if you are banking on being able to get increased custody which then would allow you to ask for more child support - next to impossible. You need to be prepared to live with whatever is in your divorce decree for the rest of your life. Relying on…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 05:56 PM
8

You may or may not pay alimony. But if your wife has threatened divorce - your best option is to file ASAP to reduce the magnitude of any potential alimony. Typically longer you are married - the more you pay. 10 years is a good time to get out. I’d be very careful now as you are moving towards 15yrs which many States consider a long term marriage. Schedule some free consultations with lawyers to understand your alimony liability for a 10yr marriage and what happens if you stay and your marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 02:30 AM
1

For sure. And it’s not like you get a practice run at this to figure out all the pitfalls. You kind of have one shot and you don’t know what you don’t know until years later. I hired a run of the mill lawyer to do the bulk of my divorce who was decent at the custody/ soft negotiation part but also hired a more expensive law firm that specializes in higher net worth/complex financial situations on a consulting basis to catch any mistakes and oversights my lawyer may have made. Unfortunately not e…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 03:12 AM
1

Yeah that I don’t know. It’s probably unlikely but maybe she has old tax forms/W2s that show her 401k contributions? Might explain why she’s only going after the contributions and not the passive growth if she doesn’t have statements going that far back.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 03:03 AM
1

Don’t know PA specific but that’s how it’s calculated in my State. In my State - unlike a marital home where mortgage was paid on or you may have made home improvements (ie an active asset) - pre-marital 401k is a passive investment (ie no marital income or meaningful time/energy went into growing pre-marital 401k assets) so the (passive) growth aren’t marital. Lawyers are honestly clueless about math (figuratively they excel using the opposite side of the brain than the people who are good at m…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:51 AM
1

Yes - the premarital portion is hers provided she can provide documentation. If she just wants to deduct 2 years of premarital contributions - honestly it’s a good deal for you as she is leaving money on the table. It’s not as simple as the 401k was worth $10k at the time of marriage and now it’s worth $100k so she gets back $10k. You need to apply the market return/passive return on the $10k to determine the true value of the pre-marital portion so if market returns over 18 years was 3x then th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:04 AM
7

In my experience - lawyers love to drag things out and bill hours UP UNTIL actually going to trial. Going to trial is a hard way to rack up billing hours - lawyers have to read through your case, understand case law, and not make a fool out of themselves in front of a Judge that they may encounter again. Far easier for them to shoot off a couple of emails egging on a client to be difficult, answer some phone calls and half assing mediation for 12 months. So keep fighting and sticking to your gun…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 10:48 PM
14

Dude - why is permission for domestic travel in your decree? It should just be parent A has to inform parent B if they travel out of State. You guys can’t take your child to Disneyland or even drive one State over without permission from the other parent? Ridiculous. And summer camp? If you don’t want to do it and your kid doesn’t - forget it. Now you have a situation where the parent who isn’t physically with the child gets to dictate what activities the child and the parent who is actually wit…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:28 AM
2

Go to trial. Child custody is a hill to die on because it’s a hill to die on. There is no compromise if both sides are dead set on it so let a Judge decide and save your money for a trial instead of negotiating back and forth.m You need to get your lawyer to push for a trial. NJ considers a case “aged” when it hit the 1yr mark. After that - both our lawyers and the Judge were on our asses to get it done. NJ presumed best interest is 50:50 so go to trial and fight for it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 11:31 PM
2

Not in Canada but maybe food for thought so you can discuss with your lawyer. In my State in the US - child support has something similar - table up until a certain income amount and then a Judge has discretion if you make more than that. When I divorced - I was making above the income ceiling but not that much more and also a big chunk was discretionary bonus. So we followed the guidelines. There’s zero chance I could have negotiated a “cap” on child support in the divorce decree. What was writ…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 06:27 PM
7

Unfortunately once you have kids - you have to put up with the bs until the day you die. Look - don’t bother with the Courts. She will say the agreement says 9:30 not 10:30 - I have the right to change my mind on doing him a favor and go back to the original agreement if it no longer works for me. And the Courts will agree. Here’s the thing - you live and die by the divorce agreement. If it says 9:30 - sure ask if she can work around that but if she makes it an issue - it is not worth it to try …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 05:49 AM
9

Because “status quo” is the easy decision - no one likes to rock the boat. This is the #1 reason you DO NOT move out of the marital home until custody arrangements are done - which has been repeated countless thousands of times on this sub. No one on this sub should be moving out of the marital home if there are kids involved. Do not agree to a “temporary” schedule that you are not comfortable being permanent - that’s the #1 way they get you - temporary becomes status quo which becomes permanent…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 09:27 PM
2

Inheritance is separate property provided you do not comingle. Put it in a separate account and do not touch it - no new money comes in and no money comes out. Yes - your ex can play games if she finds out about this. First - don’t let her find out and second - you will need a very good lawyer to protect you from this. Child support is suppose to be based on your current income/calculator and by proxy so should alimony as alimony is based on the marital lifestyle. Put the money in a low interest…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 03:57 PM
2

Lawyer now. If you owned the home prior to marriage and are the only one on the deed - she may be entitled to only half the equity appreciation since marriage not half the entire equity and not the house.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 03:53 PM
1

State dependent. Alimony was negotiated as I have a large discretionary component. Got it at a bit less than my 3 year average. For CS - I forget the specifics but it was something like if the calculation was made before July you used last year’s pay and after was the current year.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:44 AM
2

How old are you? Are you close to retirement age that staying in the marriage another 8 years won’t matter in terms of lengthening your alimony? Normally I’d say to file ASAP but this might be one rare case where you can use the 8yrs to your advantage if you can reduce your salary or just go for early retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 11:57 PM
1

IANAL - the issue here is that the home was in both people’s name prior to marriage. My understand is pre-marital tracing applies to transmuted or commingled assets and that is State dependent. So you owned a home pre-marriage, sold it and took the proceeds to buy a marital home. Or you had inheritance and used it to buy a marital home. In some States - if part of the commingled property (marital home) can be traced back to a pre marital asset - it can be re-established as a separate property. T…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 03:09 PM
3

She will be entitled to half the home if you go into Court. Possession is 9/10ths of the law and if her name is on the deed - she has as much right to it as you despite not putting a dime on it. So I would take the deal. I don’t understand this whole “didn’t want to hurt my girlfriend’s feelings.” Sure if my partner looked like a whale - I’d spare her feelings by keeping my mouth shut. But protecting my hard earned money, livelihood and retirement?? Hell no - you don’t take the path of least res…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 12:02 PM
19

No pre-nup but what saved me - some luck and some strategy: Ex was a SAHM - I had multiple job offers with a significant increase in pay but ex refused to move. Turned those down and other promotions because ex was “overwhelmed” and wanted me to leave work at 4pm everyday so I couldn’t advance in my career. In hindsight - I would’ve been hosed with alimony. When we divorced - my earnings was half of my potential and luckily that was what alimony was based on. I immediately found another job maki…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 03:06 AM
1

ESP is a joke. My lawyer didn’t prepare at all/prep me - I initially thought my lawyer was incompetent but in hindsight - it was because the ESP is a waste of time. We had two fairly young attorneys on the panel who knew nothing about our case give broad “recommendations.” Nothing concrete - I believe our lawyers behind the scenes told them they didn’t want numbers or anything specific because it would anchor either me or my ex for the exact reason now your ex has been anchored to the ESP recomm…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 12:37 AM
1

Congrats. She’s not going to win - appeals don’t focus on broad based re-litigating arguments around custody or giving someone a “re-do” but whether the Judge made an error in the interpretation of law in coming to that decision. Ask that she pay for any legal fees as a result of her appeal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 04:56 AM
9

You won’t get full custody just because she doesn’t have a job. The Courts will award her child support and alimony so she can support herself. The only potential saving grace here is you’ve only been married 8years so alimony may only be for half that. Don’t wait any longer to file because the longer you are married - the more alimony you pay.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 12:12 PM
1

If she doesn’t end up taking half your assets, alimony and child support - you’ll likely still lose a lot of your assets spending $$$$ hiring specialty immigration and divorce lawyers in two countries trying to untangle your divorce - especially once there are kids involved and custody has to be established.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 01:04 PM
41

No she is screwed. Lawyer up and file ASAP while things are favorable for you. You should get primary custody if she is a night nurse which means you get child support and alimony. Don’t wait and give her time to get her ducks in a row to try to get a different job that allows for custody and go after you for child support and alimony. She told you exactly why she is not sure. It has nothing to do with loving you, wanting to be a family with you or wanting a future with you. It’s all about her f…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 05:59 PM
2

Get a new lawyer willing to fight for you. Don’t make the mistake next time of accepting no child support upfront. Use child support to offset some of your alimony. If you have the kids - there’s no way her take home pay should be more than your’s.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 12:29 PM
1

Lawyer ASAP. Your numbers make zero sense - you are getting screwed. Don’t sign a damn thing. If you don’t understand the math - you need to ask the arbitrator to explain it to you until you do.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 01:12 AM
9

Because once you are divorced - she knows she can’t control you anymore. In order for her to get you to do any favors or even consider her feelings on an issue after a divorce - she has to be NICE to you. This is her last window to be horrible to you and bully you into giving her what she wants. But you have to play the long game. Play nice - get the divorce done and then after - she can pound sand. You would be surprised by how much nicer my ex is to me after we divorced than when we were actua…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 12:33 PM
5

Are you doing residency? Make sure you file ASAP before you see a pay increase. It’s common for the spouse of a would be doctor to wait until they complete residency and earn big bucks before they file so they can collect alimony on a $300k salary instead of $50k resident salary.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 12:31 PM
2

Depends on your State and if you make more money than her. Regardless - any alimony will be short for a 3yr marriage. A small price to pay for a happier and better future. Lots of guys here have 10-15yrs of alimony because they ignored red flags early in their marriage, had a child, decided to stick around for the child, then had a second child thinking that may help, then decided to stick around even more for the 2nd child, then maybe wait until the kids graduate high school that by the time th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 09:08 PM
3

You are in your 30s, no kids, short marriage, dealing with a spouse with bipolar/ADHD/depression and problematic in-laws? Dude get out now. If you stay in this marriage and have kids - 100% chance you end up in this same spot and divorced 10-15yrs later except you can say goodbye to half your assets, pay child support and alimony and most importantly - have wasted 10-15yrs of your life being miserable because you were too scared to get a divorce. Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but in my opin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 07:38 PM
1

Yeah - I think someone mentioned making sure the company withholds at something similar to your income rate in order for option 1 to be plausible. If not - then you might have to go with option 2 and get her to pay the income taxes on them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 01:47 AM
2

A lot of lawyers don’t know how to handle pre IPO stock - many lawyers are run of the mill divorce lawyers for the average American couple whose largest assets are the house, retirement and car not pre-IPO stock. My lawyer barely knew simple math. I/my lawyer outsourced some of the more complex parts of my financial settlement to a firm that deals with financial and business valuations for high net worth individuals.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 12:31 AM
5

No - spousal support is purely about distributing from the high income spouse to lower earning spouse. Courts don’t care about whether one spouse got a free ride or if someone was unhappy or whose fault it was the marriage ended. I don’t understand your rationale for removal of 20% minimum wage from her half of the marital assets. Because she failed to collect child support? Yeah no - the Courts don’t care about that - they aren’t going to start punishing people for missed opportunity costs that…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 11:47 PM
3

Do NOT move out without a written and agreed to custody schedule. If the kids stay with her - she has de facto control over the custody schedule until the divorce is finalized. Guess what she’s going to do - turn you into an every other weekend dad and tell the Courts - see this is the status quo - I am the primary parent. There was another post here a couple of days about how someone was a primary parent, moved out of the home and then the ex controlled the schedule and made herself the primary…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 11:36 PM
2

Take my advice with a grain of salt - I don’t know your specific situation but I can talk about what I learned from mine. My advice would to pay down some of the debt. Here’s why: - If she’s not working and has no income - the mediator is going to lean on you to take the debt - In my case (numbers are fictitious but you get the idea)- I had say $200k of debt. I took income and marital savings to pay down $100k. So instead of having $200k of debt and $150k in cash in joint accounts - I had $100k …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 10:33 PM
2

My personal opinion is to make it as uncomplicated as possible, make it so that only you need to take action, and limit any action needed from her. For my unvested shares- my company will take taxes out and then deposit the net amount of shares in my account. The first option is simple and you are in control. Just put it in the decree that she gets half of the unvested amount after tax at the time of vesting. I didn’t bother with agreeing to a x% tax amount upfront because that would have been a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 07:32 PM
2

I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to do this since it’s a wash that debt is half hers. I had higher education loans prior to divorce - which is considered marital debt in my State. I knew 100% my spouse would not want to take any of that debt but would still want 50% of our joint accounts. So I prioritized paying down that debt before and during the divorce process - I used all available funds to pay it down. My lawyer also told me I was absolutely able to do it also - paying down debt is a n…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 02:00 PM
5

Why does taking her money mean you are a ****? Don’t give into her bullying - child support is your right and you can save it for your kids. It’s a game of chicken - let her pay you child support and lawyer fees until she comes to her senses. If the roles were reversed - you would get crucified for being a deadbeat parent trying to weasel out of child support and she would definitely not be called a **** for taking child support money.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 09:26 PM
9

Yup - women’s instinct for survival/financial security/ desire for the good life is ALOT higher than men think - it’s why women often look for “providers”, why wealth is a top dating criteria and why they generally fight tooth and nail for every cent in a divorce while men cave. Most women who feel entitled to not working or contributing financially do it because they have either daddy or husband to bankroll them. It’s enabled behavior. They will absolutely get a job if they need to but no amoun…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 12:50 AM
30

Because they found a smuck willing to carry their dead weight for the rest of their lives. 100% guarantee she would not be like this if she were single and unmarried. She would 100% be capable of getting a job and working. But she found someone that lets her not work for 14yrs and not cook, clean, etc. She has no incentive to change because every year in this marriage is another year she gets a free ride and another year you are on the hook for alimony in case that free ride ever ends.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 09:57 PM
3

You are proposing you get $140k and she gets $60k? If you put in $40k more - then the math for fairness sake (not legally) is you get $120k and her $80k. Chalk it up to a lesson learn about commingling pre marital assets with marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 04:40 PM
7

You are 37 with a wife that will happily spend the rest of her life making nothing. Whatever child support and alimony you need to pay by divorcing now - 100% guarantee that you will be better off financially divorcing now and biting the bullet vs sticking your marriage out. At 12 years of marriage and your wife being 37 - you are in a danger zone. Right now - your marriage could be considered less than long term and your wife will be deemed relatively young. Wait any longer and risk your marria…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 04:31 PM
2

You made a mistake giving up child support upfront. Once you did that - there’s nothing stopping them from going after full alimony. You can try to negotiate and say well I forgo child support but some people only understand if it’s black and white. Go back and request child support. At this point - that is the only way you are getting $4k in alimony down because they are not budging off the alimony amount. Get a second opinion from another lawyer. I hired a consulting lawyer to double check wha…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:51 PM
2

Don’t move out without a custody agreement. She might claim any rent for a secondary living place that came out of marital funds without her consent was marital waste and should be taken off your half of the assets. As long as you have the means and are fine with that - seems reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 05:18 PM
2

Yup - they have absolutely no incentive to get a job or support themselves. OP is so screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 03:24 PM
4

I mean it sort of makes sense. If you sponsor someone who has no job qualifications and end up divorcing - when alimony runs out - she may still need welfare services. Why should random tax payers who had nothing to do with that decision foot the bill to support her. OP alone made the decision to bring her over and sponsor her so if anything happens to their marriage - he alone should be responsible for financially supporting her for the rest of her life vs. putting that responsibility of fundin…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 10:30 AM
8

Dude - if you sponsor her immigration - you are absolutely screwed if anything happens to the marriage. Right now - anything you earn or save is marital property and will be split 50/50 - any savings, 401k, pension accrual. Anything you “acquire” from now on is 50% hers - doesn’t matter if it’s just your name on it. In a long term marriage - you are on the hook for spousal support indefinitely in CA. You might still be on the hook even if it’s a shorter marriage depending on your sponsorship of …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 02:42 AM
11

Look I get it. But after 1.5years of this - you need to have self respect and get her the hell out of your home. Don’t be desperate for a family. I will first hand tell you that a “family” with a dead weight spouse and kids involved is hell on earth. You are drained of every ounce of physical and mental energy providing for her only to be told it’s not enough with kids being used as emotional blackmail to get what they want and everyday is a cesspool of conflict - you are better off alone than w…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 12:22 AM
19

So she brings nothing financially, sexually, biologically, or practically to the marriage? No money, no sex, no joint kids and no help around the house? And she is still not happy and wants to emotionally and mentally drain you by forcing you to dance to not just her tune but her family’s? Dude - you are being a simp. Seriously wtf did I just read. File for divorce and help her pack her bags.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 11:22 PM
5

Lawyer up. At least set up free consults. Men get raked to the coals in many cases because they do it to themselves and roll over - exactly like you are now. Then it becomes a perpetuated idea that men always get screwed. I got everything major that I wanted in my divorce by getting good representation, a lot of research and fighting for a fair deal. All that takes a lot of effort and time - far easier to roll over and let her have whatever she wants but no one is going to fight for your best in…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 10:09 PM
4

Dude - seriously get out. The fact that there would even be an argument about helping out with one months pay for your parents for a medical issue when there are two young grown ass adults with no kids working full time jobs and any attempt to withhold support unless her parents are made “even” is a red flag. Combined with the fact that you have a dead bedroom, short marriage, big income gap, no kids and arguments leading to police being called - leave. Last thing you want is to stay in this mar…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 02:06 PM
1

Just be aware that any tax liability or tax refund for 2022 may get split 50-50 if it becomes contentious because it is for the year 2022 when you were still married. Ie - you got the benefit of her income in 2022 (in theory) and her taxes are a liability of that income - she didn’t withhold enough. Ex went after my refund even tho it was filed after filing date but for the prior year when we were married. Mediator agreed (basically said I withheld too much and had I not - those ‘tax refunds’ wo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 11:03 PM
8

Get a lawyer. Fight for 50-50 custody of your child. Hill to die on. After you get 50-50 - since she makes more than you - she’s likely paying you child support for the next 17yrs. Stepson is whatever she decides. You can ask but don’t fight for it or let her make you bargain something for access to her stepson. She should want her stepson to have more contact with adult figures who care about him in exchange for absolutely nothing - if she chooses not to - that’s on her and to the detriment of …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 07:08 PM
2

Have you checked these amounts with a lawyer? Does your lawyer think it’s a good deal?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 04:32 PM
2

What does your lawyer say? Your numbers here are too vague to know. What is the 3,600 based on - is that what some online calculator said or your lawyer? Are you factoring child support into this or is $2k on top of this? In some States - if you agree to spousal support - it changes the income input of both parties in the child support calculation to lower it for the payor so by agreeing to a buyout - you would double pay on child support. Once you know your alimony amount and presumably until r…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:20 PM
8

You can try to talk to her but it comes down to fundamental values. Marriage brings out two types of people - some people in a marriage try to put in 100% because they love their spouse, want to make life just a bit easier for their spouse and kids, want to see the other person happy. Some people in a marriage decide marriage is something to be taken advantage, that it means they can now put in 10% effort into life because someone else will pick up the slack, believe their comfort is more import…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:00 PM
1

Yes - you are wrong in expecting it. Unless you are prepared to toss your ex out of the home like any other normal tenant then you should not have let her stay in the home. If you are not prepared to do that - it’s your own fault for putting yourself in this position. Was paying rent discussed? Would you sign a rental agreement with a regular tenant that just says someone can stay until x and have no mention of rent? Is it reasonable to tell a friend they can stay with you for 3 months without a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 05:50 PM
6

Inheritance is yours but do not commingle otherwise she can try to claim it as marital in the hopes that you will give her something to settle out of Court. Make it as easy and clear for a Judge to trace the money back to your inheritance so there are no bs negotiating tactics by her lawyer. Open a new account and have any money explicitly put there and leave it untouched until the divorce. Do not add any marital funds to that and don’t take anything out to pay for marital expenses. Consult a di…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 02:25 AM
3

Talk to your lawyer. Did you not get her tax filings during discovery? Go through those to see how much she claimed her income was to see if it matches up. Hopefully your lawyer would have put into the decree something along the lines of “both parties agree to forfeit their right to further litigation except as allowed by this document, State law and in the event of fraud” or “this document is null and void in the event of discovery of fraud.” Basically - if there is fraud - it allows you to go …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 07:10 AM
1

Yes the birth certificate is less of an issue and OP can order his own copies. But if they are going to have to swap passports each year - it takes 1 second to stick the original birth certificate in as well in the swap.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 03:48 AM
2

Should be in your divorce decree about who holds the passport and birth certificate. You can either swap each year or if you have multiple kids - you each hold a set. Decree needs to specify upon request for the passport for international trip, etc - party A holding the passport has x days to turn it over and upon return from trip - party B has x days to return it. Both of you have rights to it. This isn’t up for debate. You absolutely get a right to hold it 50% of the time. Make sure it’s in th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 01:38 AM
3

Racking up $90k! in debt is a deal breaker short of a medical emergency - and behind your back is inexcusable. That’s the action of an irresponsible child not an adult partner I would want to be legally and financially tied to. I mean look - you guys are both grown ass adults with jobs with kids and have racked up $100k+ of debt. Think about that for a minute. And if there are no conversations being had around correcting this issue and how to climb out of the hole - best guesses are she will be …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 10:51 PM
1

So the rule of thumb is 25% of the income differential. There is a 10+ point of consideration that a Judge will consider but apparently most end up around 25% which is why lawyers gravitate there. Affordability doesn’t matter other than your take home meeting the poverty line. What does count is equality and her being able to cover her CIS expenses. Given I was in a higher tax bracket - I was able to show that at 20% alimony and child support - our income would have been roughly similar and she …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:42 AM
1

ESP is useless. My lawyer didn’t prepare at all - initially thought she was incompetent but in hindsight - it didn’t matter. My ESP was given by two junior lawyer volunteers who gave generic recommendations and suggested income imputation for ex about $25k below where it was finalized. I actually believe my lawyer and ex’s lawyer had the ESP recommendation be deliberately vague when it came to alimony amount/duration so neither party anchored - which is good lawyering. What were your ESP recomme…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:34 AM
1

Not in my State - was told a Judge isn’t going to start deducting a hypothetical cost that may or may not arise and if it does arise - that cost would need to be present value and differently if it’s 5yrs from now or 10yrs from now. Basically my mediator (ex-Judge) said no Judge is going to factor a number with this many variables if you are not going to be selling the property.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 04:07 AM
3

First - know that the 20-25% is a “rule of thumb” and there is zero case law in NJ that supports it. A Judge will normally end up there because they know that’s the level where there’s less risk of an appeal because that is the “rule of thumb” so it’s a dumb circular game family courts play. Second - 25years means you pay for longer. It doesn’t mean you pay at the upper end of 20-25% which is what I know NJ lawyers say to get everyone to settle. But again - there’s zero case law that supports th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 03:42 AM
5

25% is the rule of thumb if you are in the same tax bracket. I was not far from you - I argued 20% differential and got it (I showed the entire budget calculation). If you work backwards from the alimony rules under old tax laws to new tax laws - it should be more like 18% differential at a $200k differential. But lawyers are reluctant to settle for anything less than 20%. However - 25% is usually the upper limit so try to get that down. I saved about $8k/yr which over 10yrs of alimony starts to…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 10:07 PM
1

You need to consult a divorce lawyer to get a sense of what you can reasonably impute her income for, what alimony ballpark would be and how long. Child support is a formula. Depending on how old she is, how long she has been out of the workforce and what skills she has - you should be able to impute her an income level. Alimony after 10yr marriage assuming you are both relatively young should cap the duration of alimony to no more than 1/3-1/2 the duration of your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 11:06 PM
2

Sounds like your still married bro but without any of the benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 09:58 PM
1

Don’t co-mingle your inheritance. Don’t let her spend your inheritance either as she can argue the inheritance should count as family income if it is being used to support the family. Don’t spend your inheritance at all on family things. Best thing is keep it in a separate account and not touch it whatsoever until you file.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 01:42 AM
1

Do it while your marriage is still short - your alimony won’t be more than half the length of your marriage. Worst case is you continue to stay in the marriage, spend every penny you make, have zero marital assets to split (ie you walk with nothing while she gets her inheritance) and then also pay alimony for ten plus years to life because your marriage became ‘long-term’ where alimony obligation spikes. You will be broke and shelling out $100k in alimony (and more if your earnings grow) and chi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 12:51 AM
1

Actually there are divorce accountants (who have divorce lawyers on their payroll) that specialize in valuing the marital portion of the 401k. It’s simple enough to calculate on your own (I also do complicated math) but my ex and her math challenged lawyer didn’t trust any of my numbers so I hired an account to determine the value of pre-marital vs marital vs post-separation. Cost me $5k but worth it to carve out $70k from the marital portion.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 01:07 AM
2

Yes - it doesn’t matter if you signed a mediation agreement. It doesn’t even matter if you signed the MSA - if she had a change in financial circumstance prior to the divorce being finalized and did not disclose - the MSA becomes invalid and up for renegotiation (but it costs $$$ to do this so better off getting it right the first time). Make sure her pay raise is documented either pay stubs or a new contract. I would try to wait for several pay cycles so you can establish a new earnings level d…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 01:39 AM
2

No I did not sign anything but everything was agreed to. We were about 2 weeks from filing the MSA. If I had accepted the job and disclosed it - yes, my lawyer said everything would have been up for renegotiation due to a change of circumstance. I didn’t want alimony to be renegotiated to a 25% higher income level in the event I lose my job in the future so I ended up turning it down. While child support can be modified, asset split and alimony is going to be hard to renegotiate after the divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 01:09 AM
4

Yes - any change of circumstance prior to filing allows you to renegotiate. In fact - it would be considered fraud if she did not disclose her new pay. For reference - I had a job offer with increase pay after we finished mediation and all the terms agreed to but before the decree was finalized. I was told by my lawyer not to take the job because I would need to disclose it otherwise it constituted fraud and all divorce agreements can be vacated in the event of fraud and it would allow her to bl…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 12:54 AM
3

Nope - put another way - you won’t do worst than income equalization after child support if you go through lawyers so why would you agree to the worst possible outcome for you? “Income equalization” is rarely the legal statute that alimony is based off of. But it’s an easy way for lawyers and mediators to get you to agree because it “sounds” justifiable. Remember - mediators are not working for your best interest. Their job is to get you both to agree by selling you on the path of least resistan…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 04:41 AM
1

I can’t say to your specific case. But in my case - I routinely transferred money to my mom over the course of our marriage as I partially supported her. Towards the end - after we had talked about divorce but prior to filing - I made another transfer about 11 months prior to filing (might have been for a larger amount than normal but whose counting). Since I had proof that these transfers happened going back years and because it was a year before filing - I was told it was unlikely a Judge woul…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 06:13 PM
1

After 6years - this is actually mostly on you. You should’ve told your lawyer at the 1yr mark to schedule a date in Court. Your lawyer is either a pretty bad one or milking you if they could not finalize a divorce in 6yrs or didn’t advise you in a way to bring it to a conclusion. Finances are suppose to be “separated” upon filing but everything can be and will be used for negotiating leverage up until you sign the paper. I had my mediation almost a year after filing and ex went after everything …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:36 AM
3

You can try to negotiate getting out of spousal but your offer is going to be rejected by any good lawyer. Just be prepared to take a larger hit. She’s not getting a $1.3M payout. Your assets total $2.3mm of which she is entitled to 50% so $1.15m. She’s getting a $150k payout in exchange for lifetime alimony. Assuming your alimony is 25% of the salary difference (I have no idea for CA but this was the rule of thumb for my State) then you would owe her $63k/year. Assuming you have about 10 more y…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 03:52 AM
3

Of course there is no sense of urgency on her end. They longer you guys stay married - the more assets you will earn and save and the more your retirement funds grow (all of which is half hers once you do file even if you are cutting her off now. The longer she stays married to you, the longer she is out of the workforce and the older she gets - that’s better for her to ask for indefinite alimony. If I were her - I’d also milk this with freedom to date around and then divorce you in 10yrs when y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 06:38 PM
1

Putting insurance money in a trust with your kids as the beneficiary is a great idea to secure your child support obligations and what I put in my settlement. However, a good lawyer will push your ex to be named the executor until 18. There’s no guarantee that the money will be spent on the kids but at least in a trust (even if she is the executor) - the money can be tracked vs a life insurance policy that just disburses the money to your ex to secure child support. Yeah So say $1mil goes into a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 06:11 PM
2

Counter with 50-50 and you get off the mortgage. Call her bluff on 100% custody - she will be paying you child support. If she disagrees - tell her see you in Court. There’s no way a Judge will rule on her demand for a mortgage - zero chance. Do NOT give her 5yrs - no Judge will give this long. Standard is 1yr - I’ve heard of 3yrs max for very extraneous circumstances. You need to project confidence. Tell her you know unequivocally you are entitled to 50-50 but will be more than happy to take fu…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 12:09 AM
1

Agree - this sounds like a great way for OP to burn a ton of money on lawyers drafting a new agreement that protects him and then enforcing it if things go bad with zero guarantees it actually will be protected in order to help his ex wife (EX being key word here) save some money. Just say no to this upfront. Refinance or sell. You paid a lot of money drafting a divorce agreement already - follow it in regards to the house.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 06:25 AM
1

Hell no. Get yourself off that mortgage - do not sign a quit deed until you do. You and your credit (and ability to get another mortgage) are at risk here while she gets 100% ownership of an asset you are legally on the hook for paying. It’s pretty dumb to agree to this. Guess what - you guys are divorced and saving her interest is NOT your problem anymore. Either she refinances or house gets sold.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 06:16 AM
1

So say 15years to retirement at $2,300/month gets you to $414k. In a buyout - it only makes sense if she will agree to a discount given interest ($1000 upfront is worth more than $100 over 10yrs) and she locks in her payments giving her freedom to remarry and/or cohabitate without it impacting spousal support. It would not make any financial sense to offer MORE than the face amount in a buyout. Given what you outlined (subject the the actual alimony amount and duration) - 350k buyout is a fair o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 04:20 PM
3

First - have someone specializing in annuities look over your proposal. Without knowing your specifics - let’s say you have 20yrs until retirement at $2,300/month and a very conservative 2% interest rate. This would put the present value at less than the $500k you would be offering. In addition - you lose the optionality that she might remarry and the payments stop so in that scenario - the buyout wouldn’t be financially wise. All of the large items is better negotiated through attorneys includi…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 03:30 AM
1

1) You can certainly start to stash some cash. But it would be a bit here and there (my ex’s lawyer requested all cash withdrawals above $30) and you likely couldn’t get away with large sums of missing money. Keep in mind - as you are stashing your little bit of money, your alimony clock keeps running with the length of marriage so not sure you are better off since you can spend a year stashing $2k but end up paying $20k more in alimony for that extra year of marriage. 2) Pre-martial assets are …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 03:14 AM
2

In my State - taxes is one of the considerations for alimony. In mediation - I showed a detailed calculation of our net incomes. That was way too complicated for the mediator (federal tax, state tax, standard deduction, child care deduction, self employment tax for her, etc). Then I showed a very simple calculation - just using federal taxes (no State) which went over much better and was able to get alimony lower than what my lawyer had proposed as a starting point. Basically - it’s much easier …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 02:33 AM
1

I don’t know what the answer is. You are still dealing with legal issues 5yrs+, sounds like you have a nightmare ex AND your ex doesn’t respect your boundaries because you have already established a pattern of letting her run through those boundaries if your custody set up requires you to constantly swap schedules or pick up the kids at random times. Be realistic - what woman wants to be part of that? Would you want to be part of that? Which is fine - I’m not trying to tell you how to live. If y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:40 AM
0

Your gf is right. Set and stick to a custody schedule. Swapping kids for random lunches on any random day should not happen unless it is something very important and a lunch after SAT is not that. The text chain was non important and should have been ignored. But - it sounds like you are on call and your custody schedule is completely free floating due to your job and you may be swapping texts with your ex at any time about the kids custody. That would not be conductive to any future healthy rel…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 11:25 PM
3

Absolutely no. This is a huge mistake you will come to regret. Tying your credit and a huge chunk of your net worth with your ex after divorce for the next 10yrs is just dumb. My ex wanted the same thing and she was requesting 3yrs deferred. Even at 3yrs - I was not willing to tie myself to her so I can’t imagine a deferral that can last a decade. I told her either she is swapping her share of the 401k assets or the home gets sold.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 02:56 PM
4

You are effectively paying for half of everything. She wasted $180k on her family of able bodied adults that could have gone to your kids education. In a divorce - they don’t give you back half the $180k. Instead they say - looks like “you” have more saved than her since she wasted all her earnings so you get to be lucky guy that gives her half of what you managed to save. I would have cut my losses yesterday. I don’t mess around with behavior that jeopardizes my financial future - that cannot b…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 12:35 AM
0

Nope - not true at all. In WI, any child support is absolutely considered in determining the amount of spousal support. Alimony is not federally taxable anymore to the recipient. Why would her income be for 3 people and his just for himself? Is he not also living with his kids and providing for them? Literally, nothing you wrote is correct.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 05:58 AM
1

In our agreement - ex and I alternate who has 1st pick of the vacation week each year so we aren’t fighting over the same weeks. The way yours is written is asking for a fight each time if BOTH parties need to agree. Try implementing this so it is crystal clear what is fair. If she doesn’t agree - fight for every other year to get them the week after Xmas.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 05:45 AM
2

The broad arrangement sounds reasonable for NJ but a couple of things: You should get your base fixed and the bonus variable so she isn’t entitled to more as your base goes up. So say your base is $100k - you would pay her $22.5k + 22% of bonus up to a total cap of $200k. In this type of arrangement - you absolutely need to make sure there is a cap. But why would you cap it at something above the marital standard of living of $200k? I was able to get my differential down to a bit below 20%. Was …
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:43 PM
1

Get a lawyer and file ASAP. If she just quit her job - waiting to file does nothing except make it harder to argue her income should be imputed at her old salary - which means more alimony and child support for you. If you have the kids and the home - file and establish status quo that you are the primary caretaker. Not suggesting you go for primary custody but this at least gives you some ammunition to get 50-50. Otherwise - she’s just taking a vacation and you have no status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 10:24 PM
26

Disagree. Some lawyers are overbooked with clients and push your case to the backburner if you let them. It took my lawyer five months to file after I put down my retainer. In that five months - I got a pay raise, got a bonus I contributed to 401k, tripped into another calendar year so ex went after everything she could for that year - it was a costly mistake. I trusted my lawyer initially until I realized nothing was being done on my case. I went to the head of the firm and once I started compl…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 05:07 PM
1

Okay? Not sure what your situation has to do with OP? He’s clearly making a lot of money and is the only one saving in this marriage. Anything he saves while married will be split 50-50 if they divorce even if OP’s wife contributed nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 03:15 PM
9

Dude - do not have kids! You will be financially responsible for her for the next 20+yrs. Get out while you can. Here’s the alternative. You have kids and she quits her job. When the kids are in school - she will refuse to go back to work. You will work very hard to save for retirement. You will get promoted and be making more money. Then she decides to divorce you when she is old and out of the workplace for a long time. Courts will say she doesn’t have a lot of earnings potential and you need …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 04:52 PM
13

Absent swearing off marriage - which arguably is hard for someone who hasn’t gone through a bad divorce and financial decimation to fully grasp - I guess the next best thing is to protect yourself: Set boundaries very early on. Things like controlling your finances, alienating your family or friends, making you give up a dream job - you need to immediately shut it down and/or get out. Here’s the thing - you must be very sure about who you are and what is right and wrong to avoid being gaslight i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 04:37 PM
1

Seriously man - single mom of four. Hell no - why would you marry someone that 99.5% of other dudes want no part of. Don’t fish at the bottom of the barrel. Luckily - you didn’t adopt the kids and your marriage is short. Otherwise - you could’ve really been financially screwed. Go file ASAP - the biggest thing you have going for you is the short duration of this marriage so get your separation date in black and white by filing. Next time - date single moms by all means. But cohabitating and marr…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 07:04 AM
4

No chance - premarital you will keep and marital is getting split 50/50. “Equitable” means 50-50 for the average man if they are lucky. Equitable such that 50-50 isn’t appropriate is reserved for Jeff Bezos situations where he can argue his once in generation skill was the primary reason for their wealth and the Courts know his ex isn’t at risk of welfare from getting $35bn instead of $60bn. Or reserved for a willful dissipation of the funds. For the average guy whose contributions is working ha…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 12:10 AM
3

Nope. There’s no compromising 50-50. Stay firm on that. If you were amicable, believe her lawyers are reasonable and want to set mutual expectations in good faith - what you could “counter” with is a set of parental understandings. You can come up with certain things that both parents commits or tries to commit to doing - ie homework on their time, video games limited to xx hours on weekends but there’s no consequences if anyone doesn’t do it. It’s just a good faith attempt. Limit it to only a c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 09:53 PM
5

2 years seems reasonable and if you have nothing to hide - a low risk thing to exchange. She and you will eventually need it to calculate CIS expenses if there is alimony concerns. If you are concerned with any particular line item of yours - you can always redact it and put a black box over the item description. You can still let them see the price but you can readact if you don’t want them to know what it is. If she wants to subpoena you to figure out what that $10/month - let her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 06:53 PM
1

Of course she can stop paying on the house. Anyone can stop paying on a mortgage regardless of their divorce status. If you can’t afford to move out - stay in the home until the divorce gets settled. You can’t force her to buy you out. If neither of you want the house - it will need to be sold and proceeds split. Usually the process of selling the house or buying someone out starts after the divorce decree has been signed. If you are both cooperative and agree to a sale - you can sell it during …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 06:51 AM
1

This is a Pyrrhic victory for you. In exchange for an “amicable” divorce - she gets to shackle a ball and chain around your foot by forcing you to buy a house, co-habitat, co-parent together, have you do things around the house and support her? Wow - I have to give it to your ex if she can pull this off - basically granting you an amicable paper divorce but practically shackling you to her as if you were married. AND if you don’t listen to her after the divorce - you better believe she will stil…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 06:41 AM
13

Practically - she is correct. Even if you are in a State where pre-marital student loans is one persons- what happens when you get married is this: 1) you pay more of the bills because you have more discretionary income and she focused on paying down her loan which means no savings for you; 2) you split the bills 50-50 and you save while she pays what she can on her bills. Then you divorce and anything you “save” since marriage gets split 50-50 minimum and then a Judge looks at both your financi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 03:57 PM
5

No - I wanted the retirement funds as I’m a good investor and rather invest in the markets than sit on my house. I got a fair exchange on pre-tax basis so was fine letting it go. Also - house was old and constantly needed fixes which had hidden maintenance costs. My first couple years I rented an apt and landlord took care of everything - this took a huge load off me when I was first transitioning to solo parenting. I didn’t want to be stuck in a place with bad memories either - fresh start help…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 05:54 PM
4

If your wife has only been unemployed for 7yrs - that is a lot better than waiting until she is unemployed for 10yrs and is older where her work potential drops every year. Your marriage length also keeps increasing so you are on the hook for more alimony. You should absolutely get free consultations. Divorce only becomes more pricey if you wait particularly since your kid is in school now and childcare will not be an issue. You could be shooting your self in the foot and making this worst by wa…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 04:38 PM
3

More details needed. How old is she? How long have you been married? How long has she been out of a job? What qualifications does she have? How old is your kid? What State are you in? You are probably screwed but the degree can vary depending on the above. My situation was awful - married young, 15yr+ marriage, wife was SAH for 10+yrs, had young kids, sole provider and high earner. What saved me was ex was highly qualified and I turned down many higher paying jobs and promotions (at ex’s request…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 04:10 PM
6

Having an “amicable” divorce requires two people and you can only control your actions. Believing it will be “amicable” is a mistake - you need to have the mentality that this is a fight for your life and prepare for the worst. I got out better than my situation would suggest - long term marriage, was sole provider and higher earner, wife a SAH, etc etc. I still paid a hefty price but better than I was expecting given the initial consultations - less alimony and less duration than expected. Some…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 04:39 PM
9

Hold on. You “gave” her half the assets prior to filing for divorce and she spent it all? I’m assuming there was no legal separation agreement which means there was no legal division of assets yet and she can still go after “your” half of the assets. You need to get a lawyer and file for divorce. You don’t need her cooperation and just shooting youself in the foot.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 12:08 AM
1

On the house - if you think you will divorce - yes absolutely do not put more money into renovating. If this goes to trial - you run the risk of a Judge giving her the home or you could end up having to give her years to refinance which just puts you in a bad spot liquidity wise. Better to hold onto liquid assets that can be easily divided in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 03:00 AM
2

Absolutely. Remember tho - words are cheap. Anyone can say they are sorry and say they are thankful. What matters are her actions - if she cannot put aside her own rage/convenience/selfishness to not take it out on you for no reason or to invite your parents in from the cold of all things in order to put someone’s feelings over her own - then she is NOT sorry and is NOT thankful.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 05:05 PM
2

You only have one life and sounds like you are a prisoner in your own life stuck in a cycle of emotional abuse and social alienation. This cannot change unless you expel the toxic person from your life or at least from the center of your life. Move ahead with a divorce. The fact that your kids birthday consists for 20mins with the grandparents because your wife says so, the fact that you have been alienated from your friends and family, the fact that you get screamed at for no reason, the fact t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 02:26 PM
3

My observation is that there is alot of correlation with “morality” and ability/desire to be self-sufficient. The reality is those who have zero confidence in their ability to support themselves and build their own wealth fight for every dollar in divorce even knowing that they contributed nothing to it. People, often men, who know with two hands and a brain that they can support themselves are less likely to fight over every legal dollar. I know couples where the wife didn’t take the spouse to …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 11:12 PM
1

I genuinely think lawyers are very bad at numbers and lazy. The lawyers were deer in headlights with numbers and could not understand any of my analysis. Ironic thing was we filed separately bc ex wanted the refund that year. The blessing in disguise was my tax bracket jumped significantly that year but I had documented proof showing the tax rate and actual net take-home under the single tax rate. I paid more in taxes that year but more than made up for it by negotiating much lower alimony for 1…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 08:32 PM
7

Yes - for the average man - equitable means either 50/50 or the lower earning spouse gets more. If you are Jeff Bezos or a multi-billionaire that can show your once in a generation talent was the reason for the wealth - you can get away with “just” giving 30% away. But the average man who works, saves for retirement, invests, pays all the bills while the wife contributed nothing - your “contributions” are not special enough to warrant a split in the true sense of equitable. Keep in mind - the pr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 08:02 PM
3

You get taxed on $100,000 in the US. You will get screwed unless you are well-prepared. I had a tax accountant prepare after tax numbers for me and ex at every alimony level to show what as fair on a post tax basis. You can do it yourself but my mediator “dismissed” my analysis but “accepted” the same analysis showing the same thing just because it came from an “accredited” divorce accounting firm instead of Joe Nobody. Otherwise lawyers are terrible with numbers and I managed to save about $10k…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 07:46 PM
1

Yes it’s true. I can’t say how prevalent and it probably depends on your lawyer but happened in my case. My ex and I provided information for discovery but our lawyers never swapped that information. I didn’t care because all the assets were in my name and I knew every penny we had - ex was a SAH - so I didn’t care about her discovery. My own lawyer grilled me about my discovery information and must have felt I was being truthful and told the opposing side we didn’t need to swap. I disclosed eve…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 01:55 AM
3

Open your own account and start depositing your money in. Start collecting details of all your bank accounts, credit cards, retirement, etc even if you cannot access it now. Do not tip her off until you actually file. Hire a lawyer first. They will be able to request discovery or refer you to a forensic accountant. Just note that some lawyers request discovery from their client but don’t actually swap that information with the opposing lawyer. There’s an “honor” code with some lawyers - if they …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 12:23 AM
2

The alimony is sunk cost - married only 6yrs and wife is young. If he stays - he’s paying her 50% of his savings here on out, on top of more alimony if this marriage tips long-term - potentially lifetime, possibly child support if they have kids in addition to paying for the cleaner the next 10yrs. $2k/month in alimony for 3yrs = $72k vs $48k in cleaning costs over 10years and that’s IF they don’t end up divorcing when he’s on the hook for 10+yrs of alimony is a drop in the bucket compared to a …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 02:54 PM
2

She makes $500-$1,000 a month at her own business. That’s no where enough to live especially as private healthcare can run $500/month on her own. He IS paying her - he’s subsiding her rent, health insurance, etc. Getting a cleaning service only works when both partners are putting in 100% and it frees up both their time. Getting a cleaning service so one person gets to put in 25% instead of 50% and the other person can put in 90% instead of 100% doesn’t address the issue at all. Unless freeing u…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 01:20 PM
7

You don’t need her permission for divorce - sounds like she’s waiting until the kids are older where custody/new stepmom won’t be an issue and then she will be older, out of work even longer and married longer when lifetime alimony becomes an even greater risk. Your prior post says you are early-40s - assuming your wife is around the same age - one thing that is still working for you is that 40 is still considered relatively young in the eyes of a family court. But wait until the kids are 18 and…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 06:06 PM
13

50-50 is the hill to die on especially when there is no reason why you can’t do it. I’m sympathetic to dads who can’t do 50% because they have to work 16hrs trying to make ends meet and the kids will understand one day but what are YOU going to tell your kids? That’s not your situation. Especially given your situation - she has the uphill battle on explaining why you should get less than 50% when you were the SAHP. Document everything. Why would you fold a winning hand over an important issue as…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 06:37 PM
1

How much house equity do you have? This makes all the more sense for you to file ASAP and get this deal done. Her wanting you to stay for 3 more years so she can pay her CC debt (you will take it) and refinance the home (if she has a steady income now - she can see if she qualifies). That takes care of her concerns. If she is telling you this so you can stay 3 more years - you run the risk of her going back on her word and cleaning you out at $160k+ salary imputation. If you are planning on stay…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 06:29 PM
1

Avvo reviews can be misleading. Divorce lawyers are often “bottom” lawyers who got their degree at Rutgers not a top law school and couldn’t make it in a more prestigious field. I had to switched lawyers twice in NJ despite good AVVO reviews. I had to call in some favors and got consult from a top law firm. I couldn’t afford them - junior lawyers bill $400/hr - but as a favor he gave me a run-down of some of the NJ firms. They all know each other - some of the “extremely reputed firms” are just …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 04:43 PM
1

Keep in mind - if you file this year and get a raise this year - she can go after any income increase in the year of filing. I filed early in the year also and got a raised mid-year. Mediation doesn’t happen until many months out and they successfully went after my income increase even after filing for that year. Why I encourage anyone on this sub to file ASAP and be mindful of the calendar year. Even filing one month early in December 2021 vs January 2022 could keep your 2022 income from being …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:24 AM
1

Yikes. Do you anticipate your income increasing in the next 3yrs? Instead of alimony being based on $75k - it will be based on $160k if she successfully argues that is a permanent income figure or the average of 3yrs (or some average) if you successfully argue $160k had a one-time bonus. In my State - your alimony at $160k would be $25k at rule of thumb vs 4k at $75k income. Assume 10-15yrs of alimony at 20-25yrs of marriage - waiting just these past 2yrs could’ve cost you $210k - $315k extra in…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:01 AM
1

What is your wife’s job situation and your respective income? If you are the higher earning spouse - waiting in your case only makes sense if she is going to get a higher paying job in the next 3yrs or if you are going to a lower paying job. If not - file ASAP as you are only extending your alimony obligation. That’s a 25yr marriage and a divorce process can take 1-2yrs so you are looking at 4-5yrs before you will be officially divorced. Im assuming you aren’t a spring chicken with a kid about t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 11:48 PM
1

Stop doing her any more favors. Do not “fall” into married life again - if she gets the benefit of marriage and a helper husband to do mundane tasks for her - she has zero incentive to move forward with a divorce and has all the incentive to keep you both locked into this limbo. Keep pushing forward and live your life as if you were separated - don’t allow her to trap you in limbo. The feeling of running in place is the worst place to be and the only way out is to keep going forward. It took me …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 11:40 PM
2

It’s unbelievable how brainwashed men are (not aimed at you personally OP). A woman wouldn’t think twice about going after 50% of the retirement and child support if that’s what she is entitled to in a divorce but men have been taught going for more financially than what they “need” even if it’s their right is shameful or unfair. Once you give up her retirement and sign the MSA - you cannot go after it again - you give up claim to it forever. Child support can be adjusted over and over. IF you d…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 11:07 PM
2

No better than a vocational expert - ex had actual paystubs showing hours worked and earnings per hour during our separation. A Judge doesn’t have to make the leap on her salary (which they don’t want to do and risk stranding a SAH without means)- Judge has evidence that they can make this today. That’s why ex’s lawyer had her take my offer of a full time imputation because a straight calculation at 40hrs/week would have doubled what I was proposing. Keep in mind - if your ex does ever eventuall…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 12:47 PM
3

No no no. You are shooting yourself in the foot. Go after the half of her 401k accumulated during the marriage. That is what you are entitled to. DO NOT trade anything for “lower” child support as she can always get that reevaluated at a later date. Absolutely go after her for full-time imputation - that alone may scare her into no child support or run the risk of paying you. Especially if you have documented proof of her hourly wage and hours. For what it’s worth - my ex didn’t work for more th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 08:37 AM
1

The question you have to answer is are you willing to risk access to your kids? Right now - she is free to take them, relocate them, and enroll them in a new school 2hrs away. Once she has established that as their residence and you as the dad with a visitation schedule and living 2hrs away, if she choose to divorce - you are screwed. The kids will stay 2hrs away, shes getting full custody and you will pay a lot in child support and alimony or childcare since she has them 100% of the time. So yo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 04:18 PM
4

Separate especially if you don’t get along. When my ex and I did holidays together - yes, the kids saw their parents together but I was generally not interested in being there, let her handle most of the activities and couldn’t wait to leave because we did not get along. They were “mom” dominant days when we celebrated together. Now - I’m much happier celebrating the holidays without my ex, am super engaged, and do everything top to bottom with gift shopping, putting up the tree and decorating w…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 09:21 PM
6

Sell it. Don’t think from the perspective that “you own the house and this is your chance to keep it.” Think of this from a “blank piece of paper” perspective. Would you buy a house that you would eat up most of your monthly cash flow and cause a liquidity problem? No - you rent and save up. If you need to eat ramen in order to afford a house - it’s too expensive. A nice place to live in isn’t worth your jeopardizing your health from a daily diet of processed ramen.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 09:10 PM
7

No - let it go - wasting a single brain cell on this is already too much. Her therapy sessions are ultimately to help her mentally and emotionally - forcing her to do something that to help herself after a divorce is stupid. If she can’t afford it and decides to stop - who cares. Only thing that matters is your child gets the funds to see her therapist first. Tell her she needs to pay her 35% for the child. Leave it at that. Don’t let her push the decision onto you whether she should abide by th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 10:51 PM
4

Dude - that is possibly the worst move you can make. Under no circumstances should you take a second job with her as a SAH. You will get assessed at the combined income level, she will say you deserve no custody since you are too busy working and won’t have time, and then you will be on the rat race for the next 15yrs of trying to work 2 jobs so you can hand both paychecks right to her. Maybe some Judge will take mercy on you by reducing alimony and child support once you stop working your secon…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 07:04 PM
5

Lawyer up - approach this as a fight for your life - what happens in your divorce sets you up for the rest of your life. Get child support and get alimony if you are entitled to it. Document that you are the one doing most of the childcare, doctor visits, etc
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 06:58 PM
3

Been there. When someone has doesn’t have the coping mechanisms to handle life’s stress and take care of their own stuff or have the internal fortitude to strive to be better - it doesn’t get better - it only gets worst for the person carrying their load over time. There are more stressors as we age while your partner progressively does less over time and then your own mental health deteriorates to the point where you are also capable of doing less. I know people are saying she might be depresse…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 05:08 PM
12

Get out before 10yrs or run the risk of paying alimony for a long time. You are going to pay child support regardless. Some people do not know how to be a functioning adult and grab onto the first person they can marry so they can shove all their responsibilities onto them. These people are dead weight and expect you to carry their ass through life for the next 40yrs until you drop dead yourself from the stress of having to pull the weight of two adults.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 12:20 AM
3

The best advice is to file ASAP. Your wife is the type that will never be working so staying in the marriage is a sure way of making sure you are financially decimated and slaving at a job you hate until retirement to pay alimony and give her the “marital lifestyle.” Sure you pay child support but as the sole provider - you were going to have to foot all their expenses anyway. Alimony - the longer you are married, the more years she has not worked and the older she is - the more you pay. Unless …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 01:06 AM
17

There’s no guarantee that having a partner means you won’t die “old and alone” anyway. My MIL and FIL were awful together - she was controlling and narcissistic and made him give up a lot of job opportunities and hobbies so he could be a “family man.” They had four kids so he stuck around. Guess what happened when he got old? MIL stuck him into a nursing home against his wishes. Kids were scatter overseas and in other States. He legit died alone - no one was there. Difference is he died alone AN…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 07:40 PM
3

Did you have a lawyer go through your decree because the way it is written is pretty dumb. The way your decree reads - kids are dismissed on the 17th and she gets them starting the 17th. Why aren’t you guys splitting the break? Or at least do you alternate even/odd years?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 03:35 AM
1

Sounds like she is planning to divorce you and take you to the cleaners. 1) Having you work 80hrs/week means that is the income level you will be based on for alimony and child support. The Courts do not care if these hours are sustainable. Reduce your hours to 40/week ASAP. You don’t need her permission. 2) Not letting you hire more workers for your business. This means your profits are unsustainable but that high number will be used to value your business. That means you will owe her an inflat…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 12:05 AM
1

Do not sign without a lawyer. As others have said - not smart to trade something in exchange for giving up child support because she can get it Court ordered later. She can cite a change of circumstance and have child support reinstated. On top of that - you will have zero documentation anywhere that such a “swap” happened. You are setting yourself up to be screwed. Medical expenses absolutely has to be in the decree - what types and who pays. If you carry the insurance - you get a credit for ch…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 09:57 PM
3

Go back home. Record everything. Stay away from her. Do not under any circumstance raise your voice or get into an argument with her. Stay calm and grey rock. File ASAP. Post filing earnings are yours. Once you file - move those paychecks to a separate account. Start saving to pay your legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 08:49 PM
4

This. I get many guys won’t be completely swayed off marriage despite the warnings but in the absence of swearing off marriage, the most important thing any young man can do is to WAIT until your 30s at minimum. Why? - Waiting as long as possible means you get to build pre-marital assets that is yours in a divorce. Just maxing out 401k plus employer contributions plus market returns means you could have $500k+ in retirement funds by 30 that won’t be split. - The longer you push off marriage - th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 05:19 PM
12

It’s not sexist at all. Marriage is a business and legal transaction where each side considers what the other brings. I would dare you to say that the vast majority of women would not view a guy making a million dollars, has a successful career and owns his own home as being a better potential partner than the guy working minimum wage living in his parents home. Take a look around femaledatingstrategy and tell me a man’s ability to provide isn’t one of the singular most important issue a woman j…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 03:13 PM
2

The good thing is you know you have $50k coming in the door next August when she refinances you. Now you just have to bridge lawyer fees until then. Here are some options: take out credit cards, try to get cash advance from your card company, ask family for a loan to be repaid when you get cashed out, take a loan against your 401k. Cut out any unnecessary legal interactions - if you know settlement won’t work - skip it or leave after 10mins. Do not sit there and spend 1700.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 03:54 AM
22

How old are you guys? What does she do and what are her career plans? What is your income differential? Does she want to be a SAH and you to be the sole provider? Those answers will be very telling. Of course nothing bad has happened yet - she hasn’t trapped you in marriage and with a kid yet. Men have all the power up until marriage and a kid. Afterwards - women have all the power because if you do anything they don’t like - they will divorce you, take your kids, take half of everything, and ge…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 03:31 AM
6

File ASAP. Talk to a lawyer today. Get out before 10yrs - she’s disable, a manipulator who doesn’t want to change, turning you into a nurse maid for her sister and does not care about you at all - nothing gets better for you by staying and only worst. You are 45! One poster said it best - on your death bed are you going to regret giving up money on your house and paying some alimony but getting to live your life in freedom and peace or are you going to regret squandering the only life you have i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 04:22 PM
9

A woman tells you they want a divorce to absolve themselves from guilt. She told you - in her mind, you’re over - the marriage is just a formality so she can go on her merry way with other men. Now - Does she have an incentive to actually file paper and not just tell you? Are you the breadwinner? If so, why would she file?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/21 07:10 PM
1

If you cannot get all that done with 8hrs a day - 10hrs including commute time - 5x a day and that is all you do - you are incompetent and lazy. News flash - single people in America work 9-5 at least and then handle all that stuff. Single dads work, have 50% custody and handle all that stuff. You are just incompetent and think cleaning is some 8hr overwhelming ordeal. I know people like you - can’t handle a day in the real world. Go back to mommy and daddy bubble so they can take care of this f…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 02:17 PM
2

Since they married as teens - all the assets will get split down the middle. Since the kids are in NY - if your bf’s ex wants to have custody of them in NY - it will be an uphill battle for your bf to get custody and relocate them to CA. If she wants to be in Miami and him in CA - that’s more unclear which way a Judge will go. If custody is contentious - a relocation case is almost always going to cost $$$$ and will go to trial which may mean you could be looking at 2-3yrs until the divorce gets…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 02:51 AM
4

When you are done - file ASAP. Of course she is going to want to drag this out to maximize alimony and assets. You hit the 20yr mark during this 14month separation? That’s going to cost you. I was separated 2yrs+ prior to filing - only filing established a legal complaint date in my State. I tripped 15yrs during that separation date so I ended up having to pay more alimony, everything I earned in those 2yrs got split including my 401k contributions (which would have been all mine had I just file…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 11:41 PM
6

It’s half of the equity value (net of mortgage) so $150k. This assumes the entire house is a marital property and you didn’t put down a down payment with separate property pre marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 09:06 PM
1

You have a couple of options: 1) Try another mediation session although if it didn’t work the first time, probably won’t now. 2) Negotiate back and forth with your lawyers. Women feel entitled to a deal that favors them - for whatever reason, a “fair” deal isn’t acceptable to them. If she believes you are not willing to go to Court - she may be trying to get $20k more (not the full $50k) or something where the payoff for you going to trial is neural. You have to make her believe you are willing …
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 03:08 AM
3

The question is whether $50k above your agreed upon number has merit. What is the basis? If this is baseless - you may as well go to trial since $50k covers your costs, have your lawyer schedule a trial and play hardball to see if your ex wants to spend $50k going to trial just to be back at the starting point.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 06:54 PM
3

You don’t need a two bedroom - a Judge won’t take custody away from you for that. I have more kids than you and a one bd was fine for the Judge when I first moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 06:44 PM
1

Six kids and the sole provider? Why the hell would someone do this to themselves? Be prepared to pay max child support and max alimony as six kids is a “special” circumstance where the other side can ask that max calculations be stretched higher and longer. Be realistic about what your life is going to look like. With 6 kids and max child support/alimony- be prepared that no woman will want to date you until the last kid is out of the home. Learn to enjoy solo activities.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 02:48 PM
1

In NJ - work related child care costs is often split and is on top of CS unless your CS calculation specifically included a number for childcare costs (it’s an input in your calculation). If it was left empty - then you would need to pay on top of the base amount. Simple reason for this is NJ base support is low. The CS isn’t enough to cover childcare costs for the custodian parent. Your work related child care can also be thrown into the pot of split costs. You should absolutely ask for receipt…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 05:27 PM
3

Your agreement should spell out what is in addition to child support. Sports, extracurricular, work related child care (not childcare because one person wants a date night or vacation) are typically on top of CS. Birthday parties are grey areas. Ours say joint bdays that we both agree upon get split. If it’s a bday the ex throws for the kid with mostly her family or if I’m not attending, I don’t contribute. On driving the kids - no do not set the precedent. You stepping in on her days should be …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 03:15 AM
1

In NJ - there’s a spreadsheet that calculates all this. NJ lawyers have a program that splits out the number but you can do it yourself by hand to get a ballpark. My calculation was like $15 off what I actually needed to pay so it’s pretty accurate if you fill this in correctly. https://www.njcourts.gov/forms/10788_app9c.pdf They use your and her income. Then they factor in any alimony payments. The net number of income and alimony often determines split of costs not covered by child support (wo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 05:47 PM
1

Don’t feel guilty. You think it’s just about this settlement but it sets the tone for your entire co-parent relationship. You cave and give her what she wants - she will forever try to strongarm you on everything. Countless stories here - I offered my ex half of everything. She refused - wanted me to give her open ended refinancing period, then wanted the house at 1:1 to pre-tax assets, wanted me to take all the debt, etc. 80K spent between the two of us to get to the same terms I offered. She r…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 07:11 PM
4

Know your numbers. See how the opposing side is going about it. If they start “high” and you counter with “fair” to get it over with and save everyone time and money - you will end up in the middle of “high” and “fair.” So counter “low” - have reasonable arguments and then have them move you up to “fair.” I had “low” numbers also prepared backed by evidence. They told me “no way,” but since I had reasoning behind it - the mediator didn’t think I was just being a jerk but just that I didn’t under…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 05:12 PM
7

Like others have said - the kids are at an age where if they don’t want to talk to you, they won’t. They are also at an age where school, college, friends, etc are where their focus is rather than forging a relationship with you - with maturity, perspective, and understanding - that will change and they will begin to figure out that you aren’t the bad guy their mom made you to be. Until then - I would try to keep in contact through social media, etc. Don’t harbor any ill will towards your kids b…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 06:46 PM
7

Tell her no as it doesn’t sound like you want to go or it has anything to do with your kids if all you are doing is interacting with other parents. You can tell her you’ll do the costume thing but not this one. You hit it on the head. Women like the social status of having a partner to parade during events when you know it will be all couples so they don’t look like some third wheel loser but don’t want to actually commit to a marriage. That’s actually one of the biggest benefits women derive fr…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 04:52 AM
3

Schedule free consultations ASAP. Get a lawyer. Get this ball rolling unless you want to be on the hook for alimony for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 04:30 AM
9

You have significantly more net worth than her. It’s possible that you could have protected those assets with a prenup that holds up (still a gamble). Where it’s an absolute NO GO from me is that your income levels are too far apart - you at 200k and her at 60k means inevitably when there are kids - she pulls the “well, my salary just covers childcare costs so it makes more sense for me to be a SAH until the kids are in school.” Then it’s “well - let’s have a second and third kid.” Then it’s “we…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 04:23 AM
8

You would be giving up $250K in house equity for not paying alimony on a $45K differential on a 11yr marriage without kids?? Get a lawyer ASAP. Depends on state but absolute worst case is half the income differential for up to the length of your marriage ($22.5k x 11 = $247.K) and this is spread over 11 years vs having $250k in your pocket and being able to invest it for 5% annual returns. A more realistic figure is 25-33% income differential over 5-6yrs so even your absolutely worst case (like …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 11:16 PM
16

My friend - you’re totally screwed. She’s been a SAH for 20yrs, the youngest is still young at 10, and I’m assuming she’s in her mid/late 40s given two adult kids. Yeah - there’s ZERO chance you get away with 3yrs of alimony - not even in the most conservative alimony States. For a long-term marriage like this - your starting point is usually half the term of the marriage - 10yrs at least. Given her age and years out of the workforce - I wouldn’t be surprised if you aren’t on the hook for closer…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 06:31 PM
5

Do you both agree on custody split and schedule? Do you agree on what happens to the house - is someone stay, is someone leaving, how long will the person leaving give the other person for a buyout? Do you agree on what happens with the retirement? Do you want to swap retirement funds for house? Do you agree on how much alimony will be? Do you agree on how long alimony will be? Do you agree on how extra child expenses will get split? Do you agree on what child support will be? Do you agree on wh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 08:15 PM
1

Yes - issues before kid #1. Stuck it out longer than I should for the kids. Got lucky also that I didn’t need to dip into the inheritance earlier in the marriage when it wasn’t so bad and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. When I did have liquidity needs, it had gotten to the point that I knew divorce was highly likely in the next few years so use credit cards instead of touching the money.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 02:05 PM
18

Ignore. This question has nothing to do with issues with the schedule, making a decision for something important like your kid’s health or school, etc. It’s a question meant to start a fight and does nothing productive for your child.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 08:54 PM
1

10+ years of marriage is not “easily” lifetime alimony. Many States have undertaken alimony reform to provide explicit circumstances under which lifetime alimony can be awarded. 10+ years could give the other side an argument for lifetime but it is rarely given out anymore unless you are in a very liberal State. Even for my 15+ yr marriage in one of the more alimony friendly States - lifetime alimony was not on the table at all.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 01:40 PM
6

You absolutely need a lawyer. Based on your prior posts - you signed something that you don’t even remember what the terms are. Disagreements over alimony, child support and complications of self-employed needs to go through a lawyer. Why? A fair deal is when both sides feel they got the short end of the stick. Without lawyers - no one, particularly women, is going to agree to a deal that they feel they got the short end of the stick. So men without lawyers offer more and more until they screw t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 01:00 AM
2

File now. Nothing stops the clock on your marriage unless you file. You can be “separated” for years but if you don’t file and your marriage continues to drag on - you’ll be hit with a fat alimony liability. Six figure salary to her part-time job - way too much financial risk to stay at this point. Also you get to split everything you earn until you file. If I were your wife - I’d string you along until we hit 10yrs then take 40% of your paycheck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 06:53 PM
21

Dude - have some self respect - she’s seeing other guys and you’re still worried about what she wants? She wants to maintain her image, wants the societal benefit of marriage, maybe waiting until you advance in your career and she can get $$$, who knows - but why are you catering to what she wants? Threatening to kill herself if you divorce is emotional manipulation - again, have some self respect. Don’t be bullied or weak - file for divorce yourself. If you really believe she will kill herself …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/21 01:12 AM
1

It’s not illegal - it’s “recommended” to maintain the status quo so you look good in front of a Judge (if you are the 5% that actually goes to trial) otherwise it doesn’t matter. Cutting off spousal support is vastly different than cutting off child support. My lawyer has represented people who have been cut off - the Judge either orders temporary spousal support (and the cases then get settle without any real repercussions for cutting off support) or the case languishes in the Court system and …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 07:58 PM
4

1) Have your parents put it in a trust with only you as a beneficiary - this is the best way 2) Do not comingled your inheritance (if not placed in a trust) - deposit it into a separate account that does not contain any marital assets. Do not put any additional marital assets into that account. 3) Show this money is intended for you alone and not intended for you both. Do not take a dime out to pay for any marital expense. Do not take a dime out period during your marriage. 4) Have your parents …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 06:24 PM
1

What state are you in? That impacts alimony significantly. You should only be handing over half your assets after marriage. She should be imputed minimum wage at minimum. Get credit for the support you are paying during the separation period. Make sure you consider your taxes. 40% of your gross pays will leave you with less than her - she shouldn’t walk away with more from spousal support only when you don’t have kids. Beyond that - it will cost you and her more to get alimony length lower so it…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 05:31 PM
3

The chances of you not divorcing is low. Everyone that gets to the stage of seriously contemplating divorce eventually do - question is how long can you kick the can and how screwed are you going to be by family Court. In a couple of years - she’s going to be in her 50s with almost no job experience for 20yrs so you better believe you’re getting hit with lifetime alimony. So wait a few years and you can kiss your early retirement goodbye. You’ll be slaving away to give her 50% of your paycheck f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 07:48 PM
4

Absolutely no way you should sign that. No way. Basically you are being made to give her an unspecified amount of time to refinance. Your equity could be locked in for years costing you 5-10% a year by not having the money now to invest in the markets while she gets a 0% loan. Oh yeah and say she can’t get refinanced for 3yrs and your house appreciates - you provided a 0% loan, lost out on investment gains, and lose out on any house appreciation. Do not give more than 6months for her to refinanc…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/21 09:19 PM
12

The higher earning spouse subsidizes the lower earning spouse, in marriage and divorce. The more capable spouse does most of the child rearing, chores, etc while the spouse that gets more stressed out easily just complains. The spouse that knows how to save and invest for retirement gets to split it with the spouse who spends it all on clothes and shoes. The spouse with no debt gets to direct income towards paying down debt incurred by their spouse. It goes on and on. Poster is spot on here.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/21 12:40 AM
4

Joint legal custody and minimum 30% physical custody - 50/50 is ideal but 30% gives significant time that it will be impossible for her to move away. If she gets 100% physical custody - say goodbye to your kids. It won’t matter if she promises to let you see them or promises not to move - the second you sign away physical custody - she can withhold the kids and move. NO judge will prevent a parent with 100% custody of the kids from moving - they will view the best interest of the custodian paren…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 02:49 PM
5

Scenario A would be the starting point. Not to get too technical but in scenario B you are already taking half of your pre-marital assets by dividing 1mil by 2 ($125k) and then subtracting the full amount of the your pre-marital assets again ($250k) from her half. So you’re taking way too much in scenario B and end up with $500K more than she does when your pre-marital assets are only $250k. A lawyer would advise you not to do a lump sum alimony payment unless you get a discount. A straight face…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 08:06 PM
11

Knowing all the stories here on how men get screwed by the Courts - why would you risk it by not filing ASAP to make sure you don’t hit 10yrs in California. The cards are going to be stacked against you assuming you are the primary breadwinner so why would you give family court any more legal ammunition to screw you over? Do you want even a small possibility of having to write at least 40% of your paycheck for the next 30yrs to her? The stakes are high and you need to take every precaution. Here…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 01:03 PM
1

No it doesn’t matter what she states in an email. That is not a binding contract and she can change her mind if she wants. If she decides to go after you for half your marital assets - that’s her right. A Judge isn’t going to care at all about that email.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 12:01 PM
2

You can do whatever you want with the money as long as you don’t misrepresent what you did if asked (obviously you can lie to the Courts if you want). One of several things could happen: Her lawyer may ask to see your statements for a year prior to your marriage. Her lawyer may be incompetent and forget to ask you. If you don’t end up divorced for another 2yrs - you might luck out and her lawyer only asks for 1yr of statements. Or she might ask for 2yrs. Unless you intent to lie - you would then…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 03:53 AM
2

She gets half of what you have saved while married. At 5yrs, hard to imagine you could not rebuild. My personal opinion would be to file immediately so you can establish a date when all the assets are yours, pay her half of the 5yrs of retirement accumulation, and move on and rebuilt. Last thing you want is to spend another 3yrs trying to “move” money in a non-conspicuous way, have the Courts find out and then your in the hole for 8yrs of savings accumulation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 03:26 AM
4

False my friend. Women play the “independent woman” and “equal contributor” card to get a ring on their finger and kids. As many men can attest to on this sub - once married - their tune changes to “well since you make enough to bankroll my life and my smaller salary won’t make a difference - I’m going to become a SAH to pursue my interests and be happy. And I’m gonna need your financial support for the rest of my life if we divorce.” On debt - here’s the deal. Mediator said I could give her 50%…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 11:25 AM
1

Yes - Earnings is the main basis of alimony because it determines marital standard of living you need to provide her with post-divorce and ability to pay. But when a Judge/mediator gets their hands on this - they consider everything. Me - alimony shouldn’t be more than x based on my earnings. How it went down: Mediator (ex-Judge) - well your earnings growth potential is higher and you have more pre-marital assets. 10 years out, you’ll be in a much better spot than her so why don’t we add 2yrs to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 04:29 AM
15

Best way is to get a pre-nup that spells out exactly what your pre-marital assets are and that the principal and capital appreciation remains your separate property in the event of a divorce. Then do not comingled these assets post-marriage. However - this still doesn’t mean you can’t get financially screwed. Everything you earn from marriage gets split. If you are a high earner and she is a lower earner - you will owe her alimony regardless of whether you have kids. If you plan to have kids and…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 07:59 PM
1

Get your own lawyer. Most cases involving custody, a house that needs to be split, and alimony obligations are not simple and you need a lawyer. Yes - you will be on the hook for alimony and child support. It’s not your problem whether she can afford everything and yes, she needs to get a job eventually but that isn’t your issue to figure out. She isn’t incentivized to get a job now because then her alimony would be lower so don’t waste your breath. You just need to worry about whether you can a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 01:39 PM
1

These are tough circumstances. You should get a free lawyer consultant to understand the financial consequences of a divorce now vs 5yrs. IANAL but these would be the issues to bring up: With 6 kids - that is a lot of child support you would need to be paying. What is the age of emancipation in your State? If it’s 18 - you might be better off waiting 3-5yrs so that 2-3 of your kids would not need child support. Although a 7yr marriage is considered short - my guess is with 6 children and a 1yr o…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/21 01:26 PM
1

Hard to say without more details. These are the practical considerations: How long have you been married? If you haven’t hit any milestones yet - getting our sooner could save money in the long-run. What is your current salary vs. your salary as a trucker? Lower salary in trucking means you should wait to file. Does your wife plan to go back to work anytime soon? If there’s a near-term plan, better to wait. A “long-term” plan needs to be weighed against increasing your alimony length. How old ar…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 09:45 PM
0

Absolutely do not use a flat rate attorney. They are incentivized to do the least amount of work for you - that means they are going to rush you into signing a deal to get you off their case load without regard for whether you get a good deal or not. Pay for an hourly attorney. Find one that you believe will be competent and you feel good about and pay their rate. I opted for a cheaper lawyer and then had to switch to the more expensive one I initially wanted to go. My more expensive lawyer got …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 07:46 PM
10

No one would ever tell a woman to give their abuser another chance. No parent would house their daughter’s abuser. Once is all it takes for a woman to be told “once an abuser, always an abuser.” But we are told to “get over it”, “it’s not a big deal,” “she didn’t mean it,” “she can change” because men getting abused is treated like it’s not a “real” thing. Screw that. No one deserves to be abused and you don’t owe her a second chance. Put yourself first and leave her ass.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 11:58 AM
2

Check your State laws. In my State - the separation date went by filing date - not the date I moved out despite having a lease documenting the move out day years before filing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 02:24 PM
1

The best way to protect yourself if you are a high earned is NOT to get married. Even if you got away with this - you’d still shelling out hundreds of thousands in child support and alimony. Your retirement accounts will still get split. Seriously - just don’t do it - biggest mistake of my life. To your specific question - yes, you could potentially get away with this. Could you consistently withdraw money to help a family member during the marriage, mention it to your wife (and get written ackn…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 02:13 PM
6

Big mistake. 14yrs of marriage, 3 young kids where you have been the primary caretaker and her making six figures to your substitute teacher pay? That is a lot of alimony and child support you are leaving on the table. Go after what is legally yours. If the roles were reverse - she would absolutely have gone after you for alimony and child support. 99.99% of all women in your shoes would go after alimony and child support with the full backing of family law, her family and friends, and society i…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 03:23 AM
3

Do NOT take a second job before the divorce: 1) For a 20yr+ marriage in California - assume you will be paying alimony for a long time. Even a small increase in your alimony due to this second job - say $300/month extra is $36k post-tax money over 10yrs. That will probably offset the extra take-home income that you will receive this year. Oh yeah - and half of the income you pocket from this second job next year goes to her in division of assets. 2) In my State, separation date was filing date. …
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 08:29 PM
8

1) Get a divorce now - at 6yrs and no assets - you will take a small hit but alimony won’t be too bad. California is one of the worst states to get a divorce if you are the primary breadwinner so manage your risk. The longer you stay married - the more alimony you owe once you divorce. At 10yrs, lifetime alimony is on the table. Unless you want to be cutting her a check for 60% of your paycheck for the next 10-15yrs -get out now. 2) Check your State laws but in some cases - if you are consistent…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 11:29 AM
3

You need a lawyer who is familiar with your State but generally: 1) Many States default to 50/50 on child custody. My ex was a SAH for 10yrs+ and was told I am entitled to 50/50 as a starting point. 2) After 10yrs of marriage and her being a SAH for the duration of that - most States would consider that a long-term marriage where alimony is required. The length and amount of alimony may differ depending on State but hard to imagine a State where you wouldn’t be responsible for alimony. I’m in a …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 01:11 PM
3

You shouldn’t be ambivalent about divorce. If she were smart - she should drag this marriage out for another 5yrs to hit the 10yr mark for your marriage where it will be considered “long-term” , remain a SAH during this period, tell the Judge she has been out of work for a very long time and needs half your paycheck in alimony for another 10yrs, wait until you are able to build assets so her threat of bankrupting you both in divorce leads you to sign over 90% of your assets. Here’s the deal - at…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 05:23 AM
1

Is the offer 20k less equity in exchange for 20k less 401k? At equal exchange - you are better off taking the money upfront because the house equity is post-tax and 401k is pre-tax. You take the 20k and put it in the same ETFs your retirements are currently and it will yield you more than the 401k at retirement. If the offer is to exchange at 70c per dollar to account for the tax issue which is how it should be - so she pays you 20k less in home equity but gives up 30k in your retirement funds -…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 11:26 PM
2

Most states say inheritance regardless of whether it was inherited during the marriage is separate. Some exceptions such as if you were to have put significant time/additional capital into increasing the value of the property during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 08:28 PM
3

The lawyer community often knows each other - they know which ones are mill lawyers who are just there for a paycheck and won’t fight for their clients - those are the ones opposing lawyers steamroll. Sounds like your wife’s lawyer knows she has the upper hand and this is the most your lawyer can get for you. At this point - you are going to trial for 50-50. The status quo isn’t getting you there so you either: 1) switch lawyers so the opposing side knows your serious and bring them back to the …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 04:05 PM
2

Get out now before there are kids and when your alimony obligations are minimal. Here’s the alternative - you stay - couple more years, have a kid, stay longer for the kid, have another kid and end up staying another 10yrs. Eventually get a divorce because it’s inevitable. Hand over half of everything you saved for the next 10yrs, pay child support for the next 18yrs and hand over 50% of your paycheck in alimony for the next 10-15yrs since her working for minimal wage means she’s likely to be th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 03:32 AM
3

I consulted with other lawyers while engaged with my first lawyer - I framed it as “I am looking to switch lawyers” not “I want a second opinion.” Some offer to be a consultant to the case vs the primary lawyer. Check your state laws. In my State - income imputation goes by prior three years with the year you file counting. So if you filed Jan 1, 2021 - this year counts as part of your income calculation hence your current salary. If the divorce drags into next year - next year typically would n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:03 PM
3

NJ usually defaults to 50/50. Fight for that unless you just want to be a every other weekend dad. Ex tried to push this schedule on me - mediator told her the starting position is I am entitled to 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 12:13 PM
3

Get a lawyer ASAP. File before she can take the kids overseas. Once she takes them - you are in for a tough road bringing them back. Read the criteria your State gives for permitting overseas relocation. One of them usually is involvement in your child’s life so establish as many overnights as possible upon separation. In my State, since I established 50% overnights during our separation period - the Judge basically told my ex to drop her relocation request because there was no way she could ens…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/21 10:57 PM
4

Hope you don’t have kids with her or ever divorce then - if she’s capable of withholding her kids from their dad and playing dirty before - she will again. A woman’s true colors come out in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 11:45 PM
3

To be brutally honest - assuming your dating bracket is the late 20s/early 30s - a woman in that age bracket willing to date a married man who hasn’t filed for divorce with a toddler likely has a lot of baggage herself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 10:11 PM
2

Dude - tell her you sign the house over when you get the funds. Give her a definitely time frame. Period. If not, say then the house gets sold and we split the proceeds. Tell her to chose between the two options you are giving her. The third option of signing over now and getting the money later doesn’t exist. Negotiation is a game of chicken. Know your leverage and know when to stay firm. You have all the leverage right now because the alternative of selling the house and splitting is worst for…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 04:56 PM
3

Do you have a lawyer? You should find out what, if any, financial implications this has on you. Does she work? Do you expect to be paying her alimony? What has been your last several years of income? Is this job paying you significantly above that? Do you think you can reasonably make this salary going forward or is this a one-time thing because she will pin you on this salary if you owe her alimony. Just know, depending on how long you’re married, whether you owe alimony, etc - this could be yo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 12:21 AM
3

You don’t “win” or “stand” up for yourself by jumping up and down trying argue your point and convince her that she is wrong. You lose when you do that. That’s her exerting power over you to get you to engage, defend, justify. For a narcissist- that is exactly what she wants. You “win” when you act like you don’t have anything to prove to her. You win when you are confident and secure in your parenting decisions and rights as a dad to inform your ex with nothing more than what necessary - “I’m d…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 10:49 PM
14

No kids, no assets, no alimony? Get the hell out. Otherwise - pay all the bills while she chills with a part time job, cut out all your friends, have kids with her (then you really would be screwed), then divorce in 10yrs when you will be handing over half of everything you saved, handing over a lot of alimony for a long time, and handing over child support for a long time. Also instead of being single 29yr old making good buck when your dating options are wide open - you’ll be a middle age sing…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 12:23 AM
4

Do you want to risk losing your kids, your house, and having to write big checks to her? You need to file yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 12:16 AM
2

The chances you don’t have to pay alimony? Very high since you both make the same and the marriage is short at 5yrs. The chances you don’t have to pay child support if you get 50/50? Pretty high if your pays are the same. The chances you get 50/50 custody? Question for your lawyer The Houses - you are entitled to half the equity in those houses. Have her buy you out of one or both of the houses if she wants to keep them. Then have her refinance you off the mortgage. If she doesn’t want to keep t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 12:10 AM
3

Your starting position is everything you are entitled to: - Child support per guidelines - this is your right and not an ask. This is not something she “compromises” on so now you compromise something else. - Ask for alimony - on paper, you would be entitled to it. Maybe in trial a Judge might look at your earnings capacity and say you don’t need it. But your starting negotiation stance needs to be everything you are entitled to on paper so you can “compromise” this for something else. Do not go…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 11:58 PM
1

Fight the relocation - tell her and your lawyer this is a red line. I went through a relocation case in NJ - it is a very high barrier to get relocation. She has to prove this is in the best interest of the child - she (and you) would need to hire profession evaluators, prove the schooling is better, prove the jobs are better, etc. You can easily spend a hundred thousand dollars trying to prove your relocation case and most likely still lose which is why my ex eventually dropped it. I am not sur…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 11:35 PM
1

Yes - in negotiations you can agree to a lump sum buyout of alimony. A lawyer will often tell you not to give a lump sum as alimony payment because alimony stops if she remarries and you are effectively losing that optionality by paying her in full upfront. If your alimony length is short and you are very sure she will not remarry - that is usually when a buyout may make sense. Also, money today is more valuable than money paid out over several years so you want a discounted amount on any lump s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 03:16 PM
3

This is generally what would happen - again as others have said, could be different depending on state: House, vehicles, stuff - Split the marital portion in half. If neither want the houses - selling and splitting the proceeds is what happens. If she wants to keep one house with x equity, you would get an equivalent amount in other assets (second house, cash, etc). 401k - Marital portion of both your and her 401k gets split. If it’s all from the marriage, you both get half of the combined total…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 03:41 AM
1

As others have said - do not listen to your ex! What she wants is not your concern anymore. Get a lawyer ASAP. Do not leave the home without your lawyer’s approval and a custody schedule in place. Once you have retained and consulted a lawyer - tell her you are staying in the house. The kids are staying in the house. She is welcomed to move out and find a new place and you with your lawyer will work with her on a temporary custody schedule that will allow the kids to spend time at her new place …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 04:25 PM
7

If the house is the main issue - go to trial - there is significant amount of money at stake here - 134k just in your half of the appreciation alone which will be a lot higher than legal fees to go to trial. You have a strong case that this is community property. A judge will likely order it sold and proceeds split. There’s a chance you won’t even go to trial - as the trial date gets closer, you’d be surprised by how quickly unfair positions get dropped. Regarding your lawyer - if you do not hav…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 04:36 PM
3

Marital assets get split. Her getting an inheritance is hers and in the eyes of the Court, doesn’t mean she is less deserving of half the marital assets that were accumulated by both people just because some third party relative left her a large sum of money. Now - if she were to go after you for alimony, you can argue that her inheritance needs to be considered when considering her actual needs of support from you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 03:17 AM
8

Are you asking whether a mother can take her kids out of the home after she “left” them? The short answer is yes - absent you physically restraining her or your children from leaving the house - if she wanted to force the issue, there isn’t much you could do to stop her. Now - you could continue to withhold the kids and hope she doesn’t force the issue until you can file. As the poster said - if you are concerned about her relocating the kids, file for divorce ASAP so you can get custody arrange…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 04:37 PM
2

You need to make a move ASAP. You have to pay alimony for sure - just a matter of how long. Filing before 10yrs is ideal where there’s still some ambiguity on whether that is considered long-term. Once your marriage hits 10yrs and inches towards 15yrs - with a SAH and a young kid? Forget it and be prepared to hand over a lot of money for a long time unless she has any ability and willingness to get back to work at a decent salary over the next year. If not, the best way to protect yourself from …
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 02:09 AM
1

How long have your been married? If it’s a short marriage - the best preparation is to file ASAP. Your wife as a SAH will be entitled to half of all marital assets and alimony in addition to child support. Staying married for say another 3yrs is another 3yrs they can get you on alimony length, any pay increases you get will increase your alimony payment and you are splitting anything you earning as you keep waiting. I’m assuming your a young dude so quitting your job to get out of alimony isn’t …
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 01:22 AM
0

No you should not tell them. Do not dump your issues and trauma stemming from your marriage on your kids at this age. Speak to a therapist if you are not sure but many would say not to. One day, the truth may come out and they will be older and in a position to understand it all but why have the kids carry the burden of “my mom cheated on my dad” vs “mom and dad weren’t right for each other”.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 05:21 PM
2

Because the system is rigged to benefit lawyers. The problem is at the beginning of the process - you have no idea what to look for in a lawyer - you get a 30min consultation to interview someone - most people applying for jobs go through rounds of interviews. Initially you put faith in your lawyer thinking they are the lawyers right - until you realize they really have no clue about the nuances of your case. It’s really only later in the process when you do your own work that you have a better …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 07:44 PM
14

Absolutely - #8 is a huge pitfall. Most lawyers are just average pushing a rule of thumb settlement. You still need to do all the heavy lifting - read up on your state statutes, important cases relevant to any issues so you know what information to feed your lawyer. They may tell you it’s irrelevant but better you bring up anything you think will help you than have it slip through the cracks. Do your own alimony proposal calculation using statutory guidelines, tax considerations, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 04:30 AM
3

Your odds are no better waiting. 50/50 - same chances. Child support - you pay less mandated child support duration if you wait and they are older but as the sole provider - you are providing all their finances now regardless of whether you are writing a check to the ex. Alimony - here’s where you have a much better shot getting off with less time than waiting. Wait 10+ yrs with a SAHM? Good luck buddy - they will rape you with alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/21 09:51 PM
7

Stay on top of them. This. Some lawyers are excellent and sharp that they can read your case and understand how to make all your points with little direction from you. Unfortunately, those cost a fortune. Most lawyers are just average - they have a lot of other cases and the mistake men make is thinking having a lawyer is the end all be all. No - you still need to run your own numbers, tell your lawyer your positions and highlight your own talking points to your lawyer. The other thing is most l…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 06:32 PM
3

Never marry someone making a lot less than you. Women don’t marry down on salary pay for a reason and men need to learn how to protect themselves also. When you make more - inevitably it leads to “well - we don’t really my salary. My salary would just go to childcare so it makes sense for me to a SAH right?” Repeat that for multiple kids and 15yrs and then they got you on alimony for the next 15yrs. Makes zero sense. My ex was a teacher - I could’ve lived with paying her alimony to make up the d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 06:33 PM
9

Two options - quit your job, document your efforts to find a job, take a low paying job if it’s available, wait 3yrs and take your chances in Court. If that’s not feasible - then international it is.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 11:22 AM
1

Why spend the only life you have in an uphappy and unfulling marriage. Sounds like you made up your mind but just cannot pull the trigger. My advice - pull the trigger now. Divorce is inevitable - just a matter of whether you want to take a financial hit now or be financially decimated later while wasting another 10yrs of your life being unhappy. In my case - I was at the 8yr mark when I started contemplating a divorce. I knew there was no way we would be together after the kids were out of the …
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 03:08 AM
10

Prenups are useless against a SAHM. Judges don’t care - they will give her half your marital assets even if she contributed nothing and make you pay alimony. The only protection against this is: 1) do not marry, 2) do not marry anyone that wants to be a SAH, 3) do not let your wife become a SAH, and 4) if she unilaterally decides to be a SAH, tell her she has 3 months to get a job or you will file for divorce. And actually follow through. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 09:57 PM
3

Yeah what was OP thinking? Hope it’s not in writing anywhere that he is looking to retire and the judge takes that as voluntary. NEVER discuss finances with your ex - go to your lawyer - this could be a half million dollar mistake for OP. Be smart people. A Court/Judge is not going to “assume” a different future for you based on your medical conditions. They need hard facts that your situation is now different from when the support order was made - which is why the poster’s advice is sound. If y…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 01:06 PM
5

File ASAP. Your divorce should be clean. I wouldn’t put alimony at more than 1yr if even that for a 3yr marriage. All the “rule of thumb” alimony calculations put any alimony at a couple hundred dollars a month since your salaries are so close. But don’t delay your filing - the faster you file, the better it will be for you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 07:42 PM
8

SAHMs also make things HARDER for you not easier. Why? Because in order to justify their existence and self worth - they need to make parenting and housework the most complicated difficult tasks in the world. Hours spent planning some unnecessary trip for the kids or extravagant birthday for the kids or new decorations for the house. They lose touch of the real world and don’t have a clue what real stress looks like. Instead they stress out over these unnecessary things and complain about the “e…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:22 PM
7

Don’t marry someone earning a lot less than you. They inevitably become the life-long SAH because “your salary is enough for the family and mine would just go to childcare anyway.” Don’t let your wife quit a decent job to be a SAH. One way ticket to lifetime alimony because more likely than not - they are NOT going back to work even after the kids are grown. If a woman says she wants to be a SAH - by all means, keep dating her but take marriage off the table unless you want to end up handing ove…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 02:07 AM
2

If you are paying all the expenses - what is your wife doing with her earnings? Is she saving it? Check with a lawyer but in the States once you file - any additional assets are no longer considered marital. So if after you file, you are paying your joint expenses like a mortgage that you both benefit from and she is saving - you wouldn’t be able to claim any of her savings post filing so you are screwing yourself a bit. You are suppose to maintain status quo on bills but you have a good case to…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 01:40 AM
2

So you will be paying the mortgage and your rent until she can refinance you while giving her all the equity in the house? Do you have any idea when she might be able to refinance you? This is all a terrible idea. Either she is able to refinance you relatively quickly or if you don’t think she can, you sell the house. Tell her she has this separation period of 1yr to get her income level up to refinance you or else it goes on sale. Otherwise you’re on the hook for the mortgage, your credit will …
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 04:39 AM
2

You aren’t ruining her. If the house has appreciated 200k in 2yrs - she gets to walk away with 100k profit. Trust me - she isn’t going to be “ruined” and unlike you, doesn’t sound like she gives a crap about whether you would be ruined walking away with just 8K so not sure why you feel the need to martyr yourself. Go after what you are legally entitled too - your future self will thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 12:32 AM
6

It sucks but the silver lining is you saw her true colors before you could’ve been really screwed. The cost was a couple years of you supporting her but you are young and will be able to rebuild your finances. Better than her using you to have kids, become a SAH because she didn’t want to work, handing half your retirement funds at 45 and then having to pay alimony for another 10yrs. That really would’ve been wasting your life. I would’ve gladly swapped places with you and killed to have my ex d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 08:13 PM
3

Divorce is always tough and hard but your situation is what most guys dream of - short 2yr marriage, no kids, no child support or custody to deal with, no SAH/alimony situation and assuming you are relatively young. Only the house to sort through. Count yourself lucky compared to most others on this post. Divorce quickly, cut contact, move on and live your best life.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 07:14 PM
4

That’s pretty dumb and I’ve never heard of that - don’t include that. First - this is the whole point of divorce - you alone get to decide what type of relationship your new partner should have with your kids. It’s also not well thought out: - What if one person doesn’t have a new partner - is the other person not allowed to bring their partner ever? - What if your kids have a great relationship with your partner and wants them to attend and has a terrible relationship with wife’s new partner an…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 02:40 PM
4

Now that you know your ex isn’t going to be reasonable about this - get a lawyer ASAP. Stop negotiating with her and go through lawyers. Asset split is simple in a community property state- you both get half of marital assets. She can take the house but she has to buy you out with other assets - usually retirement plans with tax adjustments. If she can’t buy you out - you can sell the house and split the proceeds or you can negotiate a lower/eliminate alimony (although lawyers don’t recommend sw…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 01:54 AM
46

Yes you being a dumbass. She is a grown adult who chose to have two kids - that means she’s responsible for getting her shit together in order to financially provide for her kids too. Stop enabling her - you are not doing your kids or yourself any favors by perpetuating this behavior. Pay your court order child support and let her figure out the rest. If she goes homeless - file for full custody. You’ll be surprised by how fast she gets her shit together when your not paying for everything.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 01:37 AM
2

Is there a reason why you cannot file now and stop the clock on the marriage? Then get a side gig after (although she and her lawyer will still absolutely try to go after this money if discovery comes after you get the side gig bc they will ask for your recent pay stubs) but that’s better than making more money during the marriage and prior to filing. The fact that it can lead to a permanent job with higher pay is exactly what could make it so that you pay off this higher base. And if this happe…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 10:45 AM
3

Check with your lawyer. It depends on your state as some use last 3yrs. But it’s just not smart because she and her lawyer will absolutely try to go after this extra money as permanent salary - which is an additional cost. So if you win - you’ll make 50k pre-tax mire this year. If you lose this - you will be paying an additional 2K/month post-tax or 24K extra a year plus child support is calculated off the higher amount and costs for the lawyers to fight this issue. If you are paying alimony for…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 12:27 AM
14

She wants you to propose within the next year so <2yrs of dating? And you are only 1.5yrs out of marriage and she is <1yr out? And she wants kids but is willing to “compromise” if you marry her? Dude - does this sound like a smart idea? Call her bluff and tell her to take a hike.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 04:18 AM
1

I personally wouldn’t recommend staying until all the kids are 18. At that point - I’m guessing you will be married 20+ yrs and she will be in her mid/late 40s with no job experience for 20+yrs? Yeah chances of lifetime alimony would be pretty decent at that point. In theory - you can quit your job and try to get a lower paying one for the next 3yrs. The issue is if she files before that - they will look at your income history and impute a higher amount. Judges could also rule you are underemplo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 10:44 PM
1

At 3yrs of marriage - get out sooner rather than later. You’ll have to pay child support if you legally adopted the child but alimony length would be nothing. You should get off easy on alimony length - probably no more than 18months at most. She should get assessed at the full time job salary. Obviously check with a lawyer - but I wouldn’t bother getting to cute by trying to get your salary differences closer if that means staying another 3-5yrs. That’s just adding more alimony years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 09:55 PM
3

Check with a lawyer - here’s the math between your two options: 1) File ASAP - figure out how many years of alimony at 13yrs you will be paying x alimony amount at your current income differential. If you were separated 1.5yrs ago but didn’t file - that’s extra alimony you will be paying every year you wait. 2) Wait 3yrs and “trade down” in job to establish a lower income for yourself - some states go back 5yrs but mine went back 3yrs. Then figure out how many years of alimony you will be paying…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 02:09 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter