Tires_For_Licorice Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Divorced Dads who have kids under 5 only. Two questions It’s your responsibility as a father to be a father to your kids and all that entails. You don’t have to care about their mom, but depending on age part of your responsibility is to help provide for their care about their mom. They love their mom, and you should encourage that and provide for their ability to express that. It’s not you buying her a gift, it’s you providing for them to get her something to express how they feel. As others have said, I don’t think you have to spend money on it, bu…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/04/26 01:12 AM
7	I feel like i'm the villain You’ve gotten some great advice here along the lines of stop being passive, stop labeling yourself as a loser, and start changing these things you don’t like about yourself. You’re not a lazy person - you just make lazy choices. So, if you don’t want to make lazy choices then you need to start making the opposite of lazy choices. But only you know what those are for you. Here’s what I’m going to add that I haven’t seen anyone else answer - start so small that it feels ridiculous. Lots of people …	/r/Divorce_Men	12/01/26 10:24 PM
4	I just want her to admit that she regrets it! So, you need her to feel regret so that you can believe that you weren’t worth being left?? I don’t need my ex to regret a thing to know that she made a terrible choice - and to know that I deserve better treatment and someone who values me as I deserve. This is rooted in either insecurity or unresolved anger slash desire for revenge. Love yourself and let her go. You don’t need anything from her in order to heal and to value yourself well.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 10:23 PM
2	Divorced Men, My wife cheat, we divorced, She’s happy, I’m sad. What is your advice? I read this whole thread, and this is by far the wisest and most emotionally mature response to the OP’s post.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/25 11:37 AM
11	Divorced Men, My wife cheat, we divorced, She’s happy, I’m sad. What is your advice? You’re getting a lot of really unhelpful and simplistic advice from what either sound like immature and emotionally disconnected people - or people who are much, much further down the road in their healing process. You were betrayed by someone you loved and trusted. That hurts, brother. It hurts bad. The cheating wasn’t about you and shouldn’t reflect on you or your self worth - but it still makes us feel like shit, even if it shouldn’t. As others have said, it’s okay to feel sad, and you absolu…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/25 11:37 AM
-6	Men who got walked out on, is it offensive when your STBX says they mourned your marriage during it? My perspective exactly. We’ll enjoy our downvotes together. Nobody on either sub seems ready for the “two-sides” stance. I think it takes a measure of acceptance and moving on that many have not achieved yet in order to get here.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/25 05:19 PM
-6	Men who got walked out on, is it offensive when your STBX says they mourned your marriage during it? Some people absolutely deserve to be walked out on. I have zero doubt that plenty of people in this sub and the divorce sub come on here claiming they were blindsided when the reality is they were too self-centered and abusive to be able to hear or recognize their partner’s suffering and requests for change. I’m sure it’s not everyone and probably not even most. But there are definitely people who treat their partners terribly and deserve to be left. My point in response to your post was just th…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/25 05:16 PM
1	Men who got walked out on, is it offensive when your STBX says they mourned your marriage during it? What you’ve said is true about any partner who left and any partner who was left. The one who leaves has always been thinking about it and processing their disappointment with life much longer, and the partner who was left begins that process much later. Whether or not it’s men more often than women in one role or the other I can’t say, and I haven’t looked into any actual research that could say. Similar to “men take ownership more often” - that is such an obvious generality that I personally c…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/25 05:06 PM
-4	Men who got walked out on, is it offensive when your STBX says they mourned your marriage during it? I’ll prob get downvoted for this like I have a time or two before for posting a similar take. Every single person in this world constructs reality for themselves based on their own narratives. We can talk about whose point of view most closely aligns to “the facts” or some sort of weird concept of what might be considered “reality” - but at the end of the day, each person’s perspective is real for them. If an ex “grieved” a marriage in a fantasy reality they created for themselves, that grieving…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/25 04:29 PM
4	Lovebombing, sex, and attn, oh my! Until it’s not Man, I don’t know. I’ve always been the type of person who pretty quickly figures out how to accept and adjust to circumstances without getting too hung up on my own narratives and feelings about it. So, when the divorce (after the betrayal of affairs by my partner, preying on my desire for reconciliation to ensure she gets primary custody of our kids, etc) caused everything in my world to come crashing down I found myself staring at two possible lives ahead of me: 1) I become a lonely, angry, b…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/25 02:57 PM
3	Lovebombing, sex, and attn, oh my! Until it’s not I agree. I definitely think it’s worth trying again, but at the same time I’m currently fine if I never do because I’ve arrived at a place where I’m happy with myself by myself and can enjoy life as it is. But I do still believe in trust and commitment in a relationship. So, we’ll see. I’m nowhere near putting myself out there on any dating sites. But I’m open to trying again if I happen to meet the right person. Good luck to you!	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/25 02:46 PM
5	Lovebombing, sex, and attn, oh my! Until it’s not This is my #1 fear about getting back into a relationship post-divorce. I have fought too damn hard to grow in my emotional and mental security and maturity to risk losing it on someone who hasn’t done the same. I know myself - and I can be a bit of a hopeless romantic. I am scared that I will not put up appropriate boundaries and fall for some sort of love bombing shit like this. Thank you for this cautionary tale of your experience.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/25 02:21 PM
7	Why the fuck would anyone get married again? Because other people have had different experiences than yours in marriage and in life in general that lead them to have different experience, different perspectives, different values, different priorities, different desires, and different social pressures.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/09/25 05:09 PM
14	My wife is whoring around OP - I had a similar situation. Pleeease trust me - it’s not about you at all. I understand why you would feel emasculated, but it has nothing to do with your desirability or sexual ability or even your performance as a husband or man. It’s not about you - it’s about what’s going on inside her. I’m my case there were several factors that contributed to the sexting and hookups: She made a comment not long before I found out about everything that because we got married so young she felt like she “…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/08/25 11:47 AM
21	How did you make sense of her walking away after years together? Sorry, brother. There’s a good bit to unpack in your message: 1) Moving on and grieving loss and betrayal is hard, and it looks different and takes longer/shorter for different people. It’s a process, but generally speaking the process is shorter the more directly and constantly you “work” the process of grieving. This can involve therapy, journaling, feeling, distracting yourself by having fun when you need to come up for air from the grief, etc. Give yourself grace, but make sure you are inten…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/08/25 11:50 AM
1	Almost divorced and wife is not moving a finger to save it Brother, I really appreciate you taking extra time to extend understanding to me, and I appreciate the time you took to give me more context for your story. I probably should have just kept my comment to myself. I’m sure you are doing your best to understand. When everything blew up in my circumstance I was desperate for answers too. Such a huge trauma requires that we make some sense out of it. That understanding will likely take you years to begin to gain, but don’t stop trying. I def feel you…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/25 09:39 PM
2	Almost divorced and wife is not moving a finger to save it Of course not. There are no excuses for cheating, and I was not talking about excusing, explaining, or even understanding the cheating. Your post was about not being able to understand why she is “not lifting a finger” to save the marriage. I just came to say that if we don’t understand something, it is always because we don’t understand it and usually not because it doesn’t make any kind of rational sense. There are reasons your wife is not reacting or responding to the separation/divorce the w…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/25 05:39 PM
0	Almost divorced and wife is not moving a finger to save it My post was not about excusing or even explaining the cheating. Cheating was not what the OP was writing about. See the title again.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/25 05:36 PM
-6	Almost divorced and wife is not moving a finger to save it This is most likely not the response you want. But first I’d like to take a second to say I did not want the divorce even though my ex is the one who had multiple affairs. We also have two young kids. So, what I’m about to say comes from someone who has experienced a lot of betrayal (more than just affairs) from their spouse who is unrepentant and unapologetic. I understand you are hurting and angry, and it sounds like you have every right to feel that way. You are in the thick of the grieving p…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/25 04:38 PM
5	How to navigate daughter meeting ex wife's new boyfriend? Mostly a. It’s none of your business. Literally none. EXCEPT if you feel like there is the chance for actual harm to your daughter. So, you can certainly ask questions - but unless you want to hire a private investigator, you’re just going to have to take your ex’s word for it. I don’t say this lightly - there was very OBVIOUS overlap in my case. My ex is still with one of multiple AP’s - but do your best to get over it. It’s only going to ruin your own peace and joy and happiness. She’s not you…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/25 09:38 PM
2	To the divorced men out there(me in my 20s ) Yes, as someone else has already mentioned there are two flaws with your outlook, and those are 1) people change over time, and 2) people make free choices. You could have the perfect marriage candidate under all of these points and two things could or would still happen: 1) Life and time slowly changes that partner to be in a different state emotionally, mentally, financially, and to want different goals and have different priorities than they had before. It’s not a question of IF change will h…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/25 01:23 PM
26	To those whose marriages ended because of an affair, Honestly, even if my ex doesn’t suffer, it’s her loss, and I’m going to live my best life no matter what. I don’t need her to suffer in order to feel justified that she made a mistake and I deserve(d) someone better. As someone else said, “The best revenge is living well.”	/r/Divorce_Men	14/07/25 10:33 PM
4	Putting in the work - Still feel frozen OP - I’m sorry. I had a therapist one time remark that life is like a spiral. It’s not exactly cyclical like coming back to the same place, but as you make forward progress you often find yourself coming back to similar issues/spaces emotionally in new contexts and at new levels. It sounds like what you’re processing is totally normal and understandable. I can’t really offer a solution other than just trying to make steps forward as you feel you are ready. Just because you’ve “done all the steps…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/25 12:21 PM
2	Why do divorced men feel as if they have less responsibility with kids after divorce? Wait…so after her single experience, she wants to know why “all divorced men” are like this? I’m guessing she’s heard from a small handful of people who have had similar experiences. But still….how many hundreds of thousands or millions of divorced dads either do equal parenting or are the more responsible and present parent of the two?? I for one will never pass up a single opportunity to spend with my kids outside of our schedule. I don’t care how last minute or inconvenient it is. Spending ex…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/06/25 09:52 PM
6	Not sure how to keep going OP - I do not say this lightly, but it can get much much better. And it is 100% possible for you to have a long, extremely happy future where at some point in the far future you’ll just remember that you felt sad back then. You already have some great perspective on what’s best for your child right now that will help you move forward. I don’t hear many people on this or the r/divorce sub talk about what I’m going to say. Everybody always jump to the “how” and the steps of what to do and not do. …	/r/Divorce_Men	11/06/25 05:00 PM
4	Best books for post-divorce advice for men? I found “Living and Loving After Betrayal” by Steven Stosny helpful. If you’ve never read “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend, that’s a good one too - although not specifically about divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/06/25 03:16 PM
18	How to let her go and move on I’m divorced for almost a year and a half, two and a half years since separation. We have two young daughters, and I didn’t want the divorce - although it probably was for the best. That’s my context. It IS a grieving process. You are grieving the loss of a lot of things - the friend you had, the love you used to have or thought you had, the dreams of the future, some of your desires for your kids lives and future, probably a certain level of “failure” that something you attempted and cared abou…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/03/25 08:11 PM
12	Separated since Easter '24. Missing daughter on days I don't have her. I'm drowning, please Help. OP - I’m so sorry for what you’re struggling through. My ex was the only one who wanted the divorce, and I still remember the last night I read our 2yo daughter books before bed time. After reading, I rocked her in my lap like always until she got tired enough. I tried to stifle my tears, and then I had to watch her decide she was ready for bed, climb down off my lap and crawl into her bed knowing that she had no idea that was the last night we would do that together. It was the worst experience…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/03/25 01:53 PM
3	Hey guys, I'm newly divorced, and she always insisted on doing the cooking. Any ideas for quick, easey, and healthy meal prep for the week? Preferably on the affordable side. I'm nit opposed to crock pots at all OP - just want to congratulate you. I feel like a lot of men would a) be too embarrassed to ask this question and/or b) not care about actually learning how to make quality meals for themselves. Way to go for actually caring and having the balls to ask. Divorce is hard and terrible BUT it provides enormous opportunities to grow and become stronger/better as a person. You will gain so much pride and confidence in something so seemingly insignificant as learning to cook for yourself. Personally, I…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/03/25 12:11 PM
10	Just Let It Go, What the Fuck Does That Mean - a guide This is a great guide. I’m 2.5 years post separation, a little over one year post divorce. Here’s what helped me the most, only re-emphasizing what OP already shared: 1) Your mindset controls your reality and your destiny. Step #1 is to decide for yourself that you not only want to survive, but that you will do whatever you need to do so that you can live your best life. “But my best life is with her” - clearly it is not anymore. What will your best and happiest life be now and in the future? Yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/25 10:20 PM
3	What was the point when you realised "everything is going to be OK"? When you said “she didn’t like her life” - I think that’s a big part of it, probably for most people who divorce. We were young when we got married, and my XW more than me (I have come to realize) didn’t think much about the choices she was making and just “went with it”. But I think we are fundamentally very different in some major core values. We COULD have learned to compromise and stay together, but she reached a point where a) she didn’t want to put that work in, b) didn’t want to compromis…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/25 11:51 PM
3	What was the point when you realised "everything is going to be OK"? In my opinion, yes and no. Here’s how I currently understand it: 1) A spouse has decided for a variety of reasons they want to leave. “Abuse” is a broad and vague enough story that anyone can find evidence to support an abuse claim that nobody but a counselor/therapist would push back on. I don’t think most are intentionally making anything up, I think they honestly have decided for themselves that this or that behavior constitutes “abuse” and justifies the exit they wanted anyway. 2) There’s SO…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/25 10:50 PM
13	What was the point when you realised "everything is going to be OK"? My ex insisted on a separation literally out of the blue and started throwing around emotional abuse allegations literally out of nowhere. She claimed she wanted to try and reconcile, and I naively agreed. A week or two after I left the house I discovered she had been having multiple affairs. Again she insisted she wanted to reconcile, and she claimed she had cut off contact with the most recent guy. My head was spinning because literally nothing she was saying to me about our relationship made …	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/25 08:33 PM
16	Nobody knows the pain of divorce I’m so sorry these people that you thought were more concerned and connected to you turned out not to be. I had a somewhat similar experience. At the risk of being downvoted here, I read through the comments and I feel like some balance to the perspective is in order from someone who is a few years down the road from separation and divorce: 1) Someone going through a divorce does not equal someone having a medical procedure done or going into the hospital. First, the medical circumstance is usua…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/02/25 01:28 PM
10	Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again. Like me? Or…I make sure I do my best to make sure I find someone who has fought hard to build up their emotional health and maturity, to know and own their baggage, and to heal from their story. I’m an adult, and I’m not desperate for a relationship. There are ways to identify baggage and emotional unhealth and avoid them. What you’re saying means that no woman should consider me for a relationship either. Except they should because I’ve worked really hard to maintain my maturity and mental and …	/r/Divorce_Men	02/02/25 12:56 AM
4	Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again. I don’t consider a relationship - when I’m ready - to be a bad kind of weight. It’s a weight I would welcome. I’m not interested in casual sex or FWB. Definitely enjoying my freedom now, and so I’m not looking for a relationship any time soon. If you mean “weigh yourself down” with a divorced mom, it’s because I think I would have more connection and more life experience in common with a person like that than with someone who’s never had kids or never had the perspective of life post-marriage.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/02/25 12:18 AM
4	Don’t become a stepdad when you already have kids, and don’t get remarried again. I appreciate your story and perspective. Thanks for sharing it. Not ready for a relationship any time soon but was pretty sure I wanted to find a divorced mom who can share perspective with me. Your post def gave me some things to consider for sure.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/25 11:43 PM
2	Lets say you have rock solid proof that your wife cheated with a married man. Do you tell the wife of the AP or keep silent to maintain the peace for the sake of your kids? Hahaha you are being ridiculous, illogical, and presumptive. Talk about assuming how people feel. I was planning on not telling them. In fact, I had found out about the affair a month earlier and only confronted my spouse about it. She said she had stopped it. A month later when I found proof she was still doing it that’s when I started considering telling the APs spouse. At that point I felt like my spouse and the AP weren’t going to stop it, and if I did not say anything to the APs spouse then…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/25 04:52 PM
1	Lets say you have rock solid proof that your wife cheated with a married man. Do you tell the wife of the AP or keep silent to maintain the peace for the sake of your kids? Lol how would I know how they feel unless I told them?! How else are we supposed to make decisions in life if not making our best attempt to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes with incomplete information. Yes, I told based on the golden rule of treating others the way I would want to be treated in absence of any way of finding out how she would feel.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/25 04:03 PM
4	Lets say you have rock solid proof that your wife cheated with a married man. Do you tell the wife of the AP or keep silent to maintain the peace for the sake of your kids? I told the APs spouse for the same reason as the comment above me. I thought about it for a day and ultimately decided that if she knew and I didn’t know that I would wish she had told me. Edit: I went back and re-read the original post, and I agree with those who said to 1) wait until after the divorce is finalized and 2) talk to a lawyer. My divorce settlement had specific language in it about behavior like this. And I told the APs spouse well before divorce or even separation had been filed.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/25 02:29 PM
1	My wife and I simply cannot stop fighting. How to know it's time to divorce? Try a separation where you live apart for a while. Might help you figure things out. At the very least the space helps put a stop to the constant triggering from both of you and let you experience some relief and happiness for a time. It will clear your head.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/01/25 03:08 PM
6	Here is one happening real-time The “monotony” - this didn’t bother me in my marriage because the monotony of married life was exactly what I wanted for starters. BUT one thing I’ve gained from the divorce is coming to peace with the existentialist and/or nihilist outlook that there is nothing in life that will ever permanently chase away that existential dread of “Is this all there is?!” At some point you just have to choose that life is worth living for you for whatever reasons you come up with - and no matter how “exciting”…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/12/24 01:30 AM
5	My wife is a lawyer. A badass one. How to get a divorce without being killed? Talk to an attorney before she even gets a hint of divorce, if the cat is not already out of the bag. My ex talked to an attorney well ahead of time and then lied to me saying she wanted to reconcile (when she really didn’t) so that after a three month period of separation and “working on ourselves” when she filed for separation legally I had been out of the house for 3 months and she won primary custody of our kids. She also manipulated me very early on into sleeping with her (by feigning sorro…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/11/24 01:38 AM
1	Future stepdad I’m with you. My ex is still with her affair partner and now works for him. Lol. I’m amazed she thinks it’s a good idea for herself and her emotional health. I don’t necessarily have a problem with him being around my kids - not that I have any say in the matter, unless I were to find out he was a criminal. He seems to be nice with them and they seem to like him. I have had to work hard to stay in a good place mentally about it and try to accept what is out of my control. But yeah - it’s only a …	/r/Divorce_Men	04/11/24 11:05 PM