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TitubaMoi Archive

View 0 posts and 39 comments by TitubaMoi on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I deal with a lot of anxiety too. Things that help me... - Staying on top of my tasks. I tend to be kind of avoidant, so I put things off until they pile up and I dread them. This can create a lot of background anxiety for me. - Asserting myself. I am working on this one and I'm not very good at it. Basically, trying not to just say yes to everything my extended family wants. Also, expecting more from the kids in terms of behavior and chores. - Exercise. This one helps me a lot. - Meditation and…
/r/RedPillWives04/09/21 06:32 PM
3

I like your question - how can I avoid becoming resentful? I am sure we've all been there. I suppose it helps me to think that I'm making improvements for my OWN sake. Sort of like what the Red Pill guys mean when they talk about outcome independence. I'm disciplining myself for the sake of becoming a better person and glorifying God. That's a good reason for getting up early and cleaning the house, even if your actions don't get you the reaction you want from your husband. I am not saying that …
/r/RedPillWives25/08/21 12:27 AM
8

It sounds like your husband wants you to get everything done AND make it look easy? My husband will often say things like "just leave the dishes" or will urge me to stop tidying and come sit on the couch with him. It's kind of frustrating because then the housework just doesn't get done. My husband doesn't get mad when the house is messy - he really doesn't notice the difference. But his attitude is still unhelpful, frankly. It's like he wants to feel like the house just runs itself. He wants a …
/r/RedPillWives16/08/21 02:32 PM
3

This would be a deal breaker for me too. I also find his method of talking about it, freaking out and texting you because of a family photo, very off-putting. Maybe he has some dark experiences of people with disabilities and he can work through them?
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/21 07:40 PM
1

I meant DH Lawrence's fiction actually! I was thinking especially of his description of coal miners' cottages in Sons and Lovers.
/r/RedPillWives14/08/21 09:39 PM
2

My husband works a lot too. He still likes to hang out and talk together but we have to be intentional and use our time well, if that makes sense! We don't have time for long, meandering chats most days. When he's especially busy and stressed out, he likes to talk about his work a lot - venting, or asking my opinion, or whatever. He will also listen to whatever is going on with me, but he doesn't always remember to ask about my day - I just have to jump in and start telling him. that I feel like…
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 04:27 PM
2

Can you find a way to talk about your interests using less academic language? Academics often have fascinating insights but struggle to communicate them to people who aren't in their world - it's good practice to learn to "translate" your thoughts into ordinary speech. So you can still talk about gentrification and city planning, but maybe just slow it down a little and use more ordinary language. As if you were writing a novel rather than an essay. DH Lawrence writes really accessibly about arc…
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:40 PM
4

I hear you. I have a husband, kids, and a part time job. We also homeschool. I love each part of my life, but I am not getting to spend 15-20 hours focusing intensely on any one thing, and I often feel like I'm doing a mediocre job at a lot of things! It's a constant juggling act. I try to treasure the moments of depth and focus when they come. Most men, to be fair, aren't focusing on something they love either - they're grinding away at jobs to earn money. Even when they have careers they're pa…
/r/RedPillWives12/08/21 07:36 PM
8

It could be that your husband is making those little jokes because he's uncomfortable, or because he wants to snipe at you. It could be that he's just joking because he feels cheerful and proud of having a family. Or, it could be that it means nothing at all. I think you should just let it slide. It sounds like he gave you grace and support while you were struggling. Now you can give him the same!
/r/RedPillWives11/08/21 11:17 PM
2

It's always a good idea to go in for a check up. But it could be that you are just in a bit of a funk - my mom calls it being in a valley. It sounds like you've been pushing yourself on self improvement for a little while and now you are a little burned out. Maybe switch up your exercise routine? Try running outdoors instead of the gym, or sign up for a dance class? And accept that there are always going to be rough patches in life.
/r/RedPillWives11/08/21 06:19 PM
1

When I'm overwhelmed, I sometimes sit down and make a schedule. I approach it the same way I approach making a budget. First, I write down the ways that I ACTUALLY spend my time. I write down everything- how much time I spend cooking, cleaning, commuting, playing on my phone, etc. Then, I write down what I actually want to do with my time. Usually when I write things down, I find I have more time than I'd expected. I keep daily and weekly lists of work deadlines, personal goals, and family goals…
/r/RedPillWives09/08/21 03:17 PM
1

Yeah, I can see that. I feel lucky that I can work from home, and that I'm able to make my own hours. But it isn't easy. It basically means I'm always busy. It also means that my friends are SAHMs - since they're the ones who are around - and I have to really guard against jealousy because they have a lot more leisure than I do. Meanwhile, lots of SAHMs complain about feeling bored and unfulfilled! So I guess there's no perfect solution:)
/r/RedPillWives06/08/21 11:39 PM
1

I'm sorry - I was careless with my words. I certainly didn't mean to call you spoiled and entitled. I don't even think I was spoiled exactly. But I had an unrealistic sense that "success" meant being a SAHM and having lots of leisure.
/r/RedPillWives06/08/21 03:43 PM
2

I can relate to this! My parents also raised me to be a bit spoiled and entitled. It's kind of bizarre because my mom actually wasn't a SAHM, because my parents divorced, but staying at home was always held up as the ideal. I am now a work-from-home mon, which I feel like is pretty good. And it is the life I have chosen. But I get a lot of guilt trips from BOTH parents about how I work too hard.
/r/RedPillWives06/08/21 03:20 PM
2

My husband sometimes likes to provoke me with Unpopular Opinions. I'm with you, OP, I find it irritating. I mostly respond to it with over the top, theatrical shock and horror. "What?? You believe in domestic abuse?? You cad!!" etc. That way I get to express my feelings but it doesn't hurt him. And I don't have to laugh at a joke that isn't funny.
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/21 12:01 AM
14

I think sometimes the admiration can be non-verbal. So you can admire his "superior strength" by gawking at his muscles, or squeezing his biceps, etc. Similar when you want to admire his "sexual capacities." For the rest, I think you can use just a few sincere words. I mean, even something like "wow, I would have been terrified" gets across your admiration of his courage. Hope that makes sense!
/r/RedPillWives28/07/21 07:16 PM
1

On the education - can you perhaps phrase your choice differently to yourself? You said, "I now need to decide whether I will restart my study so I can keep last years progress, or whether I need to admit that I cannot do the work." But there are other possibilities - maybe you don't WANT to do the coursework, or maybe this isn't the right time. It's not that you're not capable. I've been thinking lately about my own issues with being too hard on myself. So maybe I'm projecting here, but it does…
/r/RedPillWives22/07/21 01:38 AM
11

Lurking on various forums, I have noticed that when men advise women, they often start showing off and almost flirting. Or they put down the women's husbands. A lot of the advice I've seen turns into "your man should be lifting and leading you better" or something similar. Which is not helpful. At the other end of the spectrum, there are men who want to turn everything into the woman's fault, in sort of a generic way. Which is also not helpful. I guess this is my long-winded way of saying that m…
/r/RedPillWives21/07/21 07:34 PM
2

I think you should spend some time thinking about your past choices. Why are you consistently picking men who are not conventionally attractive? Do you just not care about looks? Or is it something else? This post makes it seem like you do care quite a bit what people think of you. So then why are you making unconventional choices? I'm not saying you're wrong. Personally I don't think looks matter as long as you're attracted to someone. But I think you should clear up your internal conflicts bef…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/21 03:28 AM
11

I could have written your post! I think a lot of us are trying to rediscover our social energy these days. For me, it has to do with learning to set up boundaries around pushy people (because if I don't set good boundaries, I end up just avoiding them altogether). This will sound bizarre but I love the feminine energy of Angela Lansbury (Murder She Wrote). She's an older woman, obviously, but she is always up for an adventure and loves to laugh. She is very polite but stands up for her beliefs. …
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/21 09:22 PM
3

My husband is very anxious in some very big areas. Basically, anything that means dealing with bureaucracy, learning new rules and regulations. He expresses his anxiety in a very male, blustery way, basically by making a fuss about how "nobody" can understand whatever system he's come up against. So it seems to always fall to me to help figure things out and pour oil on the waters -- typically he calls me grumbling about the issue and I help sort it out. He calms down quickly and obviously feels…
/r/RedPillWives16/07/21 03:18 PM
6

I'm right there with you! I've been using ThredUp to buy used clothes - they're affordable and in good condition and I feel like it's liberating being able to get cheap things. It means they don't have to be perfect.
/r/RedPillWives14/07/21 06:12 PM
1

Yes!! Thanks, I'm glad it isn't only me. I am definitely an introvert. I think that while we were hunkered down, I forgot all my old coping mechanisms for socializing and now I am having to relearn everything!
/r/RedPillWives14/07/21 12:41 PM
4

Relationship is going well, so loving and warm, better than in ages, but I think that's mostly because my husband is dealing with his own stuff so well. I can't really take credit! I am struggling a little with the world returning to normal post-pandemic. (I know the pandemic isn't really over, but things are opening up.) Suddenly it's possible to socialize again, and I feel like that's very important for my kids, so I've been taking them to see extended family and friends. But I'm finding it a …
/r/RedPillWives14/07/21 02:46 AM
2

Yeah, that's it! And also, like speaking the same language, so that it's easier to understand each other.
/r/RedPillWives13/07/21 01:09 AM
4

I wouldn't call it an echo chamber. I notice that when I spend time with my extended family - all of whom have roughly similar values -- it is actually easier for me to be a good listener. It's easier for me to be patient about my family members' different personalities, different moods, and different takes on things because I have a basic level of trust in them. On the other hand, when I'm in a group of strangers, it is much harder for me to take in nuances. I don't listen as well because im ju…
/r/RedPillWives12/07/21 11:38 PM
1

That's fantastic! Writing is a good way to make money without getting trapped in the 9 to 5.
/r/RedPillWomen11/07/21 12:18 PM
8

Not every job is 9 to 5 -- in fact, most jobs today are not. It's great to be a housewife, but you're probably going to need to work at some point in your life. (The women of the past worked very hard in ways we can't even imagine. But today, labor-saving devices have made housework much easier. Most people do not need a housewife.) So my advice is to develop a skill.
/r/RedPillWomen10/07/21 10:40 PM
2

First of all I just want to say I agree with you - women should be free to choose what's right for them. I'm a SAHM (well, working part time) and I love it. I just want to sound a little note of caution though, because I've seen a few other posts like yours. If you plan on having kids, you need to be aware that being a SAHM is a lot of work. You will not have the kind of leisure that you probably have right now. It sounds like you found it tricky to manage the housework while you were working fu…
/r/RedPillWives09/07/21 12:29 AM
3

Can she not stay in her own home until she is ready to move into a skilled facility? I sometimes feel a bit leery of the assisted living places, just because they are so expensive and it seems like people just live there for a few years anyhow, before moving to a skilled facility. For what it's worth, my great grandmother spent her last years in a nursing home and was very comfortable. I remember visiting her and being impressed with how well she got along with the staff and the other people the…
/r/RedPillWives07/07/21 12:11 AM
1

Yes! I am trying to remember that when I do housework, I'm really doing it for my own sake, because I feel good in a clean home. But as you say, it's important to prioritize relationship time. And I do love focusing on him.
/r/RedPillWives07/07/21 12:04 AM
2

It's funny how different men can be. I sometimes WISH that my husband cared more about my housekeeping. I'm not a very good housekeeper but I am trying to get better, and I'm frustrated that he really doesn't care - he wants me to be attentive to him, and chatty, and happy, and he really could care less if the floor is clean. Which is sweet but sort of irritating when I'm trying to clean the floor and he's chatting. So I guess what I'm saying is, make the most of your situation! It's nice that y…
/r/RedPillWives06/07/21 05:31 PM
2

I recommend D-Con mouse traps. They kill the mouse and you don't have to see it or call your husband to deal with it - you just throw away the whole trap. Can your sisters-in-law be in charge of making decisions about your in-laws? It sounds like you and your husband have enough on your plate right now. When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I like to find ways to multitask. Can you combine your visits with your parents with something else, so that you're hitting two birds with one stone? Like are …
/r/RedPillWives02/07/21 07:08 PM
1

I think those needs are so basic that it seems odd to have to state them bluntly in that way. There are times when you'll need things from that list (more quality time, maybe, or more comfort, or whatever) but I guess I'd normally express those needs differently. The way it's written here looks a bit like a business negotiation.
/r/RedPillWives30/06/21 05:55 PM
9

I think you've set up a false choice here. You're acting as if you have to either be miserably bored or be abused. That's nuts. There are lots of stable, non-abusive men who have varied interests, are intellectually curious, and love adventure. You do not need to punish yourself by getting involved with a guy who bores you to tears.
/r/RedPillWomen30/06/21 12:45 PM
1

The fact that it's just 10 percent of the population is less relevant in OP's case, because she's surrounded by high earners. They are NOT rare in her social circles, so reminding her that this guy is statistically rare probably doesn't do much for her.
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/21 08:12 PM
2

I don't think there's one right answer to this. It does sound like you two are incompatible on some level. If this is really driving you crazy then maybe you shouldn't be together. However, what I think people are trying to say is that you are still young, and you may not really realize that ALL men are flawed in one way or another. Maybe another man will sleep on a normal schedule but will flirt with all of your girlfriends. Or maybe you'll meet a responsible, ambitious man who doesn't listen t…
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/21 03:06 PM
2

I agree with others about creating a routine. But also, can you extend yourself some grace so that it's ok to let things slide now and then? I tend to charge into new resolutions with a lot of energy and then start to measure my self-worth by how well I'm keeping up. This doesn't end well. Do your best to clean, but then be understanding if things get a little messy sometimes. You have a lot on your plate as it is.
/r/RedPillWives23/06/21 03:46 AM
2

I think I understand where you're coming from. My husband is a journalist, so, similarly all-consuming work in a highly competitive atmosphere, and I've definitely struggled with feeling that he's doing it to feed his own ego, rather than to support me and our kids. There were a few years when he was under-employed and refused to look for work in a different field. That still stings, to be honest. I've told him all this, and I think he understands. He has also often thanked me for being patient …
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/21 03:15 AM
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