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View 2 posts and 142 comments by ToughPill on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
73

CustodyToughPill/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:22 PM
17

ToughPill/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:44 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Exactly. You’ve got this. You have a steady job, clear evidence of an affair with this paramour. Lawyer will hopefully take care of you. Remember, family court is all about the vibe that you give off and what the judge feels about it. Nobody says it openly but it’s the truth. Narrative matters more than facts unfortunately. Refuse anything less than 50/50. Refuse to do alimony unless ordered by the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:27 AM
3

First of all, I’m sorry. You and your kids deserved better. Nobody can kick you out unless a judge orders it. Don’t leave voluntarily. Document your involvement with your kids. Find good lawyer, one who practices regularly before whatever judge this will appear in front of. It’s always amicable until suddenly it’s not. Don’t leave an opening. Be cordial but be clear that you have a business, not a personal relationship now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:15 AM
1

Set for hearing and explain to judge. That’s all you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 11:58 PM
7

Can’t be a very good father from prison. Just know that she may dread another woman playing with the kids in your house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:14 PM
2

First thing to realize is that you have a business only relationship. Treat her like a business relation now. Don’t get emotional. It just makes things complicated and messy. This sucks. We know. Make sure you work on having a good support network for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 08:52 PM
4

There is a real temptation to wonder isn’t there? I was passive even though marriage was dead. She actually pulled the trigger after years of dead bedroom. Destroyed our kids life, having to split time between us. I can at least rest easy knowing that I rode that train all the way to the station. I would have stayed in a loveless marriage for my kid. I would die for my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 07:22 PM
2

Seek marriage counseling. Hopefully you both want to heal your marriage. Your child would benefit the greatest if you both are able to heal things. I was in a similar situation and unbeknownst to me she was talking with a lawyer for years trying to set herself up to be in the best position for litigation. Be careful. Document your involvement with your child.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 07:19 PM
2

Ask for continuance and get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 01:48 PM
4

Marriage counseling is worth a shot, but it only works if both of you want to heal your marriage. It sounds like she’s already checked out mentally which was what I experienced. I was like you and prepared to lock in because I didn’t want to miss any time with my kid, but she decided to take that option away when she told me she had decided she wanted a divorce. Not seeing my kid every day sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 01:10 AM
3

The key mental shift you have to have is you have to know and be ok with the possibility that you’ll be alone. And that is when you’ll focus on building a good life that women will be attracted to and want to be invited into. If you seek to invite a woman in in order to make your life good then things will fail.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 01:06 AM
1

True. For this to truly work you have to have some inkling of where the bodies are buried at least enough to be able to punish them if they try to just lie or conceal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 09:21 PM
4

Your case will be won or lost in discovery. Worth doing. Without it you have no idea what to expect on the day of trial if you have one.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 11:37 AM
3

You have to notice discrepancies and then compel. Forcing disclosure or the she gets the wrath of the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 11:35 AM
1

It will get easier over time. You need to find something healthy to occupy your mind/heart.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 02:10 PM
3

All communication in writing from here on out. No personal conversation. Take it from someone who did have the police called on them and had to go through a criminal trial for a bullshit report. It’s not worth the time and stress even when you are found innocent.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:46 PM
2

Your state will have a calculator online to plug things into.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 12:29 PM
13

I’m living vicariously through you op.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 11:57 AM
1

Don’t debase yourself. It’s pathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 07:28 PM
3

If I were you I would focus on my career then. The best revenge is living beautifully after she is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 01:38 PM
1

Depends on if any part of the order required you to report it. If you didn’t have to report, and didn’t, then it’s no problem. Not much to do but ride it out. Don’t hide money. All of this is formula, so negotiations are straightforward. They want to avoid paying 10k for a hearing where they might only gain 300 dollars per month. You can try to argue if you have a side income that it should only be based on your primary 40hrs per week income, otherwise the court is punishing you for working extr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 01:31 PM
4

Focus on spending your time doing productive things. Have side projects. Spend good time with friends. Don’t drink yourself to death, zone out on passive leisure TV beyond what is healthy. Keep in mind that nobody defines your value besides yourself and (if you believe) God. You have just had your identity as a provider stripped from you, it’s a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 01:27 PM
17

It’s her wanting to feel like she has “options”. “If I wanted, he would take me back.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 05:56 PM
1

Depends on the nature of discovery. Never lie. But you don’t have to offer information that you aren’t asked.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:28 PM
3

Set date for trial. That’s all she understands.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 05:07 PM
15

Mediator will lean on whoever they think is weak to try to come to an agreement”agreement”. Ask a calibrated question which is the same as a soft “no”: “How could I accept so little? How do you think that seems like a fair distribution?”
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 11:29 PM
2

Jealousy. The fact that you are living a good life makes them acutely aware of how empty/ruined theirs is, and that makes them unhappy. To love is to will the good of the other. These people do not love you. They do not rejoice in what you rejoice in. They secretly wish for you to fall.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 11:27 PM
11

You genuinely sound like a good woman. Your husband is very lucky to have you. I suspect it’s in part narcissism. There’s a “crab bucket” mentality it seems in some female circles where women who have blown up their marriages encourage others to do so. “If I can’t have what I wanted then nobody else should either.”
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 08:14 PM
3

If you move out get ready to continue paying the mortgage on a home that you do not live in, while also having to find a way to pay for your own lodging. Many lawyers say that moving out is one of the worst things you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:20 AM
6

Moving out is a bad idea. It's peaceful until suddenly once person decides its not. Word of caution. Did you guys try marriage counseling?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 01:39 AM
1

I'm not a lawyer, just a dad going through the process, so full caveat. But from what I have read and seen this is what the legal system is trying to do: The kid doesn't want to see dad. Is that because the dad is a bad father and has driven the kid away by being a bad father, or is the dad a good father and the kid has a delusional (clinical definition of delusion, a wrong belief contrary to the evidence) belief that the dad is a bad father. If the belief is delusional then the court trys to de…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 01:21 AM
1

Moving out is generally a very bad idea until things are finalized. Did you guys do marriage counseling?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:42 PM
2

This sounds like standard parental alienation. Look up Dr. Childers YouTube channel and his advice on how to proceed. Treat this as a psychological issue that might have legal remedies, not first and foremost a legal issue.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:10 PM
2

That’s outrageous. I’m so sorry. You should write letters for your kid when they do reach out as they will eventually to try to form a relationship with you. Or make a private YouTube channel and record yourself talking to them. I’m sorry this is happening.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:04 PM
7

It will hurt less over time, and the pain will not overwhelm you like it does right now. The best thing for your kids to hear is that you want them to have a good relationship and to love their mother. Even if she doesn’t deserve it, they need it. All communication should be in writing with no talking in person. You have a business relationship with her now, not a personal one. Think of her as a really crappy service provider that you can’t move away from which you have to put up with for now. T…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:01 PM
1

You will have the ability to serve formal discovery to the other side. You get a set number of questions (maybe 40?) you can ask that need them to respond to something in writing. These are Interrogatories. Keep some in reserve. You can ask multipart questions. You generally get unlimited document discovery requests as long as they are reasonable and not considered burdensome. These are RPD, request for production of documents. You can ask for “all receipts, invoices from clients, etc”. You can …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:00 PM
5

Document your positive involvement and the time you spend with your daughter. Temporary schedules become permanent schedules because the Judge will often default to the status quo unless there is some clear reason not to. Constantly ask for time with your daughter. Do not stop. Ask for it over email or in some way that it is in writing. Set a PL hearing for your custody time to get it locked in and officially mandated. Pray for your kid. They didn’t ask for this and it’s going to be toughest on …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:48 PM
1

I agree. There are a lot of religious people for whom it is performative. I see it all around me. Sometimes I see it in myself even.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:41 PM
4

Rare for the tiger to change its stripes. Good for her if she has genuinely changed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:36 PM
3

Look up Dr Childers YouTube channel on parental alienation. This needs to be treaded as a therapy issue with potential legal remedies, that’s most likely to get traction for you. If he doesn’t want to see you then a therapist needs to determine why and whether it is your fault or not. It what you are saying is true, then a therapist saying that you are a fine parent and that your sons refusal is not any fault of your own is more likely to feel like he has to award you more time. That will be rei…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 08:04 PM
15

Never take advice from your wives lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:51 PM
5

You’re worthy of love regardless of whether or not you have the attentions of a woman. Don’t give up, but don’t ever say that your ex wife was right and that you’re unlovable because you can’t “find” someone. Looking for external validation that way is dangerous.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:49 PM
6

Emotions are not evidence. Make sure you understand the rules of evidence and the criterea that the judge is supposed to apply to the case. Make sure that you understand how to submit evidence and how to object if'when the other side tried to break the rules of evidence (making inadmissible statements, etc) because they will try to submit that expecting you not to catch it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 11:06 AM
3

Try being in the triple digits when you have a double digit income. Years. I would love to have had it done for 4k. You’re getting off easy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 03:20 AM
1

Make sure you spend time with people. Get a therapist to talk to about this stuff if you can afford it. It help.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:02 PM
3

You’re going through an identity shift as you have to think of yourself as something other than a provider. Recognize that and get new stuff as you see fit. For me I took everything that was her “taste” and tossed it in the barn.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:12 PM
4

Find hobbies and productive uses of your time. Don’t sit alone in the house and mope.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:00 PM
2

There are guidelines that they are supposed to follow, but I’ll tell you the secret. Divorce court where the judge is deciding who gets what time is “vibes” court. The judge has a lot of latitude to do whatever they want.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:57 PM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:49 PM
2

Work on getting away from having to have room mates.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:07 PM
2

Thanks for this too
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:03 PM
3

Your nervous system is coping with the massive amount of stress that you are going through. If things are getting high conflict suggest that communication about these things needs to be done in writing. It's amicable until suddenly it isn't because only one of you decides they don't want amicable anymore. Seem a counselor if you are having suicidal thoughts or just feel like you could use the support by having someone to grieve the loss of your marriage with. She isn't your friend anymore, you w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:01 PM
1

Be careful about agreeing that you did criminal activity. It's amicable until one person decides that it isn't and it sounds like she's just trying to get leverage over you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:40 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 06:43 PM
2

I’m praying for you brother. I hope that there’s a day when all of these wrongs will be made right.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 06:37 PM
3

Talk to the child’s pediatrician that they see for normal checkups and ask for a referral for a good child therapist. If the mom says no then she is denying the child their prescribed medical care.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 06:28 PM
1

This is good advice. I’ll look into this because I hadn’t considered it before. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 06:25 PM
4

I was looking through it earlier. You should look up Dr. Childress and his video series. The key he says is to not frame it as a legal issue, but as a therapy/mental health issue which might require legal remedies. Kids should have good relationships with their parents. If you’re a good parent and your kid hates you and you haven’t done anything to deserve that hate then there is a need for therapy to rectify the issue.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:52 PM
4

Thank you, I needed to hear that. Next stop the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:39 PM
2

Thanks. That’s all that we can do. Show up as much as we can.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:37 PM
1

Write letters to your kids for when they are older. Kids will eventually want to reach out, and they will one day. This podcast episode might help too, I’m going through something similar with one younger than yours. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/been-there-got-out-podcast/id1638999264?i=1000759931148
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 04:59 PM
1

Depends on the judge. Make sure legal counsel knows this judge and their predilections. It’s good to know the law, even better to know the judges opinions because they have seen him make rulings before.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:36 AM
5

Feels like all the communication should be in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 07:10 PM
3

He will know better than we will. Ask him. It’s going to depend on the kids, you, so many things.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 06:21 PM
11

Generally you go until one side calls it quits.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 10:23 PM
1

Ask how many cases they have tried in front of the judge you are likely to appear before. Ask how familiar they are with that judge and their preferences and predilections. Ask how many cases they have tried.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 02:13 PM
1

Look up the calculator online and put in the incomes. Generally alimony is half of length of marriage unless in lifetime alimony state like California where its lifetime once married 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 11:30 AM
17

They become bitter old women who refuse to take any agency for their actions, encouraging others down the same path.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 11:17 AM
8

If only they had an inkling of how much of a shitshow it actually is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 09:14 AM
2

Recording audio in a room that she is not present in is wiretapping and is super illegal. Cameras shouldn’t be in any space where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy, that is illegal.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:06 AM
6

Do not leave house unless ordered to do so by judge.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:56 AM
9

No. Female counselors called her on bullshit. Male counselors were uncomfortable telling her she was wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:11 AM
3

When one side is making bizarre allegations of inappropriate conduct then all communication needs to be handled in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:16 PM
2

Go to court, make the best argument. Say everything there you have here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:15 PM
3

It does matter who files legally. It determines who goes first and last at proceedings. Filing first confers a couple of major advantages.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 12:54 PM
6

In civil discovery she would have to share everything that she has which she could potentially use prior to trial, FYI. It’s a good idea to make sure your email etc is properly secured in case she might have access to it. I made a separate email just for talking to the lawyer. Talk to your lawyer on the rules of evidence in your particular jurisdiction and the preferences/proclivities of the judge you might have to try your case in front of. Be mindful of hidden cameras or microphones. Hidden ca…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 12:49 PM
10

No and honestly this sort of thing comes off as kind of pathetic (sorry I’m being honest). The best revenge is to live well. Lose weight, make money, have healthy relationships. Move on. You want it to be like this scene in mad men: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqF_A6bsyEw “I feel bad for you.” “I don’t think about you at all.”
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 12:29 PM
2

The thing that matters is “legal custody”. The mother can let her bf make decisions about discipline in her household but only as she chooses to delegate that authority which is actually hers. You are not bound by that. Your kids could be full on grounded over there on her time, but be totally not on your time. Look into BIFF coparenting and “parallel parenting” (as opposed to coparenting). A really neat psychological trick is to name subtle behaviors as they occur, like if he tries to squeeze y…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 12:25 PM
10

Went through similar. Recordings at trial have limited uses. Particularly they are useful for impeachment. If you are asked “did you say X” and you say “I never said that” they can then play the audio and show you lied just now. They can’t really bring them up outside of a very narrow context though. Unless you say something crazy like you were having an affair, you hate your kids and never want to see them, you want to kill her, you have a hidden bank account etc. it’s not that big of a deal if…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 12:12 PM
9

Your kids need you right now. The world is a better place with you in it. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 02:07 PM
1

Good attitude is key. Look at this as an opportunity to redefine yourself and apply whatever lessons learned. Always be building. Hopefully you will build something beautiful that you can invite someone into in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 11:11 PM
3

Get perplexity pro. Make a “space” and add documents or resources relevant to your situation. Then make threads in that space for whatever you need in the moment like a response to an email or a summary of incidents to present to court.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 11:52 AM
1

Excellent answer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:20 AM
2

Good advice
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:17 AM
1

Document and log what you guys did. Even if it’s just the names of the books that you read to him. He’s too young for you to really read books yet, but you can bring interesting toys and place them outside of his reach so that he pivots and learns to coordinate his body better to get at them. He is developing his motor and coordination. Getting on the ground and playing with him is great, though at that age he’s not really able to do much of what we might consider “playing”. It’s mostly sitting …
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 07:31 PM
5

Do not act erratically or in a way that is consistent with her false allegations. Abide by the orders of the court. Understand that part of this is they are looking to see what you do. If you violate orders they will just be convinced she was right. Get a lawyer and prepare detailed documentation to prove that her allegations are false. This needs to be presented to the judge, they aren’t going to just take your word for it. Recognize that the judge will often defer on the side of safety when so…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 07:05 PM
1

I am 2 years into the formal process. I would have loved to move quickly, but you are right to have reservations. Remember that the objective of the mediators and the lawyers is to get you through the PROCESS. So if you are in mediation and she is asking for something unreasonable but it seems like you could be made to squish if leaned on then they could very well lean on you to just give in so that things are over. Document those records carefully and keep a safe copy of them. You definitely ne…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:30 PM
1

Ask for reunification therapy, court ordered.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 12:54 PM
2

It gets easier with time. It never fully heals but it gets easier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 03:14 AM
2

You have a business relationship now. Only contact her if it is something necessary. That’s what’s best for mental health frankly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 07:44 PM
2

A monkey moving through trees does not let go of the branch they are holding onto until they have a firm grasp on the branch they are moving to. Instead of breaking up before looking for next romantic partner she had the affair first.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 07:43 PM
3

If you have kids keep them for the kids. If not then do whatever you feel like helps you rebuild yourself into whatever comes next.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 07:41 PM
1

With time this will get easier. Trust that and you will see it gradually. All the best.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 04:31 AM
4

Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:24 PM
3

Is that a thing?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:11 PM
3

Where does it say non modifiable?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:02 PM
10

I know. The best way to live is to be focused on building the best future you can regardless, and to let her go. In a way that’s the best “revenge” frankly. To not care and move on without a second thought, not letting her hold you back from the great things you can and will do. And realize whatever her issues were and whatever your issues were so that if you date again you don’t repeat the cycle.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 09:57 PM
34

The “crabs in a bucket” mentality. Bitter divorcees encouraging other women to blow up their own marriages chasing after their feelings. Convinced that even though she has Mr. 90% solution she needs to destroy it all in the hunt for the mythical unicorn Mr. 100%. Then they get back in the dating market and complain that the only guys they can find are 60%.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 09:28 PM
14

Respectfully, if you haven’t done marriage counseling then please consider it. Divorce is hell on the kids who really did not ask to be put into this situation. Fight for your marriage please.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 09:19 PM
2

All communication needs to be through the parenting app or email, not through the child. If you have difficulty have AI reword your responses to use BIFF principles (brief informative, friendly, firm) so that you present your best face. You no longer have a personal relationship with your ex, you have a business relationship concerning the child. Second document all of this to protect yourself. Would recommend keeping parenting logs where you document the day to day goings on and don’t be afraid…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 05:08 PM
1

Sounds like you may be dealing with undiagnosed BPD “I hate you don’t leave me” type behavior. There’s a book called “walking on eggshells” which I would recommend. Consider scheduling marriage counseling and inviting her even if she doesn’t show up. Emphasize that the counselor will help you guys better communicate and get to a healthier place where you can be happier with each other. Marriage counseling only works if both sides want to save the marriage though.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:20 PM
1

Document your involvement. If she makes more than you and you are substantially involved in your child’s life then she will probably be paying YOU child support and spousal support. The point of child support is to even out the living circumstances for the children at both homes. So that they don’t go to one house and have a luxurious lifestyle and then go to the other and be in poverty.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:04 PM
1

Go to marriage counseling and fight for your marriage. Try to figure out what is going on. It could be post partum depression. Fight for your marriage if you can and don’t have a rigid mindset in counseling. She should listen to you and you should listen to her and you should be able to come to compromises.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 03:58 PM
2

You’ll get the financial records in discovery in the divorce. Don’t settle before discovery. You may want to work with a forensic accountant to help compile and present this information to the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 06:00 PM
4

I have a lawyer. He agrees it’s crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:47 PM
2

This is a great clip.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:21 PM
3

She is completely rigid as noted by the mediator and is unable to compromise or give in on anything. The criminal trial that she put me through was dismissed. I have a list of lies and distortions that she has made which are as long as my arm. I’m not afraid to go to trial or mediation. Anything the judge gives me is going to be better than the ridiculousness that she puts forward. Frankly I think at the primary advantage of having the mediator is so that when she refuses to budge an inch on any…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:20 PM
4

Just read this in full. Good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:15 PM
3

She withheld the child for 3 months and didn’t let me have any overnights despite my asking on a weekly basis. I am currently at 20% when I asked the judge for 50%. It seems he sided with her because he believed her lies about my fitness and involvement. Evaluator specifically wants to rebut that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:57 PM
2

For some people women it actually is kind of a plus. It means that another woman already vetted you and thought you worthy of marriage. Circumstances of divorce matter of course.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:00 PM
10

I feel like I was turned into a walking wallet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 06:24 PM
3

Did you do marriage counseling?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 02:29 PM
4

Sounds like you will have to go to court. It’s going to be an optics situation. Depends on how the judge is feeling. Things being off by over 20% is enough to trigger recalculation. If it’s less than 20 percent good chance the judge doesn’t care. Having it be calculated based on the average income over a year vs a 3 week period is no brainer. Sounds like you would have a case for adjustment though.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 10:37 PM
1

How is your lawyer not helping? It could be that they know that nothing is going to come of it because no judge is going to award her that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 07:32 PM
1

Its standard practice. Otherwise why would anyone bother putting in any money for repairs that they won’t recoup the cost of.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:09 PM
2

Make sure your document your improvement and repairs and you should be recouping that off the top before any division of assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 04:35 PM
1

Good prayer. Landed for me too.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 03:45 PM
1

Document that you have been working on your issues and be able to show progress and evidence that something like that would never happen again. Go in for a parental fitness evaluation. Go in for a full forensic evaluation by a forensic psychologist to give the court a full window into you. You want the judge to have enough information that he or she feels that the issue will not happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 08:16 PM
5

Child support everywhere is calculated based on where the child sleeps. If you have 0% nights then she is full custodial parent and you will owe her child support same as if you never saw your son. You need to get the advice of a lawyer because you may need someone familiar with this awful process to make sure there aren’t other gaps in your understanding. Nobody has filed yet, you’re nowhere near the end. It’s not over until it’s signed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 05:50 AM
8

Suggest removing personal information in case they find this so it isn’t brought up in court.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:22 PM
1

Do everything this man says.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 10:00 PM
4

Unless there is a court order to vacate the home do not leave. Document your involvement with your kids and how you are a good involved dad. You are no longer on the same “team”. Don’t increase the tension but you need to understand that you have a business relationship with her now, not a personal one. It sucks. We know. What comes next might be better or it might be worse. If you try to be nice while she does not though it will be worse. And indicators of an affair?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 07:27 PM
2

Why did they quit?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 07:14 PM
1

Money.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 04:21 PM
1

Don’t frame things as being about her getting just desserts for destroying the marriage. Frame things as you just want to move on with your life and give the best life you can to your child. This has the advantage of being psychologically healthier. It also doesn’t come across as vindictive. Nobody likes a vindictive ex spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 04:39 PM
1

Hearing at end of next week is very soon. Don’t hand her ANYTHING she can use to make it look like her RO was justified.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 04:45 AM
1

At the hearing at the end of next week you need to explain what she is doing. Don’t name a specific mental disorder if you think she has one like a cluster B personality disorder, just name all of the symptoms that you see. Explain that you love your kids and your kids love you. The PL hearing is like a mini divorce trial. Be ready to name kids doctors, teachers, how they are doing in school, be ready to show pictures of the home cooked meals you make for your kids with your kids. If you don’t k…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 04:44 AM
1

If you violate an order or provide anything in writing that can be used against you- expect it to be. She very badly wants you to violate the order because then she can stand in front of the judge and say that you’re exactly what she said you were. Best response to an RO is to obey it, then later tell the judge that she was dishonest about you in order to obtain it. ROs are freely and cheaply given out because the judge defers on caution. But if you behave and give no cause then it makes her loo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 04:38 AM
1

This is totally normal. The key is filling that space with people and things that are productive and useful instead of numbing out. This is an opportunity to reinvent yourself and who you are going to be.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:54 AM
2

Sounds like she was stalking you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 06:51 PM
5

Exactly. Don’t be afraid to ask for continuance too. Judge has high chance of granting it so you can get SOME legal counsel.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:13 AM
1

Explain the the judge that you really want to have an attorney but are afraid you don’t know how to get one. Don’t be afraid to ask politely what is happening if you don’t understand. Most judges will take some pity and at least explain.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:11 AM
6

I got involved with a regularly scheduled game night group. We play board games and have a great time. I’m starting a non profit because of it. I am also working on designing some games.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 10:31 PM
3

Thanks friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 10:29 PM
3

NotebookLM with Google lets you put 50 items at once into notebooks which it will auto summarize. If you ask it questions it will give reference links to where in the source it found something. You can have multiple notebooks for different periods each or different types of documents.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 09:25 PM
13

Talk with a lawyer, but she cannot bar you from your own home unless there is a court order in place. There’s a good chance you can call a locksmith and the police (to pre-empt her) and have the locksmith let you back into your home. Never leave your home willingly as that is often a mistake men make in divorce. Document your involvement in your children’s lives. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 08:07 PM
13

You are important. Your pain is real, and it’s important for you to acknowledge and feel it. There would be something wrong with you if you did NOT hurt from this divorce. We as men have our entire identity wrapped up in our status as providers. When she pulls the plug on that you will feel disoriented and lost. That is ok. The pain is going to get easier to manage over time. It won’t quite go away, but when a wave comes you’re going to be able to deal with it without feeling like it takes your …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:34 AM
2

6 days is a very short amount of time. Would recommend marriage counseling. Don’t blow up your marriage over this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 07:47 PM
2

Very good. You can get very small discreet audio recorders that will run for hours and which fit in your breast pocket. I did that myself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:33 PM
3

Consider wearing audio recorder if in one party state to protect yourself if you are worried she will say there was a fight when there was not.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 09:42 PM
6

Good luck on your date. Solid advice. Needed to hear it today.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 09:38 PM
3

We have no idea of the context of your situation and cannot offer advice. General advice is do not surrender your place in home. Document your involvement and your care of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 09:03 PM
3

First, congratulations on surviving. Going from 6 nights per month to 14 is a major gain. Judge clearly recognizes that you are a fit and capable parent and wants you to have more time. The judge in his recommendation basically told you what he wants to rule and you will be hard pressed to get more, and it might peeve him and he could give you less. Big thing is that whatever you’re asking for has to make sense. You can’t say “I’m asking for 50-50 custody because that’s what all these divorced g…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:05 PM
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