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TravelerSF Archive

View 0 posts and 276 comments by TravelerSF on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

I've achieved a lot during the past year or so, but recently had some shortcomings that reminded me of not getting too carried away. The bar for men really is impossibly high. As soon as you fail at something you can be sure that there's another man who'll be able to do it and displace you in whatever relationship you thought you had. And if you're not at the top, society sees you as pretty much worthless.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 10:56 PM
1

I think both things can be true at the same time. In fact, I'm having the exact same problem myself. I'm walled off from dating because I'm overweight. Of course that's an issue that can be fixed in theory, but in practice it isn't quite as straightforward. We wouldn't have the massive weightloss industry otherwise. The possibility is there and achievable but no one can guarantee success.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 10:52 PM
2

I'm doing ok, but I appreciate the thought, thank you!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 10:06 PM
3

I'm certainly not trying to invalidate or deny experiences like yours. It's just hard to keep believing these 2nd hand stories when my own experience paints a completely different reality, one where guys below a certain rating are simply walled off from relationships. I know it's not fair or logical, but the human brain is unfortunately susceptible to biases.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 09:56 PM
1

Yeah, that sounds pretty likely. I'm certainly in the latter group, unfortunately, but it's my own fault so no matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 09:52 PM
15

But holy moly are there plenty of unattractive confident guys. I'm thinking guys who are funny, smart and charming and straight up 5s and under. And they do just fine. These are the guys I seem to be always hearing about but never seeing. And I'd wager most "unattractive" guys are just guys who are otherwise fine but not properly muscular or fit.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 05:29 PM
0

Ridiculous. But most men are a lot more flexible with their preferences than women are.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 03:54 PM
2

Fair enough. Unfortunately though, attraction isn't something you can force or "switch" to a different setting. You like what you like. I consider myself to have a relatively flexible scale of attraction, which hasn't helped much. This also assumes that women will go for their romantic equals, whatever that means. Anecdotally, I don't see that being the case. Women seem to have 1-2 bodytypes that they accept, plus a list of other mandatory features required for true attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 03:39 PM
7

I don't mind women having their own preferences. Little openness would be nice, but that can be said about anything. What I do find problematic is that as an unattractive man, you cannot even attempt to approach women without getting pure disgust thrown upon you and being socially ostracized.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 07:47 PM
1

Fair enough, agreed.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 03:31 PM
1

And women only want manosphere guys?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 03:24 PM
0

Yeah, as I said, it's been a long day. But I don't think simply flipping the script works. The point was that men just have far fewer criteria for their partner compared to women, especially when it comes to appearance. Plenty of men are happy to accept a "low value" woman, if there even is such a thing, which does not happen in reverse.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 02:53 PM
2

Is this serious or sarcasm? It's been a long day, I can't tell.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 02:18 PM
2

Closing this year with having completed my master's degree, I am unsure of what to focus on next. Obviously fulltime employment is the first thing, but that's a given, and more for survival than happiness. I spent a good 5-7 years dating, but found that to be largely hopeless due to my appearance and have been out of it for a couple of years. Some progress has been made since; improved physical fitness and a little bit of weight lost. But I still can't help but to feel like jumping back into dat…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 02:06 PM
7

Plenty of men are into bigger women. Plenty of men are into older women. Plenty of men are into kinky women, vanilla women, tattooed women, natural women. The scale of men's attraction is simply much, much wider compared to women's.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 01:29 PM
0

Things change. Society changes. Nowadays fat ugly men (which is an undefined characteristic, I admit) will have to accept that they will never have a partner, never know companionship, physical affirmation, that they will always be alone. That's even ignoring the fact that finding a partner is different from finding a partner who's actually devoted to you, instead of secretly wanting to be with other men.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 01:25 PM
2

True, true.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 08:15 PM
3

Could say the same about women too. Seems to be a human problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:55 PM
2

At a risk of sounding self-righteous, I really fail to see myself in your description, despite considering myself a pretty typical case. If anything, I go out of my way to minimize any chances of being seen as predatory or creepy. Seeing women as just sex objects if pretty gross as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 02:37 PM
1

Is that just a reference towards their appearance or everything else as well? In former case I might see a point, in the latter, not so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 02:09 PM
2

Height: No preference. Can be much shorter than me, can be much taller, can be about the same. Income: Enough to support herself, though that's not mandatory if she's still going through studies and such. Race (if you have a preference): No preference Body type: Average, thin, chubby, light fat, fit. House/no house: No preference Kids/ no kids: No kids, but that's not a hard requirement for the right person. My stats: Age 29, 5'10 tall, fat but physically active, 5/10 appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 12:30 PM
-1

I think it's just difficult to keep believing others' arguments when all of your personal experience points to the opposite direction. It's not exactly rational, but we humans are emotional by nature.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 11:59 PM
3

You don't think loneliness can be a genuine issue? We are social creatures after all. Is it really so out there to say that having no intimacy, no physical validation, no emotional support, and in fact receiving quite the opposite, can be harmful?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 10:22 PM
2

Sorry, didn't mean to sound self-righteous, just wanted to give a personal anecdote. Yes, an unfortunately situation all in all. Were there any easy solutions, they had been deployed by now.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:29 PM
1

Sorry to hear about those experiences. Not gonna argue about that, though it sounds like to be about men and women in general, not specific types, unless I misunderstood? I do understand that these issues persist, unfortunately. Not really a fan of fit girls in particular myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:18 PM
0

I get the issue with creeps, but why frame all men that way? Why can't the attention fat women get from men be the same kind that thin women get from men? Just based on personal experience, I don't think other factors can help to offset a man's poor appearance. On the other hand, what kind of women men consider attractive is much more varied than vice versa. This includes fat women, though what is included in that definition is admittedly hard to say.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:07 PM
0

Maybe not, but fat women still have far better chances than fat men. And outside of dating, fat women can get pretty much endless male validation for their appearance, which does not work in reverse.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 04:27 PM
1

Many, many men are into fat women, and other kinds of women not fitting the mainstream model. Women on the other hand seem to hold 1-2 acceptable bodytypes with a whole list of other must have qualities.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 02:36 PM
2

It is a ridiculous double standard for sure. Personally I would just ask for either a little more honestly or kindness towards sub-standard men.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 07:18 PM
1

So if you're ugly, you have no choice but to find a shitty person that'll use you? I do feel like that's the case, unfortunately. For many it's still better than spending their lives utterly alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 07:15 PM
2

Eh, most women seem to go for 1-2 acceptable body types, with a whole list of must-haves that are needed to be considered attractive. It's not challenging to figure out what ugly man is like for most women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 07:10 PM
1

Fair enough, but it's all I can go by.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 07:05 PM
2

Just my own experiences, media.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 01:35 AM
1

Which still gives the men the wider scale of appreciation, since they will go for women who are obese, unconventional looking, etc. And I'd argue there certainly is butterface for men, at least as much as there is for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 12:31 AM
1

I'd actually claim the complete opposite. Women have a very narrow view of what's considered attractive, 1-3 similar bodytypes, whereas men are into a much wider spectrum.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 12:22 AM
2

I understand that. But fine, let's say no woman except for a handful, instead. In any case, the number is too small to make any real difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 12:12 AM
2

Or perhaps men simply have a wider range of what they consider attractive than women do. We are attracted to all, shapes, features and sizes. For women, there are like 3 acceptable body types with a list of must have attributes. I also don't buy that women can't judge attractiveness based on looks alone, nor are many men interested in pure physicality through ignoring personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 08:45 PM
0

Wishful thinking. No woman would choose a man with even a bit of belly over someone with abs.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 08:35 PM
1

I see the claim here allll the time that women love love love and drool over themselves looking for ripped muscley Chads. I have never in my life wanted to be with a guy who was ripped. These are the kind of statements that I find hard to believe. Cos women say these things, but when you look at the actual reality, media, the picture is the exact opposite. The thing is, even if generally men or women like X characteristic, with 8 billion people on earth, there’s going to be a LOT of variation. B…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 07:12 AM
9

I have absolutely no interest in casual sex and have always pursued serious relationships. Plenty of first dates, practically nothing beyond that. I also consider myself to have a pretty wide scale for what I find attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 08:00 PM
10

I have one female friend, but have always come along well with women throughout my life. It has not helped. In university, I was the only man in a class full of women. No luck. If you do your best to look good, be positive, friendly and have a smile on your face I don’t understand how someone could never get laid. I get that some people have very unattractive facial features or severe mental health issues and are essentially doomed but that’s a very small percentage of guys. If you act normal an…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 07:57 PM
0

However, they have high standards for the appearances of the women they date. How do you define these high standards? Is it about everyone going for the same, specific, very narrow type, or for what they personally prefer? I have some things I'm definitely not attracted to, but otherwise would say that my preferences have plenty of chances for variation.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 06:29 PM
5

Needlessly edgy language aside, I largely agree. The standards for men to be considered valid for dating are just so much more extensive and complicated than for women. Just in terms of appearance, men are attracted to women of all shapes, types, and sizes. But for men, there is a laundry list of "must have" physical features and like two acceptable body types.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 06:24 PM
1

True, true.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 04:28 PM
1

Perhaps. Not all people act according to their true desires, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 04:26 PM
1

There are people who say they aren't drawn to those they find physically attractive? I find that difficult to believe. Even my demi ass will take more glances at a person who I find physically appealing, precisely because they are pleasant to look at. I think the issue argued against is people who say "I'm not attracted to X like most people, I'm actually attracted to Y," even though that's not true.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 04:22 PM
3

So if the answer to the second question is "yes" and there's still no chance for a relationship, is it not natural to simply deem yourself undeserving?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 01:31 PM
1

That's certainly possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 01:27 PM
1

Whenever people argue that it's always in the abstract. No one can ever give a concrete example. Yes, some pairs like that do exist, but as I said, they're so rare that it hardly gives a reason to change one's outlook. It's the equivalent of changing your odds from 0:100 000 000 to 1:100 000 000.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 07:29 PM
1

Sitcoms are a bit of a poor comparison imo because their premises are rarely supposed to be taken seriously. As for everything else you mentioned, I've never seen anything like that myself, and even if I had, it's so exceedingly rare that it hardly makes a difference for the average man. But I'm not saying anything you've witnessed is invalid.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 02:38 PM
1

Depends on the level of fatness and overall build. Certain ammount of chubbyness always gets extra points in my book.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 10:26 AM
2

I don't see why both can't be valid. The point is that if fat acceptance movement is to be accepted, it should apply to all genders. Similarly, it should not be done under false pretenses. If you look at media, if you look at society, dad bodies just aren't what women are into. How about we just stop treating fat people as lessers for starters?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 10:23 AM
5

It's all relative. You're placing the difficulty bar at finding a man who meets several of your criteria. Men place the difficulty bar at finding a woman who's willing to talk with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 10:14 AM
1

One man's self esteem is another man's self delusion. Everything that OP said could be true, why shouldn't he acknowledge his situation?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 09:35 AM
1

Red pill is about embracing reality, blue pill is about rejecting it. Mind you, whether your personal situation aligns with this dichotomy is dependent on your value as a man. Nothing in a mindset can make you start attracting partners, let alone better quality ones, if you're physically doomed.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 09:32 AM
1

I think what makes the discussion often difficult is thinking about this in absolutes. Yes, most all have a theoretical chance for a companionship, but when that chance is a percentage of a percentage, is it really sensible to say that there's not an issue? Same with self improvement. Theoretically we all have the potential to become whatever constitutes as a super human, but our character, life situation and resources are all different, so in most cases the sacrifices necessary just aren't reas…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 11:46 PM
1

That's based on my experience. Others' may vary.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 06:23 PM
1

Of course it's a bias. But I'm not interested in making judgements on anyone else's situation but my own.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 06:16 PM
1

You can look at whatever objective "truths" are out there, but if after an entire lifetime they just don't seem to apply to you, maybe you're just not included in those "truths".
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 06:08 PM
1

That's just based on my personal experience and reflecting on what media portrays. Might not be entirely accurate, but it's hard to go off anything else.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 05:53 PM
1

Most men don't, but those are the women that "Nice Guys" and their ilk chase after. That's why they think "All girls want assholes" because they chase Amber Heard and my ex-friend Kelly. Again, really not my type of woman, if that's what you're insinuating.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 05:36 PM
1

No, it's not assholes. The standards overall are just very, very high these days. And honestly I don't think I'd do well with a girl like the one you described.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 05:10 PM
1

The women who want those kinds of men are the vast majority of women I want to fuck. Fixed it for you. Depends how you define it. My scale for potential partners is pretty wide. you guys would totally be okay fucking a girl you have no plans of dating, right? I have absolutely no interest in casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 05:02 PM
1

The women who want those kinds of men are the vast majority, practically the whole population. So it's valid to raise that issue on the table. Similarly, sex is an important indicator because without genuine sex any companionship is shallow and fake. Not being able to secure sex means that your chances of a romantic relationship are next to nothing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 04:49 PM
6

They believe it because it has been true to them, not realizing that there's a whole group of people who are essentially a different sub-species.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 04:44 PM
1

Which really just meant being a decent person and having an ok job.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 02:08 AM
1

I suppose just about what you'd expect: having a dating profile, taking part in social gatherings, going through school/work, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 01:50 AM
1

Depends on your looks. If you're unattractive enough, talking to women is absolutely the worst thing to do. You will be seen as a creep and get ostracized.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 09:33 PM
5

it usually isn't because they're misogynistic any more than it being because a woman wants: "6 feet tall, 6 figure income, 6 pack." I suspect social media plays a role in the difficulty of the modern dating world, but you're not going to un-invent it any more than we're going to abolish electricity. You said it's no one's fault yet you point these things that are obviously someone's fault. If not the women's, then the media's or the society's, and even then we can eventually point to the individ…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 09:23 PM
2

More like a realistic worldview.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:53 PM
2

I'd take her for a liar and a faker.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:35 PM
2

I don't believe sex with someone who isn't into me could ever be enjoyable.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 11:43 AM
2

No. That sounds like a disaster.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 11:14 AM
1

Nah, I wouldn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 04:44 PM
1

Yes, if I can't get it from a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 01:59 PM
0

Men sinply have wider scale of attraction compared to women. We are attracted to women of all shapes, sizes and looks. Whereas women have two acceptable bodytypes that they're attracted to, with a whole list of "must-have" criteria.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 12:29 AM
1

No, I value LTR more than casual sex, but either one can make me happy. It's the only way I value myself as a human being. Without that approval, I am nothing.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 12:25 AM
1

Definitely more fat women and skinny men. In general, men are attracted to all bodytypes while women are attracted to only two: tall skinny and tall muscular.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/22 08:19 PM
2

Love exists but only for the most attractive people. Everything else is emotional manipulation. And I do think that for men like us, there really isn't any point in forming bonds and talking with others. I've been planning to cut off all contact with my family and friends in the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/22 08:16 PM
2

Admittedly, I'm using "told" more in a metaphorical sense for life experiences in general. "Proven" would be the more accurate description.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 03:28 PM
2

I don't think it's about men looking to burden women specifically. It's more like, if you were told that you'd never find a romantic partner, would not being able to achieve something as fundamental as that say something about you as a human being, regardless of gender? Most men just happen to be heterosexual.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 02:32 PM
3

Do we not all want to be loved? Do we not want to be treated with warmth instead of disgust? Suffering the harshness of the world all on your own is a much grimmer fate than being able to lean on another, to have emotional support, physical affirmation, mutual trust and the such.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 01:54 PM
5

But not getting laid that night IS a failure. It is a failure of proving to a woman that you're worthy of companionship. Granted, one failure is not a catastrophe, but if it's a constant string of them, that implies failure as a human being.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 12:58 PM
1

Thing is, if you're a certain looking person, there really aren't any avenues for you to practice in. I think that's the difference between the past and nowadays, the bar for what is a socially acceptable appearance has changed drastically.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/22 09:12 PM
1

Desperation. The idea of facing life alone, with no one by your side, is soul-crushing. Against that, even impossible chances seem worth trying.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/22 08:49 PM
1

Thanks, I appreciate the thought.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 08:20 AM
2

For me, the goal is simply to accept my lot in life and numb the pain. It's to completely close myself off from dating and relationships. For the record, I don't subscribe to any of the views about women that you listed, so they aren't as universal as you might think.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/22 06:31 PM
7

I hope you manage to give him a chance. Men really aren't like you think we are. I myself have mostly given up. I had a period of about five years where I actively attempted to find a partner. I gave it a lot. In the end, I had to face the reality and admit that based on my experience, I just didn't have what it takes. The data feels pretty irrefutable at this point, so pouring more time and effort into the dating game would just lower my overall quality of life.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/22 03:29 PM
2

Oh well, a fair point nonetheless.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/22 05:42 PM
3

Fair enough, though I was just trying to express similar personal views as OP to give an example.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/22 04:49 PM
3

It's difficult because it expects you to perform without giving much in return. You are expected to be strong, successfully, rich, etc. But at the same time there is no allowance for emotional vulnerability, failures, shortcomings, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/22 04:44 PM
5

This is an understandably common take. That said, it is not usually backed by any hard evidence. I can just as easily say that a woman might be put off by appearances even if she would have been fine with everything else. And in my experience, that's the much more likely occurrence. For women, looks as a category seem to matter much more than anything else, and it's also a much narrower spectrum compared to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/22 04:17 PM
2

Would be nice if it could be possible. But there is no comradery among men, everyone is everyone's enemy. Moreover, I don't think a scenario where women as a whole are hostile towards men will help the current situation much.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 02:04 PM
2

I mean, it's more about the fact that for men there's a constant stream of negative feedback and no positive feedback coming in. Is it a wonder that it would have an effect on your mental health?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 01:23 PM
1

I have a small but good group of friends. This includes one girl, who I meet up with time to time. In university, I was the only guy in most of my classes, but I haven't been attending them for a few years.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/22 02:36 PM
2

I have not really seen a substantial amount of such men in relationships, so this sounds purely hypothetical to me. It's easy to present such an ideal relationship for unideal men with no evidence to prove that those even exist. I myself belief that at best non-ideal men can achieve a cold, practical relationship where the woman at best settles for him in the absence of better options.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/22 09:21 PM
1

Because that is the only thing that gives us validation in life, and without it, we are sub-human. I myself do not hold as harsh views as what you described, but I do believe that men have to meet immensely unrealistic standards to deemed worthy of a relationship. And if you can't get a relationship, well, that means you're not deemed worthy of emotional support, physical affection, bodily validation, etc. If you reveal your status to anybody, they will look at you as if you were from a differen…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/22 09:13 PM
3

Fair enough 😅 You asked, can't fault me for trying to guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/22 10:17 PM
0

Taller than 6'5, big cock, very muscular, doesn't show emotions, hostile towards other men, 500k minimum salary.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/22 10:14 PM
–

Fair, but I don't think those things have equal effect on men and women. Women's attractiveness is a much more wider scale compared to men. Thus, they have more dating options and chances to have their romantic needs met and have to deal with much less rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/22 12:34 PM
–

Definitely. If you're not putting in time five days a week, plus diet, and achieving that Hollywood body, you're not really viable as a serious partner. But I don't think most women understand what kind of work and sacrifices that kind of body takes.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/22 03:46 PM
3

Alternatively, women get more emotional support outside of dating compared to men. In fact, they get the opposite.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/22 09:10 AM
7

Women have extensive emotional support networks and movement aimed at empowering them. Single women have increasingly been portrayed as strong and independent, which is of course a good thing. For men, on the other hand, being single means that they are a failure. They are also denied from complaining about being lonely, lest they'll be mocked or treated as hostile.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/22 09:05 AM
2

I don't agree at all. Men, in general, have much wider standards than women. Men are into thin women, fat women, short women, muscular women, tall women, etc. Women, on the other hand, have 2-3 acceptable bodies for men and that's it. Also, "just put in work" is so vague.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/22 01:01 AM
24

Eh. For men, the scale of attraction goes way further than with women. You have men attracted to tall women, short women, fat women, skinny women, muscular women, young women, old women, etc. For women, there seems to be about 2-3 accepted body types and that's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/22 08:15 PM
1

Some men, the upper class of them, are allowed to be more selective than others, that's true.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 03:53 PM
1

I can't really afford to be picky. It's hard enough for men to socialize at it is. And these are people I've known 10-20 years. I can hardly afford to lose them. It's the same for men whoever they're with.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 02:58 PM
1

Yeah, and the moment I do that I will be ostracized from my social groups, including my family. That's the reality men live in.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 01:41 PM
1

Strange that everyone in my life and society at large has always told me the opposite, then.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 10:01 AM
1

Women are also allowed to put that work in and build supportive social systems. Men simply do not have that option.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/21 04:47 PM
1

They are very real. If you step out of line as a man, you get ostracized immediately.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/21 04:47 PM
2

I have family and a few close friends, but I cannot discuss these things with them. It's not something men are allowed to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 08:02 PM
2

If I could socialize with new people, I wouldn't be in this situation. When you're an ugly guy, you're pretty much a social pariah.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 07:52 PM
3

I'm not expecting someone to be there for me 24/7. But I have had no support from anyone my entire adult life. Not a single word of encouragement for what I'm trying to achieve. No one to rely on when things get bad. Just once or twice would be nice, you know?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 06:56 PM
2

If only it were that simple 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 06:53 PM
7

I would happily trade all of the privileges that men have for an ounce of the sympathy and support women get. Imagine fighting tooth and nail every day, thriving to be the best in everything, while the people around you will at best ignore your struggle and at worst mock you for your shortcomings.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 06:25 PM
–

Modern life is such an unvearable grind. Everything I do I have to succeed at. If you're not among the best, you're nothing. I should just live in the woods or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/21 08:20 PM
4

I disagree. One of the major differences between men and women is that men have a wide spectrum of attraction. Plenty of men are into average, quiet girls, myself included. I have never much cared for the "party girl" look that you mentioned.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/21 07:09 PM
1

You're falling into clichés too much. My relationship with my mother, my sister and all my female relatives is great. Same with the women I'm friends with. The only person I'm angry and disappointed at is myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/21 07:06 PM
3

True. I hate myself for being a failure.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/21 07:04 PM
2

I hate how I can't even enjoy gaming anymore. A quick distraction quickly turns into a 5+ hour session of me hating myself since I'm not as good as I should be. It's ironic that men are encouraged to be competitive, but as soon as they're not at the top of it, their worth collapses.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/21 04:15 PM
5

It's systematic, I think. Men's self esteem has been hammered to the ground in recent years. In society's eyes, if you're not succeeding in pretty much everything, you're not worth much at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/21 03:56 PM
2

I think the difference is that the "criteria" for being attractive is way, WAY wider for women than men. Women of all shapes and sizes are found attractive by men. But for men, there's 2-3 types that they need to fit into or they're out of the social game.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/21 09:12 AM
3

I have not heard that statistic before but it is interesting. I'd say matches hardly correlate with partners or relationships though.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/21 11:57 AM
2

Not disagreeing with any other other points, but I don't think equating men's lack of choice and women's push against expectations is fair. If you want to avoid being "easy", that means women have the option for partners but choose not to act on it. Men, on the other hand, have no similar options in the first place. ​ However, it can actually be harder to find a partner if you’re only physically attracted to a small percentage of the population, will only date someone who treats you as an equal …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/21 11:35 AM
1

My only relationship so far was not a right fit at all. It only lasted for a short while but I felt trapped and dreaded to imagine our future together. It's absolutely not worth it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 12:22 PM
14

Sorry to hear that people have responded that way, that's really hurtful. But as for what we, or at least I, would like to see: Understanding that some men live in a completely different reality than most women. That they might have no chance for relationships, intimacy, bodily affirmation or emotional support. Acknowledging that these are real deficiencies that affect their quality of life and wellbeing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 07:04 PM
1

I don't worry about the average, it's when you're below average that dating becomes outright hostile.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 06:41 PM
1

I don't quite agree with that, I think some shortcomings are too big to be overcome with other strengths, but I respect your opinion on this.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/21 08:17 PM
3

What if you agree only on some of that? I personally feel like there is merit in recognizing one's low value and acting accordingly, but I'd never tell that to anyone else or blame women for the situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/21 07:12 PM
2

Appearance mostly. I'm around 200lb with 50lb lost already but that has come to a halt recently. In addition I'm balding with an ugly, lumpy head shape. If those things could be fixed, I don't think I'd have any problem at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/21 07:05 PM
1

Jealously, mostly. At first it seems hard to figure out why someone at my level could find a partner, but obviously there's something not readily apparent that they compensate with. So it isn't really comparable to my situation at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/21 07:02 PM
2

I wouldn't mind chatting, but I'm doing quite ok, no worries 👍
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 03:09 PM
2

A poor choice of words, perhaps.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 02:34 PM
2

I'm sure rht don't mean it, but still, they do. Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm doing pretty good on some areas, but there are a few important ones I'm sub-par on that bar me from dating and such.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 02:33 PM
2

I do agree with you partially, though I'm not sure I'm completely on board with the idea of leagues. But anecdotally I don't rank women outside of if I'm attracted to them or not, and even there I feel like my standards are quite broad.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 01:12 PM
2

I kinda disagree, though that does sound like an accurate description of many men. I'm very much aware of my bottom-barrel status myself. I think there is certain understandable bitterness in that you have to exceed in EVERY aspect of your life; looks, charisma, money, career, interests, etc. to be viable, compared to women who don't need any of that. But I don't think it's fair to direct that frustration outside, though having the society deny your own view of your value doesn't make it easy to…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 01:00 PM
3

I've been trying to build more social relationships but have been failing so hard at life recently that I feel like it might be better to just cut everyone off, including my family and friends of 20+ years. It's incredibly demoralizing to spend time with people who constantly remind you of their social superiority. I seem to remember some discussion about this kind of movement but I can't quite recall?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 12:55 PM
1

It ranks pretty much above anything else. If I can't be loved and wanted, what other value is there? As long as I don't have that, I feel inferior.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/21 08:07 PM
25

Ditto on the last paragraph. To me body positivity is about disengaging your self-worth from your appearance and not letting it override your other qualities. Admitting the health issues that weight brings with it is absolutely essential, but we all have many things to improve upon, and one shouldn't define your entire value as a human being.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 03:59 PM
1

I don't think the two positions are comparable. The challenges are both unique. For example, women of pretty much all appearances are able to attract positive encouragement, physical affection and relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/21 04:10 PM
5

This scene is so incredibly relatable, it's a shame that these issues aren't more explored in media https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktXm7CRXbsE. I'm dreading the day when I have to have this discussion with my parents though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/21 03:49 PM
1

Only by making the assumption that they are better than me by having a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/21 01:41 PM
1

No woman who's not interested in a man casually will be satisfied with him romantically though. And outside of that, what other league is there?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/21 03:34 PM
11

Sure. Yet women still say things like "appearance doesn't matter", "looks aren't everything" and "ugly guys get partners all the time".
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/21 05:21 PM
16

Does that make it any better? The situation sucks, no matter how well based it might be. One thing I do have an issue with is the hypocrisy of not admitting how bad looks create a barrier in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/21 04:26 PM
1

Sad to hear you think that's what we do.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/21 10:57 PM
3

Well, I have seen many men adoring plus-sized women. You only have to look at any models/influencers/adult content featuring bigger women and see how they're admired. To use such a crude example as porn of Reddit, there's A TON of big subs dedicated to differently shaped women. Similar male content is much, much less common. And with the risk of sounding preachy, personally I have no major preference towards thin girls, my scale is quite wide in that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/21 02:11 PM
1

That's fair enough. But men, in general, seem to have a much wider range of what they consider attractive. Men will be into short women, tall women, skinny women, fat women, muscular women, etc. Whereas women, in my experience, have one or two very specific bodytypes that they're into.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/21 10:26 AM
9

This doesn't seem to address the core issue that no woman wants to date a man they're not attracted to (unattractive men) and the scope of women's attraction is extremely narrow.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/21 04:09 PM
1

I could never date a 9, even though I don't agree with such valuations. I would feel like an absolute freeloader in that relationship and not good enough for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/21 08:09 PM
1

For women; chubby, curvy, medium to long hair, height doesn't really matter. That said, appearances only matter in isolation, so this isn't something I NEED for my partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/21 10:26 AM
3

I'd say I'm an introvert to an extend. I'm very careful around other people and avoid pushing my company onto them, but I do like spending time with others to an extend. It wasn't an ideal situation for me, I mostly endured it due to financial reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 10:06 PM
6

Just go my own (small) place recently after living in a shared apartment for 4 years. I immediately feel better mental health wise, especially now being able to separate my work area from everything else. Idk if this will help with any relationship issues, but it's nice to notice some improvement.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 09:29 PM
2

For me, definitely. I consider myself being pretty worthless due to my unattractiveness and the related inability to receive any kind of sexual affection. It's something I've been trying to get better used to.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/21 09:00 PM
3

I wouldn't even hesitate.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/21 03:41 PM
44

They seem to think being a playboy with a n count of 100 (100 HOT women, specifically) is the goal. If there are guys like this, it sounds as crazy to me as it does to you. I think anything close to such numbers is exceptional, I'm more worried about not being qualified even for one stable relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/21 06:04 AM
9

Same thing we do to combat misogyny, homophobia, racism and other kinds of discrimination. We educate people. We teach them the value in things outside of pure appearance. If people of all appearances can connect with each other, that's already building a healthier society.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/21 06:00 AM
1

I was in a bad relationship before, definitely wouldn't go back into one.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/21 07:08 PM
1

Only con would be losing independence, which is understandable. Pros would be emotional support, physical valididation, a trusty partner, intimacy, normalcy, sharing my life with someone, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/21 07:03 PM
1

Pretty much all of those even have been made remote. I'm doing something that already, taking language classes. But I would never approach anyone in that kind of a setting.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/21 02:24 PM
1

No, but there aren't really any social gathering being organized either.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/21 01:24 PM
2

Been keeping up with online dating, but there have been few matches.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/21 09:32 AM
1

I'm seriously thinking of giving up dating for good, wondering if anyone else sees that as a viable option. I think adjusting to the mindset that I will be alone for the foreseeable future, would be beneficial in planning things forward. It would also help with the feeling of "missing" something. I want to make my peace with it, the standards to even be genuinely viable seem pretty impossible to reach.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 10:47 PM
5

Not my experience, but fair enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 07:56 PM
8

For ONS only physical attributes matter, so you can't compensate with anything else. In relationship, there are other aspects of your being to consider that can add value.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 07:41 PM
1

I don't think so, and that's one of the main reasons why I'm most likely planning on staying single. But I can only speak for myself, I won't dismiss anyone else's experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 12:05 PM
1

One of the most terrifying and suffocating periods in my life was when I was in a bad relationship and could see it just continuing decades forward.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/21 05:46 PM
5

That's... Exactly what we've been saying though?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/21 09:24 AM
1

I'm good, but thanks anyways, I appreciate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/21 10:36 AM
6

It is what it is. I'd rather have that than be at the receiving end of anger, disgust and ostracization.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/21 10:18 AM
6

I wouldn't mind the effort, I just don't want to gross out others. Who cares if it's someone I know? We're there for the same reason so there's nothing wrong with swiping.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/21 09:56 AM
15

Since everyone is on the app for the same reason, there is no risk of offending someone by approaching them. What's more, you also don't risk poisoning the social circle you're in, ending up ostracized or kicked out. Women don't have to worry about such things; they either are the ones who get approached or are free to approach men anywhere they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/21 09:08 AM
1

I don't think it's that ridiculously strict. But there are some universal requirements like being thin for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/21 08:35 AM
1

Alright, thanks for the insight. Sounds like that fits into the usual standard.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/21 07:10 AM
1

What is your personal preference then, if you're ok with sharing?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/21 06:58 PM
23

One study does not make the truth, especially since the method is a bit unusual imo: they counted words in published books. The Nordics are regularly ranked as the happiest countries in the world currently, and they're pretty liberal all things considered.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 11:11 PM
1

That's a fair guess I suppose. I was using that example since it's really the most comprehensive comparison out there. I'm not trying to project my own sexuality onto women, and I actually deny that kind of superficiality. I'm much more into interests and personality rather than appearance, which I'm pretty flexible about either way. I just speak for what I've seen, and that is women only expressing desire for very specific kind of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 10:06 PM
1

Alright, fair enough, I'm not trying to discredit your experiences. My own have just been the complete opposite and I can't figure out what else could be the issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 03:24 PM
1

I just mean, you claim that such a behavior is common, but have you actually seen it yourself?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 03:09 PM
2

Do you have any evidence to support this then?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 02:44 PM
2

I've known and know plenty; family, friends, acquaintances, etc. I don't see anything that'd discredit what I've experienced personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 02:30 PM
3

If you look around Reddit, there are tons of subreddit dedicated to women of all shapes and sizes. There is no equivalent of that for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 02:10 PM
5

Never seen that myself. Men on the other hand will go for pretty much any bodytype.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/21 02:09 PM
3

That sounds interesting, care to share?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/21 05:46 PM
13

Women say that, but there's no really behavior to support it. If you look at women's preference in any platform; in dating sites, Reddit, movies, porn, etc., there are 1-2 bodytypes that are deemeed desirable. I'm not trying to moralize, it's just how it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/21 05:42 PM
11

With all due respect, words are cheap. You don't really see this happening in real life, despite how much women claim it to be the case. In terms of looks, women only date a very specific type of man, whereas men go for a much wider range.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/21 05:03 PM
64

Men have a much wider scale for what they think is "attractive" compared to women. Men will be into slim women, muscular women, chubby women, fat women, tall women, short women, etc. Same seems to go for gay men as well, though I can't speak for them obviously. Women on the other hand seem to have a much narrower view of what they're looking for, so finding that makes attractive men "scarce" in their eyes. Just guessing here, obviously.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/21 01:18 PM
2

I agree that focusing only on sex is foolish. However, being denied of sex is often just a shorthand of not being able to experience much more important things: It means you'll never have a partner, it means you'll never experience intimacy, physical appreciation or acceptance, you'll never have a family, no one will choose to love you, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/21 01:01 AM
1

Sure, it's highly unlikely that anything that dramatic will happen. Metoo itself is an exceptionally concentrated and powerful phenomenon, there's simply not enough critical mass for every complaint. However, that doesn't mean there can't be consequences. I think ugly men do get treated differently and with an inherent hostility if they're being proactive. But it will simply manifest itself as that one person taking offense, or the social group becoming unwelcoming. So I would rather not risk th…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/21 12:31 AM
1

That certainly sounds accurate. I've never approached a woman irl, I don't want to be labeled as a creep or turn the situation into something uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/20 11:21 AM
2

Any woman showing interest in me, I suppose. People always try to refute the idea with counter examples, but they're always abstract, removed from common reality or simply aren't comprehensive enough to draw proper conclusions from. I don't like drawing generalizations, so I only know that in my case appearance is the one factor differentiating me from regular people, so that's the obvious culprit as well. In my case specifically I know this to be true, until proven otherwise, I can't speak for …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/20 10:42 PM
1

Of course, but it's all for good reasons. You gotta be realistic about yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/20 03:04 PM
2

Seriously who believes that dumb idea? I mean, I certainly do. I've never approached a woman irl since I don't want to poison that social circle by labeling myself as a creep.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/20 12:44 PM
0

Well, my age range is like 20-55, so...
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/20 10:44 PM
1

Option 2, since Option 1 sounds just plain false. But I don't expect to reach either one, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/20 06:55 PM
2

Online, probably something like 30-50 times. IRL, never. I'm kinda ready to give up right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/20 06:49 PM
5

Unfortunately this does not take into account that different kinds of men are allowed to function in different environments. Ugly men can't really approach women irl, that will just poison the social group for them. So it's better to focus on online dating when that sort of approaches are expected and women have the possibility to simply ignore any uninteresting messages. There's something concrete and important to be lost when you act in a way you're not allowed to.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/20 02:45 AM
20

I've been trying to, but there haven't really been that many opportunities unfortunately. It's not like I get invited anywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/20 02:37 PM
53

Man, 27. No. They have stayed as barren as they always were.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/20 01:45 PM
1

Yeah, but we can't really just talk with other people uninvited. That's just asking for trouble.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/20 10:24 AM
22

Not looking at me with diagust if I need to talk with them. Not acting like I don't have the right to be in the same room as them. Not isolating me in every social situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/20 04:40 AM
2

My goal: Work full-time on my creative field, have a partner who supports me and who I can support in turn, be financially secure and have a good circle of friends. My progress: I'm currently working as a freelancer but not yet fulltime until I've finished my studies. My money situation is stable, but modest. As for relationships and friends, I feel like I'm unable to progress with those due to my appearance. Might be a dead end there.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/20 06:34 PM
2

Women tend to be given much more leeway when it comes to their size and dating prospects, so I don't think it's as limiting as most people here think.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/20 11:03 PM
1

It doesn't really work that way when you're ugly, unfortunately.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/20 10:39 AM
1

I used to, but not anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/20 07:15 AM
1

Cos that's how people treat you when you're ugly. It's considered disgusting for you to show any kind of interest towards another person.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/20 07:06 AM
6

They should stop treating men like us as if we were literal trash. Yeah I get that you should never feel obliged to do anything for any man, but do accept the fact that even men who you don't find attractive will approach you. That does not make us creeps or sub-humans. And if you really care to help, any genuine advice would of course be appreciated.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 11:43 PM
1

Yeah, but then the result will be that I get shut out of that hobby.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 10:11 PM
1

Just random women then?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 10:02 PM
2

Sounds like a great way to get myself shut out of every social circle I have.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 10:00 PM
2

I also suspect many of the RP men on this forum aren’t interested in anything constructive and just want to evangelise and spew bile. I'd love to get such advice, but no one seems to be able to offer anything concrete, it all comes back to vague ideas that have little to no bearing on practical life.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 07:14 PM
2

I’m confused as to why “ugly men have it worse than ugly women”. Because "ugly" women are much more appreciated than "ugly" men. This is using rather small-minded definitions of course. Women of nearly are shapes and sizes get positive encouragement and are able to get flirts, conversations, sex, relationships, etc. from men. Men on the other hand have a very narrow mold they have to fit in, otherwise they get entirely shut out from interacting with women, especially in any intimate way. ​ I thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 07:12 PM
3

I'm happy to hear that you managed to make that journey. I'm not sure if I can, evidently. I also think women have much wider range of acceptable appearances compared to men. For example, just look at how many men are into plus-sized women, petite women, muscular women, etc., compared to the very limited options men have available. It's not just about me avoiding awkward situations, it's about avoiding outright hate and disgust.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 04:54 PM
13

Online dating is most successful for classically attractive men and average to good looking women. I feel like it's the opposite actually. When you're unattractive, the risk in approaching someone is much smaller online than irl. You avoid upsetting them in a social situation. Start socializing with men and women in real life. With all due respect and apologies for possibly insulting you, but based on your profile you live in an entirely different reality compared to me. People actively shut me …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 04:07 PM
4

I don't approach women much irl, mostly for professional reasons like in university classes. For dating, I only use dating sites. I don't have super high criteria and will want to meet someone at least once if I'm unsure whether I'll be attracted to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 03:54 PM
31

This. Men like me get completely shut out of society and dating. I've been working on myself my entire life, yet because of my appearance I can't even have a conversation with women.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 02:27 PM
7

The bar for "ugly" is way, way lower with men than women though. There is very little women need to do or avoid to still be considered attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/20 02:25 PM
1

Guess I'm screwed then. Oh well.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/20 08:49 PM
2

Still overrules the original, rather widely used statement. If you're the wrong type of ugly, no positive traits are going to be able to compensate for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/20 04:18 PM
2

Plus you can be "ugly" but have a good personality and still find a partner. Just don't look like a bum and be overweight (you can be either but not both usually lol). Seems to be bit of a conflict between those statements, right? "You can be ugly, but don't be ugly in these specific ways."
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/20 02:36 AM
1

Yeah I get that side too and aren't trying to belittle it. Maybe I'd say that women in general have a lower appearance barrier than men when it comes to starting a relationship, not to say anything outside of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 05:50 PM
0

My major (but not the only) issue is being overweight. That is obviously my fault. Furthermore, I am the only one who can carry responsibility for my appearance. So I have to take them blame when it makes people feel disgusted, since I was the one who put myself in that situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 04:07 PM
1

Maybe, I have yet to find such means though.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 04:05 PM
4

This is going to sound like sexist bs so I apologize, but I feel like men and women are different in that. Women, especially beautiful ones, will always be welcomed somewhere. But ugly men might never find a group who will endure their presence. And of course, dating is a whole another thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 03:40 PM
5

I don't think it's a matter of who's at fault. It's a matter of not being able to find a solution. I don't take my situation personally, but it still hinders my life in a major way.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 03:27 PM
4

Yeah I don't doubt that charisma wouldn't work in a vacuum, but appearance is something that can remove that gain completely. If someone's appearance is wholly unpleasant, you're not going to endure them enough to hear what they have to say.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 03:12 PM
1

Do you have anything you love doing? Hobbies are a great way to start working towards better mental health. Sure, tons. I read, write (as a job as well), study Japanese, do walks, exercise, watch series and movies, play games, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 03:08 PM
2

True, true. I'm not opposed to it, I just don't see it affecting this particular issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 03:07 PM
3

I seriously doubt that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 02:52 PM
4

Shunned from social circles, never approached, getting a cold shoulder when I try to spend more time with classmates or family, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 02:49 PM
3

It's not like I act like this around other people. I act perfectly normal, am outgoing, ask around, tell about what's going on with me, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 02:48 PM
4

Mental health isn't that simply to put work towards, unfortunately. It would probably be beneficial overall, but I still fail to see what practical difference it would make in dating. It does not change my appearance. And I don't blame women, I blame myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 02:47 PM
6

We will have to agree to disagree then. I can socialize with people alright, talk to them, be interested in them, be outgoing, passionate, etc. The issue is that I haven't even gotten to the point where "loving" someone would be relevant, the road stops long before that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 02:25 PM
3

I don't think my own happiness has any effect on how I express myself outwardly. I can keep my inner feelings away and just focus on the moment, since I truly do enjoy spending time with other people.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:58 PM
10

That's not what I claim. I'd love have a relationship. I just believe that it's impossible in my case.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:41 PM
4

I've been going on dates for over 5 years now with no luck, isn't there are point when you have to admit you're not cut out for something?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:38 PM
8

I don't recognize those traits. The only person I hold disdain for is myself. I don't talk down to anyone. I rarely approach women and when I do I try to be as considerate as possible. I talk with them plenty, as friends as acquaintances as well, I want to know what's going on with their lives. I honestly don't even see rejection as a big thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:37 PM
4

Well, I'm happy to hear they were more fortunate than me at least.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:34 PM
9

Perhaps that was a bad example, but certainly it should keep you from being completely shunned. What I tried to get across that I act normal, I don't act hostile or bitter around women or other people.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:33 PM
9

No I don't and I've never done anything even remotely like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 01:16 PM
18

Not to be hurtful, but I wonder what the dating market is like in her area. Does she have much more options available? Sometimes marriage can be more about stability and security than attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 11:24 AM
12

I seriously doubt that happening. Can you give me an example?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 11:15 AM
23

Yup.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 10:02 AM
48

Would love to see this "personality flaw" pointed out. I always treat other people with respect, yet I'm treated like I'm trash because of my looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/20 08:07 AM
2

Ok, got it, thanks. I was just trying to elaborate on what the original commenter probably meant.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/20 11:09 PM
1

Ok. I don't quite get your point though, unless you were just gloating?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/20 11:06 PM
1

It's better to accept hopelessness that cling onto false hope and keep wasting your effort on something that's never going to happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/20 11:01 PM
4

Not OP, but it does feel like a gut punch when someone does the minimum effort and then gets immediately approached by their life partner, when you've failed to catch even a passing interest your entire life.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/20 10:58 PM
1

Thank you, I appreciate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/20 03:20 AM
1

Alright, thanks for the insight.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/20 01:34 PM
1

Is this only irl or in online spaces as well?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/20 01:01 PM
1

Sorry, I don't quite understand what you mean by this?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/20 12:19 PM
1

Alrigh, thanks for the tip!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/20 12:44 AM
2

I don't have room for a bike in my apartment unfortunately. I'm hoping to go bicycling outside or, if the weathers change, do enough walking. I'm actually just talking with a personal trainer for getting a program for me. Group fitness isn't a bad idea, there are many offered at my university, but it's a scary situation for me. I have wanted to try basketball and volleyball at least. I'm not based in US, but I do work from home handling my own business. The first 50lb were mostly by diet but als…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/20 12:18 AM
2

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it. But women in most places don’t have men constantly approaching them, unless they are strikingly beautiful. I believe that, but dating apps seem to be the exception to this, no? And when you described your looks in the incel thread, I don’t recall you mentioning being overweight. Or I forgot. How tall are you? I might be forgot to mention that then, I don't try to hide it. I'm 220lb, 5'9. I started going to gym before covid started, and that kinda put …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/20 11:37 PM
5

I'm just exhausted. I'd need to be so exceptional to have any chance in dating. The game is insanely stacked against men. A woman of pretty much any shape and size will have men constantly approaching her. I get nothing but disgust because of my looks, despite working hard on my life for decades. Anyone who believes in equal dating opportunities between men and women is willfully ignorant. Sometimes I imagine just giving up and cutting all human contact. I'm tired of the unfair fight.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/20 10:37 PM
1

But they themselves, they require either sex or a concept of self extension, control, or relation to another man to even perceive us as human. I've never done this, and am sorry to hear you've experienced that. All I ask is for a little empathy and caring me as a human being, but that seems to be too high of a bar for someone like me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/20 10:22 PM
1

Ok, I understand.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/20 03:06 PM
1

Maybe. I'm trying to base it on my previous experiences though.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/20 02:50 PM
1

Well, I think that can depend on both me and the person I'm talking to. I might not act pushy, but they might still perceive it that way because of my appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/20 12:09 PM
1

Do you see a problem with viewing talking to people as pushy ? Do you tend to be pushy when talking to people ? I would like to think I'm not. I'm an alright conversationalist, provided that I got the permission to talk with someone. But the definition of "pushy" wildly changes depending on the appearance of the talker.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/20 11:59 AM
2

To answer your question; of course I do. I just don't want to make the situation worse by pushing myself onto others.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/20 11:23 AM
3

That's not exactly how it works though, right? No one wants some gross stranger to approach them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/20 05:05 PM
2

Fair enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/20 03:00 PM
3

I doubt it. I can't just approach people who don't know me, you know? It might work for attractive people, but for me I'd probably get disgust spewn on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/20 02:45 PM
5

None.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/20 02:25 PM
5

Next time you gotta try to go out and have fun. How? I was shut out of the situation completely.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/20 02:03 PM
6

People keep telling me that the incel mindset is wrong, but every time I try to get out of my comfort zone, I'm slammed down. An acquaintance was doing a party this evening and though we don't really know each other that well, I thought I would attend and take the opportunity to socialize. I shaved my head, trimmed my beard, picked my best clothes. In the end I sat alone for 1,5 hours and left. Lol. As a side note, I'm starting to feel a bit bitter about how low women's standard of attractivenes…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/20 12:32 AM
2

Yup, that sounds like something I would totally do. Not that aggressively, but I'd think she'd have no idea what she was getting into or was otherwise disingenuous.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/20 07:07 PM
1

I'm simply saying that I don't see a reason why a woman should choose men A, when they could also choose men A+10, so to speak. Which is why I find the usual "you're fine as you are, someone will like you" rhetoric hard to believe.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/20 11:58 PM
1

Those other men might have none of your flaws, but they sure as hell have their own flaws, and who's to say which set of flaws would be more or less tolerable to any given woman. I wouldn't be so sure about that. There are plenty of people who are essentially flawless, or much less flawed than most. That's not even mentioning that they are better at everything that makes you you. If we all kept seeking the "more perfect version" of whoever we're with, no one would ever be satisfied with anyone b…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/20 02:18 PM
1

I wouldn't be so sure of that. But even if that were the case, some people are MORE perfect than others.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 10:46 PM
1

I'm not sure if it's against the rules, but I'll use myself as an example. So I got a few things going for me; I'm educated, work in a creative industry, got hobbies that I'm into, etc. However, there are many men who also exhibit all of my best attributes with none of my flaws, while also being otherwise superior to me; better looking, more outgoing, etc. Hopefully that clears it up a bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 10:34 PM
1

Even if they don't fit your ideal? Even when you know you can do better?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 03:24 PM
1

I don't understand why a woman would choose a flawed man, when she can just choose the perfect version of him instead? I get that there are personal preferences, but even within those preferences a woman can always choose the ideal model. So what are your options if you're imperfect?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 10:46 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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