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Trick-Consequence-18 Archive

View 0 posts and 117 comments by Trick-Consequence-18 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I started trying to use duct tape in the course of a normal day, to be a better listener. When I think of something I want to say, I let 5 breaths go by before I say it out loud. Often I find that I don’t wanna say the thing after all or even better he brings up his own topic. And so there’s more peace and I get to hear more from him. I found that this has had a secondary effect— I’m so used to pausing now before talking that when he says something that hurts my feelings or I’m feeling grouchy. …
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/26 12:05 AM
3

This reminds me of that question ‘would you love me if I were a worm?’ He loves you the way you are (with your moral compass and boundaries). Why run theoreticals of ‘if I were XYZ?’ Stay in this reality of who and what you are, and who and what he is. If those two ever do diverge THEN decide that you either want to find compromise or exit. Do you really want him desirous of sexier public dressing? If he were, wouldn’t that mean he was better suited for someone else too?
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/26 03:39 PM
3

There’s no reason to think you’ll never be a mom right now. So let go of that fear. I agree with others—-close the distance gap asap. While you are apart use the time for basic foundational work. Things that will help your family in the long term. Make money, if you can (since money seems to be the source of the distance). Manage your savings. Practice cooking at home. Exercise.practice running the home while he is away. As a new mom, I wish I’d worked on my cooking skills more before. ❤️
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/26 12:13 PM
26

This doesn’t sound like a dead end at all. It sounds like an open conversation. Think about what you really want out of the financial arrangement. Are you trying to ensure that all money is ‘ours’? Are you worried he’s always going to expect you to contribute the same amount or more? Are you afraid you can’t trust him to manage money? Are you afraid of being left off assets (like the house)? Once you know what YOU want, there are likely several ways to achieve it. You two just need to find 1 tha…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/26 05:18 PM
27

Sex is emotional and he doesn’t sound like he is caring during sex
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/26 05:20 PM
10

I have such admiration for you. I can only imagine how overstretched you both must be. My context is: married, baby and 2 big careers. When we’re overtired it helps me to name it, say it out loud and I joke that mutual down time is our study hall. A walk between period of the day helps too. So, after a hard wfh work day, taking a walk together to transition into a different headspace.
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/26 02:39 AM
6

Excellent advice from wife_and_mama above. I want to press on one other thing. You have a theory that someone else would have loved you better and that you did it wrong (married too young) and now you’ll never get it. That’s a complicated set of emotions and theories to unpack. I suggest you really examine each of the assumptions underneath that. Is each aspect true? Would you have found something better? You didn’t have much experience at the time you’ve seen other marriages and men since then.…
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/26 06:28 PM
7

It is very common for men to circle back. If he is still interested let him circle back but do not hunt him/shoot your shot or you will always be in a position of weakness with him. I know you say you acted poorly and maybe you did but, he as a more experienced man should be understanding of where you are in your development. It would be frankly delusional for him to have expected you to act like your most mature self when you are still in your early 20s. I would expect to see him act with compa…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/26 07:03 PM
3

The kind of man you’d actually want to be with is not on those subs. My dating life was better in my early to mid 30s than it was in my early 20s. This is because I continued to invest in myself and (most importantly) had better discernment about prospective partners. A lot of people in their 20s are still all betting on potential. By 30s you have a real idea of if they are going to grow up or not. I’ll never worry about aging out again
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/26 10:55 PM
63

I think it’s helpful to think of like… in your youth you have potential. During that time it’s important that YOU develop that potential (spiritual, emotional, physical, interest, etc) so that when you are older you become more interesting. I have found that as I got older and more developed as a person, the quality of men and my discernment for them increased! Dating in my mid 30s was better and more productive than my early 20s.
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/25 05:12 PM
4

What do the personal lives of the highly successful look like in your culture? As I have climbed my career, I see that the men who are successful typically have stay at home wives and the women who are successful have ex husbands. Your fiancé is running a classic neg on you, that you aren’t good enough. What you need to work on is your belief. Do you believe that? Do you believe in his world view? Or is he wrong?
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/25 10:08 PM
2

I totally get it and am sending you so much love. First: In short, talk is cheap. Don’t listen to his words. Look at his actions. And ask yourself if you are so attached to him that you’d risk xyz if his actions don’t align with his words. If it all blows up when you’re 30, you’ll still be able to find someone else if you want. (Personally I would discourage this). Second: But whatever you do, if you aren’t married (or marriage is not imminent), do not design your life around someone. Don’t sacr…
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/25 09:45 PM
2

If you did go with his timeline of 8 years, you’d be 29/30 when you were sure of whether or not he would actually say yes at point of marriage. If it didn’t work then, how would you feel? How would you be prepared to try again with someone else at that time? Would you have enough time to find someone else? Would you want to marry someone who had you wait so long? Or would you feel resentment? Do you want kids? Is that another negotiation you’d have to have? His language about your education and …
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/25 04:19 PM
12

I was you. My ex used the same excuses. The truth was he didn’t really want to get engaged, married, buy a house, have kids. You know what he did want? A stable woman to split bills with (why he wanted to move in together but not get engaged etc.) and provide reliable companionship. I wish I could go back in time and hit myself for wasting so much time. (6yrs dating, 2married before I figured out that I was NEVER going to get what I wanted needed relationally). Maybe that’s not you. Maybe you’ll…
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/25 04:12 PM
1

This is going to be loving but harsh. If I’m wrong, please disregard but I see a lot of younger me and friends in your conundrum. First, good for you for acknowledging your anxious attachment. This is a classic anxious-avoidant relationship. You are in the fantasy of what it could be and what it would mean if he chose you (over the distance, over other women; the validation and gratification you would feel being chosen and how great everything would be). He is a classic avoidant—that’s why you k…
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/25 08:04 PM
3

I’m sorry. Keep working on yourself and have faith that you are one step closer to your mister right 🩷
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/25 04:32 PM
3

He’s 29. You’re long distance. Not engaged. He’s give you a number of reasons he’s not happy. They may or may not be the heart of the matter. Sounds like he’s preparing to break up. But what would you be saving? Not clear why you’re long distance or what his financial/emotional position is. But it sounds like he’s helping with neither. And that you have no near term plans to end the long distance. The hobbies narrative sounds like an excuse and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/25 01:52 PM
1

Gross and I wouldn’t respect someone who did this. An exception for teenage boys who are just figuring things out. But this is not mature adult behavior
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/25 02:57 PM
3

Totally. Though it hurts now, this rejection may have nothing to do with you. Or, with time you may see how you two weren’t a good fit. You might try trusting that he saw some reason that you aren’t a good fit even if you couldn’t see why and being grateful (without it MEANING something about who you are as a person or your value). This becomes easier with time and experience but trust me. In time, he won’t seem like the one who got away. But! The way he exited quickly and without drama is great…
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/25 08:57 AM
12

Consider using this as a different kind of lesson—maybe it’s a model of healthier exploration of relationships as well as graceful rejection/redirection.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/25 08:48 PM
2

I don’t have any advice but I have empathy. That was incredibly unkind of him to take your agency and how he’s handled it secretly subsequently (per your comments) and in such a way that your kids suffer. I’m so sorry. I guess from this moment on it’s one foot in front of the other— doing everything you can to create/save money for their future eye surgery and to help them navigate the world and have excellent educations and experiences. You go to the doctors with them as you now know he’s not t…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/25 03:45 PM
9

My recommendation is more along the lines of…if you aren’t yet married, don’t compromise on anything that you’ll regret losing (I.e. moving some place/educational or career opportunities). Anything you’ll wish you would have done if you break up. I’m all for cooking, emotional support, etc. just don’t sacrifice in such a way that you’d lose if you aren’t yet married.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/25 09:38 PM
8

It might have been a test too. Either way I don’t think he’s the guy for you. I’m so sorry
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/25 05:31 PM
6

In my experience, I don’t want to do the wife activities and sacrifices (which I love to do as a cherished wife) if I don’t have at least the bare minimum legal wife protection because 1. I’m sacrificing my safety and decisions without protection and 2. I honestly don’t want to be too easy to be with. I don’t want my mister to be with me because I make his life easier.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/25 05:30 PM
6

I don’t see enough good things here. There are some ok things and some big red flags. It’s not averaging out favorably. Sex shouldn’t hurt. If it does and you communicate that, your partner should look for ways to change your experience. Personally, I’ve been with a man who wasn’t protective and a man who is… and it feels SO good to know your partner has your back. The coffee thing..eh whatever I probably wouldn’t count that either way. You didn’t say how old he is but I think social media hygie…
/r/RedPillWomen02/07/25 10:43 PM
4

I do think it’s weird that he wants to be wingman for his bro but wouldn’t be ok with you doing girls night (which is less direct validation seeking than wingperson, imo) but again this is more of an observing phase than a directing period
/r/RedPillWomen24/06/25 02:22 PM
5

You’re in the vetting phase. Lightly direct him with praise/appreciation and the tiniest bit of guidance (which you have done) and then observe who he is and how he acts. Then decide if that’s consistent with the kind of man you’d want to be with. Trying to control is a farce and won’t tell you what you need to know, which is how does he act on his own accord. And look to his actions more than his words
/r/RedPillWomen24/06/25 02:19 PM
10

You know, from being in the offices and leadership meetings that (I’m guessing) women are AT MOST 30-40% of the highly educated, performing workforce around you. I’m betting it’s a lot less. That means there are A LOT of men who are more successful than you. Look obviously your achievements are extremely impressive and I don’t say that to knock you, but to reframe that there are an abundance of men who objectively have more than you. Even if you are a young hot unicorn. The field is wide open. I…
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/25 04:14 PM
17

Sure, you definitely haven’t been on your best behavior but his is sooo much worse and likely activating you. Not proposing but wanting to get you pregnant (disrespectful). OF disrespectful. His former sweetheart disrespectful. Making you lie. Threatening you… This is a man who will only make your life harder. If you get him back, he will torture you emotionally in perpetuity. Why would you want more of this? I don’t know how far along you are but you have a window of time now to set you and bab…
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/25 04:48 PM
5

Said once with affection, this has worked for me: ‘I’d really like to be engaged by <date>’ or ‘I’ve always thought it would be romantic to get engaged on <holiday>’
/r/RedPillWomen29/04/25 04:36 AM
4

I relate to your story because I was a 35 year old divorcee no kids when I met my now husband. Now 39 and about to have first baby for both of us. I had known fertility issues and so we jumped right into ivf. The great thing about being well positioned in late 30s as you/we are is that you kind of have a really good idea of who the person is. It’s not all trying to predict potential. Good luck hon! I’m rooting for you, either way!
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/25 07:43 PM
4

lol yeah you’ve a stable job and a stable approach to relationships. If he apologizes sincerely and demonstrates his personal growth, you might consider giving him another chance but he’d have to earn it. You’re going to be worried that you can’t trust him when times get hard. And you both deserve to have that support. If you do decide to see him because you’re curious, go in as your best self !! A few days ago someone here said something along the lines of a leader doesn’t fear commitment, he s…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/25 06:36 PM
4

Yeah it looks like you’re able/willing to give more than he is. Recognizing that this kind of things comes in waves/cycles but even so. I’m with a certifiable alpha (I’m also a high achiever) who was in the bottom of his cycle (tough career/financial obligations/it was very dicey). I saw him through it and did in fact help him with his business too (risky/trusting move on my part but I had the ability to withstand it if I lost). He had 1 conversation with me where he suggested that I didn’t have…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/25 06:11 PM
20

Weird that he wants to see you in person. He’s sniffing around to take another shot, probably. So you don’t need to do anything other than be your best self and leave space for him to say/do whatever he wants I don’t see him as a prize. I don’t think it’s bad that he invested his own money in his business or even that he’s a workaholic or has kids etc etc. Those are all neutral. What I don’t like for you is that when things got tough he dropped you. Unless you pushed for that. I also don’t like …
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/25 05:05 PM
1

For what it’s worth, I think you’re worthy of forgiveness from yourself (and probably also from him). Can I shift your question about if you’d make a good wife right now? That feels like a very harsh question that would require perfection. And you probably wouldn’t hold someone else to a perfect standard. So instead, what kind of <wife> do I want to be? That can be inspiring and uplifting. Do you think negatively about yourself often? Is that part of what is coming out with your words with your …
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/25 06:25 PM
1

He’s asked for space. Demonstrate your understanding and trust by respecting his request. Don’t force another conversation until he is ready. Words are just words. Show him with your actions that you are reflecting and changing. Your actions can include reflecting on: do you actually think he’s a bad (whatever) or he’s letting you down? Are there needs you need to address? Do you need to vent to friends/family? Or have you been going along with a cultural norm that puts partners down? What kind …
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/25 05:34 PM
11

Love the ‘leaders do not fear commitment’
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/25 04:56 PM
9

He’s erratic and inconsistent. Whole thing reads manipulation but I have a different pov than you. I do think it’s important for both parties to recognize that either the relationship is unconditional (sounds like it is from you towards him) or conditional (sounds like his is toward you). Being too afraid of the future to have kids/family does not read as brave or adult to me, let alone ‘alpha’. If you have kids you as a woman are risking your life, your health and becoming extremely vulnerable …
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/25 04:49 PM
7

I have been married in both ways. Once to someone who did not want to marry which permeated everything. He continued to be a live in boyfriend and live parallel lives. But consistent with all the little actions you stacked up that equal marriage. I emotionally starved in that relationship and left. My second marriage is a real marriage. It has all those elements and more. Our lives are irrevocably intertwined. He CHOSE me and I CHOOSE him. To build a family and a legacy together (children, caree…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/25 04:03 PM
7

Really common to sort of imprint someone romantically at that age. Even if they are actually not that great, because you just don’t have a lot of context of experience. Do not romanticize him. He wasn’t the best guy ever. Your guy now may or may not be it for you, but neither was ‘alpha’ With time, often those imprinted guys turn out to be losers. Bet.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/25 04:01 PM
5

Admittedly, I’m not in a church demographic and typically lived in more liberal areas. No one’s ever asked my number (other than few nosy girl friends in college) and I’ve never asked anyone theirs. So, maybe you got a head start on others, you’re using more discernment now. Great work and reflection! Your peers meanwhile are probably catching up with you. Trust that it’ll all balance out. Keep your self esteem up. That voice that’s telling you that you might not be enough now…it’s another versi…
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/25 10:40 PM
24

Let the hvm pursue you. It’ll be good practice for you and will expand your perspectives. You’re very close in age especially to the ones in their late 20s. You’re attractive, age appropriate and clearly intelligent and ambitious (engineering). Why wouldn’t they be interested? And why wouldn’t you find ambition and hard work attractive? Go for it!
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/25 07:20 PM
9

No ldr. If he acts like or says he doesn’t want you, believe him
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/25 02:13 PM
15

Divorced, no children at 32. I found the quality of men and my discernment were WAY better than in my early 20s. Met my wonderful partner at 35 and he proposed in 1 year. It’s totally possible but you have to do your work on yourself and use discernment. For reference I was in metro USA areas and dating highly educated and/or entrepreneurs. I had as many suitors as I wanted.
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/25 09:34 PM
2

3 months or less. Typically part of love bombing or manipulation
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/25 09:26 PM
4

He got you drunk and then tried to coerce you multiple times into a sex act. And he was very foolish and risky about both your health and emotions. Then he pouted. He’s no king.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/25 06:15 PM
0

But I totally agree with you that if you are a 21f, that the 40+ guys asking you out are probably not winners, even if they have $/status. For a lot of reasons (I say as a high income late 30s F). If I were you I’d top out at late 20s and look for someone who is taking care of himself and has a demonstrated record of success of some kind (I would not consider just being in college to be evidence of ability).
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/25 06:03 PM
2

But I totally agree with you that if you are a 21f, that the 40+ guys asking you out are probably not winners, even if they have $/status. For a lot of reasons (I say as a high income late 30s F). If I were you I’d top out at late 20s and look for someone who is taking care of himself and has a demonstrated record of success of some kind (I would not consider just being in college to be evidence of ability).
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/25 05:58 PM
2

They are interrelated. Physical attraction is likely tied to general good health, hygiene and some level of fitness. That’s actually also true of career/money/status too! Money/career also tends to improve with health/hygiene/fitness. Why? Some of it is evolutionary bias. Some of it may be that the same habits correspond to the workplace. So there’s probably a pretty good Venn diagram or cross over between physical attraction and status/career success.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/25 05:53 PM
–

Pre-wedding can heighten things. Neither of you fought well. Is he apologetic? Pre marital counseling is always a good idea. I like surrendering for some things but not all and I do not accept yelling or swearing at someone or name calling, I would not surrender to that. Can you two build a better dynamic? Probably. But it’ll take both of you and a commitment to action. I don’t explicitly see that here
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/25 04:29 PM
16

Depending on your age, I might drop the ‘innocent’ aim and instead think of words like lady, elegant, classic/classy. These can dovetail well with the skills you’d want across both universes: organized, capable, thoughtful
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/25 04:24 PM
3

There are lots of millionaires. People who have $1m. Not rare. All ages, all kinds of looks. Old money is more rare. No reason to believe those categories are more likely to cheat. I would discourage you from choosing a partner who is looking for barely legal partners. What happens when you are no longer that age, if that was your only appeal?
/r/RedPillWomen11/03/25 11:13 PM
7

This is not a man who has demonstrated any capacity for a real relationship at all. In so many ways. What is going on with your friend that she finds herself interested in someone who is so clearly immature in so many ways? What has her spending so much emotional energy on this? He is going on 40 and lives with his parents. He only engages in fantasy relationships. He is not existing in the real world in the way you would need a partner or even a warm acquaintance to do so.
/r/RedPillWomen11/03/25 10:35 PM
3

I’m a bit nd myself and have also spent A LOT of time with high needs populations volunteering. And when I transition to interacting with other types (the ones I’d want to date or build meaningful friendships with) it was hard and I had to relearn how to be and how to connect. Like for me, the topics of conversation and how emotions are handled is TOTALLY different, for example not trauma dumping exchange as the usual means to creates bonds and intimacy 😂. The high needs individuals or emotional…
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/25 02:23 AM
9

Red flags include: -Living with male roommate. You later clarified this in comments. If you continue to live with a man, I’d put the gay qualifier out there right away. -Your volunteerism, while noble, is in areas that will continue to develop skills in being maternal (and also vulnerable to) high need men. add this to your career and there is never a time that you are not caring for people who need something from you, especially social skills. You are training yourself and other needy people to…
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/25 10:34 PM
2

Also I used bumble and hinge. Met my husband off bumble. And I never wanted for dates, but again, large metro areas. Never tinder or any of the others. If you’re religious or more conservative could also try Christian mingle or its equivalent. I also liked cultural events like fundraisers for libraries, museums, charities etc. Made some connections (didn’t accept dates though). And felt like an overall more interesting person which never hurts.
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/25 11:39 PM
3

I felt like I’d wasted time in my first marriage (and I still feel that way) but mostly it is a fear response that I wouldn’t be able to get the things I want because I’d stayed invested in this unfulfilling thing. I’m still a bit mad at myself for spending all that time.. but I no longer am afraid that it means I missed my chance. I hope the same for you. Take the learnings and go forward 🩷🩷
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/25 11:36 PM
13

I know that there’s a lot of noise out there about being over the hill after 30. I have found that if a woman is self reflective, works on herself and keeps her body/mind/spirit in good order, then the options are still sufficient/good. I was divorced and single between 32-35 (so, a less desirable position than you, with a failed marriage behind me). My dating options were BETTER than when I’d last been single at 23. Because I was smarter, more established (more attractive physically, intellectu…
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/25 10:44 PM
2

This is the path
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/25 02:44 PM
2

I am sympathetic. And I don’t think it’s impossible but it’s a tiny pool of guys. He’d likely have to have 1x-2x+ your earning power and be willing to forgo your earning potential. Because your potential is so high (and good for you!!!) that makes the pool smaller. I’m a high earner and I have similar desires but have a lower investment advanced degree. Sometimes tough to find a guy who didn’t look at that as a ‘sugar momma.’ I did better in major metro areas in terms of dating, for what it’s wo…
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/25 04:39 AM
3

Your standards are ok. Your dynamic is challenging. Going part time or stay at home after extensive expensive education is a tough ask. It’s like you’re asking for 2 different people. One guy who admired and respect your intelligence and work ethic and sacrifice and who is willing to sacrifice a normal kind of relationship in support of your work hours and geographic flexibility. And then you’re also looking for a guy who would be ok with you giving up your major income opportunity, him taking o…
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/25 02:08 AM
–

Why would either of us go shopping if we don’t intend to buy? I can’t imagine accepting this. Time and emotion are limited resources and I’d want mine and his spent on strengthening our legacy. The open thing just puts the whole relationship at risk
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/25 07:53 PM
2

Whether or not he’s your forever guy, if you’ve identified some themes with other relationships, you may be in a bit of an anxious attachment approach and finding avoidants. Read up on some of that and you’ll see the theories across most relationship advice/theory work. As a reformed anxious attachment, learning to digest/pre-digest my feelings before bringing them to my partner has been huge. I ask myself how I can self soothe, I journal, breathe, workout, take care of my nervous system so I’m …
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/25 05:47 PM
3

She’s right. It hurts, it sucks. But this was the right thing for him to do, the kindest thing. Go read some of those posts on waiting to wed subreddit and you will be praying thanking god that this man didn’t drag it out
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/25 03:52 AM
8

I love the phrase ‘the grass is greener where you water it’ but it’s really important to specify that is meant for committed long term relationships (marriage) where you’ve already vetted one another as being good, aligned values/actions, trustworthy and loving
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/25 11:23 PM
9

Oh absolutely good call out. What would her future husband think if he heard something like this? I hate that ‘one that got away’ concept. No one deserves to live as the alternative plan. We HAVE to get over that fantasy. If I wanted to be with someone other than my husband… I would be! If he wanted to be with someone other than me, god bless him and let him go-that’s not my man.
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/25 09:51 PM
15

You are so lucky. You could be over on the waiting to wed Reddit where guys say they want to get married and have kids at some mythical future time but none of their actions line up. He did you a massive favor and honestly it’s so much better than being strung along for 6 years (me) with someone who will likely not be ready for those things. It’s might be he’ll be ready with someone else at some point. But more often than not, they aren’t. Cut all contact. It’s not cruel, it’s for both of you. Y…
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/25 09:47 PM
8

Setting aside love. Do you two want the same big goals in your relationship? Does he say one thing but his actions say something else? I could be misreading, but it feels like this is part of a bigger issue. The financial stuff…are you part of his financial plans? Like is he saving/working to create a life for the two of you or is it about his future and he’s getting a girlfriend at a discount?
/r/RedPillWomen03/02/25 10:00 PM
–

🤗🤗
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 05:30 PM
1

And it’s tough to gauge what your financial dynamic will be in the household if you are dialing back your income before his REALLY dials up. Can you take some of your $ now and put it into interesting investments, start ups, real estate or something? Like, with your experience literally managing the estate’s money is an incredibly valuable skill and would continue to contribute while giving you a piece of ownership even should you take time off. And secures your ongoing access to the funds even …
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 02:03 PM
2

Hah. We should be. It’s such a rarity. I knew I had to jump in when I saw your post! I’ve thought mine might be Pilates in Austin. Seattle for work, for now. But the closer I get to the possible exit (baby due in May) I get a little less sure. Being good at my career has been such an identity for me. It’s seen me through so many things it’s hard to imagine truly letting it go. Plus it’s a little stressful to my partner right now, the idea of losing my salary. I’ve said that I’d do whatever is be…
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 06:25 AM
1

For context I was dating in Los Angeles and while I’m pretty enough and gave a great figure, I’m no model/actress. I still always had more suitors than I knew what to do with. And I know that’d be true if I became single again
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 06:14 AM
8

Not really. In porn maybe. But life isn’t a porno. Most men aren’t trying to be Leonardo DiCaprio. I find that older high value men are looking for high value women they can bring around their peers. So a 60 yo man might go for a hot early 40s woman who has accomplishments. A guy in his early 30s might go for a 25+ year old. Honestly, men and women in their early 20s are super risky still. You just don’t know if their potential is going to be achieved. I knew a lot of people with promise who fuc…
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 06:05 AM
1

My career progresses through a combo of grind/network/switch jobs. I slowed on the grind to create more time and also slowed on the networking…this may be controversial but since most of the superiors are older men it can sometimes be weird. I’ve had a number of superiors act like they were my mentor but then try to make moves on me. Very uncomfortable and honestly one of the reasons I’ve reconciled that I don’t want to be ceo ever. I just don’t want to have to do that level of networking and po…
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 05:41 AM
22

It’s a lie I was single from 32-35 and the quality of men was better than when I was 23. And I had PLENTY of suitors. Don’t believe the hype. Just keep working on yourself. Keep your eye on women you admire who are 5-15 years older than you to stay inspired. Aging doesn’t have to be a liability if you take care of your body, mind and interests. If anything, if you do those things as you get older you will STAND OUT even more because a lot of women don’t take care of themselves! In that case, it’…
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 04:44 AM
2

I was 35 when I met my partner and making about what you make (not 2 yrs from millionaire though) with a promising career path. My partner quickly took a pay cut to do his own business (I see this as reasonably equivalent to your partner’s residency/practice build up). It is really hard to walk away from my career/$. I do find myself being more traditional at home though. I’m pregnant with our first (I know all about fertility preservation too..) and I still don’t totally know what I’m going to …
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/25 03:34 AM
12

There are better options out there, but you won’t see them if you have something like this in the way
/r/RedPillWomen14/01/25 12:37 AM
22

I recognize that where you are geographically and culturally may inform your dating options and your relationship dynamics. As someone who dated in my mid-late 30s, as a strong earner and divorced, I’ve seen the options in metro areas. Since I’m not supposed to tell you to leave him in this sub, I will say… That as a well earning, capable woman that you are still a prize even if there’s narrative around women’s ages and body counts (I would never discuss body count with anyone, it’s degrading to…
/r/RedPillWomen14/01/25 12:34 AM
16

You can’t directly change his behavior, only your own. Two ways I like are: 1. Putting yourself first/investing in yourself/self care. Always true but ESPECIALLY since you two aren’t even engaged/married. You are so available to him that he may not value it as much and you’re losing your independence. (Remember how much he wooed when you were less available/more independent?). See your friends, take a class, take up fitness classes he won’t do…something 2. Have you spent time thinking about the …
/r/RedPillWomen31/12/24 02:47 PM
3

Some people show you their ‘struggle’ to get something from you
/r/RedPillWomen28/12/24 02:04 PM
3

I probably wouldn’t apologize further and instead create some emotional distance from the event. Invite him out to some fun, low pressure activity so we have something else to do/engage on. The beach, putting range, museum, anything to reset the emotional barometer and to indicate to him that I don’t think he’s damaged goods. That said I’d also slow the sexual availability and would absolutely not do a trip of more than an overnight with someone I was not exclusive with. In my experience MOST pe…
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/24 01:41 AM
10

I do think some of the princess stuff is true when looking for a long term relationship. The most important aspect is that he should be pursuing you (whatever that looks like to you). You should not be delivering yourself to his home as a convenient and spineless sex toy, to be blunt. Which I sometimes see now. You want a man who wants you and is willing to take action to show you that. It could be buying you fancy dinners, or stocking your beauty and snack products at his house, or opening the …
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/24 10:31 PM
12

I hope you aren’t pregnant and that you used contraceptives. You either do the behavior that makes you seem like that kind of girl or you don’t. It’s that simple, for next time. So next time, wait until his feelings are clearer. Always use contraceptives. You pushed too soon, aggressively and from a place of desperation. Why should he bother to respond? What would you expect him to say? You started a fight and dumped him via text while you were leaving for vacation.
/r/RedPillWomen14/12/24 03:07 PM
1

Start by just accepting when he offers. Don’t offer to pay for the groceries. You don’t even have to ask him for anything right now. But when you are a sahw or mom you will need to ask him for things. So you’ll want to start to sort some of that out now in your head and dynamic. It can feel uncomfortable to receive but what is the alternative? Struggle to ‘keep up’? Btw good for you for having a wfh situation that allows you to kind of do what you want with your time/location!
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/24 09:23 PM
5

Consider this practice for him to provide and you to receive in a low stakes environment. Don’t you want to try that out before you both commit to marriage and sahw? If either of you truly don’t like it, now is the time to find out. It can be so uncomfortable to receive. But it’s an important skill. When he offers, try accepting it. Sit with the discomfort. Practice by giving to yourself! You are worthy! Laura Doyle suggests making a list of 10 things that are fun and 10 things that you feel bet…
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/24 05:24 PM
9

Oh yeah, when I left exhusband he definitely tried to get me back talking about us having kids blah blah blah. But it was literally the first time he’d ever talked about it in a positive way and I told him that, kindly. It’s human nature, he turned manipulative trying to tell me it could be different but really all he wanted was for us to go back to how it was before.
/r/RedPillWomen11/12/24 08:22 PM
31

Hi. I was you. I was 29 (he was 31) 6 years in to a relationship, living together 5 years. I was living out my worst nightmare (being with someone for a long time who didn’t want to/wasn’t ready/whatever to marry me). One day I asked him if we could get married on our anniversary. I expected him to say no, again and we’d break up. I wish I had never asked. I wish then I had just walked. I paid for the wedding. I paid for the ring. We spent 2 years married before I felt completely emotionally aba…
/r/RedPillWomen11/12/24 08:19 PM
60

Girlfriend: you address your needs before his needs (most of the time), your wants before his wants. Basically you don’t make sacrifices that you would regret if you were to break up. So you don’t sacrifice your career or your body (fitness, childbirth, etc) or your dreams whatever they may be. If you feel like you’re spending too much time at his, maybe start taking a regular workout class, or dinner with girlfriends or a hobby once a week to carve out your independence a bit more. Still, you c…
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/24 08:28 PM
2

Oops sorry. I’d still wait so that at least wait until a 4 weeks or fewer until the wedding. Most first trimester misery doesn’t start until week 6. And MOST of us have some pretty unpleasant nausea and fatigue. For me, it was beyond what I could have imagined. You might ask your mom, if you feel comfortable and she remembers what her pregnancy/ies were like
/r/RedPillWomen08/12/24 01:08 AM
5

The first trimester (typically weeks 6-12 but could be longer/shorter) are terrible. For me, constant unrelenting nausea and sheer exhaustion like not getting out of bed. This is pretty common. Plus, I’d want my guy to marry me without the pregnancy as a factor, just me. You’re only 26. I would suggest you just wait. Maybe stop protective measures 2 weeks before, depending on honeymoon plans.
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/24 12:12 PM
2

Some ideas that might not work: Can fil stay with others or hotel for some of the trip and some with you? Can your guy husband take on the early morning responsibilities with the baby? He might enjoy the opportunity to spend more time with fil in a way you can’t Is there another room (bathroom?) you could hide in? Is there an app that does voice translation instead of text?
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/24 02:08 PM
3

You’re only 31! You can do this. Don’t lose hope. Become the person you want to be. That may include learning to love and accept yourself while you work on yourself (because there’s a fair chance you’ll never be 100 perfect but you are lovable). I divorced at 32, moved thousands of miles away to a new place for big corporate job. And found the man of my dreams at 35 (and I probably could have found him faster if I’d leaned into self-care and love faster). I also knew I may need ivf help and froz…
/r/RedPillWomen01/12/24 02:33 PM
8

I hear it that he is asking for your help in a very serious situation that is threatening your marriage. Hear that—he is afraid your relationship is going to be destroyed, which he doesn’t want and he needs your help to get it back on track. Once a week is very different from once a month or every 2 months. If you two can turn some of this back on before the new baby comes, you both may be able to have enough hope that you’ll get through the infant phase okay, so definitely invest in it now. Eve…
/r/RedPillWomen01/12/24 02:07 PM
2

Try more subtle, more ‘natural’ looking hair and makeup. Less eyelashes. Your clothes are actually masculine leaning (blazer, white button up). That might read feminine on some but it’s apparently not working for you. Assuming you’re dressing and it’s not a uniform, you might try a blouse and blazer in softer fabrics with more delicate stitching, a feminine semi fitted sweater in a neutral/feminine color (cream?), and some delicate necklaces to help
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/24 02:40 PM
2

If you’ve been together more than 6 months and made meaningful investment in each other (I love you, meeting family, talking about plans) then I would not consider this acceptable behavior from my partner/future husband. If you’ve been seeing him casually (why?) less than 6 months, maybe if he comes back and you’re still single you might consider it. For the love of god, do not be friends with him. Tell him you’re sorry but you can’t. Don’t explain. You just can’t. The real reason, it’s not good…
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/24 12:26 AM
6

Hi, you are so young and you have so much opportunity with or without this guy. Yes you shouldn’t have lied. But also, I personally am very against dating anyone who would ask about body count. I’ve never asked and I’ve never been asked. I wouldn’t date someone who asked. Something to consider if this guy doesn’t turn out to be the one. What you can work on now is: rebuilding trust with him. This has to do with believing that you are a worthy person for the right person—which may or may not be h…
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/24 05:28 PM
14

If he shows up as a good guy in other ways I really wouldn’t worry about it. He may have been releasing/letting go of that relationship as he moved into being serious with you. I definitely WOULD NOT bring it up to him. If you feel the need to snoop once in a while, it’ll be easier if you don’t. And he’ll think you’re a snoop and insecure and start to doubt you! At some point you’re going to have to relax into the relationship. This might happen when you are engaged or married. But I want you to…
/r/RedPillWomen29/10/24 11:52 PM
2

I am sorry that I upset you. You’re right, I and the other people don’t know anything. We’re just interpreting what you’ve shared. I only have that information and my experience. It is very possible or likely that many of us will be wrong. We aren’t fortune tellers. All I can do is point out the things that pop out at me, based of the limited information here. I want you to have the things you want for yourself. And if you think he will give you that, wonderful. I do wish you both the best of lu…
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 09:23 PM
9

A few missing pieces: 1. What does he want from a relationship? He says he’s at a turning point, wants something for the long haul but is surprised and awkward when you talk about kids. I worry that this turning point story is a story so you can ‘fix him, save him or be the one’… basically turning you into the pursuer. 2. Are the few young women he’s seen this happen with, his personal romantic experience? If yes, does he have a tendency of trying out a young woman and then rejecting her because…
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 05:08 PM
3

It’s not your fault. It’s the consequences of his actions. You don’t have to suffer them
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/24 07:16 PM
6

I’ve done this kind of exercise twice, ending with Mr right. The second time, when I got it right, I had been waiting for a wedding date (he’d proposed with the out my prompting but stalled at setting a date). The calendar reminder with the steps I was going to take (what things I was going to grab, where I was going to stay, already thought about how I’d just probably grub room service for 3 days no contact and then embark on terrifying glow up journey). The reminder popped up 1 week before our…
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/24 07:13 PM
10

Spend some time thinking about what you would want/need if you broke up. Where would you go? Do you have to move out? Who would you rely on. Put a calendar reminder in your phone for the date you’re willing to wait for. Then set that worry aside. Tell him something like—I’d really like to be engaged/married/whatever by (date earlier than your calendar reminder) in a loving and kind way. Then wait. But I am afraid he is stringing you along. Feels like he’s not been forthcoming with you
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/24 03:00 PM
5

If you meet a man and he’s in his build phase and he treats you right, commits, appreciates…and you trust his ability to build himself and you want to be there with him through it because you believe in him—great! But I wouldn’t want you sitting around waiting for someone who is stringing you along, having you help pay bills and subsidizing his life while he’s doing it. It’s like paying his mortgage for him. If he puts you on the deed (commits to you and demonstrates that through action), that’s…
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/24 10:57 PM
1

I don’t know where you are in your life and desires so it’s hard to say about when is the right moment to capitalize, if you will. If you invest in yourself, you worth with the right people will always grow. Do think you’d be well matched with a guy in trade or a bachelor’s degree. Then maybe you get ready to be in the market. I have seen men, typically computer science/engineering types settle down quite happily with their college girlfriend. I typically dated men with advanced degrees (lawyer,…
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/24 06:43 PM
4

It doesn’t feel like it but you are young and have plenty of time. Just use it wisely. Develop yourself. I do think you should focus on your schooling and maybe get a part time job or internship in the field you’re interested in. I’ve literally never been asked about body count except for friends (and I don’t participate in those conversations). And I’d never date a man who would ask that (again I’ve never been asked though). Probably any guy you’d meet at 19 is not a great guy to settle down wi…
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/24 05:29 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/24 02:27 PM
2

It’s clear your trying and I have faith that as long as you take baby steps, it will get easier. You’ll get more comfortable with yourself as time goes by and you have more experience being you. Put your faith in god that he has a plan for you and it’s probably better than whatever you think it should be. And ask god for help. He comes through in the long run. Social anxiety is super uncomfortable. Try not to turn to other releases that might hurt you in the long run while you’re learning your s…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/24 02:26 PM
6

One very helpful thought I want you to start practicing is —whatever you think another person is doing/thinking about you, probably has nothing to do with you. And you should adhere to THAT until directly shown otherwise. Absolutely do not bother reading into this guy or that guys actions when you’ve never even spoken to him. It doesn’t matter. Trust that if he was the guy for you, he would have found his way to you. The guy for you WILL find his way to you. Kindly, you’re 21 and it’s really har…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/24 04:45 AM
3

Yes, practice making girl friends in real life. This is both important for your network and your social skills. If you look around the room there is probably someone else who is feeling as shy, awkward, alone as you are. Do both of yourselves a favor and say hi to them!
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/24 04:37 AM
2

And practice being open and friendly with both men and women. Double the practice and will take some pressure off you
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/24 04:33 AM
3

This is not what they mean when they say compromise. They mean about chores or snoring or something like that. Or some communication styles or something. But basic respect and appreciation as YOU define them, that’s not where you compromise. Do you think your partner is a good person, at their core. That can not comprise
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/24 03:43 PM
7

If you want him and this, then that’s one thing. But do not fall into this scarcity mindset or the sunk fallacy trap. Those destroy decades or entire lives. You have something’s to look at in yourself. Why do you believe this is the best you could do? Do you really believe he is the ONLY man who would allow you to not work and support you financially? What is going on with you that you have attracted and persisted in this situation? There are 2 million millionaires in Australia. Not all are sing…
/r/RedPillWomen08/09/24 01:59 PM
–

I’m sorry but he doesn’t sound like an adult. The things he’s saying are suspicious and he’s not kind to you or his kids. What’s going on with you that you are attracted to this game? I say this lovingly, as someone who’s type previously had been emotionally unavailable men.
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/24 10:42 PM
6

Been there done that. Good on you for asking the question of others. If you want a man who wants to marry you—this isn’t that man. Respect yourself and respect him when he says it. There is no compromise on this without resentment on one or both sides. Even if you do eventually get married it will be colored with this. Do you want kids? To buy a house? Will this be his response to every step? Having to push/pull your relationship through? You deserve more. And so does he. Mourn it, but mourn it …
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/24 08:29 PM
2

You’re doing just fine, both of you. I’m excited and hopeful for your future. You both sound wise and considerate. Your insecurity, I think, is mostly driven by the ldr aspect. I bet you wouldn’t feel this way if you were close by. Reassure yourself that if he wanted to be with her… he would be! But he’s not. He’s chosen and is choosing you. That’s so great!
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/24 11:40 PM
6

Get off tinder. Bumble is good. Hinge is ok. Look for online dating that is focused on serious relationships. Match might be one for you.
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/24 05:17 PM
2

It is very likely that as people age and move that the college group will break apart and it will become a non issue. But there will be other women and men around you both (including people who WANT to steal you from one another), so you want to know how each of you will handle those and trust each other. It sounds like you are both handling this well. From my own experience. I would observe him and his behavior. Because I don’t really want to be training the person I’m with, I want to KNOW who …
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/24 03:20 PM
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