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Trojaneer_South Archive

View 5 posts and 88 comments by Trojaneer_South on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

I really liked the end line, summarizes my misgivings about the en vogue version of sex positivity pretty well: "What passes for sex positivity is a culture of masochism disguised as hedonism. It’s what you get when you liberate sex without liberating women."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 05:51 PM
14

I've felt that before. The loneliness usually eases up when I see actual couples ignoring each other in favor of their phones at bars lol. Enjoy your trip!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:07 PM
62

nah he was just gonna nest it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 03:02 PM
23

lmao this will be my new go-to visualization whenever someone starts harshing my vibe
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 02:45 AM
9

This really spoke to me, thanks for articulating it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 03:39 AM
85

I sat behind an attractive guy the other day and could see him using Tinder. I watched him open a DM and then try and fail to like look at the woman's profile? Like he kept swiping the wrong way from the message screen and then gave up. I was like... dude you have a match with a message yet can't even be bothered to respond or use the app properly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 09:14 PM
53

Depends on their intent/attitude around them. None of the men mentioned in your post seem to have a mature take on this particular situation. But I think in theory there's a healthy way for men to use toys without enacting violence/hatred against women. In practice is a whole other issue though...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:43 AM
4

Since most responses have answered only your first question, here's some ideas for the other one, with some concessions to help ease you into your path to giving "no/not interested" as a complete response I've started seeing someone else exclusively (the someone else can be yo self lol) Thanks for the invitation, but some recent events/career/family BS came up that I need to focus on for the next few months and I don't have time/energy to date (then block and delete, don't entertain any follow u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:00 PM
139

My first thought too. We need a "'That Happened' Thursday" thread for this kind of thing...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:58 AM
50

I love how she glances fondly upward as she accesses that memory at the end lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:15 AM
68

You are not wrong for choosing to avoid a toxic environment! Your boyfriend's reaction/inaction is disappointing to me as it signals he 1) lacks the skills to clap back at his dad; and 2) isn't even motivated to try to develop the skills for #1. I wouldn't hold my breath about him holding his weight in a long term relationship...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 04:55 AM
35

I don't know your specifics, but I wouldn't be too down on yourself about being "lured" by a LVM again. The triumph/lesson is in knowing when to quit, not in being able to sniff out decent men 100% of the time based on limited interactions. But yeah, the deprogramming comes with a lot of... feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:22 PM
57

I listen to a podcast hosted by two male screenwriters (though they mostly have women as guests) and the adage "every story is a love story" came up, ie every movie is about love between people or people and concepts or whatever. your post got me thinking back to that and how that theory only works if you're talking about a straight man's patriarchal concept of love. most romcoms fail to present the kind of love women need or want...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 06:02 AM
24

While many of us have had experiences that relate to these sentiments, I'd like to see fewer posts in this format (screenshot of Twitter/OLD with minimal commentary). Because the source is hard to verify/easy to fabricate, it makes the sub susceptible to astroturfing by male lurkers. Even if they can't post, they can upvote dubious/apocryphal/lower quality content which shifts the subs focus away from more substantial topics and strategy. Perhaps there's a way to designate scheduled threads for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:36 AM
1

While many of us have had experiences that relate to these sentiments, I'd like to see fewer posts in this format (screenshot of Twitter/OLD with minimal commentary). Because the source is hard to verify/easy to fabricate, it makes the sub susceptible to astroturfing by male lurkers. Even if they can't post, they can upvote dubious/apocryphal/lower quality content which shifts the subs focus away from more substantial topics and strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:28 AM
13

If I were a mod, I'd auto-ban screenshots and TikToks except in designated scheduled threads and for occasional hand curated submissions (if I ever had the time). I do think it's valuable for newcomers to see visual/real "in the wild" examples of LV behavior and understand why it's LV -- but yeah we don't want to reinforce the idea that LVM are worth engaging with. To that end, a compilation/aggregation might be helpful as long as it's clearly labeled "don't do this."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:07 AM
11

I think your self awareness and the actions you've already taken have you on a great path to healing. I know you know time will help so here's my extra pep talk talking points lol: Each day that passes is a day without him yoyoing you around with his hot/cold bullshit. You seem to think he's a "better" man than before, but I doubt that's the case. Other scenarios to consider: ex needs help with the kids and he's the lowest hanging fruit; there were boundaries he couldn't cross with you but wante…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:46 PM
5

You're totally right, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:25 PM
5

Yes, "expressing availability" is a much better/healthier way for me to think about it and act on. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:10 PM
70

It's funny what's considered/accepted as hetero-masculine doesn't take women's preferences into account at all. Like bro, you're just performing for other bros...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:15 PM
170

lol in the comments someone suggested OP post the project on a marriage sub and OP goes "I just looked at the front page of that sub...jesus...I feel like if I posted it it would lead to more divorces." sad but not unexpected state of affairs when one of the biggest forums on the planet on the topic is permeated with lvm/anti-woman status quo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:11 PM
66

Yeah, it also discounts women who have to play along in abusive relationships for safety/financial security/etc. Women have to be great at suppressing emotions as an adaptive trait lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:01 PM
41

You're right! I was considering the number thing because our shared activity is ending soon and wasn't sure how else to keep contact, but you've inspired me to use our last meeting to try some tactical handkerchiefing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 09:03 PM
42

is that like an EMP? Are EMPs even real/really used? Asking for a friend who only knows the term from Need for Speed lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 08:58 PM
36

Thanks! I probably should have guessed as much. Sometimes it's hard to decide when it's safe to assume "if he wanted to he would" kicks in if you're second guessing the context (like, is anyone even thinking about dating while we volunteer/do team sport/etc). Life finds a way I guess lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 08:54 PM
36

Ugh these are basically as bad as bathroom selfies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 09:26 PM
21

I was intensely bothered that they described the flavor as "banana strawberry" instead of the more common arrangement "strawberry banana"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 05:16 AM
163

the biggest flag for me was that they called it banana strawberry when the rest of the universe would call it strawberry banana...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 05:12 AM
32

Agreed! I've been noticing more text/literature-based content lately which I've really been enjoying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 10:28 PM
10

have you tried the subreddit oldhagfashion? I think it's mostly women. It's clothing focused and not photo focused but many outfits shared have vintage elements
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:34 PM
1

Woot! Great username btw
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:13 AM
1

Trust your gut!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:09 AM
3

I would've put it on another car lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:08 AM
2

I'm impressed you've had the energy to date on top of your roommate situation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:07 AM
2

Yay self care! Nowadays I figure I'll rarely regret being alone/doing my own thing vs looking back at some cringey pickme shit I could have been doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:04 AM
1

Sounds like you're making good moves! Love that you're getting free pet sitting. Out of curiousity, what's "insane" about year 4 (congrats btw)? Is it known to be especially challenging compared to 1-3? Working for the big corp even briefly could help your side business / help you get clients down the road (assuming they're related types of work). You'll be able to say you have experience from both angles!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:00 AM
3

Just met a new acquaintance and thought we were kind of vibing. He then mentioned how he has a girlfriend and they're "nomads" who usually stay in hotels/bnbs but his "recent victory" was convincing her they should sleep in their car instead sometimes. His job pays well and lends itself to working remotely but for her it's less advantageous/convenient to be remote, let alone living in a car. What a hoot that I would have been smitten with this kind of guy before FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 03:55 AM
2

I'm not saying this works, but it's what I've settled on instead of OLD: I have stuff I like doing alone, sometimes fairly regularly (going to cafe, browsing bookstore/library, sitting in park). If I see someone else doing that on a similar schedule, then maybe we strike up a conversation. I'm not going out of my way to pick up new hobbies just to meet people, but just curating some hyperlocal activities where I've started to recognize people with similar routines to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:18 AM
31

and she's 19 dating a 29 year old who's also said homophobic and racist things online...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:07 AM
49

oh man block o clock is new to me now I wish we had a daily/weekly thread named that to siphon all the LVM posts to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 02:21 AM
1

I agree and am also conflicted on what the "best" solutions would be. On one hand, yeah there's always an inherent tension/angst resulting from raising our standards and then being subsequently disappointed by more people more often. This sub is one of a few places to vent about that to others who get it. I think the community could benefit from more slice of life type threads where the focus isn't always about men/dating (like AW but not a cesspool). Then we could kind of water down the LVM stu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 03:49 PM
1

The irony is that men like that think they're being big brain rational, scientific observers by acknowledging that statistically less likely possibilities exist -- while discounting the larger trends of violence against women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:51 AM
109

You can get a small room in a shared apartment in most HCOL (maybe even VHCOL) cities for about that much... and not have to be anyone's sex slave
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:44 AM
7

It sounds to me like he's testing the waters and probably has some other women in his rotation. He might be waiting for you/someone else to make the first expression of interest because then he'll know who he can string along the easiest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 02:15 AM
56

You're still in a better place for even considering this a "relapse" -- the fact that you can recognize suboptimal patterns is a huge step forward that many of us never even achieve. Keep on keeping on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 03:24 AM
20

I wonder if there's also some amount of reasoning among partnered women where they're like "well my boyfriend doesn't have any male friends of his own and is unable to derive enjoyment from the company of women who won't sleep with him, so it's best if we hang out with other couples so there's at least another dude for him to talk to." And as a result, single lady friends get deprioritized. Shows how LVM in partnerships still manage to influence other women...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 03:22 AM
3

This was a plotline in The Bold Type lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 04:26 AM
10

Congrats! Sounds like you can't go wrong, so I'd go with the cheaper one if there's a big difference and you're footing the bill. Or if they end up being similar in terms of costs, you could compare faculty you find interesting. Note that lecturers/visiting professors are more transient, so they might not stick around as long as associate profs and above (at least in the US). Is one near a higher concentration of other schools? That could expand your opportunities for attending events, doing res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:16 AM
7

Ooh I wish I had a luxurious bathtub now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:09 AM
7

Congrats!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:07 AM
19

Immerse myself in video games, especially RPGs with lots of characters to meet. Also, remind myself that quality > quantity and that no interaction is always better than interacting with LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:07 AM
13

I'm romantically solo and while I have a great friend group, I often pursue my hobbies without them. I've recently become more involved with my community and that's involved a lot of short chats with new acquaintances, which made me realize even that kind of fleeting but meaningful interaction is 1000% better than wasting time with scrotes and OLD. So in a given week if those handful of 5 minute community chats are my main source of interaction, I still feel better off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:33 PM
7

Yeah, that's the rub... Most chains of command eventually end with a disproportionate amount of dudes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:20 PM
3

I was close to starting a backchannel thing but yeah it seemed too daunting. I imagine any woman would have vouched for it yet the org still wouldn't admit it needed to be providing that kind of support all along?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:19 PM
3

Yeah that sounds draining. My experience is lower key and more like "everyone comes together to acknowledge a well known problem" but it's mostly venting and no action. Too many people afraid to rock the boat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:16 PM
3

Good idea! Do you find them useful even with women who aren't in your same industry or role? Or is it mostly social?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:15 PM
5

Yeah, I've been mostly frustrated with internal groups at my company. Some issues are really company specific so I was thinking it'd be hard to make progress with external folks, but maybe their perspective would be helpful. I think what I might be looking for is like ... a women's union. Is that a thing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:14 PM
7

Ugh that's the worst, and made me realize I've encountered that but couldn't put my finger on it. In reviews it'll be like 'yes that new ground you broke was great and moved us forward, but we need you to conform more with the status quo before decision-makers will feel comfortable promoting you." Meanwhile men get to maverick around...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:12 PM
6

Admittedly I haven't watched a lot of his stuff all the way through, I was mostly opining based on memes and reviews. The other reply to my comment gave more informed context (which did corroborate my impressions). But yeah not only would women not get as many comedy specials with the same punchlines -- they certainly wouldn't be able to parlay it into a legitimate film career like he has. Like he's playing Larry Byrd in some biopic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:09 PM
3

Thanks for this context! That does sound like mixed messages but it's helpful to know he's been a better ally at some point. And I definitely have some problematic guilty pleasures, he just isn't one of them lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:04 PM
10

Commenting again in the spirit of something productive: What about a mandatory PSA before all videos, like those FBI warnings or suicide resource cards that show before some TV shows? And anyone found in possession of a version that's been edited out is treated with pedophile-level penalties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 04:41 PM
53

I feel this way about Bo Burnham who has recently become a Netflix darling with his new special. In this case everyone's like "ooh ahh cinematic avante garde depression" and even the NPR podcast review ignores his history of misogyny. From what I can hear from reviews (I won't watch the special) he also chooses to lambast women on social media with the usual tropes but then is forgiven because of the "plot twist" which honestly sounds like an afterthought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:35 PM
22

That's the dream, for sure, but I'm already bracing at negative reactions from people who will be like "how dare you." Esp when it involves superiors/managers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:30 PM
83

I believe it! What struck me is that these weren't even cherry picked negative examples -- they're photos selected for the photog's IG feed/portfolio -- yet the "not giving a shit" is still obvious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:06 PM
159

Exactly. I used to look at photos like this and think "wow he must have a great personality" 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:04 PM
34

I think regulation like this has worked for stuff like recreational marijuana and kidney donation, but I think men are too depraved for this to work with the porn industry/women's bodies. If any tracking was required on their part, I suspect they'd just turn to darker, "black market" pockets of the world that exploit desperate women willing to forego all the protections of the regulated market.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 02:48 PM
5

Yeah, and I also wonder sometimes if men are even friends with each other in the same way women form friendships. I don't think they rely on or trust each other emotionally to reap the benefits of friendship that women often forge with one another. Based on what I've heard of how men in my life hang out with their friends, my sense is that men hanging out isn't so much about being there for each other as much as having a "safe space" to be their usual pathological selves (play video games, compl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:05 AM
8

Way to call it. I feel like it's the same flavor of bullshit as when men get celebrated for taking paternity leave, while maternity leave is always controversial for women (coworkers complaining about absence, missing career advancement opportunities). Men don't care enough about women's health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 02:58 AM
6

DH definitely benefits from my 2 sisters having married such assholes dirtbags. All I have to do is think of those guys and I’m reminded I could have done MUCH worse than I did with DH! there's a sad irony about her acknowledging that the bar is underground while also celebrating it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:51 AM
3

I struggle with this too. It's tough because if we're not warm and fuzzy, we get called heartless monsters. One thing I try to keep in mind is the double standard -- men treat women who they don't want to sleep with like shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 02:00 PM
8

He immediately knew he fucked up since he said "sorry" and I'd say the ball's in his court to offer a better apology of some sort. But I wouldn't hold my breath that it'll be worth hearing... I'd be looking elsewhere for companionship if I were you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:54 PM
71

Not asking if you got home safely after parting ways at night
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 07:22 PM
2

Yeah, I get that. Have you tried writing the apology you wish you'd receive? Like a little bit of role play. I suspect if you read it back, you'd realize it's something he'd never say/will never be capable of saying, and that might be a type of closure/realization?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:33 PM
1

I don't think there's anything "wrong" per se -- trauma is trauma and you've been through some shit. Since you're not a sociopath, it makes sense that you're stuck with Some Feelings. Have you tried writing out your ideal revenge or things you'd want to blast him for? Might be cathartic. But they also say your personal success is the best revenge...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:58 PM
5

I see, thanks for sharing. I'd still argue that "a better man" would be emotionally intelligent enough to not blindside you, so he was probably still a few boxes shy of a HVM. But it's fine to celebrate/value the things you enjoyed about the relationship. You can crave and seek those things independent of him. It's worth the wait to find someone matching your level of maturity and introspection -- rooting for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:15 AM
5

I'm guessing this ex was pre-FDS for you? We all tend to romanticize the past, and I'd wager that if The You of Today were in that past relationship, it might not be as rosy as you remember. Are you still in contact at all? It's a two way street, and at risk of sounding like a broken record... if he wanted to... you know the rest
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:37 AM
37

I wish my mom (or really any adult in my life) initiated those types of convos with me when I was that young. You rock!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:31 AM
5

That's exciting, congrats! Hope you get some relief soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:30 AM
7

Feel you! Mine watched an IG story and my main takeaway was "you've got nothing better to do?" Don't let him (or anyone) live in your head rent free!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:29 AM
4

haha I'm sucked into that show, too. Interestingly, I see some contrast in subs the Scandal one, where most people seem to agree Fitz sucks. But then again, Jake (the alternative) is also a murderer. Not sure what drives the zeitgeist in one sub vs another lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:28 AM
6

Happy early birthday!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:23 AM
7

Wow, way to get something done! I skimmed and a lot of posts seemed kind of spammy. I wonder if some kind of questionnaire could help triage new users? There are ways to design them to be harder to game but still automated. Or maybe it's some kind of prompt and scoring is based on a model trained on FDS vs TRP type responses. I'd be interested in exploring this if you're interested. I think there is something in between the level of gating that FDS maintains and unchecked/automated self enrollme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:21 AM
3

Maybe a compromise is to "scheduled send" (email) it for like a week from now lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:11 AM
11

Chances are his "girlfriend" didn't really vet and the "relationship" is just a label he agreed to with someone who tolerates what you wouldn't. Keep on keeping on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:10 AM
4

Venting/celebrating the end of a situationship that I let fester for too long. The "small win" is that it was an organic relationship from a shared hobby/not from OLD. But it devolved into his proposed activities being... me coming over for pizza... me coming over for brunch... I was like... dude, spring has sprung, I wanna be outside/out and about (we're both vaxxed). Stop trying to lure me into your den. He had the audacity to act sad and say I was the one who didn't want to hang out (even tho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:08 AM
7

Thanks for articulating this, I'm feeling similar things with a new guy I'm vetting and this was a good reminder to ground myself. It sounds like you could use some time to rebalance -- and a HVM won't guilt you or make you feel bad about it. Also, at some point, if he doesn't do enough to make you feel more comfortable and alleviate the mental load, he's probably not so HV after all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 01:53 AM
21

I suspect if the man is the higher earner and the lower earner is a woman, he doesn't consider the finances shared and doesn't want to spend "his" money on something he thinks should be free. On the flip side, I can also imagine the higher earning woman being guilt tripped by in-laws or family into not spending money on a nanny because "what kind of mother are you" (you know, when she's not securing their financial future). Edit: to be clear I believe these are both BS excuses, just things I cou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 06:45 PM
6

This was infuriating but important to see. What a waste of resources, too -- the cop just needed to fill out a report and decided to power trip so at least three other cops had to get involved, plus this guy's court case? I wonder if FDS would ever take a stance on law enforcement like there is for porn? It's an institution that harms and gaslights so many women (among others) and the probability of being in a healthy relationship with a cop just seems too low to be worth it...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 02:58 AM
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