TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Trouvette Archive

View 0 posts and 750 comments by Trouvette on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Coming from someone who went 15 years without even a single date, I was fully prepared to accept that I was never going to have a partner. And I asked myself the same questions you are asking here. But the question I ultimately ended up asking myself was “If I can’t be happy single, then what answer am I actually looking for?” I realized that I was hoping for a magic wand, some piece of amazing advice that would get me a partner that I somehow overlooked. The truth is, there isn’t any. Once you …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 03:16 PM
2

Because macro data (statistics) are irrelevant at the micro level (your individual relationship). You can have all the data in the world that says that men, on average, play 10 hours of video games a week. It is meaningless because to her, eight hours is excessive and statistics are not going to make her feel better when she wants to spend time with you but you are distracted by the game. “He’s only on hour six, below the statistical average” isn’t going to wipe away the disappointment. To take …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 01:52 PM
1

My personal observation of it is that women use pick me to ostracize women who deviate from the general opinion of the collective.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 06:06 PM
9

For the deep dive, yes. But you have to have a rationale to ask her out to begin with. If you don’t even have a baseline of something, be it chemistry, common interests, or at least knowing of each other for a while, women will automatically assume a man who is just asking them out without any investment in cultivating a relationship is a pump and dump scenario.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:57 PM
3

It’s not a competition. Neither you, nor any of the other men, are getting a prize for winning the debate of who has it worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:52 PM
2

I don’t doubt men’s problems at all. It’s the solutions that I question.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:30 AM
4

My issue here is that I think more weight is being given to prior partners and less to other external factors. The first relationship a girl sees is her parents. If her mother is staying in a patently abusive relationship or she has a mother who is jumping from bum to bum, that’s all she knows. That’s what has been modeled for her. And if she lives in a community where abusive homes are normal, it gets even worse. So if that same girl one day ends up in a relationship with a guy who hits her, sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 12:29 AM
2

I have a different read. My takeaway is that women have limited their own agency because of external influences. He goes on to give a list of those external factors. I am understanding him to say that women can exercise more agency and should by overcoming those issues. In addition, I understand him as saying that some of those external forces are truly outside of their control, so “choose better men” is a poorly used phrase.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 12:04 AM
3

Underrated comment
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 08:58 PM
1

Do I have to tap the sign again? Date who you want, but accept the judgment that comes with that. You will not argue your way into convincing the vast majority of people that something they find abhorrent is actually okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 03:45 PM
2

What does it mean if a man says it to another man?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 09:49 PM
1

Ooo got it. I got the reply notification, so I thought it was to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 05:30 PM
3

I insisted on it. I didn’t like the burden of expectations on me because someone might have paid for my dinner. I also like ice cream dates, museum dates, arcade dates. There are a lot of inexpensive dates out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 04:44 PM
3

It’s expensive if you are going on dozens of first dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 01:55 PM
2

I’m not saying that you specifically have said this, but I have seen men on this thread say simultaneously that they should not be obligated to put in that sort of work and express confusion as to why they struggle with dating. You may see the rub where it is, but there are definitely other men who don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:15 PM
0

What will I know or be blessed with?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 03:09 PM
2

Exactly. We know that while it is not a guarantee that something bad will happen, you should have enough judgment to know that you should not put yourself in those situations. So if women feel similar unease about strange men, who am I to question their exercise of due diligence?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 03:00 PM
2

It’s about balance and learning how to read the room. Men, especially those who a struggling with relationships, think in very binary terms. There are days when both my husband and I had awful days and I know that if either of us start venting to the other it won’t go well, so I deal with my stressors on my own. Some days are bad for him and I have the capacity for his burdens, so I am a friendly ear. Some days it is the reverse. But if you are either completely available or completely stoic, it…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 02:52 PM
2

Well if a man is constantly getting rejected by many women, who is the common denominator?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 02:24 PM
2

No, because I don’t think this are traits that all men have. If that were the case, no man would be in a relationship. I do think that some men are so unhappy that their cope is to blame someone else for their problems and they need to work on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 02:10 PM
4

Before I met my now-husband, I had been completely dateless for 11 years. No men so much as approached me, so that whole narrative about women can get a man if they really want to is garbage. But it never occurred to me that there was a problem with men. If you are getting rejected across the board, you are the one common denominator, not the others. So I worked on improving myself. For some reason, men lump women into one bucket so when this get sour, they can cast women as a whole as the commo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 01:45 PM
4

It’s not a characteristic that exists exclusively to dateless men. No one enjoys an Eeyore. Everyone knows at least one person who is constantly having problems and always complains. It is exhausting when you are dealing with your own stuff and now you have to let this person trauma dump on you. Eventually you start screening their calls and avoiding invitations to hang because you know how it is going to go. Women count these types of men as part of that cohort.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 01:40 PM
11

For real. If a woman’s mental health is endangered by a man, then he is de facto NOT a decent man.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 01:31 PM
5

When women get attacked for poor decisions, you often hear things like “well, of course she got attacked. She made herself a target. Don’t walk alone at night.” Or “if you know that drinking alcohol lowers your inhibitions and makes you vulnerable, don’t go out and drink yourself stupid.” It’s simple pattern recognition. It doesn’t happen every time, but we all identify these situations as obvious risks. So with those scenarios in mind, if you have women who have firsthand experiences of dangero…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 01:28 PM
1

There are some things here that you are reducing to something more basic than it is. Take the doctor’s appointment. To you, it’s just scheduling. To a woman, she is taking note of the fact that her partner has had a toothache for weeks that has only been getting worse. But for whatever reason, he won’t help himself and go to the dentist. So she has to put up with a man who is becoming increasingly difficult due to being in pain. The woman also knows that if this doesn’t get done sooner rather th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 03:42 PM
1

If you remember a few years ago, there was that women’s club called The Wing. They ended up going under for several reasons, but one was that they got sued for gender discrimination and had to start admitting men. It would have been so much better all around if they just opened some men-only sections of their club.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/26 01:46 AM
8

Sigh No one is going to be moved by any argument made about age gaps. Most people find them cringey for a reason. Do whatever you want. But accept the judgement that comes with wanting the age gap as the price you pay for it. Most people will not be applauding you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 10:46 PM
1

35+ College Bumble
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 01:24 PM
1

13 years
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 04:57 AM
2

For the same reason women say small dick energy and the same reason men call women fat: it works. It doesn’t matter if these insults have any basis in reality. As a people, we simply know what insecurities each gender has and they are exploited accordingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/26 06:41 AM
–

I would go as far as to say that women who value constructive criticism tend not to have strong ties to groups of women. They aren’t seen as “girl’s girls.”
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 02:51 AM
17

Interesting. All the complaints about single mothers that I have seen here on this sub did not come from women.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/25 01:54 AM
3

Bottom line: you cannot attempt to logic your way into getting people to support age gaps. It won’t work. If people feel icky about them, there is nothing you are going to say that will make them feel otherwise. So have your age gap. But you take the criticism right alongside.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 07:37 AM
8

Valid. I would actually call the online versions their performative versions of masculinity and femininity.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/25 04:40 PM
1

Oh no disrespect was taken. I see the humor!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 06:53 PM
1

Lol he did pay for it after I said I was going to pay. But as he told me over time, he had been on more than 100 first dates and had been used each time. For him, when I offered to pay, it was a signal to him that I was there for him and not the meal. Then he was more than happy to pay.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 06:50 PM
5

Yes. Someone here posted a few days ago about how black and white thinking is the greatest detriment to men in dating and I just have no idea how to explain nuance to people who are looking for a single elegant formula to explain all of dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 06:48 PM
3

It’s really strange. I had so many guy friends who were upset about being used as free meals, so when I started dating again, I kept them in mind. I leaned towards more relaxed dates, paid my way, kept my phone in my bag. And all of my dates were great. Many of the guys are now friends. But they were the ones who assumed the date went badly because dating in general has become so transactional. My now-husband is the only one who considered my willingness to pay a huge green flag. He still paid f…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 06:04 PM
1

I’m not saying this as a justification to make men pay for dates. I’m saying that men being used by women for free dates got so out of control that when met by a woman who didn’t play that game, some men don’t trust it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 05:53 PM
5

How am I communicating that I am entitled to a free meal by insisting that I pay for my own meal?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 02:05 PM
4

Not as effective when you aren’t a pretty woman who had to ask the guys for dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 01:58 PM
14

I always insisted on paying my way on the first date for exactly this reason. It wasn’t until years later that I found out that this is also interpreted as a signal that you aren’t interested in the guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 01:02 PM
0

Women mask autistic traits better than men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/25 11:06 PM
1

I have said many times here in debates that there is no elegant formula that explains how women work, but until I read your comment, it never registered with me that the men I said that to were probably autistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/25 11:05 PM
2

This is a logical take. The question is, what advice should we be giving autistic men? And how do we help those who might not be diagnosed, thus don’t know what their underlying problem is? And the ones who may be resistant to the therapies needed to become attuned to social patterns?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/25 11:02 PM
2

Yup. Return to monke
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/25 11:30 PM
1

From my experience, it’s because if you are asked often enough, why bother asking for yourself. Men never asked me out so I had to learn to take matters into my own hands.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/25 01:16 PM
4

Yup. Not even once.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 02:28 PM
1

My husband had a slut phase. His body count is over 50. I have only been with two, including him. By the time I met him, he was over it and consistently demonstrated that he was dating to marry and no longer believed in that life. He proved himself, so I had no reason to feel anything other than indifferent about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:19 AM
0

But mom said it was my turn to do the age gap post.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:56 AM
2

The over-reliance on data and studies always gets me. No one is walking around with a spreadsheet on a date. And when it comes to human behavior, studies will always be imperfect. They cannot account for every variable. They can’t account for nuance.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:56 PM
2

I learned that society has failed a lot of young men in their youths because they grew up without a sense of purpose or firm direction while girls got encouragement in abundance. And now those men have a lot of misdirected anger and self-defeating attitudes that are not going to be fixed by a few therapy sessions.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 12:57 AM
3

This whole premise is absurd.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:13 PM
1

Why is it a problem? If they will be able to lead happier and more fulfilling lives by getting off the hamster wheel, why shouldn’t we support them?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:25 PM
3

Putting aside how flawed that theory is, you can place any man in the same position and he will look out for context clues. Same as a woman would. “Hey friend, what did you do this weekend?” “Nothing much. Met up with this girl I met on Bumble for some drinks.”
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 04:38 AM
3

No. If you were the one talking to him and not a woman, what would you listen for to determine if he was gay or not without directly asking him? It would be the same indicators for both.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 04:19 AM
4

Meaning that he is making any allusions to being attracted to women. Does he mention that he went on a date recently, as an example. Just small clues.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 04:15 AM
5

Yes. My friend fits that profile exactly. Huge sports guy. Runs a business in a very male-dominated field. Dresses well, but obviously masculine-coded. But off of sheer observation, you would assume he was gay. And as you got to know him, you would ask yourself if he was closeted or not. You never ask, but you do wait to see if he talks about women the way a straight man would. And in that waiting, you start thinking of him as a great friend and can’t see him in any other light.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 04:09 AM
7

Taboo. It’s one of those things I wouldn’t volunteer unless he asked me to be harsh with him because it’s not an easy fix. As a friend with no training in the subject, how would I even go about coaching him to develop a deeper voice or not emote with his hands so much? If I can’t help him change it, I don’t think it’s my place to bring it to the table.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 04:00 AM
7

Thinking about my male friends who are single and fall into this criteria, I would say that he comes off as very effeminate in voice and mannerisms, so women don’t look at him that way. Of my other single male friends, they don’t fit into your criteria, either because they get lots of dates but nothing further, or they violate one of the bullet points.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:45 AM
–

This is the same sub that criticizes women who have wild years then want to settle down. According to these men, maturing is a lame excuse.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 09:11 PM
5

An interesting topic of discussion for this group: What is the difference between settling for someone who you shouldn’t be with versus settling for someone who doesn’t check off every box?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:40 AM
1

Other men just don’t exist. I can acknowledge when someone is attractive, but the thoughts go no further. But in fairness, that’s how I was before I was in any relationship too. Physical attractiveness on its own doesn’t trigger anything for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 07:11 PM
2

I just got married and I did not take my husband’s name. If anything, he is more likely to take mine if a change does happen down the road. I asked the marriage bureau clerk about this and she said it’s roughly half and half. I don’t think it matters as much these days.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:46 AM
9

5 is the scientific average and that is replicated across many studies. If they said that, it was said in ignorance. That said, it seems that men are associating the term average as a bell curve that they want to beat. I have seen far more women here who have said that they would not like the other side of the bell curve than I have size queens.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:44 AM
6

Yes, that too
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 09:25 PM
21

I will never understand why they don’t believe us on this. The revulsion they claim we have about small ones is literally the revulsion I have over the idea of a big one. Over 6 and all I see is pain.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 07:44 PM
1

I ended up married, so obviously I moved on. My point is that there is still a stigma to the idea that generates miscues.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 02:23 PM
1

I did. Apparently saying that I enjoyed the date but paying for it is sending mixed signals.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:22 AM
3

When I was on the dating scene, I always offered to pay for the first date, or at the very minimum, to cover my portion. Guy friends (and this sub) are filled with horror stories about women taking advantage of them for a free meal. So the dates I had were only ever first dates. The guys were all very nice, and some of them became friends afterwards. But I was always puzzled as to why they never went beyond that. It was my now-husband who informed me not long ago that women offering to pay signa…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:12 AM
87

And so long as men continue to act desperate, it will remain that way. Want to even out the playing field? Stop tolerating bad behavior and place self-respect over getting laid.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 03:46 PM
1

There are ways to do it that do not vilify the group. As an example, I do not consider myself a feminist for many reasons. But one of the primary reasons is that women have been my only bullies in life. I feel no sense of kinship or obligation to women as a group. But I do not assume that all women are bullies. I reframe my thinking. It’s that Susan, specifically, is a bully. Now turn that to male experiences. Women did not treat you badly on that date. Laura treated you badly.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/25 12:48 PM
-1

I have more sympathy for the clothes argument than I do going to a club. There are lots of reasons for going out, and not all clubs are alike. The clothes, though, I can understand the argument of advertising availability. If your partner said she was going out with the girls while wearing a modest dress; I don’t think you would feel as strongly about her going out.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/25 07:02 PM
0

If relationships are so terrible for men, why are you all here complaining about the fact that you can’t get one?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 11:19 PM
4

Everyone settles. Why keep fixating on the male model? 99.9% of women don’t get to settle down with the male model. I still don’t see what you think you are being lied to over. The reality is that most people are normal, average people who find normal, average partners. The fact that normal people are in relationships does not mesh with your perceptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 10:17 PM
2

Is it news to you that a man who does not have any education, experience, or training is unattractive as a partner? Is it news to you that a man who puts little to no effort into his appearance is unattractive as a partner? Is it news to you that a guy who lacks confidence is unattractive as a partner? 99.9% of men are not model tier. Yet many men are in committed relationships. Hell, even the My 600 Pound Life people are in relationships. So no, the evidence does not support the need for model …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 09:11 PM
2

Again, women do not believe that they should have to say what should be self-evident. Do women want mean with good incomes? Is the Pope a Catholic? That’s not lying. The real liars are the men who delude themselves into thinking these things don’t matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 08:43 PM
2

They’re not lying. They just don’t feel the need to state things that should be self-evident. Of course they want a guy with good earning potential. Have you ever heard a woman say “I’m into minimum wage guys”? No. So why does it need to be said at all? Are there women who will date minimum wage guys? Yes. But one of two scenarios are at play: 1. The minimum wage guys is actually an upgrade from what she normally gets or 2. The minimum wage guy has something else going for him in abundance.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 07:32 PM
2

The easiest way to vet guys for things like this is to not sleep with them or entangle anything with them until they have earned a level of trust. Of course, these are the same men who will accuse women of being frigid or not giving them what they gave to “Chad.” Some women got burned and learned their lessons, yet they are apparently not allowed to apply what they learned with future men.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 03:06 PM
1

Wrong. I’m engaged. I did find one who carries his weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 02:26 AM
1

So? I own my home outright and have my own business. I’m not dating someone who can’t carry his weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 12:24 AM
1

I am a person with feminist ideas who will never call herself a feminist. Above all, I think the notion of “sisterhood” is what holds women down. Sisterhood and feminism have created an in-group and out-group among women. If you do not conform to the ideology of the in-group, you are dismissed. You wanna climb the ladder? Go do it. But spare me all the girl power stuff. I find all of these female-coded things to be incredibly infantilizing.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/25 12:52 PM
6

Yep. And there is another dimension that I think single parents often forget - they might have chosen their partner, but the kids didn’t. One day this person you barely know moves in to your house. Their role in your life isn’t clearly defined beyond being mom/dad’s new partner. You are expected to show this stranger respect and this stranger is supposed to have a degree of authority over you, yet you get no say in the matter? Of course it goes bad. And that is true of most single parents. There…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 08:42 PM
6

Literally the exception rather than the rule. When do we ever hear stories about happy blended families? Reddit is a depository for all the ways those go wrong. OP is deluding herself if she believes that is the most likely outcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 08:33 PM
11

I don’t even think it’s a single mom problem. It’s a single parent problem. You won’t be the priority. You have your deal with problems you did not create. You will have to carry a level of responsibility for a kid that you have limited authority over. There is no way to balance that dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 08:03 PM
2

I didn’t say they couldn’t. I said that women will discount that man for doing so.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 05:14 PM
2

Not boring. I just have values and standards. Hookup culture is not in my values and standards.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 05:13 PM
2

So, so wrong. I am 37 years old. I have had sex with exactly two men in my life. One was my first boyfriend, who I was with for six years, and the other is my now-fiancé. Beach chair guy had no chance of putting the moves on me at any point.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 04:13 PM
3

Wrong. I don’t do sex outside of a committed relationship and I don’t deal with men who do not met me where I am in my life. I’m a homeowner and a business owner. I’m looking for a peer. Beach chair guy is not a peer.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 04:09 PM
3

The best way that I can explain this is that picture of a beach chair and tv in an apartment with no other furniture. The caption always says something like “men will see nothing wrong with this picture.” Of course women don’t like it. Women will not date someone who lives like that. Our apartments are fully furnished and decorated. Why would we date a guy who lets us have the beach chair when we come over? That’s a complete downgrade. It simply does not match the effort that we put into our own…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/25 03:07 PM
6

This sub deletes my comments whenever I post links, but if you google bagel shop guy, he is all over the videos.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 12:37 PM
1

The reality that I can point to plenty of examples of people doing exactly what I said?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 11:03 AM
12

It reminds me of that guy in that bagel shop who went on a tirade about his own hight and women for absolutely no reason. The negativity radiates off of these kinds. It’s practically self-sabotage.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 11:02 AM
3

Because they don’t need to be said. You aren’t going to find a woman who doesn’t want those things. No one is going to say with a straight face that they do not want a funny guy who is good in bed.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 10:59 AM
3

That’s absolute nonsense. Women who have never even seen a particular man’s junk will say things like “small pp energy” and men routinely call healthy women fat. These insults get used because the users know it is likely to bother the target.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 10:54 AM
5

People say things simply because they know that someone is insecure about something. Wanna insult a guy 9/10, critique his size and it will sting. Wanna insult a woman? 9/10, go after her weight and it will sting. It doesn’t mean these critiques are true. But they are easy insults to reach for when you want to hurt someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 04:47 AM
1

It doesn’t restore you to an identity, but it does restrict your options. If waiting is a value that is important to someone, they should stick to people who share that value.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 05:25 PM
6

As always, whenever this topic comes up: why do you care what everyone else thinks? Do whatever you want. But that’s not why this topic gets posted here all the time. You want validation and you want everyone to support your position. You won’t get it. So if you want an age gap, you have to live with the judgement and disgust of the general public. That’s your tradeoff. Take it or leave it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:45 PM
2

There are plenty of women who are good with low-key dates. They take a lot of pressure off of both people. If a potential date isn’t into those, don’t pursue it further. It’s not a good match.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/25 11:54 PM
2

I’m going by their definition of what feminism is supposed to be. By their own definition, being anti-man is anti-feminist. But I also think they are a bunch of hypocrites who will eventually eat their own tail.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 02:41 PM
0

I would argue that her position is highly anti-feminist.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 01:17 AM
–

So you suggest that if she in fact did not cheat, she should smile through the pain?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 02:00 PM
–

Between the parents. Do you think that the relationship will escape that unscathed?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 12:47 PM
–

Ok, I’ll pose this another way to you. Do you honestly think that the relationship is going to move forward as if it never happened? That any hurt that she feels is just going to disappear?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 03:52 AM
–

The guy might trust her, but why should she trust him? He questioned her integrity. Why should she stay with someone who questions her integrity?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 12:14 AM
0

I think both go hand in hand. If you aren’t looking for a healthy and happy relationship, then all that is left is a transactional one. And unless we are lying to ourselves, no one dreams about one of those.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 08:17 PM
-1

Can you give examples of happy relationships that do not have a foundation of respect?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 01:02 PM
19

I kind of view this as similar to “just be yourself” when what we should really be saying is “be the best version of yourself.” I agree with your point on the action-reward aspect. The message we should be sending is “respecting people is a necessary building block for any relationship.”
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 10:35 PM
6

It’s not an office appropriate outfit and when we do things like this, all women are not taken seriously. Just look the global joke that those women standing in the circle saying random stuff became. When you turn gender into this sisterhood complex, bad behavior by one is bad behavior by all.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:59 PM
3

Just swipe left. This really isn’t a problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 02:01 AM
1

Define attraction
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:00 PM
5

All the test proves is that the kid is biologically his. It doesn’t prove that she didn’t cheat. Going forward, I am going to assume that he has absolutely no trust in me regardless of the results. Because if he has that kind of suspicion, it means that he is questioning my character. A positive test results doesn’t sweep all that away.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 03:33 AM
2

So who was it who passed judgment on you IRL?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:49 AM
2

This is exactly what I think men should be doing and I’m happy to see it is giving you fulfillment. It’s not healthy to live for another person. Only in creating a rich life for yourself can you really be in position to have a healthy relationship in the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/25 05:09 PM
5

Wrong. Commitment reduces hedonism.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 02:16 AM
3

So?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:49 AM
1

You were asking why people in general would choose not to have children, not yourself. Your personal experience and intentions don’t apply to the general public. You showing your children love does not mean anything to Grandpa and Grandma Smith, who showed their children love but still ended up abandoned in the nursing home because taking care of them is an inconvenience.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:37 AM
5

That’s not a logical explanation. If I don’t work, I can’t feed myself. Therefore, I must work even if it is shitty work. If I don’t have children…..then what?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:33 AM
5

Well you seem to view hedonism negatively, so by that logic, people who couple up but remain child free are demonstrating virtue.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:31 AM
1

Then why do so many grandparents die alone and forgotten in nursing homes?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:28 AM
11

Why do you think that children will prevent that from happening? Studies have shown that children multiply friction in a marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:21 AM
3

Wouldn’t it be even more hedonistic if someone who didn’t want children simply remained single with no responsibilities to a partner?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 01:16 AM
2

Are we believing everything we see on the internet now?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/25 05:25 PM
5

I also was never approached by a man in my life. The only reason I am in a relationship now is because I approached my fiance.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 10:22 PM
1

The difference is that the second man doesn’t exist. No one is getting it that easily.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:47 PM
1

They’re trash who were told they were princesses one too many times.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:16 PM
2

I’m engaged to one. By the time we met, he was already looking to settle down and all of his behavior reflected that his intentions were genuine. His past doesn’t bother me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 02:45 PM
1

No, but I never shared what is considered to be the universal experience of women to begin with. To me, MeToo was just another performative thing that was going to go away at some point.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 02:31 PM
2

Guys really need to get over this notion that women have unlimited dating options.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 01:47 PM
–

I always love how some guys pretend that only older women hate age gaps. Like the girl’s father isn’t the most pissed off in the room. You are not going to get support for age gaps. Do what you want, but accept the judgement that comes with it. That’s the deal.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/24 02:45 PM
2

Regarding the points about attraction, I wasn’t attractive to men when I was younger. I was never in a position to get by on youth and beauty. It made me cultivate my whole person and I am better off for it because I attach my value to attributes that cannot diminish. Regarding age gap points: it’s all a bunch of cope from men who want other people to approve of it. If you are so confident in the correctness of those relationships, why bother defending it? You don’t need our approval. The realit…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 11:05 PM
3

I did the same when I was dating. I did it to signal that I was not there for a comp but for them. It balanced the dynamic and it made evaluating comparability much clearer. I highly recommend it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 06:07 PM
2

“Have it all” is a pretty dated concept. You would hear it from adult women in the 80s and 90s. But millennial women don’t believe in it. We’ve been through way too many global crises to believe that is possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 08:46 PM
-2

And your point of reference for average women are a bunch of lunatic women?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 03:47 AM
1

I have not seen a single woman praise her or call her a victim. Everyone involved is gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 12:06 AM
–

Even as a woman, when I see gym content I speculate if it is fitness or OnlyFans.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 05:41 AM
5

You think this guy is average? In my books he is an 8.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 06:10 AM
1

100% they exist. I was one. I never got asked out or hit on in my life. I had two instances of unrequited love that I let fester for far too long. Even after I went through a massive glow-up, I never received male attention. I initiated every conversation on the apps and rarely got responses. The few dates that I did get and my now fiancé are because I had to initiate everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 06:05 AM
1

You can call the examples whatever you want, but those are examples of what I would have swiped right on instead of left. You are on the app to sell yourself. If it’s a numbers game, you do what you have to do to appeal to as many as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 10:17 PM
3

A diversity of high quality pictures. Answer every prompt in complete sentences. Avoid clichés. We know every guy loves to watch sports. Say instead that you are looking for a game buddy who has strong opinions on the designated hitter rule. And instead of saying you like going to the gym, say that you want a gym buddy who will shame you into doing leg day. The former are what we see on every guy’s profile. The latter gives a guy personality. But of course, anything that you can say about yourse…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 02:01 AM
3

Did they actually put effort into their profiles?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 11:40 PM
11

Who on earth told you they don’t matter??? Low effort profiles were an immediate swipe left for me. I wouldn’t have swiped right on my now-fiancé if he had an incomplete profile because I use the profile to initiate conversation. Luckily, his profile gave me plenty of material to work with.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 11:01 PM
4

I always opened the conversation with guys and based my opening off of their profiles. If I had nothing to work with, I wouldn’t even bother swiping right.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 10:56 PM
6

Physical attraction aside, men really need to put more effort into their profiles. If you hold that women are the selectors, what in your profile would motivate them to pick you over other men? That’s a thought men (and women too, honestly) should have in mind when they fill them out. In my app days, a low effort profile was an immediate left swipe no matter what you looked like.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 10:55 PM
4

Fair, because what some would call beta bucks, others would call gaining maturity about what characteristics actually matter in a good partner. But I think in context of this sub, it gets weaponized as part of the gender war.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/24 02:21 AM
13

Facts! I just responded to this not realizing this was flared for men. Meanwhile, I’m the one who requires the prenup in my relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/24 01:09 AM
4

So my fiancé is a self-described former fkboy. I think it comes down to personal growth. We know we are not the same person today that we were a year ago or five years ago. By the time I met my fiancé, he had gained self-awareness and learned that he valued what a relationship would offer. Had he not told me himself about his past, I never would have believed it. I think women are willing to give a guy who shows signs of growth a chance. Whether the guy has grown enough remains to be seen. But I…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/24 12:51 AM
3

No. I think the histrionics are ridiculous and I didn’t even vote for Trump. Anyone who is currently howling at the moon lives in a bubble. I’m engaged to my fiancé and I’m staying engaged to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/24 02:23 AM
2

I saw some of those reactions online and it is hella creepy. She had a kid. Be happy for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 01:01 AM
2

….so instead of you being responsible for the child you created, you want the taxpayers to pay for a child they didn’t make?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/24 11:00 PM
–

I agree. I have said many times here that the men on this sub are looking for a single elegant formula that explains all women. They are convinced it exists. Those guys are going to stay disappointed.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 06:20 AM
3

Casual sex for me is as alien as it is to these men. Never even was on the table.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 05:41 AM
2

Can confirm. Before I lost weight, I did not exist as a potential partner. I had so many guy friends, but I was always treated like one of the boys. I never had a man offer to buy me a drink, ask for my number, ask me out, flirt with me. None of it at all. Even after I lost the weight, these things didn’t happen because I have severe RBF. I had to be the one to take the initiative and ask guys out. I can’t even conceive of the level of attention that gets routinely discussed here.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 04:54 AM
1

Sure. It’s like safety schools versus reach schools. If you can get into Yale, no one is going to believe that you would pick, say, Michigan State, over Yale. That being said, some students will only learn through experience that as shiny and prestigious as Yale is, the hyper-competitive environment isn’t suitable for them. They have to burn out and fail to learn the lesson, but it’s a lesson they wouldn’t learn without experience. And when they look back, they would have been happier at a place…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 04:35 AM
1

No. I either like it or don’t like it. His attractiveness won’t change that.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 08:10 AM
1

The thing with demisexuality is that if you know the person who you are into is a demi, you can’t escalate sexuality the way you normally would. You legitimately have to lock the idea away and build the friendship first.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 06:01 AM
2

Surprised Pikachu face when people see what their government algorithms looks matches actually are.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 05:56 AM
7

That delivery part is the piece they don’t seem to get.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 05:55 AM
1

Yes, both scenarios are acceptable. You may not get the long-term outcomes that you are looking for, but there is nothing wrong with rejecting someone in either of these scenarios.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 05:54 AM
7

I can’t say that there is a hard and fast rule for this because it all comes down to individual character. 9 times out of 10, I think if the men here were to date me in a hypothetical scenario, you would think that I was stringing you along. But the reality is that I have never had sex outside of a committed relationship and have only had two partners my entire life.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 05:49 AM
2

As a woman who is the one making my fiance sign a prenup, this is an incredibly sexist and ignorant take. Women have assets. A prenup made in love is infinitely preferable to a divorce done in malice. Frankly, if I were marrying a man who didn’t want a prenup, my intuition would tell me not to trust him.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 11:56 PM
2

Because you don’t necessarily know someone is a player until after you have been played.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 07:08 PM
2

Clearly you need to re-educate yourself, because nowhere did I ever accuse all men of anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:25 AM
2

I didn’t say men. I gave this as an example of how women can be more direct than men give credit for. It doesn’t necessarily change the outcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:23 AM
3

I train every day. I don’t know how much clearer I need to be without being a bitch. If I tell you every day “not now, I’m training,” a rational person should be able to conclude that if you are getting the same response every time you disrupt the same activity, then that is not the right time to engage with that person.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:20 AM
2

From when I was single, the key for me would be that being asked out felt incidental to the reason you approached in the first place. For example, a guy who approached me when I was playing tennis to talk about tennis would have had an infinitely easier time if he wanted to ask me out than if that same guy came up to me in Starbucks.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:17 AM
5

Happy to contribute to the cause
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 08:03 PM
3

Okay schnookums.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 07:55 PM
3

Ok dear.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 07:42 PM
–

But….they are sharing their honest opinions. The problem men seem to have is that the opinions are not consistent. And they shouldn’t be consistent. Every person is different and has different wants and needs. You have the women out there who outright say they want tall dudes with big salaries and you have the ones who are looking for something else. Both types can be telling the truth.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 06:30 PM
–

So what does that look like?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 06:20 PM
–

Not the kind needed to amend the dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 06:17 PM
5

Ok I will give you a scenario I deal with on a daily basis. I set aside time to do self-improvement exercises every day, like Duolingo, brain training, meditation, and journaling. No fixed start time, but close to bed time. My fiancé is the overly enthusiastic type and wants to share every funny thing he sees on social media with me. When he does, I tell him “I’m training right now.” And he will still interrupt. Do I have to get to the point where I have to brusquely say “do not interrupt me”? A…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 05:32 PM
21

Stop. We don’t do reasonable takes here.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 05:26 PM
–

I think there is an assumption that acknowledging that men have a rough go of it will somehow automatically compel women to change the dynamic. But women have no incentive to change the dynamic, nor can you compel an entire population of people who only share one characteristic (gender) to change their outlook. Women have their own struggles in relationship dynamics. Just at a baseline, women will always have the upper hand because they are more willing to push back from the table than men are.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 04:23 PM
–

In this particular scenario, yes. Because day after day, men come here and make the same complaints. They want the same validations that they have it harder. Women will concede that men have a rough time of it. Then what? Nothing has changed. So why are we beating the dead horse?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 02:25 PM
–

Sure, we can acknowledge certain levels of ease. It’s not going to change anything. You can’t rationalize your way into the behaviors you want when the behaviors are not based in rationality to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 02:23 PM
–

Honestly, this is the conclusion that I reached for men too. The problem I am seeing in suggesting this is that there is still a sized population of men who are still fixated on not getting any dates/matches, so in their minds, this is not a viable strategy. The reality is that if you want to rebalance the dynamic, sometimes you have to take a few punches in the process.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 02:21 PM
6

Facts. TBH, this question should be asked of men instead of women. They are the ones who claim that a billionaire could bag whoever he wants.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 03:05 AM
6

But the children YEARN for the mines.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 03:07 PM
9

That’s you. Other people build their careers because there are other things they find fulfillment in. And for others, they do it simply for having financial freedom in an uncertain world.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 03:06 PM
2

To add to your point, she also sacrifices Social Security income from not working. Being a SAHP leaves that parent at the financial mercy of the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 05:58 PM
1

From NYC. Raised Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school my whole life, but am no longer religious. The lesson started religious, but transcended that boundary into personal morals and ethics. I simply can’t shift my view to see sex as something that can be done casually. I don’t judge others for different choices, but it’s not one I can rationalize for myself. I’ve only had two partners and both have been in the context of serious relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 03:53 PM
8

Statistics are showing that divorce is lower among millennials than it is among older generations and I think it’s precisely because millennials and younger are not settling, but waiting for the right person.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/24 04:30 AM
–

When I was fat, I didn’t get any matches. I only got matches when I lost the weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/24 07:35 PM
–

When I was a fat woman, I was just as invisible to men as unattractive men are to attractive women. Just being a woman doesn’t grant you the keys to the kingdom.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/24 03:48 PM
3

There are no circumstances where I find Pete Davidson attractive or appealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/24 03:10 PM
–

I can’t really agree with that assessment because there would have to be a BB fantasy equivalent. This all exists entirely in fantasy. Every person, man or woman, has a fantasy partner. And this is all putting aside the why and how of how women read erotic fiction. That’s a whole other ballgame.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/24 05:25 AM
–

This is not a perfect equivalent or necessarily a good equivalent, but I will explain it in terms that men might relate to. I have been told that when men are really horny and are looking for porn, they will look for some really nasty, messed-up stuff. The PNC hits and then the guys become disgusted with themselves and can’t believe they watched it. In both scenarios, a desire is being fulfilled. Neither are things that you actually seek in real life, but it scratches an itch.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/24 05:04 AM
7

Ditto in NYC
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/24 01:25 AM
2

Maybe some. Not me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/24 03:11 AM
2

He’s skeevy looking AF. Who cares about his height.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/24 02:57 AM
5

Pete Davidson
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/24 10:45 PM
–

I’m not saying it did. I am saying that when they enter one, the widespread resistance and judgement they face shouldn’t be a surprise.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 03:45 PM
–

See, this right here is a good response. A well adjusted person will take this for what it is and both people should be at ease.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 03:28 PM
–

See, this right here as a good response.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 03:27 PM
–

It’s the same thing when they come here and defend age gaps. Who is the most angry when those relationships happen? The girl’s father.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 03:26 PM
–

Mom said it was my turn to talk about man vs. bear.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 03:24 PM
1

I just don’t have that expectation. If I felt like I was in danger, my thought isn’t “I hope a man comes along to save me.” My thought is “I hope a person comes along and can do something to help.” Meaning, I would never expect a person to put themself in danger for my sake, but I certainly hope they will call the police and monitor from a safe distance.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 03:46 AM
15

If you are breaking up with her, why does it matter if she understands or not? You made a decision. You can simply say that you don’t see long term compatibility and wish her well. It’s the actual explanation that you seem to want to give that puts you on dangerous ground.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 03:37 AM
11

I will also point out for you that hormonal birth control is more likely to lower a woman’s sex drive than it is to increase it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 07:39 PM
12

It can treat cystic acne. If you have an ovarian cyst, it can also help to dissolve it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 07:25 PM
13

Not to mention, hormonal contraception is more likely to decrease sex drive, not increase it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 07:24 PM
6

But being provocative gets the people going.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/24 07:27 PM
2

I’m honestly here for this newfound absurdism. It’s really refreshing when this sub has been beating the same dead horses for ages. In many regards, I think these two have had a unifying effect on the pills because even polar opposites have their limits.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/24 03:00 PM
0

Same, though if we believe the troll theory, it’s the same person running both accounts. Now kiss
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/24 02:55 PM
0

Sure, the average guy can move. It’s no guarantee of results, but he can.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/24 02:53 PM
5

I know you don’t want to hear it, so I’ll just skip that part and ask this question: if it is the environment, how can you realistically change it? We can give you all the affirmation you want. We can say, yes it sucks out there in the field. But changing the environment requires everyone to collectively move towards the change.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/24 05:21 AM
16

Windmill, is that you????
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/24 03:55 AM
15

In no universe would I have even been attracted to a man like that. The second I saw that kind of behavior, he would have lost his halo.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/24 04:06 AM
1

Sigh. Of all the good, valid examples you could have used of men being low quality, you go for the obvious joke example. Your troll game is slipping.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/24 01:11 AM
–

You are inferring that neuroticism will be eliminated in a few generations and the person above you is talking about anxiety and self-centeredness genes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/24 05:49 PM
–

I like the part where you believe that simply wanting to have children means that someone will be a good parent who won’t potentially damage their kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/24 05:32 AM
–

These days, kids are high risk, low reward. Being a good parent is in itself a full time job. If our grandparents parented today the way they did in their young adult years, CPS would be all over them. Keeping them alive is no longer the bare minimum. So if you are barely keeping yourself alive these days, why would you bring more difficulties into that reality?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/24 05:22 AM
–

I don’t interpret parenting as unpaid shit work.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 03:56 PM
–

That’s not anything that can be addressed in a prenup effectively though. That’s the sort of thing where you really have to take the time to discern if you are dealing with the kind of guy who has those expectations or if he carries his weight. And you have to be willing to let something stay messy or undone to reinforce that his mess is his responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 02:51 PM
13

No, prenup doesn’t bother me because I wouldn’t marry a guy who wouldn’t sign one either. I have assets to protect too.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 05:55 AM
1

We can debate semantics, but the root of the matter is that the example you gave is not even remotely comparable to choosing to date someone with children.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 10:47 PM
1

No, not exclusively. You can fawn over anything you enjoy. People fawn over pets. They fawn over their favorite athletes. Fawning is just an expression of fondness.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 09:00 PM
2

There is a major difference between fawning over a kid for an hour and choosing to enter into a relationship knowing that you will never be the priority and also having to take on a degree of responsibility for a kid that is not related to you, has no bond with you, and may never accept you.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 06:32 PM
6

Let me answer your question with another. Why won’t women date single fathers?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 02:22 PM
6

Sounds like a whole lot of cope. People are allowed to have preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 02:20 PM
2

This. I’ve been called a pick me because I like baseball. According to some women, the only reason women say they enjoy sports is because they are seeking male attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 12:47 PM
–

I’m curious, what exactly would the level up look like for women if she is being fuckzoned. Clearly she is considered attractive enough for that, so it’s not a looks thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/24 04:50 PM
3

No. Only the fringe crazies actually want this.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/24 04:47 AM
2

Colleges should not be in the adjudication business to begin with. If a crime happens, you have to go to the police. They are the only non-military example I can think of where your constitutional right go out the window.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/24 12:30 PM
9

Probably something to do with how painful it is to have one inserted and/or removed. They tell you to take a Tylenol before your appointment.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/24 03:28 AM
9

Dude, I can’t even manage tampons without a little pain. Using a female condom is a complete non-starter.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/24 03:25 AM
0

I’ll be honest, I have the same question. It just wasn’t my experience at any time in my life. It’s not a denial that women experience it, but I can’t call it universal.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/24 03:17 PM
2

Cool. I hope your long game bears you the fruit you think you will reap.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 08:52 PM
1

I have had that happen many times when I was dating. To me, it meant that we weren’t on the same wavelength and I move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 06:28 PM
5

So I’m browsing this article on Cosmo and it certainly seems to underline that there are lots of negative stereotypes out there about star signs.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 05:35 PM
4

And I have seen post after post here of men saying that “RP doesn’t say that.” As I said elsewhere on this thread, we judge our enemies by their worst actions and ourselves by our best intentions. Toxic people exist. No single group owns them. There is no ultimate villain here. Just a few months ago, my hairdresser justified cheating on her boyfriend because of something to do with Venus. I don’t judge all women by what she said. I don’t even judge all people who believe in astrology for what sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 05:29 PM
5

And perpetuating the idea that one group of people shouldn’t date another group of people based on inherent immutable characteristics doesn’t have social consequences? It doesn’t lead to misandry? Two sides of the same coin.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 05:21 PM
4

Yes, I do. First off, your point of comparison is off. You don’t compare all of women who show a remote interest in astrology all the way up to the ones who are running math calculations for planetary movements with the worst of RP thinking. For most men, there are elements of RP ideology about self-improvement that they will internalize and use to better themselves. I would say the equivalent for women is a woman who happens to read her horoscope and uses it as a moment of reflection about her …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 05:13 PM
4

It’s pretty cruel and delulu to deny accountability for your actions because of where a planet is in the sky or to draw assumptions about a person because of a star sign and not their demonstrated behavior. Men’s reaction when they hear a woman say that he’s destined to be a cheater because he is an Aquarius = Women’s reaction when they hear a man say that all women are hypergamous because it’s their “biological nature”. It’s the same stuff. And it’s always the same groups of people out here in …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 04:56 PM
1

Absolutely. It’s two sides of the same coin. Except in this case, game doesn’t want to recognize game.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 03:50 PM
7

They absolutely do. You’ve never met one who has said something like “All Libras are xxxxx” or “I won’t date Capricorn men because xxxxx?” Or my personal favorite, justifying their own toxic behavior because, “I’m a Leo, I can’t help it.”
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 02:37 PM
3

Nah. Someone could very well be the right person for you, but if your toxic actions are the reason for the breakup, it’s no longer a matter of him fighting for you. It’s a question of how much self-respect he has and it’s a question he wouldn’t have even had to ask if you weren’t toxic in the first place. This is immature thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 01:53 PM
31

The pills and the whole alpha/beta stuff are the male equivalent of women who get fixated on astrology. There’s nothing wrong with the traits. There isn’t even anything wrong with a mild interest. But if you think someone will always act a certain way because they are a Gemini/woman/alpha, you are going to come off as crazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 01:48 PM
1

Funny. I would say calling other girls names is basic bitch cope.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/24 05:47 PM
1

The whole pick me notion is cringe. It has evolved into a pejorative used against women whenever they deviate from the party line.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/24 07:07 AM
7

They are legit describing Anastasia Steele.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 06:12 AM
-1

The irony, of course being that it would not have occurred to anyone to think of those guys as losers until they started projecting their anger about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 02:07 PM
1

I think men are concerned about it far more than women are. To me, it’s a procedure that some men have had and others have not. Nothing more.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/24 10:20 PM
4

No, salting is also correct. You salt the soil so no one can grow crops.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/24 03:45 AM
24

Not burning bridges or salting the earth when you encounter disagreement in relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/24 05:18 AM
2

Something I think men need to fundamentally understand is that for this premise to even be a possibility for anyone, not just women, the desperation for a partner must outweigh the need for attraction (both physically and emotionally).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/24 04:30 AM
1

This isn’t a which is worse scenario. These are all dealbreakers. The people you are describing are not people who have a flaw that they can/will correct. You are talking about people who are fundamentally adverse to building a fulfilling life for themselves, never mind a partner or a family. This is a prime example of when a woman would rather remain single than pick from these five men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/24 03:09 AM
–

My understanding of War On Boys is that society is completely ignoring the well-being of boys in favor of putting all of its attention on girls. Your interpretation is….novel.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/24 02:54 AM
3

I love a pair of Clark Kent glasses on a man.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/24 09:06 PM
2

I did set expectations. I demonstrated that I carry my weight. If he didn’t demonstrate that he carried his, I wouldn’t be with him. Taking money off the table is the master stroke. If he I don’t let him pay for me, he has to do actual work to demonstrate his character. Throwing money at things doesn’t fix fundamental flaws. A man cay pay your way all you want. It won’t buy you character or integrity. It won’t mean that he is there for you when you need him. It doesn’t mean that he won’t leave y…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 11:40 PM
2

Ok, but these are not factors when you are dating or just starting a relationship. You’re not walking into the first date pregnant with his baby.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 12:06 PM
4

I still don’t understand what those women’s video was about. I can’t even get to the point of having an opinion about them.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 05:07 AM
1

Again, I don’t care. Those are my values. Upholding standards and personal accountability are the reasons no one in my family has divorced. Not my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins. If my partner did not share in these values, I wouldn’t be with him. And if divorce is such a concern for people, maybe more people should be following our lead.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 07:57 AM
2

Correct. That is what has been modeled for me by my family. No one in my family has ever divorced or separated. If there is a problem, you work the problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 07:51 AM
1

I don’t care about anyone else. This is the standard that my partner and I set for ourselves and that is the standard that I follow for myself. If my partner valued sex more than my healing, we shouldn’t even be together to begin with. No commitment, no requirements.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 07:45 AM
1

To me, this falls into the “for better or for worse” realm. That’s the vow you take.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 07:37 AM
1

Would I be fine dying without experiencing it? Sure. Sex simply isn’t important enough to me for this to be a concern that would preoccupy my thoughts.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 07:25 AM
3

If he can find someone on the side, why wouldn’t he just go and be with that woman instead?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 02:23 AM
1

You know what? Yes. This might be some of the best advice given to men on this sub. Men, do this!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/24 12:23 AM
85

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness. That is life.” -Captain Picard
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/24 01:01 PM
7

This false flag again. “I prefer a slimmer body shape.” =ok “I don’t want a land whale.” =not ok
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/24 02:10 AM
0

The hyperbole here is unreal.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/24 04:13 PM
2

Aside from men holding the door open for me because I was right behind them (a simple courtesy that I do for anyone who happens to be behind me), no man has ever gone out of his way to help me with anything. Hell, my building’s Super was cool watching me drag a 150 pound pallet of construction equipment by myself all the way to my apartment even though I give that dude $500 every Christmas. I don’t expect men to do anything for me. They never have. Why start now?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/24 07:48 PM
1

A fair point. Social Security is an “entitlement.” In the realm of relationships, it has taken on a different definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 10:37 PM
2

It depends on how it is presented. If you are keeping it to yourself or are trying to work on it mindfully, no it is not entitlement. If you wrestle taking your frustration out on other people (think: disparaging people because they rejected you or are making generalizations about people) then it is entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 10:36 PM
-2

No one said anything about free labor. We’re talking about getting more of what the company is already giving you. You don’t get better terms simply because you want them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 07:22 PM
-1

And if you do that, you develop a reputation and no company will want to hire you at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 07:11 PM
2

In your scenario, you had a right to that drink. It was a legal transaction. If they refused to give it to you after you paid, that’s theft. Not entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 06:24 PM
1

Like I said, I went 11 years between relationships and I never had a man ask me on a date, buy me a drink, or ask for my number. No one was slipping into my DMs. I was simply a woman. If what you are saying is true, explain me.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 06:23 PM
2

The danger with your first scenario is that there is a group out there who will argue that they pay for dates/fund lifestyles, therefore they should get the relationship. It leans into their transactional notions about relationships. I think a better example would be that you think you are entitled to the kombucha without paying because you helped one of the workers carry a heavy box.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:13 PM
1

Man has one of two choices: Find a job that will pay him more money (want) Disparage the company and try to destroy it (entitled)
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:06 PM
4

In the world of relationships, I think the biggest defining factor is how you walk away from rejection. You can be neutral, you can be disappointed, you can be sad, and those are okay. None of those things assert any sort of culpability on other people. If you are angry or spiteful, that’s where we enter the realm of entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:04 PM
2

Autism is more than just a weight on your back. It’s a medical condition. So treat it. They have therapies to teach people with autism how to pick up on social cues and how to respond to them appropriately. You won’t be as astute as someone without it, but you can develop and refine your social skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:00 PM
1

I think men overestimate how many women get that level of attention. Men here like to say that all a woman needs to do to get attention is not be fat. I weigh 150 pounds and am 5’7. I wear a size 6. That did not get any male attention. The more accurate statement that men should say is that pretty, aggressively feminine, openly flirtatious women will universally get that kind of attention. Lack any one of the three attributes and the numbers slide.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 04:56 PM
1

This isn’t a contest about who has it worse. I was responding to OP’s assertion that all women have to do is exist to get relationships. Had I not done a lot of work on myself and been the one to initiate things, I would be in the same exact place as those guys who are struggling. So no, simply being a woman does not mean you get relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 02:41 PM
0

I wish my first was with an experienced guy looking back. It took us two virgins well over a year to really figure things out.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 07:58 PM
1

Ok, as an example for me that strays into the physical grounds, my boyfriend is a gym guy. I hate the gym. I play tennis instead. But I know that I need to go to the gym because I keep injuring myself on court and need to do therapy and maintenance to avoid more surgeries. I deeply admire my boyfriend’s discipline in going to the gym every day and doing the meal prep, so I go with him. When I feel unmotivated to go, his discipline motivates me. I think there are characteristics that people could…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 06:28 PM
0

I notice that you only listed physical qualities. Are you limiting this to physical attributes?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 06:18 PM
1

Wrong on both counts. I had to make the first move with both of them. I chatted my first boyfriend up and was the one to initiate everything and with my current boyfriend, I messaged him first on OKC.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 05:09 PM
9

I kind of understand what you are saying, but I think there needs to be more discussion of what “agreeable” means. I think there is conflict around this term because agreeable can mean something different depending on who you ask. You explained it as being a team player. If you ask someone else, they might think of when they were on the basketball team and they were told to keep giving the ball to the kid who scores the most points. Sure, the team is winning is nice, but you want to try and scor…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 04:28 AM
2

Years and years of therapy. Aside from addressing ny anxiety and depression, I had to learn how to stop accepting poor treatment from other people. And similar to men, I put myself in friend zone situations where I developed infatuations over men who were not interested in romantic relationships with me. There were two guys in that 11 year period who were genuinely nice to me and I interpreted that as romantic interest because I had no other kindness from men to compare it to. I had to unlearn t…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 01:29 AM
4

They don’t even know what natural makeup looks like. Let’s not set the bar too high.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 06:37 PM
1

No one said never. I said developing value for themselves beyond relationships. I have had two relationships in my life. In the time between the two of them, I went 11 years without a date or without any man showing me a smidgen of attention. I went into a dark place because I started convincing myself that I wasn’t worthy. Developing a life that isn’t measured by having a partner is how I ended up getting one. Men grossly underestimate the energy they put out and how they appear to others when …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 03:09 PM
1

Agreed. I think if I were looking for early warning signs of a young man becoming an incel, it would be uncultivated purpose in life and working to redirect him.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 04:52 AM
2

To me, what you are saying and what I am saying go hand in hand. Both are about moving beyond an unhealthy fixation in obtaining a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 04:33 AM
5

In particular for men, there is a sizable population that needs to develop their value beyond what they think will get them women. They have to be able to lead a fulfilling life whether they have a partner or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 04:09 AM
2

“See a therapist” - based on what you have just presented to the world, you have some issues that you would benefit from working on with a professional. It’s really not a loaded statement. Most people should be working with a therapist at some point in their life.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 04:07 AM
1

Different sides of the same coin.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 02:02 AM
1

I have had two relationships in my 36 years. I went 11 years between the relationships without going on a single date or having any man show affection to me. No, we don’t get to just “exist” and get attention. Only pretty women can be the exception. For the rest of us, we are invisible to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/24 04:13 PM
–

The majority of Americans cannot come up with $1000 if an emergency happened. That is struggling. People are putting groceries on pay in four. That is struggling. I have no compunctions in saying that I don’t want to live that life. I work very hard to make sure that is not my reality and my choice in partner needs to fit in with that vision.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 07:23 PM
–

Lower middle class people are all struggling. No one wants to struggle in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 06:04 PM
3

That just hasn’t been my experience. My boyfriend takes care of me, but I have never been spoiled by men. I didn’t rise to their attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 01:31 PM
3

I did. I’ve been with him for five years now. I’m just saying that the perception that some men have that men fall over themselves for any woman is not true. It’s not just that I never had an attractive guy ask to buy me a drink. I never even had an unattractive one make that offer.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 01:15 PM
7

I never even had any guy offer to buy me a drink when I was dating. High-profile guys? The very idea is laughable.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 03:10 AM
1

I think it hasn’t been pointed out because women are not going to get so deep in their feelings about this if men choose the bear.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/24 06:20 AM
1

There is a makeup artist on Instagram who works for Tom Ford Cosmetics and he is always posting videos of him doing his own makeup. But his style is makeup for men who just want to enhance a little. The end result is a “your face but better” look and I would be all for men doing what this guy does for a little confidence boost. He literally only uses two or three products.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 03:36 AM
4

He lost me at skin tone evening creams.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 03:33 AM
–

Well when you have lawsuits that shut down male only clubs, they don’t have much recourse. And the law hasn’t been friendly to gender interests. If it were, we wouldn’t be discussing Title IX again.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/24 08:50 PM
4

If there is any one thing I would critique women about over the past few decades, it would be for the erosion of male-only spaces. And when those disappeared, we started mocking “Saturdays are for the boys” and guys trips. I think we collectively have to acknowledge our role in making male friendships less stable.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/24 01:44 PM
–

This has to be a troll.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 01:17 PM
6

When men learn to tell the difference between a clean face, no makeup makeup, and a full beat, I will answer this question. For now, your perceptions are skewed.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 05:37 AM
1

You’re assuming that people place the same value on non-quantifiable attributes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/24 04:59 PM
–

I was that woman on the apps. From my experience, I was trying to bridge the gap of putting myself out there versus feeling safe and secure. I behaved very differently with the guys I went on dates with versus my now boyfriend because when I met him, I felt safe enough to be open and myself with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/24 09:11 PM
-1

Ironically, that’s the same way men evaluate women, but women are the shallow ones.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/24 02:49 PM
1

Well we can start here I recommend clicking through on the link to the Morning Consult poll, as well as watching the Netflix documentary Depp v. Heard.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/24 01:50 PM
1

You must be hanging out with a bunch of radfems. Go read some articles on the trial. Public opinion was overwhelmingly in his favor. Or go look at the videos of who was at the courthouse to support him.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/24 01:28 PM
2

I think it does represent a sizable population’s view, but I also think that view is gradually shifting to a more neutral one. I think the Johnny Depp case was a real wakeup call for a lot of people on this topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/24 01:17 PM
2

Of course there are just as many. There wouldn’t be misconceptions about this if men weren’t thirsty.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/24 12:43 AM
7

If a woman calls out another woman for shitty behavior, she’s a pick me. If a woman genuinely enjoys things that are traditionally masculine coded, like sports, she’s a pick me. If a woman defends a man, she’s a pick me. The whole concept of pick me is toxic femininity.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 01:26 PM
9

Pick me is such an inappropriately used term now. It has been weaponized against women the second they go against the desired narrative.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 06:59 AM
6

I don’t resonate with this at all. I need my space and quiet time. I need to be able to do my own thing. I can rely on my partner to be trustworthy and supportive, but I would never say I was dependent.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/24 11:54 PM
1

The problem with red pill is that it is looking for elegant equations and data sets that will explain all about modern relationships. But statistics and data can never capture the nuances of an individual person and how their choices can be different from someone else’s.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/24 05:29 AM
–

You know who drilled stranger danger into me: my father. So what do you do when men tell us to be wary of men.?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/24 01:17 AM
1

What student loan debt? I had a 529. My undergrad and grad are paid in full.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/24 06:05 PM
2

I’ve definitely seen men wear leggings layered under shorts.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 07:09 PM
6

Maybe in your circles, but in mine, the partnered women are accomplished, successful women.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 03:09 PM
4

You can have whatever take you want, but in my circles, the married/paired up women are working in equity markets, are lawyers, are business owners. There are no baristas or clothing store associates among the bunch. The men in my circles might hook up with those women, but would never have one for a partner. Women who are highly valued are valued for their accomplishments, which includes education.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 02:59 PM
5

A degree is a good indicator that someone can support themself. Among my peers, a degree is expected.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 02:41 PM
3

Pickme has been used far beyond the boundaries that you have laid out. It gets used even when there is nothing inherently toxic. Example: I love baseball. As in, I follow the winter meetings and have very strong opinions about Scott Boras kind of love. I have been called a pickme because baseball is a man’s thing, so the only reason I could possibly care about baseball is because I want to be picked. In my experience, when it gets used in that context, it’s because men do express friendly intere…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 02:28 PM
6

You forgot age gaps
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 01:51 PM
12

And don’t forget “Men don’t care about your career/men don’t care about your degree.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 01:45 PM
2

A fair point if we were looking at social scientists. But that’s not what we are dealing with here. What we have here is a group of guys who are unhappy that they can’t get a date or get laid. Social science may tell us that women have certain propensities to certain traits, but it’s the extrapolation that some guys have here that make their whole line of reasoning absurd. A study that says that men tend to have a higher income versus their female partner becomes “monkey branching.” And let’s sa…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/24 02:16 AM
5

I have said before, but there is a group of men out there who are looking for this one elegant equation that explains everything about modern relationships and women. These are the same people who are seeking “consistent behavior” among a demographic rather than consistent behavior in an individual person. If this is your approach, you will never be happy. People are not perfectly predictable and they never will be. The people who are successful in relationships are the ones who treat each perso…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/24 08:47 PM
1

I…..have no idea what you just said.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/24 04:59 PM
1

So when is criticism of other women valid? That’s what I never understood about this whole “pick me” thing. If a woman is being shitty and another woman calls her out on her bad behavior, why does it make that woman a pick me?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/24 04:47 PM
5

Google is a wondrous thing. And that’s just one state. Every state has their own set of forms. It’s actually quite standard.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/24 03:09 PM
2

Have you considered that many women don’t want children so none of this biological clock stuff matters to them?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/24 04:56 PM
1

None of those things have anything to do with seduction. Seduction happens in the mind. That long term guy you are describing is 100% capable of seduction, but it’s not because of any of the attributes you list.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/24 06:42 AM
4

There are people out here who legitimately think relationships work like The Sims. If you click the flirt button enough times, the other Sim will fall in love with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/24 04:01 AM
11

Women don’t look for leadership qualities for the sake of leadership qualities. They look for them because they tell us that the man is the sort who can take the initiative. As we always say, we are partners, not their mothers. It is a reasonable conclusion that a man who has leadership abilities is also the sort of person who intuitively understands when they need to shoulder something without needing direction.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/24 03:58 AM
6

In both cases, it is moving towards a goal. A leader typically leads from the front, a boss from the rear. Neither are good descriptors for a relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners are walking side by side to a goal.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/24 03:54 AM
1

Nothing wrong with either of those things, but be up front from the start that you do not want those things. And don’t be surprised if you aren’t finding many women open to that kind of arrangement.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 05:00 PM
–

So no prenups either then? Because I think prenups and go bags are both a good thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 06:11 PM
–

So aside from intention, what makes the two bags different? What’s to stop someone from just saying emergencies instead of saying “in case I have to leave you”? In fact, I don’t think any logical person would even say it’s for leaving their partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 05:53 PM
–

Starter Guide
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 05:42 PM
–

You can call it whatever you want. The point is, anyone should be able to pick up and go when they need to. You are putting the same things in that bag whether you are fleeing an abusive partner or a wildfire. So intention is a pretty weak argument.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 05:37 PM
–

I mean, hurricane, wildfires, abusive partner - you still need the same things in that bag.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 05:36 PM
–

I have a go bag and I would have one whether I was seeing anyone or not. The Department of Homeland Security literally has a page that tells you what to put in one. Having one is absolutely valid.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 02:13 PM
1

I was expanding to give more information. Let’s try a different approach. Let’s try from a man’s perspective. There are two types of men who hook up with larger women. There are men who in a certain set of circumstances, will hook up with a larger woman. He is not necessarily seeking that encounter, but certain conditions can make that happen. Then there are the men who are actively seeking out those larger women. They are not the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 05:01 PM
1

It’s not the same at all. In scenario one, a set of circumstances exist that made a woman feel comfortable enough to hook up with a specific person. The hookup may or may not be repeated. These are the “we were out, he was very flirty, we were drunk, we left the bar and he made sure I got home, we were both horny” hookups are. These hookups didn’t happen because the woman necessarily had prolonged intent for them to have more in the future. In scenario two, we have a woman who is seeking casual …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 02:24 PM
–

The announcers can just not talk about her. The cameramen don’t have to capture her every move. That’s what they choose to do. Her people didn’t go to them and say “cover her or else.”
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/24 08:54 PM
2

I think most hookups are in the category of “I had a chance hookup with someone under a set of circumstances” rather than someone who is truly liberal with their bedroom activities. They are not the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/24 07:50 PM
–

Perspective matters. Relationship dynamics are one example of duck/rabbit after another. If one were looking for a measure of who may be more “objectively” correct, I would ask who is getting more of what they want. If they are, it means that their theory is working for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/24 06:19 AM
5

Well I go back to my original point. You can do whatever you want. No one is stopping you. The only reason this horse keeps getting beaten here is because the men who like age gaps are seeking approval.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/24 05:53 AM
1

Not on the same level as an age gap. If that were the case, every relationship regardless of age would be judged harshly and no one would be in a relationship. There is a good reason that the normative relationship is with one’s peer.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/24 05:43 AM
5

No, not like a situation where one person has life experience and the other doesn’t. There are no counterbalances. One party starts disadvantaged and will always be disadvantaged.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/24 05:30 AM
19

Because those relationships don’t have a disparate power dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/24 01:45 AM
32

Sigh. Copy/paste Do whatever you want. But accept that you will be judged for your choices. You will not debate your way into getting people to agree with you. No one is going to applaud you.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/24 01:38 AM
7

I never got approached. I was never pretty by most men’s standards, but I also have severe resting bitch face, which made it worse. Have you ever been told that you have RBF? It is a silent repellent.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/24 04:52 PM
2

Non-applicable because I have never and would never do FWB. I have only slept with men in the context of a committed relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/24 03:07 PM
1

Ummm I would expect that every single person on earth, in a relationship or not, to keep those things to themselves unless they choose to share it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 07:14 PM
1

Ok, off the top of my head - 1. Confidential work communications 2. My BFF is texting me about personal problems 3. My family is texting me about personal problems 4. I have text conversations with my therapist there that are personal 5. I keep my journal in there, which is also personal. 6. I have medical records on my phone 7. My banking and investment accounts are on my phone None of those have anything to do with cheating. They just aren’t anyone’s business but mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 07:11 PM
1

The phone is not a person. I’m talking about a person. I can give a whole list of reasons that I would keep my phone private that have nothing to do with my partner. But I can give no reason as to why I would have any innocent reason to hide my interactions with another man from my partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 05:00 PM
1

I didn’t say no secrets. I said specifically about relationships with other people, specifically with the gender you would be attracted to. Would could I possibly have to say to another man that I wouldn’t be comfortable with my boyfriend knowing about that is also completely innocent?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 04:52 PM
2

Would you be comfortable with your partner knowing everything about your relationship with the other person? If not, it’s cheating.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 03:30 PM
3

I hate the whole concept of “don’t trust a girl who isn’t a girl’s girl” and “women should always support women.” I don’t care if I get called a pick me for that. If something isn’t right, I’m going to call you on it. Your gender is and should be immaterial. I have no expectation of another woman supporting me just because I am a woman. I tend to find that women who think this way need to be surrounded by people who support them. They don’t have any personal resilience.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 02:54 PM
5

I hear you because I get dragged when I see something from the men’s point of view. And they love calling me a pick me for it. Ultimately, I have found that those kinds of women need groups like that because they can’t stand on their own. They need the shielding of a collective because they are not brave enough to go it alone. So I made my peace at not being welcome in those circles. I know that the things that I say piss men and women off equally.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 04:37 PM
1

36/F/In a relationship I let people do whatever they want, but my personal values tell me that I should wait.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/24 01:03 AM
1

36/F/In a relationship I let people do whatever they want, but my personal values tell me that I should wait.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/24 01:02 AM
34

Age has taught me that there is no such thing as a soulmate and that “settling” isn’t settling as much as it is realizing that sometimes it is not easy to love your partner, so you have to choose to love them. No single person can be everything to you. Differences are natural, as are disagreements. So for those areas where your partner and you don’t see eye to eye, what you really have to know is that this is a person who you can have differences with and still choose to love them. I know that m…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/24 05:02 AM
2

Yes. Men get assaulted and their trauma responses are understandable. No qualifiers needed.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/24 03:57 PM
2

There isn’t one and they can’t wrap their heads around that.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/24 03:42 PM
7

It’s because they only understand quantifiable things. They think there is some elegant formula that can explain all of modern dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/24 06:21 AM
3

All of this. Preach.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/24 08:59 AM
–

I’m curious as to how you define “unique.” Let’s say a girl enjoys swimming. That’s not on the list of examples you just gave, yet there are millions of other people out there who enjoy swimming too. Does your definition mean that she is into something very obscure? By definition, you aren’t going to find many people who are into the obscure thing, so while rare, you can’t blast people for not enjoying the obscure thing AND say that people aren’t unique.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/24 05:04 PM
2

Ah got it. I misunderstood your response.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/24 03:56 PM
5

What? It is toxic when women call women pick mes. I never see men deploying that one against women. It’s only women.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/24 02:02 PM
50

The whole “pick me” thing is toxic femininity, in my opinion. It encourages groupthink.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/24 06:34 AM
3

In general, nothing is as extreme as the internet/influencer crowd makes it out to be. Relationships would be next to nonexistent if what these people believe to be the truth actually was true.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/23 07:32 PM
0

A lot of guys want to explain women’s dating and sexual behavior in a way that places the onus of men’s struggles on “hypergamy.” But here’s the truth - people grow up, they mature, they change - both men and women. So women who might not have been interested 10 years ago are interested now. Nothing wrong with that. I bet you changed as a person too. Also nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can be a good thing. So if I were in your shoes, I would look at it this way: you might have missed out o…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/23 05:01 AM
–

Sigh. This dead horse again. copy/paste Do whatever you want to do, but accept the judgement that comes with your choices. There is not a single argument on earth that is going to make the vast population of people suddenly support age gap relationships. The biggest opponents of age gap relationships are fathers.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 02:48 AM
1

It’s a well-studied psychological scenario. People judge others based on their appearance. Everyone does.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 02:45 AM
5

Why would marriage mean that I no longer had to work?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 03:29 PM
1

Again, you only get to pick one stock. You don’t pick the high risk play in that circumstance. You pick the reliable stock.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/23 04:40 AM
1

There is no guarantee he will hit that next stage. That’s why due diligence often results in backing away from the table. A few positive indicators are not going to overcome a bad balance sheet and weak earnings.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/23 02:36 AM
1

Yes but the bit I think that you aren’t picking up on is that if they only get one investment, women are either going to go for the dividend kings or the next Tesla. If they can’t get those, they will stay out of the market. They won’t place their bets on Rivian and Nikola.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/23 01:05 AM
2

That’s the kind of thinking if you are looking to cash out early. If you are in for the long term, you want something that has long-term growth. All stock starts as a growth vehicle. Not every stock is strong enough to become a value stock. It’s the reason that Apple is one of the best stocks you can have in your portfolio, but anyone who jumped on the Bumble IPO is down on their initial investment. Apple wasn’t always Apple.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/23 10:44 PM
1

Much improved over yesterday’s version. The thing here is that I think women in general look at men’s potential more than you give them credit for. It’s the findings that you are taking issue with. I like to look at this as investing, but instead of getting to build a broad portfolio to create a fair risk tolerance, you only get to pick one stock. So if you only get to pick one stock, you are going to do all the due diligence you can to pick one that has good ROI. Are you the type who can handle…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/23 09:01 PM
–

No one is going to read the dissertation if you can’t even give us an executive summary.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/23 01:11 AM
–

You realize the everyone, regardless of pill, does not understand what the hell you wrote.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 11:35 PM
1

I mean, FDS exists. There’s news articles all the time about women who do this. Here in NYC, it is incredibly common. There is a shocking number of women who will expect first dates at Nobu or Carbone, expect the guy to pay, and then ghost him. It has made dating in NYC horrific if you actually are looking for a relationship. So why not change the game? And a question to you - If you are a successful woman, why should it matter to you if a man lets you split the check on the first date?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 02:54 PM
1

You don’t and you can’t. But you can anticipate that people will bring their baggage with them. And men pressuring women for sex and women using men for meals is an almost universal experience at this point. It’s the cloud that hangs over modern dating. If you walk into a date having had that experience multiple times in the past, chances are you are going to view all your other dates with suspicion. So the best way to eliminate the suspicion? Eliminate the cause.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 02:42 PM
2

Using men for free meals, drinks, shopping, and entertainment without any intention of actually having a long-term relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 02:31 PM
1

When I look at this sub, it is clear that men, rightly or wrongly, want sex on a timeline that runs contrary to my values. Hookup culture reinforces the idea of casual sex. It has enabled the prospect of transactional dating. Similarly, I have also found through this sub and from hearing from my male friends that they have been taken advantage of by women on dates. Paying my way on dates was my way of creating respectful boundaries. It communicated that sex was off the table for the time being, …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 02:25 PM
1

Absolutely yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 09:43 PM
16

I always offered to pay or at least split when I was dating. By taking the financial burden of the date off the table, I was also able to take expectations of sex early on off the table too. Not only did it make it easier to filter men, it made the whole experience of dating pleasant too. I can’t say I had a single bad date in the year I was out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 02:15 PM
–

I think what’s lacking is that there are men who need to make their peace with where they are. The men here give me the impression that they don’t engage in self-improvement for its own sake bur rather for getting women. So logically, it makes sense that they end up bitter. But they are missing that mindset shift where self-improvement is something that they should be doing anyway for their own sake.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 01:55 PM
5

No, my partners showed desire by making time for me and communicating desire. My current boyfriend and I have been together four years and we went dutch on the first date (at my insistence) and have rotated who pays since. Sex has become transactional. Dating has become transactional. If you are truly looking for love, I have found that focusing on the areas that were not quid pro quo got me the best results. I removed the transactional elements when I was dating. It was very easy to figure out …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 04:52 PM
8

I am sort of with you, but I think you need to account for the fact that sexuality varies. I would never sleep with a guy after three dates. I would also never sleep with a guy outside the boundaries of a relationship. Those are my personal standards of conduct. I’m 36 and have only been with two guys, both of whom were my boyfriend at the time. It doesn’t mean that I wasn’t attracted to them., but my principles are infinitely stronger than my desire. So if I were back on the dating market, how …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 04:29 PM
2

And I’m from a family where my parents have run a business together for 25 years now. My mother is the CEO and handles all the finances. My dad is the product side. Partnership was the model I was raised with and they have been married 40 years now. Being on the same plane and having similar ambition has been their strength. My boyfriend wants no part of business, but he does very sophisticated investments. In his words, he realized he wasn’t going to have personal growth if his partner had no a…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 04:05 AM
1

You can’t build wealth without a career and good financial planning. And certainly not if only one side of a couple is the only one putting in the work. Your financial success and relationship comparability requires a partner who is equally invested in their own career.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 03:47 AM
1

By that logic, regular women don’t want career men. So no upward mobility.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 03:43 AM
1

Then I would say that those are just shitty women. In my circle, we carry our own weight. We own our homes. We have advanced degrees. When we want something, we go and get it. Do our boyfriends and husbands spoil us? Sure. But never because we expect or demand it of them. We get spoiled because we don’t ask.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/23 09:09 PM
11

Ok let’s go with the career/education path. The same men who say that career and education doesn’t matter are the same men who say they don’t want golddiggers. So how can both be true at the same time? If you don’t want a golddiggers and you want someone who is growth-minded, she will have to invest in a career the same way a man would. Demonstrating her career and educational accomplishments is her way of saying that she is not a golddigger.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/23 04:53 PM
2

Nope, not a picture of mental health. Just an explanation as to why they are better able to be happily single than men are.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/23 04:24 AM
3

Both things can be true at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/23 02:55 AM
21

I tend to find that women build lives for themselves in a way that makes having a partner an option rather than a need. They build stronger bonds with friends and family. They develop hobbies and interests for their own sake rather than as a pretense to meet men. They practice self-care in a way most men do not.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/23 01:31 AM
1

I don’t necessarily agree with red pill points, but I do acknowledge the parts of society that are unbalanced against men. I also acknowledge the shitty women who are out there. It doesn’t mean those women have to date men they don’t want to date, but I will call those expensive first date dinners a grift when I see it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/23 05:18 PM
4

Because men are also responsible too. I would have the same debate with a man as I would a woman on this topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/23 04:53 AM
–

Hasn’t the response here informed you that there aren’t a lot of stay at home wives out there?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/23 07:44 PM
–

Why don’t you tell us the answer then? Because it is indeed a rarity, and for that arrangement to have happened in the first place means that you agreed to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/23 07:42 PM
–

And astrology is a slippery slope to spending thousands of dollars on those psychic hotlines.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/23 02:48 PM
–

Agree here. Making fun of women for Taylor Swift is dumb. It’s straight up personal taste. I’m more sympathetic to men for making fun of astrology though. I have seen numerous examples of “I won’t date (fill in star sign)” or excusing toxic behaviors because of star signs. If you are into astrology, that’s fine, but realistically I think you need to expect that you are going to hit some potholes there. You essentially have to demonstrate that even if you are passionate about astrology, you are n…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/23 02:39 PM
1

Were you having this discussion in your capacity as a professional with other professionals? Or were these civilians who you just happened to engage with on the topic?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/23 08:33 AM
3

Spot on. Your example is exactly what I would consider mansplaining. Not OP’s. You have to have some personal resilience if you are going to participate in a debate sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/23 08:29 AM
0

The only part of this that has any credibility is that women do not understand male sexuality. And that is strictly because I KNOW that men do not understand female sexuality.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/23 04:29 AM
1

This post is like doing the math problem completely the wrong way but somehow still getting the right answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/23 10:26 PM
2

They are both red flags. But in sheer relationship terms, I think she is the bigger red flag. She had a series of relationships and marriage, including the marriage that lasted for a month. And she picked Kanye. Yet men still want to date her.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/23 01:17 AM
2

I mean, she attracted Kanye and made him even crazier than he already was. And he is still out there pissed about the divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/23 11:27 PM
–

I like this explanation. The guys that don’t get this are the same guys who don’t understand spectrums and nuance.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 10:34 PM
–

DYSFUNCTIONAL women are turned off by genuinely kind men.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 10:31 PM
6

A lot of difficulty in dating for men can be resolved by understanding nuance better. Some men are hunting for this universal, unbreakable law in dating to the point that they ignore the variables that make their theory unworkable. People are nuanced. Approach them as individuals, without any preconceptions. Adjust according to response.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 02:47 PM
1

I would say that is true for women who they are already attracted to. I’m a formerly friendzoned girl. I ended up being the therapist and girlfriend proxy to a lot of my guy friends. In retrospect, they probably were fine with being vulnerable with me because they knew that they would never want to date me anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 02:41 PM
1

They’re in relationships with women who also have toxic personalities. Disfunction attracts disfunction.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 02:37 PM
3

Then why do I constantly see men on this sub giving specific weight max numbers?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 02:28 PM
3

I’ve long said that men have no idea what a number on a scale actually looks like when on the body. “No more than 120 pounds” yet they want a big ass. Same thing with what no makeup is versus no makeup makeup.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 02:27 PM
1

The whole attractiveness study is so one dimensional and I can’t understand why people keep throwing it around. People were asked to judge a picture. As a sole basis of judgement, of course you are going to get skewed results. Lots of people don’t photograph well they may not have been styled well. But when you can get to know a person, someone who might have been a 5 can become a 10. There was a guy I knew in college who I wasn’t originally attracted to. Schlubby in every regard. But he was so …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 02:18 PM
0

Sigh. If one must LARP, at least do it with a bang. This was such a weak topic for OP to have a LARP with.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/23 10:41 PM
6

If I had to hazard a guess, it’s because OP is acknowledging a selection dynamic among women that they don’t want to take ownership of.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/23 02:37 PM
15

For real. I’m not understanding why this post has people so upset. Way more objectionable stuff gets posted here in just an hour. And as you said, there is no one side that is consistently upset about this post. A scroll through tells me that it’s a rainbow of angry pills.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/23 01:38 PM
2

Perhaps the workaround is that the default is that the test is offered, but you have to waive it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/23 05:53 AM
1

Did she hide it or did she simply not mention it? Because I don’t think OP considered that his wife, like me, didn’t mention it because we don’t see having one as strange or suspicious.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 10:24 PM
2

Well that’s the problem with the premise of the whole thread. It assumes that spousal abuse is the only reason a woman might have a go bag. I have a go bag for emergencies. I have another go bag if my job needs me in another city ASAP. I have a go bag for my dog. It’s such a common sense thing to have that I would never think to mention it. But the OP on that thread automatically assumed that not mentioning it = keeping it secret.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 09:50 PM
3

I’ve always had a go bag, relationship or not. It’s sound emergency management practice. The government even tells you how to build one. Not everything has to do with a relationship. I was shocked that my boyfriend DIDN’T have one. I got him squared away. Now we can both bug out together if the day comes.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 07:29 PM
2

To me this, is a better comparison for the go bag/paternity test thread. If there is no indication of abuse, then it is completely ridiculous for a woman to do this.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 07:07 PM
3

Agreed. I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend, I thought it was odd that he didn’t have a go bag and backups of critical documents. It never occurred to me that other people don’t do that.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 06:41 PM
1

I mean, I’ve always had a go bag, whether I was in a relationship or not. There are a number of reasons why you need one, and relationship issues are a small number on a very long list. Hell, if you go to any emergency management body, like Dept of Homeland Security, they tell you exactly what you should have in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 06:32 PM
4

Why is it feminists responsibility to address it? How is it even in their interest? What do you envision as the solution here?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 02:31 AM
4

No one is saying that men’s struggles aren’t valid. The problem that some men have is that they know there is a problem, but keep picking the wrong sources as the causation. Women are not the reason you are struggling. Men need to be significantly more self-critical than they are. If women turn you down, you might jump to the whole “6-6-6” nonsense. Yet if you poll those same women, you are probably giving off signals that make them uncomfortable. I have a guy friend, who is a 3 on a good day. H…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 02:27 AM
6

Notice that it is not women who come on this sub to complain. It’s always men. Women are getting what they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 12:06 AM
2

I’m trying to politely tell you that your anger and bitterness screams through the screen. So no, your accomplishments are not your problem. It’s that your entire attitude repels people away from you. You need to find your peace so that stops happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 06:19 PM
2

Dude, you need to take a step back and ask yourself what a healthy interpersonal relationship looks like. If things really worked the way some men on this sub thinks it does, only 10% of men would be in relationships. Yet I am getting dragged to weddings nearly every weekend, and the men are not millionaires, they aren’t “Chad.” And their wives look deliriously happy to be with them. Women value growth, self-improvement, and self-care. They filter out men who view those things as a chore. When y…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 04:54 PM
1

Why should I be motivated to reconsider my position?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 04:27 PM
1

No, men want to protect their daughters from predators. Because they know that, as they are also men, that there is only one thing a 40 year old man wants from his 20 year old daughter. But, as I always say whenever people want to keep beating this dead horse, you do what you want to do. But accept the judgment and consequences that come with your choices, because there is nothing that you can say or do to make a person who is creeped out by age gaps suddenly become supportive of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 03:58 PM
2

No one said that fathers can control things. I said they wouldn’t be happy. That stigma you mentioned exists for a reason. OP asked if women intervene in these scenarios out of jealousy or concern. The fact that men intervene as well is pretty solid proof that it’s concern.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 03:30 PM
16

The funny thing is, going through this thread, OP has demonstrated that feminism is winning.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 03:24 PM
1

Or perhaps it’s because fathers know exactly what those kind of men want from their daughters and will not just sit there and let it happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 03:14 PM
–

Well I’m sorry that has been your experience. It hasn’t been mine. My boyfriend routinely brings his troubles to me and I talk them out with him. I just wish he could pick up on the obvious bad times better.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 03:13 PM
4

See, this is an example of why some men struggle. As a woman, I look at the list that you just gave and think to myself “the person who is doing that has a growth mindset,” which is very attractive. But there are men who look at that list and view it all as a chore. And it’s a chore because you are doing it for the chance of getting women, not for growing as a person. It shows when you aren’t doing it for yourself, and it is not an attractive quality.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 04:46 AM
3

It’s definitely the latter. And your proof isn’t other women. It’s other men. Show me one father who is thrilled to have his daughter dating a much older man.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 04:27 AM
8

And men also forget, they often aren’t competing against that 20%. Their actual competition is single life being better for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/23 02:51 AM
1

Stocks as in securities? Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 04:20 PM
2

I sometimes use partner here because I want to capture a two-way dynamic in what I am saying. I don’t want to leave the impression that something is only husband to wife or only wife to husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 02:35 PM
1

No, men should be able to use observational skills to figure out that there is a right time and a wrong time to share. Partner doing some housecleaning = good time. Partner is sick and weak = bad time.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 02:11 PM
0

I think you misunderstood what I said. I am saying that active listening has been an effective tool for me in all aspects of my life, which extends to how I relate to men. Therefore, the “no one wants to hear men’s problems” doesn’t apply to me because I have had better relationships with men because I do listen to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 09:05 PM
0

So?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 08:43 PM
0

That hasn’t been my experience. But then again, I think that I have developed a lot of skill in being an empathetic and active listener. In both work and my personal life, that kind of patience has gotten me the results that I want.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 08:25 PM
2

It’s a two way dynamic that needs improvement. Women need to be be better about articulating issues. Men need to be better about perceiving the mood.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 01:07 PM
4

On some fronts, I agree with you. It would be wrong of me to assume that he can perceive my frustration if I had an unpleasant exchange with an employee or had a fight with my parents. I know I am a stoic person and scenarios such as those merit communication. But some of the issues that I have dealt with this year are objectively overwhelming, meaning that you don’t need to know a person to know that they are overwhelmed if you hear about a problem they are dealing with. If your partner told yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 03:47 AM
5

I do tell him that I can’t handle it at the moment. And bluntly. But at the same time, if he sends me a “how is your day” text and I tell him I have an upset client and a multimillion dollar contract on the line, does someone really need help to figure out that that person is overwhelmed? That seems like excessive handholding to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 02:43 AM
8

I agree with you, but I’m gonna add on one more piece to it - I find that men are not preceptive as to when their partners can take on some of their burdens and when they can’t. I recall a few months ago, my boyfriend was very upset as to how his boss spoke to him, and he wouldn’t let go of it all week. At the same time, I had a client that was ready to drop their contract with my company, I was traveling for work non stop, I had shoulder surgery, and I wasn’t recovering very well. In that time …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 12:30 AM
1

Umm absolutely. “Here’s your rent for the month, broke 20 year old. It’s yours. But you have to suck me off for it.”
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/23 04:44 AM
2

No, because no one is fixated on sexual experience. It’s the financial abuse, mental abuse, and potential physical abuse that everyone is worried about. In an age gap dynamic, you are much more likely to see a man holding her rent money over her head or saying “I got you this bag, so you need to do XYZ for me.”
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/23 05:21 PM
14

Another piece of the puzzle that some men refuse to see - if they have a problem with a woman’s professional success, that is a non-issue for the woman, because she doesn’t want to date that guy anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/23 01:51 PM
1

It definitely gets your foot in the door, the same way a good appearance can get a guy’s foot in the door with women. First impressions are everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/23 06:59 AM
2

The surgery removed more weight than the physical weight. It removed more mental weight than it did pounds. It gave me confidence that I didn’t have. I stopped being paranoid that people were laughing at me. I could dress more femininely. I became more approachable for men. I was a perpetually friendzoned girl before I had surgery. I had endless guy friends, but not a single one wanted to date me, let alone even try for a hookup. My relationships with those men changed after the surgery. So whil…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/23 06:55 AM
1

I’m not giving advice. I’m stating that I would have never gotten my relationship without it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/23 06:36 AM
1

Bariatric surgery changed my life, OP. I don’t think I would be in a relationship right now if I didn’t do it, and for more reasons than JDBF. Have you looked into it?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/23 06:19 AM
1

No way. My dad would be working three jobs and my mom would be an MD for a brokerage. Their paths would have never even crossed.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/23 09:06 PM
1

I think men struggle with proportional response in these situations, so women become uncomfortable when the man is very enthusiastic off the bat. If a woman smiles at you from across the bar, the better way to test it would be to go stand closer to her and then order a drink. Smile at her, but don’t say anything yet. Observe to see if she gives you any more non-verbal engagement. If she does engage, give light, non-committal openers. If she doesn’t engage, you have your drink and can go about yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/23 02:33 AM
1

I don’t think any one gender has it harder. I just think both face radically different challenges that make it difficult to relate to or compare.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/23 12:39 AM
24

I think you need to consider that this is a “you” problem with how you perceive and receive social interaction. These are very standard icebreaker questions that people ask of each other, whether they have a romantic interest in your or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/23 01:24 PM
1

As a woman who has been in your shoes, I’m going to respond even though you asked for men. I lost 150 pounds. When men who previously friendzoned me started showing me attention, I was flattered at first, but it quickly got replaced with resentment. Despite what a lot of dudes here want to believe, a good partnership means understanding the whole person. And when I was put in that place, I found that I was resentful of the fact that my whole person could be rejected just because of weight. It is…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/23 12:04 AM
0

It really doesn’t. A woman with a BMI of 30 can fit into a size 10/12, which is still smaller than the average dress size of an American woman (14/16.) You can see for yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/23 08:21 PM
0

Someone who has a BMI of 40? Absolutely. Of 30? It’s a lot murkier than men want to admit or understand.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/23 07:50 PM
4

I’ve made the point here before, but men have no idea what weight actually looks like on women the same way they have no idea what no makeup actually is or when a filter is used. They are fixated on a number on a scale, but in reality there are many women over their arbitrary number that they are actually attracted to if they don’t know the magic number.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/23 01:15 PM
12

Leaving a trail of bodies in your wake ain’t it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/23 03:11 AM
1

Lmao, I am a woman who lived in the friend zone with a whole bunch of my guy friends. As in they friend zoned me, not the other way around. A word of advice to anyone living in the friend zone: don’t stay there. You are not obligated to maintain a friendship if it is not equitable. And I learned the hard way many times that staying there when you hope for something more is torturous. Just part ways and don’t engage with that person anymore. If you stay there, you are choosing to stay there.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/23 02:14 AM
4

I would say we are incompatible to begin with. What he did with previous partners has no bearing on what he does with me. If I have certain expectations that he cannot/will not fulfill, then we should not be together. The mistake would be staying in a relationship with the expectation that I will get my way eventually or that he owes me because he did such and such with other women.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/23 01:37 AM
5

That one is going to sit with me for a while 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/23 01:52 PM
4

Hell, Big Ed pulls. And that guy has no redeeming qualities.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/23 01:50 PM
–

I think we have become a less patient and less understanding people. It takes both of those qualities to work through adversity. Walking away is just easier when you aren’t capable of those things.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 02:13 AM
1

If he talks to you/wants to spend time with you, he must like you. I hate that my mother and all my friends said that to me. It was wrong every time. That only applies when you are a skinny and/or conventionally attractive girl. When you are a fat girl, you are the emotional outlet they aren’t getting when they aren’t in a relationship. It took losing 150 pounds, 7+ years of therapy, and dating outside of my social circle to learn that was a lie.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 02:09 AM
13

You could, but it has to be counterbalanced by more conventional interests. You can’t spin robots AND have Pokemon and poor personal presentation in the same profile.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 01:59 AM
21

Sigh. Copy/paste “Do what you want to do, but accept that you will be judged for your choices. There is not a single argument that you can make that will persuade people that age gaps are ok.”
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/23 02:09 PM
3

I get bored and want a debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 01:34 AM
1

My point is that you end up having diminishing returns on the filter. If men really get no matches as it is with no filter, you reduce your options significantly with one. And then with each time you bump up the filter, you get more matches, but also ones who you would never consider to begin with. So eventually, you defeat the purpose of why you used it to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 03:40 PM
-1

So you cut your 100 potential matches down to 10 based on your filter and don’t matches out of the 10. Now what? What if there were women who would have matched with you but couldn’t because they were just on the other side of your filter? If you were attracted to these women, would your attraction suddenly disappear because you found out their BMI was 28.5?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 03:24 PM
-1

Like I said, even a healthy weight looks different on each person. If men are complaining that they already get no matches, it seems silly to dry up the pool based on a notion that could be easily disproven with a blind test.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 03:20 PM
0

I’m not sure if it was your thread or someone else’s, but I responded to the weight filter thing a while back. The whole idea of a filter would backfire on men because your notion of what a weight actually is and what it looks like are two different things. So you could put a filter for say, 130 pounds and get very few profiles to review. But in reality, women who you thought were 130 are actually 160, and you are actually attracted to them. And that 130 can look different on different women, so…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 03:11 PM
70

They want approval. And as I always say whenever this thread comes up, do whatever you want. But accept the judgement that comes with your choices because you cannot argue your way into people feeling okay with age gaps.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 04:34 AM
4

It’s absolutely real. My guy friends and my boyfriend have all had their fair share of those experiences. It’s foul play. But I think the guys need to counteract that by only doing low-cost first dates. If she says no, don’t go out with her. That means she isn’t there for you. But if you up to a dinner after she insists on it and she ghosts you, that’s on you.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/23 02:10 PM
5

Boilerplate response whenever this one shows up: “be yourself” is a misnomer. What should really be said is “be the best version of yourself.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/23 06:48 PM
4

My relationship is the complete opposite of RP notions. My boyfriend is 5’8. I majorly outearn him. He has some conventional good looks, but I wouldn’t call him Chad, by RP standards. He is a more laid-back soul, not domineering at all. I think RP guys would look at him and call him a Beta. But I picked him over a CEO, a guy who worked in a high-paying job in Fintech, a surgeon, and a lawyer. The key characteristics that separated him from the rest: he actually listens and acts based on feedback…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/23 06:41 PM
1

Personally, I wish they would. It would be a good counterbalance to that weird rape commercial they ran a few years ago. Unfortunately, I don’t think it would be well-received. I think a combination of it coming off as inauthentic, plus male posturing “we don’t need a commercial to tell us anything” would defeat the overall goal - normalizing positive affirmations for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/23 06:07 AM
2

Bingo
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/23 03:04 PM
2

To give an example, I would define toxic masculinity as picking aggression over other possible options. If another man cuts you in line, is your first reaction to use your words or use your physicality? If a situation gets heated, do you try to deescalate, or do you take it to the next level? If you choose hostility and aggression over a proportional response, I would say that man is displaying toxic masculinity.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/23 07:10 PM
1

Romantic relationships are not the only type of relationships out there. Friendships exist. If a romantic relationship ends up not being in the cards for you, is it your plan to be unhappy forever? Or do you make the best life for yourself that you can?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/23 03:45 AM
1

I agree, it is insanely hard, but it is possible. Somehow, my boyfriend got around the fact that my loose skin makes me look like an actual walrus. And he accepted the fact that my facial features combine say “serial killer” instead of cute girl. Looking outside my peer group was a game changer. I think a lot of people perceive it as lowering your standards, and that’s an unfortunate view to have. But I had to come to terms that men who are my socioeconomic peers were not looking for women like …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 06:14 PM
3

You’re absolutely right, there are differences. And I think this sub presents an opportunity to learn what people will and will not compromise on. The struggle is that both sides of this view these problems through collective lenses and leave no room for how an individual person might be different. If women would not compromise/place less value on height, for example, I would not be with my 5’8 boyfriend. I know I am not the only one out there who has no problem dating someone on the shorter sid…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 04:27 PM
3

I lost 150 pounds. Gained the weight because of knee injury and it rolled on over the years. Wasn’t able to play tennis, so my single greatest outlet for my depression and anxiety was stripped from me. Even with the weight loss, I am not conventionally attractive. My features are not delicate, is the best way I can describe it. Tons of loose skin from the weight loss, so even though I am now at a healthy weight, I still don’t feel great about my body. I actually experience pain in my legs when I…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 03:56 PM
6

I feel that I can empathize with men (more than some guys here would give me credit for) because I was one of the fat, unattractive women who never got male attention. So I get how rejecting wears down on the soul after a while because I experienced it myself. I’ve been in a relationship now for almost four years, but it’s because I improved my life for my own sake. I got bariatric surgery and lost all the weight not because I wanted to attract a man, but because I wanted to be a better tennis p…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 03:10 PM
2

If men get to claim testosterone for bad behavior, women get to claim estrogen and hormonal imbalances from menstruating for theirs. It goes both ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 03:00 PM
1

Elliot Rogers would like a word.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 02:58 PM
5

Lol I’ve been trying to explain this to some dudes here for the past few days and they really, really can’t wrap their minds around it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 02:55 PM
7

Men want to be right about their grand theories on sexual dynamics. They want to be right so much that I think they prefer it over getting a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 02:54 PM
2

I find that the guys who struggled to understand this are the ones who can only understand concrete things in literal terms. These are the guys who would look at erotica written for women and say “women only want hot, broody billionaires, so I have no chance” and completely miss the mark as to what women are getting from reading it in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 02:52 PM
3

I mostly engage here because I’m in the mood for debate, but I do try to share some insights that I think may be helpful or not apparent to either side. One thing that I really, really wish people would understand, especially the lonely guys out there, is that pursuing things for the sake of getting a partner is a hollow life. If you want to learn to paint, do it because you are genuinely interested in art and want to learn, not because you are hoping there is a cute girl at the easel next to yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 02:40 PM
1

If a guy can’t perform, he can’t perform and that’s that. If a woman can’t perform, she will go through with it anyway and endure excruciating pain for his sake. That’s the difference. The fact that you show no concern for women experiencing pain during sex sounds like men dehumanize women and only see them as holes.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 10:44 PM
0

Yeah, you are referencing drugs that came on the market in the past year and are not as easily accessible as Viagra, nor are they as affordable. The standard treatment for female sexual dysfunction is still therapy, both mental health and physical therapy in concert with one another. Success is not guaranteed and it could take years of work. But I wonder just how much of that could be mitigated by men listening to women when they explain how their sexual needs are different from what men think t…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 10:14 PM
2

You are drawing a lot of assumptions yourself. You should check out the Dead Bedrooms subreddit and read about what women have to say about reactive sexuality. And to the best of my knowledge, there is no treatment for what you want to call female sexual dysfunction that is as easy and effective as a little blue pill. Sort of like how birth control is our burden to bear because there is no medically approved equivalent for men. So no, it’s not our responsibility to “fix” what you perceive to be …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 10:00 PM
1

They don’t happen as often as men think they do. And for the ones that do, it is because the guy in question was able to prime the mind to get there. There seems to be a consensus here that it’s only a percentage of guys who are able to have ONS consistently. Well there you go. Those are the guys who figured out the formula.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 08:38 PM
6

Because men don’t want to put in the effort to get us there. I can go up and down this whole subreddit and find countless examples of men who are upset that women “aren’t putting out after I took her on a date.” Or “I ate her out for 10 minutes and she only gave me starfish sex.” I know men here like to make fun of this a lot, but you can learn something from the romance novels women read. The mistake men always make is thinking that women literally want what is on the page. It’s not. It’s the f…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 08:33 PM
3

We do. And based on what I read from the men here, we are being difficult/demanding/selfish/greedy. Pick your adjective. I’ve seen plenty of men here complain about having to spend hours of their time to take a girl out, entertain her, flirt with her the right way, and escalate the right way just to get to the point of even potentially engaging in foreplay. But the mind must be willing before the body can be willing. And if men act like making the mind willing is a chore, you will always be your…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 07:49 PM
2

Women are more likely to have reactive sexuality than men. We tend to talk about it here more generally as foreplay, but it is actually a lot more. Women can go through their day and not think about sex. They can be exposed to sexual things and it will not turn them on. Hell, we can even want to have sex with our partners, but can’t make our bodies willing for it because there is resistance in the mind to it. Our partners have to really put in work if we have reactive sexuality. That’s why I say…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 07:37 PM
2

For me, I would have been the most receptive to a guy who was participating in one of my tennis programs. It would give me a bit of time to develop a repoire and it would tell me off the bat that we have a common interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 06:47 PM
1

Deep down, they know what they want. People who are wavering are doing it because they either feel their partner is not the right person to have kids with or they really don’t want kids but don’t want to say it because it isn’t the “done thing.”
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/23 03:17 AM
1

If I were to take a guess, those men already observed that women assaulting the other man. The guy might have clocked her with the brick and walked off. If they perceived that the altercation was immediately over, they probably said to themselves “he’s walked away, no need to intervene.” I think that woman wanted those men to attack the guy for hitting her rather than intervening to deescalate.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/23 02:23 PM
2

The curtain has been drawn so far back on Insta lifestyles that when I see those kinds of posts now, I actually wonder how much debt the poster is in.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/23 05:16 AM
1

The guy is high value, but he is going to have a harder time demonstrating that versus flashy guys. I would argue that a guy who invests is actually more high value than the guy buying material goods. Investing shows financial acuity and that the guy has plans for the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/23 05:15 AM
3

That’s the exact opposite of my experience. I was never pretty enough to get away with that kind of behavior and I always knew that. It’s colored how I relate to men in life. When it came to dating, I knew from my guy friends that men feel beat down by the dating process. So on the apps, I messaged first, using info from their profiles to start conversations. I only agreed to low key early dates. I arrived on time. I kept my phone in my bag so they knew that they had my full attention. And I alw…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/23 10:46 PM
4

The early dating financials versus partner traits are two separate things in my book. The financials are a means for men to screen out partners too. Is she expecting an expensive mean for the first date? Has she offered to pay for anything? If she hasn’t offered to pay for anything by date three, I think a guy should move on. That’s not dating, that’s a transaction. But if those early dates are coffee, ice cream, a modest dinner at a small bistro? I don’t think the traditional buy-in is terribly…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/23 06:40 PM
8

Men need to start re-evaluating their understanding of women’s standards. A lot of men are still trapped in the provider-receiver mindset and expect that women meet their expectations so long as they provide for women. But women can provide for themselves. Women are the ones earning the most college degrees now. In pre-parenthood early career, women’s earnings are equal to, if not greater then men’s. So women have basic life provisions covered. With that value proposition off the table, what do …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/23 06:19 PM
1

Sex work, influencing, and any job that does not have a career path.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/23 08:12 PM
8

Most of my friend circle are guys. They are my friends because of mutual interests, similar sense of humor, and they don’t sexualize me. Women know when you are pretending to be their friend so you can hit on them. I would bet your struggles are because the women around you can perceive it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 07:17 PM
3

No, the “I can fix him” is for someone who you seek a relationship with. But you don’t fantasize about fixing someone. It’s the notion that you are the only woman who can move the aloof man.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 11:44 AM
4

This is an important distinction. Women might fantasize about James Bond, but they would never want him to be their partner. His appeal exists in a specific window.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 07:56 AM
–

I think these guys also need to reframe self-improvement. They do it to attract women when their primary motivator should be to do it for themselves, with getting dates as a mere benefit of the process. They also need to recognize that there should be no finish line to self improvement. So many of the guys I have seen here say “I went to the gym and lookmaxed and still can’t get dates, so women are the problem.” That’s what happens when you do it for others instead of doing it for yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 11:37 AM
2

After I broke up with my first boyfriend, I went 12 years without sex. My current boyfriend is the only other guy I have been with. After a while, I missed the intimacy of having a partner, but I wouldn’t water it down to a desire for sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 02:43 AM
3

My favorite part is thinking that a random dude not only has the money needed to charter a PJ with international range, that the charter company would even take a cash payment,AND have enough money to live on for the rest of his life.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 01:22 PM
3

I’m curious as to how a woman who believes that deeply in astrology got to that point. Because I haven’t seen it used as anything more than an excuse for weird/bad/irrational behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/23 11:45 PM
1

I knew as a kid that I did not want children. 30 years later, that has only intensified. I am on a pill that is already causing problems for me. My partner doesn’t want children either, because I would not be in a relationship with someone who wanted children. The cost-benefit analysis is pretty clear here.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/23 02:29 PM
4

And she would need to be more educated. But as we know from this sub, MeN dOn’T cArE aBoUt WoMeN’s DeGrEeS.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/23 02:13 PM
1

Love is choosing that person even when it isn’t easy to choose them.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/23 08:03 PM
1

As with many other things, do whatever you want. But do it while accepting that your poster boy is Big Ed. Just like age gap relationships, this is not a topic that you are going to change minds on. So do what you want, but do it with the understanding that you will be judged and that is simply part of the deal.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/23 02:00 PM
3

OP didn’t say weight. He said chest size.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/23 07:07 PM
2

As I always remind people, “be yourself” is horribly misunderstood. What we should actually be saying is “be the best version of yourself.” They mean very different things. If being the best version of yourself feels like a hardship, you are not going to attract the kind of people you want in your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/23 06:27 PM
5

Been there, done that. The answer is - I don’t define my value based on other people. That’s an unfulfilling life no matter how good you look or how rich you are. I found happiness when I stopped looking for external validation.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/23 06:17 PM
2

Men here complain that they get no matches as it is. How is cutting the pool down to women who would be comfortable answering that question publicly going to improve those numbers.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/23 07:53 PM
2

Both of those apps are tailored to a specific audience, which is why they work. What’s niche about your app aside from a tit filter that would encourage women to join?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/23 01:31 PM
20

And good luck getting women to sign up for an app that asks them skeevy questions.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/23 01:22 PM
5

Not only that, I bet they end up in a few debates about whether a guy is an A or a B. It’s never as clear cut as they want to think it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/23 02:06 PM
1

I tend to agree. The overcorrection will correct. Look at what happened to The Wing.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/23 04:48 AM
17

I would definitely say it stunted my opportunities for a relationship. I think most men would call me a prude because I have never and would never have casual sex. I’ve only been with two men, both in the context of a relationship. I grew up being told all of the terrible things that could happen if you leave yourself vulnerable to men you don’t know, from being murdered in an alley to getting pumped and dumped. The cost never seemed worth it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/23 10:40 PM
1

Where were those 6 men when my only problem was that I was fat? Even after dropping the weight, I rarely got hit on. Men grossly overestimate how much attention average/below-average women get.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/23 05:38 PM
3

Woman here, and I honestly saw no problem with his texts. I think he handled it correctly. Personally, I think this is a valid example of unfairness towards men.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/23 10:09 PM
5

This take isn’t as contentious as you think it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/23 05:46 PM
2

I’m 36 years old and have only had two partners. Both of them were in the context of a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/23 12:37 PM
0

Literally no one has said that an advanced degree makes you sexier. Women don’t go for education because they think it makes them sexier. They go for it so they will always have the ability to support the lifestyle they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/23 01:25 PM
9

Every single time this topic comes up, women consistently explain the toxic power dynamic in age gaps and men look for any excuse to pretend that it doesn’t exist. And then they come back here looking for a new “theory.” The only thing you are missing is that they are willfully ignorant. I always say that it is a waste of everyone’s time for them to try finding justification or support. Do what you want to do, but accept the judgement that comes with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/23 10:16 AM
6

That’s not a gender issue. No human is attracted to someone who they find unappealing. For women, looks might be why they are drawn to someone, but personality/vibe/confidence is why they stay. Saying “because he’s handsome” as an answer is already a given.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/23 08:45 PM
1

I always laugh when this train of thought shows up here because it’s the same people who also complain about golddiggers and monkeybranching, and women who can’t take care of themselves. This has nothing to do with men. We are looking out for ourselves with our career choices. Men don’t factor in that thought process.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/23 01:10 AM
12

The equivalent is Pick Me/Nice Girl and they absolutely exist. There was an absolute cringefest post on AITAH the other day where a Nice Girl essentially sexually harassed a co-worker who turned her down. She was salty because co-worker was engaged to someone who she deemed ugly and said the woman had no right to the guy because she was divorced while the Nice Girl stayed single. That girl got dragged harder than Gadaffi after the revolution.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/23 03:34 AM
0

I would go a step further. I would say that a partner are the extra decorations that make a cake pretty. Cake without icing is just sad, and you need to be a whole cake to be a whole person.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/23 09:16 PM
6

In my experience, men struggle with the concept of female fantasy remaining within that realm because they take things very literally. As a non sexual example, my boyfriend knows that I like baseball, so as a gift, he thought I would enjoy a throw blanket with the logo of my favorite team to keep on my couch. It didn’t translate to him that my fandom existed purely in my enjoyment of the sport and that it doesn’t manifest in making part of my everyday life. I think that’s similar to the fantasy …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/23 04:23 PM
10

This is an excellent point. Men also need to understand that women don’t develop “the tingles” the way men do. A guy simply being hot does not create the tingles.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/23 05:34 PM
3

THIS
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/23 05:31 PM
2

It changes nothing because that one thing is not why I am with him to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/23 02:25 PM
3

Never
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/23 09:42 PM
1

I’m polite and respectful to them. I don’t give friendship off the bat because I don’t know them yet and I don’t just offer friendship to anyone. If we vibe, we can be friends. But I am very careful to draw clear boundaries. I would never ask them to do anything for me and hangout is always in groups.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/23 09:37 PM
1

Not having good morals is an automatic deal breaker. Bad morals are incompatible with the life I lead. A lot of guys take the “bad boy” thing way out of context. When women say “bad boy” they mean a guy with some edge, not someone adjacent to a criminal.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/23 06:16 AM
13

I have had times where I felt toxic as a human, but I have never felt toxic as a woman. One of the areas where I do have sympathy with men is on the “toxic” masculinity matter. The thing about those behaviors that get attributed to men is that they would be toxic regardless of the gender. So to apply it solely to men is intellectually dishonest.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/23 10:22 PM
–

Then that’s a notion you have in your own mind. Neither myself or any of my female friends have looked at a guy and went “oh he’s Chad/alpha.”
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 01:43 PM
2

Nope, because I never did hookups. I have only been with two guys and both were LTR. A lot of men here place way too much emphasis on the height thing. Yes, there are shallow women on the apps who say shitty things about height. They are looking at men through a very warped and immature lens if they are seriously considering height as a dealbreaker. For me, height was just a passing observation when I was dating. I was more focused on their character. I went on a date with a tall surgeon who spo…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 01:36 PM
–

My guy, you need to learn that all of this Chad shit is not real life.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 01:26 PM
9

B is closest to the friend zone. The woman can actually see him as a friend or she could be stringing him along for the attention. The guy can either want sex or want a relationship. But which is which is irrelevant. What matters here is what the guy chooses. If he stays in contact with that woman because he either wants sex or wants a relationship and she has rejected him, he has placed himself in the friend zone. The guy has no reason to stick around at that point. What does he hope to gain by…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 05:46 AM
1

I like tall guys, but both of my boyfriends have been 5’9 and I am 5’7. When you are truly looking to build a partnership, you learn to focus on what matters. Height is no substitute for an impeccable character.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 04:05 AM
1

I expect to pay proportional to earnings and lifestyle expectations. I earn more and have higher lifestyle expectations, so I expect to pay more of the bills for it. He also has student loans to repay while I was funded for college and grad school, so to me it is more important that he pay them off. When student loan payments kick back in, I would honestly be fine with paying 80% of the bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/23 07:25 PM
1

What would we call those women who shouldn’t actually be called pick me?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/23 11:51 PM
4

Problem is, a lot of people call women pick mes even if what they are saying doesn’t even concern other women. A difference of opinion from the majority seems to be enough to get called one.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/23 11:47 PM
3

I suffered from depression and anxiety from a young age and made two attempts to unalive myself. I’ve been at the bottom of some very dark pits. I started by getting myself into therapy to address those issues, plus issues that I had with my family. I did four years of work on that before I even considered starting to date. I also got bariatric surgery about two years into my therapy. It started off as a motivator to play my favorite sports better, but in the long run, I have seen such a major i…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/23 02:13 AM
1

If you really, really want an app that builds a connection, then you need to remove physical first impressions up front. I envision one where you have to answer lots of questions like OKC had, and you only get to see a person’s picture once you get enough questions in agreement.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/23 08:52 PM
6

Sure they do. But some banks are hurting for customers and others aren’t. So while JPM might not take a 750, Wells Fargo might. Banks still want customers.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/23 02:30 AM
3

Well you seem unhappy that the bank won’t accept a 750 credit score, so your only options are to either raise your credit score or find another bank. But complaining that your first choice bank won’t write a loan isn’t going to change anything, so why spend your energy being unhappy about it? There are other banks.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/23 02:15 AM
6

No bank owes anyone a loan, just like no bank is owed customers. You simply have to find the bank that will work with you. And if your last resort is a loan shark, you need to reevaluate your financial planning, because it might not be as sound as you think it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/23 01:58 AM
1

So? That’s what JP Morgan’s risk management department expects if you want your loan. If JP Morgan won’t approve you, go to Wells Fargo. And if Wells Fargo won’t approve you, try a community bank.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/23 01:40 AM
12

Well typically, when you need a bank loan, you work on raising your credit score.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/23 12:46 AM
9

The whole alpha-beta thing. I just don’t know anyone in real life who thinks about such a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/23 10:40 PM
61

The problem with RP ideas is that it only accounts for women who are potential dating/relationship partners. It starts to break down when women who do not fall into that category are introduced. All the things they say about women they want to date would never be said about their daughters. And if they were said, most people would call those guys creeps. It’s almost as if you can’t view women as a monolith.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/23 11:28 AM
1

I think there are a few more dimensions than just take-home pay. I’m a part-owner of my family’s business, so there are not many men out there who would out-earn me AND be willing to date me. I knew that up front, so my standard of comparison is if they are in a profession that would be common among my circle of friends and family. As far as metrics go, it is better if there is a socioeconomic fit than if they make more money.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/23 11:45 PM
3

Sure they do. People judge everything. Disapproving of a relationship is not a witch hunt.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 01:08 PM
3

I do think it should be raised. I think every mature adult looks back on their early 20s and reflects on what an idiot they were at that age. Aging gives wisdom in all areas of life. But if you want to go the route of single factor, do you think green card relationships are creepy?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 01:07 PM
4

It’s a false equivalency. Finance is but one factor of a person, which is why it is not necessarily abusive from the get go. In an age gap, we are dealing with a gulf of life experience, money, education, and personal development. There are people out there who argue that the legal definition of the age of majority should be raised to 25 because people are still going through mental growth at that age.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 12:51 PM
5

I mean, keeping a partner trapped in a relationship because they don’t otherwise have financial resources is a power dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 12:41 PM
3

And if you were to become the father of a daughter, you would have the same problems with the dynamic because you remember being that man and knowing exactly what he wants out of the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 12:27 PM
4

Yup. So I go back to my original point. Why do we keep beating this dead horse? We are going to believe what we want, you are going to believe what you want. Move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:59 AM
5

Believe whatever you want. I’m not the one here looking for validation. Do what you want and accept that you will be judged for your choices.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:56 AM
6

And how has that been working for you? Win any hearts and minds? Any fathers of young women having a beer with som in laws old enough to have been his classmate?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:54 AM
3

As I said elsewhere, if it were just women who found it creepy, you might have a valid point. But you know who hates this the most? The fathers of those young women. How often do you see them happy to welcome a potential son in law who could be his brother or classmate?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:47 AM
5

So why do men come here every day looking for validation on this subject? Do what you want and accept that most people will judge you and perceive you in a negative way.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:45 AM
6

Perhaps if only women found the age gap to be creepy. I don’t see fathers of young women championing much older boyfriends.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:43 AM
5

How often do you see experienced women going after inexperienced men?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:42 AM
-2

No, because there are many more things that constitute life experience than being in a relationship. In fact, one could argue that it is irrelevant because personal identity cannot be properly developed if it is constantly defined around a second person.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 04:25 AM
3

Plenty, when you look at all the toxic relationships people stay in. In the case of a wide age gap, financial power is most likely. But there is also the element of the more powerful partner getting an ego boost by being able to manipulate the weaker partner into doing what they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 02:10 AM
11

Creepy, no. But also a scenario ripe for abuse that can easily evolve to creepy.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 02:07 AM
35

I’ll say the same thing I said when this dead horse was raised here last week: Women find age gap relationships creepy because there is an obvious power dynamic disparity, along with vast differences in life experiences. People who find these relationships creepy will not be persuaded to see them as not creepy. So if you want to have such a relationship with a much younger woman, don’t bother trying to justify it. It’s a waste of your time and their time. Just accept that you will be judged.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 01:51 AM
1

It has happened one time for me. But you don’t realize just how outsized his personality was relative to his looks. And ultimately, my attraction fizzled because he didn’t know how to tone it down for one on one time.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 10:58 PM
7

It’s a lot of effort because any woman who is asked that question is going to think it is strange at best, rude at worst. And if you are looking for dates, making women feel uncomfortable with your line of questioning is counterproductive. So that’s a whole lot of effort to give women an easy reason to reject you.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 01:13 AM
12

I think the bigger problem here is that your solution not only doesn’t solve your problem, but seems like it takes more effort than it is worth.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 12:43 AM
1

Not saying that those people don’t exist. I’m saying that two 5’7, 125 lbs women can look completely different. Take a look at this gallery. You will be surprised by just how different women with the same stats can look.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 12:34 AM
1

That’s my whole hypothesis. Perception and reality about size and weight are not the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 08:10 PM
1

take a look at this website. you may be surprised by what you find.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 07:49 PM
1

As I asked other men here, do you know that for a fact, or are you speculating? Because when I was 200 lbs, I was a size 12 and my body was comparable to some of the larger women in the photo lineup.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 07:23 PM
4

You’re right, I couldn’t find a male equivalent. This was the best I could find. A minuscule sample, but still underlines how different a weight can look.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 06:33 PM
6

OP, I found this body body gallery that might be helpful.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 05:38 PM
2

I would go as far as to say some of them might even be in the 200 range. There seems to be a notion that once a woman goes above 200 pounds, she is rolling around Walmart in a scooter. But in reality, many of them still fit into straight size clothing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 05:27 PM
1

I suppose my greater point here is that someone might dismiss or scare off a potential romantic partner because of notions and perceptions that actually are in direct conflict with a person’s tastes and preferences. Being aware of them is often a good place to start if one is trying to change a dynamic. In this scenario, it seems that men’s notions about weight are in conflict with their preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 05:12 PM
1

Woah dude, calm down. I didn’t say that you said that. I asked if you knew their weight as a fact or if you were guessing their weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 05:04 PM
2

You don’t have to ask. There are other ways to get answers.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 04:47 PM
1

Is that something that you know for a fact or is that something that you are estimating? 150 pounds can look very different based on who you place it on, and there are considerations other than height.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 04:42 PM
2

I play tennis at least three days a week, which I did even when I was at my highest weight. So I stayed fairly proportional throughout. But there are so many factors that can influence how weight is distributed and what it looks like.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 04:40 PM
0

Again, that’s my whole point. The mental perception of a number is different from how it actually looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 04:23 PM
0

Well she and I have very different body types. She is smaller boned than I am. Her figure is slender over all. I’m undoubtedly bustier than her and have an hourglass figure. I’m definitely more muscular than she is. The overall weight and muscle distribution between the two of us is completely different. But in reality, there is only a 20 pound difference between us and we are both healthy.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 04:21 PM
0

That’s my whole point though. The number doesn’t translate to appearance. I’m 150 and can clearly see all my ribs.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 04:12 PM
5

I think they are all attractive ladies. I wouldn’t even register most of them as overweight if they were wearing full-on outfits rather than underwear. Plus, some of the trendier styles end up emphasizing size if you aren’t already thin. Perhaps an addition to my first observation is that in spending more time on personal appearance, women generally also know how to dress for their bodies and make choices that are more flattering for them, thus another reason for the disparity in male perception…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 03:42 PM
12

Not a guy, so I won’t respond to the specific question you are asking, but I do have a related thought based on men’s responses. It seems that there is a major disconnect among men between the number on the scale, what overweight/obese clinically is, and what those various weights look like when on a person. I’ve seen a lot of comments here from men along the lines of “no woman should weigh more than 130 lbs” and I think to myself that if a woman is above 5’2 at that weight, she is going to be c…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 03:29 PM
1

In theory, yes. However, when it comes to the level of a crime, we run into the problem of proof. Take the condom incident, as an example. While the use of a condom shows clear intent to avoid children, engaging in sex also shows accepted risk. And even if you have a psycho like Drake dealt with, how do you prove that the pregnancy was caused by her actions rather than Drake misusing the condom or him engaging for a bit before he put a condom on? And with the standards used for crime, I don’t th…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/23 04:56 PM
1

Clearly you have never heard of Stedman Graham.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/23 12:06 AM
1

That’s part of why the friendship thing is so messy. It didn’t start that way, but it grew over time. And I was not a confident young girl, but everyone and their mother told us we should be together. I thought he would come around. I finally got fed up and told him one day. He didn’t feel the same way, but wanted to be friends. My naive brain thought it meant it was possible but he wasn’t ready yet. And it ended up being very one sided for a long time. I would have been better off just walking …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 10:38 PM
1

Nothing wrong with trying. But based on life experience and the experience of others, waiting for that relationship to evolve is often more painful and often lead to disappointing results. I wish I could go back to 28 year old me and bitch slap her for pining for my guy friend for 10 YEARS!! in the hopes that his feelings for me would evolve.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 08:50 PM
1

Then either I’m not understanding your question or there is a step in your experience that you are either omitting or don’t realize it is happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 08:47 PM
3

Again, it’s not that you are being discouraged. Yes, relationships can change. But if her feelings don’t change the same way yours do and you shoot your shot, you either have to accept that and be content with friendship or cut off the relationship in entirety. If she shoots you down, don’t pursue it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 08:40 PM
1

No. The problem is if you are unable to be happy with just friendship if she rejects you. Most men are not.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 08:37 PM
0

And if she doesn’t share your feelings and you continue to pressure her, she will be angry. It is a very obvious outcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 06:14 PM
6

Exactly this. And for me, the real epiphany moment was when I finally met someone who was on the same page as I was. Then I realized “oh, all this sitting around waiting and hoping is completely unnecessary.”
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 06:09 PM
15

Because you should either accept that the relationship will only be platonic or just cut the relationship out of your life. There are men (and women too, if we are being honest) who will accept friendship up front in the hopes that the relationship will later on become romantic. That puts the hopeful party at a disadvantage the entire duration of the relationship, which morphs into resentment. If your intention is romantic and the woman doesn’t want that, just say ok and move on. Don’t maintain …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 05:26 PM
2

I’m not saying they have to. I’m saying that men constantly posting about it comes across as defensive. Accept that there will always be people who will judge you harshly for it and move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/23 12:30 AM
1

Why do men keep trying to justify dating younger women? This topic comes up so much here that it seems more like approval-seeking. No one else is going to buy in, so go chase your younger women. We’re still going to judge it and nothing you say is going to move my opinion on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/23 12:00 AM
2

Nowhere near as many as a lot of guys here think. If they matched with me, I would say 90% didn’t even respond to me. The ones that did had the conversation fizzle out. Including my now-boyfriend, I went on a total of five dates over two years. With the exception of my boyfriend, there were no second dates. I got the “you’re really cool but I’m not feeling it that way” response.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/23 11:43 PM
2

A completed profile, no cliches, and never tried to force sex into the conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/23 07:14 PM
1

Bumble
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/23 04:29 PM
2

I wish there were a way to see which women these guys are aiming for so they could objectively hear that. I also think they have no appreciation for the level of self-maintenance most women do. Like, if I have to go and get my greys covered every month, the least you can do is go to the barber for a haircut without complaint.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/23 02:19 AM
7

I mean, my boyfriend of three years is 5’9 and earns less than I do, and I love that weirdo to death.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/23 12:50 AM
2

This one falls into the category of individual relationship “rules” and the level of comfort each has. I personally wouldn’t post provocative pictures, but I also expect that my partner not like other women’s pictures. Other couples may have different rules. I think when the problems arise, it’s a matter of mismatched comfort zones.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/23 07:39 PM
6

The men who come here and complain that women aren’t enthusiastic don’t seem very interested in teaching the art of love.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 05:14 PM
9

And then come here and complain about wife’s frigidity, as many men here do.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 04:16 PM
1

I’m not offering a solution. I’m observing that men here complain about both women and haven’t explained what their ideal middle ground is.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 04:16 PM
3

What if you reach an impasse?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 04:12 PM
1

I have observed that a lot of men here have expressed dissatisfaction with their partner for not being enthusiastic in the process. So if men are complaining about their partner in bed, there must be some deficiency in learning just through the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 04:12 PM
5

And what happens when you are unhappy with her abilities?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 03:19 PM
7

Ok I need the men here to explain something to me. You don’t want women who have been with other men, but you expect her to be hot for you and to not starfish. How exactly does that work? How would a woman know what to do in bed if she didn’t have experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 02:25 PM
1

Eh the stressor part isn’t really. For me, I would need to sell my business before I would even be open to the idea. I would never bring a kid into the environment I was raised in. I grew up in my family’s business and it was a life of always being prioritized behind the business.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 04:38 PM
1

By that logic, it sounds like you support single motherhood.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 04:34 PM
1

I would consider it if certain stressors from my life were removed and the youngest I would go is about 5-6 years. But this is only if my partner decided he really wanted a kid.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 04:32 PM
1

I don’t see how a partner is an adult child. By your definition, any partner is an adult child whether there are children or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 04:18 PM
1

This describes me. My boyfriend is only the second person I have slept with. We are three years into the relationship and on the marriage track. We rarely fight. I was very clear up front that I did not want kids and said so on my profile. I only looked out for men who were the same. I don’t think it’s a thing about red pill at all. It’s just the life you want to lead and finding the partner who has the same goal. I don’t think having kids is a requirement to be defined as red pilled.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 04:11 PM
3

One thing I will say in other people’s defense that comes from comparing my own situation to others is that there is still a lot of societal pressure on people, not just women, to have children. We are among the first generation of people where growing a family is genuinely an option and not necessary to survival. So I think growing pains are inevitable. On my part, I figured out pretty early that I did not have the nurturing instincts to be a good parent. Combine that with growing up under narc…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 05:54 PM
1

I tend to agree. I knew very early on in life that I did not want children and I planned my life accordingly. I have avoided a lot of the relationship pitfalls as a result and can love my boyfriend without an agenda.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 05:34 PM
3

It’s only ick if you have no other interests and it becomes your personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 03:08 AM
1

I wouldn’t marry a guy if he didn’t agree to a prenup. I’m bringing significant assets into a marriage, including ownership interest in two companies. I can’t have personal bs co-mingling with business bs. As I said to my boyfriend (and I would advise anyone who wants a prenup to say this): the prenup isn’t personal. You could be any person on earth in this relationship, and my stance on the prenup wouldn’t change.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/23 07:59 AM
3

If I can share an observation about this sub versus my own experiences dating - This sub is full of cynics. I won’t invalidate their experiences, but I find that a lot of people are looking to logic their way into an cause for their experiences when in reality, you can’t put human behavior in a box. It’s similar to Stephen Hawking trying to find a single unified theory for the whole universe. How can you explain everything in a single, elegant formula? It’s very good that you recognize that you …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 06:01 AM
3

I would say half is for me and half is for him. I want to feel good about myself and project well to others. I don’t view that as being for other people because the way others perceive me is to my advantage, not theirs. Half is for my partner because I want to and should be a credit to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 04:04 AM
8

Warranted? Only if the effort is unbalanced. Thinking about myself, my boyfriend and I have to attend a wedding this weekend. I have to get my hair dyed, get my eyebrows done, do my makeup, and get my nails done. It kind of pisses me off that I had to cajole my boyfriend to go to the barber for a haircut when I have to do all that. And if the response is that “well, no one tells women they have to do all that, they put it on themselves,” then I would point out that it circles back to the fact th…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 01:46 AM
8

In response to your question, I think men significantly underestimate what it means to engage in self care, grooming, and personal style. For example, many men will think that their button down shirt is acceptable because it is clean. A woman, however, will notice that it is wrinkled because it isn’t ironed. She will see that it is made of a threadbare material and doesn’t sit right on the torso.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 12:27 AM
1

None. They are attractive to me, but not conventionally attractive. I also outearn both of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 03:19 PM
2

Frequency of use and content are factors. I don’t think anyone would object if someone were posting nature photography every day or posted the occasional selfie. But I do know plenty of guys who have ended up as de facto photographers for their girlfriends’ Instagrams, and I know it leaves a sour taste behind.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 07:56 PM
1

I’m not putting distrust of strangers into the same category as worrying if your date is a gold digger or if your date is a mysoginist. It’s two completely different things. Distrust of strangers is a sane and logical thing for any person, regardless of gender. What I am saying is that if you are sitting down for dinner on a first date, don’t go into that dinner assuming that your date is looking to get a free meal out of you “like all the other women” or “he’s going to perv on me and try to con…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 05:21 PM
1

In this definition of suspicious, I mean going into a date with the assumption that your date is going to follow the pattern of behavior that you might ascribe to the gender. Like going into the date suspicious that your date might be a gold digger because of all the accounts you have read/witnessed of other dates being gold diggers.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 04:36 PM
1

Here’s the question: are you acting on behalf of all men or are you acting on behalf of yourself? If you are taking offense on behalf of all men, then it is fine to generalize women’s behavior and critique it that way. If you are acting on behalf of yourself, then it is important to apply your personal standards of conduct to yourself and judge women individually rather than as a whole. Don’t be suspicious of the woman you are taking out on a first date because you saw a bunch of internet women …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 03:50 PM
1

If I can offer an objective and reasonable observation as a woman who does not object to a man’s standards and why they come off poorly - We all know that weight is the big one and there is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy partner. However, men tend to throw around phrases like “no woman should be over 130 lbs” and not realize that 130 lbs isn’t even a healthy weight for many women. If I were 130 lbs, I would be a size 00 and they would put me in the psych ward and trying to force feed me ch…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 03:40 PM
1

I see men the same way I do all people: they are distinct individuals and their actions impact my opinion of them. Sure, generalizations exist, (i.e.: women are emotionless enemies that want me to have money), but when it comes to actually forming a relationship with another person, generalizations are the worst foundation. It shows that you have already placed that person in a specific box without giving that person a chance to demonstrate who they are. My approach to people: view everyone you …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:22 AM
1

I would be friends with anyone who can disagree amicably. In terms of dating, I think a lot of PPD guys would be off of my radar because I wouldn’t fit neatly into their expectations and there are some ideas about the male-female dynamic that would make us fundamentally incompatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 07:28 AM
1

No education, no interests that are cultivated, unable to stand on her own, overly dependent on other people for support, poor communicator, unable to regulate emotions, needs too much external validation, identity is dependent on her relationship to someone else (i.e. being a spouse or a mother as your whole personality), feels entitled to special treatment, cannot be held accountable for her actions. That’s the mental picture I keep in mind when I need to remind myself of what I never want to …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 07:13 AM
1

C. I’ve never done casual and never would. Going for it is so drastically outside my boundaries of behavior that I would view it as disrespectful.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 04:22 AM
3

OF removes the barrier between the creator and the user. Women are more accepting of traditional porn because all it will ever be is a visual experience. But with OF, they get to interact with each other. Guys can ask for specific things. And there is nothing stopping them from forming a relationship together outside of OF. The barrier of anonymity makes a huge difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 02:52 PM
1

I am. Above all else, it took a lot of self-improvement. I’m talking years of therapy as well as bariatric surgery and physical therapy. You can’t be happy with someone else if you aren’t happy with yourself. Beyond that, it was about being honest with myself about what was actually important in a partner and keeping myself in check if I wasn’t be honest with myself about what I was feeling in the relationship or how I was relating to my partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 10:53 PM
3

Absolutely. These dating and attraction studies have never been done well.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 07:56 PM
4

Sure, it’s fun to watch but you don’t want that anger directed at you if you are there to play against him.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 07:20 PM
5

In general, I have never found this style of study to be effective. It asks people to assess something in a vacuum, which while scientifically appropriate, is not at all how people assess others in real life. And if you aren’t actually measuring how people assess something in their own natural manner, the whole thing is moot.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 04:56 PM
12

The dominant description could easily describe a racquet-smashing Nick Kyrigos. Who wants to deal with that if you are just looking for a fun game of tennis?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 04:46 PM
2

I think we are starting to move away from diamonds because we are waking up to how much of their value comes from marketing rather than scarcity. The meaning behind the ring is far more important. I told my boyfriend that I would like a moissanite ring. Moissanite was first identified in a comet that crashed in Arizona. My boyfriend and I enjoy stargazing. In fact, my first Christmas gift to him was a telescope. So to my view, moissanite has far more meaning to us as a couple than a diamond does…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:45 PM
2

You guys need to stop with the Chad bullshit. Chad is a strawman that you all created so you can have someone to blame for everything. If a woman is in a relationship with a guy, that guy IS her “Chad.” And she will still need foreplay. One or two inches taller is not going to somehow make her brain tell her body to relax and enjoy more.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 04:37 PM
3

I’ve said this in the past on this reddit, but women do not experience sex the same way men do. Let’s take being in the right mental place. For guys, you get a boner and you are good to go. We don’t have that ability. Our brains have to be focused in order to become aroused. We can very easily be thrown out of arousal even if we are trying to stay focused. So moving to your point about getting off on our own - yes, we can do it faster because we know exactly what we like and can be fully focused…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 04:26 PM
4

I have a feeling that people with that kind of mindset succumb to a lot of external influences. It could be their parents having a bad relationship dynamic, or friends who tend to have a consensus about how relationships ought to work. When you put all that to the side, what other conclusion can you come to other than your partner should be someone who you are happy to go through all the highs and lows of life with?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 04:52 PM
4

Just be yourself is always taken out of context. What people should say is “be the best version of yourself.” I say that as a former obese girl who couldn’t get a man’s attention to save my life. Just be yourself says that you shouldn’t change anything about yourself. But of course, we all have areas of our lives that we should and can improve. If we aren’t approaching life with a growth mindset, it repels people from you. Just be yourself really means that you shouldn’t be an inauthentic versio…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 03:01 PM
42

I appreciate the fact that men usually simplify situations. It’s helpful when your brain is clouded by so many scenarios and “what ifs.” I love that men are more comfortable being goofy and tend to embrace women who will match that vibe.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 05:51 PM
9

Maybe it won’t penetrate his head, but there are other men out there who might read it and take the words to heart.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 03:55 PM
3

I said to another commenter that women often feel they are no position to comment to it because of the male ego when it comes to sex. I would say in response that if men go into it understanding that it’s not anything they personally did to cause it. With that in mind, check in with your partner throughout and communicate. Make her feel comfortable saying that something isn’t working for her. In the long run, I think you will find that she can stay in the moment in the future because she is conf…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 03:54 PM
3

And also to the questioner, I know that what we are saying might not make sense because again, men experience sex differently. The best comparison I can give is you know that old line about if a guy is trying to lose a hard on, he should think about his naked grandma? In those terms, the “naked grandma” will pop into her head without her wanting it to. Just like you, we lose our arousal. Unlike you, sex doesn’t necessarily end because we lost our arousal. If you are jackhammering at us and we ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 12:07 PM
3

Exactly. Women need waaaaay more foreplay than men think we do. The first barrier to understanding this is men’s own experience. If a guy gets a boner, he is good to go. Women are always compared to an oven, and it is a very accurate comparison! You can intend to bake something, but it isn’t going to work if the oven hasn’t already been 400 degrees for 15 minutes already. Also to your point, lube is worthless if your brain isn’t in the game. For women, sex happens in the brain first. The brain i…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 12:03 PM
8

No, women struggle to communicate this because so much of the male ego is based on sexual prowess. This entire sub is an homage to that. What good is going to come from telling a guy that he isn’t doing it for you in bed when you know it can hurt him at best or enrage him at worst?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 11:55 AM
16

The same could be said for women cheating. Why subject yourself to painful sex when there is another guy who actually cares about pleasure?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 05:05 AM
4

And that “done to” mentality is why men have a responsibility to make sure that sex is a positive experience for women. That means a woman is submitting to the man in that scenario.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 02:26 AM
8

Men should care because a woman being satisfied in bed is the difference between satisfying sex and starfish sex (if you get any at all). Men only experience bad sex. Women can experience excruciating pain if not properly stimulated. If that is what she can expect when having sex, she will just avoid it altogether. Why would you submit yourself to a man who is going to leave you crying in the bathroom in pain because he couldn’t spend the time needed to turn her on?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 02:22 AM
12

I just posted something similar myself. Men do not understand that we don’t just experience bad sex, we experience painful sex when they aren’t doing what they should be doing. Why would any woman be excited to get into bed when they can anticipate extreme pain?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 01:21 AM
25

Understanding that women experience sex in a completely different way from men. Our brains lead our bodies. If we aren’t mentally stimulated, our bodies won’t be ready for sex. When we aren’t ready, that makes sex extremely painful for us. In the long run, if we don’t have a partner who understands this, it makes women sex-avoidant.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 01:19 AM
3

If that is the thought process some men have, I think most women would consider that a fantastic bargain.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 08:52 PM
1

In a woman’s experience, sex is abundant but relationships are scarce. And in a healthy relationship with no co-dependancies, you aren’t going out on one date and declaring “ok, we are in a relationship now.” You want to take the time to get to know someone and that means that you have to coast for awhile being comfortable with letting the relationship go undefined. Similarly, if a guy’s first contact with you is to immediately sexualize you, you want no part of that. It gives off the same negat…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 03:53 PM
7

I agree with your take. I think OP is going through mental gymnastics when the easiest answer is that women just don’t want to talk to men who want to sexualize them right off the bat. OP does not understand that being forwardly sexual with women from the start makes us think the guy doing it is a perv at best and a predator at worst.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 03:14 PM
2

From a woman’s perspective, we would think that saying “looking for a relationship” WOULD scare the right men off. We can probably agree that women being overwhelmed by the amount of sex available to them. We can probably also agree that men don’t want women who demand a relationship right off the bat. It’s weird because you are trying to get to know a stranger based off of a few words and pictures in a bio. You have no idea if you really connect with that person in real life. By not saying “loo…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 02:41 PM
11

If you aren’t looking for a ONS, then the qualifier doesn’t apply to you, so why does it matter?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 02:32 PM
3

Your time will come my friend. A rich life will always draw people to you. Not this frame/game bs that they always talk about here. That’s because a rich life is only for you. Frame is only for others. If I may suggest, you should seek out women in the investing community. My boyfriend and I got together just before COVID and we taught ourselves how to do options during lockdown. Not only was it a great bonding activity but it helped us realize that we had similar values about preparing for the …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 12:14 AM
6

Not particularly because I was always taught as a kid that I would have to work hard, so that carried through to adulthood. It was really just understanding that I was never going to be a pretty face so I had to develop value in other areas of my life so I would be a person of value.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/22 09:55 PM
27

I used to be obese. I had a million guy friends and not one of them wanted to date me, let alone sleep with me. Contrary to what a lot of guys think here, you can’t pull a guy just because you are female. I got bariatric surgery about five years ago and I would say that my dating life only got slightly easier even though I’m now in the ideal weight range and don’t have anything weird going on with my face or skin. I didn’t have a flooded inbox on the apps and I actually messaged every guy that I…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/22 08:54 PM
2

Meanwhile, I was friendzoned by every male friend I have. Fuckzoned. What a concept!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/22 09:43 PM
2

Discerning attraction isn’t measurable, and there are different metrics for different demographics of women. There are obvious ones like “helping an old lady across the street” manners. However, I think the better tell is how he treats women who would be considered his peers/prime for dating, but just doesn’t have that kind of attraction to her. Is he the kind of guy to abuse that dynamic? Does he string her along? Does he use her emotionally? Would he call her up for a one night stand if he was…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:15 AM
2

This is the best response of them all.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:41 AM
1

You want connection in the wrong way. You think that sex is going to fill this gap in your life. It won’t. Without human connection, the pleasure you will get from it will be fleeting at best. Very quickly, you will realize that sex didn’t scratch the itch and you will still feel empty.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:37 PM
3

….or go to therapy and get treatment for the obvious emotional and psychological issues at hand, get better, and get life in order. No one loves a person who doesn’t love themself first.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:51 PM
3

You and your friend must share an account judging by your post history. Perhaps you should tell your friend that his current read to a potential partner, based on what you have described here is: No job or education = you don’t have the ability to take care of yourself, No hobbies or friends = nothing to talk about and bond over, plus no interest in the world around you, and Hoarding = your partner would have to live in filth to be with you. Logically, how could it be surprising that those are n…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:49 PM
1

Really? You want to play that game? If you are supposedly in a better place in life than your “friend” why does anything anyone is saying here come as some sort or revelation to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:42 PM
1

Those are mostly physical attributes. None of those things say that you are a good partner in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:33 PM
3

Everyone keeps giving you the same answers and you keep incredulously responding with “will this help in obtaining a romantic relationship?” Let’s turn the table for a moment. Since you seem surprised that these things will help, what attributes do you already have that you think a potential partner would like?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:28 PM
7

I don’t view that as making someone accept them. I view that as saying “all cards are on the table.” If she isn’t for you, don’t engage with her. That’s not forcing anyone to accept her.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 01:33 PM
3

The market sucks, and I think it is because people are not honest with themselves when it comes to their faults. It’s not a single gender thing. There are women out there who think they can get away with murder and there are men who think they should be appreciated for doing the bare minimum. Be honest with yourself and be honest with others.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 04:21 AM
4

Never followed FDS. My personal philosophy is to treat every guy as an individual, be honest, and pull my weight. When I was on the dating apps, my goal was to find a relationship, so I knew that I had to limit my attention to men who had a similar mindset. I purposefully made sure that none of my pictures were filtered or edited because if I were to show up on a first date looking nothing like my pictures, I have already been dishonest to my date. As a sidebar, I never understood why anyone wou…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 01:40 AM
1

You raise a very good question that I want to turn over to the men. How can we reassure you that needing more foreplay and arousal is not a reflection on you?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 09:31 PM
2

Never argued that it wasn’t. I’m highlighting the fact that OP’s thinking about female arousal is reductive. He seems to believe that shows of strength are a surefire way to get women. The reality is that while feats of strength might get some women to notice a guy, it’s not the deciding factor that is going to make a woman want to jump into bed with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 07:09 PM
2

Nor is a show of strength the impetus that will make me interested.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 06:55 PM
2

Into it, but that alone is not going to get you off or want a relationship with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 06:13 PM
1

OP’s reductive rationale says that if I see a guy chopping wood, it will turn me on. To me it’s just a guy chopping wood.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 05:46 PM
1

It’s still not the reason women choose to read them. They are reading them because they want to fantasize being in the shoes of the protagonist and the man doing those things to her.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 05:15 PM
1

Yes, but speaking directly to OP’s point, no woman is reading it so they can go “oh yeah, chop that wood” or “that 250 bench press is so hot.”
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 05:08 PM
2

Yes, but speaking directly to OP’s point, no woman is reading it so they can go “oh yeah, chop that wood” or “that 250 bench press is so hot.”
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 05:08 PM
10

Pretty sure the women who are reading erotic novels are not flipping ahead just to read about a guy lifting weights or chopping wood.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 03:35 AM
8

Yes, but books aren’t exactly a visual medium, are they?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 03:28 AM
–

I’m actually coming from a kinder perspective on this one. I don’t credit this issue to porn. I credit it to the fact that their only point of reference for arousal is their own experience. To a man, bad sex is just kind of climaxing without any real enjoyment. For a woman, bad sex is enduring pain and since women never really talk about it openly, I don’t think men realize the importance of arousing their partner, nor do they realize the consequences of “bad” sex for a woman. If your partner is…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 09:26 PM
–

That women experience sex the same way men do. Women become aroused mentally before they do physically. There are guys who think that if a woman plays with herself a bit or if they lube up, a woman is good to go. But no amount of lube is going to help a n unrelaxed and unaroused mind. Worse still, men think that the women just experience bad sex. More often than not, the sex is actually painful for us. Do that one too many times and we start to associate sex with pain and not pleasure.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 04:47 AM
3

My theory is that men’s standards are on a positive slope - the wealthier and better looking a man is, the higher his standards are for his partner. Women are on the bell curve - the median woman has the highest standards and the ones on the opposite ends of the curve have the lowest. Wealthy and high-status women can’t have higher standards than median women because men do not value in women the very things that gave them status.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 08:17 PM
2

I have a male friend who is very, very sweet but he just doesn’t take care of himself. He is extremely obese, dresses terribly, and doesn’t do anything to enhance what he does have. If you knew nothing about this guy, you would think he was an incel and to be honest, I’m kind of shocked he isn’t. That speaks highly to his character. But he just doesn’t love and care for himself the way he should. You have to treat yourself as an investment. No one invests in something that isn’t well managed.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/22 07:48 PM
4

34F, my n count is 2. Hookups do not appeal to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/22 10:35 PM
1

I’ve never been approached, not when I was obese, and not in the five years that I have been thin since. It’s a mythical story to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/22 11:35 PM
2

I mean, if a woman’s taste strays to DB, why would you want her anyway? That says everything you need to know about her.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/22 11:30 PM
2

The weird thing is that the best three of five only applies to the four majors. The ATP Tour events play two of three. I wonder why they keep the three of five rule when most of the events they play don’t do three of five.
/r/PussyPassDenied27/06/21 02:36 PM
1

That was where I stopped reading.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen19/06/21 01:51 AM
1

A Received Pronunciation accent will help. A Yorkshire or Brummie accent not as much.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/21 02:34 PM
4

I want to know what changes to the California Penal Code happened where the torture and murder of a child are not grounds for 1st or 2nd degree murder.
/r/PussyPassDenied14/04/21 01:42 PM
5

When you have significant assets, you go into a relationship knowing you have to have a prenup, no matter who that person is. If I were explaining it to my partner, that is something I would make very clear. That it could be any person on earth and I would still expect that prenup. He’s doing it to protect his business. He’s not just thinking about himself in that regard. He’s also thinking about all his clients and employees who may be adversely affected by their relationship problems.
/r/PussyPassDenied21/02/21 03:36 PM
4

SHE IS THE ARK OF THE COVENANT
/r/PussyPassDenied21/02/21 03:26 PM
5

Yup. This sort of thing is normal at an exhibition. Reminds me of the Kim Klijsters exhibition at Wimbledon when she pulled that guy out of the stands, dressed him up in a skirt, and made him return some serves.
/r/PussyPassDenied22/11/20 04:15 PM
1

Well after 20 years of diets failed, and medication designed to control appetite failed, I followed my doctor’s advice to have surgery, which did work. But thank you, random internet person, for your insightful expertise.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 11:54 PM
2

Again, the distinction is that she is not an employee of the paper. They don’t put that disclaimer on articles their own employees write. Check the paper right now and I guarantee you that you will only see that disclaimer on pieces written by someone not employed by the paper. The editorial standards for their own reporting versus an outsider are different. Papers don’t vet stories written by guest contributors in the way they do for their original reporting. Now, if we want to discuss who a pa…
/r/PussyPassDenied28/03/20 04:52 PM
18

My gut tells me that even if he did, they would be dropped as a party. The piece was an op-ed/editorial piece by someone who was not a WaPo employee (Amber) rather than a news article by one of its own reporters. Papers typically have disclaimers on those styles of pieces to the effect of “the views of the author do not necessarily reflect the views of the paper or its staff.”
/r/PussyPassDenied28/03/20 03:41 PM
2

I would say women with a lot of excess body hair. Hair growth is genetic, albeit one that some people are able to improve upon. If you have some disorders that cause hirsutism, like PCOS, then even laser hair removal and electrolysis won’t work for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/20 05:05 PM
2

I was on Wellbutrin for five years before I sucked it up and got bariatric surgery. It’s not as effective as you may think. I was also on Phentermine but I had to stop. It made me shake and I couldn’t sleep. I would be up at 3am walking for hours. It was so bad that I could not even focus my eyeballs on what I needed to see. Surgery is the best solution when you have more than 50lbs to lose. With that much excess weight, you need something very strong to regulate your hunger. Unfortunately, due …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/20 05:02 PM
5

Can confirm. My boyfriend is not a Chad. He has a few overly prominent facial features and his clothes could definitely improve. But he is in the gym every single day. When he did one-handed pull-ups in front of me: instant turn on. When he insisted on cooking for me and did an amazing job: turn on. When I saw how fastidious he was about keeping his person and his home clean: turn on.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/20 02:03 PM
2

Have you tried using dry shampoo between washes? It soaks up the oil.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/20 10:31 PM
3

To me it is common sense. If you are looking for a partner, you need to demonstrate your ability to give in equal measure to your desire to take. It is an egalitarian and somewhat non-traditional approach, but in terms of the quality of relationship it has produced, it has worked for me. No fuckboys here. The funny thing is, the guy that I am with is a far better cook and cleaner than I am, so he takes care of the more domestic things, but in other areas we take on more traditional gender rolls.…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 07:32 PM
12

I never let a guy pay for me on the first few dates. I read so many horror stories about how men are being used for free food and by paying my own way, it’s my way of saying that I am there for him and not what he can give me. Even if we were not a good match, I haven’t had any of those nasty parting of the ways. It has always been respectful and cordial. Meanwhile, I am now in a relationship with a man who gets upset when I try to pay for myself or treat him. Respect and consideration go a long…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 06:55 PM
3

I hooked up with a guy who I did not find attractive but had an incredible, oversized personality. He did become somewhat more attractive to me over time because of his personality. It is possible for those guys to get girls, but I will give the one caveat that ultimately drew me away from this guy: when the time comes and it’s just the two of you, he has to have his shit together. He has to know when he no longer has an audience and needs to do the things that are integral to building a good re…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/20 10:37 PM
2

From going on dates, men have told me about how they have been manipulated for free food and drinks, so I definately get the concern. I found that the best way to build a relationship is to be completely open and honest, with no expectations. I own my own home and my own business, so I don't need anyone to take care of me. I have been conveying that by paying my own way on dates. On the apps, if I was interested in a guy, I didn't wait for him to reach out to me, I reached out to him first. I wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 09:07 PM
2

I don’t deny that those women are out there. I just think it is counterproductive to respond by overcorrecting the cause. I waited two months before I slept with my current boyfriend. I’m happy that that I did because it allowed me to get comfortable with him and develop that intimacy. Some of the men here would call that a manipulative tactic. I disagree. I didn’t let him pay for me on dates so I could completely remove the transactional aspect and just focus on if we are compatible as people. …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 07:09 PM
1

No, I simply don’t sleep around. It also doesn’t mean that I didn’t desire him. I notice you ignored the part where I said that I was the one who initiated sex. Inhibited women don’t initiate.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 06:42 PM
1

There isn’t. You need to read the original thread from a few days ago where this was hashed out. There were some men who were very dismissive of women’s valid reasons for waiting. Not being on the same page when it comes to sex is fair. But saying that women shouldn’t have reservations because they can just take the pill or get an abortion is another thing entirely. It ignores the fact that the woman must shoulder that burden alone because she has no reasonable expectation of support from that n…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 06:40 PM
1

They have agency, thus they wait until they are comfortable before they have sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 06:32 PM
2

You are assuming the only motive spawns from FDS. I waited two months before I had sex with my current boyfriend. I needed that time to develop mental and emotional intimacy and feel comfortable enough to be physically intimate. And we first had sex because I initiated it. He was respectful and waited until I was ready. Now, all bets are off and we have a very active sex life. But it’s that way now because I didn’t feel pressured at the start.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 06:29 PM
1

I’m trying to wrap my head around the notion that waiting a little bit before you have sex means that you don’t like sex or don’t want it. Due diligence is pretty important.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 05:56 PM
1

And no one would even need to get to that point if we wait until we are ready and feel comfortable that our partners are open, honest, and supportive.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 05:52 PM
0

Dude literally said that child support was more damaging than an abortion.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 05:48 PM
1

I commented on the thread that you are referring to and I was really disturbed by the response that I got. There is zero awareness on some men's part as to how much more potential burden women carry in this situation. I also think these men are under the impression that all women can enter these relationships with the same MO that they have.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/20 05:39 PM
4

I think you have ignored a whole host of reasons that can cause a woman to wait that have nothing to do with not liking sex or treating sex as a reward. -Not feeling sexual attraction without emotional intimacy. Some people don’t have sex for the sake of having sex. Speaking for myself, you could put the hottest man on earth in front of me and I won’t feel sexual attraction to him until I build mental and emotional intimacy. -Women don’t want to risk being used. Pump and dump is a real thing. A …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/20 12:01 AM
1

Ah got ya.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/20 10:37 PM
1

With even more reason, finances matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/20 10:35 PM
1

On top of the lifestyle concern, long-term financial planning also matters. Look at all of the people who have to continue working well past the age that they are eligible for Social Security benefits because they can’t afford to retire. Even worse, the people who are carrying significant debt into their golden years. I styled my life to make sure that when it is time to retire, I can do so comfortably and cover my medical expenses as well. A partner who is not on that same wavelength can derail…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/20 08:10 PM
1

I love both. I can’t explain it, but I always felt like most people look like they are meant to look. So I appreciate them as they are. One is not better than the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/19 05:43 AM
27

Disagree. Having been in her boat, you become so used to being ignored that on the rare occasion that you get any sort of friendly attention, it gets mistaken for attraction because there is literally no other baseline to compare it to.
/r/seduction30/11/19 07:21 AM
11

This is closer to what I think OP is talking about. I have seen the brash “my husband is my king” types get called out, but I am also seeing women who enjoy sports, for example, get called pick mes because these women assume that a woman can only enjoy sports because she is trying to get a man.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/19 10:02 PM
1

I just did this last night on Bourbon Street. I’m (F32) decided that I wasn’t going to stay in my hotel because I was alone. I didn’t focus on meeting anyone. I just went to listen to the music, dance a little, and had a great time. Keep us posted!
/r/seduction25/10/19 10:25 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter