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Trpwanderer Archive

View 1 post and 38 comments by Trpwanderer on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

911Trpwanderer/r/askMRP30/11/15 02:21 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I am giving her space. And I've been doing my own stuff without her and doing fine. She asks me (texts) how I'm doing, and I tell her great, and I really believe myself. I am her in return (text), and she says doing ok. She has been one initiating contact lately instead of me, and I've stopped going to her house after work as was norm for long time based on my schedule. I am working to make my own life back without her, and if she wants to join in for the ride great. I have treated her as unicor…
/r/askMRP03/12/15 01:40 PM
1

OK, slap me around then. I am trying to own the shit of where I am at. I am pissed off at myself. Yes, I started reading and read a few months ago RM1 and RM2 before I even knew of these Reddit TRP and MRP sites. I realize it didn't stick the first time and I didn't internalize it. So I'm re-reading the materials. And being more aware. And I will keep coming back here and keep improving for myself.
/r/askMRP03/12/15 01:30 PM
1

I agree with this that I was trying to make myself feel better by texting other women. I'm trying to stop spiraling about this and not care, really am. How do I kill this hamster of mine as you call it then? I know, lift and read. I'll keep working at it, I know I've just started.
/r/askMRP02/12/15 10:32 PM
1

How do I show her this when she's asked for space and I don't see her and haven't in three days. Do I continue to text her or not at all if she doesn't text me. It seems counterintuitive to ignore her. But it seems guidance is to not text a good morning or hope your day went well to her if she hasn't first. Part of me wants to stop over and give her a good morning kiss as was done in past, but I don't know that I can do that if she's asked for space. I guess I have to wait until she comes for me…
/r/askMRP02/12/15 10:25 PM
1

Help me understand more the concept of STFU. We texted back and forth briefly last night. And I responded to an email of hers. It seems like communication is necessary for a relationship. How can we communicate if I STFU. Or is it just STFU about certain things?
/r/askMRP02/12/15 07:14 PM
1

Help me understand more the concept of STFU. We texted back and forth briefly last night. And I responded to an email of hers. It seems like communication is necessary for a relationship. How can we communicate if I STFU. Or is it just STFU about certain things?
/r/askMRP02/12/15 07:14 PM
1

Well that was brutal, and thanks. I'm working my way back. It can only get better. Not sure how I ended up here in life, but I guess it doesn't matter at this point. And I really thought I was doing such a better job in this relationship compared to my marriage. That's the frustrating thing, but it almost now feels like a repeat at the end.
/r/askMRP02/12/15 07:11 PM
1

I appreciate that and the suggestion for meditation. I do really try and live in present, but sometimes my thoughts spiral, though at least I am getting better at catching myself. I do feel anxious when I haven't heard from her and don't know what she's up to and I know I need to let it go. I had some free time over weekend since we're on a break and it was like on my god, it just feels weird as of normally be with her. Did get outside for exercise. And I know I need more hobbies. I am going to …
/r/askMRP02/12/15 07:05 PM
1

I appreciate that and the suggestion for meditation. I do really try and live in present, but sometimes my thoughts spiral, though at least I am getting better at catching myself. I do feel anxious when I haven't heard from her and don't know what she's up to and I know I need to let it go. I had some free time over weekend since we're on a break and it was like on my god, it just feels weird as of normally be with her. Did get outside for exercise. And I know I need more hobbies. I am going to …
/r/askMRP02/12/15 07:05 PM
1

So by not giving a fuck, that just means never care about anything she does or feels period. Don't let her moods or actions affect me in any way? Because I guess frankly I can't control her actions or emotions anyway. When she says she had bad stressful day at work, what's best response? Not care? I overcommitted early in this relationship way early on, which she is not fully ready for, and seems somewhat source of her current anxiety. She does say she's worried I won't be there anymore when she…
/r/askMRP02/12/15 06:39 PM
1

Please help me understand. Do I just ignore that she had male friends and not worry about it, working myself and improving to point where she no longer feels need for male friends? How do I show her this? She seems to like talking about her feelings on things in email. I feel like I need to respond in some way to address her feelings. Should I never email back, or just be very brief, or just text her I received the email and would talk to her about it later. I know my asking these questions make…
/r/askMRP02/12/15 06:31 PM
1

I don't rely on her for any of the things you listed. I hadn't considered my communicating with her as seeking validation. I haven't puked before after exercising, will have to try for that. I might have had some emotional pain at first, because I couldn't sleep the first night after she wanted a break, but have been fine since. But it's nothing like the months I couldn't sleep after getting separated from ex-wife. I'm sure there is still some emotional pain there and will work to lift it out. I…
/r/askMRP01/12/15 01:30 PM
1

What do you mean by safety girl? So how do I get her to not be confused? That seems like her job, but how do I lead her to not be confused.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 01:20 PM
1

OK, so I am really trying to understand this. Even though she emails, and emails again eight hours later wondering why I haven't responded, don't acknowledge at all? In her second email she was wondering why I hadn't responded yet. Saying she didn't feel like reaching out anymore if i wasn't going to respond. Well I was giving her the space she wanted. I ended up texting her a couple hours after her second email. I guess you're saying that was wrong. So I'm ready to lead when I don't contact or …
/r/askMRP01/12/15 01:14 PM
1

I appreciate this angle. I know I need to work on backbone as I had lost it with ex-wife as well.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 11:08 AM
1

Thanks for the harsh words and I will work on the monk mode. I have worked to avoid giving her attention lately and wait for her to come to me for attention. She keeps contacting me and being gushy with stuff, acting confused, saying she wants to be all in, but just not sure of herself.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 11:07 AM
1

Thank you for the play by play. I really appreciate it. I realize I can't make her want to have an LTR with me, that's her choice, but that's what I'm in for and if that's not what she ultimately wants, then I'll have to walk.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 11:05 AM
1

Thanks for your comments. I hadn't considered how her behavior might be considered controlling. I haven't yet done turnabout as fair play and gone for a walk with a female, but I have reached out texting with a couple female friends this last week to try and reconnect. I haven't told her this yet.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 11:03 AM
1

Thanks. I attempted to go no contact and have limited contact with her, responding only when she initiates contact. She continues to contact, actually more the first couple days since the request for a break than in previous weeks. Then on a call she said she knew it was confusing for her to ask for space and then keep texting me. The last part of what you said is what I need to work on and figure out, the part about telling her how her actions have been unacceptable. And figure out exactly how …
/r/askMRP01/12/15 11:01 AM
1

Yes, I know I am in denial, there is a part of me that has felt this for awhile, but perhaps I am hanging on trying to save something that can't be saved. I did get MAP and am working on that and have made many changes. I will keep implementing. Thanks.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:58 AM
1

I really appreciate your comment, and hadn't seen it that way. I think that I do at times use hedging language, probably in my normal language with her and at work, and googled it to see that it is wishy-washy. I am going to try and more deliberately be more direct in my interactions with people and worry less about what they think, and own my thoughts.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:57 AM
1

I appreciate this. I think there are a lot of things going on now that she is unsure of herself and if she wants a long term relationship. I really don't feel in my gut she has multiple people other than me because if I did I would have walked already. I am not going through that again the way my wife left.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:55 AM
1

I hadn't considered that. I had thought that the lifting was just for external looks. Thanks for sharing.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:53 AM
1

I am working to improve myself. I don't want to put up with it and am trying to navigate to find the best way to not put up with it.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:52 AM
1

I realize that this is totally about me and not her or the other guy and I know that I need to improve myself, for myself, not for her, and just let it flow. Regardless of whether or not anything re-ignites for her, I still need to be in better shape and frame for the next female in my life. I am trying more and more to make small talk everywhere I go while shopping and work and am gaining confidence. And I know I can improve more. I am naturally somewhat shy and am working on it. I will re-read…
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:50 AM
1

I appreciate your being blunt. Am figuring out next move from here.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:46 AM
1

I appreciate this angle. I guess the difficult thing is determining the chase mode. From what she has told me of current situation, he is the one chasing her. I asked her once a long time ago what she got from male friends that she wasn't getting from me and she wasn't able to answer the question, or didn't answer the question.
/r/askMRP01/12/15 10:45 AM
1

I'm curious about the three ways you mention. I really have nothing to lose at this point. And yes I did commit early, totally overcommitted from start of relationship, but how do I fix that at this point. How do I reset and start over.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 08:31 PM
2

I appreciate the play by play and wished I could have had you in hip pocket when it played out. So what was the proper man up response to her telling me someone asked her out? Later on you say I can't tell her not to go on walks (since I fear losing her), and the next breath you say don't give her a pass. How do I do neither as they seem mutually exclusive, or do you just mean nonchalantly ignore her statement. What is the quickest way to stop being a Nice Guy.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 08:28 PM
1

OK, I'll admit I have a long way to go. My ex-wife met a high school friend on Facebook and they ended up having a relationship and she moved out to be with him. So I am insecure about male friends. I am trying to own that and told her I struggled with it at start of our relationship. I do give her most of my free time. Am looking for more hobbies.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 08:21 PM
1

I am trying to improve for my own sake. Not change for her. Just evolve myself, be my best self. I am not seeking her validation for the things I'm doing. I recognize your abstract girl concept feeling. I was married almost half my life so being in a relationship seemed the normal thing to want and do.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 08:16 PM
1

I appreciate your feedback. I'll restart with the sidebar. I'm starting to care less and less about the outcome as it seems like the relationship is done anyway. The tough part is it sort of feels like two wasted years now that I feel like I'm trying to salvage. So getting from there to totally not caring is hard. But I guess why should I care, and why would I want to be with someone that doesn't want to be all in with me anyways.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 08:14 PM
1

She says she doesn't want to date anyone else now or make out our new intimate with anyone else, just wants time to herself and focus on her son. I'm probably bring naive.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 04:41 PM
1

I appreciate you being harsh with me. You're right, I didn't take the time. And she is first after my divorce (and only other besides ex-wife). And yes, I have not been acting in a place of abundant mentality, have not had many relationships in life. And likely am coming across as codependent. I really want to fix this and fix it fast. I guess lift and read side bar again.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 04:38 PM
2

Running, core exercises, Bosu, Tae Kwon-Do, some lifting, but not "really lifting". Thanks for suggestion, I'll start with really lifting. I agree my mind is going crazy and I need to quiet it.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 04:32 PM
2

Not sure how to write your post regarding "Time for you to start caring less about her and caring more about you. Then it all starts to work like magic.". I really am trying to toughen up and I came here knowing I would get pummeled. The thing is what does caring more about me look like. Tell her I'm upset with what she did? I suppose I look weak just for asking that.
/r/askMRP30/11/15 04:30 PM
2

I'm obviously more committed to maintaining the relationship than she is so perhaps that in and of itself is reason to walk. Is it ever possible to have an LTR where each of the people in relationship can do things like go for walk or get coffee with a friend of opposite sex?
/r/askMRP30/11/15 03:58 PM
1

Thanks, I'll re-read it. Yes, I have oneitis. She keeps saying she loves me and cries. Saying she feels sad when she looks at our old pictures. At this point is there a way to salvage anything. Do I just tell her stop texting this guy or we are done? Do I text or call or just go to her house and have this talk?
/r/askMRP30/11/15 03:55 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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