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UnevenHanded Archive

View 0 posts and 104 comments by UnevenHanded on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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94

All they do is play mind games, so they think everyone does. Projecting is an integral part of patriarchal male culture 🤷🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 02:07 PM
63

Like so many parts of liberal feminism, this is a justification of something some women want to do. Like, if someone wants to do it, that's FINE. But women used to try and say we did things "for ourselves", now it's "subverting patriarchal norms"... I mean, not everything a woman does has to be in service of either men OR Feminism. No individual woman owes anyone anything. There's so much guilt and distress when we initially start living for ourselves that it's easy to see why women feel compell…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 03:06 PM
57

Yes! 😭🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 07:43 AM
19

This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 05:49 PM
12

Truly... there, but for the grace of God, go I 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 06:28 PM
77

De-centering men is centering oneself in one's own life. Reclaiming and taking ownership of a birthright that is taken from girls so young. Freud's concept of "primary narcissism" is a great way to think of it, IMO. Primary narcissism is the initial focus on the self with which all infants start and happens from around six month up to around six years. It is a defense mechanism that is used to protect the child from psychic damage during the formation of the individual self. Well, girls don't ge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 01:54 PM
70

may you find a woman naturally, not someone you have to swindle into picking you, and still fail miserably at securing 😭😭😭🙏🏽 The sheer spiritual power of this woman. So unbothered, so clear-sighted, no bitterness just facts. I shall grow up to be like her 😌 Thanks for sharing, OP! 😆❤ Made my day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 07:39 AM
35

Um, YES. Take my symbolic gold 🏅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 07:46 AM
69

I'm so glad you're aware and taking care of yourself now 🥰🙏🏽 Most of us have to through the worst shit to get here, but I'm thankful every day that time only works in one direction, and the truth can never be unseen. I hope you're so proud of yourself, to have scome this far and be who you are today ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:42 AM
64

And even that tiny bit of humanity, not even vulnerability, was a sign to him to try being sexual 🙄 There is no shitshow like male culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:00 PM
174

Gave me chills. Pure, distilled truth. I wish every girl and woman out there could read this ❤ Thank you so much for sharing! Edit: But if you already know what you know now, why choose to walk into hell? If there’s one thing you can do right now to love him well — it is to wish him recovery and walk away at the first sign 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Why choose to walk into hell??? My new favourite phrase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:22 AM
12

it is impossible to grow and blossum with someone who is committed to misunderstanding you and knocking you down. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 So proud of you for making the brave choice, and so happy that you have all the freedom and happiness in the world waiting for you 😌❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:22 PM
74

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Exactly. Yet another double bind men are coming up with "for" women. Every time I see male "advice" or "insight" it's always just grooming women for abuse 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 07:11 AM
35

An AMAZING point. Saved post, for sure ❤ I think it's super super common to see being the "prize" as the most a woman can even hope for, especially with things like purity culture and fatherhood being about "protection" (often thinly veiled control and taking away the bodily autonomy of girls and women) rather than supporting and giving agency. It can become something that misleads women into thinking that relationships that look good on paper ARE good. Or are the most there is in life. Being th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 10:20 AM
104

I realised this one really recently. "That's what she said" is such a fucking insidious way to invalidate anything a woman says and get people to reflexively also invalidate her by laughing. While simultaneously sexualising... no, pornifying her in an overt, public way. Like anything a woman says can be made sexual against her will. I hate that it's considered so normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 03:39 PM
4

Oh, WOW. This book is an effing perversion of every healthy social interaction possible 🙃 But it IS very much an articulation of male culture. Very valuable, in that sense. Yeesh. And this in the gender that insists they're better suited to leadership. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:05 PM
42

I see your point... but I also think that within the confines of the sub we can appreciate the nuance here. He was an intelligent, manipulative serial killer, and a big part of that was being very good at lying. The best lies are the ones that are largely true, but include a tiny jump in logic. Those are they ones everyone falls for, like how a ton of people (and the media) fell for Ted Bundy's schtick. Sounds plausible that he'd met many men like him, who were into pornography and violence. All…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 11:17 AM
27

I mean, she's thin, rich, and conventionally beautiful in EVERY way except for having a pig nose. It's a nice story, because the curse she's under (that gives her a piggy, but not too piggy for Hollywood, nose 😂) is supposed to be lifted by being loved by "one of her own kind", which turns out to be herself, and once she decides she loves herself the way she is the curse is lifted. James McAvoy is cute and all, though 🤷🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 08:27 AM
72

These delusions are very real. I've said it once, and I'll keep saying it. Male culture is narcissistic as a whole 🤷🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:53 AM
16

Thanks for sharing this very interesting information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 05:46 PM
56

the nice personality I hallucinated for him. I sputtered and laughed so hard 🤣🤣🤣 Ugh, never again is right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:06 AM
73

Yes! Show her her worth! 😆❤ It takes demonstrations. You're saying, "I, as a friend, am willing to do all this for you - because I want to, because you deserve it, because this is how much you bring to my life, ams I'm happy and honoured to do it." That makes women realise that there DO exist people who will treat them well, as they deserve to be treated. Reciprocity is real, not some fantasy! It's the abusive guy who's living a fucked up fantasy life, and they just got sucked in. Reality is - h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:17 PM
11

I understand ❤ So many woman I meet in India are just victims of circumstance. Aren't we all, to some extent. It sucks, because being raised in an inherently traumatic environment really doesn't equip either the MILs or DILs in India to be able to meet in the middle on this without being incredibly triggered and emotionally ddistressed and fight/flight/freeze/fawn. All trauma responses. Women in India aren't allowed to secure or build emotional resources, either, it's so fucked. A pattern that's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:31 AM
14

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽❤ Nothing but the truth, the whole truth, so help me God. Fellow women, and relationships with them, are always the true treasure that we're brainwashed not to see and not to value. Female friendships are what keep us alive, and should never be taken for granted 😌💜 Class solidarity! 😂 Edit: also, I freaking LOVE how you navigated your former spouse and MIL. The definition of grace! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:12 AM
76

I'm Indian (lived here my whole life), and while I agree a 100% with the sentiment of everything you're saying, the last part about I think the reason men in my community are like this is because their mothers coddle them too much. Is oversimplifying the issue to the point of blaming women for men's behaviour. In India, till date, it's the norm that women not be allowed to have control over their own finances or life choices, like whether or not to study or work. Most decisions are made either b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 08:13 PM
19

As an Indian woman, I take what's best and leave the rest. I'm constantly adapting what I learn from my Western sisters 🥰 I'm almost thirty, so I have decades of experience of the lengths I have to go to to keep myself safe in India. I've lived here my whole life, and I know what's practicable and to what extent. What principles have to be adapted to suit our circumstances. I find FDS incredibly valuable in that the radical honesty I see here is unique to this space. I've learned so much about m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 12:47 PM
30

Same 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 10:43 AM
2

Um, yeah. I could throw up RN, no problem 😂 There is a God, and she saved me 💜 Thanks, girl. The comments are making me feel so much better about it, too. We live and learn, and inheriting effed up female socialisation isn't a character flaw or weakness. We gotta choose change. Plus, women are generally decent human beings, and men are Not. Even if they are to their freinds nd family and coworkers, in romantic situations, they mostly are NOT. I wasn't dumb for not knowing that, they're just that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 06:31 AM
8

IKR 😂 I don't have regret so much as I have remorse. I couldn't know what I didn't know, but I sure as hell am sorry towards myself, and choose to forgive myself, for sure. Like, it's just as in ecternal relationships. I have to hold myself accountable for the damage I did to myself, however unintentional 🤷🏽‍♀️ FDS is such a Godsend. Just witnessing women being completely practical and acknowledging Truth with a capital T, rather than living in denial or an entirely gaslit reality... has helped …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 02:49 PM
13

Ugh, this is true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 11:47 AM
24

I fully second u/Aocwannabe's great comment. Being around misogynistic, shitty people affects a person's character and normalises that shit. It manifests the internalised misogyny in women, and these are the ones who will blame a woman for cheating with a married man (even if she didn't know) while saying the man was "tempted" and "couldn't help himself", talk shit about their own (female) friends, and stand by their male acquaintances when they're accused of sexual assault and stuff, saying, "h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 09:18 PM
41

This is why I avoid pickmes- they tend to replicate the bad behavior of the men they spend time with. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 09:09 PM
22

I feel you 😂 but OP specified, a STALE happy meal. How about that? ... Honestly, I'm not even judging when it comes to treats and cravings. Bad Chinese food is still good to me 🤷🏽‍♀️ And I agree. Porn is worse than that. Way, way worse. The feeding tube analogy adds the appropriate brutality 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:19 PM
13

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:15 PM
108

You can ALWAYS tell. You gotta know what to look for, but yeah. Most guys have an entirely self-absorbed, glazed look on their faces. Like, you have to try to even get their attention and snap them out of it. Even as they're touching you, even with literal full body contact, getting their attention to actually communicate on a human level takes a disruption of their trance state. Pornsickness is a mental illness, FR. ... shudder 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:12 PM
57

Ahhh, the sizzle of truth 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:50 PM
49

😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 05:36 PM
4

Thank you 😂❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:07 PM
35

I wish this was made clearer amongst us women, because it muddies the waters so much. Like, I've met a guy who got diagnosed with NPD while we were together (late teens, SMH). He was just so obvious and obnoxious. I never trusted him, or cared about what he thought, and when I ended it, he let me without a fuss. Because people with NPD lose interest if you don't give them what they need. Also a shitty guy, obviously, but not an evil genius or Machiavellian mastermind, like the media love to sens…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:35 PM
55

I agree with everything that you said, and wanted to add - a man doesn't have to be a literal narcissist to act like one and use the same tactics. Male culture protects, nay, encourages narcissistic behaviour, specifically in men who engage in heterosexual relationships. Male culture is inherently narcissistic, and conditions men to view women in a way that is so devoid of empathy, it's pathological.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:49 PM
1

Isn't that something 🤔 Thanks for the rundown. I'd forgotten nosebleed guy 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 02:32 PM
3

I remember that movie! All the "romantic" parts really added to the dystopian bleakness and the trapped feeling of it all 😂 Like, that movie is a psychological horror film, IMO, and seen from that angle, it's actually pretty good... Knowing male culture though, it's more likely the intent was some kind of dumb shit about how monogamy is hell. Something that comes close to the point but ultimately misses it in favour of the same old misogynistic nonsense... Now I'm curious about the movie 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 01:17 PM
39

IKR? It's the illusion of choice bullshit. Being happy and single should always be the first option ☺
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 09:45 PM
95

👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 This EXACTLY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 09:43 PM
85

😦😦😦 ... Maybe... it's time for something a teensy weensy bit more serious than "counting the clicks"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 06:00 PM
10

I actually really agree with this. We tend to generalise that every single part of the patriarchal system is "bad" - well, the patriarchy is still around. We don't live in a post-feminist world. The safeguards put into place to protect women when we had less autonomy, agency and choice are STILL relevant and required today. I think overcompensating for our feelings of uncertainty or self-doubt by doing things like paying 50-50 (regardless of what each partner earns), asking men out, viewing casu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:18 PM
5

Oh, that HITS 😬 The reciprocity gap is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:07 PM
49

The paradox of tolerance states that if a society is tolerant without limit, its ability to be tolerant is eventually seized or destroyed by the intolerant. Karl Popper described it as the seemingly paradoxical idea that in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance. But people (men) are out here calling women "judgemental", because they directly benefit from us never developing a sense of judgment. Better judgement. While being indisc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 11:03 AM
11

If you struggle with this, take a look at your self-esteem and ask yourself why you're internalizing his behavior. That's where you'll find your closure and where you will heal. 🎯 That's where we gotta spend time, energy, and attention. Don't waste analysis on anything else ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 05:38 PM
98

Exactly this. Women are expected to behave as though we live in an ideal world, while men are praised for being "pragmatic" or "practical" for doing everything within their power to better their livea. Apparently only men deserve to live for themselves. Women are shamed for something as simple and innocuous as wearing makeup to adapt to the social control of beauty standards (that we did not create), and that's framed as somehow analogous to deception or lying, when men are out there LITERALLY l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 04:45 PM
24

I think this is a healthy mindset to have. "Being known" is important, but not everyone has to know everything about you... boundaries are important for a reason. I recently had a friend share a podcast with me, where they said "boundaries are what keep us IN healthy relationships". And that really was a little lightbulb moment for me. Codependency is not the goal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 12:13 PM
1

Yeah, it looks like a fully residential area 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 04:51 AM
139

Immediately reminded me of that video that went viral in Korea: https://youtu.be/ezPCCvN-Ndk [TW: Stalking]. God, that's scary. The creepiest part is how he says "excuse me" to sound authoritative and get her to doubt herself enough to let him in. That technique must have been successful so many times 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 07:23 PM
42

Ahhh. Like all generally good advice, the devil is still in the details 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 01:21 PM
38

Saying "no" is still fucking revolutionary. We are in no way past that no matter how much people (men, basically) want to gloss over it and pretend like oh, everybody gets it now, we all know consent is important. NO. We're still at that stage. We're still at the point where coercion, in all its forms, is common. Anyone who tells women what sexual liberation "should" be like for them should literally go fuck themselves, because they're obviously incapable of mature, consensual sex. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 07:07 PM
40

It chills my fucking blood, because the maid who works for our family (we're in India, domestic help is common), she had an experience that's SO similar. When she was a newly married teenager 😐 I'm not sure if it was her brother-in-law or her husband (could be either, they're both capable 🤢), but one of them was taking her somewhere on a scooter, and some kind of disagreement happened. He told her to get off and left her on the side of the highway, in an area she didn't know. Mind you, Indian wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 06:11 PM
27

Ugh, the "making sure I'm perfect for sex" really gets me 🤢 I used to do that, always. It's what was running through my head before, during, and after sex, to the almost total exclusion of my actual pleasure. Never never never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 03:20 PM
114

Oh, no, he wants women who have experienced trauma to TELL HIM they have trauma and apologize for it. So he knows they're vulnerable. He literally says it: "I would much prefer if they messaged me telling me or something" 😐 This guy. This guy is like a rapist chasing a victim and being like, don't run so fast, you're hurting my feelings! You don't know that I'm gonna rape you! I totally am but you don't KNOW that till I'm actually DOING it, and till then you have to be nice to me, so STOP RUNNIN…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 07:45 PM
2

What the fuuuuck giving someone sleeping pills against their will 😐 That man is terrible at his job, a bad doctor, and just an unempathetic, controlling, disrespectful PERSON, to boot. I think you're right, about strenuous exercise at night. That gets your sympathetic nervous system ("fight or flight") ON, and then it takes time for the nervous system to wind down and the parasympathetic nervous system ("rest and digest") to take over. TBH, you'll probably just get used to it ☺ You describe the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 09:00 AM
5

Psychiatrists are medical doctors, and are not specialised in talk therapy. At least in my country. I went to different psychiatrists for five fucking years before one of them referred me to a therapist, and while that might be down to India being what it is, getting a good female therapist was THE turning point for me. I no longer need medication, and was accurately diagnosed with C-PTSD, as opposed to my last misdiagnosis of ADHD (which conveniently placed the onus on me, rather than examining…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:50 PM
30

dry drunks of the dick 👏🏽😂 The no-fap for "supernatural powers" bullshit is strong here in India. It's a whole lot of fucked up sexual shame (based in Indians being repressed and religious), mixed in with a wishful, ignorant perception of spiritual practices, like yoga. These guys think they're leapfrogging over all the basic, being a good human being level stuff of yoga and going straight to tantric sex, just by not jerking off 😐 Men in India will see someone be halfway considerate of fellow hu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 01:46 PM
15

*Try to be porn stars. The response advice was great. Porn is not "sexual self-expression", as the columnist pointed out. It's a performative job, the focus is not on the performer's pleasure at all. This guy has convinced himself the only thing standing between him and his totally wishful fantasy life is his wife. He needs therapy. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 03:55 PM
3

Spirituality and breathwork are pretty divorced from how people practice yoga here in India, too 😐 Asana yoga is the extent of what most people know, and people don't try to embody it in their personal lives. Even in this, humans are much the same 😂 The US has issues with resepcting people of different cultures and capitalism suck ass. But true yoga is not something you can appropriate. You can't fake being a yogi - and to the extent you can? There's public figures and political leaders in India…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 07:31 AM
8

Thanks so much for sharing! I'm Indian (living in India), and I had a yoga teacher here who was really butthurt about how the West has "taken" yoga from us or some such nonsense. Ironically, the most un-yogic mindset you can have 😂 Asana yoga is amazing, but it's definitely part of the whole. I loved reading this, and you've inspired me to reconnect with my own practice. Thank you 🥰❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 01:23 PM
16

Exactly. IRL Andys do not exist OR the series only shows the most likable parts of him. Even so, when April goes to Washington for work with Ben, Leslie sends Ben a care package, and Andy sends April his dirty laundry. Because she "does it so much better" 😐 Her response is "I miss him so much" 🤡 The age gap (April's 21 to Andy's 29) and April being really smart but not wanting to look like she's "trying" make her a pretty obvious Cool Girl. I'm watching the series properly for the first time, an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 01:32 PM
16

Yeah, I really don't wanna hate on Olivia Munn. She's surrounded by the hideously toxic culture of Hollywood. She's been through a lot. You don't get to where she is without taking damage and normalising a lot of twisted behaviour. I feel sorry for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:20 AM
64

You love must be conditional as a straight woman because you are laying down with your oppressor. 😧 Hit the nail on the head... Plus, I don't see a single man even trying to pretend their love is unconditional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 04:15 PM
87

Uh... Who asked him? Because it sounds like HE'S trying to justify why HE'S single 🤭 He treats women like shit and then has a whole little fantasy about how they date "nice guys" and cheat on them because they're so dissatisfied? Even the made up storytelling is like, C- at best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:36 PM
131

Exactly. Nobody wants to acknowledge that it's women who are expected to DO things FOR men to "feel desired", at this point. It's such a fucking cop out, and puts the onus of a man's feelings on the woman. I'm no longer even surprised that the research itself is so deeply misogynistic. Yet another coercive tactic to push a woman's sexual boundaries. If she doesn't want to do it, say she's not making you FEEL desired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 05:36 PM
11

Oh, IIRC, it's because she was focussed on herself and lapping them without realising it. Which enraged multiple men. Of course 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:17 AM
15

😐 I forgot about that. This is why I'm not ready to date yet 😂 I used to do this, socially. Be focussed on getting a people to like me, "achieving" that goal by being charming, then realising I'm not even interested in them. Yup. Not ready to date yettt
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 06:47 AM
35

Yeah, this is one of those behaviours that is so male culture. EVERYTHING is a competition. Like, the number of times I've seen grown men triumph in "winning" games against little kids?? 😐 ... Usually their own kids 😂 Collaboration and genuine teamwork is a lost concept on some men. Everything is about proving their superiority - to an ABSURD point. Like, "you're enjoying your meal? I'm enjoying mine ever more" 🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 06:44 AM
227

He knows she can't, he does it to create all-pervasive shame in her, so he can have a permanent and constant power imbalance in his favour 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 06:57 AM
2

Thanks 😂 Edit: went ahead and deleted 'em. Glitchy glitchy yaya
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:41 PM
17

So close yet so fucking FAR 😐 Edit: upon reading of his one year later post? Guess it wasn't that close after all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 02:08 PM
2

Thank you, and the best of luck to you, too 🤗❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:02 AM
1

Oof. That's good advice. I'm in the middle of dealing with my CPTSD and healing my relationship with my parents, especially (drum roll) my father... And he has changed in ways I never thought possible. Although I'm almost thirty, I've never felt connected to any of the career paths I've attempted before. But this feels different. It may take time for me to heal first, but maybe? I don't know, I've had such awful mental health my whole life, it seems ironic that I'd want to work in the field 😅 Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 06:50 AM
17

I've been considering a career in therapy... and you've described my life, so I guess that's a good start? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 04:11 PM
73

Or the cheapest option would be to get dummy cameras and put them in conspicuous spots. Deterrent for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 07:45 AM
9

Ohhh, I think you got something there! Reciprocity! Like, why hold ourselves back from the exchange and growth that comes from healthy relationships with others... just because most men don't know how to do that? More fool them! We just gotta keep our eyes peeled for sincere reciprocity 🤔 Thanks for pointing this out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 05:27 PM
10

I agree with everything you've said here. So freaking much. And what's more, I've noticed that there's situations where men will "fall in love" with a woman for who she really is, who she is when she's single, or in the beginning of their relationship. They like how she dresses, her confidence, all of that. And then THEY wear her down, criticizing, negging, never appreciating... Only to then say that she's "not the same anymore"??? Like, I've seen this so often, men negatively impacting their pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 05:17 PM
84

See, THIS is what it takes 😤 Parenting like this is demanding AF, but it's what kids these days need from their parents if they're gonna have a fair chance at happiness! It's a LOT. And it's so freaking inspiring to hear of parents who literally better themselves for their children 😭 I think we all know instinctively that this is how it should be. I fully agree - depression is about a lost sense of connection. That can happen just from being set up in circumstances that are bound to alienate us …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 09:33 AM
20

Disrupting the perpetuation of patriarchy takes a choice somewhere in that legacy, you know? Like, SOMEBODY in a kid's life has to have taken the time and energy and courage to go against the current culture. To educate and empower themselves and do the WORK to be different, and mentally healthy. And then pass that on to the kid. I feel like, at least in my country, people are pressured to have kids before they have the chance to even work on themselves. And then they end up perpetuating and pas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 09:19 AM
12

😭😭😭😭🙏 Thank you God. The change begins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 08:14 AM
99

Beautifully expressed. I've always noticed how people will compliment everything but a woman's power. Like, the obsession over Michelle Obama's tricep definition was such a strange sublimation of the actual respect she earned. As you say, it's fine - but also meaningless 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:10 PM
9

Some of us are lucky enough that growing up around us makes the men in our life humanize women. Far more of us experience misogyny from our family first (and sometimes, worst). Or, as in your situation, the divergence of roles into abuser and abused is considered... I don't know, an inescapable facet of adulthood? I've always been treated worse at home than anywhere else, so I can only imagine the sense of loss you must feel... Seek comfort from your fellow women 🤗 We're here for each other ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 04:47 PM
45

Yeah, it hurts way more when it's your isn father or brother or partner. Or somebody you consider a friend. Because it's a harsh reminder that, like, they think our "best interests" should be men's, and not ours, at all 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 08:07 AM
148

You know, that gives me something to think about. I always use humour to defuse tension and gain the (grudging) respect of men who are determined to dismiss me... I should probably stop wasting my energy! 😦 Thank you for this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 02:31 PM
33

Oh my God, he thinks nothing can even be funny till somebody else laughs at it 😦 Now that's sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 02:28 PM
102

How sad it must have been to realize that your mom doesn't have a good sense of humour 😂 I'm sure you're funny AF. Every single woman I know is funny in their own way, and every single man wouldn't be shit if they didn't have their pedestal 😤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 02:26 PM
144

Imagine being so insecure that you literally cannot just LAUGH WHEN SOMEONE IS FUNNY. What a sad, sad worldview.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 02:21 PM
45

THISSS! Whoever thinks this isn't helping anybody, least of all a woman, unless it obviously benefits them. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:57 AM
27

Oh my God. Forced teaming is a tactic used by manipulators to make them appear to have as much as possible in common with their intended victims to gain their confidence. This is when a person implies that they have something in common with their chosen victim, acting as if they have a shared predicament when that isn't really true. Speaking in "we" terms is a mark of this, i.e. "We don't need to talk outside... Let's go in." Criminals use it to get closer to their victims by creating the illusi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 05:32 AM
20

You mean Bea Miller! Bea Arthur is a contemporary of Betty White, it turns out 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:38 PM
80

I fully agree that not enabling men is the best way to help them. It's true compassion to both ourselves and men that we refrain from engaging with or enabling bad behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:34 PM
11

This! I'm not open to dating ATM, but it's helped me make sense of male relationships in general, and helped so much to retain my sense of self and maintain my boundaries. Dating dynamics and romantic relationships definitely make women vulnerable, but we're already subject to patriarchy in our platonic interactions with men! Whether they're related to us, strangers, or men we're vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 06:42 AM
9

Reminded me strongly of a term I learned recently: "BAD FAITH is a concept in negotiation theory whereby parties pretend to reason to reach settlement. Bad faith arguments aren’t “real” positions; they’re proxy positions people take for rhetorical purposes." In other words, men who sling a wide variety of insults and accusations at FDS, hoping some will stick, lack an iota of good faith. There's no "communicating" with them, because they're simply arguing to derail. As with most men, the most th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 06:34 AM
7

... But you know, the converse is also true. I've seen a lot of men who will treat women with respect until they are one of "their" women. Like, men who treat their female friends well, but, like, immediately downgrade their treatment and become controlling if they start dating. Men who are decent to their girlfriends, but immediately treat them like shit once they're married. "My" woman means I can treat her how I want. It's all an extension of treating women like objects and failing to conceiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:59 PM
3

That's inspirational, right there. Using the flood of negativity to transform it into Art? That's spiritual shit, right there. How Buddhism puts it, the lotus flower grows out of the muck. Women shouldn't have to alchemically convert the vile barrage of negativity and oppression we experience into palatable Art. Like, I've literally been told to "channel my feelings into Art". Perpetuating misogyny by trying to control how I process my feelings about being controlled? 🙂 I cannot stress this enou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 09:01 AM
6

I feel you so hard. I've struggled with mental illness, and that's made me blame my "choices" in men... Despite, as you say, men's terrible behaviour not being at all limited to romantic situations! It's amazing how we're forcefed the idea of a "good man" existing, when, for all my lived experiences, they might as well be mythical. It reminds me of consumerism, where there's the "illusion of choice" that you have infinite brands and products to choose from, to cater to your needs... But in reali…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:00 AM
18

I laughed so hard at "romantic work of short fiction" 🤣 It's funny and sad and true. Imagination and wishful thinking have no place in "vetting" a man. Plenty of place in life, but not here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 02:37 PM
17

I'm gonna do that next time a man tells me that, thanks. If he says he doesn't like makeup... I'm gonna be like, don't wear any, then. I love it, and your unsolicited opinion hasn't changed how I feel about it. That's the unsaid imperative, isn't it. "I don't like it, so you should feel ashamed you do, and stop." This usually from some random, not even a man who's close to you... TBH, I've consistently wilted before the disapproval of men without even questioning why. No more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 04:22 AM
35

Oh my God. I've been doing this for years without realizing it. An inch away from mutuality. Fuck. Like... I can always tell when the time has come to backpedal. It's when they start thinking you care about them, and start using that against you. Which happens simultaneously 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 10:26 AM
2

True. He was a massive hypocrite, and owed much if his success to stealing both ideas and actual passages from Zelda's work, wholesale. But these words themselves are true... So they knew what was "right" a hundred years ago... 'Bout time we embodied it ☺
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 07:39 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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