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UnrefinedFacade Archive

View 2 posts and 81 comments by UnrefinedFacade on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

ADVICEUnrefinedFacade/r/RedPillWomen06/01/17 11:59 PM
7

LTR/MARRIAGEUnrefinedFacade/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 04:43 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

This happened to me too a few months back. I never post or comment there so I was incredibly confused.
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/22 05:45 PM
9

You have a lot of negative and scary things going. But rather than take on new hobbies or learn new skills or prepare for your future child, you want to act out and go on a spending spree. As others have said, how is that helpful? Doesn't your husband have the right to get upset when you are doing something detrimental for your future family? On to the main issue: you really can't "fix" mismatched libidos. My husband has a much lower drive than I do (together 10, married 8, one kid, in the red p…
/r/RedPillWomen20/11/21 01:27 PM
5

... what? What kind of oral are you having? That's not how cunnilingus works.
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/19 08:03 AM
–

I haven't spent time here in months. Does anyone know what happened to Ms Sadie? She was always so helpful, but it appears her account is deleted :(
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/17 02:15 AM
29

I don't understand how "interview" have come to mean "only use a handful of edited quotes, then fill the rest of the article with my own misguided opinions." This isn't informative, it's just the author ranting for clicks. She might as well have not bothered reaching out to anyone in the community if this was ultimately her goal.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 11:57 AM
1

Good wow, or "you married a man-child" wow? Lol
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 04:14 PM
3

That is so awesome! The fastest way to make my husband feel appreciated is to help him get ready for work. I work as well as getting the kiddo on the bus, so taking the time to make his tea and pack his lunch really matters to him. It doesn't hurt that I indulge his inner 5 year old with a PB&J, Capri Sun, and Fruit Rollup. He will occasionally look at me and say thank you, but even if he doesn't have the time I know it means a lot to him.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 01:23 PM
2

Unfortunately he has not had the time to read any books lately (12+ hour days, thanks Navy), but his is happier overall with my attitude change. When I stopped trying to control things and started deferring and filling the first mate role he assumed the captain chair again. Things are much smoother and he really didn't need to do much work for us to get there. He was just supportive of my goals. I think our situations may differ in that my husband is not looking to subscribe to the community. He…
/r/RedPillWomen11/03/17 01:27 PM
2

I picked up The Way of the Superior Man, The Enlightened Sex Manual, and No More Mr. Nice Guy. I cannot provide a review at this point, but The Way of the Superior Man seems most applicable to this situation from what I've read so far. We actually fixed the core issue with a conversation. We discussed not taking my bad moods seriously. I reassured him that I do want help if I am being too emotional, but I just want him to laugh it off and make fun of the situation if possible. That I won't get m…
/r/RedPillWomen11/03/17 12:42 PM
1

I found it was almost easier to handle my husband's (short term) travel than having him in the area but stuck on watch for odd hours. When he was gone I would spend time eating junk food and watching Disney movies with our daughter, and we would work on funny pictures or letters to give to him when he got home. We would skype when we could and just generally try to stay connected. But obviously he was out there to work so I tried to keep things positive on my end. Now he is in a rate with little…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/17 12:53 PM
1

I have never gone to a seminar, but if we are talking about John Gottman his Seven Principles book was extremely beneficial in my marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/17 08:44 PM
2

I agree that opposite-sex friendships are risky as heck. I no longer foster any of my previous friendships with men. I had a lot of male friends and I may occasionally get a message from one of them, but I generally don't respond more than once to be polite (and I'll mention it to hubs when it happens). Even if your marriage is perfect it just takes that one stupid fight or that one bad day for you to confide in your "friend" and open the floodgates for inappropriate conversations. My husband an…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/17 02:53 PM
2

That is great news, I am so happy that ended well for you.
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/17 04:32 AM
2

Yes, if you are an SME in some area your future spouse should request your input before making a decision. A good Captain knows what resources he has available and uses them appropriately. This doesn't mean he will delegate the entire task to you, but you will be consulted. Practical example of using a SME: I work in law so whenever my husband has a legal problem with one of his sailors he asks me for information and any resources I may have (advice, forms, instructions, etc.). That doesn't mean…
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/17 11:42 AM
16

I'm trying to remember that we are here, we are together, we share a home and cats and a cell phone plan and have been discussing the future. None of this means he can't emotionally cheat. They have had some history of sexual roleplay online together that continued on into our relationship. I asked him in November to cease. However, I know he still talks to her frequently on Discord and Snapchat. Like...daily. If he thinks that is okay in an exclusive relationship I would be concerned what else …
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/17 11:25 AM
2

Congratulations! That is so sweet :)
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/17 10:30 PM
2

That is beautiful. Something about your man planning a whole meal for you at home is irresistible. That is how my husband got me. Our first real date was dinner at his place and it was delicious.
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/17 10:29 PM
3

Hubs provided a giant box of chocolates for me, and a smaller version of the box of chocolates for our 6 year old daughter :) It was adorable!
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/17 10:24 PM
5

This is my personal experience, YMMV. I grew up thinking party girls, sexually liberated women, etc. had more fun. It seemed like every other movie and tv show celebrated being as sexual as you want. I did not have a good role model to teach me otherwise, so I had all the "fun" I wanted. As a result I have a high n count. I did eventually want to get married, but I took for granted that in this liberated society no one should have a problem with my n count; they would understand I was just enjoy…
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/17 11:52 AM
3

Pregnancy hormones are the worst. While I was pregnant I ripped a piece of bread while trying to make grilled cheese and spent the next half hour sobbing. Any who... as long as you catch yourself as quickly as possible and apologize you shouldn't do any lasting damage to your marriage. Don't stress too much. Remind yourself as frequently as you can that your brain is not working properly right now. Try to pause before reacting to anything. Just wait until you start losing/forgetting everything!
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/17 01:21 AM
3

I am a paralegal. I tend to stick to nonprofit firms because it is more rewarding. Thankfully hubs is in cyber security in the military and earns enough that I have the ability to take a slightly lower paying job that brings me more satisfaction. I tried staying home with our daughter for one year but it just wasn't for me. Everyone has their on goals and path in life. To assume RPW or any traditional woman would automatically want to be a SAHW/M is silly.
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/17 01:52 AM
7

Oh wow that ties perfectly into being "alpha widowed." He must have been my soul mate because he was so perfect. Naturally any woman would be hung up on the highest SMV man she had attained. She can't just say "it's because he is hot and has a great career" so using the term soul mate somehow makes it okay to pine after her ex and not accept a lower SMV man (even if he would be an excellent partner and spouse)... I think this counts as a RP epiphany.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/17 08:17 PM
4

I agree with your premise although my experience is with the military (as a Navy wife I meet many of my husband's coworkers). It is common to see an officer or enlisted man with a SAHW or a wife with a part-time job. When it comes to female sailors, if they are married their husbands work and they still fill more traditional roles in the household even when both spouses are in the military. In my household I am currently working part time so I can be available for our daughter when she is out of…
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/17 02:00 PM
3

Internet strangers are going to have a difficult time answering the question you posed. Life happens; it wears us down over time. If you are naturally a positive person and have gone through a rough patch, then no, you're not fake, you just need to return your perspective to the glass-half-full approach. But if you are naturally a pessimist and always had to try hard to have a positive, bubbly outlook then yup, you're fake. But that still isn't a bad thing if your goal really is to be a more ple…
/r/RedPillWomen02/02/17 01:01 PM
3

Well my husband is 10 years older than I am. We met when I was 21, so there were obvious differences in life goals; he was established with a career and house, and I was finishing college and just starting a career. He was ready to settle down, and I receptive, but not quite there yet. Prior to meeting my current husband, the age gap of men I would date was anything from 5 years to 22 years older. The younger you are the more extreme it seems, but a lot of the chemistry relies on common interest…
/r/RedPillWomen02/02/17 11:52 AM
2

This is great! I've been looking for a RP style marriage podcast. I just subscribed, I will definitely check it out later today.
/r/RedPillWomen02/02/17 11:35 AM
1

I found the opposite to be true in my marriage, I am more likely to be more easily irritated or critical when there is a lack of sex. My husband is more likely to be critical when there is a lack of clear communication and joint planning. Don't get me wrong, we have an excellent sex life now, but it is the result of improving all other areas of our marriage, not the cause. I'm sure some people out there would be happy to ignore their partners flaws due to an abundance of sex, but it isn't the no…
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/17 04:39 PM
1

Oh! I misunderstood, I'm sorry. But thank you for adding this! Having more books is never a bad thing.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/17 09:07 PM
1

If you have additional suggestions or advice I am all ears :)
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/17 07:54 PM
1

Exactly, and a good portion of the time I'm having an involuntary "feels fest" and there is no fix. I just need to let it out and chill. When he takes me seriously and tries to help or tells me to calm down it accomplishes nothing. Eh I'll keep working on me as I mentioned in my edit, and share tidbits from the book suggestions with him as applicable. Thanks for the comment!
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/17 07:53 PM
1

This will be fun. . . Anxiety: I have diagnosed GAD and I used it as a crutch recently. Our family moved twice in two years to support my husband's career and I just about fell apart. While I did my best to be on top of any tasking hubs gave me (finding a good school zone, housing, etc.) when I didn't have a job to do I was a nervous wreck. We are settled now and I've gone back to work, but before getting this job I was practically agoraphobic. I am working on managing my stress and anxiety out …
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/17 01:00 PM
1

INFJ party!!!
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/17 12:38 PM
1

Oh I would never be able to change the Chief, he doesn't do anything against his will :) Most of our marriage is excellent, he handles finances, makes big decisions, etc. I just want him to internalize not taking me seriously when I'm grumpy. If he would chuckle and walk away it would work better than trying to fight my emotions with logic (because he is the Chief everywhere, he always has a plan to fix it).
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 08:36 PM
1

It's less talking shit, more a witty line generator. When he jokes around it is never derogatory or mean and I love his sense of humor. I have him curious about reddit but he just doesn't have the free time at the moment, and unlike me, he isn't too excited about reading for fun. But I will typically share interesting things I read about, including MRP posts and he is receptive so maybe someday he will get his own account... He is very strong willed and I don't think I could convert him to anyth…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 08:28 PM
1

As I had mentioned elsewhere in the comments, early in our relationship he would use jokes during really inappropriate times, and I had accused him of not taking things seriously. He over-corrected, and although we have agreed that I will preface serious discussions with, "hey, I have something important to talk about" so there is no confusion he still hasn't rebounded. Yes, I caused this. Years of trying to correct it, and build his confidence by not reacting badly to his clever lines have fall…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 08:23 PM
2

Oh I actually have the seven principles, it is very informative. I am actually in the process of rereading it, it was very helpful a few years ago when we went to marriage counseling I'm sure it will be helpful again. I have not read WISNIFG, but MRP made it seem like a book for doormats so I assumed it wouldn't be as applicable, but I will give it a try, thank you! It is a little difficult to get hubs to pick up a book in my case. He doesn't read for fun too often, but relationship "homework" (…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 08:14 PM
1

He knows RPW/MRP exist. I broke the first and second rule of fight club before I knew the rules so that isn't a concern. When I showed him TFA's blog I hung around (at his request) while he read some of it and I stressed that I wasn't asking him to physically or professionally alter his life, he has that under control to the best of his ability and I am endlessly proud of him for it. The focus area was on new ways to communicate and. . . not communicate. But now I think some of the tools for dea…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 05:07 PM
1

I know hubs doesn't have the free time to participate in the community, but I think the tools in general for handling the bad moods of wives would help us both reduce our negative interactions. We are doing fairly well now, but I know things could be better. I will of course continue to work on things from my end.
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 04:52 PM
2

What you are saying makes perfect sense. One aspect of this issue in general that I had a difficult time putting into words is that he will sometimes meet my fits with his own negative emotions. That just fans the flames and turns something he could have just stfu and ignored or we could have both walked away from into a fight. As I said, I do my best to prevent the outburst from ever happening, but if I fail there is a 50/50 chance he will add to it. Hence my wondering if MRP would be helpful t…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 04:48 PM
2

If it were simply that he could remain stoic and move on, or even stfu and withdraw attention that would make sense and I could accept it. The issue is that he is reactive sometimes and escalates the situation by adding his feels to mine. I am hoping for an outcome where he learns methods to calm the situation down or at the very least not react. It isn't a problem all the time, but when it happens, oh boy. He isn't red pill, but he is receptive to the theories. I was hoping to get him more inte…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 04:34 PM
1

Being a military spouse is difficult all by its self! While you are not able to find a career in your field, try to find any job to keep yourself sane while you are stationed there. It will do wonders for your attitude and mental health, and will prevent a large gap in your resume. Then when it comes time to negotiate orders for your next PCS make it clear that you want a compromise in location so you can pursue a career of your own.
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/17 12:57 PM
3

Thank you for the suggestion. I think TFA was an excellent place to start due to his no bs writing style and the navy connection. My husband genuinely enjoyed it and wants to devote more time (when he has it) to reading through the marriage and parenting sections. I may leave it at that for now, unless the other book suggestions seem like they would appeal to him. I'm not necessarily trying to get him to be some sort of active participant in the community unless he is really interested in it. Bu…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 07:31 PM
2

I am actually not as concerned about the dread element of MRP. I already know for a fact that he could find another woman tomorrow if I don't keep providing value to our family. I work hard to keep up my end of the marriage, and did so even when we were having difficulties. Couple that with his religious upbringing, I don't feel that he would suddenly next me without good reason. I have no intention of providing him with a good reason. Like all other self improvement plans you keep the good and …
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 07:23 PM
3

He has a birthday coming up, so I will peruse the books first. If it seems like the style of writing he would enjoy I will broach the subject as something nice I found that he may like as well. I've made it clear that RPW is my attempt at self improvement and while I was reading some of Laura Doyle's books I shared segments with him. He agrees with the theories so I don't think he would view it as an insult, more like something I am interested in that he can share with me.
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 07:12 PM
1

I completely understand your position. I am getting so much better at curbing my attitude before I speak and picking my battles/deferring. That being said I screw up from time to time. I apologize profusely when it happens, and if I know I am in a poor mood I will provide a warning, "I've had a bad day, I need a little time to myself to cool off because I don't want to take this out on you." The point of my post was mostly to ask if there is anything more I could/should do to help him shut me do…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 07:05 PM
1

If you have ever lost control of your emotions because of a zinger of his in the past, even once, you have taught him that by doing that he is risking unit cohesion, which hurts him too. So as much as you would like him to, telling him it is safe to do so is not enough I generally react well when he says things in jest, but I have occasionally accused him of not taking things seriously. I can see how that would deter him from releasing his "inner smart ass" as he calls it. I preface serious disc…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 06:53 PM
1

Thank you for the reply, I will definitely check those out!
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 05:25 PM
2

I have found the types to be generally accurate and descriptive, but you are right that they aren't set in stone. I am INFJ and have a very difficult time trusting others enough to open up. Even my husband (after 6 years together) says I can come across as aloof and hard to read. Like INTJ is doesn't mean I don't feel; quite the contrary, I feel everything very strongly, but I don't let many people in. The only thing most of my friends and acquaintances see is the type A facade I wear to cope wi…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/17 05:24 PM
1

Thank you for the suggestions! I just picked up a copy of Kill all the Marriage Counselors, if it's anything like her other books I'll love it (her style of writing is so engaging). The Seven Principals is a bit dry, but it is filled with great information based on scientific observations and short quizzes to give you better insight into the status of your relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/17 01:43 AM
1

I sent out a friend request on MFP. The threat of a real live person holding me accountable has motivated me so... yay!
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/17 01:40 AM
2

The last two were my action plan the other night and they worked well. I suppose I'm still over thinking all aspects of our relationship at this point, I'm still in "don't fuck this up" mode. But he is please that I've been understanding. Unfortunately he is still stuck at work and might be coming home today. I'm bummed, but I'm keeping my feeeelings away from him as he has enough on his plate right now. Thanks for the reply.
/r/RedPillWomen08/01/17 02:11 PM
10

Wow, the flip book of favors is an excellent idea! I'll have to make one :) When hubs switched jobs I sent him into work with cookies, brownies, or cupcakes at the beginning of each week. I also put out a standing offer to bake a cake for anyone who had to work on their birthday. Bribery never hurt anyone, right? Needless to say his entire team were grateful, and he was happy to show off my baking skills. I've been slacking the past two months because I went back to work, but they might get snow…
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/17 08:46 PM
3

Maybe you could redistribute the household chores a bit? Ask for help because you are feeling a little overwhelmed and find out what tasks he would like to be responsible for. If he feels like he is taking care of you he might be more motivated to step up. My husband handles the finances, trash, everything outside, maintenance, and the fun parenting tasks (outings and such), while I am responsible for cleaning, cooking, shopping, and the routine parenting tasks. It has been this way for basicall…
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/17 05:36 PM
3

I am going to continue putting effort into being a nicer, happier, and more respectful wife. I will begin using My Fitness Pal again, because I've gotten great results in the past by methodically tracking my diet and exercise, but I gave it up after a surgery last year. I will quit changing into yoga pants and a tank top the second I get home from work and on the weekends. Hubs misses seeing me in adult clothes and I want to do more to make him happy. I am re-reading John Gottman's book The Seve…
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/17 04:49 PM
2

Unfortunately he is the only one who can change this aspect of himself. You can provide positive reinforcement when he finds a more constructive outlet for his frustration, and you can be a reason he wants to improve (to improve your relationship). You can't "train" him. My husband has had a difficult time controlling his anger for as long as I've known him. I have diagnosed anxiety and a history of angry men that causes me to emotionally overreact when he blows up or yells about something. Over…
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/16 03:59 AM
3

I have the same relationship with my mother. I get along with her fine until she finds something she can be critical of and starts to lay into me about it. You know the theory that a woman is the most responsible teenager in the house? That's how I view my mother's opinions when she is being critical for no good reason. Many times she lacks the facts to provide an informed view on whatever it is she is nagging me about. I simply disregard uninformed opinions the way I would disregard a teenager …
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/16 03:26 AM
3

Okay, if you two were watching a movie alone and you needed his attention for a moment I could see asking him to pause the film so you could ask a question or make a short comment. If I just want his affection I cuddle up to him. You said you were already close (you had his physical attention) so what was so important you needed to distract him? A bid for attention only makes sense if you don't already have it, but aside from physical intimacy what more did you need while you were watching a mov…
/r/RedPillWomen28/12/16 09:28 PM
6

All excellent points! I wanted to expand on the usefulness of writing down your feelings. One thing I have been doing is keeping a note app on my phone so I can jot down thoughts as they occur to me throughout the day. It gets the thought out of my head so I can move on mentally, but I can still go back and reflect on it when it is appropriate. This is so important for me because I have anxiety and often can't get a thought out of my head easily. By writing it down I know I won't forget about it…
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/16 02:08 AM
5

3 - "Without that bedrock of respect underneath you, you will doubt each other's intentions. You will judge their choices and encroach on their independence. You will feel the need to hide things from one another for fear of criticism. And this is when the cracks in the edifice begin to appear." I feel so passionately that this is true. Communication won't always be perfect, but if you respect your spouse you will understand that momentary miscommunications aren't a big deal. My relationship wit…
/r/RedPillWomen27/12/16 01:48 AM
3

Have you tried to keep a home schedule like you would a work schedule? Have things to accomplish on your calendar each day so you know what is on the agenda and can't get lazy without being reminded that you are letting things slide. Once you are back in the habit of doing these things you love the schedule may no be necessary.
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/16 03:21 PM
1

If he is what you are looking for and then some do what you feel is best. I was really just trying to caution you that some seemingly small things (just this one injury) can have far reaching impacts on your quality of life together. But if his doctors are confident he will be all better within a year, then my caution is probably unwarranted. Good luck!
/r/RedPillWomen25/12/16 01:13 PM
2

Depending on the injury he may have problems for longer than 6 months. Things like back, neck, or shoulder injuries sometimes never go back to "normal." I say from experience with my DH's slipped disk, even post surgery the damage was done. He will always be physically limited and in some level of pain. I understand that I am assuming a lot here, but you should be mentally prepared for a longer period of adjustment. If he is taking the injury this hard, imagine how he will react if the surgery a…
/r/RedPillWomen25/12/16 05:51 AM
1

I tried to avoid dating exclusively unless I could see marriage in the future. If someone I wasn't terribly interested in pushed for us to be more committed I would explain I was not interested in pursuing that type of relationship right now, and then reduce the time I spent with that person or "ghost" then as nicely as possible. I actually did this with the man I dated prior to meeting my husband. I did feel bad because less than two months after my "I'm not interested in anything serious" conv…
/r/RedPillWomen24/12/16 04:48 PM
3

I can agree with your point of self improvement first. I directed the OP there because from her post she seems floored that this is a problem. DB is a prime example of how this sort of thing happens to both genders and that she isn't alone. What I've learned in this sub has helped immensely in my relationship (from my end) but it takes two to tango. Edited a word
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/16 03:42 PM
6

r/deadbedrooms may be a useful sub to check out. I was in this exact situation for years, only 1 - 2 times a month for the past year. I am in the process of turning this around, and I posted about it a week ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/5i19w5/positive_story_hl_fll_m/ Once I have a greater insight into what worked and why I'll post a follow up with some action items. Ultimately I reached a point of detachment and OI that allowed me to calmly articulate that we weren't compa…
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/16 05:04 AM
4

This is absolutely something he needs to know. Sit down and have a conversation about the issue, that way he knows it isn't him, it's a medical condition. I have endometriosis and sex hurts sometimes, but my husband knows why I am not up for sex when I'm having a pain flare and he doesn't take it personally. You can't fake not being in pain. You just can't. Let him know what is going on asap. You will do more damage to the relationship by lying about this than just getting it out in the open. I'…
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/16 04:05 AM
3

I handle all of the laundry in my household, including my husband's, but he objected to that arrangement for years. Not all men want their partner to take care of them in that way. If your BF owns his own washer/dryer he is used to taking care of this task completely on his own. It will take time for that to change, if it ever does. An alternative is he doesn't want his dirty gym clothes in your house. Either explanation is reasonable and not something you should take too personally. Either way …
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/16 12:01 PM
1

"I've noticed whenever we discuss a problem I'm having you say X. I appreciate your feedback and I know you want to help, but I've been feeling X when you phrase thing in that way. Can we discuss alternative ways for you to convey that message so my feelings arent hurt?" What the conversations are about matters here, but unless he is insulting you I would doubt he truly means any harm. Some people/men just lack the ability to accommodate our feelz when they give advice. I've had this problem wit…
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/16 05:05 PM
3

This is spot on. It is important to see the potential in a person. Good qualities (ambition, work ethic, etc.) are worth so much more in the long run than people give them credit for. It is easier and more rewarding to meet a man with the potential to be well off and help him along his journey than to "bag" someone who is already established and may be wary of women who are only interested in the lifestyle he can provide.
/r/RedPillWomen27/11/16 02:18 PM
9

I guess it depends on why you are going in the first place. If it is for preventative maintenance then you may get some good suggestions and your marriage will thrive. But if you are inches from divorce and the counselor is telling you both that without major changes to your personalities/interactions the marriage is doomed, then the experience wont be worth it and you will most likely get the same result. My husband and I went for a few months to work on our communication and how we managed our…
/r/RedPillWomen26/11/16 12:54 AM
1

My husband thinks all farts are funny. I think they are mortifying. But if he was asleep and woke up suddenly he might have just assumed he did it. If he ever brings it up (doubtful) laugh it off; things happen.
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/16 06:05 AM
3

If the physical compatibility isn't there because he doesn't crave affection and intimacy the way you do you will end up regretting your decision to marry him. It is about way more than having your butt grabbed. Most people want to be wanted, desired, and craved. This issue rarely gets better with time or by ignoring it. Go check out r/deadbedrooms if you don't believe me. If he doesn't see it as a problem and wont work with you on this do not continue to move the relationship forward.
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/16 05:59 AM
2

I don't think you need to be engaged by the end of year 1, but you should have at least discussed where you both would like the relationship to go by that point. I got engaged a little over a year after my husband and I started dating (and we were married on our 2 year anniversary of being together) but we had definitely talked about our long term goals by the time we had dated for 6 months. I think if we had gotten past the one year mark with out discussing marriage (even if he wasn't planning …
/r/RedPillWomen23/11/16 09:27 PM
1

You are absolutely right about needing to encourage and comment on his ideas and decisions when I wholeheartedly agree with them. I have no problem telling him I'm proud of him for things he has done, or telling him he looks handsome, but for whatever reason I don't react as positively to every day decisions. I need to get better at that. The sad thing is that many/most of our disagreements are not even remotely important in the big picture. I have to change my knee jerk reactions while we are h…
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 10:42 PM
2

I appreciate your perspective. I never wake up in the morning thinking "how can I disagree with my spouse and win all the fights today?" It just seems like we start a discussion and we both have very different ways of doing things so we disagree on minor stuff a lot. A disagreement shouldn't end in a screaming match, but it happens too frequently. That is why I am looking to you folks, I need a new way to approach our relationship and communication. I want to spend my life with this man, but I d…
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 10:33 PM
1

I love the mantra! I know for a fact that I am not always right - neither is my husband. No one is always right. I need to work harder on saying yes, rather than falling into pessimism and questioning automatically. Thank you for all of your comments and suggestions!
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 10:27 PM
2

This makes perfect sense, I don't like arguing if I can help it. My most critical goal is improving our marriage and having more fun. That is difficult to do while I am still instinctively responding to what he says rather than considering his message. I am very good at realizing I'm being counter-productive after the fact. I need to be more positive and accepting in the moment. Thank you for your comment!
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 10:25 PM
1

Walking away for a short period of time may work. Once we start to disagree things tend to escalate and a time out may be helpful while I work on being more open and receptive to his decisions, and break my habit of speaking before thinking. Thank you for the suggestion!
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 10:01 PM
1

The famed advice! I though about including your quote in my post, because it does fit this situation very well. I don't want to make a big deal out of little stuff. I have just gotten into the habit of responding to things that really don't require my input - speaking before thinking - and I need to break it. Thank you for the comment!
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 09:59 PM
1

I love working, I am at a non-profit that provides legal services to low income individuals. I love making a positive difference in peoples lives. However I was home with my daughter almost daily until she was 8 months old. It was an amazing experience to be able to raise her my way and be there to watch her grow. I have no plans to have a second child, but if I did decide on another baby I would want the opportunity to stay at home for most of the first year. I couldn't be a sahm for the rest o…
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/16 03:10 PM
4

I agree with Forever 21 being a good option, but I feel like shopping online is easier with them because of how they organize their stores. Another, similar shop is Charlotte Russe, and they always seem to be having a sale.
/r/RedPillWomen20/11/16 09:50 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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