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VanillaSkyPie Archive

View 0 posts and 113 comments by VanillaSkyPie on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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0

Gross. I don’t see why one needs to date all of them to find one that wants an equal partner. I agree on trying to find that but not on this method at all. If you do end up dating all of them, do it because that’s just what you want to do, the connection between those two things is just not there. So in essence: if you want to sample everything, do it because you really want to, but if you’re pretty sure long-term you want a man who respects you and not a bunch of short term flings, then there’s…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/21 02:28 PM
1

Explain?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/21 02:33 AM
1

Thanks for the example! Yes, I get the daily occurrence feel, its just not aimed anywhere in particular. I think I get the spirit behind what you are meaning, though as I was going through it, I thought a lot of what makes that connection is that he cares about me as a person too, which is part of safety and all that... but anyway, probably not, I'd still like something unique between us and have some sort of connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 06:25 PM
1

Out of curiosity, would you still consider that demi?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 03:36 PM
8

I would add there is a difference between genuinely finding humor in it, and using it as a tool to get sympathy or test someone’s reaction. How I would recognize the difference, not entirely sure, but the former sounds good, the latter not so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 03:34 PM
2

Actually, I am not sure. The simplistic answer is yes, but not sure if that is because realistically, I don’t feel someone is safe until I know them better, so I don’t know how I’d know someone is nice/safe if they just blindly approached me in the first place. I’d say that the connection doesn’t need to be super strong, just knowing he’s a good friend of someone I know well and that I have good reason to trust their report of his personality, that might be enough of a “connection,” but not sure…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 03:11 PM
2

That’s true. Even if you thought of it as reactive, though, someone else still needs to be active toward you… leading into the second point. Yeah, I sort of was, but only once (misinterpreted, glad it didn’t work out though, issues came up later). Same age as you, just never found said guy. I am at the point where I have accepted it might not happen at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 02:33 PM
2

For sure, the thought process of the risk behind it being different makes sense - but it is still an active choice, just seems to me not to be treated in that way. One still has to say “yes” as a person with agency, I’d hope. That and not everyone is “offered,” either, something which is also not believed. Yeah, I get that last bit. I don’t know if I would have, or maybe it’s the ‘ideal world’ thing in the sense I wish we lived in a world that treated this differently, maybe I wouldn’t be in thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 02:14 PM
13

Regarding that last bit, I would say there is a view on heterosexual romantic relationships that you’re just not supposed to really like the person you’re with, it’s not even needed in order to have this unexplainable ‘spark.’ Part of me believes it is because societal views on romance were modeled after how men view romance - that is, primarily through the lens of the physical; and that a lot of what we see today is women trying to mimic men rather than using their own voice (imo, something whi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 01:53 PM
5

Laughed at that last bit. It seems some believe that it just literally falls from the sky into your lap rather than an active choice. Strange.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/21 01:39 PM
2

I’d say it depends how you use it. If you do use it and only look at their pictures to see if you like or not, then yes, I agree, it’s basically the same. If, however, you actually read what they say about themselves and decide mostly based on that, maybe not. I just don’t think many people do the latter first or weigh it’s importance more than appearance. As someone who would probably be classified in the OP, I have a few additions - there is literal cold approaching where you know nothing abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/21 06:52 PM
1

Don’t follow celebrities much so I don’t know any of these guys. To me, only a handful seem like anything special. Most of them just look like men who have kept themselves in good shape, groom themselves well, dress well, and (like guided by agents, makeup artists, etc) know how to capitalize on their best features. The latter I’d say is really key. Wondering what they’d look like just walking around naturally.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/21 02:50 PM
1

I see. Then yes, it seems we have had different experiences, which is fine, mind you. Can’t argue for or against in any real meaningful way. I just have not seen many men really say they want and would be willing to be a house-husband in exchange for her being unattractive, not feminine etc. “What they do and not what they say” does not only apply to one gender. From my point of view, however, then the whole idea she is automatically loved for something inherent goes out the window. It’s almost …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 06:16 PM
1

I thought the main issue being discussed was that she was valued by men for her fertility and beauty. Does he even want her in the first place without those things? How is she now his partner? If he did give her a chance, as you are suggesting, will she be able to keep him faithful with just that? If you genuinely think yes to all those things, then I don’t have much to add in response as we clearly have had vastly different experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 11:23 AM
0

I was narrowing it down to the dating/relationships world, that’s why I didn’t quite understand your original statement. In the world of jobs etc. that makes sense if she does not attach herself to a man to provide for her. I don’t know how she would find herself such a man in the first place if she didn’t have these attributes, though, as discussed, so the whole thing is rather a moot point. Not sure where the revolting thing came from or how it fits here.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 04:20 AM
1

That’s fine, I was also going back and forth from the actual OP and this comment thread so got a bit lost. No, I do think it applies more to dating/relationships than broader social values is all I meant. Seems to me broader society still demands both genders to actually produce something or provide some service as part of their worth, not just sit there and look pretty, was all I really meant by that. Hm… not sure about that last bit. I’ll have to think on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 04:06 AM
1

Yeah, I am more of a nurture>nature person too, personally. Apologies for assuming but I also got the sense most believe nature>nurture here. Right, that makes sense then, I was not referring to the broader social value and I did not interpret the OP to be either. Either way, emotional labor, nurturing and empathy is still something that needs to be actively done and practiced, not some skill that is just bestowed or takes no energy for women, so still not quite what I was thinking of as inheren…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 09:16 PM
1

I see. Then I am not sure what to make of the many observations about women no longer being feminine (so they are changing their true nature? despite this being impossible according to other rules?) and am also wondering how many men would be fine with a woman who is kind and nurturing but not attractive and/or fertile. That almost sounds like just a friendship which is not what many are pining for.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 07:54 PM
3

That is no longer inherent though.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 06:40 PM
0

How are you defining romantic? I probably should have said utopian or something more like that, my bad. On a personal and individual level, agree; I just don’t think society as a whole treats all people as true equals. Doing so is an immense task and may outright be impossible due to circumstances out of our control. Doesn’t mean I don’t think we should still aim for it as best we can though, don’t get me wrong. And unfortunately, based on a lot I see online (here included) and messages all arou…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 05:12 PM
6

Is that really true, or does the average man still have an option that she no longer has? No matter how much work she does, she cannot get her fertility or beauty back (if she ever had it to begin with). Can you really say the average man cannot do something - even if difficult and time-consuming - to change his worth over time? Is that not part of the argument as to why it is believed older men can still be more alluring to younger women?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 04:25 PM
5

Right. And that’s what I mean. It’s tougher for men, yea, I don’t disagree with that - but for a woman, if you don’t have or aren’t born with it, you have no way to create it or get it back, as such it is not as though your personhood had value in itself either. A man’s worth is something he has power over in a way a woman doesn’t, even if he does have to work harder for it. Not ideal overall, mind you, hence this whole romantic idea that all people should have value that I wish was actually rea…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 02:35 PM
9

What happens if she isn’t born beautiful or loses her fertility? How does she then become valuable?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/21 02:02 PM
1

I see. Thanks, now I get the context. Personally, yes, I find it hypocritical. I would say that it’s more likely to just happen that way as most men who have been able to do that to begin with are likely more desirable to more women but I still find it hypocritical if it’s something demanded or strongly preferred. I don’t know if I would call it insecure or pathetic necessarily but it doesn’t have to be to be hypocritical.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/21 04:14 PM
2

Hm… looking at most of the relevant responses in those recent threads, it appears most would prefer matching with someone similar. Did I miss something?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/21 03:58 PM
1

Thanks. Love the username!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/21 11:44 AM
1

Thanks for posting this, makes me feel better about my situation and that I am not the only one. Never really felt I had serious issues either but there’s always some doubt in my mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/21 03:05 AM
1

Right, wasn’t really a man versus woman question, just a general one that’s applicable to both. Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 06:36 PM
1

I see. I had guessed that’s what you meant but I wonder if they do provide other value to her either by cleaning/cooking/taking care of the kids or whatever else, in which case ‘loser’ seems kind of harsh. If they truly do nothing then okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 06:27 PM
1

What makes them losers?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 04:52 PM
1

Personally, I think it’s interesting, but I’ve always had an interest in sociology, evolutionary biology, etc. Discussing these topics with others is new to me also, rather than just my own mind. I also admit that sometimes I like reading some stuff with the goal of cringe (masochistic I guess). However, I am sure I will get bored of it with time as I see things repeat.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 02:06 PM
2

“Is it so bad”… interesting way to ask. Just my own personal preference, never said there was anything morally bad about it. I have different priorities than someone who would do that, hence my reservation. Could it be we are misunderstanding what we each mean by random approaches?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 04:07 AM
3

Yes, I would be wary of this if it is truly random. I find it concerning if he is basing his entire approach on what I look like. If I pass up an opportunity with an awesome guy, then I guess I did, but I think most guys like that would at least want to get to know me a little more first too. Also, good username.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 03:29 AM
3

A bit of doubt doesn’t mean absolutely no, but in theory I would recommend he do that at least a little bit before jumping to asking me out. Edit: by connection, I meant any of the following not necessarily a strong emotional connection or anything dramatic like that - shared interests, shared career path, friend circle, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 03:14 AM
1

Yeah, not a problem, glad you found it helpful. I do find that interesting, actually. Why is it that the eros type of love is considered the more alluring and meaningful, that the others are settling, when in reality, a person with good stable personality and shared beliefs that you want to create a future with is probably more difficult to find?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 12:31 AM
1

I see. I somewhat understand what you're saying, but would say a major reason why you (and not you specifically, just a generic you) avoid promiscuous women is for fear of 2 and 3 being a big factor in your relationship if you were to move forward with it. The feeling of suspicion - unless you are fully sure she will not, ie, secure in trusting her fully, and hence, absence of this being "insecure" - will still poison the relationship regardless of the actual truth of her cheating or not. Philos…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 12:15 AM
1

I see; sure, that makes sense. I suppose my personal belief is that one can create a different type of love through a shared goal, I think the term for that kind of love was called "pragma." I personally don't see a lot of value in love that is purely "eros," as it seems that honeymoon feeling doesn't last long-term, so wanting a long-term arrangement over something that in itself is not long-term... you see the problem. Right, I would agree they should basically be in the same box and get your …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 12:02 AM
2

Matters for what? Fidelity, correct? Does that not lead into 2 and 3 on that list? Philosophy can just mean a set of beliefs, does not need to be academic.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 11:45 PM
1

Sure, but specifically requiring a virgin is not the same as "not be high n" - she could have just had 1 or 2 in the setting of previous long-term relationships. In arranged marriages, wherein the goal is often to build a family, parents of each will still vet the other, not like it's a free-for-all, I doubt a man known to be promiscuous will be considered a good match unless he really does have something else remarkable going for him. Then again, that's just my conjecture.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 11:40 PM
6

Yes, I have. As a teen, I was asked out as a joke, and I’ve had troubles in general since then. I’d certainly feel a bit of doubt if a guy out of the blue asked me out before he knew me well and we had a preexisting connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 11:01 PM
1

Yeah, could be. I was tempted to ask why when I’ve seen that mentioned, out of curiosity, but figured it wouldn’t be taken well.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 10:52 PM
1

I suppose that’s true if they were never interested in LTR or one day having kids to begin with, which is fair enough. I think some men would like to fill the standard masculine role of provider and would take pride in doing so, the difficulties of doing that in our current society and the fear I mentioned in the original comment getting in the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 10:20 PM
3

It is sad. Unfortunately, people do terrible things to each other, compounded by the fact that our access to hundreds of these stories through social media is unprecedented… all in all, I can’t really think of a great way out of this. (I am on the older side) I remember the days before the internet ruled everything, and while I did get the message that the other gender cannot be trusted, they only want one thing, etc, I still was not as bombarded with it as I am now.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 09:59 PM
2

That desire and preference makes sense to me, and is something I also hold (that is, I’d prefer a guy who has done minimal casual, ideally none). I also get the hesitation to fully believe that someone changes their core values before seeing longer-term evidence for it. What does bother me is the double standard and the catch-22 about it all, as well as the general shaming attitude.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 09:48 PM
16

I think “good wife and mother” is a compliment, however, the issue is if that is really enough for him, that he doesn’t actually want what he says, gets tired of it and cheats. I always wonder if most guys don’t necessarily mind being “BB” in and of itself, but that difficulties arise when he wonders if she will just cheat or is always looking for something better. That shadow of doubt can be haunting indeed and break apart trust.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 08:15 PM
5

Oh. Well, that doesn't sound very interesting at all. Though, if that is her actual wish, I do wonder how long it would last if she does not give him what he wants (that is, access to her... no such thing as a free lunch.)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 05:07 PM
9

What wish are we even talking about?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 03:55 PM
1

How are you defining conservative? Politically?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/21 09:03 PM
0

I guess that’s a consolation, though the second half of your comment contradicts it (would most men lose attraction or no?). I find it hard to believe quite literally “every” person is like this for something as minor as mentioned in the OP. As to losing attraction when someone does something majorly horrible, then I agree that’s normal and should be expected for both genders. The fact that I have seen many people believe men don’t do that is concerning but does explain a lot of what is out ther…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/21 08:53 PM
-1

I agree with you and I hate this double standard which does not do well to free either men or women from the prison of gender roles. However, I also hold not that many men are really open to women who aren’t “traditional,” so it turns into a catch 22 - I have noted a majority of men say they feel emasculated when a woman makes more than them, would not consider being a stay at home dad, make fun of “who wears the pants,” etc, so in short, this is one heck of a mess.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/21 03:11 PM
1

Yes, the first part of what you say here is what I meant in a later comment but you said it better. It’s her own mental fantasy he is competing against, made up of messages and beliefs she never thought to analyze the reason they existed. This is a red flag to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/21 02:40 PM
2

Then you’ve already answered your own question. Some girls are clearly like this and some girls wouldn’t be (or at least, would only do so for more major things which I think can be normal, depending on context). I would be very cautious around the type that shows herself to be this extreme unironically. Personally, I don’t think this is some sort of innate thing and instead sounds psychological, based on internalized messages that have never been questioned for relevance.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/21 02:09 PM
3

Wow. Wouldn’t want anything to do with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/21 01:58 PM
1

Personally, I don’t think relationships need roles, but if you become a unit (house together, marriage, children), it makes sense to, so each can do what comes most naturally to them or at the very least, sort of a practice makes perfect kind of deal. I don’t think they need to be split perfectly by gender in the traditional sense, and you can have mixing and matching - the nurturing one may be the breadwinner and the pragmatic disciplinarian could be the stay at home one. (In my view, this set …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/21 09:39 PM
1

Do you think that latter is actually true, that women are more likely to do that? I see quite a few men complaining about their significant other or wife becoming fat when she “locks him down,” among other things (and it’s not like deadbedrooms is all men). Doesn’t mean they’d still not partake in activities with her but that is another question entirely than only attraction. Or do you mean that there are more things that do this to a woman than a man which can increase the rate at which it happ…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/21 03:56 PM
1

Sorry, I assumed since I didn’t quite fit the definition, this wasn’t quite aimed at me. For further detail - I don’t follow any particular organized religion but I think a lot about morals and actions in line with those, tend to have a distaste of hedonism, dress conservatively, don’t care for superficialities beyond basic hygiene, don’t drink or do drugs… the list goes on. However, I am not particularly feminine (or masculine), am more career-oriented, find it difficult to imagine being an emo…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/21 01:46 PM
1

I see. I never know if I would be considered in that, not particularly interested in being a housewife but am more traditional/conservative in other ways than a lot of people I know. Thanks for answering.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/21 02:01 AM
2

What do you consider “more traditional”? How far does it go?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/21 09:59 PM
2

This is not the first I’ve heard this argument, as stated. To me, if makeup is what I need to have on for you to get to know me as a person (something which a man would not need to do to get another man to do the same) then presumably we are already not seeing things in the same light.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/21 02:23 AM
6

That’s kind of the idea. If someone sees you as interesting only with mascara and doesn’t see you as interesting without… to me, that’s not a good thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/21 04:01 PM
11

Twice, both times after literally walking out of the salon. Never tried. I highly doubt it given the experience thus far, at least not without faking myself out (see below). No. Physical appearance doesn’t mean a lot to me (for myself, either, mind you - people tell me I’d be attractive if I just did my hair or makeup but the kind of person who values appearance that would really change their opinion of me based on this isn’t someone I want to be with) but I also put a higher price on shared int…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/21 03:06 PM
1

Yeah, tough to say since we don’t have a control group or ever really be able to make one, so I find it difficult to interpret anything we study with that in mind. I did misunderstand what you said originally then. Thanks for the information, I will look into that name when I have a chance.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/21 06:02 PM
9

I’ve had people tell me they were surprised at my lack of success. Don’t know if they were just trying to be nice, maybe they were, but it is from a wide variety of people (light acquaintances as well as close friends). Mind you, I have not tried super hard, tending to prefer people I already have a social connection to, but in my age group, that’s how it generally was in college (I don’t recall online dating being such a big thing for young adults ten years back). I have also seen my share of s…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/21 01:11 PM
1

I didn’t get any sense of judgment. I enjoy reading your comments and think you have a fair approach. I had just understood what you originally said (but wanted to clarify, to be sure) that women were able to overcome their “programming” more than men. I asked since I did not necessarily agree on that in particular. For example - I am actually personally quite irritated at how many women still want men to be a provider in this day and age when women can do it, as well. I would say they have not …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/21 11:39 AM
1

Can you explain more what you meant by the second paragraph and why you think so?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/21 02:50 AM
1

As much as I like child development theories, and really enjoy talking about societal influences on young children as the root of a lot of dysfunction between the genders… not sure I follow. To be clear, you referred to the men I mentioned in the second half, correct? Sons are not providers to their mothers, so I am not sure why you are saying men want to emulate this relationship by being a provider (not even getting into Oedipus complex here). Surely, the dynamic most men (should?) have with t…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/21 01:59 AM
1

But to reiterate - it is not women’s fault that you only use your lizard brain instead of looking at a whole person, and what I said at the end above. Anyway, good luck with that, hope it works out.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 09:33 PM
2

And in my experience, having had many male friends with which I share interests (think video games, board games, online culture in general) reject me, I find it hard to believe many men really value that and long term compatibility above pure physical attraction, sex, and short term hedonism. Do I think it is impossible? No, but it takes effort. If you do - great, kudos, I think that is the way to go; and if you don’t, to recognize that is just as much your problem and choice, and not entirely w…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 09:11 PM
2

The thing is, women here are not necessarily the “average” or majority on a societal level. But they are treated as if they must be lying just because they are women and not that they might just be the “minority” of women (we can agree that >50% is a majority but there is a big difference between 70/30 and 99/1, correct? This was discussed a while ago, how much is AWALT really?) Meanwhile, I see threads like this, and some men making some claims I have not seen play out in reality that I have pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 08:15 PM
3

Fine, agree, though I would say many discussions here are feelings based, or rather, not things that can be perfectly proven empirically; even this thread here - how can one test this, do a randomized trial on this, this is not academic or clean like learning circuits. “Prove” that most men want companionship. “What they do and not what they say” is something that is only applicable to women somehow. (Sarcasm). When there is a question like “what do women really want” and then women answer, and …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 07:35 PM
0

I get your point and it makes sense to me that women more often seek to rant and share experiences as an emotional bonding type thing, but much of the time women do say something here it is immediately not believed anyway. I wouldn’t call that being open to challenge, and from my point of view is as much an echo chamber as the former but presented differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 06:48 PM
1

Seriously? That has not been the case in my experience at all. It still requires certain qualifiers on top of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 05:31 PM
6

I mean… yes, but I would say that most of men’s dating issues are from the same. You mentioned it at the very end of your post, but in my experience, relatively few men really do override what their brain is telling them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/21 03:44 PM
35

It’s so difficult to really study this in a vacuum as some sort of randomized clinical trial so to speak - men with criminal pasts are more likely to be shameless and just approach anything. The more you approach and push, the less likely you are to actually care you are cheating or feel guilty, more likely to use less than tasteful strategies, the more you will come across who will accept your advance or believe your lies. As far as children fathered, too, the chances of a person like that bein…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/21 01:37 PM
4

I’ll go along with the question as stated but I find it hard to believe anyone would have intelligence, maturity and seriousness and be totally okay with never thinking about the future or long-term goals, because 30k doesn’t get you far even without the latest car or phone. I do not mean “rich” either. If he is actively working on it, or does something other than direct income, that makes sense. But I digress. I have stated before I personally like the idea of a stay at home spouse, as long as …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/21 02:25 AM
2

Settled for… interesting question. I’d actually consider it not settling at all if someone specifically chose to be with me, of course, assuming he did actually remain faithful. But this is on the individual and personal level. I am well aware I am not most men’s cup of tea. On a more broad scale, I find it slightly off-putting that so many men are so obsessed with sex, indeed. A lot of stupid decisions are made in its name. (And no, I am not a believer that this is exclusive to men).
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 07:02 PM
1

I did this sort of thing too, glad I am not alone. However, it was very obvious that previous generations (mothers, aunts) were trying to teach me “to use my power.” But I did not want to be seen that way. To me, if I do not want to be treated as an object, I shouldn’t primarily present myself as one. Just as if I were a man, and did not want to be seen as a wallet, I should not go out of my way to get women by showing off said wallet.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 11:25 AM
6

Huh. Well, that’s news to my teenage self who was rejected multiple times. Fascinating.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 02:31 AM
5

Yes, I get that they might (on an individual level) be most likely to be attractive at that age, but that still does not mean “attractive,” in itself, to be able to catch the eye of most of the guys at school or older rich guys or whatever the case you are thinking. (And the details of my situation do not really matter to understand what I mean - I was not overweight, I had issues with acne and being a poor kid, stuff like only had hand-me-down clothes that didn’t fit right, couldn’t get my hair…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 02:20 AM
8

There’s a lot wrong with this but… why is it so many people on this sub act as if a woman is automatically attractive just by being young? Do young women who are overweight, full of acne, just ugly not exist? No “jocks” ever looked twice at me, even if I wanted to play that game, I can’t imagine I’d have actually been successful.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/21 02:06 AM
4

I think the reason why it is difficult to see the truth of it is because a lot of the “work around the home” is often invisible. It is stuff like remembering doctor’s appointments, which kid has which allergy, when someone’s birthday is coming up, knowing this kid is having trouble at school, paying bills and budgeting, etc, not just the physical aspect of actually “doing” something. It is mentally draining and does not stop. It is not like a job that is 9-5 and once you’re done and home, you ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/21 10:34 PM
10

It’s not really then the same, is it? If one is mostly about how to protect yourself from being taken advantage of and the other is mostly about how to take advantage of others… that is not the same. I say mostly because of course there are always those FDSers that do seem like they just want to take advantage and there is the occasional TRPer who just wants to protect himself by understanding certain cues.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/21 10:32 PM
2

That is tough to say, as it is tough for me to rate purely physical attraction in the first place. I suppose they were just different - all of them took decent care of themselves, so despite the slightly thinning hair and fine wrinkles, they looked good to me. Now, one of the men I am speaking about is completely bald… I also would note that just because you’re young does not mean you are attractive (this goes for men and women), a lot of my male peers were very overweight or had severe acne, et…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/21 04:43 PM
2

I suppose this was a bit of a sarcastic comment… anyway, I wouldn’t call this mentally ill, necessarily, but I did experience isolation from my age group when I was younger. If I did not, I don’t know if I still would have had this feeling.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/21 11:22 AM
32

When I was younger, I was drawn to a lot of older men (early 20s looking at mid 30s). I did not naturally fit into the usual life of college students, was more introverted and wanted a mental challenge. All the men in question turned me down at the time, presumably due to the fact that I was like a kid to them. For me, it was not at all gold-digging as I planned to do that myself. To this day (mid 30s), I still find many of my good male friends are 50+.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/21 02:13 AM
1

I have not totally given up yet but I am close. I am well-known in my workplace and like being a mentor to younger people, I also do some volunteering as well. At least for me, as much as I have wondered why I have not found romance, I do have other types of relationships and connections that are still worthwhile. I also have plans to adopt a child when I am older if it has still not happened to me that I was able to have my own.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/21 12:20 PM
3

I don’t think it’s a binary between Mr and Ms Perfect and disgusting/zero interest, and it seems like this suggests that. Unless you think that is the modern problem, that people do not see these middle gray areas?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 03:02 AM
8

Right, I don’t disagree with that guess, though we may never know given so many complicating factors. IMO, another big issue is the percent of women that will actually fall prey to their own lizard brain with regard to this, which I have not seen discussed much… sure, most humans do secretly really like the oily high-calorie food because that’s what our brains evolved to like for survival, but only a certain percentage of those will actually allow themselves to eat it to the point it hurts their…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 01:51 AM
5

Out of curiosity, what percentage do you think that is?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 01:36 AM
7

Just because their answers don't match what you have seen does not make them less real - like someone said above, many of the women here are probably not average/mainstream in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/21 05:49 PM
1

Not depression, ADHD, OCD, or anxiety if he is self-aware and is undergoing appropriate therapy. Bipolar I would be a little bit more concerned about, alongside any kind of addiction such as alcohol or drugs but again, wouldn’t be an absolute. When I start getting into absolute no is stuff like being a sociopath or narcissist, along those lines, though I suspect that would be excluded from your original question anyway as the mark of many of these is that the person doesn’t recognize themselves …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/21 02:30 PM
2

If you assume off the bat that she partakes in hookup culture and drop her if she doesn’t get in bed with you fast enough then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, isn’t it? I also find it funny that ‘grow and change’ does not apply to a woman’s sexual history in particular, though most people understand the concept of growing up and changing priorities, in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/21 01:59 PM
1

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy though. If you assume that all women have participated in hookup culture and don’t continue spending time with a woman because she didn’t get in bed with you early enough, you are filtering for those who took part in hookup culture… It also doesn’t give any opportunity for those who genuinely changed. I think most people went through a crazy stupid young age and then later grow up and realize how dumb it was.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/21 01:31 PM
3

Got it. I can easily see people say my actual opinion is virtue signaling so was just curious. I would say 10-15 by 30 I am already questioning if this person has the same outlook as I do, and I would say outlook on life and shared goals is the most significant factor in long term compatibility (which is what I am interested in). In general, I believe “never say never” in the sense nothing is a rule I must follow 100% of the time but I do go by probabilities. Not less just for the number, and no…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/21 01:09 PM
2

How can you differentiate between virtue signaling and someone’s actual opinion?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/21 12:44 PM
3

I was in the same boat as you (started changing before age 8) and with the same experience later in life (I didn’t understand what others were going through at the age of 12-22, like my mind and body did not start out on the same page and never were able to thereafter). It’s an interesting thought, though iirc there are studies that show that early puberty leads to increased rates of assault, promiscuity, and drug addiction, though one can argue these are susceptible to a lot of confounders give…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/21 12:40 PM
0

I see. I was viewing it more like this is what a woman does to impress a man and so this is what a man can do to impress a woman sort of exchange, not really that it is anyone’s ‘responsibility’ to do anything. Dating isn’t live or die at the end of the day. It just wouldn’t lead to a second date if one party felt they put in more effort than the other, I think that’s common sense, though, the issue is how people can come to the agreement of what equal effort is.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 07:55 PM
0

Hmm… perhaps we just live in different areas then (which could be, I live in a big city where everyone is very plastic, showing off status all the time). Almost every woman I know wears full coverage makeup (you can tell it clings to their mask when they take it off temporarily) and does her hair for even the most mundane things including going to the grocery store. More expensive typically means it lasts longer or covers up more so many of them have to buy more than drugstore products, and drug…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 04:29 PM
2

Thank you for the kindness! I like reading this sub because I enjoy sociology but I don’t think I am socially apt enough to really get into dating or romance. They’d definitely have to be someone special. Not sure - really depends on the situation, I would think. If you met in a situation where they knew what you were about already, like a friend or coworker, maybe not, but if it were a blind date, I think they’d size you up and make assumptions, like you’re trying to prove something rather than…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 02:47 PM
0

Any individual can do what they want and make of it what they will. I see the logic in filtering based on how they respond to paying, in either direction, but things can fall apart if you’re not careful. For example, I personally would want to pay for my half on a date because that’s what I see as being truly egalitarian which is my goal but if it is so expected for a man to pay for a date, that it might be seen as me not being into him if I pay for half… I hope you see the problem. Can be rever…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 02:37 PM
3

I see “autistic egalitarian” on your flair and I am in a similar situation. I have only been on one “date” and I put that in quotations just because I completely missed that was what it was due to my social stupidity. Regardless, I think most non-autistic women are aware of and will play with this expectation; it seems to not do it is a “statement.”
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 02:27 PM
1

Yes, I agree. I would say that it works if used on average (not rich) men, which is most men. The idea still being that one would do something that might take them a special effort as showing they are really interested, just so happens for a (less common) rich man that thing would not be money.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 02:22 PM
1

Oh, I see. Sorry if I wasn’t clear, I know I am not always the best at explaining my thoughts. I think just by virtue of it being a date, even if it’s just a coffee date, women are expected to dress up quite a bit due to the whole women’s worth/value connected to her appearance/body thing our society has going on (and this being the correlate to men’s worth being in money, hence this set up that is being perpetuated). I think communities like FDS and TRP are focused only on the utility aspect - …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 01:46 PM
1

Well, firstly, I wasn’t assuming this paying expectation only applied to fancy restaurants (does it?), and secondly, I would say the expectation of makeup, having to do hair, is so widespread it’s done in more casual situations, even in the workplace. There’s that stereotype/expectation that is perpetuated of women taking two hours to get ready to go out which seems to occur for less than fancy restaurants. Putting on some cologne and hair gel seems less work in comparison, I think; certainly no…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 01:26 PM
2

I personally wouldn’t do this (which leads to a lot of misunderstandings, unfortunately) but I think the reasoning behind this has less to do with who makes more money, but more that it is taken as proof of interest. Lurking around FDS, it seems it is included in that same category of “things he does to show he is actually really interested in you.” I cannot say I would disagree with the idea that desperate men in general would just go on date after date after date (which means he isn’t filterin…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 12:39 PM
3

It fluctuates depending on time of month as well as general situation (tends to be less during times of stress) and can get significant enough that I will get irritated. It does not seem to be markedly different from the experience of many of my female friends in that sense, however, it is different in that it does not tend to be directed at particular people but is rather a general feeling. Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/21 10:04 PM
7

I am 35 and this applies to me. Don’t really see it as being remarkable in any way, as it still does take some effort and interest unless I was willing to be completely casual (which I am not, and I think that’s the bottom line as to why my situation is what it is).
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/21 04:29 PM
2

Perhaps it is a stupid question but why do they want to date and have sexual partners with people they find bad?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/21 11:09 AM
2

Thanks for posting this and explaining your thoughts… like the original commenter in this thread, I always found this concept interesting. If it wasn’t for this social rule of “what being a woman means” (makeup, dressing up, etc) do you think this feeling would change? What would any of this really mean in a world truly eradicated of gender roles? (Mind you, I know this isn’t the case in the world we live in right now, not by a long shot, so gender dysphoria makes sense to me in this context).
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/21 11:21 AM
1

Yes, “strong” is a key word there. I do see most people as leaning to one or the other naturally in personality, but if you go so far as to label yourself statically as such, it implies you see relationships as ideally unbalanced in power in some way which concerns me. Personally, I suppose I am more leaning to dominant so I do find myself wanting a partner who slightly leans to submissive, leading into the second part of your comment. None of this is what I would consider that “superficial,” ho…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/21 02:29 PM
2

In the spirit of the question which appears focused on superficial considerations... Personally, a lot mentioned as examples here (height, body type, etc) I don’t typically care much about, except for some extremes such as significant obesity with an unwillingness to change, or rather, not the state itself but what it says about the person. For example, I would be wary of someone who has strong identification with either dominant or submissive, as I already think just having that implies they se…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/21 01:19 PM
35

Imagine having had the daughter with this man. I likely had a relationship with you, likely got married to you and raised our child and I couldn’t have made you realize this before she grew up? Did you not respect me this entire time? I suppose it is not surprising but wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 10:46 AM
3

Big names too. Will definitely only stay at these from here on. Thanks for link.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:08 PM
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