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Weary_Landscape_7098 Archive

View 6 posts and 346 comments by Weary_Landscape_7098 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

This is probably above our pay grade. Time to consult an attorney if you haven't already.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 03:29 PM
3

It has been 6 months since I made that post. In that time, they have moved in together, and so far, they actually seem pretty happy (at least from what I've seen on the outside looking in). My ex told me that she and her boyfriend have no intention of getting married but want to be together for the long haul. Ok cool, it's their lives and not mine, nor is it any of my business. From what I can tell he seems like a genuinely nice person. He has a good career and isn't a freeloader. My kids say he…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 03:26 PM
1

That is also a possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 08:48 PM
2

I discovered my ex-wife had been thinking about, and planning on divorcing me, for years before she actually pulled the trigger.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 08:48 PM
2

3 weeks after moving her and the kids across the US from Oregon to Missouri she decided she wanted to end our 8 year marriage. I've got some bad news for you. She planned this a long time ago.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 07:33 PM
3

It’s totally fine. I am not worried about myself at all. Things are really good for me. Just worried about the kids. Narrator: Things were, in fact, not 'really good' for her, but she wanted to make it seem like they were. The divorce was not going as she had hoped, and reality is finally setting in.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 07:30 PM
12

It has been my experience that very few women are capable of actually loving something other than themselves (frequently, this even includes their own children). Women that can actually love someone else are a treasure. If you don't believe me, look at the amount of women who use their kid as props for social media likes/attention/validation, instead of protecting their privacy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 07:23 PM
7

Same thing with my ex-wife. You said almost exactly what I wanted to say.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 07:11 PM
10

My favorite part of my separation was when my ex-wife was complaining to me about everything that broke and needed repairing after we split up. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. What did she think would happen after she kicked out the one person who fixed and maintained everything in our house?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:32 AM
3

When the mediator told me that there was a lot of crying in the other room, it was like the Jerry Seinfeld, “That’s a shame” meme. Denzel_my_man.gif
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 07:17 PM
4

At first it hurt, but then I realized how much my ex-wife had been talking crap about me to them behind my back, and I found out what her family actually thinks of me. I no longer want to be associated with them. Her entire family is the type to be nice to your face and then shit-talk you behind your back. Fuck 'em.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:05 PM
11

My kids are starting to see it. I've had to pull out my phone several times and show my kids the text messages or emails their mom (my ex-wife) sent me, that 100% contradict what she told our kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:24 AM
4

When you see your STBXW's phone and she's trashing you to her family, and talking shit about you behind your back, a switch inside you flips. At least that is what happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 07:17 PM
4

Very similar story here. I was also ashamed at first. Eventually that feeling went away, and now I'm in a "new normal" situation. My life is totally different than what I envisioned when I got married, and that's ok. A LOT of other people get divorced, so you getting divorced is nothing new. I know it might feel like everyone's eyes are on you right now, but they're not. Go out and live your life and enjoy your newfound freedom! Recovery will be slow, but I'm sure you're strong enough to get thr…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:52 PM
1

Still living in the same house while you start the process? Whew that's rough. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:53 PM
5

Thank you. Please understand that I'm not trying to play the "oppression Olympics" here to show how bad I had it, or trying to be the victim. Just typing out what actually happened. Looking back I can't believe I ever put up with all that, but I didn't want to get divorced, so I dealt with it. I'm in a much better place now. She got the huge house and all that, but I got my peace. And that is so much more important to me than material things.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:45 PM
3

My ex did get more than 50% in our divorce, but as you said, it was 100% worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:40 PM
6

Don't get me wrong, the photos were great! But I thought it was nuts to spend so much on it. My ex-wife and I are not allowed to speak poorly about each other to our kids (we have it written into our custody agreement). I'd say she abides by that about 90-95% of the time. I've occasionally heard some things that my kids have said that made me realize they were getting an exaggerated (or just plain wrong) version of a story, so I've quickly corrected them when that happens.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:36 PM
10

During 45 years of marriage ! she found no reason ever, to apologize for anything, not once. I see you and I were married to the same woman.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:35 PM
19

All while she “handles” her Starbucks and cellphone. How is she supposed to push the stroller and hold her Starbucks, when she's got to take selfies for Facebook and Instagram?! She has to tell the whole world how she's a successful, career-driven, perfect mom with a clean house and a fantastic career and little kids who adore her. She can have it all, and her posts are the proof! Meanwhile, what you don't see in her Facebook and Instagram posts: You don't see her yelling at her kids to smile an…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:29 PM
4

You don't understand, the lines on the carpet need to be going this way || instead of this other way == !!!!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:11 PM
9

I could write a gigantic post about emotional labor. Don't get me started.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:10 PM
19

So far one of the best parts of being divorced is not having to go on family vacations. My ex-wife's family always goes on a week's vacation at the beach every summer. And when I say "family" I mean all of them. All her siblings and their spouses and kids, plus my ex's parents, sometimes my ex's grandparent, sometimes even cousins and aunts and uncles. 15-20 people in one big beach house was not unusual. That's not a vacation. There's nothing relaxing about it. That's just a week at the beach wh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:37 PM
4

Appreciation? What's that?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:28 PM
5

One time my ex wife arrived home to find me vacuuming in only boxer briefs and a t-shirt. She still found reason to complain at that moment What sort of heathen vacuums while only wearing a t-shirt and boxer briefs? You're only allowed to vacuum while wearing a 3 piece suit and a top hat! The audacity of vacuuming in whatever clothes you want, in your own home.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:10 PM
8

yes, because she "meets" people and her job requires that she "look good" all the time. I heard that line many times. While it was true due to her job, she went overboard with it, because other people's attention was how she increased her own self-worth.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:07 PM
8

Scene: Wife is on her phone, not paying attention, as Husband is in the kitchen doing the dishes Wife: Said in an angry voice, while still staring at the phone and not even making an attempt to turn around to see what her husband is doing: "DON'T FORGET, THE TINES GO UP, NOT DOWN!!!" Husband: internal screaming
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:00 PM
6

I don't think my ex-wife fully replaced a roll of toilet paper during our entire relationship. Not once. I eventually stopped asking her to do it when I realized she would never change. I was at her place a few months ago and went to the bathroom while I was there. Sure enough there was a roll of toilet paper sitting on top of the old empty cardboard tube that was still on the dispenser.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:53 PM
5

You and I married the same woman, did you know that? How dare I want to hang my clothes in the master closet! Don't you know she has hundreds (probably thousands) of articles of clothing that almost completely fill our closet (which was the size of a small bedroom), and she needs that space for all her clothes? Along with the bureau and chest of drawers in our bedroom, which were also full of her clothes?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:51 PM
9

I'm doing so much better now that we are divorced! I appreciate your concern, really. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:46 PM
20

Similar story here. For 1-2 years before our divorce, I was doing nearly everything in our lives. In the evenings I picked up our kids from school/daycare, came home, and cooked dinner for everyone. Our kids were running around crazy while my now-ex wife sat on the couch playing on her phone, mostly on Snapchat. After dinner, everyone ran off and I was expected to clean up everyone's plates and all the dishes and cooking stuff. Then I put our kids to bed by myself, and then did laundry late into…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:33 PM
4

I don't have any input, except this: including the 3 year old being locked in a small linen closet until she stops crying during tantrums What the fuck?!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:27 PM
8

Shame on you for not putting the paper towel holder in the exact correct spot! Meanwhile, your ex-wife never once put a new roll of toilet paper back in the dispenser and simply stacked it on top of the empty cardboard tube from the old roll. When you point this out, you're "bullying her" and she tells you to fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:25 PM
34

Isn't it amazing how so many of us have such a similar story? I actually started typing out examples from my own marriage and decided not to post it after quickly coming up with a list of about 10 things. There'd be no point in posting it since you guys have all lived it before and likely have similar lists of your own. I will just say this: like many of you, nothing I did was ever "right" or "good enough" or "done fast enough" for my ex-wife. She thought she was perfect and thought she never ma…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:22 PM
8

Wow! You actually won at divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:49 PM
8

Wow what a train wreck
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 07:16 PM
13

My ex-wife is similar. She is kind and sweet when she needs something from me, and then the instant she gets what she wants she turns back to her normal horrible self. I am actually happy that she has a boyfriend, because at least now she is mostly ignoring me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:50 AM
4

After we separated I had multiple people come tell me about the horrible things (mostly either outright lies, or extreme exaggerations of the truth) my ex was saying behind my back while (and before) we were married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 04:57 PM
12

I did not see it at the time (since it was mostly behind my back) but there was a huge lack of respect for me. I found out after we separated that she had been talking crap about me behind my back for years, going as far back as before we were married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 02:15 PM
17

OP, she literally sees you as a walking ATM. Get out now while you're not making much.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 02:12 PM
4

Take care of yourself, and be there for your kids. They need stability in their life and obviously they're not going to get it from your STBX.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 07:22 PM
2

Sounds like she fucked around and found out. Good.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 06:25 PM
3

I got divorced a handful of years ago, and I promise it gets better. Those first few months are brutal. You're going through the worst of it now. It will be even easier since you don't have kids or assets to untangle. My life is so much more calm and peaceful now without my ex. And my bank account and retirement accounts are larger than ever, even though I pay child support. You're strong, and you can do this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 06:05 PM
6

320lbs holy shit
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:41 PM
3

Apparently she thinks that not only should I give her mom our house but also should pay for her to live there. Damn, the entitlement starts early! I have no suggestions other than to let them know you love them and you'll always be there in case they want to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 06:43 PM
3

She filed a restraining order because her friends told her to, and her attorney probably said "The easiest way to get the house and everything you want is by accusing your husband of abuse and say you're fearful of him", and she was able to read through the lines. Get a divorce attorney, yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:08 PM
21

Yes, but I'd say it has to do more with the housing market and her job, rather than our divorce (she would have all those things going for her had we not divorced). She has a high-paying job and does well for herself so she isn't hurting for money. As a very attractive woman in her late 30s, in good shape with a seriously nice body (think "tits on a stick" after a boob job and working out for a few years), plus a good career and high income, finding a new guy on the dating apps was easy for her.…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:38 PM
4

the first song that is playing is Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here. But do I wish she was here? That’s an easy answer, No. "Comfortably Numb" is a good choice for days like today.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:19 AM
3

I'm no longer asked to clean out her van, which is usually messy and filled with trash and random junk.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:44 PM
6

The drama from my ex-wife decreased significantly when she got a boyfriend. Instead of being bitchy to me, she put all her energy and time into him. I'd rather she be fucking somebody else and not be a bitch to me all the damn time, than constantly try and start fights with me over stupid shit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 04:41 AM
9

If you really wanted to get her to shut up, turnabout is fair play. You could always make up some stories about some hot young blonde (half your ex-wife's age) with big tits that you're dating, and tell your wife all the lurid details about it. "Hey, I just need someone I've known for a long time to listen to all my detailed stories...my new girlfriend loves sucking me off every morning before we fuck, then we fuck again after we get home from work. She loves it when I blow a load on her face." …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 04:33 AM
5

My ex-wife kept my last name for awhile, then decided to change it back to her maiden name. Eh, whatever. We're not together any more so I don't really care.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:54 PM
8

For the first time in her life, she's seeing the consequences of her own actions.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:52 PM
6

At first we were more talkative, but over time it has steadily moved to mostly just texts about our kids and logistics for dealing with them (school, sports, changes of custody times/dates). We don't use any special parenting apps.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 03:34 PM
12

It is called "rewriting history". Most ex-wives do it (I'm sure a lot of ex-husbands do as well, but not to the same extent).
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 09:36 PM
2

This is the Inception of cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 11:18 PM
2

Husband: works self to the bone to provide for his wife and kids Wife: "You want me to drive you to and from work for a few weeks while we sort out the car situation? That's too much work, fuck that!"
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:52 PM
3

This is absolutely true, and I know it from personal experience. When they are sick, the world stops and everything is about them. You bring them food in bed, you give them meds, you take care of them. Then when they are better and back to normal, they go back to being their awful selves. But when you are sick (how dare you get sick?!?!), you're a worthless hypochondriac and you're overreacting. You just have "a man cold" or "the man flu". You have to drive yourself to the urgent care to get hel…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 06:51 PM
5

Every situation is unique. My situation was the opposite of that. I actively encouraged my ex-wife's career and tried to do what I could to ease her load at home so she just had to concentrate on work. We set up our entire lives so that all she had to do was go to work and bring home the big bucks, while I took care of almost everything else going on. Think of everything that needs to be done in a household with multiple young children, multiple pets, and both parents working full-time. I did at…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:43 PM
2

Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:25 PM
6

Thinking back on my own marriage, all of these are a great list. The only thing I can add is that you need to be very careful, because people who have this attitude tend to have narcissistic traits, and they can hide those traits very well for awhile.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 09:20 PM
17

OP, if your marriage is good now, and your wife respects you, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. The problem comes in when the wife loses respect for her husband, after she starts making more than him. There's a little voice in the back of her head saying "Now I make more than he does, that means he's a loser, so I can do better than him..."
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 09:07 PM
8

Bro...RUN. Your home is a biohazard. Your morbidly obese wife doesn't respect you, even though you are apparently fit, educated, and have a good career. She lets the dogs piss and shit all over everything. She makes you feel like you're worthless. You even admit that you could see yourself committing suicide if you stay. WHY would you stay in a situation like that?! Sounds to me like SHE'S the worthless half of your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 09:03 PM
3

I recently found a birthday card from the ex. There were three paragraphs of what a great husband, father, person I was. 31 days later she wanted a divorce. Isn't it amazing how we all have similar stories? My ex-wife told me awhile ago that our entire marriage was a mistake and we never should have gotten married. I asked her why we got married, then. She said "I felt like I had no choice!" So then I pulled up a message she sent me from a few months before we got married where she was gushing a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:58 PM
15

Short answer: Usually yes, and the larger the difference in incomes, the bigger the issue becomes. Long answer: Yes, because it usually makes the woman lose respect for you. The hamster wheel in her head starts spinning, and she starts thinking "I'm making more money than my husband, this must mean I'm better than him. Since I'm better than him, I deserve a better man than him". Divorce rates go up as the wife's share in the couple's total income increases (Google it, there's been a few studies …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:46 PM
10

I’d love for her to out earn me. Be careful. I once thought as you do. My ex-wife made vastly more money than I did for most of our marriage, and I encouraged her to make as much as possible while I took care of almost everything else. Now we're divorced, and one of the reasons for it was because she thought she was better than me due to the difference in our incomes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:34 PM
4

And the bigger the difference in their incomes, the higher the chances of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:32 PM
3

I'm sure that would be very cathartic, but it would be even more savage to just ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 07:40 PM
10

We are cordial (mostly) since we have young children and have to maintain a co-parenting relationship. But we are not friends.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 06:29 PM
8

Just found out 4 days ago my wife may be moving money from our shared checking account to an undisclosed location. I’m a physician and have always trusted her with handling our finances. Unbeknownst to me she opened up home equity line. I just looked at our bank account for first time in over 10 years and was surprised and shocked to see this HEL. I hate to say this, but trusting someone else 100% with your family's finances and never even looking at your bank account is just downright negligenc…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 09:54 PM
1

Maybe we should start?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 09:38 PM
2

Yep, I understand. Been there, done that, got the divorce to show for it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 10:24 PM
2

She just wants to get to me through them. Yeah that's a rough situation. Good luck getting it figured out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:59 PM
3

Holy shit that's incredible. I would have LOVED to watch that in person. My ex and I never physically went to court or even talked to a judge. We made an agreement on things between the two of us, signed the paperwork, then the papers were brought to court by our lawyers (probably not even the lawyers, I bet the paperwork was just brought to the courthouse by the paralegals), the judge signed off on everything, and that was it. I am very thankful we never had to go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:25 PM
3

I let my ex-wife keep our dogs. She kept the house with the large backyard, and I didn't want to bring dogs to my small apartment. Any time my ex goes out of town she asks if I can watch the dogs while she's away, which I usually do. It means she doesn't have to pay to board them, they don't have to deal with the stress of being boarded, and I get to spend some time with the dogs. Win-win.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:20 PM
7

She constantly moved the goal posts no matter what I did. Oh you took the kids to the park? Yeah but you didn’t make dinner. Oh you mowed the lawn and cleaned the house? Yeah but you didn’t do XYZ. It seemed like my masculinity was broken down piece by piece for years. No matter what I did it was never enough. it was how dare I ask for more sex, can’t you see my wife is already working too extremely hard to do anything extra? Are you me? Did we marry the same woman? My story is almost exactly th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:13 PM
7

Holy shit, this man won at divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:09 PM
3

Fast forward a few hours and I get called again. They had stopped at a gas station/convenience store to use the restroom and daughter wanted a snack. Ex said no and daughter threw a fit… including calling ex an asshole and punching ex in the chest. Your daughter needs therapy and serious psychiatric help. She's 9, and calling her mother an asshole, and punching her mother. If you don't get this solved ASAP, one day she might punch the wrong person.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 12:14 AM
2

My two cents: I keep everything. I still have tens of thousands of photos of our lives prior to our separation, stored in my cloud accounts and a few local backup copies. If you're worried about potential security issues, put them in an encrypted file container. Lots of our photos together were taken during genuinely good times, and many of them are photos of our kids. Obviously I'm not going to delete all those. I understand not wanting to keep things, and that's cool too. Personally I like to …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:19 PM
2

The narcissism of some people is disgusting. "It's all about ME, nobody else is important!"
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:12 PM
7

Amazing how similar all our experiences are, isn't it?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:11 PM
2

That is insanity. Sorry to hear you have to deal with that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:09 PM
5

This might not be popular to say, but there ARE lots of loser men out there -- addicted to video games, addicted to drugs, sitting on the couch all day swilling beer and 'watching the game', who never lift a finger to do anything around the house. Those guys suck. I have no issues with women who divorce those losers. I have problems with the women who divorce objectively good men, simply because the wife thinks she can find someone better (and maybe because she thinks her husband is "boring", or…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:08 PM
2

she needed to be with someone who would support her becoming a pro golfer at age 40. How are some people this delusional?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:03 PM
1

HOW?!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:58 PM
2

dafuq did I just read?! She makes 50% more than you, you have 50/50 custody, and you pay her?!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:57 PM
4

She works for her parents, and they hide her income. Ain't that some shit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:55 PM
2

"Why should I stay with this guy, when I can divorce him, fuck him over, take half his stuff, take half his income and make him pay alimony for the rest of his life? I'll never have to lift a finger again!" There was an AITAH post awhile back from a woman who was asking if she was the asshole because she didn't want to marry her low-paid boyfriend, because she was getting a lot of money in lifetime alimony from her ex-husband (which would have stopped had she remarried). I can't remember the ful…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:53 PM
1

In my state it is a combination of each spouse's income, their expenses with the kids, and the number of overnights each parent gets per year.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:41 PM
2

I'd be a lot less poor if I didn't have to pay child support, I know that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:40 PM
10

Agreed. Life is too short to work hard for people who don't appreciate it, and I learned that the hard way. Some people, especially some women are never appreciative of the work a man does, especially the work and sacrifices of her husband (yes this is stereotyping, but I personally experienced this in my own marriage, and I've observed it with my own eyes in other people's marriages). Nothing is ever good enough for her, nothing is ever done fast enough for her. You could do 999 things out of 1…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:35 PM
13

"I'm not haaaaapppy, I deserve a prince, you're not good enough, bye loser!"
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:01 PM
3

Are you me? I'd gladly get back together with the woman I married. But the person she turned into? Hell no.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:54 PM
13

I don't have to go on vacations with my ex-wife's entire family. Every year we'd go to the beach for at least a week, and my ex-wife's whole fucking family would be there. In addition to us and our kids, it would also be her parents, her siblings and their spouses and kids, my ex-wife's grandmother, sometimes aunts/uncles/cousins. It was nuts. 20+ people in one beach house sometimes. It was never a "vacation" and there was always drama. I haven't been on a 'vacation' with them since my ex and I …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:17 AM
2

I still hold out hope that my ex and I can get here for my kids’ sake. Good luck with that, brother. Truly. I’m just done with all the games and drama and don’t wish to leave any fuse out there that she can use. This is also completely understandable. If she keeps using things like this as an excuse to manipulate you or start fights, then it is fine to ignore her for your own sanity. Please don't take my earlier post as saying that my post-divorce co-parenting relationship with my ex-wife is per…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 05:52 PM
8

I guess it depends on your post-divorce relationship with her and how contentious it is. I am very thankful that my ex-wife and I don't hate each other so much that we have to use a parenting app. While my ex and I don't get along in a romantic sense any more, we both recognize that it is good for kids to see their parents working together to co-parent and not be at each other's throats all the time. As an example: We occasionally send photos of our kids to each other (over text), with no ulteri…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 05:28 PM
2

Also a good point.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 10:45 PM
2

I did so much stuff in our lives/marriage that my ex-wife had to get 4-5 weekly/monthly services to replace me -- maid service, pool service, grocery delivery, lawn service, and a handyman to fix random shit. She's also had to call a plumber and an electrician to fix things that I would have fixed. Instead of doing her own taxes (which would be easy), she hired a CPA; I used to handle all our finances/bills/taxes, and the instant we separate she hires a CPA to file her very easy taxes. Amazing. …
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 11:30 PM
3

Between posting this thread 7 months ago and now, my ex-wife took our kids to Disney in Orland, again. In August. That's a special level of hell, if you ask me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 07:26 PM
1

We went through the visualization exercise of imagining I had only 1 month to live and unlimited money, I just said I'd feel relieved and do a lot of napping. "What would you do if you had a million dollars?" "I'd tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man." ... "What about you, what would you do?" "Nothing. I would...relax...I would sit on my ass, all day...I would do nothing."
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:07 PM
107

Personally I wouldn't reconcile, but that's just me. She couldn't even go a few months without spreading her legs? Most guys experience that (and longer) at some point in their marriage, and are expected to shut up and deal with it and not complain.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:00 PM
2

I was expecting your kids to be 4 or 5, not in their mid-late teens. Personally I'd think they are old enough to know the truth, especially the one who is 19. You don't have to go into super explicit details, but saying something about how you filed for divorce because their mom cheated on you is likely ok. She doesn't want you to say anything about it because she wants YOU to look bad, and she doesn't want to be held accountable for her actions because it will "make her look bad" if the kids kn…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 08:33 PM
5

The best part of my separation was when my ex sent me a bunch of texts several months after we separated, ranting about all the stuff around the house that broke after she kicked me out. It was a list of about 15 things that she either had to learn to fix herself, ask a friend to fix for her, or hire a professional to fix. I laughed and laughed. What do you expect to happen when you kick out the guy who fixes everything?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 07:48 PM
1

We had to sell the house, and I used my equity to buy a small plane (dream of mine for 20 years). I'm going to fly over the mountains and throw the ring out the window. For some reason that just really resonates with me!! 😁 Going to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom? For only there can it be unmade...
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 01:59 AM
14

she presented me with a spreadsheet of everything she has spent over the last 15 or so years for the family/kids It sounds like she has been planning this for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 08:14 PM
4

Something I don't miss: my ex-wife's car was always a nasty mess. She rarely cleaned it out, so that job always fell to me. No matter how many times I cleaned it out she always found a way to get it messy again within a few days. The worst part was that she would pick her nose and wipe the boogers on the side of the driver's seat. Any time I used her car to go somewhere, or whenever I cleaned it out for her, there was always this minefield of dried boogers on the side of her seat. Gross.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 09:23 PM
15

the real reason their wives are fucking overtime...whoops, I mean "working" overtime Yep, "working late" is a common excuse. I know a guy whose wife told him she was "working late", when she was actually meeting a coworker at a motel and fucking him there. She did that while her husband was at home with their young kids, feeding them dinner and putting them to bed by himself. The betrayal is outrageous and disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 09:19 PM
2

Being a martyr helps no one 100% truth.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 03:22 PM
1

I'll have a better looking woman by the next weekend. 6'-5" and in good shape? Yep lol
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:25 PM
28

Buddy, this story has been told a thousand times on this sub: husband slaves away to make wife happy, wife becomes frigid and sees husband as 'the help' and treats him like dirt. Know that you're not alone, both in the actions from your wife, and your thoughts about how you don't want to miss your kids. If you can't save your marriage, and your wife refuses to put any work into it or show you any respect, it might be time to pull the eject handle. My children were about the same age as yours whe…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:18 PM
1

Yep my ex was the same way. Loose skin after a few pregnancies, always wanted bigger tits. The surgery went straight to her head. I am honestly disgusted at who she has turned into.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:09 PM
10

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, “NO!” And so the guy left, and then he rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and Scotch and had tons of money in the bank and fucked lots of skinny, big-titted women, and scratched his balls without criticism, and left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted. And he lived happily ever after. The End.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:46 PM
1

She's getting a tummy tuck and boob job in 6 weeks though. Lol Watch out. My ex-wife did that and then kicked me out 6 months later. A wife divorcing her husband soon after a boob job is incredibly common. The combination of high-earning, good career, "perfect body", and suddenly my ex-wife thought her shit didn't stink and she was better than me, and could find a better guy. She was likely planning on kicking me out way before that but decided to use me to help take care of her after her surger…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:39 PM
1

Sounds like you've done some good healing. Good for you! I would rename my ex to something like "Queen Bitch" in my phone but sometimes my kids use my phone to talk to her so I decided against it. For now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:21 PM
1

It is amazing how often the stories here line up or are very similar.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:19 PM
1

It could have gone much better for me but it also could have gone much worse. I won't get into specifics since it would very easily doxx me. I could have fought harder for things but I recognized that material goods are things my ex really likes, and I don't care about material goods, so I rolled over and let her have most of everything else. My freedom was way more important to me than arguing over stuff, and I realized that it also let her think that she "won" since she got more stuff. We work…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:19 PM
1

My thoughts: she's a serious homebody, never goes out and does anything. Very few friends (who I have heard her talk shit about behind their backs, before). It can be hard to find a new guy if you never leave the house except to go to work.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:11 PM
1

Same, karma is truly a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:09 PM
1

Accurate. "I make more than my husband so I must be better than him. Time to totally disregard my marriage vows, kick out the loser, and upgrade!!" 10 years later... "I love my cats"
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:08 PM
1

Yep my ex earned about 65k more than me during our marriage and we never had joint account or any binding financial goals to get a house. In hindsight a godsend so there wasn't any assets to settle from divorce. That sounds good. Her love language is gifts and was always buying stuff for other people. I'm sure she is showering her current BF with the same treatment I got early on in the relationship. She bases her worth and value on the money she makes, sad really. I understand that. My ex's lov…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:06 PM
1

I totally understand everything you mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:05 PM
6

I hope you can move on and forget about her. You mention so often that you make more money that it feels kind of obsessive. Don't look at her, forget her. It will be difficult to move on until our kids are grown, but after that, I'm done with her. I am sure it comes across as me obsessing about money, and I can see that. I appreciate your input.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:24 AM
2

That is almost where we are and I feel like we'll be there soon. Occasionally there's some arguing back and forth with each other but it is slowly going away.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 04:58 AM
5

Hard to do, when we have multiple young children together and will have to deal with each other for many years to come. edit: and sometimes I just need to rant.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 04:46 AM
3

Yes they are. But don't tell them that, because they are perfect in every way and don't you forget it!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 03:31 AM
1

Ain't that the damn truth. Then, they shit talk you behind your back, exaggerate stories, make things up, and generally lie about you to everyone they know. Somehow you are always an asshole, and she is the victim, or the hero, depending on what attention she wants right then. My ex tells these lies or exaggerated stories to her family and friends, and they all eat it up, hook, line, and sinker. The best part is that I have already seen my ex-wife lying to this new boyfriend of hers, so I bet th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:42 AM
5

Bingo. My ex-wife's family talks shit about everyone who isn't in the immediate area. This includes each other. I have seen and heard my ex-wife talk shit about both of her siblings and their spouses, her parents, her aunts and uncles, her grandparents, her co-workers, and some of her friends. And me, of course. What's worse is that they all did that to each other. She wasn't alone in doing it and they all talked shit about each other behind their backs. The drama was incredible to watch. I don'…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:25 AM
5

Not everyone. I only started making 6 figures at my current job, and was very underpaid before that. Of course, there is more to life than money! But I will admit it does make life easier, to a point. Money is a major factor in a lot of unhappy marriages and mine was no exception. If you look up divorce statistics for women who outearn their husbands or who get a major promotion or raise, their rates of divorce are much higher than normal. By a lot. For many women, as soon as they get a big rais…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:00 AM
1

It sucks that my stbxw is so hot, that makes it so much worse. I was in a similar position. My ex-wife is objectively very pretty and has a great body. And now she has a new boyfriend and I found out recently that they're fucking. I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened, and I thought it would just kill me inside, but I'm strangely ok with it. Why? Because she's his problem, now. Don't put her up on a pedestal. Her shit stinks just like everyone else's, she has morning breath, and…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:52 AM
0

Regarding our kids being around her: while there isn't much I can do about her words or behavior when they are with her, I make it a point to teach our kids about kindness, empathy, accountability, and taking responsibility for things. And learning how to apologize, since my ex-wife doesn't seem to have the ability to do that. It isn't perfect but it is about all I can do. Our court documents say that neither of us can speak negatively about the other while we are in our children's presence. I m…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:41 AM
4

Jesus this person sounds awful. I worry for the children in her presence! Yes, she is terrible. She disguised it well when we were first together, but the narcissistic monster eventually came out after she got a high-paying job and decided she was better than everyone else. Combine the financial insults with her lack of empathy, zero introspection, and the "I'm always right and everyone else is always wrong" attitude, and it made for a miserable time for the last half of our marriage. I am happy…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:34 AM
1

I am entirely certain she will do that to him.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:31 AM
4

so she’s with this guy...for now. Not really any of my business other than knowing who is around my kids, but I am really wondering how long this relationship will last. I bet it won't last more than a months to a year, tops. she can find a guy making more, the issue is finding a guy that will seriously date her. This is true, and I think she will have problems finding someone who fits her "perfect man" checklist. There aren't very many tall dark and handsome guys making $300k+ who are excited a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:31 AM
1

Thanks. Yes, we had a lot of relationship issues, and this financial stuff was just part of it, and was likely a proxy for something else as well.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:29 AM
8

Any guy out earning her, meaning he’s pulling $300k+ isn’t interested in a single mom with two kids pushing 40 I don’t care how much she goes to the gym. True. I also think she prefers dating a guy she out earns as a means of control. If they stick together in a few years she will mock him the same way she mocked you. I do think she used it as a way of controlling me, and belittling me to make me feel worthless. She (and her family) talk shit about lots of people behind their backs, so I am comp…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:28 AM
1

This is true. She simply used the difference in our income as something she could hold over me and a method of control.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:26 AM
1

That said, it sounds like introspection, empathy and non-aesthetic self-improvement aren't really her thing. I think that is the best way I've heard her described. She has zero empathy for anyone except for herself, introspection isn't something she does, and yes, all her 'self-improvement' is purely physical and aesthetic.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:25 AM
1

I don't know what to say, other than her boyfriend is a delusional nutjob, and I hate you're dealing with this bullshit. Because that's what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 08:07 PM
2

She is one of the most manipulative people I've ever met, so that is likely.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 08:55 PM
1

In this aspect, yes. For almost everything else she is a narcissistic monster.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 12:28 AM
3

This is one of those times where I read a crazy story, compare it to my divorce, and realize how good I had it (for some parts it wasn't too bad...for other parts it was a nightmare). Some people are crazy and I hate your ex is doing this to you. My ex was the opposite. When we split, she told me I could take whatever furniture from our house that I wanted. I didn't take much since I moved into a small apartment. Even then, a few months later she said she was getting rid of some of the furniture…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 09:47 PM
4

It's obvious she realized the grass isn't greener and she thinks she made a mistake. But she'll never truly admit she made a mistake, so she's dancing around it as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 09:20 PM
9

Admiral Ackbar says it's a trap!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:28 AM
1

All the time, but only if she could somehow turn into the woman I married, instead of the woman I divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:12 PM
7

"Heads I win, tails you lose" Refuse to pay for the surgery? Get mocked behind your back, with her saying you "can't afford it". Pay for the surgery? Get mocked behind your back for being a chump and paying for it. A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 06:39 PM
10

My ex got the gastric sleeve done and lost like 70 lbs. she was like 220 and got down to 150. Then I paid and got her teeth done too. Then she also asked to have lasik eye surgery done so I paid for that too. She also never worked but got her masters degree. Then she divorced me one year later and bragged to her friends that she got all of this paid for on my dime. My ex-wife was similar. "Mommy makeover", separated soon after. Then I found out she talked an incredible amount of shit about me be…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 05:38 PM
6

"All women are gold diggers, some are just better at hiding the shovel."
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 05:31 PM
1

That sounds like an awful situation. I wouldn't be able to handle her bullshit. Quit thinking with your small head.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 08:54 PM
5

The worst part is she never says thanks for the alimony check which is pretty substantial. My ex-wife never said thanks for anything. It was maddening. The reason your ex never says thanks for the alimony check is because she sees you as an ATM and thinks she is "entitled" to the fruits of your labor. Did you see the recent thread in AITAH from a SAHM of 3 grown kids (plus one 16yo) who refused her current boyfriend's proposal, because she would lose her lucrative lifetime alimony from her docto…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 08:48 PM
1

My former MIL bought that stupid fucking book for my ex-wife after we separated, and for her other daughter after she separated from her now ex-husband. Now my ex-wife listens to that stupid woman's podcast, too. It's so fucking ridiculous. "YAAASSS GIRLLLL GET IT AND GO LIVVE YOUR BESTEST LIFE!!" Gimmie a fucking break.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:08 AM
3

Hire an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 09:14 PM
4

You've got to let her go, man. What she does and who she does it with are none of your business or concern.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 04:58 PM
3

Immediately after settlement her parents came demanding money they felt they were owed. What the fuck?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:28 PM
18

This is one reason I do 95% of my communication with my ex-wife over text. That way there's a written record. I take great pleasure in sending her screenshots of our conversations, highlighting the parts that directly contradict what she's saying right now. Not only does she think the rules don't apply to her, she will say one thing, then a week later says "I never said that". Which I will then screenshot and send her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:22 PM
10

Sounds about right. It is amazing how so many stories are so similar. My divorce was not exactly the same since my wife was the primary breadwinner and made a lot more money than I did (which is one of the major issues we had, she decided she was better than me and threw me out), but most of the rest of it lines up. In a twist of karma, after we got divorced I started making a lot more money, and her income was slashed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 01:52 AM
3

I try not to judge. During my separation and divorce I feel like I aged 30 years. I already had a receding hairline, but during that time, almost all my hair went grey/white, even on my beard. It sucks, but stress can really do a number on all of us.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 01:42 AM
1

I decided to keep mine.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 08:47 PM
1

One of my kids almost started a fire in the microwave when they were 7. I barely caught it in time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 06:09 PM
4

hahahahaha beautiful
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 09:05 PM
1

Admiral Ackbar says it's a trap.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 05:31 PM
2

I don't pay alimony but I do pay child support, and will be paying it for at least the next decade. It sucks but I also recognize that I do need to contribute to my kids and raising them. My life would be a lot easier right now if that money weren't going out the door every month.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 05:30 PM
2

"He's physically abusive. Look at the pictures of the bruises on my arm!" The pictures were entered as exhibits and showed very serious bruises. She added, "I took this video of him slamming a door on my arm repeatedly." It gets marked as an exhibit and played for the judge. The video shows the two arguing, then she drops her phone, so the video goes black, but audio can be heard of her screaming and a door slamming on her arm multiple times. Later at trial, I have my client on the stand present…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 03:18 AM
1

Always hire an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 08:52 PM
2

Good lord. You should do everything you can to outlive her, just so you can piss on her grave.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 06:07 PM
1

It gets way worse than what I posted, but I won't make a lot of it public to avoid being doxxed. I'll just say that over the time we were married, she want from talking positively about me (and I still have an abundance of proof of that -- mostly texts, emails, cards, and social media posts) to insulting me and mocking me behind my back to her family, friends, and co-workers, in thousands of text messages. Thousands. Insulting and mocking everything about me she could think of, and lying and exa…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 06:06 PM
6

At first we held each other and said we can separate with love. Now I am an alcoholic, emotionally immature manipulator. It’s like she forgot everything good in 22 years together. It is amazing how some women can rewrite history. My ex-wife told me a few weeks ago that we never should have gotten married, it was all a mistake, she felt like she had no choice but to marry me, and I'm a horrible person. Then I find a message she sent me several months before we got married, where she was gushing o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:20 PM
11

I guess I just need to ask for advice and go from there. First step: paragraphs, so people can actually read what you posted. She is now fully regretting her choices and messing up our marriage. You mean the grass isn't always greener?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:35 PM
3

"You were just supposed to lay down and take it, and like it, and do what you're told! How DARE YOU stand up for yourself!!"
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:33 PM
2

Yeah the one about surfing with guys is a little weird. I do understand the boundary about not wanting her hanging around her old crazy women from her past. Wild, single women aren't usually a good influence on a woman in a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:33 PM
14

Bingo The "Yaaassss girl, get it!!" brigade doesn't understand how hypocritical they are.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:30 PM
5

Did I do something wrong by going to talk to a lawyer? No. Absolutely not. You have to protect yourself. I have a similar story. My ex-wife and I initially did not want to involve attorneys. And that is funny, because my ex-wife is an attorney. I decided to have at least a consult with an attorney. When I told my ex-wife about it she flipped out and started crying, and yelled "You BETRAYED ME!! I did everything for you! I was so nice to you!!" (and on and on) This was being said by the same woma…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:28 PM
10

"I hinted at how unhappy I was for 5 years!!! Can't you read my mind?!??!!??"
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 10:50 PM
10

Good luck and I hope things work out for you. There's a big difference between having kids all day during a weekend, and only seeing them for a few hours in the evenings and first thing in the morning during the week, assuming they aren't homeschooled. Consider phrasing it that you "want a more equitable schedule for everyone". You don't want to come across as if you are unappreciative of seeing your kids or that you want to see your kids less.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 08:39 PM
3

I think you and everyone in this forum all married the same woman!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 08:32 PM
1

Yes, absolutely. She insulted and mocked (both to my face, and behind my back to her friends and family) anything and everything about me she could possibly think of.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 04:00 AM
6

What do you think is more likely? That there's an epidemic of scumbag men who are all abusive? Or that there's an epidemic of divorce lawyers who recommend to their female clients that the best way to get the most money from their ex-husband (and to keep their clients fighting against each other to keep charging their clients more) is to say he's abusive and file a restraining order against him, with dubious allegations? This might sound misogynist but it seems the main thing I've seen from a lo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 06:05 PM
3

I care about her and want her to be okay. That might be true, but she doesn't care about you. That might hurt to hear but it's the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:42 AM
3

When we were first together in college and right after, she wasn't like that at all. And we both didn't have much money. Then she went to law school and got a great job and started making more and more money every year. The second half of our marriage, her income skyrocketed while mine stayed about the same. You are right. I never would have mocked her if she didn't make much money. But she decided to mock me for not making as much as her, along with mocking and insulting nearly everything about…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 09:52 PM
3

My ex-wife made a LOT more money than I did. By a few multiples. She's a high-earner, very career-driven. We set up our lives to make it so she would not have to do much except work while I did almost everything else. That backfired spectacularly because she decided I was lazy and worthless and didn't contribute financially. I did contribute, and did much more than my "fair share" of housework and kid stuff (I took care of about 80-90% of everything in our lives), it's just that she made so much…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 09:08 PM
1

Never, never, ever delete anything that might be useful in a divorce. Make a backup copy and keep it in multiple locations.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 06:56 PM
1

No, thankfully. And with how many times she has asked me to help her with things or do things for her and our kids, I think it would be difficult for her to file one. I have our entire text and email conversation history where she has asked me to help her with countless things since we separated, many of which involve me being near her, or at her place (and I've helped her with 99% of what she's asked me to help her with). And we both go to all our kids' events and usually sit near each other or…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 06:52 PM
2

She does care about my feelings and worries about my I mental health. hahhhahhahahahah bullshit
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 10:44 PM
23

Let me guess: she "wasn't happy" and "needed to find herself" and some such bullshit. Totally disregarding the fact that she's destroying your child's happiness at the same time...
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 03:02 PM
2

Nothing I love more than falling down a bottomless pit of despair. /s
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 12:07 AM
1

It contains a stupid amount of rules regarding where you are allowed to live, where you can physically be, required notifications when moving. Is this normal? Yes, it is pretty typical. You have to think of it in a logical progression. "Would I want my ex to move halfway across the country with our children, making it nearly impossible for me to see them regularly?" If you're not OK with that, you should probably have it put into the agreement that they can't move but so far away without you agr…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:32 PM
5

What the fuck did I just read? Holy shit what a horrible person she is.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:39 AM
2

Fuck if I know. My rent is going up 20%. It's killing me. As I was signing the paperwork I was wondering how many other single dads are in the same rental trap, where you can't get ahead and save up fo a down payment because rent keeps going up. And housing price are still super high, and interest rates are way up. I make good money but my rent has gone up over 60% since I moved in here a few years ago. 60%.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 05:02 PM
6

Is it worth it to try to date again after divorce? I vote you spend some time working on yourself and level up. I just don’t see myself getting married again. Same here. Never again. Do all women yell at their husband and call him a jerk? No, but I'm sure it is a common experience among those of us who have been divorced. Do all women hate their husband for no reason? No, but lots do. My ex-wife included. Is a man ever enough for a woman? No. There's always something he could be doing better, wh…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 04:11 PM
3

Cool man, keep it up. Sounds like a nice self-esteem boost. I'm the opposite: I stress eat. Combine that with some impulse control issues from ADHD and I've ballooned up since my divorce. My marriage really sucked the final few years so I got pretty fat then, and now it's way worse. It's one of my things I need to work on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 04:07 PM
51

Damn did you marry my ex-wife, too? I could have done 1,000 things perfectly but she'd nag and bitch to me about the 1 thing I made a mistake on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:00 PM
7

I have a beautifully written letter from my STBXW stating how I was such a wonderful husband, father, lover and provider and how she looked forward to spending the next 40 years with me. Three months after that was written she filed for divorce. It’s a what have you done for me lately society and culture. I have a similar email from my ex-wife that she sent me shortly before we got married, all about how she was so happy we were getting married, and she just couldn't wait, and how she wanted to …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 09:07 PM
4

Something interesting I've noticed in this thread: guys calling another guy (that they presumably don't even know) on his shit. Basically saying "you cheated, you fucked up". That's because men have a code of honor, and feeling of duty, especially when it comes to marriage vows. Not all of them (obviously), but most. How often does this happen on a forum/subreddit where it is women-centric? I bet most of the responses to a thread where a woman cheated would be "yaasss queen, live your best life!…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 08:49 PM
1

My ex was wonderful before we were married and even for a few years after. But eventually she succumbed to narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 11:48 PM
3

I got yelled at every time I took a shit. You too? Damn, I just wanted 10 minutes of peace and quiet.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 10:31 PM
1

Did you see any red flags like this before you got married to her? Nope, she was the exact opposite. Kind, warm, loving, generous, compassionate. If I'm honest, she was a better person than I was, back then. But then things changed over time. How did you feel about her getting enhancements done? Were you against initially? Or for it bc you thought maybe they were for you? It was totally her decision, and they were "for her" because she always had boob envy due to her sisters and mom always being…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 02:36 AM
4

Because I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and think "My dad only cared enough to come to half of my events."
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 10:15 PM
1

I'll answer all these questions in a bit. I'm leaving for dinner with my kids right now!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 10:09 PM
1

All the better. Let someone else smear themselves in her foulness. This is a fantastic description of it. Not your problem any more and I am real glad you are aware that giving a single flying fuck about her is….hazardous to your mental and maybe even physical health. Focus on finding your own joy every day and this will be a blip in the rearview twelve months from now. Yes, absolutely!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 09:54 PM
6

Oh I'm sure. It's a weird feeling knowing your ex-wife is actively dating, and lots of thirsty guys are trying to get in her pants. And knowing she's an enthusiastic participant in it makes it worse. She isn't your average single mom; she's a well-paid attorney. If her personality weren't so shitty she'd be an incredible catch. I kind of pity anyone she ends up with, because they're going to start wondering why she has such a nice huge house, and is in such incredible shape and has such a great …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 09:52 PM
2

Yeah when you've lived in houses for a decade and then move in to an apartment building and have neighbors you share a wall with, it sucks at first but you get used to it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 01:54 AM
5

I went from a nice large house (4,000+ sqft) to a small 2BR apartment in an apartment complex. While I would rather be in a house, with the current state of the housing market, that isn't in the cards for a long time. Disadvantages: RENT. It only ever goes up. My apartment now costs almost as much as my old house's mortgage (we bought it before house prices went nuts a few years ago, and my ex refinanced it when rates were low). No garage. Not much storage space. A yard would be nice. Neighbors.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 08:25 PM
7

I've never noticed it. If it happens...whatever, I don't really care.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 06:37 PM
1

SAVE A COPY OF THE MESSAGES Whether that's photos of her screen, screenshots sent to you (delete the evidence of you sending the screenshots to yourself), or whatever. They might or might not matter in your area regarding the divorce itself, but they're great evidence for when people ask why you got divorced, and you can pull them out and say "my wife is a cheating whore, here's the evidence". Or when she tells people "We got divorced because of (fake reason)", you can pull out your copy of thes…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 06:39 PM
1

I'm not for sure if my ex had ever made a mistake, I know in 25 years she never said sorry one fucking time. According to her I had it coming for something that had happened in the past. Pretty sure we were married to the same woman.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:39 PM
1

YES, hire an attorney. I did not hire an attorney until the very end, because I trusted my ex to not fuck me over and I "couldn't afford" an attorney. I ended up signing a bunch of stuff I shouldn't have signed (before I hired my attorney) and it cost me serious money, and there was nothing my attorney could do since I'd already signed it. Don't be stupid like me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 06:21 PM
5

apparently I’ve always been a shit husband. That's called "rewriting history". You're not alone, my ex-wife does the same thing. With the way she talks about me you'd think I'm satan himself and she was "never happy" and "always miserable". Yet I can go look back through old messages between us, and thousands of photos, and they all say otherwise. She was constantly telling me how happy she is, and she has the biggest, most genuine smiles on her face you've ever seen in all the photos from our e…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 06:18 PM
2

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:07 PM
2

Good advice. I will have to read this ASAP. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 09:25 PM
3

For me, it was realizing that it wasn't about me or my child's mother "winning" an argument or situation, rather focusing on how my child benefits or not. Just grabbed a copy of it, thanks. Does it cover how to deal with someone who sees "winning the argument" and "being right" as the only thing that matters in their life? Because that's how my ex-wife approaches any argument with me. She has to be right all the time, I have to be wrong, and she isn't happy until she feels like she "won" the arg…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 09:16 PM
3

I have a really weird divorce and post-divorce relationship with my ex-wife, so take this with a grain of salt. My ex is kind of a bitch sometimes, but she's a pretty decent mom. Not perfect, but she's good. We still exchange gifts for Mother's Day and Father's Day, and little Christmas gifts to each other, usually 'from' our kids. Nothing outlandish. Usually something small and not too expensive. This helps our kids learn how to give gifts and think about what someone else might want, it helps …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 03:37 AM
11

It feels like my ex has been reaching out to me more and more now that our final hearing is set. She even seems friendlier too. Admiral Ackbar says it's a trap!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 09:02 PM
17

It is incredible how so many of us have such similar stories.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 02:33 AM
1

My ex and I agreed to steadily dating the same person for a minimum of 6 months before we introduce them to our kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 09:51 PM
2

Stbxw is so in love with new guy ( stbxw now is agender they/them, and the guy in private dresses up as a woman and stbxw fucks him in the ass with a strap-on) The fuck did I just read?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 09:43 PM
2

She gives it to him.with a stap on? Pretty crazy ass stuff Rephrase: "Pretty crazy ass-stuff"
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 09:41 PM
5

Yes. You’ll have rental income from someone you trust. wat does not compute
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:33 PM
3

If it were me, I'd demand to deal with the living situation of your children FIRST, then deal with the financial issues. Having your child live in such disgusting and unsanitary conditions is awful. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:31 PM
4

This ain't ADHD. This is on an entirely different level of mental issues.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:30 PM
5

For the Love of God, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. Yeah, this. Did you know that women can get pregnant with multiple kids at the same time? Especially when you're having marital difficulties? Signed, Divorced dad with young twins
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 12:59 AM
5

Yeah I’m turning 50. Saw my ex wife last week. She looks old. If you want to be a total dick, send her this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 09:11 PM
6

I sure didn't identify as a work horse, but my ex-wife absolutely treated me like it. Why? Because her dad was the family work horse when my ex-wife was growing up and that's how she expected me to act as her husband. Her dad did everything for his family and damn near killed himself in the process. He had no life outside of his family -- no friends, no hobbies, no nothing other than work and his family. His wife and kids all treated him like a work horse (and still do, to this day).
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:34 PM
6

Too smart for their own good. Her favorite response to everything is “I know”. I asked her why she always said that. She said because “I have a PhD”. For fucks sake! You know about…EVERYTHING? I give up. My ex-wife's attitude turned into that after she graduated law school. "I'm an attorney so I know everything" was her attitude for at least the second half of our marriage. She was insufferable.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 09:49 PM
6

Mine would insult me to my face, and behind my back to her friends and family (for years before we separated!), because she made a LOT more money than I did (she's a lawyer). Then we divorce and I get a better paying job a while later. Suddenly our salaries were roughly the same. She still makes more due to commissions on her cases, but it eats her up inside that I didn't go to law school and now I'm salaried at her level. And she probably has to work 10x as hard as I do in a much more stressful…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 09:48 PM
10

My ex-wife is a lot like this. After a decade of marriage she got rid of me because she thinks I'm worthless and she deserves more, or someone better, due to her nice career and large income. Her standards are absurdly high for someone she wants to be with. She thinks she deserves a top 0.1% man because she makes lots of money and has an objectively beautiful body. I get it...she's a beautiful, high-income women, so she thinks she's entitled to get whatever man she wants. But she hasn't realized…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 06:20 PM
23

You're divorced and you just met someone new and you're already in a "serious relationship" after talking for a month. This has more red flags than a communist military parade. Good luck though...just don't get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 12:05 AM
3

It was the perfect occasion to use that meme. :)
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 08:34 PM
7

I was always afraid to leave her because of the consistent sex. Pussy is a hell of a drug. But sometimes you've got to do the thinking with your big head, instead of your little head.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 08:32 PM
8

IT'S A TRAP!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 08:30 PM
2

On the incredibly rare occasions that she would apologize, yes, she would only apologize if I apologized first. Which usually meant I ended up apologizing for something I shouldn't have had to apologize for, if my ex-wife used reason and logic. I think I can count on 1 hand the number of times she truly apologized for something, during our entire marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 08:29 PM
2

I would absolutely get back with my ex-wife, on 2 conditions: If she could magically turn into the incredible woman I married, instead of the arrogant narcissist she turned into. If she could truly realize how much of an awful person she turned into, and actually apologize for what she said and did (and really mean it) If she could do both of those things, I would get back with her in an instant. BUT since it is well-established that she is too arrogant and narcissistic to ever admit a mistake (…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:30 AM
26

My ex is too narcissistic and arrogant to ever admit she made a mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 02:40 AM
10

My brother in Christ.... Every single one of those women likely looked up how much your houses cost.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 03:21 AM
5

With the number of women out there who aren't what they appear to be, I don't feel I can blame her for doing some investigating to make sure the man she's dating is what he says he is. I get the preference for privacy as well, but on the other hand, things like the price you paid for your home are public record. Anybody can find it on Zillow with a quick search.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:15 AM
1

Sorry to hear that. Personally I'd let it go and move on. Life is too short. My ex-wife would never email my immediate family and tell them lies about me...but only because she thinks she's too good to talk to any of my family. My immediate family also knows that my ex is narcissistic, so they see right through the stuff she does and says. But, my ex does talk shit about me to her whole family and her friends. And they eat it all up, because her parents and siblings haven't figured out how narci…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 03:34 AM
3

Sounds like your ex wants to be a dependapotamus.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 05:04 PM
1

My ex-wife is 100% a narcissist. It was amazing to watch her transformation from a wonderful person to a raging narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:54 PM
2

I knew it was too good to be true!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:53 PM
1

I offered a solution to this problem weeks ago, she fought me on it for a week. Then randomly texts me early as hell in the morning one day saying she agrees to my points and wants to do it immediately. She actually admitted to agreeing with you? Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:47 PM
2

I'd imagine we married the same woman, except my ex-wife got a boob job at the same time as her tummy tuck. Then she never let me touch them, and kicked me out a few months later. She's also arrogant, narcissistic, and thinks she's better than everyone else. She's going to have a really difficult time dating because she thinks no one is good enough for her. She legit could have been a model in her late teens and early 20s, but over time, I'm noticing cracks in the surface. Based on all the thing…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:46 PM
6

It sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it. I'm in a similar position. My ex-wife is very pretty on the outside (especially after the tummy tuck and boob job she got after a pregnancy), but she turned into an ugly person on the inside towards the latter half of our marriage. Whoever she ends up dating will eventually realize why she's divorced: because she is arrogant and narcissistic, and thinks she's better than everyone else. I'd rather be with someone who is a 6-7 on the outside and i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:41 PM
11

It's so easy for her. It's "so easy for her" because in her mind, the relationship has been dead for a long time. She has already mourned it and has moved on. You are just now starting that process. Time to work on YOU. I know it is hard, because I'm doing it myself. I'm only a few years out from a divorce, with multiple kids about the same age as yours. It sucks, but you have pick up the pieces and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:36 AM
3

But what about lawyers and teachers? What’s the matter with those? I used to be married to a narcissistic lawyer. Part of her issues are due to her narcissism, part of her issues are due to her being a lawyer. Both of those feed off each other. She couldn't turn off "being a lawyer" at home. She decided that since she was a good attorney, that she was better than everyone else (especially me). She decided that she knew everything about everything, which was funny since she has very little common…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 08:56 PM
4

My question is...does anyone ever have an ex that apologizes? ...you're kidding, right? Even when we were married (for a decade), I could count the number of actual apologies I ever got from her on a single hand.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 06:23 PM
6

When we were first together, even a few years into our marriage, she was incredible. She was kind, loving, generous, polite, warm, caring, funny, and great to be around. She respected me, and admired me, and loved me. We did things together. We were head over heels for each other. We had constant, amazing sex. Life was good. Slowly, over time, that all changed. A decade later, she is now the complete opposite person from that. My ex-wife turned into a narcissistic, arrogant, petty, insulting, fu…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 10:09 PM
3

My ex-wife is a covert narcissist. Our relationship started out well but then did a 180 after a few years. Like many of the guys posting here, my ex-wife is completely unable to apologize for anything, and she can't take responsibility for anything. When we were married she would constantly insult everything about me she could think of. She went from thinking I was amazing and smart, to thinking I'm worthless and an idiot. Nothing really changed about me, but when she got a really high-paying jo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 08:23 PM
2

My wife says she will be different this time around and that she will change all the diapers and do all the work for the new baby. HahahhahhahaHAHAHahhahaha Bull. Fuckin'. Shit. My ex-wife said that same shit about getting puppies. Guess who did everything involved with their feeding, obedience training, house training, vet visits, socializing, and walking/exercising?. Me. Guess who ended up with the dogs when we divorced, since she kept the house with the big backyard and I moved into an apartm…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:33 AM
1

Make sure you understand the IRS rules for what an HSA can and can't be used for.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 01:13 AM
20

Yes, I'm in my late 30s and haven't been on a date since my divorce a bit over 2 years ago. Haven't been laid in 4 years, either. I don't feel like dealing with a lot of today's women after what I went through during my marriage and divorce. Maybe one day, but I'm fine for now without a woman in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 08:10 PM
1

Sounds like she's somebody else's problem now!
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 05:19 PM
6

equal incomes though she has loads more debt than me (which I'm paying) Does not compute.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 08:32 PM
4

Looks like it! Seems to me, at least, to be a big sign of immaturity, as if they never left childhood, or at least haven't taken on the responsibilities of being an adult. There's nothing wrong with liking Disney and enjoying a trip, but obsessing over it is, IMHO, a big red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 04:30 PM
2

But twice every week for dinner. With ALL OF THEM. That sounds exhausting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 03:05 AM
2

Good. Feel free to add to it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:55 PM
8

The best way to describe the feeling after divorce is "relief". That's the damn truth!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:44 PM
16

Meanwhile she's playing on her phone doing nothing to contribute, while you're cooking dinner, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, and putting the kids to bed by yourself. Then you find out later on, that she was mocking you and talking shit about you to her family and friends while she was texting on the phone (as you were slaving away doing all the household chores).
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:43 PM
7

Wow. The audacity. My ex used to do something similar, mostly with the pool. I did all the maintenance, repair, and upkeep. 100% on me. She'd go out to the pool, or take the kids out there, or invite people over, and they would just leave their trash and stuff all over the pool deck. Guess who got to clean that up? Except now, we're divorced. So I don't deal with that any longer. Sometimes I'll go to my ex's house and see trash all over the pool deck, and it will stay there for weeks before it g…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:34 PM
3

Man that sounds like a shitshow. Sorry you had to go through all that. I hope things are better for you now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:30 PM
7

If I told my ex that, she'd just respond with "Whatever, I'll just get my dad to do it" because her dad spoiled the fuck out of her. Go look up "covert female narcissist" and you'll get a good idea of who my ex-wife is.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:27 PM
7

Are you me?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:26 PM
6

I told her "I'm going to see the grand canyon before i die." Did you get to see it?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:24 PM
8

Sound about right. Let me guess, all the photos for Facebook and IG showed smiling happy faces, while reality was much, much different?
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:23 PM
6

Were you also treated like the family pack horse, brother? "I expect you to carry our entire family's stuff to the beach, totally by yourself. Because that's how my dad did it growing up, since he has a hangup on proving his masculinity by carrying everything he can see."
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 07:39 PM
4

Good riddance to the lot of them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 07:37 PM
9

"My dad could do this SO MUCH BETTER and FASTER, why don't I just call him to do it since you're incompetent?"
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 07:37 PM
8

You said it, brother. "First we'll drive up the night of the 24th, and spend the night in my parents' unheated basement. We'll wake up when their dogs start barking at 5AM, and go open presents with my parents. Then at 2 we'll go visit Grandma and Grandpa, then at 5 we'll go visit Uncle Bob and and Aunt Sally in the trailer park, then we'll go home. On the 26th we'll go visit Aunt Marge and Uncle John, then Gram-Gram and Pop-Pop, and my crazy racist drunk Great Grandma. And then sigh on the 27th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 07:35 PM
13

Me: I’m thinking about buy a gun Her: We’re broke Me: Ok You: "Then how the fuck could you afford to spend $200 at the hair salon if we're broke?!"
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 07:32 PM
5

That's awesome you can do that. Although it isn't really about the protein jar. It's about what the protein jar represents. Now, you can do whatever you want, without someone bitching at you about how something "needs to go in the pantry" or "shouldn't be left on the counter" or "that's not the right spot for that".
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 06:42 PM
3

I get you. My former in-laws are weird and I'm so glad I don't have to interact with them any more.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 06:40 PM
11

Meanwhile... Husband: "What's this random charge for $250?" Ex-wife: "...um...just stuff from Amazon because I have a shopping addiction"
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 06:35 PM
4

Been there, done that...similar situation, except in Orlando. Just awful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 06:33 PM
3

Truth is stranger than fiction.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 06:24 PM
8

Very nice post. Thanks for taking the time to write it. Nothing I did was ever good enough. She was quick to criticize and slow to show appreciation (if ever). I think we were married to the same woman.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:46 PM
7

You (and I, and a lot of other men) are seen by their wives as nothing more than an ends to a mean. Literally nothing more than a pack animal. Sometimes financially. Sometimes physically.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:24 PM
12

We've gone to Disneyland every year for the last ten years. Fuck. That.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:18 PM
8

Yep. But the freedom is worth it. My ex-wife was singlehandedly keeping Amazon in business. After we separated, sometimes I'd go to her place to drop our kids off and she'd have stacks of unopened boxes from Amazon in her front entryway. Stacks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:12 PM
1

Don't ever feel guilty spending money on yourself. Your ex-wife didn't feel guilty spending money on herself. Both her money, and your money. Time to enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:06 PM
9

edit I wanted to add that one month she told me we were short on covering the cost of daycare. We split all the bills 50/50 and I don't remember the specifics but she needed my help. I wasn't doing side work at this point so I ended up quickly selling a couple firearms and safe to get her the money. What do you think happened a couple DAYS after the "daycare" bill was covered? She took a trip to Disneyland. I honestly don't remember if it was solo or with her Sister or what but I'm positive it w…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:03 PM
11

I would think we wouldn’t have to go the following year but a couple of months later they would be planning the trip. Husband: "Don't you remember what happened last time?? Why would you want to do that again?" Wife: "Yeah, but...we do it every year, and it's my family, and...and...." Husband walks off, shaking his head, muttering under his breath...
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:59 PM
26

She'll never be happy until she's made someone else unhappy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:57 PM
5

The kids were never old enough to enjoy it (it wasn't about them) My ex-wife demanded we go to Disney when our kids were 2-3. They'll never remember it. It was the height of absurdity. I hear you about the weird obsessions. My ex-wife has a major weird obsession that I won't go into on here since it would doxx me, but let's just say I totally understand where you're coming from. These are the obsessions of children, not grown adults.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:56 PM
53

Yep. And I know about sitting in the driveway after getting home from work, dreading going inside, because you know that nothing but constant whining, complaining, and insults awaits you as soon as you open the door. Nothing you do is ever good enough, or fast enough, or "up to her standards".
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:50 PM
11

I'm also enjoying not having crazy amounts of money spent on the most useless shit. Her: Gets a $300 haircut (including coloring and tip) -- hair looks exactly the same Me: Gets a $15 haircut -- 2/3rd's of my hair is now missing
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:45 PM
24

Did we ever take a beach vacation, just the two of us, or only with our kids? Nope, it was always with her entire fucking family. Did we ever go on a vacation where I wanted to go? Nope. Just wherever she wanted to go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:43 PM
55

"What's wrong?" "Nothing. I'm fine."
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:42 PM
9

My exwife is really upset I am doing my own seperate birthday parties for the kids at my own house. Her emotions are her own problem.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 12:08 AM
13

It's amazing how some women have no personality of their own. I know a woman like this. I've known her for a few decades so I've seen it happen to each guy she's been with. She was a big fan of whatever her boyfriend was a big fan of, before she married her first husband. Then she marries her first husband, who is a big fan of the local sports team, so of course, she's suddenly a huge fan of the local sports team. She divorces him, finds a new guy and marries him ASAP. He's a big music fan of a …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 10:39 PM
6

Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Some people do crazy shit. I remember a few months before we separated, my wife (now ex-wife) wanted me to put up some Christmas lights on the front of our house. We lived in a stupid large McMansion, with a high and steep roofline (so you can't really get on the roof) and nowhere good to put a ladder to climb up. She was literally asking me to climb 30+ ft in the air on an unsteady ladder just to hang Christmas lights. Fuck that. I said no, and of course she threw a h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 07:01 PM
5

We hugged n kissed but all I could see is how she cheated numerous times while I was gone. Over the last couple days and after alot of her talking about what I did wrong and how I drove her to this Unless you held a gun to her head and forced her to cheat, then she cheated all on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 06:50 PM
5

She's a lawyer Danger, Will Robinson!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:11 AM
2

I hear that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 06:49 PM
2

It's a trap!
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 06:48 PM
1

So, necessary background: married 20. Live in TX. Both employed. Her salary is about half mine. SO was SAHM for a long time. Kid is in college now. SO dabbled here and there and finally became gainfully employed about 2 years ago. Bought a house last year (long story). Have a single vehicle we owe a bit on (I work from home). Maybe 9k in CC debt. Big oof.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 07:43 PM
1

Posts like this make me so thankful my ex-wife and I have an amicable relationship. Neither of us wanted to make the lawyers more rich than they already are, so the lawyers we used mostly just went over everything and filed the paperwork for us. I think I spent about $1,700 for my attorney, total. My ex-wife and I worked out basically everything between the two of us, without needing to go for the throat. I really feel for you guys who got raked over the coals so badly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 07:41 PM
2

It depends entirely on your relationship with your STBXW and your kids. A few months after we separated, I didn't get my STBXW a gift for a holiday. She was upset, because she felt that as the mother of our kids, she still deserved something (which I thought was a pretty entitled attitude), but she also said that if we don't model gift-giving for our kids, they won't learn how to do it themselves. We have a few young children so we're trying to model good behavior and things like generosity, eve…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 07:34 PM
2

I only have a Facebook account, and I didn't change anything on it. Since my ex-wife seemingly hates me, I figured she would remove all mentions of me on her Facebook, but she didn't. She still has posts going back to when we were in college, with lots of photos of us, and posts about how awesome I am and how much she loves and appreciates me (from years before we started having relationship issues). She still has albums with our wedding photos, family photos of us and our kids, Christmas photos…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 05:24 PM
2

That is understandable in a lot of cases. Thankfully my ex-wife and I have a generally decent post-divorce relationship. It isn't perfect, and we aren't exactly friends, but it isn't quite as bad as a lot of guys' situations.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 08:01 PM
2

While I hate that for you, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 06:51 PM
1

Let's just say I've kept a very close eye on things. Is it possible she's been on dates? Yes. Likely? Not really.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 06:50 PM
2

I like this, thank you. Yes, it is a fine line to model a healthy, positive relationship where you're not at each other's throats, but also showing how to set healthy boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 03:45 PM
2

Thanks for the link. This guy's channel is a gold mine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 06:40 AM
3

This is really where I'm at. You're right, she can still make my life difficult if she wants, but things are mostly going smoothly right now and I'd like to keep that up if possible. If that means I do the occasional favor, then whatever. I'd rather do that, and have a mostly amicable relationship between us, than constantly butt heads and have our kids see us fighting all the time. And every time you do her a favor your kids will notice it and it will reflect positively on you. Yes, and they al…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 04:57 AM
2

Ouch, but accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 03:21 AM
4

All of this is good. Thanks for your input.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 03:20 AM
3

What starts as a favor becomes routine and then becomes an obligation. Good point. Thanks for your input.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 02:17 AM
5

Yeah, I dogsit on occasion, too. They were "our" dogs, and are now "her" dogs, since she still has the big house with the big backyard, and I didn't want to take the dogs with me to a small apartment. Didn't think it was fair to them. Sometimes my ex will take our kids our a trip out of town over the weekend, and I'll watch the dogs while they're away. It's actually win-win, since she doesn't have to pay to board them, and I get to spend some time with our dogs. And when she was hinting at doing…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 02:11 AM
3

I can't honestly remember a time I've said no. Mostly for my kids. They're too young to really understand the complexities of adult relationships, but they can understand "Daddy is picking us up tonight because Mommy couldn't get here on time, and I love seeing Daddy when I wasn't expecting it!"
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:54 AM
3

All of this is good stuff. Thanks for your input.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:49 AM
2

She can buy her own fucking mower. Hah, nice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:48 AM
2

True, good point. Thanks for the input.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:21 AM
3

Thanks for your input. I think my main holdup is that I don't want to go out of my way to facilitate her doing something like going on a date with someone else, but at the same time, I'd feel pretty guilty knowing she hired a babysitter to watch our kids, or they went to a relative's house to watch them, when I'm capable of watching them. Oh well. I've still got some thinking to do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:04 AM
5

Thanks for the input.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 01:01 AM
5

First words out of my wife’s mouth today was her Comparing me to other men. Saying other men can do things better. Better dad. Better husband, better helper, better repair, better money. I gave her everything I have. She doesn’t work. I work 12 hour days. And when I am off. I give her and the kids my fullest attention Yes. Been there, done that, got the divorce to prove it. That behavior and attitude was not the sole reason for our divorce, but not having to deal with it any longer has been an a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 11:12 PM
1

Same here. My ex-wife might as well think her dad is the second coming of christ. Turns out he has a cheating accusation against him, and he's kind of a piece of shit. But she still idolizes him anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 11:02 PM
3

Afterall, what has a "Christmas Tree" go to do with Christ? I've been saying that for years!! And what the hell is up with the Easter Bunny??
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 05:40 AM
1

Yep.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 11:21 PM
5

As part of our agreement, the non-custodial parent is entitled to call to talk to the kids every day. We usually do a video call each night in the evenings. Sometimes it's 30 seconds, sometimes it's 5 minutes. It isn't much, but it is nice to see my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 09:57 PM
1

Yes, to all of that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:48 PM
2

I am not a mental health professional, but it certainly sounds like it. Maybe a bit of narcissism thrown in for good measure.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:22 PM
1

Yes, it does get better as time goes on. Been divorced for a few years now. I was in a mood to vent last night when I posted it!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:21 PM
14

I am truly not trying to push you to divorce. It isn't a fun thing to go through. But I also know that reading your post sounded very familiar, because I've lived it. Better to rip the band-aid off now, than a decade or two from now after having multiple kids. Being married to someone who doesn't respect you is a truly awful experience.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:38 PM
6

This is a big thing I'm working on with my daughters, since I know their mother will never teach them how to apologize, nor will she ever model it for them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:29 PM
2

Towards the end of our marriage, my ex-wife was only "nice" when she wanted something from me. Then she turned right back into her normal self where she treated me like shit, until the next time she wanted something from me. That is called breadcrumbing. She was incredibly manipulative. She knew exactly what she was doing. How do I know this? Because I saw a text on her phone to one of her friends, saying "I only hug (husband) when I want something from him."
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:21 PM
5

These thoughts have become more stronger since i m not happy and in a lot of pressure to keep her happy. Why are you under pressure to keep her happy? Despite what you might think, happiness has to come from within. Her happiness is her responsibility. On the flip side, do you think she feels "pressure to keep (you) happy"? Or is she just sucking all the energy out of you, and never giving anything in return?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:18 PM
28

Read what you wrote again. You live in fear that she will get mad. You feel like you're walking on eggshells. She never apologizes, and something tells me she probably never takes responsibility for anything either, since you said you always try to sort out the issue. You "try to fulfill her wishes with your salary" -- So you're trying to buy her love? She "doesn't respect your decisions at all" You're worried what life would be like if you have a child together. You've listed some behavior here…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:16 PM
3

Yes, they will. That is specifically why we avoid bringing lawyers into anything! In fact, other than using lawyers to file the basic paperwork for our divorce, we haven't brought lawyers back into anything between us at all. We usually make it a point to work things out between us, so we don't end up making someone else's boat payment for them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 07:03 PM
3

This has been the best part of my divorce. I hate to say it but the boomer joke of "the ol' ball and chain" is pretty accurate at times. It is nice to have the freedom to go do whatever I want, whenever I want, without someone nagging me about it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:50 PM
2

Love it. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:47 PM
2

I never lived alone until my ex-wife and I separated. I went from parents --> college --> girlfriend --> married, without living on my own at all during any of that. Living alone was a totally new experience for me, and it made me a better man. It made me realize I have complete autonomy over my life, and I had been sacrificing my own wants and needs for other people until that point.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:46 PM
3

There is a lot of truth in this statement.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:42 PM
2

Realizing you being the “perfect “ husband,father,provider,etc….. doesn’t mean shit…..the spouse can literally have it all… and still fuck it up….and all those years/decades were wasted….especially considering you were probably miserable the entire time while jumping through a million ever changing hoops to make her happy. Divorce is watching a person change into a completely different, horrible person before your very eyes. Are you...me?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:42 PM
3

You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free. Your. Mind.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:34 PM
10

I live in a nice apartment without mounds of clutter. It is decorated how I like things. You will not find any candles or LIVE LAUGH LOVE pillows in my apartment Those stupid LIVE LAUGH LOVE (and similar) decorations are the absolute worst, most cliché decorations I've ever seen. They are some of the cringiest shit I've ever seen. Being able to decorate (or not decorate) your living space how you choose is a huge one for me. My ex-wife and I always butted heads over Christmas decorations because…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 06:17 PM
6

Only there can it be unmade.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:40 PM
3

Holy shit that's awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I'm glad you're out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:34 PM
6

I've experienced this enough that I know you're not lying. My example above was from real life, as well. My ex-wife is the type to say I'm being whiny when I'm sick, but when she's sick, the world has to stop for her. Another true story from a few weeks ago: One of the very few advantages of being divorced is the ability to avoid spreading illness. If mom gets sick the day before it's time for the kids to go back to her, just have dad keep the kids until she isn't sick. That way none of the kids…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:33 PM
4

All this sounds great, unless your ex-wife is an attorney. Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 05:07 PM
3

I like your thoughts, thanks for adding.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 03:26 AM
9

You will get through this. It might suck now, but you will come out the other side stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 03:25 AM
13

An optimist appears, out of the sea of misery. Thanks for the different perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:41 AM
11

Realizing that women use the notion of masculinity for their own ends. Example, “I’m sleeping with someone else, be a man and get over it.” "Man the fuck up and go to work, you're such a hypochondriac." Narrator: her husband sounded like was about to cough up a lung, and he had a fever of 103F.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:40 AM
16

Divorce is the violent destruction of a family unit brought on by the failure of an adult to stick to their wedding vows. "...to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until I get bored with you and decide I'm better than you."
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:37 AM
13

Walking your dog alone on a Sunday evening and hearing children’s laughter coming from your neighbors houses. You walk by thinking, “That was my home once.” That's every other Sunday for me when I drop our kids back off at her house. I used to live there. It's a nice house, too. I actually realized a few days ago that I have lived in my little apartment longer than I lived in that house. It’s dealing with an ex-wife who now swears up and down that she NEVER loved you. Rewriting history. I am fam…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:33 AM
7

Divorce is feeling like you are unworthy of being loved. This one really hits home for me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:21 AM
5

Deep thoughts, thanks for adding. My post was more about concrete experiences, yours is more philosophical. I like it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:11 AM
1

Yep. Just in a venting mood tonight.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:11 AM
3

Truth.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 02:10 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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