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WestEssexEnclave Archive

View 3 posts and 39 comments by WestEssexEnclave on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

It may be different. If there is a 'Finding of Fact' hearing the accuser makes out a table of allegations (a 'Scott Schedule') and each one is tested in a trial - both presenting evidence and being cross examined. A court will then decide if it's more likely to have happened than not (or vice versa). Otherwise...courts WILL err on the side of caution when it comes to allegations which inevitably leads to delays, children being seen by the accused parent in a contact centre at most, etc. The sad …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 08:42 PM
2

When people say to me `I want your help to appeal' I'll say `On what basis?' Usually I'll get a blank stare and it's clear they think I will sift through hundreds of pages of documents and find a smoking gun. I'd venture the opinion that if someone says they want to appeal and then searches for reasons to do it rather than the other way around they're grasping at straws.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 01:48 PM
1

I'm not a solicitor or barrister (I'm in the UK) but I do help people in family law proceedings. Recently I received an email from someone asking for help with an appeal. Appeals are deliberately hard, expensive and almost guaranteed to fail - and most of the people who ask for my help with them want to do it not because they believe there was an error in law (the whole basis for an appeal) but because they didn't like what was ordered. When I received this email I pointed out the above, said I …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 08:00 AM
1

She may be reasonable...she may not. I've had clients who have ended up building a cooperative and friendly relationship with their ex. I've also seen people ending up back in court repeatedly. In my own case I'm 15 years in. My ex continues to refuse to speak to me and does her best to cut me out of any decisions related to our son. I suspect the only thing that makes her behave reasonably at all is the fear that I'll take her back to court - not because she values me as a parent etc. all.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 07:34 PM
1

Life is a lot easier now. I won't lie - the bit I describe above was the hardest time I'd ever experienced.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 11:49 AM
6

Common mistakes many of my (male) clients make too - I'm in the UK: Moving out before there is an agreement about the children and finance. Leave before that has happened and you've handed a huge tactical advantage to the ex - you've left the former matrimonial name, given her everything you want and she has no incentive to negotiate or agree to anything. Posting about it on social media. It can and WILL be used against you in court. Say nothing about your ex, the situation or the family courts.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 09:31 AM
3

The only way I could handle it was to categorically refuse to give up no matter what and vowed that I would be in my son's life. By the time that happened I had lost my house, my business and was bankrupted. It took 5 years. My ex relocated my son 300 miles from London to rural Wales in a bid to get me to give up. I was depressed, then suicidal. It dropped to minus 14C indoors because I couldn't afford heating. I chopped up and burned furniture to star warm. I lived off food parcels my parents g…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 10:21 PM
1

Yeah- that's right. In the UK contact centres provided supported and supervised contact. Supported is where a parent (usually a dad) sees his children because his ex won't agree to anything else - it doesn't matter if there are allegations or not. The courts CAN order contact away from them but always go for this as a first step. It's humiliating and people feel like criminals. When I saw my son in one I was running educational workshops for schools and would be regularly left unattended with ki…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 10:05 PM
5

Exactly 100 days. Our son was prevented from seeing me after I was almost arrested for taking him for a walk in his pushchair. My ex in laws brought him to a supermarket for an hour a week; my attempts to mediate and discuss had been refused outright at every step. I was trying to do things amicably so I didn't want to take things to court. When I told ex in laws I was taking him for a walk they called 999 and claimed I was breaking a court order and was trying to abduct my own son (both untrue)…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 12:32 PM
1

Assuming you are England or Wales... ...it is quite possible. Divorce is just a paperwork exercise. It is usually done without a hearing - just sending the right document off. Pro-tip. Make sure you get exact names, addresses, etc. on the document - the court will send them back if there are any discrepancies. As things are amicable and assuming you don't want to hang around you are going to have to use unreasonable behaviour as grounds. Basically one of you needs to demonstrate the court why yo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 02:57 PM
1

I'm a legal assistant. I can help people represent themselves but I can't speak for them, act as their representative or conduct litigation unless the court specifically allows it. I help people deal with paperwork, deal with correspondence, prepare statements, bundle, etc. and am at court with them before, during the after the hearing. I also help with negotiation and make sure the other side doesn't take advantage of my client. I charge for my work (I have to eat!) but I'm a third of the cost …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 07:44 PM
1

During my angry and hurt phase these were a few of mine... The Game (Disturbed) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsIXGVOvah8 Killing in the Name of (RATM) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWXazVhlyxQ Might as Well be on Mars (Alice Cooper) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfDAAuCymE Hurt (Johnny Cash) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AHCfZTRGiI Aquarius (Boards of Canada) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRcr5hYCxh0 Crystal Ball (Keane) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEHy0QwvAYE The mu…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 09:04 AM
2

I've not come up against a QC before. Although I've faced a lot of barristers - and I'm pretty impressed overall...they tend to be easier to work with than solicitors...positive, solution-led and personable. Don't get me wrong - I've booted a few out of consultation rooms for trying to bully my client but most of them are just nice people...but I'm aware they're the ones you really have to watch out for because they can be so persuasive... ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 08:58 AM
2

The biggest tip is be as amicable as possible. If you're in the UK you can do the divorce online. You don't need a finance order but you do remain tied to your ex financially until that happens. You don't need an order for kids if you any. Whatever you agree with her is fine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:15 PM
1

Oh, they wouldn't let the likes of me in! I'm a lowly McKenzie Friend (15 years, thousands of cases including ones in the Royal Courts of Justice and commendations from High Court Judges) so I'd just be lowering the tone! ;-p
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 09:54 AM
1

The final straw for me was when I phoned the legal exec at my solicitor's to ask what was going on at my case because they didn't communicate with me and she told me I was being charged every time I called. I might have suggested that if they told me what was going on and I wouldn't call as often. I fired them a couple of days later.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:45 AM
1

TBH this sort of thing is why we respond within a day and clients can book and pay for online consultations. (I'm not a solicitor - I'm what is known in the court as a McKenzie Friend but I don't use that term because few people have ever heard of it).
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:43 AM
4

Sadly you often only find out when it's too late. I take your point about not having much time. Otherwise it's all about getting recommendations, checking reviews, etc. Lawyers work for you. In the same way a plumber or IT technician does. I've upset a few solicitors in the past saying that, but it's true. What they do can be extremely significant; you're paying for a service and it's a reasonable expectation it'll be of a decent quality.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:42 AM
1

To be fair though - it's not black and white. For every client who demands I go through hundreds of pages of stuff that I'm pretty sure isn't relevant but I am going to have to charge them to go through there is another one who doesn't mention something that is absolutely and insanely relevant and we all find out when we're sitting in front of a judge while the opposing barrister is using it to damage my client's case (and I'm trying not to headbutt the desk and scream `Why didn't you bloody tel…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:39 AM
1

I've had people send me - literally - 900 pages - a couple of days before a hearing and expect me to go through it forensically (and even better...not charge because `I'm not paying you just to read paperwork). Usually when this happens it's stuff that I should have seen months ago (and have been asking for) and even if I'm pretty sure it's not going to make any difference to the case I need to make sure. My other half has been known to come out of hearings and say to litigants `When were you pl…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:35 AM
3

It seems pretty hit and miss to me. Some do, some don't. I fired my soilcitor because they didn't update me, didn't act on initiative and there were times where there was no progress because they `were waiting for instructions' - which was odd because I using them for their legal expertise and was kind of expecting them to advice me on that sort of thing. Sometimes it is last minute - because if your ex throws a spanner in the works at the last minute it can affect how they repond or what they s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 06:02 PM
1

It's just negotiation, brinkmanship and bulls**ting (sometimes with some bullying thrown in if they're not the nicest person in the world). If someone can get the result they want by agreement - that's an absolute win for them. It means they're avoiding the time, effort and expense of a hearing/trial and getting more certainty - because when you're in front of a judge all bets are off and he/she gets to decide what is going to happen regardless of what you or anyone else thinks. The secret is to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 08:49 AM
1

When I met the person who was writing those letters - my ex's solicitor - I actually quite liked her. We ended chatting about shared interests. I was genuinely sad when she told me she'd always wanted to get married and have kids but that wasn't going to happen after working in the family court for a few years. It taught me that my perception was at least off as much as some solicitors write letters aren't actually *evil*. When I started helping people represent themselves in court I saw enough …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 08:42 AM
2

Yeah - I live in Wales but started in England (so everything I post is based on English and Welsh law). It worked out amazingly well for me. I sacked my solicitor because she told me before the first hearing that the most I would ever see my son would be every other weekend and that was if my ex decided not to break the order...but if she did there would be little I could do about it. I made my own application to the court with the assistance of a `McKenzie Friend' who did a lot of the stuff a s…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 08:01 PM
0

Not sure where you are, but in the UK all bills it would all depend whose name it's under. If it's hers...it's her problem. Debt collectors will go after her, not you. Of course, if you're going through a finance case at the same time she would be correct in saying that the debt is a matrimonial one meaning you're liable for it if the family courts... ...but it also comes under the ambit of contract law. And debt collectors tend to move faster than the family courts so they'd likely get a CCJ/da…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 03:26 PM
2

I believe it's more cock up than conspiracy - despite the old jokes lawyers are just fallible human beings. It's easy for them (just like anyone else) to forget that it's just another day in the office for them but the life of people going though the court system. There is also the factor that they're trying to get a great result for their client. Look at it from their point of view. They've got a client who wants a certain result and they know that if they write something in a certain way the e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 01:49 PM
1

Why would you pay for your ex's solicitor?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 12:44 PM
1

If you're in England or Wales everything including inheritance regardless of anything is a marital asset. It doesn't matter who has what in any account either, nor whose name it is under. You're right though - money DOES follow their children though. Happy to answer any questions but I only know law in England and Wales!
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 04:56 PM
3

Don't get tied up with what 'reasonable' is. 'Reasonable' has no legal definition and what is reasonable to you may not be to your ex, her lawyer, the judge or anyone else. Maybe you mean 'What does everyone else have?' or 'What is the most you think I could realistically have? Let me ask you a question. What is in the best interests of your children?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 08:08 PM
1

Well...pre nups in the UK are only partially effective. They don't overrule the Matrimonial Causes Act. There's nothing to stop people agreeing to a pre nup that includes inherited assets and properry being included in one. Where pre nups fall down is predictable though - the party that is no longer happy with it will inevitably argue they were coerced into it, didn't understand the full implications, etc. in the hope a judge will look at it and say `We need to disregard this'.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 03:12 PM
1

You don't go to court for fairness or justice... ;-) 50:50 is always the initial starting point. The overriding consideration when it comes to divvying up stuff is purely on need. The court system is `ring fenced' too - criminal and civil law are different areas of law and have no/limited bearing on each other which means courts can ignore what is going on in other fields. I can understand why...it would be impossible otherwise. Don't get me wrong - this is insane. But as I say...courts aren't a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 02:04 PM
4

I'm going to assume the question is rhetorical. It's worth pointing out some relevant points though. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not defending the law. I'm not trying to make anyone `feel better'. Something else that may be relevant (but I'm not holding out much hope here...). I got into family law after coming home one day to find my house minus my 3 month old son and wife. She'd taken him and stopped him seeing me, making false allegations of child abuse and domestic violence. Early on I was almost …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 02:01 PM
1

Yep - it's concerned with land and property. So many homes. If you can prove you've paid for stuff like mortgages, home improvements, etc. you may be entitled to *something* You're right - when it comes to marriage everything goes in the Matrimonial pot - all liabilities and assets regardless of who earned/spent it or where it came from...not just property.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 01:13 PM
1

I don't think it'll make much impact. At the moment although a `No Fault' divorce isn't grounds it happens in practical terms - i.e. someone petitions under `Unreasonable behaviour' and agrees with their ex the details to avoid unpleasant surprises. ​ And when it comes to dividing assets - it's a `double or quits' thing...I've advised people who didn't get married and walk away with nothing at all when it comes to separation because they weren't protected under the provisions of Section 25 of th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 12:45 PM
9

It's confirmation bias thing - it's just that the people who feel like they are screwed over or have scars from it all are the ones who shout loudest about it, while the guys who are happy aren't posting about their life...because they're getting on with stuff. I work in family law. I see the good, the bad and the ugly. I've seen people end up in court over what they play on the radio on the morning, what the kids eat and whether they should wear certain clothes. No, really. Most stuff isn't wor…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 10:16 AM
1

A couple of years residence in the UK is enough to be considered habitually resident here. In this country divore, child matters and finance are 3 separate cases. The divorce part is easy - almost always a paperwork exercise and nothing more. No court hearings, etc. just forms. They're even introducing no fault divorces soon. Finances and child matters are where it can get messy (and expensive) if you don't agree stuff with your ex. People need a financial order to become separate from their ex …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 07:18 AM
0

Tyhe fitst hting to ask yourself is `What can you live with?' in terms of money and your children. You'll have red lines. Write them down so you're clear about what is acceptable and what isn't. Court is a gamble - and as you say, legal fees will come out of the pot. You know your ex however. Finally...you are the one who lives with the outcome. I'm in the UK (and work in family law) so I don't know the law where you are. But. Communication is always key here. Chances are your ex is more reasona…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 09:20 AM
4

Tricky one. A great question to ask yourself at every point is `Am I acting in their best interests by doing/saying this?' Kids should love their mum and there is enough research to show that kids benefit from a great relationship with their parents - it can cause issues down the line. Bear with it - your feelings towards her are likely to fade as time goes on too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 04:46 PM
1

It may be hard to `pick and choose' where you get divorced. I'm in the UK (and I work in family law) and I know you can't just arrive here and get a divorce. Before anything happens a court would work out if it has jurisdiction - and you would need to demonstrate a link with the country for that to happen. ​ If you have any particular country in mind ask yourself `What's my link with this country?' and then check the laws out in said country.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 07:04 PM
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