Wingnut8888 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
8	Tell me how it was living with your soon to be ex through the divorce. Worst year of my life. She would lie to our kids and say she was sleeping over at her mom’s or friend’s when she was going to see the man she met every weekend. We also worked from home together so there was no avoiding her. My respect for her completely fell off the cliff and I detest her to this day.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/06/26 03:31 AM
4	Lawyer is asking me to pay half the mortgage I agree. I think I’ve read other posts saying you’re risking losing the house completely if you don’t pay your half of the mortgage. Then again, I am no lawyer. So go get one!	/r/Divorce_Men	27/05/26 07:10 PM
3	Her birthday is coming up - first since separation She won’t care if you got her anything or not. And when yours rolls around, you better believe she won’t acknowledge that either.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/05/26 03:59 AM
14	Something I Will Not Miss. How About You? Vapidly talking about some great sale she scored while not knowing a single thing going on in the world other than what her Instagram feed told her. Also, virtually 90% of the time we went anywhere, she’d have some kind of complaint and need to speak to the manager. It was exhausting.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/05/26 03:19 PM
8	The change is wild Yup. No notes. You nailed it 100%. They have to find a way to justify the horrific things they do to you and the family. Gotta find a way to sleep at night.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/05/26 03:43 AM
2	I didn’t realize how lonely and mentally exhausting divorce would feel I thought the same way you did initially. But then she started tallying everything, from every minor resentment to the very last cent in my retirement funds. She became so petty she refused to return some heirlooms my mom had given her (these were jewels my grandmother had given my mom, so they’re old and precious to her) — she justified it by saying it was a gift, and as such, she deserved to keep them. I tried to be fair throughout and ended up just giving her stuff to avoid her incessant hara…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/02/26 09:52 PM
1	How to move on You’re welcome! Reading through these comments, it just shows we’re not alone or unique. And like you, my in-laws took an outsized role in my prior life, at the expense of my “real” family. Just goes to show you can’t always count on people who aren’t your blood. Hope you get through this stage of the process. Lots more pain to come, I’m afraid. But this is a great platform to vent and get support.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/26 01:59 AM
3	How to move on You’re almost a mirror image of me. I’ve been divorced since August, we separated a year prior to that but lived under the same roof (truly horrific idea in hindsight). I miss her family way more than any do her now — I even had a dream about them this morning, and it hurt seeing and talking with them again, even if it wasn’t real. I think they really loved me too, and after some attempts to keep ties with me, they’re all gone now and I’m just a memory now, as I always expected. The relationship…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/02/26 06:46 PM
4	What are your thoughts on this? She doesn’t give a single fuck about how you feel or that you’re grieving. In fact, it makes her resentment grow. Sooner you’re out of there, the better, because the things she does next will only increase in hurtfulness.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/01/26 08:59 PM
2	Ex Charging for Babysitter My ex originally insisted that I pay for half her gas, groceries, kids clothes etc because it was for the kids. The mediators had to bring her back to reality by saying that that wasn’t how this worked. She also wanted me to rent my own place and continue to pay the mortgage at the house.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/01/26 06:47 AM
10	Complete mind F today by my ex. Awful-sounding human being. Don’t take the bait. Just be glad you’re no longer with such a horrible woman anymore.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/12/25 06:50 AM
1	Lost in My Divorce Thanks man! I’ve noticed I get more down every time there’s a holiday that rolls around. Having said that, hope you have a great holiday season.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/25 06:00 PM
2	Lost in My Divorce Year separated and about six months post-divorce. Still loosely connected to her because of the kids and some of her family who have stayed in touch. Some days I wish I could just end all connections though. I’ve been having dreams recently of her and her family, probably because it’s close to the holidays. So those are making me feel down lately.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/25 03:47 PM
3	Guys Who've Been Through Divorce: What Was the HARDEST Part to Get Used To? Yeah her reasoning was we were separated and by law no longer married (we had opted to live together in the house so the kids could have a solid school year). Youngest kid would sob every weekend because she missed her mom, who had told her she’s sleeping over at grandma’s or a friend’s. Add liar to the list of her great qualities I guess. Shamelessness too. I took care of the kids and made sure they knew I wasn’t going anywhere. Ex could not give less of a fuck how I felt. Betrayal upon betraya…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/12/25 03:36 AM
25	Guys Who've Been Through Divorce: What Was the HARDEST Part to Get Used To? Seeing her leave every weekend to go fuck another man while I was at home taking care of the kids. Totally lost all respect for her as a wife, a mother and a person after that.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/25 04:27 AM
3	We've been separating for a couple of months, how hard is it still? It won’t be easy, my friend. But I’ve found this sub is a great resource and a place to find kinship and support. Good luck! You can get through it, but there will be tough times ahead. Just try not to get too down. I would try to fight for 50/50 though, I don’t know what the laws are like in Italy.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/11/25 05:55 PM
1	Welp... Lawyer up, get 50-50. Never give that up. Get the divorce done as soon as humanly possible.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 05:25 AM
4	Just checking in, how's everyone's mental health? Not great. Hurt my foot so haven’t been able to distract myself with exercise, so there’s that. Also the closer we get to the holiday, I’ve found the worse I feel. Don’t miss her in the slightest, she burnt every last bridge. But really miss having a family and all the fun in-laws and spending time off with them at Christmas.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 12:54 AM
1	How the hell do you manage a divorce while still living together and she is dating someone else already!! Yeah it isn’t fun. Good luck! There’s a whole extra layer of complication in my case because I also happened to be her supervisor. It was such a huge mess. Things did get way better once we were in our own places. But I will say that roughing out that year really delayed the healing process for me (for her, she was obviously fine with everything that happened, and clearly saw me as an irritant to her new and fabulous life). So while I do feel a lot better, the pain and anger and frustration from…	/r/Divorce_Men	31/10/25 11:18 AM
6	How the hell do you manage a divorce while still living together and she is dating someone else already!! I was in the same boat. She almost immediately started dating and sleeping over at the guy’s place every weekend, chided me for being hurt and dismayed by what she was saying. I stayed with and took care of the kids, my youngest sobbing every Friday or Saturday when mom left to “stay with grandma” or her friend who lives in the hood. What a fraud. If you can, split up physically as soon as you can. Otherwise the toxicity will only increase a thousandfold. We lived together to make sure the the k…	/r/Divorce_Men	31/10/25 06:43 AM
1	My stbxw’s message, cruel? She’s right in the context you shouldn’t be living together (I know this from bitter experience). But I don’t know the reason for your divorce, so maybe her intentions here aren’t as altruistic or pragmatic as she’s painting them to be. But yeah, living three years together? I think it’s an awful idea. I did never and it was the most miserable experience of my life. And that was for the kids. Nothing but more bitterness and resentment resulted from that decision. Go your separate ways as soon as…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/25 11:16 AM
2	Wife is done with me, but wants to live together Hah thanks. It got really bad between us over that year and it took a toll on me. What made it worse was we weee both work from home and our computers were set up close to one another. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, but I tell myself it was worth it because the kids had a good solid year at school.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/09/25 12:41 PM
11	Wife is done with me, but wants to live together I co-habitated with my ex for a year. It was hell. We did it for the kids, and she was off every weekend with a new man while my youngest sobbed at her absence. Taught me a lot about that woman. Your situation? Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. You’ll be a convenient babysitter while she screws around. Just what it looks like to me. Get out while you can.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/09/25 04:48 AM
13	Told the kids today Amen to every word you wrote. The switch went off and now she’s cast him aside, and now there’s no turning back for her. Time to pick up the pieces and take care of your family — your three kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/08/25 02:58 AM
8	Losing a wife and best friend Yeah I came to realize that whatever “nice” thing I did for her would not be reciprocated, nor even appreciated, and even viewed as me being manipulative to achieve some kind of goal. She turned into an enemy overnight and I became just a way to achieve whatever financial goal she had in mind when initiating the divorce. Could and heartless. I’m not like that but knew I had to abandon any affection or respect I once held for this person.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/08/25 01:18 AM
8	She keeps surprising me Pathetic. She’s selfishly thinking about her needs and not the kids’. Sounds familiar, in my case.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/07/25 09:21 AM
1	Feels powerless I’m sorry man. Life isn’t fair. It truly isn’t. Just try to be the best father you can for your daughter. Be everything to her and, in time, she will understand what you’ve done for her. As for your ex-wife, her horrible behaviour will come back and bite her one day. Perhaps your daughter will see that as well, one day. But be a great dad and be kind to yourself. There will be pain for a long time, maybe, but the further you are away from your ex, the faster and better you will heal.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/25 01:11 AM
9	How can they live with themselves? How do they live with themselves? They create a narrative in their heads that justifies everything they do, while making us the worthless assholes who deserve no respect. After separation, my ex promptly found herself a new man and abandons our kids every weekend to go to his place. Our littlest one still sobs as I put her to sleep — and it’s been a year of this! But the ex doesn’t give an eff. No, to her, she is “finally living” as she screamed at me once. Her selfishness has grown exponentiall…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/07/25 12:33 AM
1	Dude I’m fucked up Yeah Im sorry you’re going through this. It’s a heavy burden for someone so young. But please make sure your stepdad stays as. If a presence in your life as possible. He sounds like a good guy and a strong, positive influence on you. Good luck. Times are bad right now, but brighter days are ahead.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/07/25 02:33 PM
3	Dude I’m fucked up I’m sorry to hear. My greatest fear, among many many fears, was how my divorce would affect my kids. My 16 year old took the news hard initially. But she spoke with her therapist — and continues to do so — and is now at a much more balanced place. If you can afford it, that’s what I’d suggest. There are probably even free services in school although there might be a wait list. Good luck. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I am sure your parents are broken up about how this is affecting you…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/25 04:28 PM
2	They create a world of lies just so they can justify greed, theft and evilness. Yeah mine is shockingly self-delusional in everything from work to how shitty of a person I apparently am to how what she’s done is actually beneficial to our kids. Fucking insane. Sometimes I legit want to ask her “Do you have a brain tumour or something?”	/r/Divorce_Men	23/06/25 02:19 AM
11	Wife dragged it out for 4 months, treated me like dirt, and now might want counselling? Too late. Good for you. If my ex — who treated me much the same yours treated you — tried to broach counselling, I would tell her to go to hell. She never would, we are too far gone. But like you, I’ve seen her true colours now. Why would either of us ever subject ourselves to that?	/r/Divorce_Men	20/06/25 03:10 AM
3	STBXW boyfriend confirmed Sorry you’re going through this too. My ex has been at it for so long I now welcome it when she leaves for her weekend overnights and was disappointed when she told me she isn’t going this weekend. It’s so hard at first though, like the last twist of the knife in your heart. Everything she has done to me, every cruelty big and small, I would never have dreamed of inflicting upon her. But what it shows is that this is now irrevocable and a final betrayal of her vows to you. She’s gone now, and th…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/06/25 03:23 AM
4	Happy 50th bday to me. Good luck man. I tried not to change too much either, but I’m definitely more bitter and distrustful of people. That’s just me though. And we’ve been co-habituating, which will finally come to an end soon — whereupon I hope things will get better. Hope you’re able to overcome.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/25 04:23 AM
9	Happy 50th bday to me. Happy birthday. It’s a big one. My ex decided to barely acknowledge my 50th as we embarked on our last family trip. It was kind of my first clue something was really amiss. When we got back she then gifted me her intention to separate. So gotta love their sense of timing eh? No real reason to do it at that moment t other than they know it’s another way to twist the knife. So I know how you feel. It fucking sucks. It’s hurtful and embarrassing too. Eventually she will just be a bad memory. But in…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/25 04:13 AM
4	A month in and its silence that kills me. Some women will find any reason to make the split. I’m sure men do too. It’s disgusting. Chin up, man, hope things get better for you and you get some kind of resolution to this. And I meant I “wasn’t” perfect in my previous comment lol. Geez maybe I DO just think about myself like she claims hah.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/05/25 01:16 PM
3	A month in and its silence that kills me. Good luck man. But as my ex said, “It takes two to tango.” And yeah, nobody’s perfect. I certainly was. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently, slap myself out of complacency. But I’m not the one who was all too eager to burn our family to the ground so I could go run around with someone else and “live my best life.” I will say that this sub has been a terrific resource through this process. You’ll get a lot of great, and maybe not so great, advice if you scroll through it.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/05/25 05:19 AM
10	A month in and its silence that kills me. If it’s anything like my experience, things will get worse. Lots of resentment has built up between us while we lived under the same roof. She found a new man. The only times we talk, we argue, sometimes explosively. Not good. In hindsight we should never have stayed together under the same roof for so long (a year so as to afford stability to the kids). She’s said terrible things to me and accused me of being manipulative and a monster. I wanted to save our marriage in the beginning, now I neve…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/05/25 04:47 AM
3	Left out… Feel for you man. We used to gather frequently with her big, fun brood. When we split, she made clear she didn’t want me around them anymore. They had become my family too, and friends. They loved me like a brother. It made the separation all the worse, and I can say now that I miss her family much more than I do our marriage. They still get together, with my kids going, and Im frequently left at home alone on stay holidays. My former in-laws says it’s not goodbye but just different. I feel it’s…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/05/25 02:12 AM
2	Tough day today. Guess this is the ebbs and flows. That’s for sure. I’m like you, there’s no way in hell I want my ex back. But damn if it still doesn’t hurt at times. You’ll get through this! Just need some distance and time.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/05/25 04:22 AM
5	Tough day today. Guess this is the ebbs and flows. I know how you feel. We’re almost done co-habituating, and it was a lot worse initially. Eventually her going away every weekend to stay over at her new boyfriend’s stopped hurting as much and I looked forward to being free of her for a couple days. Then the pain started son when she took the kids to lunch with him, and he bought a toy for the youngest. Fuck off dude, that’s my kid. More pain came when she left this week for a week-long trip in Europe with him. Youngest has taken it hard not see…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/05/25 03:58 AM
7	I don't get it anymore. To hell with her. Don’t play her stupid games.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/05/25 03:19 PM
5	She's a different woman Same with my now-monstrous ex. I think some women change so much as a sort of coping instinct — they harden themselves so that they can make themselves do the terrible things needed to get a divorce done. The cruelty my ex has inflicted has really surprised and saddened me too. The wild thing is she told me — proudly — that this is who she really has been all this time. I was like, you’re PROUD of that?	/r/Divorce_Men	09/05/25 12:30 PM
5	Sleep disturbances Yeah in a similar boat. It’s been almost a year since separation and we’ve been co-habitating for the kids’ schooling (we’ve sold the house and closing in summer). But she clearly couldn’t wait to find a new man and has been dating him for months, gleefully telling her pals and family about her new boyfriend, sleeping over every weekend and will be going on a trip to Europe with him soon. All while still living with me. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did initially, and when she recently introdu…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/04/25 10:15 AM
3	Resentment Process, Walkaway Wife Holy crap that’s completely accurate.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/25 07:15 AM
1	Checking in on everyone Seems to happen a lot, certainly in this community. Anyway keep on going! Sounds like you’re headed in the right direction.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/04/25 03:27 PM
2	Checking in on everyone It’s brutal eh? Sorry to hear about your ex’s shenanigans. Just the matter of factness gets me too. Like nothing we had before even matters anymore. Like I’m just a nuisance. Like it doesn’t matter how I feel, because she just doesn’t care. It’s not right, or fair, but that’s not relevant anyway. Again, gotta get away for me to truly get some peace.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/04/25 05:16 AM
3	Checking in on everyone Seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Been co-habituating with my ex since last summer for the kids and school, but things have been festering — she moved on fast and has been seeing someone new for months, lying to our youngest about where she goes every weekend. It used to kill me but now I can’t wait for her to leave the house. So it’s been up and down. It was up for a while but now I feel kind of down again because the end date is coming into focus. I know I haven’t properly healed bec…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/04/25 03:03 AM
5	Why can’t they just apologize? We had a fight where she said many unforgivable things. I was no diplomat either but was reacting to what she said. Afterward I apologized and she said, “I only meant half the things I said.” Well that makes me feel much better!	/r/Divorce_Men	13/02/25 11:39 AM
2	Anyone else cohabitate? Godspeed, man. Hope it turns out to be the trip of a lifetime.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/02/25 01:20 AM
2	Anyone else cohabitate? Been doing it the past 8 months til house is sold and I can tell you it is pure hell at times. Get your house sold as soon as you can or buy her out. Resentment and anger will just be boiling over if you don’t.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/25 04:19 AM
3	Looking for support It won’t be good. I can tell you my salvation has been regular exercise — running takes my mind off all the terrible bullshit that is swirling around from this process. We still live under the same roof but she clearly moved on long ago — sometimes she sleeps over at her “friend”‘s house. Says she owes me no explanations, lies to our youngest kid about her whereabouts, has burned down our family and lives because she wants to be happy. Sometimes I feel like no contact would be much more preferab…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/25 05:58 AM
10	I find it interesting, sad, frustrating, but more interesting We had a fight the other day, a bad one, and at one point she screamed, “Remember that time when you said you didn’t recognize me anymore? Well, this is who I always have been!!!” Like, she was actually PROUD of being this bitter, vindictive, petty and angry person. It blew my mind. She thought she was being tough and independent or something. So if what she was saying is true, then I never really did know her. She was a stranger the whole time.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/01/25 04:44 AM
1	How do you separate without leaving the house? Yes better to just cut the cord as quickly as possible. Can’t speak for the new guy in her life, but the fact she doesn’t have the decency to just hold off on these shenanigans til after we are both out of the house … I don’t know man. It’s like she wants to make sure she hurts me as much as possible. As she has reminded me a few times, she doesn’t technically owe me any explanations or decency since we are now separated. But I told her today I would never have done the same to her — and I still…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/25 05:00 AM
1	How do you separate without leaving the house? No sorry I’m in Canada — good luck to you! Maybe you have some friends or colleagues who can help you. A lot of mine are divorced, lol, so they were able to steer me in the right direction when I wobbled. I’m not sure about the reason for the 12 months either — especially when there is no turning back, like with us. At least it sounds like you know it’s over. It took me a while to accept it. I have now, but days like today are still hard. I imagine they will be hard for a long time. That’s the o…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/25 04:12 AM
1	How do you separate without leaving the house? We sleep in separate rooms. Our interactions are minimal now, mostly just text. I try to avoid being around her physically, same with her. We don’t have friends over anymore, but members of her family come over from time to time — I still enjoy their company, and they mine, which probably pisses her off. My eldest daughter is in her teens and initially was crushed by the separation but now just wants it to be over with. My littlest still doesn’t know but notices we fight a lot when we do interac…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/25 04:03 AM
3	How do you separate without leaving the house? Yep. Can’t wait for us to sell this place and I can get the hell away from her. She’s just turned mean, vindictive, condescending — the worst person I know. I made mistakes during this marriage for sure, but for her to just treat me like I am trash and this level of hatred … it’s like killing a mosquito with a shotgun. The reaction is so outsized. I guess she just sees me in the way of her fabulous new life. Hang in there dude. Don’t give an inch.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/25 03:52 AM
6	How do you separate without leaving the house? Can confirm — it’s a fucking nightmare. Living through this now. Separated since August but we wanted to maintain a home for the kids and school — she had wanted me to leave initially, but for the same reasons as you I opted to stick it out here until we could sell in a better market in spring. Now she’s already started seeing someone and while I hate her guts for the things she’s done and the way she’s been treating me for months, it still hits me hard. It’s going to be tough man, especially if…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/25 03:39 AM
8	How did you handle knowing your Ex had start sleeping with another guy? Mine is dating again even though we’re still living in the same house for now. Accidentally ran into them while on a run — that was awkward. Tried to ask her about it and she started throwing up all the legalese of separation etc — clearly she had researched it all — and said she didn’t owe me to tell me anything. Which I suppose is true. But it hurt for a long time. Still stings now, but I’m more of a mindset of whatever , IDGAF anymore. Like someone else said above, it was bound to happen soon…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/01/25 07:54 PM
9	What a bombshell I’m sad to say, but the sooner you accept it’s over, the better. It took me a while, and I sometimes still struggle with the fact my marriage is dead, but my headspace is better for it. We still live under the same roof because we want to sell the house in spring and not destabilize our kids. Definitely not easy and the bitterness on both sides is festering. The longer you co-habitate with her, the colder she will become. You’ll feel anger and resentment yourself. My STBX has apparently already …	/r/Divorce_Men	31/12/24 03:31 PM
11	She wanted this…why is she increasingly so hateful? It’s the pettiness and vindictiveness that really stick out for me. With her, every little tiny grievance that’s ever happened is stockpiled in her mind, more fuel to hate me. But fine, hate my guts, whatever. But she crosses a line when she treats my family with such disrespect and pettiness for any real and perceived slights. My dear old mom has done so much for our family over the years. STBX hasn’t even spoken a word to her since the separation and gives her some leftover chocolate as a Chri…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/12/24 12:20 AM
6	It’s looks like I’m being dropped Wonderful timing huh? Sometimes our partners can be incredibly cruel. And sometimes they don’t give a damn that they are. Try to hold it together — I’m not doing great myself heading into Xmas and I’ve had a good 5-month head start on you. So it’s easy for me to say. But find any way to stay strong to get through the super-shitty initial stages. You need to hold on for the kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/12/24 03:22 AM
4	Bomb dropped on me this morning Make sure you get 50/50. As others have said, she’s likely prepared and has all her plans in place. Make sure you’re not caught too flat-footed, and fight for what’s fair for you.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/24 06:36 PM
5	Struggling with Mixed Signals and Toxic Patterns During Divorce Before we both gave up on this, whenever we fought she’d always go what about this? What about that? All things that happened years and years ago. It was so aggravating. And if our memories of said event didn’t jibe, she’d insinuate I was a liar or gaslighter.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/11/24 11:27 PM
4	I am convinced that not even once for a second has she considered that what she is doing is wrong Yeah my ex apparently has no regrets about burning everything to the ground — our home, our family, the lives we built together for almost two decades. Once asked her if she thought it was worth it and she went ballistic, said I was gaslighting etc. once some women have an idea in their mind, they will not deviate — and they’ll find every single reason, no matter how minute, to justify their life-destroying decision.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/11/24 01:19 PM
4	Believe what she says That’s right. There was a time I still held on to the vestiges of marriage, perhaps with the faint hope she might change her mind. Now I know it’s totally futile. Doesn’t make it hurt less but I can at least move on, knowing I did what I could and it would never be enough. She’s at times almost gleeful at the “benefits” of the divorce (tax credits, the windfall from selling the house) and it’s really off-putting. Great, we’re getting all this cool extra money while this family burns to the groun…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/11/24 01:26 AM
5	Man this shit sucks Yup it does suck. Sucking for me now. Every time I feel I can move on, there’s always something else. She still hasn’t told her family yet, and they asked for me to be part of their Christmas plans. She asked if I was still up for that. I’m not — it frankly hurts too much when I see them because I love them so much and I feel like I’m grieving all over again. And I’m pretty sure she only asked me if I wanted to celebrate with them — “I’m okay with that,” she assured me; gee, are you? Thanks so m…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/10/24 10:55 PM
2	I can’t wrap my head around how she is doing so well My STBX tried to “gaslight” me — for lack of a better term, she likes throwing that one around — that we both wanted this divorce when I tried like hell to save it after she blindsided me. Now she erupts into a rage whenever I point that out. Her coldness and nonchalance about throwing away what we’d built for almost 20 years used to really bother me, rip my soul apart. Now I find I don’t care anymore — which is sad in itself. But I guess it’s also a sign I’m moving on. I won’t lie, I still feel…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/10/24 04:38 AM
4	What did you learn about yourself during and post divorce? I’m learning I don’t need her as much as I thought I did. During this process, whenever she did something petty and passive aggressive, it used to hit me like a hammer to the chest. Now I almost roll my eyes at it and lose just a little more respect for her. We used to sign all of our birthday cards together for our family and loved ones. It was recently my daughter’s 16th, and as we’re celebrating at a restaurant, I hear the STBX talking about the card they gave her. Obviously she didn’t get me…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/24 02:02 AM
1	My ex hates my guts Thanks man. And same to you. In fact, we had a big blowup recently and both of us said really mean things. Which tends to happen during heated arguments. I apologized after, told her I didn’t mean much of what I said. She didn’t reciprocate — she rarely does, and if she does, only grudgingly. It would have bothered me a lot weeks ago. Now I just know it’s who she is.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/09/24 01:42 AM
2	My ex hates my guts Yeah I know what you mean. Spent weeks beating myself up, blaming myself for everything. But I started to realize that her picture of me bore no resemblance to what I knew about myself and how others saw me. Obviously I could and should have been better, and it’s already the greatest regret of my life that this thing went up in flames. But that I’m an uncaring monster who’s just playing her like some kind of puppet? That isn’t nor ever will be me, no matter how much she wants to believe that. An…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/24 11:55 PM
1	My ex hates my guts Yeah exactly! My self-esteem has taken a massive hit. At the earliest stages of this, I kept thinking that maybe I really am this huge jerk that deserves to lose everything. I’ve since reconsidered that, at the same time still acknowledging I’ve made plenty of mistakes — there’s a lot of blood on my hands in how this marriage died, and I don’t hide from that reality. But I think I know who I am, and it’s not this manipulative, narcissistic, scheming bastard she and apparently her therapist seem …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/24 11:24 PM
7	My ex hates my guts I’ve never heard such hateful things said about me and at me. It actually shocks and saddens me. When I fight back, she turns around and says I am gaslighting her — but I feel like I’m the one being gaslit. I don’t think I’m this evil, manipulative asshole who’s always scheming with ulterior motives — I know I’ve never been that way and am actually generally regarded as a nice person. But she has me questioning everything I’ve done in the past, every thing I may have said to her in anger or jest…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/24 09:36 PM
5	Disrespect For the most part of this process, she’s been freezing cold toward me. Ironically, the only times she treated me nicer was when I (heatedly) stood up for myself. That disgusted me, and actually made me lose respect for her. At one point, I told her this separation has really opened my eyes to the oh do of person you are — I think she might have seen it as a compliment. I think she’s mistaking her disrespectful behaviour and meanness for toughness. Whatever.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/09/24 04:24 PM
5	Unrealistic thoughts. We had a bit of a fight the other day about the separation, about the timeline of mediation or something. I told her, “This is your baby, go ahead and book whatever.” She had the gall to tell me that I wanted this divorce too — total crap because I fought like hell to keep us together before it became crystal clear she wasn’t interested. Anyway point of this anecdote is that she created this fiction in her head to rationalize destroying our family. It angers me but there’s nothing I can do. She’…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/09/24 03:24 AM
1	She now feels indifferent towards me Yeah I guess she’s achieving her goal. But if you want an amicable divorce, how about trying to be, you know, amicable?	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/24 04:20 PM
6	She now feels indifferent towards me I was working on my computer just now while my STBXW was cleaning up around me. Suddenly I get a text — FROM HER — asking me to pay for so and so. I turn around and say, “you know you could have just told me that right?” She said she thought I was busy. Then I said “I know we’re getting divorced but you don’t need to treat me like a stranger, right?” Then she goes, “Okaaaaay, goodniiiiight” and leaves. Fun times. Maybe it’s better we don’t talk either …	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/24 12:03 AM
1	Learning to move on She tells me she doesn’t want to have long conversations or even be alone with me because it’s “awkward” for her. Well I’m sorry that it’s awkward for you, but who the hell do you think made it that way? She’s also eyeing every gesture I make with suspicion, whether it’s helping her out more consistently with household chores or simply doing something small but nice for her. And as someone else noted, she probably does believe that cutting me off will make it easier on me in some perverse way. I…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/24 05:25 AM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Brutal to hear that dude. Sorry your circumstances have led to such an unusual dynamic with your wife. And no, my situation isn’t ideal either, yet it seemed to me initially a good way to ensure she had great work-life balance (it wasn’t, apparently). And sorry if I came off as tetchy, I’m just under enormous strain right now. Good luck to us both!	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/24 04:08 AM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Not sure why I need to be explaining myself to you but no, it was not an option to ask her to do more at work. She consistently made it clear to all — including myself — that she worked a full-time job plus had to be a full-time mom, even though we both knew full well her hours worked were not the same as others and certainly not myself. I often told her that if someone else was her supervisor, why would they care that she was being a parent, while working “full time” — that’s what everyone else…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/24 03:56 AM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? That’s where there was a breakdown in communication on both sides. Where we work, because of staffing, it’s impossible not to work extra hours to cover people being off. And if I didn’t want to put her into those situations, I’d do it myself. I could and should have done more to help her, that’s for sure. I own that. But I have told her in the past that this is a bit of a trade off — but she said the household is still not equal. And I do concede I could have just bit the bullet and helped more.…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/24 12:35 AM
13	Learning to move on I’m in the same situation now. I try to talk to her, she gives me little to no eye contact, just terse answers. Been like this for weeks, months actually. Like a switch went off once her plans became concrete. Now she treats me with an indifference that’s just cruelty. You’re the one divorcing me and throwing me out of the house, making me lose my family and community, and you’re treating me like I’m a stranger? I swear she believes she has to do it this way so that she can sleep at night, with …	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/24 07:23 PM
4	Being cut off by in-laws I’m well-liked by my in-laws and in some ways, I loved being around them more than my STBXW. But I understand if we lose contact. It’s a fight you will never win — she’s their sister, their blood. She’ll tell them whatever she wants to and I suppose the same goes with my own family, although I don’t intend to smear her. Not that she would care anyway, she’s never liked my side much anyway. But it’s another layer of grief slathered on top of mourning my marriage and family we built. Just unfair b…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/24 02:11 PM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Because I was complacent. And like I said, I was already burnt out from working so much — she works at the same place (we’re both WFH — kind of another problem when we are with each other 24/7 — and I was doing a lot of her own work for her to free her up (I’m her supervisor too). She would literally do about a couple hours work a day and still collect her full-time salary. But she saw me working like a dog and would say that I spent more time at work than on her and the kids basically. Keep in …	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/24 11:31 AM
6	The depths that my STBX goes to, to avoid taking any accountability for her actions… it’s actually pretty insane, and has pushed me to lose absolutely all respect for her. I remember her telling me somewhat recently that “oh, you were right” over some trivial thing we were sort of bickering about and I was COMPLETELY FUCKING FLOORED. Like legit shocked.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/24 01:46 AM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? She’s already beyond that, I’m afraid. It just seems like she’s getting angrier and angrier. And the rules of engagement — I don’t know what the hell they’re supposed to be now. Daughter’s birthday is coming up and she’s already banned me from events with her side of the family. So I ask her if I’m still coming to my own kid’s birthday party because frim everything she’s been telling me, I REALLY DONT KNOW. She has a surprised look on her face and says, “Of course.” Oh gee thanks. Anyway, I hope…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/24 07:42 PM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Yeah I need to just really accept that she doesn’t love me and will never love me again. And I think I have. She’s so out of it she was trying to tell me I could still go to her big family events because “they’re chill.” Really? You think I would feel comfortable attending my ex-wife’s sister’s birthday party? Surrounded by dozens of former family members who know my wife dumped me? And they’d be all cool and totally not feeling awkward with me being there? At this point she’s just saying whatev…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/24 01:55 AM
2	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Yeah eerily similar. We both acknowledge we could have done way better in our marriages and when we legitimately try, it’s immediately not good enough or too late. I suppose the cruelty is to help protect themselves in a way — they know what they’re doing is causing severe pain and shame to their spouse, so if they can detach their feelings completely and treat you as a complete stranger, it makes it easier for them to accept. Like, I couldn’t even hold her hand anymore if I want to tell her som…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 02:50 PM
2	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Yeah I hear you. To be honest, I think her suggestion of therapy was just lip service in part so that she wouldn’t get blamed for ending the marriage. Her family likes me a lot, which I am sure will change once we’re done and she can start airing our dirty laundry. And that’s the thing — we’re a family. Or were. I was willing to finally make fundamental changes and she’s like, “It took the threat of divorce for you to change.” So there was no winning there. And the way she just changed into a st…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/24 10:22 PM
1	Walkaway Wife... How to find peace? Sounds quite similar to what I’m going through right now. She gave me a sliver of a chance if I agreed to counselling, which I reluctantly did. Today was the appointment and she reveals to me the night before that there is now no chance because her mind is completely made up. She said the harder I tried to help around the house, take care of the kids, be a positive person, the more it enraged her because why didn’t I do this before? Keep in mind I work 50-60 hours a week and am utterly exhausted…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/24 08:47 PM