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Woman_on_Pause Archive

View 5 posts and 200 comments by Woman_on_Pause on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
142

DISCUSSIONWoman_on_Pause/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 02:36 PM
51

MOOD FOR LIFEWoman_on_Pause/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:05 PM
29

ROAST-A-SCROTEWoman_on_Pause/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 02:19 PM
11

LEVEL UPWoman_on_Pause/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 04:54 PM
1

MINDSET SHIFTWoman_on_Pause/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:54 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
422

The pain of never having that paired with the happiness that they do have it, welp I'm just crying at my desk, no biggie. #Goals
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:42 PM
21

tik tok is a lot like twitter, you can be served retribution en masse with the *quickness* I love that GenZ isn't playing around. We (GenX) taught them not to take any mess from anyone, and *sigh* they listened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:32 PM
73

I NEVER dated single fathers until I reunited with my HS sweetheart. We both had kids and divorces and I bent the rules for him. That was my first mistake. I raised his son (he was 4) for 10 years and after the divorce, I was not allowed any access to the kid that we raised (his mom died when he was 3). I am back to not dating single fathers. I don't care how hypocritical it may be. Mine is now 19 so I am free from any guilt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 07:01 PM
94

This is why I decided to volunteer at my local battered persons' shelter. Pretty much 99% women and I can help without worrying about dudes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 03:18 PM
62

They would only date women between 22 - 37 (but they really want to stick towards 22...) And also they look like they are 59.85 years old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 06:23 PM
10

I mean, it's... ya know, a kind of "Summer read" type of book. But I really did enjoy it. For some reason, I didn't make it through the 2nd one. I'm bad about that with paper books.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:50 PM
8

and Ryans
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:42 PM
19

I listened to it YEARS ago, on "book on tape" if that tells you anything. Book was good, and there is a 2nd book as well. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:42 PM
6

This makes me want to get bangs. And yes, Nate was the insufferable ahole of the movie. 100% Her "friends" were a close second.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:41 PM
56

When my grandmother started getting SS benefits her and my mom went and opened an account at another bank to put it in. The bank manager had called my grandfather and informed him before they got home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 01:59 PM
3

With this logic, wouldn't this also be true? Without sex workers, the men who "cant' control themselves" will be charged and arrested and their arrests will let other men know that this isn't acceptable behavior and we will have no need for a sex worker. I can't stand false equivalents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 01:51 PM
45

I've noticed a weird "phenomenon." The "Nice Guy" and I know we all know about this guy, but I think he tends to be born from, "I'm not raping or attacking women, I am "pro-women" in that sense and I deserve sex. We are a solid 3 generations away from this even being a platform for them to jump off of. But, I think this is their honest opinion even though they'd rather blame the woman or other issues, height, money, etc. At the end of the day, they still feel "owed" sex or women's bodies. Until …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 01:44 PM
1

Facts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 03:38 PM
49

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. I "could" seduce my 19 year old son's friend who is 18. It's not illegal, I could... but I won't because EW. Sorry but that is gross that someone his age is pulling this mess. He's trying to pull toddlers because he knows that no real woman would touch him with a ten foot pole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:39 PM
24

I found this in my "spam" folder looking for another email. I guess when you block on Gmail it automatically goes to spam... Ughhhhh if I want them blocked BLOCKEM dammit lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:21 PM
86

Storytime - My ex husband (married 10 years) not only had an affair but was physically abusive. It wasn't like that until about 7 years into the marriage. I honestly am not sure why he switched, but he sure as hell did. Now, the woman he had an affair with, he sent me a picture of her and him in my bed, in my house, on my birthday, 3 months after I had moved out. Fast forward 2 years. We are clearly no contact, divorced, donezo. And then this brings me to my point. He had the GUMPTION to email m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:06 PM
10

I wish for Bill Cosby to get every single iota of karma he has coming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 02:22 PM
2

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:29 PM
46

I predict in one year after leaving his wife you can find him on Tinder with the exact same picture as all of his pictures. That awkward, double chin, looking down at the camera with cheaters with a crisp white tee shot. ​ What an idiot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 01:38 PM
17

Truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 05:47 PM
8

This reminds me of the insurance commercial with the older guy fishing and using a 1$ bill as bait saying, "You've almost got it..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:15 PM
29

I agree. But I think the books solidify it and make them think it's "ok" and "mainstream"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 07:25 PM
29

As someone new to Bo I have read through the comments and I read the poem with an emphasis on "my," reading, "MY" instead of "my" with a heavy tone, and the last line read with a chuckle. I can't say why he wrote it or what his goal was but what I take from it is a spotlight on the myriad of ways men use and continue to use (while mocking) women. And at the end it is wrapped up in a tiny laugh bow of "Classic me" aka You do all of this, and I am just me. And that's expected and no one cares I do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:15 PM
27

ugh, same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:10 PM
29

I don't know if I dreamed it, saw it here, or on tik tok, but someone said the only green flag there is, is consistency. And that flag can't be seen right away. HVM traits, in the beginning, are more a Yellow (I think they said Orange) flag that can become green with time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:58 PM
2

Thank you!!! That was very helpful. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:03 PM
11

I'm confused as to why I was voted down. Can someone explain it? Not mad, just trying to understand. Ty!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:16 PM
31

I date less due to a better vetting process. But, I want to date and am willing once a qualified candidate comes along. I hope that's the distinction trying to be made. Edited for Readability
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:49 PM
101

Won't settle for a woman over 29 years old
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:15 PM
3

The older I get and the longer I stay single I believe this wholeheartedly. For me, sometimes I just miss sitting on the couch and watching a movie. Snuggling, laughing, etc. BUT, I want the next one to last on my terms, so I will keep being patient.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:38 PM
87

Man murders pregnant wife, toddler daughters. People: I wish I could have gone back and hugged her babies and murdered her. ​ Wtf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 08:26 PM
45

I taught my son about manners and kindness and empathy. His dad taught him to "Get that girl's number (the girl was 15ish and my son was 9) I wish I had picked his dad better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:37 PM
25

I can see why. It's a dumpster fire. It was when I was single 12 years ago. And it is 100% worse now. Don't waste your time. Trust me...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:35 PM
18

I think this is only an effective move if there are others around or in a controlled environment. I wouldn't advise doing this to someone when it's just you two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:57 PM
57

A tip from a psychiatrist friend of mine who works for a prison. When (not if) a man shows you his penis the only, and she reiterated, the ONLY thing you can do is point and laugh. That's the protocol. She says she's seen more convict peen than one would ever imagine. And that it is a protocol for a reason, it works. Not sure what the protocol is for men, but that is what the ladies have to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 03:38 PM
45

Man: I deserve sex with her Rabbis: Tf you do, just die...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 01:18 PM
19

That's exactly why I didn't mention the work folks. They were upfront about how they were and why. I love this movie, but her friends SUCKED lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 05:29 PM
96

Everyone she associated with outside of work were THE WORST. They were horrible friends and companions. I hope the author isn't friends with them anymore. I'm just saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 03:23 PM
21

She is bowing down to him, even in this post. "I think he took that as an insult but I swear that wasn't how I meant it" *sigh*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 03:05 PM
16

Everyone gushed about this show for years and I tried it, maybe twice. And I was like, this isn't funny. Not because I'm some sort of humor elitest, just because it wasn't funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 12:55 PM
30

I'd have punched him in the face and landed in jail. Period. I don't even think it would be on purpose, but you start fiddling with the cervix and the pain, omg the pain when you are expecting pleasure... I'd have swung out of reflex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:05 PM
20

They are obsessed the same way other folks are when you take away their privilege they freak out. They liked being in control. They liked how it made them feel for someone else to feel "small" and indebted. This is why it is so important. The quicker they learn, the quicker they will acclimate. Or not, either way, doesn't matter. At the end of the day... I'm good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:44 PM
12

I can't speak for anyone but myself. But, casual sex was appealing to me because I never had love from a "man" before and frankly them just wanting me, gave me flat-out bliss. That lasted about 4 minutes. Then, not so much. I've had to deal with the fact that I like attention from men because I never got it as a child. And the abuse thrown in there from some of the few men I was exposed to, leads me right into the old trope of having, "daddy issues" It takes a lot to recognize the problem, see h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 02:12 PM
77

I've done it. I needed to separate myself from my former situation and in my trauma haze, sex with someone I didn't know all that well fit the bill. I was wrong, but I didn't know that at the time. I'm not proud of that time, but I know I need all of my experiences to bring me to where I am now. That is what I am proud of. Forgive yourself, learn, keep going. That's where I'm at now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 05:27 PM
3

I understood what you meant though. And every now and again my heart pangs and I think, I should reach out. We're all only human :) I've just learned my effort to try and save her will catapult me back into him, her, etc. Bump all that noise lol They're on their own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:35 PM
3

No, she's batshit crazy. And I say that because that's what she's shown me. She threatened violence towards me, called me the WORST names, and all because my ex gave her my contact info to pit against each other. (remember she slept with my husband and still did all this) I tried to warn her. And it didn't work. she knows the whole story and she knows I'm not lying now, so it's all on her and her kids she dragged into this. Accountability is what got me out, hopefully it will get her out on time…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:11 PM
3

I have found people are clouded by the, "I want to win" and can't see past that. Welp, she played stupid games and won stupid prizes. Congrats... (I guess)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:08 PM
13

I have whittled my people down to about 5 from at least 20. That includes family. I have noticed though, now that I have weeded out those that needed it, the time I have with the few is much more fulfilling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:29 PM
16

I didn't get joy out of knowing she got hit. Do I like her, Hell no. Not even a little. But, I'd never wish that upon anyone. What I wish, I WISH, I could tell her, is that it gets so much worse than that. Sucks all the way around tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:38 PM
40

I'm a Prime example I was in a 10-year marriage. At year 7 it got physically abusive. It happened twice, (ER bad) and the third time I swung back. He called the cops on me, I moved out. That was 2 years ago. The woman he was having an affair with, he gave her my number. She harassed me, etc. They are still together. She messaged a mutual friend last month and said, welp she was right, he punched me in the face. She said, tell her I'm sorry I didn't believe her. They are back together. He'll neve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 01:03 PM
11

My abusive drunk ex-husband called the cops on me. Because he headbutted me in the mouth and I finally swung back. So, yeah, go when he's not home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:12 PM
2

Which explains why I was so attracted to him. lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 12:59 PM
4

Also, I believe Lisa Kudrow is the oldest out of all of them. And to me, she looks the most natural, and frankly the best of the entire bunch. I want to believe that is the way you age when your life is unproblematic. lol I wouldn't know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 03:53 PM
59

I had a friend who ran in his circle-ish back in the 90's. He had his fun, the way he looks now shows that. Also, she said he was a prick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 03:51 PM
14

Our "wall" = When we realize our worth He can stay lonely with his expectation that any woman between 18 - 26 wants anything to do with a vapid man with an unearned sense of entitlement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 01:37 PM
9

Stands up and applauds these women who not only confronted but demanded they were removed. I have to be honest, I don't know if I'd have the courage. Maybe... But, confrontation is hard for me. I'm glad these women are here to cut through the BS and hopefully, he will think twice about doing it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 01:11 PM
1

Glad to inspire!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 01:02 PM
9

I carry it everywhere and jot things down that I know I need to know/remember/learn. And when something like this is posted I write it down because I couldn't find the words to covey exactly this, but here they are! It's helped me tremendously the last 2 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:08 PM
39

This one is going in, "The Book" I recommend everyone to have some version of "The Book" it can be a small or large notebook, and I write things in it that speak to me. And once every 2 weeks I read it from beginning to end. Reinforcement is the only way I'm going to grow/learn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 01:51 PM
25

I never understood the criticism of asking out a man, until right now. Holy hell. I mean, I "got it" generally speaking, but this is really the #1 reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 01:43 PM
15

Sidebar: Do you all think that at some point men forget that they are acting? Put aside all the horrible things, but they more than likely aren't like the part they are playing. I think men forget this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:36 PM
21

It's as if they are looking for the porn stars they watch. Hmmmm...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:29 PM
2

I can only describe it as oddly "sticky" and frankly disturbing af
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 01:16 PM
1

I told my mom, there is a business idea in a female only car dealership. Seems great minds think alike!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 01:15 PM
3

It's a good reminder to vet even better than I have before. FO SHO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 07:44 PM
5

I got nosey and went to the redpill sub. What in the name of Armie Hammer is going on over there?!?! It's been quarantined but you can still read it. I mean, I knew it was bad, but WOW. All because I hadn't heard of "plates" before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 06:18 PM
142

Joe Rogan Podcast So many flags I feel like I'm in a sailboat race
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:31 PM
8

Sometimes we know that the one we want isn't good for us. And if that is the case, block and walk away. It sucks, but it will suck more if you are hung up on him and miss an opportunity to meet someone who *is* good for you. Good luck, Been there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:17 PM
77

Hey ladies, car buying tip. I went alone Saturday to buy a car. I had a check, up to 25k, ready to sign over. I was pre-approved by my credit union. They still bait and switched me, and held me up, and treated me badly. So my mom said, "Do not call them, just find what you want, walk onto the lot and ask if they have it. If they do say I can walk out the door at 22k you have 20 min to say yes or no. I will not listen to anything else or look further. GO!" And then time them, and walk out if they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:15 PM
48

Oh, they big mad. Or, actually tiny mad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 02:36 PM
5

Reddit: It was a bad look. no durrrrrrrr
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:35 PM
3

Thank you kind folks for the awards :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 02:29 PM
2

This is an excellent and thorough list. I would add that being honest about yourself is key. You made decisions that led to where you were. You hold responsibility. I wish we could blame the men for everything, and on most good days I do. BUT, I think it is essential to own your own stuff, admit your faults, and try and be better. It benefits you to know you, even the bad parts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:16 PM
122

Men take a lot of things. Responsibility isn't one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:10 PM
15

I gave the same advice to my kids when they were little. "No adult will ever need a child for help. If they ask, they are being shady and will take you and never bring you back."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:29 PM
74

It's ok to have an opinion. It's ok to voice it. It is not ok to mislead and twist information so it fits a preconceived notion and then call yourself a "journalist." That's not what that word means.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 05:35 PM
4

Wanting a healthy relationship with a man = BRUTALLLLLLLLLLL ​ *sigh*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 05:20 PM
28

I recommended requesting $2500 via Venmo for her time on the trip, and he can just cut the difference and send her $700. I would be HELLA insulted if I was invited on a trip and then billed afterward. Blech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 08:33 PM
6

This is all SO helpful. I do snuggle my cat when I'm feeling that I am missing a "connection." I also try and remind myself that the work I'm doing will facilitate a better match down the road and hopefully break the cycle that got me here to begin with. Thank you for all of this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 07:40 PM
7

Does a little dance that is exactly what I was hoping to hear!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 06:44 PM
6

Right?!?! Fighting myself is the hardest part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:45 PM
11

I was before, but I work hard every day not to be one anymore. It's hard to break that habit. But, I'm worth it. That's why I love this group. So supportive. Thank you!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:45 PM
19

I think being deeply empathetic and also clinging onto people and relationships that aren't good for me have gone hand in hand. People can go through stuff too, I just recently realized I don't have to go through it with them. I also can't fix them, nor do I want to. It's been a long journey and honestly, it has just begun. Thanks for your input. It is so helpful to me. Truly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 04:42 PM
3

That's an excellent theory and question. I've never heard that. That you are everyone in your dream. That's like, whoa. I've been all of these people. Even the football player back in my youth. Very interesting take. I don't think I'll look at dreams again the same. Thank you for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 04:17 PM
2

Also, Thank you for the reward :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 04:01 PM
5

I haven't dreamt in so long. Have had horrible sleep issues. The last week or so dreams have returned. I kind of missed them. I think it's an outlet for my brain to process all the gobbledeegoop swimming around from overthinking all day. Mine are rarely pleasant as well. Clearly lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 03:30 PM
9

The other day, at a low point I thought, "I'd just like to have 'someone' in my life, to not feel so alone. And it was a guttural need. I waited for it to pass, identified why I felt that way and how the journey I am on will lead me to a better chance at love once I love myself fully. The process is kicking my a$$ but, I'd have it no other way. The phantom limb comparison is Spot ON
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 03:29 PM
21

I would ask for his Venmo, then request a $50.00 inconvenience fee for having to read the message requesting a refund.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 03:35 PM
7

Thanks for the reward! I have to say, this is one of the most sound pieces of advice I've received in the last decade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 04:20 PM
169

My valentine's day gift to my fellow ladies. Stop Watering Dead Plants ​ <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:07 PM
79

Don't be embarrassed, even though I get it. You are now walking around without that weight and with a new sense of what you want. Congrats!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 02:37 PM
5

It should be noted, no one commented on my final reply... ​ go figure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 03:42 PM
36

Bitter Bachelorette, table for 1. I'm here! I'd pick that over this mess ANY day. Ick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 01:58 PM
12

This mofro told a woman he wanted to cut off her toe and carry it with him. WTF
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 06:38 PM
8

My 1st boyfriend threatened suicide if I broke up with him. It helped me realize at an early age, they will do or say anything to get their way. They're spoiled BRATS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:27 PM
6

Same. It's really gross out there in OLD. I'd rather just "not"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:20 PM
9

I bet I could cross-stitch "Don't mistake erections for affection."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:17 PM
3

My pickme mentality came from an unhealed inner child. 100% My dad bolted when I was 3, and the feeling I got when one crusty sock paid attention to me? Swooooooooooooooooon. Truth be told, at age 43, I have come to the conclusion I'm not attracted to men. I may never have been. I was attracted to the "attention." It has taken 2 years of work to get to this conclusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:38 PM
2

Oh, sweetie noooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:31 PM
6

You just made an internet stranger cry at their desk. But in the best way. Thank you so much for your kind words. Truly. I needed it today. I am trying to get into therapy, and screaming into the void, pillows, into an empty car are currently my go-to stress releases. We do what we can <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 01:56 PM
112

After divorcing 18 years ago, (Our son is about to be 19) I came here to tell you what I just went no contact with his dad. After 28 years. It sounds insane, but once he graduated HS, I was able to say, "I've had enough" I was kind this ENTIRE time, to a fault to keep the peace. NO MORE. Blocked, no contact. This is for me, and a HIGH warning for anyone wondering what the next 18 years will be like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:36 PM
205

I didn't read the prompt and I got genuinely scared for what she was going to say happened. What a relief...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:47 PM
5

Hint: It's one robe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:46 PM
19

"Looking for no convo and no friendship, that might turn you into arm candy. " Inquire within, ​ #FIFY
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:42 PM
14

IMAGINE if you will. A man shopping for a Christmas gift and finding something "HE NEEDS" but doesn't want to come off looking doushy, so he brilliantly decides, I'll say it's for her!!! She gets a gift she never wanted and will never use, and I get what I want and don't look like a douche. Narrator: He looked more like a douche
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:17 PM
1

Real quick question. I don't have a lot of money for therapy. I'm afraid to invest because I feel like I have so many issues, trauma, work, that has spanned my entire life, that it's too much to address without being able to fund it more than once a month. Is that realistic, or am I avoiding it and using this as an excuse? Sorry, just reminded me of this. Been mulling it over for over a year. Thanks y'all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:27 PM
6

I have been trying to process my ex and the trauma and gaslighting for 2 years, but really just 6 months. And I have to tell you it is a bumpy road. But, I think that it is necessary. Once we process this, hopefully, we can spot it EARLY and avoid years of this again. Good luck OP, hang in there. Working on yourself won't ever be a bad thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:53 PM
11

If you order and pay for a hamburger, is that fantasy? Neither is a woman "performing" in porn. I get this doesn't totally equate, but y'all get the point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 06:55 PM
29

I hit that exact wall yesterday. Was talking to a guy and I was like, "ya know what, I don't even want to do this." It isn't appealing because at this point, if history is a guide, it isn't going to work out. Or even come close. It's just gone from bad to worse. Literally. I'm OUT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 03:16 PM
70

I had a realization last night. I pick bad men. So, I made a promise to myself. No dudes until I get straight with me. I've been working on myself for some time, but every time a boy comes in the picture it all seems to fall to the wayside. I realized that I am bad at this. For several very good reasons, but it doesn't negate the fact, that I am bad at picking men. So, I'm going to stop. I want the peace the OP is mentioning. No joke, I feel better already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 02:20 PM
2

It was weird, I got mad Sh*t about it from people I know. Um, it's *my* name. I'll choose as I please. That being said, I kinda forget it's my name. Still new...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 07:19 PM
52

After my 2nd divorce, I took my mother's maiden name. I have henceforth declared I'll never change it again. I don't care if I marry 4 more times, NEVER again. This is my name. Can't nobody take it...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:11 PM
72

Gen X here. You are correct. I am 43 and was raised in PickmeLand. I am Just now crawling my way out. But, I can't side with my people if they want others to stay down just because they won't crawl out. Support growth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 05:14 PM
43

This is the same mentality, "I paid my student loans, why shouldn't you??" Um, because it is predatory lending and we are getting robbed by our own government by sky-high interest rates that compounded even though we DIDN'T agree to that. That's why Karen...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 05:12 PM
71

They say the wall is at 30 because they know, no woman who knows herself at all, would be caught dead with them. That's their wall. The wall is coming from inside the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 05:00 PM
5

Trash taking itself out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 03:20 PM
31

I second this. They get *weirdd* when they think they're losing control. That can translate into making everything you do 10x harder than it has to be and possibly violence. Have a plan. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:31 PM
13

I wish I had known this. It takes a WHILE. But, it can be done. (I hope, still a work in progress) I'd still rather be alone after 1.5 years than continuing a cycle that never benefited me in any way. Good luck OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:30 PM
24

I fell into this trap, and it was partly my fault. I like being in control. When the job is "all mine" I can control all the aspects of it. That was where I made the mistake. Make them do their fair share. Make them be involved. Make them step up. Because, when you need the support, or they need to carry the weight they won't be able to. Doesn't matter why necessarily even though it should be addressed, but you're still holding the bag. And that bag is heavy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:38 PM
12

It's the, "ignore rational thought and common sense because relationships are more important than your own peace of mind and sanity" for me. I'm HELLA guilty of this too. Something I work on. LOTS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:30 PM
1

This is so painfully true. And I could have never found the words, but here they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 03:01 PM
4

Why are they all so Scangry? (Scrote angry) Like hangry, but just filled with the AUDACITY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 03:00 PM
1

Congrats!!! Many more to come!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:46 PM
18

I don't care if he has .10 cent or 10,000,000 ​ no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 05:59 PM
9

Policing other's language is also, "not leveling up"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 04:20 PM
11

That wasn't a date, it was feeding the homeless. She should consider it charity work, and not a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 01:27 PM
10

*sigh* I've seen this, personally. I know women who won't cut their hair short because hubs don't like it. I'll shave that shit off just to make a point. That's where I'm at. BUZZ BUZZ bitch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 01:11 PM
25

He's horrible. She just doesn't know better yet. That's why I like it here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:08 PM
43

If he killed it, it was an act of malice. I'm so sorry you lost your bonsai. I think even though it was hard, you made the right choice. That's one helluva red flag
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:07 PM
16

This was me. But alas, no more. FDS helped me settle the score My pride has returned I am no longer getting burned Finally, I have taken the turn fin
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:25 PM
5

They lie. That's what they do. They don't want to accept the fact that we don't need them. They do what they do and say what they say out of fear. This is why I do not engage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:23 PM
41

This person is exactly why this group exists. You can do everything right, and then BAM he dgaf and you're confused. ughhhhhhhhhhhh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 08:13 PM
8

I am really hoping for a "surprise!" weekend. See if this man can redeem this mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 07:54 PM
26

I tend to be a lurker and sometime commenter. I can't thank you guys enough. This group has opened my eyes and has me taking steps to live my life out of the misogynistic toxic headspace I had been living in, well, forever. This subreddit is important. To lots of us. Thank you <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 08:23 PM
28

They want confusion They want misinformation They want to be the hero but blames the person they "rescued" They want to be everything and putting women down makes them feel good It's time for that to stop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 02:36 PM
2

I use this for women and men who talk over me. I just stop talking. That seems to have a very powerful message on its own. But this is SOLID advice. Thank you for adding to my arsenal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 03:14 PM
3

I couldn't have said this better. Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 02:05 PM
10

Fantastic jumping off point(s) Gotta start somewhere. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 06:12 PM
14

How? How do you heal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 05:07 PM
45

Hundreds of options, very very few possibilities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 06:34 PM
22

This is a very accurate statement. And I've tried all the OLD sites and quit all the OLD sites lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 05:48 PM
40

I understand wanting to be with someone with similar interests, but this checklist that has been formulated is not only misguided it is very presumptuous. Let's say they found "that girl" what makes them think "she" wants to be with them?? The dude who won't like a girl based off of a checklist...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 04:06 PM
12

This happens a lot to me on Twitter. I reply with "Champ, Sport, Lil Guy, Sugar, etc." Pisses them off in a very satisfactory way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:22 PM
3

She can get out of her own house?? mmk buddy, sure thing This guy wouldn't be able to get with a woman who owned her own home hence his, "speculation."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:51 PM
4

Throw away this entire man. Do not put in rice. Just toss him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 04:59 PM
20

Sarcasm is one thing but being horrible and going, "Well that's just me being sarcastic" or "I was just kidding, JEEZ" or "I just tell it like it is, sorry you can't handle that" if you hear this more than once a YEAR from a male or female, they are garbage. Don't even bother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 04:55 PM
135

Wait He wants to pay a college girl for sex and use her as a (sex toy), while he has girls in college... ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 08:22 PM
18

It is HUGE. What you did was very brave. My ex-husband was horribly abusive and I never called the cops. Then one day I fought back, I feared for my life. And he called the cops on me. Don't discount your bravery. You did great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:04 PM
14

I just had to do this. And it was difficult. I am a people pleaser. I'm not mad at this person but they have been shifted to "acquaintance only" if that. I can't be broken down and insulted by anyone in my life. I do my best to lift up everyone and I am NOT a perfect person or friend. But, if anyone and I mean ANYONE comes for my peace, they've got to go. Not even close to sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:48 PM
3

Bwahahahahahahahaaaa
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:05 PM
6

This is, "I need someone to raise my kids, because I don't want to" I know, because that was my last marriage. Now, I don't date men with kids. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:32 PM
3

I don't get it. I really don't. It's not hard to take care of someone. Especially in their time of need. Good luck with the Divorce, I'm almost a year out. Finally FINALLY feeling remotely normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:08 PM
29

This happened to me. I had hip surgery and thought since I had taken care of my husband so much over the years, it was my turn. Wrong. He didn't do anything. Not one thing. I told my Grandma about it and she said, "Men who are taken care of freak out when they see the person who takes care of them, fragile." She had a similar experience with my Grandfather. Yeah, Love you grandma, but NO. I got Divorced one year ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:18 PM
9

The man he "was" was the same man who hatched this plot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:59 PM
24

*but you should, "focus on you" instead obsessing over the guy who ghosted you but continues to watch your instastory. Just my little tweak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:52 PM
14

This. This is a hard one, but necessary. I don't send a first text of the day until I have gotten at least 5 in a row. ​ Even then it is DICEY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 05:18 PM
33

He's still shocked. This was 18 years ago this August. People like that always assume you will take it. Because you did. Until you don't anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 07:12 PM
77

Oh look, it's my first Divorce. I did everything including everything with the baby. All he did was cook. And one day he came home, looked me in the eye and said the following after telling me he refuses to cook anymore. He's done. His justification..... (I wish I was making this up *sigh*) "If I wanted to do Bitches work, I wouldn't have gotten married." I filed for divorce one week later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 02:47 PM
2

Fantastic advice, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 07:23 PM
6

It's a general social issue for me. Guys and gals. I just get nervous. I was painfully shy growing up, and I have to actively work on it. All the time. But, thank you these are some really good tips, and frankly it couldn't hurt!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 06:09 PM
29

When the "big spoon" is empty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 06:01 PM
36

I tend to talk a lot because I'm nervous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 05:28 PM
27

Wow. I *pray* she got good advice about this. Because the fact she has to ask if she should, "Just get over it" is very VERY scary. Even before I started to reevaluate my dating strategy I knew this wasn't ok. Which means she isn't ok, at least not enough to recognize this is A NOOOOOOO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 04:58 PM
2

How sad is it that we love this so much because it is so rare. I think it's great. As humans, it's hard to stick with something that is so hard. But, we out here not even getting an ounce of respect more or less someone to hang in there when everything falls apart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 02:20 PM
5

These reminders are awesome. Thank you, ladies, for reminding me. Because patience has never been a virtue I have held. But, I am trying. Every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 02:11 PM
9

I assumed they were able to later on in life because more than likely the partner was younger. Rarely do you see 50(m) and 50(f) having babies. But you do see 50 (m) and 25(f) having babies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 07:17 PM
24

If you allow it once, you allow it forever. That is a *hard* lesson to learn. But, that doesn't change the fact it is, a FACT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 07:02 PM
1

People really out here showing exactly who they are. Who calls a person lazy who is cooking for YOU. WTF.............
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 04:10 PM
24

I follow her, she's fantastic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 08:10 PM
12

Honest question, why is this so hard? I read it here, it makes sense, I shake my head yes. But, when you're mad or hurt you just want to Anvn'ovano'vnjonovnovanjovarnoznf'odnrv'aoervoJBrngvbrgn"OJbr"BV'4uobnfloNB'OUG x 200 But, yeah this is spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:21 PM
37

Add this to the list of things, "I don't even REMOTELY miss" now that I'm single. Ick. I hated this. Put your shit away, you are a grown ass man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 04:03 PM
15

Because I suck at it. And I knew there had to be a reason why. So, here I am. Learning. Growing. Reading. Internalizing. Even us quiet ones that don't comment much are learning with every post. Keep up the good work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 05:41 PM
10

I agree and add that the intentions of the person you are talking to are already dicey (if developed from a dating app) and now are even dicier. Are they just bored? Are they just wanting sex because it's been "so long for them" And trying to figure that out, while trying to form some sort of friendship/relationship is so hard. I got bored, downloaded Tinder. Realized immediately I shouldn't be there. Deleted the app within 30 min. Just a reminder to me, that this isn't the plan right now. I'm g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 05:35 PM
80

Never EVER believe someone's ex is "toxic." I've been down that road way too much. It's them love bombing you (you're amazing not like HER) and putting you against her in your head. More than likely they were horrible to their ex, and their ex responded in kind. That is what they call, "toxic" I have been here, DON'T DO IT. If they say their ex is toxic, automatically assume they are saying "I am toxic"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 07:57 PM
10

This works for me. In this scenario, or when I know I'm going to go into a situation that has a high emotional frequency and I'll get overwhelmed emotionally or just drained. Imagine yourself in a bubble. The bubble is impenetrable. No one, nothing, no vibe, no nada can penetrate. An actual plastic bubble. Poke at it. Visualize this 30 min before, 5 min before, and 5 in the bathroom if you need it. It helps. And then act like the bad bitch you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 07:49 PM
42

So much truth I almost choked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 04:08 PM
1

Hahahaha but true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 03:20 PM
25

The best case scenario (a rarity) is that you stay together, but you will always be viewed as "The one he cheated on his GF or wife with." aka not a good person. Worst case scenario (the norm) you realize how painful it is to be cheated on because he's going to. Not if, when.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:13 PM
32

I get the vibe that he wants you in the house, not independent in any way financially or otherwise. I would be uncomfortable cut off from the entire world when I have stated that isn't how I want to live. Try and pinpoint his exact reasoning and if you agree with it. Because it isn't going to change. Regardless of money or anything else. Also, if they are his kids he has to pay child support. It takes time to get it going, but once it's rolling he will have to pay. And as "head of household" you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 03:53 PM
14

Glitter UTI sets, SIGN ME UP. Real talk though, who buys these?!?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 08:18 PM
43

Anytime I'm ever asked my count I respond with, "Why do you ask?" And you have to maintain eye contact until they answer. Don't say a word. Just stare and wait. It will make them uncomfortable af. Then they'll laugh and say, "Oh, no it's fine I was just curious." Then I always say, "Ok." Then never answer. If they ask again, I'm out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 04:22 PM
6

I concur 100%. I thought when I left the abuse I would be magically all better. The trauma from going through that is very real and can be very confusing. Don't feel guilty if you miss certain things. Mourn it. Give yourself time. It's been 11 months for me and I'm just starting to feel normal-ish again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 03:10 PM
20

My *dis some bullshit* meter went off fast... Why...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:59 PM
4

Congratulations To your new guy for working hard and passing some hard tests. That's why those tests are there. Bypass them, and then you get played and feel stupid in 5 months. I'd say I was proud of you, but I don't think you need a man on your list to be proud of who you are. QUEEN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:54 PM
45

Notes: -They won't get better, They'll get worse the longer you put up with it. -They will tear you down to your last fiber if that's what they think they need to do to keep you under thumb. -They will twist your words and actions and defend the undefendable and blame you. -They will call you crazy when you have had enough and finally speak up -They will blame you for every single thing that has happened without a shred of accountability or regret. -They can not change. -They will not change. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 05:54 PM
13

Whoa. That *is* the reason, isn't it? *Mind Blown*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 04:04 PM
9

That subreddit makes me sad. Like, really sad. They all seem so misinformed and so begrudgingly cocky about it. It's icky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:29 PM
9

I wish I could get therapy. I mean it would help if they would too, then I would need less therapy. But, I'd still need it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:14 PM
27

I scrolled the OP about 6.2 seconds before the mansplaining/hatered/bullshit started. I expected a full scroll of the mouse wheel, but I'm not surprised. Also, if I haven't said yet. Love this subreddit. I've gotten so much from it. Thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 07:12 PM
2

This is some truthy goodness right here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 07:09 PM
6

This is an excellent thing to be reminded of. Not to internalize their projections. I needed this. Thank you <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/19 06:15 PM
32

I just love this post. I'm thankful for it and this sub. It is a constant reminder to get out of my own head and remember that I am valuable, and I am worthy. I'm not sure why it's so easy to forget but I'm only on month 6 since my divorce. So maybe I just need more time. I'm so happy for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/19 08:06 PM
1

I wish you the best as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/19 07:41 PM
112

I'm 42, and I needed this. I actually teared up a bit. Saved it on my phone. I grew up starving for male attention and now that I'm recently divorced it has irked me to my core that it feels like nothing has changed. I just have to make the change. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/19 06:23 PM
4

OMG same. Then I realized... I was like, um...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/19 06:17 PM
8

This is *all the things* And a needed reminder. Thank you OP
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/19 02:37 PM
25

And that's the tea. Piping hot and full of truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/19 03:49 PM
12

Found this out the hard way. It's funny how easily you can forget.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/19 06:28 PM
4

*Divorced twice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/19 08:30 PM
35

The woman who has been divorced can tell you, with all the options weighed over 22 years of dating/marriage/etc... This is a FACT. Especially for the woman. (In a man v woman scenario)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/19 08:30 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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