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Working-Essay-9868 Archive

View 3 posts and 44 comments by Working-Essay-9868 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
358

Working-Essay-9868/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/24 02:21 PM
83

Working-Essay-9868/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/25 04:25 PM
9

Working-Essay-9868/r/askMRP04/11/22 03:58 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

Repeat after me: the stay plan is the go plan. Having read your brief post history my sense is that you'll need the divorce to happen in order to effect major change in your life. That doesn't mean you need to rush it. Put the onus on her to do the heavy lifting but don't tolerate any more disrespect while simultaneously fulfilling the husband role. If the mother of your kids wants to leave town for days on end without communicating like an adult, you cannot control that. You control how you res…
/r/askMRP02/10/25 03:48 PM
1

Doesn't matter in my state.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/25 12:52 PM
5

Without this place I would not have known what frame was, or a covert contract, or self interest, mental point of origin, any of it. The material I discovered and consumed via MRP had a very positive impact on where I am today as a man and how I raise my children. Without MRP I'm guessing I would still be married and trying to be a "better husband" so I could "fix" whatever caused my ex wife to bang other men. I have no doubt that path would have caused life long damage to my kids. Regarding the…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/25 12:52 PM
3

My wife has a female friend that I've know for the entirety of our 15 year relationship. When we met she was very attractive: tall, blonde, funny etc. She would hook up with lots of dudes, then would date someone for a while, then be single and hooking up again. She only had one long term relationship in the last ten years, and struggled a lot watching her friends settle down and have kids. Now she's nearing 40, overweight, unmarried, and unhealthy. We had lost touch for a while then she came ov…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/24 12:58 PM
4

Man didn't realize he was toilet-shaped, and until he unfucked himself mentally every woman he had contact with would, with enough time, turn into shit. Probably the best way to explain the concept of container that I've read.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/24 12:09 PM
10

Taking an honest look at yourself, your choices, and your behaviors is difficult to do because most people don't like what they see - I speak from experience. What helped me was asking myself, "What do I want?" and once I realized that answer was "more sex from my wife", I knew I had a problem. I had to change the answer to change the behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/24 12:00 PM
7

Behaviors and actions are the most important form of communication, and that includes communication with yourself. Fill your life with actions and you will signal to yourself what is important. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MDyOEvNOnQ This guy's content was helpful to me during the first few months after I found out about the affair.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/24 05:15 PM
25

My state is not a good one to get divorced in, let's put it that way. Alimony is a thing and it's not small, but I see it as a monthly freedom tax I'm willing to pay and it can be revisited and reduced/eliminated down the road (first review is 3 years out). The more I saw the writing on the wall, the more I saved, so there is a cash cushion for both of us. I strongly recommend anyone who even slightly suspects trouble ahead begins building cash reserves. Custody is 50/50 and I fully expect I'll …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/24 05:01 PM
15

I think your situation, having your shit together, being fit and attractive, but still dealing with intolerable disrespect and finally discovering cheating, is probably pretty common around here. I see now that although I was physically attractive, I was obese and pimpled emotionally and that is very important in female attraction. My MAP was largely about getting my emotional self in check. It still is. Or they don't find the cheating, keep spinning their wheels and finally say, "MRP just doesn…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/24 04:50 PM
2

I’ve done a lot of legwork on my state’s divorce/custody laws and have a consultation tomorrow to get a solid estimate of expected alimony and child support. Your points are all valid. I have days where I see myself as the prize and days when I have self doubt - that’s been something I’ve worked on throughout my MAP. Went out two weeks ago and number closed a 28 year old HB8, which is the first time I’ve done something like that in over a decade. I can say with confidence that I’m done dealing w…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/23 01:35 AM
3

Mental illness can’t be ruled out, I believe she has mild depression at least. Don’t think she’s been fucking Chad on the regular but my base case is she’s done something once or twice and won’t admit it. As far as the other stuff: no financial issues whatsoever and I’ve never cheated. At this time I’m done snooping, she’s going to get better at concealing things now anyway. Ultimately I allowed the lack of respect for me, the marriage and the family to continue too long. I’ve been using boundar…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 08:22 PM
11

OYS 15 39, married 10, 3 young kids 5’10”, 171. Lost some mass unintentionally but still lifting 5-6 days per week. Snooped on my wife’s computer and found that she has been getting numbers while going out. Confronted her about it, she claimed it was a joke, that one of her friends made her do it, etc. I view this as confirmation that she isn’t acting like a married person when she’s out, and combined with her drinking problem I see this as a deal breaker. Once it was in the open I told her that…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 03:39 PM
1

OYS 14 39, married 10, 3 young kids, 5’10”, 176lbs Lifts unchanged. Maintaining strength but dealing with an elbow issue. Still reading sidebar but focusing much more on putting the ideas there into action. Didn’t drink all week/weekend. Had a few professional and personal get togethers that involved drinking and was surprised at how easy it was to abstain. I felt more engaged with everyone and my time felt like it was my own in a weird way - deciding not to drink was a very deliberate decision …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/23 11:49 AM
1

OYS 13 39, married 10, 3 young kids 5’10”. 175, lifts unchanged Took a break from daily sidebar reading and have been using the last two weeks to execute because I found myself confusing reading about MRP with actually taking the initiative. The more I do the work, the more I take action and follow through with congruent behaviors, the more I like the man I’m becoming. The more I like that man, the less tolerant I am of being mistreated, and from that develops an understanding of boundaries. Tho…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 03:35 AM
3

OYS12 39, married 10, 3 young kids, 5’10”, 176lbs Lifts unchanged Reading more Rian lately, revisiting NMMNG, sidebar Taking it slow, noticing that I’m recovering frame faster when I backslide. Last week I bought myself a new vehicle. Every Nice Guy bone in my body fought the process and I noticed all kinds of internal arguments for why I shouldn’t do it: it’s too expensive, just wait a few more months for a better deal, there’s nothing wrong with the old vehicle, etc. Fuck that: I wanted it so …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 05:54 PM
1

Comments like this one have been important refreshers for me on my own journey. Very appreciated that guys stick around to say this shit after having already been through it.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 12:45 PM
1

Yes, agree. The “and mean it” part has been the biggest challenge but your posts in OYS help me see the path that gets you there and the challenges along the way. I still sense that my communication around my expectations for the marriage and the consequences of not meeting those expectations have been interpreted as threats, not real. Not my concern any longer, I know where I want to be and how I plan to get there. How she interprets that is her issue.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 04:54 PM
1

Thanks for this. I’ve actually been doing what you describe and it’s been a great confidence builder. What I’ve noticed is that I am in a different mood when away from the house with friends or my kids: optimistic, fun, etc. Once I return home I sense the shift towards a more somber mood, which was the basis for that comment in my OYS. I am interpreting this change as me allowing the weight of my marriage problems to bring me down, which I’d like to exercise more control over. It’s not going to …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 04:49 PM
1

OYS 11 39, married 10y, 5’10”, 176lbs, 3 small kids Read: NMMNG, WOTSM, MMSLP, sidebar, Rollo, Rian Reading: 48LoP, sidebar, Rian Lifts unchanged. I’m not very fun at home right now; this is my fault and I need to change. MRP has helped me be more assertive and take control of my own life in a way I hadn’t for a long time; it has also helped me realize and accept that my marriage is dysfunctional and may need to end. When I spend too much time dwelling on the latter, I get broody around the hous…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 04:45 PM
1

Why did your lawyer advise you to wait until the therapist appointment to tell your wife about the divorce? Also, did you put any financial protections in place before letting your wife know how serious you are about divorce, so she can’t go nuts and drain your shared accounts? Curious on these questions since I’m likely to face the same scenario in the next 3-6 months. And nice fucking lifts FF.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/23 12:53 PM
1

In my industry I’d be moving to a lower profile company in a slightly different sector, so would become more junior than I am now. The downside is the opportunity cost of another chance at promotion that will only be there if I stay where I am for 2-4 years.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/23 01:08 AM
1

Funny that you mentioned appearance - between posting this OYS and coming back, I updated my haircut. This has been a plan as part of my MAP and I’m happy with the results. Wardrobe update is also ongoing but it could use some more momentum. My vibe when out is fun - I make irreverent jokes and like to tell a story. I self deprecate and have actually struggled with Rollo’s iron rule to not do so. A typical joke would be “damn WorkingEssay, how’d you get so ripped?” to which I’d respond “furious …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/23 01:05 AM
1

OYS 10 39, married 10y, 3 small kids, 5’10”, 177lbs Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, WOTSM, Rian, Rollo, Sidebar Reading: 48 Laws of Power, sidebar Deadlift 3x410 Squat 3x385 Bench 2x300 Work Using the tools I learned in WISNIFG I had a conversation with my boss about pay. There is a component of my compensation that isn’t competitive so I laid out my case and was able to navigate through my boss’ deflections in an effective and professional way. I’d always taken the approach that if I work my ass off I’ll…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 12:17 PM
0

OYS 9 38, 5’10”, 176lbs, married 10y, 3 small kids DL: 2x405 Bench: 1x295 Squat: 5x330 Reading: 48 LOP, sidebar, Rian Read: WISNIFG, NMMNG, WOTSM, sidebar, Rian, Rollo, MMSLP Was listening to a podcast while lifting yesterday, the title of which was “There is no way to love or respect your husband while dismissing his desire for sex”. I had the overwhelmingly urge to send it to my wife, but thought about this sub and how important STFU is. I turned the podcast off and put on music instead. Later…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/02/23 01:04 PM
3

OYS 8 38, married 10, 3 small kids, 5’10”, 176lbs Bench 1x305 Deadlift 2x405 Squat 5x325 Read: WISNIFG, NMMNG, WOTSM, sidebar, Rollo Reading: sidebar, Rollo, Rian Last night was a typical weeknight in my home and illuminates a problem I’ve allowed to fester. I handled dinner, bathtime, Dad Horseplay Hour, and bedtime. Usual stuff: being the man I want to be at home and setting the tone for how evenings are spent. Once the kids were down I took 45 minutes to prepare for the next day then got in b…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/23 12:51 PM
3

I never got the ILYBINILWY speech, but I did get something close to it. She told me about a year ago that she thought my advances were “desperate” and “repulsive” - so the absence of attraction was because I was a needy, butt hurt bitch. She never thought I’d get it somewhere else because of my years of Nice Guy behavior. It’s just been a very long road back from there for the relationship. My primary focus now is not giving a shit about her perception of me.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/02/23 09:59 PM
3

Thanks, will read this too. I’ve accepted that divorce might happen, but am getting past the anger phase and have no desire to do it unless absolutely necessary to get what I want. Regarding the lifts: Age 17-22: typical bodybuilder type program, no real goals Age 23-27: discovered CrossFit and hence powerlifting, began to use Starting Strength programming to get my first big-ish lifts. Wendler’s 5/3/1 is how I benched 300 for the first time. Age 27-32: fucked around, lifted sometimes and focuse…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/23 10:09 PM
1

Just want to say: I’ve spent so much time reading the sidebar that you’re like a celebrity to me at this point. Your shit has been a huge help to me. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/23 10:02 PM
1

Thanks FF, was reading your comment history and you’re right: my situation is similar. I found MRP about a year after I realized that things were going poorly in marriage and I started to make changes, but the cover contract was still there (I was changing in the hopes of more sex with the wife). I’m now 4 months into MRP and doing better at taking it slow and making changes for the right reasons. I will take your Divorce Prep Advice. My position on divorce now is yes, I accept that as a realist…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/23 10:01 PM
7

OYS 7 38, 5’10”, 175, married 10y, 3 small kids Deadlift 2x405, Bench 2x305, Squat 5x325 Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, WOTSM, sidebar, Rian, Rational Male Reading: 48 Laws of Power, The Tools, sidebar, Rian, Rollo I’ve generally stopped DEERing with my wife but after catching myself defending against something ridiculous she said (“I do everything around here”) I asked, why do I defend? Because I feel attacked. Why do I feel attacked? If my 6 year old daughter made the same accusation I’d laugh in her f…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/23 01:27 PM
1

Thanks, I like the RUCCE acronym. In regards to taking over the treasury: I’ve been planning the approach and taking action without telling her, and come February plan to tell her how it’s going to be handled. Re: opening her up. I bring humor, playfulness, teasing, etc and she often gets more frustrated as the teasing continues. I want her to feel relaxed and able to enjoy it, but pulling her out of “long day with the kids” mode is very difficult.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/23 06:05 PM
3

OYS 6 38, 5’10”, 174, married 10y, 3 kids Deadlift 2x405, Squat 5x320, bench 2x300 Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, WOTSM, sidebar, Rollo, Rian Reading: sidebar, Rollo, Rian “Beware pent up resentment which also can manifest these feelings that she’s the problem still. It will turn AA/AM into bitter butthurt blurts, or comfort destroying daggers to her self esteem.” I read that quote while doing a daily dive into sidebar material and it reminded me to STFU last week. It helped. Working daily on abundance men…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/23 01:09 PM
1

OYS 5 38, married 10y, 3 young kids 5’10”, 172lbs. Bench 2x300 Squat 5x315 Deadlift 2x405 Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rollo, WOTSM, Sidebar Reading: sidebar, Rian Stone, 48 Laws of Power I’ve stalled out while moving beyond the anger phase and realized I spent the last two weeks still acting butthurt. But instead of sulking about not getting much sex I was confrontational with my wife and made vague suggestions there would be repercussions if things didn’t change. This was stupid, I’ve stopped. On ref…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/23 12:59 PM
15

“Coming to acceptance with the nature of women yet remaining bitter and resentful falls short of this ideal.” This hits home. I’m exiting the anger phase and am now firmly in the territory you just described. My personal approach when this happens has been to recognize my own butthurt reaction, then physically remove myself from the situation and focus on something that I want to do. Thanks for the great post.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/22 05:06 PM
3

OYS 4 38, Married 9y, 3 kids Reading: MMSLP, WISNIFG, Sidebar (on Rian Stone’s video series), Rollo Read: NMMNG, WOTSM Social Went out of town to see a friend for a long weekend, a trip I never would have done before because “That’s selfish and I need to be home to help out.” It was fucking awesome. Spent time working out, partying, and connecting with old friends. Twice I found myself reaching for the phone to check in at home and had to actively stop, put it in another room, and focus on what …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/11/22 04:35 PM
6

You guys are assholes and it’s incredibly helpful. Fuck off.
/r/askMRP04/11/22 05:21 PM
-2

BP me wants to reply “no she isn’t, she doesn’t have time” etc. RP me accepts what you’re saying: maybe she has already found a branch. So while I back off/STFU I am also putting an exit plan in place and working the MAP. Fucking sucks, but it’s reality.
/r/askMRP04/11/22 12:01 PM
5

It’s on the table. I’ve made an appt w a marriage counselor and told her I’m going whether she does or not. I’ve made it clear that I’m not willing to continue the way things are.
/r/askMRP04/11/22 11:58 AM
2

The boundaries have been a work in progress. I communicate them, she gets pissed, and I just leave her alone. Point taken that I should remove myself from the situation the next time they’re violated.
/r/askMRP04/11/22 11:57 AM
1

Yes. By tolerating disrespect in the first place I’ve shown I’m not worthy of respect - I’m not the prize. Standing up to disrespect is therefore not the focus area as much as becoming the guy who is worthy of respect is.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/22 01:26 AM
1

Thanks, I am learning what you mean. This is a big part of the anger phase for me right now: realizing I have been the creator of my own problems for a long time.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/22 08:07 PM
4

OYS 3 38, married, 3 kids, 172lbs Reading WISNIFG, sidebar, every archived post I can, Rollo, Rien Stone, Heartiste, MMSLP Read NMMNG, WOTSM Still in the anger phase, trying to learn to be angry with myself and not my wife. Also doing more STFU. My anger is primarily summarized as “I’m a good guy who takes care of myself and my family, but I’m treated like a sex pest by an ungrateful wife.” Pure Nice Guy. I never let myself go physically, but rather became a needy, insecure king of covert contra…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/22 01:35 PM
1

OYS 2 38, 5’10”, 171lbs, married 9 years, 3 kids. Read NMMNGx1, Way of the Superior Man Reading MMSLP, WISNIFG, NMMNGx2, Rollo, Sidebar STFU Continuing program of STFU and calibrating as needed. Wife commented on some mutual guy friend she thought was “super hot” and I STFU. She makes another comment, I STFU. She asks “are you going to reply to anything I say?” and I respond “not the silly shit, no.” She laughs. It felt good but I need to work on not giving a fuck when I hear that kind of commen…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/22 01:30 PM
1

OYS 1 Me: 38, 5’10”, 171lbs, married 9 years, 3 kids Background: found my way here this week. One year ago had a blow up with the wife over lack of sex, ended up working with two different mens coaches over the past year once I recognized my neediness and insecurity were ruining shit. Have made progress but not yet overcome validation seeking in my marriage. Sex is once or twice per month and only when wife is drunk. Needs Work Allowing myself to feel defeated and rejected when sex isn’t happeni…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/22 06:07 PM
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