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_hephaestus Archive

View 0 posts and 45 comments by _hephaestus on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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The other bit you left out is that matching is a clear signal that you’re good to hit on them, irl you could chat up a stranger for a bit build up a rapport then find out they’re taken and were never going to go home with you. When I was single I was outgoing and could impress on the dance floor, still had way more success actually dating/hooking up online with terrible pictures because you start with less ambiguity.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:16 PM
16

I don’t disagree but I feel like the example you gave with the sports situation is the perfect example for why this disconnect comes up so frequently. If I’m upset about X’s performance and someone comes up to me and tells me Y has actually done well statistically I would honestly appreciate that a lot more than a “that sucks man”. The issue comes from not really understanding what the other person wants, OP is asserting his solution and not trying to narrow down what problem his partner is tryi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:57 PM
1

I think the bulk of it is the final bullet point. There’s a lot of filtering mechanisms to the person who makes an account on a platform like reddit to complain about their dating prospects. It’s a popular app but still skews heavily towards read rather than write, with commenters usually the “very online” type, and that’s before getting into the logistics of complaining vs posting “things are good”. Dating is hard and the apps give you more daily visibility into that fact. I met my partner ther…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 08:57 PM
2

Others have already mentioned the “deception is bad” component and how it applies to both and I agree with that. Where I do think it becomes potentially worse is when it’s punching down. Nobody’s going to shed a tear about a woman getting a CEO to buy her champagne and caviar; I was pretty concerned hearing my friend covered a first date’s hotel room given his bad financial situation. Also a bit curious how you’re seeing it play out with men seeming like it’s the worst thing in the world? When m…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 09:37 PM
1

I mean yeah, this was me too when I was younger. Socially stunted is exactly how I’d describe myself at 25 for having a huge blindspot in knowing how to navigate a major part of the social landscape. It’s different than being generally awkward, but personally it manifested in just not knowing how to deal with things my peers were able to deal with. Stunted felt accurate.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 11:17 PM
2

That’s fair, I didn’t mean there aren’t good reasons to date outside of it, it’s often necessary to do. It’s just that when you cast a wide net you’re reminded that you don’t necessarily want to be friends with everyone you cross paths with, a lot of people suck or won’t vibe with you well. Dating apps lack the critical filtering there.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 04:24 PM
3

At the crux of it, the problem with dating apps is that they're there to give you the experience of meeting people outside your social bubble, but there's usually a reason why you have that social bubble. I met my partner on a dating app, it's not that they can't work, dating is just a hard problem and apps aren't magic.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 06:57 AM
2

Seems legit, but the reason why the red pill seems to reach struggling individuals and nuanced “avoid this focus on improving yourself” content goes off to a void is that people are looking for the “one neat trick doctors hate him” approach whereas in all likelihood the person who reads this and is struggling would have to make major lifestyle changes to actually deliver. This stuff is all out there in the open, but people will rationalize any defense of their current mentalities despite it and …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 05:54 PM
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Part of the issue is no universal rule, but I’ve definitely had women friends complain to me after their dates that the dude didn’t offer to bring them back to his place/vice versa and take that as a sign of disinterest. Less the actual sex happening on the first date, more that the guy isn’t showing he really wants sex on the first date.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 02:47 PM
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It is a muscle, figuring out a framework for how you make people feel is a complicated game that you can work on and get better at. It took a long time for me to go from the quiet loner who only felt comfortable socializing to where I am today and it’s not perfect, still freeze up a bunch and overthink plenty of interactions. My girlfriend asked me earlier this week if I mask and I have a hard time distinguishing between what I’m really thinking and what I’m thinking they’re thinking I’m thinkin…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 02:43 PM
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I mean I’m OP’s age, I had a much easier time growing up and figuring out how to socialize in online message boards than the complicated IRL social landscape. By the time I got to college I’d put together how to socialize and it was a much better experience but I can see where they’re coming from. It’s kind of a weird catch 22 though, where if you’re not already able to parse what makes a good online community you’ll likely join ones that suck, meanwhile a lot of the meetup groups irl are primar…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 02:26 PM
2

This is motte and bailey essentially, the core principles of TRP may be those notions, they also predate TRP and the “noise” is a large part of its perception. You can debate what parts of it are “core” and what parts are rogue actors, but the framing of this ideology as “the red pill” implicitly stating those who don’t subscribe to it are unwilling to face truth is not something I’d consider constructive.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 05:32 PM
8

This is a bizarre post, you say that it’s bullshit logic but seem to agree with it? The issue is when a reward is demanded. If you do something good for a friend and then demand they pay it back, you didn’t do them a favor or anything it’s a transaction. They still ought to pay you back in some fashion so they don’t take advantage of your generosity, I don’t think many would disagree with that, but the issues with all of this is squarely on the active demand.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/26 07:26 PM
3

I don’t blame algos, it’s just that people are more online these days. The typical mode I see is someone struggling with dating, trying to commiserate, and while most people will give them platitudes or advice that doesn’t seem very helpful, TRP hones in and focuses on actionable next steps. The appeal of having agency goes very far, and there isn’t really a playbook out there that isn’t at least heavily TRP aligned, the old “rules 1 & 2” even though they’re expressed outside of TRP circles alig…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 03:57 PM
19

From what I’ve seen, it’s more that most women have had an experience (or know a few examples in their friend group) of men who will just nope out of the friendship when romance is ruled out or then keep hitting on them/things look sus retroactively for the beginning of their friendship. There is an understanding feelings can develop, and that’s part of why they’ll push for staying as friends rather than telling the guy to buzz off. It just does feel a bit like a gamble being the guy given how i…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/25 04:33 PM
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Not looking at the moment and I’m not exec-level successful/expect there to be a lot of diverging preferences here, but here’s my thought process: Full-time homemaker is a no-go. Not thinking about the financial vulnerability of it not working out, but the idea of being totally financially responsible for someone described as my Partner doesn’t set well with me. I don’t value homemaker contributions highly, so this feels like a recipe for long term resentment. I don’t mind if they make less (or …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/25 02:31 PM
2

To be honest, if you were just to describe someone as nice I’d figure you considered the person boring. It’s not a bad thing when it’s combined with other traits but on its own it’s kinda like going “oh Bob? Yeah bob hasn’t killed anyone this year” which isn’t bad in itself but raises questions about where the bar is. Central to this whole nice guy phenomenon is that the bar for “nice” is often “can have a conversation without yelling at you”, and self proclaimed nice guys will essentially be ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/25 05:37 PM
1

This is pretty much on point. I think there’s an avenue where you can try being flirty and seeing if there’s a rapport, but the line between this and “hitting on” is confusing and varies tremendously based on friend groups. The big problem with social circles as advice is that it leads to men taking it at face value, and befriending women with the intention of eventually dating which is kind of the worst of all worlds. Can it happen? Maybe, but never count on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 06:48 PM
1

On a fundamental level, I agree with this, but at the same time the concept of sex before having it is very powerful, and I can’t imagine anything could convince me “it doesn’t change anything” beforehand. Think of it less about sex and more about feeling behind on critical milestones. Sex has become the proxy for it but the reason escorts aren’t a typical solution is because there’s an expectation a mature man can have a successful relationship. When people are behind on expectations a lot of d…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/25 06:31 AM
2

I mean some amount of it is your bubble and economic conditions. NYC is work hard play hard city, it’s crowded but plenty of millennials went elsewhere and saved. But you hit on an important subject with people looking back with rose colored glasses not considering survivor’s bias. It’s like how people wearing glasses will long to retvrn to monke, or the guy whose tinder swipe record indicates high standards also longs for the era where people just dated the people from their towns and there wer…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/25 08:37 PM
1

There isn’t a movement defining the blue pill, I do agree that the red pill philosophy is largely destructive but the two main selling points of it are that it provides a theoretically actionable path to help with what you’ve identified as your main problem, and gives you the ability to place blame externally, which people are always happy to do. I don’t know whether these are inherent to the red pill, I suspect they’re not, but I do think they’re a large part of how it pulls in new blood from t…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 06:33 PM
1

“People typically want to take it slower, get to know each other, put in a heavy vetting process, etc.” I feel like there’s typicalminding behind this. There’s no guarantees of course and people can want to take longer… but if I’m going out with a woman and her vetting process is months long to determine whether she’s interested in being anything beyond platonic, I’m going to write this off as platonic interest if anything and disengage. Maybe my perspective is the less common one but it’s how a…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 09:20 PM
1

I had the best experiences with women who had interesting bios. If you’re trying to optimize time you do a quick scan of whether you’d even try to set up a date if it worked out. Personally I felt like if I did somehow match with a woman without a bio or with a bland one, I’d either find it hard to have a good conversation or hard to justify the time for a date on someone I had 0 read on. I guess all else equal and these being the only constraints, you are benefited by swiping on everyone and th…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:51 PM
1

True, and I did eventually meet my girlfriend on an app who had a much better bio, but when I was on the apps seeing all those bland bios and realizing how many people around you had just nothing interesting or unique to say about themselves was honestly the worst part.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:36 PM
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The advice makes more sense as "don't talk to them as divine beings beyond comprehension", it being interpreted as "talk to them as friends with the intention of sleeping with them" is a pretty bad failure mode but I feel like the former interpretation still is useful advice to a lot of dudes who spend everything on OF. You still have to flirt and make your intentions clear, but in order to do that you have to internalize that you're flirting with another human being.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 02:39 AM
1

I mean “people should be open about how they feel” has levels. It isn’t that you should avoid indicating attraction, but there is definitely such a thing as appearing too desperate and it’s a common failure mode for men who struggle dating. I do think most people who come across as desperate would do well with taking some time off pursuing partners and being comfortable with their lives as-is. Don’t expect to find a partner during this break, you should reach out once you’re ready, but trying to…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/25 08:01 PM
1

I think you actually agree with them on the first part, they’re not saying everyone is inherently interesting but that whether someone is or isn’t interesting is inherent and unlikely to change
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/25 08:30 PM
2

Dating apps are a miserable experience, but dating isn’t magically easier without them. A lot of the blame on them is looking at the past with rose tinted glasses and sometimes literal survivor’s bias with anecdotes from parents (who by definition were able to succeed in dating at least briefly). The phenomenon you’re concerned about with the most attractive dating the most is dating culture oriented, sure that is related to the apps but I don’t see reason to think that everyone into casual sex …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 04:07 PM
5

I mean that’s a value judgment one can make, if I’m in a relationship but would have to mask as completely stoic for the rest of my life for the relationship to continue, personally I’d want to leave or get it out of the way early rather than wait years down the road when it would sting more.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 01:36 PM
1

Have been off the market for a year so possible things have changed, but do feel like I should push back on the singles events bit. The few I went to were somewhat poorly advertised but I found out about from social network outreach because there was a lack of single men. The organizers mentioned that being a trend. This was speed dating particularly rather than a singles game night or whatnot, but still seems like an avenue men should seek out. Dancing at a club/bar is still reasonable for sett…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 10:56 AM
2

Yeah frankly that ruined OP’s point for me. As others have mentioned in this thread it’s about the why, the insecurity angle I can understand to a degree, but the literal first reason stated being a stereotype isn’t a good look.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/25 03:48 PM
1

Not married yet but have a pretty solid relationship, absolutely not the first. It’s a bit of a strange question when phrased broadly since there’s a huge matrix of options given where people are applying filtering criteria. A lot of men will swipe right absentmindedly then be not interested in the match, some will be hyper selective and those might be more likely to marry their first match, but also probably will be below their peers in dating experience and fumble the bag. I always struggled o…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 10:35 PM
–

Have you seen tinder bios? This is that exact same phenomenon in live reaction form. Most people are either fairly unremarkable, or bad at selling themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/23 02:03 PM
–

I think it's less social media causing this phenomenon vs just letting us see what the problem is. I hope it decreases over time and people shame the bad bios more broadly, wouldn't hold my breath.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/23 04:00 PM
–

It's a deeper problem than dating apps though. Most people just do not have interesting lives or things they want to say about themselves. That people who do write nothing is tragic, but it's a smaller issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/23 03:46 PM
46

If you complain about something with your friends and someone hits back with "well I have it worse" they're a shit friend and that's a local problem to be addressed. If you complain about anything to an open audience you're going to be bombarded with this for just about any kind of complaint regardless of how real it is. I hate complaining about stuff because it rarely moves progress along and pity parties aren't fun. A few of my friends have brought it up and women have been understanding, a fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 02:28 PM
1

It works for a certain personality of the one utilizing it and for a certain personality being exposed to it. It's similar in how I imagine a lot of people you dislike have found relationships that work for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/23 06:57 AM
11

It's a conceptually simple problem but it affects 42% of adults. The main problem is that fighting it involves fighting years of learned maladaptive behavior, and it's delayed gratification typically going directly against instant gratification. It's kind of like standing still. Obviously you can stand still for a few hours, you have to expend no energy to do so, could you stand still for a week? Handwaving obvious problems like food/sleep/job, it takes a lot of discipline to not do something yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 08:20 PM
3

I think it's a thing also for men, just in a slightly different way. It's not like I have hoards of women throwing themselves at me, but I'm expected to make the first move and until I know more about someone it's hard for me to choose to chat up one stranger at the bar vs another, or which tinder match to sacrifice my weekend night on a date which could just be a total bust. It's annoying and I don't bother making moves unless they do something that makes them stand out or have a stellar bio, w…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 04:31 PM
8

Do you frequently call them "nice" instead of other descriptions? Honestly it's not even an attractiveness thing, most of the time when I mention a person as being "nice" it's because I really have nothing else good to say about them, as do a few friends I've talked about this with. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but you don't really earn any points for common decency. Being nice is implied by tolerating a person.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 06:54 AM
1

Depends on how much you know them. If you're like classmates I don't feel like it's too different from the strangers scenario, but I'd assume they're joking. If they insist they are, I'd still have to ask what changed to be comfortable with the situation. The scenario makes a lot more sense if they're looking for a relationship, or explicitly asking to get the first sex out of the way to habe a different mindset, but any time where I'm hooking up with a girl if she mentions that and I actually b…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/21 04:26 AM
2

It's not about them generally being virgins, it's the scenario of them wanting to hook up despite being a virgin. From here one of three things could be happening: 1) They recently had a substantial change of heart about whatever led them to be celibate, and are going 0-60. 2) For some reason I'm the exception to their no-sex policy, despite the scenario being a hookup, and them holding this policy for every other dude. 3) They're lying, trying to use 2) or any other perceived attractiveness gai…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/21 03:34 AM
2

What? If you're the kind of person to hook up and are somehow a virgin, that raises reasonable alarm bells. If a girl said that, I'd assume it's a joke or that I'm going to wake up in a tub missing a kidney. I also am just skeptical how much actually mentioning being a virgin plays a role in this vs general lack of experience. If a virgin dude is hitting it off and then suddenly goes "by the way I'm a virgin", that's a weird nonsequitur that puts pressure on the conversational partner to ease th…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/21 10:43 PM
2

I think there's something lost in translation here. The issue isn't the older woman being a virgin, the issue is the possible reasons why and if those will cause compatibility problems. If a woman my age (29) tells me that, my first thought is that she is incredibly religious in a way that doesn't work with me. If she's celibate for secular reasons then I'm still concerned. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, I don't want to go through a prolonged sexless relationship period to …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/21 05:13 PM
1

ime most simping behavior reeks of insecurity and is unattractive. I'm a dude but the simps in my greater friend group are the ones who struggle the most with dating. If someone buys gou a drink for no reason other than your looks, this can be interpreted in a few different ways, but most of the time the expectations involve make it neutral or worsen your chances.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/21 06:20 PM
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