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_revelationary Archive

View 2 posts and 1,466 comments by _revelationary on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Literally this. Generally speaking, I wish the medical field would formally recommend against it. I want circumcision to decrease in frequency. I wanted to have another girl (currently pregnant with my third) because I didn’t want to have to think about this decision. But when I go to Reddit and see the rhetoric comparing it to female genital mutilation, it actually has the opposite effect on me. I start to DEFEND circumcision. It’s happened to me in this very post. The extreme language, insults…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 09:52 PM
1

Those are not equivalent things. I’m sure you think they are, but they aren’t. So I won’t be engaging any longer.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 07:31 PM
2

It’s his kid?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 07:21 PM
1

Nah, I’ll keep healthcare decisions regarding my kids between myself and my husband (not “some man I fucked”), the empirical research (methodologically sound studies), and our medical doctors.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:39 PM
1

Sure, you can think what you want. Research does bear out some very small health benefits. If it were only up to me, I would not find them worth the risks but many people do. My sister is a nurse who sees elderly men with terrible penile infections who need amputations all the time because they’re too old to clean themselves. She got all three of her boys circumcised. Again, insulting gets you nowhere. In fact it makes me less likely to want to listen.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:27 PM
3

Cool, try calling CPS if you are so very convinced it’s child abuse. Honey.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:14 PM
3

I will not be using input from Reddit to make a decision about my child’s body and healthcare decisions. I shared my story as a way to show it’s NOT always the mother pushing this. That is all.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:02 PM
8

Edited to add: for those of you who feel strongly about this issue, please use your energy elsewhere. Bullying pregnant women on the internet is not going to do anything to help your cause. I’m not sure why you care so much about my future son’s penis. Weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:57 PM
10

We have talked about it. This is our third kid. We talked about it before getting pregnant. This is just our first boy, so it is becoming more real. Like I said, I’ve read a great deal of the literature and do not feel strongly enough to push back against him anymore. But we will be discussing more with our doctors.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:10 PM
23

I’m pregnant with a boy. This is a conversation I’ve had with my husband probably a dozen times. I literally cannot convince him to see that leaving our son intact would be better. He is absolutely not changing his mind, his preference is for our baby to be circumcised. I’ve read a lot of the research and don’t feel strongly enough to argue with him anymore about it. In my experience it is NOT the moms advocating for circumcising... Where is the outcry? There IS outcry. Reddit is an echo chamber…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 03:52 PM
1

Okay. Well, the title of your post is saying that this behavior has nothing to do with avoiding pregnancy and the majority of what you wrote focuses on why that motivation would not make sense. So, essentially, I’m agreeing with you. It’s not only about avoiding pregnancy.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 03:35 PM
1

It doesn’t make sense to ignore other important motivations for a very broad behavior (avoiding sex with men) and then claim the motivation is wrong/erroneous. I very much doubt a lot of women have only that motivation
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 03:18 PM
1

If you’re referencing 4b…it’s a protest. It isn’t about avoiding pregnancy and most women in the 4b movement wouldn’t claim that. These women are also avoiding dating and marriage. Some definitely might be doing it as “punishment.” I think the majority of women are doing it because, across the board, avoiding men altogether feels safer than romantically/sexually interacting with men who may be conservative/Republican. And they are doing it to protest the election and the current state of America…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:40 PM
1

Can you explain this more? I’m genuinely curious in better understanding your perspective. What exactly do you mean by “whore?” And why would you be insecure about your mom or sister being one?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/24 03:52 PM
–

Woman (34. I think age might matter here) 232 contacts Around 35-40, depending on your definition of “regularly.”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/24 03:43 PM
0

Aren’t we taking this a little too literally..? I viewed it as a lighthearted way to point out that women don’t always feel safe around men. Clearly men don’t always feel safe around women. Honestly as a woman I would rather many men be cautious and avoid situations where they’ll be alone with me, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/24 01:51 AM
3

I don’t frequent this sub anymore but a year and a half ago before I had my second kid I was on here a lot. My husband and I have PhDs in psychology (different areas of psych), and I quickly found that nobody here wants to actually debate the research. And those who bring articles to the table are prone to blatant misinterpretation of them. I lost interest eventually and life feels better when I forget this place exists.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/24 02:07 AM
6

I think this is a safe bet, especially if it’s the first time or she seems nervous or uncertain. Unfortunately I think many men (well, people generally) are not great at reading nonverbal cues that would warrant a check-in like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/23 08:03 PM
2

I don’t think high n count men have high value, inherently. But high value men are probably more likely to have a high n because they’re more likely to be attractive, etc. Or the idea of social proof/pre-selection - seeing a man with other women might mean he’s more desirable because those other women are hanging out with him, so he’s sort of pre-vetted, especially if the women are attractive or similar to one’s self. But if I hear a guy has a high n count…that alone definitely doesn’t make him …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/23 07:59 PM
1

I might. Mostly because we have kids together. It would depend on the circumstances, but I love him and he’s a great dad, so if his behavior didn’t change in other ways I might be able to move on (with some therapy) and rebuild trust somehow.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/23 07:04 PM
2

I don’t see the logic in this argument. Woman perceives her man isn’t attractive enough to get casual sex, therefore she assumes he’s only with her for access to sex? Can you explain that logic? People can be motivated to demonstrate their “value” (ie, work to maintain the relationships) for reasons other than the perceived attractiveness level of their SO…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/23 08:41 PM
25

Opening up and being emotionally vulnerable is NOT the same as mental illness. Emotions are normal reactions. We all experience them, we all NEED them. We wouldn’t be alive as a species without them. The problems arise when we don’t fully understand, process, and regulate our emotions. Opening up/having adequate support for difficult emotions is important for that. As for your question…it probably depends on the woman. I wouldn’t be with a guy who couldn’t open up or talk about his feelings, per…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/23 01:34 AM
1

Hey, if they’re actively taking steps to improve their position and become more attractive that’s great. I’d give the same recommendation to a woman who was concerned about not getting dates, for any number of reasons. Self-reflection is important, and sometimes that is about having realistic expectations about potential partners/dates. I think most of the time on both sides there’s zero self-reflection and just complaining.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 04:43 PM
1

Well it seems we can assume that those men can’t do better. The fact is, most people end up with partners they are well-matched to in appearance. The research absolutely supports that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 04:25 PM
1

What evidence do you have for that? If most men are overweight or obese and most people still want an attractive partner, I’m willing to bet that many men aim too high at least for a while, before realizing who their match really is in terms of physical appearance. I have a few examples of this even from my own life. There’s just a higher probability of that than the notion that only thin/athletic men are being told to settle for “obese” women.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 11:06 AM
1

I’m not really known for being chill so you may be right
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:58 PM
0

Just a really good match in other ways, not “exceptional.” Height is not meaningless, it’s tied to physical compatibility and chemistry.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:32 PM
14

Damn I’m so curious about all of these deleted comments.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 12:02 PM
1

I am a woman. 33yo and have been dating my husband since 2010. I’m 5’9”. I prefer a man right around 6’0”, which my husband is. Maybe 5’11.5 but he rounds up. It just feels like our bodies are compatible…I’m not sure how else to say it. I have never dated someone significantly taller than that but I have several male family members around 6’3” to 6’5” who just seem ridiculously tall to me and I was never interested in aiming for a super tall man. I’ve dated a guy shorter than me and have had sev…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 11:53 AM
1

Beautifully said
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 11:38 AM
2

And most men my promiscuous friends have met and dated didn’t have a problem with their past
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 11:36 AM
2

Well, the average man is also obese. So if an obese man doesn’t want to date an obese woman, then I guess there’s some valid criticism there. I would say the same for a woman who doesn’t want to date a man who is her looksmatch. We’re talking about hypocrisies on PPD. The same women here aren’t making both sides of the claims you mention. In fact I haven’t seen anyone here say them, particularly not in the way you’re saying them.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 02:42 AM
3

Blatant hyperbole aside… Show me where you see the same woman/person on PPD making these claims. It’s hypocritical if the same individuals are saying these things. If you see all of these statements around here…they’re made by totally different people. But side note: I’ve never heard anyone here say that men should just date obese women. And I also can’t think of a single PPD woman who claims to only date flashy, tall, handsome guys. If anything, we tend to get accused of virtue signaling becaus…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 02:32 AM
1

I think I’m considered post-wall, according to you, so romance is meaningless to me anyways
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 02:18 AM
1

Lol. It does feel like that sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:59 AM
2

It can be for some people and more power to them. For me, I am not making “the most important aspect” of my relationship something that won’t reliably happen all the time and can be influenced by things out of either partner’s control.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:21 AM
2

Then you should define “stable” in your post, particularly because the word is in your title and it’s not obvious that you’re talking about it in this very specific way…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 08:21 PM
4

Marriage and its termination still always involves two people. Nothing in your comment contradicts that. And that may be the way marital stability is quantified in research - still doesn’t say anything about the quality of the actual marriages historically or now. I don’t think the trends in marriage/divorce rates differ much in other western countries but I think the other societal problems are probably also very widespread. I only witness it here in the US.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 07:56 PM
3

Relationships and their termination involve TWO people and a million other factors, outside of women’s “freedoms.” That alone doesn’t mean anything about how common divorce should be or how stable marriages should be. Also, before divorce was more commonplace, you could absolutely not assume all intact marriages were stable. What it boils down to, in my opinion, is that (at least in the US) our culture promotes dopamine chasing and we expect things to be easy or else they don’t really feel worth…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 07:21 PM
2

You didn’t read the rest of that comment, clearly
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 01:25 PM
4

I said it’s strange because of the reasons why a man might have that preference. Everyone is entitled to their preferences. But depending on the reasons for the preference it’s fair to call them strange or gross or superficial or whatever. Doesn’t mean you can’t have them, but don’t expect that no one can have feelings about it. If the preference works for you then good for you. I think a lot of women who have rigid standards about height are superficial, for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:15 AM
24

I think it’s strange for any person with a high n count to expect a partner who has a low n count. You have to ask why. And it’s usually an indication that a man has gross and outdated views of women. Some low n count women are okay with that and that’s their choice. I think most of us are not at this point in history.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 10:08 PM
43

As a woman who wanted to wait until marriage/very serious relationship to have sex, I just would not have dated a man with a high body count. And I was screening for this. And I dumped men who tried to pressure me to have sex sooner. It comes down to values. I wanted a partner who had the same values when it came to sex and I didn’t want that mismatch of experience. I agree with others on here who say that it comes across as hypocritical. It’s similar to the hypocrisy of women claiming relations…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 09:37 PM
2

I love sports and most girls/women in my life do, too. I have two daughters (well, one is on the way) and I’m definitely planning to try to share that passion with them. It’s their choice if they want to partake and which sport(s) to do…but they’ll at least be encouraged to try some athletic activities
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 04:21 AM
0

This is really not that hard to understand…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 04:49 PM
–

I actually agree with this, but it’s hard to know if the husband being fit caused the woman to stay fit/get back in shape after pregnancy or if these types of people just end up selecting each other (value fitness/taking care of their bodies). My husband and I are athletes, like sports, and our families are very outdoor and athletic oriented. So he stays in shape and I weighed less after my first kid than before. We’ll see how things go after this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/23 05:59 PM
1

My husband gets annoyed with me for posting here. He dislikes that I’m on my phone so much in the evenings. But we talk about this stuff a lot and are very much on the same bluish purple page.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/23 03:17 AM
2

Some people here would call my husband a Chad. Some people wouldn’t because he never slept around. Other than that, none.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 05:41 PM
8

Okay. I’m pretty secure in and aware of how it unfolded and I definitely don’t care how you, a complete internet stranger, thinks it happened.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 01:45 PM
4

Right. I don’t really care who thinks it’s vanilla, we’re just fine with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 01:10 PM
1

I am not sure what you mean.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 11:59 AM
6

Everyone here says that. He did not. If anything, I was the pursuer. If you knew him, you’d get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 11:57 AM
3

Strangely enough I don’t have any huge fantasies or kinks. Definitely nothing that’s unfulfilled. I have things I enjoy more than others. I’m a pretty sexual person and like to keep things exciting and my husband is down for whatever. I had sex one time, with one other person, prior to my husband. So no, I never lived out any wild fantasies. And I’m not a threesome person, regardless of the gender ratio. I’m an adrenaline junky but I find excitement in many other parts of life so the bedroom doe…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 11:28 AM
4

I met my husband at a summer job the summer between high school and college. He was quiet and smart and attractive. I had an immediate crush but we became friends for three years. He was in college and I don’t think he was actively wanting a girlfriend. After a few years we started hanging out more with other friends, and then one on one, and things just happened. He never asked me out or hit on me, aside from kissing me one night outside my parents’ house (we were 20 and 22, I was still in coll…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 11:22 AM
1

Do you think you’re acting like a mature adult right now? If you have had the experience that women aren’t mature adults maybe it has something to do with how you interact with people.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 11:20 AM
1

If you meant to ask me, the answer is no. We were friends for years and started hanging out one on one - no one approached or hit on the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 02:09 AM
1

Wow someone is triggered😂
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 02:02 AM
1

Men without beards usually aren’t as beautiful as they are with them. I’d always prefer to see what a guy’s actual face and bone structure looks like before getting into a relationship with him. So I feel similarly about beards as guys do about makeup. It can certainly be a lie.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:50 PM
1

Facial hair and makeup are on a different level than the others. But m if you read my comments above I said there are a ton of things we all do (“natural” and otherwise) to change or enhance our appearance. So they’re all similar in that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:40 PM
1

I think lumping all “incels” together is a little logically flawed. But regardless, I have observed many times their formula for the world is based on emotion. And they try to reason their way out from there. Not always. They might be better at verbalizing it in a less emotional way than women, but it’s still often emotion-based.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:38 PM
1

The hair on all of our heads plays a significant role in our attractiveness level and both men & women who spend a lot of money on their hair and style it can change their appearance a ton. But it doesn’t actually mask the face. It can’t hide a weak jawline, bad skin, etc. *facial hair is as much of a mask as makeup.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:35 PM
3

I don’t think you’re wrong. I think men are more logical on average. But I didn’t find your comments to be particularly logical. Particularly because you used the example of posts here, from a subreddit full of highly emotional (male and female) people. Men use emotional reasoning here almost constantly…not a solid example to prove your point.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:20 PM
1

I do think you shot yourself in the foot with your highly illogical comments but I’ll leave it at that
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:13 PM
2

It’s funny that you took to time to comment that. Something about that threaten you? It’s absolutely true. Not every man is like the ones here, thank God.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 10:11 PM
6

OP: “women are more logical than men” Me: reaches for popcorn…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 09:09 PM
7

He’s a narcissistic, money and power-hungry idiot who knows the things to say to excite and incense people and get massive amounts of attention. If he broke the law (looks likely he did something) I hope he gets convicted and treated real nice in prison.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 08:00 PM
1

Most of this is true, in general. But men with high body counts are NOT seen as more attractive. The research on this is mixed at best. That’s a very different thing than pre-selection. Knowing that a man could get many women but chooses you is a whole lot different from knowing a man has been with many other women but chooses you (for now).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 07:07 PM
6

There are plenty of men who’d choose a woman with small boobs over large boobs. Maybe all other things being equal men would prefer large. But some men literally have a small breast preference, for many, many reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 06:54 PM
1

You guys need to find male friends with standards! These things absolutely can be considered unattractive in a woman. The fact that they aren’t considered widely when evaluating a woman’s attractiveness is because men themselves usually don’t care. Doesn’t mean they couldn’t or shouldn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 06:48 PM
1

You may want to screen by looking at your future partner’s older family members then, because a lot of this is genetics. Weight gain would not be a deal breaker for me in my husband. We’ve been married almost 7 years and when I started dating him he had just graduated college just after his last season of being a D1 college athlete. His body fat percentage was probably insanely low. Of course his body looks different now. Luckily he’s still fit but we have a toddler and really busy jobs — exerci…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 12:23 PM
3

That’s fine. The comparison point is it’s an aesthetic choice that can definitely make someone look more attractive. There are dozens of ways men and women can both do this…real and artificial. Heavy makeup with contouring and beards both do this very effectively.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 03:23 AM
2

Muscles don’t completely hide what your face looks like. If we’re just talking about “masks,” beards literally do that. There are men that look hot with beards that absolutely don’t without, and the upkeep with caring for it and grooming is similar to what women do with makeup. In that way they are very much analogous.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 03:13 AM
1

Being able to grow it doesn’t make it any less a mask lmao. It’s still something that’s masking part of the facial features. People look completely different without their facial hair. As stated above, look up James Harden.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 02:48 AM
1

😦
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 02:47 AM
–

Not a freedom as personal as whether you’re going to have children. Having children requires an insane physical, emotional, and financial cost. I’m pregnant now - I’d know. You can’t just fuck with someone’s right to decide not to do that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 12:44 AM
–

My answer is you don’t. You find other solutions. Taxing people who don’t have kids or giving people who do have kids a large incentive doesn’t restrict anyone’s freedoms. They can still choose not to have kids and accept that consequence. I’d question whether that’s a good solution, but it’s not as unjust as somehow mandating reproduction. I think it’s better than limiting abortion access.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 12:35 AM
2

Wrong. The behavior would still be attractive/appealing, but the man wouldn’t necessarily be physically attractive. Being athletic and having good social skills? Focusing on what you’ve got going well in your life instead of focusing exclusively on women/sex? Attractive traits. When they come along with a physically attractive guy of course that’s better…common sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 12:32 AM
9

I’d say depending on how much makeup the woman in question is wearing, beards/facial hair are a better mask than makeup. There have been guys I’ve seen photos of without their facial hair and I’m like…yeah, facial hair is a good idea for you. Some can completely hide asymmetries, skin conditions, just unattractive bone structure, etc in a way that casual makeup use could never. By casual I mean under eye concealer and mascara.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 12:20 AM
1

Woman here and I agree it’s harder generally to make female friends. I don’t agree that it’s a red flag for a man to not have female friends. But how he relates to women generally or treats his friends’ wives/girlfriends is telling. As for the other piece, women feel that too. But I managed to be roommates with a guy I found moderately attractive and it was completely friendly and platonic. We’re still in touch to this day and there has been zero sexual tension, ever. We never had to clarify tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 04:56 PM
–

It would depend on what was actually going on at the time, what other options were tried, and the likelihood that those penalties would actually work. Like I said in another comment - humans are already accepting death and doing nothing about it. So I think it’s funny to arbitrarily (or I guess not so arbitrarily) pick and choose which human rights issues are the most damaging and say “this is where we need to draw the line to restrict freedoms.” If it’s an actual problem - we have time now to f…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 04:01 PM
–

It’s all a matter of who’s dying though. There are people suffering and starving right now that we aren’t taking care of as a society, right? But you’re saying we should only care when it starts to affect who? The people less deserving of suffering..?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 03:58 PM
–

How does AI/technology solve this issue? If we can make realistic female sex dolls we can make realistic caregivers/nurses. As far as I am aware, governments do not legally mandate vaccines. People can and do avoid getting vaccines. Sure, there have been consequences but it was never a legal matter that restricted actual individual freedom. The choice was still the individual’s to make.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 03:54 PM
–

If individual choices are creating harm to society, we need to find ways to resolve that that do not restrict individual freedom. Isn’t this in some ways a tale as old as time? Adam and Eve, right? Human individual choice and free will is probably eventually going to cause our downfall. Millionaires polluting the environment with their private jets. Power hungry leaders with nuclear weapons. Rampant gun ownership, even for people who are violent and mentally unstable. CEOs reeling in record prof…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 03:43 PM
1

😂😂😂😂
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 02:41 PM
2

The one who just said she doesn’t experience the same pleasure she used to get from a previous guy? All sexual encounters and relationships are different. My husband doesn’t make me laugh as much as an ex did, but that ex ended up being horrible so it’s not like I sit around on a lazy Saturday night longing for my times with him. You can have REALLY good sex in the past, and that can stay in the past even if you recognize it wasn’t the best sex. Even if a woman thinks about that sex sometimes, i…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 02:40 PM
5

Sometimes I feel sad for the men who post this kind of shit here. Like…what a sad, sad, clueless existence...
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 02:38 PM
1

I’ve had two sexual partners, but the longer I’ve been with my husband the quicker I can orgasm. Like others have said - the more you do something the better you know your body and what “works.” And in my experience the closer you are with your partner the better you get at telling them what helps you get there. I can’t speak to having a greater number of partners but I imagine most of that is still true.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 02:30 PM
13

I think this is a point too often lost on this subreddit. The real “high quality/value men” are actually out there living good, fulfilling lives (sure, that includes being attractive) and meeting women and deciding who they want to date/have sex with based on their own preferences and standards. They aren’t fucking everything that moves. Fuck boys are gross to me. My husband was a virgin when I met him but he’s still attractive, tall, former D1 athlete with good social skills. He just didn’t go …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 02:11 PM
1

I would want more than $1 million but I concede there would be a price I’d accept. Maybe like $5-10mil. 32yo woman. I have hopefully lots of decades left and physical intimacy is important to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 02:55 PM
2

Exactly. Husband and I have a really solid income and one kid with another on the way but we still rent because this housing market is ridiculous. I could go ahead and buy a $700k home but the ones that are priced that high aren’t worth it so we’re waiting out for the perfect situation, otherwise we’ll be renters… I think we see a lot of women/“buyers” doing the same
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 11:24 PM
2

This is potentially one of the problems with this study. I assume you’re a man. When I look at a hot guy, I can be like damn…he looks good. Nice face, nice abs, whatever. That absolutely does NOT mean I want to fuck him. It seems like men and women experience attraction and desire differently, on average, and maybe if they’re trying to measure it in the same way it’s adding bias to these results. Edited to add - even if the authors took that into account or this is not affecting the results, I d…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:18 PM
1

On an individual level…stress and fatigue, self-esteem/body image issues, expectations of sex in LTRs, lack of communication/emotional responsiveness within the relationship. And of course biological factors. On a relationship level there could be plenty of things happening to contribute to this. I guess I identified one above in individual factors unintentionally because communication problems can be an individual or couple level factor, just depending on the specifics.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:14 PM
1

The studies don’t say men’s desire doesn’t decrease at all. Depending on what analyses they ran, they probably found that there’s a statistically significant decrease for women, but not for men. Or that women’s decreased significantly more than men’s. Probably the former. And depending on how they measured sexual desire (which I’d be interested in knowing), that is not the same as saying men’s libidos/sexual desire never decreases. Most of the literature I’m seeing claims that couples in LTRs ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:11 PM
3

I’m talking less about how they rate their partner’s physical attractiveness and more about that irresistible urge to jump someone’s bones constantly. Maybe lust or limerance would have been a better word. That type of feeling almost always fades as we move out of the honeymoon phase and see the same person day in and day out. They’re just less exciting. That doesn’t mean there aren’t moments of lust or you don’t think your partner is hot. I’d be interested in how they measured sexual desire in …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:03 PM
1

His studies don’t conclude the things he is saying though
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 03:47 PM
0

Women’s libidos are naturally lower and I’m not contesting the fact that women’s libidos fall more. It’s the why that I’m contesting and the notion that the sexual dynamic doesn’t change for both partners over time — relationships are a two way street. One partner’s feelings and behaviors don’t happen in a vacuum.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 03:45 PM
2

Oh there’s no doubt in my mind that women lose interest in sex in LTRs. The WHY is the issue. And the idea that sexual dynamics in relationships don’t change for both partners with time even if it’s more pronounced in women.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 03:42 PM
1

So is OP’s
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 02:19 PM
5

I think the caveat about not living together is huge. It might just say something about those relationships (if they’re not living together maybe it’s a more casual thing). But maybe when men and women live together the women get tired of picking up laundry or cleaning their husbands’ shit off the toilet and over time find them less sexy…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 01:18 PM
1

My point is, women aren’t the only ones whose libidos decrease. I was responding to the post above. And OP’s whole post is low quality because the studies he cites in no way conclude anything about AF/BB. AND my point still stands. Is husband taking advantage of me because he wants sex less now that I’m pregnant? Is he just using me as a baby making vessel? You can’t look at one set of behaviors and draw conclusions about another completely separate hypothesis.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 01:03 PM
7

Exactly. My libido is higher than my husband’s. Wondering if OP thinks I’ve been beta buxxed.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 11:33 AM
21

And nothing in the articles you shared proves that women are “taking advantage of” anyone. It says one thing - it’s common for women to lose interest in sex in a relationship. I’m sure the articles themselves give plenty of potential explanations. And I’m sure the attractiveness of the male partner is not a factor if the issue is so widespread. But we don’t know that because they didn’t study that. There are PLENTY of former chads in dead bedrooms. Almost everyone feels less attracted to their p…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 11:20 AM
9

You could pose this question on soooo many posts in this subreddit and it would still be relevant…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 01:08 AM
1

I just have a daughter and another girl on the way, and we don’t plan on having more. So no sexy sons for me and I’m fine with that. While it’s possible that that selection process was happening subconsciously, I honestly was friends with a guy and liked hanging out with him and it turned into something more. It’s not like I had 20 men and I filtered them by specific criteria. It all just happened organically. I’m 5’9” (so unlikely but not impossible we’d have a short kid) but I have dated guys …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 11:34 AM
1

Maybe if you knew anything about me you’d understand, but I’m just a stranger on Reddit to you. He definitely isn’t complaining. I guess I’m decent enough to look at and we enjoy spending time together. We’ve been together since 2010, friends since 2007.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 11:26 AM
1

Why, jealous? It’s not.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 11:18 AM
6

I think it’s significant, but there’s also a complicated interaction between nature and nurture. Genes/biology and environment aren’t separate spheres at all, they are constantly shaping each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 08:25 PM
8

Since adulthood which I define as age 18, this has probably happened to me like 4 times before I started dating my husband. I would say there are guys I see at work in the rare occasion I go in person (I mostly WFH) and think “wow that’s an attractive/interesting looking guy” but never an outright crush. But the same types of people for whom that would happen back before I was married. I think if I were single I’d still get this, even without the interaction.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 03:37 AM
2

Yikes, that’s rough. I just have two sisters, so girls were all my dad had…I always wonder what it would have been like/how things would’ve been different if I had a brother. But he never gave us any reason to be insecure…he just raised us very conservatively and arguably too protectively. My interests usually aligned closer to boys’, I definitely was not “girly” at all until late in high school, and I had some negative experiences with peers early on that made me hate certain parts about life a…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 03:05 AM
1

I feel mixed about this. I have hated being a girl/woman since I was little. If you had asked me 10 years ago I would have said sure, sign me up for a do over where I can be a man. I am pregnant right now and some days I feel resentful that I have to be the one whose body has to go through this. But then again, it’s also an insanely strong bond with a child and being a mom is a core part of my identity. I do also appreciate that women have the privilege of certainty that our kids are ours. I gue…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 02:48 AM
1

Name me what is UNIQUE to one sex or another. Meaning the other sex never does it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 12:36 AM
1

You have literally no idea what you’re talking about and you’re straw manning and putting words in my mouth. Intentionally, clearly. I agree that as a woman, my lived experience allows me to sympathize more with other women’s experience. That doesn’t mean I don’t think I do shitty things on a regular basis or see flaws in how women behave. Get over it, dude. I said “nothing is unique to one sex or another” and aside from very few physical sex characteristics/chromosomal differences I stand by th…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 12:14 AM
1

Way to straw man. That is not what I said at all. There are sex differences but plenty of within group variability…and often more within group variability than between group variability.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 11:55 PM
4

I cackled at the turnip thing…and then found internet evidence that this is actually true lmao. I was a tomboy and when I was TWELVE YEARS OLD I had boys/men constantly shouting crude things out their windows at me while I was walking home from school. I don’t even think I knew what oral sex was and guys were asking me if I wanted to blow them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 11:52 PM
5

As someone who has published in this area, self-objectification is typically thought of as a process of internalizing the objectification from outside. It’s not as if someone wakes up and says “hmm I think I’ll start dressing provocatively so others view me as a sex object.” It’s the result of repeated messaging that your primary worth lies in your appearance, ability to be used sexually, etc. It’s the result of being objectified starting at a young age, for many. I don’t disagree with the basic…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 11:45 PM
1

I am not absolving anyone of anything. Both men and women can have problematic behaviors. I think people should have realistic standards. You cannot possibly speak for all “average” men - and I was referring to below average, anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 09:12 PM
0

Okay? Your personal experience is as good as mine. “Bullshit” isn’t exactly a meaningful contribution to the debate. I know two guys personally in my life who are overweight and not attractive and have had to come to terms with what that means about the type of partner they can attract. It took a while for both of them and I think for many it causes a lot of bitterness. But your experience may be different from mine and that’s fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 08:13 PM
1

Jesus. I can list dozens of ways that women can be shitty that are generally unique to women. Nothing is unique to one sex or the other, though. Women can be conniving, manipulative, duplicitous, superficial, overly-emotional. I read your posts a lot and you just enjoy your self-righteous anger, clearly.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 12:44 AM
3

Uhm what? Of course this is shitty. I have shouted from the rooftops here, repeatedly, that women can be shitty. Pretending otherwise is part of why we have this issue. I don’t see anyone trying to argue women are only ever virtuous. But when we’re met here literally every day with men seething and ranting about all the horrible things most women do and are, of course there is going to be defensiveness and claims about virtue. How would you like us to contribute meaningfully to debate on this ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 09:31 PM
2

I have already addressed this in other comments, but I agree that it’s a shitty double standard for those women
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 09:16 PM
2

You asked, I’ll answer… Plate theory: obviously not condoned by Christians, though there’s an insane double standard within religious and conservative communities wherein men are not chastised nearly as much for promiscuity as women. It reminds me of the “lock and key” analogy that red pill men LOVE to cite as a “reason” female promiscuity is bad and male casual sex is worthy of praise. In Catholicism, female saints are almost always praised for their virginity. Male saints’ sexual histories are…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 07:39 PM
1

Then let her know it bothers you, explain how you feel about it, and let her decide. And if it’s a dealbreaker for you if she leaves them up, then just go into it knowing the relationship may end over those photos 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 07:21 PM
2

I don’t need to go to r/Catholicism. I grew up in a conservative Catholic home and my family members would agree with far more of the points here made by red pill folks than blue pill folks.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 06:49 PM
2

Neither is attribution bias. The behaviors could be explained by a variety of things (again - if true). Men have a higher sex drive and find sexual variety more appealing. Men also have fewer available willing affair partners. So men have a harder time seeking infidelity out even if they wanted to because of a shitty relationship. So their infidelity is likely more influenced by opportunity. Women might be more likely than men to experience their relationship as unfulfilling. Or maybe they actua…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 01:39 PM
3

Lol take a look around here and you’ll find a definite correlation between religious and conservative beliefs and red pill ideology. I’m sure it was not created as a conservative movement but it certainly is leaning that way now. Edited to add the “not” above
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 01:35 PM
8

Also, straight from the article linked: “Research has shown that women are more likely to commit infidelity because they are unhappy with their relationships, while men do so simply because they were presented with the opportunity.” Regardless of whether this is true, I do think this is a stereotype that can influence the perception of cheating.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 12:28 PM
5

I don’t have an answer for that without knowing more about how the questions were phrased and even things like what else they were asked in the survey can change the results. It could be that liberal women are more sympathetic toward women’s problems. They may believe women are more likely to be stuck in a toxic or abusive relationship (thus justifying cheating). They could also just be hypocritical man haters who think men deserve to be cheated on. If you asked men around here you’d certainly g…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 12:23 PM
29

As a liberal woman who grew up in an extremely conservative home, this is almost certainly due to how they phrased the question and the black and white nature of conservative/religious attitudes. Liberals tend to see the world in more nuanced ways. If someone asked me: “is cheating always wrong?” I would say no. It’s the word always that gets me. But my conservative religious parents? They’d say yes. I can just imagine a circumstance or two in which cheating could be justified (by either the man…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 12:36 AM
6

You don’t think it seems like men hate women? It seems like you hate women. What I meant was, women can dislike many of men’s tendencies and still can’t help what they are attracted to. Sometimes I hope my daughters are gay. Or at least bi.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 12:17 AM
2

😂 I could easily say that about any number of opinions around here, but here we are debating these things online…so I’d say some of us care?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 10:38 PM
2

Well, many women feel the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 10:00 PM
7

Okay, I think my question still stands. Why would you want to have sex or date those women..?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 09:58 PM
–

Most of the studies I’ve seen show numbers lower than that. Do you mind sharing where you got the 35% number? And those numbers don’t tell us what ones are voluntarily abstaining from sex (views about premarital sex have shifted more conservative in that same time frame). I think for many of those men it’s hardly a “crisis.” Many of those men are fine, and a group within that group is projecting their unhappiness on the larger group.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 09:56 PM
8

You asked someone else above - “how do you have sex with people you find annoying” (something along those lines). Why would you want to have sex with or care about the behavior of a group you think behave “entitled and scummy”….?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 09:47 PM
6

I see fat, ugly men doing the same thing, except blaming women’s high standards or saying women only want “assholes.” I agree with your bottom point but it goes for both sexes. I’ve seen my fair share of my husband’s guy friends rejecting women and holding out for a more attractive partner for years before finally caving and realizing what their looks match really is…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 01:40 PM
9

Well, yeah the very low tier is going to have issues. Despite what’s claimed on here, the fat, ugly, loser women don’t get much attention either. Most men don’t check all those boxes. The women in my life married men who check different boxes there or to different degrees but make up for it in different ways. Personality traits absolutely make up for a lot. But if you’re checking none of those? Yeah..obviously that sucks. And I agree it’s hard to make up for it regardless of how nice you are (th…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 12:33 PM
6

100000%
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 12:22 PM
23

I have two sisters and several very close married friends. I think all of them married really “high value” guys. But here’s a secret - HVM aren’t interchangeable. Different women value certain things more or less…like my husband is fucking amazing but neither of my sisters would have wanted him. Mostly personality mismatch. But my point is that most people find someone who is high value in their eyes, esp if they are bringing value to the table too.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 12:12 AM
1

I am pretty confident that I have a HVM. By most people’s standards, but definitely by mine. My standards: -objectively attractive. Just about 6’ and athletic build. He doesn’t do anything with his hair (just water and comb every day) but doesn’t really need to…still that may be his one weakness. His face is definitely above average. -works out regularly, including running and weight lifting. Was a D1 athlete in college. -is smart as hell. Definitely smarter than me. Wouldn’t be surprised if his…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 12:08 AM
2

When I see posts like this - which have absolutely zero substance and honestly should get removed for being nothing more than a rant - I just wonder…why are you even here? When people clearly hate women just remove yourself from dating…? If you are certainly heterosexual, that is. A life alone will serve you better than the horribly unhealthy relationship you’d find yourself in one day.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/23 07:04 PM
42

Amen to all of this. Just be a reasonable human being. And thank you for being one. Also - most women I know who never slept around wanted a man who didn’t treat sex so lightly, either. So those standards do tend to go both ways, despite what is argued here regularly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 05:43 PM
5

I’ve never had an experience where a man has intentionally done it. And it would be a huge turn off if a man even alluded to other women. I don’t think I ever attracted the type of men who would use those strategies.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 05:42 PM
1

For my partner and me, there isn’t a huge difference between 7 times a week and 10+ times a week. That’s like the amount we were doing when we were trying to conceive. It all blurs together and ultimately doesn’t result in super memorable sex, especially if you have busy lives. Sweet spot is like 3x/week and high quality, in our experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 03:28 PM
7

If you actually knew anything about health you’d know it’s the opposite. Fat shaming actually makes health problems, including obesity, worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 01:49 PM
9

Early 30s, US (New England, but I’ve lived in NY, IN, PA, Washington DC, and central VA). Couples are well matched, usually. When the man is better looking it stands out as odd. When the woman is better looking I barely think twice.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 10:35 PM
1

Probably, if I were a casual hookup kind of girl. But I never slept with any guy I met in a bar, so I wouldn’t start at age 33. I definitely would not knowingly get into a relationship with a jerk.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 09:57 PM
5

🤣probably googled him and promptly deleted it once they realized how clueless they are…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 08:01 PM
1

I’m 33 and happily married, so I may be an older demographic around here. Husband and I just started watching White Lotus season 2 and I can say pretty confidently that Theo James is basically the perfect man, physically, to me. His face, some scruff, dark eyes. Nice body. Forget his personality in that show…but if we’re talking pure appearance, he does it for me. So did Jeffrey Dean Morgan in his Denny/Greys Anatomy period.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 07:57 PM
10

😅in my early 20s he was my ultimate crush…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 07:52 PM
2

In my experience, you can feel a strong sense of comfort and security at baseline and then get crazy intense attraction/lust at the right times. It’s nothing that either one of us do…like create dread or uncertainty. It’s just two people who care about each other a ton, and also find each other attractive. But our lives just don’t allow us to unleash that lust every single day. Guess what? Attractive people also have relationships built on friendship, comfort, and stability.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 03:01 PM
1

I had a really good upbringing overall. There were things I’d change, and I’m going to drop the overly strict religious piece with my own kids, but overall my parents are good people. I think their parenting helped me be cautious, particularly with sex, and I definitely valued a partner’s character over other qualities.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 11:23 AM
1

I’m not saying it’s hard, I’m saying it’s rare.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:09 AM
1

Thats good for you, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Seems like you chose to prioritize other things in your life first, which may have been in an effort to get yourself and life to a place where you were ready for those steps. You didn’t feel a rush and that’s fine. Probably a good thing for many people. I met my husband at 18, started dating at age 20, engaged at 24 and married at 26. My little sister got married at 23. I’m saying that for many of us who make it a priority to ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:09 AM
3

First of all - I will say this on repeat forever - the 80:20 thing is bullshit. But I digress. I would say 30 is top 90% at least. 30 is a very high number, both from my personal experience and based on averages in larger samples. You could look at specific papers for means and standard deviations to see exactly where you stand in terms of percentiles for men overall, or for men in your country. If we’re only talking n count, I’d say average is between 5-12. In my life (people around me) it’s on…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 02:41 AM
5

Fascinating. Clearly there’s way more nuance to this than meets the eye. Thanks for taking the time to put this together.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 02:30 AM
2

Absolutely, but women still access it at a higher rate when obviously men could benefit too..??? I’m a psychologist, believe me - I understand the limitations of the mental health field. I was responding to the guy above saying women are only okay with being single because they have meds and therapy. As if that weren’t a healthy, proactive approach when life isn’t going well.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 11:19 AM
5

I 100% agree with this. This is exactly what my sisters, most of my friends, and I were thinking about n count while we were dating
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 11:12 PM
3

In my “real life” men haven’t actually cared about n count. And I have. I married a low n count guy because that was important to me. So I have no problem believing this post.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 11:10 PM
8

No arguments here
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 08:19 PM
1

I believe it. Many women don’t care at all as long as you look good.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 07:55 PM
7

As a psychologist I am aware of the mental health discrepancies between men and women. But it’s also way more complex than “women just aren’t as happy as men,” and the prevalence rates might be more even if not for men being less likely to seek help or report these symptoms.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 07:50 PM
18

Again. You have no idea what Prozac is, obviously. But that’s okay because my point still stands. Men are doing neither of those things, just whining and blaming their shit on everyone else…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 06:59 PM
2

Get back to me with proof you were all behaving like option #1 here…basically immature, smelly, and unable to even string words together. And I think you mean **some women. There’s a large subset of women who wouldn’t want anything to do with guys like that, regardless of how hot they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 06:57 PM
16

You don’t know what prozac even is, do you? That’s okay, I was referring more to the therapy part. At least women are identifying there’s an issue that might be within their control…and are proactively seeking solutions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 06:55 PM
37

Maybe men should take notes? Might be less violence that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 06:40 PM
3

But choice 1 clearly doesn’t have good gene quality? Personality is not all nurture - it’s a good deal nature. I wouldn’t want a person that dysfunctional raising kids with me, let alone kids that are 50% his DNA.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 05:40 PM
111

Yep, this is no mystery. Women aren’t pretending it will be easier in their 30s. I’m pretty sure they just don’t care that much. Those that do care prioritize getting married young, like I did.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 05:32 PM
6

I haven’t been in the actual dating world in years but I’m with men on this one. Women need to step up and split/cover checks. There shouldn’t be an expectation or demand that the man pays. Way back when I was dating I would try to pay my own but often was told “no way, I l got this.” Luckily I would not do a whole dinner date unless I was sure I liked someone so it was small shit like ice cream or coffee. Honestly spending 2+ hours stuck at a table with someone I am not really interested in han…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 12:52 PM
17

From my experience in here, Blue Pill is an extremely diverse group that doesn’t have one single unifying theory or set of beliefs. It’s a catch all label for those of us who disagree with much/all of TRP. So you would find many different perspectives and there aren’t really any “Blue Pill” authors or influencers. At least defined in that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 01:50 AM
4

I’ve said this on here before and got downvoted to shit, and some dude told me they’d never want their future wife to feel like they’re settling in any way. I know my husband probably could’ve gotten a “hotter” woman. Hell, probably a younger woman. He used to teach at a university and students would hit on him. And there are things I settled for with him. There are days when my husband annoys the shit out of me, and there are days when I can hardly keep my hands off of him. But in a relationshi…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 12:35 AM
5

It’s not a food analogy. It’s a cannibalism analogy. So your comment is not even slightly relevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/23 10:49 PM
1

I mean, I’m being downvoted but clearly I’m right. Being attractive is a more important trait than “low inhibition.” I don’t see anyone arguing.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/23 11:24 AM
-3

Inhibition, depending on your definition, is actually a pretty attractive trait in a lot of ways. And arguably can make a man more successful (monetarily), which is obviously attractive. Anecdotally - my husband is average to high in “inhibition” and when I met him at a summer job he had almost every girl in our work department crushing on him. But he was in no way a flirt or “taking what he wants.” He was just quiet and confident in an unassuming way…and hot, which helps.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 10:41 PM
3

I think anyone is capable of anything. I made a post the other day suggesting I could never say that I’d never cheat because that’s an extreme statement. Someone replied with the following: “While I agree this honesty is good in practicality, it's scary isn't it? How can someone trust someone that doesn't even trust themselves?” I think healthy trust in a relationship involves having reasonable confidence that both partners are going to abide by the agreed upon terms of the relationship. It’s no…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 02:37 AM
7

I did not sense that at all. We know very little about what they have actually done to address this, but dreams are just dreams.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 01:39 AM
5

Someone clearly doesn’t read the links he posts..?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 12:04 AM
9

What exactly is she doing? Here’s what we know: she has sex dreams, sometimes involving exes, and her husband sometimes makes bizarre comments about her being glad she has him (not normal..?). And she’s posting there so presumably high libido in a dead BR. Those are all the facts. I struggle to see your point. If the roles were reversed, men here would be trying to justify the male HL partner cheating on her.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 11:58 PM
1

I trust my husband just as much as I trust myself. He’s a person with free will and it’s possible he could make a mistake. I think very few of us can predict exactly what we’d do in the right (or wrong) set of circumstances. That’s why communication and identifying problems early on is important. Bottom line though is I can’t control him. Even if I forbid him from seeing someone, checked his phone and social media, etc…and he can’t control me, either. Inherent risks of a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 06:34 PM
7

I’m a psychologist. Mental health issues don’t scare me. People with schizophrenia are not often dangerous but if he was dangerous I’d do what it took to keep myself and our kids safe and get him treatment.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:19 AM
5

Honestly I can’t think of many dealbreakers other than abuse or abuse of our kids. But I came from a religious home and probably have more traditional views of marriage. Which is why I chose marriage instead of just a LTR & cohabitating situation. I committed to a man and we’ve even discussed infidelity. My husband knows that if he had an affair I wouldn’t automatically leave but I’d expect honesty and working together to get through it if that’s what both of us wanted (and vice versa). When it …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:03 AM
1

A. Besides, according to men around here, women have plenty of options and we’ll always be able to find someone who likes what we have to offer. So we don’t need to know what individual men like/don’t like. All I care about is what my husband likes tbh. The insulting language is the biggest issue. When men refer to women as landwhales or the town bicycle, that’s what pisses me off. And don’t be surprised when you get that same energy back, in the form of mocking and shaming.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 12:03 AM
7

I’m a woman and I agree with that. I don’t even think it’s critical. Most women just don’t have the same drive to go after men.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 10:14 PM
1

Hey, that sounds impressive and pretty great if it works for you! I said close to impossible because I will concede that for some couples it might be important to make time for it daily.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 08:00 PM
6

Your whole last paragraph, making things up that practically no one believes…blatant hyperbole or misinterpretations. I see it every day on this sub and it’s clearly an unhelpful pattern that many guys around here fall into.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 02:21 AM
1

I think a lot of the problem is that many of these men are defensive and sensitive and misinterpret basically everything (exemplified perfectly above).
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 01:48 AM
2

Yep, had a college crush that friend zoned me. Apparently he liked a girl from back home. Could’ve been an excuse. I was slightly taller than him. We bonded over a shared class and similar music tastes. In hindsight I’m glad it didn’t work out because my husband is better in nearly every way, but it hurt at the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 01:12 AM
2

26 years old, TONS of college debt from picking the wrong major and not having a plan. He is 5’9” and not unattractive. Blonde hair, blue eyes, not overweight, but he could definitely have better hygiene. He is a pretty awkward kid, has had like 4 jobs in the past two years because nothing pans out for him. He’s also just a scattered mess with severe ADHD. He can get a woman’s initial interest but no one sticks around. He’s the only of my male cousins (of which I have 12) who doesn’t have a LTR.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 12:00 AM
1

I am a woman who has had opportunities to cheat in the past 13 years of my relationship. I would never said I’d never cheat because I don’t believe in that sort of extreme prediction. I think that would be more related to things going on with me, or things going on in my relationship, than it would have anything to do with proximity or the particular other person. Is it insecure or unreasonable to forbid your partner from doing something? Like to entirely stop interacting with men or a specific …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 11:43 PM
2

Is this a troll post..?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 09:53 PM
2

In terms of sexual attraction it depends on: -their health and how well they take care of themselves -their hair -their job -their actual maturity level Lots of men do. But I’d say there’s a natural “wall” for most men somewhere in the 30s. I have always appreciated photos of hot older guys like George Clooney but then the reality of actually making out/having sex with someone that old is like…nah
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 09:09 PM
2

Yes, I did. The UVA shooting, which happened the same weekend, got WAY more coverage the first two days and it was black men who were murdered. It was just solved right away.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 08:51 PM
1

I am not gonna lie……had this thought several times
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 08:48 PM
2

The media does whatever is going to get them clicks. What gets clicks are things that are perceived as highly tragic, shocking, mysterious etc. So yes, this crime fits the bill. Any college campus murder is going to get an insane amount of coverage for this reason. The UVA shooting happened the same night as this crime and I didn’t even hear about the Idaho murders for 2 whole days because the UVA situation was dominating news coverage. That involved black men. And it was solved right away.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 08:36 PM
33

If I constantly wanted/expected to have sex period (let alone with one single other person who also has a libido that fluctuates), that would really get in the way of the dozens of other important things I have going on in my life. Every day sex is close to impossible for the vast majority of couples.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 07:09 PM
3

I agree! It’s not always a horrible change, but you can definitely tell the difference between 35 and 22. Just go to a college campus. I live in a college town.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 06:31 PM
5

Lmao the research on age gaps and marriages would say you are incorrect.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 06:29 PM
3

There are also women who exist who care less about salary. Having a job and making money is important for livelihood/future family in a way that other preferences like height just aren’t. But saying that no women will “settle for” a man who makes less than them is untrue. The woman in this video is in no way representative of the average woman. That’s my only argument.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 05:14 PM
3

Hey, I’m not sure what to tell you, other than we can hardly get through a week without a post saying “men don’t have to justify their low n count preference.” I don’t need to justify women’s preferences. They are what they are. A lot of guys have a breast size or height requirement that I probably don’t meet and I’ve definitely felt insecure about that in the past. But I’ve never been mad at men about it — it is what it is. Luckily I found a partner who thinks I’m good enough. Most women I know…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 04:41 PM
2

This is why I said my own social circle. I have VERY few single friends/family members (male or female). Most partnered up by mid twenties. I’m 33 and the second oldest cousin, so most of these people are 20s through early 30s. I have two single female cousins in their 20s. Neither have any real strong urgency to get married. So I cannot speak to them. I think there are a lot of things happening here. Women have preferences and some women have stricter preferences than others. And on OLD they ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 04:13 PM
2

They don’t care? Both my sisters make more than their husbands and always have. My husband does make more than me. And no one I know would ever try to claim “our money is our money but her money is hers” or whatever insane bullshit that is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 02:31 PM
1

Do you identify as an incel? It’s hard to tell if you believe these things or if you’re attributing the beliefs to incels.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 01:48 PM
7

This is the kind of woman I imagine most guys here are talking about. I’ve seen and met them but they don’t exist in my social circle. Or family. But yup, they’re usually the hot/desirable ones!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 01:31 PM
2

Sex while at work. Honestly any sex in public/taboo place is exciting to me but I really don’t want to lose my job. (It would be with my husband…not any of my patients…).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 02:06 AM
3

Confidence is hot to me, yes. It’s essentially just sexual attraction, though. I might feel sexual attraction toward him but would under no circumstances date him. I truly don’t know enough bad guys to say. Or at least people who are so outwardly “bad” that it’s obvious. If we’re thinking back to middle and high school, the biggest bullies in my classes were often not the ones getting the girls, despite stereotypes shown in movies. I agree with the statement above this question - the “bad guys” …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 02:02 AM
1

I think it’s largely genetic. Maybe 70% genetic, 30% effort and circumstance. My mom was thinner after having kids, and I was too after my first. I weighed 10 lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight a year later, though I did get a bad case of Covid that caused me to lose some weight about 3 months postpartum. And I ran a half marathon 14 months postpartum at below 7:40 pace so I kicked my ass in the gym for that first year. With the exception of a c-section scar and how certain parts looked durin…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 01:25 AM
10

Yes. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years. There are ebbs and flows. The first bout: we lived apart for a few years due to school/job situation and when we were together for visits we were both extremely stressed. Actual sex was infrequent, but we were still physically and emotionally close. We discussed it a few times and it didn’t bother us too much at the time — I’m generally higher libido but I can also take care of myself and don’t get resentful if I’m not getting sex at a frequency I wan…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 12:56 AM
2

Yeah, I misspoke but I didn’t mean the median - there are equal numbers above and below the mean, however they’re more spread out in men (higher standard deviation)
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 07:54 PM
6

I have a MA and PhD in clinical psych, but I identify as bluish-purple.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 07:52 PM
1

🤯 groundbreaking
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 07:45 PM
4

Yeah, there are many sources of bias but I’m a little wary of the journal, as the article doesn’t have a discussion section where they discuss limitations. Or even discuss the reasons for their findings and why they might fit with existing theory/research. I mean the study itself was not meant to show changes in desirability with age (because…duh). The actual research question was about women and men overshooting in online dating, in terms of desirability of potential partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 07:09 PM
2

Because of how they calculated desirability, I think the general trends make sense to compare within genders and putting them on the same scale like this is a bit dishonest. Because their measurement of desirability would not measure men and women in the same way just because men and women tend to have different messaging practices in the apps. They talk about this and address it by also accounting for responses to initial messages, but it’s not enough for me to actually believe this measures de…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 06:01 PM
10

Absolutely. I was trying to figure that out myself For example a 0.5 for men does not equal a 0.5 for women. But combining them on the same graph like this implies that they’re the same scale — the study itself has them in separate graphs. The authors themselves say that women got more messages than men…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:46 PM
1

Do you have an actual point or argument in here? Is it “men are loyal?” Because you reference men cheating and women being more likely to stay when a man has cheated — does that sound loyal to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:42 PM
8

Desirability was calculated purely based on messaging data. They used a calculation called PageRank, basically some aggregate of the number of messages people received and whether the messages they received were from other “desirable” accounts.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:12 PM
2

“Regular” does not equal statistically average. We’re talking about actual stats. There are more below average men than women in certain traits. I didn’t make this shit up.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 03:45 PM
5

Google the variability hypothesis in sex differences. In many traits, men are more spread out, so more men fall further from the mean and women are closer to the mean. Essentially, there actually seem to be more below average men for certain characteristics. There are also more above average men. Some men are gonna get left behind or women will be “settling” for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 03:31 PM
2

Traits that form the basis of attraction are different from what makes someone a good partner in a relationship. Otherwise men in here wouldn’t be so offended by n count, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 12:27 PM
1

Well I’m saying what’s attractive to men factors very little into women’s decisions about their education and career then. You can’t honestly tell me that your title gives that information, though. your title is just about the generic importance of career/education. Did you read your own title?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 12:20 PM
3

Maybe women are lower in the trait of “ambition” on average. That’s different from women lacking ambition. Don’t men around here always say the exception doesn’t disprove the rule? Curie’s successes don’t negate the fact that women have far more barriers to career success, especially if they want a family. I’m pregnant, due in May. I have a faculty position. Needing to take maternity leave to recover from a c-section and after that pumping time to feed my baby means I’ll need to sacrifice clinic…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:42 AM
3

When you make claims that women have no ambition it would help to provide evidence. If lack of careers before the 1900s is your evidence — that’s where those barriers become relevant. You’re wrong on those other counts, but I don’t really care whether you know or believe facts about my life. I haven’t had kid #2 yet but maybe my ambition will die after May when I’m due 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:33 AM
11

Yeah, in my doctorate program almost all the straight men ended up marrying women from our doctorate program or other similarly educated women. They could have had their pick of the undergrads in our college town, if they wanted.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:18 AM
13

I have a toddler and another baby on the way. I work full-time and make 6 figures, doctorate degree. We don’t need the money. My husband also makes 6 figures. But life is expensive and we want the money for extras, and to make sure we have emergency money because life is also unpredictable. My husband’s father is a financial consultant and works with us. FIL would NEVER advise me to work park time and he’s thrilled with our financial situation. Not to mention - I love what I do! I valued my educ…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 04:14 AM
2

Depends on how you define “recent history.” But do I seriously have to explain to you the barriers women have faced when it comes to pursuing careers in the past century — and even still in recent years (to a much lesser degree, but still)? Are you seriously that dense or ignorant? Since women have been free to pursue education and careers, plenty of women have. And arguably with more ambition than many men these days.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 03:53 AM
13

😂 source for that? Other than that throughout history women didn’t have careers because they legitimately couldn’t? For someone who constantly begs people for stats and empirical evidence you’re pretty empty-handed. Not surprising.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 03:32 AM
9

Sources for all your speculation about the reasons women pursue higher education. I think women just have their own interests, have ambition, and like making their own money. Among a hundred other things. I am aware that men care less about education than women — my husband wasn’t attracted to me because of my degrees. But it definitely does help, in our situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 03:21 AM
9

Do you have any data to support your claims or..? Honestly, my husband cared about my degree/career potential because more money in our household = higher quality of life. And he values the things I value. It’s really not that deep!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 03:09 AM
1

The person posting this has no coherent beliefs or arguments — they’re incessantly and mindlessly posting memes. Like dozens over the past two days, some that directly contradict each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 02:15 AM
2

PhD programs are often funded with tuition remissions. I was able to pay off my undergrad debt within a few years of graduating and didn’t accumulate any further debt after a 6 years getting a masters and PhD. Reputable programs are all like this, though with cost of living now people probably go into debt with rent, groceries, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 02:05 AM
7

Do you even know what kind of things men find awesome? Hehe Hehe. You better believe I do. Which is one of the reasons I’m knocked up right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 01:59 AM
9

Not complaining — just like he doesn’t complain about what he sacrifices. We both get some awesome perks from the relationship too…which is why we stay together. Either one of us could have left at any point in the past 13 years if it wasn’t worth it
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 01:54 AM
8

Cool, I don’t see him getting his pelvis cut open to deliver my children into the world but go off
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 01:47 AM
13

That goes both ways. People make sacrifices when they love someone. I would loooove to travel and drink and eat good food all day every day. But I have a job and kids and I’m building a life with an awesome, albeit imperfect human. He puts up with my shit and I put up with his - neither of us promised each other perfection or an ideal life. Get a grip.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 01:42 AM
6

You better believe I’m saving tidbits to teach my daughters someday. I was thankfully raised by parents who told me exactly how fucked up men can be. It helped me find an awesome man because I was cautious and skeptical.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 01:17 AM
1

Agreed — masks coming off is the perfect way to put everything I read here in perspective. Truly makes the people in my life seem lovely and normal and I am grateful for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 11:27 PM
2

Glad you don’t have those beliefs. Many on here do, so I stand by my comment. It’s not necessarily directed at you if you aren’t one of the problematic ones.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 10:58 PM
0

Birth rates being low is a problem for society to solve - and one that will require re-working immigration law. It’s NOT a problem for women to solve by having babies we don’t want at times we don’t want them.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 10:55 PM
34

My husband laughed and said there would be fewer mass shootings in the US in 2023 if they rolled these out now for the new year. As a woman I’m keeping my fingers crossed!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 01:11 PM
32

I’d love for them to start distributing these ASAP. We might live in a safer world if they do, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 01:10 PM
1

Show me attractive women who actually cannot land a good partner because of an n count and I’ll believe it. Maybe men are “grossed out” internally but when it comes down to it most will still date women regardless of n. That’s the rule I’ve witnessed over and over.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 02:53 AM
1

Hey I don’t doubt it - I’ve crushed on a few shorter guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 01:27 AM
1

Not a landwhale lol. Sorry to disappoint. Current BMI is 23.3 and I’m 22 weeks pregnant with 6’ male sperm 🤰🏼
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 12:31 AM
-2

Lol. I did answer the question. And condemning my shaming language while using “land whale” is humorous. But whatever makes you feel better about yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 12:19 AM
-5

You definitely have more control over weight, but what makes someone’s DNA desirable includes things that are both within our control and not within our control. AND weight is significantly heritable (and obviously affects egg and sperm quality) which is exactly why there are BMI limits. Sorry nobody wanted to make a baby with your short man sperm 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 12:15 AM
-3

I am fairly certain obesity precludes most women from donating eggs…so pretty shitty take tbh
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 12:04 AM
2

She’s bragging because she did the thing all men supposedly hate and was still ultimately rewarded with commitment and a relationship with an attractive man, rather than being doomed to a life of loneliness because of men getting “the ick.”
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 11:52 PM
3

In my social circle, the higher n women married earlier to more attractive men. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 11:50 PM
0

Assuming I retained my height percentile (in top 3% for US women) and my salary. Plus I work out a lot. So yes, at least according to this subreddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 11:16 PM
6

Lol kudos to you for a personal shoutout during purge week. I think it means you’re doing something right 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 11:06 PM
6

Lmao this screams jealous little bitch
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 10:46 PM
13

Yeah, I can agree with this. I had a male roommate for a time in grad school living in a big house. He was the only man with a few female roommates. He was an AWESOME guy. Great job, attractive, smart but not too nerdy, normal interests, good height (in my opinion, at least), nice but not too nice, good family situation, etc etc. He was Asian and had (still has) really crappy luck with women. Friend zoned constantly. I did notice a trend of almost exclusively crushing on white women, though. Reg…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 05:25 PM
2

There are two recent stories like this. This one matches the most closely, minus some of the details: https://www.insideedition.com/15-year-old-takes-his-own-life-after-falling-victim-to-internet-blackmailing-ploy-family-says-66294
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 02:37 AM
3

The video itself is NOT fake. I’ve seen it and it’s horrific. Backstory I cannot account for the validity of.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 02:31 AM
1

Wow I was wondering wtf was happening here. Thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 11:24 PM
7

As a thin, athletic woman who spent all of her adolescent years terrified that I’d never find someone to marry me because my boobs weren’t big enough… For any quality guy, our perceived flaws are literally a non-issue. My husband compliments my body daily and clearly, genuinely thinks I’m sexy. Even when I feel horrible. Most men are not scrutinizing or comparing — we women do that to ourselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 04:22 AM
3

I am a psychologist and I would agree that this generation’s difficulties probably largely stem from distress intolerance and believing normal uncomfortable emotions like sadness, stress, anxiety equal a mental health problem. And social media perpetuates this in several ways. Humans shouldn’t be happy all the time…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 12:29 AM
1

Sure - if/when abortion is as easy as signing a paper and it’s done, then financial abortion should be the same for whatever the gestational age.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 10:03 PM
5

This argument only works if abortion is legal, cheap, and extremely easily accessible for women, which it isn’t
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 06:48 PM
4

If this is a general question about why this might be a requirement for some people/women… -may be a (inaccurate) way to predict earning potential -may suggest shared values if you also went to college and value education and learning -for some, college is an important rite of passage/social experience that can be attractive to have gone through… -elitism/status? I have a doctorate. My husband also does, but I didn’t pick him because of that…we met the summer before I went to undergrad, anyways.…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 03:25 PM
2

I have a traditional partnership so I definitely would advocate for traditional partnerships where kids are concerned. And I’m no advocate for casual sex, but there’s no preventing that. Even traditional partnerships didn’t prevent men from being scummy - there was just more societal pressure for men to stick around and raise their kids. And women would also be stuck with those scummy men more frequently (sometimes raising kids alone is better than raising them with an alcoholic abuser). There i…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 02:10 PM
6

Okay you clearly don’t have any understanding of human history if you think the reasons there were fewer single mothers in the past was because of women’s vetting skills…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:50 PM
5

That’s an easy thing for a man to say. I agree women should vet better but that doesn’t change that men should be more responsible for their actions. There are also many complicated socioeconomic issues at play with the single motherhood issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:48 PM
9

Well I fundamentally disagree with that mindset, as it’s the mindset that creates the single motherhood problem 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:45 PM
16

The people who argue that women hold the burden of responsibility for creating life are part of the problem. It’s an activity done by two people — so two people are responsible. It would make no sense that the birth control pill made that argument more unfair — it has always been unfair. Single motherhood is at a record high primarily because men can’t keep it in their pants or stick around to deal with the consequences.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:37 PM
15

You realize two people need to have sex for a baby to be born, right? And to avoid single motherhood, BOTH parties need to stick around to raise any children that result…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:26 PM
3

“I bang” -the dude who’s trolling on Reddit on a holiday weekend
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:18 PM
1

If it were just about power, there would be many, many other former presidents and politicians I’d find attractive. Which I absolutely don’t. I think you are just misjudging the women. Or perhaps they were attracted to more than just the appearance of their wives if they really do judge them as 5s. I’m not sure why you have nothing better than to argue with literally every one of my posts on a holiday, but you’re welcome to your own opinions. You seem to be in the minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:54 AM
1

Well as women we also agree in large numbers that Zelenskyy (and Obama) are attractive men so your opinion there is also meaningless
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:34 AM
3

Lmao, okay well most people agree with me that she’s gorgeous, especially when they were younger.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:29 AM
2

Yes, obviously there’s always a preference for taller. But it was much less of a dealbreaker back then.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:24 AM
6

It has absolutely gotten worse since 2007-2010. I don’t know a single one of my millennial friends who had a strict 6’ height requirement. In fact most of them married men well under that.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:08 AM
0

Cool don’t? Plenty of women don’t trust men
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 11:45 PM
3

Absolutely. But it’s not just on men. I think women have to be better at recognizing our sexual needs and communicating these needs (which is often difficult/taboo)…we can’t just passively expect men to be the deciders because they’ve historically been viewed as the more sexual gender. Men and women need to work together here, to answer OP’s question.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 04:42 PM
38

I’m a woman and it wasn’t like this when I was single/dating 10+ years ago. I think online dating has exacerbated this issue. But I definitely see it now. I think it might be one of those things where lack of height will hurt you more than decent height will automatically help you. And I think this is most prominent in like 18-28 year old women.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 03:55 PM
1

For me, being blue/purple pill is not denying this stuff, it was a product of both my husband and I having extremely healthy models of long-term relationships in our parents. Because if you think you’re going to feel insanely sexually attracted to a spouse you’ve been with 10+ years every single day then you’re sorely mistaken. That goes for men and women. And maybe that’s where most young people these days are screwing up, because our current society gives this illusion that things in life shou…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 01:11 PM
3

What if she cheats and has kids that aren’t his without him knowing? Oh well! Gotta stay! Gotta avoid that divorce rape!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 01:01 PM
11

He was a little known comedian in 2003 when he met his wife. He became more of a star in the past 10 years or so.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 12:49 PM
41

Have men on here ever seen Zelenskyy’s wife??! Like nobody’s virtue signaling or just picking the “good guy,” dude is objectively attractive regardless of his status/power. He’s been with his wife wayyy longer than he’s been president or had any sort of power.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 03:04 AM
11

Zelenskyy gets my vote in basically every category
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 02:15 AM
2

I am more social and usually more talkative than my husband. I’m also sometimes more assertive — like with issues with our daughter and a third party, I am going to be the more assertive parent every time. But he is definitely extremely confident and rational, and not afraid to speak his mind. So he can also be “dominant” at times. He’s been with his current employer for 4 years and has had 3 huge promotions, so he’s incredibly dominant and has leadership potential in a work setting. But if you …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 01:56 AM
1

Definitely. I work in healthcare alongside a lot of MDs, and especially in certain specialties the money just cannot be worth the stress and how much the job consumes everything else in your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 09:10 PM
0

Did I say “don’t consider the kind of life your field might give you”….? Of course think about the quality of life you’ll have. But don’t go into a field just because someone might find it hot (or not). You work the majority of your waking hours — it should be something that you don’t hate doing. Luckily I had a plan for my field/career - I make six figures with my psychology degrees, as does my husband with his. And we both love our jobs. Neither of us gave a fuck whether it made us attractive …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 09:07 PM
2

My thoughts are - I didn’t choose my field of work based on what others would find attractive. And I’d encourage other people to do the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 08:16 PM
1

5’11.5” or so. I can be the same height as him in really high heels.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:51 PM
1

Yeah I have good genes for that. Every woman in my family seems to look the same before/after pregnancy. But luckily I don’t have to worry about this on dating apps since I’m married - just curious about how asking about weight would impact us taller girls. I think it’s silly to ask men about height…and feel like anything is fair game for men to ask if women are hellbent on knowing height.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:32 PM
1

5’9” and my non-pregnancy BMI is around a 20.5 (currently pregnant though)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:22 PM
2

What weight range is acceptable? Or will you be calculating BMI? I’m a tall girl so my weight will look higher on paper…so if a guy isn’t also asking for my height to calculate BMI he wouldn’t know I am actually thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:08 PM
5

My in-laws asked me and my husband about a couple we know the other day. Around our age (early 30s). This couple is really well-off financially. They both have great careers and they’re climbing the ladder. But the man’s career seems to be plateauing, while the woman’s career has tons of upward mobility. Soon she’ll definitely be out-earning him by a significant margin. But what did my mother-in-law ask? She didnt ask “what will [wife] do when she is earning more?” She asked: ”how will [husband]…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 02:18 PM
0

Yeah, that’s the most important takeaway here. It’s not that girls are sadder in more gender equal countries. It makes me wonder what they controlled for/didn’t control for that could be driving these results, because obviously there could be a lot more to this picture than just how gender equal the society is.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 01:17 PM
3

This is very true (for me and other women I’ve discussed it with)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:52 PM
1

Sure, it will be hard for him to feel completely satisfied. But if he can’t find anything else in his life or in this world that can bring his life meaning and happiness then that’s on him.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:41 PM
1

They’re both really young, I don’t think any of us can conclude they have zero options. They are both pretty low on the attractiveness scale but they seem fairly enamored with each other. If they didn’t want to be with each other they could leave and have plenty of time to find someone new. I also don’t think you quite understand the meaning of “codependency.” Two people who genuinely care about each other can have a healthy non-codependent relationship even if they didn’t have many other dating…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:39 PM
3

There’s a huge amount of variability in study quality, absolutely. It’s good to be very skeptical when reading any research. Tightly controlled research using strong sampling methods, solid stats, and followed up with replication are all good signs but still were extremely limited in what we can actually say about human behavior and attitudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:04 AM
3

For like the fourth time - studies that don’t sample from the population as a whole can’t draw conclusions about the whole population. I could walk to the local sex toy shop and ask people about their sexual fantasies and preferences. Does that mean my findings should be used to conclude something bigger about all people? Fuck no. The people in the sex toy shop are already a unique sample. It’s literally BASIC STATS.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 11:59 PM
7

As a woman watching this movie back in the day (with a huge crush on JG-L) I think I always viewed Summer as more of a villain than Tom. Despite agreeing with you about Tom’s obvious issues/flaws.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 11:55 PM
1

Okay seriously not letting this die? I never said no women think about or fantasize about this stuff. I just said in practice, there’s no evidence that women prefer rough sex. That article doesn’t say anything about that claim, either. I think some of the theories behind these fantasies listed there would actually support that women don’t have an innate preference for this stuff - there are other processes at play. AndI mean, haven’t you ever fantasized about something you wouldn’t necessarily w…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 10:54 PM
1

K cool, happy holidays 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 10:34 PM
1

You clearly didn’t though. I get it, you want to believe women want rougher sex more than men. Whatever you want to believe! People who actually understand how research works will understand that conclusion is in no way supported by any evidence you’ve presented, or any evidence I’ve seen.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 10:33 PM
2

Just google convenience sampling. I don’t know what else to say lol. Any actual professional reading this article would be like…cool, but so what? It says legit nothing about women as a whole. I’m not the one with reading comprehension issues…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:11 PM
2

You can draw inferences about just the women who took the study and that’s about it!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:10 PM
5

I am not making shit up? You regularly make things up in your posts. I have taught courses on human sexuality…but go off.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:03 PM
5

That seems like it could be accurate. But I’d also caution against assuming a specific porn preferences translates into wanting to have a lot of that type of sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:02 PM
0

That’s just common knowledge in the field, though. That if it isn’t a random sample you’re limited in the conclusions you can draw. I didn’t make it up — but you can make whatever conclusions you’d like! 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:01 PM
26

Not a fair question when “red pill advice” often includes really “duh” things like - work on yourself, don’t put women/sex on a pedestal, vet the women you’re interested in, etc. Those pieces of advice aren’t unique to redpill. They’re just pieces of good, common sense advice that men and women could benefit from.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 06:18 PM
5

Those quotes from psychology today don’t mean anything except that a pretty small sample of women who voluntarily responded to a Craigslist ad with a survey asking about porn/sexual behaviors said those things…could you see how it would be unhelpful to conclude anything generally about a study like that?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 06:13 PM
3

It’s just common knowledge in statistics — those samples aren’t random and are highly unlikely to be representative? There’s an inherent selection bias at play. Think about how a woman who uses porn might differ from someone who doesn’t. She’s probably higher libido or higher in novelty/sensation-seeking at the very least. We don’t have enough actual empirical evidence to know. Plenty of novels geared toward women have passionate, non-rough or violent sex. Fifty shades seemed to be about the spi…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 06:01 PM
2

Until we were exclusive, which we had a conversation about, I definitely would have considered another option. Mostly because I didn’t trust him yet. But I didn’t really want to date anyone else and we became exclusive rather quickly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 05:58 PM
8

That’s true. So relatively few* women are watching porn, meaning female porn users are not a representative sample of all women…that’s the point I was making.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 05:54 PM
17

But think about the percentage of men vs percentage of women who use porn. There are big differences. So the women who tend to watch porn seek out the rougher stuff. Doesn’t seem to say much about women as a whole.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 05:52 PM
12

Stats show that women watch significantly less porn than men. So the types of women who seek out porn may just have those preferences but that’s a far cry from assuming most women do.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 05:50 PM
9

Sure, I agree with that. But I disagree that some overwhelming majority of women naturally want “rougher” sex. There are many ways to show a woman she’s desired and for men to take charge. Then again a lot of what you’re describing is pretty mild and not too problematic, if there’s consent. Doesn’t mean it would be the preference of most women though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:58 PM
13

I mean, it’s pretty hard to communicate with a partner about sex. Esp when you think there might be a discrepancy in what each party wants. That’s why so many couples have sexual issues and so many women struggle to have orgasms regularly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 02:51 PM
77

Some women prefer those things, and yeah I’d say social conditioning or fearing being stigmatized might make them less likely to disclose it to a new person. But IME a lot of women may not actually prefer those things, they just think that’s what men want and enjoy. It gets normalized by porn for men and women, and men doing these things regularly (even if they aren’t always what men prefer) makes the behaviors seem more desirable or mainstream. I also think some of it is driven by feeling wante…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 12:50 PM
1

Ok here’s an example of what I mean by entitlement. I really want to buy a house. I’ve worked my ass off and husband and i have 6fig jobs but the market blows and we’re waiting, even though we have two little kids. I’m “missing out” on the experience of owning a home, and yep it sucks. But I’m not entitled to own a home. But we’re working to change that. The defeatist attitude here is unbelievable sometimes. I’ve known such a wide spectrum of men who’ve gotten casual sex. Yes, even in this datin…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 08:11 AM
1

No, I’d say it’s a really good thing if they have purpose and positivity in their life, even if they still lack a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 08:06 AM
1

Was the sex with cute girls the sole source of your happiness? I believe that you’re content with your life but I think it’s a rare human that can find contentment in one thing like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:48 AM
6

Lol then they should not complain of “loneliness,” they should be honest and call it hopeless horniness mixed with entitlement…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:47 AM
3

Because making a potential future relationship the source of all your life happiness is going to create disappointment or a very toxic relationship. Finding other sources of purpose and positivity in your life can only help. Not to mention, it’s not even a fact that they “can’t” have a relationship. Again, how old are you?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:43 AM
2

You mean you truly thought about things that could be meaningful and enjoyable in your life and took steps to do those things? Many different things? And nothing else brought you any sort of satisfaction or sense of purpose? How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking? And tell me, how exactly do you expect a relationship will make your life feel better?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:34 AM
5

Fine, continue to dwell on it and see how that works out for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:27 AM
3

I think I still have a point. If you aren’t having luck with women, figure out why, or just have fun in the ways you can. Life isn’t just about getting laid, this world is pretty fucking awesome…there are a million things to do that could be enjoyable or meaningful. Dwelling on how it’s unfair that women are “having fun” (most aren’t partying/sleeping around they’re just focusing on other things in their lives) is only going to make you suffer more, and absolutely won’t help your chances of find…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:22 AM
10

Dude basically everyone in life wants things we can’t have. That’s legitimately part of the human condition. Sex with cute girls wouldn’t make them happy, because there’s always going to be another way life isn’t fair. Knowing nothing about a relationship but automatically concluding it’s co-dependency is a bit odd, don’t you think? Not everyone’s long-term relationship is a consolation prize, sometimes it’s the actual prize — companionship…and sex is a nice perk too.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 03:10 AM
16

Until there is actual evidence that only the minority at the top of male attractiveness are finding relationships - like long-term actual data, not a cross-sectional survey about sexlessness or stats from Tinder - this all just seems like a bullshit cop-out (or blatant hyperbole) to me. Most men still do find women, get married, and pass along their genes. It takes some men longer, sure. But my 26 year old painfully nerdy, VERY unattractive cousin found love and he’s getting married next year. M…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 02:47 AM
1

Wow, LeanBeefPatty could kick my entire ass in about 15 seconds. She does seem cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 02:38 AM
5

Here’s a news flash that was spelled out above but you didn’t respond to: instincts aren’t behaviors. As a woman, I check out and fantasize about men who aren’t my husband. I’d never do anything with those instincts and I have plenty of satisfying sex with him anyways. I’m under no illusion that he doesn’t appreciate a nice ass. As does any human man. Avoiding the disloyal behavior is what counts as controlling an impulse — and that’s what humans have control over.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 01:36 AM
-1

I don’t think men inherently like women, so I agree with you there. But the idea that women love men? I think many of us women were taught to either be highly skeptical of men OR afraid of our safety around them. Of course there are exceptions. But a random hot, tall guy in a bar or on the street? I never assumed he would keep me safe or be my “rock.” My first assumption was always he probably just wanted to use me for sex. If he wasn’t just an overly pushy, aggressive asshole or rapist. This wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 11:39 AM
1

You could argue that - but I did share his values at that point (which is clearly stated in my post) AND I find that many people who are religious and conservative pick and choose what suits them from those beliefs and behaviors.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 04:13 AM
–

You can’t be loyal and cheat at the same time. Cheating is disloyalty. It doesn’t matter if the person stays. In fact, many people would prefer a cheater wouldn’t stay (myself and husband included).
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 05:00 PM
–

Ever consider that the women who cheat might have reasons, too? Like their emotional needs aren’t being met, similarly to men’s sexual needs? In fact, that may be a part of the dead bedroom dynamic just generally. I also think your definition of loyalty is super fucked up lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 11:38 AM
2

What?! Lol my husband works from home almost entirely since the start of the pandemic. I also work from home at least 3 days a week. We have our separate office space. I can tell he’s super busy. Sometimes I’ll catch him in meeting mode and holy hell he’s sexy when he’s running shit on his Zoom meetings. Even if he were sitting on the couch all day, I’d be like…hey, making 6 figures sitting on the couch is pretty badass. You can still be a sexy boss man in “hunter” mode from the comfort of your …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 01:29 AM
1

Men here are always complaining about getting stuck with dating below average women bc most women are chasing Chads and ignoring them. I just have not witnessed this in reality. Even in young people, so seemingly before women would need to “settle,” the couples seem to be matched. As for the other point, I’ve seen plenty of women (friends even) absolutely crazy over a guy I found pretty objectively unattractive 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 06:13 PM
–

Yes, they are encouraging it in women but not men. Because men have not historically needed the encouragement. I disagree with that — I think men should definitely have some encouragement and guidance around having a fulfilling life without a partner/easy access to sex. BUT throughout history men haven’t needed that because a man’s value and success was always based in things that didn’t require a partner. The opposite is true for women…which is why we see these narratives. Not necessarily tryin…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 02:56 AM
–

I was raised in a conservative, religious home. My ability to get married and have kids was always valued wayyy more than anything else. This was the message given to a lot of girls growing up, esp millennials and older. Boys and men never had to worry about their value being placed exclusively in their relationship to a partner/offspring. Sure, I think culturally men have had their worth based in other standards that are also harmful (e.g., earning potential). I do think some of these articles …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 02:45 AM
17

Agree: -self-improvement stuff, but not for the purpose of getting a partner. Just because it’s an inherently good thing for most people to do. -men and women have innate differences, on average. And value different things — again, on average. Individuals can vary a ton, though. -women’s standards have gotten higher, likely for physical appearance among other things. -women sometimes reinforce asshole behavior by sleeping with men who are hot but terrible people. -I agree with the “dual mating s…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 02:25 AM
16

My husband and I had a nice vacation this weekend to a city on the coast of eastern US. We were people watching, trying to look out for trends in younger couples. We saw NO attractive men with ugly women, as men here say happens all the time. We saw a lot of well-matched couples, and a few with average men and very good looking women. TRP has some truths, but the idea that normal guys can’t find a good partner is absolutely false.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 02:17 AM
5

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 02:04 AM
16

I was always C, without exception.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 12:54 AM
1

I have a handful of gen z cousins I’m close to. One female and a few male. The female is still single, just bought her own house, has a kickass job in a great city. She was dating a guy who was in grad school in a different city after they graduated college but he did some douchey things so she dumped him. I know she wants to settle down (both her older brothers have been married for years) but she definitely has high standards. As she should — she’s gorgeous, and a catch. My male cousins who ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 12:52 AM
2

I dated a man who has quite the opposite of my views (my views have gotten more liberal over the past 13 years so I was closer to his back then). It was the worst experience of my life. He was socially stunted and cheated on me. He was religious, conservative, wanted a woman to exclusively be a housewife/mom. So, no I would not consider dating someone like that again if I were single.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 11:59 PM
6

Women only lie on surveys that don’t support red pill talking points obviously
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:49 AM
4

I’m glad I got an education so I don’t sound/spell like OP when I write…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:44 AM
12

Yawn. My empowered ass got married young and my husband loves it lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 02:04 AM
1

I have never had casual sex, so not in practice. But in theory, absolutely. There are guys I’d definitely fantasize about but would never even consider for a relationship, usually because of a horrible personality/lack of shared interests. I need to enjoy spending time with a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 01:05 AM
2

This is just so completely out of touch, I’m blown away. I’d be just as likely to call my mother, or my female friends. It depends on the nature of the relationship and the problem at hand, not the gender of the other person.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 12:57 AM
5

Can you explain what your point is? Studies also show men are attracted to a certain waist:hip ratio, height, and cup size. The rest of us with differently shaped bodies still do fine. Preferences are preferences - they are the ideals. But there’s so much variability and things outside those ideals aren’t immediately unattractive and hopeless.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 11:57 AM
6

I think about the person I lost my virginity to maybe twice a year. Usually when I see a question like this on Reddit and think “oh yeah, him.”
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:52 AM
1

No, we were friends for a few years and eventually started hanging out one on one. I can’t remember who asked who first - we sort of just agreed to watch some movies together one summer and things developed with time. I definitely had a crush on him first, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 05:36 PM
16

I’ve approached, many times. Never for casual sex though — just with crushes/for dating purposes. I think it makes things a lot better, honestly. I would say I was even somewhat more of the pursuer in my relationship with my husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 08:51 PM
21

Agreed, I think the pressure is 90% about the wedding day itself…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 11:19 PM
3

I agree with (some of) this. A few weeks ago I asked my husband why he thinks some women like rape fantasies. He said “probably because they think men like it.” I have not had enough sexual partners to know for sure, but I could definitely see myself “adapting” to the man I want to attract to make sure he stays interested and excited. Men like novelty, after all. That means it’s advantageous to be more fluid and adaptable. Of course some women have their rigid preferences. I’m sure some women le…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 10:00 PM
9

We have a ton in common, like I could’ve written this. Esp the last line!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 05:27 PM
1

She’s very normal. They both live in a major metropolitan area in the US. She is not overweight, slightly above average looking, no children. He is an absolutely awesome guy…like fantastic personality, great family. Religious family but he isn’t religious. I don’t think anyone has ever expressed discomfort that he’s in a relationship/married. My husband says he had a very realistic perspective on how hard it might be for him but he’s always wanted a wife and kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 05:19 PM
1

He’s married now, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 04:11 PM
25

Married for 6.5 years, been together 12.5 now. Friends for 3 years before that. Nobody listens to or cares about my advice here though because I a) lean blue pill and b) am a woman past a certain age 😂 Still don’t think I’ve hit “the wall” quite yet. Maybe after this pregnancy 😋
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 03:07 PM
2

Then I agree it’s probably worth it to him! I wouldn’t tell him not to do it if it’s making his life better and he doesn’t care about the potential costs. People may view it as scummy, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 03:05 PM
3

Okay - but this just seems like a very different thing than OP’s opening paragraph. That is the behavior I think can easily be viewed as scummy, regardless of the man’s physical traits.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:08 AM
1

Well, the OP asked specifically about “sex tourism.” Which implies that getting sex is a main attraction in the travel. If that isn’t the case for this guy then I agree it’s a bit more reasonable. My husband traveled through almost all of Europe as a 21 year old and didn’t sleep with anyone but had the time of his life. Maybe it’s my general bias against casual sex, but the idea of sex tourism is a bit off-putting.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:50 AM
1

I didn’t see all the points you added to your post later, but if a very hot guy did this I’d still view it as gross and desperate.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:42 AM
2

Putting all the time and money into traveling to a different country in an effort to sleep with women who are seen as easier targets… I think it’s just always going to be seen as unattractive and desperate behavior. I sort of see it that way, too. But ultimately no one is getting hurt so I am not going to condemn it or say he should stop. If I were single, there’s no way I’d date a man with a history of this type of behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:37 AM
1

Can I ask you why women would care about this? My husband has a couple close friends who’ve historically struggled with dating (not anymore) - one overweight with bad acne, and another who is extremely short with a severe and obvious physical deformity. Most people in our social group were really excited every time they got a hookup or talked to a girl at a bar… What might be considered “scummy” is the amount of effort put into getting sex for this particular dude. It may come across as desperat…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:31 AM
5

I agree that the punishment was way too harsh for Udoka (husband and I are Celtics fans), but he’s the literal face of the franchise as head coach and therefore his behavior does need to be held to a higher standard than a woman behind the scenes.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:25 AM
7

I don’t know anything about this situation. But similarly to everything else on here, if no one is getting hurt it’s probably not wrong/immoral. It still might be considered “scummy” by some. As in, gross/an unattractive behavior…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:16 AM
3

😂😂😂 I’m keeping it
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 11:32 PM
4

I will fix my post to clarify. I don’t think my husband is a Chad, so I wasn’t describing myself. I was trying to think of the most prototypical “chad” I could.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 09:18 PM
9

I don’t think my husband counts as an alpha Chad but I think he’s objectively top 20% attractiveness. Edited to add - so I am not describing him below…descriptions below are about a different couple. I knew a man in college who was top 5% - 6’5”, blonde hair, magma cum laude in pre-med (became an MD), super athletic and muscular but I swear this was mostly genetics because I don’t remember him being a huge gym rat. He was very confident with women but didn’t sleep around much, probably because o…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 08:58 PM
9

Reasons my husband and I have a pretty great relationships: -adventure. We do day trips, weekend getaways (we have one coming up next weekend at an off season resort on the coast that’s all decked out for Christmas), date nights. Finding ways to enjoy each others company. So talking and planning things like that to look forward to is helpful. -fitness/health: we both prioritize our own health and exercise almost every day — AND we help each other do the same. I mostly work out in the morning bef…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 08:51 PM
1

As normalized as it may be, because it’s widespread, I think it’s still largely viewed as a problem that most couples want to avoid. I think all couples who are together for a long time go through ebbs and flows. Low frequency of sex can point to loooots of other things going on in a relationship and people have a hard time communicating about sex. But if you add kids into the mix there are dozens of logistical, physiological, and other reasons sex may not happen as much. My husband and I fit yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 08:42 PM
1

Cool story? My main point is socializing and meeting people, making friends, etc, can still only help most people just generally. Sure it’s not easy for everyone. Anything done with the sole purpose of getting laid or finding someone to date has the potential to majorly backfire. My point was only that making friends with a woman just to date her is probably not a great choice. But getting involved in a social group can have benefits in many ways…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 12:43 AM
2

I’ve never given this advice, nor have I witnessed it happening in my life. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 10:37 PM
1

I said the Halo effect is real. That was a lab experiment pretty much upholding my first sentence. But in the real world (not a lab), all things usually aren’t equal and controlled for. Attractive men generally are more skilled at approaching and confident (though not always).
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 10:36 PM
1

Maybe depending on where you live. In your scenario, the goal is not just to date her, so it’s not what I’m referring to. Because in that situation you wouldn’t say you “failed” if you didn’t win her over in the end, right? If you enjoyed getting to know her and making a friend, it’s still a win.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 08:18 PM
4

Probably. I think generally, all other things being equal, an attractive guy will be given the benefit of the doubt over an unattractive one. (Halo effect) BUT this is confounded by attractive guys just generally being more confident, charismatic, and having more experience talking to women and knowing how not to come across as awkward. So I do think the delivery often is objectively different, just based on personal experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 08:14 PM
2

If you don’t see any worthwhile reason to be friends with someone other than just wanting to date them, then that is 100% shitty advice. If women are giving that advice, I agree it likely wont work out.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 08:07 PM
2

I am one of those women who responded to one of your last posts discussing how I was attracted to my husband but we were friends first. I feel the need to clarify. I didn’t intentionally befriend him to date him eventually. We just started hanging out in similar friend groups, which would have been awesome regardless of whether we actually dated. Eventually things escalated into more (like 3 years later). I would not recommend befriending someone as a dating strategy, though. I dated other peopl…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 07:25 PM
16

Right. Like, just be a fun person and socialize with groups of people that also include women/couples. Don’t go target a woman you’re attracted to for a “friendship” and then complain that this “didn’t work.”
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 07:16 PM
0

Sure, Idris Elba and Daniel Craig can get young, attractive women. But if you think rich older women can’t get young attractive men you’re lying to yourself. There’s a whole list of older celebrity women dating much younger men… Also Shaun Mendez is apparently dating a 50 year old woman who’s not even a celebrity 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 06:05 AM
0

Have you ever actually been in a relationship..?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 12:31 AM
1

This guy is 5’7”
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 04:55 PM
5

I think I’m vaguely aware of two men on this subreddit who lean red pill and actually seem satisfied with their lives/love lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:56 PM
11

Essentially women’s only option in life was finding a husband and having kids, so men had most of the control. Women had very few means of educating themselves and making a living until mid-1900s. And certainly some women were forced to date certain men, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:54 PM
12

Then dating never really existed until the past maybe 50-100 years. And back then men had most of the control over it, so yes - dating will suck more for men now that women have some agency.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 02:22 PM
4

Husband has never been on Reddit in his life but is also not a Chad 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 10:45 AM
1

This is really awesome. I do think it takes a ton of concentration and intentionality to overcome. He uses mindfulness and grounding, plus he’s gotten to the point where he can feel it coming on and sort of relax enough to avoid going into that mode. It happens maybe twice a year and funny enough not when he’s anxious but more when he’s talking really excitedly about something, like politics or football… He had his share of speech therapy. By the time I met him it was pretty minimal and even bet…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:05 AM
1

This is so interesting. For me, that “electric spark” literally leads to envisioning all the filthy things we’d do to each other? Or at the very least making out.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:00 AM
8

We were both in college in different states but from the same hometown, so it would’ve been too hard to date across the country. Plus, I didn’t know if he wanted to date me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 01:32 AM
9

Yes. First time was at a party and I met a guy I would later work with for a time and legit the second I saw him and said hi I was like fuck…I’m in trouble. Luckily he had a girlfriend because he definitely wasn’t the type of person I wanted to date. But he for sure wasn’t a typical Chad either. I was taller than him. But it was his eyes, maybe his hair, and his confidence. He was crazy witty but also goofy. Other girls I worked with said I was nuts for finding him so irresistible. The second wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 12:13 AM
1

1) any human would hand craft the most attractive mate. Obviously we are most attracted to humans who are most attractive! However there is still some subjectivity with that, and people can be attracted to someone who isn’t top 5% or top 20% in attractiveness. 2) we are animals. Yes, we have urges. We are NOT slaves to those urges. We have higher order executive functioning and language ability, which allows us to behave in less predictable ways than an amoeba or even higher mammal. Taking care …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:58 PM
1

I could list a hundred reasons. If men had hundreds of matches to sort through they’d also be filtering by the hottest ones. It’s just the easiest thing to use to eliminate people on OLD, which is primarily visual. And yes…people prefer better looking partners. Obviously looks matter but they aren’t everything and it’s just blatantly false that an average guy will never be wanted. It’s just an out of touch thing to say and means that hundreds of people get married daily with zero attraction. Or …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 04:22 AM
1

That’s just not true 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:21 AM
6

My husband also had a pretty bad stutter most of his life. Doesn’t affect him that much anymore, just rarely.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 10:36 PM
1

Absolutely nothing you’re saying proves any of the points of AF/BB. Of course you can choose to believe whatever narrative matches your observations or feels helpful to you. If AF/BB is how you choose to see things and interpret things, good luck having healthy relationships!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 05:20 PM
1

So all of those intricacies are just not established by any research evidence. It’s basically people saying “I see these things happen.” Because of course they happen. Are they the norm? No. Most women do not have casual sex. So they aren’t sleeping with Chads and needing to settle with a BB later in. Most men aren’t either an alpha or beta. Most men are in between and this pattern will never happen for them — if they want a relationship they’ll be able to find a match who is very attracted to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 06:06 PM
2

I agree that the ways men do this tend to look different. Also some of the most zealously religious people in the world are men. So there could be some bias in how these things are measured, but overall in large group comparisons, seems like women have more of this type of belief.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 08:43 PM
3

Yep lol
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 08:41 PM
3

It’s just our pooled money…so we make decisions together. I don’t have any jewelry over $1k. We just bought a car for $47k, paid in cash out of our shared bank account after loooots of deliberation (it’s a SHITTY time to buy a car, btw).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 08:41 PM
1

The “wish to marry” was absolutely ingrained in me, as an upper middle class woman. I think there can be pressure just to marry for marrying’s sake, though. Like I know a woman who just got married and it’s hard to even tell who she got married to based on social media posts because everything is about herself - her ring, her dress, posting pictures of just herself, posting the date with a little ring emoji. I think that pressure to marry can sometimes be about social pressure to feel validated,…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 08:36 PM
1

👀🍿
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 08:17 PM
3

We have only shared bank accounts although I definitely don’t think this is the best approach. It was just most convenient for us at the time and neither of us is going anywhere. I think #3 is probably the best.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 05:32 PM
1

You have no way of knowing that the majority of young women are having casual sex — informal observations of human behavior are prone to so much bias. Surveys are a common research method, yes. There are also lab experiments. All of that research has limitations, but way fewer limitations than just observing what is happening around us informally in our little bubbles.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 03:52 PM
17

I think the research supports that women are more likely to report “superstitious,” magical thinking. Like astrology and all that. But like everything with gender differences…plenty of within-group variability and men definitely have these tendencies too.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 12:09 PM
1

You don’t need to explain this to me — I’ve been following the red pill since I was a teenager. There are truths I see in it, and obviously these dynamics do happen, but they are far from universal or even close. I’m also a doctorate level psychologist and the research does not support the idea of AF/BB, at least explained the way TRP would have people believe. The AF/BB pattern assumes most women want and participate in casual sex early in life. Which they do not do. There are certain women and…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 11:51 AM
2

And I’m also interested in these things, as a woman who married young & even though I’m 33 I get plenty of (unwanted) male attention. Even when I’m visibly pregnant. From the whole spectrum of male attractiveness. But despite the videos being posted from social media, I can guarantee you that most women do not see men in terms of sexy alphas and ugly beta provider types. It’s just not that simple, and most men have many traits of both. Most 40yo women don’t even want a “Chad.” They’d prefer to d…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 11:17 AM
5

Yeah, women get less attractive with age. So do most men. The word “value” only comes up in spaces like this - most people treat each other like human beings and not commodities to appraise. But as others here have said, a 40yo woman still has way more options than her average male counterpart. There’s no wall that she hits that suddenly makes her unwanted by everyone. You’re only speaking for yourself here because these revenge fantasies don’t actually play out in reality for the vast majority …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 10:49 AM
1

There are no standard answers to this. In my marriage it’s not very gendered at all, with a few exceptions. I’m okay with doing the “feminine” roles I enjoy. I also do some of the “masculine” ones. And my husband is not the leader, does plenty of cleaning, and is very emotionally available and vulnerable. I am obsessed with being a mom so I do a ton of the child-related tasks. But my husband is also extremely involved. Different people of any gender bring themselves to the relationship and their…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 03:49 AM
0

My experience has been the opposite. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 02:37 AM
1

I guess it depends on how much you value your career. I went into a line of work that doesn’t require the insane hours of a physician but I did have 7 years of graduate school and contributing in my career is important to me, regardless of how much money my spouse makes. So that would be a hard thing to give up — I’d have to think about a way I could still contribute meaningfully in my field if I’m not working at least part time.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 12:22 AM
12

I disagree with the assumption that most men are either alpha or beta. I’ve rarely met anyone who so simply falls into one category or the other. What I agree with is that all humans have different standards for different types of social interactions. So yeah, a hot guy might seem like a fun casual ONS. Appearance may not matter as much for a relationship if you love spending time with someone, they’re stable and ready to commit, and there’s a baseline level of attraction there. What I disagree …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 11:40 PM
1

It depends on the context and whether it was forced. I’d never be with a man who expected a woman to be a SAHM, nor would he choose to be with me. The scenario above makes it seem forced. That issue would take care of itself. If we’re assuming it’s not forced/expected in this hypothetical situation (coming from OP’s responses above) I’d consider it as long as I could do plenty of other things and not just slave away inside of the house all the time. I’d want to continue my education too in case …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 11:34 PM
3

She was objectively attractive and he just wasn’t. He has a girlfriend now who is his match.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 09:33 PM
1

WNBA is not asking to get paid as much as their male counterparts, and I agree that based on skill, demand, etc they shouldn’t. Kelsey Plum explains it in the article below. It seems like the most elite would still mostly be making low 6fig… link to article
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 04:12 PM
2

Lmao oookay 👍🏻
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 03:31 AM
1

In modern dating dynamics where women are working and earning enough money to help out, I am positive the norm is to split things.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 03:20 AM
1

I never said anything about the average woman, just people in my life. Large group of high school and college friends. Plus my family. And my (and husband’s) male friends, too. It comes up in conversation, or you just kind of casually hear things. None of the people in my life would ever expect that because it’s pretty crazy IMO. Maybe women would prefer it - that’s a different story. Anyone would prefer someone being willing to pay for their bills, right? But most women do understand that if th…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 02:48 AM
1

I’ve never heard of a woman in my age range expecting to move in with a boyfriend and make him pay for all the bills. That is correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 02:26 AM
1

No, but there are stats that say single fathers more often have a partner of some kind than single mothers…from Pew research, single fathers are more likely than single mothers to be living with a cohabiting partner (41% versus 16%). I’m not saying they need to be an ideal human being, but it’s just not the default. As others have said. I agree that’s problematic. I think all children would benefit from having a father figure.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 01:21 AM
2

You clearly haven’t read through all the back and forth — our responses were to another person on here suggesting those things.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:30 AM
3

I’ve legitimately never heard of this. All the people in relationships in my life started splitting crap when they moved in together…I’ve heard of maybe a couple of friends of friends or acquaintances demanding this but it seems to be very specific types. I’m coming from upper middle class northeast family/friends. Very religious family but more liberal friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:17 AM
2

I’ve thought about this because my parents are both firmly #2, although hints of #1 sometimes. Very religious and conservative, and definitely prone to negative racial stereotypes. I have never had a boyfriend of a different race but a couple crushes/gone on some dates. I don’t think I’d actually want to subject a man to that, and he deserves to be with a woman whose family can fully accept and respect him. But if we were really in love, I’d have to set extremely strong boundaries with my family…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:11 AM
10

I give up daily when I read this sub. But then I keep coming back. 😖
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 10:28 PM
5

This is very sweet and I was wondering if you were serious. Since you’re typically a voice of reason here, I assume you are, at least to some extent. People with actual healthy relationships tend to be more balanced IME.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 10:12 PM
2

That’s what we did! Got a relatively cheap ring and did an awesome honeymoon that we still talk about all the time
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 10:07 PM
3

The end of your second paragraph reminds me of the greater male variability hypothesis. If true, it does sort of hold up that men will be the biggest winners and losers — there will be some men who go unchosen, and some extremely elite men. wiki link here
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:35 PM
2

Yeah, my husband and I were both raised Catholic so I can relate to some of that. I think it’s possible to both be committed to marriage for life and find ways to celebrate the relationship that don’t involve spending so much money. But I’ve been to very fun, beautiful, lavish weddings…so I do understand the appeal.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:21 PM
3

I think it makes the most sense to have both partners get a ring at the same time. I’d also be terrified to be wearing something so expensive everywhere I go. It seems impractical
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:18 PM
5

While I’m not sure I’d phrase it that way, in many cases I think this pans out. Not in every case. But I see a lot of toxicity in conversations about rings, for sure. The dialogue here has actually been refreshing.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:16 PM
4

Can you explain why being UMC equates with needing an expensive ring and wedding for you? My husband’s parents have an annual income in the millions (ours is $300-400k) but we kept things simple and everyone was pretty happy with that. I’m curious about the wedding industry and this line of thinking. From your standpoint why would the relationship feel less solid to you if the ring or the wedding weren’t as big/lavish?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:12 PM
3

Yeah I gave a budget of no more than $1k and my now husband was starting a high paying job at that point. Anything more than that just feels gross to me and I’m bound to lose it or have diamonds fall out. I told him we could spend the rest on the honeymoon and we did an insanely awesome three week road trip around the US in a rental RV.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:09 PM
3

I’m really glad to hear this. I’m a sort of “elder” millennial (33) and I felt like there was such a huge deal being made about diamonds when I was getting close to the point of engagement. So much unnecessary pressure on everyone. But I think much of the wedding industry is like this. All superficial and profit-driven.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:07 PM
2

Oh I love this. I very much appreciate the symbolism, too. But I have always felt weird about the traditions of proposing…and usually the male partner in hetero couples spending thousands of dollars on this ring that a woman wears for likely months before her partner ever wears one. Like, if you’re engaged and she’s wearing this symbol of love and commitment, shouldn’t he start wearing one at that point too? Which is why I love that both of you will have one eventually.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 07:04 PM
4

Exactly. It’s turned into such a status symbol, which kind of loses the point of it all IMO
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 06:58 PM
3

Yeah, I think diamonds were marketed so effectively because they are such a strong and durable material, “diamonds are forever” and all that. But I think culturally there’s this weird bias that the size and cost of the diamond reflects something about how much the man loves the woman…when in reality both partners’ rings really only should just symbolize something sentimental, like you said
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 06:57 PM
2

I lose EVERYTHING so I can’t say this didn’t cross my mind when we were talking about it…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 06:48 PM
8

My parents had three girls, and they taught us a lot of unhelpful things. BUT the biggest positive thing they taught us was to value a man’s character over physical characteristics. We all ended up with great men who are excellent fathers. I’ll probably find ways to communicate that same message to my daughters (one is 20 months old and the other is on the way). I think kids catch on more to what you do, rather than what you say. So keeping our marriage intact and healthy is probably the most im…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 02:30 PM
5

Women can appreciate that men have built a lot of our modern, comfortable society - but the idea that this means current average men are entitled to sex or affection is just wrong. It’s not taking men for granted to choose not to sleep with any one man. And again, I’ll reiterate - society takes this type of labor for granted. It’s not a woman issue, it’s an issue with our economy and culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 12:54 PM
8

So it’s virtue signaling or insecurity if women don’t care that much about muscles and would prefer a man who doesn’t look like he spends three hours a day obsessing over his physique? I want a man who values his health, but certain men in gym culture just come across as overly superficial and obsessed with themselves. So yeah, I’d immediately judge any man with an extreme six pack and ripped arms as someone I’d probably not want to spend much time with. Maybe they’re attractive - but I’m not at…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 12:44 PM
2

We’re all humans. I don’t know what you’re getting at, alluding that men and women aren’t “equal.” Of course there are sex differences on average - but no life has more value than another. Do you mind showing me where I’ve taken anything for granted? I don’t disagree with much of what you’re saying but I just disagree about the causes, I guess. Plus as always I’ll argue that none of this is across the board. I went to an elite college but I still mostly crushed on and dated men back home. One of…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 12:34 PM
3

You can’t just cite research saying this effect is causal without understanding the reasons the results show this. No sociologists would say that the difference is because of skill. When fathers get full custody it’s in very unique circumstances and single father homes tend to have more resources than single mothers. And they often tend to have the support of a woman somewhere, helping with childcare and other things.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 12:29 PM
3

We’ll never know that for sure because we can’t know how much of what we currently define as masculine or feminine is nature versus nurture. But as things stand now, yes - most women orient toward less physical labor. I think what you’re describing is less an issue with women and more an issue with society. Why doesn’t society value those other jobs more? Why isn’t there more respect attached to manual labor? That’s the question we should be asking, NOT “why won’t women sleep with welders more?”…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 12:22 PM
15

I’m 33. Every single one of my male friends at this point, and the vast majority of my male cousins, are coupled off. With someone very much in their league. I know a couple guys for whom it took longer, and they did tend to be the less attractive ones. For at least one, he was definitely doing most of the “right things” but was continually hung up on girls who were a bit out of his league, since he had gained a lot of weight and didn’t take care of himself since high school.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 06:03 AM
1

It’s clear that you don’t know or care what women have actually done throughout history and would rather rely on caricatures that help you cope. Men never wanted to compete - historically - because they were getting free labor at home. And many other benefits. I agree that women are generally better suited for a lot of the domestic duties, but I also appreciate that society now allows women with skills and interests an opportunity to do whatever they want. It’s not about competing for most women…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 05:53 AM
9

You addressed giving birth - not the actual labor of running a home and raising human beings. You still don’t address my point (and others’ points here) that women were just literally not given the opportunities. Women weren’t taught those skills, so even if a girl had interest in doing something other than homemaking and baby making she was raised doing those domestic duties and soft skills while men were raised to go out and learn those “hard skills.” So the argument doesn’t say much of anythi…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 05:16 AM
14

What’s your point? Seems like your argument is the same as saying “men’s roles throughout history allowed them to have more of a substantial contribution to civilization.” I don’t think anyone would argue against the idea that more average men have made contributions to the world and history - but what are you saying that means, exactly? Men are better? Does that make you feel better? We could just as easily argue that (a) women were the ones behind the scenes birthing and raising these men, or …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 04:58 AM
1

Yeah, I disagree with that approach and I’d never do it because I think it’s unfair. But everyone can do what they want, bottom line. She can look for a guy who’s going to pay for her dinners just like men can look for qualities and roles in a partner that are typically deemed more feminine.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 07:30 PM
39

I think the only thing that’s sexist is when these roles are expected or forced in an overly-generalized way rather than freely chosen. So, men shouldn’t be expected to pay for everything. Women shouldn’t be expected to be the housekeepers and caregivers. Each couple can negotiate their own balance with these different roles. ETA “forced” above
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 07:22 PM
1

I’m not here to expose anyone or anything. I’m here out of pure interest in how other people’s lived experiences can be so much different from my own, perhaps very sheltered female life. I also try to challenge things I hear on here that are blatantly wrong. I have zero ill will with men as a gender — I had a decent father, I have a great husband, and my brother-in-laws and friend’s SOs are some of my best friends. I also have good relationships with many of my own male friends and cousins. But …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 07:13 PM
1

Amen to the fascinating train wreck. My husband is like “you’re on purple pill, aren’t you?” Every week I tell him I’m gonna stop 😬 someday I will but I can’t look away
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 06:58 PM
16

I think there are many confounding factors here, including socioeconomic status and religiosity. People here frequently question women’s ability to respond honestly to surveys when they’re asked about number of sexual partners…seems like conservative or religious women would be even more prone to socially desirable responding following that argument. For your first three points, if we’re just discussing likelihood to cheat, hold different standard for long term versus short term relationships, a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 05:31 PM
3

Monogamy is a must for me. It’s not like monogamy is easy — there are attractive people everywhere and of course I’ve had thoughts here and there about other people. But I’d never want to be polygamous and I’d never want to share my man. If I’m committing to one person for life, I expect that in return…because it definitely isn’t easy, but the benefits far outweigh the pitfalls for my life and goals and family. But I don’t have anything against others who feel like polygamy is a better fit so lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 05:25 PM
2

Where do you live? Did you go to college? What is your friend group like? I ask because I’ve honestly never ever seen this dynamic. Every couple I know is very well-matched in terms of physical appearance. And just a good match generally…I’d say neither is obviously settling. If anything sometimes the woman is prettier. I’m wondering whether there are certain subcultures where this pattern is more likely.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 01:01 AM
0

“Guy next door” types - average and handsome, well-rounded, smart…OR brooding, tattooed, misunderstood men who share my taste in music lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 11:06 PM
1

I am tall (5’9”) and despite being told I have an above average face I didn’t get approached as much as my shorter, attractive friends. I always attributed this to being not as standardly hot as them and maybe not looking/acting super approachable when I’m out. I’m very fit but I don’t have the body “ratios” men prefer and I dress relatively conservatively. That being said, it was uncommon to go out in my 20s without getting hit on or being asked for my number. I found that the types of men I wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 09:17 PM
1

“We surveyed…” How did they even get their sample? Tik tok? It seems almost impossible to imagine a scenario in which this is actually a representative sample in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 02:36 AM
2

As intriguing as these results are, I think it’s probably not methodologically sound enough to draw any actual conclusions from it…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 02:32 AM
5

Just chiming in with some agreement because this person is impossible. Sometimes people who just want sex don’t even want you — they just want to orgasm into an orifice of yours. I’d say that argument similar to arguing if someone only wants your money at least they want something you’ve worked hard for. Or some bizarre shit like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 02:16 AM
7

You don’t have to. But unfortunately just because you choose not to believe something doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 02:08 AM
9

All false. So basically you’re just saying that only Chads can even get to the point of foreplay. Because all of those things still count as foreplay even if you claim only Chads have access to those things. Anecdotally, I’ve never been with a “Chad” but I’ve done all of those things. With a non-Chad. And my non-Chad husband has made me orgasm without foreplay. But he’s also very good at foreplay. And my friends have all had similar experiences with men who don’t count as Chads. You can’t write …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:57 AM
1

It’s not going to be a “normal” distribution. The median will be much lower than the mean. And the mode will be 0 or POSSIBLY 1. The thing about n count is a handful of very very promiscuous people will make the average look way higher than most of us would assume. As for the question you asked, I interpreted it as “the people who lie, lie by an average of 6.5 partners.” Otherwise the liars are huuuge liars…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:51 AM
1

I’ve never heard of anyone needing to pay child support for a very short relationship outside of a marriage unless the man literally signed paperwork making the child legally his. If it’s happened, that’s unfortunate. I understand the reluctance to date single parents. I don’t think I would want to date a single father. If you don’t have kids yourself then it means you’re signing up for being not only a partner but also, to some degree, a parental figure to a kid that isn’t yours. That is a verr…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:46 AM
7

Lol I have literally been asked by men to say super vulgar things. I would have never ever done it naturally. But in the right situation it can be pretty hot 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:36 AM
10

Literally where did I say that?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:34 AM
4

Then there you go - you know there are other things that separate a friendship from a relationship. It’s not just sex. So going into a relationship for the sole purpose of sex is wrong if you’re concealing your intentions from your partner. Maybe he could talk someone into a FWB situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:32 AM
9

those women aren’t orgasming on the dance floor most of the time. And if they are it’s not JUST because the guy is hot. It’s because of what he’s doing. And maybe the things he is saying. You can claim all day that you know “Chads” are handing out orgasms like they’re candy but the truth is you can’t possibly know that and it’s a ridiculous claim.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:28 AM
6

Yep. In fact, most of the time women who talk like this started doing it precisely because the men in their lives told them they liked it.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:25 AM
1

Romantic feelings? Attraction? Other forms of physical closeness and intimacy? Flirting? Companionship/partnership? The comfort of having that one person who cares about you in that way? Planning and building a future together? I’m sorry you’ve clearly never experienced any of this…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:20 AM
13

I’m reluctant to even answer because it’s clear you’re not here debating in good faith - and this is not even relevant to your OP. But foreplay is included in the dancing, touching, kissing, flirting, dirty talk, etc leading up to “bathroom sex” that you’re referring to.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:18 AM
13

They’re not? I’m not sure where you’re getting your information.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:06 AM
14

Yes, that is seriously what I’m claiming. Foreplay is important regardless of a man’s appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 01:01 AM
13

There is nothing true about that. But you’re not saying it because you think it’s true, you’re saying it to be inflammatory.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 12:54 AM
29

I think your biggest problem is your blatant misinterpretation of everything that is said by a woman
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 12:41 AM
2

I agree that it’s absolutely your choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 08:31 PM
2

I don’t understand the logic of a post like this when men often devalue “sluts” and “slutty behavior.” Why is it so hard to believe that when a woman wants to take a relationship seriously and wants a man to respect her, she might choose to delay having sex? It could be for so many reasons - feeling safe with him, gaining trust, getting to know each other non-sexually, for religious reasons, to avoid getting hurt (maybe again)? There is a difference between sexual desire and acting on that desir…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 07:02 PM
1

I think assuming men only manipulate and do unethical things to get power because women “reward” power is giving women a little too much credit. Men like power because power gets you things. It means you are important. You leave a legacy. And society as a whole doesn’t hold people accountable for the ways they get power. Sure, maybe powerful men get women, too. But that’s not PRECISELY why men commit more selfish acts. Lmao. I also disagree with the overarching claim that “nothing makes a woman …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 11:55 PM
5

-I was taught growing up not to be too forward -I wanted to approach sometimes, but I was not a casual sex girl and I feared that my approaches would signal that I wanted a hook-up, didn’t want to be called a tease -huge amount of insecurity and fear of rejection
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 10:10 PM
2

I would challenge anybody that is above the age of 30 that has lived in a major city and been part of any party scene to say that they've never seen anything like this play out. You might have your demographic right here? I’d argue the majority of people, even those of us who have lived in major cities, are not big “partiers” twerking on anyone’s dick. I went to parties and bars but not the types where twerking was happening. I’m 33 and have not witnessed this with my own eyes, though I have a f…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 08:51 PM
3

Societal advantage score = 32. It basically confirmed what I already know. My life isn’t perfect but I’m grateful every day for most things.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/22 11:00 PM
3

Sure, but it does sound like what you’re talking about is less about a partner earning trust and more about you gaining control. I agree with others about the social media thing. I have had way more opportunities to cheat out in the real world than over social media.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/22 04:26 PM
5

I mean I’m pretty blue pill, and a woman, and I also vetted and felt like partners had to earn my trust. While also accepting that I can’t control or know everything, and pretending I can is certain to cause tons of happiness and relationship difficulty. So..what’s the difference? Stats show men cheat more, anyways
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/22 03:27 PM
5

1
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 09:35 PM
7

The projection is not that they use pre-selection for mate choice. They’re projecting the belief that it’s “cool” when other men have a lot of sex — they think everyone must think it’s pretty cool when a man has a lot of sex. But no. Many women do not think it’s cool or attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 09:03 PM
0

I’m not saying that all promiscuous women have a healthy relationship with sex. In fact, many times it might be exactly the opposite and that’s the reason for this outcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 08:01 PM
3

Do you believe that sex is shameful and immoral outside of wedlock? Because if you don’t, then it doesn’t matter whether it benefits men…it’s just plain lying to women to tell them that. And last time I checked lying is wrong. Many men actually want to have sex, and complain about lack of sex and dead bedrooms, so women learning that sex = bad is unhelpful for those men, even taking sexual repression out of it. If I didn’t get a healthy dose of liberal education about sex I’d probably be a low l…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 07:15 PM
5

That’s my husband’s perspective as well. If you don’t want kids and don’t mind having no partner to enjoy those later years with, then obviously don’t be monogamous. Perfectly legitimate and good choice for many people.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 06:25 PM
9

I think for different people the motivation for monogamy can be different. For us, it’s more about the companionship and lifelong partner (hopefully). Everyone’s gonna be old as shit someday and it’s nice to possibly not be alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 06:18 PM
6

Yep. He wanted kids but didn’t feel like he needed to have kids. His parents have an amazing relationship and he wanted the companionship they have.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 06:13 PM
11

I would never try to convince someone who doesn’t want monogamy that it would be beneficial to them. I think that choice involves people’s deeper values & goals, and views about what’s important to them in their life. If you want a person to be your true partner, the person by your side for all the happy moments and shitty ones, and to raise kids with, monogamy is the best option. I found my “person” and I do hope it’s for life. Husband feels the same. The benefits are that partnership, and rais…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 06:08 PM
4

Sure, but you better believe that having someone tell you “you can’t do that” is going to make many people want to do it even more. Psychological reactance at work - it happens all the time, and this stuff is no different.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 05:24 PM
19

That’s a pretty fucked up thing to say without knowing much else about me or my sisters. This is exactly what women completely rebel against, which causes all the issues men on here whine about lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 03:43 PM
11

As a teenager I was not at all sex positive. This was for a few reasons: a) Catholic upbringing and my dad - father of 3 girls - basically drilled into us that having sex was the most shameful, immoral thing we could do. **outside of marriage and for the purpose of procreation, of course b) I was plagued with body image concerns (thought my boobs weren’t big enough) that made me too terrified of getting physical with my high school boyfriends. c) I was taught that having sex was the easiest way …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 03:07 PM
3

Do you know that all of those abusive partners were women? I tried to locate the citation but the gay/bi women I know personally were more likely to experience abuse or sexual assault by men…and then, yes, they are at risk for continuing the abuse cycle. None of this changes that men are more likely to perpetrate mass violence.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:22 PM
4

If you can’t see how that’s different…well 🤷🏼‍♀️ Killing a romantic partner is not a crime that’s committed disproportionately by women.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:06 PM
3

Okay…but they are men. So the sentence above is still true. We could qualify the women committing paternity fraud with some other adjectives or characteristics explaining why they do what they do, but they’re still women, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:00 PM
5

”well women aren't out there going on mass rampages like men" But this is just a fact? How is it disgusting rhetoric to say a true statement? That sentence is not blaming all men or saying all men are shooters. I agree the disproportionate number of men committing these crimes is primarily for the reasons you listed below, but pointing out that men are the primary perpetrators of mass violence is not the same thing as blaming men. It’s just true. And men on here regularly say we’re in for more o…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 12:53 PM
4

Yeah, I hear that. I think if it’s too hard to relate then the patient isn’t going to feel helped and it’s really hard to navigate problems you have no direct experience with. I’d feel pretty ill-equipped to help a single man with those types of issues, for sure. I also use ACT and sometimes think it could be the most useful approach for a lot of this stuff but still not a satisfying answer for many.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 02:21 AM
5

I can’t believe you’re even getting these questions…like people don’t understand how shared finances work in a normal relationship. We just share everything and buy what we need/want? Is that so hard to comprehend?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:59 AM
10

As a female therapist I will always support men in finding a male therapist if they think that would be more helpful and I’ll see them to “bridge care” while they’re looking/waiting. Good therapists are hard to find. Male therapists are even harder to find. My brother-in-law finally got a male therapist and it has been a game changer for him.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:36 AM
1

most would agree that the way religion checks hypergamy is a necessity for a monogamous relarionship to work. This, and everything you said, works best for men. Maybe current society works better for women. But I think many people meet in the middle in a way that works for both parties. Traditional or religious cultures do NOT keep men’s unsavory tendencies in check (cheating, abuse/violence) and I’d argue this is more responsible for unhappiness in marriages. In my family, I’ve seen the followi…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:27 AM
5

Wow. Excellent post.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 09:34 PM
4

I don’t ignore the subconscious lol. I’m a psychologist… I’m absolutely not denying that these patterns exist. I am just challenging the idea that they’re widespread enough to be helpful in defining someone’s worldview. I see quite a few truths in TRP. In fact, I think it would suck to be an average man navigating dating right now. I just question a lot of TRP rhetoric and approach, as well as some of their interpretations of the world. But I think people can learn their own lessons about whethe…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:57 PM
4

…or is it possible that human behavior is not so simple? That men aren’t either alphas or betas? That seems like the most natural conclusion to draw. I don’t think I know very many men who can be easily categorized in that way. Edited to add *I should say MOST men. I’m not saying this dynamic never happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:45 PM
1

Because TBP isn’t really a thing! It’s not a unified set of beliefs, for better or for worse. It’s just a catch-all category for people who aren’t red pill. This has been argued here before.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:24 PM
5

That he’s not a BB? Because that concept didn’t exist for myself or any of the women I know who married men with complex combinations of alpha and beta traits..?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:23 PM
3

No. That’s just true. It doesn’t mean there’s not more within-group variability than between-group variability for many, many sex differences. By misogyny I literally mean the standard definition of misogyny. Which the vast majority of us know when we see it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:12 PM
5

He gets all the sex he wants from me and benefits from my 6fig salary sooo…he’s got plenty of reasons to laugh
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:03 PM
2

He didn’t signal anything. We were coworkers and I talked to other women there about him. Regardless, my argument is that the common sense behaviors that signal a man is “high value” aren’t unique to red pill or blue pill. That doesn’t mean red pill and blue pill men are the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 08:01 PM
2

I think we just have different definitions of what “blue pill” is.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:54 PM
2

Maybe, I guess I just see blue pill as those who think TRP is a pile of shit, and avoiding pedastalizing is just healthy behavior. No one should put anyone on a pedestal. It’s not an original red pill concept…so I say you can be “blue pill” and still not pedestalize…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:49 PM
1

I am in the US. I was raised in a very religious home. My parents were probably a “red pill” marriage that worked but was extremely rocky. My dad is not a great person and my mom pushed all three of us girls to have careers, rather than be stay at home moms like she was. I’d say that says something about her satisfaction with the way things worked out for her. The people around me in successful relationships are successful because they have balance, good communication skills, and take time for e…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:47 PM
3

I’d love to see a survey that measures misogynistic attitudes among men who believe in TRP. I’m almost positive you’d see that in aggregate these men would endorse certain beliefs about women. But you’re right, human behavior is so complex & variable that many generalizations aren’t fair and are pretty unhelpful for practical things. And I say this as someone who is involved in psychology research.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:42 PM
2

I am not going to argue that he’s not conventionally attractive. Of course I find him attractive. He had options and didn’t “simp” but still made it clear that I was the only woman he wanted. He was honest and vulnerable and communicated his feelings early. He was also fine with waiting for sex and didn’t ask/assume I’d slept with other men right away or have to “hold frame” to maintain dominance. The rhetoric is harmful because in the wrong hands it can quite literally create a mindset that eas…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:39 PM
3

Your last line - that’s what TRP does. Even the science is based on statistically significant trends. Meaning many humans/women DONT behave in this way, but those that do may create those statistically significant patterns in some of the research. But hardly correlations of 1.0. You cant convince me that TRP doesn’t make generalizations based on the most extreme members of a sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:14 PM
4

Right. Blue pill guys can have good hygiene, be confident and secure in themselves without a woman/avoid pedestalizing, etc. because a lot of that is just healthy behavior. It’s not unique to red pill. They also disagree with most of the red pill theories and extreme language.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 07:02 PM
4

Maybe the internet gives a skewed sample and the red pill guys who actually like/respect women are out in the world not being butthurt. You can say something is “amoral” all day long but when the language you use is just loaded with moral judgment and vitriol that is meaningless.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 06:54 PM
5

The rhetoric is harmful and disrespectful, period. And not true enough across the board to be helpful for most people. He laughs at concepts like AF/BB and the need for traditional gender roles in relationships. He’s never once worried about how to attract women, and bottom line is 98% of red pill boils down to how to get women…no matter how much they scream that it isn’t. Edited to add - I’m sure you can be red pill and actually respect women, but it’s a rarity lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 06:32 PM
1

Most of the red pill men I hear from on here are not many of these things though. Because there is an enormous difference between red pill in theory and red pill in practice. My husband has many of these red pill behaviors while also having a huge amount of respect and admiration for women, even women that don’t fit a narrow, limiting mold of traditional “femininity.” Of course he wouldn’t identify as blue pill because blue pill isn’t really a thing, more like the absence of red pill.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 06:20 PM
1

Sure. He in no way “leads” me, we have a pretty equal relationship, I have a higher libido, there was no element of AF/BB since we waited a while to have sex when we first started dating AND he’s a pretty solid mix of alpha and beta characteristics like most men, he doesn’t need to “hold frame” and he can be vulnerable because I can handle that. So many things.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/22 12:25 PM
0

I think preference is one thing, but having a rigid rule and not considering someone close to your height or under a certain height threshold seems limiting to me. Lots of people disagree, to each their own.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 05:52 PM
1

I completely agree that this is the purpose of TRP and there is a lot of truth in this description. What I don’t agree with is that this is why lots of men are attracted to it. Some of the more intellectual men, maybe.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 11:33 AM
2

I have things I’m not attracted to, but nothing like height that falls on a spectrum that I have an arbitrary cut-off point and I am completely inflexible about, no.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 11:23 AM
3

My husband has also had some brief counseling related to situational anxiety. Otherwise, no. Men around me don’t really talk about mental health related topics (for good reasons, I don’t blame them). My dad could clearly benefit from therapy but would laugh at the idea. I think it’s a huge problem and one that society as a whole, and women, could do a better job at addressing.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 03:02 AM
8

He is absolutely a troll
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 02:55 AM
21

On OLD? Prob the attractive one.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 01:54 AM
58

Depends on what you mean by dating scene. The fact that one is a virgin and the other has had enough sex to father 7 kids might tell you something…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/22 01:46 AM
9

I definitely think you can be attracted to taller men. So being tall = attractive, sure. I’m not questioning that. What I call into question is that at 5’11.5” someone stops being attractive. It’s the rigidity of the rule that I don’t think can possibly be based purely in attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 11:24 PM
7

I think it’s different for different people, and that also might predict what parts of TRP they latch onto most. For a lot it’s negative dating experiences. Either direct experience getting hurt OR just lack of experience/attention from women. For others, if they were raised with a certain worldview that TRP reinforces, I think it can be appealing…like, to traditional men or men who tend toward misogyny…looking for certain relationship dynamics and certain types of partners, while lamenting that…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 11:22 PM
8

Everyone is entitled to their own preferences and ideas, but the concept of completely discounting someone based on a physical trait like height has never sat right with me. A threshold like that with zero flexibility…and having a rigid rule about it. It seems arbitrary and you might miss out on someone great who’s within an inch or two of that height. But it’s her life and she knows what she’s attracted to. I agree that it’s more unreasonable for shorter girls/women and I believe that they also…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 11:08 PM
6

I did, luckily. I’m not the one who brought it up. I just told a story of a friend. Someone else brought up the concept of getting “alpha widowed.”
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 10:54 PM
2

Same with men, as I said above. People will go to extremes to get what they want, and dating/being vulnerable comes with risks. I guess what matters most is what you actually want out of dating and how do your beliefs or generalizations guide your behavior in dating? Because some people hold onto unhelpful beliefs/stereotypes that will only sabotage them and prevent them from having a fulfilling life, all the while just blaming everyone else for their misery.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 10:25 PM
9

By “extreme” I mean having a hard and fast rule about it, not that the standard itself is extreme. I just mean the inflexibility of it. Like anything, you’re entitled to your preferences, esp if you just don’t feel attracted to someone taller. But for me, I just always felt like height would not make or break someone’s attractiveness, so I wasn’t going to ever have a rigid rule about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 10:17 PM
11

I’ve never heard it as extreme as in these spaces, but I was definitely raised (in a traditional Catholic family) that boys were troublemakers, and gross, and couldn’t help themselves but only chase after sex. And I could see how those attitudes, if widespread and repeated, could feel like “girls = good, boys = bad.” But I guess my mom also always warned me that girls were difficult to trust, gossipy, two-faced, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 10:13 PM
4

That’s your choice. Height was never something I cared about to that extreme. I have my preferences, but for the right person I’d be flexible. Plus I’m tall (5’9”) so I thought it was unfair to exclude a large number of potentially great partners due to one trait.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 10:00 PM
13

I agree that those examples are even more unreasonable. BUT I don’t understand the very strict standards based on physical features. And not giving others even the time of day. I don’t even think it could be an “attraction” thing, honestly. More a “I want to look cute next to him in my IG photos” thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 09:53 PM
14

This happens to men. One of my exes got married in October. Guess who texted me the last week of September while he was drunk? All kinds of people struggle to get over past relationships for all sorts of reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 09:44 PM
22

He has a girlfriend of almost 3 years now and it’s going pretty well, so he’s fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 09:43 PM
13

Yeah I mean in general it’s best to avoid getting into relationships with people who aren’t over an ex if there are any signs of that…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 09:03 PM
6

Every generalization could certainly play out. Or it might not. And you get to decide how helpful any given theory/belief is in your life and how you let it guide your behavior. For me, living life like men were the enemy or predators was just making me scared to be around men and even more terrified of having sex. So I had to choose to believe that there were men who would prove that wrong, and it took some negative experiences but it was eventually worth it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 08:42 PM
7

This means you could make any theory that sometimes plays out in real life and say there’s some truth to it. Because bottom line - there can be some truth to everything and anything. It doesn’t mean it’s a worthwhile belief or theory to follow and allow to guide your behavior. I was raised to believe that I’d never attract a man unless I kept my body, makeup, hair, etc a certain way. I was raised to believe that even if I did attract a man, he probably just wanted sex anyways, and I shouldn’t ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 08:35 PM
1

You get comments like this and then your post earlier had a dozen guys like “nah you just take everything too personally.” 😵‍💫
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 08:28 PM
55

Yep. I have a 25yo cousin, and conversations with her make me absolutely believe dating for men has gotten worse just based on the things she says. She was raised in a good family with both parents present and involved…and two older brothers. She is very pretty, likes to go out with her girls and drink, but claims she doesn’t hook up. Anyways, I was talking to her about dating and stuff. She is on some of the dating apps off and on. Granted she is between 5’9” - 5’10” (her brothers are both 6’4”…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 08:15 PM
7

Lol “manipulation.” Nah. The one time I’ve used physical intimacy as “manipulation” I gave a guy who was mistreating me an ultimatum. No physical intimacy until he figured his shit out and could treat me better, otherwise we would be done. He didn’t figure his shit out but kept texting me and I just ignored his texts, we just broke up - simple as that. That isn’t manipulation - it’s literally standing up for getting needs met in a relationship and not being a doormat. But as usual, men just want…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 06:41 PM
2

This is the truest thing I’ve read here in weeks. They’re the same people. I’ve had interactions with at least 3 of them in the past couple weeks.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 06:18 PM
4

This is what I mean about blatant misinterpretation. Nowhere did I say that. My husband is all of those things and if you took a look at my post history you’d see I sing his praises everywhere on here. I’m a confident, feminist, well-educated, assertive woman who ended up with an “alpha” male who is my equal and doesn’t try to dominate or lead me. Cry about it lmao.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 02:11 AM
5

Stats don’t tell you much about any individual’s circumstances. Some people may prefer a non-egalitarian relationship, but keeping things equal (yes - equal) works well for us. My husband and I are best friends. Men on here love to question our relationship but I would absolutely love to watch him debate any one of you in these topics.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 02:03 AM
4

Hint: you don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 01:38 AM
4

When you view the world in such simplistic, black and white terms it’s easy to misinterpret things. Sorry I have a happy relationship that doesn’t fit your view of how the world is supposed to work.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 01:25 AM
5

Sure, blatantly misinterpret my post and use it to make a sweeping generalization of women. I don’t even want to “wear the pants” — I used it in quotes because it’s such a stupid concept. I definitely don’t think I lead the relationship, but if you asked our friends who “wears the pants” they’d probably say me because I’m just a bit more expressive and assertive, outwardly. There are plenty of times I defer to my husband, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 12:48 AM
1

Many of the women here are 35+, already married, and (no shame, most people are!) average looking. Those women aren't lying, they just don't realize that you're not asking how to get them... You're asking how to get the 22 year old fitness model. Lol what? Guys here complain they can’t even get sexual attention from “obese” women. But if they’re only going after fitness models, maybe that’s…idk, part of their problem?! And I cannot be convinced that any of men on this subreddit are top tier/actu…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 10:30 PM
10

Nah, no one has to wear the pants. That’s a silly rule that doesn’t even make logical sense. If anyone “wears the pants” I suppose it’s me more often in the day to day. Just because I’m the more extroverted and assertive one. And I generally have more opinions and do more research about things (eg, we just purchased a new car). I would be willing to bet my husband is slightly more intelligent in terms of overall IQ, but he’s never been tested (I have). There are parts of our life together that a…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 09:04 PM
4

😂 yeah joke’s on me I suppose lol
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 07:41 PM
18

No, he’s not the leader. We have our strengths and the ways we each lead the relationships. We discuss big decisions and sometimes I’m the decider and sometimes he is — because he values my judgment as well. For example, I had a big job offer that involved a 10+ hour move across the country. We discussed it and he deferred to my judgment about it. It’s very egalitarian, which is what we both prefer.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 07:40 PM
2

I mean I know that lol which is why I’m asking OP
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 06:41 PM
37

This is 100% happening on this sub, I think. They are completely different traits. I’m extremely nurturing with my kids, friends, sometimes husband. But I am not submissive (my husband laughed the other night when I asked him if he would ever describe me as submissive). But I agree with your point below - maybe women as a whole are more likely to be nurturing but it isn’t a trait that should be expected of all women. Not being nurturing doesn’t make someone a bad woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 06:27 PM
11

Stay here long enough and you’ll see twice weekly posts about how “mainstream” red pill ideology is becoming. So apparently in a lot of places.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 06:23 PM
12

when women do it no one bats an eye …have you been here long? AF/BB seems to be at the root of the behavior/choices of many men around here. At least it appears to be constantly on their minds.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 06:19 PM
14

Is your username ironic or did you really not know what Madonna referred to..?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 06:17 PM
2

This was me. My first year of high school was rough, but then things got a lot better. The quality of education I got in my public high school was way better than the Catholic education in my area, so ultimately it benefited me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 01:15 PM
1

“Feminism” is the answer you’ll get here 🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 12:31 PM
13

Same. I was friends with my husband for years before we dated, and even in the dating stage we took things very slow.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 12:22 PM
1

I’d rather date someone I’m not sexually attracted to. I’m too insecure for A I guess, lol. And I trust my own self control over a man’s.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 06:15 PM
6

I would definitely consider it. There are so many things about being a woman that I hate, but the few things I’ve loved would give me pause. I will say, the “easy” time I had dating (which wasn’t even that easy) and some of the privileges being a moderately attractive girl/woman afforded are not worth many of the pitfalls that mostly involve living in an adult female body. I’m pregnant right now so that might be exacerbating it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 01:23 PM
3

I could’ve written this myself! Almost exactly accurate to my experience and I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 12:38 AM
1

Hmm I’m weirdly an outlier here, but this happened to me about 1 year into a college relationship and we had some talks about it…he told me it was a complicated situation of experimentation and some coercion. So we stayed together and lasted several more months BUT he ultimately cheated (with a woman). So we broke up. Given that history, I wanted full honesty in future relationships. I wouldn’t break up with a man for being bisexual but a history of casual sexual encounters was something I tried…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 12:23 AM
1

Basically, I agree with a lot of the posts above — I think it would be nearly impossible for us culturally. We’d need to change practically everything about how nudity is presented in our culture to detach it fully from sex/de-sexualize. The key with those tribes is seeing naked flesh just as it is, in mundane situations, and it’s just normal. Women in the US can’t even breastfeed without offending or “titillating.” I disagree that provacative dress or Instagram “thirst traps” have lost their ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 05:49 PM
5

There’s a common trend on here (and on planet earth) where people only believe stats that back up their existing worldviews.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 05:18 PM
1

Yeah, it’s definitely how the nudity is presented. I don’t totally agree with OP, but continuing with the trend of nudity in western culture is never going to be the same as a tribe that lives their lives barely clothed.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 11:50 AM
1

I am not against it at all. He can do what he wants and if it boosts his confidence and makes him feel more comfortable who am I to judge?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/22 09:25 PM
6

I assume Adam is a human being with personality traits and interests and goals/passions…so as others have said, hearing about some of those would help to know what he actually brings to the table.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/22 05:10 PM
1

There is so much variability in sex drive and sexual behavior, but sure — go off and pretend you know anything about a healthy human sexual relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 11:47 PM
2

Yeah if someone does actually call him average generally that is delusional and/or a lie…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 09:12 PM
1

I don’t know what to tell you except that I’m extremely secure in my relationship and sex life 🤷🏼‍♀️ I watch much more porn than him, when we’re not watching it together.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 07:32 PM
1

Lmao doubt it. He does it, and well.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 07:14 PM
1

Lol alrighty dude. I think we both know what you’re trying to do, but I digress. I am fairly certain we also both know how fulfilled you are in your relationships with women, and based on this entire interaction you have absolutely no one to blame but yourself for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 06:32 PM
1

The connotation of the phrase “ran through” is what I am talking about. Alluding to a woman being somehow tarnished by sex, which is kind of amusing in the context of this sub. No, I’m not “run through.” Even if I were, I still got the man I wanted and I’m having all the sex I want right now. Speaking of direct questions, does your vitriol stem from the fact that your dick has never once been wet?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 06:24 PM
1

You are the one who made an entire post about your lack of empathy for women you don’t know, so I’m not sure what you’re even trying to argue. You know exactly what you’re alluding to with questions like that, and you chose those words intentionally. Don’t play dumb and pretend you were being direct.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 06:13 PM
1

Nah, you just act ignorant and use phrases like “run through” and you get all the empathy you deserve.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 06:09 PM
1

And I’d be really terrible at my job if I didn’t believe there were ways to cope with and find balance in shitty circumstances, while also acknowledging its shitty.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 06:02 PM
1

From my previous interactions with you today, if you’re a sexless man, I am not unhappy or surprised at that…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 06:00 PM
1

Well sure, loneliness is a different beast. The question was whether sex is a need. My answer is yes, sort of - but everyone can benefit from balance and understanding that life might not give us access to sex. As a psychologist I am very aware of the negative effects of limited social support, so loneliness altogether has very negative consequences.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:47 PM
2

From OP: I'd bet the vast majority of these people (excluding asexuals, of course) couldn't handle a few months or years of loneliness and sexlessness Without presenting serious mental breakdowns or worse things. That’s what I was responding to.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:34 PM
3

I don’t have anything I hate about men as an entire gender, honestly. There are specific men who do shitty things…but I personally know more men who are amazing. I don’t think posts like this do any good. We definitely don’t need even more division on this sub…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:29 PM
1

He actually doesn’t say that at all. He is saying they “lament” missing out on it, but can’t have those sexual interactions now.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:23 PM
8

Married 6.5 years. So, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:21 PM
7

I am. I was raised Catholic (now agnostic) and planned to wait until marriage for most of my life. I had one sexual partner before I met my husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:20 PM
4

Ditto to the high libido during this pregnancy - also #2! 🤪
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:05 PM
1

I don’t see anywhere where he explicitly says anything about jealousy of younger women. Just that men feel jealous that they missed out on sex when they were younger.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:04 PM
15

I dated a virgin and eventually married him. Started dating when I was almost 21. I had plenty of options (so did he, actually). His lack of experience was literally of zero concern and actually attractive to me. He was also a pretty hot commodity but no one would’ve guessed he was a virgin - I met him at a part time job and several coworkers had crushes on him. I would not have dated a man with a history of casual sex. Experience was not a thought that crossed my mind and I take ownership of my…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 05:02 PM
1

OP is a man. But I also thought he was a bitter woman at first.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 04:55 PM
2

December to May or later is longer than three months if you can math…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 12:29 PM
2

I’m the higher libido partner in my marriage. My point stands. People can find balance and lack of sex can have less impact. Couples literally need to sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 12:27 PM
12

I agree that sex is a psychological need in that it can be harder to have a fulfilling life without it. But if multiple months without sex makes you have a “breakdown,” I think that is a sign of other issues. For example - I’m pregnant. I’ve been having bleeding this entire pregnancy and sex makes it worse. If I get a scan in December and I’m told I have placenta previa, I may need to be on pelvic rest for the remainder of my pregnancy and at least 6 weeks after. No sex or orgasms. Six weeks is …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/22 04:09 AM
1

I have a meaningful and high paying job that I mostly love, so I know this post isn’t directed at me. BUT. I live in New England…and not even in a big city. Housing costs here are outrageous. Unless her partner is wealthy and willing to foot all the bills, no woman can really afford not to work here. And even if a partner is wealthy and willing to pay for everything, being financially dependent on another human is just a bad idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 11:23 PM
2

I agree, fertility extension does not seem sensible to me. Just like attempts to prolong human life, which ultimately just means more feeble, ill, dependent elderly in the population that will need resources. Plus, I am having fewer children than I intended NOT because of my age, but because it’s fucking expensive to have a kid. And my husband and I both make 6 figures.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 11:16 PM
2

I said FACE…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 10:37 PM
3

Facially he is not “hot.” Maybe slightly above average. Everything else is pretty damn on point though.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 06:40 PM
11

This is spot on. Even the self-improvement advice on here will fail most guys because they’re still doing it for the sole purpose of attracting women. I like the advice to be “complete.” I’ve never thought of it that way but that’s probably a good encapsulation of why I was attracted to my now husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 12:51 PM
–

Anytime I’ve ever heard of a couple trying out non-monogamy for this reason it’s been basically the final nail in the coffin… I think you need to decide whether the feelings you have for him and the other parts of the relationship make things sustainable for you. If you feel like you need more sexual satisfaction and you’re never going to be fully happy with him the most respectful and loving thing you can do is leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 03:53 AM
1

Oh my story is sort of the opposite. My mom had me at 22 and had her third kid by age 26. I’m the oldest. We lived paycheck to paycheck until my dad’s business took off because they were a traditional marriage so mom didn’t work. I am the only kid who still remembers the crappiness of it. My parents fought like crazy over money. I’m so glad my husband and I waited to have kids until we were established and financially stable. And I agree with your mom about getting to experience more. My husband…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 03:50 AM
1

but women always lie and minimize their n count /s These stats map on to my experience. I would believe things are shifting toward more promiscuity in younger generations but I have no direct evidence of this.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 03:32 AM
1

I’ve seen men on this sub describe - as in write out detailed descriptions of - like 17 different versions of “Chad” bc they’re so obsessed with the ideal hyper-masculine men. I think anyone who has success with women is considered “alpha” but if women ONLY want you for your money apparently this means you’ll inevitably be a “beta.” But I agree that alphas can be confident hot guys with money and money can boost confidence and looks…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 03:15 AM
3

Lmao okay. There’s barely anyone even on this sub who agrees with you so I’m not holding my breath for any of this “taking off.” Besides, I don’t plan on being single ever again. Also it’s not an all men problem. Just the ones who give women the ick!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 03:03 AM
2

Then be gay? All of this sounds like a you problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 02:57 AM
1

Women do not get the ick if a very attractive man is very interested in them. There are ways to express a lot of interest and attraction in a way that makes it MORE likely a woman will sleep with you. But it is important to be attractive AND to not have an off-putting personality if you want to succeed at this. If you are giving women the ick it’s something else about you — not how interested you are. Not sure how else to put that. The high libido men who are getting the women (because they’re h…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 02:45 AM
2

Women do not get the ick if a very attractive man is very interested in them. There are ways to express a lot of interest and attraction in a way that makes it MORE likely a woman will sleep with you. But it is important to be attractive AND to not have an off-putting personality if you want to succeed at this. If you are giving women the ick it’s something else about you — not how interested you are. Not sure how else to put that. The high libido men who are getting the women (because they’re h…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 02:45 AM
8

You say your post is so logical and clear, but almost all of your responses suggest otherwise. It almost makes zero sense. Every sentence is either illogical or syntactically unclear. Women don’t always want a man who is less interested. I was actually told when I was younger to find a man who loves me more than I love him. That’s a thing. That’s not creepy. Your behavior, however, might come across as weird or creepy if you interact with people like you interact on here. It’s okay and normal fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 02:39 AM
7

You did not state that clearly at all. And attractive men with high sex drives can still land their looks match. It happens all the time. Most of the time you do need to offer something more than sex, though. I still assume your personality and attitude may play a very big role in your struggles.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 02:29 AM
6

What if he actually does have the full package…? Figuratively and literally, I suppose. He’s all those things you mentioned but apparently also is really good to women he dates. I’m not too immersed in the celebrity gossip world, but I’m not sure how this is “gaslighting.” Decent looking, funny, rich men get lots of women. There are plenty of celebrities who have dated a bunch of other celebrities. It seems like Kim K was initially interested just for a hookup, so I think the gossip about his si…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 02:03 AM
11

Your league in dating is who you can land. Period. If you think you’re a 9, but you can only get 5s, that means there is something that brings your overall value down to a 5. Your league is 5s right now. And based on your responses here, I’m guessing it has more to do with your interpersonal style with people. People overwhelmingly tend to end up with their looks match in the dating world.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 01:43 AM
2

Good - that’s your prerogative and if that’s how you feel your partner may benefit from that approach
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/22 01:15 AM
6

Edited: I missed the part where he says the man was totally rejected… Yeah, this seems like common sense to me?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 11:45 PM
4

Yeah I would not doubt it’s probably higher now but not substantially. This was like 6-7 years ago for me, when more of my friends were single. I have a few younger, single cousins who are pretty big partiers but I’m also close with them and as far as they tell me they’re not sleeping around.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 11:48 AM
3

I would assume most men spending a lot of time on Reddit are also below average, which may explain some of the male complaints as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 11:44 AM
2

I’m a runner and every time I run outside I bring pepper spray or a really loud personal safety alarm. People are creepy toward young women running. Being followed and having people shout gross things out the window at me is a pretty regular occurrence. And women do get abducted running - I know this is pretty rare but I am not going to risk it. I think women should definitely have personal safety devices.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 11:42 AM
6

I have a biased sample (religious upbringing, Catholic university ranked in the top 20 universities nationwide, I hung out with the “good” and kind of nerdy kids). I would say of the women I’ve known around me, less than 10% had over 10 hookups through our mid-20s. I talked to my guy friends less about sex, but I would say 10-15% of them at least tried to be promiscuous.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 11:35 AM
1

What you’re saying in that last sentence is wayyy different than what I’m alluding to though. Of course spending time looking for sex is fine? When it becomes all-consuming, like anything else in life (food, alcohol, gaming, validation, social media) it is problematic. I would argue making your whole life about romance is also unhealthy. It doesn’t mean people shouldn’t do it — they have that choice. I argue it’s going to lead to other issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 11:22 AM
6

Allll of this…I wouldn’t even be able to guess the salary of a random job I heard someone tell me. I’m sure most people couldn’t guess my salary! For me it’s 100% more about these other factors. Unless you live in like…DC. I lived there for a while and this question (even outside of dating) was almost always about status and salary.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 03:23 AM
2

Uhh yikes. Yeah…I’d want to stay away from them too…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 12:41 AM
1

Yeah I can’t say I have any strong argument with anything said here. Makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 12:39 AM
5

I don’t think it would be for me either…but what is it about those arrangements that makes you so mad if it’s just other people who are doing it? Can’t you just stay away from people who prefer those types of relationships and find someone monogamous who’s on the same page as you?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 12:19 AM
3

I honestly think this is the most common and healthy approach to sex. When it’s too much of a need or obsession I think that points to other issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/22 12:12 AM
1

https://www.theguardian.com/news/2021/feb/09/brazilian-butt-lift-worlds-most-dangerous-cosmetic-surgery
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 11:11 PM
1

The most deadly plastic surgery…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 11:05 PM
5

Well, that’s true of pretty much everything in the world. We currently live at the “whim” of some powerful and unpredictable men in charge of a handful of countries. I trust my “whims,” and my husband’s, and mine are all that is within my control, anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 11:02 PM
6

I’m not sure about any of that extreme rhetoric but I still stand by everything I said above.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 10:58 PM
2

I was on there a while back on a different username during a rough patch in my relationship/sex life several years ago that is now MUCH better. It seemed like there were a loooot of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 10:39 PM
5

We can only control ourselves. I was raised to value family and I have a huge extended family. So does my husband. We are having kids, so are my sisters and their husbands and in-laws, and the idea of family is at the core of everything we do. So far there have been two total divorces in my extended family, both were in my father’s boomer siblings decades ago and one was related to spousal abuse (my dad’s sister married an angry drunk). The younger generation, of which most are in their 30s, is …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 10:31 PM
16

For me, sex is like candy. I could live without it, sure, and other things would substitute and make life feel nearly as good. But I don’t want to live without it — I really enjoy it, esp with my husband. It definitely enhances my life. So I initiate it, just like I might grab some chocolate at the store. I’m not “performing” my love of candy even though it’s not an absolute need in my life. I do think that the male libido makes sex feel like pretty close to a need for many men (but not all — I …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 09:04 PM
1

I don’t know the exact proportion, but I’ve seen it happen numerous times. I am sure I have a biased sample in my life of white, upper middle class, highly educated, and mostly non-promiscuous women around me. I was never in the partying scene and most of the women I know are very rational and not superficial. My original argument was just that it does happen, and I stand by that. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 07:20 PM
0

Ha sure, then ditto.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 06:38 PM
-1

You actually know nothing...I was raised in a Catholic, conservative home and met my husband at age 19. Until around 19 I was planning to save myself for marriage. Started dating him at age 20 and married young. But your views on the world, which are similar to my parents’ views, are the actual reason I registered Democrat.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 05:58 PM
–

Maybe, but it’s happened to a lot of people around me in the real world outside of OLD.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 03:53 PM
2

I’m sorry this is how you feel. I get that if that has been your experience it’s pretty unfair and awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 02:19 PM
2

I’m a therapist. Therapy isn’t magic and it isn’t going to turn anyone into beta bucks, unless the person feels settling down and being a provider would be a valuable goal for their life. I would say if there’s truly a mental health problem happening (the first one seems more likely) and they are open to therapy, it could be helpful. Therapy takes a lot of work and introspection and it sounds like these guys aren’t really ready for that yet. Edited to add - I think some men could benefit from go…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 02:15 PM
2

Sorry I have to move my comment to automod because I’m a woman!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 02:11 PM
5

Yeah, men and women are different so their sexual feelings tend to be different. I’m not sure what else to say. I feel a pretty intense physical attraction to my husband and regularly initiate sex, so maybe look for a higher libido partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 02:02 PM
–

You’re trying to view female attraction through the same lens as male attraction. Sometimes that instant attraction happens, but not as frequently as with men toward women. Think about it — men are constantly “checking out” women, looking at boobs or ass, etc…women do NOT do this regularly. I might point out a man with a particularly attractive face to a friend but even that was rare in my single days. The initial spark does happen at times but it usually takes more than that for women to actual…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:55 PM
–

No. Not what I’m implying. A good personality, sense of humor, shared interests, etc can all help but it will be different for each situation. And over time attraction develops - which means they’re more than “tolerating” his body.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:41 PM
1

I’m a therapist. Therapy isn’t magic and it isn’t going to turn anyone into beta bucks, unless the person feels settling down and being a provider would be a valuable goal for their life. I would say if there’s truly a mental health problem happening (the first one seems more likely) and they are open to therapy, it could be helpful. Therapy takes a lot of work and introspection and it sounds like these guys aren’t really ready for that yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:39 PM
2

I agree with that general trend, for sure. I tried to be romantic early on with the things I mentioned, but when it comes to bigger gestures I definitely see that men are more pressured/obligated to be romantic.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:28 PM
–

Almost every single crush I’ve ever had started with almost zero physical attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:09 PM
2

Wow, clever! My husband is definitely not complaining. And neither am I.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:06 PM
–

Same!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 12:57 PM
–

Nope, husband was #2
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 03:40 AM
–

She’ll probably have a high n count too 😋 (only half joking)
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 03:31 AM
–

Women can grow attraction for a man who didn’t initially catch her eye. There was a post about this within the past week or so. I have seen this happen…I do agree she can’t be repulsed by him at first, though. It has to be a neutral feeling.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 03:25 AM
0

Not in the modern sense of the word, but yes. My husband is too. We are politically liberal and pro-choice. I think those are the main reasons we’d identify in that way…we just certainly are not “anti-feminist.” But we aren’t super politically active as feminists, and wouldn’t agree with everything modern feminism argues. I do think men and women have important differences but these don’t fit every person and situation, so I don’t think anyone should have to conform to specific roles or play by …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 03:08 AM
2

YES - we are both from a city in the northeast with one of the highest annual snowfall amounts due to lake effect. We live in north country now, like regular subzero temps. That is a romantic gesture, for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 02:13 AM
14

Women can do super romantic things. Men don’t usually appreciate the stereotypically “romantic” things women enjoy, like flowers. But I grab things my husband likes from the store if I’m out (his favorite candy or beer), get the snow off his car if I’m the first person out in the morning, cook his favorite dinners (well. I do 99% of the cooking anyways so this one doesn’t count as much), rub his feet (which I’m legit doing right now lol), and of course the sexy stuff. I don’t think we’d still be…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 01:29 AM
10

The first one and it is not even close. Because this probably happens to a lot of people in relationships. Attractive people are everywhere. My husband got hit on in a bar minutes before I arrived one time. I didn’t see the girl (he tried to point her out but it was crowded) but I’m sure she was attractive. Thoughts aren’t cheating. Acting on it is betrayal, and my husband probably wouldn’t be able to separate sex from feelings anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/22 01:41 PM
1

I would not know because I haven’t tried. But based on comments I’ve gotten from men at bars, even with my wedding ring on, I don’t think it would be hard. Maybe moderately hard with the caveat that the guy has to be decently attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/22 09:30 PM
1

I mean I think it’s often true but not universal. But even if true — blaming your partner for your unhappiness or passively expecting all your needs to get met, or else you’re going to look outside the relationship…is WRONG. It’s no better than stumbling upon an opportunity and cheating. Relationships take work…either stay in the relationship and work on it or leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/22 11:52 AM
3

Lol my husband and I tried to get pregnant when I was 29 and then again at 32. Both times it took a total of one month. Granted, we had sex basically every day of the month, but your info is false. 35 is the typical age that fertility declines and things become higher risk but this varies a lot from woman to woman and it’s a slow decline, rather than a sudden change.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/22 01:33 AM
0

The men with whom I’ve had positive relationships: There is something about a man with a good sense of humor that I love. Especially if he’s witty and a step ahead of everyone else. Men who are really good at flirting/banter 🔥 men’s voices can be super sexy. I’m a sucker for a guy with a good singing voice. I like the way men show compassion…my husband is always down to just hug me if I need or help me get to the bottom of something and problem-solve. I love the feeling of safety when I’m with a…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/22 03:49 AM
2

Well I found an attractive guy, who had other girls chasing him, and had also not hooked up much at all before I married him so 🤷🏼‍♀️ it happens
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 07:56 PM
8

Not in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 12:39 PM
8

I was looking 13 years ago when I was 20. And I found one, so you’re probably right.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 12:39 PM
3

Maybe you didn’t say that, but the incel.wiki page has whole sections on how women are “nasty” and “worse than men in many regards.” So you don’t have to say it directly — the beliefs you espouse make those claims for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 01:19 AM
3

It depends on the area of research. You were the one who initially made the claim, so maybe you could provide examples and I’ll see if I can provide a counter article when I have time. Of course in different areas of human behavior there are going to be more favorable findings for either sex. I think it’s dumb to treat it like a competition, like “gotcha! Women are worse!” Just like it’s stupid to espouse the idea that women are all angels. We’re humans and humans can be shitty and selfish, rega…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 01:02 AM
15

I cared. I might have made an exception for a really great guy, but I was actively seeking someone with a low n count.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 12:47 AM
3

I see it quite often. There are so many posts that just start with “women….” And end the sentence with whatever baseless, overly-emotional claim you’d like. I actually find the opposite, when it comes to research findings. Which probably suggests exactly what I’m arguing. You can find a paper to support whatever side you’d like. I say this as a psychologist involved in research. But I don’t read or do much work in the evolutionary psych field and most people I know don’t respect that field much.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/22 12:45 AM
1

Well yeah, like I said, it exists. But growing up in the US in the northeast and attending a large Midwestern university with people from all over the country (and world), I’ve never seen it play out in reality with people I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 08:03 PM
3

Lol…men have views like yours and wonder why they have trouble getting laid 🤷🏼‍♀️ or wonder why their wives cheat and divorce them…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 07:18 PM
5

A lot of men don’t want to give oral sex. So you’re saying it would be fine for a woman to go outside of her relationship to get oral sex if she wants it? Some men don’t want to work out. If a woman likes a muscular guy but her husband won’t put in the effort should she go hang out at the gym and flirt with the men there? If a woman wants kids but her husband doesn’t, should she be free to go get knocked up without telling him?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 05:40 PM
5

I think there is a certain type of woman who’d be open to this and they (and their friends) aren’t hanging out on Reddit lol But to answer your question: none.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 04:48 PM
2

In most marriages I know of, “splitting” money isn’t a thing because all of the family money is just one income and all the expenses are just shared. I understand reasons some couples wouldn’t want to do it that way, but for us that was just the most practical approach. My husband makes more than I do but all our money goes into a shared bank account. Big expenses are decided upon together, or at least one of us runs it by the other. I agree that dating relationships will mostly look different, …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 12:36 PM
14

I don’t see many women on here outright dismissing research. The main issues I see is people on here blatantly misinterpreting research, for example, by making sweeping statements about all women or human nature based on some findings that don’t say what they think they say. Research is valuable (I’m a researcher) for showing trends but human behavior is more complex than a single paper’s findings would suggest. That’s why there are such issues with replication in the social sciences.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 12:17 PM
1

More common than the manosphere believes, but casual sex does seem to be growing more and more common depending on your definition of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 03:21 PM
8

I am seriously thinking about every single woman in my life and can’t think of a single one who is like this. I haven’t bought new clothes for myself in like 9 months. I’ve never even had a business class flight although we can afford it. I 100% believe there is a certain type of woman who is like this - that must be who this man attracts most OR tends to be more attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 03:16 PM
6

If you met my husband you would be 100% certain that there was no game involved. He’s just extremely attractive, smart, and kind. He barely even hooked up with women before we met. He wouldn’t self-identify with either pill. But he does self-identify as a feminist. If red pill were only about self-improvement there would be no such thing as red pill, because that concept is literally just common sense and has been recommended since the dawn of time. Improve yourself and your status and you’ll be…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 03:10 PM
5

My husband makes 20-30k more than me, but he works from home and has a more flexible work schedule. We split the housework and childcare stuff close to 50/50 but some weeks he has to pick up slack if I have more on my plate. Of course I also do that if he has a rough week. It’s the hours that count most, as others have said. I also agree that if both partners work full-time and there are too many household demands then hiring out for stuff makes the most sense. Maids, yard work, etc. — just like…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/22 11:58 PM
56

In my experience, blue pilled/purple men are better. I married an outwardly VERY blue pill, feminist man when I was 26, we got together when I was 20 years old. He is blue pill in that he is fairly liberal, does not abide by traditional gender roles, never used “game” to pick up women, has a positive perspective on women generally, treats me as an equal, etc. He was also looking for a partner who was intelligent, career-oriented, and not just good looking/good mom material. He might have some su…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/22 08:01 PM
14

There’s a red pill mod who posts pretty red pill (and angry) posts regularly. Mods interact on here and show a variety of perspectives.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/22 07:52 PM
2

6 foot 2 in height My husband is 5’11” and I am 5’9” and I was hugging him earlier…realized his height is so perfect for me. Just something about the way my head fits on his shoulder when we hug. I think anything above 6’ is neutral, particularly if I had not experienced the 5’11” sweet spot for me. Now those taller heights might be negatives. Strong jaw Meh? Seems more like an indicator of youth and/or body fat but that alone isn’t doing anything for me. Idk, again neutral. V taper torso Does n…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/22 08:41 PM
2

I am extremely happy, as in…most days I wonder how I got so lucky. My life, including my husband, is almost exactly what I hoped for when I was little. Of course my husband has flaws that have caused issues here and there. So do I, believe me. “Happy” is also a trap. It’s a temporary feeling and pursuing happiness as a meaningful long-term goal is futile, especially using a relationship to achieve this. So some people fit your stereotype, in that they get married, or have a kid, or buy a car tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 11:00 AM
7

Can you explain why this is any different than any human? If a better option is presented, who wouldn’t consider it…if it’s truly better? I do think I know a lot of people who are just committed to their marriage and would never break those vows. But there are people in my life I’d be skeptical of, and those people are both men and women. It seems like the only difference is that women have more options. But presented with an opportunity, both sexes would be at risk for cheating. Maybe the man w…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 10:48 AM
5

God bless you for typing this. I do not have the patience tonight. But funny the OP hasn’t replied over an hour later…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 02:18 AM
9

You don’t think anyone could continue to have toxic beliefs about relationships and the opposite sex even though they have a strong relationship..?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 08:28 PM
12

I’ve had negative experiences in the past, but obviously for that reason those people are not in my life. I inherently disagree that anyone should expect a relationship to fix their trauma or hang-ups about the opposite sex. Relationships can be a healing experience in some ways but you can be in a perfectly loving relationship and still have issues/baggage/trauma that you need to work out outside of the relationship. It could even negatively affect the relationship. Source: I’m a therapist.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 08:05 PM
0

I don’t understand why this is a prime example men give of leading the relationship. I’m easy to please when it comes to food. Unless I’m craving something (I’ve been making ALL food-related decisions since I got pregnant), I’d be fine with someone ordering something for me most days of the week. But for stuff I actually care about most of the time, helllll no. I would prefer to be the decider. Or at least 50% of that. Your example is also just a conversation. Sometimes the man can be the facili…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 07:51 PM
8

I’m confused. If I were a single woman…am I supposed to feel sad for men because of their raging testosterone and pity fuck them? Or am I supposed to close my legs until someone proposes to me? Dudes posting today got my head spinning.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 07:46 PM
31

Any woman or man for that matter that's on here has some form of trauma stemming from negative interactions with the opposite sex and if you're in a relationship and still here on this subreddit the relationship obviously couldn't fix that trauma which means it isn't that great of a relationship or said relationship is actively adding on to that trauma. Um. Sorry. What? So many wild assumptions and illogical jumping to conclusions here. My husband’s job is NOT to fix my trauma. This relationship…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 07:43 PM
8

The whataboutism is strong on all sides of this subreddit. Those things are wrong too, and I would call those things out.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 07:37 PM
6

What would you like women to empathize more with, exactly? And how should women show more empathy? Should we empathize with the fact that men desire sex in a very strong, almost irresistible way? Do you want women to just accept rape/sexual assault? Do you want women to readily sleep with men more? When they do that, they get called used-up sluts. I can empathize with an experience I don’t understand while still acknowledging the behavior that might result from that experience is wrong or harmfu…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 06:56 PM
2

Read your comment. Don’t act all amused when women say things that clearly some women find true. I am one woman but I know I’m not alone. I don’t know very many women who’d prefer to let someone else lead and decide things for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 04:33 AM
1

I didn’t have to sacrifice looks vs compatible personality, because he has both to an extent that I’m happy with. Most people can find at least one quality in their SO that they consider less than ideal. It doesn’t mean you love them less, should try to change them, or look for something better. I don’t think in my daily life I’d refer to it as a “sacrifice.” It just means that no one is going to find a person who checks all their boxes 100%. I am 5’9”, so on the tall side, which is the main rea…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 04:29 AM
3

But that’s not at all true. I am not happiest when I have no control. At all. I respect that some women might feel that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 04:17 AM
6

I don’t use TikTok. I have never downloaded the app. I think certain types of people are drawn to that concept of instant viral “fame” and attention and they know the types of things to say that can help them get that.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 04:17 AM
7

I mean, I’m sure no one wants to have a partner who is the opposite of all those things (ie, less intelligent, less confident/decisive, less competent). I agree context matters and different people will vary in which of those traits is more important. Most people want to “marry up” and those are all traits that are more important to women, generally, so I can see that. But I think “leading” is a strange choice of word because of the implications of it and value attached to it. Particularly paire…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 01:33 AM
4

Define what traits and behaviors would be involved in said “leading.”
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 01:18 AM
6

I’ve seen it work. I’ve also seen it backfire. A confident woman will not give that the time of day. I’m guessing you’re not hearing the anecdotes about the times it doesn’t work. It doesn’t change that it’s a part of TRP I disagree with. What is actually happening then? Women know that men are less likely to take a woman seriously in terms of long-term potential if they sleep with them right away. So when a woman really likes a man and wants something more than casual with him, of course she’d …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:50 AM
7

Dread game will work on some women who are vulnerable to that. I think many of those women have low self-esteem and mental health problems. Which is why it’s particularly dangerous and manipulative. I’m not talking about just possessing confidence, not “simping,” etc. I’m talking about intentionally playing on another person’s emotional state (increasing dread) for your own gain. As for AF/BB - I am not implying that men shouldn’t work on themselves and try to build more qualities consistent wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:35 AM
7

AF/BB, to me, doesn’t play out much in the real world. It’s an over-simplification and when it does accurately predict the behavior I think it gets women’s intentions wrong a lot of the time. I’m sure it happens sometimes like TRP claims, but not very often. Dread game is subtly (and not-so-subtly) suggesting to a woman that you have plenty of other options and she’s replaceable, increasing dread, so she’ll in turn try desperately to “lock you down” and become the chaser. I think it encourages a…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:25 AM
1

Physical: I am in agreement with the bad hygiene and bad teeth! Too skinny OR significantly overweight (we’re talking significantly). I also don’t like overly-primped guys. If you use more hair products than I do or have soft manicured hands…eek. Non-physical: egotistical/love talking about yourself, overly pushy and quick to escalate sexually. Laziness (I count excessive video game playing in this. A handful of hours a week is fine, but daily gaming for hours is not. I just see this correlated …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:17 AM
33

Agree: -men and women are different, on average -in general, women gatekeep sex and men gatekeep relationships -women are not perfect angels and that narrative is harmful -men should focus on self-improvement if they are not having success with women (and can hopefully find value in that independent of gaining success with women) Disagree: -AWALT -AF/BB -men should lead the relationship/women aren’t capable of being leaders -women are the “the most responsible teenagers in the home” -women turn …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 11:40 PM
1

That makes no sense. Everyone is imperfect. Everyone has to make some sort of sacrifice. I am almost certain my husband could’ve gotten a hotter woman in certain ways (I don’t have big boobs, for example). I’m nobody’s “ideal” and that literally bothers me 0%. Sacrificing in terms of personality or values is more damaging because it could lead to long-term conflict and incompatibility. I don’t find it helpful to tell men personality is all that matters. But in my experience different people prio…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 11:32 PM
1

In terms of what? Sexual “feeeels?” The most explosive sexual energy I’ve felt toward a guy other than my husband was someone who would be objectively a 4. I’d post photos of him here but I don’t think that’s appropriate. Context, flirtation, and some baseline level of physical attraction are important (like hygiene is particularly big). Allll the different traits can move the dial. For purely sexual attraction looks are more important than for a long-term relationship, but a hot guy whose perso…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 09:12 PM
1

I don’t know what to tell you other than it’s how I was raised. Religious upbringing, parents really pushed me to find a good man (and I did). Personality trumped looks for me if I had to choose or sacrifice. I’m lucky I didn’t in the end. To answer your questions: This was between the ages of 18-21. These men were all between the ages of 19-25. College and summer after college. My mother taught me to avoid being the active pursuer and I’m also sensitive to rejection, so I asked friends. The con…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 08:21 PM
1

Lol I love that I’m getting downvoted because I didn’t end up marrying a guy I was 100% interested in dating because he didn’t want to be with me. For two of these men I literally had friends ask explicitly about whether they’d be interested in going out with me. I wasn’t friends with them, they were acquaintances, and no one got friendzoned. One didn’t see me that way and the other had interest in someone else. Not every “unattractive” guy is so desperate that he’ll date anything with a pulse. …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 05:09 PM
0

I still think men are the more common perpetrators. Women also tend to slut-shame more in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 02:31 PM
0

Because those other guys weren’t interested in dating me. That is the only objective reason I didn’t date those guys. Because I would have.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 11:47 PM
0

I think that’s wrong, but I would not consider that to be criticizing/mocking a person because of their virginity - it’s disparaging a class of men who have limited success with women at least in part because of their problematic beliefs. I have never heard a woman just laughing at the pure fact that a man hasn’t had sex in the past.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 11:45 PM
14

I work with PhDs and MDs (I have a PhD) and I don’t find I have a lot in common with my colleagues. Some of my best friends have associates or never graduated from college, and they’re smarter than the PhDs at times…they just didn’t have the interest in or resources for furthering their education. I did find some really great friends in my graduate program and training too, so it’s a mixed bag. I just think it can be limiting to screen by education, but convenience dating in a pool of similar pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 11:43 PM
3

I think that’s one of the problems with tech and online interactions. People aren’t that cruel to each other in person. I am biased as someone who married a guy who was a virgin when I met him (early 20s, but still). I would never consider this alone a flaw.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 10:37 PM
3

I don’t see anyone arguing personality trumps all. I think different people prioritize different things in the world of attraction/dating. For me, based on how I was raised, I would reject a man so much faster based on a flawed personality trait or lack of shared values than I would for a physical appearance issue. Since more women want casual sex, and that’s obviously what many men are after, yes — appearance will be very important.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 10:33 PM
1

Sure, I guess maybe it’s the types of people I tend to hang out with, but I’ve never experienced this. Lots of my friends were coupled off young, though. I believe it happens, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 10:25 PM
2

If you don’t know women who are intellectually curious and interested in things other than gossip and going out……idk. That’s rough. Almost every woman I know has interests and intellectual curiosity. Maybe they’re more likely to want to talk about those other things on a day to day basis, but doesn’t mean those other interests aren’t there. I’d say my husband is more intellectually curious and interested in those things than I am, though. He spends hours a day listening to politics and economics…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 10:11 PM
35

This sort of “dating down” is not actually dating down IME. Some of the best people I’ve ever met barely graduated high school. Interesting, smart, and just fun to be around.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 10:07 PM
1

Absolutely. I have NEVER heard another woman mock a man for being a virgin. Men are often the ones I hear mocking other men in that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 10:00 PM
-1

If I had my way back then I would’ve dated those other guys though. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 09:50 PM
0

Doesn’t change the fact that I was the pursuer and would have dated any of those guys but things never moved forward
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 09:49 PM
2

I am probably not the norm here. I have had major crushes on three men who by all conventional standards were objectively unattractive. None were significantly overweight or repulsive to look at and all had good hygiene and took care of themselves. They just didn’t have great faces and two were noticeably shorter than me. I was attracted to them because of who they were - funny, confident, the way they carried themselves, etc. Interestingly enough, I was the “pursuer” in these relationships, and…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 07:59 PM
3

I never ever assumed men wanted a relationship. In fact, I felt pressured to screen VERY well to be sure I was attracting and seeking out the guys who did…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 09:34 PM
6

Love and lust are two different emotions that can occur together, or separately, and for different reasons. Grow up and learn about the things that can actually affect either partner’s sex drive before you make ignorant posts on the internet.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 08:31 PM
2

Ooh I love this. I don’t have brothers but my male cousins have an average height of like 6’4”. And my dad is tall with a full head of hair well into his 60s. Ridiculous take but do you!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 06:01 PM
0

Lol best comment in this whole thread.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:40 PM
3

I have no idea what men here would rate me. Assuming I’m average — he and I got together because we had shared interests and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company (platonically at first). He liked that I was smart, funny, caring/nurturing, athletic, got along well with his family, and liked sports.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:32 PM
1

Took us a while to get here and I wish it felt like enough, honestly
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:16 PM
3

I am the lazier partner in my marriage in that I am not naturally neat, but my husband is. He’s just very good at organizing — both his surroundings and his time. I have a diagnosis of ADHD from long ago and I’m not treated so that might contribute. I have to work harder to keep up with things than he does, but we definitely each have our “roles”/chores and split them very well. I do almost all of the cooking and I clean the bathrooms and take care of a lot of the kid related stuff. Husband does…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:07 PM
1

“Fresh” on Hulu is also like this. I lean more feminist than most on here and even I would prefer the political agendas to stay out of my horror movies. Or if you must make a statement let’s have it be a little more subtle…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:45 AM
4

I agree with this. I think there’s a subset of women who tend to be more attractive and/or very concerned about their appearance, who are posting thirst traps and seeking out attention in this way. Men don’t seem to do this as frequently.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:40 AM
2

I recognize my own sample is skewed a bit, but for once we agree, anus.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:26 AM
1

My husband 100% doesn’t become a different person when he’s “out with the boys.” Like me, he has a PhD and a background in research, reads new books basically weekly, hasn’t played a video game in 13 years, and would argue with the men in this sub far better than I can
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:13 AM
3

I have. You have no idea what my husband is like. He would absolutely agree with my perspective and through dating him I’ve become more liberal and open to different ideas. Of course there are parts about TRP that will ring true but even comparing the opinions of my husband or guy friends to some of the absolute garbage takes in here is laughable…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:07 AM
12

I think we just need each other, as humans. Men and women. People rarely thrive in isolation. That’s why technology has exacerbated so many of our problems, IMO. I see and agree with your point from a transactional perspective and while individual women need individual men less than in the past, I don’t think women have no need for men. I’d argue I always wanted and bordered on needed a partner for my happiness and I happen to be heterosexual. So a man was basically a need for me and the type of…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:51 AM
3

I do. My social circle and family know I use reddit. I talk about this sub a lot. Right now I’m talking to my husband about it. None of them are active on Reddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:43 AM
3

Yes. No one has a right to violate another person, regardless of that other person’s actions. Unless, of course, we’re talking self-defense or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:41 AM
7

Where did I argue that’s not the case? I’m saying the men on this subreddit don’t represent the average man in my life. I know more men use Reddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:40 AM
7

Not this sub, definitely not in my life. Most people I know don’t use Reddit at all and definitely would not have the types of ideas the men on here share. Because they’re living fulfilling lives and have good relationships, maybe.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:34 AM
2

Your last word in your post is stupidity…….but whatever. The only person at fault is the perpetrator. The end.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:32 AM
4

Oh hmm I don’t know, maybe the part where you assume all victims were stupid in some way or made a mistake? Girls are already trained from a young age how to protect ourselves from assault, sadly. And many are blamed. It doesn’t work.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:20 AM
7

Ok now I’m embarrassed for trying to debate your last post in good faith. Clearly just baiting people here.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:16 AM
33

Your last post, about attention. You were making a sweeping claim about all women. Sure, I’m a millennial and I’m not actively involved in the dating scene. I am not going to try to convince you I’m not ugly, but I am more than confident in my appearance so it doesn’t matter to me what you want to believe about that. As a woman, I know far more about women’s behavior and motivations than you do. And making attention out to be the equivalent of sex for women is just patently false for MOST women.…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 12:00 AM
10

Luckily most of the men on here aren’t representative of the average either.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:52 PM
3

That isn’t true for all women. Certainly not more so than men. Seems like this is a chicken and egg argument. I think the societal stigma is at the root, but there’s no way to prove this so we’re at an impasse. 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:34 PM
3

All of us — but maybe particularly women — are influenced by social norms. And dating preferences are no different. Do you think women are actually less physically attracted to a guy who’s 5’11 than one who is 6’1”? That’s a barely noticeable difference out in the real world. Social pressures are real. There is a greater stigma surrounding gay men and gay male sex. That doesn’t just come from women. And I believe that’s the root of this issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:31 PM
3

I did see it coming. I am part of an extremely pro-life family and I’ve attended the March for life in DC — which is where I realized what a freakish, unhealthy community that is. You mentioned being so disgusted by women/calling them prostitutes so I assume you aren’t close to any women. I apologize if I am wrong. I hope you are not lonely, that’s a tough way to feel.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:27 PM
2

I’m saying I was never like this, nor were the girls and women I know. Maybe things are changing in the younger generation but this is not a thing that is true of all women.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:23 PM
5

My argument is that it has less to do with homophobia and more to do with social acceptability. You are welcome to your own opinions on that. The most homophobic people I know are men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:21 PM
6

Believe me, I am not scared by a random redditor’s empty threats…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:17 PM
11

I don’t see that playing out in my life. Women are much more likely to be connected to the LGBTQ community. Most of me and my girlfriends have gay friends, but most of my guy friends don’t. And I’ve dated a guy who hooked up with men before, but you asked for no personal anecdotes so I didn’t lead with that. You cannot deny that men find two women together sexy. There’s a whole category of popular porn created based on this premise. Women just don’t find it sexy in the same way when two men hook…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:16 PM
9

Sounds like a fun existence 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:13 PM
2

I’m 32 so I get marginally less attention these days. I have kids and don’t go out a lot. I don’t do anything extra to get attention. But I do extra things to get sex from my husband because that absolutely feels better.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:11 PM
7

I didn’t say it was okay. I said what people consider attractive is influenced by what is socially acceptable and therefore seen more commonly (eg, in mainstream media). I think slut shaming is becoming less acceptable because women having casual sex more common now. Of course you have your own views on this, I’m sure, that are not relevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:10 PM
4

Society could change
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:08 PM
2

I said what I said — it is not valuable to the majority of women. As others have explained, there is a subset of woman who feed off of this. Most of us could not be bothered. Sure it may feel good when we get attention from a certain kind of man we know is worth more…but just any man or men in general? No. Those women are MAKING LITERAL MONEY from their following and likes lol. It’s not about the men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:07 PM
16

But social acceptability has a lot to do with what is considered attractive. It’s less socially acceptable for men to interact sexually — to both heterosexual men and women. It’s way more mainstream, and sexualized BY MEN, to see two women together. I would be totally in favor of that changing.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:02 PM
2

…then why do they need to post on social media and do OLD? I am not seeing how this makes sense, esp because so many women don’t use OLD. That’s the issue for men around here. If it were like crack women would be on there in droves. Women know men’s attention is basically worthless. I can tell you most of the time it doesn’t feel good.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 10:57 PM
2

But you’re acting like women will do anything for attention like men do anything for sex. I don’t see how that tracks. Before social media I don’t recall any girls around me going out of our way to get male attention and validation.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 10:48 PM
1

It’s not just the attention, though. I read your posts and you are actually a really intelligent, thoughtful, and seemingly interesting person whose attention and time are valuable. I’m not surprised this has been the case for you. Male attention is cheap and often worthless. If it were like a drug for women we’d all be on OLD.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 10:45 PM
1

So…if this is true, what were women doing before online dating and social media? If this is something so inherent about women’s nature, wouldn’t we have seen this playing out in the past?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 10:39 PM
6

Online dating! Welcome. And good luck. 😬
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 04:19 PM
10

Sweden is more progressive than the U.S. in many ways. I think the U.S. will see this as the norm soon (IMO it’s getting close to this already). Cultural scripts and expectations just don’t change overnight. I have never had an expectation that a man pay for anything for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 03:53 PM
7

Right. I’ve always looked for guys that value more than that! AND I’ve always valued more than looks. None of this means that communication skills don’t matter, even for non-“Chads,” because for actual relationships communication matters a lot…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 03:46 PM
2

I have never used OLD, but explain? I’ve genuinely never heard that before. How would that be a basis for any judgment of communication skills?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 03:23 PM
17

His argument seems to be: Women are more selective because of, at least in part, the rise of OLD and having more options than before (which not many people here would argue with). They will therefore have less tolerance for things they don’t like, such as poor communication. I agree that some women would tolerate less than optimal communication skills in a hot guy over an average looking guy…that’s just kind of how people work, depending on what they value or what they’re looking for🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 03:14 PM
2

Much better said — this is a perfect explanation of why the comparison is shit
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 01:52 PM
1

I’m sure. But I wasn’t “vetting” for anything like this. When it came up I treated him like a human being and we talked about it and stayed together. I think when it comes down to it, spending a lot of time concerning yourself with a quality in someone that you can’t fully ever know or control is a futile effort. You can ask her directly, multiply by three, ask around, hire a PI, whatever you want to do. But I think there are better things to spend my time on in a relationship… I also agree with…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 01:05 PM
1

Haha I actually dated a guy who turns out hooked up with other guys. One of said other guys was VERY quick to tell me. We didn’t even break up 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:48 PM
4

Mind-boggling! And then men here wonder why women initiate most divorces and they complain about it. THIS. This is a prime example. Men might be willing to just suffer with this type of existence but not women…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:31 PM
1

I did okay in my life with $17 Supercuts haircuts and drug store makeup (really just mascara). I got a husband who makes a lot of money and I have an amazing career. I have seen the halo effect work in my favor and I’m not like top 5-10%/celebrity attractive. For me, the extra stuff just wasn’t worth it. As I started my career and made more money I started getting my hair professionally done but I’ve never gone to a nice dermatologist, rarely get my nails done, don’t go for spa treatments or buy…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:04 PM
4

I don’t know any woman who constantly speaks about needing to find a man who hasn’t sexually assaulted someone, like men speak around here about finding a low n woman. Because for women, that’s kind of a given about most men — we can assume he hasn’t sexually assaulted anyone since that’s relatively rare and typically has greater social consequences when it does happen. Of course that’s not always the case, but I felt safe in not specifically vetting for that when I was dating. If I had learned …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:39 AM
5

You speak about this like it’s scary for women. But that’s not hurting anyone but the man, honestly. The woman still gets much of what she wants and the man suffers in a relationship where he’s clearly grossed out by his SO. That’s not a brutal redpill for women. It sounds like a brutal redpill for men, if true; they sacrifice their long-term happiness and stay miserable with someone because…why? They couldn’t do better? Yikes!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 11:34 AM
0

Then we are not talking about the same behavior. I am referring to when a man is very caught up in, invested in, actively anxious about his daughter’s sex life. I agree that instilling values, having frank conversations, and wishing for the best for them is not creepy. Some men talk about chastity belts, hanging a rifle, chasing boys away, etc. THIS is the creepy behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 01:37 AM
0

My husband can only share his own perspective, which luckily differs from yours. He will teach our kids well, I’m sure. My only argument is that it is weird for a father to be actively invested in their daughter’s sex life. I stand by this. It’s different from hoping they make good decisions. I hate how men on here act like women’s behavior is something that should be controlled to their advantage. There’s plenty of whataboutism on both sides around here. You’ll see it in the comments every time…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 01:25 AM
1

I’m talking about priorities. Being aware of this should allow fathers to care less about their daughters’ sexual behavior. Because there is much more that matters in the end.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 01:18 AM
1

And that’s where we will always differ in priorities. As a woman who actually successfully navigated dating and married young to an attractive, tall, D1 athlete, I am aware that it took a lot more than not sleeping around to attract a good husband. So that is not the step we will prioritize (nor is that an important goal we will hope for our kids if they don’t want it).
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 01:11 AM
1

So a man puts his dick inside a woman and her germs surround his dick. By your logic, no other woman should touch his dick. Because I wouldn’t for the life of me use a spoon that had been in some other woman’s vagina. Your logic makes no sense. Body parts are inherently not the cleanest. Don’t have sex if you don’t like it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:59 AM
1

Lol alrighty. Fair enough. I am starting to see how you must view the world. Of course dads can hope their daughters marry — this is not the part that is creepy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:51 AM
1

😂
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:49 AM
1

Fathers should recognize their adult daughters’ bodily autonomy and stay out of it. What if she doesn’t want a husband? It’s not his choice. I think there’s a difference between teaching your daughter to make smart choices and hoping she is a good judge of character and avoids getting hurt and being actively invested in and concerned about her sexual behavior. I have one daughter and another on the way, so my husband and I discuss this a lot. I was also raised with two sisters. Fathers who are o…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:41 AM
1

I started to watch this and even while muted I could tell I did not want to actually watch it 🥴
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:35 AM
0

I am talking about in today’s day and age. Not back in the time when women were essentially considered property of their fathers until handed over to a husband. It’s creepy now, in the 21st century. I am aware of the historical roots of the tendency.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:33 AM
1

And Rhaenyra’s choice to be with him had a lot to do with her own power and benefit. It was calculated and not purely based on attraction. I don’t find him a very endearing character BUT I enjoy the shots of his reactions to other shit going down.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:16 AM
1

It’s kind of creepy when fathers are caught up in the chastity of their adult daughters. They’re not sacrificing anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/22 12:11 AM
3

Yup, for me it would be awful! You spend a huuuge proportion of your life with this person. And lack of any love in a marriage will negatively impact the kids more often than not, particularly when it leads to conflict. I think the love changes over time and expecting it to feel the exact same as it did when you started dating sets everyone up for disaster. My dad told me this after I got engaged.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:50 PM
12

I am older than most in this sub but still somewhat young (32) and I have not seen this happen in my close friends and family. I come from a pretty large and religious extended family where most marriages are still intact. But thinking about the hypothetical… I have noticed feelings for someone grow after knowing them for a while and circumstances are different. I started dating my husband 2+ years after first meeting him and it was not because I burned through other options. We might be able to…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:20 PM
1

It will for women worth men’s time…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:13 PM
1

I understand, but the poster told people to refer to his post history. That’s the only reason I was looking. You cannot see that now that he deleted his post.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:06 PM
1

Lol all I get from your post history is that you have a strong aversion to women. That will come across in your interactions and make you ignored/vilified.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:44 AM
2

With how much childcare alone costs? The payment would have to be at least $100k. We’re stopping at 2 unless one of us makes drastically more money in the future (and we have a combined income of mid 6 figure range). Life is expensive, esp where we live.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:40 AM
2

I have a higher libido than my husband, and I think it works great for us. There’s a balance to who initiates things. When the frequency gets low we talk about it and figure out a plan to remedy
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:45 PM
2

Men on here claim they can tell a woman’s n count but can’t even tell this is a dude……..
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:38 PM
3

This is nothing but a troll, don’t feed it Edit - I should say *him
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:36 PM
4

Lol you sound angry. I don’t have any stake in this. I married young, I was low n, so was my husband. I’m just saying what I see. My best friend’s husband was at college with her so there’s obviously no way he doesn’t know she slept around. All I’m saying is in the real world I have never heard of a woman being “punished” by a man’s rejection for having slept with more men. I believe it does matter for many men, particularly from a hypothetical moral standpoint, but when it actually comes down t…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:13 PM
1

Not that we’re the same, as sexes. Just that it’s possible that some women want to sleep around because they enjoy sex. And that’s their choice, and an increasingly common one. It’s not the aim of every women to “guard sex.” So the analogy doesn’t work.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 04:35 PM
1

I wasn’t looking for a virgin necessarily but my husband was one and I was pretty happy about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 04:32 PM
2

They didn’t have dozens of threesomes, as far as I know. That’s not the same thing as promiscuity. It’s using a very extreme example. I’d expect many men to have concerns about that, and I’d expect some men don’t care as much about that kind of thing. And at the point of their relationship now, several years later, I don’t think their husbands would leave if they discovered some undisclosed scandal in their wife’s past, particularly if she’s given him no reason not to trust her.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 04:06 PM
3

Nah, my husband is hotter than me, IMO. But I wouldn’t have married him if he had a drastically different personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:56 PM
4

That’s fine. It mattered to me, so I respect that it matters to people — I’m saying I’ve never seen in matter for the women in my life. When a woman is desirable in other ways, I think men may overlook sexual history, or maybe they just remain oblivious to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:55 PM
12

It’s weird because barely anyone argues with them…yet they still post these defensive posts…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:52 PM
3

I agree. But I’d change it to each person defines what is high value or low value to them. Maybe there are trends within each sex, which are spelled out and debated ad nauseam in this sub. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - my most promiscuous friends got married before the rest of us to hot, kind, fit, tall men with great jobs. These women were attractive, kind, and fun to be around…they got their high value men. No women I know have been asked regularly about their n count. Men ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:48 PM
1

I mean…did you even reread what you wrote? There’s nothing there to argue intellectually. It’s all bullshit and not worth arguing with. Men and women do not behave in identical ways. That’s why the study of human behavior is so complex. Nobody would ever argue that — you’re alone in that belief. There are large scale trends, but if we could predict how people behave in absolute terms just think of the implications of that. The truth is we cannot. I know plenty of men who are far more emotional a…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 02:02 PM
2

I don’t feed trolls
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:46 PM
2

You have to be a troll. Nothing here is true.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:45 PM
2

Again — nothing about this is true or logical.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 11:50 AM
11

When we want quick sex, we actually prefer high N women. Because we have better chances and need to spend less effort to get sex. When we want a relationship spending extra effort is worth it to get a woman with which other men will have to spend extra effort to get them to cheat. This makes me laugh. I believe it’s true - but it basically proves that men created AF/BB, if such a thing exists. Women know this. If they really like a guy, why wouldn’t they wait until he commits with some effort an…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 11:45 AM
3

Nothing about that makes sense! Have you graduated from college/university yet? Take some classes and actually learn about the world and biology…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 11:40 AM
6

Your “deep thinking” is riddled with bias. And I doubt you’re deep thinking if you immediately discredit anyone with differing opinions by saying “there is no thought.” That’s just a way to avoid deep thinking — and saying it would take too long to reason through your theories is a hilarious cop out. I still wonder how old you are. There are biological differences between men and women on average, when you look at large numbers. But any one woman might be stronger, more “stoic,” more logical, mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 01:37 AM
4

I have no problem with trying to promote the family unit. I agree that strong families are important. I disagree with almost everything else you are saying. Plenty of strong families can have mothers with careers (mine, for instance), fathers as stay at home caregivers, two mothers, two fathers, etc. I disagree fundamentally that we are all slaves to our biology. But I understand that if you truly believe that, then you would logically conclude that the world is as black and white as you say. Go…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 01:08 AM
3

Then logical ability alone, if language is a barrier. Anyone can said “this is how it is because I’ve observed it,” but that doesn’t mean it’s factual or logically follows.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:53 AM
4

Again. Zero logic. Zero facts. Nothing to back up anything you’re saying. Pure emotion. Are you a woman? Because per your own reasoning it would appear you are.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:38 AM
5

I am a psychologist who does IQ tests occasionally. I am almost certain, based on your writing style and ability to use abstraction and logic, that your IQ is far below 140.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:36 AM
7

You have legitimately no idea what you are talking about. You claim you’re intelligent — how about providing sources or evidence for your claims? Nothing you say is grounded in any facts, and it’s just plain wrong. You speak for all men and make assumptions about women like they are immutable truths, but I have direct evidence from my life (and most of the people I’m close to) that contradicts everything you say. And what you are calling mental illness absolutely is not. How old are you, if you …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:01 AM
1

Dude is talking about how all women are emotional and irrational. Doesn’t even have the self-awareness to recognize how he sounds.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 11:52 PM
2

Agreed. I have a PhD and so does my husband. Maybe it’s just proximity/familiarity but most people I know with high levels of education looked for a partner who can “keep up” intellectually. This includes many men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 10:40 PM
1

I don’t start arguments with people who know what they’re talking about. My husband finds me quite agreeable.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 09:06 PM
1

Agreeableness absolutely doesn’t mean that. And clearly I don’t care if I’m submissive - I know I’m not, and I would never want to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 06:11 PM
2

Wait are we trying to explain or predict women’s behavior using evidence from a study of men in prison?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 10:37 PM
1

No, I’m saying that does not logically follow. They are separate traits. Maybe a Venn diagram with some overlap, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 04:26 PM
1

I mean if a pattern repeats itself with multiple women, I would assume he is the problem. Maybe there’s something about his personality that makes women unwilling to stay? He’s a pretty private person so I think it’s silly to even speculate. The vast majority of people talking about Leo are joking around — very rarely do I hear any actual criticism. Because people honestly don’t care, and those that do need to get a life.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 10:53 PM
1

They are not the same, and submissiveness does not “follow” agreeableness. Agreeableness is more like cooperativeness. An agreeable woman might share where she’d want to eat and offer to pay for some of the bills, sure. A submissive woman wouldn’t. Agreeable women are not always submissive. Source: I am high in agreeableness but my husband would definitely not say I’m submissive. And I’m a psychologist so I know about personality traits.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 12:19 PM
1

That’s refreshing, but I have seen enough men on here expressing a preference for a submissive woman that posts like this just irk me. I hope it’s mostly different types of men want different things — but sometimes I do think it’s some of the same guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 03:27 AM
12

Exactly. Men on here say they want “feminine,” passive, submissive women. That is the opposite of taking initiative.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/22 10:26 PM
1

You’ll always get my upvotes to balance things out.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 09:53 PM
6

Agreed.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 09:47 PM
16

“Only men are capable of unconditional love.” Line I heard repeatedly when I used to lurk in the pre-quarantine TRP subreddit days.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 09:28 PM
4

That last line 💯
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 09:27 PM
1

I don’t need respect from an internet stranger lol. I actually have training and degrees in this.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 09:05 PM
1

Sure, some can lose for a time. It’s not the answer for everyone and almost never sustainable. I am literally in this field.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 08:38 PM
1

But to know the complexities of successful weight loss, you need more than that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 08:37 PM
1

You clearly don’t have any medical or psychological training and are not an expert in this area, so your opinions about this are meaningless.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 04:53 PM
4

I was just talking very specifically there about the biological variants of obesity that we are learning more about as a field. Of course there is a huge psychological component to anything involving eating and behavior change. And the physiological and psychological are very intertwined.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 03:22 AM
7

If you think mental health and physical health are completely separate and distinct…then I’m interested in where you’re getting your medical training
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 03:08 AM
4

So imagine that feeling of difficulty you’re describing, plus your body is literally working against you — we’re talking multiple body systems, not just metabolism (basic calorie in - calorie out mentality). Nervous system, endocrine system, musculoskeletal system, I could go on. Of course it’s hard — I’d say it’s close to impossible. So again, it’s close to impossible for people to directly control even their general body weight, much less try to conform to some subjective ideal shape or size. …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:59 AM
8

To that I say — good luck to most men (esp the ones around here) in striking that delicate balance
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:52 AM
7

Why do you think they do not remain consistent? 80-95% of people who lose significant weight, depending on what stats you look at, account for more than just the fad dieters and the weak-willed. Our human biology and psychology (including sociocultural factors) is complex. And advice to just hit the gym and eat a little less is very unhelpful for most. When it works for someone long-term that is great. But shaming people does not help them lose weight. We don’t need additional weight stigma — th…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:50 AM
8

You’re talking about negging. Be careful with this one. Sure, men in their “field reports” claim this works, and it probably can for certain women if attraction is already there. But it can also backfire quickly if the person attempting has no social skills. Edited to add - most women that are worth your time do NOT want men to give an impression they’re “above” us
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:39 AM
8

I think it’s a pretty dumb expression. My husband would never - that’s the polar opposite of his personality. I’d probably be a little bothered if some woman was referring to him as her work husband. He works with mostly men, though. As for me, I don’t have those types of friendly relationships with my colleagues. For better or for worse lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:36 AM
9

I actually work in this field. You can harp on all you want and pretend to be an expert — I work with physicians and researchers who are constantly learning more about the human body. I heard a talk in my clinic, to just like 10 of us, by one of the leading obesity experts (Dr Lee Kaplan) who tries to educate other physicians that long-term weight management is NOT as simple as thermodynamics. The progress pics posts don’t show the same people a year later when they’ve regained. Most people who …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:23 AM
2

Then I think we agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:07 AM
5

I would say the man should go to the gym, but not just to get women.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:05 AM
8

I agree that obesity should not be glorified. But to a very significant extent we cannot control our bodies. There appear to be different physiological/genetic subtypes of obesity. Some people have luck losing weight conservatively and sustaining it. The vast majority will struggle without bariatric surgery (or, luckily, certain new anti-obesity medications). The human brain and body legitimately fight weight loss. This is why obesity is considered a chronic disease by many. It’s not as simple a…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 02:03 AM
7

There is a lot about body appearance that is beyond our direct control. Yes, that includes weight, to an extent. I don’t think everyone needs to falsely believe their body conforms to some ideal or is “beautiful” — it’s more helpful to just focus on health and other things that are more important than the shape, size, height, or aesthetic appearance of their body.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 01:59 AM
11

I think your title speaks to a different phenomenon than you’re asking about. As part of my job I work with people struggling with weight and eating disorders. So I’m familiar with and agree with lots of components of the “body positivity” movement. I work in healthcare, so I am under no illusions that weight is completely uncorrelated with health. But it’s more complicated than that, and misinformation abounds. Pop body positivity has been built for women. Women support each other having bodies…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 01:47 AM
1

He claims they are traits associated with virginity. I think he might be conflating the two.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:48 AM
6

Yeah, I agree. Young women can also have baggage, but so can virgins. Sex is just one small thing that creates baggage. But looking at his list I think what type of woman is most likely to have these traits? It’s a very young woman, who probably also has fewer past sexual partners. At least in my experience, in people I’ve known.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 10:47 AM
13

I agree that religion can promote traits that are attractive and valuable for long-term relationships. I’m also saying that if a woman hasn’t had sex, it’s not necessarily 100% by choice or impulse control/self-restraint. Some women are unattractive, overweight, insecure, etc. and often virgins are the ones who haven’t had the same opportunity. Men here have this illusion that all women could just go out and summon a dick any time of any day. Women are less likely to want that, sure, but some wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 01:50 AM
0

Lol. Very good points.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 01:39 AM
18

To me that reads more like a list of qualities of a very young woman, not a virgin. I feel like virgins are more likely to be religious, socially inept, ugly, etc than young and without emotional baggage. And the rest of the post reads like “men would prefer virgins but know they can’t get virgins anymore so they will probably be fine with non-promiscuous.” That’s all fine — it’s just good to be honest and realistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 01:12 AM
2

I have never once complained about men who claim they prefer a low n. I preferred a low n count when I was dating. I agree that any complaining about peoples dating standards is whining. My only argument is that I’ve never actually seen this so called preference play out in my reality. Finding a high quality, compatible guy isn’t easy when men are desperate to get laid so they all act interested. That’s why I did take control of my dating life and didn’t wait around to be approached. I found the…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:45 AM
6

Men’s horniness and carelessness with their attention/affection is exactly why girls will still be raised to be cautious and picky. Which feeds into the cycles men on here complain about incessantly.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:07 AM
1

Some women do detest some of those things. The point of the post is whether things are “fair.” My point was that OP’s post was illogical, and things are just inherently unfair in the world of sex. Women may have more options, sure. But most women would rather have fewer options in favor of easier access to men we actually like. Saying casual sex is unfair is silly. The world is unfair. Sex is no different. No one is entitled to fairness. Low value men can whine about women’s n count but at the e…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:05 AM
40

Absolutely. Talking to friends makes me think this is a reason OLD is such a bad idea for men. Many men swipe right on everyone, or close. Women know this and assume most men do this. Therefore when they’re swiping and going through matches they are being even pickier knowing that a match is pretty cheap and meaningless, so at the very least it can mean a shot with one of the hottest or best options she can find.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:55 PM
2

In appearance, I peaked at age 29-30. I’m 32 now and still look significantly better than I did from 20-25. Reasons? I am less stressed, lost some weight (my BMI has never been over 23, but now I’d actually consider myself “thin”), started making money so I could actually get my hair done, and I take better care of my skin and teeth. I have time to work out regularly and my body is literally no different from before having a kid, minus a c section scar. My boobs have barely even changed. I feel …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 09:25 PM
1

That’s not what the incels say 🤷🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 08:47 PM
2

Cool, seems like most disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 08:46 PM
8

I’ll believe this when I see it. All my promiscuous friends got married and they’re doing just fine. Zero negative impact.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:52 AM
1

You’re viewing this through a lens of what men want more, I think.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:47 AM
3

When it comes to biological differences related to sex and reproduction, menstruation is a big one. I swear no one can read my first sentence, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:43 AM
3

Did you not see my first sentence? I’m legitimately just meeting the OP where he’s at in terms of ability to have a nuanced debate. My post is what he sounds like every time he opens his mouth. If we want to act like children and shout illogical nonsense at each other, well women have reasons they can come up with to do that too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:41 AM
22

Well “mansplaining” as a concept is more about a man describing in detail a topic that a woman already understands, giving the impression he thinks she’s ignorant. I think the word is misused a lot. But this example seems like it’s just a bias most people have to give more credibility to people who are relatable to them. A woman has more authority to another woman about things like dating because she can relate to the experience more than a man can, regardless of all his statistics. I don’t know…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:59 AM
1

but im promise u im not dumb at all. K cool…if you say so… Glad we sorted out that I’m the one with the victim complex when you’re the one repeatedly posting about how the entire concept of casual sex is unfair to men (when really you mean just to you - because some men find it very fair).
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:30 AM
75

If we are debating with the logical capacity of 7th graders, allow me to attempt to CYV: The concept of sex is unfair to women, who have to deal with unpleasant things like periods, risk of pregnancy and childbirth, and sexually violent men. So women are 100% justified in behaving however they want on a planet where they were given a pretty lame deal, and men will mostly be fine with it because they can never know a woman’s sexual history for sure, and sometimes they will have no other choice if…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:22 AM
2

I think I’m asking out of wishful thinking. I don’t want to live in a world where a fully grown adult man, in a non-satirical way, would be making post like these.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:15 AM
7

I think it just comes down to values, as well as just sensibility for my life. One partner just makes sense and is simpler. We both make good money but alone it would be hard to afford a kid, let alone multiple. I guess if I were gay, a woman could have provided all of these things. But I am not. I also just disagree with your points about men — I know many great guys. If I hang around this subreddit too long I get discouraged, but then I remind myself that I know literally zero men in my life w…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 01:39 AM
5

How old are you?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 01:21 AM
9

I don’t think I needed marriage. I was raised in a pretty traditional home, so marriage was just kind of expected. I probably didn’t need a man, either. But having a husband, I do feel like this relationship is close to a need for me. He balances me out well. And I would never want to parent any other way — having a partner is the best option for raising kids if that’s a goal. He’s not perfect but neither am I. Commitment involves some give and take, accepting flaws. I think women could probably…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 01:19 AM
1

Ummm…no, those sound like fun, low-key dates with Jake. If I trusted Jake I’d have no problem with this scenario literally at all. When you’re dating someone both parties should take responsibility for communicating their needs. The kind of dates they like, who pays, and their boundaries around sex, for example. Those things are allowed to change in different relationships but communication is important. If Sarah wants to be treated differently, she can communicate that like an adult. If Jake do…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 01:10 AM
3

I mean, I agree for the most part, unless someone is being abused or coerced. I still think it can create a disgust response in some people.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:11 PM
7

I don’t think many women are mad — they think it’s gross, though. Many women on here say they don’t feel attracted to an older man. I myself probably wouldn’t have dated someone more than 7-8 years older than me. I think most women realize that even if men prefer younger women and a small minority of men pursue younger women exclusively…it doesn’t affect older women’s ability to date very much. But those who are mad are probably mad because nobody likes to be viewed as unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 12:23 PM
2

Yeah. Joke’s on me for thinking any man on here with his sorts of beliefs wants to have actual debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 10:52 AM
4

Sure, if that counts. We were in a monogamous relationship. He never paid for everything, he barely even made the first moves. I can’t speak to what “dating” men would have looked like into my 20s or later. From my perspective dating doesn’t seem like a fun time for anyone involved, of any gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 02:40 AM
21

Nope. Women frustrate the shit out of me, and I don’t think I could ever stand dating one. But I didn’t even last dating men for 5 years. I started dating around 16-17 and my first date with my husband was when I was 20.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 02:34 AM
9

Are you a woman? About 25 days ago it appears you posted asking a question (on r/relationships) stating you are 31F. Reading the post, I assume it was meant to paint women in a derogatory light. So I have a hard time believing you post asking these questions in good faith. If you are a woman — what do you think the answer is? How might you become magically willing to reproduce with sexually unappealing men?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 02:27 AM
1

That’s fine — I am in agreement with Gannon, as are many of the psychologists I’ve learned and trained under in undergrad and PhD program. I prefer to research phenomena we can directly observe in the present. We can speculate about where those things originated, but I don’t think that’s always helpful.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 11:10 AM
11

Nope. Barely even think of him.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 02:06 AM
1

That is fair. The woman can still have those different standards, though. They just don’t work for you so you’d leave — and I get that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 11:30 PM
6

Nah, those are all things he actually said. He is the one misrepresenting facts from the research he cites. He does claim women cannot experience sexual pleasure or orgasm, repeatedly. None of those red pill arguments you listed have even a speck of truth or actual evidence behind them. Of course there are people like that out there. There are abusive spouses and people who leave relationships at the first sign of trouble. There are people who constantly have their eyes fixed toward the next bes…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 11:06 PM
1

I'm sorry that you think you're an expert on modern dating when you have not personally done it in years. I never, ever said I was. So there’s an actual assumption then (though you know there have been others). The original comment you replied to was quite literally just me describing my personal preferences and feelings about the push to have sex early. You were the one who felt the need to comment, and continue to comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 10:55 PM
1

I know women who are dating who think like me. I’m sure they’re in the minority, but they exist. Not everyone wants casual sex. If what you’re doing is working, let me repeat — keep on doing it. I still strongly believe that delaying gratification is an important skill. Let me list the assumptions: -assuming I think sex is completely optional -assuming I have no empathy for men -assuming I don’t have sex with my husband -making assumption that I “like an arrangement” where the man’s needs are ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 10:27 PM
1

Did you not make massive assumptions about me? You aren’t arguing in good faith, either. I’m sorry this approach worked for us and it offends you or doesn’t seem realistic. I’m far from the only one in my social sphere who has made these types of choices. It could be related to SES, upbringing, subculture, etc. But that doesn’t make it untrue. I’m not the troll. You commented on a post I made. You could’ve just disagreed and moved on. It’s clear we do not have the same experiences or perspective…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 10:07 PM
2

They can try to have sex early. It may not always work or help them, and in my case I tried to avoid those men (or they decided they wanted out, which worked out just fine for me). If you think you deserve to have sex whenever and however you want in any given moment, and your partner has to override their wants or needs every time, then I can see why you’re still single as an “older” person. I think that’s a problem. You don’t have to think that. If it’s working for you, then do you. I’ve had s…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 09:45 PM
3

Holy shit - forgot about that. Absolutely.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 09:42 PM
5

Sure, women aren’t perfect angelic creatures. Men aren’t heroic and reliable providers, either. Everyone behaves selfishly under the right conditions. No one benefits from any commonly taught over-generalization of the opposite sex. You’re acting all chummy with this guy, who literally says women can’t orgasm/enjoy sex, bond, or truly love a man. That’s a bad look, even for a man who buys into TRP.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 09:13 PM
3

Absolutely. TRP isn’t a “hard pill to swallow” that will better a man’s life. It’s a way that unsuccessful and insecure men over-simplify the world to justify treating women as inferior and acting defensive at every turn. And for OP, it’s apparently a way to avoid ever trying to please a woman sexually. Not that any woman in their right mind would ever give him that chance.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 09:03 PM
1

Why is sex treated as optional? Not optional, just less vital. Because it’s not as necessary to sustaining life, particularly in the short-term, as is eating or drinking or avoiding bodily pain. Someone who is “sex-starved” isn’t going to die imminently. We can neglect the husband's needs but not the woman's needs. It’s not neglect — it’s biological imperative. Sex before 6 weeks after childbirth is dangerous. As I said before, there are other ways to be sexually intimate, luckily. But I am glad…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:46 PM
8

There are different kinds of vaginal fluid that serve different purposes. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2771367/#:~:text=The%20vagina%20lengthens%20and%20dilates,engorgement%20of%20the%20labia%20minora. You can read more about how to measure female arousal here. Why does something need to be obvious for you to believe in it? You can’t “see” hunger or satisfaction involved in eating, but you wouldn’t question that, would you?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:31 PM
3

I wish I could put time into this, but it’s far from the only critique of evolutionary psychology (and many forms of psych, tbh). Here are some other papers that describe common issues with evolutionary psychology as a field. I definitely can’t explain things more clearly than these authors. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1461666031000063665 https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10624-014-9358-x I’m sure there are more, those just popped up in a quick Google search. I’m not say…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:24 PM
3

Yeah, I was raised to believe this, but now I disagree. I think that chemistry and interest should build mutually and gradually over time. That’s how it works best, at least. With both parties putting in an effort. But I was raised not to be too forward and to wait for men to approach and ask me out. I won’t be raising my daughter with those expectations.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:19 PM
8

Wet means arousal most of the time. Boners don’t always mean arousal, right? Of course we cannot directly control physiological responses, but when a woman is getting wet in a sexual context that usually means she’s aroused.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:17 PM
6

OP compared the belief that women are able to form bonds with men to the belief that Santa Claus is real… But sure, keep telling yourself that women just aren’t trying to empathize enough with the male experience. It’s not that I feel offended by any “truths” being stated here. I’d be perfectly willing to admit if I couldn’t bond with men, because apparently that’s beneficial to my human nature. I mean I’m sure some women wished they couldn’t bond with certain men. Jesus. It’s just that the thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:15 PM
2

I was just giving a simple example that’s related to topics discussed around here. That one is probably more “pop evo,” but any theory about longstanding evolutionary trends is not going to be falsifiable simply because we cannot go back in time to test them and really understand the phenomenon historically. All we have now that is observable and testable is the current behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:07 PM
2

I’m not surprised that men are trying to get sex quickly, either. And I’m not talking about people who are starving. But my husband and I couldn’t have sex for 6+ weeks after I gave birth, and it was even longer until my libido caught up while I was breastfeeding (natural human biological change). So I think many women value a man who isn’t chasing instant gratification in this way, knowing they aren’t going to stray during those vulnerable times. Yes, I know some people have dead bedrooms outsi…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:03 PM
10

“You cannot tell if a woman is aroused, enjoys sex, orgasms, nothing.” This would make me feel sad for you if I didn’t know anything about you… Women get wet, dude. And seek close physical contact with the person they’re turned on by. Among other physiological changes that are less observable. The fact that you haven’t experienced this is telling.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:52 PM
4

A falsifiable hypothesis is, “women prefer tall men.” You can design an experiment and collect data to support or disprove this hypothesis. A hypothesis that can’t be tested is something that just cannot be proven wrong with any amount of testing. Good scientific theories can be tested. Hypothesis based on evolutionary psychology: “women prefer tall men because in our evolutionary history tall male protectors increased the chance of her and her offspring surviving.” We can’t collect data on this…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:44 PM
9

If I’m recalling correctly, I owned you — you didn’t even bother replying to my last post. There’s a pretty strong consensus on everything you post that you have no idea what you’re talking about. So men release more oxytocin than women — what does that mean in terms of actual human behavior? Because I GUARANTEE that the release of one specific chemical during certain activities doesn’t mean anything in the real world about women’s ability to bond. I feel extremely bonded to my husband (but he d…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:30 PM
2

Woooops. Definitely add a /s next time lol. Because some men say these things with absolutely zero sarcasm or irony.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:09 PM
9

I know, I usually see links to research articles and feel like the post might have some legitimacy, but joke’s on me for thinking this post was even worth reading let alone responding to… 🤦🏼‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:06 PM
8

Staying fit so your man doesn't have wandering eyes. I don’t disagree with this, but according to men around here women are the only ones branch swinging for the next best thing. They also bash women who’d consider leaving their husbands if their income were cut/they lost a job. I’m glad to hear some honesty that most men would also trade up if given the chance, or if their wives gain weight. Refreshing honesty.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:04 PM
10

Men and women are absolutely different. But the differences are not the things you mentioned. The statements you’re making are not even substantiated by the links you provide. The only thing made clear by this post is that you don’t understand how to interpret research. Women DO experience oxytocin release during sex with their partners. Interestingly, at least two studies have found increases in plasma oxytocin at orgasm---in both men and women. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC318…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 06:54 PM
3

I didn’t see this comment before I made my comments — this summarizes it perfectly
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 06:27 PM
3

There’s no such thing as an “incontrovertible theory,” but good theories have to be falsifiable. Nothing in evolutionary psych is falsifiable because we can’t go back in time to understand the why. We know what general trends in human behavior look like now, but we could never truly test the theories about why or how we got here. It’s fun to speculate though, which makes it an attractive field.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 06:21 PM
9

All of evolutionary theory is inherently not falsifiable. We cannot disprove that trends in human behavior now resulted from certain evolutionary or survival benefits. We can’t go back in time, all we have is how human behavior looks now, and ideas about how we got here are mostly speculation. It’s also extremely hard to separate the trajectory of evolution from the trajectory of civilization and cultural development. Human behavior is the most complex thing we can study. There is no core “human…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 06:16 PM
10

I’m a psychologist who does some research and I agree with this lol. Our field is not known for giving definitive answers about things. Sure, some theories have more of an evidence base than others. Evolutionary psychology is known to psychologists to be one of the more garbage areas of research, although I agree it can be interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 04:43 PM
2

I’ve never once thought about a man’s fashion. My husband wears T-shirts and jeans he’s had since 2010. But he looks good, he’s fit, etc. I feel like men might not know much about fashion, but they know when a woman looks good — and women who know how to dress well are probably going to get more male attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 04:39 PM
2

Maybe they’re lying. My husband would have been fine dating a woman who worked at a shoe store, just like he could’ve been perfectly fine with someone who didn’t work out a lot and have a good body. He was more attracted to me because I take care of myself and valued my career. He always wanted a woman who was well-educated.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 04:38 PM
5

I wonder, are you a man (OP)? Then what do you find attractive in a woman? If you don’t think intelligence, career, fashion/grooming, confidence (probably a different kind of confidence than men), and assets are attractive to many men…I’m not sure what to tell you. Many of those things are attractive to most men, at least the ones I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 02:43 PM
2

Well, I don’t watch the show. But I don’t think it’s monkey-branching if the first dude leaves you because he wasn’t attracted.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 02:05 PM
1

“Better” in this example could just mean someone who genuinely likes her for her…? She didn’t say “richer” or “hotter.” Better could just mean someone who is quite literally a better fit. If she were still with ripped doctor dude and then saw even more ripped billionaire dude and went after him, then that would be behavior consistent with “hypergamy.” But a TV show would never prove anything, anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 02:00 PM
2

I’m talking about at the start of a relationship when two people are dating and getting to know each other. I had felt pressured in the past by guys who over-prioritized having sex quickly, when I wanted to wait. No one in here would argue that men should spend thousands of dollars on a trip with a woman at the start of a relationship, if we’re making that comparison. I’m saying I’m more impressed by men who don’t make the start of the relationship all about the sexual aspects of the relationshi…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 11:56 AM
4

That example doesn’t resonate with me because I prefer the pizza and movie nights. I never expected gifts or lavish anything. My husband never “took me on” expensive dates or trips, we both planned things together and paid some of our own money. People are allowed to set different boundaries with different people, based on whatever criteria they see fit. If a guy doesn’t want to wait for sex, or if a woman wants the lavish dates, then it’s their right to leave and find someone more compatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 11:45 AM
7

I was definitely not this type of woman in college, not in a derogatory way, but I just feel like maybe this approach is more common in women who actively enjoy and pursue casual sex. But I can see how those women would enjoy that approach and I can see why guys would be pissed about it. There are guys who are just for fun, and guys who are more serious…and their decisions about sex differ with each category. I’m sure it’s not fun to be the guy she makes wait because she wants him to respect her…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 03:48 AM
8

From Brittanica.com: A common form of projection occurs when an individual, threatened by his own angry feelings, accuses another of harbouring hostile thoughts. So, he has hostile, anti-woman beliefs and in turn believes women are the hostile ones, out to get him.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:41 AM
1

Lol okay send me a pic of yourself and I’ll send you a pic of my husband and we’ll see who’s better looking
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:22 AM
9

You constantly post the most vitriolic, anti-woman comments and accuse me of hating men. I actually love men, as a whole. I’ve had very few negative experiences with men in my life, thankfully.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:21 AM
6

Lol again. Projection.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:19 AM
1

Lol I’m sure I don’t know many conservative men, thankfully. But the attractive guys in my life vote Democrat.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:19 AM
9

Your stream of consciousness, hamster-wheeling comment finding the most obscure, disconnected things to blame on women, when in reality they are more likely to be men’s fault.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:17 AM
7

My husband was a virgin when I met him/started dating (I was 20 and he was 22). He was a D1 athlete who had hooked up with girls but never had sex. If his friends are honest, they tell me he had plenty of options but was just picky and focused on other things (def wasn’t looking to be a virgin til marriage, just didn’t want to have sex with someone he didn’t have strong feelings for and couldn’t get there with the girls around him). He’s rare. And it’s definitely hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:16 AM
9

Wow, the projection is real with this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 01:10 AM
1

Yeah that’s a popular stat that people throw around on this sub. Seems like it’s actually closer to 70% in the US. I think it’s that women are more likely to take initiative. Women are also more likely to bring up couples counseling, too. Women just seem more likely to notice a problem in the relationship and take steps to address it. I see that in my own marriage. Men become complacent and if they’re unhappy they’ll just find other ways of compensating for that dissatisfaction. I think, general…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 12:20 AM
6

Yeah, there’s this weird assumption that a wife just wakes up one day and suddenly decides she wants to file for divorce on a whim…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 09:22 PM
2

My dad and I are actually very close most of the time, but he’s a difficult person to get along with and we do have really huge, blow-up fights. I went to the same prestigious university as him, I feel like basically my entire pre-adult life was about making him proud and I’ve never quite felt able to do that. But I did find a husband who loves me equally when I’m winning awards at work AND when I’m so stressed and chaotic I can barely open my work computer. I don’t need to be anything other tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 08:48 PM
10

Thank you for saying this. I agree with basically everything, even seeing some legitimacy in parts of TRP. And it’s refreshing to see something so reasonable from a man on here, especially one who’s had seemingly negative experiences with a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 08:41 PM
22

Right. A “red pilled” man is going to believe he must lead the relationship and push for certain roles/expectations for each partner that would really bother most women. Not all women. Sure, I like confidence in a man, but making decisions without consulting with me? Not doing things to support my career growth? Assuming I’m just being “emotional” in serious discussions? The pitfalls of red pill would show themselves quickly and the relationship would never work, at least if an average woman is …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 08:39 PM
2

Nope. My two most promiscuous friends in high school/college were the first two in the group to marry and have kids. Granted one of them left her husband for another woman. But the other is happily married.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:53 PM
8

Lol this has not been my experience at all. Conservative men that I know are more likely to be overweight and have poor hygiene.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 09:42 AM
0

I never had any issue finding progressive men to date, and I attended a religious, mostly conservative university that is definitely not known for its progressive student body. This was 10 years ago, though. And yes, these guys were masculine, attractive men.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 11:30 PM
15

I think the post above is referencing the new dating app, “The Right Stuff” for conservatives. No women are signing up… 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 11:18 PM
1

I have done it before and it didn’t end well, so now I don’t. Barely any of my friends are single, anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 09:10 PM
6

My husband is this. I don’t know if others would rate him a 9-10, but I do. He was a division I athlete in college and although that was a long time ago now, he has stayed in great shape. He wanted: -well-educated, intelligent, intellectually curious -attractive -athletic -adventurous -hard-working (basically not lazy) -someone who wanted kids -someone easy to get along with -enjoys sports -organized/clean (which unfortunately I do struggle with at times, but I’m far from a disaster)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:20 PM
2

The “fixes” for women came about through years and years of socialization. I agree that it’s less socially acceptable for men to do many of those things, like makeup. But hair/facial hair styling, fashion, and fitness do help for men. At least in my opinion. Maybe if women are getting pickier about appearance, more “fixes” for male appearance will gain popularity and acceptability.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 02:30 PM
2

I agree, and staying fit is also important for women…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 02:02 PM
1

I don’t think it’s anyone’s job to get a person turned on. But when people are vulgar and bitter it’s definitely possible for them to actively turn people off. I’ve had partners with ED and I’ve never ever blamed them. So here we go again with making assumptions about me that are absolutely incorrect. Umm do you want me to count the ad hominems you’ve used? Are you a woman? I know I won’t change your mind, but luckily just based on your attitude toward me and all women, I can rest assured that m…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 12:32 PM
1

No, but I believe men like YOU struggle to get women wet. I think men are, as a whole, really great. Some of my best relationships are with men. I am not a man-hater. My husband and I split the chores and it works out well. We also have a fantastic sex life. I simply think dead bedroom situations are complicated and related to the relationship dynamic, so I was offering a more nuanced perspective. I didn’t say dead bedrooms are all men’s fault. They are certainly sometimes mostly the woman’s fau…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:56 AM
1

You can believe in marriage and divorce. I’m glad divorce exists for extreme circumstances. First marriages are significantly less likely to end in divorce than second or third or later marriages. It seems to be around a third for first marriages. The divorce rates peaked decades ago and things seem to be getting better now that people are waiting longer to get married. Then the other part of your argument assumes the woman is just one day deciding she doesn’t want to be married for no valid rea…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:49 AM
2

Maybe…seeing both sides and experiencing my side of things, I wouldn’t want to equate things like that. I’ve still received plenty of dating opportunities and some men even prefer taller women. In my experience, all other things being equal, shorter men have do have it worse when it comes to height. At least where I am from. Maybe the equivalent would be like a 6’3” woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:30 AM
2

Nothing about that makes any logical sense. I don’t plan on ever divorcing my husband, but if something were to happen that makes the marriage irreparable I’m glad that’s an option (for either one of us — if I fuck up, he deserves to leave me too)…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:27 AM
1

I’ve legitimately never said any of those things. I have not typed the word “patriarchy” in Reddit until just now. You are the person making inane assumptions about people. As usual, women are responsible for nothing yet complain of the result. As usual, the projection is real. That’s why this OP topic even exists, after all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:13 AM
9

I’m a 5’9” woman and even though I found it to sometimes hold me back in dating, I don’t think it’s the equivalent of a 5’5” man. The man would probably have it much worse. I agree with your other arguments about women needing to try harder! My husband splashes water on his face at night before bed. He’s 34 and still VERY attractive. I am 32 and have a 5 step skincare routine AM and PM. And stuff like that is basically expected of us, as women.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 10:47 AM
1

I believe in marriage. Happily married for 6 years, been with my husband for 12.5 years. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. It has worked out great for us. I know it’s not for everyone, but saying women don’t believe in it is pretty untrue.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 10:14 AM
1

Wowza lol. Men have these views about women and then wonder why they can’t get them wet. I’m a therapist who has talked to dozens of people with dead bedrooms and I have never once run into a case this simple. No one is “lying.” Men change how they behave from the start of a relationship to 5 years in, too. Relationships change with time and if a partner has a problem with that… communication is important. If that doesn’t work and you aren’t getting what you need, I’d say the relationship isn’t …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 10:09 AM
3

Then don’t get married! It sounds like finding a partner is a difficult task for men anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 10:04 AM
3

Halo effect at work. It happens in contexts other than dating, too. I’ve met some hot guys who were absolutely not even the tiniest bit intelligent. No amount of physical hotness would even begin to disguise it. I’m sure they often get the benefit of the doubt though. Edit - moved to automod bc I can’t change your view…your view is reality
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 02:45 AM
6

Date ugly people, everyone! Because you won’t care as much when the relationship inevitably ends! Sounds like a winning strategy.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 02:27 AM
6

As you said in other posts, no one owes each other anything. And from the views you’ve shared about women today, certainly no woman owes you anything. Glad you are already accepting the dying alone part.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 01:41 AM
3

As long as no one is being abused, coerced, etc then everyone should be able to date and sleep with whoever they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 10:24 PM
5

True — but OP seems to be referencing dating situations.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 08:09 PM
6

Fair!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 08:08 PM
82

I don’t care about age gaps, BUT men on here will cite divorce statistics all the time (eg, the more sexual partners the woman has had, the more likely you’ll be to get a divorce oh no!!) Large age gaps are also strongly associated with divorce. So I think consistency is important. Don’t say one risk factor for failed relationships is important and then ignore another because it’s convenient. That being said, as long as nobody is being abused or taken advantage of, just be with who you want to b…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 05:04 PM
1

I was just going by the videos, as OP requested.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 03:42 PM
3

The OP argued that it was about women intentionally withholding sex because they got what they want from their beta bux provider and are no longer interested in sex with him, which is why I made my post.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 02:29 PM
2

First it’s majority, now 50/50, when I said none of those things. I’m inviting everyone to remember that this is a more complicated issue than women just deciding they don’t want to have sex anymore. I totally believe that women have lower libidos the majority of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 02:01 PM
9

Can you point me to your evidence that women are miserable? I just don’t see the stats to back that up. I do believe that many single women aren’t as happy as they want to convey to the world (I know I wouldn’t be very happy as a single woman) but everything I see shows that men are the less happy group right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 01:01 PM
1

Show me where I said anything about the majority of anyone…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:52 PM
1

Nowhere does this say it’s a universal trend and these studies offer no conclusions about why it happens. I never made a claim that it happens to men just as much, but this phenomenon isn’t just about women intentionally withholding sex. This is why I feel it’s important to communicate as a couple to keep the spark alive.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:52 PM
2

Sure, hormonally women have lower libidos.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:48 PM
1

If you interpreted that from my post then that’s not my problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 10:08 AM
1

My point was that it happens on both sides of a relationship (eg, I’m the higher libido spouse in my own relationship), and when it happens for women it doesn’t mean the woman is doing something intentionally.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 09:57 AM
12

Lmao did you even read what I wrote? I offer a couple alternative scenarios and men cry that I’m blaming it all on men — when I absolutely wasn’t doing that. No wonder men have such problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 09:56 AM
119

If you visit the deadbedrooms subreddit you’ll find it happens to men too, more often than you think. When my husband and I have struggled with frequency of sex it has been mostly a relationship issue that involved both of us. We weren’t taking enough time to just focus on our connection because other crap gets in the way. It could be that he was a “beta provider” and she was using sex to manipulate him, sure. Or it could also be that the spark of new relationship energy fizzled out. Or he stopp…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 03:28 AM
12

I have a PhD and as long as they’re smart and curious about the world (and have a job) I didn’t care about my guy’s degree.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:38 AM
1

Ooof, Hannibal I guess. I noticed too that the 2 top guys were the ones talking to women in the clips. So maybe charisma is easier for me to read when they’re talking to a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:36 AM
1

Hannibal or Johnny
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:34 AM
4

Hannibal- 7 Johnny - 8 Riff Raff - 2 Druski - 3 To me charisma is hard to gauge unless you’re talking directly to the person. And I also consider intelligence to be a key factor in charisma (is the guy witty, can he hold a conversation with a decent about of banter, etc)…so that explains the lower score for the last two. I just couldn’t get a sense for that in those clips. I think Johnny has a quiet kind of confidence - he acts surprised and humble when they ask him about being a heartthrob, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:32 AM
2

Definitely — and I agree that an attention-seeking woman is way more common than a control-seeking guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 10:18 PM
2

That’s why I also wrote that the relationship factors are important, which includes things on the other side of the relationship. What I’ve found is that most women, without trying, get nearly daily validation and attention from guys. Boyfriends and husbands cannot prevent that, nor can they prevent it from feeling good when it happens (some of the time - depending on circumstances). So I think it comes down to the partner’s intention — is she actively seeking male attention? Is he trying to con…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 09:51 PM
9

Lol my husband and I had this conversation the other night… Were we always this similar, or have we just morphed into one person over time? We have a bunch of similar interests, tendencies, and worldviews. And enough that’s different to keep it fun, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 08:42 PM
4

Not a man but I’d say the easy answer is a man’s confidence in himself and his security in his relationship. The confidence piece is an internal factor that really only he can change. The security in his relationship piece is certainly affected by his own self-esteem, but relationship factors can also affect this (eg, how’s the relationship going? Has she given him any reason to distrust her?)
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 08:37 PM
1

I said most women. Unlike red pillers, I find it unhelpful to speak in absolutes.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 10:16 AM
2

I will if an actual mod tells me to. But even though I agree with the overarching argument, I did offer a counter to part of the OP’s view… Compare that to the guys. You never took the girl on a date, you never kissed her, and you may never even had a conversation beyond something superficial. In my second paragraph I address what some men actually do lose in a friendzone situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 10:42 PM
4

I would have to agree. Except that men here will say “at least she got the benefit of the attention/dates/fill in the blank.” I think the majority of women would forgo all of that for a genuine connection with someone on the same page as them. But both sides of this suck, and particularly for the man if the woman is leeching his time and money while completely misleading him.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 09:38 PM
0

You are misinterpreting so much of what I’m saying, and this is clearly not a helpful conversation. I, unlike many people on here, do not speak in absolutes. I would never say that any man’s perspectives or dating success is based purely on one specific attitude. I hope you have a good day, and sorry that my two cents angered you so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 06:38 PM
1

I didn’t say it was a distant hypothetical - that is your interpretation. Nor did I dismiss anything outright. If you read things on here long enough, you start to notice trends and bitterness that shapes people’s beliefs. Sure, maybe the bitterness stems from their direct experiences but that doesn’t mean the spite that they feel doesn’t color their version of reality. It happens on both sides. I think there can be some legitimacy to a lot of things I read, but it quickly becomes extreme and un…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 05:52 PM
1

Can you show me where I dismissed anything outright?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 05:32 PM
0

It’s called “purplepilldebate.” Debate requires perspectives from both sides. Plus I am a psychologist and the subject matter interests me. And I have a daughter and I’d rather try to understand and maybe challenge the mindsets of men who’d prefer to view her as evil/the source of all their problems OR just something that’s only good for sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 05:20 PM
1

It’s not just AF/BB that is maligning, though — it’s so many things that are spoken about as “universal truths” by the same guys who tout AF/BB. It is not at all hard for me to believe some men just say this shit to malign women. Some men, particularly hardcore RPers, absolutely call AF/BB an absolute truth. “All women are like that,” right? /s
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 05:10 PM
0

Sure. It just doesn’t map on to my reality. I certainly believe it can happen for various reasons, but I know it’s not some universally true phenomenon. And the part about men on here wanting to malign women is definitely true.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 04:58 PM
5

Even as a dude, other dudes perplexed me. l'm pretty certain some of these dudes want a prude virgin as a gf and shame other women in general for promiscuity, but would harass other women in private to be promiscuous for them? This is one of my biggest problems with men around here. I am on the older side now, but before I met my husband I dated some men and there was this insane pressure to have sex quickly. This was 10-15 years ago so I imagine it’s worse now. I never had casual sex and I neve…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 04:53 PM
4

you think everyone here is just a liar out to malign women? MY observable reality is that there are many, many men on here doing just this
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 04:26 PM
1

For me this was 100% socialization and how I was raised. My parents told me video games were a boys thing and I just had two sisters so we never ever owned or played them. I have a ton of male cousins so when I was over at their houses I’d watch them play and I was fascinated. But by the time I was 18 and could pursue it on my own I didn’t have the time or money to start the hobby.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 12:27 PM
1

Women and men do not understand how one another feels. You unraveled your entire point right here. As a man you cannot understand how women feel. You’re only speculating, nothing you’re saying is truth. There are nerve endings at the opening of the vagina that do respond to touch. Those areas around the clitoris are very similar to receptors on the penis. The sensations of pleasure are similar to men’s — orgasm just doesn’t work the same way as men’s. You’re facing a “truth” that is absolutely f…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 11:42 AM
1

I don’t think you understand logic. Men pursuing sex more does not mean that women don’t enjoy sex. There are many, many other factors at play than purely the satisfaction one gets from sex via orgasm. There are hormones and social factors, just to name a couple. I read your post to my husband. He said, “this sounds like a guy who’s probably never made a woman orgasm.” So that is how you come across - someone who has never had sexual success OR has been hurt by someone, and is trying desperately…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 10:59 PM
1

Just curious, why is it beneficial for you to believe women don’t enjoy sex? Why do you have a hard time believing penetration wouldn’t feel good for women? I am not sure what other evidence you’d need that women find pleasure in sex. Also no moaning is involuntary. But it can be a direct response to something that feels really good. And I’d bet most of the time it is, but obviously it can serve other functions.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 10:46 PM
1

That was one example out of quite a few I could’ve given. I didn’t say it was the norm. Most unattractive guys do not have that sort of personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 10:27 AM
7

I honestly just turned into one giant cringe after reading the word “females” this many times. Men don’t fully understand women’s sexuality and feel so threatened by it. It’s a lot more complicated than men’s. So yes — your argument that men need to stop thinking women have the same experience as men is absolutely correct. The problem with this argument is that although there are enormous sex differences, that doesn’t tell you very much about any individual human. The average man is taller and s…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 02:36 AM
3

I don’t think he was complaining. Men who are getting laid don’t really feel a need to qualify it with possible excuses for why.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 10:35 PM
3

Cool, you don’t have to believe it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 10:33 PM
4

No, but I’m well aware that he did. It was a restaurant job. Everyone is fucking.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 10:32 PM
11

Literally confidence and knowing the right things to say. Maybe a really good and confident sense of humor, too…but that’s subjective so it won’t attract everyone. I used to work with a guy who was shorter than me (maybe 5’7”) but had a goofy, confident personality. He was slightly overweight and his face was maybe a 5-6 (I could be generous there too). He couldn’t keep women off of him. It was very confusing to many people. He just had a great (albeit maybe egotistical) personality, joked aroun…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 10:03 PM
1

I would disagree, but I can only speak anecdotally.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 09:27 PM
1

No, but you’re acting like it’s impossible and it isnt. I don’t believe I gave anyone advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 09:26 PM
2

My husband and I were exclusively dating 5 months before we had sex. It literally happens all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:45 PM
3

This seems to be exactly what men want to do (or actively do), but some here have a problem with that. Many men here disrespect “sluts” and say they’d never marry one, but would absolutely have casual sex with one of given the opportunity. There’s a lower threshold for no-strings sex vs a longer term relationship. Your choices seem similar. I’m not sure why people wouldn’t understand why that’s a valid choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:08 PM
7

The way this question is posed and the responses OP has given to people sharing their thoughts suggests he wants women to be dependent. Seemingly because he is afraid that if women aren’t dependent they won’t choose to be/stay with him. Don’t you think that a woman who’s financially independent but chooses to be with you is more meaningful than her staying just because she’d be risking poverty if she left? This is simply a desire for power and control. That mindset in men is precisely why women …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 12:59 AM
10

Nope, would not be mad at all. I did not want to wait until marriage but I did want to wait until I was fairly certain I was with the person I would marry.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 12:44 AM
6

Exactly — so both parties should be independent and have a way out. Isn’t that obvious?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 12:38 AM
8

Masculinity and femininity are labels we give to the stereotypical traits exhibited by each sex. If you look at large numbers of people, women more consistently demonstrate feminine traits and men more consistently demonstrate masculine traits. Some of this is learned behavior. Some of it is biological. It’s really hard to parse the two apart. And as with most things, there is more variation within the groups that between the groups.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:00 PM
1

Your second paragraph makes a ton of sense. We’re talking about an embryo/fetus living inside the woman’s body versus an actual child who needs food, housing, clothing, etc. Thanks for your perspective! I’m definitely seeing things differently now.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 12:42 PM
2

Yeah, that’s where I was coming from when I posted. Some replies have got me thinking in a more nuanced way about it. I do feel for men who get stuck with child support and I think they should have financial choice/autonomy similarly to women’s bodily autonomy when abortion is available. But it is really complicated and I can see now that it could have negative repercussions for children and society.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 02:07 AM
1

I never said anything about equal — just bearing some responsibility. Weren’t you the one whining about women shirking responsibility? You really think men should have ZERO responsibility over where their sperm go..?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:43 AM
1

I actually hope this happens. Society might be a safer place. Bring on the robo-pussy.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:39 AM
14

Research shows generally couples are a “match” (matching hypothesis). I think if you look around you generally see this play out in average relationships, ie when one partner isn’t extremely wealthy or powerful.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:38 AM
2

I’m pregnant now, actually, so no thanks. But as others on here state, a child has two parents, and the women can be more discriminating (which we are compared to men, as you see many men on here complaining they can’t get laid) because they bear most of the risk, but that does not logically assume they should be the only ones considering the risk. A child has two parents who should provide for it and providing for it is a risk the man should also think about.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:33 AM
3

Your argument ignores rape and coercion, as well as all sorts of societal pressures. The CEO argument doesn’t change that you included zero other citations to back up your facts, and when it comes down to it, two consenting adults are still needed to create offspring. Therefore both adults must take responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:15 AM
1

Catholicism does not believe all sins are equal. There are mortal sins, and murder is one. You can say what you want, but religions have these things in writing and their followers believe these things are true. “All sins are equal” is just not the case for most religions. Just because you say it’s make-believe (and so do I) doesn’t mean people don’t actually think hell will be the outcome for abortion…so your argument really doesn’t mean anything here.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 01:13 AM
4

I agree with SOME of what you said (more oversight for child support, men have very little say in these reproductive decisions) however it’s an extremely emotionally-reasoned argument. Not a single fact or citation in there and you make some pretty bold claims. Maybe men should just choose not to have sex OR get a vasectomy when they aren’t willing or able to pay child support? That argument can go both ways, as it’s not just a woman’s poor decision.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 11:28 PM
1

Well, without her the child wouldn’t exist. And I agree that’s probably the best decision for everyone involved, but not always possible. Your last statement is something I want to agree with, hence my original post. But clearly it’s way more complicated than that. If a woman gets pregnant with a guy who wants nothing to do with either her or the child, and she can afford to take care of everything on her own and has great support without him…awesome. Unfortunately that is rarely the case and te…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 11:11 PM
4

Thoughtful and well-reasoned response. It’s a difficult situation and there are built-in, natural inequities that are difficult to address in law. I used the phrase “financial abortion” because that appears to be the lingo that mens’ rights advocates use. I also find it off-putting.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 10:47 PM
4

If a man is not willing to take financial responsibility for a child and instead leaves that solely on the mother, then he deserves no right to the child. And I’d argue the child would be better off with someone else as a father figure. Maybe the mother can find some family support. But if the child’s best interest were actually a concern of the guy, he’d financially contribute.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 10:39 PM
2

Catholicism. My father is a deacon and he would argue that if you got an abortion AND didn’t confess and do penance for the sin, you’d go to hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 10:36 PM
0

Okay. I think I get it. Yeah, I think if we can empathize with each other and treat each other like human beings…even though there may not be a structural/legal solution to these issues, I do think we can ease some of the burden on all parties involved. I don’t think it’s fair that men are forced to pay for a child that they didn’t want. I also think these situations are often unfair to women. And then of course there’s the child — the innocent party in all this — and societal burden. I guess th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 09:28 PM
5

Yeah, I know. I’m not speaking for all women. I’d probably get an abortion if I needed, and I’m building a family in a loving monogamous relationship. We thought I might be miscarrying a couple weeks ago so I was facing a possible D&C, and it seemed unpleasant. For many women it can be a difficult choice and the procedure can increase risk in future pregnancies (but very unlikely AND an unwanted child clearly does significantly more damage).
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 09:24 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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