TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

_splug Archive

View 0 posts and 73 comments by _splug on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

They’ll get divorced anyway, and he’ll get more use of it afterwards. Win. Win.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:31 PM
3

Get a vocational exam and impute her income. There are way around this. Work history plays a big part too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 06:41 PM
10

First time after? Most people got divorced because they did it first. In all seriousness it’s all mental. Relax. Get therapy. You need it even if you don’t think you do. There’s a lot to unpack and the brain is a dangerous place.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 07:00 PM
3

I haven’t seen guys talk about it how woman do. In fact, when people knew I was going through it (6 years), most of them stayed away. After the fact It came up in convo, they thought I needed space. What I needed, I needed a distraction. The lack of responsibly caring for the kids made things rough so I got a dog. It gave me purpose while everything was going on, Andrew after, and meant a new group of people to interact with in the community.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 12:53 PM
5

Advice for others who see this: Don’t use friends as your venting post. That’s what a therapist is for - and if you don’t think you need one - stop lying to yourself. People can only take so much of someone else’s misfortune. Use the friends to build new memories, experiences and meet new people instead. This is a path to recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:13 PM
1

Since California is a 2 party consent state, the only way to admit it into evidence is if you can prove there was immanent risk of grave bodily danger (afraid of your life and someone’s has a knife type level) or you do it in a setting where there is no expectation of privacy. Mine happened to be outside in a very public setting with no expectation of privacy. Also, if it happens to be captured in an area where there are posted signs of cameras in use, you can subpoena their footage. Mine occurr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 10:46 PM
3

You’re no longer the man she married. These times come and go, but it gets better. It’s been over 4 years and it’s still not finalized. World is hell, find joy in the little things.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 08:11 AM
1

Yeah, together 10 years, married 8, been going through the divorce for 4 years now. Super contentious. Just need a win but looks like women get rewarded for abusing men.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 04:41 PM
7

Needed this today. Very similar experience, I’m just burnt and exhausted.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 04:16 PM
1

Somewhere fun where everyone can keep space like Dave and busters is a good thought too. I’ve seen it work in the past with others.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 11:21 PM
1

But you had an officer present? When you go for the trial, I highly recommend you work with a lawyer and subpoena the responding officer as a witness. If they don’t have a report, they should still have an incident report still. Call the jurisdictions records department and see if one is filed. Been through this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 06:36 PM
5

Yes! And it was granted and listed the kids as protected parties. Everything in there was a lie and I had video proof to dispute everything that happened. It supported my case, and I won attorneys fees as a result. It prevented me from initiating contact with the kids for a full month. Do you have proof to dispute the claims? NAL.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 04:26 AM
1

Is cheating explicitly against company policy? If it’s not in the handbook, it doesn’t matter. Use your energy to focus on better things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 03:37 PM
5

This is the correct advice but it’s not practical or realistic. I always draft my responses. Sit on them for at least an hour and that usually gives me a chance to cool off and respond levelheadedly
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 03:52 PM
1

Hope everything is going well for you!
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 08:21 PM
1

I did it years ago before filing. Had 3 kids before hand. Post sep it’s been great. Might be having more kids in a healthy relationship, trying to figure out how to reverse. All that’s in my head is Michael Scott “snip, snap; snip, snap”
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 12:26 PM
1

Low key curious why? Don’t fix what’s not broken?
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 12:23 PM
2

Again, you can take any legal recourse you want, but you as the account holder are solely responsible for any debt and this will impact your credit rating.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:14 PM
2

The principle is for 50/50, but the special debt concerns for things like a like credit cards are solely that of the primary account holder and the court cannot override those terms of agreement. If your partner cannot pay their responsibility of debt, you are 100% responsible for it. You can submit a reimbursement claim with the court as a result, but again the court will side with whoever is more likely to be able to repay.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:31 PM
2

As would the cash, but if OP is the primary account holder, until the division of debt is finalized they will be solely responsible on the debt. Make a good judgment call on how much is there. For example if you use a card to pay your attorney, don’t pay off that debt since it can be allocated differently vs existing non-legal fee debt.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:56 PM
6

Sounds like OP is talking themselves out of 50/50. Covid is not a constant, peoples behaviors are not, your custody plan is. Either you want it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 01:04 AM
1

Dream parenting plan right there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 03:33 AM
1

You’re 50/50 time so I don’t think anything hardcodes needs to be defined. If the kids wants to call, they can call, but it sounds like a set up to get you on contempt charges (this is my personal experience.) What about. Of time do you speak with the kids when they are in her custody?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 12:10 AM
2

This!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 08:55 PM
4

Facts
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 11:46 PM
2

Truth right here
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 06:34 AM
3

Couldn’t agree more and it’s reversible too, although expensive. But I did mine knowing the reversal was cheaper than 18 years of child support.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 06:40 AM
1

Fucking king!
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 02:26 AM
1

I’ve done this and still working on it. The premise is that my ex is a vivacious litigant, which meant I needed to stay on top of every little fact. The system I built personally isn’t available live yet, but the purpose was to keep track of lawyer correspondence, meet and confer letters, and inventory different contempt violations to the court order. It let me keep track of every little detail and chronolog every little detail I needed. Still got fucked being a guy, but was worth it imo. Kept m…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 03:52 AM
1

Where are you located?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 05:56 PM
3

I had to do a lot of self exploring to realize while yes I contributed to the demise, it wasn’t only my fault as I was led to believe. I was abused, physically, emotionally and financially. I was never allowed to be myself. I had to learn about narcissism in detail so I could start to heal. I read books like Discipline is Everything and Can’t Hurt Me by Jacko Wilink and David Goggins. What you’re going through is normal, but embrace it. If you’re feeling this way now, you were not taking care of…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 04:53 PM
3

That’s the problem here. It shouldn’t just be a burden to keep status quo, which is the 99% factor used, regardless of La Musga and other precedents set in the US.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 01:40 PM
5

You are a lucky one.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 01:38 PM
4

I.. don’t know how to respond here, because I spit my coffee out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 02:15 PM
3

Not really. Just because it’s tax deferred doesn’t mean it’s not a real debt you need to pay on today. Most people here can’t survive on what they make after child support payments.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 01:44 AM
3

You lucky SOB.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 01:42 AM
5

Spousal support is over in another 4 years. Another 12 for child support. Just take it a day at a time. Court ordered me to have a 2-br apartment which I could not afford so I lost out on a lot of visitation. Because I could not exercise, the court awarded a move away because status quo was that the kids didn’t see me much already.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 04:27 PM
5

So far this has taken 3 years of my life, several hundred of thousands of dollars in legal fees and, sadly we haven’t even split assets yet because of COVID. :(
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 03:38 PM
4

My effective take home pay is around 20% of my yearly salary, after taxes, and distribution of child support and spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 03:37 PM
8

60%, California max.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 06:27 AM
2

Exactly! Stay strong!
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 08:42 PM
1

I had 10% until temp orders by a judge established child support. Then I could afford a place and it got upgraded after an RFO hearing
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 04:04 PM
5

We have all been there and we all got through it. Some of us slept in our cars because we couldn’t afford it. You two are no longer friends, you may be friendly, but there’s no going back. Do not share your thoughts with her. Get a lawyer to protect your butt. Tell them to not let you do anything stupid. I had the take out $100k worth of loans and I still owe my attorneys $250k. I slept in my car for months. Worst mistakes I made was thinking my ex was a friend. Lawyer up, bite the bullet. Let t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 06:43 AM
1

r/EILI5 Edit: actual subreddit
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 01:15 AM
1

Do you have a copy of the birth certificate with your name as the father? That’s the best proof for any custody arrangement you need until any court entered orders or you willingly enter into an agreement with the STBXW.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/21 04:52 PM
3

This. Same here. Judges and lawyers are financially motivated and don’t care about the children or clients. Judges allows the children to move with the alienating parent even though all of these points were satisfied. The judge went outside of the normal La Musga factors and found the other parent had abused me, but still allowed the move away. The court granted me the ability to fly to their state across the country for one week every month, but I can’t afford a lawyer and visits them any longe…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/21 04:47 PM
1

Document everything. How much you spend on bills etc. you can make the case to be reimbursed for expenses if you backdate the date of separation since those expenses would have been her separate debt. My case has been going on for almost 3 years not with over 650k in legal fees, lawyers, filings, and a private judge since covid shut everything down and the lawyers convinced me to waste more money :( Be smart with lawyers, they work for you, but your money belongs to them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 06:41 AM
4

Judges prefer status quo. Asking for 50/50 is very likely. In her filing was there any basis for her claims of tracking , etc? Ignore the emotion. Can’t fight if you’re emotional. Stay factual.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/21 03:13 PM
1

Always here if you need to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 05:59 PM
1

Thanks for sharing! Do you ever feel like you have a safe place to talk to her? Or is she always on edge? The way you’re feeling is important, just as the way she feels is. I would find a safe place to talk, and ask her what’s important to her and how she feels the relationship is going. Don’t interrupt or speak until she is done. Do not respond to anything she says, acknowledge what she says. Ask her what would make her happy. The trick is after you’re done, see if she repeats the fever. But sh…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 04:48 PM
1

If she gained weight and you find her less attractive, have you told her? Did she know how you feel about her? Why not invite her to the gym with you, and don’t say cause you need me time. Perhaps do some small at home workouts together. Sometimes the sweating can turn into forplay all in its own. These cycles are there, because there are deeper problems. She probably is self conscious about her weight gain and that is her husband doesn’t find her attractive no one will. That’s an ego killer. Ha…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 02:48 PM
3

There’s a large possibility this will back fire if she is the instigator.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 02:45 PM
1

Put your oxygen mask before assisting other passengers. - my favorite quote. You can’t take care of a kid together or separately if you’re not in a good headspace.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/21 06:45 PM
1

First things first. Get the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. Read it and see how she feels. This helps you understand if she feels it’s an affair, which then maybe she’ll be open to talk about. The book gives you perspective from both sides and allows you to form responses and dialog around the issues. This is not admitting guilt, cause it’s probably just confiding in someone else because of what she is going through YOU NEED SUPPORT TO. She needs to remember that, and your support networ…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/21 05:53 PM
2

California classifies it as visitation is final judgements. Source: it’s what’s in mine. Parenting time is not mentioned once.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/21 04:08 AM
2

There is a club for this. :/
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 06:36 AM
4

As painful as my divorce was, I have absolutely no problem with thinking of marriage as a business transaction and dealing with it as such. Pre-nup everything you learned in your divorce. - if you have kids this is the schedule - if you separate this is the finances - if you cheat, this is the result - if you divorce you each pay your own legal fees - if you … But those “ifs” are really just conditional statements. I would get married again if my long term partner and me benefited from doing so.…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/21 12:49 AM
8

This needs to be seen. So many people just like you are abused by the court system as much as they were abused by their exes. All we want is to be good fathers or move on with our lives, but the court sees it else wise. My ex was found guilty of committing domestic violence against me twice in court but across a decade of abuse. The court still granted her primary residential custody and a move away, because my employer offered unlimited vacation and they expected me to take a week off every mon…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/21 11:41 PM
2

They are a minor and you and your STBXW would need to consent to releasing of the findings. Document everything including the attempts of her trying to make false records. Get a list of every time she tried to get a restraining order. You can make a claim in court that she’s a vexatious litigant. This is common in family court, but you just have to be able to show the pattern. The court can call your children to the stand in the event something happens. This is almost the best bet. Your son who …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 12:37 AM
2

That’s a normal ploy. Document everything. Go back in time and relive some examples she might have shared. Document everything you can. Screenshots of messages, video recording, photos of you two around the time. My Ex filed a restraining order against me after attacking me and another individual, assaulting us and our car. We documented it and recorded the entire incident. I would worry more about documenting things than the therapy piece. Also remember, if you tel your therapist that you are g…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/21 09:48 PM
1

A judge cannot just order releasing of the records or for the witness to testify. There has to be just cause with a material impact on the decision of the case. For example, you are violent around your children due to a medical condition, the judge will most likely order it. If your ex is trying to subpoena the therapist to hurt your character, the judge will not allow it. It’s not something that you just give up and let into a court room. Also, your therapist should validate that it’s signed by…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/21 08:04 PM
4

It is illegal for a court to use anything related to mental illness against you unless there is proven neglect or danger to the children. This is important as it’s a violation of your disability rights. If your lawyer thinks it will negatively impact the case, find another one. Also, do not have your therapist testify on your behalf, it is a violation of your psycho-patient confidentiality. It is more sacred than doctor-patient and attorney-client privileges. But keep your head up. Be strong, an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/21 08:52 PM
0

Sounds like emotional and financial abuse, as well as coercive control with can be classified as domestic violence in California. It’s also interesting that according to the court, withholding sex as a punishment can be considered emotional/psychological abuse. You need to keep a very good journal. Sounds classic narcissist, but that’s a huge problem. Everything she does will be to hurt you. You need to toughen up. If you made it this far in your relationship, you can def be mentally strong enou…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/21 04:14 AM
12

Gender bias in court it’s a real thing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 01:30 PM
1

This is a true statement.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 01:28 PM
4

In California, I was abused in my relationship. When I went to custody hearing my ex wanted to move away. The court found she was guilty of domestic violence but still gave her custody with the move away. I am appealing the lack of 3340 findings right now. I still pay a max child support and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/21 04:43 AM
9

Honestly, it’s easy for people to associate the courts willingness to concede to female demands in court vs the males and that can fuel this fire. Just gotta keep a straight head on your shoulders and hopefully you get a good statement of decision or final judgement with summarizations around why things were decided. Keep your head out of this bucket.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/21 02:16 PM
1

I was with my ex for 10 years. She was abusive and 3 years ago we separated and I moved out and we started the divorce process. I started dating about a year after that, but it’s a high conflict divorce and she’s dragging it on trying to sabotage my new relationship. Still has not been finalized. Luckily, this new relationship is healthy and supportive and we are able to work through the troubles with no problems. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/21 04:41 AM
1

Never heard of that program before. Gotta check it out, thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/21 03:45 PM
2

If you can disprove (usually the dismissal is enough), and if litigation is completed, file a complaint against the state bar personally for their lawyer. If their lawyer did it against the best interest of their client, or, knowingly filing a false RO or filing it without validating the facts they could be found to be in violation of ethics codes. Also make sure to go after them for 271 sanctions (in California at least) since you were the prevailing party. When it financially impacts the other…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/21 03:45 PM
3

Love this post, exactly what I did!!! I would add Influence by Robert Cialdini, Crucial Conversations and Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggings (to go with Discipline Equals Freedom by ol’ Jocko). I never read before but they became my meditation. They gave me something to replace all the lack of confidence and self-doubt with. If you don’t give yourself positive content you’ll absorb all the negative! Thanks for posting this!!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/21 11:29 PM
2

2021: the year of self-value. I had the same schedule as you! 2020 was filled with court but also personal growth. I read, I learned, I did things I always wanted to. I became a carpenter and a potter in my spare time. I took care of my health and body. Time to put all that into action and live my best life!
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/21 11:25 PM
1

I’ve been going through my divorce since August/September of 2020. It’s been bifurcated and tried but still going crazy. It’s been the worst experience of my life, but I’m happy to be miserable right now. After being married to a covert narcissist for 10 years, I am not free, but I know she can’t hurt me. It’s at the point where she made me stronger by attacking me. I was mentally weak and now I’m strong. I’m grateful for her tearing me down all the time. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been in the…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/21 11:21 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter