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ageoffri Archive

View 0 posts and 124 comments by ageoffri on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

File for sole and exclusive use of the home.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 11:14 PM
5

The only way to put him in his place is to be civil. Document any problems he causes and get a restraining order if you have to. Every single thing you’ve said points to you being the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 07:53 PM
22

DO NOT MOVE OUT. That is incredibly stupid advice unless the kids are coming with you. The moment you move out she controls time lines and can drag things out. Sure the judge might not hold it against you but it can add months or years to the divorce because she doesn't want it to move forward. Stay in the home and you have leverage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 01:12 AM
1

Assuming that you are in the US, the key piece of information that is missing is what state do you live in? Mediation in my experience is useless and all it is good for is to get intel on her and to get the certificate that we need in CO to go to a hearing. The mediator is going to want to come to an agreement and they will quickly figure out who is the weaker party and focus on them to get more out of them. Before you go into mediation, have your absolute bottom lines ready. Are you only going …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:59 PM
7

In most if not all States, you can't waive child support so that is a concern. I can't tell you across various support groups that I've seen something similar where child support was agreed to be $0.00. Then a year later the mother files for child support and is granted it. Next up, a trail separation doesn't even fit with the letter. Why is your wife buying a different house if it's atrial, that sounds like the divorce is on the path to . Use her sense of urgency to get a financial settlement d…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 07:08 PM
1

Why didn't you call the police after she bit you? If she touches you like that again, it's time to call the police. Get a restraining order and you control things.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:29 PM
0

I highly suggest you go learn about braces and why they are needed. Of course I suspect with you is this a case that while you might be able to read, you won't be able to comprehend what you are reading.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:19 PM
2

If an ortho is doing braces for cosmetic reasons on a kid, you need to report them to the State Board of Dentists. Get a second opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:44 AM
2

In this case, they aren't medically necessary. Has the dentist recommended seeing an ortho for a consult? Even if the dentist hasn't it's time to see about getting the referral. The ortho will tell you if they need braces, if they are looking like they will need them in the future, or if there isn't a need right now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 07:55 PM
3

BULLSHIT. Stable care is two parents in separate homes. Do not settle for anything less than 50/50 now because what happens now will likely be the next 16 years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 01:31 AM
11

If you have kids, do not stay away from the house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 04:58 PM
2

Do you have kids? If so, unless you are forced out of the house, DO NOT MOVE OUT. Sounds like you are done and that is fine.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:15 PM
1

Is she going to be getting a ton of income from the investment property? Once you start talking things like investments it's going to become more interesting for the whole financial settlement and CS/Alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 05:32 AM
2

There's a formula specified in law that is used to calculate child support. At some point, which if I remember right 10 years ago was once the two parents combined income was greater than 250K the formula doesn't have to apply and a judge can do what they want.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 08:27 PM
3

You have to do a couple of cost/benefit analysis. The first is the most simple. How much would child support change each month? Estimate how much you'll spend in legal fees assuming you don't get the judge to order her to pay some or all of yours. Then determine how long it'll take before you come out ahead. It very well may not be worth it because it'll take too long for the change to break even. The second is far harder to determine. Even if it is financially sound to do the child support chan…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 10:04 PM
4

It's not unethical from the lawyer's duties. Look up the what the bar rules and ethics are in your State to get an idea of what would prevent a lawyer from taking a client along with dropping a client.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 08:57 PM
5

That would be so awesome to get a tax credit. 500K and climbing at 9.5 years, quite the write off.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 08:47 PM
3

No it isn’t nonsense. You’ll find a ton of dads who say the same thing. My ex added months to the divorce because she falsely accused me of domestic violence and child abuse. I was one of me lucky ones who didn’t get arrested or charged since the cops saw through her lies. You’ll find plenty of dads who first had to spend months or years fighting criminal charges and CPS/DHS. All that time the mother has no incentive to settle. She has the kids and the home, why would she want to settle? I’m at …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 09:10 PM
2

NEVER EVER MOVE OUT WITH KIDS INVOLVED. The moment you move out you lose all leverage and the woman can drag things out. If you stay in the house then she has incentive to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:41 PM
12

DO NOT MOVE OUT. You lose a ton of power because the house is likely the biggest asset. Also if you have kids it's even worse to move out. Once you move out, your STBX has no real incentive to move forward. This crap is why it took me almost a year and others have taken much longer. The only reason I moved out is I forced to through the first of many, many false allegations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 09:31 PM
5

That is absolutely horrible and sadly the exact sort of things my ex does to our kids, constantly lying to everyone. Now could she be trying to hide it because of alimony? I know in Colorado getting married doesn't change child support.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:27 PM
2

On the old divorce forum the advice was wait at least a year to clear your head. I can tell you I went on a few dates about 3 months after my divorce started and that was a bad idea. In the end I started dating just after a year from when the divorce was finalized and my head was in a much better space. Remember it's not just for you to wait but for the people you date. If you're in a bad head space you don't want to negatively impact who you date. Now it isn't for me but if you go for FWB this …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 05:40 PM
1

You didn't mention kids, if there aren't any that makes it much more of a business transaction. I can only speak for Colorado but with a short term marriage you're not looking at very much financially. Whoever makes more money might have to pay alimony for a short while, with my 4 year marriage it wasn't even half the length of the marriage. Both pension and 401k should be divided up by a QDRO to equalize those assets. The general rule is going to be gains losses during the marriage. If you have…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:45 PM
2

I’m also in Colorado and while I disagree that the formula is reasonable, it’s at least in the laws until combined income is 250K+. Thanks to the tender years doctrine after my ex went nuts when our second kid was 6 weeks old she was allowed without impact to take far lower paying jobs. Normally in Colorado if you choose to take a lower paying job the court will impute your income. With the tender years she was allowed to take a lower paying job and it became precedent. Which means she doesn’t e…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 07:31 PM
1

11 months for the divorce. Now it's gong to be 21 months to enforce parenting time. My ex has kept our kids from us two summers in a row, last Christmas break, one kid spring break, and more.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 09:15 PM
5

You get court orders before you do anything like this. It may be a MOU or similar from mediation. It might be a minute order by a magistrate/judge. It might be an agreement between you through lawyers. Don't move out. Don't do anything bit financially without approval by the court.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:50 PM
4

When things were getting more serious with my now wife, my therapist made it very clear that it was time to have a financial conversation. We talked about what we made, saver vs spender, existing debt, long term goals, and a few more things. Honestly it was likely the second biggest moment in our relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 07:28 PM
5

DO NOT MOVE OUT. The moment you move out you lose a lot of leverage and the silver bullet process starts which includes delaying as much as possible and the start of withholding your kids from you. At this point, you should also be carrying a running Digital Audio Recorder any time you are near your STBX. The next step she's likely to do is make accusations of domestic violence in order to not just get you out of the house but to get you restricted from your kids. Again, DO NOT MOVE OUT.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 06:35 PM
5

Courts love to keep status quo. If you go for 66/33 now, it gets very hard to go for 50/50 if it is contested. You need to eat the cost in gas and time to drive the 20 miles. Move closer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 11:06 PM
1

Depends on the State. Video and audio are legal for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 02:41 AM
1

Very true, though my first lawyer said with my ex he would have advised* me to still carry the DAR even if CO wasn't a single party state. His logic was that you would rather be fighting a recording charge than a domestic violence. This is in no way legal advice, if you're in a multi-party state talk with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 01:26 PM
6

Don't use your phone, use a DAR. Your phone is more likely to be ripped out of your hands and smashed. Both iOS and Android will stop recordings based on other things you do on your phone, a DAR will record until the battery is dead. Also as long as your STBX doesn't know about the DAR, if they demand you turn off your phone or you forget it in a different room, you still have the DAR.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 08:13 PM
7

Get a digital audio recorder (DAR) and have it running in your pocket at all times your STBX is near you. The point of the DAR isn't for court evidence, it's so that when and not if, you're falsely accused of domestic violence you pull it out and let the police listen to it. Getting arrested is one of the worst things that can happen.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:30 PM
1

You're talking too much and giving too much details. The schedule should be the first thing. Frankly, the way you put the capitalization isn't easy to follow. Depending on age go for the 7/7 with either Monday morning be the end/start or Friday afternoon. If the kids are younger like it sounds like and exchanges are bad, then 5-2-2-5 schedule. One of you has every Monday and Tuesday overnight, the other every Wednesday and Thursday overnight and then you alternate weekends. Don't put who can and…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:27 PM
6

The court system sucks in Colorado. Now with that said there are some good things around alimony and child support. Your combined income is such that the formulas in the Colorado Revised Statues C.R.S.'s do apply which gives you a starting position that is set in concrete. Even if you don't agree in mediation, the court will apply the laws. Next up is debt/assets. While it's not as certain as child support and alimony, it is very likely that it will be a simple formula. Calculate assets and debt…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 05:34 PM
3

Is the settlement signed? If so, get a possession order of the home. It's something that starts with sole...
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 03:03 PM
10

Sadly, you should have called the police right away with her behavior and gotten a restraining order. Now the system is going to say that you weren't in fear. Now with child support, assuming you are in the US most States have formulas codified into law. Use that formula and don't accept your ex's demand. Mediation is useless unless both parties want to settle. Just force a court date and hope for a courthouse step settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:10 PM
3

It depends on your State. I can tell you in CO that you are in a sticky place. Voluntarily reducing your income is a red flag to the courts, you can have your income imputed at the previous rate. In a modification you'll have to give good reasons as to why the income decrease. Now as far as the modification happens in CO is there are two conditions that can trigger a modification. The first is it can be adjusted every 3 years. Second is if there is a +/- 10% change in amount paid. I've seen peop…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 05:17 PM
1

As others have said, in most States child support is straightforward. The calculation is written into law. In Colorado it takes a variety of factors and then spits out a number. Your income, her income, cost of insurance, number of overnights, any other child support. I might be missing a couple of things but this should give you a reasonable idea. First off, you're screwed on parenting time unless you move closer to the kids. Most times a judge is going to look at status quo. Which means if the…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 10:05 PM
3

You can't control your ex or her lawyer. Ask your lawyer if they have crossed the State ethical boundaries for lawyers and if so file a complaint. Other than that, do everything possible to get a hearing date set.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:01 PM
3

Get the authorities involved for sure. This is very, very serious.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:59 PM
2

Was there a family medical emergency and if so can you give an idea of what it was? Has the judge approved the signed agreement? And at least in Colorado you should be able to oppose, maybe even with prejudice and request attorney fees.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:55 PM
9

Just drop it. 20K is going to cause you years of problems with kids. From your ex telling your kids you cheated her out of money, to other things like false allegations of child abuse, parental alienation. Besides as others have said, this almost certainly contractual alimony. If you fight it in court, I'd be very surprised if you didn't have to just pay your lawyer but hers as well. Think of it as 20K goodwill.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:53 PM
4

500K and counting :( I've trashed my retirement, I owe more than I want to say to my parents and now my in-laws are paying legal bills for the next few until what will be the last trial strictly due to money.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 07:59 PM
1

Find a therapist and a psychiatrist. Work with them to see what support you need. I've also tried off and on to get into somatic therapist because I carry too much of my stress and anxiety across my shoulders and upper back. Finish the divorce and take the freedom to move to where you want to.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 03:44 PM
11

Under no circumstances do you tell her the plans. If your lawyer isn't already saying this, it's time to fire the lawyer. You need everything documented around her parenting and the communication in OFW.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:55 PM
3

If you don't have kids, it's time for total radio silence. You might have some property to split but that's all you should discuss.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:51 PM
4

That's absolutely insane for a consult. Even the partner at the law firm I use "only" charges $500/hour. Run very fast from this lawyer. You went in with the wrong mindset on what a consultation is. The lawyer isn't going to talk strategy except at very high levels and will almost certainly want to talk about the legal process. They will ask you about the situation but more to see what high level areas that they should discuss with you. In the last 9 years, I've had 5 lawyers. 4 of them from the…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:49 PM
2

It's absolutely insane how much you can pay, I've lost track of the "second chances" the court has given my ex. It's cost our kids an incalculable amount of emotional abuse that they don't understand right now. It's cost me close to approaching 600k in 9 years. I'm not sure how much she's spent but I bet it's closer to 350-400k. It takes a lot more money to fight false allegations than to make them. Let's say cybersecurity pays well but it's still bankruptcy, loan from my parents, and likely I'v…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 07:41 PM
1

It's such a messed up system and my ex-wfe has gotten "second chance" after second chance. She withheld our kids nearly all of last summer and I expect it to go the same way this summer. It's going to be 14 months from when I filed my motion to enforce parenting time. This should be a forthwith motion that is done within 30 days or maybe 60, not over a year. I feel you about money, I'm approaching 600k in 9 years. I've destroyed my retirement, IRA drained, two loans on my 401K, owe my parents 50…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 05:21 PM
1

I would still be very hesitant about splitting weekends like that. One reason is for you, having the whole weekend with kids gives more options and having a kid free weekend every other weekend give me more opportunities. Before I got remarried and had a couple of kids with my wife, it was nice to be able to take a weekend trip. Split weekend means you'd have to take time off to get a couple of days in a row. Now with everything sounded cordial at this point, if it's your STBX that wants to spli…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 08:21 PM
1

How old is your son? General rule of thumb that I was given is each parent should have a gap in days of no more than the kids age. The only exception is for kids under 3. 50/50 is still just fine for the parent/bounding but you don't want too many exchanges even in good parenting relationships. When you say 3:2 and weekends 1:1, do you mean every weekend would be an exchange so one of you has Saturday and the other Sunday? To me that sounds like a plan for disaster. I'd stick with one of the thr…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 06:54 PM
7

Don't. Status quo is a huge hurtle to overcome. Stick to your guns and make 50/50 work.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 05:04 PM
3

You'll need a lawyer. Your first response should be something about the mother is welcome to relocate but the kids stay and you'll work out a summer parenting plan. Alienation is such a cowards weapon and you need to jump on it. Document, document, and then document some more. If IL is a single party consent State for recording, you WILL always have a digital audio recorder running when you are around your ex. Next up is either or both false child abuse allegations or domestic violence. How did …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 03:01 PM
1

This is definitely getting into legal territory. Were the evaluations done as part of the divorce proceedings? Was a stipulation signed? How do you know what her's recommended and is it safe to assume you are no longer listed as someone that ePHI can be released to by you STBX? As far as your OCD, you are working on it with a professional aren't you? Tell them it's something you are working on, focus on yourself and your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:57 PM
5

Very bad idea for the vast majority of people. Get the divorce finished, get your own place. Then think about dating, though most people will suggest waiting year. Especially with the divorce not done, your STBX finds out you are dating or even if you have a conversation about it, she can easily escalate. Good luck with fighting a false domestic violence accusation as you are about to cross the goal line. As far as can you, you sure can.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:51 PM
1

This is exactly it. My first lawyer called family, friends, etc., groaners. They are going to say how wonderful you are and how awful the other person it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 10:46 PM
6

It won't be a choice. It's literally been pay to see my kids for 8.5 years. Legal action after legal action and my ex always being given yet another "second chance". The alienation has gotten so bad that if the judge doesn't finally do the right thing, there's no point in spending more money.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 07:50 PM
14

So far nothing. Within the next 6 months we'll either have my two kids with my ex most if not all of the time or I suspect it won't be until they are adults. I don't know how to define what will be the cause: Evil ex-wife Corrupt family court system Corrupt CPS Running out of money, I never ever thought I'd be deep into 6 figures.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:26 PM
7

During my divorce which was very nasty thanks to my ex and her mother in particular, I went ahead and started my second Masters degree, this time I got a MBA. I had more free time for friends and learned that part of the emotional abuse inflicted on me by my ex was isolating me. Her behavior turned out to be text book.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 10:58 PM
1

The Colorado child support calculator is free to use. When I thought the court was finally going to protect my two kids with my ex, I put the numbers into the calculator. With the kids having every other weekend with my ex, I would still have paid around $300. If she made more than I do right now even at 50/50 she might be paying me depending on the difference. For Colorado is pretty straight forward calculation as it's in a statue with the formula spelled out. Now the parts that suck is an unde…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 10:54 PM
1

Why haven’t you blocked her and her friends on social media? Get that done right away, you have proof it’s being used against you. Get the divorce finalized right away with her being pissed off and about to be more pissed off when you don’t take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 07:33 AM
1

Before you move out, you MUST have a judge signed parenting plan for 50/50. You are being very dramatic and going down a path that can easily lead to high conflict. You’re talking stuff and most stuff can be replaced. You likely have a number in mind for value already, so simply ask her what she thinks and compare. Even if it’s lower than your number but not far off, you’ve just made things easier. Get a new place and start rebuilding. So what if you start with second hand furniture and househol…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 07:27 AM
4

While it sucks that Oregon doesn’t have formulas in the alimony laws, a quick search your that you likely wouldn’t have more than 2-3 years of paying support. I suggest you take a step back and write things down and look at the numbers. What does the Oregon child support calculator give you as an estimate? Your lawyer should be able to give you a good idea of how much alimony would be and for how long. There has been research that the average dad not only recovers financially but ends up better …
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 06:55 AM
2

In Colorado, child support is a formula with number of overnights being one input. Income of both parents, cost of insurance, any other child support, alimony, and some others. What that means is even with 50/50 for our two kids, I still pay over 1K a month.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 06:43 AM
4

I'm not a lawyer but have now dealt with 8.5 years of extreme crap from my ex. As far as "character references", my first lawyer called them "groaners". A magistrate/judge is likely to put very little weight on what they say. Expect lots of objections by opposing counsel with hearsay being the most likely grounds for an objection. Affidavit's have a relatively narrow scope to be useful. Let's say you've been attending therapy, you can ask your therapist to sign an affidavit that around how often…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 09:05 PM
9

Texas is a huge State, even saying all major counties is likely a significant hardship on you to move close by. Changes to the restriction should not only be a no but a HELL NO. As far as child support goes, never ever deviate from the State formula's. This is one area that often times a judge in the future will say it's not in the best interest of the children to stick to the agreed amount and calculate it per the law. She wants to take a job out of State or even out of county, new parenting pl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:36 PM
3

If you're being physically abused, you've got to find a way to prove it. Then get the police involved and get a restraining order. Take the advantage right away.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 07:37 PM
5

One of the best things is that she's moved out, congratulations on that. With the house, has your lawyer filed for "sole and exclusive use" of the property? The language might be different in other States but it's very important. Though only caveat is some times there is a minimum time. Hopefully 30 days handles it but might have to wait longer. It's time to get a digital audio recorder, any time you're around your STBX it needs to be running. If you don't already have a dash cam in your car, in…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 07:36 PM
2

It's been gone for some time. I don't know how many people moved over here.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 07:25 PM
3

This is a lesson learned. You needed a litigator who isn’t afraid of setting up a hearing. Even with all the delays my ex used, I got things finalized in 10 months. But avoid a pit bull style.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 09:26 PM
4

After our two kids, the best thing my ex-wife did is gaslight me into therapy. I'll be 9 years in January or maybe February. Sometimes it's pure venting with my therapist, sometimes it analysis into my responses, getting advice. I've done some sessions of EMDR with my current therapist. It's very draining for me but it's been overall helpful. I really need to do EMDR for my next session with him but I'm nervous because last time I tried I couldn't get into the right state of mind. I replied to a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:53 PM
3

Keep in mind that there are a number of different modalities of therapy. The most common is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) is similar but it's very effective with PTSD. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is one that has helped me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:50 PM
2

Melatonin helped me fall asleep, what it didn't do was keep me asleep. My psychiatrist is old school and after several months of not being able to get even 3 hours of sleep at a time, she prescribed trazodone. That was amazing for several years. Now I have the opposite problem that my sleep is so deep, you could set a bomb off next to me and I might wake up, but likely not. Consider a sleep study to get more detailed insight into what is going on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:47 PM
6

Time to change your mindset. This is no longer your wife that is supposed to be a partner. It's now a business transaction and in the best case it's one focused on what's best for the kids. You don't convince her. 50/50 is your hill to die on. Depending on the kid's age, 7/7 is a good schedule for late elementary or older. For early elementary, I like the 5-2-2-5 plan. Younger kids there is research that shows the kids shouldn't be away from either parent for more overnights than their age. Comm…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 04:58 PM
10

It’s a trap.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 11:27 PM
2

The good news about retirement accounts is you're going to have 2-3 decades at 29.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 09:18 PM
2

Assets can get interesting, especially with a short marriage like 5 years. Unless you can show the 90K started before the marriage, it's all but certain to be split evenly. You didn't mention retirement accounts. Most likely you'll end up with a QDRO that gives half from the date of marriage. Like it has been said you didn't account for equity with the house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 08:34 PM
1

Unless the house is very close to closing, which it sounds like it isn’t. Is time to file for sole and exclusive use of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:38 AM
7

Time to get a litigator. Get a court date set right away. Nesting is one of the absolute worst ways to parent. It’ll be her house and your former house. 50/50 parenting plan with major joint decision making. Add a geographical restriction.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:35 AM
3

This is exactly it. Only two things that I would add/clarify is first I would call it a "business negotiation". Your goal is to remove all emotion from your position and compromises. The second is if you have children, the only thing you shouldn't negotiate is child support. Follow the law exactly and pay through the State. Here in Colorado there is a formula that is codified in a Colorado Revised Statue (C.R.S) that I believe is used up to a combined income of 250k. Then paying through the Stat…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:46 PM
2

I don't think separation qualifies, divorce does. This is one is a question for your health care plan. With the auto loan, the absolute best thing to do is get into the final orders that your ex needs to re-finance or pay off in a very short period of time. 6 months would be my suggestion with no more than a year. It also needs teeth in the order. Assuming that the loan isn't upside down, you can put a sell clause in. Or you take possession of the car. Don't forget to take her off your auto insu…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:42 PM
5

Get rid of every possible financial entanglement. If you own property together, either get it transferred to one or the other of you along with being removed from any loans. This is a hard no. She's need to deal with her own healthcare. Another thing is in the US you will not be able to keep her on your insurance, so it's paying her premiums and everything "out of pocket".
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 04:49 PM
3

It’s time to drop the meditation lawyer. They go after who they perceive as the weaker party. Their goal is to get an agreement, not what is best for the kids and not what is equitable for the financial settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 09:56 PM
2

This. If there is no temp order in place, set the status quo. You need to stop letting your STBX you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 09:53 PM
5

68 pages is insane. I think we’ve done about 6-10 pages.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:24 AM
2

Is it a felony or misdemeanor? If it's a misdemeanor consider risking it, as my first lawyer put it with my ex being so malicious even if we were in a single party State he would recommend carrying a DAR. He said would you rather go to jail on a false DV or fight a recording charge? Not legal advice just something to consider with a cost / benefit analysis. Likely even worth some billable time with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:43 PM
2

Oh man, lately I've been watching some of those Instagram reels. There is nothing about co-parenting on them. At worst it's unethical behavior from lawyers. It sets unrealistic expectations of legal actions which is going to fuel conflict, which harms the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:50 PM
2

I wouldn't waste the billable hours until some legal action is taken by the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:49 PM
3

Never take legal advice from your ex. Ignore her, though it wouldn't be a bad idea to make a real effort to delete.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:47 PM
2

How the heck did you pull this off in Texas? Texas is known as one of the worst State's in the US for the kids. The expanded standard time your ex got is more normal for dad's. Paying your legal fees, that's even better. My only question, was it a magistrate who decided this or was it a judge? A magistrate allows for a De Novo trial to easily happen in front of a judge. If it was a judge then it's an appeal, when I looked at doing that in Colorado, it was 18 months to get a hearing. There were 3…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:46 PM
2

Over 8 years of a similar story. Approaching 400k, massive alienation resulting in most of summer parenting time being missed by kids. On paper 50/50 with joint decision making. At this point, it's easy to accept that she has been possessed and everything from her first time lying about child abuse and domestic violence is the real her. If her parents disappeared there might be a chance for her to recover from their life long abuse. So much was hidden and/or I didn't know to ask the right questi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:41 PM
3

Don’t mention your ex has primary custody. Don’t say X number of days. Talk to the staff, ignore barbs from your ex. Say you’ll coordinate with your ex to work together. If she attacks you and you ignore it helps establish the view of the situation in the minds of the staff. You have to absolutely believe that you are at least equal to your ex in parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 11:10 PM
1

Hopefully you live in a single party consent state. Get a digital audio recorder and have it running anytime you’re going to be around your ex. Do everything possible to communicate in writing. Hopefully you’ve got a good lawyer. If her statement gets brought up, they should ask for proof.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:28 AM
1

For better or worse at 17 unless there is abuse involved. It's far better to do nothing, let your 17yo decide. What's the point of spending money on lawyers when he's an adult in such a short time? For the person who mentioned child support, do a cost benefit analysis. Almost certainly the dollar cost and emotional cost of reducing child support which implies changing parenting plan is far more expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:28 PM
2

For parenting time, it was significant change. My ex took out false restraining order which got dismissed and many other things that my kids had a whole 4 hours a week with me. Nearly a year later, I got weekends and a written parenting plan that in 3 years got our kids up to 50/50. My ex had a really bad lawyer, which even though she's gone her influence is still a nightmare. She should have requested temp alimony and child support but she didn't. Tried to get back on both but the arbitrator no…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 07:00 PM
2

That's not a friend. What State are you in? A handful of States have explicit laws on 50/50 and removes a lot of the discretion from the magistrates and judges. Others are absolutely horrible, prepared to be reamed in Utah and Texas for example. 50/50 is the best for your daughter. The other thing is your temp schedule is likely to end up as your permanent parenting plan, so get it to 50/50. It's very challenging for me to manage everything but it gets done. Why the heck are you even thinking ab…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 05:53 PM
2

Sadly you’re asking the wrong question. The right question is how does your local family court apply the law? I used to ask the question what does the law say, now it’s the second question.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 01:23 AM
3

It depends. The judge may ask why your STBX doesn't want alimony with the goal to ensure she isn't being pressured into it. The judge in many if not most States has leeway to apply statute for alimony. Let's say you make $500,000 year and your STBX makes 50K, why would she agree to no alimony? Also length of marriage. 2 years vs 20 years, big difference.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 09:04 PM
8

Find a better lawyer. You're only issue is the single most important issue. The next area is change your mindset. Why aren't you the one who has to let your STBX see your kid? Why are you assuming she's in control? The moment you leave without a judge signed parenting plan without your kid, you have lost all leverage. Then you are at the mercy of the court and your STBX, which is not a good place to be at. Even staying there, don't be surprised with a false allegation that forces you out of the …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 09:02 PM
1

At least in my State, child is a calculation with two main numbers. The amount of overnights and income from both parents. I pay over 1k a month with 50/50. Even if the judge had followed the court appointed shrinks (parental responsibility evaluation) recommendation of majority parenting time, I would still have been paying some. The proposed plan would still have given our kids just over 91 overnights a year with 91 and I think 185 overnights being where the formula changes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 01:37 PM
1

When it comes to the military, I know enough to be dangerous. You mention WA, is this the State that you have residency in? Learn the laws in the State with jurisdiction and any military rules that apply. When you say State worksheet, it sounds like you are using State formulas? If so, that’s a great start. Do not deviate from calculations for child support, everything else is open to negotiation. Start thinking about child support and alimony as two separate line items. Financial entanglements …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 01:21 PM
1

Get ready for false allegations and a restraining order. Start carrying a digital audio recorder with you when you are around her. If you aren’t already sleeping in a separate bedroom, even couch living room, do so right away. It should go without saying, sex shouldn’t have happened since second of separation. What you are talking about with a lawyer is called collaboration divorce. Here’s the thing if you can sit down over the kitchen table and work things out, you don’t need a lawyer to fill o…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 12:34 PM
5

What is the view on parenting time in VA? Some State’s are horrible for kids, like Texas, I think the standard is called, expanded standard time, every other weekend plus every other Wednesday. Some are default 50/50. Plan on parenting time first.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:00 PM
2

Radio silence is both simple and straightforward. At this point, with my ex everything is about the kids. So I ask myself, is message about needs of our kids. If no, I just ignore the message. If it's about the kids, is it something that is legitimate. If it's not I ignore it. Lastly, I ignore all attacks, requests for unreasonable information and only respond to the parts that matter. I know it's simple advice but it's far from easy. After 8 years I've gotten better but still not perfect. Do th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 04:47 PM
2

First, unless there is a no contact order, restraining order, or something explicit in your court orders, do not say she can't come to the hospital. You look bad, especially with the typical family court which holds dad's to a higher standard. Now is she litigious or just makes threats? There's a big difference. If just threats, that is not litigious. Assuming the threats are coming directly to you, use radio silence. Within reason ignore the threats and respond to what needs to be responded. On…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:22 AM
2

Can you move back in? You’ve lost all leverage. She can drag things out, use the kids as hostages…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:15 AM
1

Can you agree to everything over a coffee table? If so, go for it. Though I'm not sure what the online service is for. If it's going to be easy, you should be able to download the paperwork, fill it out, submit to court. Then if you have everything right, a judge, most likely a magistrate, will sign off on it and make it offical.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:34 PM
1

I'll admit that can work depending on the level of conflict. There is no way I could do it and I've earned both a M.S. and a MBA. There's been dozens of motions, hundreds of supporting documents. Just the last 2 years is something like 140+ documents in the case file. I've lost the number of police interactions and DHS/CPS.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:20 PM
7

There are a number of red flags here. If you're asking the question of "Is it wrong to start trying to meet people now?", that tells me you're done with the marriage. Next is "wait until next spring at the end of the school year to separate." She's already decided it's over. I'm assuming the kid is finishing high school, if so there is so little time until then that child support in most States won't matter. I think it is New York, but I could easily be wrong, where you can be on the hook for co…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:16 PM
6

Similar here. The firm I've been with for something like 6 years, has learned what I can do. They send me .docx of draft motions and other court documents with the understanding that I turn on track changes. Nearly every client they send pdf's and the client can either put comments in the pdf or just write it out in an email response. One thing is if you don't use a firm, try for a lawyer that has a para. A good lawyer will have a para that charges a fraction of what the lawyer does. I've lost t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:00 PM
4

I'll just add for those not familiar with lawyers, part of the reason to lump things into one email/communication is because lawyers charge by the tenth of an hour. Send an email that they read at 1:00PM then send another they read at 1:08PM you've just been charged two tenths. If the lawyer could have read both messages in one go, then it's half the cost. This is very important when it's $400/hr. $40 vs $80. 100% true on separate kids from financials. One thing my ex did in mediation/arbitratio…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:54 PM
3

In the US, this is far from my experience. The rules of the court are designed to punish Pro Se people for daring to oppose the industry. Then the rules get archaic at times for submitting court filings. When do you double space, single space, it's a thing. If you don't put in the right references to statues, your motion can and will be thrown out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:46 PM
3

Advice from the now closed Dad's Divorce forum that I agree with is to wait until one year after the divorce is finalized. I went on a couple of dates early during the process and it definitely wasn't a good choice for me. Roughly a year after everything was finalized I started dating and while the first person didn't work out. The second has worked out amazingly well. But even she has commented that my hurt, anger, and emotions were almost too intense at first.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 09:27 PM
10

Welcome to the club. Next up, expect a restraining order and/or false allegations of child abuse with CPS/DHS. Protect yourself by always carrying a Digital Audio Recorder (DAR) when you are anywhere near your STBX. I live in a single party consent State so I can record audio for any conversation I'm part of. My first lawyer said that with my ex, even if we were in a multi-party consent State he would have advised me to still carry the DAR. You would much rather be charged with recording than wi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:59 PM
3

There is nothing wrong with bankruptcy. As my lawyer said, debt is a 4 letter word not bankruptcy. Talk to a bankruptcy lawyer. Do you qualify for chapter 7 under the means test? It's also not true about getting loans for 7 years. Either 7 or 13, it becomes more difficult but not impossible. Chapter 13, you need trustee approval. Chapter 7 your debt is discharged and you can start rebuilding with in months. Talk to a bankruptcy lawyer sooner rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:02 AM
10

I’ll share one words of wisdom. Wait at least a year after the divorce is finalized before dating. That was from a forum that no longer exists but was amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 07:54 PM
2

As much as I would advise you to not call DHS/CPS, this is a case I would. Though to be a really strong case you need to keep the kids now that you know this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 11:01 PM
1

At least in Colorado, you can do a De Novo (I think that’s the spelling) but it’s only to review large points of law. Arbitrators have far fewer restrictions than judges. They aren’t as constrained by laws. Again in my State they don’t have to be lawyers. The only reason my lawyer didn’t strongly oppose me wanting to do med/arb is that I told my ex that I’d do if we used the same mediator from the mandatory mediation. He agreed that I was reading the mediator right and she was very unhappy with …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:10 PM
1

Unless it is involving either the police or CPS/DHS, don’t respond. You are being given information that is absolutely amazing. You get to know what they are planning on using in court. Then you can build both a defense and offensive that they don’t know about. Ultimately, listen to your lawyer as they know the court system in your area.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 11:00 PM
1

While I don't live in NJ, I can give some general advice. With the TRO's one big issue is I'm assuming one of you moved out. Hopefully your still in the home, not being there screws you in so many ways starting with your ex having the power to draw everything out. Next up, find out the general view of the "tender years doctrine", hopefully NJ is past this horrible practice. Then find out the assigned magistrate or judge's view on tender years doctrine. Generally it applies until the kid turns 3.…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:41 PM
5

The only time I've seen and/or been told by various lawyers that collaborative divorce works is if you can sit across the kitchen table and agree on everything. I finally convinced my ex to do mediation/arbitration. I went too many hours on the mediation. Luckily for me my ex pissed off the mediator whose role turned to arbitration. She pushed the limits of the recommendations from the court appointed psychologist, heavily leaned towards my financial settlement, and added language around evidenc…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:28 PM
2

DO NOT MOVE OUT. I can't stress this enough. The moment you move out you lose all leverage and your STBX has an incredible amount of power. Next item in the so called "women's divorce handbook" is false allegations of abuse to get a restraining order. Your best and pretty much only protection is to run a Digital Audio Recorder (DAR) with you at all times in the house and any time you're other places with your STBX. With the DAR, do not use your phone. I'm pretty sure it's still true for Android …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:21 PM
13

Immediately file for sole and exclusive use of the house. This has to happen otherwise you could end up with a false restraining order that forces you out of the house. Equity is the key. If you keep it, can you refinance and take enough equity out? Can you pay her share from 401K? Several year plan is horrible. You need to end all financial entanglements as soon as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 07:36 PM
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