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View 7 posts and 57 comments by anon4hlp on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Having both parents close to each other makes it easier for the kids though. If you have a 50/50 model in mind it's probably the best because the kids can see their friends no matter at which parent they are. Establish clear boundaries what is ok and what isn't. Spontaneous visits? Nope! Dropping off the kids whenever it's inconvenient? Nope! Etc
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 02:55 PM
4

Her making you feel guilty is her strategy to get you do stuff you have no obligation to do anymore... Like taking care of her dog so she can have fun. See it for what it is and it'll get better. She needs you to feel guilty, otherwise you'd be free to say no.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 02:29 PM
1

These are exactly the situations when a therapist may help you: to judge these actions correctly and limit the importance you give to them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 08:25 PM
4

I did regular therapy for a few months after separation and then I just kept the contact as needed. The idea was that once I got my confidence back, I didn't need it as a constant help. Instead I can set up an appointment whenever something especially rough comes up. That has proven to work well for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 06:44 AM
1

My ex wife was an alcoholic and was refusing to acknowledge the problem. I took the decision because I couldn't imagine letting the kids grow up in that environment. To be fair, I know more that she was an alcoholic. Back then, I just saw the sitting on the balcony, drinking and smoking, bad mood during the day, etc. But that was enough.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 07:03 PM
2

I'd be happy if my ex wife found a stable new partner, lol. Co-parenting with an unstable ex partner is annoying.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:03 PM
5

That's why it would be great to meet someone through friends... That way there is some accountability for past mistakes
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:14 PM
1

This is all true for relationships as well.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 06:18 PM
5

Three long years...
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 01:05 PM
5

You need to be optimistic to start a new relationship. If you genuinely look forward to meet someone new, you're good. If you're gonna cry to her how bad your marriage went, talk to a therapist instead
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 09:50 AM
7

Man, learn how to use paragraphs and a tldr... Seems like you have a lawyer that gave you the legal answer already so what do you ask Reddit for? Just be aware that with your ex-wife living at your place, this is the living arrangement you have. No sane woman would move in with you as the second woman beside your ex wife. In my post marriage dating, I strictly avoided all women still living with their ex partners. Too much dependency and potential for drama.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 12:56 PM
1

She was unresponsive even though it was her day with the kids so I asked common friends to check on her to make sure she's ok. They called her an ambulance and also notified me of her state
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 04:57 AM
2

Do you have kids? If yes, make sure to document everything: missed appointments, when she shows up drunk, signs that she's losing control, etc. My ex-wife is an alcoholic. Somehow she kept it hidden for years, even though I had the feeling that something was off, but 2 years after our separation sure finally lost control and spectacularly so. Hospital, job loss, everything. I contacted CPS and gave them a detailed documentation of all the signs she was losing control. They confirmed my suspicion…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 07:11 PM
3

Something neutral like /r/relationships would probably be less biased against marriage
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:28 PM
17

Asking in the divorce channel if marriage is worth it is like going to a rehab and ask people if you should start drinking. Just saying, you'll get answers here from people who all has negative experiences, one way or another
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 11:47 AM
1

Be very careful with the combination of alcohol abuse and depression. Once I was out of the house, my ex-wife completely lost control over her consumption of alcohol and anti depressants. As a result she wasn't able to take care of the kids on her own and has spent the majority of the past 2 years in hospital and/or treatment for her depression and alcohol abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 06:50 AM
2

When I was a kid, my parents made sure that they met each other's new partner as soon as it got serious. Now, 30 years later, my father told me how reassuring it was to see her with a stable new partner that he knew I would see often in the future. That requires a minimum of maturity by all parties involved of course but it could be a good idea
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 10:52 AM
15

Here's the thing: you'll find out very soon who your best friends really are! (Hint: it won't be your ex wife) After I separated from my now ex wife, there were two friends I could talk to without a filter who stayed and offered genuine support. In one case I was honestly surprised because his wife is/was good friends with my ex wife so I was worried about a conflict there but he made clear early on that I could count on him. In addition, get a therapist. It's good to have friends you can compla…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:08 PM
2

I just removed her profile from my Google fotos which prevents it from reminding me "of that great time x years ago". Apart from that I didn't delete any pictures
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 06:08 PM
1

The only reason you give is "you miss the kids and romance". Everything else is like a hundred reasons to stay as far away from this mess as possible. Try to fight for your (and the kid's)right to see your kids instead
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:19 PM
18

I'm better off alone than in a bad relationship. But then again, being in a good relationship is better than being alone. It's just hard to find
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 10:56 PM
7

This reminds me so much of my situation. My ex-wife also told people "she's basically a single mom" while I took so much care of the kids that 50/50 shared custody feels very relaxing. Unfortunately not for her so she descended into alcoholism and lost custody at least temporarily so be vary of that Start the process over again and good luck
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:15 PM
4

I'm the father, it's the mother who's sick. But yes, in general I agree, children need both parents so I hope she gets back on her feet
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 12:27 PM
4

Yes, I'm considering that constantly. My ex has been in hospital for a total of 6 months in 2023 due to mental issues and alcohol problems which is why child protection services decided that the kids need to stay with me full time until she finishes therapy successfully.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 08:28 AM
3

Up to you. 3 years ago, I said I'd give it another chance with therapy. A few weeks later it turned out she found herself a new boyfriend so it was all for show. Now her new boyfriend is history again and again I hear stories that we were so great and we've changed so much in the time apart so we should try again. No thanks
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 01:41 PM
9

Get child protection services involved first if it's as bad as you describe. I'm going through something similar and CPS requested that I take care of the kids 100% until my ex-wife is capable again and she took extensive therapy (and alcohol rehab). I was advised to do this by a therapist and a lawyer to make sure I'm not accountable for future accidents because I turned a blind eye to the situation my kids might be exposed to Believe me, the contact to their mother is probably the most basic r…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 12:58 PM
12

Honestly, #1 is worse. Depending on your country's laws, you might still be assumed to be the father simply because you're married.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 12:51 PM
4

Way too much imo. Stay classy, otherwise it'll look like you just want to punish her instead of protecting your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 08:51 PM
3

It is. Despite everything, I wanted her to do well on her own. Especially for the kids
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 04:21 PM
5

This. Simply telling her lawyer that I'm willing to force the sale if she can't pay out my half way enough that we could suddenly sell. Best decision ever!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 04:15 AM
2

My position is a bit different. I still think, 50/50 is better for the kids and I'd go back to that immediately if I could. So her panic attacks didn't play a role in the initial setting. Just when she showed up drunk and unable to take care of herself or the kids I involved child protection service and they changed the agreement. But if she proves that she went through several months of therapy that was advised and proves that she's clean, I'd still go back to shared custody
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 06:28 PM
19

I wanted out because we were fighting all the time, we had horrible communication and I had the feeling I was spending 100% of my energy to keep her from panicking. She told me that was unfair and not true. Fast forward two years... I was apparently right. I have currently 100% custody of the kids because she's hospitalised due to repeated panic attacks and alcohol abuse. I'm not sure how to feel about that because on the one hand I'd like her to do well but weirdly enough taking care of the kid…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:05 PM
2

I've gone through something similar for the past 2 years. The problem is: as long as it's just your observation it'll be your word against hers. As hard as it is: the best would be to keep your eyes open until she drops the ball. Then you can involve child protection services or whatever you want and you'll have specific information. I kept a diary with all the mishaps, tried to talk to my ex-wife first and finally involved cps. Now she's in therapy, the kids have been with me for 4 months and i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 12:54 PM
1

Thanks, same to you
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:59 AM
1

That's understandable. Just understand that from now on, your relationship with your ex is reduced to taking care of the kids. Having things equal makes decisions easier in the long run. FYI, my ex-wife and I have two kids, they're currently with me 100% due to my ex being in hospital for an extended time but my goal is to return to 50/50 split after that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:40 AM
1

What's your motive to want the 8-6 plan? I'm asking because I've been on the short end of that plan and it's not good: you have the kids almost 50% but in my country you have to pay child support as if the other parent has the kids 100%
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:25 AM
5

I guess the question is, if marriage is the contract in this case, then infidelity should invalidate the contract in favour of the cheated person. No-one is asking for the cheater to go to prison (I hope)
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 09:57 AM
11

Just be glad there are no kids on your side, that's a blessing. It actually gives you the option to ignore all the drama apart from what's necessary to finalise the divorce. Good luck mate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 10:31 AM
1

I couldn't agree more!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 10:27 AM
2

I feel the same. Despite our differences I feel the best that could happen is if she just found a stable new relationship. As long as she still tries to get the emotional support from me that she depended on for so long, it's a rough ride. It's even worse if kids are involved
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 11:30 AM
1

I know it's likely too late but make sure to communicate these things together with her from now on. It's the only way you can make sure you're both showing the kids you're still there for them. If the barrage has been bad before, the kids most likely know already something is coming anyway. Good luck man, it gets easier, so much easier soon
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 05:14 AM
3

Remember that you're the ultimate role model for your child. That includes the image she'll have of what a healthy relationship looks like. For me this was the deciding factor: I did not want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that you fight all the time in a healthy relationship. Edit: of course there are two solutions for this: you fix the relationship so it becomes what you want or you decide you cannot fix it. It's definitely worth to try to fix it first
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 10:16 AM
1

Ok, you're right, they're probably not lazy when it comes to their whole workload. Just you as a customer shouldn't expect the lawyer to be constantly working on your project unless there's something urgent to do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 07:07 AM
9

A lawyer once told me "most lawyers are incredibly lazy". So in other words as long as the lawyer has the feeling there's no immediate need for action or not chance to bill you for something, he won't do anything. There might be exceptions but most examples I've seen so far confirm this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 06:56 PM
1

Thanks and happy New year
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:47 PM
2

Thanks and happy New year
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:47 PM
1

Thanks and happy New year
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:47 PM
1

Good luck to you too and happy New year
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:46 PM
2

Thanks. It probably won't be minimalistic in the sense of some "minimalist enthusiasts"on Reddit, but yes, it's my idea of minimalism.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:43 PM
1

Fortunately yes. That's a big plus and the main reason I won't need to provide alimony in addition to child support after the divorce is final
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/21 02:23 PM
1

You're correct, that might be the better term, I wasn't sure about the term. I'm not in the USA but in Europe. The alimony needs to be requested separately but we have the principle of "self sufficiency". Each partner needs to provide for him/herself after the divorce unless she can prove she's not able to. I checked with a lawyer already and because our model of living was always that my wife works and she had several career jumps in the past years, it'll be almost impossible for her to prove s…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 09:48 PM
6

Good luck mate
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 10:29 PM
6

Thats the monthly budget. The seperation phase is by law at least 1 year unfortunately unless there's severe abuse involved (not the case) edit: thats a sankey chart ( https://sankeymatic.com/build/ )
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 09:50 PM
1

40
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 06:49 PM
2

Thanks mate. I mean, on the one hand, I was made for this (stoic, thinking things through before I act or as my wife calls it: "stubborn") on the other hand, this seems so unnecessary and exhausting it's unbelievable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 03:46 PM
2

Nothing lined up, but without the kids, I would've taken this decision at least half a year ago. The therapist was an effort to try everything possible to turn this marriage around for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 05:51 AM
0

Thanks for the kind words. I just hit an unexpected difficulty: I told her I'd give her some time to process before we discuss next steps. She came back saying "no, we're not doing this. Just tell me what to change and I'll do it" The thing is, I don't think it's possible to just change your character just because someone else asks you to. So I replied that I'm not gonna turn this into a negotiation whether or not we break up, she needs to accept my decision so we can make sure to make this as e…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/21 11:36 PM
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