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apommom Archive

View 0 posts and 378 comments by apommom on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
76

Number 4 is a big one, a lot of men who come across as shy KNOW they are not good enough
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 12:26 PM
63

They’re both extremely misogynistic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 09:35 PM
25

Oh same, and trust me I DO mind but I’m not about to sit there and negotiate lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 08:44 PM
169

I would argue steps 4, 5, 6 aren’t necessary. If he wants to split, fine, I’m not about to waste my breath. We split, I leave, you’ll never hear from me again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 08:04 PM
36

A friend of mine recently made out with a guy who tried to slap her and choke her. Both of them still fully clothed. She said she had hooked up with this same guy years ago and he was nothing like that. It’s so disgusting how this has become normalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 11:32 AM
84

👆this is what so many people get wrong about FDS… you don’t need to be a millionaire to be a compassionate, loving, valuable male partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 04:11 PM
121

Fully agree with this. I resent the term “dream girl” because it can easily conjure up the idea of a woman “better than us” whatever that might mean: prettier, skinnier, younger etc. and if only we were those things THEN we could be treated with respect. Not the case. LV/NVM aren’t waiting for the perfect woman to treat right, they treat all women the same bc they are incapable of treating an actual woman well. The “dream girl” is ALWAYS a fantasy and something a real woman could never compete w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 04:05 PM
35

Makes sense, but imagine marrying a guy THEN he pulls this shit??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 10:59 AM
67

There is hope, my sister just brought over a HVM and it was great to see an example in real life. Being in a forum like this will have you feeling hopeless. We definitely need some re-orientation back to what matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 01:46 PM
12

Yes but US WOMEN ARE the choosers, we can always choose to stay or go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 03:10 PM
19

I disagree and resent this narrative since many guys don’t even have a “best foot” - men can never do what they’re not capable of and there are ones that can simply not treat a woman well no matter what. NEVER take it personally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 03:08 PM
152

“Sex keeps things healthy” literally doesn’t make sense. He’s talking out of his ass. Just say you want sex and stop trying to be deep about it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 02:37 PM
234

Snooped his email and found he was addicted to paid porn websites. Many people wouldn’t consider that cheating, but there was emotional cheating happening in other regards too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 03:30 PM
30

I am glad you are leaving. You know what kind of person he is and that will not change. Take it super easy for now, this is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. I would advise some research on codependency when you’re ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 03:14 PM
56

It’s so rare. It takes NOTHING for most people to have sex these days
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 04:42 PM
181

My general feeling is that sex is very easy nowadays, we’re the minority. Having boundaries confuses people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 02:44 PM
51

Very true. Really important for women in this situation to remember that things aren’t what they seem from the outside. These are important questions to ask but also ones you will never know the answer to, so it’s not productive to dwell on them. Block and delete always!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 09:48 PM
417

Just don’t be fooled. A man will not treat his next partner better than he treated you. Promise of commitment means nothing from a LVM, and men will marry women they don’t even like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 07:23 PM
24

Took a look at your post history, you have all the answers you would need from your previous post on FLUS. And sorry to say, there are some red flags with your BF’s past behavior, although you’ve painted a nice picture here. You are very, very young. Please invest in and prioritize yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:31 AM
329

When you have boundaries and standards you don’t even need to make decisions, they’re made for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 12:07 PM
72

This is not it. Protect your time, protect your peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 02:07 PM
58

No such thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 09:16 PM
36

Thank you for this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 01:19 AM
13

I’ve known every professional to say that treatment is (kind of) possible but recovery is not possible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 09:16 PM
29

Narc in recovery??? 🚨🚨🚨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 01:11 PM
11

Same, I didn’t listen to my instincts. I made it home in one piece but it didn’t hit me until weeks later that I could’ve been killed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:46 PM
498

They also have an idealized version of that person in their heads. If they’ve experienced life with someone for 10+ years and know them well, it’s easy to imagine that ANY other option would be better, especially the woman they were with in their early 20’s. She stays in a time capsule in his mind basically not aging and they will never remember the bad stuff about the relationship, only the good idealized stuff they wish they could go back to. It boils down to them wanting to be permanently 20 …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 02:40 PM
17

In my opinion, NV label is reserved for abusive men, who leave you worse off than they found you (subtracting from your life) as opposed to LV who simply don’t add anything of much value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 06:17 PM
49

You’re not alone. This is extremely common. If you aren’t already familiar with her, Dr. Ramani has a ton of great videos on YouTube discussing Narcissism. It took me several weeks of learning about the disorder before I finally broke the “spell” I was in - hopefully becoming more familiar and educated about the cycle of abuse will help you too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:30 PM
144

I know it’s been a few days, but he WILL come back. Please be strong when he does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 02:22 PM
59

Never internalize their behavior!! The above post is completely true. They know it takes effort and responsibility to correctly pursue a HVW, they don’t have it in them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 01:36 AM
3

Great post. I’m on the spectrum, so my “affect display” as always been low… aka I look unhappy a majority of the time and have trouble conveying positive emotions. I’ve had massive trouble at work as a result, I’ve been called negative by my coworkers and have heard the words “you don’t seem happy here” both at work and school growing up. Not just once or twice but constantly. It’s always put me on the back foot, and up until recently I’ve believed the problem really was within me because everyw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:00 PM
32

Wow I’ve also had a guy open with “I’m __ months sober” … WHY did I not see that as a red flag??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:37 PM
54

It used to until I learned about personality disorders, specifically Narcissism. Then I learned how to depersonalize, which was the greatest thing I ever did for my self esteem - highly recommend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:34 PM
309

Notice the smaller but still obvious red flag of him requesting she make a specific dinner instead of eating according to her dietary restrictions. Specifically requesting tomato sauce but not being able to handle the responsibility of eating it screams toddler to me, it’s comical
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:05 PM
131

This is great advice for avoiding textuationships. I fell into one of those a couple years ago with an old friend, and it created a false sense of intimacy. He lived in a different state, and every time we would consider meeting up the plan would somehow fall through. He was never serious, but happy to consume the attention he got from texting back and forth ALL DAY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:00 PM
6

Wow what a comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 01:48 PM
25

I think it was an attempt to demonstrate he was over me combined with genuine regret and needing someone to talk to. I didn’t take the bait and still don’t know whether or not he became a dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:12 AM
63

Honestly why bother?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 08:51 PM
95

He begged and apologized, claimed he saw how toxic he was and that he’d done a lot of reflection. It had been a year apart. He wanted to make things right and make it up to me and I kind of wanted him to. I wanted all of the good stuff he was promising, and a chance for a kind of “do over,” but I was also hesitant and resistant to it. In my gut I knew it was a bad idea, but I was lonely and had been single and dateless for that entire year. So with my weak boundaries I allowed him to wedge his w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 08:49 PM
69

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about narcissists it’s that they do not change. This info should help you let go. Depersonalize their behavior, it’s a THEM problem, be very careful if your brain starts to convince you that you’re lesser or you would be treated better by him if you were only xyz. It’s false. Only you can end the cycle of abuse!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:04 PM
89

Yep, there’s a reason they fly off the handle and accuse you of seeing someone else when you go to break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 12:06 AM
56

For me it wasn’t any one action or mistake, but a mindset. I valued male attention over almost everything. Every time I got dressed it was either to attract or defer the male gaze, depending on how good I felt about myself. It was all consuming. I didn’t leave my boyfriends when they were shitty and abusive. I would see other girls as enemies or competition. I had a NLOG complex. I had casual sex in college and would have immature thoughts like, “I need to get laid” or would feel undesirable at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 06:38 PM
34

AITA is full of this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:51 PM
58

Snapchat is a very low value form of communication so be wary of any guy who wants to communicate in that way primarily. Why did this guy quit his job without a new one, and why is he going out for dinner 3x a week under those circumstances? Yes, if he wanted to he would, but you barely know this guy. It seems like he wants to be integrated into your life immediately when you move there so you don’t have time to look for other options. When you go to look at apartments, just focus on that, do no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:46 PM
97

“I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 06:08 PM
35

I’m sorry that happened, it’s indeed not your fault. Anything can happen and HVM can turn LV/NV in an instant, that’s the reality we live in. Never blame yourself for doing the best you could and making the right choices at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 05:15 PM
25

I agree, however my parents both worked full time and we had a full time nanny and housekeeper. As we got older, my dad “regressed” and his financial anxiety became a burden on our family. We no longer needed a nanny, but my mom ended up paying the housekeeper right up until she suddenly passed in her mid 50’s. I had to immediately let the housekeeper go because my dad refused to pay. We lived in disarray for years after that until my siblings and I learned to care for ourselves. Never stop vett…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 05:11 PM
79

I vaguely remember coming across this sub and scoffing when I was deep in my pickme days. Now it all resonates with me. It takes a major shift in perspective, and not everyone is ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 02:58 PM
39

No, that is not the same as the AirTag notification and is not a cause for concern. This notification typically pops up when you go to charge with an adaptor or cable not made by apple, but I’ve also had it happen with Apple made chargers. You could take your phone into an apple store for more info. Do you have an older model of iPhone? Even if you don’t there could be an issue with your accelerometer that has your phone thinking you’re driving and suggesting you put on do not disturb. Either wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 02:08 PM
454

No happy birthday wishes, just goes straight to guessing her age. Rude as hell. Let me guess, reddit calls her overly sensitive and sides with him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 09:16 PM
23

I think I saw that and wanted to read it but when I refreshed it was gone :( I’d love to hear your thoughts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 11:54 PM
123

Two out of her three reasons are the same... to remind him to propose. For some reason I get the feeling this isn’t going to happen for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 09:07 PM
3

Everyone has to do what’s right for them at the end of the day. With the last guy I was with, my sister encouraged me to “go off on him,” but I just knew in my heart it wouldn’t make a difference (from years of experience with my exs). I spent a month being distraught, wasn’t able to block him, he was sending me memes and “checking in” like nothing happened. The thing is, I secretly did want to hear from him to see if he would “hoover” me back and start lovebombing me again, so I kept the door o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 03:54 PM
2

Something I’ve learned over time: men who don’t care enough not to hurt you don’t care about your anger either. So communicating your anger to them doesn’t actually make you feel better since they’re not receptive. They invalidate, belittle, joke about it, try to pull you back in, etc. If you see blocking as a communication tool (to show that you’re not weak or to teach a lesson) then you’ve got it wrong. It’s just closing the door for good and protecting your peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 03:37 PM
187

I firmly believe that if you’re not willing to block it’s because you still want to hear from that person. Blocking is showing you’re done for good. It doesn’t convey hatred, which would be a consuming emotion, it actually conveys indifference to that person being in your life. Unstable behavior would be blocking and unblocking, sending paragraph texts “communicating” how you feel etc. Blocking is freeing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 09:25 PM
32

I’m of the belief that men don’t really have a type. They’ll choose a woman they deem worthy of respect (their respect and respect of others) but that feeling can always change. Many men also idealize. So sure, they can see a woman who is their “type” physically and then immediately idealize the hell out of what her personality must be like, in a way that suits them. That’s how I would define love at first sight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:04 AM
351

Do not continue to engage. This guy only has one thing on his mind and his messages are gross. Please just block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 12:08 AM
12

I agree about the codependent part, but the definition of a trauma bond isn’t “bonding” over stories of individual trauma. A trauma bond is defined as being created through abuse: a person will bond to their abuser when they’re given shreds of affection and then abused when that same person takes the affection away. Then they’re left craving the attention and validation of their abuser and feel they simply cannot leave (bonded). It cannot be created “on sight” - so to me, love at first sight and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 11:53 PM
6

Not sure this makes sense? A trauma bond is something that develops during/as a result of abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 10:35 PM
261

IMO this terminology is for guys - since many of them know who they want to marry within the early stages of meeting a woman. It doesn’t apply for us because we have to vet and there can be pitfalls and dangers along the way of getting to know someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 07:18 PM
81

My father remarried within 2 years of my mom’s sudden death. They were married over 25 years and did not love each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 09:53 PM
162

Agree, and also it’s revolting to think a mother would discuss the sex life of her underage daughter on a public forum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 09:34 PM
361

I’m not usually skeptical but it sounds like a pornsick man wrote this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 08:44 PM
168

Yep, I need to protect myself because I’m a giver. I’ve never been with a man who has provided for me even half as much as I’ve provided for him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 08:11 PM
57

100% agree with this - if you’re not blocking it’s because on some level you want to hear from them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 05:43 PM
78

If he’s a cheater he will cheat no matter what
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:02 PM
31

He’s not serious. Leave before you invest too much time bc this isn’t going to go anywhere
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:13 PM
31

Never pay. If this is still concerning you, please read the handbook or several other posts here that detail why women should NEVER go 50-50
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:24 PM
113

Very familiar with this pattern. Every guy I’ve been with exhibited this behavior and each of them were afflicted with a cluster B personality disorder. Being in an occasional “bad mood” is a natural, normal part of life. However, it is not normal for it to be a chronic issue, to never take responsibility for your moods and take it out on your partner every day you’re together. This is so common, many women are going to be able to relate to this post. The biggest takeaway is that he will not cha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:28 PM
88

Sooner to be pregnancy news than divorce news I’m afraid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:20 PM
75

If we unblock it’s because we subconsciously want them to come groveling back. Do not wait for the hoover, do not put your worth in whether or not he comes back begging for a second chance. Put yourself first, cut him off and move forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:05 PM
41

See it as a gift to yourself if you do it now. Don’t put up with it another day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:00 PM
15

We need the wiki updated for these!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 09:34 PM
46

Without social pressure and obligation men had the excuse to be lazy and unproductive for the past couple years. This is the real him, he will not improve until after you leave him. He knows what you’ll put up with and it’s not going to change. Make an easy exit plan for yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 05:26 PM
15

Yep and it’s in our nature to want to give the benefit of the doubt, see the good in him, see his potential, not judge or label him… that’s where I believe the urge to have a “MVM” label comes from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:39 PM
44

I would argue there’s so such thing as an MVM. If he’s not HV then he’s LV - it’s not an insult, just a qualifier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:46 PM
67

This is definitely a phenomenon. We may respect and admire those who are forthcoming about their struggles and experiences, but it doesn’t mean that oversharing with someone will inspire them to respect and admire you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 12:42 AM
22

It’s total projection!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 08:17 PM
100

It’s so simple, they can’t live up to the standards. They’re jealous of guys that tick all the boxes, and threatened knowing that’s what women want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 02:25 PM
14

Perfect answer
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 12:43 AM
44

2 stuck out to me the most so I’ll address that: my advice would be to definitely not tell him about what makes you uncomfortable. Traditionally you should sit across the table, so it may be good to use this date as an opportunity to practice becoming more comfortable with being seated face to face. I know we’re all about vetting here, but my personal belief is that it should happen through natural conversation. Enjoy being taken out on a date and have fun! You’ve mentioned this is the first tim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:53 PM
105

Exactly, I’m seeing this everywhere, even guys over 30. I think it can keep a lot of women strung along too, thinking a guy with that lifestyle will suddenly want to change: grow up, get serious and settle down, so those women want to be around when that switch happens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 06:58 PM
42

I’ve been doing it lately but it really feels unnatural. Plus they always, always want more
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 02:25 AM
5

They’ll resent you for being hot too, trust me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:45 PM
61

Yes, and I used to have more male friends than female. Since FDS I realized all of my friends of both genders are LV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:36 PM
183

Your intensity is warranted. In her other comments below that post she mentioned that the only sex act they engage in is her going down on him. Going down on her is “not something he does,” she says this explicitly. Agree with the other comment that says she’s too deep in the abuse cycle to see anything clearly. This scenario happened and she still posted on Reddit prefacing the story with “this is the guy I can see myself marrying.” The hardest posts to read are the ones where you know it’s lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 11:24 PM
90

Great, not missing anything. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:45 PM
124

Here’s to that! It’s been six months and I’m on entirely different mental level. Wish every woman could experience this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:13 PM
29

Mgk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:32 PM
682

The last guy I dated looked like this that’s why I’m here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:32 PM
155

“Sexual compatibility” means they want to see what you look like naked. They want to test dive your body to see if they like it. They will always put sex first, they will never value intimacy, connection, or your human qualities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 12:58 PM
248

Spot on, there is nothing desirable about a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. In every HVM case I’ve seen, he has his mind made up from even before the beginning of the relationship. Don’t settle for the wishy washy BS, you do not want a guy like this who thinks he has all the time and options in the world. Even if you eventually “get him,” that weak attitude of his will permeate other areas of the relationship and you’ll see it even extends to other areas of his life. Edit: but then, also, yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 12:50 PM
76

Same but in every capacity, not just dating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:37 AM
20

Now that I think about it, the “doing guy stuff” thing was definitely a trope hammered into our heads in the 90’s. Almost every from of media, even educational books, would force this dichotomy between “girly girls” and “tomboys”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 07:05 PM
16

I definitely believe now that breakups are always good, but people look at me like I have 3 heads if I tell them that’s what I think
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:54 PM
33

They’re selfish - not wanting to have any responsibility to a woman, but wanting a woman to have all the responsibility in helping and nurturing them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:33 PM
375

Calling me after midnight because he was lonely and in a depression spiral. Telling me that I helped him stop using/he was going to quit drugs to be with me. Texted every morning and all fucking day long (but super flaky and unresponsive when it came time to meet up)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 08:53 PM
53

I see your perspective but I think men definitely idealize and project fantasies. He hasn’t told her about his feelings because he fears rejection, so my belief is this entire relationship exists in his head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 05:46 PM
3

Five years with him and he drops this on her 4 months postpartum. That’s the shit I can’t get over. “Like a sister” bullshit, he’s really attempting to sugar coat the fact that he’s not attracted to her body anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:39 PM
558

So what you’re saying is you’re emotionally cheating on your wife with a woman who is probably just talking to you to be polite because she’s in a captive work environment, and when she tells you she’s leaving you can’t be happy for her you can only think of your own pp? The delusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:38 PM
8

“I should unpack this because I don’t want her to use it or need it and it will embarrass her (me)”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:29 PM
115

I’m convinced men actually like “high maintenance” women except for the part where it makes them feel inferior that they can’t keep up or provide
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:20 PM
63

And the “magic girl” in the media or on Instagram also has extensions, or filler, Botox, makeup, photoshop etc. but you’re supposed to look just like that, only natural.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:17 PM
15

“Less weird” = less different = less black … it makes much more sense now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:12 PM
502

It’s probably a microfiber turbie twist or something similar. I can always tell the difference when I don’t use microfiber. Of course men don’t care, or in this case care too much and think it’s weird. Like didn’t you say you liked her nice hair? Tf is wrong with him seriously And of course his friends think she’s being dramatic. “Why would she break up with you over a towel?” Missing the point entirely, this is an issue of him being controlling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 04:24 AM
222

It is fucked up because it’s not even about the literal towel which is by all accounts an insignificant item, but he just had to have control over this aspect of her life. Of course it extends to other areas. Check the age gap. It reminds me of when a parent puts the toy the kid refuses to let go of in the cart but removes it before checking out at the store. Like the parent “knows better” and exerts their parental power, which of course they have a right to do, but this guy has no right. My poi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 04:14 AM
21

It’s not bias, it’s reality and every woman on this sub will tell you the same thing. If it’s hard to talk now, it will only be harder to talk months, years down the line if you stay with this person. Listen to your instincts, they’re not wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:10 AM
17

It’s really good that you know that instinctively, because not only are you being realistic, but you won’t waste your time trying. If he was relationship material you wouldn’t feel that way, you should be able to talk to the person you’re with because you know he will care!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:05 AM
55

You won’t change the culture, LVM are everywhere and sadly your boyfriend is one. I was with a guy like that and it was downright humiliating. Please read the handbook. You deserve better than this situation and he will not change no matter how much you may want to communicate how this makes you feel. It’s only been three months, go your own way. Block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:01 AM
113

Definitely deeper problems, otherwise she wouldn’t be posting. This is quite literally her first adult relationship, she has nothing to compare it to, so of course she thinks he’s amazing. It may be a couple more years before she really wakes up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:14 PM
26

I agree that’s an important distinction! My therapist used to refer to it as “capital N Narcissist” which would be the diagnosable cluster B personality disorder, but there are so many “narcissistic tendencies” that are pervasive in male culture. You definitely don’t need a diagnosis to know if a man is misogynistic, abusive, lacks empathy etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:03 PM
36

I agree with you that narcissism has a “lighter” implication. Because of this, I always had an entirely different definition of narcissism (e.g someone that simply likes looking at themselves in a mirror) and did not see the connotations to abuse, manipulation and psychological harm until I actually experienced those things for myself. Therefore I think it’s easier for people, especially younger women, to gloss over the term if they don’t have an understanding that it’s a personality disorder on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:53 PM
248

The DENNIS system is just a version of the narcissistic cycle of abuse: idealize, lovebomb, devalue, discard (then hoover, discard, repeat until YOU end the cycle) This is a real thing that all narcissists use in romantic relationships. In fact, they are not capable of having a healthy relationship, they are only capable of perpetuating this cycle. And there are more narcissists out there than you may realize. I would argue that this is probably one of the most important things to educate yourse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:48 PM
34

I checked out at the first mention of “paragraphs” … you need to not take your friends advice about guys again. It’s not beneficial to let them know how you feel, and it’s not worth it to have this entire back and forth that includes a third party. This guy was negging you by calling you masculine and it worked, any apology from him is not sincere. Edit: strongly advise you to read the handbook before going on your next date!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:32 PM
36

I’ll defend the gossip girl title: it’s a show based on a series of novels where the characters are in high school (manhattan private schools). The main characters are being stalked and written about on a blog by an unknown character referred to as gossip girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 01:38 PM
249

Most likely they were damaged before that particular breakup but just localize all their feelings onto “the one who got away” There is absolutely no reason to feel jealous, you should only be assessing if the guy in question is LV or not. If he is, then he has always been that way. Any guy that cannot process his emotions in a healthy way is LV/NV
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 12:08 AM
6

Hint: you don’t have to read his response if you block him! Blocking is for your own peace of mind
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:13 PM
2

These are great options. I really dislike the suggestions that end with “best of luck finding someone!” Idk why it just rubs me the wrong way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:09 PM
190

I was definitely naive up until this year really. But I’ve always had a jaded side and I just spent all last weekend listening to my friend go on about how jaded I was, it bothered me a bit. I think what you refer to as “balance” is really just you not yet feeling fully comfortable transitioning from a pickme into FDS principles. In time you realize every principle exists for a reason and there’s no compromising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 01:25 PM
34

Bringing her up on a first date might actually be the only vetting strategy you’ll ever need!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 12:03 PM
60

This is just another case of “if he wanted to, he would” … if he wanted to work, he would’ve made sure he started on time. He doesn’t actually want it bad enough to even try.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 03:19 AM
271

You’re contradicting yourself by saying there are no good men but that your boyfriend is good enough. You know it exists, but you have a scarcity mindset and it’s holding you back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 02:46 AM
162

Hard to say, I think “beautiful” is a natural descriptor for women that most people use without thinking too much about it. But it does remind me of when I was talking to a guy about Ariana Grande’s talent and the only thing he could contribute was “yeah, she’s super hot.” He was definitely disgusting, but your situation sounds more nuanced. I wouldn’t say this is a major red flag in itself but curious to hear what others think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 11:41 PM
367

I honestly feel like “hard to read” just means you’re not throwing yourself at them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 07:57 PM
59

You need to first give yourself grace, allow yourself to feel, but then prioritize rebuilding your self-esteem because it’s just about the most important thing you can have. If therapy is available, go for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 07:00 PM
159

I think the second one you mentioned has universally done the most damage. In many cases the woman has to do absolutely nothing for the guy to change, he’s chasing after her and wants to change for her because she’s “the one” – like her simply existing is enough to completely cure him of a cluster B personality disorder. Makes women believe that if they are perfect enough, the guy will act right…. eventually
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:47 PM
14

If they pick a place close to where they live, it’s intentional
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 01:13 PM
2

I get it, I thought we were talking about the fake crazy thing. I appreciate this perspective, and agree that being quiet and passive does not equate to “taking the high road.” That said, I guess it’s hard for me to conceptualize, since I haven’t yet been in a situation where I felt I could effectively shift the power balance and hold them accountable in any real or material way. I’m not even sure what that would look like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 06:33 PM
24

HVM also just make less mistakes since they’re not inherently careless. If you feel the need to argue verbally and text paragraphs, that’s a sign in itself that the person on the receiving end of your “communication” is not HV
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 02:38 PM
16

The only reason I wouldn’t endorse the Jerry Springer method is because men really get off on your pain and anguish when you communicate it to them. It makes them feel you are obsessed with them… sure you’re “crazy” but you’re crazy about them and that’s a huge ego boost. They don’t deserve that. So while it may be tempting to go off on them, you really aren’t teaching them anything and you will regret sending those long paragraph texts or whatever. Better to block, delete, and feel all your emo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 12:59 PM
123

It’s true that they know. How often do you hear a guy say “my gf will probably be pissed” Although it might be easier to believe, DO NOT be fooled into thinking they are clueless, that is how they get away with literally everything for as long as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:11 AM
68

Or she was and he also got sick of her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 11:22 PM
362

He basically admitted in the comments that he was not attracted to her body as he thought he would be. They cannot help but idealize and objectify. Guaranteed he is pornsick
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:28 PM
1

Ohh got it, totally agree!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 05:47 PM
1

I’m not following this comment, which is the “bad” situation and which is the “much worse” situation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:26 PM
38

I don’t really understand the difference? If the words are coming out of his mouth he’s an asshole either way, and the stuff he’s negging you about is stuff that he does actually believe otherwise he would never have thought to say it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:14 PM
83

Good luck, you will recover and be stronger than ever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:11 PM
5

Oh trust me I am too, but imo these are hands down the most wholesome people on the internet and the kids are all amazing and creative. That’s coming from someone who doesn’t even like kids lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 09:46 PM
11

Also on YouTube: Chris Ballinger from Ballinger Family: amazing dad to six kids, watching his family dynamic gives me hope
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 08:35 PM
5

I agree, I thought we were doing away with low effort posts? I don’t need to see what people are saying on the tinder sub
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 01:49 PM
21

Absolutely just take your time in therapy right now and don’t think about the future of dating. At this time it’s best to put yourself first and do as much healing as you need. I think it’s really important for you to build your confidence and self esteem right now, and it’s going to be a bit of a journey since it’s not something that happens overnight. About this specific situation, you’re not going to ruminate forever, I promise. It’s a blessing that you didn’t marry this person, and even thou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 08:32 PM
11

This 👆 I know many are saying don’t bother to analyze his behavior, and I agree it’s not something to stress over. However, what helped me long term was understanding that the men I’ve encountered were not just each assholes individually, but exhibited a larger pattern of behavior (personality disorders). Learning about this is crucial since it creates a vetting shortcut and protects you from internalizing their behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 07:42 PM
99

It’s what they want to hear us say to them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:11 AM
69

Forget rappers, every single one is LV
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 09:25 PM
326

It’s so obvious he’s an extremely dangerous individual
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 08:06 PM
25

Absolutely on the nose. This has been a big concern of mine for years before I found FDS, around the time of the 2016 US presidential election to be exact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 07:28 PM
63

All of them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:48 PM
25

Yep, I think they idealize themselves as well, I’ve seen it happen. Delusional indeed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:00 AM
108

So many people have posted great advice for clothing. I am also on the spectrum, and I can relate to what you said about makeup. I used to follow YouTube tutorials and spent a few hundred on the best cosmetics. I tried all those techniques of contouring and carving out brows etc. but I didn’t like the way I looked afterwards and felt something was off. In the past year I’ve turned my attention to skincare and have made huge improvements in that area (was struggling with acne until recently), so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:47 AM
83

I agree, but I have an additional theory that they may want to think of themselves as HV, so they want a HVW to go along with it. I’d imagine getting easy, casual sex from pickmes gets old after a while, and they devalue the woman almost immediately upon sleeping with her, so they want more of a challenge and to level up. But since they can never achieve the HV level, a HVW is not what they deserve and they can’t keep up the act for long - it all falls apart. But yeah, some of them just get off …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:35 AM
2

You will absolutely get through this one day at a time. The sooner you go complete no contact (block) the faster you will heal. Do everything that makes you happy, focus on how free you are to make your own choices, eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite shows, sleep in your own bed and spread out, the weight is off your shoulders. You are definitely allowed to feel sad for as long as you need, but there is so much healing and personal growth that will come from this in time. Take all the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:21 PM
30

He had an affair during that marriage and was abusive to his first wife
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:53 PM
57

That’s the biggest red flag ever, I’m sorry that happened. I’m neurodivergent as well and I feel maybe we can be extra trusting. Although my mom was protective of me growing up, it was from a place of fear and paranoia and I could’ve used more logical guidance. It’s very hard for young girls to understand the real threats and dangers that are out there, I’d say I didn’t fully understand until I was almost in my 30’s. I once went halfway around the world to see a guy that I thought I could trust.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:35 PM
10

Wow LOL they’ll look for any reason to convince you that they’re doing you a favor. Also, not sure how long you’ve been here but it’s not fine for a guy to expect you to pay half/for yourself. He should be treating you and proving himself to you. There are many posts addressing this and it’s clear in the handbook why this should be a firm standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:18 PM
47

The perpetrator had also been arrested in Florida earlier this year for sexual assault. Keep these men locked up, why are they roaming around?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:59 PM
59

A woman was assaulted in NY a couple of days ago, she was jogging in broad daylight in Central Park. At a certain point, there’s not much more we can do to protect ourselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:46 PM
47

Well, it was part of a larger context where the guy was a full on narcissist (possibly sociopath) and learning about those personality disorders in depth really helped me to see things clearly. It’s not your fault for believing someone else is telling you the truth, there’s really no need to feel stupid because how could you have known better? And you know better now, but you had to be hurt first, it’s not your fault for being hurt - that’s just victim blaming. Lovebombing and future faking are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:38 PM
7

I see, I only used it once in passing on the street and it worked great. I felt like saying I had a boyfriend was always met with more pushback. Thanks for your insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:32 PM
16

Basically, they’re tactics the guy uses try to get you hooked. It’s important to learn about these things in the context of narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani has great videos on YouTube for both lovebombing and future faking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:29 PM
16

As in, you’re supplementing his lifestyle but he isn’t really supplementing yours. 50-50 isn’t actually equal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:27 PM
252

I’ve fallen for future faking and love bombing before. I was also gaslit horribly by my first cheating boyfriend when we were teens. I don’t blame myself for believing the words men have said to me. As women, our own intentions are pure, how are we supposed to see all this shit coming when we’re raised on Disney movies? I’ve definitely had to learn the hard way not to trust so easily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:45 PM
14

Respectfully, I think the handbook is the best tool to keep yourself safe. Although it’s good to be realistic about the way men perceive women, looking too much at TRP and incel discourse can be damaging and disheartening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:21 PM
58

I think this bares repeating as much as possible: doesn’t matter if she’s gorgeous and younger, doesn’t make her impervious to getting cheated on. There are men who will cheat under any circumstances. I just like to reiterate this because there are women who believe men will only cheat if they find someone they’re more attracted to, and if they themselves get cheated on it means they’re not good enough and the other woman was “better” in some way. This is almost never true. It was thoughtful of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:48 PM
7

Look, you have to block, you can’t respond to these guys even once. If the answer is no, it’s no, you don’t have to communicate that to them. Just block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:18 PM
10

I’ve straight up told some guy that I’m gay… I prefer this to “having a boyfriend.” I also have a google voice number to give out and definitely recommend getting one for many reasons, even if you are interested in someone but don’t want them to have your real number yet. In your case, I would not have even responded to his text, just block and delete when the text comes in - no response at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:13 PM
112

This is the only way. I fucked up earlier this year by telling my boss too much personal info, he used it against me. I’m working up the strength to look for a new job. They cannot be trusted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:07 AM
133

I relate to the way you feel so much. This is the only safe place I have, other subs are not safe and people will jump at any chance to invalidate you. The gaslighting is real and it will take a toll on you for sure. Take a break if you are feeling overwhelmed, always take good care of yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:04 AM
82

Great post, I’d like to add porn addiction to the list. I had a coworker a few years back confide in me about her husband’s excessive porn usage and how it was deeply affecting her and their marriage. I used to think porn wasn’t a big deal, and I wish I hadn’t been such a libfem pickme at the time, because I totally minimized the issue in order to comfort her. I regret not being able to be more real with her and give her more solid advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 10:16 PM
419

“I want to make it work” WHYYYYYYYYY???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:58 PM
112

It’s not because we don’t want to waste their time, it’s because we don’t need sex from them the way they need it from us. Of course they don’t value our time, they are low value!! That’s the whole reason why this sub exists, because WE have to do the vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:53 PM
170

What’s messed up is how this has been flipped on us. Women go around believing we’re “not worth putting the time and effort into” when the truth is guys just don’t want to face rejection, so they like to pretend they have all the power to deem you worthy of “investment” or not. Truth is, they just want to find some pickme who is ready and willing to fuck, because what they’re primarily looking for is an ego boost. If they can’t get that ego boost quickly and easily with you, then they’re risking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:27 PM
49

Yikes! Please remember no man is “out of your league,” banish that kind of thinking and avoid giving out your number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:20 PM
265

Of course men want to have children, they are virtually free of obligation. All of the obligation is on the woman to stick by the child for life, she risks way more in terms of her health and lifestyle when she gets pregnant and gives birth. Can you imagine a woman leaving her spouse and children to start a new life or new family? It’s unheard of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:52 AM
125

Without that person in your life, you will heal. You may even be surprised at how quickly you can become stronger than ever, you are more capable than you realize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:47 AM
107

So true, we should be telling women to not give up on themselves, not give up on finding better, not give up on your standards. I’m of the belief that breakups are always good - something wasn’t working and one or both parties had the strength to do something about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 11:45 PM
365

Reminds me of the tweet that’s like “pretty sure the guy making you cry every night is not your soulmate” A lot of these young girls are inexperienced and have no perspective of what a healthy relationship should look like, of course they’re bonded to their boyfriends and want it to work. I can’t believe the stuff I put up with when I was with my first boyfriend, but I really didn’t feel leaving was an option, it’s like I had tunnelvision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 11:14 PM
278

Yep, and many times when the woman is “just as toxic as he is” it’s because she’s exhibiting reactive abuse. She’s pushed to the breaking point and lashing out because of his actions/gaslighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 11:10 PM
3

Yes, women overlook red flags all the time. It is almost impossible that a man will not show a red flag or warning sign until after marriage. But that said, you have to know what you’re looking out for, which is why this sub exists after all. Between the FDS handbook and educating yourself about personality disorders, you should be able to spot warning signs from a mile away. It takes training, it sucks, I wish we didn’t have to live like this, but this is reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 08:40 PM
16

Your second bullet point is not a green flag, it’s a sign of insecurity. Why are you getting upset and crying around him in the first place? It sounds like you both need to take care of yourself individually. You are in the beginning stages of codependency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 06:20 PM
12

Don’t go on more dates until you feel fully comfortable with him paying no matter what. This kind of thinking is a slippery slope and will not serve you. Read the handbook!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 02:37 PM
2

I thought a guy wrote this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 01:37 AM
125

No thanks, I’m tapping out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 12:53 AM
950

If he ghosts you because you wouldn’t sleep with him, he would’ve ghosted you right after sex anyway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:01 PM
250

I got banned from a “feminism” subreddit for suggesting a woman not go out of her way or waste her precious time trying to explain the definition of “patriarchy” to a “well-meaning” guy. I mean, google exists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 11:40 PM
18

Therapy is never a bad idea. It took me a few years to know for sure. I realized that if I made a pros and cons list for having kids, my pros list would be very generic and superficial like “that’s just what people do” “who will take care of me when I’m older” and “won’t you be missing out on a big part of life?” But my cons list was longer and very personal to me: financial, environmental, social, familial, relational and health (mental and physical) concerns. I think about my decision almost e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 09:01 PM
42

I understand your feelings, I’m childfree myself. I believe it’s really important for a woman to make up her mind about having children before meeting a partner, so you’re not swayed by what your partner wants. Your reasons are valid. Having kids is something you should be 200% sure about before trying. It’s a conversation you’ll have to have eventually
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 08:26 PM
86

Tell him. Do not hold this back out of fear that he will be pissed. The longer you stay the harder it will be. It sounds like you are unsure about this relationship in general. Don’t ask him to end the relationship, end it yourself because what you wrote makes it sounds like you are a passive participant and it’s honestly very concerning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 08:12 PM
69

I was spit on and have been flashed. I’ve had them lunge in my direction simply just to intimidate me, but luckily nothing worse. I’m sorry to hear about the assault and harassment you’ve experienced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 12:19 AM
52

It goes without saying that people put a ton of value into having a romantic partner and children, as if you can’t be lonely even if you have those things. To be honest a lot of people who do have those things are miserable, and invalidating your choices is a way they validate their own. Point being, it has literally nothing to do with the dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 12:16 AM
110

For me, ride share is the safest way for me to get home after a night out. Realistically I don’t have another option
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 10:46 PM
49

Don’t fall for the future faking!! It’s so hard not to but what you’ve described happens almost every time. They can make it look like they’re committed and willing to put in effort just through words and suggestions. Always let him show you who he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:23 PM
16

“Block and delete” is just another way of saying “no contact” which is a very helpful healing method in itself. Now you know that looking at his profiles will make you feel this way, and I’m sure you don’t want to feel like this again. Your brain went into overdrive because you’re seeing clues about his life and you’re trying to fill in the blanks, like about his job and phone number, while also subconsciously comparing yourself and trying not to let your head go under water with what you believ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:09 PM
339

You don’t have to make it clear, the low effort date is a red flag anyway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:37 AM
185

Completely agree that porn, social media and dating apps combined have completely commodified female sexuality. If the next hot woman is always just “one swipe away” and fantasy sex is better than real life then why put in any effort with the woman sitting right in front of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:22 AM
60

Not sure if I’m allowed to say but not a dating sub, a women-oriented sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:17 AM
159

I can tell you I’ve looked so happy and in love with my abusive ex in public (like on public transit for example). I’ve looked that way with guys I wasn’t even committed to or had just started seeing and was deep in the lovebombing stage with (before I knew better.) Point being, you never know what goes on behind closed doors or how people are feeling deep down. You don’t know anything about a relationship from the outside and idealizing in this way can be particularly harmful. Most of us know t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:14 AM
141

All of that is so common on that sub and other dating subs. It’s the norm. I used to look at it for a laugh but I actually can’t find it funny anymore, it’s fully depressing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 12:25 AM
508

I unsubbed from there today because of the comments on this exact post. The comments suggesting men should put in effort were downvoted to oblivion. So many women seem so lost and it genuinely breaks my heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 12:15 AM
90

This is why you have to always block. They’re still looking to get something from you, even if it’s years down the line, maintaining a connection gives them a sense of security. If you’re unwilling to block, examine that. It’s likely because YOU still want something out of the connection. You want to keep the line open because you’re hopeful something good could happen, you want to feel desired, you don’t want to come off as harsh, or a variety of other reasons (none of them healthy)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 07:05 PM
6

Yes, there is. Standards are for self-protection and self-preservation. How someone else defines standards doesn’t matter, only your definition matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 04:53 PM
18

100% true, both of these groups have a personal interest in keeping the standards for men at a minimum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 04:51 PM
75

I would love to know other’s thoughts on this as well. Only thing I can think of is non-sexual but getting a massage could help ease some of the tension in the body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 10:51 PM
19

My life and my relationship with myself changed dramatically when I realized that “tough love” was the most toxic concept ever invented. It’s not real. You absolutely cannot bully yourself into achieving, doing better in any area of life or into loving yourself more. It took me a few years of practice to be nicer to myself, to refine my inner voice and in a way “re-parent” myself and it did wonders for my mental health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:50 PM
21

Since I joined, my self esteem and standards are the highest they’ve ever been in my life. I feel better, look better, take care of myself better than ever before. It’s like seeing the light. Our happiness comes first, always!!! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:18 PM
44

Yep at that point whatever he does do for her birthday, even low effort, it will look like he went above and beyond
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 01:10 PM
618

Omg “when are we doing this” 😂😂😂 they probably think indifference is such a turn on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:54 PM
25

It’s called the cycle of abuse because the love bombing and future faking are the beginning stages/setup for them to become abusive later on. They lure you in strongly and over time our brains are likely to become addicted (trauma bonded) to the treatment, making it very hard to leave because we remember how nice things were at the beginning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:52 PM
79

The way a man treats you has nothing to do with you. The part that does fall on you is your decision to stay or leave. FDS is a vetting based strategy, not build-a-man strategy (there’s no such thing)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:49 PM
15

It’s a phoenix rising from the ashes type of thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:52 PM
99

This may surprise you, but YES they would still text their exes. Narcs like to have supply and a harem of women at all times so they can feel wanted and desired. It may seem like the “new supply” is better, more attractive, they’re treating her well etc. but that is NOT TRUE. Is it also not true that men will remain loyal and faithful because their partner is “hot enough” for them. Attractiveness will not protect you or any other woman from being cheated on or treated poorly in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 09:50 AM
202

Gifts = lovebombing, Talk of marriage = future faking, Coming back = hoovering Look up the narcissistic cycle of abuse and hopefully that will clear some things up. ALWAYS BLOCK!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:35 AM
19

👆👆👆👆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:33 AM
45

Yes but if you forget to charge it then you have to wait 😑 happened too often to me lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 06:02 PM
15

Ah yes, the “one day wager”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 06:00 PM
66

Yep! I started journaling in my abusive relationship so as not to lose my mind. When I read those journals back it’s horrifying, but in the moment it didn’t feel bad enough to leave him. Also the amount of self-blame was on another level. So much of “how can I fix this/be better for us”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 05:35 PM
42

This is classic narcissistic abuse and extremely common
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 05:34 PM
81

This is why I opt for battery operated instead of rechargeable, never an issue if you always have batteries around!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 05:32 PM
10

Yes but attractive guys have a lot more options for casual sex so you’d risk being a part of a rotation or a harem of other women. The best option is to not have casual sex and only date men you find physically attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 05:03 PM
589

Never pursue a man, they’re not picky and don’t even have to like you or find you attractive to have sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:25 PM
19

I resonate with your last sentence so much, it just doesn’t feel worth it to have to take care of myself and an additional person especially if I wasn’t being taken care of in return. Makes me so angry to hear about your coworker, especially the housekeeper situation, really heartbreaking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 09:54 PM
28

Added benefits are prioritizing your own pleasure, going at your own pace, maintaining your physical safety, and not having to concern yourself with male ego!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:46 PM
151

I made a similar comment on a post about health but avoid having children with a man who can’t cook because he will be at a loss for how to feed your children when he’s caring for them or in case something happens to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 07:42 PM
45

Wow this reminds me of my dad who only snacks unless someone prepares food for him. My mom would make his dinner every night and when she died he barely ate until he remarried 🙄 now my step mom makes his lunch and dinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 07:35 PM
72

You did the right thing. I was in a similar situation and would hook up with a guy (also “celeb”) every time we happened to be in the same city. When I was younger I thought nothing of it. In the past year he love bombed me and future faked me into a “relationship” and I totally fell for it. I was left devastated when I realized who he really was, and it took all I had to block him. This experience led me to FDS and I’m super grateful because my self esteem is now much higher. I can totally rela…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 07:30 PM
187

Exactly, I crave intimacy, not sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 07:07 PM
178

I had a guy recently say “I don’t want to hurt you, but I want you to be open to the possibility of being hurt” I’ll let you all unpack that one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:04 PM
77

I totally forgot I’ve seen this! Way before my FDS days too, maybe I’ll watch it again. Great example. Edit: it’s called Force Majeure: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Force_Majeure_(film) and the version with Will Farrell is called Downhill
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:54 PM
33

But she’s not keeping a man by her side however she wants, the man is out on tour fucking a million other women while she’s with the kid. It must bring some level of embarrassment and pain
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:17 PM
205

Been thinking about this dynamic a lot lately. Women spend so much time thinking “if I were just X enough, he’d do Y” and we spend all this time and effort on trying to become perfect when we really should be depersonalizing the low value or abusive behavior we are receiving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 02:46 AM
523

Any nazi symbolism obviously, some are subtle, like a lighting bolt. Some dumb ones are emoji tattoos, and one of the worst I’ve seen was a dude that had an actual YouTube link tattooed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 07:24 PM
81

Wow, that is beyond disturbing. I don’t know how you’re able to stalk inc*l communities and not feel really down afterwards, it must be so disconcerting. I also find it somewhat fascinating but I know I have to stay away to protect my mental health, so make sure you’re prioritizing your well-being!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 07:13 PM
23

When I was in an abusive relationship a couple years ago I started journaling just a bit at first to keep my head above water. It turned into a huge hobby of mine, eventually (and with therapy) something “unlocked” inside my brain and I was flying through journals as all the repressed emotion started flowing out. It can be difficult to start, but I think it really helped me become grounded in my own reality and stay there. I was used to the things that my family or my partner said being “law” or…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:49 PM
88

Men really have it so easy istg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 02:07 PM
28

Also if he ever says “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:39 PM
117

Proof that physical appearance has nothing to do with how well you’re treated by a narcissist, they will devalue and discard no matter what, and take pleasure in doing so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:25 PM
68

Great point. I think also due to internalized misogyny we’re more likely to assume we’re in the wrong (or too sensitive, too emotional, not forgiving enough, not understanding enough etc.) We are really predisposed to doubting ourselves while males are raised and socialized to be more confident and self assured.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:04 AM
36

Yes, there are many different types of narcissistic personality disorder. If you or anyone else is interested in learning about the subsets I would recommend watching Dr. Ramani’s videos on YouTube.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:10 AM
60

Shocking!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:58 AM
39

There is a teenage son in the house
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:36 PM
111

He loves it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:34 PM
58

They’re both miserable. The girlfriend is an emotional wreck of her own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:16 PM
29

If this one made you sick don’t read her other articles
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:14 PM
309

“Sometimes there are tears and sharp words, but mostly, I have to say, it’s working pretty well.” The bar is nowhere to be found
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 05:18 PM
364

I can’t believe they’re raising a child in that environment I couldn’t stop myself and read some of her other posts, I really hope that it’s all fiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 05:16 PM
10

Block!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:40 PM
11

I disagree that she got scammed. He offered to pay for the first date and she should’ve let him. She never had to agree to pay for the second one either. This guy took advantage of her being “uncomfortable,” sure, but this could’ve been avoided
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 07:44 PM
193

This applies to not only strangers but men you may know well or may already be in a relationship with, since a break up is a form of rejection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 06:11 PM
162

So true, even those who participate in nofap primarily do it because of how it benefits them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 11:29 PM
5

Block always, there’s no “showing him” since that’s still engaging with him which is a form of contact and the goal is to be completely no contact. Live your life for yourself and block him on all fronts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 01:24 PM
7

Research “narcissistic cycle of abuse” and the terms “trauma bond” and “new supply”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 01:00 PM
53

I say this will all due respect, it seems like dating may not be the best idea especially if you are having panic attacks. A good date isn’t just measured by how the guy acts and what he does for us, but how we feel as well. From your post history it seems you are uncomfortable and I would really encourage you to work on that privately, since unfortunately there are many men who will be able to sense your vulnerability and take advantage of it. As the other commenter mentioned, do not have a guy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 12:21 PM
81

I’m not buying that last tweet for some reason
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 02:05 AM
169

This is my father. NEVER couple with a man like this especially if you intend to have children because he will likely disregard his child’s health as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 12:56 AM
124

I’m just wondering what his job is that she can’t mention lest he be judged??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 04:22 PM
119

I think many women are also threatened by this sub because it’s a huge wake up call. To be anti-FDS is to live somewhat in a state of denial, where they believe casual sex is empowering and vetting isn’t necessary because they aren’t fully aware of the true nature of men. This sub exposes a lot, and since joining my standards have been raised tenfold as well as my self esteem. That’s a threat for men, who benefit from women with low self esteem because many women still seek validation through se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 11:17 PM
60

I agree, no hate towards her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 08:01 PM
97

He’s vile, Megan is clearly toxic as well. I don’t know anything about Sommer but she seems to have a decent vetting strategy based on the article
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 07:45 PM
23

Unfortunately he will cheat on her too. It’s out of your hands. Only thing left to do it be grateful that this person is no longer in your life, what happens with him now doesn’t matter. YOU matter. Maybe seek therapy if it all feels like too much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 12:16 AM
153

Good for you! I’m really proud of you. There’s no more left to say, time to put all your effort and energy into yourself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 12:48 AM
1064

Oh hell no Girl, read the handbook please. No “ill be here if you change your mind” BS. I know it’s hard but this one has to go. Edit: he has no place commenting on your acne but in my personal experience, mine went away when I dumped the scrote
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 12:20 AM
145

She’s right to say that when this woman called in she already knew she didn’t want to marry this guy. It’s the same when any woman posts on a relationship subreddit asking for advice. If you were sure about him, you wouldn’t need to be asking strangers. We have to get comfortable with our doubt, and understand that it’s our subconscious giving us a big NO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:49 AM
30

Paying, really?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 06:19 PM
32

I tend to like doing things I’m excellent at, so yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 11:37 AM
25

Yes, those are the ones I get harassing DMs if I leave a comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 01:37 PM
101

I didn’t listen to the podcast episode but I did see a post about how we should “entertain voices we don’t agree with because this isn’t a cult.” I do agree that screenshots of TRP and Tinder etc. can be triggering and further dehumanizing. We know what scrotes say and do and how they act, and it’s not cautionary either. Cautionary tales are from women’s own perspectives and those can be very valuable, even texts posts written by women on other subs. Point being, I already know how depraved men …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 11:10 AM
182

This also seems like something only another guy would find cool
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 02:10 AM
131

Girl I say this with kindness, please block your ex, remove him completely from your life, make sure you’re safe for several months, then consider dating. You’re not ready yet and you’re likely still very vulnerable. It does sound like you’re being lovebombed here. I implore you to research narcissistic abuse because you have already been a victim. This is for your own best interest and safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 09:38 PM
34

It doesn’t make sense that you feel safe letting him in but not safe kicking him out. It does sound to me like there’s something unresolved here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 09:33 PM
112

Just no, and you should try to get your money back for that particular session. You aren’t paying to educate and debate him. And if this man is defending porn then he is also consuming porn. Definitely seek out a female therapist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 08:35 PM
345

They really think if they force flip the script hard enough then they become the prize 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 04:17 PM
80

Then when they do settle they get complacent, resentful and big headed. Then they cheat
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 12:49 PM
82

Playing hard to get: actively planning to not text him back for 1 hour instead of within a few minutes. Not playing: actually being busy in your own life so you may not get back to him right away. You should be legitimately hard to get, and hard to keep too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:51 AM
332

Hearing FDS compared to TRP is infuriating. Their goal is to use us, our goal is to protect ourselves from being used.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:29 AM
372

Anytime there’s an article written about FDS the writer seems to leave out one crucial component: abusive men exist. If you come to FDS thinking everyone is a potential mate and you just have to “play the game” to get the men to act right you are missing the point entirely. There is never anything you can do to make an abusive or simply LV man act better, not “closing your legs” not “evoking their mate guarding instinct” n o t h i n g. The strategy lies in protecting yourself: your well-being, y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 11:47 PM
158

“I have demons/darkness inside” “I’m damaged”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 08:29 PM
6

I went to one of the top all girls secular schools in the US. Probably yes, but I was neurodivergent and undiagnosed. High self esteem about my appearance, low self esteem about my intellectual ability. 13 No, but I had several male friends from other schools and did not struggle to interact with boys although many of my classmates did. Absolutely yes Yes I lacked experience. For many years I was unaware that boys/men could really be as bad as what I know now. I’ve only had abusive relationships…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 08:17 PM
47

I want to note that it was healing for me personally to paragraph and write essays but ONLY in my own journal. I never ever sent them. As women when we’re paragraphing, we’re doing it for us, we think we’ll feel better after we say what we need to “get it off our chest” and that the other person will feel something after they read our words. What’s the point? I fully believe that blocking shows confidence in your own decisions and high self esteem that this person isn’t even worth occupying anot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:14 PM
85

Fully agree, it’s not the flex you think it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:04 PM
10

To protect my own privacy I can’t! But it’s a devastating story anyway. Long story short: it’s not worth it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 12:53 AM
40

I also hooked up with my celebrity crush and he turned out to be a narcissist, who would’ve guessed! I completely relate to your comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:08 PM
89

Just a PSA that if you’re blocking someone to protect your personal well-being and sanity from someone potentially abusive, toxic or harmful then that’s not ghosting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:04 PM
239

I thought I was demisexual too but I don’t think there should even be a word for not being interested in fking random strangers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 03:14 PM
85

Oh and “I don’t have any money, so don’t ask. Basically I want sex work for free, u down?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 12:52 PM
133

Don’t forget about 50/50, what a deal!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:40 AM
437

I’ve said it before, the way we think and feel is a response to the treatment we’ve received from men. It didn’t originate with us, many of us were brought up to fantasize about having husbands and families and that men could be truly great, wonderful, respectful providers and caretakers. At some point that bubble burst, who’s fault is that? This entire sub exists for a reason
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:32 AM
255

This is when you ask them what they bring to the table because he’s correct, I don’t see the value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:35 AM
7

Yes, such great advice. There’s no conversation to be had after that so just block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:12 AM
5

You can do it! I understand feeling weird because you’re not used to it, but this is the beginning of your journey back to yourself. It sounds like you have been conditioned to put other people’s feelings and needs above your own but now it’s time for that to change. You’ll look back on this moment and realize it was a strong and smart decision, and that you’re more than capable of making other great decisions in the future. You got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 02:10 AM
222

I totally agree with what you said about childhood traumatic stress and the difference between boys and girls, it makes so much sense when you correlate that to narcissism and personality disorders. When I was growing up, my mom was so exhausted from working full time, being in a shit marriage and also being a main provider (financially and emotionally) for both me and my sibling. My widowed grandmother also relied on her heavily. I firmly believe the culmination of all of that stress is why she…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 12:53 AM
17

Do NOT say what you wrote in your last sentence. You do not want to date a person that clearly has no effort to give and cannot take the “risk” of asking you on a proper date. There are a million and one reasons to never, ever ask a guy out and some good recent threads on the topic. Also reviewing the handbook can be helpful to understanding this as well as why you should be super careful not to label someone as HV before you really know them. Oh also after re-reading, I suggest not talking abou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 07:01 PM
184

My half brother has been living with us since covid and he eats all the food I shop for (he thinks it just magically appears), never has put a dish in the dishwasher and has his mom do his laundry, which he never puts away and just leaves in baskets all over his room. Due to his dating record and his HV façade, I am positive he will have no trouble finding someone to marry in a couple of years. He has absolutely no need to change or improve these habits because there are so many women that will …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:16 PM
24

Sorry for yelling but THIS POST IS SO IMPORTANT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 07:40 PM
43

That’s exactly how I see it too! You either give birth to the oppressed or the oppressor. Once your eyes are open to this stuff there’s no going back. I’m so glad someone else feels the same way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 11:22 AM
103

Omg even though I’ve always known this is just really clicked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 02:11 AM
104

It’s nearly every tv show I grew up on… it’s full on normalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 02:04 AM
563

Casual sex definitely
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:45 PM
12

Accurate, and we have to pretend like we aren’t and smile through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:06 PM
16

Thanks I wrote it literally the second I woke up so I appreciate that lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 09:15 PM
15

Yep! The feeling of spreading out on a mattress all to yourself, no longer having to occupy a bed with someone you hate. Ugh you sleep so well after that, it almost makes me want to break up all over again 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 07:05 PM
102

Right and it doesn’t serve you at all to try to make sense of it or analyze their behavior. Once that door is shut, throw away the key.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 06:58 PM
282

I feel for her and this is an agonizing thing to have to go through, but she’s only torturing herself more by stalking this girls profile. Also she shouldn’t have to, but it would’ve been best for her mental health to leave the party. You really have to do all you can to limit the amount of hurt and pain, that’s why no contact is the only way to deal with an ex. It’s also sad to hear how concerned she is with the external validation of his friends, and that she really believes they like this you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 06:24 PM
107

I loved this post, but of course the top comment was a joking “hey guy, chill, you’re raising the bar too high for the rest of us!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:28 AM
70

He’s a geologist with a clear interest in this stuff, and he posted his long process of creating the ring and the unique box, so it doesn’t read to me as virtue bragging at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:27 AM
16

No, they will never change, they may only get better at faking it. But that should bring you solace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:23 AM
60

I agree it reads like fiction that’s designed for women reading it to subconsciously lower their standards. The way she has not one but two daughters age 18/20 seems like an odd detail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:20 AM
75

All my furniture is IKEA and I’m proud to have built all of it entirely by myself! Including my super heavy complicated bed frame. It just dawned on me maybe that’s why most of them don’t even have a bed frame…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:14 AM
355

They hate women because they can’t get laid, because they can’t exert their dominance over the people they see as lesser, that’s the basis of being an incel, On the other hand, we don’t hate men we hate the patriarchy. We hate personality disorders as an excuse for abuse. We hate the blatant disrespect of women and the disregard of boundaries and standards. We hate the need to be constantly vigilant and hyper aware in order to protect ourselves in everyday life. We hate the male gaze and how we’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:11 AM
6

This isn’t FDS material. Why are you wasting your time engaging? Take a look at the handbook!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 05:25 PM
113

Great thing to realize! I think people who use blocking as a form of communication are missing the point. It’s not to send a message to the other person, it’s to protect yourself and your peace from what’s no longer serving you. Took me a little while to realize that as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 01:58 PM
57

Love has nothing to do with it. He doesn’t need to propose to her because he already has her. To him a proposal is a bargaining chip he doesn’t need to use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 12:50 PM
317

Their goal is to lower your standards and completely normalize those low standards, so then you’re the crazy one for wanting effort, respect, affection, compassion, communication, wanting someone who can provide, commit, and not watch pornography. It’s much easier to get you to feel like you’re expecting too much than for them to live up to higher expectations. It works because there are women that put up with the bare minimum and even less than the bare minimum: cheating, abuse, blatant disresp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 08:54 PM
10

Lol he’s not my problem and I literally give no advice, he does everything wrong I couldn’t even help him if I tried!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 03:45 PM
53

I definitely find it more impossible than ever to be around pickmes, there’s just almost nothing in common to talk about and you can’t even give them advice. I also have a few male friends that I’ve started to see in a different light, especially one that is constantly asking me for dating advice or just venting to me about his tinder matches and hook ups, he doesn’t contact me outside of that. He was my best friend for so long but now he’s unbearable. I don’t even want to waste my breath giving…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 02:02 PM
136

So beyond true, it sets a precedent for the entire relationship. All the expectations of him will be in the toilet from day one. He will be so indifferent about you and his entire commitment to you while putting in zero effort whatsoever. He knows you chose him so he has no reason to impress you, and will become even more shitty over time thinking you’ll probably put up with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 08:05 PM
322

A lot of men think they want this, but deep down it’s a turn off for them. Just like how they want women to sleep with them on the first date, but they don’t actually want to be with the kind of woman who would just sleep with someone on a first date. Men who are “dense” or not confident should not get a chance with you. So many posts that are like “men, what’s the hardest thing about being a man?” have comments like “being expected to ask a girl out/fear of being rejected.” That is literally wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 07:38 PM
81

These are all spot on, but one that really hit is “my feelings are genuine, yours are manipulative.” I think so many men believe this about women, even if he is not overtly abusive. They think we act only with ulterior motives and are always trying to get something out of someone else. So we cannot possibly cry for a valid reason, it’s only to “make the other person feel bad.” They believe we can turn our emotions on and off like a light switch and they’re not real, they really think we’re actin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 12:40 PM
39

There’s so much that can be added to this list: “If I have an addiction, it’s your fault for pushing me to that point. Even if i abused drugs/alcohol before we met, you’ve only exacerbated the issue and I’d be able to get it under control if you weren’t in my life.” And “if I have friends of the opposite sex, it’s none of your business because I deserve to have friends to unwind with and to have a life apart from you. You make my life stressful so I need this outlet, while you having male friend…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 12:26 PM
11

You should never need to play games. When you’re playing games you aren’t vetting. Always be vetting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 06:35 PM
101

It could be other women not yet verified 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 11:10 AM
5

This 👆is all it comes down to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:18 AM
46

I get your sentiment but he’s probably not. He either cares about getting to know women and values spending time with them or he doesn’t. LVM/NVM treat all women poorly, it’s in their nature. Staying far away from them is in your own best self interest. Focus on protecting and building your own confidence, don’t worry about theirs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 01:32 PM
2

She sounds trauma bonded. She should research that term as well as the narcissistic cycle of abuse and watch Dr. Ramani’s videos on YouTube. I had to watch dozens of her videos before it really sank in. Your friend is essentially brainwashed and needs to snap out of it, which could take a really long time. The videos are a good place to start imo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 11:26 AM
38

You’re not overreacting. It’s sad that your friends have this response, they’re essentially gaslighting you and invalidating you which is making you doubt yourself and probably making you feel a bit crazy. Unfortunately you won’t be able to talk to them about this situation. I’m sorry that this happened, this definitely qualifies as sexual harassment and your feelings about it are valid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 12:08 AM
76

“It’s in their biology” is code for “will not take responsibility for anything, especially hurting you”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 04:45 PM
186

That’s why it’s important for women to examine if that’s what they really want. We’re socialized to want those things, but it all really benefits men in the end. I’m not saying women who want marriage and children are wrong, I just think it’s worth it for every woman to really check in with herself and be absolutely sure that it’s a true desire and not solely driven by societal expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 04:03 PM
126

When I was younger I used to think there were good and bad people in this world. As I grew up I started to think, “maybe it’s not so black and white, maybe there are shades of gray. Maybe every good person has a little bad and every bad person has a little good.” Now I’ve come full circle. There are indeed good people and bad people in this world. That’s it, and there’s not much more to it. Don’t spend time over analyzing, making excuses or giving the benefit of the doubt like you said. Leave th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 12:47 AM
75

“In addition to the monetary relief, Bumble has agreed to revise its practices regarding male users who identify as being interested in women.” And despite this you know they still won’t message first 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 11:59 PM
90

I know a guy who was constantly made fun of growing up for being shorter and smaller than his peers. In present day he’s not the smallest guy I’ve ever met but the bullying definitely had a lasting impact on him because he will never miss a chance to express his preference for petite women. It’s so obvious that he just wants any reason to feel “bigger” I’ve known him for a long time but now I find it more gross than ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 05:51 PM
46

Trauma bond :( and she got blinded by the lovebombing. I feel for her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 04:00 PM
47

I know some guys who like to hang out and play a sports video game with each other in person for about an hour, so I think that kind of situation is ok if they’re not neglecting other areas of their lives. I personally used to love video games but definitely was using it as a form of escapism and I’ve since grown out of it, to the point that I don’t even have the time or attention to dedicate to them anymore. We should expect that same type of growth from men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 03:54 PM
7

Yep, I got my position significantly reduced for undergoing mental health issues. My boss made it seem like he was a “friend” I could confide in, but I really think he punished me. I’m working on getting out of there and will NEVER make that same mistake again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 11:50 AM
209

Look up the term “hoovering” which is the last step in the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Make sure you have him blocked so this cannot happen to you. If you don’t block him it’s likely because you secretly want this to happen. This is your warning: it’s never worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 06:02 PM
326

Straight up addicted to hate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 10:48 AM
9

Wow you’re right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 05:51 PM
13

“I’m a manchild” and “damaged people damage people” They really will spell it out for you, don’t ignore it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 05:40 PM
65

It’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m still sorry and glad you’re out of there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 01:20 AM
12

That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Glad he’s not in your life anymore
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 02:36 PM
43

I think a big reason why blocking them is so important is because we can’t always rely on our brains to remember the bad and things and not outweigh that with the good. My theory is that “euphoric recall” (remembering only the good stuff) is actually your brain’s defense mechanism in order to avoid recalling trauma and abuse. But even so, it’s normal for us to want to see people in a good light. If we keep them blocked, we’re more likely to remember what drove us to do that. We don’t have to kee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 12:18 PM
647

I despise the narrative of “I can’t do better than him” … alone IS better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 10:31 PM
26

It’s not an accident, it’s by design
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 01:55 AM
12

What she’s saying is him hurting you is a HIM problem, not a you problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:00 PM
38

I feel lucky that this has happened to me only once, and that was back in high school. Every guy friend I have in my life now is a legitimate gentleman, that’s how I know HV men exist. I actually catch myself feeling bad (for myself) that I’m not physically attracted to any of them bc they’d make great partners. It is very possible for men and women to be friends as long as the guy isn’t LV. Vetting is still necessary, even for friendships!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:48 AM
59

It’s a combination of not being able to take personal responsibility for anything and simply hating women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 11:10 AM
35

This is sound advice since being in a tough financial situation can lead to making hasty decisions, like quickly moving in together for example… almost happened to me. Also fair to say that you shouldn’t date a guy who’s between jobs either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 12:27 AM
20

You can’t make this stuff up!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 11:06 PM
61

Of course there are the women who decide to spend all their time with their guy and orchestrate their lives around him, leaving no time for their female friends. But there’s another perspective to consider where abusive guys can use many forms of isolation tactics to have their girlfriend cut out the most trusted people in her life. It can be hard to tell from the outside what exactly is happening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:41 PM
35

Did we date the same guy?? I literally could’ve written this exact same thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:29 PM
18

Oh my god my dad proposed to my mom as she was doing dishes…… like she had yellow rubber gloves on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 08:22 PM
61

I saw this too. The worst comments were people telling her to propose if she cares so much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 06:57 PM
452

That’s why all the (good) advice on relationship subreddits say to just dump him. If you’re complaining about your relationship online, it’s cooked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 05:23 PM
145

Have you ever broken up with a guy and he assumes you’re only doing it because you met someone else? So much projection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 11:11 AM
34

This video by Dr. Ramani explains it pretty well: https://youtu.be/fe5Z-gZizFQ All of her videos are great btw!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 10:44 PM
99

Your first example… WOW I have no words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 08:08 PM
81

Car character is huge! It’s also one of the biggest telltale signs of a narcissist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:41 PM
328

I think about this a lot. Dx in my mid 20’s after going through hell in school. Growing up my teachers and parents thought I was just lazy and unwilling to cooperate, which in turn deeply affected my self esteem and ability to communicate about my own experience and needs even to this day. Although I’ve come a long way. I still struggle with work, and when I got my dx I was recommended to a 12 week job placement program for autistic individuals where the ratio was close to 4-5 men for every one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:25 PM
46

Thanks for saying this. I often think about what happened to me (similar story) and cringe at how naive I was, I still think about it and feel so dumb. The question I hate most is, “why do you think you’re attracted to guys like that?” Or some variation. As if it’s my fault I was manipulated when in reality I was totally blindsided by the lovebombing. It literally just came down to the fact that I wasn’t yet educated on that form of abuse and it took hitting an extreme low point for me to start …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:00 PM
272

Isn’t the sheer fact that OF will be banning pornography in the next month or two enough to deter her? Or maybe the realization that unless you already have a large following of horny men, there’s no way you’d even make a cent in that over saturated marketplace anyway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:14 AM
32

There are many reasons to not feel completely comfortable on a first date and that’s entirely natural. If you’re only focusing on will he or will he not pay, you may be missing other red flags along the way. You come prepared to pay for yourself if you have to, it shouldn’t be something to worry about, you just move on afterwards. Refocus your mind on your safety and vetting and just let him show you who he is, that’s really all you can do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 03:03 PM
84

I wasn’t sure about this part because I personally wouldn’t do that. He should demonstrate that he wants to pay because it’s the polite thing to do, and it should be unprompted. If he expects me to pay then that simply ends things right there, no further communication necessary bc I’ve seen all I need to see. You can’t properly vet someone if you ask them or give them hints beforehand about how you should be treated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:39 PM
69

Absolutely, I love the approach that boundaries are for ourselves, not others. You can’t enforce a boundary on someone else or manipulate/play games with them to try and make them treat you better - at that point you’ve already lost. That’s not how boundaries work. Someone simply respects you or they don’t, and it’s up to you to know the difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 10:56 PM
76

Yep, also further down the line if he treats you like shit he’ll say, “well you chose me!” Never chase a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 08:31 PM
136

I used to want the bare minimum, now I’m not afraid to say I have high standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:25 PM
84

I am a fan of hip hop, but there’s bottom of the barrel stuff where the lyrics are so completely mind numbing, then there’s more elevated stuff where the production is excellent and there’s a deeper message or story being told. There’s definitely a difference. That said, every DJ or music producer I’ve dated has been LV. Also steer absolutely clear of any guy who says his favorite rapper is Eminem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:22 PM
157

They so badly want to twist this sub into something it’s not. FDS is literally just about having high standards: for yourself and for others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:11 PM
171

Her last sentences… can someone please redefine the term “boundaries” for me? It seems to have lost all meaning. Her luggage was outside the house and he had the locks changed on her, all because of his own insecurities. How clear could it be that he’s not interested in having a conversation. Also the biggest red flag in the world that he “dislikes” her supportive family members to the point that she hesitated calling them for help
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:52 AM
30

Simply put, Joe Rogan is hyper masculine in a toxic way. One example is he’s insinuated that “woke culture” will silence and oppress straight white male’s right to free speech. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/joe-rogan-criticized-mocked-after-saying-straight-white-men-are-n1267801
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:23 AM
60

So many women get in their heads that they’d be treated better by their partners if only they were ______ enough for him. NO!! We are already worthy of respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 11:31 AM
46

This one is so true. Before FDS I went to visit someone I was excited about. The feeling of loneliness I had when I was with him for a week was way worse than the entire year I’d spent in quarantine/isolation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 11:27 AM
58

And cheating! And maybe pretty much anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 11:19 AM
59

This made me realize cockblocking isn’t even a real thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 02:38 AM
33

I believe it’s this post https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o4cn1k/blood_in_the_water_a_custom_made_tactic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:50 PM
315

We all know men love to treat women as free personal therapists but we have to be careful not to do the same. It’s not endearing, it’s endangering. Never disclose that you may not have a strong support network, or information about your relationship with your parents/their relationship with each other etc. Also any insecurities about your looks, finances, ANYTHING can be used against you later. When I look back, I’m so relieved at the information I DIDN’T share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:38 PM
137

So true, I remember my when my ex would sleep peacefully and I just couldn’t. I felt so tense and just wanted him out of my bed, I remember that so vividly. Having my space back was the best feeling when I finally dumped him. Another guy I was with would wake up screaming in the middle of the night… it’s like his subconscious knew he was abusive and wouldn’t let him rest. Those night terrors were actually the first red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:15 PM
5

Yep, I’m autistic and if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that the world itself is harsh. It will not accommodate you. You cannot always ask people to accommodate and help with your every need. You need to learn how to best take care of yourself and at the very least that includes conversing with customer service industry workers in a polite and effective way. Everything can be done with practice: identify the problem, prioritize the problem and freaking work on it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:01 PM
78

The manipulation is so clear when he tried to triangulate her with his ex “she used to!” 🙄 guaranteed that’s not the first or last time he’ll use that line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 10:53 PM
51

Exactly! They know I won’t go home with them but also they’ve never tried anything and especially don’t get all butthurt about being “owed” something in return. They’re nothing but respectful, continue to pay and quietly acknowledge their role as the men of the group. I feel like I’m finally in the right place after years of having 50-50 LVM friends and partners… I’ll never go back!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 10:29 PM
97

I am not currently dating, but I have gone out with a mixed group of friends several times this summer and am more comfortable with letting the men of the group pay for the drinks and the cabs/ubers. While I haven’t necessarily determined if each and every one of them are HV, I am at least assured that they are not doing it to sleep with me but simply because it’s just the polite and courteous thing to do. Pre-FDS me would’ve felt a bit guilty or offered to split/get the next round, but now it’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 09:52 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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