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awhileagonow Archive

View 0 posts and 67 comments by awhileagonow on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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303

The thing that most bothers me about what your partner said was '3) some parts of the anatomy of a woman can only be stimulated with anal'. Where did he get this from? Did he actually think we have a prostate? Because it sounds to me like a line from something/someone that is trying to convince a woman to try it. It's bit of a 'porny' line if you know what I mean, or at best ignorant. 'Some parts of a woman': there's something irksome about him saying that, as if he thinks he knows some secret p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 04:07 AM
55

'Male, divorced🤞, 46💪, a few extra pounds🤘, romantic❤️, honest👍, raised by a single mum so I respect them more than most other men🏋️, looking for long term🎈, tell me what you'd like to do with me!😎' 🤞actually separated but saying that puts women off. 💪 actually 52. 🤘actually too heavy to walk more than 100 yards without a sit down rest. ❤️ will think up a pet name for you then never do anything else. 👍 will flirt with other women and tell you about it then when you complain about this will descr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 01:04 PM
7

Similar to the poster above, one time on Tinder I received an opening message along the lines of, 'Hi, I'm going to be in your city for one night Thursday next week, nice hotel, fancy going out for a meal then some no-strings fun?' Literally a free prostitute request, and nowhere on my profile had I indicated being into ONS or even anything casual. Actually at least he did this quickly. Worse are the guys who go through an exchange of pleasant messages over two or three days then out of the blue…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 09:49 PM
77

Yeah I have more stories about this than I can be bothered to type. A particularly memorable one was ex telling me such and such actor played XYZ, which was insanely wrong. I said (not horribly!) that it wasn't him in that part and ex insisted over and over. I eventually explained that it can't have been, because the film was made somewhere around the time that actor was born. CUE SILENT TREATMENT. This is what I have noticed above all. Silent, shimmering rage and a complete incapacity to admit …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 06:58 PM
9

I'm in the same position: rural living, nowhere/no how to meet men given that this can't happen through my work and I don't have a network/community to help. However, I have opted out of the apps. Having considered my options I decided it was too much of a timesink for very little reward, and I can't be doing with the relentless cynicism from men on the apps. They are either being crass or bitching about women or outright lying about their situations and intentions. It's not good for my (anyone'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:40 PM
8

I was scammed out of money by a romantic partner during my twenties and he didn't have to pretend to be rich. In hindsight he was the very definition of a psychopath (who often do this sort of thing: relentless and premeditated behaviour that ruins people financially and emotionally). Part of why I fell for his lies was simply loneliness. No family, no friends, single for years. Just no love in my life. The other main reason was that even when I suspected he was lying or secretly up to no good, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 01:03 PM
19

First up you are really brave for writing all this down in such depth. You have really articulated your experience and I am positive that the very action of doing that will be helpful to you in processing and learning. Secondly, remember you are in a sisterhood, not just here on FDS but among all the other women who have been through similar experiences with men just like this, who are out there everywhere all over the world, many more than you could ever imagine because such a vast proportion a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:48 PM
7

I dated this guy! He'd never say the actual digits if it came up in conversation. He'd say stuff like 'I'm my height' or 'I'm the height I am' 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 06:56 PM
278

I really really hate the way they use the word 'help' in this context: 'I don't help with laundry' etc as if it's the woman's rightful workload and the man only steps in when it gets too much. It's just as much his laundry, dishes, cleaning as it is hers. It's not 'helping', it's having responsibility for essential everyday tasks. Nobody ever describes a woman 'helping' a man around the house. By the by I hate the 'I can't control it' excuse as well but won't go off about that or I'll have to go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:27 AM
35

I appreciate this post 🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:43 PM
93

I am glad you spotted all of his tricks but at the same time I don't think it's a good thing to unblock after blocking. It's a time sink, 100% a negative experience, and needlessly exposes you to lies and cynicism when that space could be occupied by positivity and progress. Having said that I have done it myself in the past and had the same experience as you. As you said - supposedly I'm the woman of his dreams, he KNOWS he's messed up in a very serious way, and still he treats me like this? I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 12:31 PM
19

I have been the woman cooing over gifts that made me cringe for the sake of being polite to men that did not deserve it. One ex - very financially secure - produced an anniversary gift at a restaurant: he triumphantly pushed a flimsy cardboard 'jewellery' box across the table at me - partly crushed due to its long haul flight from a Chinese warehouse. I was disappointed before even opening it. And as I opened it he added, "I know you don't wear jewellery, but..." It was actually something he bou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:27 AM
103

The dishonesty and cynicism of OLD always puts me off. I am in my 40s and men my age on the apps are mostly either married and pretending not to be, or just killing time in talking to me - their mindset is that perhaps an opportunity for sex will pop up, or at least I'm someone to chat to while they wait for the younger, thinner woman to swipe right on them. SO MANY married men. I don't know if women younger than 40s find this? The guy who only texts between 5-6pm when he's on his commute. The g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:54 PM
465

Apart from the ick factor (which I know and understand) it's just jarring and a total conversation killer. What are you meant to do, thank him for the compliment over and over again? I think acting like this on a date is so ick because it's out of context. This is a guy you barely know saying really quite intimate things. Complimenting your body should be saved for an intimate situation not thrown about in a car park on day 1.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 08:56 AM
68

The phrase that jumps to mind is 'hair trigger'. It was so easy to say something that made him angry or sad. One time I made a casual comment about a type of food I didn't like and he went silent then and later stormed out as he'd taken it as an insult to his family who had raised him on that type of food. I had never met them, didn't know this, and had only commented one sentence about my personal taste. His reaction was absolutely mystifying to me. Unpredictable is another descriptor. He could…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 08:39 AM
27

I would advise younger women not to organise their lives around the pursuit of a relationship. I am approaching middle age, was not raised in a feminist household (even though my mother was the 2nd wave generation - she was not culturally aware), had no female-centric influences, and I had to teach myself everything I know now. The result is that I am kind of late, behind, backwards, whatever you want to call it, in the realisation of important truths. I spent too many years testing different ap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 08:25 PM
48

Re. the photo holding the beer - there's something about this image that's an automatic pass for me on OLD. Seriously, it's something that puts me off so much. Whether he's sat at a bar gripping a pint or on his sofa with a can or anywhere toasting the camera with his beer, it's a reflexive 'ick' from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 08:06 AM
39

I'm close to your age and had a similar relationship: two problematic years with me always wanting to see more of him and him being more like, 'meh'. I casually asked him one day where he saw us in five years' time and his reply was 'maybe' living together - depending on how he was managing financially living alone 😮 I am glad you blocked and deleted because don't doubt that guy will soon be missing the attention, practical help and hot meals and wanting to come back either with a compromise off…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 07:56 AM
26

Absolutely this. She's loyal, and (as well as being dumb and rude) he is not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:01 PM
56

My first thought was that he's not actually single, is dipping his toe into the enticing waters of cheating, and panicked as the prospect of firm date plans with a woman not-his-partner came up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:31 PM
66

A few years ago in the early stages with a guy, I suggested getting together the coming weekend on the Saturday. He fired back with 'Great cos that means I'll be free to go cycling on Sunday!' It was such a turn-off I can almost feel the heartsink now: in the first weeks of a relationship with a man I really like, and he is less excited about seeing me than about riding a bicycle the following day?? FDS wasn't in my life back then so I processed it for 24 hrs or so, making sure this really had m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:46 AM
35

Related but re. books/fiction: 'Good Girl Messages' by Deborah O'Keefe. It's years since I read it but it examines how female characters/heroines serve us (or rather, disserve us) messages about what female behaviour is and should be, and the outcomes of femininity that we should expect. Which aren't always helpful or correct, as everyone on here knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 06:16 PM
3

I do too 💪 I share the photos I'm happy for the internet to have. Also I'm not fkin Shutterstock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 07:18 AM
3

Being surprised or impressed by ordinary and unremarkable things that you do. I took a guy out for a country drive once and out of nowhere he said brightly, 'You're a really good driver actually!' Er, any reason I wouldn't be?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 03:44 AM
29

Part of this though is that he's trying to triangulate you with an idea. The man whose says this is setting a goal for you to compete against and beat his fantasy-nostalgia-blessed-memory girl. As soon as he tells you he has this woman living his head he has sown the seed of your anxiety about matching up. My reflections on my past relationships are what I learned and how I grew. They are really personal and not something to be casually shared. I have said the same as another poster here to a gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 03:38 AM
34

The block and delete rule is the only way to deal with these temptations in my experience. My old rule was 'dont reply to anything straight away', my logic being that an hour or a day contemplating an incoming text was enough to make me realise it didn't merit a reply. I think I also liked to be able to keep track of what a guy was thinking/saying about me; i'm not proud of it but after being hurt/betrayed there is a kind of schadenfreude-y comfort in knowing that two or six months later the guy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 07:11 AM
57

The first guy worries me. Why is he looking to date in a town he doesn't live in? Worst case scenario he is married. Also a bad scenario: he is looking for casual entertainment/sex a few nights each month and would rather not pay for an escort. Honestly, I think on the next date he will pay for the meal again and invite you back to his hotel. (Expecting you to go, because OLD.) Best case scenario but also the least likely outcome IMO: he is respectful, you get on well and both like each other, b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 06:54 AM
138

Something very similar happened to me: low confidence guy who was long term single got a boost from going out with me (love, attention, validation) then once he was feeling 'better' decided he could upgrade and started auditioning replacements behind my back. I found out and we split up then he spent months - over a year in fact - trying to persuade me back. This was once he realised that he had shat all over a very good thing, and that hot women weren't queuing up to take my place. I have seen …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 02:35 PM
14

I am mid 40s, never married, one child. I have been through extreme bouts of loneliness in my life but have come through the other side grateful for my self-reliance and happy with the freedom that comes with living alone (even more so when I see some of the awful posts on here from other forums, eg the VR p0rn husband today). I don't date right now because it is difficult, but honestly I think HVM are more likely than LVM to vibe with your plans. Not only because they are more attentive and res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 04:15 PM
14

Probably all of us on FDS have done this at some point in our lives. Focus ahead. Every day that passes your heavy heart will grow lighter and you will come out the other side feeling wiser, stronger, and with greater understanding of yourself. I went back (twice!) to a deceitful and unfaithful man who reached out - he was supposedly crying and full of regret. It was extremely painful at the time, I felt like a fool and that I had wasted precious time. However I also learned a lot: I know more a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 06:21 AM
8

I had a brief interaction with a guy on Tinder recently who wanted to switch to WhatsApp after exchanging only a couple of messages. I said the same as you, that I wanted to stay on the app for a while, and he replied that he liked to 'carefully manage' his time and couldn't keep going on to Tinder to look for new messages. I said, what difference does it make whether we're messaging on Tinder or WhatsApp? A notification pings when someone contacts you, then you reply. He answered that he only h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 06:07 AM
17

I am neuro divergent and had a particular problem with one ex. He was very keen to put me into social situations (I do not enjoy socializing especially with strangers) because he hadn't dated for so long that most of his circle believed he couldn't get a girlfriend and now I was there to prove them wrong. One particular family event was really full on, I was introduced to virtually all his family within a short space of time and some of them put me through an interrogation style of questioning a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 10:33 PM
46

Thank you for articulating this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 02:42 PM
11

A lot of people think couple = happy and single = sad. I guess the common assumption is that if you're in a relationship it must be going ok because if not the relationship would end, right? (haha). Also people assume that if you're single you must be unsatisfied/looking to partner up. I'm single in middle age and I feel a bit like an object of pity even though I'm enjoying the greatest amount of autonomy, confidence and contentment in my life so far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:24 PM
127

This also ties in with abusive men thinking their partners are flirting with random men when they are just having passing, routine encounters, example that comes to mind in my life was a man stopping us (both of us!) to ask for directions, I answered his question and the man went on his way, the whole exchange lasted about fifteen seconds, ex accused me of flirting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:24 PM
103

He needs to go and stay somewhere else. You can't have this in your face 24/7. Can your mum come and stay with you a while? I would advise you tell mum what has happened and ask if she can come and stay. Meanwhile your husband needs to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:53 PM
15

First thing I would say is, do you really want an 'on and off' relationship? I have been there/done that. 'On and off' means 'problematic and half-assed'. How patient do you have to be, exactly? He is an adult man who knows how to behave and how to treat people, and if he's not doing that right then he is choosing not to. Not your problem. Making you feel shame for supposed lack of patience/compassion/forbearance is a LVM trick. (Plus we have to reckon with the wider socio-cultural message that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 03:35 PM
77

Yeah, or, 'Hello?' or, 'U still there?' or, 'Guess you've stopped talking then' or, 'Ur quiet today'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 03:18 PM
29

All your points are so spot on. This is my perspective on/experience of FDS entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 05:47 AM
50

Also, all the basic things that we teach children between the ages of zero and ten. Don't tell lies. Be kind. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Basic manners eg if someone cooks dinner for you, say thank you. Sharing is cool. Sulking is a bad look. Etc. (Not sure when/how male children unlearn this wrt to their interactions with women? Plenty of them have lovely mothers who at some point taught them all the above. A topic for another thread I guess.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 05:44 AM
9

The worst part is over. You're only going up from here 💪 I'm excited for all the good times you're going to have 😀 Wishing you lots of love and luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 07:28 PM
34

I genuinely think this could be genetic. Up until a couple of generations ago they could just r*pe us. Imagine if this was 1895 and this guy fancied his sister-in-law. He'd find a way to get in a room alone with her then sexually assault her, and she wouldn't say anything for shame, or because she wouldn't be believed, or because nothing could be done even if she was believed, or because she wouldn't even know who to tell. And this was the way of the world all the way through time. The r*pe opti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 06:35 PM
3

On my OLD profiles I used to lead with the 'quality' of being low maintenance. I didn't even spend any time thinking about why. It was just something I knew through received wisdom that it was good to be. I knew that those two words told men that I wouldn't cost them any time, money, or any special effort. And I got exactly what I was advertising for. My ex wouldn't spend more than 24 hrs in a week with me; I could have Friday night or Saturday night but not both. He was financially insecure but…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 06:21 PM
3

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you're on the other side of that, and so enlightened while still so young. Good for you 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 05:58 PM
36

He says he is 'acting out his fantasies' watching porn. That's a contradiction in terms, isn't it? He's not acting out anything, it would be like me saying I'm acting out my fantasy of going to Australia by watching Neighbours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 01:22 PM
18

Great analogy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 01:06 PM
7

I think quite often men use anger as a gaslighting or manipulation technique. As in, it's not even really real but they know it's effective and that we will accept it because men get angry, duh. I have had exes get angry at me in the hope it will make me apologise for wrongs I did not commit, or things about myself that they did not like, or just when they thought I needed bringing down a peg or two. The one that comes to mind got 'angry' at me because I said I didn't like a type of food, which …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 10:36 PM
3

Love your technique 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 06:57 PM
11

Agree very much with your point about not enjoying a woman's body. I would have sex with my ex and he would literally never touch me with his hands. He never kissed or stroked my body, never put his hands between my legs. He went down on me a few times when we first got together but then just quit (despite me asking). Our sex life was entirely penetration with me doing all the work. If roles were reversed it would be equivalent to me lying down with my legs open and otherwise not moving. I didn'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 04:20 PM
5

I think as much if not more than the physical and emotional impact of pregnancy and birth is the way that your status in society changes. Becoming a mother brings an almost insupportable load in terms of obligations and expectations. You are forever after judged by your position as a mother: being a good mother is difficult and undervalued, being a bad mother is the worst thing a woman can be. Most of the time you can't do right for doing wrong and you are always assessed in relation to your chi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 04:07 PM
93

I feel this is important. Liking and sharing his GF's stuff online means bigging her up, expressing pride in her skills, promoting her business, and generally acknowledging her success. Most likely he is jealous and feels that doing those things elevates her 'too much' (ie over him). Especially because hers is an artistic, creative endeavour which involves business management skills and which people also think is pretty cool. Likely he can't match her creativity/coolness/business nous and doesn'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:39 PM
96

Not sure I agree with the bit that 'they don't value themselves'. In my experience it's the total opposite, LVM way over-value themselves even when they know they are LV. I have had exes admit that they are abusive but persist in saying I should still want to be with them. Similarly lying/cheating ex whose ego was so high that he simply refused to discuss it and joked about my feelings. That came from an immense ego and untouchable self-esteem. Agree with the pointlessness of seeking closure tho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 07:29 AM
5

The MGRedpincelTow brigade build their lives around generalising women. All the men's 'life coaches' on YT etc will show a video of one woman doing X Y or Z and extrapolate from that that it's alL woMEn!! Apparently 'all women' are the most dangerous threat to men on earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 08:27 PM
2

I wish they wouldn't use the phrase 'helps cleaning the house'. It makes it sound like it's your (the woman's) responsibility and if your male partner joins in he's doing you a favour. No-one would ever describe a woman's domestic activity as 'helping' around the house. For her they're just a pile of fucking chores.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 05:21 PM
5

Agree with the poster above who suggested 'Woman Hating'. Also 'Pornography'. I posted elsewhere how devastated I think Andrea Dworkin would be to see that the pornographic media has increased exponentially and also that its impact on our society is largely ignored. At least when she was writing porn typically had some shame associated with it, except for the elite hypersexual bros that ran the magazines. Andrea would be so sad for women if she saw PrnHb, OF etc. Anyway she's an amazing writer. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 05:13 PM
26

I have a notebook somewhere in the back of which I wrote a list of all the ways my ex made me unhappy and what I could do to cope. Stuff like, 'Don't hassle him if he's ignoring you, he just needs his space.' 'He doesn't want to spend any time with you but you love him so just fucking deal with it or you'll end up with zero instead of 20%.' It's like FDS had a version in the Upside Down. It's the most pitiful thing you've ever seen. I'm not ashamed because hey, we're all learning and growing, bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 02:50 PM
1

Almost matches my story exactly! LVM dumped me (I'd wanted us to spend more time together 🙄) then two weeks later was texting wondering why I hadn't been in touch. He thought he'd allowed the exact amount of time necessary for my hurt to build and build and for me to come begging him to take me back. What it actually was, was 48hrs of hurt followed by revelation and enlightenment: he'd made me unhappy in one way or another every single day for months and now I wasn't unhappy at all, just calm, c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 08:38 PM
1

That is terrifying. Thank you for telling your story. I'm always curious how men like this would explain themselves if compelled to do so. How would anyone articulate the reasoning behind behaviour like that? Like, the abuser thinks it's reasonable, he's justified, she deserves it. How would he put this into words? I know it's not 'a thing' that abusive men ever account for themselves in this way. I just can't process it. If I ever behaved like that I would not be able to construct a single sent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:09 AM
4

I really like this comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:49 PM
17

'I have my social media make it look like I do more for my children than I actually do.' Fucking shameless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 02:06 PM
19

I signed off all dating apps over a year ago for many of the reasons OP states. If you meet someone on an app and start dating there is really little guarantee that they are not also somewhere along in that process with someone else. Chatting online, texting, already up to the 2nd, 3rd or 4th date. In my experience men don't suddenly quit all other options, because they like the attention and the buzz and (as discussed in other posts this week) LVM jump on any opportunity for sexual contact. Mea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:41 PM
15

You see a lot of this on Reddit. Women post about discovering cheating and preface it with apologies for snooping, then in return they get a raft of responses weighing up their value as partners on the grounds they 'don't respect privacy'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:14 AM
20

Strongly agree with all of this. My last two exes, both LVM, pursued me after breaking up for longer than the actual relationships lasted. I ended it with no.1 because he was verbally abusive and wildly emotional/unpredictable to the point I was scared for my safety. No.2 broke up with me because I wanted more commitment (he was cheating). In both instances after breaking up neither of them could believe I was done and didn't want to know them anymore. No.1 alternated between melancholic and fur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:34 PM
3

🙌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:23 PM
14

Agree with all of this. Also want to echo what you said about single mums. I've turned down or broken up with guys because of standards I only developed by becoming a mother. I've broken up with guys because I realised they weren't the type of person I'd ever want my kid to be around (even if - due to having lower standards for myself - I'd have stayed with them longer if I was on my own). I've also broken up with guys upon realising I'd feel literal embarrassment if my kid ever found out I was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 05:02 PM
65

This was good to read. I am nearer your age and have been single since 2019, my last relationship was terrible (LVM who cheated and lied). I decided to give up online dating completely because of that relationship and previous experience, plus the general fact of it being a meat market. I really think that at my/our age men actually resent us for not being the type of woman they want. They are on OLD in hope of finding someone young, beautiful, amenable. What they get it someone their age with l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:37 PM
4

Don't know if he's been mentioned already but I would add Texting Prince to that list, on YouTube and social media platforms. A woman he liked more than a decade ago went out with another man and he's been stewing in his own juices ever since. Closely associated with Coach Greg Adams and a fan of Kevin Samuels. Mocks and derides women to a grotesque level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 01:27 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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