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bananab33 Archive

View 0 posts and 66 comments by bananab33 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

My hubbie snores and a mouth guard solved it! Hope you have the same amazing experience!
/r/RedPillWives25/07/22 08:25 PM
5

Thank you for your hard work, OP!
/r/RedPillWives24/07/22 12:35 AM
2

I know other people have also said "checklists", but they really have been a game changer for us. I never used them much because I felt like I'm an adult and they're a little condescending, but recently I got a magnetic dry-erase weekly to-do list thing that goes on the fridge. My house has never been so clean! Mostly it's helped the kids to do their part, but it also has really helped me as well. The weekly one I have is similar to the one on this product page: https://www.amazon.com/Magnetic-E…
/r/RedPillWives14/07/22 04:47 AM
28

Hi OP! I agree this sub is too quiet. I am very, very happily married for 13 years with 5 kids. I come to this sub because I like to get tips on being more feminine. I recently unsubscribed because I was really turned off by a BDSM-type post. In that vein, I think this sub can be confusing in its purpose. Is it just about being more submissive? More feminine? Better wives? I feel like half of us are religious wives who are more "complimentary roles" than "red pill", a quarter are kinky (that can…
/r/RedPillWives28/06/22 01:59 AM
9

I love that phrasing, "a softer lifestyle". Best advice I could give would be to find "co-workers". It's so much easier if you have friends to lean on and talk to! Good luck!
/r/RedPillWives23/05/22 01:56 AM
2

Seriously, this time is a grace, you should accept the gift and sleep! One of my best memories is when my first was born and I watched a lot of TV and read a ton cause I was tired being up with her in the night so much. I know it's silly, but that was the most warm, relaxing time in my life and I often find myself reminiscing about how wonderful it was!
/r/RedPillWives08/04/22 05:48 PM
1

It's kind of fun though, because instead of being less crazy, it's actually a little more crazy! :-P Good luck!!!
/r/RedPillWives08/04/22 03:57 AM
1

This sounds like me! Maybe it's unhealthy, but I pretend we're dating and play all sorts of games in my head. Do you know what I mean? Like how when you're dating a person you don't give them more attention than they give you, even if you really like them and you want to? It takes self control, but it's usually really fun for me to feel that way. My husband thinks that mindset is silly whenever he notices it, but I think it's good for our marriage, and I don't regret it!
/r/RedPillWives07/04/22 05:50 PM
3

Well, I think it's a highly personalized decision, the just-in-case plan I mean. I draw comfort from the fact that a lot of women have gone through it, and even if it's hard, they almost always survive and eventually thrive. My grandma was poor and widowed with a newborn and 3 small children, and I think if she can live through that then I can live through whatever life throws at me. It seems to me like real estate, or any other investments, could be great contingency plans, and might be better …
/r/RedPillWives30/03/22 07:46 PM
7

I want to say "trust", but that's not really the truth. In my case, it's education and ability. I love being a SAHM , but if my hubbie all of a sudden goes bonkers I trust that I can find a job and make it work, even after being out of the work force for 10 years now! I honestly have a "just in case" plan, which I think is prudent for any woman. Life would be really, REALLY hard for a while, but I know I could live through it and that this beautiful life is worth the risk.
/r/RedPillWives30/03/22 01:17 AM
1

Every stay at home mom in the world has felt this! This too will pass! Having people over more has helped me snap out of it in the past, it forces you to clean and it strengthens relationships! Other things that have helped are big projects (painted my cabinets), going out more with the kids (like, every single day for weeks), and reading good books/watching good TV shows. Good luck! We're cheering you on!
/r/RedPillWives25/02/22 05:42 PM
3

I really love this post, thanks for sharing!
/r/RedPillWives16/03/21 03:07 AM
2

I've been induced 3 times after going past 41 weeks, my poor body just doesn't go into labor in a timely manner! Won't lie, even though it's my 4th induction, I'm a little anxious too. It's so weird to go into the hospital with a suitcase and not be in labor. I've never had an appointment this far ahead of time before. I'm planning on taking Black Cohosh tea and a little bit of castor oil (in a milk shake) the night before, hoping it will kick start labor or at least make the induction go faster…
/r/RedPillWives14/03/21 11:41 PM
2

Hey! I'm being induced Thursday with my 5th! Yay! Unless you're always a super clean person, I'd suggest just reminding yourself the need to clean is hormones, it'll go away when the baby comes and you'll be a normal, sane person again (hopefully). I think about 3 months is the world standard across cultures, exactly how someone else said 100 days. For all mine, there are little "coming back to life" milestones, I'd say I usually feel somewhat like myself again at 3 months.
/r/RedPillWives14/03/21 11:10 PM
1

I love lurking on subs where the mindset is really foreign to me. I have nothing but respect for that!
/r/RedPillWives10/03/21 01:42 AM
4

I'll tell you the honest answer! People might disagree, but I think this is the usual meaning the terms. RedPill = kinda anti-feminism. I really think almost no one here is truly, truly anti-feminism in a "women belong in the kitchen" way, but in the men's groups it can get pretty toxic. The term "Red-pill" comes from the name of a documentary where a feminist looked into men's rights groups and realized they have a point (obviously the name of the documentary is a Matrix reference). Conservativ…
/r/RedPillWives09/03/21 10:15 PM
2

Also, on the scale on a page down the line, you have "dislike" and "like" really convoluted. "Like a little" and "dislike a little" seem to be switched, and "dislike a moderate amount" is there twice. Dislike a great deal Dislike a moderate amount Like a little Neither like nor dislike Dislike a little Dislike a moderate amount Like a great deal *
/r/RedPillWives03/03/21 07:27 PM
3

Groups at the bottom are just as deserving as groups at the top. What does that mean? Deserving of what?
/r/RedPillWives03/03/21 07:18 PM
2

Those are such great tips, thank you! I'm 9 months pregnant and really excited to lose weight in a month. For me (pre-pregnancy), the best tip I have is to focus on consistency above everything else. Anything you try will work as long as you stick to it and don't let yourself slide. That being said, if you do mess up, get back on the horse immediately and try not to let one day turn to two or three. Intermittent fasting is my favorite, but I really think it depends on personality what is going t…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/21 05:53 PM
6

I absolutely love my husband, but I hate the phone and can't imagine talking that much every day. The thought of it gives me a headache. I think a 10 minute check-in is reasonable.
/r/RedPillWives10/02/21 08:11 PM
8

I don't know about college, but if you don't find a vocation now it'll only be harder later. Even if you do become a stay-at-home wife, it's good to have a backup so you can be secure, and better men will be more attracted to a woman with her feet on the ground. I have a friend who is a flight attendant, she travels all over the world and it seems like an amazing job. She can also fly for free on her days off, so she takes a lot of really exotic vacations I could only dream of like they're nothi…
/r/RedPillWives12/01/21 06:26 PM
22

He probably really loves you and would rather struggle through this time than accept money and risk it getting weird. Definitely I'd say insist on treating him to meals for now! I would not have helped my now-husband when we were dating unless things were really dire, just because boundaries. Your really are probably the best part of his life in this hard time, so just being kind and a good listener is probably the best you can do. You could ask him though, "what do you need from me, how can I h…
/r/RedPillWives12/01/21 04:25 AM
1

I have a similar problem! It's so demotivating! I find that when I get into a really deep rut, it helps to just start cooking only for me, and everyone else can take it or leave it. My cooking gets better during those times (family of 6). The other thing that has helped me is to ask everyone what they want when making a meal plan so I don't have to bear the burden of making the decision. Don't like it tonight? Too bad, it was your brother's turn to pick. I know those are opposite solutions, but …
/r/RedPillWives04/01/21 12:19 AM
3

Anyone can partake in the Eucharist, it's just sacred enough that you need to be in communion with the Church first. The bible itself says that anyone who takes the Eucharist unworthily is heaping judgment on themselves, the Catholic Church is trying to prevent that and to maintain the sanctity of what we believe is the actual body and blood of Christ. Also, I'm annoyed you're being downvoted on a non-religious subreddit for just expressing your opinion.
/r/RedPillWives19/12/20 04:48 PM
1

Good point!
/r/RedPillWives19/12/20 04:32 PM
13

I'm Catholic and my husband's not. He comes to things like weddings at baptisms, and I really appreciate it. I think that for ceremonies it's more about honoring the culture. Like, if you lived in Sweden everything would be at Lutheran churches even though almost nobody is religious, whereas if you lived in Japan there would shinto festivals. Unless you strongly hate the church and think it's evil, I think it's better to respect the culture of your family.
/r/RedPillWives18/12/20 09:06 PM
5

If you don't feel resentment, I'd pick up their stuff for the sake of peace. Maybe just put it in a basket somewhere so they have to put it away? When you're super pregnant you might want to stop though. I'd really just go with your gut. Also, honestly, your husband should learn to live with a little mess. Especially when you have a toddler, that level of tidiness is probably not going to be feasible.
/r/RedPillWives07/12/20 11:06 PM
2

Maybe he could compromise and you could both be on all the accounts, but have two saving accounts and a joint checking? That seems like it would be okay for me!
/r/RedPillWives07/12/20 06:34 PM
8

For me, having separate bank accounts would be a deal breaker. Being married means you're one family, which means expenses should be shared without regard to percentages. Separate bank accounts also give people a way to keep secrets, which I think is really unhealthy. Even in my own marriage, there have been times when my income has been 100% of the family income and I never felt put out cause I view our money as communal. Now I'm a housewife and it's exactly opposite, but I don't feel bad for t…
/r/RedPillWives07/12/20 06:02 PM
2

Don't take your fertility for granted! Trust me, if you have to deal with infertility, you will regret any trip that postponed starting to try, and if you do get pregnant, you will see how minor any trip would be in comparison to the wonder of that little baby. I am someone who really loves to and yearns to travel, so I totally understand the drive, but having kids doesn't compare, IMO. Plus, their plane tickets are free until they're 2!
/r/RedPillWives03/12/20 02:21 AM
8

This is a good discussion starter! I think real affairs are usually deliberate. You don't just fall into bed with someone, there's a whole ritual of flirting beforehand. I loved that scene in Gran Torino. I think you're right, I wouldn't want to know. If it was reversed, I think I wouldn't tell either. My husband and I talked about it once though, and we both agreed we could forgive that kind of thing after everything we've been through together. I really hope it always stays hypothetical though…
/r/RedPillWives01/12/20 01:27 PM
6

I think you need to be really direct and tell him what you told us. That kind of thing (his closed nature) can only been handled with open communication. If he doesn't respond by opening up at least a little bit, I'd probably cut ties. For the sexual stuff, I think it's related. If he starts opening up, you'll probably start to feel more attraction. If he likes you, he probably wants to make it work, and he'll probably appreciate you being honest.
/r/RedPillWives23/11/20 03:23 PM
4

I am in a similar boat and am putting most my energy into getting more help from my kids. The older 3 (ages 8, 6, and 4) are pretty much doing 50% of the house work right now, and they're watching a lot more TV than I'd like because survival. I explain how I need help, and they're usually compassionate about it. So I guess I'd say to just be sure to communicate with the kids what's going on. This is temporary, it's okay to step out a little for a while.
/r/RedPillWives19/11/20 01:28 PM
2

I think I'm in a similar boat. The only thing I wanted to say really is that nobody here or anywhere else does it all. It's just impossible. You work as hard as you can with the hours you're given, prioritize rest as best you can, and accept that the day's work is never finished. If I were you, I'd let my husband unwind, but pick your own time in a similar way and draw a strong boundary with it. When I was starting our with my first I'd watch TV during her nap, and it was so good for my mental h…
/r/RedPillWives17/11/20 03:54 AM
3

Why is this here? What does it have to do with RP?
/r/RedPillWives07/11/20 10:28 PM
1

Not at all!
/r/RedPillWives07/11/20 05:39 AM
2

I'm so sorry! :-( It sounds like your husband is over reacting though. Maybe it stems from hurt about the miscarriage? Hard to know from just a reddit post, but I think this might be a case where it's best to stand up for yourself, for the sake of your marriage. You're not doing him any favors letting him treat you that way, and if the roles were reversed and you were making him feel awful I bet you would want him to stick up for himself. It is really reasonable to share news of a miscarriage wi…
/r/RedPillWives07/11/20 12:35 AM
-3

John Rosemond is a parenting author a lot of traditional people like. He's really into pre-World War II parenting methods. Really though, no one will love your kids as much as you will, and if you follow your instincts I think you'll be fine. I read once the best predictor of someone being a good parent is whether they were a good person before they had kids.
/r/RedPillWives02/11/20 11:01 PM
13

It was really hard at first, to give up my income, but I'm so glad I started staying home when my husband was early in his career! Since then he's gotten several promotions and life is easier, but I feel like if I had waited our lifestyle would have kept adjusting to the double income and it would have been harder. I did work part time for a while, and I loved that, and now I work remotely. My income has never been high enough to really matter though, it's more just for myself. No words of advic…
/r/RedPillWomen30/10/20 06:39 PM
3

I am only replying for people who might be reading this thread. Women who stay home with the kids are vulnerable because they are often giving up their child-bearing years as well as their careers. This leaves a man with the ability to leave a woman with children and little means of supporting herself. I know there are many injustices against men in the divorce court system, but there are also many women raising children with uninvolved ex-husbands. Ultimately, in a committed marriage, both spou…
/r/RedPillWomen27/10/20 07:16 PM
1

I am almost as sure that I will not get a divorce as I am that I will die. So, it's a bit opposite of life insurance. I agree divorces can happen regardless of mindset, but I think entering marriage with a contingency plan is contrary to the seriousness of the vows you're taking. A similar but less serious situation I can think of on the fly is joining the US military. There are people who end up leaving on their own with a dishonorable discharge after they sign the papers, but it would negate t…
/r/RedPillWomen27/10/20 07:09 PM
4

I'd be against it, overall. Marriage should be entered with a forever mindset, there shouldn't be an out plan from the beginning. The woman is already pathetically vulnerable in marriage, a prenup seems to make her moreso.
/r/RedPillWomen27/10/20 06:11 AM
6

I've been happily together with the first guy I dated after a terrible break up for 16 years now! I guess I technically did go on one other date, but I barely remember it. I was very unsure at the beginning cause I knew I was vulnerable, but my room mate told me "just keep dating as long as you're having fun, and when you're not having fun anymore, stop." I credit that advice with my whole happy relationship! :-) Good luck!
/r/RedPillWives26/10/20 09:21 PM
24

I would really recommend professional therapy. You don't want to bring this baggage into your new marriage. A good therapist will help you with through your feelings of guilt. Do it for your fiance's sake if not your own. I'm going to assume you're somewhat religious? God forgives you if you've repented in prayer, and He wants you to forgive yourself. This unforgiveness toward yourself is not from a virtuous place.
/r/RedPillWomen26/10/20 03:45 PM
2

Aw! Best of luck to both of you! :-)
/r/RedPillWives26/10/20 03:52 AM
11

He sounds like a gem, I think you'd be doing yourself a great disservice thinking about the age difference too much. The woman is slightly older in many of the happiest marriages I know (including my parents). Edit: As for your biggest fear about it, just make a conscious effort to let him lead. That part might be a little harder, but if the dynamic is still weird in a few months, at least you tried!
/r/RedPillWives26/10/20 12:02 AM
3

I really feel this! I tend to feel like I'm roleplaying the perfect wife as well, then every now and then I snap out of it and live for myself for a while. Then the house is a mess and I don't really like what I see around me, so I go back to trying harder. I wish I could find a balance, but I'm guessing it'll continue to be up and down for me until my kids are older and I have more time for myself. I don't really have any advice, just that I think a lot of women, RP or not, struggle with this i…
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/20 03:49 PM
5

It sounds like you might be looking for more from your husband than he is capable of giving, and you should focus on accepting him for who he is. If he doesn't appreciate the work you do "for him", quit working "for him" and work for you, you'll probably be a lot happier and so will he, if he notices.
/r/RedPillWives16/10/20 09:15 PM
13

I think most of us are the same, OP! I like RP cause it reminds me to be nice to my husband and take care of myself, and I notice women here are much more likely to give good advice. I don't think very many women embrace every single thing about RP, nor should they, IMO.
/r/RedPillWives16/10/20 04:02 PM
1

Lol, I have a kdrama addiction, a love of scifi/fantasy books, a language learning hobby, and a stay-at-home-mom job, so I totally understand! :-P My husband is wonderful, it's just that I need something else to think about or I'll go crazy...
/r/RedPillWives11/10/20 02:51 PM
7

Your future self at 39 is begging you to at least try. 31 is difficult, but it's way, way easier than trying at 40. And no, every relationship doesn't have those downs. Healthy relationships have their downs, but not like that. I've faced some really serious downs in my relationship, so I'm absolutely not saying it's all roses, but wanting to sleep with someone else and him not wanting to marry you are basically him saying you're okay for now cause you kind of fill a hole. It's always, always ea…
/r/RedPillWives11/10/20 02:45 PM
3

Abnormal advice, but after so many years of marriage and almost a decade of young children, I recommend getting a really good distraction if you can. It sounds like your head is too in the game and you need something fun to think about. It'll make you more attractive too if you have something else going, and it'll make it easier to listen to him if you're whole head isn't in there. A good book series, a guilty pleasure show, a hobby, something like that. Your husband sounds like a good husband, …
/r/RedPillWives11/10/20 04:45 AM
2

I think this is true for marriagable men. Men who will make good husbands won't mind waiting for you.
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/20 02:52 AM
7

Marry someone who makes you feel comfortable in your own skin! I know it's hard, but it will feel so much better to break up with him than to waste more time! I'm not someone who usually advises break ups on reddit, but what is even the point of a relationship if the man openly states he has a need to sleep with someone else? That's not husband material, that's a good story to look back on one day when you find someone who clicks better and makes you feel loved.
/r/RedPillWives11/10/20 02:48 AM
4

Yeah, you gotta get out of there. Cheap apartment in the ghetto paid for with minimum wage sounds better than that living situation. You can do it!
/r/RedPillWomen07/10/20 04:53 PM
2

There was almost no financial planning involved in our decision for me to stay home, and our net worth depended on whether it was payday or two weeks after. Years later, we are really happy, and we totally live a normal middle class lifestyle. I would not stress out too much, things have a way of working out if the man you marry has good character. I kind of think this kind of thinking can be dangerous for putting off kids too long.
/r/RedPillWives30/09/20 04:42 AM
0

I don't agree with your dad's sentiments, in modern America at least. Maybe in poorer countries!
/r/RedPillWives29/09/20 09:42 PM
3

I'm glad to hear it! Your experience reminded me a lot of me with my now-husband when we were dating. I remember once I was really upset about something, and he just closed the door and let me cry. I was SO mad! It took me years to realize that he brings out the best in me by not indulging the worst. Not that he's unkind, but he saw me as a grown up and expected me to act accordingly, and I was really young and had never experienced that before. We're really happily married now, I really hope it…
/r/RedPillWomen23/09/20 04:55 AM
4

This man sounds like a great guy, I would stick with it! In my experience, men who draw strong boundaries and can verbally express themselves without getting into drama are husband material.
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/20 10:30 PM
1

Please OP, go to law school if you can stomach it! You're so young! For some reason, I have a lot of women around me who are both moms and lawyers, and it seems like such a great life. They have flexible jobs, take off months at a time for their family needs, and I'm sure there are even stay at home work options. Plus, with that education, your family will never be super vulnerable, and that is SUCH a good feeling. I love being a SAHM, but I wish I would have become a lawyer, doctor, or a nurse …
/r/RedPillWomen21/09/20 11:04 PM
11

For me, the #1 thing is having girl friends. Men are not meant to be your only social outlet, and it's so dang lonely being with a baby all day. I know my husband doesn't understand the hardships of staying home, and that's okay cause I have friends for that.
/r/RedPillWives21/09/20 10:54 PM
2

That is hard! One thing to consider too though, if you're on the fence, things like losing weight will be easier when the baby is out of the bed. It really does affect your hormones to have a baby on the breast throughout the night, not to even mention sleep quality.
/r/RedPillWives06/09/20 02:31 PM
9

I know it's a hard conversation, but you should tell all this to your husband and get his feedback. I doubt it's your postpartum body, men go through hormonal changes around babies and can also experience lower libido, it's normal. Also, plenty of parents sleep train, plenty co-sleep until their kids are older, there's no universal right answer. Personally, I really believe in listening to your own instincts with sleeping. There's a point when I want my kids out of my bed or I want the alone tim…
/r/RedPillWives06/09/20 12:11 AM
3

For me, I just realize that I have a lot of shortcomings too (as do all humans), and I try to put the problem into the perspective of us spending like 60 years together. Those two mental exercises have helped me to forgive a lot. Forgiving quickly also helps me to cut myself some slack when I fall short, because I've forgiven him a lot so I know he "owes" me some slack as well. I also often picture that if I got cancer, he'd be the one to take care of me, or if there was a war, he might die for …
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/20 03:49 AM
1

I don't think I'd agree with this. As has been said, if a woman takes a step back from her career, then the man is taking on more of a financial burden with his work. It's just so naturally a give and take. There are men out there who don't do either, but most fathers don't seem to be that way to me. I think history and modern life both really point to most men not being all that naturally good with child care, it doesn't mean they're not still indispensable in the family unit though
/r/RedPillWomen29/10/17 09:59 PM
5

That is incredibly wise advice, eloquently written.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/17 04:09 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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