basodie Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
42	Resources for a friend who's considering having a baby with a LVM?	FDS RESCUE MISSION	basodie	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/10/20 09:13 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
16	What surprised when I had mainly male colleagues was how much they knew exactly what they were doing in dating (WAY more than me. Actually, back then I could not put into words what I was doing, it just felt or didn’t feel right). Look like this dude was one of my male colleagues 🙃 Men who are madly in love do exist. (I'm married to one!) You have the right standard. I'm also in a male dominated industry and it's interesting to hear them talk to each other about women. There are a few who really have nothing but praise for their wives to other guys. They're usually not manager types so not the richest, but skilled and smart guys with good professional careers.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/10/20 08:27 PM
6	Resources for a friend who's considering having a baby with a LVM? Yes that's what I'm afraid of for her, she'll only figure it out when it's too late. Her husband isn't abusive (as far as I know), but whether she stays or leaves, she's kind of signing up for the entire burden of parenting. Not the case for our other mom friends, who have supportive husbands who are good fathers. She talks like maybe she can tell the difference, but she's not acting like it.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/10/20 10:20 PM
7	Resources for a friend who's considering having a baby with a LVM? Couldn't agree more, sadly. She's more of a fun friend than a sound-judgment friend, but it still blows my mind to see someone walking into this trap eyes open.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/10/20 10:06 PM
15	Resources for a friend who's considering having a baby with a LVM? Yup that's just the mom sub I was thinking of! Some sociologist or something could make a very interesting case by distilling some of the overall similarities of those moms' stories...	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/10/20 09:29 PM
10	Someone talk me out of this insanity It's good that you see how backwards this is. It sounds like somewhere along the road you've picked up a pattern of self destructive thoughts and behaviors. One way or another we can all do that to ourselves, but there are things you can do to break those patterns and replace them with healthy confidence. I don't know exactly what to recommend, but I encourage you to work on this. Talk to a therapist or counselor if possible. Ask around and search for psychological resources on overcoming the ef…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/09/20 07:07 PM
17	No words. For my sanity I need to believe this guy showed plenty of red flags before it got to this point. But I also don't blame his poor wife, too many women are socialized to accept abuse! I hope she leaves and builds herself back up.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/09/20 01:53 AM
1	Subtle negs- watch out for them Yes! That was my thought too, what era are these guys from? I haven't gotten that from anyone my age (millennial), especially not if they're trying to get laid, but condescending old farts sometimes do the "oh how UnUsUaL for a yOuNg LaDy" line about me writing software. Men's blatant inability to imagine a woman being both competent and sexy is a GREAT excuse to embrace the forest hag I've always been inside, though. So it could be worse.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/09/20 01:39 AM
3	I wish my friends and family would stop pressuring me to settle. A lot of the best people I know, both male and female, are single or have spent a long time single. When you know how to be your unique authentic self, finding a true match is rare. People who are less confident and authentic (ie most people) are so afraid of being alone that they'll severely reshape themselves to fit with a partner.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/09/20 11:24 PM
45	This is why I will never get too deep with a man they really don’t care about our feelings! It’s a game to them! Deep talks are about like human nature and morals, the standards you claim to hold, not my personal history.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/09/20 10:35 PM
1	I stood a LVM up tonight and I'm having mixed feelings about it. Eh I'm not saying I'd react how I imagine either; reliably doing that is more than you can expect of a normal untrained person. Generally I don't even know what's going on for 10-30 seconds after something starts happening. But that's usually enough, things don't usually go from 0 to 100 immediately. Like in your situation the guy escalated from bothering you to touching you to stopping you as you were leaving - the goal is that by the time he's stopping you you'd have reached a more ready menta…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/08/20 04:33 PM
5	I’m so tired of the “all women are crazy” narrative That's genius, I love it!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	31/07/20 12:48 AM
4	I stood a LVM up tonight and I'm having mixed feelings about it. Yup I cosign that description. It's a particular kind of confidence. Maybe even the light side of the Karen force. I have a conviction that I deserve to go about my business unbothered, and that a reasonable observer would disagree with whatever this scrote is doing - so of course I'm in the right to shut it down! Like a stand your ground thing - just because a man says/does something, it doesn't mean I have to be OK with it, like really why would it? Most of us can see this from the outside whe…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	31/07/20 12:44 AM
35	I’m so tired of the “all women are crazy” narrative If you swipe right on this it should send you directly to an online therapy session. This guy couldn't make it clearer if he had "I will break your spirit" tattooed on his forehead. Legitimately frightening.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/07/20 05:19 PM
31	I stood a LVM up tonight and I'm having mixed feelings about it. I'm 100% that bitch who intimidates men without a problem, and I'm telling you you didn't fail. You handled it fine except for saying "sure" to his invitation. Give yourself some patient mom energy toward your learning process ❤️ Your next assignment is to mentally prepare yourself for if you see him again. All you need to say is "I don't want to talk to you" and walk away. Mentally prepare to repeat that as many times as you need. Mentally prepare for what you'll do if he grabs your arm again. …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/07/20 03:52 AM
69	We all know unmatch + block is the best response to negging, but this might be second best. (Source: Randall Munroe at https://xkcd.com/1027/) The black hat guy is a recurring character who's always doing something clever and evil.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	29/07/20 05:51 PM
8	If the only thing special about him is that you like him, it’s time to move on He needs to treat you with total respect and love but you also need to like him and naturally enjoy his company. Don't settle for less!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/07/20 05:50 AM
101	A reminder that "no" is always a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation, a dance, a drink, a date, or sex. Someone who does not respect your boundaries is someone who has no respect for you. This right here is a central pillar of leveling up. A confident woman doesn't think "for me to refuse makes me the asshole," she thinks "this guy's actions are objectively weird." Because they are. Stop worrying about how you come off and start looking at how other people behave around you. Being judgmental isn't bad, it's actually necessary.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/07/20 06:32 PM
2	Why do so many men claim to be into carpentry? What a great article, thank you for sharing! I'm also working on this mindset, and I work in tech. So far it's helped to locate my confidence in my ability to learn rather than in any specific knowledge or area. That helps me bounce back from mistakes without taking a confidence hit ("ok it's obvious to everyone that I don't know this now, but I'm fine with that, I know I can learn it quickly enough"). If I'm afraid of asking dumb questions, it's hard to learn. If I'm in a perfectionist mindset …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/07/20 06:09 PM
3	Dating religious/conservative men: A Report/ Share your experiences! The reason I felt increasingly bothered by these men is that I found that whilst they often preached the lingo of feminism very well, they had terrible behavioural patterns. I have seen this over and over. Especially when you throw in porn and sex expectations - so many liberal men think they're entitled to use women's bodies and call themselves enlightened for it. Lundy Bancroft has some very chilling things to say about how "liberal, enlightened" men, especially those who can speak the lingo o…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/07/20 10:09 PM
14	Are there men out there who AREN'T clingy/draining? Yes they exist. I knew I needed a guy who is happy being alone, for this reason. I also think the ability to focus on a task for multiple hours could correlate with not being so clingy (plus it's just a really good trait in a man or anyone). So I'd say to look for those things. I'm pretty darn joined at the hip with my husband, more than most couples, and we like it that way - but even we are nowhere near the level of clinginess you describe! I also travel for work and like to be the one to go s…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/07/20 08:32 PM
12	How do you ladies deal with insecurities regarding how you look? Nah I'm glad not to be head-turning-ly gorgeous, it seems like it'd be a nuisance and make it hard to know who likes you for you vs for your looks. I think I'm attractive enough that a reasonable man wouldn't skip me based on my looks alone, and that's how I like it. I don't want to be so attractive that men try to date me based on my looks alone.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/07/20 08:10 PM
5	Let’s talk about future faking To me it's simple, grand future claims mean nothing. Focus on the present moment, pay attention to reality. Manipulative or just plain crappy people always use their past and future to distract from the wrong or uncomfortable things they are doing right then. Every moment you are with someone is full of useful information - future claims are not useful.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/07/20 07:36 PM
2	Does physical attraction grow over time? I can't judge physical attraction online personally. In person I have chemistry with my husband but I'd never have picked him from a picture online. But if you're with him in person and not getting the urge to get sexy, then I don't think it's viable in terms of attraction.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/07/20 02:22 AM
2	How to deal with loneliness and not compare myself to my HVM? Making friends as an adult is hard! It doesn't make you a loser! You just explained specific differences that make it invalid to compare your social situation to your boyfriend's, so stop! I understand where you're coming from although I'm 10 years older, because moving multiple times to achieve my college and career goals torpedoed my friendships. It was what I needed to meet my own goals (and I have a friend who understands this and stuck with me through it, but I only talk to her a couple tim…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/07/20 02:07 AM
1	Rant because I want revenge. When I think of blocking this guy and moving on, I feel like he "won". Like he will know exactly how hurt and broken he left me Yes but you just told us he did hurt you. If you waste more effort on a whole act to try to cover up that truth, he will have "won" even more, continuing to take up space in your head and heart. The way YOU win is to acknowledge the truth that he hurt you, forgive yourself for letting him waste your time, and forget him. Someday soon you won't give a damn whether he's i…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/07/20 10:42 PM