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beemovienumber1fan Archive

View 1 post and 51 comments by beemovienumber1fan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
19

ADVICEbeemovienumber1fan/r/RedPillWomen21/10/22 01:29 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

I agree with many here. It's one dress. Is the print the only thing he doesn't like? If so, I'd say keep it. And perhaps see if you can style it in different ways, he may end up liking the whole outfit if you pair it with cute shoes or belt or jacket, etc. But is there another reason he might be against it? Like is he uncomfortable with the cut of it? Again, if it comes down to the print, just keep it. Wear it when you're feeling in a lemony mood. And joke with him about how since he doesn't lik…
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/24 04:02 AM
2

Lol don't worry, it can be an every day occurrence in the beginning. When you get really good at recognizing your missteps, apologizing, determining how you can react differently next time, and asking forgiveness, it becomes so much easier to completely let go of those bad habits and actually change your behavior and heal your relationship. That's why it's entirely worth practicing this even (especially) over the small stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen21/01/24 04:28 PM
6

When I started implementing LD's advice, I apologized any time I caught myself being disrespectful. In the example you gave, I'd probably say something like "this might sound silly or small to you, but I feel it was disrespectful for me to step in earlier about our child bringing a toy in the car. You had already told him what you wanted, and I went against that. Next time, I want to honor your parenting in the moment. Will you forgive me?" Yes, I would say it pretty much just like that. To brea…
/r/RedPillWomen21/01/24 03:10 PM
15

Sounds like an opportunity to grow. First, you've got to stay in your own lane. What can you fix here? You asked him to get you "some chocolates", but if you weren't specific, can you blame him for not reading your mind? He "knows you don't like" what he got, but you also know you should say thank you when someone goes out of their way to do something for you. So the two things you can correct here are: 1. be more specific next time, and 2. thank him next time. Really, you should read Laura Doyl…
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/23 02:32 AM
6

Resentment is building because you're not expressing how you feel and what you want. Let go of the resentment, and tell him how you feel. "I'm actually kind of disappointed with the change in plans, as I was excited to celebrate with you while I'm already on cloud nine (at the time of graduation). Is it important to you that we wait until after Christmas? Or can we still just celebrate now?" ​ The reason I suggest asking if there's a reason is because perhaps there is. Maybe he's stressed with h…
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/23 07:21 PM
4

In that case, why introduce the negativity into both of your lives by pressuring him? He's 30 years old and he's not doing life at your desired pace or intensity. Neither of your values are wrong, but they do sound incompatible. Next time, find a guy who already has his stuff together.
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 07:58 PM
13

How does going to school while working 30 hours a week signal to you that he's "not ambitious" or not "have a drive to earn more"? Not everyone wants to run their own business or understands how. You want him to just magically be an entrepreneur? A guy who can be disciplined and consistent enough to complete PT training while working nearly full time, paying his own bills, sounds like a guy who can accept where he is at any moment, work toward more without adding unnecessary emotional pressure, …
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 03:05 PM
5

I'd add here, the lack of masturbation in particular signals to me there's more than morals at play here. If you have sexual urges, even physically, but choose to remain abstinent due to your values, that's one thing. But not even having the desire to touch oneself has nothing to do with value-based decisionmaking. It's not "wrong" to not have any interest in sex or masturbation, but it would be foolish to mistake that lack of interest with some kind of moral sense of purity.
/r/RedPillWomen27/11/23 03:04 PM
0

Based on your very short description, I might venture to add a guess that they may see this as a way of looking out for you, or they may even feel embarrassed on his behalf, thinking that he is taking advantage of you. It could be that they want their son/brother to treat his wife as an equal partner, and they could be perceiving your service to him as subservient, rather than loving. I don't know if that's the case. They could just be unhappy envious people. They could be narcissists, aiming to…
/r/RedPillWomen26/11/23 07:37 PM
3

Just steer clear of the belly or you get the claws.
/r/RedPillWomen23/11/23 10:24 PM
1

I mean their head. Pet him like a cat. Massage his scalp. It's the best.
/r/RedPillWomen23/11/23 10:21 PM
3

Lol the position you described is the main way my husband and I cuddle. If I had to pinpoint it, it started back when we were dating (we'd been friends for a while). We took mushrooms at his place, and at one point we were in his bed (fully clothed, nothing going on aside from tripping). I listened to his heartbeat, and then I got emotional that no one had really listened to mine lol. So he volunteered, and he actually really loved having his head on my chest. Fast forward to now, it's still the…
/r/RedPillWomen23/11/23 09:21 PM
3

Ugh I'm so sorry to hear that... Has he shown any remorse? Any sign of understanding your fluctuating libido and stress? Or has he identified as a victim through it all and deflected responsibility for his own choices? I do know a person can love someone with all their heart and also end up cheating. But it's not possible to build a sustainable relationship with someone like that if they don't own the consequences of their own actions. This isn't just yours to own. Has he done anything to rebuil…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/23 07:42 PM
7

I'm going to counter the narrative that "healthy" means "X times per week". Sure, that's a part of it. It can help gauge your interest in, enjoyment of, fitness for, and energy for sex. But the quality of one's sex life and intimate sharing with one's partner is a perhaps less clearly measurable indicator of sexual health. For instance, are you both enjoying the sex you're having? Do you feel you can be vulnerable with your partner (open up about your kinks, communicate when something doesn't wo…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/23 02:38 PM
3

I asked a similar question a while ago. Maybe some of the responses there can be of use to you. :) ETA: not many responses but the ones I got helped me immensely.
/r/RedPillWomen07/11/23 05:43 PM
4

Never punish someone for doing the thing you want them to do. Allow him to do it imperfectly. He can't read your mind, I'm sure he just thought you were both unwinding. Then you got up to leave, and he was snapped back into reality and wanted to talk, and you left. Instead of being vulnerable ("hey I feel a bit disconnected right now, wanna _______?"), you are anxious and then resentful, and then punish him for doing what you want, just because it's not when you wanted it. That's not how to trea…
/r/RedPillWomen07/11/23 02:50 AM
16

It's not your kids you need to set firmer boundaries with, it's your husband. Ding ding ding! We have a winner. Leave him with them on a regular basis. I'm not necessarily talking every day, but at least weekly. He's a fully functioning adult and a parent, yet is abdicating his parental responsibilities. And then has the nerve to complain when you don't even have the energy physically or emotionally to be his sexual pacifier. This isn't a time management issue, it's a self-respect and empathy is…
/r/RedPillWomen20/10/23 05:55 AM
10

Cultivating vulnerability in my marriage has had a rippling effect through all of my relationships. If I'm not afraid to lose the person I love and respect the most, I'm not afraid of what anyone else thinks. Avoiding vulnerability is about stifling that fear of abandonment through control, whereas cultivating vulnerability is about learning to let go of that fear by creating such a wonderfully intimate relationship that there's no need to be afraid to be yourself. A huge part of it is learning …
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/23 01:19 PM
8

Oh lol in that case I'd buy myself the filter and allow him to drink and purchase his own bottled water.
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/23 09:54 PM
6

For the water issue, specifically: -get a dolly -get a Brita filter and reusable water bottles -build some muscle yourself -buy smaller packs of water more often if available For the issue of working together in a relationship: -sometimes it's more practical to split work "unevenly". If he was a mechanic, would he demand that you change the oil half the time? Maybe bad example since you live in a city so perhaps don't have a car but still. -if for some reason you can't agree on an "uneven" split…
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/23 09:53 PM
7

Lol then definitely he should be helping with the extra travel cost. How silly.
/r/RedPillWomen06/12/22 12:09 AM
9

Personally I'd have stayed on my own paper. You previously budgeted enough to visit him about every other month. The only thing that has changed is that he is unable to come visit you in the months in-between. So, you either stick to the plan as originally budgeted (visit every other month on your own dime), or you reconfigure your own budget so that you can visit extra if that's what you want. You can express a wish to see him more, as a desire ("I'd love to see you more") and then leave the ba…
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/22 11:18 PM
2

Question: were you in and out of the room so much because you wanted to cuddle? Or was it on some level because you wanted to keep an eye on him to catch him in the act?
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/22 04:44 PM
2

I understand and relate. What I had to realize was that feeling guilty just meant I had to examine my behaviors and how they affected the man I love. Wallowing in guilt and shame does no one any good. I very much relate to the struggle against insecurities and the trust issues they feed. First of all, the way you feel about this is valid. You want to know that you have the most special place in your SO's eyes, and porn use triggers feelings of inferiority, shame, and jealousy. You may have a spe…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/22 04:37 PM
4

I used to be like OP and it wreaked havoc on mine and my husband's sex life and nearly drove our marriage to the brink. Sure, porn use is perhaps a weakness of my husband's, but he is otherwise a wonderful man who treats me well and doesn't mean to hurt me by doing something he's done since his teen years in private. I had to realize he has a complicated sexual history that has led to a sense that masturbation is a more enjoyable experience than sexual intercourse (sensation, energy expended, ju…
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/22 09:07 PM
4

Can so relate in a way. I have this belief I can't shake, which is that putting on a big show of emotion when it's not something I directly feel, is disingenuous. So if someone is broken up over a loss or whatever really, I'm more quietly stoic than warmly and tearfully empathetic. Can you give an example scenario of what you would do and in what situation?
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/22 11:58 PM
0

he decided to relieve himself of the guilt and unload onto you. Or maybe he knows it's wrong to not give her the choice. His guilt has caught up with him and he knows he can't continue to be with her if she doesn't know this happened and have agency in the matter.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/22 12:06 AM
53

Exactly. What he did was filter himself out of candidacy for making a good spouse for OP.
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/22 03:06 AM
22

He definitely needs to do a lot of work on those anger issues. Therapy asap if you can afford it. Outright abuse aside, I heard of a case recently where two dads got into a fit of road rage and each shot into the other's vehicle, striking the other's KID. It's good that he told you. That sounds like a real moment of self-awareness. He recognized that what he did was unacceptable and that it would be even worse to hide it from you. I do think that sounds more promising than someone who would lie,…
/r/RedPillWomen07/11/22 01:37 AM
5

I have friends whose parents neglected their oral health when they were kids. Even at 30 years old, they're still trying to fix their teeth. Don't judge a guy by his teeth alone. Look at it the same as any other physical thing: Are you attracted to him anyway? Would fixing the teeth be a necessity for you to be attracted to him long term? Or would it just be a bonus? Don't get into a relationship on the assumption that he'll choose to change himself later.
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/22 12:18 PM
3

Overstimulation! Thank you for the word! I already knew it but hadn't put it together with what i was feeling. And it came on totally out of left field, i actually loved my shopping trip, it was so peaceful. Coming home and being on a time crunch was what really got me. Thank you for reminding me about overstimulation.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/22 03:45 PM
2

What's RMV? I don't see it in the wiki, but i think i need some of that. Whatever it is.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/22 05:06 PM
3

They just became exclusive. It is clingy to ask to be invited on a preplanned trip because you're insecure about him hanging out with other women. Doesn't matter how nicely you ask. It's a red flag to him that you don't trust him and feel the need to keep an eye on him. That's disrespectful of the man you (or rather, OP) decided to enter into a relationship with. Establish boundaries and make it a conversation, rather than trying to control the situation by inserting yourself into the trip. I ag…
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/22 02:38 PM
17

honestly this sounds like something I would have done when I was super clingy. Clingy is not attractive and is a huge red flag. I'd suggest being upfront with him. Know your worth and your boundaries. "Now that we're exclusive, I'm not trying to run your life, but I want you to know that if you think it's ok to be physical with these other women, we're going to have a problem because that's not ok with me." (Edit: even how I worded this may be a little strong but I just mean be direct about what…
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/22 03:28 AM
17

Ugly girls don't get hit on. Source: am ugly.
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/22 09:20 PM
2

meh it sounds like this guy has a lot of growing to do. Get to know him, sure. But he doesn't sound like boyfriend material at this juncture. Too immature.
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/22 11:19 PM
7

Been doing strength training for a few years now and it's still hard for me to hold my 2-year-old nephew at times. Even if you're RP, I can't imagine how being strong enough to carry a child would be considered anti-feminine. This guy doesn't sound worth the effort, IMO.
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/22 07:37 PM
1

Work on your mental health and social skills. When you exude self-love and confidence, the world opens up to you. You can be social without forcing yourself to be something you're not. It's about being curious about people and genuine about who you are. You mention wanting to be "saved". From what? I used to want to be saved too. It's not a healthy mindset and will lead to you suppressing your true self to bend to what you think he wants. But a high value man will be turned off by that. He wants…
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 01:53 PM
4

I can contribute two things to this, off the top of my head. If you act helpless or clueless and especially unteachable, stop. My husband and i helped a friend move, and i remember standing there, unsure what to pack in the truck, waiting for someone to tell me how they wanted it done. Seeing my husband take charge that day snapped me out of my helplessness. I realized how childish it was to expect any other adult to tell me what to do or know what's "right". Yeah, ask questions. But also have e…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/22 06:59 PM
7

I've really enjoyed learning a bit of dance. I've done bachata, salsa, and flamenco so far! Great way to make some friends and gain some confidence. Also cannot stress baking and cooking enough. Like make it a hobby. Try to plan ahead and make a dish for as many get-togethers as you can. Bring cookies to work. Invite a family member or friend to come for dinner. Explore alternative recipes, like gluten- or lactose-free. Learn to use new ingredients, tools, or techniques. Learn to cook a good ste…
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/22 08:10 PM
2

Seconding this, make sure he feels great about the good things. If he opens the door for you, you can gush "what a gentleman!" My hubs will run ahead of me just to open the car door now lol. Or if I decide to open his door to treat him, he'll reach over and open mine by the time I get around the car.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/22 09:01 PM
3

Haha I've been married almost 2 years and my mom (who is also toxic and doesn't take care of herself) still hasn't met my in-laws. We decided to elope 2 months into quarantine and invited only the required people (officiant and two witnesses - husband's brother got ordained online to officiate). Tbh at this point I've gotten through a lot of the trauma regarding my mom and would be fine with them meeting now, but there hasn't been a good time between Covid and various life events. It sounds like…
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/22 09:39 PM
13

If the problem is about who pays for the dates, then perhaps put a moratorium on expensive dates? Would you be graciously accepting if instead of restaurants, he planned picnics and other free/cheap activities? He's 20 years old. What's his income like? Does he have other goals like saving for a house, etc? Perhaps hear him out. It would be incredibly self-defeating to insist a man pay more than he has a budget for.
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/22 04:23 PM
4

omg I would love some recipes. Bonus for gluten free. Hubs and I are getting over Covid, so we're ordering out Thai food tonight. I am going to try to muster up the energy to make a soup I've been planning to make for days though. I haven't made much over the past week but if you wanna try something absolutely delicious, try using this Mesquite Marinade Mix on grilled salmon! It is virtually the only way we make salmon bc it's just too delicious to pass up. Essentially mix as the package says an…
/r/RedPillWomen26/01/22 11:23 PM
13

insecurity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It influences the way you feel, think, and behave, and therefore your relationships, and the cycle goes on and on. Bingo. I've had to figure this out as well. I mean, yes there are countless others who have expressed the same idea at length, but you don't really get it until you live it, I think. The main thing I realized was that I used to live in my head. I thought others were judging my looks, maybe even thinking "thank god I don't look like her". I t…
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/22 04:34 PM
3

Thanks! I'm new here, it's nice to know you guys watch out for us!
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/22 02:16 AM
5

So I've gotta ask... What is your intention with this comment? ETA: Those are the exact insecurities I had to work through for the first year of our marriage. So... Is your intention to make me feel insecure again? Because let me assure you, I've seen the love in my husband's eyes. I actually believe it now. And not even I can take that away from me. So if you think you're bringing some new thoughts to my mind, you're mistaken. And if you think those thoughts would make me question my husband's …
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/22 01:55 AM
8

Ha I guess you're right! Tbh, the way it all went down really left me with some insecurities that have taken me a year to work through. So it hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine. I think we married when we did because we saw with our own eyes that we could trust each other, and that neither of us was perfect. Also, he is a real winner in the humility department. Get you a guy who isn't prideful; who is sure of himself but isn't afraid to admit when he's wrong.
/r/RedPillWomen15/01/22 10:13 PM
62

My husband told me the same a couple months into... Whatever it is we were doing lol. To be fair, he was right. I needed to work on myself a LOT. I still clung on, thinking our "friendship" would blossom into a relationship (we got along great but I had also put him on a pedestal). Then I got hurt (long story). I backed off. Went to therapy, lost quite a bit of weight. He dated someone else in the meantime (properly dated, which he hadn't wanted to do with me). He was still drawn to me as a frie…
/r/RedPillWomen15/01/22 08:28 PM
5

I'm thankful my husband has been so loving and merciful for the first year and a half of our marriage while I've been figuring myself out! The act of getting married and moving in with him was in itself hugely triggering for me, and I've had to work through a lot of trauma and insecurities. On top of that, we both lost our jobs for a stretch last year, and I went through a lot of soul-searching to figure out next steps. As of last month, I really turned a corner in synthesizing my progress. I ha…
/r/RedPillWomen14/01/22 03:18 PM
1

I'm interested!
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/22 09:29 PM
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