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belbelington Archive

View 0 posts and 205 comments by belbelington on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Then you feel similarly to how a lot of women feel about casual sex. They want to feel valued by a sexual partner and they don't get that from casual sex because most men will take the opportunity to fuck a woman simply because she's willing. There's no win in it, it's not about the individual woman, she just happened to be present and willing. No one should be engaging in casual sex in order to feel valued, men or women. Validated, sure. You're attractive enough that someone was willing to fuck…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/24 09:49 PM
8

Morally, should that be controlled? You mean should it be controlled by men. When women are allowed to fuck 'all willy nilly' it's not uncontrolled, it's women who are controlling it. And if we were to impose some sort of control at society level on who gets to procreate and who doesn't why should it take the form of subjugating half the population rather than just the minority of men deemed unworthy? Vasectomies for any man sentenced to a prison term of more than 6 months and all repeat offende…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/24 01:03 AM
2

I see men complain about this type of behavior, they just tend not to use the term trauma dumping. They refer to it as oversharing or describe them as being emotionally intense too soon. I think the reason you’re seeing women using it a lot is simply because the term has recently become popular. I had a lot of hookups in my teens and twenties and it happened to me all the time but I didn’t know it was something that happened to a lot of women and I had no word for it so i didn’t really talk abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/24 12:13 PM
0

Trauma dumping is said when only one person shares and I justified that according to that definition men don't trauma dump as much as women say bcz women complain more. So how is it possible that men trauma dump every time when women complain much more than men? Why do you think it has anything to do with whether women complain more than men? You're arguing that because women do A more frequently than men it's therefore not possible that men have a tendency to do B. But A and B are different beh…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/24 10:07 AM
1

Those posts are never directly comparable. The scenarios get tweaked to pass them off as new posts and one of those tweaks invariably alters the nuance of the issue in a way that assures the response will be more negative towards the man. The authors clearly aren't confident a change in gender alone will do the trick.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 08:33 AM
4

Yes, it’s obvious one of those four stats doesn’t belong and it’s that one. The other three are stats on violent crime, something tracked and analyzed endlessly not just by government and law enforcement but numerous organizations, both private and public, concerned with health and safety. The other pertains to something extremely subjective that can’t be measured reliably and for which data is not collected in any formal or official capacity. What qualifies as a violent crime is a matter of law…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/23 12:28 PM
4

Ok. I don’t see how that could be measured with any semblance of accuracy though. There’s no databases tracking spontaneous acts of bravery like running into burning houses or into traffic to rescue someone. And I’d be shocked if the non-spontaneous acts of self-sacrifice I mentioned previously made the cut.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/23 08:13 PM
4

I don’t suppose you remember the source or how the concept of ‘heroic’ was defined and measured. Like did it include living organ donation (the majority of whom are women) or pregnancy/birth related morbidity and mortality?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/23 07:52 PM
8

95%? Is that a stat or your personal estimate?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/23 07:31 PM
1

Do you have a link for the NIH statistic? I was looking into this a while back and found that when percentages are given the study published by T&F Online is almost always cited as the source regardless of whether the claim is in line with what you're saying or with what the person you responded to was saying. Basically everyone appears to be looking at the same data and presenting it differently depending on their purpose. I was never able to find an alternative primary source. I'd be intereste…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 10:29 PM
2

It's reflected in surveys on the topic too. Roughly 90% of people say they want children someday and the difference between men and women is less than 10%. I was shocked the first time I saw those figures given our cultural narratives about women being desperate for children and men being more reluctant. It makes sense that there'd be more childfree women than men. It's not the same for men in terms of sacrifice and responsibility and they always have the option to walk away physically and with …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 06:50 AM
8

And I’m pointing out that your claim about women’s hypocrisy is false and if it weren’t would apply equally to men because their compliance is for sale too. Women working for an employer is no different from men working for an employer. They’re paid to perform labour under the directives of whoever’s paying. That’s the order of things in the workplace, both men and women understand that. It has nothing to do with whether either gender should be willing to be compliant or submissive within a rela…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/22 01:24 AM
9

This is an idiotic argument. No one is a compliant or submissive person just because they meet their contractual obligation to respect the chain of command in their workplace. It's already been pointed out that if it were true it would apply to men as well as women, so why is it only women who should adopt a compliant attitude in their home life just because it's a requirement of paid employment? You've stated that you personally believe that men should lead in relationships but trying to claim …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/22 10:14 PM
2

It is attractive in all domains of life. Just like honesty or loyalty or any other quality desirable in a person. If a man showed self-restraint in relation to his attraction to me but not in other contexts I wouldn’t feel anymore respect or attraction than I would for a man who selectively displayed honesty or loyalty the same way. I’d assume it was just a show for my benefit rather than a character trait. Not something that could be depended on. You just assumed women only find it attractive w…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 04:58 AM
4

Or your partner could just masturbate rather than turning sex into a chore.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/22 04:13 PM
2

No, it's the self-discipline that's desirable. A man who only exercises restraint when he's controlled like a dog performing for a treat is weak and manipulable. There are certainly some women who are into that just like some men are but most women need to be able to respect a man in order to be/stay attracted to him. They want a partner they can depend on not a mate they have to manage because he can't or won't regulate his own emotions and behaviour when appropriate. Knowing that a man wants y…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/22 03:20 PM
2

Especially since a woman’s male friends are supposedly all ‘beta orbiters’. Keeping other alphas away from her is one thing. But feeling threatened by betas seems distinctly not-alpha. As does staying with a partner you believe might cheat with a beta given the opportunity.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/22 12:07 PM
0

invades a woman’s personal space without asking and starts dancing with her Unless you mean touching her or cutting in between her and whoever she's already dancing with then this isn't an asshole move. It's not hard to do this in a way that amounts to a non-verbal request to dance. A lot of women will still find it annoying but only because they'd prefer not to be bothered, not because they think you're an asshole for trying.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/22 11:48 PM
3

Same here. I hooked up with lots of guys in my late teens and early twenties and almost all of that was extremely vanilla. The times it wasn't were because I'd decided I wanted to try something and waited till I came across a guy who was up for it too and who I was comfortable trying it with. Both committed relationships I've been in started as hook ups (on my end at least) and became more because I wanted to keep seeing them and only them. I'm not more reserved with my partner, we just only do …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 02:24 PM
1

As long as we’re clear that you made it up 👍🏼
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 11:33 PM
1

So 5% is a figure you made up because you don’t consider any of the men you know to be jerks?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 11:31 PM
1

Are you seriously claiming only 5% of men sexually harass women? Or is that 5% referring to men who commit violent crimes? In which case you're being intellectually dishonest comparing it to the percentage of women who report sexual harassment.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 11:21 PM
1

Research on desire in LTRs says otherwise. And mens sex drives decrease linearly with age from teen-20’s onward, women’s increase to peak in their 30’s up until menopause and then decrease with age. Given women tend to marry in their late 20’s to early 30’s age doesn’t account for the decline. And women’s sex drives aren’t always markedly lower than mens. That’s like saying women are always shorter than men, like there’s no in-group variation and between-group overlap.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 09:22 PM
2

Relative to what? It’s lower than it’s starting point but that tells you nothing about where it sits relative to the norm for a woman in an LTR or relative to her male partners drive. Men also experience a decline in sexual desire for their partners in LTRs but you wouldn’t classify their drives as low based only on that, would you?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 04:09 PM
5

I agree personally. But it’s not like men leave their marriages because they can’t meet their wife’s emotional needs. They just fail to meet her emotional needs and figure if it was bad enough to divorce she’d leave. Can’t blame women for taking the same attitude to their husbands sexual needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 11:32 AM
4

I didn’t misunderstand anything, I disagree. What the OP is showing is a complete ignorance of how sex and sexual intimacy works for both men and women in relationships. If all men wanted was to ejaculate into their partners body x number of times a week and women had no feelings about being used like that then OP would have a point. Neither of those things is true though. It’s not a small effort for women to subject themselves to sex they don’t want and is impossible to enjoy and most men are n…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 11:25 AM
7

What does the relative importance of their emotional needs matter? Emotional needs and a sex drive aren’t mutually exclusive, one doesn’t impede the other. It’s actually the opposite. Women don’t need to choose one or the other so it doesn’t matter which is more important to them. I agree humans didn’t evolve to be monogamous in the long term. Only in the short term, as in the first few years of a child’s life. Which fits with research findings on the decline of female sexual desire for their pa…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 10:23 AM
9

”none of what you wrote takes into account that men need sex in a relationship” Because I wasn’t addressing how men can get their needs met or what they should do if it’s not happening. I was addressing the terrible ‘solution’ put forward by the OP and why it’s actually counterproductive and harmful. The fact that it’s a need doesn’t excuse or justify approaching it or engaging in it in a way that’s detrimental to your partner. The fact that doing so will eventually kill their ability and willin…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 09:58 AM
11

Not feeling like it in the sense that they don’t desire it. For the reasons that I layed out. It kills their drive so yes, they have no drive to do it. Do you think that women’s sex drive switches on and off based on whether their emotional needs are met? Or do you not believe evolution graced women with a sex drive at all? Because the idea that women just naturally switch off sexually once their emotional needs are getting met makes no sense from an evolutionary perspective. It’s counter to the…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 08:55 AM
6

There are other options besides those two. Leaving being the obvious one but mutually working to improve the sexual relationship would probably be ideal.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 08:47 AM
3

Of course and it’s generally true of women as well. But it’s not a love language and it’s annoying to see that framework co-opted in this way. There are plenty of things that people need in order to feel loved by a partner that aren’t love languages. It doesn’t mean they’re not vital to the persons fulfillment and the health of the relationship. Labeling sex a love language is manipulative even if not intended to be. It frames sex as a gesture from one partner for the benefit of the other rather…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 08:05 AM
4

At the point that one partner is sexually averse to the other yes, as I said its likely not salvageable. Sexual aversion is very very difficult to treat when the person it’s directed at is still involved. It takes a long time and a level of trust, respect, grace and communication that a couple probably isn’t capable of given they got to that point to begin with. Separation before the aversion worsens and becomes generalized to sex is best to at least minimize the damage. Prior to aversion whethe…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 06:51 AM
39

This is such an incredibly ignorant take on sexual intimacy in a relationship. There are plenty of reasons women lose interest in sex in a long term relationship and pretty much all of them are exacerbated by duty sex. Letting her partner use her body like a sex toy for 5-25 mins per week will kill whatever’s left of a woman’s desire for him and lead to resentment and eventual sex aversion so even that sad excuse for sexual intimacy won’t last. So he ends up lacking intimacy anyway only now its …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 05:48 AM
2

My point was that within relationships emotional support will likely look somewhat different due to the differences in how men and women display emotion and that a lot of men probably don’t recognize when they’re being provided with emotional support because they don’t perceive their most frequently exhibited emotions to be emotions that need tending to the way sadness or fear do. If they also feel that they can’t display sadness or fear then it’s unsurprising that they perceive emotional suppor…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/22 06:15 AM
1

I’m not just talking about the way anger is expressed, I’m saying men are more prone to experiencing it in the first place in large part because they suppress primary emotions of fear, sadness and confusion and emotions don’t go away just because we refuse to acknowledge and process them. Women exhibit a wider range of emotions, not more instances of emotion. Not if you count instances of anger and frustration which people tend not to when they’re displayed by men unless they’re expressed in a s…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/22 05:07 AM
4

I disagree that women are more prone to emotional outbursts than men, not if you include displays of anger.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/22 03:34 AM
3

Sure, but men tend to express their emotions in the form of irritability, frustration and anger instead of tears. Unless a woman is crying at the drop of a hat (and it’s not related to her male partner yelling and ranting) I’m skeptical that it’s not evening out in most relationships. But comforting your crying partner is something that stands out.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/22 03:20 AM
3

I doubt it seems equal to a lot of men because the only form of emotional support they identify as such is comfort when showing signs of distress, probably because it seems most salient to them as the form they feel they're not allowed to expect. But listening to someone vent, sympathising and soothing anger and frustration are also forms of emotional support, ones that men tend to just take for granted.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/22 03:02 AM
10

They're not the most mentally ill by far. Most disorders occur with similar prevalence in men and women. Depression and anxiety are more prevalent in women but men and women experience and exhibit symptoms of mental illness differently and the symptoms more common to women are the ones most easily recognised as such even absent a diagnosis - withdrawal, flat affect etc. The symptoms more common to men - irritability, angry outbursts etc are easily confused with common symptoms of just being an a…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/22 02:54 AM
1

Who cares who’s getting what they want while treating the issue? Point is the problem is being addressed and a stop to sex is necessary for that to be successful. A major focus of the therapy is addressing the resentment built up by both partners so theoretically the HL shouldn’t be taking that sort of attitude towards it. I’m sure it’s devastating to learn your partner is averse to your touch. However in most cases the HL plays a role in creating that aversion and identifying that role and adju…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/22 05:48 AM
1

It is difficult; I think more often than not it is an issue for the LL partner at least in the beginning. Not the frequency necessarily, that’s simply their natural response to whatever actually is the issue/s for them whether it’s physical discomfort, sexual trauma or something about the kind of sex the couple are having, how it’s being initiated etc. Or just a straightforward mismatch of libido, even then most LL’s I think experience a certain amount of guilt and unhappiness knowing they’re ro…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/22 07:45 PM
4

It’s not about courage. Sex for someone who’s reached the point of aversion is deeply unpleasant and often feels violating. Continuing to endure it under those circumstances is mentally and emotionally damaging and people who do it often suffer long-term damage to their sexuality that persists into future relationships. I wouldn’t think most men knowing their partner felt that way would want sex under those conditions (they certainly shouldn’t). The treatment for sex aversion is a complete stop …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/22 04:33 PM
6

”By just saying yes even when you aren’t in the mood you eventually enjoy it, she says.” This is exactly how most dead bedrooms start. It’s one thing to take this approach in a sexually healthy relationship, I do it myself because I know I’ll end up getting in the mood after a bit and 99% of the time that’s what happens. The only reason it works for me is because I know with 100% certainty that it will be an enjoyable and wholly positive experience. There’s no ambivalence or negativity associate…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/22 02:03 PM
2

This is all just proving the point. Yes, men see the world in terms of heirarchies. But they differ in the degree to which it impacts their interactions and self-perception. It's a matter of perspective and those men with a healthy perspective are not agonising over what it says about them to show ignorance by asking questions or to acknowledge actual real world hierarchies like those in the workplace. Because they're secure in their self-image which includes their perception of where they sit i…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/22 09:38 PM
39

Generally because they perceive (whether justified or not) those hobbies to be taking his time and attention away from his responsibilities within the home. And/or they resent that he’s been able to retain his hobbies while theirs were sacrificed when they became primary caregiver and housemaid. In which case it’s not the hobbies per se, it’s the perceived privilege of having the time/money for leisure activities on a regular basis and feeling ok about prioritizing them despite all the things al…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 06:12 AM
5

It's weird how invested some men are in the idea that this is "utterly common female behaviour".
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/22 12:13 AM
0

Gotcha, women are to blame for how men treat them and also to blame when they cheat on men.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 07:15 PM
0

My apologies, I didn’t realize you had completely genuine totally not made up numbers to support your claim.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 06:58 PM
5

Ikr, you know it’s all lies and hypocrisy because individual differences in values, beliefs and opinions is a phenomenon unique to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/22 06:22 PM
1

In the context of whether or not looks alone are enough to make a woman want to have sex with someone the other commenter said that most women wouldn’t sleep with a man without having spoken to him/developed rapport. And you replied saying in your experience most women do. So no, it wasn’t obvious based on the actual exchange of words and given the beliefs men on this sub have about women the fact that it was patently absurd didn’t make it obvious either. Rapport doesn’t require actually buildin…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/22 08:38 PM
3

Everything you’ve seen says most women, at least once, will have sex with a man without speaking to him? Is that seriously what you’re claiming? Or are you actually seeing behavior entirely consistent with what u/spacechicken1998 just described - women finding men attractive and having casual sex with them after whatever amount of chatting is sufficient to build some rapport? Whether that’s 2 minutes or 2 weeks. If, when women say they rarely if ever find a man so physically attractive that they…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/22 06:11 PM
1

Women aren’t repulsed by being asked the question direct, they’ll be repulsed and annoyed by being asked too early in the interaction because at that point your offer amounts to ‘I find you sexually desireable enough to stick my dick in so long as I don’t have to do anything more than ask politely’. And for women that basically means not being hideously ugly which isn’t flattering even from a hot guy. Furthermore this approach means the guy’s either so pitifully socially unaware that he doesn’t …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/22 04:17 AM
1

I wouldn't say option 2 is the more rational choice. It's only a better option if your only goal is to be with him for as long as possible without regard for the fallout when it ends and it being a good option at all depends on the two of you being happy together for the entire two years which your thought experiment doesn't guarantee. Option 1 is more rational because the relationship is unlikely to outlast the honeymoon phase so you can reasonably expect to be happy the whole time and if it do…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/22 02:30 AM
2

More like 'ew titties being used for something other than sexually arousing males'.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/22 12:05 PM
2

Aren’t the majority of men low n count though? According to this sub all the casual sex is supposedly being had by no more than 20% of men while the other 80% will have an n count corresponding roughly to the number of committed relationships they’ve been in. It seems more likely that what you’ve observed is exactly what you’d expect based on the numbers. A lot of high n count women end up with a partner whose only been with 3-7 (or whatever the norm is) partners because that’s the vast majority…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/22 09:52 PM
2

Oh, I see what you mean. Yes, I agree wetness alone doesn’t feel like much of anything. The sensation as the tissue engorges does though which is what they measured in the studies. But I agree the initial stages of it are probably less noticeable for women than men for the reason you stated and the awareness of it probably amplifies the effects.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 03:55 PM
3

They’re the physiological equivalent. Vasocongestion of the erectile tissue is just visible in men because the penis is external. The same thing is happening to the vagina and the clitoris (both the external head and the internal aspects which wrap around the vaginal canal) during arousal. And the non-concordance between desire and physiological arousal happens to men too, erections without desire (morning wood being a common example) and desire with no or only partial erection. As to whether it…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 03:37 PM
2

Two methods: vaginal photoplethysmography - a small, acrylic probe the size of a menstrual tampon which records haemodynamic (blood flow) changes in the vaginal epithelium using light reflectance. The photoplethysmograph signal is filtered into two components: vaginal blood volume (VBV), which reflects slow changes in blood pooling, and vaginal pulse amplitude (VPA), which reflects phasic changes in vasocongestion (the swelling of bodily tissues caused by increased vascular blood flow and a loca…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 02:54 PM
2

Depends how intelligent it is. Being realistic to the look and touch is all good, as is having a vast range of customizable actions and responses so you can make the interaction feel realistic. That’s just a super advanced sex toy and I’m all for sex toys. With regard to insecurity/cheating I wouldn’t consider it qualitatively different in that regard to using a flesh light/dildo while watching porn (which I have no issue with). I don’t know that my partner would feel the same though which is un…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 07:09 AM
4

That’s interesting. Any chance you have a link or remember well enough to elaborate? Was she equating libido with desire and differentiating it from physiological arousal?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 05:55 AM
22

At least one of those studies also found an interesting disconnect between recorded physiological responses and the women’s report of arousal/lack of. Essentially women seemed genuinely unaware of their arousal much of the time which the researchers speculated might be the effect of sexually repressive social conditioning on how ‘tuned-in’ women are to their bodies physiological responses in that regard.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 05:17 AM
4

In the bar scenario and other casual sexual contexts you’re also seeing the vast difference in men’s and women’s expectations of enjoyment/orgasm from such encounters. I don’t remember exact figures but studies on frequency of female orgasm in casual sexual encounters and ONS reveal pretty dismal numbers. Which means for many women casual sex is more about the thrill and excitement of the specific partner and encounter than it is about physical pleasure from the act itself. So it makes total sen…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/22 05:07 AM
2

No one suggested otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/22 06:27 PM
–

It's not the dude's job to "give her pleasure." If she's not getting any pleasure from having sex, that sounds like a problem on her end. Well, that explains why he finds himself having to exchange goods and services for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/22 02:58 AM
6

“Only 10% are desired.” In a context where prospects are abundant and appearance is the only basis on which to judge. Yes, of course women will parse their matches down to the best looking ones. That’s not how it works in the real world where women have more to go on than just looks. I went home with lots of guys who were average looking because I found them engaging and entertaining to talk to and I declined advances from objectively hot guys when they just didn’t do it for me mentally, not eno…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/22 02:20 AM
1

I agree, I think most (mentally and emotionally well-adjusted) men would see it as just helping a person who needs help and where they do have an issue it's because they feel like they're expected to put themselves in physical danger rather than just help to the extent they can without risking their own safety (which the majority of women don't actually expect from men). Then there's men who get a perverse pleasure from the idea that wanting equal rights means women have no right to expect a man…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/22 06:21 PM
0

I don’t think it has much to do with lack of sex. From what I’ve seen pretty much all men share the sentiment to some degree that men are expected to stand up for women but women aren’t expected to reciprocate. It’s just that the expectation for women to help everyone always is so deeply entrenched that there’s no need for it to be verbalized. So men only hear men being called out and it feels unfair.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/22 05:44 PM
1

No, more like they think their mother (and other mothers) was well intentioned but misguided about what’s right/normal for men. Although I really wouldn’t imagine them thinking that deeply about it to be honest. When people believe patently absurd things they generally haven’t given any real thought to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/21 08:01 PM
1

Not everyone learns to clean themselves properly. There are lots of seemingly basic obvious things that kids aren’t taught because they’re neglected/abused, even to a relatively mild degree. And then there are people who aren’t comfortable discussing anything involving ‘dirty’ body parts even with their kids. There are men who don’t realize until adulthood that they need to pull back their foreskin to clean properly for example. And it’s almost always mothers who teach their kids to wash themsel…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/21 07:52 PM
0

I imagine anyone who thinks it’s gay to wash their ass thinks standing under the water/sitting in a bath is sufficient. They’re just not getting in there and rubbing. But I hope you’re right and no one’s that extreme, I just wouldn’t be shocked if that’s not the case.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/21 07:39 PM
1

He stopped me as I was about to go down on him to make a point of telling me (which in hindsight was pretty good of him since he could have just waited till after and told me). My initial reaction was that he must be joking cos it sounded so absurd but he insisted and didn’t kiss me after whereas he’d been really into kissing till that point. I’ll give him credit for not being wedded to the idea. The next time we were together and he asked for a bj I just told him yes, but you have to kiss me af…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/21 07:32 PM
2

Not as extreme as never washing your ass but I once had a guy tell me he couldn’t kiss me once I’d gone down on him because it would be like sucking a dick himself so it would feel gay. He was an otherwise reasonable guy so I could believe there’s more extreme versions of this kind of thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/21 06:35 PM
3

Men know better isn't an excuse to sexualize a part of your body you explicitly don't want to use for sex So first of all you're limiting 'use for sex' only to anal sex as though men pay a woman's ass no attention otherwise. That's like saying sex doesn't involve breasts because they're only sucked and fondled rather than penetrated. Second 'men know better' isn't an excuse. Sexualising a part of one's body to attract or arouse someone else isn't a transgression that requires an excuse. And thir…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 05:32 AM
3

Women aren't broadcasting that it's an option by drawing attention to their asses and men know it. They're well aware that whether anal is on the table varies by woman and that tight pants aren't code for 'down for anal'. Anyone claiming otherwise is just looking for an excuse to feel victimised by not getting it or to rationalise pressuring someone into it. If I didn't want a certain sexual activity I would do my best to desexualize they part of my body How do you know? If you're a man you don'…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/21 03:58 AM
1

If a person gets all of their desires fulfilled through casual sex then they probably wouldn't get into a relationships but few people are wholly satisfied with only casual sexual encounters in the long term even if it fulfils all of their sexual desires. Men desire emotional intimacy just like women do and for most men a relationship with a woman is their primary, if not only, source of deep and lasting emotional intimacy. That's not to say regular access to sex isn't an important part of it bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/21 02:00 PM
4

That analogy doesn’t work. Cars lose their value with increased mileage because they only have a finite amount in them and because of the need for repairs due to wear and tear. The only ‘wear and tear’ on a vagina is occasional bruising or tearing that heals naturally. And it makes no difference whether penetration is from 100 different penises or the same penis 100 times. Yet a woman who’s only had one long-term boyfriend who she fucked 3 times a week for a year would be considered almost virgi…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/21 04:22 AM
1

Not a past girlfriend. A casual hookup that he enjoyed sex with but had no interest in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/21 10:22 AM
1

Would you say the same about the man in the example I gave?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/21 09:33 AM
1

You’re straight up saying it’s okay for a woman to want to be degraded by casual hook ups but not by her husband because of power dynamics. Yes, I am straight up saying that. People's feelings about different sex acts are context-specific, both men and women. And it's especially true of acts that involve power-play. It's completely normal for both men and women to be ok with it in one type of relationship but not another. If a man let a casual partner degrade him by calling him names and saying …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/21 08:26 AM
1

It's ridiculous that some people think it's okay to deny sex to your spouse just because you "don't feel like it", or "you don't owe them". They use the sense that marriage isn't transactional, but when you get married you have vows, you have agreements, you have expectations. Sex is part of them. Yes, sex is one of those things that are widely understood to be wanted and expected by everyone. But it sounds like you're talking about sex on demand since you reference denying sex because you don't…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/21 09:37 PM
3

I have experience with that. I've been with my partner for 10 years and I was never physically attracted to him. He's not even close to my type and he's admittedly not what any woman would look at and call attractive. He's very overweight and he's balding. He's also 5'8", which I never considered a drawback even though it's only a cm or so taller than I am but according to this sub it's critically important. So not physically attractive by anyone's measure. But I'm sexually attracted to him none…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/21 08:43 PM
4

Relationships are transactional in the sense that they involve give and take to make both people happy. In healthy relationships this presents as a willingness on each persons part to sacrifice to a certain extent to make the other happy but it doesn't mean any specific act of sacrifice has to be on the table. They're not transactional to the degree that anything is available at the right price and if you're a good enough partner you're owed the specific thing you want in exchange. There are thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/21 03:57 PM
0

What makes them more deserving than the man they love and are more currently attached to? A man who thinks of sexual access to women in terms of gifts or rewards that men earn or win won't be ok with it and it'll cause problems if he dates or marries women who don't view their sexuality that way. And most women don't view it that way but men who do don't believe that and don't seem able to understand why women are repulsed by them treating it that way. The woman in that post was very clear about…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/21 01:42 PM
1

Depends. If a woman actually says something to suggest she’s dissatisfied with a guys size because she likes them bigger then that’s one thing. But just having had enjoyable experiences with bigger ones doesn’t equate to a preference for them. Most women prefer average length. I’m a woman who’s partner is average sized and I’ve been with a couple of guys who were around the 8-8.5” mark and a bunch of guys in between. Imo 5.5-6” is ideal. There’s no spot that a guy can reach with 8” that my partn…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 09:36 AM
5

It hurts men who want a partner but are too insecure and paranoid to trust that a woman who chooses to be with them actually wants to be with them. A man who opts out of relationships altogether rather than risk ending up with a woman who’s had bigger dicks than his is not hurting women by staying single imo. That level of insecurity is going to manifest in more ways than just a fixation on penis size.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 07:55 AM
19

Men who aren’t tragically hung up on dick size have plenty of options.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/21 05:57 AM
7

Being sex-positive means not judging or shaming others for their sexual habits, preferences and kinks etc so yes, such a person would absolutely be viewed as a cuck by red pillers. Judging and assigning value to women based on their sexual habits is a pillar of red pill ideology. As far as I can tell the parts of their ideology that they consider to be sex-positive are their beliefs about the ‘true’ nature of female and male sexuality - wrt women- that their attraction is based purely on superfi…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/21 02:31 AM
1

That's not right. Polyamory refers to people having multiple romantic relationships at the same time, swinging is different. There can be overlap if swinging couples develop an emotional aspect to their relationship but swinging is typically sexual in nature, not romantic or involving long-term commitment. Cuckolding is a specific kink and while I'm sure there are some polyamorous men with a cuckolding kink my understanding is that it is most often purely sexual in nature. The violation of an os…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/21 06:18 AM
1

It could sure, but it’s adequately explained by the fact that women tend to be better at reading social dynamics in general, one of the most basic aspects of which is identifying the dominant/influential personalities in a group. And I don’t think that men really care any less about social hierarchies than women do, if anything I’d say it’s the opposite. It’s far less important to them with regard to mate selection, in environments without rigid class systems at least, but when it comes to the r…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/21 03:58 AM
2

Women tend to be better attuned to social dynamics so it's not really surprising. It doesn't indicate any inherent sense of external hierarchy.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/21 02:41 PM
17

You have no idea how much effort people in general put into sustaining their marriages before calling it quits, how unhappy they are in their marriages or how long they try to endure it. And you‘ve provided no basis for your belief that keeping people trapped in unhappy marriages is best for their children. Children suffer in divorce when their parents can’t coparent effectively, when their relationship dysfunction continues even after separation or when one or both are just shitty people. What …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/21 01:04 AM
29

Your premise that a family isn't broken so long as they're all living under the one roof is just wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/21 10:56 PM
2

“You can thank feminism for not forcing me to commit to these women long term to get sex out of them” Such an incredible lack of self awareness. Do you honestly think women are losing out when men don’t enter relationships with them purely because it’s the price he has to pay to fuck her? Like it’s a burden not having to wonder whether your bf is only with you for sex? Those women are fortunate not to have invested time and energy dating you before finding out you’re bad at sex. And you are bad …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/21 06:46 AM
1

“and made sure the few that were there were able to follow along” Did those women get into the class without meeting the same requirements as the male students? If not then why the special consideration? Why would the teacher feel the need to make a point of making sure they were able to keep up unless he expected them to struggle? And how is that encouraging to the female students? That sort of benign sexism is deeply undermining.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/21 02:40 PM
2

It seems like there’s typically some leeway given for a woman’s preference for her man to be at least a few inches taller than her so wanting a guy close to 6ft or above is treated as more forgivable for women of average height and taller. Whereas shorter women can date a shorter than average guy and meet that preference so are judged more harshly for wanting someone 6ft. Which I get, it must be frustrating for short guys who already feel their dating pool is severely limited to be overlooked ev…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 11:07 PM
2

I wasn’t disagreeing about what she’s doing and why. I’m disagreeing with your extreme interpretation that makes it sound like she views shortness as a disability that needs to be eradicated from the human gene pool. It actually surprised me that people are reading this as anything more than a handy rationalization for being attracted to tall men given she references the fact that short women are judged extra harshly for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 08:03 PM
2

I think you're grossly overstating her position. First of all she never says a short guy is out of the question, only that she goes for tall men. And her reasoning is that a short guy will pretty much guarantee they have short children whereas a tall one will better their odds of reaching an average height. Nowhere does she suggest that short guys shouldn't have children at all in case they end up short too so why would that be the standard she holds herself to? She's not holding anyone else to …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 06:24 PM
3

Lol, sorry I asked.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 11:23 AM
3

Why shouldn’t she? She’s not stopping anyone else from breeding, or voicing any opinions about who should or shouldn’t. She’s not holding anyone else to any standards. I can’t see how she’s done anything wrong besides daring to want a tall man.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 11:18 AM
3

What do you mean hold herself to the same standard? What would that even look like? She’s not demanding that men who want a taller woman date her regardless and she said nothing to suggest she thinks other short people should do the same as her and procreate with tall people. Where is the hypocrisy or entitlement here? The fact that she wants bio children at all? She never said not being born at all was preferable to being short.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 09:45 AM
2

All of it applies to male victims of abuse as well. And none of that was anything to do with accountability, I was explaining the mindset of people in abusive relationships to OP because they clearly don’t understand it. People who’ve left abusive relationships should seek therapy for their own sake as abuse leaves a person more vulnerable to abuse in future. Accountability has no place in the discussion beyond that. It’s not something a casual observer is capable of determining and it’s ignoran…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/21 01:58 AM
8

They’re in a warped and fragile mental state by that point and not seeing things clearly or rationally. They’re not choosing to stay in the sense that they’re weighing up the pros and cons of different options. Their life revolves around managing and placating their abuser, not around themselves and their own wants and needs. They suffer a gradual and sustained campaign of psychological abuse that warps their perception of the world until the possibility of leaving becomes a fantasy rather than …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/21 07:35 PM
7

You know shy and introverted men can be arrogant and narcissistic, right? It’s that arrogant guys confidence and self assurance that women respond positively to. Introversion has nothing to do with shyness or timidity and an introvert who gave the same appearance of confidence and self assurance would get a positive response too. Shyness and timidity obviously wouldn’t because those traits aren’t typically attractive to either men or women. They’re not necessarily unattractive or off-putting but…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/21 07:05 PM
2

The vast majority of men are settled for because women's range of genuine attractiveness is very narrow Women's range is much narrower than men in terms of purely physical attraction. Women's sexual desire is generally based on more than that, it doesn't make it less genuine though, it just makes it more than purely physical. I'd say its more sensitive or temperamental then men's desire, not narrower in range. In any case I'd agree that in general the longer it takes for someone (of either gende…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/21 01:24 AM
1

Remembering him doesn’t make him a backup. What if she’d been married when guy B expressed an interest and then she divorced 6 months later and remembered him? Is he a backup because she wasn’t interested when she had a husband? Settling for someone means accepting less than what you really want. If she still really wants A then she’s settling for anyone who’s not A, at least initially. If she gets over A and doesn’t want him anymore then she’s not settling for anyone whether it’s B or some new …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/21 11:19 PM
1

How is guy B a backup plan though? Unless she was stringing B along while going after guy A to make sure he’d still be an option if A didn’t work out then B wasn’t a backup. He was just a guy she happened to meet when she was too hung up on someone to consider anyone else. It would actually have been doing guy B a disservice to entertain his overtures while she was infatuated with someone else as it would likely have impeded her ability to develop an interest in him, potentially wasting his time…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/21 08:19 PM
1

He didn’t drop her. He wanted to hang out right before leaving and she told him she couldn’t because she’d just become exclusive with someone, they exchanged best wishes and haven’t spoken since. What did she do that was wrong? Go on early-stage dates with more than one guy at once or is it the fact that she wants to pick up with him again now?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/21 06:53 PM
0

The guy she got exclusive with wasn’t her main love interest though, she liked the other guy more but he was about to go abroad for three months. If anything it’s the guy she actually dated who was the backup and she didn’t end things with him because her preferred guy is back in the country, it just didn’t work out despite her liking him. I don’t see a problem with anything she did. She went on a couple of dates with them both and liked them both. Was she supposed to stop dating for three month…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/21 06:43 PM
2

Growing as a couple doesn’t just happen by virtue of togetherness though. Regardless of age it requires some degree of effort and ongoing monitoring by the couple to grow together rather than drift apart over the years. Most young people wouldn’t even realize such a thing is necessary for long-term success, assuming that it happens naturally in a healthy relationship. Even if they did few people in their early twenties have the life experience necessary to have gained the knowledge and tools for…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/21 04:19 PM
3

“It’s over if you couldn’t find your long term partner in college.” This is hands down the most absurd sentence I’ve read this week. People of college age are still figuring out who they are themselves let alone what they’ll eventually need in a long-term partner. The divorce rate is astronomical for people who marry before 25 because so much personal growth is taking place up until then.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/21 10:58 AM
2

That’s true, and maybe ‘it’s fine for women in relationships to enjoy porn but not men’ is a widely held double standard that I’ve just never heard of but I sincerely doubt it. If anything I’d guess the opposite is the more common belief. It seems to me that women who have a problem with their partner watching porn tend to either have a moral/religious/ethical objection to porn in general and think no one should watch it, they consider it cheating or they’re insecure in their partners physical a…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/21 03:13 PM
2

It’s not, however it does suggest they don’t view it as inherently unhealthy or destructive to a relationship and while some are undoubtedly hypocritical about it there’s no reason to assume it’s the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/21 02:01 PM
3

You said women don’t like porn so they blame everything on it. With over half of women using it themselves there’s no basis to claim that women in general are hostile to their partners use of it so long as it’s not perceived to be negatively impacting the couples sex life.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/21 01:17 PM
3

Various studies have found more than 50% of women watch porn on their own around once a month with roughly 30% reporting watching it weekly to a few times a week. 30% of Pornhub’s audience is female and there’s now a decent number of porn sites catering to women specifically. If you take a look at those sites you’ll see it’s just as graphic and explicit as regular porn, with all the categories you’d expect, only the men are aesthetically pleasing and the women’s pleasure appears both plausible a…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/21 12:51 PM
1

I’m addressing one specific comment you made. The one where you brought this topic up. Whether or not women or men are more likely to be believed depends on the specific circumstances. When it comes to allegations by women of men’s sexual misconduct there’s a deeply ingrained predisposition to treat every allegation as suspect by default. This is what ‘believe women’ was intended to address. Not believe all women always, rather don’t distrust women by default.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/21 06:03 PM
2

Compliments are commonly used in the course of romantic or sexual pursuits and men rarely receive them from anyone let alone women. It’s dense to interpret it as ‘let’s fuck immediately’ but it’s not unreasonable for them to read it as potential interest and hope to turn it into a number or a date or just start looking at you as a potential romantic prospect. Whether it’s reasonable to act on it is another matter and unfortunately some men need no further evidence of interest. This isn’t a new o…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/21 04:51 AM
1

What kind of examples are you looking for? Celebrity couples? The happy, stable relationships aren't publicised, the train wrecks are so I can think of a few examples off the top of my head of muscular men in LTR's with no rumours or reports of marital conflict - Joe Rogan seems to be in a good one judging from the way he talks about his wife. Vin Diesel has a partner of over a decade and I'm pretty sure Dwayne Johnson's married and neither have had a hint of scandal at least as far as I'm aware…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/21 12:30 PM
4

why are there so few examples of women in happy, stable relationships with muscular men? Where are you getting the idea that this is a rarity?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/21 01:21 AM
4

Plenty don't feel sexually unsatisfied so they're not the ones going to see a couples therapist about their crappy sex lives or explaining/rationalising their infidelity in surveys. Which is where the majority of the relevant data comes from. In any case it's in large part the decrease in romance and/or passion that kills desire in LTRs. Both people have to work to maintain those aspects of the relationship or they'll disappear in the face of comfort and complacency and it's not surprising that …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/21 12:39 AM
1

Meaning not everyone does. Like I said, subjective.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/21 06:03 AM
1

That’s your personal definition. You can’t seriously believe everyone else shares it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/21 06:01 AM
1

Slutty is also subjective
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/21 05:49 AM
1

Sure, there are some behaviors that most people would agree are trashy. But I was thinking more along the lines of things like women’s clothing and sexual behavior given the context was men’s categorization of women as wife material/sex only. Men differ in their standards and consequently in whether their respect will be of value to any particular woman. So saying don’t be trashy is meaningless without defining it. Women have their own standards and generally dgaf about whether they meet the sta…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/21 05:35 AM
2

That logic assumes there’s some objective definition of trashy. There isn’t and that’s the point that I was making. The way some men define it makes it impossible to respect them let alone care about being respected by them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/21 04:53 AM
4

Or do, because not every man's respect is worth having. You need to give your personal definition of trashy for women to make that call about you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/21 04:28 AM
3

I’m with you on this. It’s something that’s talked about like it’s self-evident but it’s far from it. I never experienced it from older women when I was younger and never saw it directed at others, and now that I’m in my 30’s the only feelings younger women ever invoke in me are nostalgia and occasionally wistfulness for that ‘life is full of potential feeling’ I had at that age. It’s just misattributed to jealousy any time an older woman has any kind of negative feelings about a younger woman, …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/21 04:09 AM
2

That pretty much encapsulates society's attitude toward female sexuality. It's acceptable for others to commodify and exploit it but god forbid women utilise it for their own benefit. It's why the same people who take issue with OF are totally cool with pornhub.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/21 05:09 PM
2

you think actually becoming a “whore” or a “slut” is the solution to your issue? It is part of the solution, yes. Insults like whore and slut are designed to shame and stigmatise women for noncompliance with patriarchal ideals of modesty and sexual repression. Getting out from under those bs ideals necessitates becoming 'whores' and 'sluts' to some degree because at their core those terms are just insulting references to female agency in general, and female sexual agency in particular. And agenc…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/21 05:03 PM
3

Of course, but that’s always been the case. Why the temporary popularity if not economic and social factors?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:42 AM
5

Of course not, it’s child-having people that create child-free people. Why would the next generation produce less of them? Do you believe it’s increasing popularity is due to something other than social and economic factors that make it more appealing than the alternative?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:09 AM
2

I mean what does it have to do with the popularity of the child-free movement being temporary?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 01:28 AM
1

What do genetics have to do with it being temporary?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 12:51 AM
-2

Where's the cognitive dissonance? She didn't say she found tall guys unattractive due to their height, she said she wouldn't like it if her bf was taller. As in she was happy with his height and not secretly wishing he was taller. And when she later dated a tall guy it had the exact downside that she'd predicted. Sounds like her preference was simply not so tall that it made kissing him difficult and nothing she said indicated that height was the most or even a particularly important factor so w…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 11:06 AM
–

Women are biologically more vulnerable to STI’s due to the lining of the vagina being thinner than the skin on a penis. There’s a higher probability of transmission from male to female than vice versa.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/21 09:38 PM
1

Their own choices are, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 08:09 PM
1

Women...decide the contours and terms of the interactions. Women decide who gets sex, when, how and where sex happens, and whether sex continues You just attributed a ridiculous amount of power to women here. You also attributed a bizarre level of omniscience to them : Every woman who gets with a player knows damn well he's a player. Every woman who gets with a shitbag knows damn well he's a shitbag. The fact that you think the personal accountability of others should look like anything at all t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 06:30 PM
0

I can see where your confusion comes from if you think men are so powerless in their interactions with women but you’re completely out of touch with reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 05:57 PM
0

I already covered responsibility for choices where harm is predictable. As for creating and contributing to conditions that lead to harm each individual is responsible for harm insofar as it’s a natural outcome of their choices. If the harm only comes about through one persons choices and actions, which is what we’re discussing, then only one person is responsible for it. The problem with your argument is that it’s not a simple matter of conditions leading to harm when it comes to one person cho…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 05:49 PM
0

Nothing about this is specific to men. It applies to any situation involving the choices of two or more people. Unless coercion is involved everyone is responsible for their own choices. So when a man chooses to harm someone he’s responsible for the harm that ensues, not anyone else. It shouldn’t be a controversial concept.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 05:22 PM
0

Women as a general rule already over analyze and second guess themselves when it comes to keeping themselves safe. There are regular posts on this sub questioning whether or not women are overly-fearful or irrational in the steps they take to stay safe and how unfair it is for men. You’re essentially claiming women should just intuit if a man is a potential danger to her or not which is ridiculous. If gut feelings were sufficient to keep people safe no one would ever be murdered or kidnapped or …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 04:42 PM
12

I actually think the worst insults are the ones that are used to undermine women’s credibility because their potential for harm goes beyond hurt feelings. Sexualized insults like slut have historically been used as a means of discounting and dismissing claims of sexual abuse and assault on the basis of the victims character and crazy has been used similarly in a broader context. These terms are frequently meant to do more than just make a woman feel bad about herself, they’re meant to silence he…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 03:25 PM
29

Bitch is used differently for men and women though, it’s used to insult women when they’re not acting accommodating or submissively enough and pretty much the opposite for men, its used to suggest they’re not acting ‘manly’ enough, meaning they’re acting like a woman. It’s gendered either way it’s used. Crazy isn’t really used in a gendered way towards men afaik, whereas it’s used as sort of a catch all against women to undermine their credibility. Damaged goods is most definitely gendered, spec…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 02:46 PM
2

I agree that this explains most of the disparity. Someone doesn’t need to check all our boxes to be attractive, they only need to check enough of them in the right combination and our natural inclination to see people we’re attracted to in the best possible light can leave us thinking they check more than they actually do. I don’t think this is actually a gendered problem either. It’s just that perceived incongruities of women’s stated desires and actual choices are far more salient to men than …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/21 06:00 PM
0

Yes? That doesn’t make me responsible for his choices and actions, only my own. And his choices and actions are not simply the ‘natural consequences’ of my having chosen to sleep with him and thus something I have no one but myself to blame for. Choosing to sleep with someone doesn’t mean forfeiting your right to complain or expect they be held accountable if they mistreat you. Even when that mistreatment is predictable to some degree (and I’m not going to get into the specifics of when it shoul…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/21 05:10 PM
10

They don’t seem to grasp that that’s what they’re doing when they insist that women objecting to or complaining about shitty behavior from a guy means she’s refusing to take responsibility for her own actions. They conflate the guys behavior with the ‘natural consequences’ of the woman’s actions as though being mistreated by him was as inevitable and foreseeable as rain during a storm rather than a conscious decision made by another person. So being indignant or feeling wronged is like leaving y…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/21 01:36 AM
3

It’s the difference between using your body and your body being used. Bodies are special because we identify as our bodies with respect to the rest of the world. We don’t perceive it as being a possession separate from us like our car or clothing, it can’t be borrowed by another person and made use of without our involvement. Back rubs and cooking are both things you’d be doing with your body. They’re activities you’d be engaging in not instances of you being acted on. Sex is the literal use of …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/21 03:39 AM
6

It’s different because it involves the use of each other’s bodies so when it’s done for the enjoyment of only one person the other person is being utilized like a tool for their pleasure. Allowing someone to make use of your body is different to engaging in some activity alongside them when you’d rather not. Men seem to understand this concept just fine when it comes to feeling exploited for their physical labor.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/21 02:27 AM
12

They don’t have conversations like that because what you’re describing aren’t just acts of service but rather a mindset and fundamental point of compatibility. Referring to the daily burden of the majority of household labor as an act of service is like calling it an act of service when one person works 50+ hours a week to pay all the expenses so their partner can live a life of leisure. Someone who claims they need their partner to take on an all-encompassing role within the relationship becaus…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/21 02:13 AM
1

How is it hyperbolic? The beliefs I’m talking about have been accepted as truth for thousands of years across almost all cultures. There are a very few notable exceptions of times and places where it was women who were viewed as the gender who’s sexuality was animalistic and needing to be restrained for the social good but otherwise it’s always been the accepted belief that men are going against their nature by limiting themselves to one mate. It’s pervasive and we learn growing up that it’s the…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/21 01:39 AM
1

Yes, it's an opinion. But the prevailing opinion has always been that men are less suited for monogamy and it's based on the belief that they naturally crave sexual variety and get bored with a single long-term partner. It's so widely believed that it's basically a truism at this point and is used to rationalise behaviour in men as simply being the way male brains are wired while that same behaviour is condemned in women. It's also a factor in why women are more likely than men to stay after bei…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 12:08 PM
1

You quoted me saying that these findings are of value from an anti-Patriarchy stance because they can be used to assert that it's actually women who are less-suited to monogamy. You disagreed with me and said they were detrimental because they illustrate that modern women have moral failings they refuse to address. I want to know what about the findings indicates a moral failing in women. You said: Because it illustrates that without appropriate social conditioning women can sexually objectify m…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 07:27 AM
1

Right? So were you suggesting that not being well-suited to monogamy would be a moral failing because anything other than monogamy involves sexual objectification?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:07 AM
2

I mean what specific aspect of women’s behavior are you characterizing as objectification of men? Not being suited to long-term monogamy?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 12:56 AM
6

Undoubtedly. People don’t need to be forced to do what comes naturally.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 12:42 AM
3

What exactly are you equating with the objectification of men? Getting bored with sex with a long-term partner?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 12:39 AM
2

How does it illustrate moral failings?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 12:10 AM
24

Why does it surprise you? It contradicts traditional sexual stereotypes that claim men crave novelty while women are naturally monogamous and are in it primarily for the intimacy with their partner. Those stereotypes are used to excuse/rationalize cheating and promiscuity in men and condemn/pathologize them in women and are also used to discount or dismiss women’s actual sexual needs. It’s not just boredom with sex itself either. There was another study (or possibly it’s this same one) that foun…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/21 10:32 PM
2

I think your efforts would be better spent directing this at the OP since I’m not even disagreeing with you. My comment referred to the change in men’s behavior because that’s what OP referred to as though boredom in relationships is some inherent male tendency once the novelty wears off. I’m well aware that the effort is required from both partners. I didn’t feel the need to point out something that tends to be obvious to most reasonable people when OP didn’t say anything suggesting they were u…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/21 09:32 PM
1

It’s not about boredom, like I said in my initial comment. The skill is proper vetting of potential partners to establish that they have realistic expectations of the ongoing effort required to keep a relationship on track once it reaches the stage where people tend to become complacent. That’s what I interpreted OP to be referring to when she talks about men’s behavior changing. She referred to it as them getting bored but I don’t think it’s a matter of men being fickle and just losing interest…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/21 08:55 PM
1

Of course they are but I was responding to OP’s assertion about men getting bored and the consequent lack of effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/21 08:38 PM
1

Boredom isn't a natural consequence of the novelty and initial excitement wearing off. Complacency is and that's what causes so many relationships to eventually fail. Boredom on either person's part means you're simply not compatible long-term. There's no shortage of men out there who understand that it takes work to nurture and maintain the connection once the NRE wears off and are willing to make the effort. If your relationships keep faltering around this stage then you need to learn to ident…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/21 07:46 PM
3

You might have a point with regards to social media addicts but you referred to women in general in your post. Women are surrounded by real-life examples of people living normal average lives to counteract whatever they’re seeing in social media. Friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances. They might form the impression that those lifestyles on social media are more common than they are in reality but they still understand they’re the exception not the norm. This isn’t necessarily the case with …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/21 07:00 PM
2

The freedom and complete autonomy. Being able to make my own needs and wants the primary factor in decision-making because the only person profoundly impacted by those decisions was me. Being lazy or irresponsible on occasion or just fucking up without the guilt of someone I care about suffering the consequences alongside me. Not bearing the weight of responsibility that comes with playing a profound role in the happiness of another person. Not having to answer to anyone but myself. Having my ow…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 02:34 PM
1

I actually wouldn’t even exclude Incels from my initial statement. Wanting something badly enough by definition would mean a willingness to take actual steps towards attaining it. But deciding it’s hopeless and entirely out of their control is easier and comes with immediate rewards. Incels don’t want it badly enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 10:42 AM
5

I like and love my partner. We’re not married, don’t have or want kids and could quickly and easily separate finances if need be. There’s nothing keeping us together other than our desire to be together. But being in a relationship requires sacrificing the benefits of being single and I miss those benefits a lot, that’s all.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 10:18 AM
0

*want it badly enough and are willing to take actual steps toward attaining it rather than wallowing in bitterness, resentment and self-assigned victim hood.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 07:55 AM
3

Anyone can get married if they want it badly enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 07:44 AM
3

Men need to because most lose their entire emotional support structure when they lose their wife. There's plenty of research showing men struggle far more and for longer with a breakup than women do. And that applies to breakups in general, it's not limited to ones where kids are involved or he suffers financially as a result.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 07:38 AM
14

screeching about desperate childless women/single mothers in their 30s and 40s That shit is as much manipulation tactics as it is wishful thinking. The spectre of desperate loneliness in one's 30's and beyond is intended to impel women to lower their standards and settle. So any single woman over 30 has to be secretly miserable in order to serve as a cautionary tale no matter how content she is in reality. I'm 34 and I miss being single even more now than I did in my late twenties.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 07:20 AM
13

wear condom every time you have sex and make the girl take a plan B after Please don't advise that as a reasonable or viable approach to preventing pregnancy. Aside from the fact that it won't go down well with most women there's a reason Plan B is emergency contraception rather than just another birth control option. The side effects can be extremely unpleasant and painful and it's also just gross to pressure someone else to needlessly pump a high dose of synthetic hormones into their body for …
/r/ExRedPill07/05/21 06:33 AM
1

I didn’t phrase that last statement well. I don’t mean women haven’t always been aware of the risk but the last 50 years have seen a dramatic shift in the public’s perception of what constitutes rape, a broadening of the term to include non-consensual sex that occurs under circumstances that would previously have led a person to claim that it doesn’t qualify as rape. Most commonly where it’s committed by a boyfriend, date or male acquaintance and doesn’t involve violence beyond the rape itself b…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 04:12 AM
1

Damn we best keep women inside then and only let them go out with bodygaurds You say that like it's not literally a state that's been imposed on women in the past and still is today in some parts of the world. Always ostensibly for their own good. There's no need to impose any restrictions on women, it's obviously unjust and also ineffective in terms of solving the problem because you're correct that statistically it's the men 'guarding' them that pose the highest risk. Unless and until effectiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/21 09:52 AM
1

It’s not just the statistical likelihood of danger. It’s also based on ones perception of their ability to defend themselves in the event that it does happen. Most women are aware that if a man attacks them and they can’t get away then they’re basically fucked. I’m speculating here but I’d bet that most men believe that in a one-on-one fight they have a reasonable chance of inflicting sufficient damage that they could likely deter a rapist. I’d also bet that belief would evaporate if the dispari…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/21 04:19 AM
1

That's not how it works. So long as rape is a common occurrence there isn't going to be a notable decrease in the concern it holds for women. It simply doesn't correlate like that and nor should it. It's also not simply a matter of statistical likelihood. There's a much greater public awareness of date-rape now than there was 50 years ago. Women don't need to experience it or have a close-call or hear about it from a friend in order to become cognisant of the risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/21 10:21 PM
13

is that reflective of men's lack of concern, or women's excess concern? Neither. It's reflective of the difference in the nature of the risks men and women expose themselves to when meeting someone of the opposite sex alone. Women are putting themselves in a vulnerable situation with a person capable of physically overpowering them, men are not. The precautions you list for women are not uncommon among gay men either because they're often putting themselves in a potentially similar situation. ​ …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/21 10:09 PM
3

If that were the case staring would never be rude but reasonable people tend to agree that it’s rude to stare at someone’s facial deformity for example. Noticing something is becoming aware of it, it’s the period of time it takes to register what you’re seeing. After that you’re just looking and at some point it becomes rude. It doesn’t suddenly stop being rude just because we like whatever we’re staring at. I’m not making a call on how many seconds of looking constitutes staring but we all know…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 10:43 PM
3

Are they really complaining about simply being noticed or are they actually complaining about being stared or leered at?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 09:54 PM
4

You're conflating simply being noticed with being harassed. Women don't complain about being noticed by men, they complain about the behaviour that comes after. They don't have to like being disrespected no matter how they dress and they're justified in complaining about it even if they are dressed in a way that increases it's likelihood or frequency. Their complaints don't become invalid just because they don't restrict their clothing choices to minimise other people's shitty behaviour.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 09:41 PM
2

How is it capricious?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/21 12:33 AM
2

I’d call it a shallow or mercenary basis for choosing a partner but I don’t think there’s really anything capricious about the desire for money.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/21 11:08 PM
5

I corrected you because capricious means to change in a way that’s sudden and unaccountable which isn’t generally the case with wants. It can be but most often when someone wants something there’s a reason they find it desirable and they’ll want it until that reason no longer applies.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/21 10:29 PM
7

Everyone wants things they don't need, it's completely normal and there's nothing inherently wrong with it. And fyi capricious means fickle or unpredictable.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/21 10:15 PM
5

Sure fire way to develop sex aversion
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/21 06:20 AM
1

I’m not questioning the existence of evolved psychological traits. I’m saying the development of such traits for the most part can’t be studied scientifically. It can only be speculated and theorized on which is what evolutionary psychology actually does while purporting to be scientific.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/21 05:08 PM
3

No, people hate evolutionary psychology because it’s a pseudoscience. It’s conjecture based on assumptions rather than evidence and thus unfalsifiable and through the use of cherry-picked data and creative story-telling it’s used to justify a particular view of human nature with a collection of convenient and comforting ‘just so’ stories. It’s popular for the same reason religion is popular: the psychological need for an explanatory framework for the way the world is. It’s ideology posing as sci…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/21 04:11 PM
1

Conversations about plans for the future aren't enough to predict how someone will respond to an unplanned pregnancy. People lie, they change their minds, they don't know how they'll respond until faced with a situation, circumstances change etc. Yes, lots of women choose crappy partners but blaming absent fathers on women's poor choices is just unrealistic and a cop out. Condoms are absolutely male birth control. A woman being able to demand a guy wear one doesn't change that. Men need to creat…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/21 03:49 AM
1

There was a really large and thorough meta-analysis that looked at three or four different countries and differentiated between cases of actual paternity fraud vs cases where the father was aware of there being some doubt and from memory the findings were between 1.8-7% (involving some form of deceit on the woman’s part). I’ll see if I can find it because it contained a good analysis of the different types of paternity discrepancy and the difficulty of sourcing unbiased numbers considering the b…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 08:47 PM
1

The studies with the higher percentages don't look exclusively at cases of deception. They include cases where men take on the role of parent knowing there's a possibility they're not the biological father.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 07:47 PM
1

It's easy to talk about vetting suitors like it's a simple matter of a checklist. It's not. And the idea that women should have to restrict themselves to having sex only with men they're willing to risk having a child with just because men feel like abortion gives women an extra unfair choice is fucking ridiculous. The vast majority of unplanned pregnancies are due to lack of or misuse of contraception. The solution is for men not to view BC as the responsibility of the woman as soon as they beg…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 07:43 PM
2

I’m talking about those same chicks. Sex with someone you’ve just met is fun and enjoyable, it’s just not likely to involve an orgasm and there’s no sexual tension built up so there’s little to no mental aspect to it. Men in those situations tend not to be thinking beyond their own enjoyment in the moment so unless the woman is assertive and knows what she needs him to do it generally ends up being a fun/thrilling experience but the sex itself isn’t great. It’s not that women need an emotional c…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 01:40 PM
1

It’s both hilarious and sad that you think women share your view of who qualifies as ‘top-tier men’.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 01:15 PM
2

Your problem is you’re equating women having sex with the things men do to court a woman and signal interest, spending time and money. Women don’t use sex like that. In fact if they’re signaling anything at all by having sex immediately it’s more likely a lack of investment in anything long-term. Sex is generally better for women when there’s some level of emotional connection because it means the guy will be more invested in making it enjoyable for her and unfortunately women are heavily relian…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/21 01:09 PM
6

The empowerment aspect is real, the social media woketivists have simply tapped into it just like they have with any other aspect of female sexual empowerment. Orgasm is very much a learned skill for women, whether it's clitoral or penetrative or a combination of both. For a lot of women it's a long process and while sexual experimentation is viewed as pretty much an inevitability for boys, only a small minority of girls are raised to see it as normal let alone healthy. So many don't start learn…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/21 09:57 AM
2

Women don’t only delay sex due to a fear of being misled by someone looking to use them for sex. They also do it because of the gendered double standards around sex. They know many guys who are looking for more than sex will judge them for having sex too soon and decide they’re not good for anything else as a result. But will still go ahead and have sex with her regardless. Personally I think weeding out this type of guy is one of the many benefits of having sex early even if you are interested …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/21 04:59 PM
6

She told him she had sex with someone else, just not the reasons for it. She also had sex with someone else two weeks prior and he knew about that too. They're obviously not exclusive.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/21 05:19 PM
-1

I've never been offended by the mere fact of a guy expressing interest. When it's a guy who's not attractive I just figure he's been successful enough to have built up some confidence, if I give it any thought at all. If it's clear that's not the case because he's clearly shitting himself I just figure he's feeling brave today. It's never occurred to me to view it as a reflection on my own level of attractiveness but if anything it'd be the opposite- they were so attracted that they decided to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/21 02:51 PM
1

Self-selecting The vast majority of men get married though, 'marriageable' is a low bar in the sense that there's always a percentage of people willing to lower theirs sufficiently. These studies control for factors like class and income and consistently find the effect regardless. ​ why not cut out the middle man Because that's not what men want. They want a family to come home to and they want to be involved in their kids day to day lives. They view parenting as a joint-venture just like women…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 07:52 PM
2

People are delaying marriage and more people are co-habiting with long-term partners but I haven't seen anything indicating that people on average are significantly less likely to cite marriage as a goal. And marriage aside there's no significant widespread trend away from long-term monogamous relationships. Sure, there's more people engaging in various forms of non-monogamy but the vast majority of men and women still idealise the idea of finding one mate to build a life with. For what it's wor…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 07:32 PM
2

I was disagreeing with your framing of the issue which was that men are only valued for their income and are discarded by women accordingly. I’ve never seen a study showing an equal total number of hours worked. I’ve seen plenty showing even when both work equivalent hours in paid work the woman still works more hours in the home, with only the size of the discrepancy varying. And others where the woman works less paid hours but more hours in total. And there is plenty of discussion about the nu…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 05:49 PM
4

That makes sense, doesn’t it? Financial issues are the biggest cause of divorce and more often than not it’s the man earning the higher income. You’d expect the loss of the higher-income earners job to have a bigger impact on a marriage than the loss of what is often part-time work or even just lower paying full-time due to time out of the workforce raising kids. And aside from the practical issues of less money there’s the unequal division of household labor which is almost ubiquitously skewed …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/21 02:03 PM
2

I don’t think the dynamic is a problem for people who are into it. I don’t think the fact that almost everyone engages with each other that way means anyone’s chosen it though. It’s not like we’re ever provided options to select from. In fact it’s already deeply ingrained into our understanding of how the world works long before we ever realize there are alternatives. And even then we can’t just opt out. Women don’t get to choose not to be sexualized and men don’t get to choose to sit back and w…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/21 08:18 PM
3

With regard to gender norms they can pretty much all be traced back to the fact that males are bigger and stronger than females on average and that females are the child bearers. I think they influenced social development in entirely reasonable and predictable ways e.g. early childcare being deemed the purview of women, but over time we’ve built social constructs upon those two things in particular to the point that they influence behavior far beyond what the practical biological realities ever …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/21 07:33 PM
16

I don't think you can get any real insight from BDSM-themed porn because a large part of actual BDSM is the psychological aspect which would be difficult to convey with a visual medium even if the people making porn were willing. It's all choking and face-fucking and 'women getting their brains fucked out' because it's aimed at men who want to watch that, not because it's an accurate representation of BDSM. Teasing and humiliation/denial is common in fsub/mdom dynamics too, and it's not present …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/21 04:42 PM
3

Right? My partner was incapacitated for over 6 months due to complications from a major surgery. He needed my assistance with everything from getting in/out of bed to changing his stoma bag daily. He felt frustrated and scared and was super emotional and cried regularly (and not the single manly tear kind of crying, the bawling so hard you can’t breathe kind). But any suggestion that it might have felt threatening to his masculinity would have been met with bemusement and then scorn. Because his…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/21 08:04 PM
8

The issue of domestic violence within lesbian relationships doesn't get the attention it warrants although I'd argue that the same is true of gay male relationships. But if your colleague openly admits to physically abusing her wife and no one speaks up then the problem there is that your workplace is full of shitty people. Hopefully you spoke up if you were present. As for double standards, you acknowledge its a societal problem (and there are plenty of double standards that benefit men rather …
/r/ExRedPill12/01/20 10:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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