bfreader Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	How much responsibility do you bear for your divorce? Almost my exact story. She was very self centered. Very insecure. Very low empathy. Low accountability. Low interest in self reflection and personal growth. Emotionally unavailable. Heavy drinker. So 50%? Because I was the one who chose to stay. I was the one who grew resentful and protested when I wasn’t rewarded for being the “nice guy” who gave up boundaries and values. I was the one who wasn’t honest, avoiding the hard conversations. I was the one who wanted her to change from what she alway…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/05/26 01:42 AM
9	Ex wife texting another guy It hurts because there’s a part of you that still loves the “fantasy-her” — the idealized version that you saw at the beginning of your relationship and had brief glimpses throughout. You still want that. The “reality-her” is the one you divorced. The one who showed up inconsistently and took no accountability. It takes our brains and bodies time to forget about the “fantasy-her” but you’ll get there. Keep healthy boundaries in the meantime. Remember the “reality-her” when you’re feeling jealous…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/02/26 04:07 AM
12	What did you learn from your divorce? Know your boundaries and values. Write them down Be willing to walk away from the relationship when your boundaries and values are consistently dismissed, ridiculed, or not respected Have the hard conversations sooner than later. Relationships die in the conversations that don’t happen. If you think the conversation might lead to a relationship rupture, all the more reason to have it sooner The relationship will want to grow. You have to grow, too, for it to survive (and so does your partner) "F…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/10/25 10:38 PM
2	Book recommendation Attached - Levine (why you do what you do, why she does what she does) Feeling Good - Burns (if you have depression) How to Break Free of The Drama Triangle - Weinhold (how to communicate in a healthy way) No More Mr. Nice Guy - Glover (mentioned above. How you might be part of the dysfunction)	/r/Divorce_Men	04/10/25 08:10 PM
2	My marriage ended in a fog of lies and confusion I could have written the exact posts. I started to push back after years of giving up pieces of myself and having “nice guy syndrome.” I had boundaries again and she recognized it and didn’t like it. I ended things after realizing I was future faking myself. I had a fantasy of what I felt could happen. I made the decision finally on what was in front of me and that it wasn’t going to change. She blamed me for the breakup and took zero accountability — validation I made the right choice — her beh…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/10/25 12:58 PM
1	Question regarding finances I don’t see it mentioned, but how long was the marriage? Commingled assets on a short marriage may be something she could argue for. The wedding expenses and gifts are 50-50, however. The unfortunate thing about court is if one party is acting unreasonable, the court generally lets them do it without consequence. If they are WAY over the top and clearly wasting time and money, the court might make them be responsible for their own lawyer fees. The system is built by lawyers for lawyers, so you’l…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/10/25 04:26 AM
4	My marriage ended in a fog of lies and confusion Another Reddit amateur diagnosis, so take it with a grain of salt…. Please ChatGPT “Describe a covert narcissist.” And while you’re at it, search on “Attachment Theory”, avoidant style (her) and anxious style (you). And you might as well ask about “Nice Guy Syndrome.” This combination of her behavior and your behavior was a toxic mix. It was only a matter of time before the relationship blew up.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/10/25 04:10 AM
1	Told my wife of 15 years that I was considering divorcing her. I agree. And thank you for the thoughtful points. Yes, do everything possible that makes sense. And not every detail was given in the above. While I gave her my opinion on the low odds of therapy working, I was still willing to go, but then she backed out. This definitely wasn’t a capricious decision and done after years of many issues and failed repairs.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/10/25 08:29 PM
12	Leaving the "unsuspecting" wife Is she really unsuspecting? She might have checked out silently herself. Does she attempt to have an emotional or physical connection with you? Does she like being with you, whether on a trip or just walking around the block? Does she ask how you’re doing and really listen? Whatever is in front of you now is what you have to make your decision against. Not some fantasy of what might be. Go off actions, not words. You probably have a high sense of loyalty, still love parts of the relationship and…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/10/25 04:26 AM
1	Told my wife of 15 years that I was considering divorcing her. Agreed. My stbx said I threw the marriage away because I was honest and didn’t see therapy working. My assessment was because of the zero accountability by her of her dysfunctional behaviors and putting all the blame on me. If one partner isn’t willing to self-reflect and take accountability in an effort to grow themselves and the relationship, the relationship is doomed. No need to be performative and pretend like therapy is some sort of cure all.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/09/25 05:05 PM
1	Told my wife of 15 years that I was considering divorcing her. Why the downvote on the above? It’s not always clear what a therapist can offer (or if insurance will help pay for them). There are a lot of options to have to sift through.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/09/25 05:25 AM
1	Told my wife of 15 years that I was considering divorcing her. But how many don’t have alimony for 10+ year marriages? Or marriages with a stay at home mom? Or marriages where income levels are very different? If you’re in a marriage with one of those, I bet the percentage is flipped.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/09/25 05:20 AM