bigt Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting?	Dealing with the Ex / STBX	bigt	/r/Divorce_Men	19/09/25 10:32 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	Final straw When I was on a group text with her, my sister, my brother, and my dying mother (who did die a few weeks later), and she texted me on the side to ask to be removed from the thread because she doesn't like my brother. I talked with my therapist about it, and we just have a fundamental difference: When I have a problem with someone, I either deal with it or I don't... but I treat them like I would treat anybody else. When she has a problem with someone, she cuts them out of her life. My therapist …	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/26 07:20 PM
1	Had emotional affair on wife, she left, seeking perspective I wish you luck man. It is not easy. It does get easier. I'm 18 months in with two kids. It will get easier. Hang in there!	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 10:28 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? I've never had the word "contempt" resonate so much with me. This is excellent advice. I just got her reply to the MSA today (three months after I sent it and three days before the court date, of course). I suppose I should really try and get it finalized in time, but she added a lot of stuff. I'm going to try your "Kid wants X’ is not the precondition upon which we share financial burden." line next time she does that. Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 10:19 PM
2	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? This was really helpful. I meant to reply when you wrote it. I finally got her red-line version of the MSA today, and I'm going to mention some of these and some other related thoughts to my attorney for the next draft. Since my post here, I made the change to absolute minimal contact. It's definitely been less stress on my end, but it does make it all the more unnerving when I send her a message that receives no acknowledgement. That said, even in that case, I proceeded as if I got her consent …	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 10:10 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? I appreciate your persepective. It also sounds like you've been through a lot and managed to be honorable about the way you responded to it. I hope your kids recognize some day how hard that must have been for you. This post gave me a lot to think about. Thanks.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 09:48 PM
1	Had emotional affair on wife, she left, seeking perspective In my experience, I tried time and again to "do right by her" because of the combination of guilt, shame, and empathy for what she was going through. To this very day, it just creates more things she can twist and use against me. She interprets any genuine act of kindness as a form of manipulation. It's some kind of defense mechanism, because she no longer trusts me. If I could do it all over again, I would have met with a lawyer and filed immediately rather than trying mediation and all the com…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 08:33 PM
2	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? Good on you for not going down in the mud with her. It never ends up any better when the dust settles. Congratulations on finalizing the divorce. I hope things get smoother for you from here on out.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 07:04 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? Geezus. I have been accused of a lot by her these past eighteen months, but nothing at that level. That's just sick.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 07:00 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? I get the advice a lot that my divorce is not my parents' divorce. Probably a sign that it's something I ought to flag as a topic in my next therapy session. Appreciate you.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 06:56 PM
4	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? the person who likely loved you regardless of how imperfect she seemed to be in your relationship. I've let this comment sit with me for the past couple hours. It brings on a lot of complex feelings. I think you've nailed it. This is probably how she feels. It gives me pause and helps me "get" what she's going through. And it's hard for me to process that, because it causes me to grapple with the fact that people are capable of simultaneously loving someone and being horrible to them. I just wan…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 06:54 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? LMAO	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 05:48 PM
2	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? Well put. The more stories I read here, the more I realize that I have it pretty good compared to other divorcees. I guess I just need to let it go and accept that the kids are in high school and it's unlikely true co-parenting is going to make THAT much of a difference. My ex and I are aligned enough, and a well-crafted MSA will hopefully do the work when we do get stuck in a situation where we can't agree. Thanks again.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 05:47 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? This advice helps. I didn't think of it like shoving it down her throat... It's just clear to me (and other family, like her niece) -- and partly from my own lived experience -- how it's affecting the kids. I'm sure my logic is clouded by the legal aspects of her trying to take more than her fair share of kids time, too. I feel like I need written evidence that I'm trying to be respectful... But, what I'm hearing from you is that the MORE respectful thing to do is the thing that amounts (in my m…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 05:41 PM
2	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? Thank you. I posted this to get responses like yours so I can try to understand what is going on in her mind. I am sorry you went through what you went through (and are going through), and I appreciate you sharing your experience so I understand what kind of boundaries I need to respect for my ex.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 05:30 PM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? When you say "maintain boundaries", what do you mean by that? Like, we were at this thing about arranging for school bussing together a couple weeks ago, and her hands were shaking so much that she couldn't write her new address on the paper. Do you mean, like boundaries to prevent getting to an emotional place like that? Or something else? (BTW, I never hit or raised a hand at her in my life, but she was cowering around me like she's was afraid I was going to hit her or something. On the surfac…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 02:41 AM
2	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? Thanks for taking the time. This is really helpful advice. I appreciate your candor in the upfront. A friend said to me, "Bro, she's been taking a tiny little razor blade to your thigh and cutting you once a day for seventeen years, but you just tore her f***ing leg off." The perspective on how much I hurt her helps... As well as the advice to not bother trying to change her mindset. I appreciate the copy/pasteable answers to #2 and #3. I actually have something similar in my MSA draft to your #…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 02:35 AM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? I'm sorry it came down to that, but I understand. I smiled at the net-30 payment terms, lol. What am I doing paying things within 24 hours!? How long have you been officially divorced? Are you afraid she's going to take legal action against you if you stop all communication?	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 02:10 AM
1	Divorced Dads: When do you stop trying to co-parent and lean into parallel parenting? Appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/25 01:28 AM
3	Post Divorce Guilt Just wanted to post to say that my divorce is pretty close to final (we've been separated 16 months), and I definitely am a much better man to my girlfriend. I have had these exact same thoughts. For me, I think part of the reason I'm a better partner to my girlfriend is because I knew what I was looking for and what I was interested in, only after 17 years of failure with getting/giving what was needed in my marriage. I chose a better partner. Bottom line, we can all be amazing people if we d…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/07/25 02:44 PM
2	Couples Counseling…has it ever worked for anyone? I just came to say that I'm about six months into my separation, and I'm happy for my couples counseling, because it solidified my decision to leave. I am able to look back and know I tried my best. We worked with three counselors in total over the course of three years. I went to individual therapy during/after the first one, then we returned to couples therapy after a year of that. She went to her own therapy, but by that point I had made up my mind and was just waiting for the holidays to be …	/r/Divorce_Men	04/10/24 03:15 AM
1	Why does breast cancer raise so much more awareness than prostate cancer? According to the figures here, one is just as common as the other. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/breast http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/prostate Breast cancer does appear to be 33% more deadly.	/r/MensRights	12/01/10 01:36 PM
3	Why does breast cancer raise so much more awareness than prostate cancer? My wife said pretty much the same thing. Although, she's just a dance teacher.	/r/MensRights	12/01/10 01:31 PM
3	Why does breast cancer raise so much more awareness than prostate cancer? I have seen in the literature that men get it too (as a way to get men involved in the cause). But, I asked my wife her take on this question, and she said, "Because men can live with prostate cancer for years... it's not as threatening as breast cancer."	/r/MensRights	12/01/10 01:30 PM
3	Why does breast cancer raise so much more awareness than prostate cancer? I agree. In our (American) culture, it's okay for women to ask for help, but not so okay for men to ask for help. The people I've known that have family members with prostate cancer keep it very private. Compared to a high school friend of mine who announced she has breast cancer on Facebook looking for support.	/r/MensRights	12/01/10 01:28 PM