TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

bigtallblacknbald Archive

View 0 posts and 98 comments by bigtallblacknbald on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

This is freaky how similar this is to what happened to me. It’s so similar that I’m probably doxing myself lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 09:57 PM
10

Marrying the wrong person ruined my life. Marrying the right person several years later has made my life better than I ever thought possible.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 09:56 PM
1

Get a restraining order
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 08:25 PM
5

Have you talked to her about this? Have you talked together with a professional about this? Worth trying those things before just stewing in resentment
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 09:12 PM
1

You’ve got this! It’ll happen for you ✊🏾
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 09:11 PM
3

Go talk to a lawyer instead of speculating, deciding your speculation is true, and then doing crazy stuff like declining jobs before even talking to a pro. In general, inheritances are not considered marital property. The same is often true for assets acquired before marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 09:10 PM
6

Yes. Very very similar situation. Ended up with someone better and a much better life. Not even that long after tbh. Stay strong, focus on yourself, don’t take shortcuts to recovery; and you will be fine
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:19 PM
3

I mean to be fair, he’s the one that asked for the prenup lol so the same would apply to him then
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:58 PM
3

hang in there - it's the most cliche thing of all to hear but it really does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:23 AM
14

Focus on you. However you’re getting this information about her, stop. If it’s social media, remove her. If it’s updates from friends, tell them they aren’t helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 11:43 PM
2

I did the first year or so, then she stopped saying it to me and I stopped saying it to her. I think I might’ve randomly done it last year when I was feeling magnanimous lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 04:32 PM
1

The only answer is time. There are ways you can spend that time more or less healthily, and that will impact exactly how ,icy time you need, but esp if it’s only been 4 weeks you just gotta give yourself time. It’s normal to still want to check socials after 4 weeks. Try not to, but if you do, don’t beat yourself up
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 04:26 PM
12

Don’t expect her to make sense. It will literally just make your head hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:05 AM
5

I wasn’t able to reconcile it. I moved on, and it changed my worldview - I now understand that some people can and will lie to you. It hasn’t made me better or “all women are liars!” Or whatever. But I’m just not that naive anymore to believe that no one would purposefully deceive me. Check out “necessary endings” by Henri Cloud
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 04:56 PM
6

Without even reading - nope.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 06:25 PM
2

It’s frustrating but you shouldn’t break the law and cause trouble for yourself (and play right into her hands)
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 10:34 PM
1

It took some time. Just kinda kept living life, doing stuff I was good at , learning from stuff I wasn’t. Eventually it comes back
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:31 AM
2

In my opinion, once divorce has been brought up, it’s a wrap. They might agree to stay longer but that just delays it rather than puts it to bed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 01:40 AM
11

It’s not selfish to want to be happy. It’s pretty damn selfish to have married someone you might not have even loved at the time
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 12:56 AM
11

That’s tough man. August of last year is still pretty recent so it makes sense it would trigger some feelings. Nothing to be ashamed of
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:33 AM
4

Freedom! Plain and simple. Hurt at the time but boy was it worth it
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 07:05 PM
1

I thought you were saying you’d have $9 million in retirement!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 07:05 PM
7

I had a really good female therapist who I saw for several sessions. I ultimately ended up with a male therapist long term, I think just due to scheduling or something. But I don’t think the gender mattered. Low key the woman was better than the male therapist
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 07:31 AM
13

You should ask her what’s going on. No hinting, no just trying to do stuff she likes in hopes that she’ll flip the switch, just straight up “hey I’ve noticed our sex life has changed a lot and you don’t seem interested. What’s up?” See where that gets you. Good luck. She may be depressed and need help, she may be getting it somewhere else, but best way to start getting some answers is to bring it up.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:12 PM
1

Man I never messed around with that. Just ended up meeting people IRL. Especially reconnecting with old friends
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 05:43 PM
2

There’s no financial price tag to pay too high for peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 09:30 PM
1

It sucks but is 100% part of the process. And as shitty as it feels, it’d be even worse if you weren’t doing the rich things!
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 07:04 AM
6

Personally, i wouldn’t go at all.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:58 PM
1

A tale as old as time. Happens both ways tbh (stats actually show men remarry earlier). Nothing you can do but to focus on yourself
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:28 AM
2

Yeah. That’s exactly what happened to me. Just wait it out and make healthy choices
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 01:51 PM
2

It’s a struggle man. Shoot, you can tell them you don’t know but are open to figuring out. You can try random stuff and see if it helps, like the dinner plans/coffee/etc. I do recommend hanging out with friends. It isn’t a magic cure but it will leave you in a much better place 6 months from now, than you’ll be if you just isolate over the next 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 08:03 PM
1

Have y’all talked about your futures besides that you want to get back together, and that she doesn’t? Does she know that for you, moving on means not staying friends and sending each other memes and texts? If you haven’t actually told her that, you should start there
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 02:12 PM
12

You let her and the violent bf crash with you, or she is crashing with you with someone else?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 01:11 AM
3

One of you two needs to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 03:24 PM
3

You don’t want your wife to have health insurance, and you’re worried that if her boobs are a little smaller you’ll be less attracted to her? Even though it hurts her back the way they are now?
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 06:59 AM
2

This is all so real. Awesome advice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:41 PM
2

Feminism is great - having crazy answers to innocent questions is not.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 06:31 PM
1

I would get into therapy (with a good therapist) cuz that was a good place for me to talk through a similar question I started having. But it does sound like you are better at noticing red flags and taking action. There could also (or instead) be fear of commitment or anxiety or something… but for me personally it was mostly that I was better at noticing issues and more willing to pull the plug.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 03:04 PM
1

I think that was someone other than me who posted that!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 04:07 PM
3

Hey good luck!! Hope it goes really well. Would love to hear how it goes if you feel like updating after the fact!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 06:08 PM
1

Therapist will hopefully have the best advice. At that age, they are young, sensitive and vulnerable so I’m not saying to be uncaring - but they are also prob aware unless they’re super sheltered. I’d prob try to describe what’s going on but without value judgments. If she’s a legit addict, you could say “mom loves you but is sick right now, and her sickness causes her to smoke and drink too much” or something
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 03:46 AM
1

Buddy if your relationship has involved her attacking you physically, and you grabbing her and shaking her head into the wall and concussing her, it needs to end. Full stop.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 09:16 AM
4

What do you guys do (you and your wife) when you hang out?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 05:12 PM
1

Got it. And did you agree that you could each spend your own money however you each wished, or no?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 06:14 PM
1

I’m kind of confused. Do you do joint finances or separate?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 06:08 PM
1

She might have someone else/be seeing someone else. That seems most likely. Burnout can also do this. My ex burned out and started seeing someone else lol so this really sounds like her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 10:45 PM
2

Same! Tungsten carbide, can’t imagine it’s worth anything (def didn’t cost that much to make and it was a custom job). It’s just sitting in a drawer, I forget it exists
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 03:02 PM
9

Good of you to want to make sure you’re staying well rounded in your conversations. Your friends will understand (and if they don’t understand, they aren’t friends). Mine held me down for as long as I needed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 07:29 AM
7

I’d ask your lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 10:26 PM
5

Yeah I just took some time after getting separated/divorced, worked on healing, etc and it was honestly fine after. For a while I could tell I wasn’t ready to date, so I didn’t. Then I could tell that I was, so I did.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 09:26 PM
2

Do what you need to do. Ive never done any of this, sounds like way too much work for me. If it comes up in my memories I might say “don’t show me pictures of this person” using that option that’s built in. But otherwise I’m not doing all this
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 08:33 PM
1

Sure there’s a slight distancing , but I think that’s the distance your ex wife is feeling not that she’s trying to put it on your son
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 04:48 PM
3

Sympathize with the mental illness if you want - just GTFO
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:51 PM
3

Honestly just a day at a time. A lot of leaning heavily on friends and family, and going to a therapist at all (not a magic bullet at all but helpful over time). Just kept it moving and looked back and realized wow I’m so much better
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 05:08 AM
2

Right, owes her 40% of his take home pay for what??
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 12:23 AM
-1

I would just straight up ask him. He might finally be ready, he might be interested but not know if he’s ready, etc. I mean, it sounds like he’s obviously drawn to you and enjoy your company, and would like to at least be friends if nothing else. But only he can know exactly what he wants end if he even does know!
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 04:13 PM
1

Would she explore and do stuff with you sometimes, if you were ok doing it yourself or with other friends the rest of the time?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 03:40 PM
2

Yeah, having those issues is one thing and i can sympathize, but you still have to handle having them. It isn’t an excuse to do nothing :( or if you do choose that, then you have to deal with the consequences of that (such as a spouse wanting to leave). If you’ve been working through it, and talking through it, and she still isn’t showing you any indication of wanting to change… then I think it would be a really good idea to tell her you can’t live like this and need to see some change. You can …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 04:01 AM
7

Yeah there’s a lot of cynicism here, the sub is a bit different than what I thought I was getting into when I joined. Go have fun, be safe, and be a gentleman like you’re planning. Just make sure you can afford it and don’t shell out more cash than you can afford on this trip lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:14 AM
0

Not giving an excuse here but wondering if she is suffering from some kind of depression, adhd, etc - have you two been able to try to get her checked out and/or address the root cause, whatever that may be? Obv if it’s just laziness that’s another ballgame
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:10 AM
2

Hang in there. Went through divorce as a Christian and it’s a tough one - though dope we’re more understand than I thought (including both our families, whom I still love). Def praying and happy to chat if you want too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 10:01 AM
3

Definitely! Sorry you’re going through it. What’d going on?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 08:12 AM
3

Me!! And it really didn’t take long. My gf that I’ve been with for almost 3 years now is beautiful, kind, in shape FWIW, brilliant, makes a good living (shoot, more than me), owns her own place. She wasn’t the only one interested in me either. Just keep your head up and keep living your life, taking the time to heal as best as you can. It gets better
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 05:43 PM
5

Oh yeah my ex - after cheating - got pissed off when she realized there wasn’t as much in savings as she thought, in order to finance her lil life plans she thought she was gonna have. She also got pissed when I told her I wouldn’t contribute to her grad school anymore; and while cheating she was also trying to talk me into buying a bigger house with her lmao. That said, she didn’t try to get any equity from the house - signed it over free and clear - didn’t go after my investments or premarital…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 05:13 PM
3

My ex didn’t want a thing! And it was not an amicable split either
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 08:18 AM
5

Yeah I hope I can give a little hope! And I think you really will enjoy the coming freedom. I remember my brother in law (yup, my ex’s bro) telling me that he thought I would enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted. At the time I was wayyyy too lonely to be able to consider appreciating that. But as time went on, boy did I reach that point!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 10:33 PM
9

I got very lucky/blessed. My married guy friends(really pretty much all my friends) really took me in, hyped me up and kept my head up, and looked out for me while I was going through it. Hell, her family did the same for me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 04:16 PM
1

If you want to PM me, feel free. My ex and met in a Christian environment and had to handle faith and others’ expectations of us as we married then divorced (the divorce was right around your age).
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 04:46 AM
2

Man, it sounds like you’re doing the right things. If you feel sad and need to cry multiple times, let it out man. It might just be part of processing everything.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 07:44 AM
1

Man. Sorry, bud.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 07:42 AM
-1

I would say half. If you want to argue less than half, the only argument I can possibly see making sense is if you’re saying it should be proportional to the earnings from the career she gave up to become a SAHM. But I don’t think I’d even agree with that, frankly, because that could be like saying the SAHM contributions to the home and child rearing were worth nothing (if you think childcare isn’t expensive, try enrolling them in daycare). I think half is the way to go in this instance esp depe…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 11:17 PM
2

Bro, dude said he has regrets about having been contemptuous toward his wife and being mean and angry. And that he wishes he could save the marriage. How is wondering if he can tell her those things, an unreasonable thought?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:25 PM
1

Man, can you show her this post? Or send the text to her in an email or something, then give her space to respond/acknowledge?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 06:49 AM
3

Maybe. I’m sure some do but the possibility of future change, isn’t something you can base your present decisions around.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 06:18 AM
2

Friends for 8 years, dating for about 4, married for less than 1 and then she started cheating. Made no sense but it’s what happened, so screw it, accept reality and move on (after like a year of “counseling” and trying to make sense of it lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 09:05 PM
2

Man, I’m sorry. Even if you don’t like her anymore that’s some complicating emotions to work through. FWIW maybe if you split she won’t be kicked off immediately, she’ll prob have til the end of the month when you make the change or even the following month. Also, she can get Obamacare on the marketplace, right, even with preexisting conditions?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 03:34 PM
1

The judge can invalidate what they deem to be an unacceptable settlement in my state.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 05:26 PM
2

I don’t even think a judge would allow that plan (no child support if you make triple her income) even if you both agree on it
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 05:09 PM
2

Yeah I feel like at some point I started thinking about my own situation and not a woman actively trying to get me thrown in jail. That’s pretty wild. Might be better, even legally speaking, to completely cut ties and have zero contact
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 01:56 AM
-1

The sub’s gonna say no. I’m a little torn. I’m sort of of the opinion that if you can afford it, I would help her, but with minimal contact/drama, not in an ongoing way, and with no strings attached. Here’s my thinking: The biggest reason i prob would is like you said, I’m a nice dude. So I’d prob wanna help anyone I can, let alone someone who is still technically my wife. Might help show the court you aren’t some uncaring jerk. I’m sure it’s not a slam dunk legal strategy that’ll make your char…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 08:08 PM
1

Smart of you to mention the reporting! Man, I’d be wigged out about the several day gap in between me saying “give it back” and her giving it back at this point lol. I’d prob inspect it thoroughly when getting it back, making sure everything looks right, then shove it in a drawer or something. Might just get a new one lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 06:05 PM
2

A lawyer could answer better. My understanding of how it tends to work is that using marital funds for an affair could help you out, but not much realistically (lawyer fees will eat up what you’d get back anyway, or drain her ability to pay). If you’re doing a divorce showing fault then sure. I chose to go no fault, even though she was very much at fault lol, for the sake of getting it done quicker. (My state is a no fault state but there was some uncommon activity that our situation fell into t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 09:55 PM
12

Don’t give her another dime unless mandated by the court
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 09:27 PM
2

Bout my age and relative length of marriage/relationship when it all unraveled for me. It sucked and def had an impact on me, but was very able to recover thankfully. It gets a lot better
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:34 PM
2

Even if she has the best motivations, what would it change? If you even respond, I’d prob just say “thanks but no, wishing you the best” or something.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 06:23 PM
1

This!!!
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 05:34 PM
1

Sure, but I’m saying if I were, how would I respond to this poll lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 03:58 AM
1

And if you’re still friends with this person?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 09:58 PM
1

The specific poll options are way more limiting than the text of the post. I don’t understand where you would put, for instance, “a close friend that never seemed to transition into a real relationship”
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 09:55 PM
3

This is extremely normal. Honestly, as long as you’re doing healthy things (you don’t have to be perfect, just try to make healthy choices when you can and have relatively healthy overall habits) and - this is key - letting yourself actually feel and process your emotions (not endlessly wallowing in them, but feeling and processing) - then time is your ally and time will do the rest of the work. Where you’re at is extremely normal for only 10 months after finding about about your wife’s cheating…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 06:01 PM
2

Can you file in a different city within the county?
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 12:38 AM
2

Good stuff. Hope it goes well.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:47 PM
1

“What legal resource do I have?” This is a perfect question for your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:42 PM
4

She sounds like a piece of work, but if she doesn’t want pictures of her kids posted publicly I think that’s actually worth abiding by esp if they’re younger. That said, if she posts pictures of the kids and just doesn’t want you to, then f that
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 07:40 PM
2

Yeah, it really depends how intent OP is on having absolutely no contact, vs how amicable he wants this to be and what “taking the high road” means/looks like to him. If it’s an amicable situation I can see a quick response. But if it’s an “I need our lives to never intersect again no matter how briefly” then yeah ignoring is the main way to make that happen
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 02:11 PM
2

How old are the kids? If they’re all infants /really little and won’t know the difference, don’t feel obligated. If it’s something that would make a difference for your kids though, could be worth doing. And either way, if you would prefer to have a thanksgiving dinner for your own sake (and/or your kids’,) hey make it happen! No need to let her negativity win
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 10:52 AM
1

FWIW my ex used to do this from time to time. I don’t think she meant any ill will by it. Divorce is complicated and we had a long friendship prior to being married, that even though she treated me like shit during the marriage I think part of her still cared. So I remember getting these “are you ok/is there anything I can do” texts and wresting with wanting to ignore, to blow up at her, and most of all to pour out my heart and say “I’m not doing ok, and yeah if you want to help you can stop rui…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 08:07 AM
4

Hey, congrats on taking steps toward healing and moving on. Doesn’t sound like you owe her anything, ignoring is fine. But if that’s not you, and you want to take the high road without ignoring, there’s plenty of options depending on what resonates best with you, and how amicable you want things to be, if you want future contact or not, etc. “I’m getting there, thanks” short, sweet, not a lie “Doing great!” Short, sweet, lie lol I’d you want even more honesty and/or are ready to take this step, …
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 08:04 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter