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bizbunch Archive

View 0 posts and 158 comments by bizbunch on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

100% Im not sure why you woupd want to be friends with someone like that anyway. Its a huge painful thing, my now ex wife's affair was 5 years ago as well. My body will never forget that pain. More importantly why would you waste any time with someone lacking in basic integrity? Don't feel bad, hold the boundary and rebuils your peace. Anticipation she mat ask hostile now that your holding this boundary. Im sorry man it truly sucks. Keep structuring your life to give you the best chance of peace…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 09:32 PM
5

Umm stop having conversations with her. Email or text/appclose. Keep it logistics, dont believe anything she says not in writing. Move forward
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 04:45 PM
8

I would say 99.99999% chance it doesnt go well and she has already moved on. She will lose respect for you ans rightly know she still has you on lock. The fact that you continue to pine for her after 2 years says a lot. Has she made a single move or invited you out on a date etc? If she does have another person...this will make things tense. I would just strongly advise against saying anything to her this late in the game. Im sorry man. Maybe you can reconnect someday but holding out hope and lo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:03 PM
14

Hey man I was married 15 years with three kids. We had just moved to Boulder area ans was doing a 12 hr drive back to KCMO and I found the texts with visual proof. We weren't perfect but had done so much together. It absolutely destroyed me. Feel free to DM me. Im going to cut to the end here... consider if you would ever do something like what she is doing? Can you imagine knowingly doing something like this knowing it would hurt her and then lying to her hundreds of times a day about it by omm…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 07:54 PM
8

Ya its like that Adam Sandler SNL vacation skit "if you were miserable before, this will not change your life..."
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:27 PM
7

Why would you believe anything she says at this point. As you said pushing for 80/20 and you saw what she is really capable of and thinks of you. Don't get confused you know very clearly the only way is forward. For your kids. For you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:31 PM
8

this man. Don't let this therapist or anyone convince you that your grown wife thinks she has NEVER done anything wrong. That shot predates you unless you are twins. Take a real step back and consider if a stranger, leader, or rando said that. Here is what may happen. You start to stand up for yourself and criticize... she flips out because she literally cannot handle that psychologically because.... see Apprehensive_Bat6609 comment above.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 02:31 AM
5

I tried and suffered for 3 years after discovering her affair. Its almost always worse than they share and wont really stop just wait until your guard is down again. In the end I was completely depleted mentally and she still lies and tries to take away the kids in court.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 03:02 PM
7

6 a day is a lot bro. Cut it down for yourself and your kids regardless of this BS
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 02:34 PM
1

Like dont just come in with defense. Go on the offensive about her false claims and anything you have on not letting the kid stay with you etc. Always say "our kid" etc and let her look controlling.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:50 PM
1

Hey man I am so sorry your ex is going this truly evil route and hurting the kids by trying to take their dad away. I would just consult with someone who has experience in high conflict cases. I had a settlement approved by the court, everything finalized with 50/50. Three months later she tells a bananas story to the kifs counselor who is a mandated reporter, an investigation finds nothing but she uses the investigation to file for complete custody and adds pages of unproven allegations without…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:48 PM
2

Man I am so sorry. Truly shit. Just sharing what you did i cam tell that you cared and were all in and she is obviously not. My first advce is to stop communicating with her directly. Only text or email. Get support directly Ideally from a therapist who works in betrayal trauma. Realize and spend time understanding and accepting that she is not who you thought he was. This is the real her, someone who would lie and betray their life partner for a fling. I would get a solid attorney ans move quic…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 02:18 AM
2

She can file you abandoned the kids and have no place to house them. Terrible idea
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 01:20 PM
1

How many sessions and how many therapist? I finally found one that specializes in affair trauma and ex partners that are narcs and its been a big help. "Therapy didnt work for me is BS" man up and get help
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 02:57 AM
3

Don't do anything to hurt your chances of ha ing more time with your kids. Im sorry your wife is a shitty person and cheater. Mine was to so I understand 100% where you are coming from... it just wont matter - eventually you will understand and feel how disgusting she is... a pathetic person. Its extremely hard but you are playing for after the divorce now... Honestly my friends who's cheating wife were stuck i limmerence with their affair partnerade out better... like she didnt care about anyon…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 02:48 AM
7

This deal could literally be worse than losing all your equity. Don't answer their calls, keep everything to your wife in writing Ideally email or something like appclose. She is already playing dirty. The loan officer and real estate person just want commission.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 06:35 PM
3

To follow up because this terrified me for you: You absolutely should not sign that without talking to a lawyer first. That letter is not “just for underwriting.” It’s a written, notarized statement where you’re both claiming you’ve waived child support, alimony, and asset division and agreed on how rental income will be handled. That is the kind of language that can absolutely be brought up in court later, even if it was drafted for a lender. A few big red flags: • It says you both waived child…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 06:34 PM
5

None of those people are trustworthy to represent your interest. If it was a solid deal why would they ve pressuring you? Fuck off some real estate agent giving you divorce advice. No no fuck no. Do not do this until an attorney you have paid to represent you tells you it wont hurt you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 06:31 PM
1

No advice but I am.right there with you. We have a court approved settlement and 50/50 time. I moved out finally last September, when I wouldnt agree to cohort birthday parties with her all the threats and motions started again. It is really humiliating and degrading - it also really sucks that they face no consequences for their false accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 01:42 PM
2

You need to speak to a Massachusetts attorney. Do not leave the house or kids until you do. You could be considered abandoning them and pay so much for support you can never make it back. You may have to sell the house and both get more reasonable stuff. Idk kids need both parents in their lives, considering leaving them should be a very last resort. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 09:20 PM
13

Sorry I missed no kids. 1000% move on aggressively!
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 08:07 PM
8

Stay the path man, also dont discuss or negotiate with her anymore outside of writing. She didnt come clean you caught her, you realistically wont be able to trust her again and she will just buy time. I gave my ex like 3 years after affair and I regret not leaving sooner - more of a shell of myself when it finally ended. Please be careful as she is obviously able to lie and manipulate at a scale you didnt imagine. You wont be able to understand how low she can go... Try to keep everything in te…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 08:06 PM
2

Consider getting an appointment with a social worker or family counselor. You need to switch from please love me, please help. To: "This is unsustainable. Here is a plan with outside help. I need you to participate in one of these options." Pressure without control forces reality. “I’m not trying to convince you to stay married. I hear you that you want divorce. But I cannot keep living like this — exhausted, sleeping 4 hours, doing nearly everything, and feeling like I’m in a home full of hosti…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:32 AM
2

Since you still care about her and then kids I would definitely at least get a consult with a few lawyers and know your options and reality. Unfortunately your kindness can be used against you. It can also give you a buffer to do the "right" thing for the long term for you and your kids. I would guess she needs serious mental and medical help but you probably wont be able to make that happen at this point. Don't get advice or negotiate with her or look to her for any source of truth until you kn…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 12:29 AM
1

Dont listen to your cheating ex on legal.advice or anything for the kids. Don't leave the house.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 11:14 AM
1

Mass judges really try to have 50/50 and no cpurt would agree to what she is suggesting. Don't discuss any of this with her. Unfortunately she has proven she is now your opponent. I would be very careful, have any discussions in writing, ideally email or a parenting app like Appclose. Feel free to dm me, I am in Mass and just went through a terrible divorce where my wife tries Silver bullet, everything she could. I still ended up 50/50 custody and she had to pay out a chunk of home equity and ha…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:11 PM
4

So thats how what could have been a fairly simple break became a multi year fight that torched me and my kids. Thabks divorce coaches everywhere! /s
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:49 PM
1

Most directly many of the parents of especially my youngest daughter only interact through the mom and will only plan or even respond to my ex wife. I needed to have separate parties etc and most of them never even responded at all. People are less comfortable having their kids over (boys and girls). I have to constantly fight to be included on emails etc from the schools, teachers, and even their therapists. It doesn't always seem intentional people just really dont give a crap about father's. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:21 PM
2

In my experience even well versed lawyers will downplay the potential and impact of false allegations or charges. Several told me "yes but those were dimissed" - however they are still public record. My ex filed easily disprovable flase allegations but I had to work to get them sealed, she faced no consequences from the courts. I would consider getting with an attorney and filing as soon as they advise. Anything she submits etc will look retaliatory after that. Depending oj attorneys advice you …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:36 PM
4

One of my favorite books is The Myth of Sisyphus by Albet Camus. Basically a long essay or short book on why even if life is painful and absurd it is fundamentally worth playing it out. Who knows what's next is both scary and full of potential. Or as Tech9ne would say "keep on keeping on"
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 10:01 PM
1

Heartbreaking for his kids to. I would consider doing things he can or would do and recording it - like record him reading a christmas story, making something for them he can freeze or share next time. Write each one a letter and try to make it normal/positive so they can review it over the years... like not about the current BS situation. Maybe even record him sharing some of his favorite memories and then finding some photos to go with ir later. He is fortunate to have a caring partner in a to…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:00 AM
6

It will only get worse. She will create situations to tear you down and kick you once you fall. Be very careful. Research personality disorders and find an experienced attorney. Im so sorry man, it sucks to have life kick you down and then the one person who should have your vack doesn't. Please cut contact as much as possible and make your escape. Also once they realize you are serious expect her to either act perfect and pretend to be supportive or opposite go scorched earth including false DV…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:33 AM
2

I used appclose similar to my family wizard but free. Its easily accessed by a court/judge. I also trained a docsllm in all the relevant legal stuff for my state, the temporary orders, and a bunch of her emails and texts. It helps me point out patterns in her trying to manipulate or make false claims. Its also helpful to just out whatever stupid message she sends and get an immediate analysis and suggested responses. Sometimes it will literally tell me "she said nothing important or thats requir…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:24 PM
3

Any human who can throw the life they built away for something "maybe new" isnt worth your time. Friends and social media can really change someone's direction. I can honestly imagine sociologist studying this era of dysfunction. Would you have ever done something like this? Lose a few pounds and then decide your life and partner aren't good enough now? Probably not. Integrity matters. She is not as quality as you think right now, even being kind seems debatable. Is she being nice or keeping you…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 01:42 PM
3

Im here 2 months post divorce settlement and waiting on final.final Im finally in my own place and I feel you. I know the cheating woman is terrible for me (and my kids) but still miss being a family and seeing them all the time. I have an urge at times to just love on, but know I need to really heal and process everything, not limp along to what's next. I also dont want to ever make that kind of mistake about someone again. Its hard but brave to sit with being unsettled and let it hit you - jus…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:55 PM
2

Well your kids have a parent who abandoned his family for another woman and never gave it a shot. I hope you get your shit together and do better moving forward. Let your wife go and make it easy on her. I hope you get everything you deserve. I would be more worried about the kind of man their father is than them seeing someone like that less.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 02:26 PM
4

What possible good could come from it?
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 08:04 PM
16

Yeah it sucks because all the times you were making bids to connect or work on things, everytime you made plans together or for the future they were completely lying and manipulating you. So these women probably aren't being honest about "mourning" or they dont mean it the same way as someone who gets dumped or cheated on. - I was cheated on as well its really disorienting and traumatizing. I found an affair support group that had a mix of men and women, not all married, that was more helpful. I…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 08:39 PM
1

Lotus and Ivy online Waldorf school
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 10:21 PM
11

Filing false claims. Weaponizing kids therapist against you, reaching out to your employer... there is no limit to how low they can go and they "like" the fight even if it causes them harm as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 05:37 PM
1

I feel you man and appreciate your hustle. If you asked or even consider asking your kids if they would give up the house to be able to see 1 hr more on your days?
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:27 AM
4

Almost 4 years since I discovered her affair, 2 years after we officially started the divorce process (a fake reconciliation attempt) During the divorce process she tried to use the courts to destroy me and take the kids even though she was the cheater who was abusive and couldn't keep a job. I kind of play rope a dope just fought hard to discredit anything she said or filed. Finally got her to agree to mediation in response to one of her motions before the judge. The mediator eviscerated her ca…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 02:34 PM
13

Remember that feeling and reality anytime you get confused or she tries to muddle anything. This is who she is. I dont know her obviously but she bumped out after so she didnt have to deal with the fallout - because deep down she probably doesn't really care. Be happy you can give you kids the love and stability they need. Just keep re assuring your kids they wont lose you and make sure you get 50/50 custody. Based on her dipping out be careful and prepared as you move forward. Try to reach a se…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 03:04 AM
4

Just means she isnt healing or moving on herself, just a distraction. Don't ready anything into it around your worth.... it tells me you got out before shit got too bad because she is nuts. And yeah that relationship sounds destined to be totally successful, not filled with red flags and built on a pile of bones at all. In time maybe you will laugh at how pathetic and foolish she acted.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 10:23 PM
2

He needs a good attorney who actually works in court and with judges.aybe find someone eith an office close t0 the courthouse or who deals with conflict cases. He needs to make sure he is in contact with any school, teachers, therapists, doctors his kid has. If he isnt already he should reach out, explain there are some unsubstantiated claims and unless there is an order he has a right and wants to be involved and support his daughter through this difficult transition. He should request to be in…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 03:30 AM
1

Im really sorry man. It sucks and kind of a broken part of the court system they can jusy file these outrageous false accusations with no recourse. Mine cheated and was abusive but her filing in public record all these outrageous lies is the most unforgivable thing. We requested and her attorney agreed to seal that motion, im asking for her to pay for it, we'll see. I would say you know 100% who she is now. Only communicate through something like appclose and notify her and record all conversati…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 06:23 PM
1

Get you'd treat set up now. Whatever they are doing its causing you emotional distress and breaking trust. I always wanted to believe my wife wasnt capable or didnt have time until I saw the pictures. Get an attorney to help you navigate this and protect you... I also thought my wife wasnt capable of lying to a police officer or judge... Get ahead of this. Try to get into weekly or whatever you can afford therapy to help keep you moving forward. I meet with a local therapist on zoom mostly becau…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:10 PM
3

Hit a local music show or comedy club! I wandered into a random concert for like $15 after dinner the other day and was blown away. Ended up being a avant garde rock band from Japan/U.S. that had been touring for 30 years and was incredibly fun and engaging. A lot of places that are standing only or have bar seats no one will care you are solo. Hope you have fun!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:45 PM
3

4 days you could camp or get a hotel... hit up a bunch of food places! I would appetizer hope and try 3-4 places (small plate) while walking the city. Or just chill and read or game. Guilt free
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:27 AM
6

Dude literally the same. $7,500 in just responding to false claims and had to pay another retainer this week. If I had done half of what she has done I would be in jail. I dont have any specific advice though some attorneys will allow installments especially after you paid that much. Get a regular support if therapy is too expensive, 7 cups of tea etc. Sounds like you will win. Not immediately but definitely
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 12:05 PM
1

Dam what an idiot. I'm sorry 😞
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 07:34 PM
1

Useful to save time and money but won't understand local law or especially the judges or opposing counsel like a local attorney will.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 09:30 PM
1

We are all dumber for having read this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:24 AM
1

Its not about punishment. You were willing ti take a bad deal for peace and she already broke that. Just follow the letter of the law and get an attorney. You will need more than you think to build up your life and want a cushion for any other BS that happens. Its also framing how you will be treated post divorce. You think it's over once you have the deal? You might need more $$$ to fight the next BS. Also for all of us men pn the other side of the situation please take all you can. What would …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 07:25 PM
8

Dude read your own post. She isn't reasonable. Just take legal action don't give her a heads up or allow any time to plan or make things worse. 0% chance she does anything right unless forced to by a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 11:53 AM
8

I think I would start with a new therapist. Be honest to an extent with work. See about getting any kind of support even reaching out to local churches to help with kids so you can catch up. This is not a time to lose your job. I am still in the process but wish I had considered medication at least temporarily. You didn't ask for this and it's traumatic and unfair. This is about survival and minimizing the fuck ups until your back of your feet. Prioritize sleep (with melatonin if needed etc) eat…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 11:44 PM
1

Just middle school relationship skills by OP
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 11:50 AM
2

Can't afford a lawyer but can afford a wife, kid, and girlfriend? Terrible prioritization. This will be hilariously expensive
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 03:24 AM
12

Chill out. Get with an individual therapist. Are you sure you arent just jealous the 6 month old baby gets all the attention now? Kids and babies are hard. I really hope you put a lot of thought into this and got help from a therapist before you decided to nuke your family and "best friend". Assuming you have since you told her. Dont stay in something thats toxic but dam try to work on yourself and your relationship before quitting. Need more context on why it isnt working...
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:52 PM
7

Yes on full custody barring consistent mental health support for her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 12:55 PM
3

Communicate with the teacher and school directly to stay in the loop and support how you can.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 12:06 AM
7

I was in a semi public position and well liked I had a fair amount of women try to start hanging or dinner etc and always shot it down. It is possible to not be a selfish POS.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 10:28 PM
12

She is moving on too quickly because she already was or as a way to avoid dealing with everything and healing. It sucks man. Sadly she isnt your person anymore and all her bad decisions are her own. Maybe take a casual date if it will help. No magic advice, Im in your same boat. We are still "rommates" and she doesnt come home a lot of nights. Its selfish and lame tbh. It hurts me but its also pathetic and trashy
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:57 AM
10

Im sorry man this truly sucks. They have a hole and dysfunction that cant be filled, even by new dick.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 04:59 PM
1

Haha touche. Well put on some protection and go to the free clinic. You got this. Uncertainty works both ways, who knows what is in store... I will be honest that it would be a dream of mine to get my kids 6 or 7 days a week. I imagine hard if you cant afford a babysitter etc. I am struggling being away from my kids and also knowing she might mean well but isnt a great mom. So ya I dont know about all the other stuff, that sucks. Dont take any more abuse. But - at least part of your life is my l…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 09:22 PM
5

Dude sounds like you are rawdogging it out there... Folirst your keeping the kids 90%+ of the time kudos to you! You need to have boundaries (as in not a request) with your ex. Dont let her abuse and manipulate you. Get social services involved, talk through it with a therapist. Consider: Looking for any dad, father or single dad groups in your area. Look at any social services Dont respond to anything from your ex unless it is required for logistics of the kids (they are with you so she can fuc…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 08:02 PM
2

Ya file a temporary order soon. Dont play nice she isnt. Get in with local social worker and child services now. Tell them whats happening
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 03:03 AM
10

File now stop negotiating with her. She is telling you she would screw you over.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:15 AM
6

Ya SOOOO pathetic. Im sorry man this still hurts I imsgine but good for you to move out and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 03:27 PM
5

I wish I had called the cops on a few occassions fpr my ex. Proud of you man, those kids need you and deserve to be safe. Keeo the pressure on, get the kids support if you ca afford it or through local resources.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 03:18 AM
10

It didnt work out for her to cheat and now she is trying to play you again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 05:19 PM
6

Be ready for her to go after you in ways you never anticipated. There is no line sadly. Flase claims pf abuse and things with your kids. Begin documenting all interactions and leave or find a way to chill out when things get heated.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 04:24 PM
7

Be really careful now that dhe is cheating she will pull other stuff, try to start fights, try tk get you to leave the house. Stay strong for your son. Its brutal, but assume she is actively working to destroy you unless proven otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:43 PM
9

Wow sounds like a stable relationship that will last, so glad she is introducing your to kid.so oathetic to go back to an old HS fling. Also he is not a good dude he broke uo your family and already has 2 kids from different women. Just because he wasnt posing with bodies on social media doesnt mean he is safe. Someone that broken and selfish doesnt have to be activelt evil, they just literallt don't care. Be careful. Dont fall for any of her narratives about him. Sucks man, also sucks to find o…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 03:50 AM
2

The lack of evidence or that she never reported anything until it was magically supposed to help her in divorce is a bad look. Your attorney should knock that down. Stay calm and factual
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 10:21 PM
6

I kept fighting and doing everything I could to stay a family and what she "needed" it was ever enough. I dont know your wife but some of her statements sound familiar and led up to her cheating, maybe she already has an innapropriate relationship e en if not technically cheating. From a lot of us that have experienced this she will wait for the timing to be right or "some guy to make her laugh" If you arent get in couples counseling but make sure its not someone who is just going to justify her…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 12:32 PM
2

I am in a similar situation. I have never heard of this ending well for someone in your position. Ask chatgpt all the ways she can screw you over based on your location. Consult your attorney... search your feelings, you know this is a headache or much worse someday.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 09:37 PM
12

Give your sons money to buy her some if you feel compelled. I think this is innapropriate from you on V day.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:25 AM
3

Use chat or something and file what you can. Build a record of trying and her attempts to block you. There are limited but some father advocacy groups that can also help. I cannot imagine, I am in the early phases but hope you keep trying. Even so you can tell and show them someday you tried and never gave up.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:44 PM
3

We have temporary orders, are stuck living together, and I just got served what looks like aggressive discovery requests. Our attorneys were supposed to be working on an agreement, but she has played a dual game the entire time. Her father was abusive and terrifying but passed ~10 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:41 PM
1

Get out before she cheats or otherwise destroys you. They dont end it well.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 02:37 AM
2

Wow in the middle of this and sounds exactly lile my wife. One of the things she put in the motion was "I abandomed her and took the kids... -I found out and she left me and the kids at her cousins on Easter night and then stayed behind with him for a week" I saved your comment, curious what more you would do up front?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 01:47 AM
5

Keep fighting
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 03:12 AM
24

At every point from social services, schools, the court my stbxw has lied to make herself look better and bring false accusations against me. At every point these supposed professionals took her word for it until I had 100% proof she was lying. Then she received no pushback or loss of credibility. She wouldnt help pay mortgage so we got behind then used that to say I was trying tk make the kids homeless... beat that in court (and paid off everything) then less than 12 hours later she goes off wi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 01:23 PM
3

Ya realizing there is no line or lie they wont take. Still reeling and the meh attitude of everyone else involved who will admit they know what she is doimg but not in writing or email.... "just so you know"
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:46 PM
5

Almost always someone else she is just talking to or emotionally connected to to make her pull the trigger. She said she was in for life and broke that promise. She absolutely hurt you. Idk did she tell you that she didnt? Dont be surprised in a month when she id super close with this new friend guy or girl.... I feel you we had just moved to a new state and shes all 100% social and Im just trying to mansge the days and keep my kids ok. (Also she had an affair) You have every right to be mad and…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 06:02 PM
8

If you dont have kids. Cut her off completely, block her, got off social media. Im sorry man this is tough. Be kind to yourself. Anyone who can move on so quickly was lying the whole time or has deep underlying issues. You are having a normal response to such a big shakeup. Dont be hard on yourself. I would consider watching some comedys or something, dont grind on self help when you feel this way.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:50 PM
4

She is cruel. He may have said that or wished you could all go home together, or said what she wanted to hear. Or she is lying to be cruel most likely
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 12:28 AM
3

Dam. Truly fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 02:43 PM
10

Tell her you dont want anything else and stop taking things. You gotta cut all the extra comms. Shes trying to keep you responding
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 04:00 AM
3

Ive been really following NFL and NBA this ywar mostly for this reason. Its also less.stressful or wont miss any plot points if I space out etc. I dont have tk worry about affair or divprce storylines... I hear you 100% Maybe get a service like Max or Britbox for some novel stuff?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:53 AM
3

But it wasnt one tbing or acciedent... for weeks/months you had an emotional affair with this woman you knew she had issues with. She was right! Your friend is a POS to and destroyed your marriage. She knew it was wrong. Just come clean 100% cut ties with your affair partner and get your head straight.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 03:18 AM
4

Im right behind you. Work on setting up your place. Consider putting on some public/talk radio or tv to help with the loneliness for the day. Sorry you are here and going through this
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:55 AM
1

Its almost always worse than what we expect. Also dont be surprised when she goes after you and starta claiming things to get you out of the house. I nevwr imagined my wide would cheat then file a motion full of 33 false claims to get me out of the house. I still cant. I would consider at least having an initial consultation with a few attorneys. You may want what is best for your boys but she may only act in ways that benefit her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:55 PM
1

Can you move somewhere new?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:20 AM
1

Get sn attorney gather evidence and file first
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 02:42 AM
1

I can back this up, i told my direct manager. Ecause I was struggling after my wifes affair and it did not help and if anything I was under more scrutiny for every little thing. Take perdonal days whatever you need but keep it mostly under wraps.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 07:48 AM
5

She is or will cheat and betray you again. Even in other ways. Its over. I AM SO SORRY
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 11:39 AM
3

Sadly true
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 11:35 AM
2

Agreed. My wife destroyed our life had affairs then claimed to her divorce attorney that I was unstable... im grieving and dealing with the fallout of your chaos... its just so fucking stupid and selfish. 3 kids, 13 years.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 11:34 AM
2

Figjt for your kids. She is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 10:14 AM
3

Nope Beyond the affair and lies in court motions I had to fight, she has no value as a friend. Shes never kept a friend for long and it sure isnt going to be me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 11:53 AM
5

Crying after sex because she feels she is cheating on her affair partner with you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 11:36 AM
3

IMO this will blow back on her. Make sure you have an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 10:14 AM
9

Keep your momentum. Its over she didnt appreciate you and still wont.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 02:37 PM
6

I mean if all I knew is that after betraying you she would come by and use your dog to intentionally harm you by whispering about her affair partner that would be enough to know exactly who she is. I get it 100%. You are not alone. Next time try to realize you are in a loop and break that cycle. Put on a show, read something weird, sometimes music but have to be careful as that can make you nostalgic
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 01:22 PM
2

End 70/30 and go 50/50 immediately do this in writing and retain an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 09:21 PM
2

Fight on!
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 12:52 PM
1

Do it! Or go on another visit.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 12:54 PM
1

Get into some group or open activities that dont require your constant attention. Meetup, Eventbrite etc.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 12:50 PM
4

Meet with attorneys. You can always stop the proccess at any time
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 12:54 AM
3

It helped that she forced your hand. She has and continues to betray you and your family. Your kids will get wise to the betrayal and disrespect. Im so sorry betrayal trauma especially with kids is terrible. You need to survive and she will kill you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 12:53 AM
1

Ya I never agreed or wanted to be a part time parent. Ill never get over that loss of time with my kids. I feel you it is really crushing how many people seem t9 normalize or celebrate it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 09:19 PM
1

Those sound like responses to your partner. Of course you bottle it up, she won't change and likely gets mad at you. Kids remember that stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 04:34 PM
2

So it's supposedly your fault your wife didn't contribute? That sounds like crap my wife would say... but it's like with a normal healthy adult they would just contribute. Because they didn't I had to pick up the slack, now that's somehow retroactively the cause of her dysfunction? Glad your getting out that sounds bananas
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 04:28 PM
3

My marriage counselor gave me warnings and said things like "do you think she is capable of real empathy" that I should have taken as warnings. She eventually had an affair and destroyed our lives so I would argue getting out before that is better for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 04:23 PM
1

Do your kids want that house? What if you get another job and have to move etc.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 01:19 PM
1

My STBXW played this card. I'm so devastated for the kids I went along with it. She kept quitting her job etc so I had to pay for everything m, then made a huge deal and filed when I fell behind on some things - as if I was trying to make us all homeless or something. It also take a big toll on both of you. I felt like we were just living a lie and that wasn't healthy either. One more season of lies? Idk I'm in the same boat, my wife doesn't want to sell now (despite complaining about the house …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 08:59 PM
1

Ya and how to keep them safe now that you aren't there 24/7
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:54 AM
4

You survived another year!
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:37 PM
6

I feel ya. Moved away from friends and she kinda ruined our new area. I've found groups like dad groups, tabletop meetups etc. Where there isn't as much pressure or big deal if you make it each time. Ease into it. You have to actively try. Look at meet-up, eventbrite, Facebook, subreddits. I'm sorry man - I hear you 100% but you're still alive and most of your adult life ahead of you. (I consider the first bit practice) Kids need to see you have friends to!
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:35 PM
4

What would you want to do? Last year I took my kids to two different area arcades (kept it cheap at both) Then hiked a "mountain" - I'm in New England now, not the same as Colorado. Had a snacky & junkfood picnic Got my favorite doughnuts Played Mario Kart snd Fall Guys Played some tabletop games like Uno and random kid games. Steaks and then ice cream. *I kept it pretty cheap at each place Even if you don't care that much about your birthday it's your chance to show them more about you and how …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:32 PM
2

Do the smart thing this time while you can see it clearly.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:32 PM
3

Why a break and not mote dates and romance? Make a move in the shower, be horny. If you aren't fighting and at each other's throats what would a break do? That's where I've seen this work, when both parties need to cool down and perspective. Maybe you need more alone time or separate activities regularly.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:30 PM
1

Thank you this was bugging me and I couldn't articulate it. Such a manipulative message.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:27 AM
3

Sounds like my wife. Eventually she cheated, wrecked a job I had, and generally nearly drove me insane. Trust your gut and start making a plan. You can always stop at any time - maybe it will wake her up but unlikely. I personally believe in marriage as most of my friends and family have good partnerships. You and I probably messed up or unlucky. Don't wait for her to kill more pieces of you. Consider at least individual counseling and if she's game do couples. A therapist for you is honestly go…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 10:52 PM
2

Take a step back if it's OK for anyone to treat another human this way?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 07:59 AM
6

Are you trying to interfere with her life or invade her relationship? It's OK to not be ok. You probably had genuine feelings and commitment which ultimately weren't real or the same for her. You don't want to be like that anyway. It sounds like OP ex wife discarded him but now wants to keep him on lock which is different. Also, think longer picture - statistically your ex might divorce and get married one more time before you get married again. That is not a sign of success but dysfunction.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:01 PM
2

Host Exactly3655 fest! Book a venue and some local but solid bands
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:52 PM
2

Camping gear and kayak... rack for kayak Go kart for kids Movie theatre set up Passes at amusement parks and museums Tabletop games Vr setup Highest quality laser Tage for 6+ people Pinball machine
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:50 PM
2

Strengthen those friends, take a trip, or make sure it can survive online. You have to actively keep in touch. You can always move back, keep in touch, and plan trips etc. You need to double down on those friends but also be ready to move somewhere new and exciting. I would probably narrow down somewhere based on what you like to do and who you like to hang with... generally. Narrow down cities or regions based on that... Look at Meetups, Facebook groups, Eventbrite - are there lots of events an…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 11:19 AM
18

Betrayal trauma is abuse. I've finally had to realize I will get no resolution. A person grounded and introspective enough to apologize and gi e you closure also wouldn't have monkey branched and cheated on their partner. I hope you block her everywhere you can unless you have kids. What's next for you?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:33 AM
1

I feel this. It's hard to conceive how it wouldn't mean less for my 3 kids now. I do know single older women who were really picky or just focused on their career early on and wanted kids but didn't line up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 03:09 PM
6

Talk to a therapist and attorney first and be 100% honest
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:08 PM
9

Just work it out through email and attorney. My wife pulls this trap but it's just a chance for her to make herself feel better or start an argument. What possible good will come from meeting with her? Do you know your stance on custody and splitting assets? What will you even "discuss" I've seen men come back from wanting to leave a marriage but don't think I've heard of a woman change course except to buy time etc. She made up her mind long before you even thought about this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:07 PM
5

Just always make plans and tell your kids. Hey we have plans for Tues, Wed, Thurs. Make a meal plan and show them... tell then your buying stuff ahead of time. Defense! DEFENSE!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 01:55 AM
2

Are you seeking mental health help? At least a therapist? I would start there for yourself, maybe seeing you take the initiative will help her take that step. Talk to an attorney, some will give you 30 min or so as a consult.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:50 PM
1

Ya agreed with the above it's almost untreatable because it takes a lot of seep personal discomfort and work they just aren't capable of. Finally spoke with a therapist who specializes in this and they said the only people they've seen stick with a treatment plan was like high level surgeons where the hospital required it because they were such perks, but so specialized they couldn't just fire them. Everyone else bails as it gets uncomfortable and really those that really do the work only "learn…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:12 PM
13

Sadly there is nothing you can say or do to snap her out of this. She's been planning it for a while or maybe eas never really "all in" Based on xp and all the stories here there is likely someone else even it she hasn't "acted on it" Either way you move forward you need an attorney and a therapist to help you see straight, it's literally not possible with what you are going through. Filing for divorce and totally shutting down your emotional etc support of her might snap her awake temporarily. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 03:15 PM
6

Started acting completely different, locking her phone for the first time in 13 years... The real way I knew things were completely gone when there was a mass shooting at our grocery store (King Soopera) and I was freaked snd couldn't get ahold of her for a while, when she got home she wouldn't even hug me, made up a fight and kicked me out of bed that night. I remember lying on the couch so confused at first but had been having suspicions. I didn't think our marriage was perfect but we were fri…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:07 PM
3

Shit. That's sucks and I'm sorry she was so dumb
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:44 PM
3

I never thought about that but my wife's messages were like a stupid teenager and showing him outfits etc. Now it just seems so embarrassing (for her)
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:42 PM
6

That look...
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:41 PM
4

Wow this makes sense now
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:18 PM
6

I'm sorry man there are no mixed signals, she is just incredibly selfish or npd. It's consistent in that whenever she needs validation or wants to keep you on the hook she'll re engage. You know the truth about her now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:36 PM
7

Wow proud of you! That's so sad for your kids and glad your back I'm their life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 09:57 PM
3

I generally love women and most of my mentors have been women etc but there's something to this lately. So many stories rhyme and I don't see it as the stereotypical clueless partner, a lot of us worked, did a ton at home, super engaged with our kids, and support our wives and it's just never enough.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 12:41 PM
1

I think recommend isn't strong enough. Are you in therapy yourself? Start there then push her again. You'll probably need to make an ultimatum that you can stick to. Consequences, if you are like me you've shielded her from the worst Consequences for her actions.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 12:49 PM
3

At least talk to an attorney and look at the laws in your area. Get into individual counseling and talk through this. A professional who isn't connected to your situation can ask the right questions. Have you asked her to marriage counseling. You can consider filing and maybe it will snap her out of it. You can also look into psych Evals etc I was in a similar situation and eventually she cheated on me and broke everything.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:58 AM
7

Do some couples and individual counseling. I have friends with great strong marriages but most aren't. At 22 your still developing and grinding off the rough edged. Generally whatever you do make sure your partner stays engaged and working even if part time or their business etc. So many partners who stay home with kids get "bored" and create chaos or cheat. Be brutal about confronting any issues and stay in regular couples counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 12:09 PM
2

I mean not the beat friend ever right? You thought she would be, but anyone who is that kind of friend would have betrayed you in dome way eventually. Why look up her kid? Find ways to block everything. Don't pain shop this
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:36 PM
7

This was part of how my wife was justifying ger affair. Not exactly sure what order it happened but take a step back and re read what you wrote... what's she's already done to betray you and tear you down. Take it from all of us and take it much more seriously than you want to. Also file yourself now. You can always pause or stop the process, but this might actually snap her out of it and make her face what she's done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 12:26 AM
2

It's like looking inside the mind of the Joker. It will only confuse and harm you
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:06 PM
4

Thank you good point. I feel like a failure for my kids but I have tried everything and ate crow but she won't even put an effort in. I need to accept this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:03 PM
8

No. You need to learn this lesson. Of course she was going to leave you. Only trash people would date a married man. She was selfish and trashy and you are still in love with her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:33 PM
4

Same situation, man. Im sorry. For me, led her to an affair right after I moved to her dream state and helping her buy her dream business.... all that and literally no care or feelings for me. It's definitely a deep psychological issue for them... as my (female) therapist would say. Most people wouldn't want to hurt a stranger that badly much less someone you shared a life with for 13 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:29 PM
1

Wow baller
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 02:34 PM
1

Proud of you for reporting it. Keep that energy and clarity and keep moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 06:18 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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