blahblahnookie Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
10	It’s officially done!	Rant	blahblahnookie	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/25 01:37 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
9	update # 1: She's upset that I moved on so quickly - and she's the one who left I like it. I’m not going on any dates for awhile yet, but I’m sure my ex would be acting similarly if I did. I swear they all act the same at the end of a relationship. Projection, villainizing, whatever it takes to make their reality match what they want to feel. She left me, and it’s been a year now. It took me that long to stop missing her, but what’s helped the most is realizing that I get much better treatment from others than I ever will from her. Fuck whatever that relationship was, I got…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/25 01:51 PM
4	update # 1: She's upset that I moved on so quickly - and she's the one who left God I love that. Thanks for making me laugh with that name	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/25 01:07 PM
5	Resentment Process, Walkaway Wife 100% this in my experience. My experience has taught me the hard way what red flags to look for related to this. I should have taken much more care of how her father acts(victim mentality, anti government, etc.)	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/25 01:06 PM
6	Couples Counselor told me after we closed the sessions that my wife couldn't communicate This is where I started to find peace in the last year. Owning my share, but recognizing that it was both of our faults. She also was withdrawn in the last few months, after refusing to go along to any counseling in the year before. I let way too much of her shit slide for years and it just got worse until things ended. It is hard to not hold a grudge, but every day I need to find ways to let go so I can heal more	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/25 11:35 AM
5	Keeping my distance Yea I have ruminated extensively about this, I’m about 90% on never reconciling at the moment. It’s very subjective, so it’s difficult to advise anyone without knowing both parties. The reasons that it isn’t 100% are first my religious background, second I’m not completely back to a healthy mental space because of the last 2 years, and third finally because of all the negative things she brought into it(consciously or subconsciously). Divorce was finalized a month ago, and I’m finally starting t…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/25 05:23 PM
4	Keeping my distance I would read your child’s reaction as a need for stability more than an attachment to the actual home. That many moves plus separation is destabilizing. I’m in the same boat as far as her ‘wanting to be friends’. I believe at the least it’s an attempt to keep you from going after your share of assets or custody, at worst she’s trying to keep you as a backup plan. None of that is ok. It’s one thing if abuse or infidelity is involved, but quite another if they’re ’not happy’ etc. I’m at the f it s…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/25 02:31 PM
12	Divorce Advice Make a clean cut man, doesn’t matter how amicable things are. All financial entanglements need to be sorted before divorce is finalized. You can be kind and firm, but do not give ground. I’m regretting the ground I did give just to get it over with…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/04/25 05:20 PM
11	Talking to ex after divorce I don’t think you have any responsibility to speak to her. Especially if she left you. I might be too harsh, but in my mind if you want a divorce so bad then fuck it. Why should I support someone who refuses to support me(emotionally).	/r/Divorce_Men	10/04/25 12:03 AM
1	Ex wife kicked me off our shared bank account. I sure as hell would hope so. The trick is having documentation. What’s frustrating is that there’s a precedent for courts to believe the woman over the man unless there’s good documentation	/r/Divorce_Men	09/04/25 08:09 PM
1	IS IT NORMAL Thanks for posting this, good subject for me. I’m a month past finalizing my divorce, and the conversation here helps me see what I have yet to do. It’s not fair to your new partner if you’re not prepared to deal with past traumas as reminders of them come up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, you just have to prepare mentally for the possibility to stay out of the weeds. My focus is to wait about 3 years to heal, get back to the life I want to live then worry about prospective part…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/04/25 06:32 PM
1	Ex wife kicked me off our shared bank account. I definitely was at one point. Still wish I would have never answered a phone call after separating, I would have had better leverage due to documentation or at least never had to hear an outburst	/r/Divorce_Men	09/04/25 11:54 AM
3	Ex wife kicked me off our shared bank account. As long as a judge hasn’t signed off on it you are able to change this easily as far as the court is concerned(she would likely drag her feet though). To me it isn’t clear if that has happened yet or not. What is clear is that you were pressured by her to sign the agreement before you fully understood it, and she misrepresented the agreement, so you should have a clear case to present. Do you have any texts or documentation of her doing this? It’s one of the reasons to not take any phone calls f…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/04/25 11:50 AM
1	Two Years Later. Damn man. That’s a tough line to walk, it’s no wonder you’re struggling. Dunno how old your son is but mine at the age of 5 asked if mommy doesn’t love me anymore. This was before me or her said anything to him, he knew. They might not be able to express it but they know and can feel everthing. For gods sake, take care of yourself so he has at least one happy, healthy parent for an example. Just make sure to have evidence of her crappy parenting, if you have an ironclad case for sole custody it …	/r/Divorce_Men	01/04/25 01:02 PM
3	Two Years Later. ‘You sound like you are doing everything right, you just need to do something for you’ Bang on man. Just as important as therapy is time spent doing something you love. The more it doesn’t feel like work, the better. I’ve been slowly starting to heal, and this is key for me along with as little contact as possible. Feels wrong but ever since the divorce has been finalized I refuse to let her call me. u/helloworld2389023, I really am wondering if you’re helping or hurting your ex long term by hel…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/04/25 12:19 PM
10	Has your view of women in relationships changed? Good question. Everything got finalized last week and I’m a year into this so I don’t feel like I have a settled perspective. My view has changed a lot from a year ago, with the help of this sub too. I’m trying not to become embittered, but a few things are clear to me. The first thing is that this shit as pop culture explains it is ass backwards. It should be what can I do for you, not what can you do for me. This can go both ways, but I feel like women(at least American ones) are way more enti…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/03/25 01:55 AM
1	Married 6 years together 12, she wants out. Damn man. I’m of the same age, similar length of marriage too(just got the final decree this week). I definitely did the Mr nice guy thing to the tee. I really wish looking back I wouldn’t have told her my most vulnerable things(it only lowered any attraction she had left to me). The other things is that comparison is the thief of joy, and it happens endlessly because of social media. The worst part is the lack of accountability and ownership. She’d rather lie than admit she said or did somethin…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/03/25 12:47 PM
1	It’s officially done! Thank you! I still have my days, but definitely getting better.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/25 10:09 AM
1	It’s officially done! Thanks! 🫡	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/25 10:08 AM
3	It’s officially done! Thanks! Good words man, for me It seemed like I wasn’t making any progress for awhile when really I just hadn’t accepted that I was grieving. Consciously accepting that really helped re-orient my perspective	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/25 10:08 AM
2	It’s officially done! Thanks! I could spend a lot of time looking in the mirror but for now I’m avoiding it as much as I can. I’ve got a future to build	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/25 01:54 AM
1	Where do you look for support? Good question! I have 4 brothers, but only one that will legitimately sharpen my iron. I actually have a good amount of support, but it took a lot of searching to find the path I’m on now with that. I was lucky enough to find a few guys that had been through this and helped me clear my head. I will always appreciate them. I also found a few that are stuck in the bitterness of old ex’s, that didn’t help one bit. I like your idea. I wonder if a state based subreddit would be enough to get some tra…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/03/25 04:38 AM
5	My wife got engaged Dude that’s awesome! I like the way you said that about her new partner. It’s tough to see things in a situation like this with any optimism while keeping the watchdog element of fatherhood, and the fact that you have that allows you to avoid a lot of pitfalls. About the re-marriage thing. I forget the percentage but a lot of divorcees get remarried by 3-5 years. I’ve literally decided to sit on my hands about it for a few years because of how young my son is(6). Money is a huge part of that dec…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/03/25 04:41 PM
9	My wife got engaged Hmm. Not sure how well I would deal with what you’re going through, my STBXW is insecure enough there’s a good chance she will be hard to live with. I feel like you’re at a fork in the road with your kids, you can either embrace the fact that they like their new found friends they call their step-brothers or you can just stay resentful about how life moves on. I don’t want to dismiss your grief though, divorce is one of the most difficult things to grieve and work through without becoming a Scro…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/03/25 02:35 PM
3	Did I leave her Yea I’m with the don’t give a f*** crowd. Although, this was one of the things I got stuck on the first few months. I thought it would make a difference what my kid(M6) thought of everything, but at the end of the day it doesn’t make me a better or worse dad. He is going to form his own opinion, and have his own memories(including the one where she kept going after me verbally in front of him and wouldn’t stop even though he’s crying). All I can do is take care of my business and be there for hi…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/03/25 03:00 PM
3	Happiness Thanks for posting this. D-day is tomorrow and I’m oddly happy about it. Feel like I’ve done most of my grieving in the first 6 months of separation, then the last 6 has been coming back to an even keel and realizing I was taken advantage of. Still have my days but overall life is easier without her.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/03/25 04:15 AM
18	This morning I filled the dishwasher and nobody told me that I had done it wrong. Yea definitely a net positive on that front for me. I can’t count the amount of times I heard ‘you never or ‘you always’ whether it was chores, forgetting something or especially something to do with our relationship. Here’s to a happy, peaceful Sunday 🍻	/r/Divorce_Men	02/03/25 01:23 PM
7	It’s unofficially over The second to last sentence was exactly where I was at when I moved out. I felt guilty for being happy to be away from her, but I was wrung out completely. I really hope you have some good friends to reach out to, they are incredibly important to keep you sane. Mine helped me see that my relationship was way more of a one way street than what anyone should put up with, and only after about a year of separation was I able to stand my ground effectively. Another thing that helped me a lot is remem…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/02/25 01:02 PM
2	Just Let It Go, What the Fuck Does That Mean - a guide Excellent post. To answer your question, I’m feeling pretty good about it. Life is harder, but sweeter. Thank you for laying this out so well, this is the exact path I have found to work for me. I don’t stay on it all the time, but as time goes on I’m on it more and more. I really appreciate this community, it was one of the first places I found that legitimately helped me grieve	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/25 04:41 AM
6	Delayed Anger I like the way you think. Just yesterday I dealt with another wave of anger out of nowhere it seemed. Literally had the same thought of fuck it imma sit on my hands because the second I show a hint of that I give her another chance to play victim. Not doing that, not in a million years. Thanks for sharing your experience, it just confirms what I’ve been thinking all along about being patient.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/02/25 01:46 PM
1	Any reconciliation stories after false allegations? 100% when you’re in it you don’t see it. It took about 6 months for me to grieve and stabilize enough to see that it really wasn’t all my fault. I had to let go of so much, but when I did I could finally see that I would never be the dad I needed to be while trying to be good enough for her. I got similar treatment with the lying. I swear they all have the same playbook. She has to keep her veneer of Christianity up so it’s not constant, but every once in awhile she still attempts to start some …	/r/Divorce_Men	15/02/25 12:17 AM
6	For those who didn’t choose this… Dammit man. Probably the moment she refused for the third time to participate at all in going along to my therapist/counselor, or a different one. About 5 months before she actually said she was done but that hurt the most. I had been going alone for almost a year at that point and was already at my wits end. The only reason I didn’t go over the edge for the next month or so was because of my son. I never got why and I don’t think I will ever understand her reasoning. I still get confused, depre…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/02/25 01:30 AM
4	She made a post on Facebook about her Narcissistic abusive husband. So fricking hard but it’s the only thing that helped me. The last time she came at me recently it just confirmed that exact sentiment that it says more about her than it does me. Also, self -diagnosis or an untrained diagnosis of ‘narcissism’ is harmful. Professional therapists are very hesitant to diagnose that without having done an assessment themselves, so someone throwing that word around is a big indication of who they are as a person. It is very hard to work through even common issues tha…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/25 08:08 PM
10	An update for the community, two years after my separation. With a big "Thank You" Thank you for posting! This sub can get repetitively depressing with the amount of absolute shit everyone is going through. I’m guessing I’m about 2 months from d-day, after a year of separation. I’m still sad about it, but I’m actually looking forward to it now having accepted the facts. I agree with you, the best is still coming. I get to parent my son without her criticism, play a video game without her freaking about it, and otherwise not have to worry about all the bullshit. The loneliness …	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/25 07:50 PM
2	Any reconciliation stories after false allegations? You’re right. I should have said women typically don’t have the upper hand physically so they typically resort to other methods. Yea I’m of the same mind. There’s a part of me that wants to reconcile, but only because of my son and conservative Christian upbringing. Everything else tells me not to, all her flawed logic, accusations, refusal to cooperate when asked to participate in therapy(over a year before everything blew up). Why risk being miserable the rest of my life. The loneliness sucks,…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/25 07:31 PM
7	Any reconciliation stories after false allegations? I’m a year into my situation, and the more time goes on the more I think it would be a mistake even if she came to me and wanted to reconcile. No legal allegations, but otherwise plenty of bullshit. My thinking is this: whatever reasoning she used to get to her conclusions will bring her back to those same conclusions, no matter what I do. She has shown me who she is, and it’s up to me to agree with that to protect myself from her actions in the future. That being said I don’t think it’s impossi…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/02/25 10:45 PM
2	Idk i honestly don't like my soon ex wife Shit nice work 😂 have a Merry fucking Christmas my man Edit: but yea a /s is needed for those still up to their eyeballs emotionally	/r/Divorce_Men	25/12/24 01:22 PM
1	You men are special in a wonderful way. Thank you for posting. There’s a lot of grief around here and any hope given is appreciated. It really does look like your history set you up to appreciate the mountain men climb to get over it. Please don’t apologize for being yourself, it sounds like you’re in a better situation faster than you ever dreamed it would happen and I would be a bit sappy too lol. I’ll be honest I felt a smidge jealous reading this. But it encouraged me to keep going, thank you! Have a Merry Christmas!	/r/Divorce_Men	25/12/24 01:11 PM
5	To the newcomers here, listen to this closely. Hey man, I’ve been there. My son is the only thing that kept me going for a long time. Please reach out to someone for help, today. I understand this is the worst kick in the nuts a man can get, and we tend to remember all our mistakes. I have no clue who you are, but I firmly believe better days are ahead. You are worth it. https://youtu.be/nQOfno8lrgI?feature=shared	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/24 04:51 PM
2	Found the love of my life Damn straight. Thank you for that	/r/Divorce_Men	28/07/24 01:07 PM
3	Mediation Rundown/Advice Thank you for posting. Still in the beginning stages, but nobody I know well has gone through this before so I don’t have a clue.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/24 12:56 PM
1	Further elaboration, please! And yes that’s not a true gray rock, but will definitely go full on NC if she forces me to contest shit instead of a dissolution	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/24 01:20 PM
1	Further elaboration, please! Yea for sure. Kids complicate it, but only as much as you let it. You shouldn’t use it to trash your ex, but to make sure the relationship has a clean break. I look at it like this: she said she’s done so I’ll take her at her word. Gray rock the fuck out of anything beyond the kids. Her- “What do you think of my new tires?” Me- you’ll have to rotate them more with that aggressive tread. Seems innocent until you realize she’s just fishing for your emotional state, she’s not actually interested in…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/24 12:18 PM
2	Litmus test/Phil Collins Can’t say that I’ve struggled with that as much because the last 6 months of our relationship was pretty hellish. That being said, the only way to fix that is to look out your windshield instead of the rear view mirror(thanks Jelly Roll), or to the seat where your wife was. Never forget the power you have inside of you, to create a better future and to be an amazing dad regardless of the situation. Your children will always remember who you are and what you did for them, they won’t focus on impe…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/24 03:01 PM
1	How do you guys deal with betrayal trauma? The fact that your stbx is talking bad about you to people behind your back? How can I digest this in a healthy way? This is something I’m really struggling with 6 months into it. Thanks for the encouragement that it’s not worth it to talk about the stbxw to others.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/24 12:51 PM
1	Wife left me Damn it’s exactly same bullshit for me	/r/Divorce_Men	21/05/24 02:42 AM
2	Can I get a Hell Yea? Hell yea brother! I’m in the beginning stages of my divorce, but I can see why this makes you so happy. Sweet sweet release my friend. One of my favorite things I heard the last while is that while you hear about all the single struggling moms you don’t hear that noise from the dads 😂😂😂	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/24 11:26 PM
2	Took Her Less Than Two Months To Find Another Man This 100%. Breathe and enjoy life for awhile. It takes time to recover mentally and physically. Get her out of your head, she doesn’t belong there anymore after that crap	/r/Divorce_Men	08/05/24 02:00 AM