blakfeld Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
10	How do you feel about your wife keeping your surname after the divorce? It’s crazy weird. She called me all sorts of awful things and still kept it. It’s bizarre. And she chose to hyphenate, and kept the hyphenated name! For someone that apparently hates me so much it’s wild to me that she still brandishes my name so proudly.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/01/24 12:33 PM
1	Mediation Next Week. Any advice? Decide the hill you will die on and do not compromise on it. I didn’t fully understand the meaning of that phrase until mediation. I was willing to compromise on just about anything… except my daughter. I said in no uncertain terms that I’d only accept less than 50/50 from a judge. She tested me at the start, and I told the mediator that I guess we were done for the day then. Suddenly she was a lot more flexible.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/01/24 01:09 AM
1	Who has gone to a female therapist during divorce and what was your exoerience like? I see a female therapist. She’s great. When I laid out all the history, including all the abuse claims, it was her that made me realize all that was bullshit and I was being manipulated and abused. She kept hammering it for over six months until I finally started to believe it. She stopped seeing male clients because she had encountered people that were all of those things, and shared that I was her only male client precisely because I very much wasnt all those things, which was something I need…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/12/23 05:15 PM
2	Tell Her Family? Before doing anything like that, I try to ask: What do I hope to accomplish? Is that action likely to accomplish that? The relationship is over, yall are strangers with baggage now. For me personally, there’s just nothing to be gained. Her family is still going to think less of you, if they even believe you, so telling them won’t solve that. They likely aren’t going to stop supporting her. She isn’t going to see the error in her ways - if she believes she’s the victim nothing you do will change …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/23 04:08 PM
3	Loss of Shared Investment in Kids You can get there. I feel you, and I’ve been working on building a relationship so we can have some form of that. I have plenty of reason to hold on to the resentment of everything that happened, but I’d rather hold onto an open, sharing, and supportive relationship for the kiddo. It’s not easy, and both of you have to be willing to set things aside, but I think it’s worth it. My ex and I usually have a small conversation every day about our daughter and send pictures back and forth. If anything…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/10/23 03:43 PM
1	Getting through the holidays solo for the first time That’s the hardest question. I’m still figuring it out. I think all you can really do is try things and see what sticks	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/23 08:07 PM
3	Getting through the holidays solo for the first time You do all the same things, only now you do them for yourself! I love putting up decorations, but it wasn’t something we really did as a couple. Not any real reason, we just didn’t prioritize it. Now that I’m on my own, fuck it I’m going all out because I enjoy it.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/23 07:06 PM
1	Are divorces in Texas less brutal than the rest of America? It does exist. My spiel from my lawyer said that it is rare, but not unheard of for marriages less than 10 years	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/23 01:49 PM
1	Are divorces in Texas less brutal than the rest of America? 3 year marriage in Texas and this is almost identical to my arrangement sans alimony, but I did end up with higher fees as things got a bit combative around custody	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/23 01:49 PM
0	Afterschool costs? Whose responsible? Don’t do it unless you utilize the service. I require daycare, my ex does not. Therefore, I pay for the daycare with no expectation that my ex chip in. Why would you pay for service you don’t need or plan to use? That’s wack	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/23 06:18 AM
2	I feel like my life is ruined forever and I just want to stop living. Yeah I remember this feeling. This is normal, and it will pass. It'll take longer than you want, but it will pass. I'm 20 months or so out, and I still have days like this, but they are growing weaker and further between. This will pass. I know you don't feel like it now, but I promise every single person in this sub went through exactly this same thing.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/23 01:49 AM
3	Texas Divorce - need help for my friend No it sucks. It makes things so much harder. We ultimately ended up being pretty close to an even split on assets. It was still painful, but it was at least some definition of equitable	/r/Divorce_Men	29/08/23 02:50 AM
4	Texas Divorce - need help for my friend He needs to talk to a lawyer. But I went through this in Texas and my ex had the same notions. She was incorrect.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/08/23 02:29 AM
13	Divorcing Wife Vocabulary Jesus, I’m so glad to hear this wasn’t only me	/r/Divorce_Men	13/07/23 09:23 PM
2	I finally got to do things I wanted to do with the kids for fun now that we are seperated Man this is so true. It’s a lot more work, but it’s so wonderful to actually get to do things with my daughter! Before she generally just refused to leave the house and even something like “let’s go to the store as a family!” Was a massive fight.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/06/23 01:21 PM
1	Acceptance Absolutely right. You gotta play the hand you’re dealt	/r/Divorce_Men	08/05/23 10:48 PM
2	Eyes wide open Not who you asked, but stay busy. Be physical in whatever way you can. For me, it was long walks and audio books. Just something to keep from dwelling. Another thing that sounds obvious, but only became clear to me in hindsight is that stewing in your emotions is the default, and it takes intention not to. For me, every time I find myself dwelling on all that nonsense I physically stop what I’m doing, and say out loud “this isn’t helpful. I will play the hand I’ve been dealt, no matter how I fee…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/04/23 03:15 PM
4	Men who got divorced early in life, how did it affect dating once you were ready? I’m not quite who you’re asking, but I’m in my mid 30s and can say you probably shouldn’t worry about it. No one who matters will care. The real thing to deal with will be that very few people are single over 30 without baggage of some sort, so you should figure out what you’re comfortable with. But good people are out there. It’s been wild, datings actually been so much easier this time around. I mean, it’s harder because I have more commitments, but no shortage of people. But I am one of those…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/03/23 03:11 AM
2	Better man coaching/learning Just started your podcast. Honestly wasn’t expecting it to resonate with me - but excellent stuff. It’s been so wonderful to hear from someone who gets it	/r/Divorce_Men	25/10/22 06:50 PM
4	Sleep… how? Doubling down on this. Get it all out of your head. Journaling has been shown to have a lot of the same benefits of talk therapy. The best thing you can do is empty out all the thoughts. The more you do that, the easier you’ll find it to leave them behind.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/22 01:25 PM
1	4 years post divorce check-in Definitely needed to hear this. Thank you.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/02/22 12:09 AM